Dissociation Identity Disorder

Many of us are co-dependent and Dissociated

2018-10-26T13:02:00.003+01:00

Many of us are co-dependent and Dissociated. What's important to remember though is that you're a human BEING, not a human DOING we simply can't do everything for everyone. This post explores and tackles ways that codependency has impaired our life and, more importantly, it will show us how to repair it. We'll be brought through a process of realisation so that, finally, we can start to live OUR desired life on our terms.
We Can facilitate our programs and Live Well.

We need giving, loving, compassionate and empathic people like us. However, we also need to receive love, kindness, and compassion in return. The concept of the cycle of receiving and giving is sometimes difficult for people who are codependents, because they're often in one-sided relationships. However, we're disabling ourself from our authentic path and purpose when we continue to enable others this way despite our best intentions, we're also depriving the person we're sheltering of the lessons they need to learn and grow. The truth is; we can only give so much for so long before we start suffering and need help ourselves. our 'need to be needed' is actually an embedded fear of abandonment somewhere in our subconscious, can we transform any fear of abandonment into healthy recovery.

The symptoms of Codependency include:
Approval seeking, or people pleasing.
Fear of being alone or abandoned.
Feeling selfish, or guilty for not meeting the needs of others.
Feeling not good enough, or "too much" or "too little."
Irritable when others don't take your advice.
Diminishing yourself in order to lift up others.
Being everyone's "go to" person.
Getting caught in others' trauma and drama.
Rescuing or fixing others, to our demise.
Giving ultimatums, or nagging to keep others out of trouble.
Covering or taking a fall for others.
Enduring unhealthy relationships to avoid loneliness.
Giving of our finances and other resources to depletion.
Having an addict, user, abuser, or narcissist in our personal life.
Having self-limiting or self-sabotaging beliefs.
Over-responsibility or doing more than our fair share.
We can do anything with TENSTAGE+, but we can't do everything!

Each lesson starts with a Letting Go affirmation to summarise and sublimate the lessons into our subconscious. A child Within healing meditation is also included This course will not change our true personality. It is not telling us to give less. More than anything, it'll enlighten us on how to give and live well, without guilt or fear. We'll discover much more than just learning to say "No" to others. We'll learn how to say "Yes!" to ourself in self actualised and interdependently form healthy, reciprocal relationships.

The Roots of Codependency.
Regaining a Sense of Self.
The Neuroscience of Codependency.
Healing Family Secrets.
Child Within Healing.
Compassion Fatigue Protection.
What do YOU Want?
Revealing and Healing Unhealthy Relationships.
Healthy Connections.
Enlightenment of our Gift of Giving loving-kindfulness

Developing Safe Boundaries.

Servanthood vs. Servitude.
Approval Seeking and People Pleasing Intervention.
Zero Tolerance=Infinite Possibilities.
Financial Independence.
Peaceful and Powerful.
Emerging Independence and Interdependence.
You Are Good Enough.

TENSTAGE+When you are inspired by some great purpose

2018-10-26T12:34:00.003+01:00

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.
Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."

-Patanjali

Dissociation of the child within? The child within of most people we know, gets stuck in a state of suspended animation

2017-12-07T22:13:00.003+00:00

Dissociation of the child within? The child within of most of us, gets stuck in a state of suspended animation forever, such that most of us perish inwardly before we even reach adulthood. Our emotional dissociation overcome us and snuff out our spirit. Our family systems convert our minds into continued dissociation. We lose our creativity and intuition, we block out emotional reality of our childhoods, and we become consuming automatons. We survive in order to live for dissociated comfort, happiness, and emotional camouflage. We become the society norm.

Our child within death rate the world over is high. Yet the people of that who take the statistics and rule the governments and make the children and devote their careers to “educating” them are by and large dead themselves, and part of their deadness involves ignoring this. They lack connection to their own inner psychic nutrients and instead get them from feeding, like vultures, on the energy of the vulnerable ones who are still alive. And because this is so normal no one bats an eye. It is indefensible, yet families and society are structured to defend it. And the easiest way to defend it is to say that it’s not even happening.

