diverted motion

Most Disturbingly Amazing Way to Spend Your Friday Afternoon [Let's Make Babies!]

2008-07-18T13:46:00.011-05:00

There are no words to describe how excited I am about MakeMeBabies.com.

There are hours and hours and hours and hours of distressing amusement at your fingertips people!

Have you ever wondered what your baby would look like if you mated with yourself? What about the mating of an Emo Carebear and a Cross-Dressing Circus Man?

Make Me Babies can show you EXACTLY what that improbable union would look like!

Take Mommy Bear:

And add Circus Daddy:

And you get....

Could that be?! Is it actually...

Lesbian Lindsey Lohan lover Samantha Ronson?!?!!!

Seriously! The hair, those eyes, that nose! If I ever manage to impregnate myself with myself, I'll be able to create a lesbian gossip-mag juggernaut!

Needing relief from that terrifying discovery, I decided to have a baby with Paul Rudd:

Um, since when did babies come out with full heads of braided hair and looking at least 4 years old?! Friends voted Baby Awesomeous "smarmy and a bit condescending" with "creepily small features." But like wouldn't you be a bit condescending too if you had the most awesome parents in the world?

Feeling a bit rejected by my attempt to procreate attractively with Paul Rudd, I lowered my standards and popped one out for Teen Wolf:

Wolf Baby was voted "a smooth and pretty baby" but "the right eye is a little... suspicious." I mean come on guys, you can't expect perfection with an inter-species baby! No matter how smooth it comes out.

It was time to make one final try of it.

There was no one left to turn to except the villain of my new favorite movie (seriously guys, I saw The Dark Knight last night and it's even better than the hype, especially when you're sitting in IMAX vibrating chairs... and you wonder how I got pregnant?!): The Joker.

With little left to hope for, I pushed "Proceed" with all my might...

And the verdict.....?!

"um... that child is adorable... which is scary"

Who knew my dream genetic match would be a psychotic fictional character!? And here I've been wasting my time trying to find real (non-crazy) guys to date when all this time I should have been looking for fantasy homicidal maniacs!

Thanks MakeMeBabies.com!

Guess Who Just Got Voted "The Best Kept Secret In Boston" [If I Post It On The Internet, It's Still A Secret, Right?!]

2008-07-09T22:51:00.011-05:00

Enough with the community-servicey posts of Nic Cage punching chicks and photos of my patriotic toes! What's the point of a vanity blog if I'm not spending most of my posts talking about how great I am?!

I've wasted so much precious time bringing you the wonders of the internet when I should have been posting myspaced out self portraits and bragging about my achievements!

Well that all gets fixed right now because my urban playground group Banditos Misteriosos just got voted "Boston's Best Kept Secret" by The Improper Bostonian.

Just check out our totally rad 3/4ths page feature:

Also, remember that scavenger hunt I posted about a week or so ago? Well it went shockingly well (thanks for asking). Over 400 people showed up and all had a great time. I managed to have a great time too because I didn't end up going to jail for not have a permit for those 400+ people to be congregating on the Common. Woo hoo. Though really, the Henry David Thoreau in me wouldn't have minded a little jail time, because damn the man and ponds and transcendentalism are cool and all that jazz!

The basic premise of the scavenger hunt was that as people congregated, we made them into teams of ten so they could get to know their fellow Bostonians. At the designated time, one member from each team collected the team's passport and a map of the city. Each passport had 14 clues to different locations throughout the city. Once the team solved the riddle, they had to go to the location and find the Bandito. Once found, the Bandito had the team perform a task in order to receive a stamp for their passport. The team with the most passport stamps wins. (Congrats team Death Muffin!!)

Brilliant? Brilliant!

Here's a little video to give you a taste of what it was like:

When the teams got to the gates of Chinatown, we had them do some Olympic-style ribbon dancing. There are about 18 videos of said dancing on the Banditos channel of YouTube but here are a few of my favorites (for you lazies out there).

