Dharma & Dish Soap

A Page Turner

2012-12-06T17:51:00.002-05:00

Here I am. I’m at a new page. That is what life is after all, page after page of new fresh white open expanses to fill. It’s how we fill them. That is the art. Whether we choose to fill each new ( ) with stories of darkness and fear we tell ourselves to “keep ourselves safe”, because after all we have learned haven’t we? The stories we have told have taught us the hard way that life has rough edges. It’s not the pretty place we imagined then. So we continue to fill each new page with our fearful stories of what happened then, warning ourselves to stay home now and do nothing for fear of the frightening and failure filled world that lies beyond that front door. We fill reams of paper with reasons why we stay, why we can’t turn that page and embrace the opportunity of a new start. We have filled volumes with our closeted skeletons and boogie monsters that hide under our beds. We are so busy, most of us, composing these stories and heeding their wisdom that we fail to even notice when we turn a new page. Our obsessive, fevered composition is so deeply consuming that we are aware of little else in the room around us, or inside of us other than our stories.

Turn the page.

There are other kinds of stories we can tell. In failure and pain are deep wisdom. Perhaps our inattention is our worst enemy. Perhaps it is that inattention that causes us to miss key moments, of connection, of grace, of kindness on which new stories can be built. It is my experience that from each new connection grows the potential to spring into an all new storyline. If we are too focussed on our fearful stories of what happened then we miss those moments happening now, those new pages waiting to be filled, offering endless potential for growth and change. We have learned that it is painful. We have learned that it is hard this life we have. What we have also learned is that it simply continues to continue. No matter what we say or what we do or how we try to hide from it with our hero’s and grand tales of hope and glory life still continues to continue. And we are all too busy with our fear that we miss it. The very moments we look for, the fairytale that we seek to write, it’s all in front of us just waiting for us to turn the page and look up and see the beautiful story around us waiting to be lived now.

Little Monkeys & Sun Salutations

2010-11-19T20:40:00.004-05:00

Does your little monkey know how to do a sun salutation?

Mine do :)

For the past couple of months I have been facilitating yoga classes with a hoard of about 200 little monkeys. Each time I come, once a week for each class I teach, we start out with the same warm up every yoga class starts with - Sun Salutations. For weeks it has been circus of trying to ensure that they don't step on each others head while they hop back into downward facing dog. Today, well, today was a little bit different.

Today I stepped back and watched 3 classes of about 25 kids each, flow through sun salutations on their own steam. Led by their breath, and awareness of their surroundings and a jazzy little song by Kira Willey called Dance for the Sun. these kids flowed right through two series. (Props to you Kira! Thanks for the great resource!)

I was so proud.

As a growth out of this I have been invited to facilitate workshops for other little monkeys in a couple of other locations through the city. Please check out the Facebook page that I have created for this new adventure :) Please give it a "like" and maybe a share with your friends. Help us grow!!!

Namaste blog-friends!!

Oh! Just as a quick, very adorable aside, yesterday when I was coming home from one of the other locations that I teach at I put on the same song in the car and then looked at the backseat....... weren't my kids doing their best Sun Salutations while buckled into their carseats!!!! AH-DORABLE!!

P.R.A.Y. for me!

2010-11-06T13:57:00.003-04:00

P.R.A.Y. Boutique and Lounge that is.

Pilates, Running And Yoga.

I had the most fantastic interview for the owner of this concept yesterday.

A fabulous lady by the name of Natalie contacted me regarding a resume that I had sent to her in response to an ad on Kijiji for a General Manager for her new boutique and lounge. She wanted to see me for an interview and I was so geeked to hear from her that I accepted on the spot. The interview was set for Friday, the very next day. Thank heavens too because I don't think I could have waited too long for this chat :) I was geeked and squirming in my seat as it was!

She is looking for someone who might as well be exactly... well... me : ) Passionate, committed, responsible, hard working, outgoing and organized were some of her criteria for her ideal candidate. Like I said.... me :) As she tried to impress upon me the depth of the commitment that she expects from her partner I just became more and more geeked and excited about the prospect of taking on this project. What an opportunity! To be part of a new launch of a business that serves the community that I love and embodies many of the values and characteristics that I am passionate about. Finally, a business that I can sink my passion for yoga, sustainability and lifestyle into. Talk about walking your talk, I am all over WORKING your talk!

