Don Juan Quixote's Quest for Love

A re-posting of George and the Jump Team for the 4th of July.

2010-07-04T13:21:00.001-07:00

I had been living alone in a charming, white cottage in the country with 3 bedrooms and 3 baths and it was really too big for just me. I have 3 children from my only marriage and the home was plenty big enough when they were with me, but it was quite lonely on the weeks without them. On those weeks, I would live like most bachelors do….little food in the house, lots of cleaning undone, and laundry piling up. I would usually watch a movie and head to bed. When it was time for the kids to come stay, I would scramble and clean up (man-clean, that is…) and go to the grocery store for food and snacks for the weekend as well as a quick trip to the video store for the latest movies.
On the weekends without the kids, I would go to the local bars for a drink and hang out for a few frosty beers with my good friend, one-eyed George. George is a jovial, portly fellow who loves to drink heavily and can always be found at the bar...kinda like Norm from Cheers. He is a great guitarist and was once a great pilot, but lost an eye in a bar fight years ago, which has kept him from flying. George is someone I never thought I’d be friends with, but we had known one another through a mutual friend back when we were 16 or 17 and this friend had re-introduced us recently and we had begun meeting for a few drinks after that. George was a good guy… taking care of his ill father, something I could totally understand and sympathize with. I knew he had a good heart and loved his father and this was the thing that drew us to a close friendship. We would meet for drinks early, leave about the time the crowd showed up to go take his Dad some ice cream and other sweets he craved, and then grill some ribeyes and giant shrimp. It was nothing like my usual routine whatsoever. Don Juan was usually knee deep in women about the time we were going to see his father with the ice cream. It was refreshing to know that I could change…I didn’t need a woman…I could simply be a good friend helping my buddy George take care of his Dad...and didn't need to chase women.

I had not had good luck with relationships since my divorce 10 years ago. I had been through many girlfriends and was tired and disheartened by the relationship thing. I had always been a big believer in love and that one day I would find the love of my life, but I was now jaded and feeling like maybe I was destined to be alone. Why could I not find a woman that was right for me? Why were my hopes and dreams always getting shattered by failure?

It was a time of reflection. It was a time of patience and growth of understanding.

I had gone out with George that night and we were leaving the bar by 10:00 to take the ice cream home to his dad. This night, however, I had decided to go back to the bar afterward for a beer or two…why, I did not know...but I was determined to go back and have another beer before heading home. An old friend from high school came to me at the bar and urged me to come to his table as another old high school friend was in town. I went over and hugged her and met the whole table. She had brought a friend from where she worked and her friend tapped my glass in a toast of new friendship. She smiled and there was an instant attraction between us. I figured she was married and besides, there was another guy at the table giving her the full court press and dancing with her. I stayed at the table awhile, talking to one of the guys at the table who had just moved to SC from England. I love having drinks with foreigners and finding out what they think about our culture! I ended up leaving when they were ready for breakfast and the friend from high school made me promise to do a FaceBook sign-up on the upcoming Monday. I stopped by a friend's birthday party on the way home and then went straight to bed.
The following Monday I signed my friend from school up on FB and noticed the girl that was with her was on there as well. I actually thought about it for awhile before sending her a friend request, but she accepted the request and sent me a message within the first 30 minutes. Then she sent me another message and then her phone number and by Tuesday, she invited me to meet her for dinner in another city. I actually was not planning on meeting her for dinner, but at the last moment decided ‘what the hell’ and went. She was more beautiful than I remembered and when I followed her into the restaurant I checked out her rear and thought it was one of the nicest ones I had ever seen. We looked into one another’s eyes and laughed and talked till it was later than we both realized. Time had flown by and it was time to leave. We texted one another all the way home and then the next day as well. The texting was flirty and sexy and I found myself anxiously awaiting her next move. By that Thursday, between the texting and messaging, we both couldn’t wait to see each other again.

Friday was the 3rd of July and I was awaiting getting my kids when my ex called and said they had plans at the lake and would it be ok if they came the next weekend. I have always been ok with their schedules and told her that was fine. I got off the phone and immediately texted my new friend and she texted back that she wanted to come spend time with me if that was alright. My heart lept with anticipation and I was very excited that we would be spending the weekend together…and then I realized I had only a few hours to clean up…and scrambled like hell to make my bachelor pad presentable to a lady.

She came and we went out for a few drinks with George. George instantly liked her and wanted us to join him for the 4th of July Jumpteam. The city has a big celebration and there is a jump team that lands in the middle of the crowd in a designated area. George told us it was an honor to be a member of The Jump Team. We laughed and said ‘sure, sounds like fun!’ and really didn’t think anything about it.

We left George to go to another club where we could dance. We hadn’t even kissed yet.

We were feeling good by now from the alcohol and a slow song came on and we jumped out on the dance floor. It was a beautiful country ballad and before it was over, we found ourselves kissing passionately on the dance floor and probably making everyone in the club a little uncomfortable. The song ended….but we didn’t hear it….we were lost in the kiss and continued long after it was over. The crowd was mesmerized at the couple who had such unbelievable passion. They probably all wished they had that much attraction for someone in their life. I know I was long overdue and loving it!!

We left and that night we had unbelievable passion and fun together. We talked about life and love and looked into each other’s eyes. Everytime we kissed, her lips just met mine so dang perfectly….it was as if we had been kissing our whole lives together. I kept thinking to myself…”can this be really happening to ME?”

The next day was the 4th of July. Late that afternoon we met up with George. He met us at a bar and he had obviously been drinking. He was dressed in his flight suit and looked like he couldn’t breath it was so tight. It was like seeing Chris Farley in Tom Cruise’s Topgun suit. It was hysterical, but he DID look official. So we climb into George’s Cadillac and proceeded to the park a block away where the festivities were taking place. He said we were running late and needed to find the 'Jumpzone', which would be near a black suped-up 68 El Camino with rims. We get there and realize that there are A LOT of people at this celebration...thousands of people walking around!! We see hundreds of police cars. George flies up to the first one we come to and rolls the window down. I’m a little nervous because I know George has definitely had a drink or two, but not sure how much. My new lady friend is in the front seat and I’m stuck in the backseat. The policeman comes to the window and George yells out in a slightly intoxicated tone “We’re with the JUMPTEAM, where’s the landing zone? Have you seen a suped-up, black 68 El Camino with rims?!!” My heart jumped with fear….I knew the policeman HAD to know he had been drinking. The policeman, a little stunned by the directness and oddness of the question and seeing George all decked out like a Topgun instuctor, says he is not sure and waves us through the crowd of cars.

I breathed a sigh of relief until George heads to the next officer and, just as quickly and directly, yells out “We’re with the JUMPTEAM, have you seen a black, suped-up, 68 El Camino with rims?!!” This officer, just as stunned as the first, sent us in a general direction and we passed a few more officers who all got the same statement and question. Each one was baffled, but respectful of the Jumpteam and George’s Topgun outfit. George heads to the crowded area where people are all walking like ants and starts to drive through the crowd…and all the while I’m in the back seat pressing the floorboard and praying as I know he’s had a drink or two and can’t see and I’m about to shit my pants in the back seat out of sheer terror that One-eyed George is gonna run people over. I know he can’t see too well between his one eye and the mass of people slowly walking around us. My girl in the front seat looks just as nervous….hell, she barely knew ME, much less this one-eyed Jumpmaster in a much too tight Topgun suit!

A few seconds later and we were traveling in the only car allowed in the sea of people. I yell out “Look out for the baby stroller, George!!!” at the top of my lungs! I was petrified he would hit someone....all I can think about is getting the heck out of the car before the police come and arrest us all. We zigzag through the crowd of people a little while longer and finally get to a place where the Black 68 suped-up El Camino is. The Jumpteam IS there alright….and they had jumped 30 minutes EARLIER. It was a nice suped-up black 68 El Camino for sure, though...

George tells us the Jumpmaster and his wife having a big party at their home and they actually jump in the pool naked during these parties. I look over at the 60ish couple and shiver at the thought...(I tell George sure, but my mind is saying "no fckin way, homie!")

George tries to convince us to go to the airport for a flight in the airplane as he was certain he could convince the pilot into taking us up for a little while, but my nerves were shot and I was hoping my lady friend was not totally frightened away from our newly developing romance at this point. As we pulled up to where we had met George, he says “This is not the airport?!” and was genuinely confused…which made getting out of the car even more expediant and necessary. At that moment, all I could think about was getting OUT of that car and to safety. We both thanked George and decided to go back to my house as we were both tired and a little rattled. It was a quiet trip home and I was thinking to myself she probably thinks I am crazy as hell and my friends are even crazier. Once we got home, we looked at one another and I blurted out “That was the craziest shit I have ever seen.” and we both busted into hysterical laughter at how insane it all was and how frightened we had been. We laughed until we had tears rolling and our sides hurt... It was a crazy and insane time, but we had officially been on the JUMPTEAM for the 4th of July celebration. It was a funny day that we all will remember for the rest of our lives.

George, you are one of a kind, and I love you, Brother!!!

Why can't WOMEN communicate?...