The swing ribbon dancing team:

The kids:

And then there's these people:

I still can't get over how amazing it is that with just a little organization (OK, A LOT of organization) and an internet connection you can bring complete strangers together to ribbon dance through Chinatown. Man, life is good.

Nic Cage Needs A Bear Suit Like That Woman Needed A Punch To the Face [YouTube, Will You Marry Me?]

2008-07-03T12:17:00.003-05:00

When there is nooooobody in the office, this is how you end up spending your work-day.

Discovering the joys of The Wicker Man. Or, more accurately, Wicker Man tribute videos on YouTube.

First of all, how the hell have I not discovered the greatness of this movie before? I blame Josh Hartnett and Wicker Park for totally confusing me. That and all those white kids in 7th grade who were pretending to be black. OK, those are wiggers, but I blame them anyway!

Not only do I give you video of Nic Cage in a bear suit punching out a chick, but I also give you Nic Cage in various forms of dress punching out several chicks, stealing a bike, and "The bees! The bees! My eyes!":

And now again, set to the 90s classic "Scatman":

And to save the best for last: Nic Cage + "OH NOEZ THE BEES!" + Dance Remix = Bailey rides the rocketship to hyperbole planet to collect the right adjectives to describe this video's greatness. Until she gets back, you'll just have to watch it and be in awe:

Do I treat you guys right or what?

For All You Patriotic Foot-Fetishists Out There [Brace Yourselves For Hotness]

2008-07-02T15:16:00.004-05:00

I love holidays. Any and all holidays, but especially the ones that give you a day off from work. Especially especially the ones that give you a day off from work in the middle of the summer when everyone's working at about half steam anyway and you can take long lunch breaks and get pedicures where you get talked into actually let the pedicurist paint miniature American flags on your toes. (For the record, I did decline at least once.)

That's right: My toes are totally America The Beautiful right now.

Yup, that's me with my feet up on my desk. Not only can you see how much my feet love America in this pic, but you can also see my 2 lava lamps (mini and large), and over my left 2nd toe (the freakish longness means I'm royalty, yall!) you can see my prom photo from the 1986 Enchantment Under the Sea dance I went to a couple Halloweens back.

And I wondered how my coworkers got the impression that I'm the fun one...

Hope everyone has a good 4th of July! I'm off for the next few days to take the traditional Massachusetts holiday: on a boat in a New Hampshire lake.

Tomorrow! Scavenger! Hunt! Boston! Awesome! [File This Under DO IT!!]

2008-06-27T11:01:00.005-05:00

If you're in Boston tomorrow (Saturday, June 28th), you have no choice but to form a team (or come solo and we'll hook you up) and participate in the 1st Annual Boston Scavenger Hunt (Banditos-style!).

It starts at 12:30 on Boston Common and we already have well over 400 people registered so it should be an insanely good time.

And as with all Banditos events, it is 100% completely free. (Though we have a hot new Donation button on our site that we'd love for you to press... wink!)

Check out www.misteriosos.org to register and find out more info.

See you there!!!

Modern Dance Meets R. Kelly Meets Outter Space [The Best Thing On the Internet You'll See All Day]

2008-06-20T14:05:00.004-05:00

...We now interrupt your previously scheduled 'Roo Recap to bring you this nugget of internet joy...

Those familiar with DivMo--or me--know of my great love of the collected works of R. Kelly. I don't have much to say about his recent acquittal except I didn't really follow it and sex with children is bad. I don't really care for R. Kelly the man as much as I care for R. Kelly's body of work. I am happy that future chapters of Trapped in the Closet will be made and I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that they will include space travel and aliens. Because really, Kelly has nowhere to go from this series but up and deeper into the black hole of his own brilliance.

As great as TitC is (lol "tit-see"), there is one Kelly song that eclipses it in my heart: Sex Planet. I loved it so much, DivMo used to have it's own "Sex Planet" tag, until in a fit of tidiness it got jettisoned. I even designed my first tattoo based on its themes.

