Divulgeblog

B-list Celebrity Sighting

2006-10-17T21:26:00.000-04:00

So Smoothface Guapo and I went to see Built to Spill for his birthday this past weekend. It was a sold-out show, and when we got there we noticed someone being turned away. Guess who? You'll never guess. I'll give you a hint:

"You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?"

Still don't know? How about this:

"I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man."

My god. If you office types didn't get that one you're a disgrace to the cube you're sitting in.

Anyhow, this was a notable event for me. The only other white celebrity I've ever seen in Atlanta that wasn't on a stage was Andrew Shue. And he was eating at a sub shop.

It was strange, but what's so strange about that? =)

Resistential Edifice

2006-10-11T22:52:00.000-04:00

Bore what? Bore a hole? You're a bore? I'm a bore?
What? The last one??? Well FUCK YOU, BUILDING!

(I'll not hear from a building that I'm a bore, thank you very much.)

Hypothesis: My Cat Likes Having Her Picture Taken!

2006-10-11T22:38:00.000-04:00

I can now safely conclude that my hypothesis is false.

Chivalry is NOT dead, my friends

2006-10-05T21:23:00.000-04:00

Isn't this polite? Smoothface guapo took this photo some time ago. Apparently someone saw and perhaps even stepped on the dead rat here (looks more like a mouse, but whatever) and decided to warn others. I applaud this behavior. Don't you? I mean, it is kind of hard to see. And what if you were wearing stilettos or something? Yuck.

Restoring your faith in humanity one dead rat at a time,
Anita

My feet are more reliable anyways

2006-10-02T22:02:00.000-04:00

So I'm not on the MARTA anymore. Every day I hop on the bicicleta and ra-dee-da to downtown A-T-L. Truth be told I hate the train and am glad not to have to ride it anymore. It smells like pee. Plus people are generally assholes and I'd rather not have to be so near them. So although I have no insurance now and taxi cabs occasionally try to hit me and I had to scream "FUCK YOU BITCH!" at the top of my lungs last week at some cunt who tried to run over me in her old-ass Volvo that I ended up zooming past when she got stuck in the rubberneck up by Peachtree, the bike is much less irksome.

However, there will be no more MARTA pictures from now on. Not that that's ever why any of you came here in the first place. Thank god you guys have never seen my sweet ass or I'd need a bodyguard.

I Rode the Great Space Coaster Back

2006-09-27T21:30:00.000-04:00

While teaching how to structure a paper about Theme for English B by Langston Hughes, the brattiest boy in my class piped up and said that nobody really learns anything in college. I rolled my eyes and continued the lesson.

The next piece we covered was Robert Herrick's "To The Virgins, To Make Much of Time." For those of you unfamiliar with the poem, Herrick was a 17th-century chaplain who wrote erotic Renaissance verse. The first stanza goes:

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.

I asked the class, "Okay, kiddoes" (yes, I call 'em "kiddoes"), "why would virgins be associated with rosebuds?"

Braving the giggles, my one Taiwanese student timidly said, "Because she's still got. . .because they've still got. . . " while making a motion with his hand like he was holding a baseball.

"The HYMEN?" I said loudly.

Bless his heart. The class was roaring with laughter and the kid turned beet red.

Amid the dying laughter, the bratty boy asked, "what's a hymen?"

"SEE! You're learning already!" remarked the quick witted Professor Anita.

I Love You, I Just Need Some Space

2006-08-08T19:46:00.000-04:00

Look, I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I'm not quitting. I'm just in sort of a transitional phase with my job and all. Quite frankly the blogosphere is too interesting a distraction, and I gotta be on the ball with some of this. You'll know I'm back when I start making smartass comments on your blogs again. Just didn't wanna leave my blogger peeps hangin'.

Much love,
Anita

Population Sign

2006-08-06T18:52:00.000-04:00

Can you read that? It says 4,864,802. No wonder it seems like this town is riddled with assholes somedays. Law of averages says it must be.

And I Think Our State Woman is the Sarcastic Bitch, but Who Knows

2006-08-03T23:10:00.000-04:00

Heeere whalie, whalie!

Atlanta has this whale mural because the Right whale (stupidest name for a whale EVAH) is Georgia's official marine animal. What is your state's official marine animal?

Can I Buy a Vowel?

2006-07-31T21:17:00.000-04:00

On the heels of a not-so-popular shit story (probably because shit isn't sexy or something), I'm going to go out on a limb and post this.

