Documented Distraction

READ ME!

2012-05-02T04:19:00.001-05:00

Artofjoor.blogspot.com

Epic blog. Worth a follow.

That is all.

Artificial Intelligence & Philosophy

2012-03-26T19:29:00.002-05:00

Imagine walking into a room with keyboard and computer screen. You are instructed to have a conversation with another person in an identical room just beyond the wall. You proceed to ask and answer a multitude of questions. Five minutes later, you stop typing and leave the room. You learn upon leaving that there was no one else in the other room. In fact, there wasno other room. The whole time, you were talking to a computer program that was fetching logical responses to every question you asked. Does this mean the computer is intelligent? Can the computer really understand what you are saying to it and vice versa?

To answer this question, we bring you the chinese room experiment. A native speaker of chinese asks you, a non-chinese speaker, several questions in chinese - question that look to you like nothing but typed squiggles. Despite your lack of understanding, you copy the text and paste it into a search bar, and the answer to your question is immediately displayed. So, you copy the answer and paste it into the original text box and press "Send." To the speaker on the other side, a computer has seemingly just logically answered a question, and possibly shown some sign of intelligence.

How, you might ask, can the second example answer the questions of whether Artificial Intelligence really is intelligence? Searle thinks that no, this does not imply intelligence, because Intelligence implies understanding. If the computer truly understood you in the first example, it follows that you also understand chinese, based on the second example. Do you really understand chinese by using pre-set rules to decode questions into believable answers? No. The computer understands your questions and the answers it spews just as well as you understand the squiggles of text that you copied and pasted into the Q&A Database (not at all). Being able to follow training and rules does not make you intelligent, it makes you obedient. Until science can massively improve its parallel processing technology, artificial intelligence will most likely stay that way. Artificial.

How to Make Skyrim a Better Game

2012-01-15T12:15:00.002-06:00

Dear Bethesda and/or ZeniMax,

When you make your next elder scrolls game (hoping for Elsweyr :D ) I assume you will progress along the same line that you have been following since the beginning. Morrowind brought new meaning to open world, Oblivion beautified it, and finally theres Skyrim, which broadened the unique and beautiful Elder Scrolls universe.

But lets face it. Game mechanics can be a bitch to figure out, and they can take away from some of the more personal elements of the game. Many gamers like me would love to see these features in your next game…

Voice Synthesis

If you can perfect this technique for a game engine, you could go back to the highly specific and personalized dialogues we saw in morrowind. It's easier for you to write hundreds of lines of responses than it is to pay a voice actor to record them all.

NPC Memory

When you return to an NPC who knows you, he/she remembers you. Different responses would be appropriate based on amount of time passed between this visit and the previous visit. for example 1 day might be "Back again, eh?" whereas 1 week may have been "Nice to see you again" and 6 months may have been "Where've you been, buddy?? Haven't seen you in forever!" If you get my meaning. You could have any number of responses in between, randomized to seem most natural.

NPC Friends

Yeah, people like you more if you do stuff for 'em in Skyrim, but come on, lets be honest... wouldn't Lydia and I be a LOT better acquainted by now? At the very least, simple dialogue changes could be utilized to somehow show when characters are friends.

Home Decorating Mode

I for one LOVE nice looking homes in Elder Scrolls games. Sadly, with the limited control on movement of objects in Skyrim, a nice looking home is a feat indeed. Wouldn't it make sense, then, to make a "Home Decorating Mode"? This is not out of the question, as Bethesda has added several new features, including a mode for commanding a follower what to do, as well as more options for interacting with the world around you. For example, when in this mode, clicking on a plate does not loot the plate, it brings it up on your screen and shows all available food, and you proceed to arrange food on the plate, then when you are done you can place it anywhere you please on the table. The bookshelves and weapon racks in Skyrim are a good start, but I feel like there are a lot of improvements to be made

Skill System

Reintroduction of the Idea of "Minor" skills. In Morrowind, you had 5 major and 5 minor. +10 to your major, +5 to your minor. In Oblivion, you said screw minor skills, were going with major only. Except you only get SEVEN! And then in Skyrim you basically said "fuck skills we're gonna let them level whatever the fuck they want."

I think minor skills should be brought back, but without disrupting the Skyrim leveling style (Which is very successful in my opinion). There should be a second set of skills and perks. you have a regular character level but then you also have a "minor skill level" for lack of a better name. Minor skills could be things such as Farming, mining, woodcutting, (smithing, enchanting, alchemy would be controversial but available as options). Maybe these could count towards your total level but only a fractional amount. so maybe you make the level cap 95, but with all the minor skills, you can get it to 100. SO you have all these badasses who think that they're the shit but are actually not because they're level 95 and they just killed lots of shit to get that way and you have these other people who are like 'Dude, i was in your shoes, except the whole time, i was cutting wood, digging holes, and planting crops. And i'm level 100 now. INYOURFACE!'

SO yeah, a status symbol for people who talk about their characters with their friends (Believe me, it happens often.) Not the point though. The point is, these minor skills could give you abilities that will help you level your other skills. Maybe the minor skill cooking gives better, longer food buffs than normal players could. maybe the minor skill mining could allow miners to find more than 3 ore per vein, or become much more likely to find gemstones and soul gems. The point is you can do those fun side activities much more efficiently.

DESTRUCTIBLE ENVIRONMENTS!!!!

I set a tree on fire when I was fighting that mage? Sucks to suck, I just made a forest fire. I set off a fireball in dragonsreach and one of the pillars that held the whole thing up blew out, and bam, down came the ceiling. This is possible if you generate objects using a voxel engine… just imagine: fully destructible environments. there would an obvious "bottom layer" of volcanic rock or something that we cant mine through so that we cant go too low, but make everything destroyable somehow.

BUILDABLE ENVIRONMENTS!!!!!

