Dolphin Niceness

This One's a Doozy

2008-08-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what to make of this rumor -- one that derives from a Chris Mortensen report.

That rumor involves Ronnie Brown and the possibility that Phin Brass will cut him loose... like real soon...like sometime this season.

From Salguero's blog, "Dolphins In Depth" :

"Mortensen was asked about Ricky Williams and while talking about how he would "swim," he went on to say that the Dolphins are so pleased with Williams he "would not be surprised if Ronnie Brown sinks," to the point where "he is playing with another team this season."

Mortensen's reason for Brown being out of here is that the player is "struggling" this preseason."

Mortensen isn't just some Woody-Paige clown ass. He's legit, but Salguero makes an interesting point: Why drop such a huge headline in a silly, time-killer?

Think of an expendable Dolphin. You could probably name 10 players. Is Ronnie Brown one of them?

Let's Do This Thing

2008-08-18T16:38:00.001-07:00

(Yawn)

Ok, What's new?

Cam's canned. Mueller's out. Sparano hired. Parcells knighted. Green gone. Booker gone. Basically, the entire 2007 offensive unit let go. Thomas gone. So-so free agent signings. Great draft. JT's traded. Pennington's a Phin. Henne looking solid. John Boy hanging by a thread.

That's got us up to today.

Some thoughts from the offseason:

Chad Pennington. Seriously?

OK. At first, I was a tad confused with this signing. A nearly broken down QB getting nearly $11 million over two years (...though it's not REALLY $11 million. Lots of goals to be attained before collecting that amount) from a Miami team that's seeking youth under center. To me, it seemed like a fruitless move, another stop gap, another Gus Frerotte, another Trent Green. The Phins aren't really playing for 2008, are they? So why the move?

First thought: McCown, Henne and Beck must be absolutely SUCKING in camp. Sure enough, they kinda were. Second thought: Now, who gets cut? As of today, there is talk, more like a whisper, of a Beck trade. That leaves Henne as our guy, to hold a clipboard and leave Pennington to work under an incredibly young yet potentially dominant offensive line.

Speaking of the O-line. Looks like it's shaping up as Long, Smiley, Satele, Thomas and Carey. A lot depends on the rookie left side. That goes without saying. I'll never pretend to be an offensive line guru but words like "gelling" and "cohesiveness" get thrown around when referring to offensive lines with new faces. The Phins have three.

Speaking of big question marks:

Wide receiving corps looks awfully thin, like anorexic. The Ernest Wilford signing didn't make a ton of noise, but the thought was that he'd be No. 2 beside Ginn. Now, in camp, he's getting beat out by Derek Haggan? And David Kircus? Yikes.

Is Ronnie Brown healthy? This, to me, is the team's main concern. Sure, Ricky is a, dare I say it, dependable option, but a lot of the team's success rides on Ronnie's legs. And can we say with certainty that Ricky's healthy enough to take on the bulk of the carries? Couple these issues with that young O-line, and the Phins offense could be, well, pretty shitty.

And we haven't even mentioned the defense. Matt Roth's transition to LB is looking good from what I've read. Joey Thomas has impressed. Paul Solial, who appeared to be out of a job, had the game of his life last Saturday. Rookie Philip Merling is practically invisible. I do like the linebackers: Roth, Crowder, Ayodele, Porter. Quentin Moses and Reggie Torbor provide some depth, too. The secondary doesn't seem nearly as dreadful as the injured-plagued 2007 squad, and it's good to see Jason Allen improving. It looks like he's finally ready to step into the starting free safety spot. It's been a long time coming.

Phins got the Chiefs on Saturday.

First Post of '08

2008-01-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

Nearly everyone coach associated with the 2007 Dolphins season was canned this week, including Cam, and Jeff Ireland will be our new GM. Cam first. Honestly, Cameron's chances of retaining his job didn't look too good when he was left out of all discussions involving Parcells. Well, that and only earning one win. I figured he'd get another shot, and, no, not because Bobby Knight is pals with both Parcells and Cameron. Seriously, nearly every prognosticator mentioned Knight as the reason why Cameron would keep his job, as if that f#$ing mattered even a little bit. As far as Ireland goes, cool. I got to read up on the guy.

