Donating Tenderness

Event Index

2007-07-30T12:00:00.001-04:00

Below is an archived record of the 24 straight hours that I spent blogging here at "Donating Tenderness" in an effort to help raise money for the construction of the Indiana Tenderness Trail, as well as to help raise awareness regarding the impact that violence has on the lives of it's victims.

Donations can still be made in contribution to the Indiana Tenderness Trail any time up until Wednesday night, August 1st, at midnight EST.

Much Thanks!

Pledging to The Tenderness Trail

"Joanna at Donating Tenderness is blogging for the Tenderness Trail, an online memorial to child victims of violence. She has an amazing series of posts underway, thoroughly researched and brimming with information. It's not an easy topic but Joanna has turned it into one of the best and most comprehensive 'thon themes I've seen."~ Bill Hooker
Blogathon 2007 Moderator
7/28/2007 (10:33 PM)

Saturday, July 28th

(9:00 am) Introduction

The Span of Violence
( 9:30 am) Lost in Time
(10:00 am) Stopping Abuse
(10:30 am) How Violence Affects Our Children
(11:00 am) Violence is Preventable ~ Unity is the Key

Learning From the Past
(11:30 am) The CANDLES Holocaust Museum
(12:00 pm) Eva Mozes Kor (Founder of CANDLES)
(12:30 pm) Documentary: Forgiving Dr. Mengele
( 1:00 pm) Forgiveness: Dr. Hans Munch
( 1:30 pm) Stanley Milgram's Famous Experiment

The Indiana Series
( 2:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Justice Often Uneven"
( 2:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Neglect Is Tougher to Prove"
( 3:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Reforms Benefiting Children Elsewhere"
( 3:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Adults Putting Loyalty Above Child Welfare"
( 4:00 pm) ARTICLE: "How Indiana Children Die Needlessly"
( 4:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Unreported Suspicions"
( 5:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Make It Your Business"

Behind Closed Doors
( 5:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Violence Has a Home Address"
( 6:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Increased Risk of Death in Children of Abused Women"
( 6:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Violent Death Among Children Linked to Household Firearms"
( 7:00 pm) National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
( 7:30 pm) Statistics for Children in Violent Homes
( 8:00 pm) Article: "Breaking the Cycle"
( 8:30 pm) Facts on Preventing Violence Against Women & Children

Those Left Behind
( 9:00 pm) National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children (POMC)
( 9:30 pm) 'To Survivors of Homicide' (From POMC Brochure)
(10:00 pm) A Message From John Walsh
(10:30 pm) Grief - "The Human Experience"
(11:00 pm) Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters (M.O.M.S.)
(11:30 pm) Impact Statement, Written by Debbie Wiley

Sunday, July 29th

(12:00 am) ARTICLE: 'A Grief Like No Other'
(12:30 am) "GRIEF", Written by Debbie Wiley
( 1:00 am) Author, Kathleen O'Hara
( 1:30 am) The Compassionate Friends
( 2:00 am) Bereaved Parents of the USA

Behind Closed Doors
( 2:30 am) National Center for Children Exposed to Violence **

Remembering Our Lost
( 3:00 am) POMC Murder Window...Honoring Their Memories
( 3:30 am) Amber Hagerman ... In Memory of All Abducted Children
( 4:00 am) Garden of Angels Inc.

Those Left Behind
( 4:30 am) Office For Victims of Crime (OVC) **

( 5:00 am) FacesOfTheMissing.org
( 5:30 am) Parents of Murdered Children Inc. Unsolved Murders
( 6:00 am) Justice For Murdered Children (JFMC.org)

Voices Behind The Pain
( 6:30 am) The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative
( 7:00 am) David Carr Jr., Saxophonist
( 7:30 am) Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural
( 8:00 am) POMC National Song: We Are Survivors"
( 8:30 am) Closing Poem

( 9:00 am) Conclusion (24th Hour!)

Conclusion (9:00 am -- 24th HOUR!)

2007-07-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

Oh my God, I've actually made it through to the final hour? Well now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm really rather impressed.

I need to send an extra special thanks the following people for getting me to this point:

To Richard Propes for allowing me to follow through with my efforts, and for encouraging me through every step of the way.
To Those who've pledged donations towards my efforts, it means a lot!
To Nikki, for introducing me to this year's Blogathon and for your encouragement through out the event (especially for the pic of you sporting the zombie look. Priceless.).
To Mike for your many phone calls - you've been a big help in my maintaining the ability to stay awake and to remain focused through out the past 24 hours.
To my little sister who has encouraged me and provided me with a means to complete this project
And, finally, to the individuals behind the annual Blogathon at blogathon.org. You people are awesome!

And now I go to sleep for the first time in 27 hours (I got up early yesterday morning).

Love, Thanks, & Hope Sent!

Closing Poem (8:30 am)

2007-07-29T08:35:00.001-04:00

Ending this section (Voices Behind The Pain) with the poem below seems rather appropriate to me. I located this, written anonymously, on the Child Welfare League of America homepage.

Post #47
Need sleep...need. sleep.

Reference: Child Welfare League Homepage (http://www.cwla.org)
_____________________________________

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond's gift in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quite birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

--Author Unknown

POMC Inc. National Song: "We Are Survivors" (8:00 am)

2007-07-29T08:00:00.001-04:00

I picked this song as an addition to "Voices Behind The Pain" simply because it embodies all that I hoped to find in following the idea behind this section of "Donating Tenderness" in the first place. I wanted to provide readers with examples that show how powerful self expression can be in any type of emotional healing. But I feel the importance exists even more so for parents of children lost to violence.

Hour 23

Reference: National Organization For Parents of Murdered Children
(http://www.pomc.org/)

National Song

"We Are The Survivors"^© was written and composed in 1993 by Richard Wright. It is performed by Kim Tewksbury whose father, Monte, was murdered in Cincinnati, Ohio in 1983. A gift to POMC from Kim and Rick, the song is a message of hope and healing.

Click here to listen to "We Are The Survivors" in Real Audio Format. You will need the Real Audio Player to listen. If you don't have the player, click on the icon at the top.

If you would like to order a copy of "We Are The Survivors", please call us toll free at (888) 818-POMC.

We Are The Survivors
written by R. Wright

There are those of us whose mothers have been taken from our arms,

There are those of us with children we could not keep safe from harm.

There are those of us who've lived to see our fathers lose their lives,

And each and every one of us survives.

Chorus

We are the survivors, left behind to carry on.

We are the survivors, joined together we are strong.

We will speak out for our loved ones who were not given a choice.

We are the survivors, hear our voice.

Maybe some of us have brothers who were here, but now they're gone,

You can ask about our sisters, because their memory is strong.

We are sons and we are daughters, we are husbands, we are wives,

And each and every one of us survives.

Repeat Chorus

With a part of us that never heals, and a fear of the unknown,

There's a strength in knowing through it all, you're not alone.

We are the survivors, hear our voice.

If you would like to purchase this song on cassette tape, please click here .

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural (7:30 am)

2007-07-29T07:28:00.000-04:00

The unveiling of this mural is a powerful statement, illustrating the needed commitment we lack as a society in protecting our children from violence. I hope you find this article as enjoyable and as encouraging as I have.

Enjoy.

Reference: The Child Welfare League of America(http://www.cwla.org/advocacy/memorialflagcortado.htm)

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural

Artist Xavier Cortada unveils a national message mural on April 22, 2005
(Photo courtesy of Staash Press.)

Cuban-American artist and activist Xavier Cortada unveiled an original mural to support the CWLA National Children's Memorial Flag initiative on April 22, 2005, at the Washington, D.C.-based IDEA Public Charter School. The mural includes poems and messages written by IDEA students, CWLA members and staff, and concerned citizens about the issues of child abuse and violence prevention. The mural will serve as a powerful and visible reminder of how the IDEA students overcame their struggles and fears, and through artistic expression and civic engagement created a masterpiece for their fellow and future students to enjoy for years to come.

Several local officials, including Washington, D.C. Fire and Emergency Medical Services Chief, Adrian Thompson; Executive Director of Charter Schools for the District of Columbia Board of Education, Dr. Brenda Belton; and Captain Deirdre Porter from the Office of the Chief of Police, participated in the Children's Memorial Flag Day ceremony and contributed their voices to the National Message Mural.

"Children are indeed our most precious resource…" says Mr. Cortada. "Sadly, at times, many of them are forgotten and ignored. Worse, some of them are victims of abuse and violence. During Child Abuse Prevention Month, CWLA invites all of us to reflect on what we do personally and societally to ensure that our children have a brighter future. Through the Children's Memorial Flag Campaign, CWLA encourages us to become more involved and more responsible."