I know, I know, if you could do that, the whole of Skyrim would be royally fucked and we would be basically playing Minecraft on Skyrim, this is not the idea! Explosions and meteorites and such can make craters using this voxel engine, and the player can dig through the dirt, but only at a realistic pace. mining through stone would be another story entirely, It would take real-life days to make anything useful. This would be more just so that environmental circumstances are allowed to occur naturally. Also, if you decide to burn down a building, they CAN and WILL rebuild it.**

**Yes, I am insinuating that I would also like the ability to build my own house, wherever I please. but i do realize this violates a general principle present in bethesda's game design, so I will not pursue the argument any further.

This would seem to imply that if you wanted you could make a quest in a new Elder Scrolls game where you recruit an army of dedicated followers and establish a new city somewhere purely through their loyalty and ability to gather the natural resources to build walls and roofs. Over time, the quality of the town would be improved, and you could be the king of your own empire. the possibilities are endless…

Another Idea

A donation from a generous donor (player) has allowed the town of Riverwood to be upgraded to a stone-walled city with newly constructed houses and roads (along the same lines of the thieves guild hideout being upgraded mid-quest)… modifications to the map would be possible, and not just big ones that can be achieved with terrain phasing, im talking about the little individual changes like leaving an arrow in the ground and finding it again a year later because the game remembers everything. Except instead of putting something onto the map, you take something away, and that something is always gone. A tree that got chopped down for logging is gone forever (or until a new one is planted and grows) this might lead the player to take a vested interest in stopping logging, because the trees of skyrim would begin to disappear as logging activities increased.

First you had Radiant AI. Now you have Radiant Story. I Believe it is high time for Radiant Creation.

New blog for y'all to follow

2012-01-09T14:53:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone. I made another bloggy internet friend today, and I thought that she was preeeetty hilarious upon reading her first post. So, I thought I'd share you a link!

http://atthebrinkwithcoldtoes.blogspot.com/

+follow her and enjoy!

Odd tidings from MN

2012-01-02T17:35:00.000-06:00

We have had a VERY weird Christmas here in the Twin Cities. For one, it was most definitely NOT a white christmas. I feel like God or Santa or whoever is responsible for making christmas snowy pressed "snooze" their hibernation disruptor alarm clock and just managed to crawl out of bed on New Year's Eve to cast the spell of winter over our hustling and bustling heartland state.

Christmas Day is drearier without snow. Brown grass and skeletons of trees aren't exactly iconic christmas symbols.

I was walking outside on New Year's Eve at about 4:00 PM. December 31, 4 P.M., and it had just rained. December in Minnesota is NOT supposed to include rain! I checked the weather on my new phone (It is set as my screen lock display). Lo and behold! 44°F, which, as I just discovered, is 6.666°C. Ironic, because by "walking outside" I meant I was walking into church, of all places. Apparently Satan kidnapped Santa and thought no one would notice.

New phone

2011-12-26T16:09:00.001-06:00

I just got an HTC Sensation and downloaded the blogger app for android.

I'm watching a movie with my girlfriend now... Same girlfriend I wrote about awhile back... 2 years in and we're still going strong :) Here's her. She doesn't know I was taking her picture :P

First Year Seminar

2011-11-01T13:13:00.002-05:00

College is a lot of things, including nothing like high school, except for this class. First Year Seminar, abbreviated as "FYS" (Which I like to reattribute to 'Fuck Your Self') because this class is so boring.

I learned the nitty-gritty details of the english language in high school, with a teacher that drilled Diana Hacker into our brains with more oomph than a bulldozer, but here I am again, learning about comma splices and subject-verb agreement.

Each FYS class has a topic. Since there are at least a thousand first year students and only 16 or so students in each FYS class, there are a LOT of sections. For some, this is a gift. I would more than love an FYS class about psychology or politics. Guess what my topic is?

Art History.

Not to rip on those who enjoy art and its history. I think all forms of scholarly research and study are important in some way, but come on. Art history? Who could have picked a drier and more boring topic to force first-year students write about? I don't care how many dots Georges Seurat put on A Sunday Afternoon on La Grande Jatte or why Jan van Eyck signed his name on the wall of the Arnolfini Double Portrait. I would rather be learning about why the United States wants to nation-build in the middle east or why I had a dream about the Artistocats last night.

But, as I say more than too often, c'est la vie. (That means 'such is life' for all of you commonfolk who don't know a lick of french.)

If anyone cares or dares to comment, I want to hear about the most mundane and boring aspect of your life that you have no choice but to do on a regular basis. I'm sure Art History FYS is not nearly as boring as what some of you could come up with. =D

2182

2011-10-26T13:45:00.000-05:00

Friday, September 18, 2182

Today marks the 150th anniversary of the Near-Earth Colonization Alliance (NECA). Progress since the founding of the organization has been dramatic, to say the least. Donations from some of the world's wealthiest individuals were used to start NECA and begin the long-awaited terraforming of Mars. To celebrate, the organization has published a documentary series, several books, and an all-new website for Terrestrials to experience the new Mars without the lavish expenses involved in transportation.

NECA is currently working on three other projects, with the intent of terraforming Venus, Mercury, and the moon Titan. Attempts to generate sufficient magnetic fields on these planets have been wildly successful, and the atmospheric modification to Titan is expected to begin within the next 6 months.

"With what we've been able to do on Mars," says NECA official Amy Reynolds, "We have no doubt that Titan will be livable within 50 years." She goes on to say that Venus and Mercury, while more difficult due to proximity to the sun, will be livable within 100 years, due to the revolutions in mass-production of ozone and in-situ resource management. "We only need three or four major supply drops onto any of these plants before we can start harvesting materials directly from the planets themselves. This brings the cost down to a much more reasonable level than it was during Project Mars."

The population of Mars is currently stable at 2,000,000, and plans for a new city would increase that number to at least 2,500,000.

Going to hell? Maybe, but hear me out first.

2011-10-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the length of this post, but please read it. I feel very strongly about this topic.

