When you are young, you don’t think about your mortality, as a human. Heck, my dad wasn’t young, proving most people don’t think about it until its upon them. You should, because sometimes the inevitable is preventable.

I got a reality check this week. At my latest doctor’s appointment, my Electrocardiogram showed abnormal activity. I haven’t had an EKG for about a year, and that last time, everything looked good. As someone with a muscle disease who also has a history of heart problems in my family, I’m conscientious enough to make sure I get my heart checked regularly.

I’ve been feeling fine lately. Other than being tired from my frequent physical therapy sessions, I haven’t had much illness. Every PT session I get my Blood Pressure taken and it’s always within a very healthy and normal range. I’ve not had problems with high/bad cholesterol nor have I experienced any chest pain, so I’m somewhat confused about the lack of symptoms when it comes to this abnormality.

My doctor told me not to worry. She would be getting additional tests as a precautionary measure. She didn’t want me worrying until she was worried and at this point, she isn’t. The problem is that my heart wall has thickened. It’s assumed I have something called Left Ventricular Hypertrophy. She has to rule out other things and make sure the Left Ventricular Hypertrophy isn’t serious.

The good news is that if it is a negative form of Left Ventricular Hypertrophy, its in the early stages. Also, a positive form of Left Ventricular Hypertrophy occurs naturally from working out, so I have to wonder if going from nothing to PT, which is really strenuous might be causing the irregularity. Irregardless, I’m trying not to worry, but I am also thinking long and hard about my life. Whether everything is fine or whether I have another bump in my road ahead of me, I have thought about how delicate life really is.

I have realized that I can and should make changes in my life to keep myself healthy. Saying I’ll wait until tomorrow isn’t an option because we never know if there will be a tomorrow. I’m going to take this opportunity to make sure I do have a second chance and I think everyone else reading this should consider how fragile their life is, too.

Are you doing what you want with your life? Are you keeping yourself healthy? Are you happy? Can you honestly answer all of these questions or are you dissatisfied with something in your life, because now is your time to change it.

Now is the time.

Technorati Tags: thoughts, seize the day, health, heart problem, Left Ventricular Hypertrophy, awakening, wake up call

Bill O’Reilly has started that if gay marriage is allowed, next people will want to marry ducks. This is a common “slippery slope” argument. It isn’t accurate though since ducks cannot consent to being married to humans and the whole purpose of legalizing gay marriage is to allow two, adult, consenting same sex partners to marry.

Well, Pat Robertson had to talk about ducks, too. He doesn’t like the fact that a bill is on the table that would protect sexual orientation under the status of hate crime. If we protect the “gays” what’s next? Should we protect the guy who wants to have sex with a duck? Should that guy be protected under the status of hate crime?!

Seriously, Pat. Are you that stupid? How can you compare duck love to same-sex love? That’s just silly.

Apparently, two pro-gay marriage actresses agree. They’ve come up with a video response/parody. It’s quite funny.

Sex with Ducks is the brainchild of Riki “Garfunkel” Lindhome and Kate “Oates” Micucci. I think it’s hilarious. How about you?

Technorati Tags: Sex with Ducks, Gay Marriage, Slippery Slope, Riki “Garfunkel” Lindhome, Kate “Oates” Micucci, Video, Funny, Pat Robertson, Bill O’Reilly

I want to talk about movies. In particular, those that have moved me. I have been thinking about the Holocaust, lately. The sacrifices people made to help those who were taken by the Nazis and the bravery of those who were taken to camps and tortured, were murdered, or watched members of their families head off to their death. This is what brought me to a place where I wanted to write this. I’d like to share with you the movies that have touched me, and there is more than one that has to do with the Holocaust.

So, without further ado, I’m going to get right into the list.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas – This movie broke my heart. I don’t cry at movies and I nearly cried at this. If this movie doesn’t touch you, I don’t know what movie will. Yes, this movie could be deemed somewhat unrealistic, though not impossible. If you can look past that, you’ll see this story is about the innocence of children, who were too young to fully comprehend why Jews were considered bad.

It’s about 8 year old Bruno. Bruno’s father is a Nazi officer who is sent to the country to run a concentration camp. His children are tutored in Nazi history and learn about why Jews are bad, but Bruno doesn’t get it. An explorer by nature, he wanders through the woods at the back of the house until he comes upon a fence. There he meets Shmuel. Shmuel is Jewish and is supposed to be helping the others work on one of those meaningless tasks Jews were assigned in camps. The two develop a friendship that ends up having devastating consequences.

