Heartfelt greetings from La Cruz, Mexico, about an hour north of Puerto Vallerta, sitting on the beautiful Bay, at Villa Ananda, where I feel myself, again.  If you have followed me along, you might remember we last left off when I returned from a month in India, coming home I felt overwhelmed by the western ways. Not like just a month can make you forget, but it did. And I came home and tried to hold on to that beautiful feeling of being held in the mother’s arms, but the feeling left me and I left myself and I could feel myself detaching from all that was important to me. I went off into some kind of weird place/space in my head, not a good place to be, not for me. Coming home returned me to so many things and ways that now felt so foreign and I just was lost.

I found a part of me in India that I never knew, and I came home, and with several life “shattering” or rather heart shattering experiences, well, I got lost again. But the good news, as Donna would say, is that I did KNOW that I could get to a good place in and with me again, but it took some work.

I found myself returning to Summer Solstice in NM and this time with my daughter. I committed to stay steady, not take on her or anyone else’s “stuff” and yet I found such grace, such love, such unbelievable support from my dear friends, who wrapped us in a “nest of love” and healed so many wounds.

I felt so incredibly grateful for that, for them, for the space, and for what gathering together can do for us, nothing heals like LOVE.

Still, there was a slight disconnect inside of me, my body and mind were just off on their own and my little soul was not with my big Soul! I found chocolate, complaining and negativity to be my new companions. What? Who was this gal?  This is not me!

I meditated, I prayed and I wrote, ’cause that is what helps me. But, I was just too much in my head.

I needed to FEEL!!!!! in my body, on my heart, in my soul.

So, by the grace of the divine and an email about three years ago from Villa Ananda, I remembered this place and decided to head here, and brought my daughter yet again, lucky duck!  I could go into every sacred ayurvedic treatment, the exquisite and fresh food, the morning yoga and meditations by the ocean, but what I want to share is this…the touch.

I realized with each hand on my body, with each loving stroke, each exhale, each drop or vat of oil that was lovingly poured over me, that I began to feel again.  The gift of TOUCH, that right kind of loving touch that comes from an open heart, and flows right into mine, that was what I needed.  I got out of my head, and into my heart, spirit and body again.

Touch, one of our five senses, and maybe one of the most overlooked, was being overlooked by me! So, today, TOUCH someone, hug them (really hug them, not one of those air hugs!:) touch their arm, hold their hand, stroke their hair, their cheek, their back, but reach out, and touch someone. (okay, we still have to remember not to freak some out!) But just do it! I know I will be doing more of it!

Thanks for reading, write back, and if you can go get some touch therapy of any type that works for you, I highly encourage you too. It is a little difficult to feel God, if we cannot even feel ourselves, so feel your heart, because when I feel my heart, I am with God!

With huge hugs to you all,

love,

Denise Kirpal Kaur

Some juice now for you from what all of this experience has squeezed out of me, after being home for three weeks!  Embarking to India, I thought I was open, “ready” for anything that the journey could deliver. After 10 years of solid yoga practice and 8 years of Kundalini yoga, I thought I was ready.

Guess what, it did not matter, I don’t think I could ever be “ready”. It is more like, “ready or not, here it comes”.  From my first night in Delhi, feeling a little spooked, trolling our way through what appeared to be a pretty “sketchy” area to my hotel at 2 am to three weeks later, traveling that exact  route in the daytime, to the same hotel,felt like another world. I felt no fear and a complete acceptance of “oh, this is India”. The insane traffic and total lack of lane control or signal recognition, and the cows, horses, carts, people, rickshaws, bicycles just seemed so “normal” to me then.  Now, with a kind driver, I immediately remembered how I had felt that first night, and had to crack up at myself, wow, how I had already “grown”.

I went on this journey seeking a deeply spiritual experience.  I wanted to immerse myself in the culture and people that had brought all the teachings to me from my last decade. That was my “plan”. First lesson of India, make no plans, just do your best to stay open, only God knows what is really going to unfold in/for you.  I did not know this yet. How could I forget, to just “be present!”

That first leg of the journey delivered me to Amritsar, deep in the Punjab (northwestern) region of the country, where over time, the Sikh’s were relocated. Understanding the history became important to me. I learned that the eldest son of each Hindu family became a Sikh, and would grow a beard and long hair, live in the jungles and practice deep meditation to prepare as a warrior. That is how those customs developed. It was this son’s responsibility to protect his family.  I could feel a strong level of intensity in these people and in that town.

Over time, and sadly due to the horrific and brutal invasions of the Moguls, thousands of these gentle people, both Hindus and Sikhs were horrifically murdered for not surrendering to the invading Moguls and their religion, Muslim. These invaders were adamant about enforcing their religion and those that would not succumb were eliminated, and thus, after a period of time, the Sikh’s were finally led to defend themselves by the 10^th Sikh Guru, Gobind Singh.  He lost his three sons in this battle and the brutality was inhumane.  My vision of “spirituality” began to receive its first “readjustment” with this information.

Sitting in the Golden Temple to meditate at 4 am I could hear the reading of the sacred sounds and was filled with a mix of thoughts and feelings. Sitting next to the Akal Tuket (my spelling is wrong, it is the building that houses some of the weapons used to defend the Sikhs) I felt so polarized between the ideas of living with non-violence and then considering defending my life (had I been one to be attacked back then).

How does one reconcile within oneself living ahimsa, non-violence, when your village and family are being brutally slaughtered by invading Moguls? Do you stand by meditating and praying as your babies are cut in half and hung around your neck? (I am not making this up.)  This was my quandary and agony. What would I do? Would I be willing to forsake my religion and bow to another to save myself or my children? Suddenly my sublime spiritual journey had taken a turn into the reality of the world we live in and what has gone on before us, so that we may experience our freedoms today.

I was incredibly conflicted and felt extremely at odds and uncomfortable so much of the time as we toured many Gurdwara’s, what is this religiousness doing on my spiritual journey???  How does it fit into Kundalini Yoga and what is it all about? A feeling of overwhelming energy, frustration, pressure and irritation filled me a lot, especially as I strived to absorb and process it all.