It is a painful thing to wake up fighting for our child within. It breaks rules. It angers the norm. It enrages parents. It puts a target on our back. And it hurts. It hurts like hell. It hurts to rip down the psychic prison wall and feel the old traumas and disrespect, the old longings, the old memories. It hurts to grieve, to feel the rage, to confront our perpetrators who haunt our memories, to break the denial of a normalised? society. It hurts to shed the mask of comfort and walk into our dissociated despair. It hurts to reject the fantasy of one day being loved by those who never really loved you and instead drank and regurgitate our psychic blood. It hurts to leave the family system behind. It hurts to stand on our own.

Yet this process of waking up, and this alone, is the pathway back to intuitive life to a long, healthy inherited life of liberty. This is healthiness for our child within.

Bad stuff can happen to us at any age, but it is the early life stuff resulting primarily from the familial actions that dissociate us the most.

2017-12-07T21:41:00.003+00:00

Bad stuff can happen to us at any age, but it is the early life stuff resulting primarily from the familial actions that dissociate us the most. At this stage of our development we are the most malleable. We experience later events through the lenses of these earlier traumas, such that the earlier ones provide magnification and distortion. Early life traumas often set the stage for the later ones to happen, such that people not infrequently unconsciously replicate earlier traumatic situations and relationships. You would think that this would give us more incentive to hold our families, educators accountable, yet often we do the opposite. We find comfort in blaming our life’s woes solely on later relationship traumas, as if they happened outside of our historic family context. This can allow us to still feel some of the pain and rage and sorrow of having been traumatised yet simultaneously maintain a close relationship with our abusive families. We place the blame outside our family unit and in so doing protect our troubled family system, never having to heal their root traumas, and never have to face that reality of our painful truth.

Dissociation Diagnosis Trauma Amnesia

2017-10-12T08:52:00.003+01:00

Dissociation Diagnosis Trauma Amnesia - Trauma Amnesia is a form of cognitive suppression where an abuse victim has trouble remembering episodes where their boundaries have been violated.

As a Dissociationalist respecting Truth, Trust and Consent

2017-09-23T07:30:00.001+01:00

As a Dissociationalist respecting Truth, Trust and Consent:

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Writing about what life as a member of Dissociation Anonymous feels like is tough.

2017-09-23T07:23:00.001+01:00

Writing about what life as a member of Dissociation Anonymous feels like is tough.:

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Dissociationalist

2017-09-23T07:18:00.001+01:00

Dissociationalist:

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We have an intuitional voice that says we can connect much more deeply to ourselves and to one another. | Intuitive Voice Exploration

2017-09-23T07:06:00.001+01:00

We have an intuitional voice that says we can connect much more deeply to ourselves and to one another. | Intuitive Voice Exploration:

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Intulexic Conversation is not always Zen. | Intuitive Voice Exploration

2017-09-23T06:58:00.001+01:00

Intulexic Conversation is not always Zen. | Intuitive Voice Exploration:

'via Blog this'

THE PROGRAM: Child within understanding is a gentle form of probing our consciousness. | Intuitive Voice Exploration

2017-09-23T06:52:00.001+01:00

THE PROGRAM: Child within understanding is a gentle form of probing our consciousness. | Intuitive Voice Exploration:

'via Blog this'

Gazing into a mirror, what is it that you see? | Intuitive Voice Exploration

2017-09-23T06:45:00.001+01:00

Gazing into a mirror, what is it that you see? | Intuitive Voice Exploration:

'via Blog this'

Every child falls over, and for some, mum or dad dies, and it hurts. | Intuitive Voice Exploration

2017-09-23T06:39:00.001+01:00

Every child falls over, and for some, mum or dad dies, and it hurts. | Intuitive Voice Exploration:

'via Blog this'

A Life in the Breath Lane means discerning how much is enough

2017-09-23T06:33:00.001+01:00

A Life in the Breath Lane means discerning how much is enough:

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PLEASE DO NOT FORGIVE

2017-09-15T08:08:00.001+01:00

PLEASE DO NOT FORGIVE

The solutions to our ten stage recovery are all within us, if we take care to look for them. | www.thetenstages.com

2017-09-15T07:57:00.001+01:00

The solutions to our ten stage recovery are all within us, if we take care to look for them. | www.thetenstages.com

Dissociation is an action which you have had chosen for you

2017-09-11T09:01:00.001+01:00

Dissociation is an action which you have had chosen for you, more than an emotion like fear or grief.Its acquired numbness.Similar to these emotions is registers in the emotional brain as a deeply painful feeling. Dissociation can be seen in you when you want to hide or disappear as if you are a thoroughly bad person. You hang your head or hunch down, sagging your shoulders. You can’t look anyone in the eye.There is a reason for the pain in dissociation, you are running away, hiding out.

During dissy moments you may even say you want to die. We strongly believe that the origin of our feelings of dissociation are rooted in early experiences of the family, group, tribe or social group sending signals of rejection to us. We are ostracised, shunned by our tribe or excommunicated from our family of origin.

There is need for discernment because many report that a large majority of dissociation patients have a strong (but hidden) death wish. They may have given up hope on life. This set of the inner person against life will not be healed by affirmations. Even if the dissociation is explained, until the work of the ten stages is entered into the dissociation patient may constantly relapse. The real problem may not be the cancer of dissociation (symptom) it may by the patient (unconscious choice to give up.)

This is why it is important to seek ten stage wisdom in meditation - Stage One: listen to meditation of letting go. Watch closely and ask some questions to discern the heartiness of the person's commitment to live, reasons to live. Were they closely bonded to one person who became their life?

One of the profiles of the dissociated patient is a life where only one parent was the source of love and where only one other person was allowed into their heart. When that one person dies then they quietly let go of life. (Even if you are married to such a person you may not be the one person that they bonded to. It might be another love, or a child.)

If you have dissociation in your life meditate on the ten stages understanding any possible wish to die and choose life positively daily. Meditation firstly clears the path to health.

The Dissociation Curse is deeply rooted in our minds

2017-09-11T08:31:00.002+01:00

The Dissociation Curse is deeply rooted in our minds and lives with these strangulating roots release ongoing toxin into our daily lives. Which means that deep rooted understanding of the ten stages, pain, grief and betrayal is needed to dislodge these root childhood experiences.

The experiences that build the dissociational curse are often repeated in small ways. They are ongoing experiences of a certain sort of trauma. Because they are so often repeated they appear quiet 'natural' to our social groupings. If someone in the group, that is, family, does not have a voice that is accepted as natural and right. It becomes 'enforced' by social norms if we try to break this ancient pattern!

Us as the 'victim' often accept this social reality, this ancestral family 'truth.' 'That is just the way things are.' That means that, as a child, one just accepts that this is the reality of our life, of being you, of how others did not 'see' you. That means years of emotional experience being laid down in our emotional brains before we ever get a 'mind of our own' to question and think for ourselves.

This makes this "curse of dissociation" much more ingrained into the our psyche. The core root belief system of the child subjected to dissociation is going to choose to accept or unconsciously accept the implication of the dissociational messages. The implications of that message are devastating to our self-worth, our expectations of our self, others and the world surrounding us, of our basic right to be alive, well, healthy and prospering.

What is a Dissociation Curse? Definition of a Dissociational Curse.

2017-09-10T16:03:00.003+01:00

What is a Dissociation Curse? Definition of a Dissociational Curse.

The Dissociation curses are strong ancestor messages of rejection and negation by a significant group - one's family or peers. The words and behaviour of this reference group has the same effect as a curse because one is forced to a negative belief by the way you are treated. Ultimately, it leaves one with the feeling that one does not have the right to exist - what we mean by shame based dissociation.

A family (church, work place, school or village) throws a 'dissociational curse' when they treat us as if we do not belong. Sometimes the youngest child is given no voice in family matters even when they grow up. There opinions, decisions and wisdom is given no value, weight or honour.