2010-06-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

It is HOT in the Dirty South!! 100 degrees with an index of 110! We have had a HEAT WAVE for a whole week now! I don’t normally mind the 80’s and even the 90’s, but the 100’s SUCK!…Luckily, this next week will be in the mid-90’s…UGH!!

I recently have been wondering why women clam-up at times when simple communication is all that is needed and necessary. Does anyone out there know the answer??

I think if you truly care about someone, you should always strive to communicate in whatever way necessary and that this is not only healthy, but considerate of the other person’s feelings and polite as well. I’ve always tried to communicate openly and honestly, whether it’s good news or bad news.

I’ve had a lot of experience with this, folks! Women DO simply shut down at times and just will not communicate what they’re feeling or why they’re angry or hurt…It’s so WEIRD and BIZARRE to me…for people to text and message like nothing is wrong and then, without warning….no response from text, email, or even FB…

And men get the bad rap about shutting down and not communicating?!!

Sometimes relationships do not work out. Sometimes people are not meant for one another. Sometimes lovers is all we are or were….in the end. However, why we won’t be together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends…or even possibly become lovers again in time as change is forever constant. Why end things rudely by cold-shouldering? I just don’t get that…nor am I charmed by it…or these foolish games some ladies play.

Give me some help here folks!! WHY do they do this?…

I’ve always thought consideration in relationships was underestimated. I’ve heard many a woman speak about how they want the same thing…true and open communication…only to shut down when least expected.

I think DJQ’s quest shall now seek to include a lady who truly communicates openly and, as recent events dictate the need, has a considerate and loving heart…

OK…some video footage of Beaver Creek should be online soon…get ready for some HEAT in the DIRTY SOUTH!!

Heating Up The Dirty South With Colt Ford...

2010-06-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

Hey Yall!!!! I’ve been busy lately and every time I sat down to write, my mind wandered….there were so many new and exciting things in my life now….living on a boat at a beautiful marina on a beautiful lake….new friends, new social scene…a whole new life. I ‘ve realized a lot about myself on this journey of transition. I know what I want in life and am excited again at the possibilities of life and love. I have the ultimate free-spirited existence now and one I did not think possible.

I laughed as I got ready to go have a drink at Ike’s Sports Bar last night. In my former life, getting ready to go to a club or a bar meant to dress comfortably, but a little trendy and the occasional linen suit with Italian shoes when suitable. Now that I live at the marina, I basically have to look for my sandals….that’s it….and some people lose their shoes once they start dancing as well. It’s like being on vacation living here…shirtless all day…T-shirts or Hawaiin shirts with shorts at night for men….. and whatever a woman wants to wear or, more importantly, not wear are the normal dress codes for the ladies.

Last week I picked up a new CD, which is something I don’t normally go out and buy much. I love so many types of music. However, I seldom find a new artist that I like enough to buy a whole album. Last week, after hearing a national radio show’s suggestions as to ‘what’s hot in music’, I heard Colt Ford’s new album was a runaway and heard some of the songs from it. I went by Wal-mart that Friday and purchased it. I don’t like Walmart usually, but they actually edit the cursing out of any album sold there and a lot of today’s artist use suggestive material. This way I don’t have to worry about the kids listening with me.

My friends and I listened to it all weekend and the whole album is smoking!!! ‘Nothing in Particular’, track 6 and track 2, ‘Hey Yall’, are excellent songs with a cool, slow,and very deep bass tempo that makes everyone bob their heads when they hear it. ‘Ride On, Ride Out’ is as close to Kid Rock as country can get and rocks with it’s rapping from a country phenomenon called Colt Ford. He’s a portly fellow with long mustache, big sunglasses and a cowboy hat…..he looks a lot like One-eyed George in disguise, my good friend and equally talented musician. Colt Ford is a very talented rapper whose timing and flow of words are impressive for any rapper, much less the rare country rapper.

The song ‘Tool Timer’ has Darryl Worley singing in it as well and has some awesome lyrics “He’s got everything in the whole wide world……all he needs is a girl.” is one of the chorus lines. Of course, yall know that one’s dear to my heart!!

“Hip Hop in a Honky Tonk” is a slickly written song with blends of DMC rap and country which tells the story of a redneck who hates hip hop and as he listens to it at the honky tonk, realizes that the women like it and love to dance to it and at the end decides that maybe it’s not so bad after all….a very funny and ingenious song!

Track 8, “Cricket on a Line”, is heading up the charts fast as we speak. The song is an incredible mix of country, rap, and rock that make you just want to jump up and dance when it’s playing. It’s making country cool with the younger crowds again fast. My 16 year old daughter was impressed that I even knew who Colt Ford was.

This album is a great Summertime fun album. The tracks are slickly produced and have a Kid Rock edge with a little more country sweetness added. It should make Colt Ford a household name for sure.

So….in case yall are wondering. I have met several ladies and am truly wondering where this whirlwind of fun and sun will lead me. Two women have asked me to go to church with them and I think this may be some sort of test of your character…..to see how you’ll respond….and plus this is the Bible Belt as well. Both women were in a bar, by the way. Lol

Will I find the love of my life?…..Will Don Juan Quixote end his quest this year? Well, actually….I’m so in love with life right now that I’m wondering if I really need to find my soul mate yet. I know….it will happen when it happens…..but I can’t help but wonder if love and togetherness for life is real for couples anymore. I want to think so, but see so many unhappy couples and have had my share of unhappy wive’s phone numbers passed to me so far since being here. Is it all a 6 month loop that grows stale in half a year? From my experience….passion and love are strong usually for about 6 months…then, it seems people grow tired of one another and move on to newer or better things….or unexpected loneliness. People are lazy and don’t want to try after a certain time together….or worse, they stay with someone they know is wrong for them because they’re lazy or need something from the other person…..like finances or emotional enmeshment.. ..and make the other person miserable because they’re miserable and won't leave. I say this from both ‘dumper’ and ‘dumpee’ experiences…

I know this sounds jaded….but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about on my road of happiness. I’m as happy as I’ve ever been in life and am enjoying meeting new people and finding lots of characters to use for future writing. I’m gonna attempt to videotape 30 minutes of footage in the next week to share some of my world at Beaver Creek with the rest of the world. It should be fascinating…and quite funny! This Summer will be very busy for me and I’m just not sure if I’m ready for a girlfriend that will need my time and I’m also still leery of women

Yes, love is wonderful and exciting and it’s a beautiful thing when two people can say “I love You!” to one another. It’s comforting to spoon and hold a warm body that loves you close at night and have someone to cuddle with on the couch while you watch TV. It‘s exciting to have a strong sexual chemistry with someone and anticipate making love to them all day long and indulging all night. It’s what all single folk long for….someone to share life with.

But I’m happy at Beaver Creek on my boat alone right now. I enjoy the peacefulness and the scenery of the marina. The lake is so picturesque and perfect. I cannot wait to get home every day. I watch spectacular sunsets every night with so many colors and shapes it’s impossible to describe the beauty of them. I have realized that I don’t need a woman to be happy right now. I have a lot of new friends and am meeting lots of people every weekend and am certain that the right one will come along….and if she doesn’t….it’s good to know you’ll be happy either way.

Yall check out the Colt Ford videos I’m throwing at ya at the end of this post. I think you’re gonna like him.

Got some great stories coming soon as well…please stay tuned….it’s fixin to get HOT in the Dirty South!

New friends and New DANGER...

2010-05-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

My whole world has completely changed. I’m in a beautiful, strange place reminding me of Fargo, but with water, sunshine, and lots of crazy Southerners. I find myself playing the part of the mysterious new guy in town….but this town is more like a rural lake front community. Beaver Creek is not a metropolis. The entertainment here is confined to Ike’s Bar and Grill, a sports-bar like establishment filled with colorful characters and friendly people and The Flamingo, an exciting, sometimes dangerous biker bar-like establishment also filled with, well…sometimes friendly people. There is also the Riverdeck, a gas station and fast food restaurant with excellent food and a place where you can periodically eat with Steve-O and Wee-man of the infamous Jackass movies, who both own houses nearby. Beaver Creek is a very down to earth place with honest, down to earth people who accept most anybody who’ll take the time to sit and have a drink with them.

I chuckled to myself the first few weeks here as everyone I met seemed to be named Larry or Mike. There’s Captain Mike, Military Mike, Big Mike, Little Mike etc. and then there’s Goodtimes Larry, my jovial neighbor who owns the houseboat adjacent to me, and Trailer Park Larry, who lives in the Camper-trailer area nearby, and a few other Larry’s that I’m not sure what their nicknames were because I was in a…well…alcohol-induced, memory shortened condition when I met them. They all are super-nice, good people who have opened up their welcome wagon to me. I have been blessed to come here and have the opportunity of a lifetime…to live on the big boat at the nicest marina on the lake. It seems the big boats at the marina are somewhat of a status symbol here and if you actually live on one…then you’re somewhat of a celebrity. (Everyone knows everyone here and a stranger sticks out like a sore thumb, much less a stranger on the big boat!)