Sophie’s Choice – The performance by Meryl Streep (and Kevin Kline) make this movie as good as it is. The scenes where Sophie recalls her time in a German concentration camp are heartbreaking to watch. You truly feel Sophie’s pain and her heartbreak. The title of this movie says it all. Sophie’s choice had to have been the hardest choice she ever made, and it changed her life in ways that tormented her indefinitely. It is easy to see why Meryl won an Oscar for this performance.

This movie is about Sophie Zawistowski, a survivor of the Holocaust who is now living in Brooklyn. Sophie has a turbulent relationship with her lover, Nathan (Kline) who has a drug problem and needs anger management. Nathan is also obsessed with the Holocaust, a constant reminder to Sophie of her haunting past. Wishing to be her knight is Stingo (Peter MacNicol), a young writer who falls madly in love with Sophie. Unfortunately, she has already had such a poisonous life, her toxic love for Nathan is hard for her to let go, along with all the ghosts of her past she is unable to release.

Bent – If you have trouble with gay-themes then you will have trouble watching this movie. Still, you should watch it. The story explores an aspect of the Holocaust that is rarely discussed. Thousands of homosexuals were captured and sent to camps to work, if they weren’t killed immediately. As Clive Owen’s character Max says, it is worse to be homosexual than Jewish. To be homosexual is to be the most vile, lowest person in the camp. If you wanted to survive, you didn’t say you were gay. You denied it.

The movie shows how gays were hunted by the Nazis. Some were murdered on sight and others tortured on the way to camps. Max (Owen) is gay, but he tries to deny it after being taken to Dachau. He is given a yellow star to denote he is a Jew instead of a pink one, which says he is gay. He believes the yellow star will ensure his survival, where the pink star only brings death upon men who wear it. In the camp, he works with Horst (Lothaire Bluteau), a gay man who wears his pink star with pride. The two move rocks from place to place all day, all while having a love affair. The only thing is, they cannot ever touch one another.

Powerful, gripping and heartwrenching can only describe the emotions felt while watching Bent.

The Children’s Hour – I was in college the first time I saw this movie. There was a special at BGSU (a film/cinema event) through VISION (the LGBT* ground on campus) and it aired a documentary called The Celluloid Closet, which examined GLBT characters and GLBT history through cinema. This was the first time I ever heard about the The Children’s Hour. Well, I made an effort to see this movie, and it truly touched me.

The Children’s Hour tells the devastating story of two college friends, Martha and Karen (played by Shirley MacLaine and Audrey Hepburn), who start a boarding school for girls. One of the girls at the school, Mary, is a troublemaker and gets in seriously hot water. After being punished, Mary escapes and travels to her Grandmother’s house, where she tells a vicious lie insinuating that Martha and Karen are more than friends. With Mary blackmailing another girl, Rosalie, to corroborate her story, the tall tales of children spiral out of control with catastrophic consequences.

While brilliantly acted by a cast of veteran actors, the movie is very hard to stomach. The topic of homosexuality was not spoken of in 1961, at the time this movie was released, yet the events that unfold are nearly as shocking today as they were back then. Everyone should see this movie, if only to understand how vicious a lie can hurt a person and devastate the lives of others.

It’s My Party – Since we’re on the homosexuality theme, I cannot fail to mention this movie. I never knew the movie was directed and written by Randal Kleiser until I started writing this article. You might recognize his name because he directed Grease and Flight of the Navigator amongst other notable films. Kleiser rounded up an all star cast for It’s My Party that includes Eric Roberts, Gregory Harrison, Marlee Matlin, Margaret Cho, Lee Grant, Roddy McDowall, Bruce Davison, Bronson Pinchot, Devon Gummersall and Olivia Newton-John.

The movie follows the life of Nick (Eric Roberts), who has tested positive for HIV. He has been with his partner, Brandon (Gregory Harrison) for a while, and he is afraid of dying alone. Their relationship crumbles shortly thereafter with Brandon abandoning Nick. A year later, Nick is diagnosed with Progressive Multifocal Leukoencephalopathy (PML). The disease is particularly harsh, so he plans to take his own life to avoid a death that will be prolonged and painful for both himself and his family. He only has a few days left until he will be able to make the conscious decision to end his life, so he throws a party to say goodbye.

