dizzyFUNctional

Dissecting Love :How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

2011-11-22T02:10:00.000-08:00

How Do you mend a broken heart?

At one point of our lives we all have to deal with this. That shattering moment when you realized the hopes and dreams you built around a person has been trampled on by the very one you gave your heart to. The BETRAYAL that just feels like your guts has been wrenched out, you feel light-headed and heavy-hearted, and lonely. Nights go by when you can’t sleep and you wake up wishing you hadn’t, your pillow is so stained by tears you can feel mould growing on it. You feel like lying in bed doing nothing but doing exactly that makes you feel worse than you already do.

That’s a broken heart for you. And no matter how upbeat I and cool I tried to appear, I went through the motions alright. I was angry, anguished, confused, depressed. sometimes I myself didn’t know what I was feeling, the tears came out even as I watched Mr. Bean was serving his guests Marmite Sticks at his New-Year- Eve party. Because you see, being used to having that someone to talk to, to hold, to love, to laugh with is like having a drug, and when it is taken away from you, the withdrawal symptoms are the biggest bitches on this planet, I swear! That is why I stopped blogging for awhile, to stop myself from bitching, and to practice what I preach , and see what happens.

As is my motto, there is always the FUN in dysfunctional, as dark as my days were at that time, I always believed in finding a glimpse of light no matter how small. You see, it is never about what the heartbreak does to you, it should be always about what you do with the heartbreak, you can either transform that broken heart into a new work of art, or let the broken pieces cut you even further, it’s always about choice. Just by holding on to this simple rule, I turned my life around, broadened my horizons, raised my self-value to a higher degree and made the best damned lemon meringue pie out of the lemons that was shoved into my face. This was what I did, I wrote myself a list, to get me through every day so that I do not end up a miserable wreck. I labeled this list the :

TRANSFORMATION PROJECT of the heartbroken hottie((don’t laugh)

1. Love myself and make myself lovelier

And so I did, I instantly started looking at myself in the mirror, looking closely and embracing whatever I saw. I pictured a light emitting from every part of my body, and how comfortable I am in my own skin. And I also saw things that I could improve on. Maybe I need to let my hair loose, wear something different, start working out more . I reflected on things I could change on the inside, I should learn how to smile more, be friendlier, I should always walk with the air of confidence, I should love myself more. And when I envisioned the person I want to become, I worked on it.

I went shopping for new clothes, discovered a whole new woman in me, smiled more often, prayed more deeply, looked for a bunch new stuff to do, I was set to transform into the best me I can be and transform I did!

And if you knew me months back, and see me now, I’m basically still the same person, but better, happier, and hotter ;D. Hehe, I always tell myself that, keeps me feeling good. And I’m telling you, if you feel good about yourself, and are comfortable with the person that you are, people around you will feel the same way about you. If I were a crying wreck feeling sorry for myself all the time, imagine the list of prospects who would be deterred because they can’t handle my emotional drama.

2. Picture my dream guy

The first thing I did was to go deep and think about what it is in a man that I really wanted. There were things in my past relationshipS that I settled for because I allowed myself to be blinded by love, I overlooked and tried to ignore things that made me unhappy, because that’s how we girls always are built, adapting to other people for the sake of love and putting our own needs behind. But I’ll be damned if I ever let myself make that mistake again. So I reflected on what made me happiest. What made me feel loved and appreciated. What qualities in a man made me feel safe and warm. Looks were secondary to me, but just for kicks I always imagined these qualities in Gerard’s Butler’s body(hey, there’s no law against overfantasizing!).

Anyway, this is a process where you get in touch with what you feel, what you want and don’t want in a relationship. For me it was to find someone who was religious, someone who was unselfish, and someone who would come up with all sorts of ideas to make me smile, and who is close to his family, someone who has no track record of infidelity etc etc… which is basically what most girls want.

But then, I never made that list the be all and end all, my mind was set and eager to meet all sorts of men, and open my heart to the different emotional experiences they would give. And in turn, I would learn about what is best for me.

3. Get myself a bicycle and ride my way to a sexy pair of legs

This was the thing I had always wanted to do but never got round to it, to with all this spare time on my hands, why not? So I got Oscar .

My hottest ride - Oscar

Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I did something I should have done long ago, and it made me feel like I fulfilled something, and I was so busy learning to ride, meeting other cyclists, it made me think less and less of the pain, and yes, I love my legs *wink*! Erhmm..

