Domestic Felicity

Aunt Tzila's fried onions

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:40:00 +0000

This is a story that landed in my inbox, and I liked it so much that I decided to translate it for you. I know you'll love it as much as I did.

A quick glance at the clock tell me it's already 20:30. A quick calculation tells me it means I have been running between the kitchen and my little angels for the past half hour.

Mommy! Tuck me in!

Mommy! Water, please! If we are running out of water in Israel, it's because of all the children who beg for water a second after their head touches the pillow.

Mommy, my teddy bear dropped to the floor!

Mommy, he isn't letting me sleep!

Mommy!..

I'm slightly breathless from all the running.

Two minutes of silence tell me the sleep routine is complete.

My stomach reminds me I skipped lunch today, and no dinner is waiting for my dear husband.

I look around, trying to think of something quick, tasty and healthy to cook.

I clear the counters, filling the dirty pots with water and placing them elegantly on the stove, and pile the dishes in the sink. I sweep, mop and tidy up.

Suddenly I remember the voice of dear Aunt Tzila: if you have no time to cook and your husband is about to arrive, chop an onion and fry it, its smell will make anything appetizing. She laughed and added: it doesn't matter even if all you do later is pour some eggs over the onion, the smell will do its job.

I, a fresh young bride, looked at her then with wondering eyes. Me? Greet my husband with fried onion? My husband will have a three-course gourmet meal every night!

Now I know what she was talking about. I smile to myself, inwardly thanking Aunt Tzila. I chop the onion swiftly.

The smell fills the air as I toss stripes of bell pepper into the pan, add a few chunks of hard cheese I found in the refrigerator, and pour eggs over it all.

I hear the car coming to a stop in the driveway and the familiar footsteps coming upstairs, and cut up salad as fast as I can.

"Mmm, smells delightful. What's for dinner?"

That's my hungry man.

He comes into the kitchen, sniffing and making a move to look into the pots. No! It's not there! I say sharply before he looks. Uh... leave the pots.

So what did you make?

In a stroke of brilliance, I respond: I made Mediterranean omelet with grilled peppers and cheese, and it's served with chef's salad.

Mmm, this sounds delicious, he says appreciatively.

After he has Swiss hot chocolate for dessert (hot milk with some melted chocolate) he asks: "do you need me to do anything?"

"Yes," I say simply, "some dishes."

To his astonishment, I transfer four large pots, full of murky water, from the stove to the sink, which threatens to collapse.

To my astonishment, he doesn't run away or fall asleep on the spot, but rolls up his sleeves and says, "you deserve this after all you did for me tonight."

...I stifled a smile and went out, garbage bag in hand.

On my way to the trash can, I thought that much of our life consists of marketing: how we present things is how they are perceived by others.

The awakening of spring

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:11:00 +0000

In Israel, the month of Shvat is best known by the bloom of the almond trees, but in reality, everything bursts into bloom these days. I especially love our local wild flowers, which I can find in abundance in our yard.

Well, the above is rosemary, not a wild flower, but it's still blooming so beautifully I thought it deserves to be included too.

Cyclamens growing out of small pocket of earth in a rock. Aren't they lovely?

Possibilites of life

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:08:00 +0000

This blog is a jumble of different things - recipes, religious experiences, crochet patterns, family celebrations, life in Israel and homemaking.

Whenever I venture into something personal here, I'm striving to find the balance between expressing what I feel and maintaining the privacy of our family. Several comments prompted me to write this, and since my thoughts aren't fully in order, I won't blame you if you find neither head nor tail in what I'm saying.

When I got married, I fully assumed I would be the mother of a very large family, with a child around every 18-24 months. Now, for various reasons, it looks like this isn't going to happen - and when I say for various reasons, it means there are reasons, beyond expecting to fall pregnant at a certain time and not being able to. As you can imagine, I'd rather not go into details here.

It's now over 4 years since I started blogging. In the beginning of my way here, I was still very hurt by my past life and, perhaps, trying too hard to walk in a straight line and fit everything into neat compartments. Now I embrace and rejoice in the diversity of destiny, thought, temperament, and family situations. I have been blessed beyond measure, and often overwhelmed with gratitude, by the friendship and kindness shown to me.

I'm very, very thankful for my two healthy, beautiful daughters. Whether or not I ever have more children, I rejoice in having Shira and Tehilla, who are the light of my life. Lately, I've been wondering what my life is going to be like if I only have them.

I assumed I would be busy taking care of babies well into my forties, but if my daughters are all I ever have, by the time I'm 30 I'll have two children well past the stage of toddlerhood, and no perspective of more. In such a case, I will reach earlier than expected that stage of life all mothers, hopefully, eventually reach - a time when the children are grown and not so very needy anymore.

I might have more leisure, but there's never such a thing as "too much" time, as there are so many things to do in the home and beyond. Among other things, I might prevent the accumulation of dust bunnies under the sofa, perfect my knitting, and reach out to help other women who are having babies, whether it is by cooking meals (like I'm doing now for my sister-in-law) or volunteering to babysit. The care for young children is so intense that in every community, a woman who has a bit more time on her hands can be a real blessing to others.

Of course, all this is speculation. I don't know what will really happen; whatever it is, I'm trying to learn to go with what G-d has in store, rather that what I had set my mind on. I know He can work wonders, as He already had, in my life and the lives of others.

The beautiful painting is "women washing clothes by a stream", by Daniel Ridgway Knight.

In our corner of the world...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:22:00 +0000

Once more, it seems as though days are just slipping by, without me being able to fit so much as a shred of computer time in them. Sometimes, real life just takes a priority - right now, so much that I'm even finding difficulty to think of what to say (something that doesn't happen often!)

Just two days ago, we were overjoyed by the birth of a nephew (this year is proving to be very rich in the blessing of babies - practically everyone in the family either are pregnant, or gave birth just now). We're expecting my sister and brother in-law to return home today, and since we live practically next door, I'm looking forward to stopping by and bringing a meal.

