To me, and all Unschoolers, school is not the best place for any person to learn best–ever. In fact, school is seldom the place for the vast majority of people to learn anything useful at all. It isn’t set up to teach people how people best learn. It’s only set up to teach people who learn in specific ways. This brings me to multiple intelligences.

Why does the theory of multiple intelligences matter to Unschoolers? Because we are constantly striving to understand ourselves and our children better. We know that everyone is smart in their own unique way, yet schools only teach to a minority.

Here is a Toastmasters talk that I gave on March 14, 2012 which is a simplified explanation of Howard Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences.

Curious what type of intelligence(s) you are highest in? Check out these quizzes:

• Birmingham Grid for Learning
• Literacy Works
• Edutopia’s Quiz

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This brings me to public speaking…

I’ve given lots of talks at this point in my life (I speak on unschooling, homeschooling, publishing, writing, and veganism). While speaking in front of an audience has been stressful, exhilarating, scary, and breathtaking, there is one little hang-up that I’ve kept…

I USE NOTES.

The thought of not using notes makes my heart race, my mouth go dry, and my thoughts just completely disappear. Yes, it frightens me–a lot!

Yet, in part of my determination to thrive this year, I’ve made it a personal goal to become a much better presenter. I want to be a speaker who when people hear me actually have their lives changed for the better–permanently. I want them to be so inspired by my convincing words that they start living a better life. Ask any truly inspiring presenter and they’ll tell you that notes sort of get in the way of this convincing.

How can I reconcile my thoughts from a writing environment where every word is vital to a speaking environment where not only am I going to possibly forget half of what I wanted to say, but I’ll most certainly make up a few things off the cuff? These are the questions I’ve been asking myself. Is every word truly vital?

I recently joined a Toastmasters group in my new area in California. Toastmasters encourages their members to start speaking right away, so I just gave my first talk. The goal of it was a 4-6 minute talk introducing myself to the group. I decided the story behind how I originally started Do Life Right, Inc. would be a good icebreaker since it explains who I am as a person.

Check out the drastic difference between how this talk ended up vs. how I originally wrote it:

DOING LIFE RIGHT (Icebreaker talk for Toastmasters) by Lisa Cottrell-Bentley

Thank you, Toastmaster. Good evening fellow members and guests.

Do you want to live life to its fullest? Do you believe that some ways of living are more correct than others? Do you want to live your life right?

When I was eight, I had a sudden epiphany: IF I DIDN’T LIVE THIS PRECIOUS LIFE THAT I’D BEEN GIVEN TO MY FULLEST POTENTIAL, then I’d have to do the whole thing all over again—yes, I’d have to re-learn (or possibly learn for the very first time) all those lessons that I’d already learned—again. I didn’t want to have to do that.

Knowing this deep in my heart, however, didn’t last long in comparison to the influence my parents, teachers, and family had. You see, I loved to write. I longed to write. I only processed my true feelings through words.

Yet…my parents and teachers didn’t see a career in that. Being born at the tail end of the women’s liberation movement, had my family believing that as a smart female, it was my duty to get an education that would give me a high paying career where I would:

1. be able to support myself financially as an independent adult, making me never be dependent upon a husband or other man to support me,
2. fulfill me in ways that the older generation of women weren’t able to have, and
3. back to the money again—be the first in my family to get a college degree and make as much as males in similar careers did (be a part of the first generation of women to do this), and it had to be an important and technical career.

Since it was a well known fact that authors are almost always a part of the “starving artists” group, my writing was never considered anything more than a cute little hobby. I was good at math and science, and highly encouraged by everyone around me to pursue those subjects, especially as a female. I followed that advice, especially since I did enjoy math, and I received a degree in mathematics when I turned 20.

Before I knew it, my passion for writing was a thing of the past since I had no time to pursue my real interests, only what would put me ahead in life according to others. The only exception being love, and I married when I was 21.

I pursued a career as a computer engineer. A few years later, the calling to have a baby was too strong for me to ignore. Following the advice of my women’s liberation-happy friends, I kept my job when my baby was born. After all, women were now considered equal to men. The thing was, I didn’t love my job and I did love my baby, and my baby certainly considered me the superior choice in helping her with her needs.

This was a big dilemma for me emotionally and financially, and I was re-struck with that epiphany: IF I DIDN’T LIVE THIS PRECIOUS LIFE THAT I’D BEEN GIVEN TO MY FULLEST POTENTIAL, then I’d have to do the whole thing all over again. Was I becoming the person I wanted to be when I followed other people’s advice? Would I be condemned to relearn life lessons if I didn’t follow my heart and the desires of my child?

I immediately knew what I’d tell my daughter if she were the one asking those questions. I’d tell her to be true to herself above all else, ignore those who didn’t understand her life path, and do life right on her terms.

It was clear to me right then that even if I was good at something, it didn’t mean I should do it. Conversely, just because I was bad at something didn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.

I should look inside myself and see what I wanted to do. I should do what I wanted to do!

So, I did.

I quit my computer engineering job, and spent my time pursuing my interests and passions, starting a business, and most importantly, taking care of my daughter. My husband and I didn’t know how the finances would work out for this, but we took that leap, knowing that it was the right path for us.

Fast forward four years and more life-lessons than I could possibly list, and with the birth of my second daughter, my full sense of empowerment came back to me. With it, so did my writing voice. I started writing nearly daily again, both fiction and non-fiction—really pushing my thoughts to their limits and challenging all my preconceptions about life, health, parenting, education, and much more.

This brought me to the same repeating question: Am I doing life right?

The answer was yes in some things and most decidedly not in others. I didn’t want to be destined to repeat those life lessons all over again. I made a vow right then and there to do all of my life right and to continually implement everything new that I learned into who I am as a person.

I felt empowered, truly alive, and excited again. Even more importantly, I started sharing my growing knowledge with others and helping them to do their lives right.

This is when I started my second business. I named this one DO LIFE RIGHT, INC. with the goal of empowering all people to reach their full potentials in life. The name was inspired by my aspiration to do life right. I might not have all the answers, but I had a clear goal.