I understood that Yogi Bhajan was a Sikh, and as the oldest son, he had literally led his family and their entire village to a safe haven when he was very young. Now, in this part of the world, I could see how he did it.  And those ten Sikh gurus, and their stories of enlightenment, like how Guru Tej Bahader sat in deep meditation in his little underground cave for 27 years and was finally recognized as The Guru (we all acknowledged the grace his wife must have had!!!). And the story of Guru Amar Das, and how he healed and consoled so many people and worked tirelessly to upgrade the life standards of women of his time, removing some of the ancient practices and beliefs, like if a woman’s husband died, she was supposed to throw herself on his funeral pire and die with his burning body! So, Guru Amar Das is one of my favorites! Chanting in his home in the very room he meditated in created the first authentic state of bliss of my journey.

There was much “religiousness” here, and the continued remembrance of the horrific violence and bloodshed, that I had a very hard time while there.  I was able to see the devotion in the people, the humility, their love and kindness.  My head and heart bowed with reverence to the sacredness of the realm that these Gurus attained. I could relate to what the Gurus reached in terms of their consciousness much like what many paths speak of referring to Christ Consciousness. Yet it was never far from my thoughts, how many people all over our planet have and continue to die in the “Name of God” and/or to be able to choose which way they would like to worship.

I began to ask myself, what is the difference or even similarity between being Religious and being Spiritual? How do I define that? What is it that I seek? What would be a spiritual experience?  If I am a spiritual being, how can I ever be anything except spiritual, and then what role or need is there for religion? Does it not really just divide us? Or is there a way it can bring us together?

How can a human mind, which is finite in thinking understand that which is infinite? How can we think any of this when it is only able to be felt? If we feel it, then isn’t each experience only personal then, and is not my spiritual experience unique to me? So then, when I am practicing my “spirituality” how am I not just “being”? When do I stop “practicing” and begin “being”? Aren’t I really doing it all all them time? Or am I?

Many questions.

Next stop, Anandapur Sahib, a cleaner small town in the hills east of Amritsar. This is where Yogi Bhajan built what he intended to be his “retirement” house. There is a beautiful and modern retreat center here, with a cozy and tranquil area for  yoga and meditation. This part of the trip, now became our “Women’s Camp”, and we began each day with Sadhana at a 4 am. More tours of Gurdwara’s, now with more reality on the battles of Guru Gobind Singh defending his people and the loss of so many more.

We were able to dive deeper into the yoga and meditation now, and I could connect to my heart here.  So many thoughts.  If yoga is meant to yoke us, to unite all aspects of us, body, mind and soul, then where and why for Religion? If the entire idea of religion is to provide us humans with a form of worship, a form for us to connect to the Divine Creator, yet in every single form, rules, dogma and doctrine get developed and suddenly division comes.  Within the doctrine, there seems to exist or develop a sense of division.  Not everyone will ever agree on one way of doing anything, and certainly not something as personal and magnificent as relating to Divinity.  So, why have so many always fought over this?

Control. Of course, control. Okay, you don’t need to be a Rhodes Scholar to figure this out, and I am certainly not trying to sound like I have made some astounding discovery here at all. It was just an astounding moment for me, to see so brightly how this is in our world.

When I began to practice yoga, I felt I had finally found a path, a way to the God in me, without religion or rather, dogma or doctrine. Which you might have noticed by now, seems to be important to me, to live and be in a spiritual way without the hindrance, guilt or complexity of exterior controls.

My personal desire since I was very little, has always been to know God. From early Sunday school classes and hearing stories of how Jesus healed and loved so many, to singing with tears streaming down my cheeks in the Church choir at the age of 8, to summer camps in NC with the Baptists, where my brother and I would get “saved”, to our conversion to Catholisism, my “re-baptism” to the Episcopal faith during college and finally my realization that God is within each of us, I just have to learn how to see him/her in all. All of this has been my “mission”. Tolerance!

Thus, India for me represented that “Spiritual” journey, not one into Religion, that I imagined I would finally have.  Beginning our trip in a very “religious” part of the country, I now realize was perfect! I was thrust right into the thick of my own head and ideas, my limited, finite way of thinking and being.

After two weeks, we headed to the deepest southern part of India, warm, relaxed and very open, both in ideas, practices and customs.  At Bethsaida, our Ayurvedic hermitage, a complete release of physical, mental and emotional holdings took place, thankfully! I had time and space and great warmth to unwind my body and mind and my heart began to expand and literally become connected to Mother Earth and the whole universe. Feeling deep within my physical body, I could integrate the experience and I began to learn about what it is I really care about.

I think a lot of people do not relate to “religion” and question the dogma and doctrine, thus the path of Yoga calls to them.  Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras outline a very realistic and applicable means for living our lives “dharmically” which means without creating more karma.  I love that.  The yamas and niyamas are NOT commandments, and you won’t burn in hell if you go against them, but you will suffer from what you do or don’t do. The writings of every great saint and sage, from the Buddha, to Christ, to the Sikh Guru’s,(and many more),  do parallel each other, teaching and reaching to LOVE.  To live our lives in a state of conscious awareness with attention to our free will, choices and reactions as well as to our devotion, humility and truth.

In other words, deception, violence, greediness, lack of self control, etc, will certainly result in consequences for us that are rather unpleasant, to say the least. This is not God “punishing” us, but rather us reaping what we sow. I like that. That gives me the understanding that when I use my heartfelt devotion and self- discipline, I am sowing positive seeds and when I do not, I will have a consequence to experience.  This puts the “control” in me, not outside of me, and this is what I began to call “spirituality”, a practice and experience of me being able to realize Me, by calling into action my own actions.

Patanjali also organized yoga into an easily understandable 8 limbed path, and this also has given me a beautiful way to live my life.  As simply as he has explained it, is as complex and unpredictable as it becomes to live. In other words, it may sound easy when you read it, but living it is a whole other world. The unpredictable part is my mind/ego, which without devotion, meditation and humility, can lead me into creating more karma or negative consequences in my life, because without bowing head beneath heart, I can easily begin to think I am running this show!

