Does This Mean I'm a Grown-Up?

Kryptonite

2014-09-08T21:09:00.000-04:00

As we were walking through the mall the other night, Hubby stops, turns to me and says, "You DO realize that shoes are your kryptonite, right?"

I have no idea what he's talking about, but they're having a killer sale at Nine West!!

Stale Status Updates

2014-09-04T22:45:00.000-04:00

So Hubby's beloved Macbook Pro has been suffering from the dreaded "green screen of death." Being a PC gal myself, I *THINK* that's the same as the infamous "blue screen of death," but who cares? It all equals the same thing - I haven't been online in a few days to update my Facebook status (the horror). Hubby got the desktop up and running, so I sat down tonight ready to go. But then I realized something....FB users generally have the attention span of a gnat. Status updates are the equivalent of old-school Henny Youngman type comedian's one-liners. Who ever clicks "read more" anyway? I rarely do. But since we all know I crack myself up, I came here instead. No one reads this blog anymore, but that's OK. *I* can go back and read it, and since I laugh to keep from crying (no seriously, I do), re-reading this someday just MIGHT make me look back on this week of hell fondly. But I doubt it....

So here, in no particular order, are my "Wannna-be/Should have been" FB status updates from the last several days:

1) Why is it that when you have been given several gift cards to Lowes, the only items you need are at Home Depot?

2) Dear 500 pound woman riding the handicapped cart around Walmart - Steer away from the Twinkies, Little Debbies, bags of M&M's, jumbo bags of cheese puffs and family-size BBQ chips that are filling your basket! Seriously, would a fruit or vegetable really hurt you?

3) So you grab the "easy to install" shelving unit in Home Depot and the installation instructions say "additional hardware needed for hollow door installation" and yet it doesn't specify WHAT additional hardware is actually NEEDED?? I'll tell you what I need...more wine.

4) I have an issue with spices - I have too many of them. So shoot me, I love to cook. There is no need to point out that I haven't used several said spices since 2010 just because you saw the purchase dates that I dutifully mark them with. Luckily, they have the spice racks/shelves that fit our cabinets at Walmart!

5) My Hubby texted me this afternoon to tell me that I really need to go back to work. Apparently I can't stay out of Home Depot and Walmart and am straining our budget. Seriously?

Putting Our House on the Market By the Numbers

2014-04-14T20:25:00.000-04:00

1 Dog has become incontinent (requiring medication) and another has decided to start marking her territory by peeing in my craft room. Yes, I said HER.

2 Dogs are blowing their coats - the tufts of hair are rolling across the hardwood floors like tumbleweeds

3 ceilings need painting

4 Living Social deals for House Cleaning....none of them are for companies in our area

5 days a week we work to afford all of this and are too tired to work on the house

6 people in our family, but 3 have moved out to go to college. So why didn't they take all their crap?

7 texts received from our realtor asking if we are ready to take pictures for the listing

8 times we have asked the kid across the street to finish cutting our back yard

9 boxes of clothes marked "too small, may wear again" that need to go to the garage (really, some day I will lose the baby weight - he's only 8)

10 glasses of wine I will have consumed before Wednesday

You do the math

2013-10-22T23:29:00.003-04:00

So tonight, thanks to Nanner Peach, I found Trashman on Facebook. It makes me want to write again. I SO missed all the fun we used to have. Lord knows the kids have given me so MUCH material.

2012-12-18T22:06:00.004-05:00

So at dinner tonight, the oldest daughter (the artist formally known as "The Little One") asks us to PLEASE, never, EVER buy Oreos again because she has no willpower and 2 Oreos are 140 calories. All I kept thinking was, "Who the hell bought Oreos and how the hell did I miss them??"

Spull Spelin Spelling Test

2011-12-12T22:32:00.002-05:00

As you may have read, The Baby is in kindergarten...again. In all fairness to him, it was a birthday thing. He turned 5 last year on the first day of school, while all his classmates were turning 6 during the year. Boys being slower to mature (sometimes they never do), we held him back another year. It's turned out to be a good decision.

