It’s the one thing there never seems to be enough of and the one thing couples fight about most.

She likes to shop, and he likes to save. She wants to save for a rainy day, and he wants to splurge on the trip of a lifetime.

Each has their own definition of needs versus wants. When two people with vastly different spending habits get married, conflict is bound to happen.

The good news is that paying the bills doesn’t have to lead to arguments, and budgeting doesn’t have to be akin to torture for you or your spouse.

If money is a major source of conflict in your marriage, or if you want to prevent it from becoming one, this series of articles by Dave Ramsey is for you. You’ll learn how to:

1. Communicate about money with your mate- without fighting
2. Find a balance in spending habits
3. Compromise and establish a family budget

Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Jay and Nancy Gueldner couldn’t have been happier when they discovered their first baby was on the way. Both in their 30s, with solid careers and a happy marriage, the Gueldners were confident they could handle their new roles as parents.

“We knew an infant was an enormous responsibility, and we knew it would be a huge life change,” Nancy says. “But we had no idea that one little baby could be so all-consuming.”

When Robby arrived, it didn’t take long for the Gueldners to notice the effect on their marriage.

“I’m sure we neglected each other,” Nancy remembers. “We used to have all the time in the world to spend together and nurture our relationship, and then suddenly, the baby was the first priority.”

It’s no secret that most moms and dads are blindsided by the magnitude of this transition. Indeed, even the most unflappable person can become unhinged following the baby’s birth. But what many couples fail to realize is that stress, sleep depravation and emotional exhaustion can seriously damage a marriage.

Studies show that more than half of all married couples experience a decline in marital satisfaction following the birth of a baby. ¹Furthermore, most couples report having eight times more conflict in their marriages after the baby joins the family. ²Trouble is, finding time to cultivate your relationship with your spouse – without your little one wailing in the background – isn’t always easy.

“So many people told us to leave our son with someone so we could connect as a couple,” Nancy says. “But we didn’t have family nearby at the time, and we didn’t feel comfortable hiring a babysitter we hardly knew.”

If a weekend getaway or even a romantic dinner for two isn’t realistic, there are other do-able ways keep your marriage on solid footing.

• Communicate positively with one another. In spite of the emotional ups and downs common to new parents, make a habit of supporting and encouraging your spouse.”Jay and I really tried to be kind to each other even when we didn’t feel like it,” says Nancy.Scorekeeping, nitpicking and those niggling feelings of jealousy may be normal, but tearing one another down won’t go unnoticed. Sharing emotions and coming up with appropriate solutions is a key component to a healthy marriage – now and in years to come.
• Make it a priority to spend time together. Whether it’s enjoying an evening walk, ordering carry-out after the baby has gone to bed or grabbing a few minutes to talk over breakfast, try to find ways to engage in conversation that work for both of you. It’s easy to get hyperfocused on your baby’s day-to-day care. Still, having fun together as a couple will create a loving foundation for the whole family.
• Maintain an overall sense of team. On top of issues like who will earn what portion of the income and who will do the laundry when, ease the parenting transition by detailing role responsibilities. Nagging one another about who should load the dishwasher – all while the baby is screaming to be fed—will only result in increased irritability. Rather, compromise with one another, maintain flexibility and work through expectations. If each person helps out, then you can avoid resentment and establish a united front early on.
• Understand that intimacy changes. It’s common for a new mom to experience sadness and frustration at the ways pregnancy, childbirth and nursing have changed her body. Fatigue and sleeplessness further complicate the physical aspect of many marriages. With less time and energy for sexual closeness, it’s crucial for husbands and wives to discuss new approaches to intimacy. As unromantic as it may sound, sex can be thoughtfully planned into your schedule. And don’t despair: you can rediscover that pre-baby passion.

Remember: Parenting your infant won’t last forever. Surely most moms and dads with little ones have heard the well-intentioned advice, “They’ll be grown and out of the house before you know it!”

While this may be true, it may not feel like it during those first few years. Nevertheless, you and your spouse will be with one another long after the kids are grown. So in the midst of 2 a.m. feedings and emergency visits to the pediatrician, keep in mind that this is only one stage in your long life together.