Being treated by a referenced social group as if you did not belong, with little or no say and very little honour or value is the diossociational curse in action. It is a failure of respect. It is a failure to uphold you, encourage you and respect your life.

The Dissy curse is a message from those who should by life-giving; instead they send a message of death. Dissy curses send messages to the target victim. Whether intended or not the message is to die rather than to live. Dissociation is a death curse whose poison brings us down and 'dissy curses' them to less than their abundant mentally healthy life .

Dissociation Disorder Dis-identifying with our mind makes it easier to go further inward to the source of thinking itself

2017-05-20T08:17:00.000+01:00

Dissociation Disorder Dis-identifying with our mind makes it easier to go further inward to the source of thinking itself: emotions. Subconscious programs are fuelled by our emotions, so addressing them from the emotional level is the key to canceling them.

The reason that these dysfunctional programs are running in our consciousness, despite our desire to be free of them, is because they offer us a hidden payoff. They create the illusion that we are getting something beneficial from them, a ‘payback’ if you will. This may not be apparent at first, as one might think, “How is there a payoff from being angry?”

The ‘payoff’ is the emotional reaction; the feeling that moves through us. There is a part of us that finds a temporary pleasure, or satisfaction, in the feeling of anger, guilt, pride, etc. The part of us which feeds off of this juice is commonly called the ego.

The ego easily becomes addicted to the emotional payoff of negative emotions, and in turn feeds off of the juice. Since the payback is only a temporary satisfaction, the ego must seek more of it, thus perpetuating an endless feedback loop. With each infusion of ‘payback’ into the loop, the addiction becomes stronger and thus harder to break free of.

With this realisation, it becomes clear that in order to undo negative programming from childhood, we must let go of the temporary payoff gained from negative thoughts and emotions. When this payoff is continually let go of, the unconscious program loses its power and influence. The payback becomes less and less interesting to us.

The next time a negative thought or emotion arises, ask yourself, “What is the payback I’m getting from this?” and “Is it worth the price?” If the payback is found to make you feel anything other than peace and tranquility, it is a sign that it needs to be let go of.

In this light, there is no need to fight or suppress anything, even fear and hatred itself. In fact, we can begin to let these emotions just be as they are and run themselves out. We no longer need to be afraid of emotions because we are no longer controlled by the temporary ‘pleasure’ of them.

With this practice of continually surrendering the payoff of the negative emotions, a peaceful state naturally emerges. Peace is what prevails when all of our negative programs have been let go of. In this sense, it can be seen that Peace is actually a choice. When we choose Peace instead of the payback of our ego, our emotional dependence on negativity diminishes. When done continually, this Peace stabilises and becomes our natural state, undisturbed by the passing temptations of negativity.

If we are raised by a dissocialistic parent, that legacy may affect us in multiple ways.

2017-05-19T14:03:00.001+01:00

If we are raised by a dissocialistic parent, that legacy may affect us in multiple ways.

These behaviours common among dissocialistic parents. As you read through this we may wish to identify which of these applied to our childhoods:
When we were growing up did one or both of our parents:

Criticise or second-guess our choices?
Ruin happy times with their selfish behaviour?
Give us gifts with strings attached?
Forbid us to disagree with them or punish us for doing so?
Use guilt or pressure to make us put their needs first?
Have a come-here/go-away style that was confusing and unsafe?
Behave unpredictably?
Over-scrutinise us?
Create drama, scapegoating and disharmony in our family?
Seem never satisfied with us?
Play the martyr?
Become unhinged by our questions or independence?
Tell us that we could trust only them, then disappoint or use us?
Minimise or ridicule our feelings and desires?
Need to be the centre of attention or dominate conversations?
Leave us feeling trapped, unloved, hopeless or helpless?

Each of these parental behaviors can leave lasting, negative legacies. A key step in moving on from a negative legacy is to recognize any connections between your upbringing and present-day unwanted behaviors.

The following table shows possible connections between unhealthy patterns in our adult life and dissocialistic parental behaviours in our childhood.