Now, to be realistic, she has other interviews to conduct and other people she is considering and this was only the first interview in a set of two. I will be going back for the second round and bringing my A-game of passion and ambition with me :) This could be the nest step on my path.... with any luck.

I will keep you posted!

And even if I don't land the position (please let her pick me please let her pick me please let her pick me lol) you can look forward to a review of this new business right here on my blog as soon as it opens it's doors.

A quick drop by to let you know.....

2010-11-02T21:39:00.002-04:00

...that I have been featured on another site! Woot!

One of my lovely fellow bloggers does a thing she calls Yoga Tattoos-day. I stumbled across this one day while I was poking around on Elephant Journal. So I of course sent her off a picture of my fab yoga tattoo and the story behind it.

She posted it!

And not only that, gave me a little link lovin' to go along with it :)

You can find the post here

Thanks Birdie! You are one yogini in a million :)

My Girl and Her Store :)

2010-10-27T21:34:00.002-04:00

I went on an adventure today :)

My girlfriend Margaret owns a great little store called Sweetheart Diapers down in Riverside. She just opened it this year. The horrid friend that I am, I have not yet been to visit her. So, today on the spur of the moment I packed up Ella and took a bus to her doorstep.

I walked into her shop and was greeted by the most cheery bright space. Her walls are painted a gorgeous sunshine-y yellow and all her shelves and displays are beautiful and white topped with colourful diapers and toys. She carries a variety of locally made products including slings, toys and jewelery. Her main product line is of course DIAPERS.

Beautiful, organic, eco friendly cloth diapers :)

She carries a variety of popular brands including Bum Genius and Monkey Doodlez and of course will lead you through your cloth diapering experience with skill and compassion.

And her awesome smile : D

And this fabulous, green, locally owned store is NOT in London, and it is NOT in Toronto... it is right here is our evolving little city :)

Check her out here :)

Lost in the Space Between My Thoughts

2010-10-26T21:23:00.004-04:00

Blog friends, this is what I have been.

Totally lost.

Truth is things have changed a bit in my life the last little while and I am lost in my own ability to simply be peaceful and strong within it all.

Some of the changes have brought me back into my own personal home practice. I have reconnected with my Yoga Journal practice podcasts and have been creating practice space in my life as the kids play around me or as the house is quiet at night. In my other moments I am listening to the audio version of "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. I am feeling an awakening, a flowering of some part of me that was closed before. And within it I have been feeling lost.

Lost in the space between my thoughts.

In my heart it has been a very profound expansion and acceptance of everything around me. My physical habits are still feeling the change, but it is beginning within me.

....and Blog Friends, it is really deep, cool, profound, FAR OUT stuff :).....

So this is why I haven"t been posting, because my mind has been busy being all yogic. I do want you to know however that I have a file full of open ideas that are blooming too. So there is some cool stuff coming :)

Stumble back soon :)

The Force is Strong with Me

2010-10-01T17:24:00.003-04:00

Lately I have been trying to create opportunities for myself that will create income for my family. I have a variety of training and a world of experience. I have taught so many different young people so many different things.

Coming back to my hometown after we had children was a balanced decision. On the positive side we have so many pairs of hands here to help us with our children. On the other hand, I gave up a secure teaching job at an elementary school. A secure teaching job in my hometown has not been forthcoming. Hence the trying to create opportunities.

I had a gig this morning at a local Montesorri school to teach kinder yoga to all of their classes. Definitely a different experience. I felt it was successful as a first day but that I could definitely outdo myself next week when I go in.

So I hit Google and found the most wonderful artist. Exactly what I was looking for. Kira Willey created a cd called Dance for the Sun. When I checked out the sample previews I was amazed. This is exactly what I am looking for!

Check out the song previews.... definitely a great resource for anyone wanting to bring yoga into their classroom or share yoga with children in any capacity.