I don’t see this movie as trying to be pro-assisted suicide or pro-suicide. I see it as a story of a dying man and his family. The movie is hardly political. It does, of course, raise a question of whether humans in Nick’s situation should be allowed to take their life to avoid an inevitable yet potentially hurtful death. I like this movie because it felt genuine and I like the way the cast and crew approached such a touchy subject.

The Pianist: Adrian Brody makes this movie one of my favorites. We’re back on the Holocaust. This movie is just brilliant to watch. The acting is excellent, the film is engaging and the performances move you.

Brody stars as Wladyslaw Szpilman. He is a Pole and a Jew, who also happens to be a musician. Wladyslaw must find a way to use his music to get through the German occupation of Poland and his life spent in Warsaw’s Jewish Ghetto. This is based on a true story about a Polish pianist (supposedly the best in Poland) who must find a way to escape deportation to a Nazi concentration camp. At the same time, Wladyslaw must deal with the deportation of his family, while avoiding capture by the Nazis.

There are other movies that have touched me, but these are the main movies that have actually tugged at my heartstrings.

What movies have touched you?

Technorati Tags: movies, Holocaust, homosexuality, WWII, It’s My Party, The Pianist, Sophie’s Choice, The Children’s Hour, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Films

I figure if I’m going to be living in the Flint area for the next few years I might as well do something constructive with my time. Not that I do not find blogging to be constructive, because it is. I just think that it is important to show the kids in my life that it is important to attempt to finish what we start. If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.

A lot of planning goes into going back to school for someone in a wheelchair or with any type of disability. I’ll be meeting with the department where I’ll be studying, to not only discuss my graduation requirements and get advice on what classes to take next, but also to discuss any type of accommodations I might need in the classroom. Everyone I’ve spoken with seems incredibly nice and willing to work with my disability.

One nice thing is how supportive U of M is toward transgendered students. That should not be an issue either. I should be able to use whatever name I want thanks to their system that protects transgendered students who haven’t been able to change their name legally. Since I’m not sure my name change will be legally finished by September (it will be very close to being complete by then) I’m very happy to know I don’t have to start class with so many questions from teachers and peers, thanks to being able to use Dominick for everything I need at school.

I will need to meet with Accessibility Services to make sure I get testing accommodations, a writer, and a note taker. Writing has become something that is very painful for me, so if I have help writing it will ensure I can take tests in a timely manner. I also have a lot of trouble maneuvering a keyboard while in my wheelchair (something I’m definitely working on), so typing wouldn’t be a suitable option, either. I will also need to find out if there are other accommodations I’ll need.

I also need to meet with Admissions to discuss my name change and getting everything listed in the name Dominick. I’m trying to coordinate a time when I can meet with all of them at the same time. Add in the fact that I need to meet with MRS and the next few weeks will be very busy for me.

MRS is Michigan Rehabilitation Services, which is other states’ equivalent to BVR. I need to find out about MRS paying for college and hopefully they will also pay to make my new van wheelchair accessible. That is one thing they typically do, so here’s hoping. Eventually, I hope to go back to MRS to learn to drive. I wouldn’t be able to drive with a small wheel the way I did before, but due to my muscle progression, a joystick would be the ideal driving aid. I use one to drive my wheelchair, so I’m well aware of a joystick’s sensitivities. I one day, truly hope to learn how to drive on my own. To me, that will be an amazing achievement.

I still have a lot of work to do, in Physical Therapy, but at least, I truly feel that I’m finally making strides in the right direction.

Technorati Tags: school, MRS, Michigan Rehabilitation Services, College, University of Michigan, Flint, transgendered, back to school

My dad wasn’t the friendliest of guys. He was grumpy. He slammed the drawers on the cupboards. He swore and screamed at the television. He would get so angry he would shake. I knew how to push all his buttons and he mine. In many ways, I see how I’ve adopted some of his habits, especially yelling at the television when my team is losing and losing my cool relatively easily.

Davey, as I often called my dad, when I wasn’t calling him stupid or some other childish name, passed away eight years ago today. I have moved on and I don’t feel pain at his death, or regret about our failed relationship anymore. I’ve made my peace with my dad, and I’ve realized, he’d be more likely to accept me, as I am, then any of my other relatives, because deep down, that’s the kind of guy that he was. Sure, we’d fight, but I found, perhaps a little too late, that in the end, he had my back.