As an adult do we sometimes . . .
1) Have difficulty making decisions? our parents criticised or second-guessed our choices.
2) Get uncomfortable when good things happen? our parents ruined good times with selfish behaviours or gave gifts with strings attached.
3) Worry or ruminate over confrontations with others? our parents forbade us to disagree with them or punished us for doing so.
4) Too often please others at our own expense? our parents used guilt or pressure to make us put their needs first.
5) Feel unable to get close to others even when we want to? our parents had a come-here/go-away style that was confusing and unsafe.
6) Find it difficult to relax, laugh or be spontaneous? our parents behaved unpredictably or over-scrutinised us.
7) Feel inexplicably drawn to turmoil rather than harmony in our relationships? our parents created drama, scapegoating and disharmony in our family.
8) Expect too much of ourself? our parents never seemed satisfied with us.
9) View others as fragile or view ourself as too much for others to handle? our parents played the martyr or became unhinged by our questions or independence.
10) Trust others unwisely or, conversely, find it hard to trust even when we want to? our parents told us that we could trust them, then disappointed or used us.
11) Feel numb or have difficulty knowing what we are feeling? our parents minimised or ridiculed our feelings and desires.
12) Feel extra-sensitive around bossy, entitled or manipulative people. our parents needed to be the centre of attention or dominate most conversations.
13) Self-soothe through excessive food, drink, shopping or other addictive behaviours? our parents’ behaviour left us feeling trapped, unloved, hopeless or helpless.

Human behaviour is complex and it would be a simplification to say that if our parent did X, you will automatically do Y. But dissocialistic parenting is a powerful influence on children and it is important to take stock of our past.As a child, acknowledging the truth about our parent when we had little power or resources to do anything about it could have been devastating. As a result, we may have learned to ignore the dysfunction, acted as if it was normal, blamed ourself for it, or counted the days until we could leave home.

Such coping strategies may have helped us to emotionally survive a difficult childhood — and it is important to honour whatever helped us survive our childhood — but those coping strategies may manifest later in life in self-defeating ways.

As an adult, making connections such as these may bring up emotions such as anger, sadness or dismay. But if you had a difficult upbringing, it does not mean we are irreparably damaged or that our life will always be difficult. None of the dissociated patterns are life sentences. Everybody has challenges in life; some of the above tendencies may be our challenges.

In addition, we may have received good things from our upbringing, no matter how dysfunctional our parenting. Even the most dissociated parents can contribute positive qualities and gifts to their children. And the adversities of our childhood may have increased our resilience, empathy, awareness and growth.

We are not a victims, nor are we powerless. The opportunity in recognising our unhealthy legacies is to break the connections.

Each time you notice yourself falling into one of the patterns , remind ourself, “This may have been our history but it doesn’t have to be our destiny.”

Then we ask ourself empowering questions such as:
What is best way to take care of me and meet my needs in this situation?”
“Is this how I want to treat myself or others?”
“Who do I want to be in the world right now?”

At the age of 2 to 3 years old, children hit their peak

2017-04-13T09:05:00.002+01:00

Babies are just plain smarter than we are, at least if being smart means being able to learn something new.... They think, draw conclusions, make predictions, look for explanations and even do experiments…. In fact, scientists are successful precisely because they emulate what children do naturally."

Much of the human brain’s power derives from its massive synaptic interconnectivity. I spoke with Geoffrey West from the Santa Fe Institute last night. He observed that across species, synapses/neuron fan-out grows as a power law with brain mass.

At the age of 2 to 3 years old, children hit their peak with 10x the synapses and 2x the energy burn of an adult brain. And it’s all downhill from there.

Are You a Son or Daughter of Dissociational Parents? Take This Brief Survey to Find Out.

2017-03-28T03:55:00.001+01:00

Are You a Son or Daughter of Dissociational Parents? Take This Brief Survey to Find Out.

Dissociation Identity Disorder is a spectrum disorder with the most severe end of the spectrum considered a personality disorder. A parent can have several traits and not fit the personality disorder. Mothers and Fathers with only a few traits listed can negatively affect you in insidious ways.