The point I’m making here is to do whatever you have always dreamed of doing, achieve something you have been holding back or forgot about. This will give you a whole new sense of purpose in life. Go on a trip with friends, do charity work, dive off a plane and hope the parachute opens, do everything out of your routine. Life will be so exhilirating and stimulating you’d be half glad the break up happened.

4. Print business card and start networking

It was crucial that I start making people remember me, as I made it a must to meet more people and widen my social circle, I designed a business card of my own. I made it pretty and colourful and unique so that people would actually want to keep it . I handed it to whomever I met and talked to. This not only led me to meeting and socializing all kinds of people, and getting invitations to dinners and lunch dates, but also more calls to gigs for events and private functions. Extra income. YAHOO! So when a heartbreak happens, network, network and aim to double your social circle in the fastest time possible.

5. Smile at anyone that catches your eye, be receptive but not desperate of their attention.

This took a bit of getting used to as I tended to feel uncomfortable when I noticed guys taking more than a second glance at me. But after the breakup, I used this as a confidence and self-esteem builder. If I happen to catch any guy looking a little longer at me, I would look up and smile at them. And their smile back actually made me feel warm and gave me a boost in my ego. Of course I didn’t limit this to men only, I did it to women, children, old people, I even smiled at animals because I just felt like it. And it just made me feel, different, I felt good about myself, and with this new found confidence, I never felt the need to try hard to get a man’s attention, I was happy just being somewhere, not doing anything impressive really, just smiling at someone, and seeing them smile back at me.

6. Date, without any expectations other than having a good time.

Now this was the fun part. Being single, of course I got quite a few invitations to dates with all kinds of men, different races, different occupations, different backgrounds. I went to all these dates, took the effort to look my best, and be my best. But I never went to any of these dates worrying about whether he would like me, or is he compatible with me, I just went for the sake of learning about responding to different men, and having fun. No expectations, no commitments .

This opened up my eyes to all the men who are still out there, and gave me the chance to actually experiment the best ways to act and respond to different characters, and it made me excited to see what was in store for my future dates. I was gonna lean back, relax ,enjoy the dating experience , weigh my options, and see who eventually steps up to the plate.

However, at this stage of healing and self-discovery, it is best to not settle into a relationship too quickly, because it will most probably lean towards becoming a rebound, and as a ‘victim’ of heartbreak meself, I do not want to spread the hurt. Take it slow, dive blindly into the sea of love when you're heart is not ready for the swim, and you might drown again, or pull someone under with you.

7. Trust in God to know what’s best for me. Pray

I am not trying to delve into religion here, but when I felt I had no where to turn to, I prayed hard, and believed profusely that God made everything happen for a reason, that this broken road I stumbled into was gonna lead me to something beautiful and worthwhile. Having faith and hope in God helped me through my distress, it gave me the calming sense that no matter what happened, there was always someone watching over me. I grew stronger and braver because of this belief. This belief helped me walk that bumpy, broken road with hope and determination and courage, and never with self-pity.

8. Be my own fountain of love.

We should never wait for a someone to come around and complete us,. Or fulfill our need for love and happiness. If we did it would make us half a person, a needy, incomplete person. Doesn't sound so nice, does it? So, instead of depending on other people for all that sugar and spice and all things nice, we should be overflowing with it ourselves, we should be radiating with so much love and happiness, that people would actually want to come near and ‘drink’ from our fountain. If we depend on people to fill our cups all the time, we are just ‘draining’ them. ~~NOT GOOD~~. So this was what I motivated myself into doing, to be a complete, wholesome, loving and happy person even if I have to do it on my own.

9. Surround myself with friends.

Naturally, being alone in a trying time like this is not healthy at all, I needed positive energy around me, to keep me from feeling sorry for myself for too long. I opened up my list of contacts, and started inviting friends out for dinner, gatherings and stuff. I went to these outings with the determination to have a good time and to not mope. Nothing heals a heartbreak like good company. And for that I would like to deeply thank those who have graced me with their delightful companionship & support . (Gina, Jon, Dan, Maj, Joanna, Mel, Irene, Deon, my sisters…And so many others I can’t mention or it would take up the whole page, I hope you read this)

10. In this sob story, I am NEVER the one who lost

In every bad situation, there is always bound to be something good that comes out of it. For example, you learn, you grow, and you are more prepared for whatever comes next. You never lose, because there is always something to gain.