We were away for a long weekend, so as you can imagine, there are countless of things being (and yet to be) done around the house. I'm braving the fierce wind and hanging out load after load of laundry. The trick is to use countless clothespins; if the clothes don't get blown away and over deep into the valley, they dry in a flash. I've unpacked the bags, hung up new curtains (a gift from my mother), and of course, there's that meal being cooked in large enough quantity to be shared. The car is yet partially to be unloaded.

Thanks to all who lately took the time to contact me, whether through this blog or via email. Your attention and friendship mean a lot to me. I hope to be back again soon, and in the meantime, remain warmly yours,

Mrs. T

Cold and rainy out, warm and snug in

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 19:34:00 +0000

Above: the chickens, a bit damp and bedraggled, but still happy to be outside after a bout of rain.

I'm happiest when the sun is shining, which is why it's lucky I live in Israel. Rain puts me in an almost sleepy mood, almost as if I'm hardly aware of the time passing by. Still, there's a certain magic to rainy days; knowing I don't have to go out, I can concentrate on what needs/can be done inside.

Oh, and it's also cold. It doesn't get cold cold in Israel, you'll point out. But precisely because our winters are so short, it would be a waste to have central heating in the houses, so the when it's cold outside, it's cold inside. I'm currently wearing a thick pair of pants, a denim skirt, two pairs of socks (one of them thick), and two sweaters, one of them knitted for me by Rose the previous winter. And my feet still feel cold. I can hardly wash the dishes if the water hadn't been pre-heated earlier.

In addition, now we've moved Out to the Hills, I've discovered the true meaning of windy. All I had experienced before, I've found out, is a breeze. When you go out to feed the chickens and get blown off course, now, that's windy. When you can't let your kid join you in the yard for fear she'll be picked up by a gust of wind and carried away, that's windy. And if I hadn't known this house has already withstood a couple of windy seasons, I would be worrying myself silly every night, wondering whether I won't wake up in the morning with the roof gone.

If you shovel the snow every morning, go ahead and laugh at me. If you have decent heating and can still feel your toes, count yourself lucky. I, in the meantime, will go and look for another pair of socks.

Driven to De-Clutter online class membership giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 11:09:00 +0000

A week whizzed by, and the giveaway drew to a close. Shelly, Verna, Beth, Miri and Lavender Garden are the lucky winners; please email me at domesticfelicity@gmail.com, so I can forward your email address to Youthful Homemaker, and then you will receive instructions on how to take advantage of your free membership.

Happy de-cluttering!

Anna

A 10%-off coupon at Princess Modest Swimwear

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:28:00 +0000

Just a short note to let my readers know that Princess Modest Swimwear is once again giving a discount coupon of 10%, which will be available until the end of February. The code is FELICITY.

Wishing everyone a good Shabbat!

Time

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 11:22:00 +0000

Following my latest Shabbat post, Avigayil pointed out that not everybody experiences Shabbat in the same way. The more I thought of it, the more I felt myself to be in agreement that indeed, for many Shabbat preparations and Shabbat itself is not a source of enjoyment, but rather, stress, rush and fatigue.

For almost the past 4 year now, ever since I was married, I have had the pleasure and liberty (and sometimes challenge and struggle) of being a stay-at-home wife and mother. I have also, temporarily, found myself working part-time, which did much to confirm my belief that I need to be home full-time in order to fully enjoy my occupation as a wife, mother and homemaker.

I can imagine that if I worked outside the home, I would not have time to do the necessary preparations throughout the week that make my Fridays so much less stressful - such as menu planning and freezer cooking. Also, I would get used to a child-free environment if my children weren't with me full-time, and then their noise and boundless energy would come as a shock every weekend.

If I met Shabbat after a week spent rushing here and there, I would not have the energy to host nicely set, pretty meals for my family, let alone guests. If I didn't have a moment's rest during the week, on Shabbat I probably would feel resentful towards my husband for resting after his tough week. Perhaps we'd spend most of the Shabbat squabbling over who takes more of the "chore" of being with the children.

What am I getting at? Essentially, that I'm not superior to anyone, not cleverer than anyone, nor do I have any great secret. Quite simply, to enjoy life at the fullest, as I perceive it, I need time. This is a gift I have had in abundance during the last 4 years - time for the important things. There were plenty of days when I went to bed exhausted, but I was mostly home, and my children were always with me. I didn't have to cope with the additional stress of shipping them off to an institution every day, so my husband and I could go our separate ways until evening.

And, if already we are speaking of the gift of time, perhaps this is a good opportunity to mention that our Shira turned 3 not long ago, and as I look at her, so healthy and beautiful, so lively, funny and curious, I am immensely thankful for being given the chance to simply be with her, and enjoy her, these past 3 years. Nothing, ever, is likely to make me regret the precious time spent with my children.

Leftover rice kugel

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:13:00 +0000

I don't have the camera today, so I am using the photo from gourmetkoshercooking.com

Ever been stuck with leftover rice? Nowadays, they usually go to the chickens, but today I made kugel from some leftover rice:

2 cups plain cooked rice
2-3 eggs
approx. 1\2 cup sweetener - sugar, molasses etc. I used date spread.
a handful of dried fruit - I used prunes and dried apricots, but raisins would be perfect
a dash of cinnamon and vanilla essence to taste

Mix thoroughly, pour into baking pan of appropriate size and bake until top is golden brown. I baked for 40 minutes at medium heat, but this will vary considering your oven and the depth of the baking pan.

Enjoy!

Driven to De-Clutter - online class review and membership giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:50:00 +0000

Recently, I was contacted by Youthful Homemaker with an offer to review their online class called Driven to De-Clutter. Naturally, I gladly agreed; I never signed up for online classes which I'd have to pay for, so this time I was happy to take advantage of the free membership that was offered to me.

