Divine Exploitation

SHAMELESS EXPLOITATION

2013-06-01T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have always loved mini comics. Making them, reading them. It was recently when I was reading a book about zines that I found this unique 8 fold process to make a little comic book. To say I got carried away is an understatement. Here are some of the ones I have done to date;

Based on the podcast Tell 'Em Steve Dave. If you order one of my other mini comics, I will throw one of these in as a request.

The only way to get one of these is to appear at one of my live shows. I do them once a month at the 411 Club in Kalamazoo Michigan. See you there.

Doug Life is my autobiographical comic. This issue my lovely wife, Martha and I went to Ann Arbor to see The Proclaimers.

This issue of Doug Life deals with my hate/hate problem of being a bike rider and stupid people who like to break glass.

When Jess Franco passed away I decided to do a series of comics, each one dealing with one of his films. This one is an introduction and can be had for free if you order issue 2 that deals with his film WE ARE 18.

My first attempt at a super hero comic. Yes, he's a giant K. I just finished issue 2 of this one.

I do accept trades. Ordering the Franco File is just a dollar and I throw in a freebie. Kapitan Kalamazoo is a quarter, but you need to throw in a few shekels for postage and I will throw in some freebies.

I just finished the first issue of THOR and that is also a quarter.

Paypal is dwaltz1962@yahoo.com

Thanks for reading.

MARON (2013)

2013-05-26T16:11:00.002-07:00

I remember back in the good old days when Comedy Central showed a lot of stand up comedy. A lot of it. I got to see some of the best comedians in the world do what they did best. Marc Maron was always one of my favorites.
I recently listened to a podcast from The Nerdist and Chris Hardwick had Marc Maron on as his special guest. Coincidentally IFC gave Maron his own television show based on his podcast, WTF? with Marc Maron. I had never listened to the podcast so I thought I would give it a listen. Yeah, it's funny.
The new show is also funny. I managed to catch the first two episodes and in the first one Marc hunts down an Internet troll to give him what for. Dave Foley is along for the ride and it is a humorous look at the subject. episode two deals with a dead possum and Dennis Leary calling Marc a pussy.
This is a funny show and I hope it doesn't go the way of many of my other favorite shows. If it does, I still have a trwasure trove of podcasts to listen to. If it works, then it's like icing on an already delicious cake.
The show is on IFC Fridays at 10, but I will never remember to watch it then so On Demand works for me.
You should watch it too.

GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2013-05-07T17:44:00.002-07:00

Okay, so for many years I have ridden my bike. To work, to school, to work again. There is this wonderful bike trail that goes right to the bus stop for me to catch the bus to whisk me off to my wonderful job.
It's a shame that the people in the neighborhoods that the trail goes through are too fucking stupid to appreciate it.
There is constantly broken glass on the trail that is used my pedestrians, children, bike riders and their many and varied pets. Glass by people too fucking stupid to deserve to live near such a great bike trail.
Short of taking my time and sweeping the glass off the trails by myself, probably to be greeted by new glass shortly thereafter, I see no way to solve this problem.
There is a bike lane that also gets me there. It too is riddled with the glass of morons and idiots that feel it necessary to break glass where people move their bikes and/or feet through the streets.
Morons!
Here is what the tube I removed today looked like.
(Note: This tire had already been patched once. The Fix A Flat worked for a minute before the hole tore and released the goop.)

I know two things.
One, I will have to think of a solution to this problem.
Two, I had better never see anyone breaking glass in my presence.
I don't have the bail money sufficient to get me out of what I will do to them.
Suggestions on a solution are being taken. All will be considered.

Divine Exploitation...The Book

2013-04-23T15:14:00.001-07:00

When I decided to do a Print On Demand book of my zine I had no idea what I had bitten off. I would put in reviews, art, interviews, something with Linnea Quigley and my long piece on Jess Franco's A Virgin Among The Living Dead. I have 112 pages done with just reviews and a few of the interviews done as well. In the end the book looks like it will be a 300 page behemoth. That works for me.

Here's the cover;

This was done by Ron Merchant back in the day of print. I have no idea where Ron is and miss him terribly. He so got the whole Divine Exploitation idea and was fearless, unafraid to offend, well everyone.

Stew Miller gave me this fantastic bit of art;

I liked this so much that it is the header for every section of the book. It has that kitchen sink feel that I always tried to achieve with Divine Exploitation. One time I wrote about Spider Man cereal. Why? I really liked it. It was like Lucky Charms without all the damned marshmallows.

Then Linc Polderman gave me what will be the back cover. A lot of people like to put words on their back covers of their books. Yeah, I don't see that happening;

I know what you're thinking; 'Doug, when will the book see release?' I have a definite answer for you. November 7th 2013. Why? Simple. In 1988, twenty five years ago I did two things. One, I made this zine that has mutated into a website. It has been an epic 25 years of fun. The other thing? My oldest son, Seann will be 25 on that date. Really the better of the two things I created.

So, as it gets closer to a release date I will have prices locked down and a page count. I have plenty of time to get it done. Five months for what is essentially a big, pretty reprint book. I will have signed copies available for anyone who asks at no additional cost.

Stick around this should be fun.

P.S. This May we are shooting our second film, ATTACK OF THE KILLER CYBORGS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. Wheeeeee!

BABYSITTER MASSACRE 2013

2013-04-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

The newest film by Henrique Couto goes back to the very roots of 80's slasher/splatter films. This is a time frame that is near and dear to my heart so, if it is done badly I tend to release my fury upon those responsible.
That being said to preface this review, Mr. Couto may now breathe easy.
The basic premise is of a group of girls that put together a babysitters club when they were younger. One, extremely cold Halloween night all of the girls decided it was too cold to trick or treat. Except Bianca (Marylee Osborne). She wanted to go out so her friend went with her. Then a white masked killer took her friend and Bianca ran for her life.
Seven years later and she is now been ostracized by the group, except for Angela (Erin R. Ryan). It is Halloween and they are planning a reunion of the babysitters club.
Someone else is also planning a little reunion.
The white faced killer from seven years ago is back.
No one is safe.
There are two kinds of slasher films. The basic, unstoppable killer type and the one that is more human. The one that has some God awful motive in the twisted sense of the word. Those are fun because you can try and guess who the killer is.
I did, but not until I was supposed to. Well done, Mr. Couto.
The gore set pieces are incredible to watch. I was most fond of the boiling water on the head that resulted in some wicked bubbly skin effect. It looked seamless to me and having been a burn victim, pretty spot on. Fingernail pulling always makes me squirm and it was at this point that I realized that the foley work was excellent. Not too big of a surprise as Mr. Couto's years of experience as a musician would lend itself well to this particular aspect of film making.
We drove 600 miles round trip to see this movie. We always go see Henrique's world premieres. It's just a thing that is done at The Waltz Compound. And we have yet to be disappointed.
Oh, and the most important part of a slasher movie is two fold; Boobs and Blood. All I can say is that Mr. Couto embraced the formula and both of these requirements were met with spectacular results.
Really.