Even though I knew I wasn't in the wrong in this breakup, and I believed that I was a good and loving and wholesome girlfriend that any man would be happy to have, I did some self-evaluation, and thought of what I could have done better or differently, or mistakes I could have made. I researched thoroughly on mistakes most women usually make in a relationship, and swore to never make them again.

Don't take this the wrong way , this is not where you beat yourself up for your mistakes or what you did and didn't do enough. This is about figuring out how responding differently to certain situations could have been better, or how maybe you drove a man in the other direction perhaps by pushing his way too much, or being too accomodative he took you for granted. This is a learning and growth process, so that you would know how to get that dream relationship that you truly deserve , a relationship that would truly make you happy in the future.

With this in my head, I minimized self-blame and self-pity, and thought about the many newfound ‘options' that would be coming my way. I know, I lost the battle to win the war J

On the other hand, if the breakup had been a bad one, or obviously caused by a fault of yours e.g you fought a lot, you were being too difficult, you did something unforgiveable etc…learn from it, but do not punish yourself with regret and self-accusations. Start anew and look forward to how much you will improve in future relationships. And make sure you do not commit the same mistake again or this will really be a lost cause. So when faced with a breakup, Do not ever think of it as a lost, but an experience that would prepare you for something better.

11. Mend this heart, and open it up to other people, but never ever let it get away from me again.

This is a lesson I learnt well. I let other people have control over my heart, when I myself had no control over it especially when it was on the verge of being broken. Now that I have it back, mended it with all the steps above, I must learn how to protect it. But protecting it does not mean closing it up and putting up fences. I keep it open, to love, to happiness, to people, I picture it as something, inside my chest, my chest is opened up and my heart is beating, radiating warmth and joy to whomever comes near, but my heart is still inside me, I’m in control of where it goes. And whoever wants to feel what my heart has to offer, and to have my heart, has to stand close to me. Because I will never again make the mistake of letting my heart get carried away from my being.

Well, it's been a long time since that saga of heartbreak. Right now, where I am, I can proudly say that the old jolly Annabel is back and better than ever. I'm living my life, always busy doing what I love to do, I've been on numerous dates, and actually have the luxury of deciding who I will be happiest with. And I am still in the process of deciding. OPTIONS RULE!! The difference is now I am no longer desperate for love, my heart is now fully mended and additionally equipped with self-love and respect. Ahh ...Thank God for them LEMONS

Where the FUN at : Lemons can also be made into batteries, did you know?

Just Jammin'

2011-05-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

The imperfectly FUN jammin' session

K2FP8FJJDANK w

Fascination

2011-05-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

Our own arrangement on the classic 'Fascination'

Joanna Funk – Keyboards

Sophie Van Aerde – Violin

Me - Cello

LEARN A LIFE LESSON TODAY

2011-03-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

The great thing about the class of LIFE 101 is that anyone can be a student and absolutely everyone can be the teacher. Do not underestimate how insightful a 4-year old can be and do not be surprised how much a 50-year old still needs to learn.

So you think you know LIFE? Well then I got a challenge for you.

carry out at least three things written in the list below. Write down everything that happens during the course of execution. You can choose any given day and carry it out at any pace. But be sure to Embark on these tasks with an open heart & mind. Be prepared to discard of your old views and stubborn perceptions. But do not lose yourself in it.

you'd be surprised at the things you have been missing in life all this while.

Game For It? Here we Go!

Things you need : Any sort of writing utensil ( pen/pencil/crayon/marker),

A nice looking notebook that makes you feel like writing, TIME, curiousity,

open heart& mind, people

THE LIST

Pretend you are an alien, visiting earth for the first time. Observe Humans as if you have never seen them before.

Try having an intellectual conversation with a kid younger than 7

Try having a carefree ,casual conversation with a person over 60.

do one nice thing for your enemy

Think of one thing that resembles your life e.g. my life is like an empty apartment, it needs to be worked on and filled with stuff, and reflect on how anything can be fixed as long as there is heart.

Choose a day, any day, on that chosen day, pay attention to everything that happens around you for at least 12 hours. Jot down every/any single interesting thing you heard, touched, saw, tasted, smelled. Elaborate on what it made you think and feel.