It is not enough to simply apply this eight limbed path and think you will reach enlightenment or even an “easy” life. There must be a foundation relating to something much higher, larger, bigger and more than us in our human existence.  I call this God, or Supreme Consciousness, that all pervading energy, for lack of a better term, that has, will and always creates, destroys and sustains the Universe as we know it.

This may now begin to sound religious, but it is not. Can we all relate to the idea that perhaps there is an energy, a supreme intelligence that is pervading all, and it is our devotion acknowledgement of that existence and thus our connection to “it” that fulfills that hunger, that longing that wails inside every one of us?

Is it possible that everyone is having their own unique “spiritual” experience, regardless of what another may think “should” be happening? Because as a spiritual being, how can we not be spiritual?

One morning, as I completed my devotions and meditations at the Ganges, I was walking along, in a sort of state of bliss, and an older Indian couple stopped me. They said they had watched me the last two mornings and were struck by my “concentration”.  Where was I from? Why did I come to India? What is it that you seek? They asked with great respect to not pry into my personal life.

The man told me he was an aethiest, but did believe that there is a supreme power that guides all, but he did not believe in “God”, per se. They had actually been sitting nearby meditating while I was.  I told them I had come to India for a “spiritual journey” and to experience that land where all that I had been studying had been birthed.

Now the man asked me, “Well, what is a spiritual journey to you?”  Can you believe it!? This is exactly what I had been asking myself for the last four weeks?!!!!  I paused, and felt my heart, my throat nearly choked as I said to him, “Well, all I know now is that, I am learning to see God in all, and when I cannot do that, I know I have to work a bit more on that. To me, every day was now being realized as a spiritual journey.”

He thought about that for a moment, and he said “I think that if you can do that, you are doing it ALL. That is all there is.”

I thought about how I had heard that phrase from Yogi Bhajan years ago “that if you can’t see god in all, you can’t see god at all”, and had a faint clue what he meant, but not completely, because how could you see God in a murderer, in a child molester, in someone who is so brutal, cruel, evil or nasty (like those Moguls)?  Now, I actually understand, it is not that God is not in them, it is just that they are so misguided, so filled with pain, suffering and darkness, that they cannot even begin to feel or see the Light in themselves. It does not mean that they should be excused for their actions, nor allowed to continue to perpetrate the pain and suffering that they do. And, living within our own integrity so as not to create more karma for ourselves, we must do what we can to stop their harmful actions.

I still don’t know how I could raise a sword or any weapon against another, and I pray that in this lifetime I am not challenged to do so. But I do know that my thoughts and words can be far more dangerous than any sword or gun, and that what I can and must do, is to monitor with great awareness and devotion all that I think and say, and thus do.

And that, if each one of us can simply do just that, PAY ATTENTION to our thoughts, our words and then our deeds, and intertwine our devotion in them, then we are being purely SPIRITUAL, we are remembering we are a Spiritual Being.  Because to me, being spiritual is not something that I DO, it is what I AM.  It is who we all are, all the time, only sometimes we do forget!:)

It is like meditation, it is not something that I just DO, it is how I live. The separation between me “being spiritual” or “doing meditation” cannot in reality exist when I recognize that I am a spiritual being, because it is what I am. As I live my practice, which is what yoga is, it is becoming whole, then each thought, word and deed is meditative!

Of course, I still am in this human form, and I am sure to fall “out of awareness” when stress, constraints, challenges and such present themselves, but with devotion, surrender, acceptance and awareness, that other force, bigger than me can help to guide me to remain “Spiritual”. With the gentle cultivation of my neutrality and calmness, I gain momentum daily in loving myself and understanding myself.

I am aware, paying attention and devoted to that, which is always, has been and always will be, to that which I feel creates, destroys and sustains all that is.  I feel it in every cell of my being, in my heart and in everything that I see and experience. For that, I am a “spiritual” experience, and for that I am eternally, forever, always grateful and hopeful for all beings.

Well, thanks for making it through this blog, I would love your feedback, ’cause we are all in this together, and I learn from you! So share!!!

Filled with love, peace and light,

Denise Kirpal Kaur Lapides

Tomorrow is my last full day, and with all of the sights, sounds, smells, and full on feeling of Rishikesh I wanted to post before I depart.  A friend and I found probably the one internet “joint” with wireless and a fan, thank God for that!  Did I mention it gets a wee bit warm in the afternoons now? I have taken to napping and meditating for about 3 hours in those hours!

Where to begin??? I feel like we are in a little city, perched on a pinhead sitting on top of the world overlooking the majestic and holy Ganges River! Every day has provided me with completely new experiences, and yet there is a soothing routine to the early morning yoga class, meditation by the river, breakfast at a little “cafe” (not anything like what you are imagining, so don’t get romantic on this idea!), and then time for reflection before Kundalini Yoga (YES, there is a visiting teacher here from NY, she is a new KY teacher and is filled with enthusiasm and vigor, we have been doing all navel point kriyas!!!), and then lunch in the intimate dining room (again, not what you imagine!) and then the afternoon of napping, meditating, writing, reading, touring, walking, swimming (yes, we took some dips in the river!!), climbing to see waterfalls, shopping, and simply being!, then the famous Arti ceremony on the river, (the sacred ceremony of Light, honoring the sunset), then dinner, then more KY meditation, then BED!

So, in a nutshell that is my day!

Now, what is happening though inside, is at least as mind blowing as what goes on outside here. Just getting used to the incredible sensory overload is a job in and of itself. The upside is of course the majestic river, her overwhelming energy and the way the people pray, bathe, wash, swim, and drink from her.  Just seeing her, sitting beside her creates in me an overflow of emotions at times.  Watching the beautiful women wash their saris and then how they billow in the wind to dry and then rewrap themselves is amazing!

The interesting modesty of the people, you must keep your shoulders and preferably ankles covered, but the entire waist and stomach are free for exposure, quite a different viewpoint than what we have. The people, both men and women will bathe in the river, men always leave on their wrapping, and women bath in a sari and then change into another one, although sometimes they are topless.