My friends, Kindergarten now is nothing like when we were there. Gone are the days of coloring and naps. Now they actually learn Math, Reading, Writing, etc. On Friday The Baby brought home a spelling test - he got a 100%. I was so proud of him that I posted it up on the fridge right next to the one and only note he's ever gotten for good behavior (the reams of notes for bad behavior are in file 13 *sigh*).

Our conversation this morning:

Me - Dude, I am SO proud of you for that awesome spelling test!

Him - It was no big deal.

Me - Are you kidding? You got them all right!

Him - Well she gave us the answers.

Me - Huh? She gave you the answers?

Him - Yeah. She told us what words to write.

.....

Yeah, it took me a minute, too.

Clearing The Cobwebs

2011-11-29T10:26:00.002-05:00

No this is not a post about housework. I know you are disappointed. I would be too, as housework is one of my favorite things. *cough cough*

Instead this is a "catch up" post of sorts. I have often thought of writing here again, but then that stupid Facebook would get in the way. Really, it's so much easier to dash off a quick "one-liner" in my status, then ~~stalk~~ catch up with friends before heading off to my games. Ah yes, the games. A friend pointed out that the games on Facebook require no skill at all and consist of just clicking on things. Whatever. For the record, "Debbie Downer" has been an addict of Farmville for over a year now, while *I* gave it up for lent. Of course I have moved on to other games, but I digress...

Here's a quick run-down for anyone keeping score:

#1 Son is now a sophomore in college.

The Princess is a junior in HS and has her driver's license. You have been warned.

The Baby is in his second year of Kindergarten. We're beyond proud.

C. & I are in the middle of a divorce. Don't cry for me Argentina. It was a long time coming, and we're OK with it and getting on with our lives.

Me? I've ~~gotten a real job~~ changed careers.

Should be lots of fodder for future posts. Right now though, I need to go. My virtual food should be ready to serve in Cafe World.

Lasagna For My Friend (Redux)

2010-05-05T23:46:00.003-04:00

Personally, I think I make *THE* best homemade lasagna on the planet. I'm not making that statement lightly. It takes me an entire day to assemble this thing and every component is made from scratch. I don't lay the eggs of course, but you know what I mean. The sauce itself is to DIE for.

I think I love this dish SO much because my mother made it when I was a kid. She got the recipe from one of the relatives - my Grandmother? An Aunt? I can't remember, but *OH* do I remember Mom making it.

In my house as a kid, on the actual day of your Birthday, you got to choose the dinner menu - anything goes! I carry on this tradition today. It never ceases to be interesting. I remember #1’s choice one year when he was about 6. It was the ever popular "Stuffed Pepper Filling Without The Yucky Pepper Part." The Princess regularly chooses Pasghetti With Macaroni & Cheese.

When I was a kid though, the BIGGEST treat that I could imagine was when my Mom made lasagna. I chose it as my birthday dinner EVERY single year. Maybe it was so exciting because Mom had to make it the day before and it was a two day affair? Maybe it was because she only made it once a year? I'm not sure, but this lasagna became not just a meal for me, it became an "event!"

It's probably no surprise then, that if I really want to impress a dinner guest, if I really want to send the message that you're a part of our family (God help you), lasagna it is. It was the first "major meal" that I cooked for C. when we were dating, and to his credit he was smart enough to say it was better than his Mom's lasagna. #1 now requests it annually. Ah tradition.

Somewhere over the years Coach became a member of our family. So much so that without thought, I pulled out the old lasagna recipe for his last birthday, because hey - that's what he chose. Coach is like my little brother - you know the one, the "Dennis the Menace" that you have to keep out of trouble? Yup...that's him. He's beyond a role model to my children. He actually gets C.’s humor - which believe me, is a gift. Coach is my friend. He has become my sounding block. He's even my voice of reason sometimes (and if you know either of us at all, that should probably scare you).

Last night our family gathered around the old lasagna pan again…because it’s what we do. Because I suppose that in our family, lasagna means we love you.

Godspeed Coach.

Lots Of Work

2010-05-05T00:41:00.002-04:00

Crap.