At first, everyone was a little wary of the new guy in town. They didn’t talk much and were kinda suspicious of me. Upon seeing me for the last several weeks, they have slowly opened up their world to me and suddenly I have people coming up to me and acting as if they’ve known me their whole life.

Ike, the owner of…well…Ike’s…didn’t make me buy a membership to join his private establishment for the first two weeks, but then stopped me at the door to insist that I buy a membership as everyone else had, now that he knew I would be dropping in from time to time…it was now a necessity…and only fair to everyone else who had to. I wasn’t sure if he liked me after that, but for the last two weeks he always comes over to talk and we’ve sat at the bar to chat on a few nights over some beers and I’m certain that he does like me now. He recently offered to send over an electrician he knows to help me with an electrical problem on the boat. He is a very genuinely good person who loves the lake and this community. His employees are Little Bit, the bartender, whose real name is Dana, Jackie, the waitress, and Crash and Hammer the cooks. Crash is a red-headed young lady who was once called Red, but got her new nickname a few months back when she crashed her car and totaled it. Hammer is a hilarious young man in his 20’s who claims he used to weigh over 300lbs and is always in a happy mood, joking, singing loud, and always looking for a woman to sleep with. He once told me he didn’t care how old a woman was or what she looked like, and proved it by hitting on a 70-something year old woman who frequents the bar. (He said she excited him cause she told him the only thing she smoked was in the bed!) Hammer is a story in himself with his contagious laugh and constant joking…

Surprisingly, Ike’s has some of the BEST dance music around! They are constantly playing Prince, The Gap Band, Cameo, Michael Jackson, Steve Wonder, Rick James…(Bitch!), and numerous other oldies but goodies. They also play country and contemporary music from today and I simply love most of the songs I hear there. It is so funny to watch these folks singing 7 Spanish Angels at the top of their lungs and then watch them bob their heads to The Black-Eyed Peas beat. I love to dance, but have been keeping a somewhat low profile…and really haven’t found anyone I wanted to dance with…yet. Though Ike’s has been relatively slow as far a crowd, everyone continues to tell me that by Memorial Day, this place will be packed with people.

One of the things I have thought to be funny is that most of the people who go to Ike’s say The Flamingo, the biker bar which is across the bridge approximately 100 yards away, is way too dangerous to go into. Many people have warned me that I’ll get stabbed or shot and that the place is known for trouble. Of course, THAT is what made me HAVE to go there!

I’ll have to say that Ike’s is always the place to go around 9 or 10, but that usually the adventurous leave there sometime after 12 to meander across the bridge to The Flamingo, which is the Sodom and Gomorrah of Beaver Creek. TC is the owner there. He is a large, portly fellow with a bald head, a big, thick mustache and more tattoos than Amy Winehouse. He looks really tough and mean and I guess he has to look that way to keep peace at the place, but he is really a great guy who just wants everyone to have fun. I must say at this point that I HAVE seen a few fights, but TC and some of his fellow bikers who come to ‘The Dirty Bird’, as I recently found out the biker clans call it, usually break up altercations quickly and throw out any instigators.

The music is always either rock or surprisingly some rap, but usually leans toward older hard rock. They frequently have great bands there. The bands are always good and I have heard some awesome up-and-coming alternative rock bands there. Yes, the crowd is much rowdier than at Ike’s but, much like life, I think everyone should experience all there is out there and danger can be quite exciting. Harmony and Tashia are the bartenders there and are always sweet and even give me a coozie for my beer every time. (Harmony even slipped me her number the other week with my coozie.)

I haven’t really met any single women since being in Beaver Creek, which is ironic to some degree based on it‘s name…lol. It seems every woman who has come up to talk to me was WITH someone else. I have actually caused a few fights at The Mingo….the nickname I’ve given the place. I must say at this point that though I can handle myself and am not afraid to go anywhere, the fights were always between couples who had jealous males that didn’t particularly like their woman hitting on me and flirting with me. They usually are ignoring their mate or treating her disrespectfully and then get mad because she stops to talk to me. I would never want to cause a fight or even stir things up, but when you’re bored and a nice-looking woman comes up to talk to you, it’s hard not to talk back.

Last weekend, a very nice young lady came over and started writing her phone numbers on a napkin and her ex-boyfriend got really angry at her. (She said it was her ex-boyfriend and I assume she’s telling the truth…though I am not a good judge of women telling the truth…this we all know.) He was furious and cussed at her outside as she and her friends all scurried to leave as the bar was closing. He looked at me once….but DJQ knows how to give the Stink-Eyed, Don’t Fuck With Me look and he quickly decided to leave me the hell alone. I ended up staying out wayyyyyy too late regardless.

The next day I woke up and walked out on my Boat’s front porch to see a pretty blond lady standing on the houseboat next to me…I groggily looked over and said “Good morning.” and she laughed and said “It’s 1:00 in the afternoon!”…and then smiled a big, flirty smile at me. My neighbor, Larry, invited me to go out on the water for the day with him, his wife, and two other couples on ‘Goodtimes’, his pimped out adjacent houseboat, and after thinking about it a minute or two, I said “Give me 5 minutes to get my shit together, brother!”

He showed me areas of the lake unknown to me and some really great islands to take my boat this Summer. The blond was quite friendly and playful, especially after the blender got rolling, but she was with her boyfriend and I was not feeling like doing a re-play of the night before. I continuosly avoided her and moved when she would sit close every time her boyfriend walked to the back of the large vessel. She slapped me with a noodle float several different times playfully, splashed me with water continually, and kept giving me that flirtatious smile over and over again, but I was not takin the bait.

It was a fun day in the sun, nonetheless, and I enjoyed the grand beauty of the lake and the friendliness of my neighbor, new friends, and the people who boat there. As we sat on the island and had a beer, I listened to a song that says “I got my toes in water, ass in the sand, not a care in the world, a cold beer in my hand; Life is good today….life is good today”….and I truly was loving life.

Next weekend is Memorial Day weekend and it’s supposed to get wild around here. If yall don’t hear from me after that…I’ve probably found a single girl or a jealous boyfriend’s bullet!

A re-posting of George and the Jump Team for the 4th of July.

2010-05-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

How do you learn to trust again?....

2010-05-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

I have been in love and have been loved before. I think alot of people get feelings of love, but time has a way of changing everything. The fairy tales and movies all tell us that there is a happily-ever-after and that love will last.....but does it?   I want to believe in love and feel in my heart that there may be someone out there for me....but is that wishful thinking?...simply hoping?...

My parents had a love that lasted a lifetime. My mother passed away in 2007 and I know for a fact that my father will never marry again nor even contemplate it. SHE WAS the love of his life.   They were happy together for their whole lives. It's something that I would love to find....but are we in a different era now?....are the days of happy marriages over?.....is true love doomed?

Technology and media today are SO fast and there is so much to do and see and temptations are flying at us at the speed of sound. People can be texted and emailed with temptations all day and I think that cheating on a spouse is made much easier than ever before....which makes me even less expectatious of true love.

My last relationship was the one I thought I was waiting for. It exploded into passion and desire.   We were like high schoolers giddy with love for one another and we both did all we could to see each other and spend time together as much as possible. We were best friends....or so I thought...and we laughed, played, made love like rabbits any and everywhere, had fun like kids,  and even cried together when we lost our dog. I believed and trusted everything she told me because I loved her. I love with all my heart and soul and believe that everyone should do the same when they come across 'true love'.

My trust was shattered, however.   Our slogan was 'forever and a day'....and that we would love one another the rest of our days...and would marry as soon as we could.   As beautiful and sweet and loving as she was....I found out that things were not as they seemed.   The first flag was one day as I stood next to her, she received a text from an ex-boyfriend whose name came up on the phone as the text came through....and when I asked her who it was from, she replied one of her girlfriends....upon which I told her that I loved her and expected the truth from her....and that I knew she had just lied.   She was totally taken aback that I wasn't furious and asking her to leave.   I asked her if she was still talking to him and she said 'no' and I told her to never lie to me again and that the incident would be forgiven. Then, much later in the relationship, I discovered a receipt one day from a restaurant with 2 people on it and she had supposedly gone to see her children that weekend....I was told a lie about the dinner....this I now know. I have to wonder how much of what I was told was a lie. I find myself wondering if I'll ever be able to trust again.   I had opened my heart, my family, my whole world up to her and put her needs before my own and did my best to take care of her and love and respect her.....the way a good man should.....only to be taken advantage of and lied to. I am SO friggin stupid that at times I STILL believe that what we had was real and that maybe I'm wrong about her....and I get mad at myself for being so gullable and soft hearted, wanting to believe in something that may have never been real at all.

HOW do you find trust and a way to believe again?   My heart is saddened by this.....and I wonder how I will be able to really trust someone with my heart again.   I try and stay busy and not think about it, but I know deep down that I'm really gonna have trouble taking love seriously again.   I want true love and a lifelong companion to spoil.....but is true love real?   I sit on my boat in my peaceful, serene setting and ponder this alot...

Sorry....no anwers yet, folks....but I guess this is why I am Don Juan Quixote and have a quest to continue....and as the Zen Master always says when you climb the mountain to ask him a question...."We shall see..."

Ducklings and children...