Given my love, you can imagine the sheer head exploding joy I experienced upon finding the following clip of a modern dance troupe's interpretation of this lyrical masterpiece.

They might not win any dancing awards, but they have won a place in my heart. (And seats on my rocketship to planet Uranus.)

I'll Be Honored By Kanye's Lateness When His "High Concept" Shows Aren't Such Easy Fodder for the Mystery Science 3000 Treatment ['Roo Recap Part 1]

2008-06-17T19:25:00.019-05:00

I'm alive!

I somehow managed to get through both Bonnaroo and my work conference on a handful of hours of sleep and copious amounts of coffee. And here I am, back in the virtual arms of DivMo and the literal arms of my bed ready to recap the weekend in all its glory for you. "The literal arms of my bed"?! I told you I haven't been sleeping, right?

To kick off this 'Roo Recap 2008, I'm going to start with the big glow-in-the-dark elephant in the room.

No, I'm not talking about "The Elephant Man" that my friends saw wandering around the festival. (Thanks, Bruce!)

Because he was beyond awesome. Just look at his... commitment to art! (Oh, p.s. NSFW, so scroll quickly)
No, the elephant I'm talking about is Kanye West.

Just do a quick Google news search of all the stories cropping up about Kanye & Bonnaroo and you'll see titles like: Delayed Kanye West Set Angers Bonnaroo Crowd, Bonnaroo: Kanye West is a "Expletive Deleted", Kanye Booed at Bonnaroo... and there's over 1,000 search results where that came from.

So what happened?

Well it all started when Kanye's set was moved from an 8:15 p.m. show on the smaller of the 2 stages to a 2:45 a.m. show on the larger stage so that he could more fully put on his well-reviewed Glow in the Dark show.

Sounds good right? I mean, 2:45 a.m. is really late, but it's Bonnaroo after all and it didn't really make sense given his popularity to have him on the smaller stage competing with other shows. And I heard the Glow in the Dark Tour was this cool high-concept take on his albums and has been receiving rave reviews, so an opportunity for him to put on a more elaborate show sounded good to me, as sleep depriving as it may be.

"Sleep depriving" turned out to be an understatement. Sleep wasn't just deprived, it was duct taped and thrown into the back of a car and beaten to within an inch of its life with a shovel. In a string of events that are obviously not completely Kanye's fault--as quick as some are to blame him entirely for the debacle--Pearl Jam's set ran over and Kanye's own elaborate staging hit some roadblocks in set-up.

When we walked up to the show, the stage looked like this:

Yay! Kanye West is up next! Woo! Then the signs were changed to "Kanye West is up at 3:15." There was some light booing and grumbling, but hey, it's only 1/2 hour; we can deal. Then at 3:16 it was updated to 3:30. More boos in earnest then. One of my favorite lines of the night had to be a girl passing me who said "Kanye? More like Kan-boo!"

At five minutes after 3:30, the sign switched back to the ominous:

With no promise of a start time, the boos and chanting began in earnest. I fell in love with the guys standing in front of me when they started to incite the hippie crowd with cries of:

"Kanye kills puppies!"
"Kanye doesn't erase his environmental footprint!"
"Kanye doesn't buy locally-grown produce!"
"Kanye wears a Dalmatian fur coat!"
"Pass it on guys!"

Hilarious.

So yeah, were people annoyed? Definitely. Were they very serious about it? Nah, not really. I can't speak for everyone, but at least the crowd around me was annoyed but still game to see the show--and laughing at those fools who spent $10 at the merch tent for those fucking ridiculous venetian blinds-looking white sunglasses who were walking out on Kanye before he even started. I imagined little tears falling out of the slits of those glasses as another fanboy's hero-worship dreams were crushed. The really pissed people left, the rest of us sat on the muddy ground smoking and playing phone games to keep ourselves entertained until the set was fixed.

Around 3:30 the crew finished fixing the screen and the stage went dark. Everyone surged to their feet only to wait another hour before Kanye appeared on stage.