Running through the School of music because I was late for class I caught sight of this little gem of collegiate delinquency. As a professor, I probably should have sighed and shook my head and mumbled something about the disrespectful attitude of today's youth. Instead, I laughed.

P.S. I've decided I'm totally going to accept late papers.

Shit Sauna

2006-07-28T14:13:00.000-04:00

The idea for this post is completely stolen from Bugwit Homilies.

Crappy Roomate challenge
My sophmore year of college I moved in with this girl I vaguely knew from High school. She turned out to be a real slob. Dirty dishes piled in the sink, dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, leaving her shit out everywhere and never cleaning up - standard stuff, but nothing worth getting in a fuss about.

Well, the 2 br, single bathroom house we rented didn't have central heating/air (only one small window unit), and right before spring break we were both leaving for vacation and Athens was hitting highs of around 95-100. I left for vacation the day before she did, shutting off the one window unit and letting the house with absolutely no trees in the yard swell up to 100 degrees inside. When I returned 7 days later I walked into the thickest, humidest, most horrid smell I had ever smelled in my whole life. Thinking she'd left a whole meatloaf or something out, I looked in the kitchen. Nothing. I then espied on the coffee table amongst her things a note. The note said:

Anita,

The toilet is clogged and I
didn't have time to go get
a plunger. Sorry.

Kelli

I then had to go get a plunger (which required walking across the street to a convenient store) and plunge her shit out of the toilet. The toilet was full up to the rim of shit. Regardless of the finesse with which I eased the plunger in, the shitty water would not stay in the bowl and seeped out over the edges. "Fuck it," I thought and began plunging, ignoring (not without some difficulty) the abundantly spattering shit and shitty water. By the time I was done there was shit EVERYWHERE. Our small window unit had not cooled off the house yet either, so by this point there was someone else's shit that I was pissed off at melting on my face in 100 degree weather. After a vigorous, exfoliating shower and a long cold rinse, I fished around for every contact number she left me: her boyfriend's house and cell, her mom's house and cell, and even her boyfriend's parents house. I supressed my rage, dialed each number and left the same sweet message on all their machines for them to come back to tomorrow when they got back from vacation:

Hi there! This is Anita, Kelli's roomate. I was just looking for Kelli because she left me this note right before spring break. (read note.) I just wanted to let her know that it was 100 degrees in our house when I got back and the toilet was full to the rim of her feces which created a shit sauna of sorts in the house and, due to my desire to use the restroom myself and my desire not to smell Kelli's shit for another day, I had to plunge and mop up this feces off the bathroom floor the minute I got home from what was a wonderful vacation. Thank you!

On top of the embarrasment, you better believe that girl got ripped a new one when she got home. Have a nice weekend, sweeties.

Like a Big Gold Tooth

2006-07-26T07:44:00.000-04:00

This is the capitol building in downtown A-T-L. Why do humans do this? I mean, I get that it's a display of wealth and prosperity, but it's just so utterly garish. Like a big spinning rim on the reckless H2 that is our government. Damn I love my own resplendent metaphors.

And be aware that the preceding references are less intended to mock the uneducated extremely-sudden noveau riche making wasteful purchases than they are to mock our government.

Sometimes Smoothface Guapo and I Have a Party for No Reason at All

2006-07-23T20:18:00.000-04:00

Damn it was humid. This is one of the views from the park before the party started. The park is in midtown and I think there was some sort of AIDS fundraiser nearby and they were blaring horrendous pop-based techno remixes over by the bridge. I did AIDS walk last year and I swear they play that Night at the Roxbury type techno music at every AIDS function. Poor AIDS victims. I guess it's not bad enough they have a terminal illness; they have to listen to that god-awful repetitive music until they die. But what do I know - maybe that just makes death seem a little sweeter.

Nobody was corralled for very long and I didn't exactly carry my camera around. I snapped this shot while some of us were eating. We had chips and brought charcoal, etc. but that lady to the right in blue (Gina) outdid herself and brought all manner of delectable eats. She made, among other thigs, a dish we referred to as "Stealing Smoothface Guapo" which I swear she made to steal my man because she artfully combined all the stuff she knows he likes. The bitch can COOK! Altogether around 20 people showed up and this shot was taken directly before a rousing game of kickball (we brought cones) and a while after a rather drunken game of futbol in which yours truly had to lay down for a minute because I thought I was going to die. Drunken futbol in 90-something degree weather produces excellent palpitations, for those of you interested.