2010-05-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the first weekend my two youngest could make it to the boat. Though they have wanted to, the schedule for soccer finals and end of the year events at school kept them from getting there. I was so excited for them to see it and to spend some quality time with them.

That morning, as I left for work, a duck and her ducklings came up to the boat and reminded me how nature and life sometimes are a mirror of one another. Zen says that there is one moon in a pool and in every pool is the one moon. I took some quick pictures before work and headed out...

They were ecstatic when they got there. My youngest, who is 10, kept saying we had our own ship like in Pirates of the Carribean! She is so sweet and loving....she was simply happy to be spending time with her dad. I let her sit in my lap as much as she wanted and we explored the whole boat together with her brother, who is 13. They were excited about the adventures they would be taking with their dad now that we had a vessel that we could take out and seek new worlds with.

We went to the marina store and bought some fishing gear and bait and spent the weekend listening to music and fishing. We caught about 40 fish, but released them when they looked as if they were having trouble breathing in the fish bucket. We could have caught even more, but got tired of taking them off the hook once nightfall set in. My son is a great young man...he is always patient with his little sister and helps her in any way he can. I had to smile as he carefully explained to her how to take a fish off of the hook without hurting it too much and without it hurting you too much with it's fins.

Yep, it was a weekend to remember and I got 2 thumbs up on our new lifestyle of living on the water. I had to laugh at my son, who continually got texts and phone calls from girls....he was talking to one and said he was at his dad's house....on a boat...and the house was the boat. We both laughed at it.

My kids mean the world to me....I wish I could get them all the time, but I know they also have a life beyond our world and I want them to be free to experience all that life has to offer like their dad has. I couldn't be prouder of them or love them any more than I do...

Oh, and one more thing we did....we christened the swimming at the boat. After a few hours of talking about it, we found the ladder to hook to the side and my son courageously jumped in and his little sister was not far behind. Dad joined in a few minutes later after testing the temperature with his toe first...

A jug fills drop by drop...

2010-04-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

I have been a student of Zen philosophy for quite some time. It has been a great source of inspiration and learning for me. The basics for me have been patience and compassion and simplifying my life at times.
Patience was my reason for my initial start with Zen. "You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger."

We all get caught up in this crazy, fast-paced world and there are many unhappy people out there who think they're continually getting farther and farther behind and have no hope of getting where they want to be. What they do not realize is that they ARE where they ARE. There is no escape....even for the enlightened. "Before enlightenment: chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood and carry water." The world is the world...nothing changes it...we must learn to be happy through this struggle we call life.

A famous Chinese proberb: "At birth we come At death we go...bearing nothing." For some idiotic reason, the public believes we should all strive for more and more things in our life.....a new car or truck, a new home, the latest phones, a newer computer, etc. Most people work their entire lives to build up riches to give to someone else once they're gone. We came into this world with nothing and will leave with nothing....everything else is just....temporary fixations.

My goal in this is not to make everyone go out and buy Zen philosophy crib notes, but to make sense of slowing down and breathing and stopping the madness our society shoots at us with TV, internet, and radio.
Take time to cut off all electricity for a moment and think once in awhile. Take the time to really make sense of things. It's like taking a nap when you're completely exhausted..."We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."

So go out there and start filling your jug....drop by drop. "To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders." Take a few minutes each day to meditate in a peaceful, quiet environment and see if it doesn't help with the stress of everyday life. I promise it will!!

Remember to be kind and compassionate to others and be patient with everyone. Simplicity, patience, and compassion are your greatest treasures.

Some drops for your jug from my favorite Zen Master, Lao Tzu:

"By letting it all go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond winning."

"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power."

"An integral being knows without going, sees without looking, and accomplishes without doing."

"If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place."

Stormy weather...

2010-04-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

Last nite was my first nite on the boat during a rainstorm. It was an event to hear the rain and see the drops trickle into the lake making their thousands of disruptions in the smooth surface of the water. I was mesmerized and sat for a few hours just watching it. Thoughts drifted through my mind and I relaxed completely.

I thought about how soothing living on a boat was even during the rain. I thought about the Ark and how Noah must have felt when the rain started. I felt relieved that even if the rain never stopped, I would be fine and carry on. Life is about those small moments when you know you'll carry on regardless of what happens. We are all confused at times throughout our lives and the only weapon we have is our mind. The mind is all.....we are what we think.

I think I'll stay around a little while longer to see how DJQ's quest goes. Love is always worth waiting for...

For now, I'm in love with Bella. She is very beautiful with nice curves and is in a class all by herself. Her name is Bella Luna, which is Italian for 'Beautiful Moon'. I will take good care of her and she'll always be there for me...

One of our own...Lee Brice

2010-04-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

Lee Brice comes from the same countryside I come from. His family has known my family for many years and I know for a fact that they're good people. He's an up and coming country singer and the other night I heard his latest single on the radio.
I was filled with pride for him and really liked the song as well. It's exactly how people think love should be where I come from. It's a beautiful song with alot to say about love...true love....everlasting love.

Way to go, Lee...

Yall go out and buy this!!!!

To be or not to be...a good question.

2010-04-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

To be or not to be....that is the ultimate question.   Having a broken heart can make you not want to be....you constantly think about what you lost and what could have been. You live in the past and think about the good things you now miss. Your heart aches for the one you loved and eating and taking care of yourself fall to the wayside. You think because your heart is broken you don't want to be anymore.

When you think all is lost and you can't go on, always know that tomorrow is a new day. Change is inevitable and this crazy life can throw change at you that you'd never expect in a million years. I'm not saying that a broken heart quits hurting in time, but it does hurt less and less with time and changes in your life.

Life is simply a crapshoot where you never know what the dice will roll. It's actually kinda exciting knowing that. Today may be mundane and boring....tomorrow could possibly be the most exciting day of your life.
Though I was totally down and out a few weeks ago, I am now in love with life. I love the changes I've seen and made for myself and realize that one's mind is all you need to make change happen for yourself.

I am now thankful for the love that came to me. I had real love for awhile and man, was it sweet!   We laughed and loved and had the time of our lives. We both were very happy together and content simply being together. It was the love I was always wanting....one where you love them as much as they love you.
I am grateful and thankful to have had this in my life. It was worth the heartache to have had it in my life.
I was able to feel something most will never feel and will cherish this for the rest of my life.   Though the relationship didn't work out, I am not going to analyze and re-analyze the fact that circumstances beyond our control forced the premature ending. It was not that there was a lack of love....it had more to do with the economy and tragedy in life that caused it.   I could be sad over it the rest of my life.....or I can just be happy and thankful to have had it for awhile.

I now await what life will send my way next.   I have lived a very full and exciting life that most would say would have taken two lifetimes to do.   I have been very blessed.   I have done many things in this crazy lifetime....and one thing I can truly say is that I have LOVED.   The story of a love is not as important as being able to love....it is, perhaps, the closest glimpse we are permitted of eternity.

With that in mind.....I choose TO BE.

Life on a Boat...

2010-04-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I did it. I am buying a boat and living aboard. It sounds like an absurd idea, I know, but I have always been a free soul that enjoyed living life to the fullest and have always loved the water. The desire to be around water seems to be in all of us, with the exception of a few people who can't swim...

The boat is named 'Wastin Away' after the Jimmy Buffet song, but I am currently thinking about a new name for her. Wastin Away sounds kinda negative and I always look for good mojo in life. Some of the names I've come up with or have been suggested were 'Bella Luna', which is Italian for 'beautiful moon', and 'Some Beach', which is redneck for Some Beach or SomeBitch. I am still open for suggestions, though...

The marina is a very nice and quiet spot on the lake. My boat is nearer to the landing and I get to see everyone coming in to drop or pickup their boat or jetski. It is always funny to watch people do anything in life....especially when there is a chance they'll fall in the water!

The boat itself is quite large and I'm tyring to get a handle on all the pumps which move water around inside the vessel as well as keep it outside the hull. There are also many switches and buttons to familiarize myself with. It won't take long.

The helm on the top deck sits very high, but you can also see everything from up there. It is an awesome view of the water and the best place to drive the boat from.....unless there is a storm and then you would drive inside on the lower deck.

The top has two decks and plenty of room from lounging in the sun. The stereo can even be direct to any and every room as well as the top decks. The view is incredible and would be a beautiful way to spend the day riding around on the lake. My favorite places are the top deck and the lower front porch which is covered and has a nice ceiling fan to cool things off as well.

I am meeting new friends quickly. The guy who does everything at the marina is named 'wildman', I hope because of his wild hair and beard, but still trying to figure wildman out right now.....he is a different bird for sure. Ike, the man that owns the Beaver Creek Bar and Grill, is very nice and always good to talk to. Tashia and Harmony, the bartenders at The Flamingo, the other bar right down from Beaver Creek Bar and Grill, are also very nice and love to talk.
I find myself the new celebrity in town as they get few strangers till the Summer usually and things are usually kinda slow in the off season.

I am busy settling in and about to start a writing project with another writer. It will be a real life civil war love story with actual letters that were sent between a husband and his wife. It should be fascinating reading. I'll keep everyone posted as to when it will be published....and hopefully it will.