Here are my thoughts on waiting. Yeah, people don't like to do it, especially when it's that late. But this is Bonnaroo and it's a hardy group. In 2005 I stood for 6 hours to get in the front row to see The Mars Volta. In 2006 I waited around the main stage for another 6 hours and stood body to body with half-naked hippies just to get a decent view of Radiohead. I know hardship in the name of a good show. A 2-hour wait sucks--especially when you're missing other great shows like The Coup, Talib Kweli, and Ghostland Observatory: all shows I'd love to see if I hadn't heard such good things about Kanye's show. But it's not the end of the world.

I know the focus of the Kanye criticism is that Kanye was late and therefore pissed off his audience. But for all the booing people might have done when the times kept getting pushed back, when he finally stepped on stage a huge cheer went up. These people wanted to see him. Were still excited to see him.

And as for Kanye? Who the hell knows what was going on in his head. His whole performance might as well have been a taped recording for all the interaction he had with the audience. No "hello, Bonnaroo!" No "sorry for the wait!" Honestly, I don't think an apology was even mandatory, though it would have been nice. Any deviation from his little script would have been a welcome validation for all those who waited so long for him.

And as for the show? Well I guess I forgot to take my koolaid because the "high concept" was flat out dumb. Kanye is in a spaceship. It crashes into an unknown planet. His ship's robot's name is Jane. I'm not sure who talked more like a robot: Jane the robot or Kanye reading his lines. Not that there was much substance there: most of their interaction consisted of Kanye saying things like "Jane! Where are we?" "Unknown." "How do we get back?" "Unknown." "I wonder what's going to happen..." And then the song "I Wonder" starts. And you're supposed to be like "oooh snap! Kanye is so clever! He wondered where he was and then the song "I Wonder" came on! omfg! brilliant."

This is about as glow-in-the-dark as things got, which was pretty, but also pretty underwhelming when given how hyped this show was:

And then there was the gut-wrenchingly awkward transition into Golddigger when Kanye loudly proclaims to his robot Jane that he's been on the planet too long and "needs pussy" and she turns into a gold-painted video girl on the screen, which he then proceeds to feel up. Yeah, he was rubbing the boobs on a video screen like an immature 12-year-old boy. No joke. People around me were both cringing and laughing in turn to this ridiculousness.

This was the best shot I could get of "Jane" who had by that point split into two video girls who proceeded to rub each other. (Which was probably a better idea than letting Kanye do it since he was so awkward about his need for pussy that it sounded like he'd never seen one, let alone known what to do with it if he got it.)

Not quite the full crowd participation "Throw your diamonds in the air!" usually elicits.

And people started flicking him off when he rapped the line in "Stronger": "You should be honored by my lateness/That I would even show up for this fake shit."

Yeah, the line's about the hip-hop scene and not a specific attack on the Bonnaroo crowd, but it's not easy to hear and not immediate think: "Go fuck yourself, Kanye. ... I mean Kanboo!"

At 5:30 a.m., an hour into the scheduled 1 and 1/2 hour set, my bleary-eyed friends and I agreed to head back to the tent--the sun was rising by now and by 8:30 is is too hot to sleep in a tent so the rest of Sunday was looking mighty rough at that point. Kanye played "Stronger," the last song we were hoping to hear before we left, and then a curious thing happened: with a 1/2 hour left to go, Kanye finished his song, climbed into his little escape hatch hidey-hole and disappeared. The 'go away' house music came on and it was over.

It's hard for me to get up in arms about the missing 1/2 hour since we were all deliriously tired by then and planning to leave anyway, but that's still a pretty shitty move.

And how did the fans respond the next day? With "Kanye sucks" chants during other shows, tent-made t-shirts, and some lovely graffiti:

And my personal favorite:

"Kanye West does ^not care about 'Roo people."