This seems to be just one more step on the path the universe is leading me down. :)

Virya & Asana

2010-09-26T21:25:00.003-04:00

The last few months I have been exploring the paramitas. This fantastic book that I was gifted from my mother years ago has resurfaced in my life at a a coincidental time with my recent path of growth and change. This wonderful text "Buddha is as Buddha does" by Lama Surya Das gives you ten practices for enlightened living. Among those are patient forbearance and wisdom and mindfulness and meditation, and heroic effort.

As i revisited the skill of heroic effort I began to consider the fatigue and inertia of my depression and was led to think about the heroic effort that this time could teach me in my life. This skill would help me and and by extension help everyone around me and it would be of spiritual value towards a higher accomplishment.

A Monday morning, I head to my yoga class and my radiantly pregnant instructor Renee has chosen to run class a little differently. We start in Virasana - hero's pose. Today of all days she is choosing to explore our hero. Courage, to face the unknown, to bear with discomfort, to approach things with new eyes, to change. Coming to my mat and bringing the hero from my head, down into my heart. It was a profound experience that is inviting me to allow the skill to take root in my heart and grow.

I choose heroic effort.

Do you?

Practice guided by- Renee < @Eastside Yoga in Windsor.

Yoga for a Hangover.

2010-09-25T09:51:00.002-04:00

We’ve all been there. Last minute decision to go out and grab ‘a drink or two’ which translates to several bottles. Birthday parties to prove that you can still ‘roll’ like you did in college (let’s face it, that was a special time in our kidney’s history). Wedding receptions, tailgates, heck, monday night. Point is, you drink too much and then the following morning ensues: throbbing, pounding, can’t see straight, i’d-rather-never-see-the-light-of-day-again kind of hangover. The sad truth is that there is no getting around it. Must deal. Your options are as follows:

1. grab your handy bag of frozen peas, place over face. Burrow under covers. Breath from straw. Spend day there.

2. ‘greasy food and coffee’ cure. Honestly, do we still really believe in that?

3। yes, you guessed। Get your tushy in a yoga class and DETOX. Sweat the night (tequila) out and purify. The first 20 minutes will be heck, but hang in there, you’ll be a brand new person by the end of the class. If this option of leaving your home makes you quiver in your dress that you still haven’t taken off from last night, here are some short and simple options to encourage those hangover blues right out of your body.

Here is a sequence that I found to help squeeze all of those toxins right out of your poor aching insides.

Detox Sequence:

Twists are extremely therapeutic and detoxifying. It massages our internal organs, clears the spine, aids in digestion, and most importantly, encourages release of toxins we hold deep within. These gentle twists will help leave last night in the dust.

Mellow: Start seated in a comfortable cross-legged position. Root your hips down into the floor and sit tall through your spine. Take your right hand to the outside of you left knee. Place your left fingertips onto the ground behind your lower back. Put gentle pressure onto the outside of your left knee as you lift your chest and twist to your left. Hold 8-15 deep breaths and switch sides.

Medium: Straighten your left leg and bend your right knee so that the sole of your foot is flat on the ground in front of your right sitz bone. Ground your hips, lengthen the spine and wrap your left arm around the front of your shin bone so you can rest your palm on your outer right thigh. Place the right hand on it’s fingertips behind you. Lift the chest and pull the belly and back shoulder to the right to twist. 8-15 breaths, repeat on second side.

Spicy: If you can bare to sweat a bit, stand up, otherwise skip this step. Standing with your feet and legs together, bend both of your knees and sink your hips. Keep the shins pressing back so that you can look down and still see your toes. Join the hands into prayer (namaste) at your chest. Hold 10-20 breaths. Take your left elbow and place it to the outside of your right thigh. Press into the leg and press the bottom palm into the top to revolve chest open. 10 more breaths. Come back to center and repeat on second side. If you can handle even more heat, do 5-10 Sun Salutations before this twist. Click HERE to learn how to perform a Sun Salutation.

Soothe: Sit down sideways against a wall. Lie down and take both legs together up the wall. Shift until your bottom can rest next to where the wall and floor meet. Take arms overhead, cover eyes with a cloth or eye pillow and rest here for 5 minutes.