CWLA initiated a partnership with the IDEA School after a fire was deliberately set at the school during the early morning hours of December 7, 2004. The fire caused substantial damage to the building. To help the community heal, CWLA introduced an innovative poetry curriculum to the 11th and 12th grade Humanities students. Through the poetry writing exercises, students have been able to express their feelings about the fire and its aftermath, as well as the realities of growing up in an urban setting beset by violence and crime.

David Carr Jr., Saxophonist (7:00 am)

2007-07-29T07:00:00.002-04:00

This artist has worked a great deal with programs which benefit children. Most recently he wrote the song "Sounds of Innosense" which has become the official theme song of Our Garden of Angels Inc (which I blogged about in a prior post). Through his music he has given a voice to thousands of parents who are so often isolated by their grief and shock in the aftermath of losing a child.

Hour 22
Good Morning Everybody!

Reference: N'Fluent Music Homepage
(http://www.nfluentmusic.com/)
____________________________

Story Behind The Artist

Saxophonist, DAVID CARR, JR., has pursued his passion as an artist since the age of 12. His inspiration came inherently from his father, also a saxophonist. Through his influence, along with his undying patience and hard work, David’s desire to pursue his goals with perseverance and dedication was born. All these attributes have played an integral part in his success today.

As a self-taught and prolific player by ear, DAVID writes and produces his soulful melodies in his own studio. His refreshing new blend of contemporary jazz, combined with an R&B/Funk flair, has earned him a reputation and sound which separates him from many other saxophonists of today. Coupled with his provocative stage presence and innovative sounds, his smooth, yet rhythmic sound, has been compared with such greats as Grover Washington, Jr. and David Sanborn.

David performs as a solo artist, as well as, with his band. His performances are largely comprised from corporate & charity events, weddings and/or private parties, JAZZ concerts and music festivals—both in and outside of the US. Combining his many years of experience, along with his raw talent, profoundly reinforces that David Carr Jr. is a true commodity.

As a young boy, DAVID’s commitment to a “drug free” life has earned him the credibility, respect and recognition as a true “artist” throughout his career. In consideration of these attributes, David’s participation in outreach programs benefitting the children and young adults of today is not only an inspiration for many, but also a rewarding experience as well. The many local agencies that Davd has worked with throughout the years:

The Collin County Children’s Advocacy Center
MDA,
MEALS ON WHEELS,
THE HEART ASSOCIATION,
THE DOWN SYNDROME GUILD OF DALLAS
THE HOLT INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN’S SERVICES

Most recently, DAVID’s newest community involvement has been with Child Advocate, Mark Klaas (http://www.klaaskids.org/) and “Our Garden of Angels”, a support group whose mission is to prevent violent abuse to men, women and children, as well as, comfort and guide those left behind after losing a loved one from the violent act of murder.

Hear David’s song, “Sounds of Innosense”, the official theme song for “The Garden”, on their website: http://www.ourgardenofangels.org/

For more information about DAVID and his music—plus, his Calendar of Events, visit his website @ www.davidcarrjr.com or call his 24-HR JAZZLINE: 800.650.5003.

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative (6:30 am)

2007-07-29T06:33:00.000-04:00

This is the first post in the ending section of this blog, "Voices Behind The Pain". The focus will be on the expression of grief and pain, expressed when our children are lost to violence -- and revealed through some form of artwork.

Reference: Child Welfare League of America
(http://www.cwla.org/)

Children's Memorial Flag

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative

In 1998, CWLA launched a public awareness campaign to direct attention to the tragedy of violent child deaths as part of a national initiative to reduce child mortality.

The centerpiece is simple--a red flag depicting blue, paper-doll-like figures of children holding hands. In the center, the white chalk outline of a missing child symbolizes the thousands of children lost to violence. Created by a 16-year-old student in Alameda County, California, and flown on the fourth Friday in April, the Children's Memorial Flag honors each lost child and raises public awareness about the continuing problem of violence against children.

For the past three years, all 50 governors have united in an impressive bipartisan effort by flying the flag, issuing proclamations, or participating in ceremonies to memorialize children. National and local publicity has been terrific, and the Children's Memorial Flag has become an increasingly recognizable symbol of the need to improve our efforts to protect children.

The Children's Memorial Flag has also received support from mayors, directors of social service agencies and hospitals, schools, district attorneys, police chiefs, and others.

Further the Cause

The Children's Memorial Flag has already brought the issue of child abuse and neglect to light for thousands of people, but we must continue the momentum if we hope to prevent future occurrences of violence against children. Your support is essential to helping us realize the dream of eliminating the violence against children.

Stay Connected

Each year, more and more concerned citizens join in the Children's Memorial Flag Initiative. The energy and enthusiasm for this initiative has been overwhelming, and we would like to share your stories with others who participate in the flag campaign or are thinking about getting involved. Tell us what you or your organization is doing to support National Children's Memorial Flag Day. E-mail pictures and stories to flag@cwla.org.

Nearly 3 million children are reported abused and neglected each year in this country, and more than 1,000 die tragically from abuse and neglect. Have you experienced tragedy firsthand? Please share your story.

Justice For Murdered Children (JFMC.org) 6:00 am

2007-07-29T06:04:00.001-04:00

In the memory of the thousands of murdered children we lose to violence each year, this organization strives to bring an end to this escalating threat and to help families whose children have been lost to it.

Hour 21
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this mor.... err ....yesterday.

Reference: Justice For Murdered Children Homepage
(http://jfmc.org)

Justice For Murdered Children is determined to see that the scales of justice are balanced, that our murdered children are not forgotten and that the rights of the victims' families are zealously protected.

Across this great country of ours, families of murdered children have lost faith in the criminal justice system; they have been treated as a mere afterthought. It is time that these families get the support they so desperately deserve. For them it does not end when they bury their child; it is only the beginning of an everlasting nightmare.

Justice For Murdered Children is committed to protecting our children from homicide. We are adamant about providing safe streets, communities and schools. Children can no longer live in fear of being murdered on the streets of the United States of America

Justice For Murdered Children

POMC Inc. Unsolved Cases (5:30 am)

2007-07-29T05:31:00.000-04:00

Along with remembering the children we've lost as a result of violence, we can also work to bring their killers to justice. If you have any information that may lead to the resolution of any of the cases below please contact POMC either through email or by regular mail.
Thanks.

Reference: The National Organization of Parent of Murdered Children, Inc. (http://www.pomc.com/catchkiller.cfm)

Catch A Killer

To view the unsolved cases, click on the links above. To submit a case for inclusion on this page, send an email to natlpomc@aol.com along with as much of the information listed below as possible. Or you may mail it to the address listed at the bottom of this page.

If your case is unsolved and you would like to post the details surrounding the murder of your loved one on our web site in hopes of identifying the murderer or gaining additional information, please provide the following:

Victim's name and photograph if possible

Composite of murderer - if applicable

When the murder happened

Where the murder happened

How the murder happened

Clothing worn

Time of day

Manner of death

Any witnesses (if known)

Location (City, State, Street address)

If a car is involved, provide make, model, color, etc.

Any information from possible witnesses

Any facts as you know them.

Any additional information that you believe may be necessary to help identify the murderer.

Please be as specific as possible. You also need to send us articles to verify your information before we post your case on the web site.

You can send this information either by email, or by sending it to:

The National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc.^®
100 East Eighth Street, Suite 202
Cincinnati, Ohio 45202

IMPORTANT :

Please provide a contact name along with a phone number so if/when any information is obtained from this web site, it can be sent or called in to you.

If you are a visitor to this site, and you have information on any of these cases, please provide the facts either by email, by calling National Headquarters at 1.888.818.POMC or by mailing the information to the National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc.^®, 100 East Eighth Street, B-41, Cincinnati, Ohio, 45202. You can remain anonymous. When providing any information, always include the reference number .

If your loved one's case is solved, please let us know!

FacesOfTheMissing.org (5:00 am)

2007-07-29T05:03:00.001-04:00

This website offers some hope to dozens of missing children across America while also holding a place for honoring the memories of those that have been lost (including a few currently recorded on The Indiana Tenderness Trail). Also listed are individuals wanted as suspects in the disappearance/murder of these children. Over all it is a valuable resource for remember our lost.

~ Joanna

Hour 20

I feel like my baby niece must feel

when she tries to convince herself that

3 year olds really don't need sleep.

Reference: Faces of The Missing Homepage
(http://www.facesofthemissing.org)

Faces of the Missing
www.facesofthemissing.org

A Message from the webmaster...

Welcome to Faces of the Missing

Use the links at the left to access photos and links to posters at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children for Missing Teens (officially designated as Endangered Runaway), Endangered Missing, Missing, Family Abduction, and Stranger Abduction (officially designated as Non-Family Abduction) cases.
Wanted
The 'Wanted' link will take you to the page with pictures of people who have warrants issued for their arrest. Most of the people pictured on the page are wanted for Parental or Family Abduction. The links associated with each person will take you to the poster located at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children for the missing child associated with the abductor.
Deceased
The 'Deceased' page contains information about people who were reported missing and found deceased. Some of the people died from foul play, others died from accidents.