As the name implies, the online class is about de-cluttering - not only your home, but also your time, your social engagements, and your life in general. This strongly resonates with my own opinion which I have expressed here on the blog in the past, that less is more, and that too many things, commitments and relationships leave us drained and frazzled.

Now, I will be honest. Most of the tips I read on Driven to Declutter, I was either familiar with from other sources, or figured out on my own - but keep in mind that I have been browsing the web for efficient homemaking advice for years. If I were only beginning, and if I had a bit of loose cash, perhaps I would consider paying for having all the helpful advice (along with an easily accessible question form) neatly arranged for me.

Youthful Homemaker offers free memberships to five of my readers, so if you are interested, do sign up and I will pass your name and email along. I will leave this option for a week, so everybody has the chance to enter. In addition, any of my readers who decide to sign up, will receive a 10$ discount if they enter the code DOMESTICFELICITY.

Good luck to us all as we endeavour to get rid of the clutter in our homes and lives!

Shabbat: the peak of my week

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 10:46:00 +0000

About two weeks ago, only a couple of hours after Shabbat was over, I approached my husband and asked: "so, what do you fancy I should cook for next Shabbat?"

He found this funny, but the truth is, I start planning, and often cooking and freezing for Shabbat, starting from the beginning of the week. It feels as though my whole week is leading up to Shabbat, which is undoubtedly the most important day of the seven.

It is a day of family togetherness. Throughout the week, we don't always have a daily family meal together - the children and I eat together, of course, but my husband often comes home when the girls are already in bed. We have resorted to emailing each other, because often, it's difficult to squeeze in even a hurried phone call. Shabbat, on the other hand, means the luxury of Daddy and his girls being together all day long.

It is a day of hospitality. During the week, of course I get to meet other moms for informal get-togethers at the playground, but overall we are all pulled into our separate routines. Shabbat means opening our doors to others for a leisurely Shabbat meal full of laughter, noise, fellowship and sharing. It also means inviting, sometimes on the spur of the moment, neighbours whom we don't normally see during the week. It means forging connections, building a real community of friends who can count on each other in times of need.

It is a day of peace and rest. There's the luxury of midday nap, of course, but also, and especially, the knowledge that no cell phones will ring, no emails will need to be answered, and talking about paying the bills or planning for the week ahead is actually forbidden. Not just our bodies, but our minds and souls are refreshed by the pleasant rest of easy conversation, Shabbat songs, and appropriate reading and study.

That is the precious gift I receive each week, starting on Friday and ending with Saturday night. Tomorrow night, I will be once more lighting the Shabbat candles, forging yet another link in the chain that connects us to Mt. Sinai. I can hardly wait.

Beautiful illustration art by Victor Brindatch

Compulsory education in Israel from age 3

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:40:00 +0000

In the past months, a lot of debate has been going on in Israel about providing government-funded preschools from the age of 3. Recently, the Knesset approved compulsory education from age 3. Most of the talk was, really, about "free" education, while the compulsory factor was treated as a non-issue - because, really, who in their right mind would keep a preschooler at home?

For a long time, I was confused, optimistically thinking that we are only talking about free, not compulsory, preschool attendance, but recently I've been disillusioned. In particular, today we have discussed this with some other mothers who live nearby (as you may recall from my previous post on home education, our neighbourhood is unique in the sense that most 3-year-olds are at home with their mothers).

So, the way things are looking right now, those who still keep their 3-year-olds at home are now trespassing upon the new law, but in reality parents are hopefully going to be pretty much left to their own devices until the children reach the age of 5 (well, at least in small communities like ours, I'm not sure what will happen in towns or cities). Among us, the moms in question, there was consensus that the new law shouldn't really make a difference to us. Those who have been planning to send their child to preschool/kindergarten next year, will do so, and those who intend to keep the child home for another year will do so as well, trusting that no one will actually knock on their door and harass them to enroll their child in school.

So what does this new law get us? First, in my eyes, it is yet another step in detaching mothers even further from their young children. In areas where the new law will be more zealously upheld, some mothers who would otherwise have wanted to keep their preschoolers home, will send them to school. And I'm not under an illusion this is the end of it:

MK Tzipi Hotovely (Likud), who chairs the Knesset’s Committee on the Status of Women, welcomed the new law.

“I welcome the Prime Minister’s full commitment to changing national priorities,” she said. “Education is one of the central obligations of any state to its citizens and it cannot be that so many families have to bow to the burden of educating their children while other families avoid proper education of their children for financial reasons. This is the essential first step in the revolution that would give free education already from the age of thee months.” (emphasis mine)

Financially, the law will hurt those who don't benefit from it - such as people who do not wish to send their children to preschools. You see, to fund free preschool, they are detracting off the budget of other things. So ultimately, the government hand once more finds its way to the taxpayer's pocket.

On the other hand, I can perhaps imagine that this law might prompt more people to fight for official, easily attainable permission to homeschool, once those who could have "unofficially" kept their children at home at least until the age of 5 will find themselves unable to do that.

The key word here, in my opinion, is choices. The education of children has always been the responsibility of parents, and Jews have always had strikingly high literacy levels, even at periods of history when this was most uncommon. I don't believe there are parents in Israel who don't wish their children to be educated in the best way possible. Taking this responsibility out of our hands is like saying: you are inadequate, you are incapable, you don't know what is good for your own children. We do, and we will make you do things our way.

Regardless of what their personal educational choices might be, I don't think Israeli parents should take this implied statement in their stride.

Random thoughts on home education

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 08:19:00 +0000

Question from a reader:

"I am very curious as to what led you to the decision to want to homeschool your kids. Still, truth be told all the orthodox Jewish families I know in Israel and America send their kids to religious schools, and you are the first Jewish woman I have heard of who home schools her children."

I wouldn't define us as "homeschoolers" just yet, as our older daughter is only 3 years old, not a compulsory education age in Israel, and we aren't doing any official "lessons" yet. However, it is true that the vast majority of children her age in Israel attend preschool, and in the place we have lived previously, people saw it as very odd that our daughter (back then, aged 2.5 years) is "still" at home.