Things are moving quickly, and it appears this will, in fact, be a truly exciting offseason. Lots of picks, $25 mill in cap space, Chad Johnson to Miami? (A steal or Joey Porter Part II?) Tony Sparano is said to be the leading candidate for the head coaching job, but I'm a little disappointed Jason Garrett isn't mentioned nearly as much. A former coach in Miami, a young, Parcells "guy" -- it sounds perfect.

Posts will be sporadic for the time being, which, considering the pace Parcells is dealing with things, doesn't speak well for my dedication. Deal with it, Rubberneck.

The Holy S#$T News of the Year

2007-12-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

Bill Parcells to Miami? Just a few hours after ESPN reported on Parcells' likely deal with the Atlanta Falcons, a deal that would put him in as head of football operations, the Dolphins have now jumped into negotiations.

From ESPN as of 4:22 p.m., Wednesday:

Parcells turned down the position, Falcons owner Arthur Blank said Wednesday in a statement. Blank said the team had an agreement in principle with Parcells, but after he told the Falcons he was considering an offer from the Miami Dolphins, negotiations fell through.

Sources close to Parcells told ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli that Parcells and the Dolphins are in active negotiations and are closing in on a deal.

And this...

Dolphins spokesman Harvey Greene declined comment, saying the organization does not discuss rumors.

"Really?" defensive lineman Vonnie Holliday said when told by The AP about Parcells' apparent interest in the Dolphins. "You can't control it. But somebody like the Big Tuna, regardless of who's in the front office or who's not, brings a lot of respect and a lot of credibility with him. He's a Hall of Famer. If you're a free agent out there, that might draw you in."

Parcells is not in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

The story broke as many Dolphins were playing cards and dominoes in the locker room after practice, and instantly, many of them began turning heads toward the televisions scattered about the room.

It didn't take long for even the mere mention of Parcells to create a buzz in Miami.

"I have a lot of respect for what he's been able to do in other places and I'd expect, if he did come in here, for him to do the same," Holliday said. "I don't know what's going to happen upstairs. I have no idea. I have a lot of respect for [GM] Randy Mueller, as well. But my interest is in what's best for this team and getting us in the right direction."

To you, tortured Dolphins fan, I say, "Holy F. S."

Taylor Gets Lei'ed

2007-12-19T13:06:00.001-08:00

AHHAH!!! Get it?! Hawaii, Pro Bowl? It's a play on words regarding the sex!!

Jason Taylor made the Pro Bowl. High-five, bro. While some d-bags questioned your leadership, heart and dedication, you went about your business and proved to us yet again that you are by far Miami's only talent on defense. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't exactly say much, but you get my drift. This despite sharing the field with teammates better suited in fetching you a post-game burger. This despite taking orders from someone who should be working under you.

Nice work out there, fella.

Good talk.

Count it

2007-12-19T12:14:00.000-08:00

At work... Sunday, sometime around 3:45 p.m.

Me (away from computer, television, reality) : "What do we got on the Dolphins game?"
Coworker (computer boy): "16-13, Dolphins. Ravens driving."
Me : "#%#$"

(Five minutes later)
Me: "Where they (Ravens) at?"
Coworker: "Third and goal."
Me: "#$%"
Coworker : "Fourth and goal."
Me: "Nice."
Coworker: "Overtime."
Me: "I'll take it."

(Five minutes later)
Me: "Yo?"
Coworker: "Ravens at mid-field and driving."
Me: "#$#"

(Two minutes later)
Coworker: "Missed it!"
Me: "#$#!!!"

(Three minutes later)
Coworker: "Touchdown Miami."
Me: "@#$ you!"
Coworker: "Greg Cama...Cama."
Me: "Camarillo? Holy @#$!"

This is how I got the news following the Dolphins first win of the season. Yahoo's LiveTracker: BAL 16, MIA 22. Greg Cama-f#$ing-rillo with a 64-yard TD catch and run. Dramatic? Yes. Tear-jerking? Absolutely. Slightly embarrassing? Of course. But, c'mon, you heartless pricks, look at this picture and tell me you don't get a little teary-eyed. Huizenga's crying his eyes out in his suite; Cleo Lemon and Cam Cameron are participating in some man-love at the 50-yardline and some Dolphin players are openly laughing at the Raven's secondary. Win number one. This all capping a week in which Huizenga was reportedly taking offers for the team, then not taking them, and now he's willing to sell a minority stake. That's a whole other post.