The business has changed over the years from a consulting business to a publishing company where I publish many authors’ words in addition to my own, yet at every stage I’ve grown the company to suit the needs of both the people I was trying to reach and myself.

It’s a goal of mine to help parents be better parents, to help all humans eat more nutritiously, and to help people feel empowered to make their own right choices. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to do those things, so I was in the ideal position to help.

Will I ever fully do life right? I certainly hope so! I have many goals and dreams for myself. As I tick them off in my life journey, I set out each day to live my life better and better.

As I help more parents in their relationships with their children, I get excited about how empowered they become. I love seeing and meeting people who have found their true right-for-them path, and I’m motivated by them.

While my right path is most certainly not the same one as yours, I hope you’ll consider if you are currently DOING LIFE RIGHT. If so, awesome! If you’re not sure, then think about what gets you excited. Follow those passions and make the absolute most out of every circumstance that life throws your way.

Thank you very much! Mr. Toastmaster.

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My promise to my children ~ as long as I live ~ I am your Parent 1st -your Friend 2nd. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU ! When you understand that, I will know that you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares & worries about you more than I do! If you don’t hate me once in your life – I am not doing my job properly. Re-post if you are a parent and agree [grammatical errors are all the original author's]

As a nearly-40-year-old parent who has always deeply cared about the welfare of my children, to the point of examining and reexamining EVERY SINGLE little thing I do/say/think about them and our relationships, I’ve spent a lot of time questioning why this meme upsets me so much every time I see it–especially when it has been posted by people who I thought were very good parents with good intentions.

As I discussed the meme with my husband and daughters, Greg (my husband) reminded me that the intention of the original author was most likely a deep concern about their child for some particular reason. Clearly their relationship had deteriorated to the point that s/he was grasping at straws to try to get some semblance of control and order back. The thing is: honest and true relationships don’t work that way (and there is no “control”). I believe that whoever wrote this meme is using the wrong indicators for what successful, or even “good”, parenting is. I do understand the concern, but when parenting is done correctly, these methods are never necessary.

So, what are my real thoughts about the meme? I personally find it very insulting, demeaning, and disrespectful to the “child” in the relationship, not to mention overbearing. I am a fully-grown adult and I don’t understand why anyone would want this type of relationship–ever.

This meme is the opposite of what real love is. It is obsessive and controlling–the exact opposite of how I want to treat my children and how I would want to be treated by anyone, especially anyone who claimed to love me (but who was really just a control-freak). If a partner treated me this way, I’d get a restraining order on them and I’d think they were a creep who belonged in jail. I feel so strongly about this that I’ve defriended all but one person I’ve ever seen post this meme. I truly find it that insulting, and my children have thanked me for feeling this way. This meme has caused a lot of long conversations in my family, apparently something the original author and his/her family have never had. (I hope things have changed in their lives by now. If not, I feel very sorry for them.)

About a year ago, in response to this meme, my friend Tara Oster wrote this following meme which I wholeheartedly agree with:

PROMISE TO MY CHILDREN (Written by Tara Oster): I will love you, nurture you, talk with you, share with you, hold you, support you, respect you and trust you. I will know you are doing the best you can in any given moment and I hope you know I’m doing the same. May you find many people who love, care for and respect you like I do. Copy and paste if you feel the same way.

My positive relationship with my children trumps all and if my children ever hated me, I’d consider myself a failure as a parent. While they might be upset with me temporarily, as all relationships take work and open communication, I cannot imagine them ever hating me. When I look back to my own teen years, I’m reminded at how important communication is. When my parents treated me like the original author treats his/her kids, I felt less than loved and I was resentful. I believe that that treatment was the source of all my major teen woes. When my parents treated with me respect and as a whole person, everything improved–including my outlook on life and my feelings about my own self worth.

Thanks to discovering Unschooling, I now live in a completely different world paradigm regarding parenting than the people who copy and paste that original meme. I am thankful for that every day. Where I live, parenting means that my FRIEND-relationship with my daughters comes first above all else in my relationships with them. I am their trusted guide and mentor, never their dictator and certainly never a person who would hunt them down. The Unschooling lifestyle is a very successful way of living. With my daughters currently 15 and 11, we have zero “teen” issues that parents using that popularly posted meme have. My family has too much trust in our relationships for that to ever happen.

For me, that’s the Promise that I hope everyone who reads this blog post can have with their own families. It’s a glorious place to be living–this place of real love. My children and husband are my best friends and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Lisa and two of her best friends (her daughters), December 2011

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I spent 2009 allowing, 2010 intending, and 2011 savoring. So, now, I’m ready to put the knowledge that I have gained from these experiences into real living. It’s time for me to thrive!

In 2012, I am turning 40. This is a momentous occasion for nearly every human. I’m no exception to this, and I’m taking this upcoming transition in my own life seriously. I want to mark the occasion with something amazingly BIG and GRAND, but I don’t know what that will be yet (and that’s okay!). I’m going to be thinking about it over the next few months (and I’m taking suggestions now).

I do know of several of my smaller goals for 2012 though, and they include these plans (all with the word THRIVE first and foremost on my mind):