*this sequence was first featured on www.quarterlife.com

www.kathrynbudig.com
www.yogaworks.com

The Art of Chaos

2010-09-21T16:51:00.000-04:00

Life as a working mom is chaos.

Wikipedia says that chaos is derived from an ancient Greek word meaning a state that lacks order or predictability. This matches my life exactly.

The challenge of living a chaotic life is to be able to assimilate everything that is thrown at you (literally and figuratively) with grace and aplomb, and still look blissful while you’re doing it. Ask any mother you know and she will tell you that this is true.

Swirling around us at any one time are any of a score of issues, responsibilities, commitments, expectations, demands and temptations. Our challenge lies in how we deal with that whirlwind within ourselves. What structures do we have in place within ourselves to filter the input and respond to everything that we are bombarded with both skillfully and with compassion?

I have been considering the concepts of action and reaction the last week or so. Our conditioning by and large is to react to most stimulus that we are presented with. Children are a prime example of this behavior. Take a four year olds toy and you are sure to be met with a screech. a whack and a removal of that toy from your possession in short succession. This continues as a theme throughout our growth into adults, and becomes more complex as we grow. The key to handling the chaos with skill is found for me in my yoga practice.

Through the process of self study I am learning how to skillfully recognize my reactions before they become actions. This is the art of my chaos, to feel my reactions arising in my body and then to skillfully choose my actions in response. The other part of my art is flexible planning. So, just as I am learning to be flexible and strong in my body, I am learning how to be strong and flexible in my life. Through asana I am learning to sit with discomfort, consider it and then respond accordingly, and sometimes not at all.

Is there an art to your chaos?

Yoga for Lunch

2010-09-20T15:58:00.003-04:00

I had yoga for lunch today :)

Nancy ran a great midday class inspired by Shivananda style yoga. Pranayama, (Skull shining breath) and some OM chanting followed by 30 minutes of an invigorating surya numaskar series, deep forward bends and some gentle supine poses to balance it off.

Short, refreshing and a window to a different style that I have not practiced before.

Thanks Nancy for the great class!

Come have yoga for lunch with us. Next Yoga for Lunch class on Thursday at 12:00.

Class today - 12:00 yoga for lunch with Nancy at Eastside yoga in Windsor.

Going with the Flow.

2010-09-16T13:47:00.002-04:00

I did 45 hot, sweaty minutes of Vinyasa this morning.

Damn. It felt gooooooooooood.

To sweat through a balance posture and breath through the trembling of my muscles, to lose my balance, land lightly on my hand and flow right back up into balance, there is so very much to be learned here.

So many of us find ourselves fighting through hard moments in our lives... arguing with a child, or a lover, or a sales associate and becoming so deeply frustrated and unbalanced that we have difficulty flowing back into balance and listening to the subtle cues of our breath. For myself, when I am on the mat and deep into a posture that challenges me I find myself more aware of my tendency towards anger, towards frustration, and towards the perception of failure. In life, I can admit that I have fallen and not gotten back up. I have cursed the ground for hurting me when I fell and then myself for falling, and then finally I look around for someone to blame. This could be the bank, or my yoga teacher, or my employer or even my husband or my children.

Trouble is, what I am learning is this kind of behavior only causes more suffering. To push responsibility for my own balance, my own contentment off onto someone else is to deny my own need to grow. It is to deny my own lack of perception and my own ability to pay attention to the subtle cues of my breath and my heart. To blame solves nothing. It causes resentment and hurt and nothing but more suffering.

Instead, yoga teaches us to go with the flow. To stop when we feel something that is larger than we are and observe it. To breath into the feeling, and really feel it. Watch how it moves through our body. Most importantly, it teaches us to allow it to happen and to not grasp at it or push it away. Allow it to arise, peak and subside. This is the truth of my yoga practice, and something that it teaches me every time I come to my mat.

How did you go with the flow today?

Class this am - 9:15 All Levels Flow with Dianne @ Eastside Yoga in Windsor :)

From the Meditation Cushion - Some Thoughts on Truth.

2010-09-07T16:01:00.004-04:00

Truth.