The old adage says "A win's a win." Truth. We'll take it. Now enough of the opher talk.

Going into Sunday's game, as each previous week taught me, expecting anything more than a thorough ass-kicking was asking too much. Even with Baltimore's then six-game losing streak, Miami's chances were still slim. Hell, their chances in overtime were slim, but, dammit, what a performance from Cleo Lemon -- 300+ yards through the air, a touch and no picks. Yes, we're a Jeff Stover kick away from our 14th loss, secondary looked shakey, no running game -- same old problems. However, we got the win, and I for one will take it. Add to the handful of positives a decent game from Lorenzo Booker -- 6 catches, 60 yards, a few carries -- certainly not the reason for the victory but if Sunday's win was any indication of Booker's future role on this team, he'll most certainly be a much-needed punch to the offense. Terry Kirby v2.0?

Speaking of improvements, has their been a more improved player on our defense than Michael Lehan? Wait, you ask, didn't you just say the secondary had/has issues? Yes, it does -- specifically Travis Daniels. Lehan, though, has played quite well (emphasis: not "great", "well") at the nickel spot, and assuming the kind of roster moves to be made in the offseason, I'd expect him to stick around for another season. Lance Schulters and Cameron Worrell? Not so much.

Next up is New England. Yikes.

2008 Draft

2007-12-14T12:54:00.000-08:00

A topic on Armando's blog has everyone speculating on the Dolphins' plans for next year's draft. Let's face it, this is what we have to look forward to, and there are already a ton of suggestions -- some valid, some space-cadet.

Armando suggests, given Miami's decade-long string of bad luck in replacing Marino, the Phins have to get quarterbacks in the draft, like, first-round pick. This got me thinking. Everyone has us pinned to take Glen Dorsey, the d-tackle out of LSU, and that sounds great. We need help at the position, but I'm a little leery of taking a DT at pick one. Sounds silly in my book.

So just how nuts would it be to take a QB in the first round? Well, first off, if management says to Hell with Beck and goes QB at pick one, they'd be making the single dumbest and most laughable move a team could make. The thought of Brohm, Ryan or Brennan with pick one makes me nervous due to the fact that it's so silly I could see Miami doing it. Most agree, though, that the aforementioned QBs aren't top-five worthy.

Others say Darren McFadden, and being the college football dummy that I am, I figured he was a back capable of lining up in the slot -- for a lack of a better comparison, a Reggie Bush type. On the contrary, he's a horse. (I realize I'm not exactly pulling a Mel Kiper here. I'll never pretend to know the college game, but I'm simply stating my embarrassingly weak, first-grade knowledge of college prospects. Got it, sweet Charlie?) It's an enticing scenario, but no. Running back is taken care of.

Which brings me to this: If there is anything to indicate that Dorsey or Long or who-the-hell-ever is NOT a 10+ year veteran candidate, trade down. McFadden will be a nice bargaining chip for the Phins, and given Adrian Peterson's overwhelming success this season, I think most teams with a need at running back will spark some trade talks.

From there, sure, if a quarterback is available, I wouldn't be upset with drafting another. With that said, there are so many other needs to address -- offensive and defensive lines, wideouts, corners and safeties -- that "fixing" this team with one draft class is damn near impossible.

touché

2007-12-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

Yeah, about all that Lorenzo Booker noise from yesterday...

... looks like he will, in fact, get more playing time.

Well then, good!

Longest Post Ever

2007-12-13T10:32:00.000-08:00

Dammit, has it been a long season in the life of a Dolphins fan, and after an extended leave of absence from this blog, it's time to tighten the belt and shuffle on. Last time we spoke, the Phins were days away from being completely and comically dismantled by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Then God sent a miracle in the form of a complete Heinz Field washout, and Miami still couldn't muster enough offense to overcome a measly three-point deficit. Then the Jets, not exactly New England Jr., stockpiles somewhere in the realm of 5,000 yards of total offense and puts up 40+ on us. Loss number 12.

Then Buffalo hangs 24 points in the first quarter, Beck forgets what he does for a living, and, by the time the Phins hit the field with Cleo, I was already in stall #2 seeing the effects of plate number three from the buffet line. Ironically, my contribution to the Township Grille's restroom turned out to be the perfect metaphor for the Miami Dolphins 2007 season.