In all 'Deceased' cases the information is limited to a picture, name, year of death or reported disappearance, age, cause of death if known, and state where they lived. There are no post mortem photos on this site.

In the future I plan to write up individual articles regarding each person.

If you have a missing loved one you would like added to my site please use the email link to submit your request. Please include a picture, full name, age, date of disappearance, and state. Also, please indicate if this disappearance is an endangered missing, missing, family abduction or non-family abduction case type.
Thanks for visiting

Office for Victims of Crime (O.V.C) 4:30 am

2007-07-29T04:34:00.000-04:00

Although there is absolutely nothing that can bring back children lost to violence there are government funded programs for victims of crime through out the U.S. which can provide assistance with legal fees, grief counseling, etc. The Office for Victims of Crime offers information on such programs, designed to aid help those in need begin to heal.

~ Joanna

PS: Again my apologies for the short interruption in the series "Remembering Our Lost" as this belongs in the past section "Those Left Behind" This lack of sleep is quite possibly getting to me. :P

___________________________________________
Reference: Office for Victimes of Crime Homepage
(http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/)

The OVC home page was released on April 1, 1997. We will be continuously uploading new information, and encourage you to visit our site often!

The Office for Victims of Crime (OVC) was established by the 1984 Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) to oversee diverse programs that benefit victims of crime. OVC provides substantial funding to state victim assistance and compensation programs—the lifeline services that help victims to heal. The agency supports trainings designed to educate criminal justice and allied professionals regarding the rights and needs of crime victims. OVC also sponsors an annual event in April to commemorate National Crime Victims Rights Week (NCVRW). OVC is one of five bureaus and four offices with grant-making authority within the Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice.

Garden of Angels (4:00 am)

2007-07-29T04:00:00.001-04:00

The Garden of Angels provides a great service to those who have lost a child and it likewise honors the memory of children who've been lost to various circumstances, including those lost to violence.

~ Joanna

It gets lonely at 4AM...
or maybe its more of just a longing for sleep?

____________________________________________
Reference: Our Garden of Angels Inc. Homepage (http://www.ourgardenofangels.org/)

11271 Mossier Valley Road
Euless, Texas 76040
gardenofangelTX@aol.com (Email)

Our Garden of Angels was started originally at the place where the police discovered the body of Amy Robinson. I went to the place where Amy's body was found, and it was my thought that Amy should be remembered. It is due to the fact that I wanted her life to be remembered that I began the Garden of Angels.

One of the goals of the Garden of Angels is to keep the focus on the memory of the life of the person who was murdered. So often it is the perpetrator that is long recognized after the funeral and the victim in society is soon forgotten. I was not going to let that happen ever again to victims in our area. Our family members are going to be remembered!

Amy never liked to be alone, so the family of Vern Price put a cross for Vern next to Amy's. Also the family of Chad Houston put in a cross for him as well. The Garden of Angels then started to take on a life of its own. Others started to add their crosses. Soon, we had 27 crosses in our Garden.

Later, thanks to donations by several companies and individuals, the new Garden of Angels was built. A Construction gave us some land for this new Garden. Now we have 102 crosses. Each cross has its own "story" because all of these crosses are erected in memory of murder victims that have left this world too soon. These crosses also represent a family that will remember their loved ones always.

The trees in the Garden of Angels signify survivors whose life actions focus on stopping other tragic events from reoccuring. It is the goal of the Garden of Angels to take the tragic and then formulate a little magic. We are about kindness, hope for tomorrow, and helping others.

How wonderful it is that no one need wait a single day to make the world a better tomorrow. Please help us stop abuse and violence.

God Bless,
Carolyn Barker
Founder, Our Garden of Angels

Visit Amy Robinson's Memorial web site by clicking here.

Amber Hagerman... In memory of all abducted children (3:30 am)

2007-07-29T03:30:00.000-04:00

Whats unfortunate about the story below is that it took so many children, including young Amber Hagerman, before this type of collective effort was made. But, in the end, this is a perfect example of citizens working together to keep children safe within a community. Here are a few examples of success storiesin Indiana.

June 13, 2006
Terre Haute, Indiana
A 4-year-old boy and his 2-year-old brother were taken by their father at gunpoint and left in a stolen vehicle. Because of the violent abduction, an AMBER Alert was issued. A citizen saw the AMBER Alert on television, recognized the description of the vehicle by a lake, and notified authorities. When law enforcement arrived, they were able to safely recover the younger child. The suspect was apprehended.

April 26, 2006
Seymour, Indiana
A 2-year-old girl was abducted by her father after the man assaulted the child’s mother. Because of the violent abduction and the man’s threats to harm the child, an AMBER Alert was issued. A drive-through restaurant patron recognized the vehicle from the AMBER Alert and contacted authorities. Police arrived at the scene and the child was safely recovered.

Its important to remember that, although the Amber Plan is named after Amber Hagerman, this national program is dedicated to all children nationwide who’ve been abducted. ~ Joanna

_______________________________________________________
Reference: AMBER Alert Homepage (http://www.amberalert.gov/)
CodeAmber.org (http://codeamber.org/)

ABOUT AMBER HAGERMAN

In January 1996, nine-year-old Amber Hagerman was riding her bicycle on a warm Saturday afternoon when a neighbor heard the girl scream. The neighbor saw a man pull Amber off her bike, throw her into the front seat of his pickup truck, and drive away at a high speed.

The neighbor called police and provided a description of the suspect and his vehicle, but couldn’t recall much else. Arlington Police and the FBI interviewed other neighbors and searched for the suspect and vehicle. Local radio and TV stations covered the story in their regular newscasts.

Four days later, Amber’s body was found in a drainage ditch four miles away. Her throat had been cut. Her kidnapping and murder remain unsolved.

A concerned citizen contacted a Dallas area radio station, suggesting the idea that Dallas radio stations should repeat news bulletins about abducted children just like they do severe weather warnings.

The idea was presented to the Association of Radio Managers (ARM) composed of general managers of the major radio stations in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. The general managers agreed that such a program would provide an important public service and might help save the life of a child.

The Origin of the Amber PlanThe AMBER Plan was created in 1996 as a powerful legacy to 9-year-old Amber Hagerman. The tragedy shocked and outraged the entire community. Residents contacted radio stations in the Dallas area and suggested they broadcast special “alerts” over the airwaves so that they could help prevent such incidents in the future. In response to the community’s concern for the safety of local children, the Dallas/Fort Worth Association of Radio Managers teamed up with local law-enforcement agencies in northern Texas and developed this innovative early warning system to help find abducted children. Statistics show that, when abducted, a child’s greatest enemy is time.

In April, 2003, President Bush signed the Amber Alert legislation making it a national program. While the Amber Alert system is now mandated across the country, some states are still trying to implement the procedures necessary in bringing the alerts to the public. Hampered by outdated Emergency Broadcast guidelines and different activation criteria in each state, the system needs a fair amount of fine-tuning to be optimally effective. Code Amber is on the cutting edge with the technology helping to make that a reality.

IN MEMORY OF ALL ABDUCTED CHILDREN

Although the Amber Plan is named after Amber Hagerman, this national program is dedicated to all children nationwide who’ve been abducted.

How often does it happen? According to the U.S. Department of Justice, up to 4600 children are abducted by strangers every year (about 12 children nationwide every day).

Several families and friends of abducted children have established their own non-profit organizations or foundations with extensive websites to assist, support, and educate all parents and children, such as:

Laura Recovery Foundation
Polly Klaas Foundation

In addition, many Missing Child Organizations and State Missing Child Clearinghouses have websites that provide information and photos of other childen who are still missing or have been recently recovered.

The Amber Plan’s goal is the safe recovery of every abducted child.

Code Amber Amber Alert Statistics

The following statistics reflect Amber Alerts carried on the Code Amber Ticker since August, 2002. There have been several additional Amber Alerts that were resolved before the Code Amber system was activated. The alerts that are resolved quickly are the best case scenario. We would like all future Amber Alerts to end quickly with the child found safely and never have to activate the ticker again. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen anytime soon so we will be here for a while. Details of each of the Amber Alerts we have published are available on our Previous Amber Alerts page.

As of July 28, 2007:

Amber Alerts published by Code Amber:	456
Number of children involved:	541
Number of States issuing Alerts:	43
Number of Alerts resolved in a different state:	101
Percentage of Alerts resolved out of state:	22%
Number of Canadian Provinces:	5
Number of children still missing:	15
Number of children never coming home:	26
Number of female children:	317
Number of male children:	224
Number of African American children:	111
Number of Asian children:	8
Number of Caucasian children:	285
Number of Hispanic children:	132
Number of Native American children:	5

Note: Seven of the Amber Alerts listed as having been resolved in a different state were actually resolved in Mexico with the help of Mexican authorities. The above statistics do not include currently active Amber Alerts.