Alright, now that we've gotten KanyeRoo-gate 2008 out of the way, we can look forward to some more happy 'Roo recapping including my reviews (and pictures) of the Chromeo set and M.I.A's last set ever, which I was lucky enough to catch (and survive!) And the hilarious story of how all my clothes got stolen (and later returned... sorta...)

So stay tuned.

In the meantime, you can tide yourself over with the piece I wrote for Bostonist about Celtics fans at Bonnaroo.

There's Never Any Time! [I'm So Excited, I'm So Excited, I'm So...]

2008-06-10T23:23:00.003-05:00

Yeah, yeah yeah. I know I promised more Bonnaroo projections. But between getting all my ducks in a row for this trip (like the all important purchase of the water-spritzing fan) and getting ready for the big work conference happening the day I get back from the 'Roo (my boss's only stipulation is that I must shower before schmoozing with the board bigwigs... fair enough), I find myself feeling a little Jessie Spano-ish.

I think most of you know what I'm talking about. The most famous cameo of NoDoze ever:

Thankfully, I'm still riding the "I'm so excited!" train with no scared in sight.

And as for the 'Roo, you're just going to have to wait patiently to see how I'm going to pack in Chromeo, Kanye, Sigur Ros, The Coup, Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, and Ghostland Observatory between 12:15 a.m. and 4:15 a.m. on Saturday night.

Oh cruel scheduling gods, must you put so many bands I'm pumped to see all within the same (ridiculously late) block of time?

Wish me luck!

And the Award for Best Use of a Spike's Junkyard Dog in a Music Video Goes to... [Tough Gays!]

2008-06-09T23:06:00.003-05:00

Another gem from my Boston-tagged YouTube video trolling...

There is nothing I love more than crazy genre-bending music. In fact, just last night I decided starting a death metal glee club would probably be one of the best ideas I've ever had.

So it's no surprise I find this "queerxcore" video by Youth of Togay for their track "Tough Gays" to be the most hilarious and scary thing I've seen in awhile (scarelarious?).

(Mildly NSFW due to mature screaming and adult situations with some junkyard dogs from Spike's.)

Never fear, I'll get back to my Bonnaroo projection-ing tomorrow!

Glad To See I'm Not The Only One With The Dirty Mind

2008-06-04T14:39:00.002-05:00

Biggest laugh of the day.

Thanks Google.

The Bonnaroo Schedule Is Up! [What I'm Seeing: Thursday Edition]

2008-06-02T21:07:00.004-05:00

The Bonnaroo schedule is up! And I just got my ticket in the mail.

Time to get excited.

With nearly a bajillion bands playing (that's a scientific estimate) it's going to tricky picking what shows to check out.

So this is where I need your help DivMoians: I'll post my picks for each of the days and you check the schedule and let me know if I'm missing some hidden gem/my taste in music is crap.

Let's start with Thursday. (This all assumes, of course, that I don't get stuck in a 5 hour+ line to get in that prevents me seeing some of these early bands.)

Superdrag

Remember this gem? Who sucked out the feeeeeeeeeling?????

MGMT

You might recognize this track; I'm not too familiar with this band, but I definitely recognize that this song's been used as the background for some tv show or commercial or something:

Battles

Another band I've heard good buzz about but am not too familiar with.

The Sword

Because I need more fantasy metal in my life.

Vampire Weekend

I mean really what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't weigh in with my Vampire Weekend opinion like every other blogger in the 'sphere? Personally, I think they sound like lazy Paul Simon. But I do enjoy oxford commas, so not sure where that leaves us. Probably at a solid "meh."

Once I get tired of the cutesiness, I'm headed straight over to Lez Zeppelin to rock.

Your Childhood Repressed Memories Unpressed...Depressed? ...Pressed? [Terrifying Any Way You Put It]

2008-05-20T22:59:00.004-05:00

You were a small child. The TV was on. You were too little to pick the channel. You didn't know any better. It's OK. It's not your fault.

It was called Zoobilee Zoo. You thought you'd gotten past it. Completely erased the memory of those half-human, half animal creatures frolicking around in that magical land. Traumatizing your sensitive-child sensibilities. You thought you had completely repressed it.