For now, I live in an alien world becoming more and more familiar to me everyday. It's a different kind of world than I've lived in before. I have lived in lakehomes before and stayed at beach houses, but never actually lived ON water. I know that so far I have never slept better in my life.

It's an adventure I am excited about... When I retire, I can move the boat to the intercoastal waterway and travel up and down the east coast in style and comfort. She is a beautiful boat with alot of character. I look forward to getting to know her better and make her shine again. She has come to me at a time in my life when I needed change....and a change in view....and a view of the water is just right for me!!

'Wastin Away' in Beaver Creek...

2010-04-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

Hello Everybody!Hope you all had a great Easter weekend!

I had a great weekend and am looking forward to the week. I spent the weekend checking out 'Wastin Away', a large houseyacht I'm thinking of buying and living on. It is a beautiful boat and is quite large with many amenities of home. I went down with my cousin, who is great with electrical, plumbing, and mechanical work, to check the boat over thoroughly. It was a beautiful weekend and we had fun, but didn't get as much done as we had intended.

We got down there at dark and had trouble locating the boat at first. Though there were several houseboats docked there, I did not see the one named 'Wastin Away' and was wondering if I was at the wrong dock. I ended up calling my friend, the owner, and she walked me by phone to the right one. It was nicer than I had anticipated....a large, steel hull vessel with all the comforts of home. It has a large upper deck where many people can lay out and a place up top to drive the boat as well. The boat was very nice inside and has a lower stateroom, bathroom, and bunk room downstairs that are very cozy. The master stateroom even has two closets. I began thinking about staying there for a home and the possibilities of living on a large boat.

I have owned boats in the past, but they were always speed boats. This was quite the opposite. It is a titan that should be driven quite slowly. It's over 55 feet long and very heavy, so I would want to make sure of where I am navigating before opening up the engine. Getting it stuck would make for alot of problems because of the size and weight of the vessel.

Our first problem was the plumbing. We hooked up the water supply and immediately found a leak under the sink in the kitchen. It had probably cracked due to the cold weather, but would be an easy fix. The rest of the plumbing checked out well. No major electrical problems so far, but the mechanical has not been checked yet and hopefully once we run the engines, all electrical will be ok as well as the mechnical.

We went to the two bars located within a few hundred yards away and made some new friends. The first one, Beaver Creek, made us laugh because of the name. It was a private membership only, but I hate having to buy memberships at a bar where you'll spend money and talked my way through. The owner, Ike, was an older gentleman with gray hair and a gray beard. He seemed very friendly and let us through with no problem. We enjoyed the bar and had a great time and talked to Ike a little more about the area and things to do there. From there, we went to The Flamingo, a bar across the waterway, and ended up buying a membership there...(it was only 5 bucks) We learned that the two places were similar, but The Flamingo had a few more bikers there and was a little wilder than Beaver Creek...or it seemed so to us.

As I ponder whether or not to make such a drastic change in my life, I think about driving almost an hour to work. I think about the costs of owning such a large vessel. I think about my future and living there and whether the woman I find to live my life with would be happy there. I think about my children and know that regardless, they love their Daddy and would be happy with me anywhere, but am sure they would really love staying onboard. I think about the friendly people I met this weekend and if any of them will be future good friends....

Only time will tell. Change is the one thing that is constant. The hardest part about life is making decisions of change and wondering if you're doing the right thing. It is truly hard to figure out...but I resort back to the Zen Philosophy for a little comfort and let time be on my side. I'll check all the systems on the boat thoroughly before making the decision and think about this change in lifestyles while doing so...and as the Zen Master always says...."we shall see..."

LOVE...Everybody get on board!! It's the Reason for the Season!!!

2010-04-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

In celebration of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ's love for us......Come on every race, creed, and religion....GET ON BOARD!!!

From Bad Mojo to a View of the Water...

2010-04-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

Life changes quickly on you. Sometimes change happens slowly and sometimes at the speed of sound.

The only thing certain in life is that change WILL occur. So when you are down and out, make sure to hold on...change will be right around the corner.

I've been seeking a change in scenery for the last month or so.....I knew it was something I had to do to keep my sanity. I wasn't sure where or when I would go, but felt something would come up soon. Out of the blue I was contacted this morning by a friend who has a 50 ft houseboat on one of the large lakes in South Carolina. It is a spectacular boat with a large beautiful stateroom, lounge area, full kitchen, upper and lower decks, and every creature comfort of a home....except this home is on the water!

The home I currently live in has alot of bad memories from the last year and I hate bad mojo. Everything in it reminds me of a bad relationship and the lies I was told by a woman I had truly believed in. The memories haunt me....and I have been looking for an exodus.
My friend told me to go stay at the houseboat. She said I could live there if I wanted to for awhile. It's quiet and peaceful and on a beautiful spot on the water. I told her I would take her up on it before I had even thought about it. It would be just what I needed. It will be the perfect place to get some writing done....and is only 40 minutes from my work....which I will not mind driving.

Good things happen to those that wait. I knew I couldn't stand being in my house for much longer as it simply had too many bad memories and was full of negative energy. It was once a house of joy and love, but now was a nightmare of lies and deceit.

I will be packing my things shortly....and making sure I've got the essentials....like bathing suits, towels, sunscreen, flip flops, and a good blender!!!

What good is Don Juan without women?

2010-03-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

OK folks...everybody's asking me and I'm gonna bring it right out in the open. Don Juan is NOT seeing anyone right now! My buddies are all disappointed that I'm not running women and having any wild adventures of sex and absurd behavior. They are truly astounded that I'm not going out and having drinks and meeting new and dangerous females. What good is Don Juan without the women? Their champion is letting them down! Sorry, guys!!

I have been nursing a broken heart...putting my life back together and working on myself and my beliefs in love and relationships. I am working more than ever and trying to write a blog as well. I have been seeking myself lately...something we should all strive to do more of. If you do not know yourself, how can you ever find the love of a lifetime? Sometimes you just have to stop...slow down...and think about things.

I thought I had found 'true love' and it came fast and strong. It was like a hurricane with winds that blew my senses away from the start. It was great finding her, but it was all so sudden and happened so very fast...with the passion being hot as fire and rest and food being the only other things of importance. She was living with me before I even thought things through. Though I loved her, I found myself not being myself.
I was suddenly trying to be someone I was not. I was trying to be everything she wanted me to be...and not being who I am. I didn't take and constantly gave....which is not a bad thing...but there needs to be a balance.   I also didn't speak my mind and candy-coated everything to be sweet and loving, when sometimes I should have been strong and said what needed to be said. I was weak and not the man I truly am...which is most likely why the relationship failed.

I was devastated by this last relationship because we had said 'forever and a day' was going to be our motto and we would grow old together. When it failed, the motto kept going through my mind over and over. How could it be over? Forever and a day is longer than 7 months, right? Growing old together means 'growing old together', right?   It happened suddenly and without warning and I simply never thought it would end.....and I was wrong....and I was in shock...and I was hurt beyond measure. I had let my guard down and let someone in to places near and dear to my heart and soul. We were best friends as well and enjoyed spending time together and having adventures filled with laughter. We had never even argued in the whole time we were together and suddenly, without warning, it all ended and she was gone.

I did what most men would do. I got drunk the first 3 weeks and drowned my sorrows with alchohol. It made me tired... I decided to take another approach and began working out and reading in my afternoons and it helped much more. I decided to start writing again and it has been great therapy for me. I began working another job to fill dead time and make additional money and it has been fun and challenging and my life is now filled with too many things to do. I have very little down time any more. I like it that way...

I am feeling much better now. I am stronger and feel like I know what I want in life. Though at some point, I may find 'the one', right now I am happy being alone. I have friends and family that love me and my kids mean the world to me. They have been my rock through this whole thing. I am very blessed.

One day she will come into my life and it will be for good. 'The one' will be the one that stays...the one that truly loves me...who can see the bad traits and love me still...who can trust me...who can communicate with me because she knows it's the best way to make the relationship work...the one who seeks a best friend and a lover as well...the one that stays. I know she is out there...I'm just not looking right now.

Don't get me wrong. DJQ has had alot of offers lately. Some very interesting and tempting offers indeed. However, the ignorant man continues to do the same thing and expect a different result....and I am trying to break the mold of Don Juan. That means no sudden sex and no drunk sex...period.

There is also one woman that intrigues me greatly right now. She is different from the rest. She is not pushy and is ok with taking time to get to know each other. She is definitely one to keep my eyes on....beautiful, sexy, intelligent, a very real person and sensitive as well. As the Zen Master says..."we shall see..."

There also another saying from a Zen Master that 'if you seek it, you will not find it."....and this is a very true statement I've found in life. The more you look for something, the harder it is to find.   So I have decided to wait awhile before letting Don Juan loose again on the world. He is great at meeting women and finding lovers, but not so good at making relationships last. Though I would love to meet 'the one' and fall head over heels in love, I know that a rebound relationship too soon would be destined for failure.

Through this recent transformation I have re-affirmed to myself that I'm a good man....one that truly cares about people....would do anything for a friend....and would die for a loved one. I will make someone very happy one day and we'll live our lives loving and laughing till the end of our days.