My final plea with Henrique would be for him to visit another genre that worked so well in the 80's. Action films. Marylee Osborne would be the perfect star for a cheeseball action flick and it would be so very, very cool.

CINEMA WASTELAND APRIL 2013 REPORT

2013-04-08T10:21:00.004-07:00

Our weekend started with a little drama as I was under the idea that I had prepaid for thee room. Their website sure made it seem that way to me. Yeah, I was wrong. And Super 8 were jack holes about the entire thing. Add that the security thingie on the door was snapped off and the sink was clogged with coffee grounds and that we had to move rooms, made for a foul taste in my mouth.
We decided to not let this bother us and went in search of food. We discovered a little out of the way place called S&M Delicatessen where we split a spinach feta pie and a pepperoni calzone that were both out of this world. Just amazing. And the hummus that came with the pie was delicious.

After that we went to check out the collection of movie trailers in movie room 2. It was Prevues From Hell 2 and my buddy Dan Taylor is in it so that was a good way to start the day.
We didn't stray too far and watched a new film SHE DEVILS A GO GO. Hot Carl was the funniest part of the movie and it was a lot of fun.

After that we were off to Movie Room 1 where Jamie Rose, Chris Lemmon and director Jeff Lieberman discussed the classic JUST BEFORE DAWN. Chris Lemmon was very funny. Unfortunately, the problem with his microphone seemed to haunt the entire show. I love my Wasteland and after 23 shows will always go, but the microphone cutting out started to become annoying. Chris Lemmon made it fun though.

After that Jack Sholder introduced his movie, THE HIDDEN and his talk was great. Unfortunately, my camera cut out and I didn't get all of the video I would have wanted. That and he had the crappy microphone.
That did it for us for the night we went back to the room for pizza. Unfortunately, Leonardo's didn't answer their phone so we got Domino's. Still good pizza for late night.
There was also much visiting with people in the dealer rooms that day.
The next morning Martha took her traditional 'Epic Shower' which lasts forever while I went back to the dealer room to say hello to many people who I won't name drop here.
Then it was time for one of my favorite times at Wasteland. 42nd Street Pete's Hardcore Wrestling Hour. My God that stuff is brutal. Especially the razor blade board match where this poor bastard got suplexed onto the board. Gross! Yet entertaining.
Later in the afternoon it was time for the main event, for me anyway.
A showing of SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE and afterwards a panel with Debra De Liso, Joe Johnson, Brinke Stevens and killer Michael Villella. They were fantastic and I could have listened to them all day. Michael is a method actor and he decided to use an animalistic approach to his behavior in the film. Which animal you might ask? Peacock. watch it again, it works. And his famous 'I Love You' line? Yeah, he made that up. Such a good time.

Aftre that it was my other favorite thing at Wasteland. 42nd Street Pete's Grindhouse. Pete and Wasteland promoter, Ken Kish talk about the classic days of Wasteland. Their special guest was stunt man extraordinaire, Gary Kent. Having read Gary's book Shadows & Light: Journeys with Outlaws in Revolutionary Hollywood I was excited to meet him in person. It was one of the best Grindhouse panels of all time. I even got to have my picture taken with Gary and buy his awesome movie, The Pyramid, which I shall review here at a later date.

Then it was time to break for dinner before we went to see Kelli Maroney introduce Chopping Mall
. It is amazing how she looks the same. I was a little mad at people with fat heads who kept getting in the camera range, but I did get the audio for all of her talk so I was happy about that.
And then it was time for the ultimate part of Wasteland.
A. GHASTLEE GHOUL'S NITE AT THE MOVIES!!!!!!! (Insert applause here)
We get a performance by Ghastlee's band, Splattertude. There are games and trivia. I even got a cool t shirt for Dandelion out of Lou's underpants! Always a lot of fun.
Then another tradition is to watch whatever movie Bill Zebub has brought with him to Wasteland. JESUS, DAUGHTER OF GOD did not disappoint. Part three of his unoffical Jesus trilogy, this one deals with a burlesque stripper quantum leaping into the body of Christ. Sex, hijinks, aikido battles and really cool slow motion fly by in the next 90 minutes and make for a really funny film.
Then it was time for sleepy.
The next morning we slept a little late so no free breakfast for us. Instead we feasted at Denny's and then came back to get a few more souvenirs, say goodbyes and watch JUST BEFORE DAWN as a last hurrah to another excellent wasteland.
And, if that wasn't enough, we then winged our way to nearby Oberlin to have food with the awesome Tim Paxton and his sister Heather and lady friend Cara Romano. We went to a cool place called The Feve and I got their burger they named after themselves. They were huge. We talked about, well everything and then it was time to wing our way home to the drab city of Kalamazoo until October when we shall again trek to the most magical place in the world...
CINEMA WASTELAND!!