Yesterday, at a family event, a relative (herself a mother to 4 children, aged 5 years to 2 months) wondered how I can stay home with my two girls without "going crazy", as she herself said happens to her after just one Shabbat with her children. My answer to her was that I, of course, do go crazy, on average ten times a day! When she pressed me for a serious reply, I said that I heard many mothers complain of the same thing, and in my opinion, once you have a certain routine it's far easier to run along with. If your routine is having children around the house during the day, it might be a very messy, very noisy routine, but usually you end up adjusting and even having fun. If having children around is more of an exception, of course having them all land on your head at once might be overwhelming and get you wondering how you will survive the summer vacation.

Currently we are very blessed to be living in a place where most children are home at least until the age of 3-4, and there is also a family who homeschools. But again, yes, this is vastly different from what is normal throughout Israel. You will not easily find a 1-year-old cared for at home by his mother, in secular and religious families alike.

On one of my first dates with my husband, he first brought up the subject of home education, how young children should be home with their mothers, and what a waste of time and potential most schools are, serving largely as government-funded babysitters so that mothers can go out to work. I tell all this in a nutshell now, but we remained sitting in the car for hours, discussing this. I was amazed how he voiced the very ideas about childrearing I was hesitant to bring up, as I thought they would sound too unusual.

Raising children is an ongoing adventure with unexpected turns. I don't think one can say in advance "we'll do things in such and such way exactly"; however, it's true we were interested in learning more about homeschooling from the start. I'm not sure we'll end up actually homeschooling, but for now, I can definitely say I greatly enjoy being home with my girls, aged 3 years and 16 months, and wouldn't trade the time spent with them for anything. I like the approach of delaying academics and allowing young children to be "educated" by nature; by sun, wind, sky, earth, air, plants, birds, animals; and to learn by actively participating in real life and the running of a household, being allowed to "help out" from a very early age.

Hello from the hills

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:59:00 +0000

Things have been busy, busy, busy here lately, in this little house nestled at the side of a hill. What with a very rainy week, which meant staying mostly inside (and making three times as much mess as usual), and having people over for (a very rainy, etc) Shabbat, time just whizzed by without me making a single update in over a week. In the short time I had off, I did write (frantically!), but not online.

Just before last Shabbat, I heard my little black hen clucking in a worried sort of way, like she usually does when she wants to let me know there's a stray cat around. But when I went out, I saw a different type of intruder.

This type of partridge is a common local bird I'm very partial to, and I'm sure you can see why. Cute, isn't it? It has a round shape and is about the size of a small hen. I particularly like seeing them with their chicks walking after their mama all in a straight line. This one was attracted by the all-day buffet we offer to the chickens.

The hens were a bit suspicious at first...

But ended up letting the guest eat from their tray, as you can see above. It stayed for two days, pecking around the yard with the chickens, then left - probably to rejoin its own flock.

I hope to post again before long. In the meantime, wishing you all a wonderful week,

Your friend,

Mrs. T

A short time before Shabbat

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Time is short, and there is always so much to do before Shabbat - floors to mop, laundry to hang out, children to bathe and dress, and most of all, food to cook. Somehow, even though I begin planning for Shabbat since the beginning of the week, and start cooking (and freezing) sometime around mid-week, I always find myself with some last-minute ideas and in the midst of a frantic race, complete with counting down minutes until sunset and the soothing moment of lighting Shabbat candles, when all work ceases.

In particular, since we moved into our new home, we're having much more company over than we used to. We are fortunate enough to have got, for free, a very nice sturdy table which comfortably extends to ten seats, and I use its maximum capacity because I just never know how many guests are going to show up for Friday night dinner. What's nice, though, is that around here, guests usually bring their own food from home (especially if the invitation was on the spur of the moment), which turns each dinner into a pot luck party.

What I love the most about good food (besides its being comfortingly delicious), is the wonderful smell that wafts all through the house as I am cooking. I love dishes which call for long, slow cooking, because it permits me to enjoy their aroma for a longer while. Yesterday, for instance, I made beef stew that cooked for 3 hours. The smell and warmth were delightful, especially in cold weather!

I must be off; Shabbat preparations are calling strongly, even though it's only 10 AM. I wish all my readers a very pleasant weekend!

Mrs. T

Midnight rose

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:55:00 +0000

My midnight rose, who dwells in crumbled stone!

I crave your scent; your fragrance makes me yearn

For moments past, for dreams and days long gone,

For distant lands, for paths with no return.

The stars are gone; the world will soon remain

Black as your heart, and ignorant of pain

That plagues the souls of those who dare to hope,

Who cannot tell themselves to call a stop.

My twilight rose! The field of war still burns,

The battle in my heart will never end.

I reach for you, forgetful of your thorns,

But you slip through my hands like fickle sand.

The woods, the smells and sounds of summer night -

These memories make me your helpless prey.

I'm yearning for the day, for morning's light,

Forgetting I will die with first sun's ray.

For the childless

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 15:25:00 +0000

I recently received the following question from a reader:

"Do you have any advice for those of us who want to be traditional wives and mothers, yet are, as it seems, unable to conceive?"

I decided to publish this here, in case some of my readers have valuable experience that they would like to share.

Personally, I have no experience in the difficulty of fertility struggles, as we held our first child in our arms only 10 months after we were married. However, I will do my best to say a couple of things, some of them based on a wonderful book (in Hebrew) by a rabbi I much respect.