This week, we're hearing more and more about Cameron's inefficiencies as coach and, most of all, the divide between he and his players. Other than the occasional "We're at rock bottom now" quote from Keith Traylor and, oh yeah, the fact the Phins haven't won a game, there was little to indicate that Cam wasn't getting along with his team. Jason Taylor finally spoke out, and it seems likely the rest of boys will follow suit. These next three weeks will be full of speculation on the future of Cam Cameron as head coach. Players don't like him. Fans hate him, but Huizenga, reportedly, likes him. We'll see how much that opinion changes if the Dolphins fail to win a game. Personally, I think the guy is screwed -- the goat in a long line of botched personnel and careless roster moves that he had nothing to do with.

Fact of the matter is this team has little talent outside of Ronnie Brown and Taylor. Allow me to get sidetracked and rant a little... Samkon Gato. What the shit? How is he getting starts? Will he be with the team next year or taking offers from CFL teams? I wouldn't be taking such issue with this if we didn't have someone like Lorenzo Booker, a quick rookie with great hands and plenty of guessing as to why in the hell he doesn't play more. On the saddest team in the NFL -- and possibly the worst team in NFL history -- management has decided it's not in the team's best interests to play Booker but instead... Samkon "Remember those few good games I had when I played for Green Bay?" Gato. This begs the question, "Why the F#$# are we not starting Booker?!" It's a question that not even the Dolphin beat writers have gotten a logical answer to. Amongst the myriad questionable coaching moves, this one irks me the most.

Back to John Beck, Cleo Lemon and the most pathetic QB controversy by far. Did I like the fact Beck was pulled against Buffalo? Pretty much. Obviously, he was shook, scared stiff. Another part of me would have liked to see him stay in and maybe, and this is a huge maybe, turn it around despite an embarrassing first few series. But, alas, his poor play did enough damage to secure a seat on the bench for Sunday's game against Baltimore. I get it -- Miami needs that first win and Lemon, clearly, is the best option.

Is there anything to be excited about this Sunday? Simply put -- not really. Baltimore has lost seven straight games, and because of that, the Phins are expected to have a slight chance. I take that to mean they'll hang tough for the first quarter, and then settle into their usual roll-over-and-die role.

With all this said, all this woe-is-us talk, I'm cool with it. Honestly, I'm excited to see what happens, what young talent we bring in. Huizenga, despite the growing number of frustrated fans who are calling for his head, is a great owner. Period. He wants to win; we can never fault him for dragging his feet to better the team.

Ted Ginn, who upon his selection sent every fan into a cuss-filled tirade, looks promising from my point of view. I look forward to watching him improve. Ditto for Beck, Satele and the rest of this year's draft class.

Bottom line is: Root for your team. Don't be a bitch.

Miami Dolphins: Best Winless Team Ever.

2007-11-26T11:24:00.000-08:00

Hey, geeks. Hope these two statistical insights numb the pain a little.

Two reliable sources with a deep passion for triangles and wacky, pretentious math formulas have confirmed that, contrary to the fact that the Phins haven't come out victorious in nearly one full year -- Miami is the best 0-10 team in NFL history.

Nice. High-five...no?

Ricky to Start

2007-11-26T09:46:00.001-08:00

Strange. Armando says Ricky will start at Pittsburgh tonight, but so far, no one else is reporting this story. Seeing as though this is pretty big news I would assume at the very least that ESPN would pick up the story, but nothing as of yet. Add to my skeptism the fact Mando broke the news via his blog -- not exactly the first place I'd go with the scoop of the week, but hey, what the hell.

With a Ricky start we can go ahead and say so much for Cam being a stickler for good behavior. All that squeeky-clean garbage doesn't put notches in the win column. This guy is desperate. A five-time offender of the league's drug policy? Nah, no problem. You're our guy.

Way to represent the organization. You're all class, Miami.

Bullshit.