The world's biodiversity has drastically decreased. Our planet is warming. (I'm a conservative who believes in global warming, oh my goodness!) Life on this Earth has defied its evolutionary purpose. See, back when we were just wee little Neanderthals, we were a LOT farther down on the food chain. We didn't have automatic weapons or airplanes or skyscrapers: we had clubs, rocks, and caves. Food wasn't grown by multinational organizations whose sole interest is profit. Food wasn't genetically engineered to resist the toxic chemicals we use to prevent other plants from taking over natural populations. Most importantly, though, is there simply were not as many of us.

In the recent years (and by that I mean the past few hundred or so) humans have increased exponentially in numbers. Modern medicine keeps us alive when natural selection would have chosen otherwise. Agriculture and agro-business are feeding teeming masses that otherwise would have had to scavenge and hunt for their food.

Technology makes the world a much smaller place, a place where communicating with someone 10,000 miles away is as easy as punching in 10 numbers into a phone. We have devolved, as a species, from being a part of nature to being our own external force separate from nature.

Because of all of this, the world's population is increasing dramatically. Many scientists believe that we have already surpassed our "population limit." We will eventually get to a point where there are so many people that we could farm ever square inch of arable land on this earth and still not have enough food to feed everyone that lives here.

Yet we try to support those who cannot feed themselves. We send vaccines and antibiotics to countries to combat the bacteria and viruses whose evolutionary purpose is to thin our population. We have treatment to keep those with genetically inherited diseases and conditions alive long enough to reproduce, which in turn contaminates the gene pool. Ever wondered why we don't find mentally handicapped creatures in any species but our own? Because when those random deviations happen, they are eliminated from nature by natural selection.

I have mentally handicapped relatives and friends. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and NLD (nonverbal learning disorder.) Does this mean that I would have been naturally selected out of the population by now had I not received treatment? Maybe. But I take a principled stance on this matter. If in fact I would have been a victim of natural selection, so be it. The world would be better off that way.

The truth of the matter is, though, that we already have countless people with negative genetic traits that cannot be undone. We cannot ethically prevent anyone from reproducing without consent, and most certainly cannot kill anyone already alive. Adolf Hitler has already attempted this is his pseudo-eugenics experiment, and it doesn't take a genius to tell you that what he did was wrong.

I am not proposing genocide or mass execution. We live in a world filled with wonderful people, and killing any one of them would be a tragedy, no matter how many of them are burdened with disease or disorder. What I am proposing, however, is an attempt to raise global awareness about overpopulation. The earth is the only place we have. We could terraform Mars or Venus or even Titan, but to do so would take more resources and time and expertise than humans currently possess. For the time being, I must assume that the earth is the one and only place we have.

If the population is allowed to continue growing at its current rate, we will experience obvious negative side effects, which will eventually become irreversible. Right now, though, I believe we have the ability to fix this problem.

Imagine America when settlers first arrived. The Native American population was able to hunt for their food, living off the land without ever depleting the natural populations of buffalo from which they drew almost everything they had. Even when people started settling the west, it would have been nearly impossible to deplete the earth of its abundant sources of food. There were no laws or treaties restricting hunting. You didn't need a license to hunt deer or elk or buffalo.

Zoom ahead to year 2011. Imagine that everyone living in America had to hunt for their food. Also imagine that anyone could hunt any animal at any time of year without a license. What do you suppose would happen to the population of animals? They would be gone in the blink of an eye.

The growth of population has led to restrictions on hunting – extremely heavy restrictions, actually. This is not because hunting has suddenly become a moral issue that has to be limited, but because there are so many people that if we all hunted whenever we wanted to, we would destroy the biodiversity of the world.

This is called the Tragedy of the Commons, and it is a problem that we face in many other aspects of life. Fishing, for example, is not regulated, because it is an international affair taking place on unclaimed international waters. This is resulting in massive depletion of fisheries in the North Atlantic. When these problems, often called externalities by economists, are present, it is the role of government to restrict or even prohibit the activities in order to preserve what is natural. The EPA does this with toxic emissions of chemical by-products. The DNR does this with natural habitats and populations of wild game.

There is one externality that no one has dealt with yet, because most of us don't see it as an externality. this externality is breeding.

What gives us the right to breed? The same thing that gives us the right to hunt for food. It fulfills a natural need. Just as we have biological drive to eat and sustain ourselves, we have biological drive to reproduce. In a perfect state of nature, this drive is highly beneficial, because most offspring will die, but a few lucky ones will get the right genes and move on to reproduce and pass on those good genes. Referring back to reasons why natural selection has died, this drive to reproduce is no longer beneficial. We are copulating wildly, and almost all of our offspring are surviving, and in turn, they go on to create countless more of us. If the government can deal with externalities caused by our massive population, why can’t they deal with the massive population itself?

I would argue that they can, and they should. I think a basic step would be to provide free birth control to anyone, anywhere in the nation. I think this is actually an excellent use of taxpayer dollars. (Would you rather pay a couple bucks to give someone the pill, or thousands to support someone on welfare that they wouldn't have needed if they hadn't been born?) If we can reduce the global population growth rate to 0%, we will remain stagnant at 7 billion people, which is arguably a manageable number. If, however, we can reduce to it below 0%, our population will decline.

Further measures to be taken bring me into much more controversial waters. I, for one, feel sympathy for the poor and the hungry, and if I were hungry, I'd certainly want to be fed. I'm an upper middle class white college student, so my view on poverty and developing nations is quite obviously skewed. The fact of the matter is, though, that these countries are not sophisticated enough to manage their material wealth. By helping them, developed nations are funneling their resources to help nations that will likely never be able to help themselves. This is then, by definition, a complete waste. It is like trying to fill a bottomless pit with cement. Eventually, you run out of cement, and the hole is still there.

My solution? Stop pouring. Realize that that hole will always be there whether you pour into it or not, and save the cement for yourself. I may be going into the vein of isolationism here, but I think we should leave countries to fend for themselves. Sometimes people need to solve their own problems. Just because we are rich as a nation doesnt mean we have to be the humanitarian force of the world.

Just some food for thought.

Back from the dead [again?]