Write a short biography about someone you think is interesting. Choose a subject. Thoroughly interview subject.

switch off your handphone, television and laptop for an entire day and survive.

Spin an earth globe. Stop it with a finger. Research and write down at least 10 facts about the place your finger lands upon.

Spend time with someone you would usually ignore or don't really like, and try your best to have a good time.

Do one thing that will get you dirty (play ball in a muddy field, roll in the sand, food fight etc), take a long hot shower after. pay attention to the sensations.

Make a fool of yourself in front of everyone and laugh

Where the FUN at? You don't need a PhD to prove how much you know about Life.

I JUST GOT DUMPED

2011-01-23T02:23:00.000-08:00

I just got dumped. About an hour ago. By someone I have been dating for half a year, someone who suddenly told me today, after days of telling me he wants to be alone, and leaving me hanging, that he was not ready for love. And he did it Through text message.

You might think that I am a mess right now, with rumpled hair and tear-streaked face, piles of tissue beside me, with my phone in my hands, desperately trying to call him, sobbing when he doesn’t pick up.

But I can proudly say, I am looking in the mirror, and I actually look pretty darned good , not like someone who has just been dumped at all. I’m still in my Sunday dress, my hair is still in place, although there are a few fly-aways from being blown by the wind. I am amazed to see that I can still actually smile into the mirror like I always do. I don’t exactly remember where I put my phone, I might have left it in the car. Oh Well.

A good friend of mine called me up to ask me if I'm ok. She had to ask twice because she couldn't comprehend why she wasn't hearing sniffing and crying from me. I started giggling and told her I was perfectly fine XD.

Half an hour ago I changed my relationship status on Facebook to single, and started asking who was free to go out partying. The response was swift and overwhelming. Chat boxes popped up asking “ ARE YOU REALLLY SINGLE???” ,”ARE YOU OK?” , “WELL, DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU ARE AVAILABLE NOW?”, “ APA LAGI??? KITA LA YANG BER’DATING NI MALAM’!”

Very flattering, it made me laugh out loud. But what really made me feel good were these messages:

“ How can you be that strong?” & “ How can you still be so confident about yourself?”

The simple answer is this . I simply chose how to feel about things. It is that easy.

Well, maybe it wasn’t THAT easy because it took guts and a lot of self-motivation. But I chose and I think I chose well.

I chose to not blame myself, I chose to not feel miserable, I chose to not waste my time burying myself in pillows and snot-filled Kleenex, I chose not to tear myself into pieces over someone who would not really care, someone who was not man enough to step up to the plate and love me for the cool person that I am.

I chose to shift my focus into making myself happy , I chose to watch “Whose line is it Anyway” on Youtube and laugh my head off, I chose to get myself too busy to give him too much thought. I did allow myself about 5 minutes to shed some tears, I’m human after all. After that I chose to suck it up and to not allow my emotions and life to be controlled by someone else. I choose to not beg and plead and put my life on hold for ANYONE, EVER! I chose to believe that whoever has me should feel so lucky and if he does not realize it, then it is just too bad for him then. He just lost the one and only me.

Do I sound pompous and a tad bit too arrogant? Well, at least I’m not contemplating suicide and bawling over how my life sucks and whining about how much I want him back. At least I do not have to make other people worry whether I am going to burst into tears any second or whether to hide all sharp objects from my sight. I’m going out tonight and I’m gonna party like it’s MA BIRTHDAY. J I got my friends around me, good music, my family. Those who really cares for me, and are willing to be there for me, are the ones who are gonna get all the pieces of my good lovin’. Life is too short to pine over someone who can’t handle me. I choose SELF-WORTH .

We all have a choice people, so choose wisely. Choose to LIVE.

Where the FUN at? : I choose where the Fun at, and it is on the very ground I stand upon.

P/S: This is also a response to the infamous Alviss Kong Suicide. This is a perfect example of what we should NEVER EVER do after a breakup. Because in the end no one wins. And the one who suffers most is his family, who are the people who loved him unconditionally for all those years. May he rest in peace

Dizzy Calender 2011 for download

2010-12-31T22:22:00.000-08:00

Dear readers,

For simply dropping by and reading my blog, I am rewarding you with a self-designed 2011 calender for you to use and print out. Simply click on the calender above to go to link, when in new link, click on the photo to zoom in to full size and right-click to save image. If you have problems downloading, just click HERE and leave me your e-mail so I could personally email attachment to you.

is it FOR FREEEEEE???? OF COURSE MY DEARS!! But i would appreciate it if you do not erase my copyright as It took hours for me to create this:) And your comments and feedbacks are highly appreciated.

so Have a blast this year DIZZYFUNCTIONAL style!!!