My dad and I did get along well, if we were on our own. Yes, this did happen. In fact, we spent the morning together (he took me to the doctor) the day he had the first of his four heart attacks. When he was sick, we talked on the phone every day.

Unless you knew my dad, you probably wouldn’t know he was deaf. Our phone conversations often consisted of him yelling “what?!” into the receiver and then eventually him asking the nurse to tell him what I said. I called him every day, but the day he died. I had two finals and a meeting that day, so by the time I got home it was 7 or 8 PM. Exhausted, I got into bed early that night, only to get out to head back to Toledo because he’d died.

My dad was a funny guy, in retrospect. We shared a love for music, obscure television shows, and sports. He was a rampant Ohio State Buckeyes fan. What started out as preteen rebellion grew into my longstanding love for the Michigan Wolverines. He would get so mad if my Wolverines won and I would gloat ceaselessly causing him to not talk to me for the day. Of course, if his Bucks managed a win (rare in the 90s), I never heard the end of it, either.

My dad was born to Polish speaking, first generation Polish Americans. He grew up speaking Polish and also could sing in Latin (something I assume he picked up at the Polish neighborhood/Catholic church he attended for church and school). Sometimes, when he’d take me to places alone, mainly events for MDA or when he took me to the Polish festival, he’d sing songs.

I assume they were church songs because they were in Polish and Latin. Despite being deaf and requiring the use of hearing aids, my dad had a nice, deep singing voice. When I’d ask him to teach me, he’d insist he didn’t know anything worth teaching. This was very frustrating, as I found my heritage quite intriguing. In the end, he would teach me how to count to three (how exciting) and I learned a few different swear words (like dupa – which he sometimes would call me in those early mornings when he woke me up for school – I’m sure he was joking, of course).

My dad showed he loved me in ways I never realized when I was growing up. They weren’t outright displays of affection, because I often thought he didn’t love me. For example, when I was little, I often had Vicks smeared over my chest and back. I hated Vicks. It’d make my skin burn and I remember crying because it hurt to wear it. My dad would hold me on his lap and it was one of the few times since I was a baby I’d let him hold me.

He also caught a fly ball for me during a NY Yankees/Cleveland Indians game. He later admitted it hurt like heck as the ball bruised his side from the impact of being hit so hard, but he wrestled it from a man who tried to snatch it from him, telling the guy it was for me. Of course, no man wants to look like a fool and take a ball from a kid in a wheelchair. My dad also took care of me when I got sick during that trip to Cleveland, too. He didn’t do anything but clean me up and tell me it’d be okay. He didn’t even say we had to go home. He let me stay and enjoy the game because afterwards I’d “felt better”.

I never realized until he was dying that all these things he did, these small things showed he loved me. It took me quite a few years of guilt-ridden shame to accept we’d made our peace before he died and to forgive myself for all the mean things I’d done to him. I know he forgives me though and I know he’s in a better place, free of pain and sickness.

Today, I don’t feel the guilt, the pain or the sadness I felt. I can finally say I have moved on. I will miss Davey Lawniczak and I will never forget him, but I know he’s on another plane of existence watching over me and encouraging me to scream at the television with him, whenever my favorite teams play.

Technorati Tags: my dad, death, anniversary, David Lawniczak, parent, mourn

That being said. I decided to compile a list of rules to follow, that dictate traditional marriage from earlier times. If you don’t fit on this list and are married…then shame on you! You are not upholding the values of traditional marriage!!!

1. Sex is for procreation, not recreation. If you are using birth control (why the heck would you need it?), already have all the kids you want, or don’t want kids at all and you are having sex, you aren’t upholding the traditional purpose of marriage…SINNER!

2. Are you married to someone outside your own race? If you are then you are breaking the traditional view on marriage. Interracial marriage wasn’t even allowed or condoned until the mid-20th century.

3. Are you a non-white person? Then you can’t be married. Tradition in America (at least) dictates that you have no rights and that includes the right to marry.

4. Did you marry for love? Men only married women for property or status originally. Companionship was, more often than not, sought with another — in many cases with a close male friend. Men understand men better, after all! If you didn’t marry for the dowry then shame on you!

5. Are you a woman who has any equal say in your relationship? Why are you not submitting to the will of the man you marry? In a traditional marriage you were required to love, honor and “obey.”