• Get into the best health of my life, following a McDougall-style lowfat vegan diet. (I’ve been using the stress I had in 2011 as an excuse to not take care of my health, which in turn has made me less healthy. I’m tired of that! I accept responsibility for my health and I’m reclaiming my fullest.)
• Learn to dance Bollywood style. (I start lessons next week, and I’m committing to going to every class of at least one session.)
• Laugh every single day.
• Publish (through Do Life Right, Inc. Publishing) at least two Wright on Time books.
• Publish at least seven books by other authors, including: at least one picture book (this is in the works and it’s fabulous), at least one new author’s middle grade book, at least one middle grade book (in the works), at least two new authors’ YA books, at least one adult fiction (romance and/or mystery, anyone?), and at least one non-fiction about Unschooling. It’s my dream to publish at least two books a month, but I’m setting myself a realistic goal here, and nine in total seems very attainable (and it leaves me open to more projects, too).
• Turn at least one Do Life Right, Inc. book into an audio book. I’d love suggestions on how precisely to do this (although I’ve been looking into it for a while)! My requirements: it has to be top-notch quality, not cost a fortune, and be available for sale through Audible.
• Visit at least four new states with my family for fun and for Wright on Time book research. Contenders are: Oregon, Washington, Alaska, North Dakota, Hawaii, Alabama, Florida (I’ve been once, but my family has not), South Carolina, Delaware, Maryland, and Washington, D.C. (yes, I know this isn’t a state, but I haven’t been there yet ).
• Tell a joke, pun, or otherwise allow other people to see my sense of humor (which I happen to find very funny, thank you) every single day. This is a part of me that I don’t usually show, and I often appear much more serious of a person than I actually am.
• Write and/or rewrite at least one full-length adult novel.
• Start a writing contest and publish the results–in book form.
• Go to all the northern California attractions that my family wants to go to (we have a list). When in Rome…
• Continue savoring my life experiences, accepting them as they come rather than fighting them when they aren’t precisely as I originally desired. This one is particularly hard for me as I am often too caught up in my personal expectations to appreciate this as they are. I purposefully did not plan several things in 2011 so that this wouldn’t happen, and those are some of my most favorite memories of the year. I won’t forget this.
• Speak at at least two conferences. These are lined up (and I’m open to several more, especially in the states I haven’t been to, and other countries): HSC’s (Homeschooling Association of California) “Adventures in Homeschooling” in Sacramento on August 2-5, and the Society of Southwest Authors Conference in Tucson in September or October (TBD).
• Continue cultivating and appreciating friendships, including my friendships with family members. I’ve particularly been enjoying making new friends in California, and deepening my online friendships.
• Switch banks and make the money I do have work more for my family’s needs and wants. I’m tired of not being able to access my money when I most need to. We purposefully chose a national bank for our easy-access money since we travel a lot and live in two states, but this hasn’t proven reliable as I continue being declined access at the most inconvenient times (e.g. grocery store check out).
• Continue being the facilitating Unschooling mama that my daughters need. Honestly though, this is just life and doesn’t feel like an extra “to do” thing to cross off a list at all! I love being a mother and wife and plan to be both forever!

What’s your word for 2012? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter!

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As many of you know by now, my family was on The Today Show yesterday, October 14, 2011. Many people have sent me private and public messages about our appearance. Some sent congratulatory messages, some wonder what kind of feedback we’re getting, some want to know our thoughts about the segment, some want our advice about Unschooling, and some want to tell us that we’re crazy or other such sentiments. I’ve appreciated all the feedback I’ve received, both positive and negative. It’s been useful information to me as my family continues being Unschooling advocates.

To make our views public, we’ve decided to write up this blog post saying our views about the segment. Although this is in first person, my entire family had input on this post and agrees with it.

Overall, we found the segment and the entire experience to be very positive. The producer, camera crew, and in-person producer were competent, inquisitive, and respectful (and interesting). I can’t say a single thing negative about any of them. See Having The Today Show Film Us for more information about this experience. Plus, some of the editing was really nice (like the part where it went from my recording Zoe to Zoe on her website showing a Geo Party! clue). We did not meet the reporter, the experts, or Matt Lauer in person, nor have we talked with any of them in any way before or after the show aired.

Now to our deeper thoughts on the segment: As often is the case, the media didn’t get their facts exactly right (but they were very close to correct on this near-to-my-heart topic). In addition to my family (myself-Lisa, husband-Greg, Zoe, Teagan) on the segment were two “experts” and Matt Lauer, and seemingly random stranger children (who I’m sure had no idea footage of them was used like this).

The first “expert” didn’t have any of his facts correct at all, and it’s disappointing to me that he was interspersed so much into my family doing things. Other than showing an “anti-Unschooling” viewpoint for balance, I’m not sure what the purpose of having him in the segment was.

The second “expert,” Dr. Robyn Silverman, clearly did her research and made a solid attempt to get the facts straight. She’s obviously very good at what she does (see her website for more details on this), and I respect her a lot for the great work she’s doing and the help she’s giving parents, children, teens, and educators. Unfortunately however, by the first two lines in her blog post about the topic, it quickly becomes evident that she hasn’t researched Unschooling enough to be considered a real expert on this particular topic (at least not yet, although she seems inquisitive enough that I believe she could become an expert on it some day). She writes in her blog: “Unschooling is a radical form of homeschooling that throws the books out the window on traditional learning. School takes place out of traditional school doors and on the child’s own terms.”

As Unschoolers know, the whole point of Unschooling is that there is NO school, hence the name of “Unschooling.” School doesn’t take place at all in an Unschooling home, but learning does–LOTS and LOTS of learning. This may sound like an issue of semantics. It’s not. Understanding the differences between the words learning, educating, and teaching is vital to comprehending what Unschooling actually is. (See below for more on this.)

Robyn is also incorrect about a few other little things that I’ll mention below, but she definitely understands the gist of Unschooling, and explains a number of things correctly. We loved her last line in the segment itself: “The passions are fostered here and that’s something we can all learn from then, can’t we?”

Overall, I’m impressed with how quickly and succinctly Robyn was able to answer the questions addressed to her, and I think she did a good job answering the questions considering what her background is and the fact that she’s never actually met with any Unschoolers in real life.

I’ve received a lot of messages empathizing about Matt Lauer’s comments and questions. Honestly, I laughed when I heard him talk. It was obvious that he was trying to speak as “the common man who had only first heard of Unschooling that day” and only for three minutes. I could see the effort, but it didn’t quite work, especially using my family as an example, as we don’t fit any of the molds he was trying to shove Unschoolers into. As for the “Unbathing” comment, well, I just feel sorry for him if he truly believes that and felt the need to insult his family in that way. My guess is that he was just trying to get ratings by that “clever” correlation of words.