We enjoyed a dip up river one particularly hot afternoon, and talk about a cold plunge! It is freezing!!!! But what a feeling when we got out! I felt totally new and revitalized, like I had been baptized! BTW, can you imagine people white water rafting down the Ganges, well, it happens!!!

Ashram life has given me a whole new awareness and gratitude for the luxury I live with.  Austerities aside, the vibration does pervade every waking moment, and I am constantly reminded of what I am doing here. God resides in every sound, sight, smell, touch and taste.

My heartfelt feelings are still “coming together”, and I will post more when I depart, but for now, know this, I have held each of you in my heart, and I will continue to pray and meditate for you on every level. These last two nights will be very special as I begin to synchronize myself for departure.  I will depart Delhi on Friday, and spend the weekend in Boston with my daughter and finally wend my way home by Monday. I absolutely cannot wait to see you in class on Wednesday, March 31st!

Thank you also to Diane and Eleanor, you two are grace in action! thank you for being there!

Peace, love and light to all,

Denise Kirpal Kaur

What a journey! We left Anandapur at midnight on Wednesday night, drove all night to arrive in Delhi at 6 am, on the bumpiest road ever, my organs have finally relocated back into my body!

However, we made it safely and soundly! Ipods are amazing, just plug it in, put on the mantras, and whoosh, it seemed 6 hours was over in a flash!

Delhi airport is very modern and convenient, we relaxed with breakfast and people watching! Our little group together!  We then flew most of the day south, almost as far as from the east to west coast in the US, to the state of Kerala, where Trivandrum is. A very radical and extreme difference from the norther Punjabi area. This is the part of India where it is steamy, hot, humid and very Hindu and Christian! Our ayurvedic hermitage sits right on the ocean and all day and night, and during yoga class we are serenaded by the sounds of crashing waves!

WOW, this is awesome. We all met with our ayurvedic doctor for our consultations and have our schedule for daily treatments. Morning finds us all doing sadhana, then yoga class with Mr. Joseph, a sivananda trained tiny little indian man, and then we enjoy a perfectly balanced ayurvedic breakfast outside overlooking the ocean. Can you say ANAND??? Bliss? Really, this is too much.

Here are the extent of my treatments, begin with a sitting up back massage with two women, then lie down and more massage with both women still, and TONS of oil. Then the oil bath begins, with the pouring of at least two gallons of warm oil from head to toe, over and over. Each joint massaged as well as the whole body again. Flip or rather slide over and more on the other side. Needless to say, modesty in these treatments is out the window.

Then my favorite, shiroda, where you are lying there with the warm oil streaming onto your forehead, literally I just go, not sure where but it feels indescribable, as it is focusing you at your ajna chakra and it is the most relaxing thing I have ever had. By then entire body has melted and the sound of birds and the warm air is like I have just been completely submerged into another place.

The hair is wrapped for the day in a cloth, to soak in the oil, and by then it is time for lunch, the beach or whatever!

But what is happening inside is just as wonderful, finally a bit of clarity, and grace. The two weeks north were deeply instigating and this time has given us all time to integrate and melt the shifts into ourselves. Again, I have been overwhelmingly blessed with divine and humorous compatriots on this trip, and each of us brings such a warm, nurturing and loving quality to the Yatra. We are enjoying every single moment.

I hope you feel the warmth, and I am learning too, and want to bring these new meditations, inspirations and love to each of you when I return.

Thanks for your blogs in, I love hearing from you!!!!

love to all, light to all, peace to all,

Kirpal Kaur

I am overwhelmed, honestly in every way.  Every single sense is overwhelmed, but most of all, I keep feeling and hearing in myself, “wow, I did not expect this!” And then I realize I had expectations, which I thought I did not. Okay, where to begin, right this moment I am in Anadapur Sahib, city of Bliss at Dashmesh Sedan, which is a gorgeous estate that Yogi Bhajan dreamed of creating as a place for him to live out his days, and for others to come to for meditation and relaxation. It is an oasis in this land, and a welcomed one for us all after our week in Amritsar.

Amritsar is a very busy, bustling little city, in every way India, and sitting like a little jewel in the center is the Golden Temple. First surprise, the Temple is not so big, but very GOLD! but it sits in the middle of a body of water, called a Sarovar, and surrounding that is what surprised me, a gigantic structure with a huge open marble walkway all the way around. There are a series of rooms where men sit and read the sacred Sikh document, the Siri Guru Granthi Sahib, which is the “Living Guru”. It is being read 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, non stop, and many, many men are reading it. Yes, no women, YET!

As our group of lovely women, all in bani, or rather, our white clothes, turbans and flowing shawls, would walk through the area, everyone would stop and look at us, some would bow and smile, some took our photos and most were treated us with great reverence. At first this was just weird, then it was nice then it went a bit too much for me, as all of the attention freaked me out. I went through “my stuff” a LOT there, it is impossible not to. We were meditating everyday at the temple, on the roof, all around the place and it was filled with so many people, not a quiet meditative experience at all. But, very profound. I found it too much, even though I also found it profound.

One day we drove out to Goindwal, where Guru Amar Das lived and we walked these 85 steps down into a well of sacred water and then chanted a mantra on each step coming back up. This moved me beyond words as I pressed my forehead against the cold marble wall with each recitation and held so many in love and prayer.

We were incredibly blessed to be allowed to enter Guru Amar Das’s home and we sang kirtan in the very room where he did healings hundreds of years ago. This meant more to me than anything else, as he is the one Guru that I feel a kinship with. His kindness and love of all and especially his support for women and the changes he made to the laws to give women freedoms and privileges they had never had.

We shopped, bought saris, shawls, and trinkets, and plowed our way through the crazy, insane streets/alleys with dogs, bikes, mopeds, horse drawn buggies, cows and people everywhere. The horn beeping never ever stops, as it is their way of communicating, not in anger but in care. The roads are totally crazy, the people are kind but they will just totally stand there staring right at you, and then come up and take your photo!

Okay, we had many amazing experiences in Amritsar, the food was pretty good, everyone has stayed well, and our small group is fantastic. I am travelling with women from Vancouver and one teacher from New Mexico! Our lead teacher turns out to  be Nirinjan’s mother!! The new cd I love, Adhara!!!, her mom is our lead teacher, Guru Raj and she is great!