POMC Inc. Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories (3:00 am)

2007-07-29T02:55:00.000-04:00

The Murder Wall of POMC is a place to remember and honor the many young lives lost to senseless violence. One example listed on the Murderwall is Kathleen Kohm, also listed on The Indiana Tenderness Trail.

The Indiana Tenderness Trail

#112. Kathleen Kohm

11 Years Old
October 9, 1969 to April 5, 1981

Kathy Kohm, of Santa Claus, Indiana, was the oldest of three children. She was a sweet, delicate, but strong girl. Kathy was very bright - nearly a "straight A" student.
She enjoyed sports of all kinds and was named MVP on her baseball team at the age of seven. Kathy was on the swim team and competed in various events. She won a lot of ribbons in the 50 freestyle event. She swam effortlessly and made it look so beautiful. She also enjoyed roller skating, ice skating, soccer and running.
Music was also important to Kathy. She loved the music from the musical Grease . Her cat, Tiger, was a love and joy to her.
Kathy had many friends. They all remember her fondly as the years have passed. They remember her as a peacemaker and good friend.
Kathy had received Jesus Christ into her heart. She was active in her church and the youth group. She had attended Mass with her family on the morning of the day she was abducted and murdered.
She was a good sister to her younger brothers, but she was the oldest, so she ruled. She would be proud to see her brothers as men. They are good people and have missed so much since Kathy was taken from their lives.
Kathy's potential was limitless. Her parents were so very proud of her and miss her so. Below is a poem Kathy wrote when she was nine-years-old.

Trees are the kindest things I know,
They do no harm, they simply grow.
And spread a shade for sleepy cows,
And gather birds among their boughs.
They give us fruit in leaves above,
And wood to make our house of.
And leaves to burn on Halloween,
And in the spring, new buds of green.

Kathy's family prays for her every day and hopes that her murderer will be prosecuted.
Kathy Kohm, 11, decided to go for a jog in her neighborhood in Santa Claus, Indiana, on April 5, 1981. When her family hadn't seem or heard from her for a couple of hours, they became concerned. After a short search, they called the town Marshall and an intense 10-week search by friends, neighbors and police ensued. On June 11, in a wooded area one mile from her home, Kathy's decomposed body was found with her underpants in her pocket and a bullet in her head. A private detective found an important clue, and a man who was a firefighter and part-time resident of Santa Claus was named a suspect. The evidence was considered circumstantial, and no charges have ever been filed against him.
However, Stanton Gash was found liable for Kathy's murder in a civil trial. He was ordered to pay $5,000 because in Indiana, a child is considered property. He now lives in Clearwater, Florida.

~ Joanna

Reference: POMC Homepage (http://www.pomc.com/murderwall.cfm)

Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories

The Murder Wall was created in 1987 by Nancy Ruhe-Munch, Executive Director of the National Organization, and designed by Ann Reed, a parent/survivor and member of POMC. Originally known as the Memorial Wall, the named was changed to the Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories in 1995.

The Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories is a traveling tribute honoring the memory of all murdered loved ones. The growing Wall carries the names of murder victims on engraved, solid walnut plaques. Each plaque contains 120 names, dates of birth and dates of death. Approximately 250 names are added each year. If you are interested in purchasing a plaque for a loved one, please click here to print out the order form. The cost to have a loved one's name inscribed on a plaque on the Murder Wall is $50.00.

" We always know the name of the offender, but we seldom ever see or know the name of the victim. The Murder Wall is a strong and loving reminder, not only of my husband Monte, but of all those who die by violence in our country." - Sharon Tewksbury, West Chester, Ohio

Memorial booklets are compiled to accompany each panel of the Wall. The booklets contain the stories and/or photos of those who are memorialized on the Wall.

Each person is allotted one (1) page, front and back (per loved one). A photo may also be included, but it is limited to wallet size only . We will not be able to return photographs.

If you would like the story and/or photo of your loved one included in the Memorial booklets and on the POMC website, please fill out the form and return it to National POMC, 100 E. 8th St., Suite 202, Cincinnati, Ohio, 45202.

The cost is $15.00 for one page, front and back without photo, or $20.00 if you wish to have a photo included. Visa and MasterCard are accepted. POMC will edit information as needed. A copy of the completed page will be sent to you.

Please allow up to six months to process.

If you do not know which panel your loved one is on, you may search using an alphabetical listing by last name.

National Center for Children Exposed to Violence (2:30 am)

2007-07-29T02:27:00.000-04:00

The National Center for Children Exposed to Violence offers a sound place for learning about how we can prevent the further damadge to children exposed to violence as well as how to prevent it. This is an important resource in the learning to fight this battle.

PS: This belongs in the section of this blog labeled "Behind Closed Doors". Somehow, for some reason, it wasn't place there? I apologize for any confusion due to this slight interruption of the current section "Remembering the Lost".

Reference: National Center for Children Exposted to Violence Homepage
(http://www.nccev.org/)

It is the mission of the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence (NCCEV) to increase the capacity of individuals and communities to reduce the incidence and impact of violence on children and families; to train and support the professionals who provide intervention and treatment to children and families affected by violence; and, to increase professional and public awareness of the effects of violence on children, families, communities and society.

The NCCEV serves as:

A primary national resource center for anyone seeking information about the effects of violence exposure on children and initiatives addressing these issues, including a dynamic body of literature, Internet resources and a bibliographic database
A provider of training, technical assistance and consultation to the Child Development-Community Policing Program (CD-CP) replication sites, Safe Start Initiative and other collaborative community programs nationwide that respond to children and families exposed to violence
A national forum for exploring issues surrounding children's exposure to violence, that utilizes a select team of recognized experts representing many related fields who provide a strong voice for the needs of children and families
A partner in national collaborations across the country in urban, suburban and rural areas, including 16 CD-CP replication sites, 11 Safe Start Initiative sites and 15 Safe Start Phase Two sites. These collaborations help to promote best practices in the area of children exposed to violence and trauma. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network covering 54 treatment centers across the US, are listed as well.

Our services include the following:

An easily accessible and comprehensive Resource Center for current and historic information about children and violence
Training, technical assistance and consultation to a variety of collaborative community programs throughout the country that respond to children and families exposed to violence, including the Child Development-Community Policing Program (CD-CP), the School Crisis Response Initiative, and the Safe Start Initiative.
A wide range of specialized interventions and services, through CD-CP sites replicated nationwide, offering comprehensive responses to children and families exposed to violence
Responses to inquiries for information, including best and promising practices for programs related to children exposed to violence

Bereaved Parents of the USA Organization (2:00 am)

2007-07-29T02:00:00.000-04:00

"Together we celebrate the lives of our children,
share the joys and the triumphs
as well as the love that will never fade."

This organization is another positive example of people working together to begin to emotionally recover from the heartache of losing a child. Whether it be from physical sickness or from violence, these people offer eachother a place to start the journey towards healing.

Resource: Bereaved Parents of the USA Homepage
(http://bereavedparentsusa.org/)
___________________________________________

National Office Post Office Box 95 Park Forest, IL 60466 (708) 748-7866

About Bereaved Parents of the USA
Bereaved Parents of the USA (BP/USA) was founded in 1995 by a group of bereaved parents from across the country. Their sole purpose for organizing this group was to offer support, understanding, encouragement and hope to other bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents after the death of their children, brother, sister or grandchildren. This purpose remains the thrust of BP/USA today.
Bereaved Parents of the USA is governed by a Board of Directors comprised of seven members, being elected by the chapter members. All work within the BP/USA organization on both the national and local chapters level is done by volunteer bereaved parents. There are no paid salaries within BP/USA
The goals of BP/USA

Offer support, understanding, encouragement and hope to bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents.
Aid and support those who are suffering the loss of a child, brother, sister or grandchild regardless of race, creed or financial status.
Educate families about the grief process in all its complexities pertaining to the death of a child at any age and from any cause.
Provide telephone numbers and email addresses of other bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents who are able to offer support to other more newly bereaved families.
Help organize new chapters of BP/USA that may offer assistance to their local bereaved families.
Hold monthly chapter meetings where sharing, support and encouragement can be provided.
Maintain lending libraries at chapter meetings with helpful books on grief and rebuilding one’s life.
Provide a National Newsletter and individual chapter newsletters to aid with grief work.
Provide an Annual Gathering where helpful speakers, workshops, sharing sessions and much more will be provided.
Inform and educate professionals, friends, employers, co-workers, clergy and others on the nature and duration of parental, sibling and grandparent grief.