CLARIFICATIONS WE FEEL THE NEED TO CORRECT:

TEACHERS:

• None of us ever said that our children were their own teachers. Quite the opposite! They don’t have teachers at all. In Unschooling, parents are not the teachers and neither are the children as I explicitly said during filming. Having these words put directly in front of my line about being the facilitators to my daughters’ learning was extremely disappointing, especially since it was an untruth. The reason we didn’t like this is because it enforces the notion that there have to be teachers in order for children to learn.
• People do not have to be taught in order to learn. Knowledge is not something that must be bestowed from one person to another; it can be gained independently.

PRECISE WORDS:

• Zoe was quite upset that a sentence she said was split apart and used completely out of context, giving the “phrase” an entirely different meaning than her intention. We digitally recorded the entire day, so we’re very aware of what was actually said vs. what was used on the air.
• Zoe actually said, “Unschoolers often say, ‘I get to learn whatever I want, whenever I want,’ but this is often misinterpreted to mean that Unschoolers don’t learn anything. This is not true. What it really means is that I never have to stop learning.” But, she was quoted as having said, “I can learn whatever I want, whenever I want.” See the difference? It’s big. Zoe was talking about the artificial constraints of class periods in schools and how she doesn’t have to stop learning about something just because a bell rings.
• Personally, I actually agree with how the segment parsed her words because Zoe can learn whatever she wants, whenever she wants, she has that freedom (but it’s wrong to use people’s words out of context).
• Greg was a little disappointed that the words “Unschooling is never less, always more,” were taken out of his mouth and put into the reporter’s.

COLLEGE:

• Zoe has been a part-time college student for over two years now (since right before she turned 13), and has had no difficulties getting in, fitting in, or getting good grades.
• We have not met a single Unschooler (and we’ve met thousands) who has had a difficult experience accomplishing any goal they’ve had, including college. Matt Lauer should have been informed of this, and his college question should have included this information. (For the record, we answered that question and every other question Robyn was asked when we were interviewed.)
• No, Unschoolers do not always need to follow the same steps as public schooled individuals. They are living more complex and interesting lives than that. They can choose to follow along similar paths if they desire, but their enthusiasm for learning and life is so contagious that they are often sought after as colleges and universities are excited to have them bring a spark of life into their classrooms.
• Simply put, getting into college, and succeeding, is a non-issue for Unschoolers. They are highly motivated, goal oriented, individuals.

TESTING:

• Grade levels, testings, assessments, metrics, and all that “school jargon” is nonsense. Testing how other people perform within a 12 month age bracket of you is simply ridiculous. If you don’t think it is, then consider going out right now and finding all the <fill in your age> people you can find, and sitting down and doing standardized tests together… Silly, huh?
• If you believe that testing and metrics are important, then you must also believe that either adults must continue to stay “at grade level” with other adults within 12 months of them, that people stop learning at age eighteen, or that all of a sudden “grade level” stops being applicable. I don’t believe any of these.
• What is the actual goal of testing anyway? To become successful? Who measures that success?
• Learning how to take a test is not a challenging thing, and homework doesn’t help children become smarter. Seriously, just talk to an Unschooler sometime: the proof is in the pudding.

EDUCATIONAL “GAPS”:

• The problem with core knowledge or “fundamentals” is: Ask people what they think core knowledge is and they will respond with the things that they learned while they were in school. Then ask them how much they remember of their classes. I bet the two differ drastically. Unschoolers, on the other hand, remember what they learn because they’ve truly learned it and it’s ingrained in them as part of who they are.
• Think our children might be “behind”? Well, Zoe needed to learn math terminology and symbols in order to score at college level in order to pass an entrance test to get into college (she was required to test at “college level” in order to enter since she was taking the entrance tests at age 12). We took a look at a practice test together and through talking with her it was obvious that while she already knew the concepts, she wasn’t familiar with all of the math terminology and symbols presented on the test. We took a little time to explain what various symbols meant, and she then correlated the concepts that she already knew with these symbols. It took her two six-hour days of studying these symbols as a 12 year old in order to get up to a second year in college level of mathematics. I wouldn’t call that “behind”.
• As for the reading and writing tests? She received perfect scores on those tests with no studying at all.
• Since Unschooling doesn’t force artificial constraints like school does, Unschoolers are allowed the freedom to explore the depth and breadth of topics as much as they desire. They realize that all topics (subjects, if you will) are intertwined and connected in the real world, and this knowledge makes for very “well rounded” individuals.
• Unschooling is about what we do, not what we don’t do.

MOTIVATION:

• Unschooling isn’t just for self motivated children, it’s for all children who have at least one adult in their life who is committed to giving them the time and attention that they need.
• Unschooling allows children to use the motivation that they personally have on their own time schedule, in their own unique way.
• I have never met an unmotivated Unschooled child (but I’ve met lots of public-schoolers who are unmotivated!).
• Unmotivated children simply do not exist until other people’s indoctrination (school) is forced upon them.
• Think of the thing you hate the most. Are you feeling very motivated to do it? If a naturally unmotivated child existed, then we’d have children in this world (assuming nothing was physically or mentally wrong with them) who wouldn’t know how to walk, talk, or even eat.
• People are born with an innate motivation and desire to learn. If you believe that your child is unmotivated, it’s because you are putting your goals and priorities over your child’s and not allowing them to pursue what they are passionate about. It’s really that simple. A child’s job is to learn and grow. When we step out of their way and let them, they flourish.
• Everyone has something they are passionate about. Allow your child’s passion to come to the surface, and perhaps you’ll even find yours (I did!).

PARENTAL GUIDANCE:

• Unschoolers give their children LOTS of guidance–much more guidance, support, and encouragement than any other type of parenting. Guidance is essential to all successful homeschooling.
• Unschooling is a 24-hour a day job, not a part-time sometimes thing.
• All children need guidance and time devoted to them. To not give them guidance is called neglect and “unparenting”, the opposite of what Unschooling is. I have an entire one-hour talk on this topic.
• Unschoolers use strewing as a way to bring more into their children’s lives on a daily basis.