I'm on the VIP list of my Favourite FLAVA!

2010-12-02T08:29:00.000-08:00

Ooohhh Yea! who doesn't like a dose of
Choco8Vanilla especially when they're feeling down. I got such a wonderful treat today by being made VIP by dear Glay on her blog, WHAT A pleasant SURPRISE! :D

Whether I deserve it is another matter but MAN! how often does one get to be on a VIP LIST? So just let me enjoy this bliss while it lasts ok?

I'm sure EVERY SABAHAN on my followers list will know who Glaylistra is, if you don't , WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? She HAS to be one of the most active WASABER / SABAH-BLOGGER around! So if you do not know her yet, pay her a visit NOW and say hi for me :)

This is THE BLOGGER you would want to be on your side, she is hyper and happy and very outgoing and she has PLENTY of LOVE to share. Why, I have not been on the blogging scene for more than a month and suddenly I'm a VIP on Glay's list? WOOOOT!! *wink*.

So as a newly enthroned VIp Iwould like to offer the MADAMOISELLE LISTRA a Token of Appreciation for her kind attention upon my humble blog.

A CHOCO8VANILLA SUNDAE

Just like dessert, Glay is sweet, soothing, and induces a happy

sensation in anyone who manages to get a 'TASTE' of her. So all

of you, in support of Glay, raise up your sundae glasses of

creamy wholesome goodness

and give a toast to the awesome, the one and only

Choco8Vanilla

PS://CLICK ON ANY CHOCO8VANILLA TEXT TO VIEW GLAY'S BLOG. Please drop by her blog and 'Wooot~' her for me wontcha?

http://choco8vanilla.blogspot.com/2010/12/lucky-number-vip-no119.html

UINAH! SABAH SLANG BAH!

2010-11-25T01:26:00.000-08:00

ONLY IN SABAH, My dear Tobpinai

These are some of the the local phrases and exclamations I have grown up with and fallen in love with. Ahhh...the thick , guttural accent we have, priceless....SO feel free to add on if i missed anything out my fellow Sabahans. After all...

URANG SABAH BAH KITA NI!

Occupation : kalaja

THERE (far away,also applicable to a place more than 10 steps away) : Saaaaaaaaaana

LATER(more than 5 minutes later):Naaaaaaaaaanti/
sikaaaaaaarang!

toothpaste : KULGIT (@colgate in sabahan slang)

how would I know : manaaaa la sia tau?

Lie : tambirang

Go: pigi

Maybe : Mangkali

Butt : PANTAT(use this discreetly when in West Malaysia because apparently it is a VERY DIRTY WORD there...no pun intended)

School : SIKUL

Lopsided : MIRING

Ugly : BIDA!

Slap : Tampiling

No Need ::ta'usah/tosah

DAMN IT!: SILAKAK!

You’re really Good : Champiiiinnnnn o kau ni!

Buddy : Ging

Chase : Bubut

Cigarette : SIGUP

OK!: Bah /MmmmmmBahhh/ Bah bah bah!

Serves you right : Koto!

Table : Mija

Chicken : Manuk

You : KO

Me : SIA/ SHYA

Them : DURANG

rape : Gintak (to learn about how this word came to be please refer to:

http://bengodomon.com/2010/06/25/the-legend-of-gintak-gabui/)

I don’t care : Paduli!

Drink (alcohol) : Moghinum

When referring to someone dumb or stupid this expression is used with extreme passion: O’DOIIII DOGO!

Cheers! : ARAMAITIIIIIIIIIII!!!( the louder a person says this, the drunker he is)

You all : Kamurang

OMG: ATUKOI !

Always : TATAP!

Beside : SIRING

short and muscular : Pindik-pindik TAGAP

James Bond : JimSH BOON

Spiderman : Spaidumin

KL @Kuala Lumpur : KEY EEEL

If people won't accept food offered, This will be the typical retort : Kapunan ko nanti! (which means you’ll get bad luck for not eating, the quickie solution to this is to at least TOUCH the food)

Then there is a classic and overused phrase you will ONLY hear in good ol’ Sabah.