Years worth of wise men and women have given their two cents worth on this topic and yet it still remains somewhat of an elusive and complex idea.

Right now I am trying to wrap my head around a hefty dose of truthiness.

I was visited this morning by a person who tends to be a lovely addition to my life. This morning though she chose to share her feelings on some happenings in our shared life that did not resonate well with me.

At the same time as being hurt and weakened by her comments I am left wondering how much of it is true. Do I really lack the grit to be the parent that my son needs in order to grow up as a healthy and happy person? Do I need to pull my socks up and get my house in a more controlled order? I don't really think so. In fact, up until this morning I was feeling pretty good about myself and the house I am keeping. Not so much now. Funny how that works.

This all brought me to the topic of truth. What is truth? Is there an absolute truth? What is the truth in this situation? I know what my truth is because I was all but convinced of it and happy because of it when this lovely person came into my kitchen. On the other hand, I have to assume that her conviction this AM means that what she said is her truth. So, where does the absolute truth lie? At this point I am not entirely certain.

The Buddhists would say that I need to not be attached to the righteous feeling that I am right and she is wrong. They would also say that I need to open my heart to her and have great compassion for what is clearly her suffering. If she brought all of that stress to spill all over me and my spirit, then she is clearly carrying it all inside. My attachment to my own righteous thoughts is causing me to suffer. In Buddhist tradition I need to release my attachment and open my heart.

Sigh.

It is the right thing to do and I know I will feel better but my own righteous attachment to my thoughts is resistant.

Something for my meditation cushion and I to work on together.

Changing Perspecitve.

2010-09-04T17:13:00.003-04:00

Older and Wiser.

This, it appears, is what I am.

There is a time in my life when the week that I have had would have brought me to my knees, and sent me crawling madly for the shelter of the nearest bed. I am pleased to report that this is not the case today.

I have taken a work from home job that I love. I have worked 35 hours this week for those people. I am also exploring other possible streams of income. While doing this, I am also running the house (dishes, laundry, cleaning, gardening), taking care of bills and business matters, and taking care of the kids (bathing, feeding, clothing, and generally loving and entertaining). As you can imagine this takes up pretty much all of my time. I am also maintaining an active yoga practice which takes about 5 hours a week.

That wasn't all this week. Not by a long shot.

Last weekend my children were cared for by a close family member of mine. This person has a long history of drama and trial in their life. The details are a bit too personal to go into, but I will say that there is a history of substance abuse that I had thought was under control. Boy was I ever mistaken. I came downstairs from my shift to a clearly intoxicated babysitter. I elect to say nothing as it does no good when this guy is under the influence and instead talk to him tomorrow. Near midnight I go to bed. He stays up, the nightowl. My husband comes home from at 4 having found the sitter stumbling down the middle of a nearby road, insensible with drink, trying to hitch a ride back to his home.

He remembers none of this the next morning.

Gets in my face in front of my three year old. Calls me a bitch.

Cries brokenheartedly when I recount the events of the night before because he is scared he has lost control.

My husband tells him he can no longer come here.... not until he is in recovery.

As if this isn't enough........

My parents are not coming to my daughters 2nd birthday, their only grand daughter. This is because my father wants to drink at his trailer..... it is after all, labour day weekend and the biggest party of the season.

And.....

we were short on our rent due to some logistical difficulties. It got paid, just two days later than it should have been.

And you know why we were short? Because we had to buy our daughter some birthday presents.

How heartbreaking.

There is a time when a week like this would have defeated me, when the load would have been far too much for me to bear. I am proud to say that I have taken this week in stride.

Thanks to my yoga practice.

I have cultivated an ability to be the observer within the chaos, to release attachment to my feelings and to my desires and simply experience the moment as it happens. I have learned to release my anxiety and my gloominess without letting them define me.

I am not responsible for the addictions of these men in my life.

I cannot change it.

So I don't try.

I release them with love and return to what is important for me. My own wellness, and the wellness of my beautiful family.

The Grass is Always Greener...

2009-01-09T21:33:00.002-05:00

...on the other side.