We drove to Anadapur a few days ago, and after several days of intense sadhanas, at 4 am, then yoga, then meditation, and then Gutka, Punjabi styled sword fighting lessons, we get lunch and then an afternoon of visiting the Gurdwara’s which are the sacred holy sites of the different gurus.

We are immersed right now in the Punjab region, which is mostly Sikh, and very steeped in the culture and religion and history, a lot to absorb. That plus the unexpected feelings from the meditations and just being deep in this vibration is showing me a lot about me. I have not begun to process it yet, I hope the time in the south in Trivandrum will allow that.

Right now, I am doing my best to keep up with the program, to allow myself space to be and to fully participate. I think surrender is the word here, it keeps coming up, guess I am looking at my desire to predict and control things right now, and you know, you just cannot do that in India.

Miss you all, love to all and know that each morning, I hold you in my meditation!

love

Denise Kirpal

The journey has finally begun, made it out Thursday without problems, went through Chicago and to London for the night, on to Delhi today.  We flew over the most amazing snow capped mountains, and frozen water, I kept hoping to see some sort of wildlife, but none!  That was to London. Little sleep as we were several hours late getting into London. Next morning, or was that this morning, back to Heathrow and off to Delhi, with a few hours delay, we took off. These miles I cashed in were worth every dime, I got to sit “up top” in the plane, and that was way deluxe!  I have always wanted to see what was up there!  So, no complaints on the flights.

Landed in Delhi, cool, it says “Namaste” in the airport on a huge sign right when we approach immigration and there was the most awesome music playing, I really liked that. BTW, seems everyone is wearing a turban, as we are in the main Sikh region, but only men wear them and they are black, burgundy or maybe dark blue.  Very elegant.

I am finally nearly delirious from no sleep, rested on plane but I just realized, I really haven’t slept all night since Wednesday night, so, oh well, tonight or rather today I will sleep. I will return to the airport tomorrow morning, Sunday, to meet up with my group and we head to Amritsar and the Golden Temple.

So far, I have used a bit of what we do, that is, BREATHING, chanting and meditating. That night in London, I think I was so tired I felt pretty emotional. So, in bed I did the SA TA NA MA meditation and breathwork, and I was incredibly relieved and calm. Then on the plane, I listened to the mantras and kept myself really relaxed. The cab ride at 3 am through Delhi, was nearly scaring me, but again, AD GURAY Nameh, delivered me.  I did the whole radio taxi thing, but still, this is not anything like what we are used to, and I guess being a woman and alone at 3 am got to me. BUT, I was safe and soundly delivered to my hotel and am now all snuggled into my room.

Well, that is all for now, and I am just happy to have made it safely, and also, so very glad to have these tools, because with no sleep for 2 days my mind could play games, but something bigger is working with me. I promise to take photos!

Love to you all,
Denise

Have you ever felt like your heart would burst with joy? I cannot put into words what is happening inside of me, but the best I can do for you is this:  yummy.  I imagine my real test will be how will I feel when I am home and “regular” life kicks back in, but I will share with you a secret I have experienced:  that feeling is coming from something inside not outside of me! You have it too and might be having it right this moment.

Stars In my eyes! Valpairiso, Chile

I am in Miami/Hollywood, FL right now, after two weeks in Santiago, Chile.  My dear friend and fellow Kundalini yogini Fateh has welcomed me into her gracious hacienda. I have been able to meet up with many good friends here, share in my “sister” Jiwan’s son’s 17th birthday and to attend some amazing yoga classes, all kinds, Kundalini and Hot vinyasa.  We begin Mind and Meditation Level II on Friday for 3 days.  A really beautiful way to transition back into life here.

Chile was muy interesante!  Santiago turned out to remain a hustling and bustling metro area, we mastered the metro, museums, restaurants and found the Artisans Mercado where a multitude of native craftspeople worked and sold their wares. Not as many textiles as Bolivia, but a lot of leather, glass, jewelry, copper and musical instruments.  One day I hiked up to the highest point in the town, the small mountain of St. Christobal and viewed the expansive city stretching out below.

One of our best times was our trip out to Vina del Mar, a beautiful beach town, easy bus ride for a day on the beach.  It was still early spring so we did not venture into the water, but a very large pelican ventured over to us!

The three women from my school and I became very close and ended up sharing many dinners and adventures, the most fun of all of this traveling has really been meeting and making new friends! I am in awe of the common and loving threads that tie us all together,no matter where we are from or where we are headed!  Hearts meet and laughter is shared and bonds form. It is so beautiful. Now I have great adventures awaiting me, when I head off to visit these friends in Australia, New Zealand, Switzerland, Norway, Holland, and England/Scotland!!  So many places!

Yesterday I finally got to reconnect with one of my dearest friends and she asked me about my trip. I reflected and shared with her what I want you to know.  I am and am not who I was when I began. A layer of ego is shed, a layer of shyness or rather inhibition is gone.  A deep and honest interest in knowing more about others has grown in me, a part of me that I never knew existed has come out, and that is the feeling of a letting go of worry. All worry.  A fun and deep sense of trust has manifested within me about all things.

Traveling and being at the mercy of so many other controls has empowered me to let go of trying to control and opened me to allowing and being.  Being.  That is it, Being.  Now, I see when I am headed into a fearful place, and I can more easily let go and simply allow.  I trust that everything, I mean everything that happens is exactly as it is supposed to be.

Of course I still make plans, do my part to be responsible for what I can and then I let go.  Most of all, I have found myself really living in the absolute present moment and not moving ahead or behind in my mind like I used to.  It has been a practice for a long time to do this, but it has been a “practice”, now it seems to be natural, just what it is.  Geez, it is so much more relaxing! My neck has not hurt in 3 months!!!!

The Feminine Divine, Museo de Arte, Chile

That is the Being, that is the Joy! When I need to plan, I plan, when I need to work, study, organize or whatever, I just do it.  I talk less, I take in more and I feel more than ever before.