Here's my list of "things to do:"

1) Clean up all the dead links (makes me a little sad).

2) Get rid of the old Haloscan code for commenting (since I'm not going to be forced to pay for this new Echo thing - Blogger comments work fine now - they didn't when I went with Haloscan all those years ago).

3) See 1 & 2 above - that means trying to figure out the logins & passwords I used for my Blog "extras" like counters, "usage graphs," comments, etc. This could get ugly...or at the very least, painful.

4) ...well I've forgotten what 4 is already. I'm distracted by the fact that it's probably time to harvest my crops. What do you want from me?

Maybe I DO Have More To Say?

2010-05-04T23:04:00.002-04:00

So I find myself wanting to explain my Facebook statuses in greater detail lately. Perhaps I really do have more to say and should rev this thing up again.

Mourning

2009-04-02T21:46:00.001-04:00

I am beyond sad that the last ER is on tonight.

Mean Girls

2009-03-30T23:34:00.003-04:00

So I've reluctantly gotten into this Facebook craze. Trust me, for MONTHS I resisted. Several of my seasoned friends (we don't say "OLD," we say seasoned) had been relentlessly bugging the crap out of me to "get a facebook." I have had all kinds of rational reasons why that would never happen - people lose their jobs, there are some people I probably don't want to find, etc. etc.

I finally bit the proverbial bullet about a month ago while doing a "routine sweep" of #1 Son's page. Yes, the kids are on the computer (Facebook and MySpace "respectively"), but the rule is that at any time C. or I can have them log-on to their account and turn the keyboard over to us so we can read everything. Hey, when they pay for their own high-speed connection, they can plead "privacy" issues. Call it our checks & balances system.

But I digress...

So I was on #1 Sons account one night and I looked up several of my old...uh, seasoned friends. Turned out that this Facebook thing is pretty cool. So I joined. I added like 6 friends (the people who had been pestering me to join).

Within days, I had all these friend requests from former high school classmates. How cool was this?!

"Oh, I remember him! I haven't seen him since graduation, how the heck is he doing? ADD."

"Man, I haven't seen him since our 15 year reunion! We should catch up! ADD."

"It's her! He were such good friends in school - us against the world. Too bad we grew apart! ADD."

"Yay! She was so popular in school and I loved that she always made time for me. Add."

"Wow. I didn't know that she even knew who I was. Add."

"Yeah. She never really spoke to me during our whole 3 years in HS. add."

"Um...she was a witch to me for three miserable years. Why in God's name has she now added me as a friend on Facebook? ...add...I guess."

"Dear Lord, you were the snootiest, most hateful, stuck up chick (with the biggest hair) who only wore designer clothes and looked down on 98% of us....Uh...Ignore."

My friends, I hypothesize that the number of "Facebook friends" that the "popular High School crowd" has, directly correlates with how miserable and insecure they are in adulthood. It's all about quantity rather than quality. But then again, hasn't it always been?

Expanding Our Family By A Daughter

2009-03-26T22:55:00.002-04:00

Oh Dear Lord NOOOOO!!!!

I'm not pregnant. If I was, you would have read about it in my local paper (or have seen it on your local news on a slow news day). I would have made Greg Louganis proud with my header off the tallest building downtown.

No friends, it looks like we might become an "emergency host family" for a foreign exchange student. A sweet girl who happens to be on #1 Son's crew team, had the proverbial rug pulled out from her last weekend. Her host family suffered a "crisis" and she was put out (long story, but suffice it to say that I have no sympathy for the "crisis."). Her only options were...well, the bottom line was that her only option was to go home early and lose an entire year of school. For something that was not her fault. Suffice it to say that we thought, "what if it was one of OUR kids in the same situation? What would we want?"

So here we are. Apparently our references lied and said nice things about us.

This poor kid. She might actually be joining our family for the next 2 months! Allah help her!

Bozo

2009-03-25T11:47:00.002-04:00

Me: Why do you waste so much time and energy (not to mention products) straightening your hair on rainy days like this?

The Daughter: So my hair doesn't look like yours.