BULIH BAH KALO KAU! ( translate : of course!)

Where the Fun at?

EMBRACE YOUR THICK ACCENTS YO SABAHANS!

TALK LOUD AND PROUD AND DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED.

Not even if you win Akademi Fantasia or something and start working in KEY EEL.

so if you hear people asking, " ape bende u cakap nie???" You say , " SHYA CAKAP BAHSA SABAH LA BAH!" Ok People???

SAY WHAT???

BULIH BA KALO KAU!

for the WSB "Blog Of The Month : November Edition" Criteria

WSB : WITTY, SEXY, BOOMBASTIC
WACKY, SASSY, BODACIOUS!

WE'RE STILL TRYING TO SOLVE THAT DAMNED CUBE

2010-11-21T05:55:00.000-08:00

KudoSurf Me!

9VPCQZEUCMZR

Life is somewhat like a jumbled up Rubik’s cube.

How does it compare?

Life is never perfectly aligned.

Pieces are almost always never in place when you so desperately need
them to be.

You twist and you turn, flip and flop. You might get

one side intact (by accidental luck?) and you whoop for joy!

And you feel self-congratulatory, celebrate a little and tackle the next side with utmost confidence. Then as soon as you got the second side all matched up, side no.1 gets screwed up again???

COME ON! GIMME A BREAK!

You desperately try to salvage side no.1, which took longer than the first time because DAGNABBIT you don’t remember anything

you did to get side no 1 matched up. When you finally do you huff in exhaustion, your brain feels like it has been to a brain gym for hours, then, half-heartedly, you give a go at side no 2, keeping your eye on side no.1 like a hawk. Twist turn flip right up left down down flip turn twist. NO!!

@#*&! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!

You’re back to square 1.

After trying and messing up one time too many and the cube still looks like the way it was before,

JUMBLED BEYOND SALVATION.

And you either leave it in its corner to collect dust, or you fling it to a wall and watch it smash to smithereens.

Some people, who were given more than their fair share of brain cells and luck, do manage to find that formula or algorithmthat actually works. Their algorithms might differ, but all showed the same conclusion.

SENSATIONAL SUCCESS: an immaculate “cube” with all pieces in place

These are the people who we call, the elite, the superstars, the rich and famous, THE KING OF THE HILL, and are worshipped

by people from a thousand kingdoms who are trying desperately to attain that perfect “cube”.

Yes, many of us are still staring at the algorithms with a “cube” clutched desperately in our hands, trying to imitate what these geniuses do with no idea how the algorithm really works.

We may solve it alright, all sides aligned, and yet you want more,

you want to solve it blindfolded, behind your back, in lightning speed...etc.

Or some of us who lack the cranial capacity might just break the “cube” and try to put the pieces back together in their perfect little corners, oftentimes losing some vital pieces and ending up with an incomplete cube.

to these people, I say , STOP OBSESSING!

Because life, unlike a Rubik’s cube, is not about getting all the

pieces perfectly in place. Life is about adapting and dealing with the pieces that are not where it is supposed to be, and making the best of it.

Even for people who made it big, who achieved what everyone benchmarks as the perfect life, there is bound to be at least ONE PIECE that is out of place.

And that is how it is supposed to be, life is about learning to move the pieces step by step, and celebrating all the short algorithms you create in moving those pieces, about appreciating that one side of life that may already be perfectly aligned. Even if the red ends up in the yellow side, you may discover that the two colours together actually do create a striking combination. And you embrace that. Embrace those unmatching pieces because those are the pieces that are going to make your life a little more interesting and colourful.

Obsess about getting all sides of life perfect, you may screw up what you already have, and stand to push away the pieces that means most to you. As well as wasting precious time and energy.

Tell me if this is true, There is always an itch to jumble up a perfect cube because a perfect cube looks so painstakingly PLAIN & PREDICTABLE, and somewhat PRETENTIOUS.

So I say this:

ALL HAIL THE JUMBLED UP CUBE OF LIFE!

HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF AFTER A GODAWFUL PERFORMANCE

2010-11-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

Ever had that performance where everything went perfect during practices, and when it comes to the show you just crumble and see a few faces trying not to cringe?

I've been there. And I've wallowed myself into a bottomless pit of self-loathing and Hershey Bars just to realize that no one really cares that much but me. And that got me thinking, why am I making things worse than it already is?