2011-09-27T01:38:00.001-05:00

Dear Internet,

It has been far too long since I have contributed to your vast ocean of knowledge. I deem now to be an appropriate time to resume my adventures in the study of distraction. As you may have guessed, I am now in college. This, in many ways, is like high school: I have classes, I get distracted, etc. In many ways, however, it is NOT like high school, and I find it to not only be tolerable, but enjoyable.

I am very sorry that I haven't been keeping up with all of your posts. I admit, I have missed blogging and being a part of this social circle. But I can promise you here and now, this is my re-entry. It may be a slow process, but I can officially say that that step is being taken today.

Albeit at one-thirty AM. Central Standard Time, of course.

But since when has the internet known boundaries of time? What if the internet only operated from 9AM to 5PM? Imagine the stress this would cause all of you. Not only could you not be reading this or facebooking or gaming or anything else, but you would be forced to pursue your social internet activities during work. God forbid anyone uses facebook at work... oh the horror!

Anyways, I'll spare you the rumblings of my mind in a few moments. First, though, a few fun things about college:

—Sinks make great urinals
—Even Benedictine Monks use foul language
—I met someone who's last name is "Icenoggle"... how badass is that?
—I'm taking choir under the direction of Axel Theimer. (Normally I wouldn't mention his name specifically, but this guy has a wikipedia page dedicated to him. He's kind of a big deal.)
—Here at St. John's, we aren't called "freshmen." We are called "First Years." Remind you of anything?
oh, and on that note...
—This campus is the closest thing to Hogwarts I have seen in the states. I literally have ivy covering an entire wall of my dorm building. [Pictures to come!]

Now go the fuck to sleep.

My take on a controversial issue

2011-04-22T13:19:00.000-05:00

Michael Crighton knew more about Global Warming in 1990 than we do now. The controversy surrounding the issue is immense, and tends to be a wedge between otherwise amicable relationships within the political sphere. The self-centered nature of humans drives us to use this issue as a political tool, and to worry about short-term affects that really don't affect the prognosis of the Earth. In truth, these things are irrelevant in the "big picture", and people need to realize this.

The following is the prologue to his 1990 novel "Jurassic Park", upon which the movies were based.

You think man can destroy the planet? What intoxicating vanity. Let me tell you about our planet. Earth is four-and-a-half-billion-years-old. There's been life on it for nearly that long, 3.8 billion years. Bacteria first; later the first multicellular life, then the first complex creatures in the sea, on the land.

Then finally the great sweeping ages of animals, the amphibians, the dinosaurs, at last the mammals, each one enduring millions on millions of years, great dynasties of creatures rising, flourishing, dying away -- all this against a background of continuous and violent upheaval. Mountain ranges thrust up, eroded away, cometary impacts, volcano eruptions, oceans rising and falling, whole continents moving, an endless, constant, violent change, colliding, buckling to make mountains over millions of years.

Earth has survived everything in its time. It will certainly survive us. If all the nuclear weapons in the world went off at once and all the plants, all the animals died and the earth was sizzling hot for a hundred thousand years, life would survive, somewhere: under the soil, frozen in Arctic ice. Sooner or later, when the planet was no longer inhospitable, life would spread again. The evolutionary process would begin again. It might take a few billion years for life to regain its present variety.

Of course, it would be very different from what it is now, but the earth would survive our folly, only we would not. If the ozone layer gets thinner, ultraviolet radiation sears the earth, so what? Ultraviolet radiation is good for life. It's powerful energy. It promotes mutation, change. Many forms of life will thrive with more UV radiation. Many others will die out. Do you think this is the first time that's happened? Think about oxygen. Necessary for life now, but oxygen is actually a metabolic poison, a corrosive glass, like fluorine.

When oxygen was first produced as a waste product by certain plant cells some three billion years ago, it created a crisis for all other life on earth. Those plants were polluting the environment, exhaling a lethal gas. Earth eventually had an atmosphere incompatible with life. Nevertheless, life on earth took care of itself. In the thinking of the human being a hundred years is a long time.

A hundred years ago we didn't have cars, airplanes, computers or vaccines. It was a whole different world, but to the earth, a hundred years is nothing. A million years is nothing. This planet lives and breathes on a much vaster scale. We can't imagine its slow and powerful rhythms, and we haven't got the humility to try. We've been residents here for the blink of an eye. If we're gone tomorrow, the earth will not miss us.

Vacation, Bridge Building, and ZOMBIES!

2011-04-05T10:39:00.000-05:00

Title says it all. Its like a died and went to heaven, cruising the caribbean on the Oasis of the Seas. We hit up Haiti, Jamaica, and Cózumel. Sadly, all good things come to an end (so do all bad things, but that is WAY too optimistic for people to use on a regular basis) and here I am, writing on this derelict, long-forgotten bastion of distraction.

Several ideas to throw out to the internetz. First, I am a novelist, if I haven't yet mentioned that. I know there is a trend in zombie movies and books, but as an article on io9.com mentioned, it seems that all zombie movies always start AFTER the complete social deterioration has happened. I thought it would be cool to write a book about the process of that social deterioration that leads to a zombie problem.

When I say "Zombies" I don't mean the typical undead zombies that you see in all the popular movies and books. I want something believable and scientific. Imagine zombies that aren't total drones that walk around and try to kill you like that's all they are made for. Imagine they are people like you that have fallen into a bad cycle of drug addiction? Imagine that the government, in an economic recovery effort, legalizes drugs so as to reap tax benefits of the worlds most robust industry. This leads to drug addiction levels never seen before. As people spend everything on drugs, they must turn to cheaper and cheaper drugs. The cheapest, Methamphetamine, is used heavily by nearly 30% of the population. These users are virtually always high, and will do anything to get more money for drugs.

Interesting take on "zombies" right? (don't steal my idea!)

ALSO. I am currently sitting in physics class. We are going to be building bridges out of basswood and wood glue. I need to build a bridge that holds 1200 times its own weight, within some strict parameters. I am really looking forward to it. Hopefully I can post my progress on here!

Other updates:

Still in multicultural literature class. We started watching a really funny movie about native americans, and it's actually REALLY funny.