It is a Jewish belief that all our matriarchs (Sarah, Rebecca, Leah and Rachel) struggled with infertility - yes, even Leah, who had numerous children. The plight of Sarah and Rachel is perhaps most widely known, as is that of Hannah, mother of Samuel the prophet. The point is, those wondrously righteous women of the Bible struggled with the heart-wrenching pain of yearning for children and not having any for many years, despite them being many degrees higher in faith and closeness to G-d than any of us will ever be. Their pain did not mean that they were doing anything wrong, or that G-d didn't love them; He had a very special plan for their lives, and worked sheer miracles - our sages tell that Sarah, in fact, had no womb! So she was physically definitely unable to carry a child, yet she did. Now, I'm not saying any of us can expect quite that degree of a miracle, but there are many stories of people who conceived against very low odds.

I won't go into details of possible fertility treatments, medical tests, methods to enhance one's fertility, etc, because you don't need me to tell you all this; I'm sure you and your husband, as a couple, can discuss what is the right path for you, in this area. Some families are blessed beyond words by adoption. A relative of mine married a widower with 3 adopted children; with 2 children of her own from a previous marriage, and 3 common children, they are now a family of 10, all happily living in the same house. G-d works in marvellous ways, uniquely in each person's life.

Then there is the matter of being a traditional wife, which in people's minds is most often connected with having a large brood of children - but the fact is, while young children are those whose need in the stability of a well-established household is most readily perceived, we all need stable, warm, welcoming homes, no matter how old we are. As Susan Schaeffer Macaulay beautifully explains in her book, "For the Family's Sake", homemaking isn't only for couples with children - it is for married childless couples too, as well as for single people. It is important to the individual, as well as the community.

There were many women who didn't have children, yet their homes were warm, open and welcoming, largely thanks to the wife, who still took effort to work at her home and take care of her husband's needs; those childless women could be more at leisure with their time than other people, able to extend hospitality more, serve as counsellors, perhaps unofficially "adopt" lonely children who came back from school to empty homes. All through history of mankind, until relatively recently (a century or so) it was considered proper for a woman to find her place within the home, whether she was single, married, or widowed. Community was active and work was plenty. One of my ever-favorite novelists, Jane Austen, remained single, yet lived a home-centered, productive life.

I confess I cannot really imagine my life without my dear children; I don't really know what my life would have been like now, if they hadn't made it so action-packed, full of fun, mess and noise. Yet I do try, from time to time, to look forward into that inevitable point of my life when my little ones are grown and gone - and it will happen, some day. At that point, perhaps I will be able to put more effort into areas of homemaking which are currently pushed aside (such as ironing, decorating, and cooking on a more time-consuming scale than I do now). I might also be able to be more active in my community, to do more to support other people, and practice hospitality on a larger scale. Actually there are so many things for which I would love to find time, but I won't list them all because that would be different for each person.

I don't know whether anything of what I said "clicks" with you in your present situation, but I do hope and pray that you find peace, joy, and abundant blessing as you are walking along the path of your life, under the loving and watchful eye of our Creator, who made us, knows us and loves each one of us, precious and unique as we are in his eyes.

Warmly, with my very best wishes,

Mrs. T

Our Chanukkah day trip

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 08:55:00 +0000

On the last day of Chanukkah, my husband took us all on a surprise day trip to the beautiful HaKfar HaYarok campus. It is such a perfectly enjoyable place for little ones: lots of places to run and explore, plenty of animals - both in enclosures and strolling freely across the vast, velvety green lawns, and to top it all off, air castles for active amusement. We packed our lunch and enjoyed eating it at a picnic table under a tree.

All in all, it was one of those days to the memory of which you want to hold on forever. One of the days you would dearly love to live through once again, yet know you can't, even if you were to re-construct all the circumstances perfectly. There's magic in the air which just cannot be duplicated.

Shira, feeding goats.

I told my husband right away I want a couple of such cute birds, if only he can get them!

An interesting-colored rooster.

Shira chasing at a large flock of pigeons, who are taking flight only to land back after a minute or two. She amused herself in such a manner until she was too tired to run.

I will say goodbye now, and wish my readers a good Shabbat and a very pleasant weekend.

Warmly,

Mrs. T

A Chanukkah update

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 11:01:00 +0000

It has been a while since I've uploaded photos, so here you go: above - a couple of the peacocks that live at a campus where my husband is currently taking a course.

A beautiful bright moon, high in a clear night sky. We took advantage of one such beautiful night to have a fire outdoors and roast our meal on it, then bake foil-wrapped potatoes in the hot ashes; a treat for the whole family.

The stretch of narrow winding road that takes us home.

Moussaka, in its kosher version of course. Simply delicious sliced, baked eggplants, layered with ground beef mixed with egg and tomato sauce. A new dish I had the pleasure to try for last Shabbat.

Our Chanukkah candles; both olive oil and wax. The bits of melted colorful wax will be of course collected to be used in the next candle-making session! You can also catch a glimpse of the reflection of lights in the dark window, and the tomatoes ripening on the windowsill.

I have had something on my mind, following my last post, on which I feel I ought to comment now. Bethany asked me whether we always plan to live as frugally as we do now; and I think I really need to clarify, that, if we always live as we do now, I would consider us very lucky indeed!! In some areas some would perhaps think we are "deprived", but in all essentials, I really am of the opinion that we are living in luxury. Luxury of space - a beautiful, and beautifully planned, cozy and roomy home where we can have fun living together as a family, and the vast space of delightful nature all around us; luxury of time, to be there for my family, and time to develop myself as a creative person; luxury of occupation, doing just what I was meant to do, and finding immense joy in it.

I will go offline now; we've been feeling a bit under the weather these past days, so I think chicken soup is in order, and some tasty surprise for today's dinner (right after lighting the seventh Chanukkah candle). I hope all my readers are enjoying a pleasant holiday season!

Warmly,

Mrs. T

Frugal tips for beginners

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:16:00 +0000

I came across this article with money-saving tips while browsing Small Town Living. I must say reading it made me feel like a veteran soldier reading advice for new recruits, and I even laughed out loud a couple of times! I mean... stop buying fast food (don't remember what it tastes like)? Sell your lawn mower (in Israel, with our draughts, I think it's close to indecent to keep a lawn at all)? Stop going out to the movies (a movie for us is like a trip abroad for some people)?.. But otherwise, of course, it's good and sensible advice.