BEING ABLE TO COPE AS AN ADULT:

• The fundamental disconnect here is that the “experts” seem to imply that school is the “real world”. The interesting thing about this is that school is the artificial environment.
• Unschoolers spend their time living in the real world so much, that we sometimes forget that people who spend their time in the school environment (this includes parents of children who go to school) don’t see this obvious distinction. When I backed away from school-thinking and deschooled, this concept amazingly became so obvious that I had a huge paradigm shift that changed my entire outlook on life permanently.
• Another beautiful thing about Unschooling is that our children are with us adults as we cope with all the things we need to cope with: coming up with money to buy a house, paying the bills, grocery shopping, taking care of a household (laundry, maintenance, etc.), taking care of taxes, handling career issues, dealing with other people, and all the other “adult things” that adults have to do to survive in this world. They not only already know how to live in the real world as adults, but they can do it at a much younger age because they haven’t been sheltered from what adult living is actually like. Plus, they’ll know who their resources are for help if they ever need it, which all people do at one point or another in life.
• As for being able to support themselves and get jobs, with or without college degrees, this is also a non-issue. There are thousands of grown Unschoolers out in the world thriving and doing amazing things [I was going to list a few here, but my list got ridiculously long and I didn't want to leave anyone out, so do your own search on this!].
• My younger daughter has been running her own business for nearly two years now, both of my daughters are authors, and their ambitions are so high that I’m certain their entrepreneurial integrity will take them to amazing places. It already is!
• Through being actively involved in life, my children have both had to deal with real deadlines, such as preparing a speech to give at NASA (or a conference or a writer’s meeting), finishing their edits of a manuscript, planning a Girl Scout meeting, practicing for a performance, and preparing for a book signing. These types of events happen all the time in our lives, with real consequences and rewards for real reasons.

JUDGING:

• In regards to the question, “How will we judge these kids and compare them to students their age?” Our answer is simple: We don’t, we won’t, and we shouldn’t.
• We Unschoolers view individuals as, gasp, individuals. We find that every single person in this world is unique and incredibly talented and bright in their own individual way. When you take the time to view people as PEOPLE, rather than cogs in a machine, you’ll discover that finding the hidden (and not so hidden) talents of each person is what makes the world so incredibly special. School does not allow this type of individuality to reach its highest potential.
• Again, the school environment is not the real world. The real world is where we, as a society, are productive, healthy, happy, and thriving and coming up with new ideas and acting on them collectively and individually. The real world is where we can actually make a difference and impact people’s lives.
• Ultimately if my family compares ourselves to anything or anyone, we compare ourselves to the perfect version of ourselves that we have in our heads, and the most impressive person in the world who has the particular quality/ability/talent that we aspire to have. We compare ourselves with the best, not the “average,” because we want to be our best, not a watered-down version of us or a duplicate of everyone else who is the same age as us.
• If Matt Lauer’s real question was “How do we know that Unschooling works?”, then see the above section on testing.

WHOLE PEOPLE:

• We consider children whole people, capable of thoughts, feelings, and desires of their own. Sending a child to an environment where they are not respected seems archaic. Many of my friends who send their children to school advocate for racial rights, women’s rights, sexual orientation rights, etc. I believe these are all important things to promote, however I choose to advocate for ALL human rights, especially the most neglected: children’s, as their rights are so far taken away from them in our society that most of us don’t even see it–we just treat it as normal.

UNSCHOOLING AS A “NEW AGE” IDEA:

• Unschooling is not a new concept, nor is it “hippy” or “wishy-washy”. It’s a well thought-out parenting concept that has been around for more years than any of us have been alive (although the term Unschooling has only been around since 1977 and was coined by John Holt). Please read this Pat Farenga article for a nicely detailed blog post (and entire website) about this.

SOCIALIZATION:

• Again, Unschoolers live in the real world. People have mistaken notions about what the ultimate goal of “socialization” is. It’s not to learn how to interact with people your exact age, while excluding everyone else. That’s behavior that most people need to unlearn as they become adults and have to deal with a wide variety of ages, backgrounds, educational levels, and temperaments in their everyday work and personal dealings. Unschoolers have chosen to skip over that initial misstep and start dealing with real situations now.
• Unschoolers don’t need to belong to clubs for socialization (although they often choose to). That’s just silly! What they do is participate in life as their interests take them, interacting with people of all ages. This is real socialization.

LEGAL REQUIREMENTS:

• Unschooling is considered a type of homeschooling in all 50 U.S. states. Information about this is simple to look up online.

AFFLUENCE:

• Yes, it’s true that my family has traveled a great deal. We’ve been to seven countries and forty U.S. states. Traveling is not a tenet of Unschooling, but it has been an important part of my family’s Unschooling adventure, and we all love it a lot.
• The truth of the matter (that I’ve never opened up about before) is that we’re by no means affluent, well-to-do, or rich. It’s actually something that we’ve been actively working on–as a family–for fourteen years now. When I compare my family’s finances with the mainstream public, we’re actually currently in the lower middle class (with our dreams of Do Life Right, Inc. and ZenActOS, Inc. making it big, we hope to change this in a very big way for ourselves and many, many others–the whole world, actually). This means that we’re currently living paycheck-to-paycheck. We’ve even moved away from our beloved home in order to become more financially stable (and we’re currently sitting on $6 folding chairs in the living room since we don’t have the money to buy real furniture right now). It wasn’t always this way, but our savings have dwindled to nothing as we’ve had our own setbacks that have put us years in debt (like a simple hernia surgery that our previous health insurance wouldn’t pay for). Yet, we’re choosing to invest the money we do have in our children’s upbringing. Learning how to get through financial struggles as a family has been very real-life hands-on experience for my children.
• So, how do we manage to travel and do all these amazing things with our kids? Through a lot of hard work, a crazy amount of negotiating great deals, the generosity of our friends and family (my daughters and I have spent the night at friends’ houses on trips), and through having working trips (we’ve been on four trips this year that were all working trips, not true vacations; even our month long trip to Europe only happened because my husband worked there for part of the time).
• We (myself, Zoe, and Greg) are open to speaking engagements and other opportunities that take us around the country (and world), and plan to do even more of this in the future. This is one way that has helped us do the traveling that we dream of, all while helping other people learn how to live their dreams. [Within the next two years we plan to go to: Hawaii, Alabama, South Carolina, Alaska, Delaware, North Dakota, Florida, Oregon, Washington, Virginia, and Washington D.C.; After that, or possibly interspersed with those, we plan to go to every continent on Earth.]
• The most amazing thing of all is that when I compare our finances to other Unschooling families, we’re actually doing a little better than most of them. Yet, many of them are actually traveling and going on even bigger adventures than us (we know many Unschoolers who live in RVs and travel as a lifestyle).
• Unschoolers are notoriously creative and inventive when it comes to making their dreams come true, especially when it looks like money is the only thing stopping them. They don’t use money, or rather, lack of money as a reason to stop a passion, dream, or goal. The stories that I hear every day in the Unschooling community about how passions and dreams are being fulfilled continue to astound me, and very, very few of them are in the upper middle class or higher in regards to financial wealth.