6. Are you a man with only one wife? Stemming back to Biblical times, men were allowed to take multiple wives and concubines. How many wives did Abraham have again?! It wasn’t until the U.S. passed a law prohibiting polygamous marriages that this no longer was allowed. I don’t know why? This was a tradition that is still upheld in some parts of the world.

7. Are you divorced? Divorce is one of the worst things you can do to ruin a ‘traditional marriage.’ How dare you break that sacred bond that was shared between you and your spouse? If you marry again that is even worse. You can only have one holy, sanctimonious marriage.

8. As a woman you know it is your duty to allow your husband sex (for procreative purposes) whenever he wants. If he wants to rape you then by the views of traditional marriage, he can do so. It’s his right!

9. Tradition states that a father can essentially ’sell’ his daughter to the highest bidder. Back in the day, the girl could be as young as 13 or 14. So long as she was in her ‘child-bearing’ years it didn’t matter how old she was. So, dads, when are you going to start ’selling’ your teenage daughters?

10. If you are a woman and you lost your virginity before marrying then you are an undesirable. You will either have to spend your days working as a courtesan/prostitute or you will live and die as an old maid.

So, hows about dishing me up a helping of that there traditional marriage? I can totally see where those harping about it are coming from!

Technorati Tags: traditional marriage, marriage defense, one man one woman, dowry, slavery, interracial marriage, argument for marriage

“You can’t be transgendered. I thought you were gay?”

How many times has someone who identifies as trans heard this? I have. You’d be surprised how many trans individuals actually, at one point, had no other term for what they were other than gay or lesbian. I, myself, am guilty of this one. Why this is has to do with sexual orientation though sexual orientation really has nothing to do with gender identity.

Trans issues are still not in the forefront in our country or really worldwide. Growing up, most people know if they are attracted to one gender or another. When I first came out, I was 16 years old. I knew for years that I was attracted to women though initially I thought it was just admiration. When the effects of puberty kicked in and I was ‘feeling it’ when I checked out hot women (like Renee O’Conner from Xena – drool!) the only word I had for what I was, was lesbian.

As I grew older, went to college and met trans individuals it finally clicked in my brain that I was trans. I had never truly felt the term lesbian fit me. I was always constantly, internally looking for answers and it took me until I was 21 to find them. You know, many don’t admit or even realize they are trans until much later in life, living in sham marriages because their families want them to be ‘normal’ or living a lesbian/gay existence.

Note: You can be trans and gay. Trans refers to gender identity (FTM, MTF, male, female) and gay is your sexual orientation. So if you identify as FTM or male and are attracted to other males then you are trans and gay. Likewise if you are MTF or female and are attracted to other females you are gay.

“You can’t be trans. You wore dresses!”

I don’t know who in their right mind thinks dresses are comfortable. Sitting in a wheelchair in one sucks majorly. Yes, I wore dresses. There isn’t a trans person who is FTM who hasn’t wore dresses to my knowledge. I even liked dresses, for one distinct reason. I knew if I wore a fancy dress, I got to be on television. I was a goodwill ambassador for a charitable organization and I also wanted to be an actor, so if it meant I got to be on television, sure I’d wear a dress.

Check my Jr. High and High School school pictures though. Nearly all of them have me dressed in pants, and nothing fancy. In fact, my 11th grade picture has me in a U of M T-shirt. Gosh, how girlie of me. Irregardless, trans people (FTMs) do wear dresses for whatever reason they feel they have to, but just ask my friend Suze. Not even girlie girls like to wear dresses all that much. They are uncomfortable after all! To think that the way a person dresses determines their gender identity or how they feel inside is preposterous.

“You never crossdressed, so you can’t be trans.”

Crossdressing and trans issues are two different things. Many crossdressers are straight males who only do it because it feels good. They like the way it feels. For most, it is a fetish. Crossdressing and transexuality are two VERY different things. Do not confuse them!

I used to ‘crossdress’ (if you want to call it that – I call it being comfortable) as a kid when I wore my brother’s hand me downs. You know what? I LOVED them. Check my Facebook. I have many pictures with me in his clothes and I’m happy as a clam. I also look like a little boy in most if not all of them. Irregardless, crossdressing as a kid doesn’t make you any more trans then being gay does. None of these things correlate.