But one day, the fateful YouTube link from a friend followed by "Remember this one?"

Brace yourself because you do remember. You've seen this before. Though you wish you never had.

Oh Yeah, That's Right: I'm Posting a Video of Pandas Riding Down a Slide [Cute Overload Better Watch Its Back]

2008-05-15T13:24:00.002-05:00

Because its faux-Friday (at least for me as I'm taking tomorrow off--NYC here I come!)...

And because I'm sniffly (and still trying to pretend it's "allergies") and this makes me happy.

If this does not make you happy, you have no soul.*

*Interesting factoid: when you Google Image Search "no soul" this is what you get. <--NSFW if you work in a Borat-unfriendly environment.

And The Award For Most Appropriate Use of the Internet Goes To...[The Envelope Please]

2008-05-13T09:26:00.003-05:00

I have been to many many webpages: Stuff on My Cat, Fat Chicks in Party Hats, Stuff on Christopher Walken, White Chicks and Gang Signs...

All are examples of appropriate uses of the internet, but they pale in comparison to my newest find:

Manbabies.com

If there was ever a more perfect use of Photoshop, I haven't seen it.

Bravo, Manbabies.com, bravo!

Kids and Their YouTubes [A Story of Offensiveness, Obesity, and Boy-on-Hat Crime]

2008-05-09T20:02:00.003-05:00

There's not much I can say except the internet is a crazy place and my new gig blogging about viral videos for Bostonist has me sifting through pages and pages of Boston-tagged videos, which has introduced me to a whole new world of crazy crazy shit.

This is one of those videos.

Oh kids and their racism, hat-ism, and shovel abuse.

My New Life Goal [Pencil Pushers of the Gods]

2008-05-07T15:01:00.004-05:00

I was always a little too socially well-adjusted to truly fit in with the Speech & Debate Team in high school. But I've always admired the outcast (hence, the emo obsession). And in the case of the professional Speech & Debater (ahem, "master debater" as the joke went), they always had the sweetest pen twirling skills.

I try as I might, my pen always ends up across the room... in a cup of coffee... protruding out of my opponent's eye (an unfortunately fortunate way to win a debate)...

But after watching this video, my dream is renewed!

Now all I need is a yogi-type personal trainer to get my digits into top twirling shape! [Interested parties leave your official application in the comments.]

Sausages, Sausages, Sausages, Sausages [Second Verse, Same As the First]

2008-04-28T21:53:00.006-05:00

Not to be a lady who keeps her audience dangling (penis pun alert!), I must dutifully report that I am now the proud owner of the March 1995 Playgirl featuring Scott Bakula.

Exhibit A:
Ooh la la, indeed! I have dutifully read my first-ever piece of purchased pornography (say that five times fast!) cover-to-cover and I have a few findings to report:

1) 1990s Playgirl maintains an almost pathological insistence that the sole audience for this magazine is women. Every letter, every submitted fantasy, the editor's comments, everything was female-centric. There is no acknowledgment of a gay audience whatsoever. Which is funny because when I see a naked dude doing some artistic back bends in a jungle in front of a tiger, gaygaygay is all I can think. Well, that and Dude, sweet tiger!

2) It distresses me that so many of the fantasies in the reader fantasy section start with "I said no, but really meant yes" premises. Oy, ladies. Oy.

3) Also tragic was the fact that every bio on every naked dude in there did little to mask the career desperation of the wannabe A-list actors of the world. Every one was a star in the making back in 1995. And in 2008? Even their certified cover star Scott Bakula is a cult favorite at best.

4) I really do feel for the plight of male nude models. Looking at these photos it became resoundingly clear how philosophically complex the question "Where should I rest my junk?" really was. Where, indeed. Where, indeed.