Don't worry, guys and gals, Don Juan will surely ride again. You may not be seeing him with different women at different times of the day anymore or having a new girlfriend weekly, but he will ride again.
He may not be the same as you remembered, but he will, as always, have a beautiful woman on his arm again...and he's ready for life again...

For now, DJQ is happy riding solo....and looking for a damn windmill's ass to kick.

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part IV

2010-03-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

My dream the night before my mother's funeral had come true. At the funeral, as I tried to extend my arms long enough to wrap around my 3 children to console them, it hit me that the dream was coming true. They cried their little eyes out...but I could not cry for Mama. She had been so ready to go...so tired...so much tragedy at the end of her life that her will to live had been sucked out of her. She was in a better place now...away from the hell her life had been the last 10 years. I was happy for her and felt the joy of her spirit being in heaven now.

My father took her death hard. He was so lost without her. We talked alot at night about how much he missed her. For many months, he would awaken and believe she was there....either on her bed next to him or in her rocking chair in the room...talking to him...and several times I walked in to hear him conversing with someone. When I asked him who he was talking to, he would say "Marylee", my mother. He has been on morphine since his accident and though I tried to chalk it up to the medications, at times he would be talking to her and having a conversation I could hear from the next room and it genuinely seemed like he was talking to someone.

I told him the first week of her death that things would change. I would be there to take care of him, but I could not sugar-coat life like my mother could. It would be tougher on both of us, but we would be alright.
I even joked about us having a 'bachelor pad'....not noticing that my sister and brother were both listening carefully...worrying about how this would play out in the end.

I have been a bachelor for over 10 years and have had many girlfriends come and go. Everyone knows my nickname 'Don Juan' and though they think it's funny, I don't like it much....for my kids....or my reputation.
Within a month or two of her death, I met a woman who I cared about. It was my first online experience with meeting someone and she seemed to genuinely care about me. She brought clothes and started staying at the house with us. Daddy liked her and thought she was pretty and it was nice to have a woman in the house to help ease the pain of our loss. I was taking care of him, but after a few weeks of no sleep and continually running home to help him, I realized we needed some help. I contacted the new guardian of the estate, my mother's brother, to see if we could get some home-hospice to give us a hand as he was now legally in control of the estate.
We got a really nice lady to come help during the day, which made it easier for me to work longer hours at work. At first, my father told me he didn't like her and was ready to fire her like all the many field-hands we had gone through since his accident. I told him he needed to give her a few weeks, and if he still felt that way then, we would try someone new. She ended up winning him over to my delight and things went smoothly for a few months. The girlfriend stayed with me and this new home-hospice nurse got along well with her. We both were beginning to heal from my mother's passing. Things seemed to be working out for us.

I was in real estate since my return and one of the things we had needed to do was sell the large lakehouse as my father was unable to go and enjoy it any longer and the family had grown tired of it. I had begun marketing the property and continually drove to the lake to check on things. We had an offer or two, but it was an expensive property and there was no need to hurry and lose money. My first indication of the days ahead came when I drove down to check on the property and noticed a different real estate company's sign in the yard. At first I thought it was a joke, then a mistake, then I drove home as soon as possible to find out what the heck was going on. I found out that my uncle, the executor of the estate, had decided to take the listing of the property from me and hire an agent from the lake who worked at a much smaller real estate firm. I was not even allowed to get a referral, a standard thing in the business of real estate. I was not even given a reason why from my uncle....which concerned me greatly.   The property even sold with a couple of months from a family that had seen it in one of my firms advertisements months earlier.   It would be a sign of things to come...

About this time, the girlfriend ended up needing to go back to her home as she had begun to have bouts of depression and mental anxiety due to the fact she could not afford to get her medicine in the last year. Though she had told me about this in the beginning, her depression was getting worse and I knew she needed help. I got her enrolled in a free medicine program that would get her pills shipped to her home and took her home. It was a sad time for me. I really cared about her and though things did not work out, I still talk to her from time to time to see if she is doing well. She was very beautiful and loving while she was with me, but we just weren't meant to be. We both knew that...

A month or two passed and I had been staying up with my father at night trying to take care of him. His colostomy was acting up and I was going without sleep alot and trying to work during the day full time. I decided maybe we needed night time help as well. I called my uncle and we got a home-hospice company to start sending people over for the night shift. For the first time in many months, I was able to get a full night's sleep with no interruptions. I also could still be there to help if any emergencies occurred. Even though we had help now, my father would still call for me to do things as he had become dependent on me to do things for him.

A few months later, my father got ill and had to be hospitalized. He was having heart problems and kidney problems and got to the point where he had to be sustained with an oxygen machine. Because he had not put anything in his life will about sustaining his life with a machine, my siblings and I had to make the decision to pull the plug. We all actually said goodbye and had all the grandchildren come in and tearfully say their goodbyes as well. I remember my youngest telling me she couldn't tell her Papa goodbye and cried her eyes out tellling me she would not go. I told her that it was ok and that her Papa had always loved her so much....and always would...and that he was going to heaven to dance with her Nana soon. He would have his hand and both his legs and Nana would be smiling and waiting on him. It made her feel better.

The plug was pulled and somehow, once again, he defied the odds and slowly recovered over a period of several weeks. The doctors once again said he was a miracle man.....something we all already knew.
However, when he came home the first week he was not himself. He was very angry at times and even cussed Smokey out several times for no reason....telling him he was not his buddy anymore and to get the hell off his property and never come back. Smokey was hurt and shocked, since he had been a loyal fieldhand and friend of the family for years now. I pulled Smokey to the side and told him to just keep coming back and to not take what he had said to heart. He did, but for several days my father continued to be mean and spiteful and act like a totally different person. He acted like a mad animal enraged with rabies. I remember how upset it all made me witnessing his change. I wrote an email to an ex-girlfriend who had asked how he was doing. In it I told her that as his oldest, most loyal child it was hard for me to idly sit by and watch him go into dimentia, which he appeared to be doing. Somehow, a friend of the family got a copy of the email from her desk at work and took it to my Uncle, the executor of the estate. He took the email and had a meeting with my brother and sister, who, with years of jealousy and the worry that somehow I may get something in the inheritance they would not, determined that I had to go. They actually served me with legal papers to leave the home and my father. My father was enraged by the audacity of it all. He wanted and needed me there. The problem was that after my mother's death, they had convinced my father that because he needed someone to pay his bills and keep up with his fortune, my Uncle should be given Power of Attorney over the estate. My father now had no power over any of his property or money. My uncle was now legally the decider of everything in his life and everything he owned. My father asked me to fight them in court and I did go with his brother, who told them just how much I had done for my father, and I told them how I had vowed to my mother on her deathbed to take care of him, but basically the Executor of the Estate can make someone leave for no reason whatsoever if he chooses....and that was that.   I was forced to move out.

Since then my uncle has done many things to exile me from the rest of the family....especially my father. I think somewhere in my life he became very jealous of my relationship with my mother, the money of the family, and the fact that he has never married or dated much and I've had many girlfriends he could only dream about having.....I really don't know of his motive....just that my mother is turning over in her grave with anger over it all.
I have gone from being my father's fierce protector to an exile who has to watch from a distance helplessly as his health goes downhill.  It is a sad ending indeed, to a great battle we both fought together....one that brought us closer than I ever imagined.   He never told us he loved us growing up on the farm...he was never a very affectionate man...he was a man's man.....but after his accident, I will cherish the memory of telling each other 'I love you' every day and night and even kissing him on his forehead as I left to rest.  We became great friends through it all and got closer than I ever imagined being with him.

Here's to you, McCloud 'Mack' Robinson.....the survivor of the Largest Wound in history and the Largest Wound ever covered with skin grafts....you have been an inspiration to thousands with your courage and ability to survive come what may......I will always be proud to have been your son and you will always be my 'Daddy'...I love you now more than ever...and it has nothing to do with your money.

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part III

2010-03-23T16:56:00.000-07:00

Moving back to my small hometown was a huge adjustment. I had been living larger than life in Savannah with plenty of money and time to myself. It had become a place of refuge for me and I knew that leaving and moving back would be hard.

The place I grew up is a rural farming community. It's full of fields, farmers, and friendly folk who love to hunt and fish. I hunted when I was younger, but gave it up at the age of 15 after killing a doe one day when the older hunters were having a doe-day and everyone was supposed to kill a doe for population control purposes. She was a small deer and the guilt of taking her life overwhelmed me and made me sick with anger at the heartlessness of the men I once looked up to. I changed that day...I never went hunting again with my father and brother and the rest of the men of the community. It was about this time that I was beginning to shine in sports anyway and I decided to concentrate on being a great athlete and trained year round.