These two fool-actin' white girls are Lindsey and Jackie. Lindsey is a former roomate from college and Jackie is a dance hall junkie. Lindsey let me live in her sunroom when I was on unemployment and Jackie calls everybody "mama" as a term of endearment. I'd take a non-fatal bullet for either one of these girls. They're both drinking special Sangria made by Smoothface Guapo. Deeeee-lish!

And fast-forward. . .

to sunset. I won't bore you anymore with details but we had a lot of fun and didn't get thrown out of the park, so mission accomplished. And actually the only photos I took were the ones I posted. I hate being behind a camera during a party. That's all.

Sorry you couldn't be there. Enjoy your Monday, kiddoes.

Like a rock star

2006-07-21T10:06:00.000-04:00

Okay, I've been a little aloof lately because Smoothface Guapo and I are throwing a party tomorrow at the park and I've been a little preoccupied with that. If you're one of my friends IRL and you didn't know about this it's not that we don't love you it's just that we're airheads. You know this about us and therefore this absolves us of guilt so just call me. Anyhow I actually have evidence to support the airhead thing. We tried to send out invitations last week (yeah, I know, big advance notice right?) and get this - forgot to put the date on the homemade invitations. The invitations were made out of construction paper and we pulled out old stickers and plastered them all over the invitations. We're so ghetto.

So Sunday night I'll post pictures of the party. That's fun, right? You can see what sort of ~~losers~~ cool people I hang out with and judge me by their appearances? You guys like that, right? I do.

Oh, so if any of you are going to be in Atlanta tomorrow stop by. There will be punch and pie.

Poetic Diversion

2006-07-19T09:25:00.000-04:00

This is some of the more accessible stuff we've been talking about in class, and I thought I'd share it with you. Yes, YOU, you lucky dog! You and only you! YOU are very special to Anita!

Ahem. The class is a Renaissance poetry teaching class - as in we're being shown different methods by which we can teach Renaissance poetry in various classroom settings (i.e. to high schoolers, college students, etc.) I've taken Shakespeare before, but only plays and such so this is all new to me. I'm amazed at how completely "inappropriate" he is for his time. Most poetry in the 16 and 1700s was erotic love poetry or pastoral lyric stuff. In this sonnet sequence he even explicitly references his mistress's VD in terms of it burning. Raucous! To the point:

130
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
As any she belied with false compare.

Thought: My GOD! He might as well have called her fat.

138
When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutored youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed:
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O! love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love, loves not to have years told:
Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be.

Thought: We've all been there. Hell, 400 years later we're still writing pop songs about this shit.

Grumpy

2006-07-17T07:44:00.000-04:00

I forgot that I said I would substitute teach for one of my professors this week so I had to come in at 6:30 this morning in order to leave in time to get to school- meaning I had to wake up at 5:45 to get here.

5:45 is way too fucking early to be awake. Is all.

BTW this comes up when you Google "early." I'm assuming it's early Renaissance dance. It's too early for that, too. Sorry. You're not gettin' much from me today. I'll be back tomorrow when I'm wittier, I swear.

Ummm. Yeah.

2006-07-14T00:09:00.000-04:00

I had to sign this to be employed at the University. I worked for another, bigger state university ~10 years ago and I'm assuming this is a post 9/11 thing:

(I cut it off a little, but it says that I "do hereby solemnly swear and affirm that I will support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Georgia")

Riiiiiight. It's not like I thought twice before signing it or anything, it just seems superfluous. If I were a terrorist this totally would have stopped me. I just don't understand. Does signing this just allow our justice department to tack on a few extra years to your conviction or something? And it's not like someone determined to stage a coup d'état would be "so moral" as not to sign this. Like I said, superfluous.

And what if they succeed in amending the constitution to ban gay marriage? Will I have to re-sign because it's changed? Or am I "grandfathered" in? Hopefully that's not something that will ever come up. If it does I'm sure I'll post about how shitty that whole business is and link back to this to prove how visionary I am.

Professor Anita

2006-07-13T10:01:00.000-04:00

I put in my notice at the job. My last day will be August 16th. I scored a TA job teaching freshman English which not only waives my tuition but also gets me a stipend. Not to mention that this also helps me get some college-level teaching experience before I move to Spain. This is good stuff, people. Good stuff.

The best part is that I get to TA with my grad school BFF, Moxy. We're already discussing what types of liquor we'd like to store in our offices.

I'm going to get so many fucking apples.

