Dom Hates Animals

#47 - Bactrian Camel

2010-12-10T08:40:00.000-08:00

Reason: Too Many Humps

Dom has long had is issues with animals with additional and unnecessary appendages. However, this one may be more baffling than any other. You see, while Dom still hates the Dromedary Camel for other reasons we’ll touch on in the future, he still has a sliver of respect for them only having one hump. This beast of burden is so lazy to find water that he has two.

POSITIVE NEWS FOR DOM: This species of camel is critically endangered!!!

#46 - Hummingbird

2010-12-07T10:33:00.001-08:00

Reason - Waste of Talent

Dom has no time for animals that are too lazy or too active. But there’s a special place in Dom’s animal kingdom of hate for the hummingbird. Despite the fact that the hummingbird can flap its wings up to 90 times per second, they are regularly seen hovering in a stationary spot. If Dom had the powers of flapping his wings that fast he would be a regular globe trotter, and thinks that the hummingbird is a stupid, no good, waste of talent.

As a special bonus to all of my tech savvy-social networking, amigos out there check out my Twitter page, CameronEstey for an actual Dom v. Hummingbird interaction.

#45 - Baltimore Oriole

2009-12-08T07:36:00.001-08:00

Reason: Bad Baseball

While some have argued that Dom draws some pretty fuzzy links between animals and the reason for his hatred, there is no question the direct link between this bird and its identically named baseball team. Ever the fan of America's pastime, Dom can't help but to cringe at this perennial cellar dweller ballclub, and equates this bird to failure.

#44 - Chinchilla

2009-12-03T09:01:00.001-08:00

Reason: Should have Spanish pronunciation

Being in the order Rodentia would be enough for Dom to hate this floppy eared creature, but Dom's ire extends beyond the South American native's scientific classification. Dom hates that the chinchilla's name is not pronounced with a y sound at the end. He was delighted to hear that chinchillas are widely hunted for their furs.

#43 - Alpaca

2009-12-01T07:59:00.001-08:00

Reason: Don't Deserve Farms

Anybody who watches enough TV has surely run across the bizarre "I Love Alpacas" commercials. The website associated with that commercial touts that alpacas are "the worlds finest investment livestock." Dom is certainly not sold on this drunken boast, as the only farms Dom likes are ones associated with slaughter houses.

#42 - Donkey

2009-11-30T09:58:00.001-08:00

Reason: Teeth Too Big

As has been pointed out on more than one occasion, Dom has problems with animals that are disproportionate or have body parts that are particularly unsightly. I am pleased to confirm that the donkey does not escape his wrath, as he hates their gigantic teeth.

#41 - Toucan

2009-11-20T13:39:00.000-08:00

Reason: Too Bright

As Dom has previously pointed to, he has no interest in a bird that's too colorful. However, this piece of work doesn't even have the excuse that their flamboyant appearance is used to get laid. No, this southern bird is too bright...just because. No surprise that this enrages Dom.

#40 - Beaver

2009-11-19T08:51:00.001-08:00

Reason: Dam Builders

Let's get one thing straight, Dom hates any animal that builds dams for fun. Luckily for him, there is a very short list of animals that fit that description. While the uses for dams has been debated for centuries, Dom finds them to be greatly unnecessary and often invasive.

#39 - Javelina

2009-11-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

Reason: Spanish Name

There are no shortage of reasons for Dom to hate this pugnacious character. Javelinas have been known to attack unsuspecting humans, and is so wild it can not even be domesticated. But before learning about the javelina's poor temperament, he already had it in for this swine. The javelinas name is too Spanish sounding for Dom's liking. He'd hate them regardless of their name, but come on!

#38 - Iguanas

2009-11-17T09:07:00.001-08:00

Reason: Show-off

For such an ugly animal with little discernible positive qualities, Dom thinks that iguana has an ill-deserved self confidence. Dom believes that the iguana should spend a little less time trying to show-off for their friends and show a little more modesty.

#37 - Monarch Butterfly

2009-11-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

Reason: Too Darty

Dom has made no bones about his desire for certain animals to calm down. The monarch butterfly is certainly no exception to that rule. The sight of a butterfly darting around makes Dom very anxious. He was very pleased to learn that the average lifespan for a monarch butterfly is a scant couple of months.

#36 - Toads

2009-11-13T08:49:00.001-08:00

Reason: Disgusting Warts

Anybody who has spent time with Dom knows that he puts a lot of stock in appearances. Well Dom finds the toad to be one of the most repulsive creatures, and hates these wart covered amphibians.

#35 - Tazmanian Devil

2009-11-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

Reason: Too Rapid

Whether its pungent odor, loud screech, whiskers and overall ferocious nature there are no shortage of reasons for Dom to hate this demon seed. Dom's main reason for ire, however, is the speed at which this animal operates. Dom wants the tazmanian devil to calm down and act a little bit more civilized...not too much to ask, really.