The farm looked the same as always when I arrived. Dry fields and lots of woods...a tractor in an old barn in the back that, ironically enough, my father and brother and myself had built out of railroad ties. The railroad ties have a lifetime expectancy of 500 years and will be here when my children's children have children and longer.
My father looked pale and had aged alot since I last saw him. My mother looked so haggard and tired...I knew that I had come when she needed me most. She was so happy to see me...it was like the cavalry had arrived.
I certainly didn't feel like the cavalry, but knew that I was young and strong and could handle just about any physical effort that would be needed. My father still weighed over 350lbs. and had to be manually moved from the bed to his air chair whenever he wanted to get up. The hardest part was his colostomy, which, on occasion, would fill up and overspill if his stomach got upset. I realized very quickly the job I was facing and longed to jump back in my car and haul ass back to Savannah, but I knew I couldn't...they were my parents...they had raised me, fed me, and taught me everything I knew about life. How could I NOT be there for them when they needed me most? My brother lived in a huge home not far from them, but he had re-married and had a new wife who kept him busy with a honey-do list. My sister was a psychologist married to a psychologist and didn't get along too well with my mother, so she stayed in her mansion and visited briefly when she did visit. My mother claimed I was the only one who gave a damn...though I knew my siblings did love them. I always felt a little bad for them because my mother made me into some kind of super-hero who did everything right and could do no wrong in her eyes...which was wayyyyy off base, believe me.
The move back changed my life completely. The culture shock of moving back to a town that didn't have the same modern conveniences of larger town was the first thing that hit me. I would miss always having somewhere to go and a new restaurant to try. I would miss always having a party to go to if I felt like it. I would miss my friends on Riverstreet and hanging out watching the ships roll in.
The sky did seem to be larger and the stars much brighter in the country and Blue loved being in the great outdoors. It was much quieter as well.
Life slowed down to a snail's pace and I took a deep breath of the fresh country air and thanked God that I could be there for my parents in their time of need. It was a good feeling.

My mother had begun to have fainting spells and when she finally went to the doctor for testing, she came back quiet and would refuse to talk about it. It made me worry about what she wouldn't tell us. It made me know that something bad was wrong. I knew it in my heart...
Taking care of one person is tough, but two people who are overweight and having to be moved manually is a tough job indeed. I would also have to get up in the middle of the night to help get medicine for my father if he was in pain or help clean up another colostomy mess...the worst thing you can have to do at 3 in the morning.
I went into Real Estate and started selling properies. It was something I enjoyed, though the money was not as lucrative as I was used to. I also had the freedom to come and go as I pleased and could help Smokey, our fieldhand, get crops planted in the manner that my father wanted. My father had always been a 'hardass' about his crops and how they should be done. We went through about 7 or 8 fieldhands after the accident because of this. Smokey was, and still is, the only one that has lasted.

My children have always loved the farm and enjoyed being able to spend more time with their grandparents. They would run through the fields barefoot...something I loved when I was a child...and I loved being able to share my childhood stories on the farm with them. They would never get tired of the funny stories and the adventures I had as a child. They would get me to tell some of the stories over and over again.

I had gone from being a playboy in Savannah with tons of money to the life of a farmhand once again. It was like a bad dream that I had to live. But I had always had a tenacity for the tough things in life. I could handle just about anything. I enjoyed being able to sit and just talk with my parents. My mother talked non-stop and loved having someone to complain to....she knew I cared as well. She told me many times she was so tired....she had seen the man she loved cut in half...she was prisoner to taking care of him....she had lost 2 grandchildren, with the last one dying on a 4 wheeler on the farm and her having to walk across the field with his brother to pull it off of his dead 8 year old body. She talked about Ryan alot....she never got over his death....he was such a beautiful child and so full of life...we called him Ryan the Lion. She had simply had too much heartache to bear in the last 10 years....she told me she was tired of this life and ready for God to take her. The lupus always had made her tired before, but now she was never rested and felt more tired than most people could ever imagine. I was proud to be there for her once again...and knew this would be for the last time.

We found out in 2007 that she had a brain tumor. She knew for many months even before the testing that something was terribly wrong....and so did I. The doctors said they needed to operate as soon as possible.
I knew the night before she left for the operation that she would not be coming home. I remember calling my ex-wife and demanding she bring the kids over to see their Nana. She thought my mother would be ok, but I told her I knew otherwise...I had a dream the night before and in the dream my kids were crying uncontrollably and I could not get my arms around all three. They came that night and we took pictures of them and their Nana. I fought back the tears and tried to be strong. I knew she would not be coming back...

She had an aneurism during the operation. She went into a coma and the doctors said there was no hope of reviving her. Her living will stated that she would be cut loose from the machine keeping her alive. I was at the farm taking care of my father...something she had made me promise I would do before she left for the operation, when my sister called to tell me I needed to drive to Columbia, SC to be there when she was unplugged. They would wait till I got there. I remember sitting in the car for what seemed like forever....feeling like the grim reaper knowing that my mother would die when I got there. I walked as slowly as possible to the room...filled with her 5 sisters, her brother, and all the grandchildren...everyone crying and sad beyond compare.

Everyone gathered around the bed when they pulled the plug. One by one everyone said goodbye. She gasped for air for several minutes and then a glowing smile came over her face out of nowhere like she had seen someone she knew and loved...and then she passed away. In my heart, I know she saw Ryan waiting for her with his hand out...or at least that's exactly what it looked like. Everyone cried and sobbed....but for some reason I could not. I knew she was finally getting her rest.....and her body would not be tired anymore....and she was with loved ones who had gone before her. I was truly happy for her...

Stay tuned...this will be in more parts than III, part IV coming soon...

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part II

2010-03-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

Savannah, Ga. is a beautiful place to live. They call it the Garden of Good and Evil. It is full of beautiful gardens, old mansions, good old southern hospitality, and lots of alchoholic beverages. It also has one of the highest murder rates and lowest number of crimes solved. It's the place pirates called home when British law was in the Carolinas and Spanish law was in Florida. You can have a drink downtown and go watch a Voodoo ritual in a nearby graveyard. It is a town where there is always a party and you're always welcome there...and it's a custom for you to have to take a 'to-go cup' when you leave. It's a place of excitement, beauty, danger, and mystery. It was just the place I needed to recover from all the madness of the money and life's failures...

For a time in my life, I seemed to have it all with money and a beautiful wife with 3 beautiful children...but underneath I was fighting many demons. My corporation was much more than I anticipated and the pressures were just too great. My marriage had fallen apart over the money and I had made many wrong choices that I greatly regretted. I felt so much guilt over the break-up of my marriage and splitting away from my children. They were too young to understand and that seemed to make me feel even worse. I knew it was all my doing and that I could have been more selfless and stayed in a love-less marriage. The worst part was that it had not been love-less...I truly loved my wife and wanted a life with her. She had just become more and more distant and never wanted any 'us' time. I needed her more than she could know and just didn't know how to make her see that. She had become obsessed with the money...the one thing I despised more than anything.
I spent way too much time alone trying to sort things out in my new, bright red jet boat...the fastest, most beautiful boat on the lake. My family had purchased a very nice 2 story lakehouse and I spent many afternoons there trying to drink sanity back into my head. I had many friends...some were true friends...others were leeches looking to just hang out at a nice place and ride in the fast boat. I was simply running away from life and living life way too fast. I knew eventually I would burn out...and I did. I was doing too many jobs at the corporation and never knew if I was going or coming. I didn't sleep well and stayed tired all the time. On top of all of this, my marriage had hit the rocks, I started seeing a beautiful employee and my wife had started seeing a friend of mine that was actually a groomsman in my wedding...yes, a groomsman in my wedding. This particular slam became my breaking point. I quit on life and decided the humiliation was simply too much for me to stay in the same town. Alot of our old friends continued to hang out with her and my new replacement and I became taboo. It was a tough time in my life that took years to recover from.
I shut down the corporation and sold the equipment and myself to a company in Savannah. They gave me a high salary, unlimited expense account, and a free penthouse to live in. I moved there with my 6 month old dog named Blue. He was an Alaskan white Husky mixed with a Timberwolf and looked like a white wolf with blue eyes. He was my best friend in the world and we loved our new world in Savannah. We would go to Riverstreet every afternoon and go for a walk. The friendly people there would even let me take him into bars to get a drink. We didn't know anyone in town, yet, so we became a daily fixture at Riverstreet. We got to know all the basketweavers, artists, and musicians on a first name basis and they always loved seeing us. They all called me 'Doc' and called Blue 'Ghost dog' as the city had alot of tourists going on ghost tours all the time and one little girl had cried one night when she saw the 'ghost dog'. It was an eye-opening, self-discovering, and healing time in my life. I was finally happy...being away from the madness of the money and knowing that no one knew who I was or whose son I was. People loved me for who I was and it made me feel better about who I was.
My children were happier too. They loved coming to Savannah every other weekend with my girlfriend from back home and knew that we would go do fun things and exciting things every time they came down. They particularly loved Riverstreet. They felt like stars because all the people working there got to know them by name and we could bring Blue with us as well. I remember how excited my youngest daughter was when she learned how to make a flower out of reeds. We were regulars on the circuit and the magicians would always pick us out of the crowd to be a part of their shows because we knew their acts by heart. My kids felt like they belonged there and knew that their Dad was happy there...though at times I felt extreme guilt that they were having to travel 2.5 hours just to see me. I also felt bad that I couldn't be there during the week and had to miss ball games and beauty pageants because of work. I still remember the tears that would fall every time they left...I loved them and missed them so much!!!
I dealt with it as best I could, though, and tried to look at the bright side of things always. Being a good parent, at times, means you reflect on what you are doing and wonder if it's the right thing for them. No parent ever knows that what they're doing is really right...for themselves or their chilren's best interest...life is just a mystery and the answers to life are never easy to find.