(Check all those that apply to your relationship with your parents)
When you discuss your life issues with your parents, do they divert the discussion to talk about themselves?
When you discuss your feelings , do they try to top the feeling with her own?
Do your parents or parent act jealously of you?
Do they lack empathy for your feelings?
Do they only support those things you do that reflect on themselves as a “good parent"?
Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your parents?
Have you consistently questioned whether or not your parents likes you or loves you?
Do your parents only do things for you when others can see?
When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce) does your parent/parents react with how it will affect them rather than how you feel?
Is or were your parents overly conscious of what others think (neighbours, friends, family, co-workers)?
Do your parents deny her/his own feelings?
Do your parent/s blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for their feelings or actions?
Is or were your parent/s hurt easily and then carried a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?
Do you feel you were a slave to your parent/s?
Do you feel you were responsible for your parents’s ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
Did you have to take care of your parents’s physical needs as a child?
Do you feel unaccepted by your parents?
Do you feel your parents was critical of you?
Do you feel helpless in the presence of your parent?
Are you shamed often by your parent?
Do you feel your parents knows the real you?
Do your parents act like the world should revolve around them?

Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your parent?
Do your parents appear phoney to you?

Do your parents want to control your choices?
Do your parent/s swing from egotistical to a depressed mood?
Did you feel you had to take care of your parent’s emotional needs as a child?
Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your parents?
Do you feel valued by parent for what you do rather than who you are?
Are your parents controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?
Do your parent/s make you act different from how you really feel?
Do your family compete with you?
Does your family always have to have things their way?

Note: All of these questions relate to dissociational traits. The more questions you checked, the more likely your parents has traits and this has caused some difficulty for you as a growing child and adult.

End The Legacy of Dissociational Disorder!
Join our groundbreaking workshops designed to understand the effects of dissociational parenting.

Hidden Agenda Workshops: You have big dreams. You feel that you have a big purpose.

2017-03-26T20:00:00.001+01:00

CHILD WITHINS: Hidden Agenda Workshops: You have big dreams. You feel that you have a big purpose. You know that you can make a massive difference in this world.
There’s just one problem – you don’t have permission to do it.
Yup, that’s right. Permission.
We’ve met many who thought that they needed permission from someone else to live their dreams. It’s like they’ve been waiting around for some board of approvals to say:
GO FOR IT – IT’S OKAY FOR YOU TO SHINE!
The thing is, the world will very rarely give you permission to do anything other than just fit in. Your family may want you to stay the same, to not rock the boat.
You don’t want to be judged or selfish. So you just go along with it.
But, the problem is, each day there is a little voice that whispers to you that there’s something more. But, you don’t have permission from the tribe or the family, so you stay small unrecognised.
That is, until one day, there’s so much pain that you are forced to wake up. It’s like life is saying, “Grow or die.”
And so, timidly you choose to grow, but not too much or too fast – you don’t want to rock the boat.
Here’s the thing – screw the boat.
You have a gift to give to the world. You have a unique voice and talents that can not only improve your life, but the lives of others, too. And playing small doesn’t serve any of us.
You playing small doesn’t serve you. You are meant for more than that.
Playing small doesn’t serve me or anyone else you could help – because we need you to play a bigger game. That’s how you change.
Instead of not rocking the boat, decide to make waves.
So, here’s the good news, and I’m going to say it in CAPS because it’s REALLY GOOD NEWS:
THE ONLY PERSON’S PERMISSION YOU NEED TO SHINE, IS YOUR OWN CHILD WITHIN.

Dissociation Identity Disorder studies the parental roots of dissociation.

2017-03-26T19:49:00.001+01:00

Dissociation Identity Disorder studies the parental roots of dissociation.We really need a child within us who loves us fully. We need a child within who understand us fully. We need a child within who can adequately translate the needs behind our cries…and our coughs…and our silences. We need our child within who is now open to learn all they can learn from us, and we need to learn all this from our relationship with our re-birthed child within

We needed parents who recognise that once they've brought us into the world they must devote their lives to body, soul and us. We needed parents who realise that all their purposes in existing must be performed in light of how it can help us grow, help us mature, and help us thrive.