Game 11 @ PIT

2007-11-21T16:51:00.001-08:00

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. It's all about Ricky going into Sunday's game against Pittsburgh. Will he start or won't he? Cameron is mute on the matter; Ricky feels fine. Whatever. The story should be Beck's second stab running this offense. He looked borderline awful but considering the circumstances -- his first start, a blitz-happy Eagles team, the Phins are garbage, etc. -- he did just fine. He'll get there. Hell, after last night's Denver game, it looks as if Cutler's coming around after nearly a full season under his belt. I'm optimistic on Beck. I dig him...

As far as the rest of the team goes, there are reasons to be excited about the future. If Ginn has proven anything this year it's that he doesn't suck completely and certainly not the draft bust every cynical Dolphin fan assumed upon his selection (My, this crow sure is tender). And, suddenly out of nowhere, our defense is actually improving. Slowly, but still. I won't make too much out of Jason Allen's two picks last week, but it's good to see him take his licks and gain some confidence. Damn, did he need it.

Also, the offensive line looks great. Did anyone think Houck could turn this unit around? They've been the one constant this season.

Anyway, Pittsburgh. Willie Parker will destroy. John Boy will make plenty of mistakes against this defense. Add to that Jesse Chatman's ankle injury and I can now understand all the noise regarding Ricky. End.

Game 10 @ PHI

2007-11-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

I haven't done a preview in quite some time. Why not, right?

We know the storyline coming in -- Beck's first start, our preliminary glimpse into the Phins' second-round draft choice. Regardless of Miami's putrid record and the fact that losses are now met with mere shoulder shrugs, to have Beck in is actually pretty damn exciting. Easily the only time this season when I can say I'm flatout eager to watch the Dolphins play. Expectations should be low, so I say -- Forget winning. If Beck goes 17-30 with 200+ yards and the Phins get bombed out by 24, consider me happy. Seriously. I mean that completely. Throw to Ginn 5 to 8 times. Send Booker and Hagan deep. Test his arm. Go nuts. All passivity should be throw out the friggin' window.

With all that said, I still think the Phins have a shot to win this game. The offense has fared pretty well this year in converting third downs, and although the defensive unit has been the team's Achilles, they've actually improved statistically spanning the past few weeks. I'm talking about in terms of third-down conversions. I wrote about this on the dailyfilter.

Zach Thomas and Matt Roth are both out. Crowder and Wright will replace them, respectively.

There are my brief thoughts. To read an actual, comprehensive preview, go here.

Ricky's Reinstated

2007-11-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

Ricky's back. What this means to the Dolphins, no one knows.

I like the guy; I can appreciate his ideals and hope he gets himself figured out. In terms of the team, he's nothing but a headline. Most fans are holding out for some storybook return with numbers reminiscent of 2002 or '03, but he's done with the Dolphins. Deal with it.

Cam has been rather mute regarding Ricky, and following the Fred Evans release, I was curious to how long Cam would drag out a decision on Ricky. If Cam is, in fact, a stickler for solid off-the-field behavior, then RW would be idling on the waiver wire by now. Considering the Phins will be set with running backs NEXT SEASON (Ronnie, Chatman and Booker?), there's really only one reason to string Ricky along -- trade bait.

He's continually been brought up in trade speculation, but, honestly, I can't see how Ricky could have any trade value at this point. Drug and personal issues aside, he's 30 and hasn't played in two years. In the best-case scenario, Ricky's worth a sixth or seventh rounder, maybe.

With all this said, Ricky's career isn't over. Mortenson mentioned the Pats as a possible suitor for RW, and, damn, would New England be a great place for him to succeed. Keep in mind he went to rehab in Boston...whatever that means. Forget I said that.

Beck's the Guy vs. Philly

2007-11-14T08:57:00.000-08:00

Hold up. Real quick. I didn't watch a second of the Bills game. I spent last Sunday away from the television, thinking that somehow my association with all things non-Dolphins would have some black-magic, reverse-psychological impact on the outcome. Two hours into it, my curiosity got the best of me. Once I checked in in the third quarter and saw a 3-2 score, I knew I made the right decision to not watch this game. As one relative and Bills fan texted, "This is the game we deserve."

But...

Apparently, the Buffalo loss was it for Cleo. ESPN is reporting that my boy and yours, the future -- Mr. John Beck, will get his first go-around against Philly this weekend. Ring out the bells. Leteth the Mormons rejoiceth.