I will move on up to Tampa on Monday to be with my family for Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday! The final week of this amazing and very blessed 3 month journey to my heart. My daughter will join us as we remember the many souls who struggled and flourished to enable us to live in the greatest country on Earth, as far as I am concerned! We are so blessed!

My deepest heartfelt intention is to share in our classes these “ways and means” with you when I return.  I bring to you messages from the Elders in Bolivia, the winds from Chile, the hearts of our wise and masterful teachers and most of all, from my heart.  There has never, ever been a more important time for us to exalt ourselves and to ground and clear our energies.

The sacred spiral, circa 800 A.C.E.

The time is now, there is no other and we will exalt our spirits together, beginning Wednesday, Dec. 2nd. I hope you will be there for our first classes back together: Wednesday morning at 9:30 am for Vinyasa and 7:30 pm for Kundalini Yoga, in Annapolis.

Thank you more than words can express to Diane, Eleanor and Kim for holding the space for me in class. You are amazing and divine women!

Also, on another very, very exciting front, I will be joining with three internationally esteemed Kundalini teachers to offer you a Level I Kundalini Teacher Training Course beginning in April 2010.  My role is to help organize the course and I will mentor with these teachers so that in the future I can become a Kundalini Yoga Teacher Trainer.  Complete information will be up on my website very shortly and I strongly encourage you to consider this program for your own personal transformation, regardless of whether you have ever thought of teaching or not. The course is one of the most powerful means of personal growth, exploration and expansion available.

Muchos besos y bendiciones,
In the light with love,
Denise Kirpal Kaur

Just a short blast for you, as maybe your eyeballs are tired of the long posts! First off, I am thrilled to read your posts, and thank you and keep writing!  I blasted through Naptown last week,after being in Miami for the first weekend of Mind and Meditation, the Kundalini yoga Level II course following Bolivia. 48 hours to repack, visit with my son and check out the house and dog! Thank you Jeannine for doing such a terrific job with the homestead and mostly with mi pero, Brian!  I ran into Eleanor at Whole Foods and it was pretty funny! I was in there for some supplements and such and there she was.  I left the next morning for Beantown to visit my daughter in college, she is doing wonderfully and her art is blossoming!  I even met up with my college room mate whose son also is in college in town. Here we all are!

Following Boston, I headed to Santiago, Chile on an overnight flight.  I landed in this metropolitan city and found my way to my taxi and then to the apartment in the area called Providencia.  My school is only a couple of blocks from where I live and I have located two yoga studios very nearby. Mi familia esta muy alegre! I am with a single mom and her grown daughter and granddaughter. All women, it is muy interesante!  Today was my first day of school and I am in class with three other women, two from Norway and one from England. We decided to all go to the Museum of PreColumbian Art tomorrow.

It is cold, grey and threatening rain, very different for what their normal weather is this time of year. I hope we see sun soon, it is their spring moving into summer!  So far I walked for two hours this morning to see the area, it is very busy, hundreds of people everywhere and feels more like a city in America, except everyone speaks at lightening speed!!! I can actually hear a very big difference in their accents, but I still cannot understand so much.  I stopped into a small restaurant to eat, and realized, much to my dismay, that is was a Bavarian beef house!!!! Needless to say, I found another place to eat, as they offered carne y muy carne!!!  Pretty funny!  The people also look completely and totally different than in Bolivia. Structure, hair, build, I might as well have landed in Spain. I just find it all totally fascinating, because I do not see this kind of stark differentiation in America.  A true anthropological study!

As I begin to wind down this amazing time of being away, I am feeling such mixed feelings. I see how my heart waxes and wanes, I see when I get attached to things, people, places and I see how my mind can swing and move through thoughts and how those create emotions. It is such a dance and I am watching it a lot!  I am so grateful for this opportunity, and most of all I have been really blessed with so many generous and loving people surrounding me. I miss you all and am very excited that I will be seeing you soon!

Much love,

Denise

I realized the other day that when I leave Bolivia, I will have been here exactly 40 days! No coincidence I am certain, as I sit here on the plane flying to Miami to begin the first weekend of the Kundalini yoga Level II Mind and Meditation course.

Let me share some parts of this last week in this amazing country.  My dear blessed sister and spiritual

guide, Rosse Mary and I departed La Paz via private transport towards Lago Titicaca and the town of Copacabana.  The city in Brazil is actually named after this city because of the Black Madonna statue that sits in the main church and is renowned for her healing and miracles. If I am not mistaken the leader of Brazil years ago wanted to take her to Brazil because he prayed to her and she heal ed his sick daughter.  The people of Copacabana put up a huge fight and she never left their dear little town, so in her honor, the same name was used in Brazil.

We arrived in this sweet little village after winding our way around hills and even crossing part of the Lake with our van on a ferry! Copacabana sits on the sublime shores of Lago Titicaca, a very vast and deep blue lake that at some points feels as large and powerful as the ocean.  Islands of tall rocks rise up ferociously in her middle and her shores are lined in most places with either boulder sized rocks, that look like when God finished playing with them he let them just tumble to the shore, or tall green reeds that are used in boat building and many other ways.

I am here on Day 35. You know what happens around this time when you are doing a 40 day meditation? All your stuff comes up.  Mine arrived and it was amazing.

Essentially, besides the easy sights, the numerous indigenous ladies selling their weavings, the food vendors and the hills, the never ending hills!!! I began to feel some edges coming.  The first day in town we saw all of the typical sights including the gigantic catholic church, ornately decorated in gold and with the story of the making of the Black Madonna carved onto the enormous wooden front doors of the church. We lit candles in the long dark Chapel of lights.

We continued to walk around the entire town and as evening began to break the chill suddenly sweeps off the Lake and we found a cozy cafe with a fireplace and ate dinner.

The night was very cold and I huddled under many blankets listening to the wind and feeling very tiny in this world!  Morning came and I arose with the sun, the birds and the chill! I did my sadhana and made some tea in the little kitchen of our hostel.  We met for breakfast and hiked to the top of the Luna Montagne or the Moon Mountain.  She represents the Feminine and here I absolutely felt like I was sitting in the hands of the Mother. We sat there together and began to chant Wahe Guru, long and slow. It was so sweet, I could have sat there all day. I looked out over the Lake and as far as I could see I saw blue; sky meeting water, heaven meeting earth.