JESUS, THE DAUGHTER OF GOD (2012)

2013-04-06T21:40:00.001-07:00

I have liked Bill Zebub movies for a very long time. My first exposure to him was the original THE WORST HORROR MOVIE EVER MADE. He hates that I still own my copy. Then along came the only convention to go to. Cinema Wasteland. Bill Zebub is always there; showing his films and selling his wares. Before you take me for a blind fan, last year he showed his newest film, DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEE. Yeah, I went back to my motel room and slept. I didn't care for it.
But, his Christ movies always entertain me. ZOMBIE CHRIST was epically funny. JESUS, TOTAL DOUCHEBAG also is quite entertaining. Now, using a little quantum mechanics, the basic premise of the TV show, Quantum Leap and a lot of slow motion camera work, JESUS, DAUGHTER OF GOD, is born!
The basic premise has a Go Go dancer (Scarlett Storm) stumble on a Quantum Physicist (Bill Zebub) who has created a device that puts her back in time into the actual form of Jesus.
Her one, true disciple, Peter (Also, Bill Zebub) sticks by her through thick and thin as she uses her new found abilities to change the course of history and try to make the world a better place.
This movie is hilarious. Laugh out loud funny. The female lead is so cute and her delivery makes me giggle. Just a great performance. Bill is always good in his movies and, while his slow motion battles are unflattering to every female figure, it still works.
think the Bill Zebub deserves a second, mre in depth look now that we have the third film. I see that coming in the future.
Meanwhile, I leave you with this;

My meeting with Jess Franco

2013-04-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

It was many moons ago in the faraway land of Chicago. My beautiful wife, Martha agreed to travel with me with our three very small children and do nothing, but wait for me. I had the schedule for the RezenHed convention that Jess was to appear at. We were late. I figured I would see Jess for a few minutes and that was it.
I was wrong.
I forgot the time change and actually arrived before the panel was to begin.
Then I spotted him smoking with Lina Romay.
I froze like a geek in headlights and made my way to the room where the panel was going on.
I managed to ask a few mindless questions and he answered all of them.
Then I realized he was going to be in the convention hall and had a table. I got him to autograph a picture and Lina did the same for me. They both talked to me for a while and I gushed like a fanboy about A Virgin Among The Living Dead. He answered all of m y questions and seemed genuinely happy that someone liked a movie of his so very much. I bought a VHS of Franco trailers they were selling that I still have and he autographed.
It was because of that meeting that I arranged an interview with him and it was done in a weird way. Remember it was the late 90's.
I typed out a list of questions with huge spaces between each one. I mailed the questions to him, he wrote his answers and mailed it back. (And, yes, I still have the list).
I remember every minute of that time like it was yesterday. We all got our pictures together and none of us smiled. I know I was nervous, but it was funny that we all have such stone faces. I have to look for the picture. I know it's around the Waltz Compound somewhere and I will post it here.
I am so very grateful that I got to meet him. I could have listened to him talk for days.
But, I had the world's best wife in the entire world with a fan full of infants in downtown Chicago.
I had to go with my bag of signed photos and video tapes and know that I had finally met one of my favorite directors in the world.
Goodbye again Unca Jess.
I'm off to watch A Virgin Among The Living Dead...again.

Goodbye Jess

2013-04-02T05:13:00.002-07:00

A little over a year ago I had to say goodbye to the one and only Lina Romay. Now, her beloved joins her in the hereafter. I have a bigger thing in my heart that I want to get on internet paper and that will take more time than I have right now. Next week probably when I have lost this huge lump in my throat that threatens to turn into sobs. everyone knows that my favorite Franco movie is A Virgin Among The Living Dead. I think I'll watch it tonight.
I won't miss him because he left me so many movies that I adore and he is in so many of them. I can see him as much as I want to. I will miss the fact that he is no longer in the same world as me. I realize that I am a selfish bastard when it comes to things like that, but I don't care.
All I know is that he's gone and it makes the world that much of a dimmer place.

The web site TWITCH had this to say;

Jesús "Jess" Franco - director of nearly 200 films, father of the 1960s Spanish horror boom and father of several generations of filmmakers - has died in Malaga of heart complications, at the age of 82.

I don't think you could find a post-1970 horror filmmaker who doesn't know Franco's work or hasn't been influenced by him. From The Awful Dr. Orloff and Vampyros Lesbos to The Mansion of the Living Dead, his work was outrageous, bloody, sexy, gory, creepy, and crossed just about every line imaginable - some that even today's horror filmmakers wouldn't dare put a toe over.

Making films in Spain in the 1960s wasn't easy. Censorship rules imposed by the fascist government meant that horror films were rare. But some changes to policy (made in part to help Spain's economy through foreign investment and international co-productions) allowed Franco to make his first horror picture, Gritos en la Noche, in 1961. This not only introduced the world to that sinister madman Dr. Orloff, who would kidnap and cut up women to his and the audience's terror and delight, but also unveiled Franco's particular brand of narrative, reconstructed from classic horror and gothic tales, combining terror and eroticism. His gaze has been called one of the sadistic male, but it is entirely self-aware and self-reflexive.

In his films, both men and women (such as in Miss Muerte/The Diabolical Dr. Z) are equally capable of the most vicious crimes and daring sex. While other horror filmmakers at the time kept sex in the background, with Franco it was front and centre - what Angel Sala (director of the Sitges Film Festival) calls a "bizarre and disturbing eroticism". Franco himself would deny that he was being original; he saw his own work as merely one part of a great era. However, his work was considered highly dangerous by the Spanish Catholic Church, which likely only increased his popularity.

But between himself and fellow Spaniard Paul Naschy, they created the Spanish horror boom of the late 1960s and early 1970s, though Franco was always modest about his work. Many great actors would work with him over the years, including Christopher Lee (with whom he worked on Count Dracula, which Lee has always said was his favourite of his Dracula films), Klaus Kinski and Jack Taylor. Once censorship ended in the late 1970s, Franco was free to get even more bizarre and bloody, and continued to make his particular brand of so-called 'B' horror and exploitation films, and even some soft-core porn, often under an alias, well into last year. He was also an accomplished musician, and wrote music for a number of his films. Really, his work is so prolific that it is impossible to sum up. Luckily, much of it is available on DVD, and several books have been published on him and his influence.

His wife and long-time collaborator Lina Romay passed away last year. I'd like to think that now they are making even more incredibly outrageous films on another plane of the universe.

I appreciate them for such kind words. The major news sites had nothing to say.

Typical.

Jess wasn't for them anyway.

He was for us.

Goodbye Unca Jess.

I will miss you.

SOMETHING WEIRD: TEEN TURMOIL TRIPLE FEATURE

2013-04-01T14:02:00.001-07:00

These Something Weird Triple Features are such a blast. You have no idea what you are in for. That being said, let's dive right in!