****************************
Addendum inspired by BV:

BAD SOOOOOO BAAAAD.
I'm hot for teacher!

Dopez was kidding, he meant, "loves you"

2006-07-09T19:43:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you decide on the spur of the moment to have a yard sale with a couple and two wonderfully humored gay men in your building and while sitting around you get hot because its 95 degrees and so you start to drink cold beer and before you know it you're drunk and then everyone starts wearing each other's stuff and incorporating things on the street as accessories. For instance, George here is modeling an army helmet liner while sporting an oven door that, the broken oven having been left on the corner overnight, someone tagged.

Have a lovely day, kiddoes.

zap

2006-07-07T14:24:00.000-04:00

I almost bought this today.

But then I realized that, on camping trips, I would be tempted to hit, oh, I don't know...my friends, Smoothface Guapo, a raccoon, or even myself with it to see what it would do or how bad it would hurt. I did the responsible, adult thing and closed the browser.

Anita's growing up, y'all.

money I probably should have donated to charity or something

2006-07-06T10:06:00.000-04:00

I "won" a gameboy advance sp on ebay yesterday for $75. It comes with 4 games: Super Mario 3/Advance, Konami Arcade Advance, Monopoly and Midway's Greatest Arcade Hits (the unit was previously owned by an adult). Also, I get 3 protective game cases, system carrying case, an AC charger and a networking cord. Apparently there are a few scratches on the outside but the system itself is in tip-top shape. A pretty good deal since I would have bought 3 of the 4 games and a charger anyway which brand new would have cost me circa $200. What can I say? Full price is for suckers and I'm a secondhand type of girl. Except with, you know, underwear and stuff.

But aye, here's the rub; as a grad school student, I barely have time to even chat with my friends and family as it is. Then I spend 8 hours a day in front of a computer at my job (at least I blog, so there's some socializing there - albeit removed). I am slowly sinking deeper into the asocial pit that is advanced technology.

In my defense I did have full support from Smoothface Guapo in this purchase as I'm sure we'll both use it. Also this device replaces our sometime working old-school nintendo that we've had for years. Fewer things are more frustrating than unreliable technology (BLOGGER ARE YOU LISTENING?).

That Time Anita Went to Laguna Beach

2006-07-05T09:09:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to find some fodder to accompany the photo for this post I searched the IMDB database for "Laguna Beach" and, of course, the tv show popped up. I found the User Comment to be amusing, but other than that nothing struck me as particularly inspiring. If I'd seen the show, rest assured there'd be some witty comment here that would knock your socks off, but as it stands I'm a smidge hungover from the whopping 4 beers I drank celebrating my freedom.

The slack is appreciated.

Anita Did You Do Something With Your Hair?

2006-06-29T23:34:00.000-04:00

If by "hair" you mean template, then why yes I did. How nice of you to notice. On to bigger fish:

Yeah. That's a cat tied to a bicycle with the owner nowhere in sight on a Saturday night. I took this photo in the city of Orange. There happened to be a great deal of hippies there. At one point I even asked "Is there a Phish show this weekend or something?" Not that I have any problem with that. I eat soy. I like love. It's cool. I was, however, scared to pet this cat. I felt certain it hadn't had a vet visit in a luh-hoooooong time.

**********************

editor's note: I'd like to point out that this bike/cat owner's basket is, in fact, a stolen shopping basket from the Dollar Tree tied on with rope. Click on the photo to enlarge if you care to see for yourself.

Someday We Will Die and Our Ashes Will Fly...

2006-06-28T20:49:00.000-04:00

Perhaps I could have taken this picture into Photoshop and spruced it up a bit, but I wanted to convey the panic and urgency with which one approaches the Airport when running late. That, or I may in fact be as lazy as Miss (GRR)L, but I'll never admit it. In any case, the gist of the sign is:

Welcome

Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport

"World's Busiest Airport"

I can't help but wonder what merits the "continuous" as an adjectival complement to "search." What sort of legal battle do you suppose resulted in mandating that word having to be on the sign?

There's a loooooong line of ropes before you get to the initial x-ray of carry-ons, my friends. But getting there is half the fun, right?

A Taste of Freedom

2006-06-27T13:47:00.000-04:00

This is the first time I've had to look at a computer screen in five (5), yes - count 'em - five days. I'm entertaining notions of defecting. Not so much the blog as everything else involving fluorescent light. Humans are still animals, you know.

Coming Soon: A SoCal picture or two. Not so exciting for those of you who live in California, but better than another picture of the inside of my fridge.