That evening Rosse Mary returned to La Paz and I ventured into the next day.  Sunday I was met with some very deep feelings of understanding my place in this world, how we are all here to serve the Mother and how important it is for us to realize this now.  There has never been a time like we are experiencing now.  The time for us to understand our relationship to each other and to heal not only ourselves but each other and most of all our Mother, Earth.

I am struck by the intensity of how we so easily get sucked into our way of life at home, the comforts, the rush, the drama and how we can forget that outside of our world a very different one exists for the majority of people on our planet.

I chose Bolivia because I wanted a country that still had deep roots in its culture; something like 75% of this country is indigenous. What that means is very different than what I thought when I came here.  It means you see more people dressed in the traditional ways, with the long braids, the bowler hats, the woven clothing and the cloths tied on their backs holding their belongings.  It means that even those women stand there talking on a cell phone! It means their babies are tied on their bodies and there is not too much crying from the little ones, and it also means they don’t have the health care, education, or diet options we have.  It means that every day is one for survival, hard work and fun. They definitely like to have fun! There is tons of music and dancing in this country and hugs and kisses everywhere you go! There is a respect for the efforts that go into living and there is gratitude for the simple moments of friendship and love.

Of course in La Paz there are the hurried business people too, but even they stop for that amazing 2 hour lunch time!  I like that, time to relax, and then we go back to work!

But, back to the Lake and what happened.  After that Sunday and the time I spent writing, meditating, wandering, watching, eating, absorbing…I felt something in me move.  Like I know that we all have a bigger role than we might know or want to know of. It might be a little scary, but it is all about what we think. I wondered about how often we may experience our own light and power and be afraid of the responsibility we believe it carries with it.  I wondered about how often we diminish our own light or allow others to do that to us, and is that even possible? I watched my mind and every thought it generated and how that felt inside my body. I stayed with it and then allowed it to pass on by and then observed how I felt.  I began to ride the waves of the thoughts and to experience the resulting energies of those thoughts.  I then began to consciously bring in thoughts and watch those feelings and I could see the play of it all and the way we get caught into thinking that not only are we really our thoughts but that we are really our feelings. We are not.

What we think makes what we say makes what we do.  Heard it before but have you ever honestly practiced this? What brings this to me is the silence that comes when we are alone.  It used to be that there was so much inner noise, I could not hear the silence. Now, I could hear the silence. I could hear what comes with that, and I know it is in all of us.  More on this later.

Monday we take a boat first to the Isla de la Luna and to the Temple of the Moon, a tribute to the Feminine Divine.  We bring our offerings ashore as we walk up the steep hill to the ancient temple. Less than a handful of people live here and the women are dressed in their colorful clothing and have their handmade weavings for sale. The Temple is sitting majestically facing the east and is laid out in a way to allow ceremonies to be held in the center. The design of the Andean Cross is seen in all of the doorways.  There is great silence here, and a feeling of peace and tranquility. We make our offerings and sit to meditate on this site.

Afterwards, we head to the Isle del Sol and one of the most sacred vortexes on our planet.  There is a place in the Lake between two small uninhabited islands and it was there, with our boat precariously anchored and waves trying to force us onto the portruding remnants of the sunken city, that we make our ceremony.  We had decorated a clay pot with beautiful roses and filled it with sacred offerings, coca leaves, sweets and nuts and more rose petals.  We carefully set our intentions of deep gratitude and lowered the pot into the water and watched it descend slowly into the crystal clear water and it rested on a tilted slab beneath us.  We poured a bottle of wine into the water and sprinkled more coca leaves covered in our kisses to the Mother.

Afterwards, we slowly began to pull away from this site and I looked down into the water and suddenly asked for us to stop.  Right there, all around us coming from down deep in the water were strong white rays of light. There were not coming from the sun, they were coming from under the water, from the sunken city and coming UP to us.  No matter which side of the boat I looked over, they remained and were clear. They were not a reflection. They were literally emanating from the city beneath us. This city is a portal.  I was overcome with emotion, I just cannot explain what happened, but I know we are supported in our work here and I feel so grateful to be allowed to be a part of this path.

We then went over to the Arco Punko and went ashore barefooted to absorb the energy of the Lake and the Sun. We walked through the Arco and again expressed our gratitude for these sacred sites and for our opportunity to do this work and be a part of this time.

We then docked at the far north end of the Island, inhabited by less than a thousand people and there are no cars here but thankfully we had electricity. Lunch was simple but delicious and fresh, lake trout and potatoes! I had to eat the fish, it actually felt like a gift from the Lake!  That night we experienced local music and dancing and met old and new friends.

Next morning we rose to greet the Sun on this Isle del Sol and Sadhana has never felt so sweet.  A lazy breakfast and walk to a local family’s home to meet their 7 kids and see their home.  We then began the long and phenomenal hike to the farthest tip of the Island to the ancient labyrinth.  This hike is on a path of stone, and with each twist or turn of the path a new astounding vista presents itself as you keep climbing higher and higher and the rising hills, penetrating blue water and sky and blazing sun keep you going.  It is warm but not hot, and the sound is nothing but your feet upon the stones. I feel like we are back 2,000 years ago heading to our Temple to spread our flowers and blessings.

We arrive and are bizarrely overcome with sleepiness! Weird! So we lie down on the stones in the sun and sleep for an hour. It was like a dream when we awoke and two local kids were giggling at us! We were refreshed, the breeze came up and we made our way through these ruins, they really are like a labyrinth clinging to the side of a sharp mountain dropping off into the Lake. We sprinkled our flowers in each room and laughed at my poor spanish as had become the habit!

Our walk back was still sunny and we met up with a friendly burro along the way and saw a small group of bunny brown naked little children playing in the sand on the beach along with the cows, sheep and chickens all scattered everywhere. The cows and sheep wandering down to the beach for a drink of the fresh lake water!