Overall, we’re very happy with how we were portrayed on The Today Show. I’ve received a lot of feedback, and I’ve appreciated receiving it. It’s one of my life goals to be able to help people “Do Life Right” and live in their own best way possible. Showing people that Unschooling is a realistic option for their families is important! It’s always important to know your options in everything you do.

It’s unfortunate that a real Unschooling expert wasn’t consulted during the actual show (I can list at least a dozen without even thinking too hard; Unschooling experts do exist and they have actual experience with actual real-life Unschoolers). I do realize that The Today Show is a mainstream television news show and that Unschooling needed to be explained in such a way that the general public could understand, as well as be given an unbiased two-sided perspective on. I respect this, however actual facts should have been used in every instance, rather than anecdotal misconceptions. By cutting one word in a sound bite, a phrase can turn inaccurate quickly. I am making a promise to myself to try and remember this as I interpret my own feelings about new-to-me topics in the future.

Do we have regrets about being on the show? No way! We loved the whole experience. We feel very proud that we were able to explain what Unschooling is, why we are Unschoolers, and why we believe Unschooling is a wonderfully successful and more customized way to live than a public-school lifestyle. We weren’t able to explain even 1/4 of this during our seven hours of filming, so we didn’t expect all of these answers to be given in the three minutes that we were on the screen. That just isn’t possible! Unschooling is much too deep of a topic for that to have happened. What we do hope for is that more people are now aware of Unschooling as an amazing option for their families. There is a lot of information out there that anyone who is interested in the topic of how children actually learn can find.

On a personal note, it’s disappointing (but understandable) that more of what was filmed wasn’t shown:

• Teagan talking about her published novel (Novel Concept) and the novel she’s currently writing (I won’t give away the plot now )
• Zoe talking about her experiences with NASA and getting a standing ovation after giving a presentation at JPL
• Zoe’s dream of working for Jeopardy! on the Clue Crew and why she’s started her own online daily video trivia game (Zoe’s Geo Party!)
• Zoe’s upcoming collaborative novel (Fractured Fate)
• Teagan and Zoe’s upcoming collaborative novel (The Epic Story of Me)
• Me with my Wright on Time series of children’s chapter books about a homeschooling (roadschooling) family who travels the U.S. in an RV

Making the decision to become an Unschooling family wasn’t something that we decided in one day, one week, or even one year. It was a well-researched decision for us. I don’t expect anyone to come to a similar life-changing decision without a lot of thought, external research, internal questioning, and family discussions. I do, however, believe that Unschooling is the evolutionary path for the future of education in this world. You can do it!

Our many thanks to The Today Show for bringing up another option for the future of education in the world! Unschooling is an amazing lifestyle choice! Please see my sidebar, or click on any of the embedded links in this article (or the hundreds of posts I’ve written about this topic), to learn more about Unschooling. Want to read about more “real life” Unschooling families? Click here.

P.S. Please buy our books and watch our YouTube videos! Thanks!

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2. Multiple Intelligences Simplified
3. “So, you didn’t go to school?”
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5. Stifled Living; Is that the Homeschooling Style You Want?

The filming crew was at our house for seven hours, but the time flew by so fast it felt like only a couple of hours. Since this area (Silicon Valley) is new to us (our home for the past twelve years has been southern Arizona, and we still live there part-time, and we are originally from Iowa), some of the questions we were asked were about here and what it’s like to live in a new place. Obviously, the bulk of questions were about Unschooling: what it is, why we do it, how it has impacted our lives, etc. Everyone involved in the filming was extremely kind, courteous, and respectful.

We spent some time walking around our new neighborhood, playing a game together (Bananagrams), talking about Teagan’s latest sewing project and the second book that she’s writing, seeing part of Zoe’s rock and mineral collection, picking lemons to make lemonade, filming a “Milpitas, California” category for “Zoe’s Geo Party!” Jeopardy!-style game that she’s been making for over a year now, talking about Zoe’s upcoming collaborative novels and my children’s chapter book series and publishing company, seeing Teagan solve the Rubik’s cube while hula-hooping, and, of course, being interviewed. Zoe was interviewed by herself in her room. Greg and I were interviewed together in our new backyard. Teagan chose to not be interviewed, which is how we’d planned it from the start.

The only confusion that arose in the entire seven hours was with the definition of “need to learn” vs. “want to learn” in regards to children choosing what to learn about on their own (a question that Zoe was asked). Since that caused so much confusion and required multiple explanations (and still wasn’t fully understood), my family has had a number of discussions about that topic since. In fact, we’ve nearly co-written a post about this (which, honestly, could be an entire one-hour talk, since fully comprehending this concept is so crucial to truly understanding what Unschooling is all about).

Making the paradigm shift to an Unschooling lifestyle is huge. We get that. We went through that same transition (it’s called deschooling). Yet, we feel that we’ve never made a more important decision in our lives. It’s changed how we view the entire world, and so we were excited to have had the opportunity to show the world how we live and how wonderful Unschooling is.