I will admit that I've had a bit of a pat-ourselves-on-the-back attitude when it came to saving money. I mean, my husband and I were always so sensible; we chose a modest wedding so we had plenty of money left over from presents to pay for it, our honeymoon was spent in an apartment that was lent to us by my brother-in-law, we opted for a house we could buy in cash, we never traveled abroad, we don't eat out, we stockpile, we are experts in finding good deals, doing it ourselves, and doing without.

My husband is in charge of grocery shopping, due to the fact he's the one who takes the car (I don't drive). I think if I grocery shopped, we'd have an even healthier food array in the pantry, completely free of snacks and soft drinks my husband buys mainly for unexpected guests. But even so, I know we're doing well, even though it's always possible, of course, to be even more creative and cut back.

However, lately I was forced to face an unpleasant truth: my attitude became arrogant. I gradually shifted to thinking that what's keeping us afloat, financially, is solely our good choices, and not the provision of G-d. I grew in stubborn forgetfulness of all the little (and not so little) miracles of His provision for us, such as when we were given a perfectly good free stroller for our first baby, or when we discovered a whole storage shed full of little girls' clothing. I began to feel all too pleased with how sensible we are, how frugal, how wise and rational.

There is a young couple we know closely, whose financial situation is not very stable. Some of the choices they are making struck us as very unfit for their situation, for example, buying a new car and going abroad twice a year, splurging on gadgets such as new laptops, etc. We'd actually feel pretty smug, thinking about this couple, and telling each other "we'd never allow ourselves to overspend like this!"

Then, not long ago, we lost a considerable sum of money in quite a foolish, senseless way. An unexpected blow at a time of financial strain. How bitterly I regretted this loss! How much better it would be to have done something, anything with this money, I told myself - even spend it on a lovely trip that would create beautiful memories! And oh, how brutally did I come back in contact with the reality of Who is in charge.

Am I saying, now, that we should all indulge our every whim? That we should overspend in the hope G-d will provide? That we should never have any savings put aside because we might lose them anyway? No, of course not! We should be led by common sense in our financial choices. But it's crucial to remember that, although we are required to be prudent and responsible with our resources (financial and otherwise), ultimately the outcome does not depend on us. We can make all the right choices, and yet fail. We can make wrong choices, and out of them, something beautiful miraculously springs up. All part of a higher plan to make us acutely aware Who is our one and only source of real solace, comfort, and security. Not our faulty sense. Not our frail human abilities. Only Him.

In Judaism, there is a term of "blessing in one's money". This is how some families, miraculously it seems, manage to raise ten children with a ridiculously small monthly allowance; this is how others never seem to make their ends meet, no matter how much they earn. Money earned on the Shabbat day, we believe, does not carry a blessing, on the contrary, it will lead to financial ruin, even if math says just the opposite.

Do your best. Do what is good and sensible for your family. And all the while, keep your eyes on G-d, our kind and gentle shepherd, who wants us to remember it is Him we ought to turn to for all our needs. This is my first, and most important, frugal tip for beginners.

I need a break... or do I?

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 10:51:00 +0000

"You need a break," the message sounds from every direction, "you are working so hard, you deserve a break!" - well, I do deserve a break, right? I'm taking care of two little children under 3 full-time, right? I'm ready to sleep even as I'm tucking my children in, right?..

"I'd be happy if they only let me drink my morning cup of coffee in peace," I thought one day. Then, "I'd be happy if only they went down for a nice nap at midday and I could handle some of my things in peace and quiet"; and then, "I'd be happy if they went to bed early, no arguments, and both slept through the night so I could wake up nice and refreshed."

Then I became brutally honest with myself. How long a break do I actually need in order to feel completely rejuvenated and ready to jump back on the bandwagon?

Um... several months? No... it isn't really going to work, is it?

I need, can, and will take time to shower, get enough sleep, take care of my things, work on projects in little snippets here and there... but my family is my life now; I cannot take a break of any considerable length from living life. It is not a break I need, therefore, but a change of attitude.

"A child is not a job," writes Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, "he is a friend." As a mother I am always on duty, sure, but can I also be a good, fun friend to my noisy, lively little ones? Can I lose myself for a while in the world of play-dough, Lego, and watercolors? Can I be excited about a tent made of a couple of sheets? Can I throw away thoughts of efficiency, in favor of letting my children be involved in everything that is going on at home (barring anything dangerous, of course)?

I will always have to be there, as long as they need me. But I don't always have to wear the hat of the mature, responsible, hard-working adult. I can goof around. My children don't care about bread crumbs on the floor. It is my project to work at creating such a life for us all, that none of us will feel the constant need to take a lengthy break from it.

...I will now round up this post, head into the kitchen, roll up my sleeves and start making latkes - a yummy Hanukkah treat. Happy Hanukkah!

Headcoverings and me: a relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 12:04:00 +0000

As a bride, I was pretty excited and enthusiastic about beginning to cover my hair. Skipping a discussion of religious convictions, I just thought hair coverings look so nice on women, marking their married status and matching their outfits. Two days before my wedding, I went into a shop and had fun selecting some pretty tichels, some long and some square, some plain for everyday wear and some more festive for special occasions.

On my first day as a married woman, I lingered for a long time in front of the mirror, tying my head scarf in such a way as to ensure it won't fall off. My husband complimented me (as he does to this day). I felt exhilarated; there I am, married, and the whole world knows it simply by looking at me from afar, even before spotting my new sparkling gorgeous wedding ring.

Then, as the initial excitement began to wear off, I noticed something strange. As soon as I put on a head scarf, I no longer knew the person looking back at me from the mirror. It just wasn't me. Somehow, the square of thin fabric managed to turn me, at once, into someone much older, someone plain and boring and lacking in individuality. Even when I wore one of my prettiest head coverings, the most I could say was, "she looks sort of nice." She - not me.