Lunch this day was with our “family” and it was farm style, meaning the 4 varieties of potatoes were boiled and wrapped in a woven cloth and the lake trout and kingfish were grilled and served with a homemade hot “salsa”.  We ate off of the blankets with our hands! Fresh and natural.

Our last night on the island gave us the most spectacular astronomical star show I have ever seen! There seemed to be more stars than sky!  I guess that is the blessing of having to go to the bathroom outside of your room, you get to see God’s night show!

Well, there is the trip, oh, and one more detail. Driving back into La Paz, we ran into a little “protest” by the locals.  They had blocked the main (paved) road into town and we had to take a couple of hours detour through the El Alto, or the largest ghetto I have ever seen in my life. At first I was a little concerned when we turned off of the paved road in our non-SUV van, and began to trundle our way through dirt “paths”. I would not even call them roads, but I was really surprised when we ran into several groups of the locals who had even blocked these roads with rocks and bricks and would not let anyone pass. After a pleading conversation and a few Bolivianos, they let us through, reluctantly.  Several extra hours later, and weaving our way around cows and over streams, we made it to the actual paved road and I have never been so relieved to see a city!  The good news here is that the traffic in the city was incredibly diminished, so that was good! I still don’t know what they were protesting!

40 Days is only the beginning!  My spanish is rudimentary at best, my heart is filled with the light and love, the generosity and kindness and overwhelming gratitude for this time.  I made many new friends and most of all, I deepened my friendship and understanding with the Mother.

Miami is next and I will keep you posted as I move through this course and explore more of the recesses of my mind and heart!    You know I hold you in my heart!

love

d

I landed here Saturday midday, and the moment my feet hit the pavement outside of the airplane, it felt like someone was sitting on my chest! With all of the pranayama, I still could feel the pressure and lack of oxygen! This is not something to be toyed with for sure!  Slowly walking into the airport, I took time to look around and try to focus on what was around me. It is breathtaking in every way! When you land in La Paz, you actually land above the city on an enormous Altiplano, literally another city built above La Paz. The altitude here I believe is something like 13,313 feet, it is HIGH.

La Paz from above

The runways have to be extra long for take off and landing!  The sun was so bright, the sky so blue and the air so crisp, it was stunning.  The drive down from the airport is like something out of a movie, as we traverse through some pretty rough areas, zigzagging our way around children, dogs, venders and cars, and of course hundreds of people.

Here we are (Rosse Mary, my dear spiritual and cultural guide)perched on the side of the road with the entire city behind us!

La Paz sits in a crater like area surrounded by the Andean peaks. The lower you go in the city, the nicer the areas are. Homes are clinging to the sides of the mountains all the way around the city! A long boulevard stretches mostly through the city, which Rosse Mary and I walked the other day, amongst thousands of busy people!

Sunday, my first full day, after a night of wicked headaches from altitude, I went into the city and found my way to Sagarnaga Street, the Witches Market and a nice cafe!

Witches Market

With some help from Diane, who owns the Artesania Sorata store,(thanks Laura Resnick for the tip!) I took a taxi to another area Sopocachi and found a cafe for lunch and people watching! There are SO many people here! Following that, another taxi and back to hotel for rest!

Monday Rosse Mary and I went all over the city and met with her friend who is the head of the archeological department of the museum for Tiwanaku which is housed in a magnificent old house that used to be owned by an Austrian who came here in the 1900′s and is the reason Tiwanaku is preserved at all today! On the house you might be able to see reproductions of the reliefs from the authentic ruins!

Tiwanaku Museo in La Paz

These ancient and very important ruins date back 10,000 years and hold some of the most important relics and information from the ancient peoples. This house/museum is literally covered inside and out with reliefs depicting the ones found in Tiwanaku.  We saw the government house, and yes, Morales was there, the feelings here are very mixed, but they seem more strong that his time is done.

I am staying out in the Zona Sur, the southern zone, which is where the beautiful yoga studio Casa Luna is, where I was happily blessed to be this morning having Kundalini Yoga with Dharma Kaur Khalsa!!! It was amazing, and she created the most blissful class ever! I wished savasana could have gone on forever! We all had tea and cookies afterwards, I thought of our times and missed you all so much as I listened as everyone eagerly chatting in spanish and munching cookies and drinking tea. I could pick up some words, but I do struggle a lot to understand!!! Dharma and I met for lunch later after we took a microbus towards her home and I jumped out to walk around for a while.

Today was very special as Rosse Mary and I went out to Tiwanaku and spent the whole day exploring the ruins. She is very knowledgeable and explained to me the significance of the site.  In a nutshell, this enormous site sits on a very flat area surrounded by the mountains, and it lines up with the constellations, the solstices and the equinoxes.  The largest part of the site is an enormous pyramid, that goes down not up and it is still mostly covered in earth.  They have been able to unearth a bit of it, like the four outermost corners to gain an understanding of its size. It is huge!  I feel like it was buried on purpose by the early builders because there is something pretty amazing under there and they wanted to keep it secret. That theory is shared by some of the archeologists I found out later!  The larger exposed ruin is here in a photo, I am standing on a hill and it is behind me.

These ruins are very important because they hold a great deal of the symbology that we see in cultures that came after these were built.  Unfortunately, a lot of the stones over the years have been ransacked and hauled away and used in construction of other buildings until it was realized the value of the ruins! There is much mystery too surrounding the original construction, like, how did these stones, which are not native to this area, get here? They are huge and weigh tons! Reminds me of the mysteries surrounding Machu Picchu!  I think it is pretty evident that there is a lot more going on than we might understand!

Walking in this sacred site, meditating, lying down on the rocks, and feeling the energy is overwhelming. There is a deep quiet here and it does feel otherworldly.  Of all that we can see, only 7% of the site is excavated right now! We have much left to learn.

Sun Gate

We head to Lago Titicaca Friday, more to come, and thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts! I have been writing back to you all individually, if you don’t see my post on line.  I am so happy to hear from you, and to be in touch!  It is a long way out here, and this week has been very intense, even emotional for me as I experience all of this!

Miss you all and love,

Denise