GIRL IN TROUBLE (1963)

Small town girl, Judy Collins knows that she doesn't want to go straight from home to life cooking and cleaning for her beau, Johnny. She wants a taste of the big city so, without a word, she packs a suitcase and heads on out to New Orleans.
Unfortunately, Judy is not very good at this and twists her ankle. along comes a night in shining armor in the form of a sleazebag with a car. He offers to give Judy a lift to the big city and the minute she nods off he puts the violent moves on her.
She bashes his head in with a rock and takes off in his car. Now she's in the city and has the specter of murder looming over her pretty head. Her job slinging hash gets her no where fast and the job at the lingerie store quickly reveals itself to be a front for a prostitute house. After she gets raped, of course.
Then she finds her calling at a dance hall, but Johnny is searching for her.
GIRL IN TROUBLE starts with our title girl being hauled off to the hospital from an overdose. It is there the voice over starts and we get the story of Judy Collins. It was a nice twist for the big city NOT being New York for a change.
It's a snapshot of a New Orleans that doesn't exist anymore. These films play more as exploitative time capsules than anything else. With a low budget you use reality as your set dressing and this is no exception. I was amazed to discover that Tammy Clarke, who plays Judy never did anything else. She is so pretty in this movie. Some of her hair style choices leave a lot to be desired, but figure and face wise, she is extremely attractive.
Director Brandon Chase is probably more well known for his producing skills, giving us the epic Sword and the Sorcerer (1982). But this is an adequate little pot boiler. A little stingy with the nudity, but it still does what it is supposed to do. Scare the crap out of young girls who try to leave their man back at the farm. Although this one might have the most upbeat ending of this particular sub genre.

A GOOD TIME WITH A BAD GIRL (1967)

John Cabot's (Vincent Van Lynne) plane is having a time of getting back to The Big Apple. His private jet sets down in Las Vegas where, at the same time, young Susan (Susan Evans) has finally broken the chain of foster home to foster home and has a little money in her pocket and ready to make her way as a big girl in Sin City. John is happy with Vegas. Even his room has it's own swimming pool. He calls his wife to get her to come out to the desert, but she complains that she has her gardening club to attend to.
It isn't long before John and Susan meet over her winning at slots and the electricity flies through the air. She thinks he is really 'groovy' and soon they fall into bed together. When she tells him that her eighteenth birthday is next week he offers to get her a present. Apparently seventeen is legal in Vegas. Soon they hit the night life and have different ideas of what is a good time. He wants a nice restaurant, she wants a hot dog. He wants to catch a show, she wants to catch a STD at an orgy. He leaves her to her own devices and when they realize this will never work, he heads back to The Big Apple to run his financial empire while she trolls the main drag of Vegas for older men...for now.
Susan has that page boy hair cut and button nose that, coupled with a nice figure makes for pretty cute stuff. It's a Barry Mahon flick so you get a lot of naked women dancing for no other reason than, well their naked. He even uses a jiggling butt to signal that the picture has come to an end. That would work for a nudie cutie from this time period, but this picture ends on a much heavier note. John basically leaves Susan with a few bucks and the hotel room and is on his merry way. When we see Susan last she is climbing into a fancy car with an older gentleman.
This movie has some classic Vegas done on the cheap. A skyline that hasn't existed for decades unfolds before our eyes and it is fascinating to watch. Like a lot of Mahon movies there are scenes that go on forever. The one of a couple using one of those electric vibrators that ends in something resembling a suction cup goes on for what seems eternity. There are close up scenes where we know we are looking at patches of skin from a smooth woman's body and an overly hairy man's body. What parts? Beats me! It was too close.
Better than GIRL IN TROUBLE in it's believable story, but looks terrible in comparison.

BAD GIRLS DO CRY (1963)

Chronologically smack dab in the middle and looking like it came from the forties is our final feature of the threesome. The other two had some over dubbing occur in the mix, but nothing like this baby. Sally Downs (Misty Ayers) is fresh in town. What town? Not sure. Anytown USA according to the voice over. It seems Sally was supposed to meet a friend and see if city life was made for her. He friend bailed so, Sally was on her own.
She quickly found a job at a diner and then got a gig doing modeling. Did I say modeling? I meant lured out to suburbia to a house that was a front for a whorehouse where she got beat and drugged and forced to service clients.
Then she met a young man and it was love at first sight. He vowed to get her out no matter what the cost.
The dubbing in this would give Doris Wishman a headache. When there are two people talking we get a shot of the person not talking while the other person is a voiceover. And back and forth it goes with no one's mouth moving. To call it surreal would be an understatement.
The lead girl, Misty Ayers is very pretty, but after whatching her dress and undress, preening for the camera we get bored pretty quick. Also, no nudity. I hear you screaming out there, but it's true. Not a frame of any female pulchritude to be seen anywhere. I question the release date of the movie. It comes across as if they all knew they were making a silent film. There is over exaggerated movements, wild hysterics in front of the camera and that infernal dubbing I mentioned.
For you trivia freaks out there I want you to know that the director is none other than Sid Melton. For those of you asking, 'who?' I direct you to the classic TV comedy Green Acres. Remember the Monroe Brothers? He was the actual brother as we all know that his other brother, Ralph was actually a girl. Melton made two flicks 35 years apart. His other effort ...And Call Me In The Morning with Frank Sinatra Jr. I have yet to see.
This one was a surreal doozy and the entire disc would make for one great party DVD.
For extras there are audio ads for exploitation films while we are regaled with a gallery of old, sordid movie magazines.
There are trailers for Bad Girls Don't Cry (A completely different movie than Bad Girls Do Cry), Bad Girls Go To Hell, Prowl Girls and The Diary of Knockers McCalla (Yeah, you know I'm watching this one)
Finally we wrap up with a short that shows us what Bad Girl star Misty Ayers does in her non movie making time. A wonderful, erotic striptease that shows off more than she shows in the movie.
This was a stuffed to the gills bad girl extravaganza and worth every cent.

ORDER IT HERE!

HORROR OF THE NAZI GORILLA (2013)

2013-03-25T04:31:00.003-07:00

Part of the anthology, Weird Crime Stories, which can be purchased HERE. Tells the tale of crime fighters Rock Savage and Dr. Anubis as they discover a group of Fourth Reich Nazis developing a bizarre breed of Rape Gorilla!
This is a pulpy throwback to films that are a lot of fun. Currently you can watch it HERE at Count Gore DeVol's website, but it will be gone soon. Why not order the DVD and you get three more shorts to go with it. How can you go wrong?
Answer: You can't.