As we've said repeatedly, this move makes sense for obvious reasons. Beck will finish out the year, seven games of trial by fire. More importantly, those seven games will give coaches plenty to work with as far as evaluation goes. Let the Beck era begin...

Miami and Heartbreak are Like this... (crossing my fingers)

2007-11-07T11:21:00.000-08:00

Like a lot of my usual Internet reading material from October, I missed this.

I thoroughly enjoy Pro Football Reference's work, and I encourage any insight-seeking football fan to check out their blog.

Call Out Boy

2007-11-07T10:18:00.000-08:00

If Belichick is truly fueled by "Spygate", and that appears like a completely legitimate consideration, I can only imagine what kind of destruction he'll dish out on the Dolphins come December 23. This coming after Don Shula's suggestion that the 2007 Pats' season be marked by an asterisk. This isn't some random jab from the incessantly quotable Jay Feely or one of the jack-offs from the 1972 team; this is Grandpa Dolphin himself, one of the best coaches in sports history. I can understand all the hub-bub but can't help but think of Belichick hearing this news, turning to his coaches and asking in hushed, calm tones: "What do you think? 60+? Let's crack 70 against these clowns."

Merry Christmas, boys.

Devil's Advocate: Beck or Lemon?

2007-11-06T17:12:00.001-08:00

Contrary to common sense, Cleo Lemon will get the start against Buffalo and delay John Boy Beck's quest for world domination. Conventional wisdom says now is the time to throw the rookie in and let him take his licks, and I can't disagree with that. I realize that stating the majority opinion does little for debate, so to make things interesting, I'll play devil's advocate. Here's the voice of the majority:

"Cleo Lemon isn't our future starter. Beck is."

That may be the case, but consider that Lemon is 28 and Beck, the rook, is 26. So, how should one define "future"? Five-years worth of production? Six? Seven? Truth is, it SHOULD be an open competition. The only reason Beck is considered the "future" is due to his second-round status, and the obvious fact that he hasn't played yet. Imaginations are running wild. Beck jump-starting the offense. Beck to Ginn. Beck to Booker. Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! It's all a wonderful, orgasmic dream. But consider that the team's HUGE issue this season is not with the offense or the quarterback or, thank God, the offensive line. If our defense played with half the production as last year's unit the Phins could be at .500 or even better (Key word here is "could").

"This season's over. Play Beck. What's there to lose?"

I'm thinking Cam is sticking with Lemon not because of his play "giving us the best chance to win" or because "Beck's not ready" or any other press conference banalities. Let's cut the s&%$ here. His job will be at stake if he gives the offense to Beck and he struggles...like bad...like Heath Shuler bad. There's so much more at stake than a couple wins this season. For Cameron, disappointing play from Beck -- his guy, the QB he waited to get -- would only reflect on Cam's inability to evaluate talent (And, boy, has that been a problem for the Dolphins). He didn't make friends drafting Ginn over Quinn, and judging by the response he got for that pick, we can only imagine what the public outcry would be if Beck falters. The safest and, I'll admit, wussiest of moves would be to play Lemon, which is exactly what Cam's doing this week.

"Why not play them both -- platoon style?"

Sure, it's not a "future" move, but at the very least it gives Beck some playing time. The only problem is Cam would be pussy-footing around the issue, getting his toes wet before jumping in head first. If Beck is, in fact, the "future", give him the job...the whole damn thing. Make a choice and stand by it. That's what any good, er, marginally OK, er, considerably underperforming coach would do, right?

"BECK ISnt PLAYNG becuze HEs a bust! Fire CAmORON!!!"

Typical mindless banter from the fairweathers. Next.

"Roethlisberger dominated in his rookie season. How do we know Beck can't do the same?"

Logical point. If I remember correctly Big Ben was No. 2 on the depth chart his rookie season and only saw action when Tommy Maddox went down. Who knows what would have happened if ol' Tommy didn't break down. Sure, we also lost our starter to injury, but Beck is currently No. 3 on the depth chart for a reason -- he's a rookie, the Dolphins offense isn't exactly "run ten steps and break left", etc. Plus, comparing Roeth to Beck isn't exactly apples to apples. Least we forget that Pittsburgh's success in 2004 didn't ride solely on Ben's arm. The Steeler defense ranked No. 1 that year. Currently, Miami's defense ranks worst in points allowed and has contributed in approximately ZERO wins. Beck won't be our Big Ben this season.