Taking an economics class. Very interesting. I will post things from that on here. I have some political/economic things that I need to share as well, but later.

Discovered some wonderful new music. I would highly recommend buying this CD if you are a fan of Imogen Heap or any similar electronic artists. Bargain! $9.99 on itunes but only $6.99 on Amazon.

In the dark of the night...

2011-03-16T23:43:00.000-05:00

i crept along the roadway, this cleverly titled blog post brewing in my head as I drove faster through the dark, wet night, listening to this.

pretty badass, i must say.

anyways, i was thinking about this blog, and how i havent written here much lately, but i have a lot of things in the works that just dont seem to have been injected into the internet yet.

I've been doing self-portraits for art classes at school, but i think theyre pretty cool. ill have to share those. I plan on making some uber-lame youtube video with my sister (who is also my speech partner) about reversed gender roles and such. we will put on a show for you... :P

going to florida on friday morning at like 8:30... then cruising to haiti, jamaica, and Mexico... Im pretty excited, I must say. I ordered a new cable for my camera but idk if it will come in time... which is okay, but ill just be using a big bulky canon camera as opposed to my shitty-yet-portable kodak.

At my school, seniors have no finals. so, all the other seniors are off the hook, but since im a dumbass, i left stuff for post-last-minute... so im gonna be working to finish it off tomorrow... so much for an eaerly spring break.

another late night, another bout of distraction via computer, and... fuckin' eh, i have no computer charger. looks like thats it for now.

night.

My favorite artist EVER.

2011-03-09T20:21:00.000-06:00

This is my favorite artist of all time. He has some of the best downtempo music i've heard, and his newer, glitchier stuff is some of the trippiest/most badass stuff you will ever hear. I would highly recommend buying his CDs - links below to amazon.com for LESS THAN iTUNES!

Speech Tourney #2

2011-03-09T20:09:00.001-06:00

Forgot to post this one. I wrote it a week and a half ago.

We left here at about 7:30 AM and it is now 6:11 PM. That was a good 10-hour ordeal. It was worth it, though. My sister and I performed our rendition of "Jack and the Beanstalk" and ended up getting 6th place out of 53 teams. And these teams were all amazing, and had been doing speech for 2-6 years prior to this competition.

Oh, and also, this was our first competition off script.

I made a few new friends (comment here if any of you are reading this, because I know you remember me!) and I saw an old friend that I haven't seen in years. I walked over to the bleachers where she was sitting and I looked at her, waved, and smiled like a maniac. She looked at me funny for a second, then had that "is this real life?" face on, and then she jumped up and ran over to me, screaming "OREO PIE!" and would knocked me over were she more than a third of my size. (Don't get jealous, michelle, she's only a friend :P) "Oreo Pie" is a nickname that only she and some other people in her circle of friends call me. Somehow I don't think she remembers my real name. I'm actually fairly certain that she still has my number, listed in her phone book as "Oreo Pie." At least I am delicious!

I also met a dude named William. His ears were gauged, but he had thick-rimmed glasses, so it balanced him out. I saw him, and thought "Whoa, his ears make him look dumb" But then I saw the glasses and was like "never mind, you must be smart!" (just kidding dude, you were fun to talk to.) I saw some very funny pieces of acting today, but the funniest of all of them had to have been "13 things not to do in a college interview." There was also this kid that did the most obnoxious voices for his piece, and it made me cry laughing. I haven't laughed so hard in years. I'm not even kidding.

So now I'm eating a delicious dinner that my mom made for us (thank god for mothers, we'd die of starvation without them.)

Gadgets and Gizmos Galore!

2011-03-03T13:34:00.002-06:00

Hey all.

I have always been interested in (and distracted by) electronics. You know what the trends are; small, thin devices with color screens and touch capabilities, Wifi, and a sleek design that will turn heads. Now, you have all heard of the iPad. You may not have heard that the iPad 2 is going to be available on March 11... THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE THING FOR YOU! Why?

Now, I know that some of you love reading, and you love the idea of having an iPad to read your books and magazines, but at a minimum price of $499, this might not be the right device for you.

If you're like me and you want to save as much money as you can in these tough economic times, looking for a cheaper solution is always on your mind. If you are like me and you love to read eBooks, but don't want to shell out the money for an iPad, I think i've found an incredible solution.

Barnes & Noble has finally done it: a color e-reader! I have seen this thing in action, and it is slick. You can read all your favorite books and magazines, and this version even has games and music. Since this version has Wifi, you can even access the internet through a built-in browser (so you can read this blog on your new nook!) The similarities to the iPad are getting more and more distinct. Why is this any better, though?

It's cheaper.

You can get the Nook Color online for just $249, and for about $50 more, you get a protection plan so you never have to worry about replacing it if it breaks. Books for the Nook Color are usually half the price of normal retail costs, and with this version you can read your favorite novels, magazines, blogs, childrens books, newspapers, and virtually any form of media that you want.

Click HERE to buy a Nook Color today!

This really is an incredible device. I personally can't afford to buy one right now, as I'm saving money for college, but I have a few new business ventures in the works, and if all goes well, I'll be posting a follow-up with videos and pictures of myself and my brand-spankin'-new Nook Color!

This is NOT an advertisement (not paid, at least!)

2011-03-03T13:13:00.001-06:00

Quick note here. I found a great website for Mac users (who account for roughly half of my readers, according to my stats page.) http://www.realmacsoftware.com/ has three programs currently, and what I assume to be their flagship program is called RapidWeaver 5. I downloaded a free trial of this, and I've gotta say, I'm probably going to end up shelling out the $79 for the full version. This is a neat little dreamweaver-esque app that lets you design sleek websites with relatively little effort, and no HTML knowledge is required. This app is powerful, and I am pretty impressed so far.

PolitikTroll

2011-03-02T23:32:00.001-06:00

As you may know, Politics PISS ME OFF. I tend to lean more common-sense. Which is why I lol'ed at this.