BP/USA is Non-DenominationalBereaved Parents of the USA encompasses no religious creed. Members are free, however, to state their religious beliefs and the role those beliefs have played in their life and grief journeys.
Funding
BP/USA is a non-profit self-help support group with 501(c) (3) IRS status. Both our national organization and are local chapters are supported solely by volunteer donations. There are no dues or fees charged to belong to BP/USA. We have all already paid the ultimate price to qualify for membership in this group: the death of our precious children. The national organization does not charge its chapters yearly fees. BP/USA believes that when its chapters are able, those chapters will support their national organization with donations. All gifts to BP/USA are tax deductions to the extent permitted by the Internal Revenue under the provisions of 501(c) (3).

Bereaved Parents of the USA Credo
We are the parents whose children have died. We are the grandparents who have buried grandchildren. We are the siblings whose brothers and sisters no longer walk with us through life.
We come together as Bereaved Parents of the USA to provide a haven where all bereaved families can meet and share our long and arduous grief journey.
We attend month gatherings whenever we can and for as long as we believe necessary. We share our fears, confusion, anger guilt, frustrations, emptiness and feelings of hopelessness, so that hope can be found anew. As we accept, support, comfort and encourage each other, we demonstrate to each other that survival is possible.
Together we celebrate the lives of our children, share the joys and the triumphs as well as the love that will never fade. Together we learn how little it matters where we live, what our color or our affluence is or what faith we uphold as we confront the tragedies of our children’s deaths.
Together, strengthened by the bonds we forge at our gatherings, we offer what we have learned from each other to every more recently bereaved family.
We are the Bereaved Parents of the USA.
We welcome you.

The Compassionate Friends (1:30 am)

2007-07-29T01:30:00.000-04:00

"Energy that has been directed inward
begins to flow outward
and both are helped to heal."

I thought I'd post this website - a resource for parents who are grieving recently lost children. The message is quite positive despite the pain that drives it's existence.

Reference: http://thecompassionatefriends.org/

The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
P. O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Toll-free: 877-969-0010
PH: 630-990-0010
FAX: 630-990-0246

Grief Support After the Death of a Child

The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.

The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no religious affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees.

The secret of TCF's success is simple: As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved, energy that has been directed inward begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal. The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us will find us and everyone who finds us will be helped.

Author, Kathleen O'Hara (1:00 am)

2007-07-29T01:00:00.000-04:00

Kathleen O'Hara, author of "A Grief Like No Other", shares with us the loss of her own son in the story below. She explains in her writing the life-long process of recovery that families are faced with after a child is murdered.
Reference: http://www.kathleenohara.com/

"Make Me Worthy of My Suffering"
~Nietzsche

What human being has not experienced loss and grief? Living and dying are natural experiences of our existence. We talk about living, but rarely do we mention dying. We are naturally fearful and avoid thinking or talking about it.

Yet we live in a culture which faces death all the time. Random violence, terrorism, annihilation are in the news and fear of these things seem to be ever present. Perhaps if we had more open discussions about our fears of death and dying, we would be more prepared for grief and loss.

Grief is often unexplored territory. We don't know what to say or how act around a grieving person. We are uncomfortable talking about the death or loss. We allow the person or ourselves a certain amount of time for grieving and then expect everyone, including ourselves to "get over it", or "move on."

When Americans were asked how long people should mourn, the answer was three days.

THREE DAYS!? Is this what we ask of ourselves and others? Seems incredulous, doesn't it?

I have been a counselor since 1993 and before that, a practitioner and teacher of meditation. I had studied many forms of spirituality and was building a good foundation of faith.

However in 1999, I experienced the loss of my eldest son Aaron, which was something I could not possibly imagine, would ever happen.

Aaron and his roommate Brian were students at the Franciscan University in Steubenville , Ohio . They just moved off campus in the beginning of May into a house so they could take summer classes

On Memorial Day, 1999 their house was broken into and they were beaten, kidnapped, tortured, taken to the woods in Pennsylvania and shot to death. We did not find them for five days. Their bodies were found under two white wild rose bushes.

To say that this was an awful experience is too trivial. There are few words to explain what happened.

It was as if a storm crashed into the shore on which I lived and shattered my life into a thousand pieces. My landscape and everything I knew changed in an instant. I could feel the crashing, over and over again. My two younger children Anna and Michael and I were plunged into a grief like no other, a dark ocean that we had to cross or else we would perish.

We were in shock, sick, disgusted, in disbelief that any human being could do that to another.

The first year was a nightmare. It was as though the unseen torturers were always nearby, waiting to beat me up. Every day they would arrive with their hammers and bats and I would feel the pain over and over. I would try to hide and I could not. I learned to get through the daily beatings, crying and waiting for it to pass. I had to learn to roll with the waves and not resist because I knew they would eventually pass and I would lay there drained. And then I would sleep.

Any one who has lost a child or someone close to them knows what I am talking about. There are so many questions, but no answers. I had to learn to stop asking and begin to learn acceptance. This is the time when support from family and friends is so important.

This was the time I needed the faith and the strength I had been building on in the past. If it wouldn't serve me then, what good was it? Was it real?

This, of course, has been an on going struggle. Grief has many layers; it is a lifetime process because it changes us in fundamental ways we can not possibly realize.

The question is how we will handle our suffering. Will we allow it to change us, make us more compassionate or will it destroy us?

Nietche says: "Lord, make me worthy of my suffering."

This is not something we are used to. After all, who wants to suffer? Most of us go to great lengths to avoid it and therefore have few, if any skills to do its hard work.

But the truth is that life often brings us suffering, so how then we will handle it? Will we allow it to destroy or transform us?

After Aaron's murder, I had to answer these questions for myself. How would I not only survive, but learn to live again? How would I allow this awful experience to transform rather than destroy me and how would I ever learn how to be worthy of my suffering?

In the beginning of my journey, I didn't have any answers, but in the seven years that followed, I learned to use some of things I knew and put them to the test, would they work?

St. Paul , in his letter to the Corinthians, says "All things work together for the good, for those who love God."

This was my mantra as the days and years unfolded after Aaron's death. While I saw such ugliness in his murder and at the trial of his killers, I looked and really saw the beauty that co-exists right along with all the terrible things that go on in our suffering world.

And I saw the beautiful things that came out of his death. His death transformed many of his friends and strangers too. I was told stories of finding faith and strength in the darkness because of Aaron. Joyful things happened, and I had to learn to laugh along with the sorrow, expressing gratitude for the good things in the middle of sadness and grief.

Today, I have a very deep and close relationship with Aaron. I have had to accept the fact that while I miss him so much and would do anything to see him again, he is still there, in a different form.

A few months after Aaron died; I was at the New Jersey shore, sitting on the beach thinking of him. I felt him sitting next to me and could see his image as if he were really there.

I started to cry and he said. "Mom, I'm so happy.

I said, "Son, how could you be happy without us?"

Aaron said "But I am mom, I'm so happy!"

"You'll be all right." he said and with that he touched my shoulder and left.

I knew he was happy where he was and that I would be all right.

In honor of Aaron's memory I have written A Grief Like No Other to help those of us who have experienced the violent death of someone we love and for those of you who are friends of someone who has.

I developed a seven stage method which came directly out of my experience and that of many others whom I have spoken to.

The Seven Stages are:

Stage One: The Journey Begns: Telling Your Story

Stage Two: Life Preservers: Discovering the Eight Qualities

Stage Three: Lighthouses in the Harbor: Finding Guidance and Resources

Stage Four: The Ocean of Grief : Learning to Ride the Waves

Stage Five: Out in the Deep: Practicing the Three Principles

Stage Six: The Coral Reef: Generating Creativity

Stage Seven: The New World : Emerging Possibilities

Inside the pages of this book you will find practical ways of dealing with grief. You will find inspiration and help and the very real experiences of others who have made the journey before you.

I will share with you how I learned to allow suffering to transform rather than destroy. How to tell and write your story, how to develop the eight qualities you will need to cross the ocean-and many other tools which will help you make your journey.

It is written with those of you who have lost someone to violence, but also for those who want advice on how to help friends and colleagues who have experienced loss. It will help educators, therapists and professionals who want to understand and help others whom they work with.

This book does not dwell on the horror of violence, but offers hope, compassion and a way to make the journey to a new life. My hope is that this book will help you find the strength to go on and live life even in the shadow of your loss. There is a new shore waiting for you, you may not see it now, but it is there.

Blessings on you and yours.

Please write and share your experience or story with me at keohara@aol.com .

"GRIEF", written by Debbie Wiley (12:30 am)

2007-07-29T00:30:00.000-04:00

In the essay below we are again taken in by the words of Debbie Wiley (Founder of MOMS). She takes us further into the despair of losing her son, all the while shedding light on the strength of her spirit and that of those who suffer as she has and does.