Only on a dreary rainy day like today would I find such tragedy in a racy nudey magazine. Ah well--to cheer us up, here is a very apropos (and disturbingly hilarious in its own right) clip from The Kids in the Hall called "Sausages":

Hot New Blog to Watch: Rageoline and Company [Your Daily Diversion]

2008-04-25T09:47:00.005-05:00

Every five seconds a new blog is born. It's a fact. (Just count to twenty and then go look it up on Wikipedia; I'm still editing the entry about it now.)

But how do you decide what to read? How will you know what's worth your while!?!?!

First off, I'd say calm down drama queen. You're cut off from any more coffee this morning.

And second off, I'd say I'll tell you what to read! You are on my blog and therefore, I get to tell you what to do. And I'm telling you to read Rageoline & Company. It's a new blog written by some very angry and very funny Boston-based folk.* And it's soon to be all the rage! (Zing!!!)

I mean just look at this picture of rage. Hilarious, no?

Hilarious, yes!

So what did Rageoline decide to focus her snark-beams on for her first target of derision?

Flan! 'Natch.

Flan is so dumb, it doesn't even have a page on Wikipedia. Take that, flan. I don't really even understand what it is, and I've eaten it. It's a strange color and the texture is disgusting. If you've ever eaten flan, you will know that it also has an oozing liquid, which leaks out of the side of it. This reminds me of fruit on the bottom yogurt, where you have that extra yogurt juice, which isn't quite yogurt, and doesn't really resemble any of the fruit from the bottom. I know you know which juice I'm referring to...

How can you argue with mystery juices? You just can't!

So speaketh me: "Read it. Love it. Rage on party dudes!"

*Myself potentially included on that list. Identities changed to protect the snarky.

Look Ma! I'm On The YouTubes [Riding The Self-Promotional Wave]

2008-04-24T12:53:00.005-05:00

A few months back a little sketch I wrote about the glories of made-for-tv-movies called "The Tiffani Martin Story" was committed to film by Downcellar Productions. It debuted at Improv Boston last Friday as part of their new film division and has now proudly found its way onto the internet. (The true home for all pervy and offensive things!)

YAYY!! Enjoy!

I would be totally remiss in my entertainment-providing duties if I did not also highlight the other hilarious commercial-parody sketches that came out of that day of shooting.

Hurley Brothers Home Furnishing

Connections: Daniel Plainview

Morelli Brothers Home Furnishing

And my personal favorite, Regal Osprey Blended Scotch Whiskey

It's DivMo's Birthday, Uh! Happy Birthday, Uh! And They Said It Wouldn't Last! [OK, They Didn't, But I Couldn't Resist The Michael Jackson Reference]

2008-04-23T08:54:00.010-05:00

That's right, exactly 1 year ago today, Diverted Motion was born! Who knew the internet would even exist a year later, let alone that I would still be writing on it!? (In it? Ew.)

But here we are friends. And oh, what a year it's been! Who's surprised my top posts for the year are comprised of phallic weathermen, a lesson in making fake-ids, social network suicide, and lesbian Golden Girls? Or that my top 3 traffic-generating search terms are "lezby," "Jonas Brothers suck," and "how to make a fake id"? DivMo was founded on the principle of catering to sexual, musical, and legal deviants, so I consider these traffic findings a sign of a job well (deviantly)-done!

And to celebrate our 1st year together, I brought cake!

And 2 dogs fighting over a pinata!

And a Birthday Faery from the same Angelfire gif factory where FiHo was born.

And because no DivMo post could be complete without a really crappy YouTube video, here is the most pixeltastic tribute to birth I could find (and it only took me a two second-search! Thanks YouTube.)

You think DivMo's naughty now, wait 'til we hit the terrible twos!

Life Without Garfield Is Totes Postmodern, Tragic [Like My Constant Usage Of The "Word" "Totes" In Sentences]

2008-04-21T10:49:00.007-05:00

This is not the first encounter DivMo's had with Garfield the cat (and no I'm not talking of the fat, Italian variety). There is something about the World's Most Syndicated Comic Strip that makes it infinitely more entertaining when set to live-action video-reenactment or, in the case of my new favorite internet find Garfield Minus Garfield, when Garfield is removed from the strip entirely:

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suburb.