College

2011-03-02T23:21:00.000-06:00

College has defined this year, which is odd, since I'm not in college. If you have ever been a senior in a high school that teaches college as a mandatory part of life, you know what I'm talking about. College essays, applications, financial aide, college visits, campus tours, overnight stays, teacher recommendations, GPA, SAT, ACT, FUCK... you get it.

However, I have recently been (mostly) relieved of these stressed. I applied to college at the University of St. Thomas in my home town of St. Paul, Minnesota, St. John's University just an hour or so north, The University of Minnesota, Morris, which is in, you guessed it, Morris, Minnesota, and lastly The University of Wisconsin Stout. I am proud to announce that I was accepted to all four of them! :)

The second two were originally backup plans in case I didn't get into one of the first two, but after visiting Stout yesterday, I discovered something that I never knew existed. It is an interdisciplinary field of study called "Cognitive Science." It is a cross between Psychology, Neurology, Computers, Linguistics, Philosophy, and Anthropology. It deals with perception, cognition, artificial intelligence, and the mathematical explanation as to why our brains work the way that philosophers and psychologists have determined that they work. When I was sitting in on this class, I felt as if the major had been designed just for me. After all, this is one of the only schools in the country that offers a major in CogSci.

I got a letter from St. Thomas today to tell me that I was awared $12,100 in scholorship money for next year. Also, that is renewable. So basically I just got 48,400 free dollars in the mail. Even with the discount, though, Stout is cheaper, and I've gotta say, I didn't encounter anything there that I did not like. Free computers for every student, Wifi everywhere, smack-dab in the middle of the quaint and quiet town of Menomonie, Wisconsin, and sporting a Major that I 1.) Just discovered and 2.) Have fallen in love with.

Their teaching philosophy seems very industry-oriented. They have a 97% job placement rate within a year of graduation, and 74% of those people had a job in their major. That, as the admissions staff at stout were telling me, is unheard of. They are the only school to have such high numbers.

So, folks, Just thought I'd update you on what everyone is telling me is the most important decision in my life. I know I totally up-talked Stout just there, but I sincerely love all four universities, so I am going to have a very tough time deciding what to do.

Q&A with a Fundamentalist

2011-02-28T11:43:00.002-06:00

Hello, and Welcome to Q&A Sessions. Today we will be interviewing Pete the fundamentalist.**

**notice**

The views expressed in this interview are representative of those quoted saying them. They do not represent the view of the interviewer, blogger.com, documented distraction, or Google.

Q: Hey Pete. How are you today?
A: Doing well! Yourself?
Q: Well as well. Now, Pete, you are a fundamentalist, am I correct?
A: Some would label me as that, yes. I prefer to call myself common-sense-alist. (He laughs.)
Q: How did you come across this religious belief?
A: My parents were very strictly Catholic, and I studied the Bible a lot as a kid. I read a lot of books about various religious beliefs, and I didn't really know what to think. I met a homeless guy on a train once, and we started talking about religion, and he started telling me about fundamentalism. I was fascinated, so I looked into it... I guess I haven't looked back since.
Q: That's interesting, Pete. Now I'm sure a lot of our readers here at Documented Distraction aren't familiar with Fundamentalism. Could you give us a quick synopsis of your beliefs?
A: Well, first off, when you call them beliefs, you make them sound like they could be false. I know my "beliefs" to be factual.
Q: Go on.
A: Well, the Bible tells us everything we know. The laws we follow are based on the Bible, our measurement of time is based on the bible. It provides a complete genealogy of everyone from Adam to Jesus, and we can get all the history we need from the bible. It is an all-encompassing book.
Q: Doesn't that contradict scientific evidence that the earth is several billion years old?
A: Science isn't always right. In fact, science is rarely right. They are simply using coincidental, arguably unobservable evidence to substantiate claims that the earth is 4 and a half billion years old. This simply is not true. The earth was made approximately 6000 years ago over the course of seven days. This can be proven by reading through the book of genesis and following the genealogy of Jesus Christ.
Q: What about fossil evidence? What about dinosaurs?
A: Dinosaurs? Do you honestly believe in Dinosaurs?
Q: ...
A: Dinosaur "Bones" are fabricated pieces of "evidence" that the Devil buried beneath the earth to cause god-fearing men to stray from the light of truth. The bones on display in museums are, as you know, plaster replicas. The original bones carry too much unholy power. They can cause disease, and they crumble easily in the light, because of God's constant attempt to remove the evil from them.
Q: Any disease caused by dinosaur bones is from ancient microbes that still survive in the bones.
A: That is what they want you to believe. Satan himself placed those bones beneath God's earth, and touching them will afflict you with his unholy power. Microbes are just a theory to explain Satan's work on this earth, which scientists have a hard time believing in.
Q: Microbes have been well-accepted for over a hundred years, and they can be treated effectively. The evidence is undisputa--
A: Excuse me, but I didn't come here to have my views pushed aside like a pile of trash. Microbes do not exist. All sickness on earth, everything evil, is caused by Satan. The only way to truly cure these ailments is prayer. When people get sick enough for doctors to tell them they need to take unnecessary chemicals, they start to pray, because they are worried. It is this prayer that saves them, not the medicine. It's just a scam to steal your money and make you pay for medical insurance.
Q: (clears throat). Alright. What about AIDS?
A: The best thing to happen to earth.
Q: What?!?!
A: You see, God is a perfect being, but humans are not. Sometimes, humans are defective. Sometimes, a man will have a sexual desire for another man. God created AIDS so that when these man commit sodomy, they will infect each other with this unholy energy and bring about their own destruction.
Q: Pete, that is ridiculous.
A: I'm simply telling you what I know to be true.
Q: Let's move on to something else. How do you feel about the war in the middle east?
A: I think we are not responding strongly enough.
Q: What do you mean?
A: God tells us that Jesus will come again, and very soon at that. He said that Israel is the Chosen People. America is a shining beacon to represent God's desire of men to have free will whilst following god. We need to be on the side of Israel so that when the rapture comes, we will be saved. He will reward us for our effort.
Q: So you believe that the war in the middle east needs to be escalated to preserve Israel?
A: That's exactly what I'm saying.
Q: So what about the revolutions in virtually every middle-easter and North African country?
A: The revolutionaries and the dictators that they are overthrowing are both wrong. These countries have muslim beliefs. Islam is a deviant religion who follow a false prophet, and they do not deserve to spread their beliefs. If I were commander-in-chief I would declare a war on all Islam.
Q: Pete, you need to be careful about what you say. Islam is, for the most part, a very peaceful religion. Every group of people will inevitably have a few violent individuals, but you can't attribute those qualities to the entire group.
A: Maybe not, but this time, it's true. Islam is a violent religion and it must be stopped. The Qu'ran preaches violence.
Q: Have you read the Qu'ran?
A: No.
Q: Have you ever heard anyone read the Qur'an?
A: No, but I know that it contains violence.
Q: Pete, I would seriously suggest you educate yourself before taking these opinions.
A: I don't need to know what's in the Qu'ran specifically. I know that the Lord of the Rings books are about a ring, and I haven't read them. I know that The Jersey Shore is about a bunch of delinquents sinning day and night, but I haven't seen it. I know the Qu'ran preaches violence, but I haven't read it. It's simple as that.
Q: Well, I can't say that I agree with anything you just said, Pete, but I don't have time to argue with you about it. Our time is up. Thank you for the interview.
A: Anytime, friend. May the love of Jesus Christ fill your soul.
Q: Good Afternoon, Pete.