Reference: http://moms.memorial-of-love.net/

GRIEF
Someone you love has been murdered, or was killed by a drunk or reckless driver. It is an understatement to say that your life has been changed. Your anger and pain are deep, and it will take a great deal of hard work and time to recover. You may never feel as if you have “recovered.” It may be difficult to believe now, but many persons who have been in your situation learn to “manage their grief” you will need time, determination, and the support of a caring listener.(it is very important to be able to speak with someone freely, without judgment, about your child, your feelings and about your child's death. It took me almost a year before I could really manage my grief. You take it one day at a time and one day you will realize you have gone a couple of hours or a half day and then a day without breaking down.) THE MOST COMMON FEELINGS OF GRIEF

In the beginning most people feel a profound numbness. Some say it is like “being in a fog.” It may be this fog that allows you to accomplish the necessary arrangements for the funeral and other duties.

TURMOIL Thank God for this fog because when the fog clears your feelings fall into turmoil. You may have flashbacks of the moment you were notified of your loved one’s death, or of the last time you saw your loved one alive. You may visualize how your loved one died and if they suffered. You may deny that your loved one really is dead and that he or she will soon “walk through that door.”I would have nightmares of my son being shot in the head over and over and I would pray that God did not let him suffer. Even after eighteen months, I still have a hard time accepting that my child is dead and he will not be coming home anymore. In a way I think that is how I chose to deal with Phillip's death, just never accept it.

You may experience grief spasms, crying as if you couldn’t stop. The spasms gradually will come further apart. You may have panic attacks. You may be restless and unable to concentrate on anything. You may be unable to sleep at night or find it very hard to get out of bed in the morning. For the first several months you cannot control your crying, its going to happen and you have no control over the place or time. I took medication to help me sleep and for panic attacks. I developed a fear of being out by myself. My husband drives everywhere. This has been the case until recently and I am trying to conquer this fear.

As the reality of death sinks in, depression is usually not far behind. The world may seem to lose its meaning for you. Activities that you once enjoyed may seem like a burden, or you may stop all activities that you once enjoyed. You may feel as if there is little point in going on, or you may want to withdraw from everyone.Your life has changed, your mind is occupied only with thoughts of your child. You probably will not have the energy or the interest in activities. You cannot stand the thought of enjoying anything, your child has been murdered.

During all of these emotions and phases, you need to talk with someone that will listen with a non-judgmental ear. Talking helps keep you from getting stuck in one of the phases. I can not stress the importance of having someone to talk openly with.

SEARCHING FOR UNDERSTANDING

You will probably experience a great need to understand why this tragedy happened. In your search for understanding, you may feel the need to know everything there is to know about what happened, where it happened and who did it. If someone is arrested, you may want to know as much as you can find out about the person. I searched and saved every article that was in the paper. I needed to know every detail that surrounded my son's death. I posted my child's picture in every memorial I could find. For the first several months all my husband and I talked about was "how did this happen"? Why was this man out on probation when he should have been serving a 10 year sentence? How did he get his gun with a felony record. I wanted everyone (and still do) from the Judge, who gave the probation, to the murderer who commited the crime, to the detectives that gave out false reports to the newspapers that it was a professional hit, it was drug related etc. to pay for the death of my son.

You may expect the criminal justice system to work more quickly and keep you informed better than it does.

Rumors and opinions of many people may come your way concerning the crime, motivation and the criminal. You may decide to attend the trial, if there is one, as part of your search for why this happened. Oftentimes you will not find answers to all of your questions. If a survivor is a witness at the trial, he or she may not be able to attend the trial prior to giving testimony. You can ask the county or district attorney handling the case for information on this.

GUILT

Each survivor lives with “what-ifs.” “Why did I let her go home along?” “What if I had been there with him?” This is a normal reaction. Please remember that no one can predict the future or recreate what might have been. We can’t change the events that took place, and to continue blaming ourselves will only be destructive to yourself and those around you.

I have yet to go one day without guilt, not necessarily guilt from what happened to my son but just guilt for anything over the years. Maybe I feel guilt over being to strict or maybe guilt over spending more on his brother etc. etc. Things will come back to me and I will think why didn't I handle that differently. Only parent who has lost a child understands. To have a day without guilt is a good day.

ANGER

Anger can be both frightening and motivation. Sometimes it may feel as if anger will overwhelm you. It may be directed at the murdered, society, the criminal justice system, family members or friends. It is not uncommon to be angry at God. Many people feel guilty about their anger, but it is a completely normal feeling that many people experience.

Anger may immobilize you or move you to relentless activity. It is a natural reaction to severe loss. Your anger may never completely go away. With time and support, your anger can be managed and may even contribute to helping you gain back some control in your life.

REVENGE

For the first time in their lives, many survivors find themselves thinking of ways to kill another human being, the person responsible for the death of your loved one. Understandably, some people are deeply disturbed by their emotion. You may wonder if you are losing your mind. You aren’t. You are normal. Counselors of survivors find that almost every person they work with thinks about revenge. Having these feelings does not mean you are going to act on them.

Some people will tell you that wanting revenge is unhealthy and that the only way you can find peace is to forgive. If forgiveness is in your heart, fine, but do not allow people to place unnecessary guilt on you. Chances are they have never been through what you are experiencing.

FAMILY

When a family member is a victim of a homicide not all families become closer in the aftermath of the death. It is not unusual for counselors to see families separate, both physically and emotionally. At this time, communication is very important. Work hard to express your feelings within the family and with supportive friends.

FRIENDS

When you hurt, you turn to people who have always been there, your friends. But where are they a month, six months or a year after the murder? Often, they have gone back to their lives, but you still need to talk. Many times friends don’t know how to react and feel that steering away from mentioning the victim is the best way to handle the situation Wrong this is not the best way to handle the situation. We always need to talk about our children.

If you bring up the homicide, some people will change the subject. Many people do not want to listen the details of the tragedy, even though survivors often need to talk about details. People often can’t bring themselves to talk about homicide. They may feel they do not have the words to say or the ability to listen. They may feel hopelessly inadequate. And the loss of your loved one probably hit them with stark reality. If it happened to you, it could happen to them.

You may notice that people you have known for years avoid you on the street or in a store. Your co-workers may avert their eyes and “not see you” they usually have no idea that this feels like rejection and only adds to your grief. This hurts terribly when people you have known for years avoid you because you have lost a child. What are you suppose to do act like you never had a child. I am very proud of my child and always will be even if he is no longer on this earth.

You can face this problem in various ways. You can write these friends off and stop seeing them. You can continue contact but avoid the subject you most need to discuss. You can raise the issue directly with your friends, which may allow you to deal openly and honestly with each other. You can add to your circle of friends other people who have lost loved ones or who are willing to share your experience.. Many people are ready to respond when they understand how important it is to talk with you about the experience rather than avoid it. I found that true friends listen to you no matter how often you talk about your child, because they understand and they care about you. Many community hospitals have grief support groups for family members who have lost someone they love. Not all members of these groups have lost a loved one to violence, but nonetheless feel the pain, shock, guilt and anger that you are experiencing. Consider joining a grief support group.

COPING WITH HOLIDAYS

The first time you celebrate a holiday after a death, it may become a nightmare. Holiday gifts that once were ripped open immediately may set for days. Thanksgiving is hollow. “What do I have to be thankful for?” is a common reaction for the survivor. New Year’s Day and birthdays, which celebrate another year of life become reminders of death.

You may find the need to develop new traditions. For some, a trip out of town at holiday-time may be beneficial. A birthday can be observed by donating to a charitable organization or doing something that is meaningful to you. Sometimes being with other family members and talking together about the good times experienced in the past can be a source of strength. There is no rule to follow on how to “get through” a holiday. You will grieve. Allow yourself to grieve. It’s all part of the healing process.

EPILOGUE

Your life has changed. You will see things differently now. You may never again want to watch violence portrayed on TV. You may have to struggle with new or stronger prejudices for the rest of your life. You may feel irritated by “the little things” in life. Or, incidents that once seemed to be a catastrophe will be only minor aggravations because you have already survived the worst.

Your faith may be shaken. You may find it impossible to trust strangers. You may feel that laws you thought were designed to protect you are really designed to protect criminals. You may wonder if the victim has any rights. Most survivors heal slowly. Meaning comes back into their daily activities. The find people to stand by them and give them support. Some find sensitivity for others they never experienced before. Most find joy in the treasured memories of their loved ones. Many join others who want to carry on the vigil for all of those who have died as the result of violence.

Written by Debbie Wiley

ARTICLE: "A Grief Like No Other" (12 Midnight)

2007-07-29T00:01:00.001-04:00

"During the past twenty-five years hundreds of articles
in psychiatric journals have examined the homicidal mind.
Fewer than a dozen have explored how a homicide affects
the victim's family."