Come on, I reasoned with myself. It's only hair. The only difference in your appearance is that your hair is no longer visible. This how you are marked as a married woman, and let's face it, yes, hair is an important part of a woman's attraction, so by removing it from sight we become - no, not ugly, sure, but less appealing to strangers. Which is the whole point, or at least part of it.

So what did really bother me?

Hair covering is a commandment I wouldn't contemplate giving up; I just wish I could find it in myself to love it more, I thought as something within me squirmed each time I looked at my reflection. Then it hit me; sure, the hair covering does hide away a part of who I am, only now when I am married, who I am is supposed to be guarded even more closely.

I didn't go anywhere. I can still see myself, the way I know and like myself. So can my husband, my children, and any woman. It's only to strange men that I'm supposed to become invisible, and it does make all the sense in the world. Does it really matter to me that strangers can't see part of who I am? If anything, I ought to rejoice in that.

I marveled anew, at how a piece of thin fabric tied around one's head instantly makes men businesslike and respectful, signaling "here is another man's wife". When I walk down a street, I know I am invisible to any decent man. This is powerful protection. It is now also part of who I am. Part of the new me; the married woman, invisible to half the planet.

I realize that only a minority of those who read this are hair-covering women, but I think the same feelings and reflections can be applied to any step taken towards modesty, when it is different from something you used to do throughout your whole life. I felt a lot less self-conscious, and a lot less noticeable, when I began to wear modest blouses, too, and when I switched from pants to skirts.

Being Jewish, I'm really very happy we have such clear guidelines on modesty and on what ought to be covered, otherwise I would probably be forever deliberating, as I still do regarding some matters which are considered grey areas (such as open-toed sandals). So my hair is safely covered outside and safely uncovered at home.

So, perhaps I'll never fully identify with my hair-covered reflection. I will probably never be one of those women who cover when they are at home too, without feeling any urge to let their hair down; but I am performing the essential of this mitzvah, doing it whole-heartedly and out of full conviction, and I hope this is pleasing in the eyes of G-d.

Early potty training

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 17:26:00 +0000

While I always saw the benefits of potty training early, somehow it didn't seem to me I'd ever be able to do it, but with Tehilla, the opportunity kind of presented itself a couple of months ago. Close to one year old, it was obvious that she simply hates going in the diaper. She would grunt, go red in the face, and cross her little legs in a gesture that said very plainly, "I don't want to do this!"

So, more to oblige her than anything else, I began to catch her whenever she was straining not to go, and sat her on the potty. Pretty soon she caught on, and when she received heaps of praise for successful action, she became wonderfully cooperative. I think seeing her sister go potty was great in the way of teaching, too.

Now, at 15 months, she actually progressed to letting me know she needs to go, and she goes potty many times a day, usually successfully. Sure, there are plenty of misses, and sometimes "false alarms", and I don't know how soon she will actually be out of diapers, but often she'll wear the same diaper throughout the day and it stays dry. This means we are saving money on diapers, which is something I'm thoroughly excited about, since we are using disposables (I've heard many good things about cloth nappies and really wanted to use them, but right now, when the rubber hits the road, I cannot willingly bring myself to do more laundry/cleanup than I'm already doing).

One thing I do have to say, is that she goes potty often. As in every hour or so, while Shira (our older girl) needs to go only several times a day. Since I'm home with my children, I'm able to attend cues/verbal signs and take my baby to potty, but otherwise, of course we wouldn't be able to do this - no caregiver could be expected to commit to hourly undressing and pottying a wriggly baby.

Another thing to mention, she is really very, very cooperative. I know I cannot make a rule out of this, since I only have two children to compare, but I've heard many times that 2 years is a wilful age, and so potty training might turn into a real battle of wills (we already had a taste of this).

Now, I can't actually know, right now, whether Tehilla will be out of diapers sooner than a child who begins at 2. But as I said, we are most certainly saving money on diapers already (not to mention reducing the amount of daily waste we produce), without any pressure towards our child. I think the effort is really worthwhile.

Book review: Loving the Little Years

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:02:00 +0000

Only yesterday, I received a copy of Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Mrs. Rachel Jankovic for reviewing; I have read it from cover to cover today, and am now sitting down to write this.

Loving the Little Years is a great read for busy mothers; written by another busy mother who has no time to be particularly long-winded, this little book is full of succint, straight-to-the-point advice on how to survive (and thrive) in daily situations of kitchen messes, diaper blowouts, and squabbling children.

Right now, a book on motherhood that makes me nod and say, "yes, I've been there" is a welcome and comforting read. I giggled like mad as I read, "when taking the garbage out becomes a "destination", you know you are really in the trenches!" - well then, perhaps this isn't just me who says to her girls with the air of announcing a surprise party, "let's go for a walk to take out the garbage". Admittedly, the garbage bin is a little off the road from our house, but anyway, it's nice to know someone sane enough to actually complete a book and get it published can relate to what you feel.

Having said that, I have two issues to take with this book. One is the mention of spanking as an acceptable discipline method. I simply cannot agree with this; I do not wish to enter into an argument, and there is really very little to be added on this matter. By the way, this was also what put me off a bit while reading For the Family's Sake.

The second issue is a general message I felt, while reading, that every difficulty can be dismissed by telling yourself, "stop complaining and count your blessings. There's no justification to feel overwhelmed when there's work G-d obviously wishes you to do." Now, this can be good advice in many situations, and moping is, certainly, not a very productive attitude. But there are also circumstances when people go through genuine hardship such as tragic family situations, crumbling marriages, illness, bankruptcy, and other experiences in which simply telling oneself to cope with it and move on can result in even worse burnout and depression. There really are situations when we must call for a stop and accept, with humble grace, the help of people who are sent our way in those troubled times, to support us until we can pull ourselves together.