Here are a few photographs from that exciting day:

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1. Yesterday on TODAY
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3. Answering Questions About Unschooling
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Opening night of "Life in a Day"

My family and I recently went to the big screen premiere of Life in a Day. Since a clip of mine, of my younger daughter Teagan, made it into the film, my whole family has been emotionally vested in the film. Yet, to be completely honest, I would have loved the film anyway. It’s shockingly deep and has made me cry several times each time I’ve seen it. The music is truly amazing, giving the film a unique flow unlike anything I’ve heard before, and I can’t wait to buy it for my iPod. Warning to parents: the film isn’t lighthearted and (while rated PG-13) has several graphic scenes that I have to look away from the screen for, as well as a few sexual references that some parents might not want their kids to hear.

[Here I wrote in January 2011 about how we found out about the film, etc., and our feelings about seeing the Sundance online viewing.]

The premise of the movie is this: What does a “typical life” look like on Earth on July 24, 2010? Hundreds of cameras were sent out to remote locations around the world, and thousands upon thousands of people sent in clips that they’d filmed. Most were amateurs, like myself, but some professionals sent in amazing scenic footage. With thousands of hours of footage to view, the amazing editors whittled the film into a 90 minute production using footage from only 300 and some people. We feel very honored that our clip made it into the movie! What was produced was, IMO, a very accurate portrayal of what it was like to be a human on Earth in 2010. Viewing this film made me feel very connected to other people living right now, and I’m grateful that this movie was made.

As a celebration of the premiere, Teagan thought it would be great fun to recreate the scene that we filmed last year of her standing in our front yard in Sahuarita, Arizona, USA (in the Sonoran Desert–the only desert on Earth that has saguaros naturally), waiting (patiently for Greg and Zoe to be ready to go to a dance performance of hers at a local park’s grand opening–so she’s all decked out in dance clothes),  solving the Rubik’s cube while hula hooping. Sounds kind of crazy, huh? Well, for Teagan it’s not. Puzzles and dancing are two of her biggest passions, so the combination of the two made perfect sense for her to try this.

Teagan is a much faster Rubik’s cube solver these days, solving the cube in as fast as 30 seconds. So this year (on the one year anniversary of the original filming), she put on her favorite dress, got out her newer Rubik’s cube, and she solved the cube again. This time in about a minute and a half. Here’s our recreation clip taken on July 24, 2011 on our way to the movie premiere.

Going to the theater to see this movie was very exciting for us. While our local theater didn’t care that we were a part of the movie, we went ahead and made our own little announcement before the movie started. When Teagan’s clip came on the screen, the audience went wild with applause. Many came up to Teagan after the movie was over, too, which was very fun for us.

Still curious about the movie? Here are a few articles that mention Teagan’s clip in particular:

• San Diego Reader interview of Joe Walker
• Washington Post article
• Telegraph article on the “Best Clips” from the film
• Documentary.org article
• Jenni Sheppard’s review

So fun to see "Life in a Day" next to these other movies!

Yes, "Life in a Day" is at the theater!

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This flowchart started out as a lengthy list of about 800 questions, got narrowed down to a chart about eight pages long (you wouldn’t have wanted to see it), and then whittled (slowly) down to this two-page pdf handout that I gave out at the Unschoolers Waterpark Gathering in Ohio this past May.

Why wonder about your happiness? Don’t you just know if you are happy or not? For me, happiness isn’t an “on” or “off” quality. It’s a continuing pursuit of betterment. The Declaration of Independence promises us: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” I take this very seriously.

I promise my friends and family that I will always be helping them on their own pursuit of Happiness, as well as show, by example, that I, too, am constantly striving to be better, live better, and be happier. I believe this is the key to fulfillment in life and we can only get there one way–by becoming better people.

I hope you enjoy seeing how my family views happiness, and I hope this flowchart can help you get there yourself!

Thanks for being a loyal reader!

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In a nutshell: We’re growing and we’re having lots of fun!

I’m so excited to announce that we’ve been in the publishing business for a little over two years now, have seven titles in print, and have several more that are actively being worked on right now. (We’re hoping for at least five more to be published this year.) We’ve been receiving the most amazing submissions over the past few weeks, and I couldn’t be more thrilled with this! They are going to be keeping us busy in 2012. I wish I could tell you more about them, since I know you’d be excited, too–they are THAT good! [If you are an author or illustrator, see our submission guidelines to see if our publishing house is for you.]

Our catalog includes four Wright on Time books, a children’s mystery about a 9yo boy named Cody Greene who figures out who stole some art works, another children’s chapter book about two girls who write a novel together for a contest, and a non-fiction self-help advice book about living through life’s ups and downs. Here are images of these books (all can be purchased on Amazon, bn.com, WrightOnTimeBooks.com, DoLifeRightInc.com and many other sites, as well as select stores):

Thanks for all the support!

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5. Talking about Unschooling

To me, this is the heart of good parenting.

Our children are born to us as complete and whole humans (even when they have physical issues), and the very best parents not only accept their children, but they embrace the adventure of getting to know that child for who he is–without preconceived notions.

Yet, I as I talk more with authors about their own lives and their children, before I know what’s happening, they are bragging about how much coercing they do to their children on a daily basis. They force their kids to sleep on command, wake on command, eat on command, shower on command, do homework on command, and never ask for more.

To me, I need to end each day, each week, each month, each year, this LIFE, with pride in how I handled the situations I got myself into and pride with my outward and inward accomplishments. Coercing my children in order to fulfill some preconceived notion of how I think they should be living, is not something I could ever be proud of. It’s actually something I would be deeply ashamed of.

This brings me to the shame I’ve been feeling the past few weeks (months?) as a particularly horribly named book has gained popularity. It brings me shame to be called an author like that author. It brings me shame to be called a human like that human. While I’ll admit to a tinge of jealously over the dollars pouring into the author and illustrator (and publisher)’s accounts for the recently released Go the F*** to Sleep book (which I purposefully did not link to), the whole affair makes me feel like vomiting.