We needed parents who have spent years in preparation for our creation – years before the sperm and the egg that created me ever met. We needed parents who devoted their lives to the betterment of themselves in mind, body, and spirit. We needed parents who entered the deepest and darkest depths of themselves and resolved the most painful traumas of their own past. We needed parents who no longer live awash in the wounds foisted on them by their own parents. We need parents who have become fully enlightened and no longer store hidden parts of their ravaged selves in their unconscious.

We needed parents who no longer wish for their own parents to rescue them, and secretly expect me, their future offspring, to pick up the torch where their own parents left off. We needed parents who can instead devote the whole summation of their beings toward the betterment of us.

We needed parents who have had me so that they can give, and not take, from me. We need parents who had children out of no other motive than their desire to give back to the earth. We needed the kind of parents who realise fully just how inherently selfish having children is. We needed the kind of parents who would normally never have children…

We needed parents who don’t lie to us – or to them. We needed parents who can be straight with us. We needed parents who can be straight with each other, and have no hidden agendas for us. We need parents who don’t use us as a pawn in their relationship games with others, and most especially each other.

We needed parents who can let us be who We are – and not brag about me. We needed parents who do not see me as an extension of them, and thus do not say “thank you” when someone compliments our beauty. We needed parents who instead say, “yes, you’re right,” and don’t secretly feel self-gratified by my wondrous self.

We needed parents who do not live in fear of their own deaths. We needed parents who live in the moment, because they have integrated the truths of their past.

We needed parents who are youthful in spirit and healthy in body, and who will not abandon us to death before we are ready to stand on our own as an autonomous adult.

We needed parents who raise us in a safe and co

mfortable and enriching environment – not in the midst of a civil war or a starvation-torn land or a silent room with a television.

We needed parents who, if we are a boy or a girl, wouldn’t dare circumcise our genital organs. We need parents who devote themselves to our health. We needed parents who don’t drink alcohol or take drugs or take unnecessary medications. We needed parents who are sober at all levels of their being. We need parents who would never physically hurt us, for any reason.

We needed parents who love children, and can easily relate to them – and don’t instead force us to relate to them. We needed parents who let us grow at our own pace, and let us be a kid when We need to be a kid. We needed parents who don’t expect adult responsibility of us before we become an adult.

We needed parents who marvel at the preciousness of our existence and realise that we are the epitome of our unbounded spirit. We needed parents who laugh because they feel the joy in our life. We needed parents who know how to have honest fun, and want to include us in it.

We needed parents who have resolved their addictions. We needed parents who are not avoiding the true light of day by being addicted to me. We needed parents who do not project their blocked past onto us, but instead see me for exactly for who We are. We needed parents who do not expect me to love them. We needed parents who know the difference between love and need. We needed parents who are experts on self-nurturance, and by extension know how to nurture us.

We needed parents who are emotional adults through and through – and we need two of these parents. And we need these two parents to also love each other. We needed these two parents to be fully in accord with their holy role as the warden of our growth. We needed two parents who are both willing to go to all lengths to give their best for us. We needed two parents who are both willing to die for us.

We needed parents who can progressively let us go as we progressively mature. We needed parents who can follow our lead and listen to our revisions of the plan. We needed parents who do not go into withdrawal when we don’t love them.

We needed parents who let me get angry when they make errors or do inappropriate things with us – and We needed parents who change their behaviour so they stop making these errors. We needed parents who do not punish us for our honest and healthy reactions, and love us anyway.

We needed parents who understand the meaning of healthy human sexuality. We needed parents who will in no way use us to meet their own unresolved sexual or love needs. We needed parents who will shield us from as much of the hellish impurity of the world as they are humanly able to do. We needed parents who are willing to sacrifice all their own personal comforts to create a nourishing environment for us.

We needed parents who take no credit when the work is done.

We needed parents who would have been our role models.

We need to communicate these facts to our child within as we work the Ten Stages.