“You can’t be trans & FTM. You didn’t play sports. You can’t be trans & MTF. You never liked dolls.”

Childhood activities have NOTHING to do with being trans. I played with dolls (I also ripped all the hair out of my favorite doll’s head – not very girlie IMO – I would also throw her against the wall). I also played with hot wheels cars. My brother would always give me stupid cars like broken down trucks while he took the sports cars, much to my chagrin. Still I’d race them around my wooden porch. I also played with gender neutral toys, like my Little People Castle, which I LOVED.

I collected baseball cards since the 1980s. I still have MANY of them. They were kept next to a jewelry box I was told was my dead grandmothers. I kept her rosary in it and loved it because it was hers. I loved to play kickball with my grandfather, ride my bike, big wheel and swing. I also liked to play imaginary games outdoors and color. I loved board games, especially Sorry and Life. I had Barbies but my favorite was the Barbie Ice Cream maker because, HELLO it made Ice Cream.

I liked to jump on our small trampoline, go swimming, and watch cartoons. I had My Little Ponies, Rainbow Brite, Transformers, a Jem playset, and an Alvin and the Chipmunks play set. I liked playing He Man (and She Ra) with my brother. I had a She Ra costume and I especially liked the sword. I also had Pound Puppies and Pound Kitties, Popples, and Garbage Pail Kids. I liked the Goonies, ET, and plenty of other kid friendly movies when I was growing up. So, what has any of this told you about me? I was a child of the 80s!

So, I liked boys and girls stuff. I did ask to play t-ball and wanted to play soccer like my brother, but was told I was not allowed. I did have a muscle disease, so playing sports wasn’t much of an option until I got into college, where I played recreational wheelchair sports (at WSU).

I have always loved sports though. I’ve been a fan of U of M football for as long as I can remember. Far back into the very early 90s. I started watching baseball actively in 1993 though I grew up a fan of Jose Canseco in the 80s. I was following the 1993 Blu Jays. They went to and won the World Series. My heroes were Juan Guzman, Roberto Alomar, John Olerud, and Joe Carter. The following year, I picked a team closer to home; the Cleveland Indians. I became a fan, my favorite player, Omar Vizquel though I also liked Sandy Alomar, brother of Roberto. I followed the Indians until my dad passed away.

Then, when I moved to Michigan, I renewed my interest in baseball. My team was now the Detroit Tigers. This wasn’t hard considering I grew up in Toledo and had always been a fan of the Mudhens. Today, I also follow Hockey (Red Wings), Basketball (Pistons), NASCAR, Soccer (Manchester United & Liverpool), Football (Saints & Jaguars) and I still love my Wolverines. I even got the Jaguars logo on my first pair of AFOs (plastic leg braces). How’s that for a sports fan?

But I digress…both men and women LOVE sports. This doesn’t make you trans.

“You can’t be trans. You are nothing like those trans people I saw on daytime talk shows.”

Not all trans people are alike. If you are using Maury and Sally Jesse as your guide to how ‘trans people’ should act then you are sadly misguided my friend.

“You can’t be trans. You don’t have any of the symptoms.”

First, being trans is NOT a disease. It’s about your gender identity. It’s about how you see yourself, internally. Furthermore, what are these ’said symptoms’ that seem to not be prevalent? All trans are not created the same. Yes, we may all see ourselves as the gender opposite of our birth gender. That is about where the similarity ends.

Not all of us know we are trans from birth. Most of us know we are ‘different’ but aren’t sure why until later in life. Looking back, in our minds, it all makes sense. NO ONE ELSE has the right to tell you how you feel or what you think. They are not in your mind. They are not you. How you act as a child doesn’t determine whether you are transgendered or not, because many of us feel we have to fit into the gender role into which we were born, even if we don’t feel that fit who we were, as kids.

Being trans isn’t a joke or something taken lightly. Years of surgery and over ten operations, lifelong injections, and alienation (potentially) of family and friends is a lot to endure.

Being trans is NOT a choice. It’s just the way it is.

Technorati Tags: transgender, misconceptions, sports, dolls, raised, toys, family, gender, transsexual, gay, homosexuality

Hoyer Lifts get people in wheelchairs in and out of bed and to their wheelchair. They are a safe way to lift a person with a physical disability. I once did unsafe transfers and that is how I fell and fractured my tibia, which created all kinds of other health problems. Now, I would be lost without my Hoyer lift.