As the years went by and my kids got older, so did my parents. My father had been doing ok and was getting around in his air-chair and living a functional life. My mother was hit with the heavy burden of caring for him though. She did everything for him and never did anything for herself.
She began to hate the prison of life with him. He could never be alone for long and could only sit up for about 2 hours at a time. This left her with a small amount of time for herself. Though she had all the money to shop with she could need, she didn't have the time to shop or go and do and travel like many people dream of doing when they have plenty of money.

She called me in 2006 and told me she really didn't know how much longer she could take it. My father was demanding and didn't think about all he asked her to do on a daily basis. On top of that, she was not feeling well. She confided in me that she had spells where she didn't know what was going on and was confused. She also said she had fainted a few times and did not know why this was happening. She had always had cystemic Lupus and also high blood pressure...and since my father's accident, she had gained back around 100lbs. that she had always proudly kept off for 30 years since her last child. She hated it, but was stuck laying in a bed next to my fathers eating and feeding him and taking care of him the best way she knew how...with her cooking.
She told me she needed me....something that always grabbed my attention and was something I always took seriously. She knew I would always be there when she needed me and I would not let her down. I was the athlete in the family and she proudly went to every basketball game, football game and track event to yell at the top of her lungs. I was her pride and joy and she was the first to let you know this. She loved my brother and sister too, but always loved me a little too much. I think it's because I brought her flowers all the time when I was a little boy growing up on our farm. I loved my mother and was never ashamed of it either. If she needed me, she knew all she needed to do was let me know...and this time she was in bad health. On top of that, she said my siblings were talking about putting my father in a nursing home...and that was all I needed to hear.

I decided that it was time to go home. The Prodigal Son would return. I let my employers know I had to go and reluctantly said goodbye to my friends in Savannah. I took a job making significantly less money and moved in with my folks back at the farm to help take care of them both. Blue would at least now have hundreds of acres to run on and I could also spend more time with my kids and they could also spend more time with their grandparents as well. It appeared to be a good plan...

It seemed like such a happy ending. The trouble with happy endings is that they are never an ending...just a time in life...and time changes everything. Things would change for sure...and the road would never be as easy as I would think it would be. It never is, though, is it?..

Stay tuned for part 3, folks...

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part 1.

2010-03-21T07:50:00.000-07:00

Money is said to be the root of all evil. It is also a necessity of life.
The world today is obsessed with money. It makes people greedy. People steal, cheat, lie, and kill for it. Some people would die for it...
It is said that people who win the lottery usually are NOT happier because of it and that most of them end up miserable. Why then, does everyone I know WISH they could win the lottery? Why can't people realize that true happiness comes from within?

Psychologists say that people need 3 things to be happy...1.something to do, 2.something to look forward to and 3.someone to love. None of which have to do with money...

My life has been filled with ups and downs. I have been very wealthy at times and been very down and lonely. I have also been very broke at times and been very down and lonely. I can honestly say that having money helps with paying bills and making you feel better about tomorrow, but I know that it doesn't help at all with being lonely or depressed. Though it does bring around more friends and helps with finding a date, do we really want friends and a mate that are around because of it?...

My family is very wealthy. The money came from an accident my father had 13 years ago. It is blood money. He worked for the railroad and one day a co-worker sent a rail car without radioing ahead. It rolled over him from behind and cut him in half. He also lost his hand. He had 2 hours to live when he arrived in Charleston, SC via helicopter and they weren't even sure how he made it there alive. He received 40 units of un-matched blood on the 5 minute ride there and the wound was so large they didn't have any idea how they would stop the bleeding. I remember the doctors telling my family to go see him one last time to say goodbye. We entered the room to find blood everywhere and his whole body swollen to 3 times it's size, which is a body's defense mechanism to a limb or part being severed. We told him goodbye and as we departed from the room, the doctors took us aside to let us know that because of what we had just seen, we all would suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is normally gotten by military personal who witness friends being killed and maimed in war. It was all a terrible nightmare from which none of us could awaken from.

Somehow my father denied the odds and survived. He also set a few records along the way. He is in the medical journals as the largest wound survivor and also the largest wound covered with skin grafts. His settlement with the railroad was also the largest out-of-court settlement in the history of the railroad. I remember wishing that my father was rich before the accident and how guilty and bad I felt that now he was a millionare many times over...and how I wished we could give it all back if he could be the way he was before the accident. Money would never pay back for all he lost and all the suffering he had gone through. It became our family's curse...

I helped nurse him back to health in Charleston. We had around 100 people come to pray and support the family at first, but as the weeks went by, people had to go back to work and back to their lives. One by one, everyone departed until one day it was my dear mother and myself looking at one another. I saw the sadness and despair in her eyes...and she looked so very tired and lost. I knew she would never leave his side. She had loved him since they married right out of high school and she would stay by his side till she dropped dead from fatigue...this I knew. She also had many health problems and was in total shock as well. As the oldest son, I felt it was my duty to be there for them both. I owned an equipment brokerage and knew I was the only child in a position to help. I remember how stubborn my mother was about leaving his side...and knew I was probably one of the few people in the world she would trust to be there in her absense. I told her she needed to rest and take care of herself in order to stay healthy and fight this thing we were faced with. I told her I would stay with him through the nights while she went to the hotel across the street to rest and she could stay with him during the day. She was reluctant to leave his side at all, but agreed that she was tired and could not continue to stay at the hospital 24/7. I spent the next several months in hell fighting by his side in Charleston at night. Not only were we fighting infections from the large wound, the anti-biotics were expected to shut down his body organs eventually and on top of that, they were stripping large pieces of skin from all over his body to cover the wound as fast as possible...and my family was fighting to keep our sanity. My father was a cross between Daniel Boone and John Wayne growing up. He was always working or hunting or fishing or farming and was always the strongest man anyone had known in our community. To see him cut in half and fighting to live was one of the hardest things for me to see in my life. I knew life would never be the same...and it wasn't.
Against all odds, my father survived. The doctors still don't know how he survived. They say he is a miracle man...and he truly is. He is the strongest man that ever lived without a doubt. I am proud to be his son.

My family thought maybe the money would help heal things in some way. It didn't. My sister and brother and I received large sums of money as well in the beginning. We ALL have divorced since. The marriages all were victims of the money. My sister bought her 8 year old son the nicest 4 wheeler money could buy and it would kill him less than a year later. I opened a large service corporation with 20 employees and ended up divorced and lost. The money made life confusing and the fact that it had come from my father's blood made life a paradox. I became lost in the world and didn't like the world the money had made for my family. Everyone had nicer toys, but everything seemed to be about money. The family had more relatives and friends than ever and it seemed that business proposals and the need for loans from my father seemed to come from everywhere. People my family had known all our lives took advantage of my father and received loans that would never be paid back. My faith in people dropped to an all time low.

I began to hate what I was seeing and hate my life of money and being an heir to the fortune. I closed the corporation and merged with a company in Savannah, Ga to get away. It worked for awhile...for a few years I lived in a town full of people who didn't know about the money and accepted me for who I was. Unfortunately it didn't last. A few years later my mother called to let me know she was not doing well and she needed my help again. She was having fainting spells and was the primary care-giver for my father. They refused to have home-health as my mother babied him and took care of all his needs. She was wearing down...and she was beginning to hate life as well.
She told me my siblings were talking about putting my father in a nursing home and that was all I needed to hear. I had 3 children in town as well that I missed desperately and I decided to come home and help take care of my parents and get to see my kids more often. I took a much lower paying job and bit the bullet and came. Life was not about money. It was about family and taking care of one's own. I could help take care of my parents and also get to coach sports to my kids and make it to all the beauty pageants and events in their lives that were important to them. It was not a hard decision to make for me...I had been there before for my parents and had always told them they could count on me...and meant it.

Though I knew it was not an easy road I had chosen, I had no idea how hard the road would become...

Due to length of content, this post will be in several parts...check back for parts 2 and 3.

Over my head

2010-03-20T06:40:00.001-07:00

Kinda hard to hide your true feelings when your world shatters...
Better to embrace emotions rather than deny the feelings.

This song is dedicated to those courageous enough to carry on when our world shatters and everyone knows...

Foo Fighters - Wheels

2010-03-19T09:55:00.001-07:00

Foo Fighters ROCK

Videos ear candy...

2010-03-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've decided to post some videos for everybody to listen to and ponder about life.
Some are sad, some are upbeat, and all of em are good thought-provoking songs...

Enjoy this weekend, yall!!! It's gonna be close to 80 degrees here in the Carolinas and the flowers are in bloom!!!

Highway 20 Ride Lyrics HD

2010-03-19T09:11:00.001-07:00

A great song...

One of Lenny's best....

2010-03-19T08:34:00.001-07:00

Music for the soul...