If you have any questions for pete, leave them in the comments. I will be conducting a follow-up interview via skype, and I can ask him questions there.

A teaspoon of lulz (stop reading if retard jokes offend you)

2011-02-26T01:15:00.001-06:00

I have been meaning to share this for awhile, but I keep forgetting. This is, I must say, the only picture I have ever seen on the internet to make me laugh as hard as I possible can for 30 seconds straight without a crazy friend nearby. This must have looked funny, a random dude laying in bed laughing his ass off. Oh well, it's still funny.

(also, no offense if you have a retarded brother or something, but they are funny as hell.)

Happy weekend!

Cheap art project spawned from DIY gadget fix

2011-02-25T14:43:00.001-06:00

I play world of warcraft on a 2007 intel macbook. This sounded fast back then, but believe me, this thing is a piece of shit. It has an Intel GMA 950, and OSX limits the amount of system RAM that it can use at 64MB. This makes me rage at my computer and sometimes throw bricks through windows. It also causes my computer to become very, very hot within about 5 minutes of running any sort of 3D program (literally ANY program - like i said, this thing is a piece of absolute shit.)

To counter this heat issue, I got myself a Belkin laptop cooling pad. This isnt an advertisement, really, but I suppose a bit of a review, since im talking about it. (its not the purpose of this post, however.) I was using it while playing WoW the other day when I started having problems with it. Something on the grate to the fan was sticking up a little too far, so the fan blades were clipping at it. The continued stress on the blades eventually got the best of one of the little fan blades, and it snapped off, causing a ridiculously confusing noise to come from my pants. I unplugged the cooler and found the little fan blade. I took it apart, removed the broken blade, and plugged it back it.

Now, if you can recall high school chemistry, or college chemistry, or even your day at work, if you do chemical-y stuff, a centrifuge must have two vials in it to work properly. If you have even weight on each side, it runs with relatively low hassle and annoyance. Put a vial in one side, however, and the thing vibrates like a jackhammer. You need to balance out your vial with another vial of relatively equal weight.

SO, when the fan blade broke off, it caused a slight weight imbalance. You wouldnt think one eensy-weensy little piece of plastic would weight enough to make a difference, but believe me, it did. I kept checking my pocket to see if my cellphone was vibrating, only to remember that my laptop pad was trying to seduce me. (That was a joke, i could barely feel the vibration from it, but it was enough to cause some keys to rattle a bit, which was annoying as hell.) This vibration was enough to unseat the fan slightly, sending the blades even CLOSER to the grate that was causing my problems to begin with.

I looked and looked, and I could not, for the life of me, find a single tube of superglue in my entire house. I thought that I would try a little acrylic paint, since it's basically liquid plastic, and I thought it would effectively bind the broken pieces together... I was mistaken. It did NOT work.

So I took a little adventure to Home Depot, where I was helped by a tall, bald man who looked too smart to be retarded but too dumb to be helping ME find something at a hardware store. Don't judge a book by it's cover, though. He was perfectly capable of pointing down the aisle and saying "Yeah, superglue, right down there!" After which he continued lurking and greeting people by looking at them and waiting for them to ask a question. (Maybe this explains the 'now hiring' sign?)

SO, i walked down the aisle and found a woman stocking shelves. I asked her what the best kind of superglue was. She asked me what I was bonding, yadda yadda yadda, and eventually recommended LOCTITE control gel. It comes in a tiny little cleverly designed and ergonomic dispenser that lets you apply tiny little beads of superglue. I was satisfied with the purchase. I paid the cashier and drove back home.

I had one shot to do this right. The fan casing made it hard to manipulate the blade, but I was confident in my manual dexterity. I turned on my pixar-looking bendable lamp and kneeled down over my broken fan and opened the superglue. I applied a few tiny drops to the shattered edge of the blade and stuck it back where it belonged, holding it tight for a few seconds. I let go of it, and VOILA! it held tight! I let it sit for 5-10 minutes, as per the instructions. I also took some sandpaper to the inside of the protective grate on the bottom of the fan casing, because I didnt want to have to deal with this problem again. 10 minutes, dustings of black plastic powder, and 13 screws later, the thing was put back together. I plugged it in and it started without a hitch. I rotated it as it ran, and it didnt strike anything. No obstructions!

Happy with my cooling fan, I placed my shit macbook on top of it and logged into world of warcraft to celebrate my success.