My old Hoyer lift is manual. The pump gets stuck. The knob gets stuck, shooting me down towards the ground quickly and scarily. It’s starting to creak and groan. It’s over 5 years old, so it’s about time for a new one. The best, recommended option by my doctors is an electric Hoyer. My current insurance will not pay for the electrical part of the Hoyer. Since an electrical Hoyer is safer and the buttons won’t stick like the manual (a safety risk), we decided to hold a fundraiser to make money for the Hoyer.

I couldn’t just raise money for myself though. I decided to give 15% of the proceeds to a charity run by my friend, Danny Brown. 12for12k holds a charity event per month. 12 charities are chosen and the goal is to raise 12K ($12,000). This months charity was Hospice of Peel. My grandmother, Melba Ryan died in Hospice of Northwest Ohio on 12/17/08. Hospice is such a wonderful organization. They were amazing to my grandfather who lost his partner and wife of 69 years (4 of those courting).

So, I spent the whole weekend with Ashtyn on Twitter and Facebook. We posted and posted to raise money for the Hoyer and Hospice. Something happened today though. I was accused of running a scam and begging for money. It wasn’t by a stranger. It was by someone I’ve known my whole life.

I didn’t feel as bad for myself as I did for Danny and the cause I was raising money for. At the hint of accusations, our donations number dwindled and stopped. I then decided I’d give it all to Danny. It was drama that followed me around that had caused this shift in donations, but Danny would hear none of it. Like a prizefighter, he jumped to my defense. There was no proof to such allegations, anyway.

So, in stepped SuzeMuse to re-rally the troops and 30 minutes later, the donations started to pour in again. Everyone was so very supportive. People don’t like sabotage, especially when its clear the person having the fundraiser is only trying to do some good. With it down to the wire, we made our goal for the Hoyer and then some!

Well the first thing I did was make an announcement. I wouldn’t just give the 15% to Hospice of Peel. I would give $300. That left a little over $500 for my Hoyer. We could pay the rest out of pocket. Yes, we make enough to feed our family, clothe ourselves, and take care of our basic needs (a 4 person family). We are incredibly LUCKY and grateful in this respect.

That being said, when you are in a wheelchair you have MANY more expenses. Insurance doesn’t always pay for these expenses. In fact, some things no insurance will pay for (like van lifts) and government assistance is usually only available if you are under 18.

I am so grateful my friends were willing to help plan this fundraiser and help see it through. I HAPPILY donated $300 to Hospice of Peel (if you don’t believe me email Danny Brown through the 12for12k link up above — he will tell you he already received payment). I donated it in honor and in the memory of Melba Ryan. I want my grandmother to get the credit for this one. Noonie, I miss and love you. It is you who inspire me. It is you who I think of every day. It is you who I know would want me to donate to Hospice.

Thank you Noonie. The world was a better place with you in it, and now that you are gone, we will never forget.

Technorati Tags: Noonie, Danny Brown, Melba Ryan, donate, Hospice of People, In Memory, Melba Louise Ogle, Hoyer Lift, Thank you, donation, charity

Check it out!

It’s not wheelchair accessible…YET!

It’s a 2008 Chevy Uplander. It is the Uplander LT with Extended Wheelbase and FWD. It has a CD Player and a DVD Player. We got a great deal on it!

We’re hosting a fundraiser this weekend to make money to make it accessible on the website AHouse4Dom.

I’m so happy though. I’m so glad we were finally able to get a van!

Technorati Tags: Van, Wheelchair Accessible, raise money, new vehicle, accessible van, Chevy Uplander

I might not be explaining myself as clearly as I should, so let me give you an example. I am not exactly getting the point of civil disobedience in this day and age. The same people who are telling me that the world should be civilized enough to keep serial killers and pedophiles in prison (more on this later), as opposed to the death penalty, feel it is okay to go out and cause civil disobedience. I’m not sure I understand what is so civilized about this.

I can see why civil disobedience was big in the 60s. Everyone was out burning bras, chaining themselves to buildings, and causing a ruckus with the police. They were also on a lot of Acid, Weed, and other drugs. There really was no civility in the time of free love, and perhaps our nation has become more conservative and conventional, but I don’t see how civil disobedience, in this day and age, is going to make anyone’s perception of a specific group positive. In fact, because we live in a more conservative nation, I feel the perception is, more often than not, negative.