Um, genius! Here are 3 of my favorites, though the whole site is full of these hilaritragic gems:

The Internet: Bringing Nerds and Nudity Together Since The 1980s [Quite Possibly The Most Important Purchase Of My Life]

2008-04-18T10:24:00.005-05:00

Thanks to the gloriousness of our fair internet, I am now (or will at least soon to be once it arrives in the mail) the proud owner of the March 1995 issue of Playgirl featuring the one... the only... Scott Bakula!!!!

Having never actually seen an issue of Playgirl, this will finally end the debate over whether Playgirl shows ween. I've got 5-7 business days to brace myself for the answer.

And for those uninitiated into the wonders of Quantum Leap, here's a little taste of the magic (set to the tune of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"):

Everyone's Got Ayds! [Reason Number One Ninety Eight I'm A Bad Person]

2008-04-16T22:12:00.003-05:00

Best unintentionally worst product name ever. (This one's for you, Caroline.)

Side effects may include: Drops in white blood cell count, pneumonia, lesions, and death.

Because We're All About The Charity This Week On DivMo [The McLovin' Fund]

2008-04-15T14:04:00.003-05:00

As McLovin' and his fake ID making-ways have brought a lot of traffic to DivMo over the year--or so says my Google Analytics--it is only fair that we in turn reach out to him in his hour of need.

It's not easy being a one-note comic hero. Forget those starving families, let's unite to pay some therapy bills!

Hat tip to Best Week Ever.

DivMo's First Official Style Your Blogger Contest!!! [A Few Days Shy Of A Year Of Blogging And I'm Already Asking You For Money. Shocker, I Know.]

2008-04-14T09:08:00.011-05:00

Just look at this picture...

Do I look like a girl who would ever let Hunger triumph?! Hells to the no!

"No carbs? No way!" is what I say!

So when I heard that in Massachusetts, more than 450,000 people are struggling to put food on the table--and that they weren't aspiring models or ascetics, but people who actually wanted to eat!!--we'll I couldn't just stand by and watch that happen!

That's why on May 4th I'm joining Project Bread with my lovely Banditos Misteriosos siblings in silliness to Walk for Hunger! (Or at least, Hunger *thinks* I'm walking for him, but I'm totally going stealth backstabby on his malnourished butt and am actually walking for Satiety. Hunger can suck it!)

So how can YOU help me stick it to Hunger??? (Aside from sending me various baked goods, which are always welcome.)

Send me money!! N'atch.

Just to make the deal a little sweeter, I'm launching DivMo's first official Style Your Blogger Contest!! [Insert trumpets here.] That's right, I'm going to let the person who gives me the highest donation the right to play my personal stylist for the Walk for Hunger.

Want me to walk 20 miles looking like Mimi from Drew Carey?

Or how about a fetching Pipi Longstocking inspired up-do?

Or perhaps you think my "Down with Hunger!" message would best get across as a goth:

Really, the sky's the limit with this one. If you dream it, I'll do it. My only minor stipulations are that I won't make any permanent changes (i.e., cut hair, piercings, or tattoos--though I am up for wigs, fake mustaches, and temporary tattoos), I cannot violate any public decency laws, and I must be able to wear my Banditos T-shirt and sneakers. Otherwise, I'm all yours.

The highest bidder will get personal fashion consultation time with me, a shout out on DivMo, and a follow-up post after the walk full of pictorial proof that I sported the style for the entire walk. And Lord knows I'm not shy about posting ridiculous pictures of myself on this blog.

And if I manage to raise $500 ($355 to go!), I'll gain membership into the exclusive Heart and Sole Club where I get free t-shirts and thank you cards and shoelaces!! (You think I'd do something for charity without having some sneaky ulterior motive? Ha! I want those shoelaces and I want them bad!)

So go to my fundraising page, whip out those credit cards, and get to scheming!!