Now, I am at school, posting on my blog when I SHOULD be working on my drawing. (I'll do it this weekend or something.) I brought the superglue today. Remember one of my previous posts about superglue and coins? ;)

Naww, I haven't done that. But at the present moment I am actually making a sculpture using nothing but coins and superglue. This is cheaper than using other materials, honestly, because pennies are cheap. $1 gets you 100 pennies to sculpt with, and that can make quite the art piece.

NOW HERES MY CHALLENGE: Go out, get some superglue. Read the safety precautions!!!! Then, get yourself a bunch of pennies and glue them together to your hear's content. Take a picture of it, and send it to me at aeoura.gmail.com with a subject of "Coin Sculpture" And i will post all of them on my blog! I'm excited to see what you come up with!

Politics Piss Me Off

2011-02-22T21:09:00.000-06:00

I've been watching the news, as I normally do, and I've noticed that Wisconsin is in the news a lot. I live in Minnesota, the Twin Cities, actually, so Wisconsin is only a few miles away from me. In fact, I have a cabin there. Anyways...

As of the most recent election, my home state of Minnesota is governed by the Almighty Party of the Ass, and their minnesota pawn Mark Dayton. They are commonly referred to as Dumbocrats. You may have seen their advertising logo.

All the while, our friendly neighbor state of Wisconsin, home the Green Bay Packers, beer, and more cheese shops than you could fit in a phone book, is ruled by the Supreme Party of the Tusked Beast, and their Wisconsin pawn, Scott Walker. They are commonly referred to as Republitards. You may have seen their advertising logo.

These two wonderful parties make up the two-party system of America. We actually have a lot of parties, but like Coke vs. Pepsi, only two of them actually matter. (although in the case of coke and pepsi, I'd say only ONE of them matters. guess which one!)

Ok folks. Remember when our dearly beloved savior of all things earthly president Barack Obama was elected? The Republitards were not too happy about this, so, as Republitards often do, their lesser worker drones were tasked with generating offensive media.

Lots of rage followed from the Dumbocrats, to which the Republitards responded "Hitler gave great speeches, it was a compliment!"

Despite the fun and jolly nature of the Hitlerization of Obama, flames were thrown across the country and the media picked up on it. The Republitards were publicly humiliated when every major newspaper belittled them for their references to Hitler's 1940's JEP (Jew Extermination Project.)

So life went on, and Hitlerization was officially added to our book of all things politically incorrect, which is growing by the second.

This week, however, comparisons were drawn to Hitler again. Scott Walker was drawn with a Hitler moustache, and Lena Taylor (D), Wisconsin Senator, elected 2004, said "Hitler abolished unions, and that's what Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker is doing today."

I was confused by Ms. Taylor's comments. She should be the first person to acknowledge the dire need for political correctness, being black and all. Seeing as the biggest socially "unacceptable" thing to do is refer to black people as negroes or, god forbid, niggers, she should be on the up-and-up with political correctness and how to do it. I guess not.

Now can you see what I'm talking about? Dumbocrats say "No hitler jokes!" But then, only months later, come out and say "OMG LOOK HES HITLER!" This political hackery amuses me, to be honest, but it smells a lot like hypocrisy...

Earliest morning in years

2011-02-19T19:59:00.000-06:00

So just this year, I decided to join my high school speech team. Being a senior, it's a little late, but regardless, I am now part of the team. I do a Duo Interpretation piece with my sister, who is in 9th grade. Speech is fun, but theres one drawback. The tournaments always start early in the morning. And then you need to be to the school like an hour before the tournament starts. But first you need to meet the speech team at your school. 10 minutes before the bus gets there. The ride always seems to take at least 45 minutes, regardless of location (don't ask me why, but it sucks.) Add together all this extra time, and you come to a situation where you wake up, and you can't even call it a "good morning" greeting. To me, It's still the middle of the night.

Except on Saturdays.

I found a few good sides to this, though. For one, my fucked up internal clock might be back to normal from not sleeping until noon, as i ofttimes do on a saturday. Also, someone brought a bunch of bruegger's bagels. I love bagels, so naturally...

I had five of them.

The speech piece itself is called "Jack, the Beanstalk, and Social Services" by Jerry Robushka. Look it up if you want to, but I'm not going to bother finding a video of it right now because I'm so damned tired! These tournaments are fun, yes, but repetetive on top of being waaay too early in the morning. My sister and I performed out piece in front of a group of 5 other pairs of people doing their pieces. This takes like an hour. Then we do it all over again. Twice.

Then it's lunchtime, where we eat more bagels. (well, a lot of people had pizza, but I decided on the bagels.)

This was one of my first tournaments, so I was very surprised when I found out that my Sister and I made it to the final round. Only seven groups in our division made it (although I don't think there were many more than seven anyways.) But still, we won second place, which, for two people that had never done this before, was pretty good, I'd say.

SO now, I'm sitting on my couch and watching Titanic. I don't really have anything funny to write about today except for the fact that my internal clock is currently telling me that its 3AM, but its really only about 8PM. Waking up at 5:30 wasn't exactly something I'd like to do again, but it will be happening many more times this year. Oh well, I can deal with that. The tournament was fun.

Quest Completed + Road Aggro

2011-02-18T21:18:00.002-06:00

Okay, no epic loot, gold, or increased reputation with the Ramkahen, but I did what I went there to do. We are officially back together! I feel very relieved, to be honest. But as I said a week ago, I try to avoid BAWWW posts of any kind, so time for something else.

I hate driving. I mean, driving is fun, but I hate stupid people, and since there seem to be a lot of those in the world (including on the road), I must deal with them whenever I get behind the wheel. I am a good driver, so I never let these terrible drivers hurt me, but that doesn't mean I don't nearly blow the speaker of my car horn every time someone does something stupid.

It was just me

Keeping my distance from the dude that's in front of me.

And trying not to get butthurt from the car thats all up in my business.

Must have looked a little something like this.

lets analyze this.

Pretend it's a race. Pretend it starts when the blue car gets to a marker, and the finish line is then fixed at a place 1000 feet ahead. We are all going the same speed, but we have different following distances. How would this race end?

QED: People are stupid.