Going even further, let me explain what got me thinking about this. ADAPT hosted/is hosting a week of events in Washington D.C. to protest Obama’s slowness in getting the Community Choice Act (CCA) through Congress and on his desk. Granted, Obama did promise those of us in the disabled community this bill, and he has been sluggish in getting things going for the CCA, but he has one heck of a mess to clean up in this nation and a lot of other promises to uphold. It is going to take time and ADAPT is demanding answers now.

I’m not saying I’m happy with Obama. I voted for Obama partly because I felt McCain was just more Bush and partly because he was the only one who claimed he supported the political actions I support. Like everyone else, I’m waiting with baited breath to see if he can get things together. Yes, he’s been in office just over 100 days, but that’s a small amount of time to clean up 8 years of terrible economic practices. I think we all need to use some patience and give him time to figure out what to do, how to do it, and how to implement it. If by the end of four years he hasn’t kept his promises then we’ll know what kind of president, what kind of man, he really is.

I digress. This has only a little to do with perceptions. I am just trying to give my thoughts on the ADAPT actions, so you can see where I am coming from. I’ve been told ADAPT has a long history of civil disobedience action. They used it to pass the ADA (perhaps the most archaic Act in the history of Congress) and to help get public transportation for all (I don’t think enough has been done for this — but that’s just from someone who depends on accessible, public transportation that is unreliable). Perhaps in 1990, civil disobedience worked, but that is almost 20 years ago. Perceptions change.

I have National ADAPT on my Twitter. Throughout the last few days, my twitter stream has been filled with updates on the action. People in wheelchairs (close to 500 — in total) chained themselves to the White House fence. They blocked the entrance to the White House so visitors either had to cancel appointments or go to another entrance on the opposite side of the White House. They crawled up the steps of the Capitol. They were getting arrested, proudly, left and right. For what? Media attention.

Yes, this did get more media attention than the Jerry Lewis protest in California a few months back, but the perceptions of average Americans to this civil disobedience is not positive. On the whole, its negative. Just go look at the comments in newspapers carrying the story or on various Twitter streams of those finding amusement in the action. People don’t get why the disabled populace is breaking the law and getting arrested. In the end, the true reason behind it all, passing the Community Choice Act (a bill necessary and essential to keeping those of us in wheelchairs who require care in our homes and out of nursing homes) is lost in the muddle.

Furthermore, we need the support of the majority. With majority support the CCA has a better chance of being passed. The perceptions of the majority matter because they help this essential bill come to fruition. The majority needs to help us email Congress, Obama, and demand the bill pass. If the majority sees us in a negative light, they won’t care if Obama is held accountable for his promise or not, and that, to me is a problem.

People think we’re whiners who just want our way. They believe that we expect too much of Obama. They believe the civil disobedience is pointless. We’re crazy. We’re greedy. We’re selfish for not following proper protocols (the protesters didn’t even file a petition to picket/protest in front of the White House — something they could have done). In fact, the only people who find this amusing or think its great are those who don’t like Obama. Suddenly, Obama hates people with disabilities (according to them). Most of these people are from the Conservative Right.

My thoughts on this are that there are more conventional ways to get the issue in the news. We have a three-section government for a reason. When something doesn’t work out with the Executive Branch, it’s good to appeal to the Legislative Branch. If that doesn’t work we always have the Judicial Branch to fall back upon. How many lawsuits have been filed in the past to bring an issue to the forefront? I wonder why this wasn’t considered before going to the Capitol and crawling up a bunch of steps?

I find it hard to be proud of this action. Yes, I agree something does need to be done, but I don’t agree with the methods employed in order to get action. As far as I know, nothing has been accomplished other than to get the story into the mainstream media, and raise the blood pressures of the majority who don’t agree with 1960s-esque, radical picketing tactics. To me, the entire thing is pointless. Negative attention is worse than no attention, especially when it comes to the support of a bill, such as the CCA.

So, do perceptions matter? Do you think that the disability rights movement should care about what the majority thinks in order to garner their support for the cause? I believe that with the disabled being one of the most discriminated groups in the nation, we do need the majority’s support. Without their understanding of our situation, we won’t get that and civil disobedience is no way to go about changing perceptions, for the better.

Technorati Tags: perceptions, disability, civil disobedience, Community Choice Act, CCA, picket, Congress, Obama, discrimination