Check out some mad beats from the Count his own self!

SWV's ONE SHOCKING MOMENT TRIPLE BILL.

2013-03-20T15:04:00.002-07:00

Over the years I have professed my love for all things Something Weird Video. They put things out that you will never see anywhere else. My one time trying to contact them they were assholes, but I have put that behind me and continue to enjoy their product.
This time it's a triple bill of kink with some extra kink as well.
Sit back and relax. This could take a minute.

First up is the title flick, ONE SHOCKING MOMENT. I was especially curious as Gary Kent, a friend of Pete Chiarella's was in it. Directed by the one and only Ted. V. Mikels, this is the sordid tale of Cliff (Gary Kent) and Mindy (Lee Anna) who have moved to a new city for a new job for Cliff. Going to the West coast from Grand Rapids, Michigan is a big shock. Especially for Cliff who can't get enough of all the barely dressed denizens of the City of Angels.
Pretty soon it's drinking parties and Mindy comes to love the liquor. Especially when bi sexual dominatrix, Tanya (Verne' Martine) is serving up big helpings of Grog.
This was a fun little pot boiler with the typical amounts of drama and luxurious nudity that I have come to expect of these exploitation flicks of this time period. Shot in 1965 black and white there are some scenes where a car travels down a busy, dark city street and all you can see are the lights. It is a gorgeous portrayal of a city that doesn't exist anymore.

Here's a taste;

Next up is THE ABNORMAL FEMALE which disguises itself in a thin cloak of respectability as a doctor tells of women who come to see him and tell him of their kinky troubles. Group Sex, lesbianism and S&M are paraded soft core style across the screen for us as the doctor narrates the perversions of the female animal. It is obvious that this is one of those films where they added the narration later and didn't tell the actors no one would hear them speak. The women are all very nice and have that all natural look that ran wild in the year 1969.
There is a scene in a bar where two sisters are picking up men. The bar has that old school, wood paneled look to it and the dance floor has this huge window that looks out into reality. For a brief moment you see what 1969 looks like more than any documentary can manage. You have these people just trying to make a few bucks with a titty movie and the people who pass by have no idea whatsoever. That's one of the things I love about these movies. That whole time capsule look to it.

I love this song;

Before we get to the last feature there are trailers for films like THE BIZARRE ONES and SCARE THEIR PANTS OFF. If that wasn't enough, we get a little loop called PUNISHMENT PARTY. Yeah, it's girls in next to nothing doing some fake whipping and spanking. It is funny with the music they chose, but runs a little long and gets dull after a while.

Finally we end up with MAIDENS OF FETISH STREET. From 1966 and also known as THE GIRLS ON F STREET, this might be the oddest of the group. Some of the more interesting things are the arty shots couple with some of the most bizarre narration I have ever heard. We get the story of Nick who goes to a house of fetish where he whips and is whipped and helps girls with their bath and gets molasses and ants poured over him. Yeah, it's that kind of movie.
Of the three of them this one is the most interesting. With the odd narration, quirky camera work and Ken McCormick as Nick in his only film role, MAIDENS OF FETISH STREET get the prize in this packed DVD.

LIONMAN (1975)

2013-03-18T03:09:00.000-07:00

Or, it's original title ASLAN ADAM, LIONMAN tells the tale of a King who's kingdom is overthrown just as his wife has gone into labor. He manages to stop the hordes from following her long enough to give birth in the woods, but it is too much for her and she dies. Her child is raised by lions and he becomes the Lionman of legend.
Soon, his path crosses with the evil king's son and they develop a bond regardless of what has happened.
Then the truth is revealed and along with a band of rebels they attack the evil king, bent on destroying him and wrestling control of the kingdom that he stole so many years ago/
I was rereading the awesome Pete Tombs book, Mondo Macabro and thought this looked like something right down my alley. You know, a dark, seedy, foreign kind of alley.
I couldn't have been more right.
The lead Lionman spends more than half of the movie saying nothing and kicking ass. He didn't know how to talk until the pretty rebel girl teaches him. His claw like hands shreds the faces of all who oppose him.
I have to say that there is so much action in this movie. Lionman spends most of it springing through the air and you only really see the trampoline once.
It doesn't ruin the fact that this movie just goes and goes and goes. The final battle scene I swear he slaughters hundreds of guys. Or the same eight guys a lot. The blood flows, Lionman leaps through the air and vengeance is achieved.
If this is any indication of my journey through the madness of Mondo Macabro and it's pages then I am in for one heck of a ride.

DESTROYING MY YOUTH

2013-03-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

The other day I was on my way to work. I take the bus because gas is way too expensive and would eat into my comic book and movie money. Anyway, there was, for the longest time, a Burger King in downtown Kalamazoo.
Yeah, it's leveled.

This is the Burger King where someone spotted Elvis many years after his death. Kind of a big deal, but the guy who owned the franchise died and no one wanted to take it over. They have another one over off I-94 and it is creepy looking with all the furnishings still inside and the big piece of sheet metal that was under the Burger King sign shakes and makes the worst noises on a windy day.
Yeah it's by the bus stop where I get to work.
But, that wasn't too bad.
Martha and I were driving down Gull Road from Meijer when I spotted the huge pile of rubble that had been the East Towne Mall.
That one hurt.

I spent a lot of time at that mall. They had a 5 plex theater where I watched a majority of my movies. The mall had an arcade. They had a Tom Sawyer's Book Raft where I bought my first Doctor Who novelizations. There was a restaurant called The Final Curtain where they made the best French Dip sandwich and I even worked there for a while when I was younger.
This was my mall.
It has one of my favorite Dad stories. My dad would come and get us four kids and take us out on weekend
adventures afetr he and my mom got a divorce. We saw a lot of movies.
A lot of movies.
Anyway, we were walking down the mall and I had spotted something I wanted at the book store or some such thing. I ran up behind my dad and asked him for a dollar.
He said, 'A Dollar!' and clutched his chest and fell to the ground.
Priceless!
My family seems to find faking a cardiac arrest one of the funniest things in the world.
Now they have torn that down.
This sucks.

CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS (2013)

2013-03-11T16:57:00.001-07:00

For those of you hiding under a rock, this is the sequel to the magnificent horror comedy Caesar and Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre (2009) Probably one of the funniest films I have ever seen. Now, after their skewering of the Summer Camp Slasher sub genre, Caesar (Dave Campfield) and Otto (Paul Chomicki) are doing the same to the Santa slasher sub genre.

Did you know there was such a thing?

Oh, yeah and most of them are pretty funny. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) is probably the most infamous of the bunch and this film has no problem making fun of all of them.

The film starts with a typical Caesar and Otto moment; trying to find an acting gig. Caesar is offered one, but his fear of Santa due to childhood trauma prevents it. Otto has been dreaming of his high school sweetheart and is on a quest to find her and make her his again.

They get work with a group that is trying to spread the good word and Caesar notices they have a lot of film equipment lying around. He convinces them they should make a Santa slasher flick to make more money and then it is on.

Add in an actual killer in a Santa suit and it gets weird from there.

Caesar and Otto’s Deadly Christmas is so filled with references it will take multiple viewings just to get them all. Luckily the movie is hilarious so that isn’t a bad thing.

Throw in cameos by Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley, Robert Z’Dar, Joe Estevez and Lloyd Kaufman and you get what will surely be a classic for the Christmas season every year.

SON OF DRACULA (2009)

2013-02-26T05:29:00.002-08:00

Because of Tim Paxton I became more curious about the Bollywood movie experience. Sure, I had seen a couple of them through the years, but now it seems to be turning into more of an obsession. Along with Mexican Monster movies, but that's for Weng's Chop, not here.
So, Son of Dracula. Seems there is this asshole landlord and Dracula sends his women after him to get him to have sex with them. One succeeds and gives birth to a little vampire that will destroy the landlord's family.
I managed to find a copy that has the last half with subtitles. Thank God because I would have had no idea what was going on. The Dracula in this is a huge monster with spooky lighting and can shoot rays out of his eyes. His son does the same thing and it makes policemen's clothes disappear. (Yeah, not sure either.) The little guy is funny because half the time he is an obvious dummy and the other half a little kid.
The movie is insane and moves at a breakneck speed with plenty of dance numbers. I felt bad for one of the brides of Dracula who had to dance under a tiny waterfall for the entire number. She must have gotten soaked with the length of the number and assuming they got it in one take.
This reminded me of being a youngster and watching all those Saturday afternoon monster movies. Such a good time. I found a copy of Dracula and will have to see how it compares. This one throws everything at the screen and doesn't care if it sticks or not.

Here's the first part of the flick. You can watch it all on YouTube.

JUNGLE LOVE (1990)

2013-02-21T16:59:00.001-08:00

Normally, I don't like watching movies where I don't speak the language and there are no subtitles. Lately, I have been watching a lot of Mexican horror movies for an article for Weng's Chop and a lot of them do not have subtitles. It seems to be working for me. You kind of shut a little part of your brain down and appreciate what is happening in front of you. It requires more concentration coupled with some interpretaion, but I do like it. My friend, Tim Paxton, is hooked on the Bollywood flicks. I have seen a couple thanks to Mondo Macabro and thought they were fun.
I tried to watch a drama on Hulu and after an hour was just bored to death.
Then I watched Jungle Love.
So much fun!
It is a direct rip on the Tarzan myth. Kind of. Apparently, the child was born in an Amazonian society and they put him in a raft and sent him down the river. Luckily a midget in a chimpanzee and a lactating lioness found him and raised him to be one with the jungle.
Along come some mercenaries after Amazonian gold and Tarzan falls bad for Jane. In this case it is Raja and Rita. Still, they do like one another.
I love when they break into song throughout the film. It gives the entire proceedings a surreal quality you don't find here in America, or a lot of other places.
I figured out what was going on with the film and thought it was entertaining.
I think I likes me this Bollywood.

Oh, and here is the whole thing for free on YouTube. CLICK ON THIS

THE HUMAN VAPOR (1960)

2013-02-19T03:43:00.000-08:00

I haven't watched this in forever and when a subtitled, really gorgeous print made itself available to me I thought it would be fun to revisit.
Man, I couldn't have been more wrong.
Don't get me wrong the movie is great, but it's just so damned sad.
The lead fella is turned into the title character so he can survive the travels of space. He is able to become vapor at will. when he kills his creator he becomes obsessed with a dancer. He robs banks so that she can dance again. And I mean pretty, Japanese dancing not that go go, stripper kind of dancing.
When she realizes what he has done she decides to help the police destroy the Human Vapor. They pump the theater full of gas that, when ignited, will destroy him.
See, I thought they could use something like a high powered vacuum or freeze the vapor or something like that, but no alternative idea is even brought up in the movie.
I felt so sorry for the dancer. All she wanted was to do this ancient, beautiful dance, but she was funded by a madman who had fixated on her. Why? Yeah, we never get a real reason for that.
The movie itself is really good, but not your typical sci fi romp of the sixties.
If you're looking for something to fill that 60's Creature Feature vibe you might want to look somewhere else. I really like the movie, just not in that way.

AND NOW FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT!!

It has been 25 years since I started Divine Exploitation in zine form. With that many years of reviews, interviews and mindless ramblings I felt it was time to start a book. So, this year be on the lookout for ...
DIVINE EXPLOITATION...THE BOOK!!

Should be fun.