I have been looking at the people I know and thinking about just how much further ahead they seem to be than I am. These women that I went to school with, they are exploring the world, improving themselves and gathering life experiences. Me, I am stuck at home with two children and getting damn tired of looking at the same four walls everyday.

And I said I wanted to do this full time.

Am I insane?

I keep having to remind myself that this part is only temporary. The children will grow up and go to school. I will get some of my own life space back. I will be able to gather more life experience again.

As I write this, though, I know that this experience is one that I will always treasure and one that they are missing out on.

Still feels like I am stuck in a rut though.

Ugh.
I hope I will feel better tomorrow.

Moments of sweetness

2008-12-03T08:39:00.002-05:00

I caught my toddler reading to my infant a day or so ago.

He had been running around the kitchen, getting into mischief, as usual, and I stepped out of the room. A moment later I return to the doorway to find him, on his knees, book across his lap "reading" animatedly to my 3 month old daughter. My son is 2 years old. It made my heart swell with love for him and for the family I have grown in my body and nurtured with my heart and soul.

Bringing out the Green.

2008-11-08T14:09:00.003-05:00

Windsor is a green free zone.

This city is (not surprisingly) devoid of all the green initiatives that one can find in other, more progressive urban areas. Things like green detergents, cloth diapers, aluminum water bottles, hemp products. I am attempting to find some reasonably priced green detergent for my cloth diapers and have been unable to locate any in a store.

I would love to bring green here.
This is what I get for living in Toronto. I have seen how hip and green a place can be and now have returned to the land of all that is stodgy and blue collar.
How boring and unimaginative.

I am also lamenting my lack of the green.... you got it... moolah. We don't have a lot of that right now. I am putting off buying nursing bras and new cloths and a fan for my daughters room because we simply cannot afford it. I wish we could. The economy being what it is, my husbands restaurant job is not garnering the green as it once did. It also means that there really isn't anything else out there.

Now would be the time to start that business.

What business you say
Hands Free Mommy. I want to bring some of that green to this city. That means more green for Windsor and more green ($) for me.

A quote that moved me.

2008-11-05T08:46:00.002-05:00

"Rosa Parks sat so that King could walk . King walked so Obama could run. Obama ran so that we all can fly."

I have no idea who said it, but how poignant.

A Collection of Newpapers.

2008-11-05T08:29:00.003-05:00

On the morning after 9/11 I bought a newspaper that I keep in a cedar chest downstairs. I believed, and still do that it was a piece of history that I wanted preserved for my children. I will be buying another today.

America has elected it's first black president.
What an amazing victory.
Today truly is a new day. We have not yet lived in a world where the most important and influential leader in it is anything other than white.

I am astounded and awed at the truly monumental social change that this represents.

As I watched the victory form last night and the man himself take the stage to speak to a waiting world, I was amazing by his humility. He speaks of change, and he asks of his people their support and their conscious action. He spoke of the history of race politics and relations in America, from their violent and oppressive beginnings to their current state and then to the possible future that this heralds, He reminded America that they cannot simply fall back into their old patterns, that this change must represent real change. America has truly made history. Now the challenge will be to commit to the long haul of change that this historic decision requires. No longer can they be an oil addicted national. No longer can they allow themselves to glut on their Americanism. At each turn they must stop and reflect on what the better choice is. Green, or greed. Global or self seeking. Violence or peace. Truth or evasion.

I believe that change is possible. The incredible numbers that Obama drew to the polls, numbers not seen in the history of America, tell me that the country is waking out of its apathy and seeking a new direction. America is ready to lead the world into the new millenium.

I have bope for my children and the world that they will inherit. I am proud of humanity today and what we have accomplished.

Change is truly possible.

2008-11-04T20:16:00.004-05:00

History could be made tonight.

I imagine that tonight had the potential to be one of those "I remember where I was when..." nights. Where were you the night the first black president of the USA was elected? I believe that this election will invariably cause great social outcry and reaction. If Obama wins, it is an historic moment. A black man in the White House, leading the free world Monumental change from the segregated America of a mere fifty years ago. If McCain wins, or more importantly if Obama loses, there will be riots.

We bend, not break.