_____________________________________

Eric Schlosser, the writer of the Atlantic Monthly article "A Grief Like No Other" spent over 1 1/2 years writing the story of the impact of homicide on families. He focused most of his attention on the Kansas City Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children and exhibited a depth of compassion and understanding that is rare today. In addition he has continued to stay in contact with the Smith's to see where they stand in their continued fight for justice. The Atlantic Monthly Editors are also to be commended for their sponsoring such a story. It is the longest article this magazine has ever published in over 100 years of publication.

I would paste the article in its entirety below, but its over 50 pages long on an HTML page I found available online. However if you're interested in reading it its also available in a PDF version here:www.geocities.com/pomc_il/Articles/grief.pdf

Hour 15!

Reference: http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/97sep/grief.htm

September 2004

Americans are fascinated by murders and murderers but
not by the families of the people who are killed -- an amazingly numerous group, whose members can turn only to one another for sympathy and understanding

by Eric Schlosser

On the first Friday evening of every month thirty to forty men and women gather at Our Lady of Sorrows Church in Kansas City, Missouri. They meet in the parish hall, a low modern building not far from the headquarters of the Hallmark Cards corporation. They bring cookies and sodas, newsletters, notebooks, and photographs of their children. They sit in folding chairs around two large banquet tables. They are white, African- American, and Latino, middle-class and working-class, a cross-section of midwesterners. From all appearances this could be a session of the local PTA or of a church group planning its next book fair. The meeting opens with everybody explaining, one by one, why he or she has come. Each story seems more poignant and more horrific than the last. This is the monthly gathering of Parents of Murdered Children, Kansas City chapter, a support group for the relatives and friends of homicide victims. A hand- stitched quilt on the wall has the photographic image of a different face in every square -- mostly young men and women, innocent, full of promise, unaware of their impending fate. The quilt seems as American in its own way as the violence that brought these families to this room.

The fear of murder has grown so enormous in the United States that it leaves a taint, like the mark of Cain, on everyone murder touches. One might expect that the families of murder victims would be showered with sympathy and support, embraced by their communities. But in reality they are far more likely to feel isolated, fearful, and ashamed, overwhelmed by grief and guilt, angry at the criminal-justice system, and shunned by their old friends. America's fascination with murder has not yet extended to its aftermath. As a result, the victims' survivors must seek comfort from one another. Throughout the country hundreds of support groups like the one in Kansas City meet every month. The amount of bloodshed in the United States is difficult to comprehend, like the carnage of a shadowy, undeclared civil war. During the past two decades nearly half a million Americans have been murdered, and an additional 2.5 million have been wounded by gunfire -- more casualties than the U.S. military has suffered in all the wars of the past 200 years

The murder rate in the United States (the number of people killed each year per 100,000) has been declining since 1993, most dramatically in New York City. Nevertheless, it is still extraordinarily high compared with the rate in Western Europe or even in the United States of just a generation ago. After years of diminishing violence in the 1950s, a murder wave began to engulf the United States around 1960. By the late 1970s the U.S. murder rate had doubled, reaching an all-time high in 1980. Since then it has fallen slightly, climbed a bit, and dropped again. The U.S. murder rate today is roughly the same as it was in 1989 -- eight homicides per 100,000. About 70 percent of the murders in America are committed with a firearm. About 90 percent are committed by men. The murder rate among men of all ages in the United States is approximately five times as high as the rate among men in Canada, eleven times as high as the rate among men in Germany, and twenty times as high as the rate among men in Ireland or Japan. The murder rate among young men inthe United States, aged fifteen to twenty-four, has roughly tripled since 1960. It is now about thirty-five times as high as the murder rate among men of the same age in England.

The increase in the U.S. murder rate has been accompanied over the past few decades by a rising incidence of crimes once considered rare. Mass murders, serial murders, and murders committed by strangers have become more commonplace. A mass murderer kills a number of victims at one time and often then commits suicide. A serial murderer kills a number of victims over an extended period and tries to avoid capture. After studying old newspaper articles and police reports, Ronald M. Holmes, a professor of justice administration at the University of Louisville, concluded that there were fewer than twenty mass murders in the United States from 1950 to 1960. Holmes says that three or four mass murders are now committed every month. Eric W. Hickey is a professor of criminology at California State University at Fresno, and an expert on serial murder. According to his count, there were about nineteen serial killers in the United States during the 1950s -- and about 114 during the 1980s. Various estimates place the number of serial killers at large in the United States today at thirty-five to 200.

Instead of producing widespread revulsion toward violence, or mass demonstrations, or an "anti-war" movement against the daily slaughter, America's murder rate has inspired an altogether different response: a culture of murder, with the murderer at its core. Edgar Allan Poe invented the detective story more than 150 years ago, with the publication of "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," and tabloids have always relied on crime stories to lure readers. But only in recent years has the serial killer become a national icon, endlessly portrayed in movies, books, and popular music. The first mainstream Hollywood "slasher" film, Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, was released in 1960, as America's murder rate began to climb. Six years later In Cold Blood, Truman Capote's nonfiction tale of murder, was published to great acclaim. Both works were inspired by real murderers; both created whole new genres; and both continue to be widely imitated by lesser talents. The slasher film and the nonfiction murder tale share a fundamental premise: the killer is the protagonist.

Since 1966 hundreds of books have been published that follow murderers along their paths of destruction. Every serial killer, it seems, now has a biographer or two. And yet just a handful of books have looked at murder from the victim's perspective. Slasher films are even less likely than their literary counterparts to address the plight of the victim. Indeed, a slasher film's plot, characterization, and internal logic are far less important to the audience than the methods and choreography of its murders. Comedy plays a large role in the genre, with humorous crime-scene details and serial killers tossing off one-liners.

Even academic elites are drawn to the figure of the murderer, which has long been a focus of attention for psychiatrists, sociologists, and criminologists. A vast amount of research has been conducted on murderers in order to predict their violent behavior, understand their social context, restrain them, rehabilitate them, and promote their moral and spiritual reform. During the past twenty-five years hundreds of articles in psychiatric journals have examined the homicidal mind. Fewer than a dozen have explored how a homicide affects the victim's
family.

In a study of murder in Romantic literature the theater scholar Laurence Senelick used a phrase, "the prestige of evil," that goes a long way toward explaining why our culture has become obsessed with the murderer while ignoring the victim. The murderer is a powerful figure who dares to violate the central tenet of almost every human society: Thou shalt not kill. "There's no greater feeling of power on earth," a former gang member once confided, "than what it feels like to take another person's life." Most serial killers are impelled by a craving for power, by a desire for the sort of control over life and death that is usually attributed to God. When the murderer is the protagonist of a story, we can vicariously experience that power. The victim is a defeated soul, a loser in this contest of strength. Perhaps it is easier to identify with the murderer. To do otherwise means choosing the side of the powerless -- and confronting some unsettling truths.

Almost twenty years ago Lucy N. Friedman, the director of the Victim Services Agency, in New York City, helped to organize one of the nation's first support groups for the families of murder victims. Friedman says that the survivors of murder victims are often treated like pariahs, avoided like a source of bad luck. They feel cursed. Even the counselors who work with survivors come to feel stigmatized by their jobs. What they have learned contradicts the way the rest of us would like to view the world. We want to maintain an illusion of safety, Friedman says; we want to believe that the children of good parents will never be harmed. Our refusal to acknowledge the plight of murder victims and their survivors is a dangerous form of denial -- a flight from reality that allows lethal violence to flourish.

More than anything else, the relatives of murder victims need to be heard. The stories of a few survivors in Kansas City give a sense of what murder in America really is and what it does. Kansas City is by no means the murder capital of the USA. It is a midsize city in the middle of the country with a level of violence comparable to that of many other urban areas. The aftermath of homicide in Kansas City is emblematic of what ordinary men and women are experiencing every day throughout the United States. A culture of murder now surrounds us, like a dark, poisonous fog. By looking at the victims of murder and listening to their survivors, we may find a way out.

Impact Statement, Written by Debbie Wiley (11:30 pm)

2007-07-28T23:39:00.000-04:00

Below are the courageous words of Debbie Wiley, founder of MOMS. Her experience is a powerful example of the injustice that survivors of homicide are often faced with.

Reference: MOMS Homepage (http://moms.memorial-of-love.net/)

IMPACT STATEMENTWritten by Debbie WileyFounder of MOMS
________________________________

My impact statement as I wrote it:

My name is Debbie Wiley and I am the mother of Phillip Ray Dover.

On February 18, 1967, my son was placed in my arms for the first time, just minutes after he took his first breath. He was so precious, his face so flawless, his skin so soft and I whispered I love you son for the first time.

On October 19, 1998, I was led to a cold table where my beautiful son lay, this time his face was not flawless, his skin was not soft only cold very cold. And I whispered I love you son for the last time.