SUPERNATURAL ACTIVITY (2012)

2013-02-18T03:18:00.000-08:00

I have flown by this title so many times on Netflix that I have lost count. It looked a Paranormal Entity rip off and I don't like those movies. Let's be honest here. If I don't like something it sure as Hell ain't gonna show up here. Right?
Then I saw the word that told me to let it play before my eyeballs.
Spoof.
I do loves me a good spoof and when my daughters said we should try it out. I agreed. Especially after we had given V/H/S a try for about five minutes and turned it off. That thing stunk so bad I had to Febreze the television.
So, Supernatural Activity is a spoof of all those Ghost Hunter style shows with a leading man who comes across as a low rent Ben Stiller trying to channel a micro budget Criss Angel. He was pretty good at this. His show deals with debunking ghosts. Demons. He believes in demons, no problem.
Unbeknownst to the rest of the team he also plans on going out with style by having the team visit a Indian Burial ground. His girlfriend, Blair wants to hunt down the legendary Smallsquatch that tickles its victims to death. He decides to show her there is no such thing.
He couldn't be more wrong.
Supernatural Activity has a lot of stupid, lowest common denominator laugh out loud moments. Funny stuff where you just turn off your brain and have at it. The movie skewers the ghost hunter type shows and makes sure to get in some shots at The Blair Witch Project and The Last Exorcism.
I think that's where it loses it's steam and starts to fail.
Too much time spent on The Last Exorcism. Blair Witch has had enough time to be funnier in this as is the television show stuff.
Also, it has the problem of many a spoof where it starts to slow down in the middle. That can spell death to a spoof. And, the end. Um, the end wasn't funny. It was like they got so involved in where they were going with this that they took it to it's only real conclusion that would work, but still not funny. Disturbing, yes. But funny, no.
They tried to fix that with funny, blooper stuff with the end credits, but it didn't help that much.
In the end, Supernatural Activity is passable, funny at moments, but falls flat at the end. All the actors were quite funny and the girl who plays Blair is wicked cute. The lead, Andrew Pozza as Damon Dealer is very good at what he is doing and does remind me of Ben Stiller (That's a good thing, by the way) and seems to be just starting out with this as his first film.
So, do you watch it? Sure. Like I said, some laughs and poking fun at stuff I find moronic. The perfect combination. And Liddy Bisanz as Blair? Like I said, wicked cute.

direction

2013-02-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

Things change all the time. Sometimes, this is good. Sometimes, it is bad. I have had recent events in my life that while some may consider them bad I have gone the other direction with it. I remember many moons ago when I went to a Fangoria convention in Dearborn Michigan. Kane Hodder was there. Linnea Quigley was there. Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell were there and Sam's brand new movie was Darkman.
I saw Dolph Lundgren's I Come In Peace.
It was a magical time when people didn't charge for autographs and all was right with the world.
Then the magic happened.
Someone gave me this little, photcopied zine called City Morgue. Created by Arpad Jasko it was the coolest thing I had ever seen.
I knew what I had to do.
It was 1988 and Divine Exploitation was born!
A print zine at first, when the Internet started becoming popular I had no problem converting to that. It was waaaay cheaper. every so often I felt the urge to print one up and would do so.
It was always fun and continues to be fun.
Now it needs to be like it was. An obsession. A thing I couldn't imagine a day going by without. It is, and always will be, what I like to do. Movies, TV, Games, Print, Art. Whatever I freakin' feel like saying. You can like it...or not. Don;t really care and won't pander. I did some pandering once and didn't like the fit.
So, that's it in a nutshell.
I'll see you all tomorrow morning.
Get ready.
This should be a blast!

SICK DAY

2013-01-30T10:07:00.001-08:00

Nope, not the name of a movie. Just something that happened to me. I had yesterday off and then felt horrible all night long. I ended up taking a sick day today. In the process I have watched some movies. Here they are.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND XXX

This is the classic with Kristine DeBell of Meatballs fame. She is so damned cute in this and while there is hardcore in it, it's more of a silly romp than anything else. I was really interested in the documentary with Bill Margold, the guy who played the White Rabbit and some porn star I had never heard of. It was fun to see how people must have regarded 20th Century Fox releasing pornography, although they only released the softcore version.

ONE DARK NIGHT

I can remember when Fangoria covered this flick and I went to the theater to see it. That may well be the last time I saw the movie so, I decided to revisit it. It has Elizabeth Daily who most people would remember at Dottie from Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Meg Tilly and Adam West. I probably went to see it because of Meg Tilly who I had a thing for back in the 80's. I saw some God Awful movies because of her.
Anyway, there is this dude named Ramar who can drain the bio electric energy from people when they are frightened. He overdid and now he's dead.
Well, sort of.
Most of the flick takes place in a mausoleum and any flick with tracking shots of a mausoleum is going to be compared to Phantasm. The flick has a slow burn until it's conclusion and even that kind of moves at a snail's pace.
Tom Burman's dead people effects are suitably gross and work well.
I remember when I went to this my brother David came with us and at the end the black girl, who always had a yellow toothbrush in her mouth is shown covered in dead people with her hand outstretched towards her yellow toothbrush. David said, "oooo, symbolism!" which made everyone in the theater laugh and then scream because there is one last scare right after that. It was perfect.
I am amazed at how much of this I remember from 30 years ago. I am so damned old sometimes it hurts.

HIGH LANE

Newer flick that takes place in Croatia. Has lots of people climbing mountains and getting slaughtered by a wild Croatian dude who screams a lot. I'm afraid of heights so it plays well into that fear, but the rest of the flick was pretty by the numbers. There are a couple of weird moments and the ending was stupid. The redheaded girl is really cute, but they kill her so, bleh!

See what I mean? Kinda hot and really nice legs although this picture doesn't really show them off.