Have we really, as human beings, gone backwards in time so far as to be “considering” making fun of our children to the point of telling them to “Go the F*** to Sleep!”? How is this any different than telling our spouse to “Shut the F*** Up!” or anyone to “Stop Crying or I’ll Give You Something to Cry About!” To me, this is one very tiny step away from child or spousal abuse. It’s not funny–at all–ever. As a witness to a lot of abusive situations, I know that it’s important to never cross a line. Just like an alcoholic should never take a single sip of alcohol. Joking about telling our children something this cruel has crossed that line.

Our children come to us at night because of one thing: HUMAN NEED. Aren’t we, as their guardians and protectors, supposed to be helping them get their needs met? Our kids don’t come to us in the night for spite. They come for love.

This book is the opposite of funny. It’s denigrating. It’s treating our children as though they were less important than pets, less important than objects, less important than their fears. Those I’ve said this to have actually said, “Gee, Lisa, you must have had it easy as a parent then, if you’ve never been so exhausted or annoyed with your child to be thinking these thoughts.”

I’ve been there! When comparing stories with others, I’ve actually “been there” more than anyone I’ve ever met (other than my husband who was right there with me)! As anyone who has truly ever met my children and I over the past 14+ years can attest to, I know what it is like to have a high-needs-never-sleeps child. It’s exhausting. There were times I thought I would die of exhaustion. There were times I probably would have preferred it. It was that bad.

But, did it ever cross my mind to scream at my child, “Go the F*** to Sleep”? Not hardly. Not once.

What did I do when I was up against the wall with ideas for how to make my child and myself happy and content and at peace during daytime and nighttime hours?

1. I quit my job. Yeah, my kid was more important than money. [This took serious adjusting since we had no idea how we were going to pay our mortgage and buy groceries, but was worth every penny.]
2. I took parenting seriously. It became my whole life for a while there, not just one aspect of it. Those who tell you that you need a life outside of your kids are just plain wrong. It happens naturally over time, you don’t need to force it before you and your child are ready.
3. I held my babies for LITERALLY 24 hours a day (through using the toilet, making supper, “napping” in a chair, bathing, and much more). The only break I got is when my husband took over. We did this “24 hours a day thing” from birth to age ~18+ months without stopping. They then very gradually weaned themselves into self-sufficiency over 5-7 years.
4. I sought out advice from parents I admired, especially the ones who had great relationships with their “old” kids. They’d usually tell me that all mainstream parenting advice was wrong, and give me ideas on how to trust my child’s and my inner wisdom.
5. I got help from my husband, my parents, my local La Leche League, and online forums.
6. I learned about extended breastfeeding (yep, we did this for years).
7. I learned about attachment parenting and children’s true needs (and how if you don’t meet them as an infant/baby/toddler/child, then they’ll grow up lacking later).
8. I learned about the family bed and sold the damn crib.
9. I learned about Unschooling, and the even more life changing and affirming Radical Unschooling.
10. I learned about how diet can affect sleep. I learned that caffeine would be a big mistake to start consuming again, and so I didn’t–at all, no matter how much of a helpful drug it sounded like it would be.
11. I learned that my WANTS weren’t even slightly as important as my child’s NEEDS (yep, there is a difference between want and need). Wants can wait. Needs cannot.
12. I learned that I could wait a few years before watching a movie or television show, or pursuing my “own” hobbies. They’ll still be there later; little kids need you now.
13. I learned that the more trust I put into my children, the more our relationships grew and flourished.
14. I learned that putting in all that time, work, energy, and love early has made ALL the difference with raising a teenager (whom I have no complaint with, we have an *amazing* relationship that many envy).
15. I learned that I was one of the two people who created this child, so I was one of the two people who had to deal with the responsibilities of raising her. This was my responsibility and I didn’t push it off onto others, or abuse my children verbally or physically in order to “deal with it”.
16. I learned that I could sleep, holding my child, in all kinds of interesting positions.
17. I decided not to have more children. I only had so much in me and parenting two high-needs children was all I could handle. There is no shame in having zero or “only” one child. Know your limits and stick with them. You don’t need to impress anyone, just honor yourself and your already existing children. Some people thrive with many children, but if you are feeling like doing something stupid, mean, or dangerous to your kids, then you’ve had too many kids–get help and don’t have more kids.
18. I learned to live slightly sleep deprived for a limited time. I didn’t drive sleep deprived. I didn’t operate any heavy machinery sleep deprived. I didn’t cook anything dangerous sleep deprived. I learned to rest with my kid wherever my kids were. If I’d had other responsibilities, I would have given them to someone else. See #17 as to why I couldn’t have handled having older and younger kids at the same time.
19. I made my getting enough rest my responsibility, not my child’s. Once she was asleep, if I was feeling the slightest bit sleep deprived, I went to sleep too, even if that meant that I went to bed at noon.
20. I decided to go with the flow. We didn’t need to sleep when the rest of the world slept, we just needed to be rested. I could choose to be happy, or I could choose to be mean. I went with happy, helpful and kind and I’ve never once regretted it.

Am I impressed with the marketing campaign for this book? Yes!

Am I impressed with the author? Not a chance.

As a fellow publisher, am I impressed with the publisher? No matter how much money they are raking in, I consider it blood money and I’d be ashamed to have lived a life that produced a book like that and I never will. I actually gave serious pause to whether or not to even write this article…I don’t normally spend so much time talking about negative influences. Yet, this post was calling to me from all aspects of my life (my author life, my unschooling life, my personal life).

My advice: Words have meanings. Use yours wisely. Don’t say anything, even in jest, that you don’t actually mean. Spend time with your children. It’ll make all the difference and you’ll stop “needing” to put them to bed.

Bonus advice: If you are an author, start treating your children better than your characters. They are real people and they deserve it.

Not offended by this book and all it represents for today’s American society and how we treat our children? Then get the F*** out of my life! Offended now? But, but, it’s just a joke… Not funny, is it?

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