I understand the reasoning behind not wanting to give in to negative feelings, but in retrospect, looking at certain periods of my life as a mother when I felt very hurt and vulnerable, reading that I'm not supposed to feel overwhelmed, nor speak of it, would not have been very good advice. In fact, it would have made me feel even guiltier for being inadequate than I was already feeling. Sometimes what we really need is comfort, unconditional love, tenderness, compassion and support. We always have that in our Creator, but there are times in our life when we need the material manifestation of His love in the people who surround us.

Also, I believe that one must know one's strengths - as much as possible, anyway, as we do tend to err both ways; both in saying we can't do something we later manage to pull off and even do quite well, with G-d's help and mercy - and in trying to tackle something we cannot do without stretching ourselves very thin. We are, after all, blessed with different gifts, and what is easily possible for one is excruciatingly difficult for another. We must know our weaknesses - no, not to indulge them, but to allow room for growth by reasonable, individual planning.

Now, I'd better wrap this up because it's getting a bit long for a book review post. I will summarize by saying that the book is definitely worth a read, even if you don't agree with everything you find in it. If you are a mother of little ones, you will probably relate to many passages, and will most likely crack a good laugh or two - which, in my opinion, is the number one test that makes a self-help book worthwhile.

Self-nurturing, stress and depression

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. Anna T) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 18:32:00 +0000

I would like to thank all who have taken the time to send a comment, particularly in private, in response to my last post about meeting one's own needs. Writing this makes me feel a bit exposed, but I'm still taking the time and effort to do it because I feel it's really important, and to be frank, right now I cannot afford the time or energy to do, write or research what isn't truly important.

What I'm about to write now is basically a response to the comments, public and private, that have been directed to me. I beg your apology if this post appears incoherent or rambling to some or many of you.

So, here goes: if you are a mother, you are probably fine-tuned to meeting the needs of others, which is good and right. However, you must also be alert to your own basic needs, and make sure they aren't neglected, because on your well-being depends the welfare of small and helpless beings who have been entrusted to your care.

I'm deliberating on the correct wording now, because I really do not wish to be misunderstood. Our culture often embraces the focusing on "self", at the expense of all else, and this is the last thing I'm advocating. But if I am a mother and primary caretaker of a family, and I feel I am about to crack (for any reason), yet I'm pushing myself forward and making myself pretend all is good and well, it's not going to work. It might be a necessity during a brief period of critical circumstances that parents put themselves aside wholly and completely, but I believe it is highly inadvisable to let the father and mother go along, for an indefinite period of time, with their needs entirely suppressed.

I'm not saying we are entitled to anything that will "make us happy". That can often slide into imbalanced self-indulgence. Yet no one's life is supposed to feel like a prison, and if it does, it means something has gone badly wrong. We all deserve laughter, pleasant companionship, peace, joy, basic respect and the presence of our Almighty Father in our lives - on a daily basis. Under basic respect I list, among other things, orderly meals, daily showers and clean dignified clothes for Mama - and sadly, I have seen instances when women chose to forgo this basic dignity, and look unkempt, constantly exhausted, and on the brink of breakdown. I do not believe it is good for children to grow up with a role model who does not induce respect.

It is also good and right to pursue and develop one's unique talents, within the scope of realistic possibilities available to us at the moment. For someone like me, whose main creative outlet is writing, it means (at this stage of my life) that I cannot shut myself in the office for hours and work on the many projects I have drafted throughout the years - but I can do some work bit by bit, using a spare 15 minutes here and there, and I can still run a blog (although at times, not as regularly as I would like to). Sure, it takes a lower priority than my basic duty of caring for my family, but there's a place in my life for this as well. It is, after all, part of who I am, as a person as well as a mother - as I certainly pour a lot of my personality into motherhood. I am hoping that someday, my children will read all I ever wrote, and thus will spring a new level of knowledge and understanding between us.

Sometimes there will be days when not all of our basic needs are met. However, the important thing is keeping in mind what we need, so that we can make sure we'll attend to these need as soon as we are able. If we suppress our needs, if we disqualify our feelings, if we try to act as though we can live without proper food, rest, love, faith, hope and joy, eventually it will backfire - on us as well as those we are supposed to care for.

In the eyes of our Father, we are all special, important, cherished and loved. Think of the treatment you believe your children rightfully deserve - the nurturing, the support, the understanding and care. Doesn't it logically follow that His children - ourselves included - deserve to be treated the same way? There is good reason why the Torah commands us to love others as we love ourselves. It makes perfect sense, spiritually as well as practically.

Our worth does not depend on our accomplishments. Sure, there are things we must do, and there are things which are nice to have, but we are loved regardless. We are loved unconditionally. There's the love of G-d, which is sometimes difficult to grasp, and there is the reflection of His love in the many people we come across, along our life's journey. I know, personally, that many times tears of gratitude welled up in my eyes, as I contemplated the friendship, support and generosity of others towards me, and told myself, "I do not deserve this." Yet apparently it is not so much about deserving, as it is about accepting, as a gift, what is sent our way - with humble gratitude when we can give nothing in return.

Gratitude, however, doesn't mean we must always feel bouncy-happy, with an unchanging smile plastered on to our face. As I have discovered, it is pointless to try and shame myself into cheerfulness, when I actually feel sad, weak and confused, by comparing myself to others. I am immeasurably grateful for many things I have been blessed with - a lovely family, a nice and spacious home, many comforts of life, the unlimited use of my five senses, the delights of nature, books and music, and much more. Yet the woes and worries, the challenges and troubles exist in every life, and serve to bring us closer to the one and only eternal source of our comfort. It is no use firmly telling oneself that "many would love to swap with me" or that "centuries ago, people were so focused on surviving they had no time for contemplation." Our feelings are valid. We are valid.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to close this, except that I feel I really should round this post up while it can still be published in one reasonable piece. I thank you, again, for your friendship and kindness, your attention and kind wishes, your concern and your prayers, and remain, warmly,

Your friend,

Mrs. T