WHY I LOVE TELL 'EM STEVE DAVE

2013-01-29T03:47:00.001-08:00

A little introduction for the uninitiated. Many, many moons ago Kevin Smith started a podcast called Smodcast. It has since evolved into a mass of aural pleasure that clogs the internet. When I say clog I do not mean in a bad way. There are things I love about the Smodcast Network and things I could care less about.
I am a huge fan of Clerks. Not a huge Kevin Smith fan because those people are a little off. There are things he does that I really like and things I could, once again, really care less about.
Two of Smith's life long friends are Bryan Johnson and Walt Flanagan. They decided to do a podcast and use Flanagan's tag line of 'Tell 'Em Steve Dave' that litters Smith's cinematic work.
I started listening from the beginning and have never been sorry. It's a slice of reality the likes of which no one has heard before. These are the people that are famous because of someone else's body of work. But, they are normal folk like you and me.
You hear Walt Flanagan explain the theory of Rods and it is fascinating. Bryan Johnson has his then girlfriend Suzanne on the show and you realize just what a great man he is. Brian Quinn, who tries to come across as a tough womanizer, shows us his true side when he rescues a cat during the hurricane.
Ordinary men with just a hint of awesome.
Some of their episodes are epic like Making Hay when they go to a flea market and discover the core of humanity in an unassuming place.
Tell 'Em Steve Dave arrived at a weird part of my life. I had been working for a print shop for a while. Then another print shop. I liked working at print shops. It was a lot of fun even though it was work.
Then I got laid off.
Forty-Eight and out of work...again. The good thing was that I received full unemployment benefits so I decided to do something that no one in my family had done; I was going to get a college degree. I researched and found that a business degree was the best route. Sure, I was the oldest guy in some of my classes and I had shirts older than some of these kids, but I was determined to get my degree.
Now, I drive about as often as Walt Flanagan flies so I rode my bike and public transportation to get to and from class. I actually like riding my bike. I even ride it in the snow. America is one of the few places that people think it is weird to ride bicycles and motorcycles in the winter. I love it.
Since I was spending so much time peddling my butt everywhere I became enamored with podcasts. I listen to a lot of them, but I never missed Tell Em Steve Dave. It was the best of the bunch.
I had no idea how important it was to me until I was almost done with school and the unemployment ran out. I had to go on a program to look for work through the state.
That was when I went to work for one of those warehouse clubs. You know the kind where you can buy thirty gallons of mayonnaise. Yeah, I worked third shift in the freezer. The people were, for the most part, assholes. A couple of nice folk, but that was it.
It was then that I discovered that with my youth my ability to work third shift had also faded. I was always tired and I still had classes to go to to finish my degree. People didn't seem to think the degree was all that important, but I knew that I wasn't going to quit. I was going to finish no matter what.
I had been at work for about a week and got done with my shift, tired and beat down. I rode my bike to the Crossroads Mall to wait for the bus.
I just sat there and ached. My arms hurt, my head hurt and I was physically exhausted. I wanted to go home and crawl in a hole. I was done with it. The stupid job, the stupid degree all of it. Just done with all of it.
I sat on the metal bench inside the enclosure that they put up at some of the bus stops and found my mp3 player and turned on the newest episode of Tell Em Steve Dave.
I think it was the episode where they were talking about serial killers, but it wasn't important. What was important was these three gentlemen had been with me through school. I listened to them to and from school. On bike rides throughout that time period where I was set on getting my degree. Sure, I had never met them, but they always talked like a group of guys who were more than happy to just shoot the shit with you.
They were my friends and like a lot of friends they like to cheer you up.
(Don't worry, I know they are not really my friends. I'm not that delusional.)
While I sat there on that chilly morning I relaxed. My anxiety seemed to just leave and a smile crossed my face.
In the end I finished school and got my degree. I quit that stupid ass job and got an introductory position at a huge banking firm and know that I will be there until I retire.
That one day sucked on so many levels and Walt, Bryan and Q were there for me. They pulled me through it and showed me it was bullshit and it would pass.
And that is why I love Tell 'Em Steve Dave.
Go listen to them HERE.
They have 138 episodes and I recommend you start with the first one.
You will not be sorry.

THEN AGAIN 2012

2012-12-10T16:37:00.000-08:00

Director: Ayan Pratap

Screenwriter: Jim Suthers

Cast: Aleece Jones, John Michael Herndon, Christopher Ivins

Cinematography: Will Turner

The basic plot is a small town girl who wants to be an artist. She knows that if she can escape the small town life she will make it. She knows this. Her only source of inspiration is an unfinished mural that may be gone if the abandoned factory it adorns is destroyed.

Now, she has to ask herself; What is important?

The Again deals with a lot of themes that are revisited time and again in film. This can lead to cliches and tired old film making at its worst. But they don't have actress Aleece Jones. She breathes such life in to this part that you wish there was more movie.

You see, I get it. Small town artist. Fighting for things you know are right and it doesn't matter. I get what this is about having been there so many times myself in real life.

Then Again struck a chord with me that I know it will strike with others like me. Hell, maybe even people who aren't like me at all.

I like this movie...a lot.

Shame on you GQ Magazine!

2012-11-24T10:27:00.000-08:00

In the new issue of GQ Magazine there is an article called The Least Influential People of 2012 written by Drew Magary.
Drew Magary, for wont of a better word, is an idiot.
Here is why.
In the list he has, at number sixteen, Whoever Directed John Carter. Why not just give his name? Andrew Stanton. Pretty easy to look up. IMDB for all it's faults does tend to get big budget movie information correct on a semi regular basis. But, that isn't the problem.
I now quote the article;
"Next time you waste 250 million shooting and reshooting a terrible movie based on obscure source material, ask around first."
OBSCURE SOURCE MATERIAL?!?!?!?!?!
Edgar Rice Burroughs seminal science fiction novel that influenced writers, film makers, scientists for decades and some hack in a men's magazine refers to it as obscure source material???
Um, what?
This is unacceptable. I will be posting the link from this article to Facebook, Twitter and whatever else I can find to shout it from the rooftops. We as true fans of actual literature need an apology for this.
No excuses.

REVIEWS OF MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN 11/19/2012

2012-11-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

LIFE OF PI

Indian dude with a tiger on a boat. I think this movie is going to look better that the story line will come across. I'll still probably watch it. My daughter likes tigers.

RED DAWN

Urgh! I hate remakes! But it has the kid from Drake and Josh (Josh, not Drake) and Thor is in it and The Comedian. I really do not like remakes but I might have to make an exception.

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS

This looked like animated fun to me. Theater worthy? Nope, but I'll see it eventually.

HITCHCOCK

Anthony Hopkins as Alfred Hitchcock. This has the possibility of being either really great or stupid as paint. (NOTE: While looking for the poster I discovered that Scarlett Johannsen is in it. Yeah, I'll watch the damned thing now.)

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BLAH! BLAH! PART WHATEVER

Yeah, gonna have to tear myself away from this puppy.

LINCOLN

When is Spielberg going to make good movies again?

SKYFALL

I heard this was good. I have yet to see Daniel Craig in this role. This might be the one.

WRECK IT RALPH

Seems like silly fun and videogames. It will probably do better than SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD

FLIGHT

When will Robert Zemeckis make good movies again?

ARGO

Not theater worthy, but it looks good and I will watch it. Probably when it hits Netflix.

There ya go folks, another batch of flicks hitting the holiday theaters. Enjoy at your risk!