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Romantic games for couples are a great way to spice things up a bit.

That’s right, we all need a little spice here and there.

Infact, sometimes as Christians, we need a little more spice then others. Why? Because we often get so consumed with spiritual matters that we allow our marriages to become cold and dry.

Listen, cold and dry may be good conditions for preserving an igloo, but trust me, it won’t do much when it comes to preserving your marriage.

Now let’s see if we can melt some of that ice with this free christian game…

Romantic Word Search

How it Works: First, print out two copies of the Romantic Word Search. Taking one for yourself and giving the other to your spouse. Next, set a five minute time limit. Now, compete to see who can find the most words. The winner of the game is entitled to request three of the items from the word search key.

Click Here for a free download of Romantic Word Search

“How could you?” Susan asked, staring at her husband, John, in unbelief. He and a co-worker had been “just friends” until a few months ago. Today the truth came out.. . . . . . . .

Peter closed the blinds in his living room, turned off the lights, stood in the darkness, and started weeping. He’s never felt so alone in his life. It was bad enough the last time he discovered his wife, Jessica, was having an affair. This time, Jessica simply left a terse note saying she had had enough and was moving in with her new boyfriend.

Do these scenarios sound familiar? If you’ve dealt with infidelity in your own marriage, you know firsthand how devastating it can be. Infidelity is not a simple problem and it cannot be fixed with a simple cure, though that is what we most often desire. This series of articles is designed to provide insight, encouragement and practical advice to anyone whose marriage has been undermined by an act of infidelity.

Copyright © 2008, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

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Maybe you’ve heard that a woman needs to be loved by her husband and a man needs to be respected by his wife. However, if you’re like the average man or woman, you’re thinking, “Sure, that all sounds great, but what does it mean?”

Men often define love differently than their wives, while women often don’t know how to define respect. If both you and your spouse have these needs, but don’t know what they are, how can you satisfy each other? Without a definition, it’s like trying to throw a dart at a board but you don’t know where to aim.

That’s why we’re here to help. Once you and your spouse understand what it means to love and respect, relational landmines can be avoided. The result can be greater love, deeper intimacy and movement toward the kind of marriage that God desires for you.

God’s freedom cannot be experienced in the area of finances unless:

God’s ownership is acknowledged over everything and our role of stewards who have been placed over His possessions is accepted.
The first part is surrendered back to God.
There is an understanding that God supplies a surplus above basic needs in order to help those in need.
In the Old Testament the Hebrew people brought approximately 23 percent of their increase to the Lord’s storehouse — a physical storehouse. The keepers of the storehouse, the Levites, in turn used what was given to care for the widows, needy foreigners in the area, orphans, and themselves. In the New Testament, the people no longer brought their tithes and offerings to a physical storehouse; instead, they gave of their increase in tithes, offerings, and alms to the church body. The church then used the tithe for spreading the Gospel. The offerings were used for the general and administrative support of the church, and alms were used to care for the poor, widows, orphans, and needy.

Conflict Over Tithing
Because tithing involves money, it is a prime candidate for controversy between a husband and wife. However, if both spouses are Christians, they should have a desire to please the Lord.

It’s important for both spouses to be trained in God’s principles of finance. That way, they’ll understand that tithing is God-ordained, not just a personal desire that one spouse is trying to impose on the other. Giving should come from the heart. As such, tithing is not a law but, rather, an indicator of obedience to all of God’s laws. Because the tithe’s purpose is to be an individual or family testimony of God’s ownership, it was never intended that everyone should give the same amount or in the same way but that each should give bountifully and cheerfully (see 2 Corinthians 9:6-7).

If One Spouse is an Unbeliever
The problem becomes more complicated when one spouse is an unbeliever. Since it is the responsibility of the husband to be the leader in his home, if the wife is an unbeliever, husbands must obey the Lord’s direction. Husbands need to realize, however, that the Lord is more concerned about the wife’s soul than about money. If tithing becomes an obstacle to the wife, husbands should consider not tithing temporarily in order to win their wives to the Lord. Husbands need to counsel their wives, pray with them, and seek their opinion and direction but according to God’s Word the decision is ultimately the husband’s. Because most wives in America today are looking for the strong leadership that seems to be lacking in many marriages, husbands need to take the lead regarding tithing.