2008-11-01T13:18:00.005-04:00

I have a Spirited Child

My son is not the child that I expected to have. We all dream of having the perfect child. Quiet or boisterous, but mindful of mom and dad and cooperative. My son is not these things. He is intense and persistent, long after I have given up he is still holding strong. He is louder, faster and just MORE than most other kids you know.

He is enough to make a person crazy.

What I am beginning to learn is that I will never have my "perfect" child. I have my son. As a mother, part of me mourns for what I have "lost". Every time I am ready to bust, part of me weeps for the child that I thought I would have. Why aren't you a better behaved child? What did I do wrong?

The reality is this;

I did nothing wrong. He is who he is. In learning to work with who he is rather than try to bend him to my will I have discovered that he is a better child than I thought and I am a better parent than I thought. I have found cooperation, listening skills and an eagerness to please, rather than to anger. I have found the child that I had thought was lost, only it wasn't him that needed to change...

It was me.

Coos and Toddles

2008-10-29T14:13:00.002-04:00

I have made a discovery.

I believe I have what is known as a Spirited Child. He is more of everything. More persistent, more energetic, more outgoing, more intense, more stubborn. Just More.

For so long I have felt like an awful parent. I spend many of my days frustrated beyond words at his tenacity and his defiance. Then I discovered that there are other children like my Mason out there. I am picking up a book from the library tomorrow about such children and how to be a good parent to a challenging kid. My husband is reluctant to accept the label but I desperately need to know that this is not about me being a bad parent, and to practice strategies that might save me some frustration. We will see if it helps. More to follow :)

My beautiful little girl is fussing and crying constantly of late. Not that I can complain though, she is sleeping 9 hours straight through the night, and then going back for three more directly after eating herself into a slack jawed stupor. It's tough when I know how sweet she can be to know that I have done everything (fed, changed, rocked etc), and still have her squalling inconsolably in my arms. Such is the life of a parent is what I am discovering. Perhaps it is due to the diaper rash I am treating with vaseline and cornstarch, perhaps a growth spurt. We shall see tomorrow I suppose as it is day three today and they say growth spurts only last three days.

On a more fabulous and green minded note, I have made the move to cloth diapers and I love them! I feel so much better about the environmental impact of cloth. I have found myself becoming more and more conscious of my footprint with my children. I want the world to be clean and beautiful for them and their children also.

Naptime is ticking away and there is much to be done.... rest... dishes... laundry.....

Ah, motherhood.

To Rise Above

2007-12-13T08:26:00.000-05:00

I have spent every day this week Rising Above.
Crap keeps following me.
I am extremely grateful that I have a job that can help to support my family. I am grateful that my son is healthy and strong. I am grateful that my husband and I are both healthy.

I am bringing to me good things. I fill my head with positive thoughts and embody the change that I want to see in the world.

I am a happiness frickin' magnet... Bring on the warm fuzzies....

Get off the Couch and Bend

2007-10-17T06:33:00.001-04:00

I have been stuck in Blah mode for the past couple of days. I just can't seem to shake it. I have tried sleep, chocolate and bitching to a girlfriend. None of them helped. So, what to do?

Yoga have been on my mind. I am seriously neglecting of this practice in my life. I am deeply in love with the practice of yoga. Problem is, I feel as though I have no community and no space in my life to support it. Everyone who "yoga's" is transient in my sphere of life. Time is another thing entirely. Mom to a beautiful toddler, wife to a handsome man and teacher to a roomful of hooligans I hardly have time to dress myself, let alone bend myself into heart and soul opening postures.

The other trouble is money. I have serious guilt about spending precious buckaroos to attend workshops and yoga classes. They are my resources, and guilt is unproductive, but it is there nonetheless.

What to do?

I have been searching the net for books to help me get into the mind space I need to be in. I am slightly unsure this is the correct route, but it is the one I am treading.

I will let you know how it goes :)

Happy Wednesday.

Blah

2007-10-15T06:30:00.000-04:00

Feeling rather blah the last twenty four hours. I need either some motivation or a good solid day off to rest and recoup. Since I seem to have neither, it's on with my day.