So these are a few tips I came up with to ease the disappointment or shame or whatever negative emotional experiences you have after the show, because, seriously, pining on my temporary failure to shine was PAINFULLY cramping my style, so here goes :

1. pretend the mistakes you made was actually part of the performance , the audience usually doesn't know any better (well,sometimes they do, but heck, life is too short to worry about everyone else's feelings)

2. do NOT cry or sulk or whine or grumble, no matter how much you want to , act carefree and happy(do not overdo it though, or you'll be screaming FAKE!) If people see you in a stormy mood they will know you DEFINITELY screwed up.

3. if someone comes up to you and criticize , just smile and agree, and say that you were not at your best. If possible, engage in a small lighthearted chatter with the critic, hopefully his impression of you will change and he might even start feeling guilty for being so critical. And in turn you will learn about ways to improve yourself .

4. tell yourself that you still have a NEXT TIME to redeem yourself

5. it would be helpful to have understanding friends around you after the show to cheer you up, bring you out for ice cream or some hardcore PAR-TAYING!

6. make sure you look HOT, before, during and especially after the show. if people can't compliment on your show, they can still compliment on your looks.

7. for the next few days, engage in activities that will take your mind off the failed performance. e.g. go on a shopping spree, clean your backyard, go jog or fly a kite at the beach where all the hunky dudes/sexy chicas go, bake a souffle, open a bottle of red wine and invite friends over etc etc. DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN'T FIX ALREADY.

8. GO FORWARD AND STOP LOOKING BACKWARDS. Go practice some more KICK SOME ASS next time around. Moping or smashing up things is not going to help anyone, especially not YOU.

9. Remember, even the pros screw up now and then . and before they were pros, they may have screwed up worse. Nobody can be perfect all the time. NOT YOU, NOT ME......
NOT EVEN (insert name of your idol here)!

10. Do not even think of watching any recordings of the performance, no reading of reviews from critics, no calling up friends and asking them how you did, do you want to reopen old wounds on purpose? No, no reviewing and analyzing until you feel mentally ready and lighthearted enough to just laugh everything off over a cup of hot, homemade chocolate with marshmallows on, and some Famous Amos cookies on the side. Which reminds me, I need to go get some myself...

Where the Fun At?

WE CAN CHOOSE HOW TO REACT TO CIRCUMSTANCES, SO CHOOSE TO :

a. cry over spilt milk

b.try to drink up whatever you can from the spilt milk like a starved refugee

c. go get 3 more bottles of fresh milk , chocolate sauce and some cereal

Rocky Situations

2010-11-18T01:58:00.000-08:00

You put on your best dress, the one you save for the very special occasions, the one that hugs your curves and makes you look a little like Jessica Alba at the Oscars. Your hair is done up in an immaculate side-swept chignon that reminds people of old Hollywood glamour. You go full blast on makeup. Slip your perfectly pedicured feet into your show-stopping pair of heels.

It was THE PARTY. Everyone you knew were going. Jason, the stud you had the HOTS for was going ALONE and you wanted to make sure you were the only one he would give a second look at. You were going to be the belle of the ball. And you did look pretty damned gorgeous, you look in the mirror and say to yourself , ‘ you hot vixen you, you are going to be the centre of attention tonight!’

You arrive at the posh resort where the party’s at. You follow the arrow that points to THE PARTY.

You rearrange your steps and try to walk with a little sway in your hips.

You made your carefully planned entrance. Head up, chest out, you walked confidently and sexily(you hope) to where the party was.

They took one look at you and their jaws dropped, eyes opened wide, some of them gasped in amazement. Jason stopped talking to bimbo looking chick

and was looking at you intensely.

It was a perfect entrance, you gloated for a second while staring back at Jason.

It took you awhile to notice everyone else were in bikinis, sarongs and casual tees, flip flops and Hawaiian pants.

You are thrown aback a little, wondering if you’re at the wrong party. But Jason was here, your friends were here. You look around and saw a barbecue going on and people were holding up their charred chicken wings and hot dogs and eyeing you up and down, then you saw sand, and your heels were slowly sinking into it.

It was a beach barbecue party and you showed up looking like you were expecting to be served Braised Scallops on silk covered tables and pretty folded napkins.