If this Dolphin season continues down the path to SuckTown -- and there's really no reason to believe that there will be a change of course, the Phins will secure a top-3 pick. BC's Matt Ryan or whoever will get a long look, but this team has far too many needs than quarterback -- serious secondary help, d-line, receivers...Hell, we could use just about anybody. If Miami is playing for the future, management needs a solid assessment of Beck's play. Hesitating too much longer on a decision to play Beck might buy Cameron some time as coach, but it most certainly doesn't get us any closer to finding out who is best fit to run the Dolphin offense.

Intro "Idiot Fan of the Week"

2007-10-29T11:26:00.001-07:00

That's it. I'm starting something new. As each week catapults the Dolphins into first place of Suck, more and more mindless fans hit up the "Comments" sections of the various Miami papers to voice their displeasure, oftentimes in terribly unedited and punctuated ALL-CAPS!!! rants. Within these posts written in second-grade prose, the irate poster usually stopes to frivolous name-calling and/or unintentionally comedic attempts at a cyber insult.

With that said, I'll dedicate a post or two or three or however-many to the dumbest comments of the week from our fan base. Why, you ask? Because people are idiots, and they need to be called out for their stupidity. It's about time someone took initiative and launched an assault on said idiots because with each "I'VE BEN A FAN FOR 20+ YEARS AND WAYNE SHOUD SEEL THE TEAM!!! I'M GIVIN BAK MY SEASON TICKKETS!!! FIRE CAMMERON AND HIRE COWHLHWHER!!!", you, the educated fan, are being poorly represented. With each highly clever, well-thought-out altering of a player or coach's name to include a knock on his masculinity or football sense ("Cleo-patra Lemon", "Shitzenga", "Cam CaMORON" etc. etc.), you, the level-headed, well-read Dolphin fan, are being grouped in with these clowns.

Fire away.

Game 8: NYG 13 MIA 10

2007-10-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

Well...we're getting there? It's typical that, just a couple weeks ago, following the Phins loss to Cleveland, I wrote about our offense and its "fun factor", meaning I don't feel an urge to claw my eyes out while watching the offensive unit. Then what happens? Easily the most boring 60 minutes of football endured this year.

Enough about London, the grumbling from hometown Miami fans, the giant Jason Taylor blow-up doll, which received more press than a wrinkled shirt (What? I'm still working on my Rick Reilly metaphors...or is it a simile?), the Dolphins once again looked clueless. However, the defense looked OK and showed some pissiness (Was that Cameron Worrell in a shoving match?).
Filling in for Ronnie Brown, Jesse Chatman showed some flash and, at times, ran the ball like a beast. He did look awfully tough out there, which is good to see. Jason Allen got his first start and didn't get burned. Now THAT's progress. Lorenzo Booker was activated? Ginn had a touchdown over the middle -- his only catch of the game, which came under two minutes. I got nothing else. Cleo Lemon looked horrid and all but hand-delivered the starting job to John Beck. As Jason Cole wrote last week, Beck will probably get the keys against Buffalo. Armando of the Herald seems to think so, too.

Scanning the Florida papers, solid story from the Herald on former Phin Sam Madison and his feelings regarding yesterday's game.

Here's something to consider: Miami hasn't won since December 10th of last year. Logically, let's look at the remaining games: Buffalo; at Philly; at Pittsburgh; NYJ; at Buffalo; Baltimore; at New England and Cincy. Realistically, Miami could eek out a win or two against Buffalo and/or New York, but as we've seen the past few seasons, the Dolphins are completely unpredictable -- awful for five, six, seven games, then a blowout win against an overwhelming favorite. Who knows, really? Saying that, the one constant this season is awful football, so let's keep our fleeting optimism in check.

Let's wait and see what kind of roster shenanigans come in the next two weeks. Deion Sanders signing?

Wildness from Yahoo!

2007-10-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

Two HUGE pieces of news to address from former Herald reporter and current Yahoo! sports writer -- Mr. Jason Cole.