If the unbelieving spouse is the husband, the believing wife should submit to his wishes and trust that her submissive attitude will win him to the Lord (see 1 Peter 3:1-6). Remember it is not the money but the attitude of the heart about which the Lord is most concerned. If wives have made commitments to give and their husbands object to giving, God sees the desire of the wives’ hearts to tithe and He will honor that commitment, even though wives honor their husbands’ wishes. God will bless because of the wife’s attitude, not because of giving.

However, a wife might still ask her husband to let her give an amount smaller than the tithe for at least a year. If, at the end of the year, the family is worse off financially as a result of giving, she will agree to stop giving. If the family is better off, the husband may agree to give more. In Malachi 3:10, the Lord says to test Him in this thing (tithing). Often this is just the opportunity for God to prove Himself real to a doubting spouse.

Conclusion
Giving the tithe is the outward expression of inner commitment — or lack of it. It is material and financial surrender prompted by spiritual surrender. However, if couples do not tithe because one spouse objects to tithing, the subject should be placed “on the back burner,” until they are able to discuss and study the principles of tithing together.

Copyright © 2003, Crown Financial Ministries. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

When Andy Warhol said, “Sex is the biggest nothing of all time,” he was so wrong. Sex is one of the biggest somethings of all time – and for far deeper reasons and in many more fabulous ways than most people appreciate.

For Christians, sex is a big thing because it’s a big thing to God.

Those outside the circle of faith often see followers of Christ as we typically see our parents. They couldn’t possibly be sexual, save for the few obligatory engagements needed to bring offspring into the world.

But this is a false understanding. Truth be told, parents and Christians have a very vibrant interest in sexuality (except my parents, I’m sure!).

And Christians have a higher view of human sexuality than most people. G. K. Chesterton hinted at this in an odd way when he said, “When once you have got hold of a vulgar joke, you may be certain that you have got hold of a subtle and spiritual idea.”1

And Bruce Marshall is even more startling: “The young man who rings the bell at the brothel is unconsciously looking for God.”2

What Chesterton, always the provocateur for truth, is trying to have us understand is that human sexuality comes to us from God, and even when it is sadly perverted in vulgar joke, the teller is unwittingly referring to something that is, at its root, remarkably sacred and godly. (And that’s exactly why the perversion of it is so wrong.)

Marshall would have us know that even the search for intimacy in the wrong places, in the wrong ways, is intimately about seeking what God made us for. (And that’s exactly why it should be sought in the right places in the right ways.) This search drives all of us in many different and powerful ways. Some are simply more aware of what is really behind it.

What these men are saying is that – at its root as God created it – sex is remarkably sacred and ultimately about seeking that which God made us for. We must understand that God’s interest in human sexuality is so much more than merely making sure people behave themselves.

God is much more than some supreme Dr. Laura barking out moral directives over a heavenly radio. But it’s not confined to only this. His interest is rooted in something much bigger.

God, and those who follow Him, take sex very seriously, and the Christian picture of sexuality is much more serious, vibrant, and well…sexy…than any other view held in the larger culture. As a result, it’s far more fulfilling.

While it might seem old-fashioned or passé to people outside the faith, the Christian view of sexuality is actually a very radical one. It’s radical because is goes against the culture and holds up human sexuality as nothing less than an icon of the inner life of God. That’s far from “nothing.”

Before we address this, let’s understand that place of sexuality in family life.

From My Crazy Imperfect Christian Family, published by NavPress. Copyright © 2004, Glenn T. Stanton. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.
1G.K. Chesterton, “The Cockneys and Their Jokes,” in All Things Considered (London: Sheed and Ward, 1908), p. 11.
2Bruce Marshall, The World, The Flesh and Father Smith (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1945), p. 108.