And you hear whispers of ‘didn’t she read the invitation?’. Jason is whispering to the bikini clad bimbo and taking side glances at you. And your body freezes and you feel....

MORTIFICATION IN ITS PUREST FORM.

Your confidence feels like it has been shattered by these stone cold stares. Some of them even look embarrassed for you.

Then suddenly through the piercing silence you hear laughter. You turn to see your best friend coming towards you and giving you a discreet wink. “Baaabeeee.....you are at the wrong party! Weren’t you supposed to be Mark’s date at that company launching dinner first before coming here. Did you mix up the venues again girl?!”

You were wondering who Mark was and so were the rest of the people. But you saw an escape route and you grabbed it like manna from heaven.

“OH CRAP! I'm such a airhead! Too many things going on all at once, i guess! I’m late for Mark’s dinner! I gotta go!” Thankfully you head for the EXIT

“You ARE coming back aren’t you Miss Popular?” your friend hollers

“Of course! As soon as I can! With my bikini this time!”

“And don’t forget, we’re hitting THE CLUB after this party with Byron and Cordelia, you promised drinks are on you.” Another wink. You are wondering how she gets names like Byron and Cordelia right out the top of her head like that.

And suddenly you see Jason looking at you with a heightened level of interest. Immediately, from total embarassment, you have become the girl with a lot of things going on for you. Bimbo was now oozing jealousy from her fake tan.

Later on, while you were finally home, stripped down to your bikini, perfectly timing yourself before heading back to THE PARTY. You text your friend the saviour , “If I could afford the WHOLE CLUB, I’d buy it for you....Thank you. XOXO”

AH....friendship rocks.

Mistakes I'll probably be repeating without much remorse

2010-11-17T17:01:00.000-08:00

some mistakes are just meant to be made, and some just brings so much laughter :D that they become mistakes worth making. Its fun being stupid at times, and here are a list of my favourite stupidities.

1 . Eating junk food 2 hours after buffet and trying to work it all off the next day

2. Roller Skating in front of people who are just waiting for me to fall down

3. Going to see a movie sooooo bad crapping in your pants would have provided a better experience

4. Walking in heels at the beach , just for the sake of proving that i can

5. trying out weird combinations when cooking - e.g. curry powder in macaroni salad , beer in pancake batter etc.

7. paying 50 bucks to watch my sister Crisabel eat a packet of wasabi in one go, just to start puking and crying for mercy the next second

8. getting dragged by a bowling ball onto the bowling aisle

9. picking up a baby chick when the mother hen is just nearby

10. Gossiping about stupid people

11. trying to dance like Beyonce in the middle of a crowded shopping mall, much to the horror of my friends

12. Getting so obsessed with crocheting i bought enough thread to clothe an army

14. eating too much chilli and suffering some painful 'Uploads' the next day

15. spend hours trying on many many designer clothings and end up not buying anything

WHERE THE FUN AT?
being imperfect is a blessing in disguise...embrace imperfection as if it were a perfect part of life

DiZzYfuNcTioNaL WHO?

2010-03-08T19:16:00.000-08:00

WELCOME TO MY SPACE OF

DIZZYFUNCTIONALITY

BEFORE I WALK YOU THROUGH THESE DIZZYFUNCTIONAL DOORS PLEASE LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THE PERSON I AM:

I AM A LOT OF THINGS

I'm a musician

I Play the Cello, I sing occasionally, and play the piano(if I am forced to), I compose and arrange songs. I teach music. It is my 24/7 obligation.

I'm a Rubik's Cube Collector

with a good Knack at solving most of them

I'm a Photographer

well, at least , I try my best to take artful pictures

I'm a really amateurish darter

sometimes I just get Lucky and beat the guys, sometimes my dart lands everywhere else but the dartboard

I'M A PASSIONATE FOOD LOVER

I pour my heart out into the food I eat, especially if there is the word 'chocolate' in it.

I'm a Loyal Lover, A true Friend, A sister , A daughter, A Sabahan, A

stubborn-assed mule, A Nemesis, An Allie...

the list goes on and on.

What I really am though , is an avid student of Life 101, where the

class consists of the WHOLE UNIVERSE and everything in it,

and the lecturers are Prof Destiny and Dr. Desire

And This blog, is about my quest in finding the silver lining, the proverbial pot of gold, and about making lemonade.

This, is about Living more and Complaining Less.