As If I Can Keep Track

2009-03-24T19:56:00.002-04:00

So we get this big Birthday invite via snail mail. There's a return address - no name. It's for some child's Birthday. OK, that narrows it down.

It's a 2nd Birthday. Too young for one of The Baby's classmates. Hmmmm.

The name is Chloe. No last name. No details at all except a date, time and location.

Who the heck ARE these people? Who is this child?

Warning: Potty Talk Ahead

2009-03-16T19:38:00.002-04:00

So The Baby is almost completely potty trained. It's about time, too, because he's almost 7. Not really. He's only 3 - it just feels like 7.

#1 Son looked at me tonight (as he was being shoved out of the bathroom to the tune of, "Get OUT Bubby, I have to potty!") and mouthed "FINALLY!"

I pointed out that while I am completely thrilled by the recent turn of events, it *IS* a bit sad. The kid IS my last baby after all.

Without skipping a beat, #1 said, "Awww. Don't worry Mom, soon enough you'll be in diapers."

Oh yeah Smart Mouth? Guess who's going to have to change them.

HA!

My Evil Plan...REALIZED!!

2008-11-27T21:30:00.003-05:00

Yes friends, my evil plan has come to fruition. (Que evil laugh) Mu Ha Ha.

You see, my friends and family have called me a "gourmet" and a "chef" for years. Really all that means is that I love to cook. Honestly, I'm just really good at following recipes. Chefs create...I copy. I make at least 3 or 4 new recipes every week. I'm not original, but the eats are still pretty good around here.

That being said, the family naturally has Thanksgiving dinner here at our house. We have the most room, and I love to cook. Some years we have a large number of attendees, other years the dinners are smaller. One fact remains the same....

*ahem* *cough, cough*

I have a confession to make.

I have NEVER cleaned a turkey for Thanksgiving. NEVER.

You see, I honestly think the whole idea is pretty disgusting. I have a major poultry issue. Seriously, I can't even eat chicken on the bone. And the thought of actually sticking my hand in a raw slimy bird to remove/clean/ANYTHING is positively revolting to me. At Thanksgiving I get around it by "allowing" my Mother and/or my Mother-In-Law to take control of the kitchen for the 15 minutes that preparing the bird requires. This tactic has worked for years.

Last year I began to detect a flaw in the system. What would happen if (God forbid) my Mother or my Mother-In-Law were not around???!?! Fortunately for me, the answer revealed itself this year. Amazingly enough, both teens showed interest in preparing the meal this year. #1 Son helped me from start to finish with every dish. When it came time to prepare the bird (this year we opted for 2 turkey breasts, as we had a much smaller crowd), both kids actually *asked* to help!

How great was it for ME that my Mother showed the kids how to clean the birds?!??!?!

HALLELUJAH! #1 Son actually made the comment, "so I suppose I'm going to have to do this for the rest of YOUR life??"

Well...DUH.

Eeeeewwwwww!

I Remember

2008-11-04T21:15:00.002-05:00

It was 1976. I was in sixth grade.

I remember that Mr. Hunt, my teacher, wore the most horrendous (to me now) powder blue leisure suit and red print shirt in our class picture.

I remember feeling sad when Ford lost and Carter won, because my father seemed defeated. I didn't know why.

I remember gas lines, when you could only buy 10 gallons on certain days - if your license plate ended in an even number, you bought gas on that day, odd numbers, the other days. All that goes through my mind tonight is PERSONALIZED tags. I have them - there is NO odd or even?!!! When will I get to buy gas?

Our new President is a Socialist. Lord help me, because I remember.

I remember interest rates - a concept that was as foreign to me back then as nuclear physics. I remember the rates for buying a home going to 12% and higher - the prime interest rate went above 17%.

Tonight, I understand my parents' concern.

There's only so much damage that a socialist President and a Democratic Congress can do.

I pray that my family can financially survive it.

Beware the Blue Dragon

2008-11-02T21:32:00.002-05:00

C. made the costume. Yes, the "fire" lights up.

And yes, we have all worn the head at some point in time this weekend.

And The Winner Is....