First off, undisclosed "sources" tell Cole that John Beck will get the start against Buffalo on Nov. 11. I'm not seeing anything as of yet from the Miami papers. If true, this is great news for Dolphin fans and Mormons everywhere. Congratulations, boys. Seriously, though, I pinned a John Beck start by week 5. Week 10 ain't bad. Lemon isn't the future, blah blah blah, and seeing that the Phins will most certainly have a top 3 pick in next year's draft, Cameron and Co. would be stupid to not consider drafting a QB. Eh. It hurts my stomach to write that sentence. I like this idea. Let's go with it.

And, finally, this Nagasaki nugget of speculation: "Source: Parcells could be in Dolphins mix". Read that headline again. And again. Think about this scenario. Ridiculous or realistic? I don't even know what to make of this.

Ronnie's out for the Year

2007-10-22T12:42:00.001-07:00

I've been to South Florida on a number of occasions, and, yes, when it rains it does in fact pour. Likewise for the Miami Dolphins. First Trent Green's five-game Dolphin career, then Yeremiah Bell's and Renaldo Hill's season enders, then Donovin Darius, then Lamont Thompson, then Cameron Worrell's best Cameron Worrell impression, then Jason Allen, then Vonnie Holliday, then I'm bored with this, then 0-7, and now Ronnie Brown -- the one shiny nugget of corn in this heaping turd of the Dolphin season -- is reportedly out for the year with a knee injury.

Really, all I can do is laugh. How can it get any worse. To quote Clark W. Griswold from "Christmas Vacation" -- "Worse?!!! We're standing on the threshold of Hell!!"

I'll get to the Pats game after I finish constructing my Cameron Worrell voodoo doll.

Game 7 NE: Incredibly Thorough Preview

2007-10-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

Board up the windows, boys. We've got a three-hour shitstorm headed our way.

Game 6: CLE 41 MIA 31

2007-10-16T14:32:00.001-07:00

In regard to the Cleveland loss on Sunday...man...the defense torched for 41 points by Derek Anderson? I will say this: At the very least (...at the very, very, "grasping at straws" least), I'm not bored to tears watching the offense poke around the field. I really mean that. Think back to last season's showdown with Jets in the Meadowlands. Joey Harrington. No running game. One of the most eye-gougingly boring second-halves of football I've ever witnessed. Some games are hard to watch. This one in particular was unbearable. Now back to the present. Following Ginn's would-be kickoff return to begin the second half, I didn't think there was a chance in hell that Miami had it in them to man up, head down the field and score. They did, and I was completely astounded. Then, for a reality check on how God-awful this team is, the offense gave themselves a pat on the back and called it a day.

Chambers. Gone.

2007-10-16T13:46:00.001-07:00

Finally, some great news in an otherwise horseshit season of football. Chris Chambers was traded to the Chargers today for a second-round pick, and I'm so damn ecstatic I felt inspired to actually post.

I've said time and again that Chambers isn't nearly the receiver he ought to be. I'm sure he'll do just fine in San Diego, and chances are, he might just put up phenomenal numbers and become Player No. 133 to be nixed from the Dolphin line-up and succeed elsewhere. So be it. I hope he does well. He sure as hell wasn't doing much in Miami. Whether his mediocre numbers are a testament to shitty quarterbacks and coaches, well, then OK, fine.

Norv Turner. You're on:

"He's a very consistent player and he has big-play ability," Turner added.

Nice coach-ese, Norv. Consistent? Chris Chambers. Consistent. Not really seeing it. Whatever you say, Norv.

Anyway, What's another five seasons in Miami doing to do for his career or for the team? Nada, especially considering the fact that this year's team is somehow worse than the 2004 squad, that Trent Green has had more rides on a fucking gurney than wins as a Dolphin. You remember the '04, right? They went 4-12, and the 2007 Dolphins are WORSE. HA!

The next obvious question that has to be asked is this: What now for Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas? How can they both NOT demand a trade after Chambers' departure? I say, if they demand a trade, Randy Mueller has to listen and, as tough as it would be, make the move.
(I realize this is completely contradictory of my past comments made toward other fans who suggested trading Taylor and Thomas. Blame it on my naive thinking that the Phins could turn it around. Fuck it. Let's clean house.)

They get what they paid for Chambers; Hagan and Ginn will get their throws, and, most importantly, management has actually come to terms with the fact that, yes, this team blows and changes are in order. Not minor changes either. More like, "You're excess baggage. See Ya" changes. Thank God the time has finally come.