#34 - Kangaroo

2009-11-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

Reason: Gooey Pouch

Dom makes it pretty clear that he hates animals that are gross. Dom believes that one of the most offensive sights in the animal kingdom is a joey kangaroo after it has freshly emerged from its mothers pouch. The sight of a kangaroo covered in pouch sludge makes him physically ill.

#33 - Tortoise

2009-11-10T09:53:00.001-08:00

Reason: Long Lifespan

Although most animals offend Dom's sensibilities, the tortoise's lifespan truly baffles Dom. A few species of tortoises can live up to 150 years. For such a non-descript and boring animal the tortoise really seems to live too long for Dom's appetite. Also, as previously discussed, Dom hates animals with such pathetic footspeed.

#32 - Prarie Dog

2009-11-09T11:01:00.001-08:00

Reason: Disproportionate Torso

Every year, a prarie dog falls into a rut where their personality changes for several months. Dom falls into a rut when he gets a glimpse of these asymmetrical freaks.

#31 - Armadillo

2009-11-06T09:46:00.001-08:00

Reason: Plodders

Armadillos slowly bumble around, grossly unaware of their surroundings, meandering all over the place. This causes Dom some consternation. While he absolutely hates their lack of a sense of urgency, he does like one thing about their plodding pace...armadillos get hit by cars A LOT. In addition to their lollygag pace, the armadillo brilliantly tends to jump straight in the air when surprised, often colliding with the undercarriage or fenders of passing vehicles. We all know Dom doesn't stand for stupid animals, either.

#30 - Cobra

2009-11-04T19:34:00.001-08:00

Reason: Stupid Ear Flaps

Dom's not a huge fan of reptiles (they're animals after all), but the Cobra may take the cake. Dom has pointed to his dislike of venom, elongated, and dangerous animals. And sure, the Cobra's venom induces pain, blurred vision and paralysis. Of course they are the world's longest venomous stakes. And yes, a single Cobra bite can kill an elephant within 3 hours. However, the main reason Dom hates this animal is because of his stupid flappy ears.

#29 - Eel

2009-11-04T08:32:00.001-08:00

Reason: Too Many Whiskers

Yes, Dom has such a passionate disdain for animals that he is willing to hate them for body parts that they don't even have. It has not been determined if he was thinking of catfish, but nonetheless it's the reason he hates eels. He also hates them because they are too electric-y, but some quick research indicates that electric eels aren't part of the eel family...they are knifefish. Another fake reason!

#28 - Bat

2009-11-03T08:37:00.001-08:00

Reason: Ugly

Dom took yesterday off of work in honor of Manu Ginobili Appreciation Day. Henceforth, Dom will be celebrating Manu's murderous swat the first Monday in each November. Dom could not have been happier that one of these repulsive creatures was offed in such a public and humiliating fashion.

#27 - Pelican

2009-11-02T11:57:00.000-08:00

Reason: Too Dynamic

Pelicans are able to cover hundreds of miles while they are in flight, and are extremely agile in the water when trying to catch their prey. Dom hates that. He wants the pelican to decide if they want to fly or swim...not both!

#26 - Playtpus

2009-10-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

Reason: DOUBLE HATE!!!

Dom hates ducks. Dom hates marmots (more on that to come). So it goes without saying that Dom double hates these weird-ass animals. Here's a list of mind bending qualities to the platypus that make Dom fear/loathe them:

They are the only mammals to lay eggs.
They produce venom that can kill dogs and incapacitate humans
They are the only mammals to have a sense of electroreception: they locate their prey by detecting electric fields generated by muscular contractions
They have webbed feet
Oh, and did I mention...they have a beak

It has been said that platypus is proof that God has a sense of humor. Well Dom has a message for them, we're laughing at them not with them.

#25 - California Condor

2009-10-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

Reason: Scavenger

When Dom recently (yes, recently) found out that California's state bird is the California Condor, he fell into a fit of rage. Dom hates this glorified vulture for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact that the California Condor is a scavenger that feeds on the rotting flesh of animal carcasses. Also, ever the evolutionist, Dom does not agree with the intense conservation efforts to preserve these buzzards. He says they can't hack it anymore, let them go the way of the dodo.

#24 - Termite

2009-10-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

Reason: Unwelcome Resident of the South Bay

According to Dom's sources, these pesky wood-eaters like to summer in the South Bay. However, Dom believes them to be year-long residents. Because they are currently feasting on his house, he obviously hates them.

#23 - Sea Urchin

2009-10-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

Reason: Ineffective

Dom hates how this "animal" poses as indestructible with its spines. Dom has taken on the sea urchin mano-a-mano and has found that the spines break off with ease, and the sea urchin is quickly rendered defenseless.