2008-10-26T21:25:00.000-04:00

ME!!! I've reached "major life goal" number TWO this year. You may remember that #1 was to row a double with #1 Son. We did that back in August. Goal #2 was to row competitively. Check that one off - I rowed in the Head of the Lafayette regatta in a novice women's 8. We WON our race! Woo Hoo!!! #1 Son rowed in 2 boats for his HS team. One came in third, and his other boat won their race as well. Here we are...looking really rough (well at least *I* am!) in the aftermath.

"Major life goal" #3 is to actually run a 5K race.

Yeah, I know.

No, I'm only on my second glass of wine.

Really.

She Was Arrested???

2008-10-06T23:09:00.002-04:00

I just saw the report on the news. A mother was arrested for threatening to kill her children.

Obviously the officers involved do not have teenagers.

FINALLY!!!!

2008-08-22T15:19:00.002-04:00

Today I reached a goal that I set my sights on 1 year and 15 days ago.

Today I rowed with #1 Son.

Not Really A Runner - Yet

2008-06-09T09:54:00.002-04:00

I've never thought of myself as a runner. In fact, I never even WANTED to run. Ever. That old cliche, "I only run when chased" applies to me completely.

So how is it that I find myself going into week 2 of the Couch to 5K training program? What in the world possessed me to go to a local running store and purchase a pair of "real" running shoes last week? What was I thinking when I downloaded "crap-tons" of podcasts this weekend?

I have no clue.

I'm having fun though (OK, maybe not fun, but at least a sense of accomplishment). #1 Son is "training" with me. He rows competitively (crew), so he has to run a lot. He says that he's proud of me and is enjoying running with me. Personally, I think he's just scared I'm going to drop dead and there will be no one around to cook dinner.

At any rate, I'm going to see how far I can take this. Everyone I have ever talked to says that the C25K program really works. I'm not sure I really want it to, but I'll keep you posted.

Don't call me a runner though. It's more like a slow jog.

Under Attack

2008-06-08T23:35:00.002-04:00

There is a vulture in my house.

I saw it.

It dove at me.

I was speechless for about 4 seconds. That coupled with my "look of terror," hyperventilating and frantic pointing finally clued C. in that something was wrong.

You bet your a$$.

We were under attack.

C. says he hates flying things too, and then asked me where it came from. Holy Mother of God, how the hell should *I* know?!?! Does he actually think I invited it into our house?

After several minutes of searching, C. told me to calm down, that my "hysterics" might wake the kids. He tried to convince me that it was "probably just a little water bug." Yeah. And I'm the friggin Queen of England.

It is at least 6 inches long.

No, I'm not exaggerating.

I crept back down the stairs a few minutes ago to ask my hero, "Have you hunted it down and beat it to death yet?"

He chuckled and said, "I haven't heard any fluttering."

He hates me.

I think he's trying to kill me.

If Only I Had Known

2008-01-05T20:43:00.000-05:00

I believe I am the mother of the only child in North America that still has wrapped Christmas presents under the tree. Well, they were still under the tree until we took it down today. We waited 12 days after the holiday on the off chance that The Baby was observing some warped form of "12 Days of Christmas" or something. Turns out, he just wasn't all that interested.

The kid was pretty much done after opening the stockings. He made it as far as this big bouncy-ball thing that lights up. After that he was over it. While everyone else opened their gifts, he bounced that thing all over the place. While the big kids were trying on their new clothes and stacking up their haul, The Baby was content to chuck his new ball at the dog.

Yes, it's true that the older two were the same way as little kids. I distinctly remember one Christmas when The Princess spent the entire day playing with a package of Styrofoam cups. #1 Son was more partial to bows and ribbons (always great fun to attach to the dog). Fine, I get that.

But never...and I mean NEVER has one of the others ever left a present unscathed, still sitting in it's pretty paper and bows. They might have played with household items and trash, but they at least tore through some wrapping paper. Not this kid. Honestly, the whole family could have saved some cash and just bought him the fargin' bouncy ball.

I'm trying to look on the bright side, though. At least I've got his birthday shopping all done. He'll never notice the Santa wrapping paper.