I’ve tried to find the words to tell you how Phillip’s murder has impacted my life, but there are no adequate words to describe the pain, anger and despair that I’ve felt from his murder. Phillip’s murder took everything from me. It took my security and my innocence; it took my rest and my peace. I have lost my faith and trust in people. I have trouble finding joy in the simple pleasures of life. Being “happy” doesn’t seem “right” anymore. Sometimes the feeling of despair becomes so overwhelming, so oppressive, that it literally takes my breath away. I never know what sound or what sight is going to trigger in my mind a memory. And while the memories of Phillip are so sweet, with them comes the realization that he is gone.And each time that realization hits my heart it is devastating.

Phillip was my son, my firstborn son and he did not deserve to be so cruelly taken. I do not deserve to have to live the rest of my life with this pain and without my child. Phillip was a loving, giving young man with a heart as big as the world. His murder took a father, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin and friend who was greatly loved. In the last four years I have watched as my family has struggled with their pain, anger and grief. I’ve watched as Phillip’s youngest brother and his wife have a son with out his big brother there to be part of the joy. Phillip should be here to be the doting uncle for his new nephew. I’ve watched as my other son struggled with the joy of being able to escort Phillip’s daughter to the Miss Teenage Pageant, but the pain of knowing the reason her father was not there. I’ve watched as my husband struggles with the anger he feels from the lack of justice that put Timothy Carl Dawson back on the street when he should have still been in jail. This man takes our Phillip’s life and we can do nothing but wait. Timothy Carl Dawson took from my granddaughters a loving father and friend, since their father’s death they’ve had emotional problems which have resulted with problems in school and problems in family life. Their world has been shattered; they have lost some of their innocence. They are now painfully aware that there is violence and evil in this world. Phillip had a good job that he enjoyed and was doing very well, he was 31 and talking of buying a house and getting ready to fight the young guys away from his twin daughters. His life was finally coming together as he wanted. He used to say “now if I could just find a good woman that would put up with me I would be totally happy”. But I will never get to meet that daughter in law, never get to share in their joy of having children. Phillip will never see his daughters graduate from school, get married or be there at the birth of his grandchildren. What the future would have held for Phillip is unknown, he may never have made a bigger impact on this world that he had at the time of his death, that we will never know, but to the people who know and love Phillip the impact he made on our lives is immeasurable and we cry out at the injustice caused by this man. Phillip was a good, honest man. He would give you his last dollar if you needed it. He was compassionate, caring and loving. He cared about people. He never judged anyone because of the color of their skin, religion or bank account. Phillip has so many friends who miss him terribly. Phillip enjoyed life, and he enjoyed living life, he enjoyed the outdoors, hunting, fishing, but his passion was reading and sports. His favorite sport was football. It was his passion for football that led him to the Hilton Hotel on October 18, 1998. But most of all Phillip loved LIFE. What has kept me focused since Phillip’s murder is the promise I made to my son when I saw him laid out on that cold table at the funeral home. I promised him that whomever did this to him would pay and now I pass that promise on to you. It is up to the court to decide Timothy Dawson’s sentence and although there will never be justice for Phillip, I beg of the court for Phillip’s sake, for his family, and for myself, to give Timothy Dawson the same leniency that he gave my son.

________________________________

This is my impact statement after being edited by the court. Read before the court on November 15, 2002.

Victim Impact Statement of Debbie Wiley

My name is Debbie Wiley and I am the mother of Phillip Ray Dover. Phillip’s murder took everything from me—my security and my innocence, my rest and peace. I have lost my faith and trust in people. Being happy doesn’t seen right anymore.I have sleepless nights, nightmares, and night terrors, and I struggle each day to find a reason.

When Phillip was murdered, we lost a loving father, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin and friend who was greatly loved. In the last four years, I have watched my family struggle with pain, anger and grief. Phillip’s girls suffered emotional problems which affected them in school and in their family life. Their world has been shattered, they have lost some of their innocence. Phillip had a good job that he enjoyed and was doing very well; he was 31 and talking of buying a house and getting ready to fight the young guys away from his twin daughters.His life was finally coming together. He used to say “now if I could just find a good woman to put up with me, I would be totally happy”.

Phillip had a heart as big as the world.. He would give you his last dollar if you needed it. He was compassionate, caring and loving. He never judged anyone because of the color of their skin, religion or bank account. Phillip has so many friends who miss him terribly. But Most of all, MY SON loved life. ~

________________________________

This is all they allowed me to read, our statements were edited and we were given the above statement that we read in court.

Before we were allowed to read our impact statement, the jury was told they were court approved statements. I wonder if the verdict would have been different if all the families had been allowed to give their impact statement as they wrote them instead of the court’s version. The Defendant’s family members were allowed to beg and plead for his life even though none had seen him in the last four years since he had been in jail and some had not seen him since he was twelve. These people only knew the boy they did not know the monster the boy had become. They begged the jury that if he was just given life they would visit him and take their children to visit. I wonder did the jury notice that the day the "family" testified was the only time they were in court and as soon as they were paid they were gone, did not even make it through the afternoon session. We were not allowed to say anything that might influence the jury we were not allowed to beg and plead for death for this defendant. This man was convicted of killing four people and evidence tied him to another murder in a different county. His abuse of women alone should have been enough for the Jury to give a life sentence. But to kill five people and beat and violate women in the way he did cried out for the death penalty. The first question the jury asked during the deliberation of the sentencing phase was: Were the families of the victims allowed to state what verdict they wanted? And of course the court had to respond with NO.

We learned very quickly that the Defendant has all the rights in court.

Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters (M.O.M.S.) 11:00 pm

2007-07-28T23:01:00.000-04:00

In my search for information to share with my readers throughout this event I stumbled upon the website below. Its a support group no one wants to ever join and yet its inspiring that it still exists...that it's members can have the strength to go on and help others to recover from what most of us would want to forget.

Below I've added the links to their memory board, a memorial for the children they've lost.

Reference: http://moms.memorial-of-love.net

"M.O.M.S is a place for mothers to communicate with each other,
to provide some information about the GRIEF process
and provide information links to other sites that have been most helpful to me."
~ Debbie Wiley

Who are MOMS? We are women from all over the United States. We share the same horrible pain of having our children murdered but this bond is a blessing to help us survive. This friendship is so meaningful to all. God knew what he was doing when he created MOMS. For there is not anyone else who could travel this road of pain and heartache and come out a stronger person to help others in her same pain.

The first MOM was Debbie Wiley, who created the site in memory of her loving son Phillip. Since then, there have been many more MOMS who have joined in the healing, as there are some things you can only know through traveling this journey. We are all different ages, races, and from different places but we all are the same.

MOMS is a place where when I am so weary other MOMS speak my pain and cry right alongside of me.

MOMS are more warriors than an AMAZON, stronger than the mightiest tree, whose prayers I always hear but tears I never see. MOMS are stronger than Teflon, more fragile than glass, willing to help each other see this pain cannot last. Proud to be among them and all praises to the Lord above us.

Lorre has had one of the worst experiences of losing four family members at the same time but she is such an inspiration to us all. So many members-too many to count. So many precious faces on the memory board and such great pain for all to see more beautiful innocent faces added so often. MOMS is a place I found not by my choice but by someone else's choice to take my sons life. I found comfort and found a lot that knew and know exactly how my heart felt when I found them and how it feels now.

It is my choice now to stay and help others heal on this long journey of pain beyond belief.

The murderer of our loved one (s) causes our membership to M.O.M.S. We found each other, we didn't want to join. The price we pay to be elite also makes our group perpetual. But, Unfortunately, there will be more, and more who join this group, and fortunately, there will be more and more who will find strength, not only by numbers, but through God, to go on with the every day tasks, that we find we can no longer do. To get out of bed, go back to work, and become alive ourselves again, although a large piece of our hearts are missing.

Clocks keep ticking. The world continues to turn. The sun rises on time as if nothing has happened. But we know the truth and in our journey together we share that truth. The truth that love never dies, and as long as we can share our beloved children, our hearts will continue to beat. That is the sisterhood of MOMS.

MEMORY BOARD FOR
THE MURDERED CHILDREN
OF M.O.M.S.

PAGE 1
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Grief - "The Human Experience" (10:30 pm)

2007-07-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

This essay below is quite informative. It explains the process of grief, but then goes on to enlighten readers on the strength of those left behind after the murder of a child. Wanda describes the comfort and solace she herself finds in other families she meets after losing her own daughter.

People are amazing. Even in all this chaos we live in I try not to forget that. The survivors written about by Wanda Bincer, and the author herself, are clear proof of that. I don't know how they go on after such a loss but I've seen it done in my grandparents and parents. But that is the extent of my experience.
Reference: MOMS Homepage (http://moms.memorial-of-love.net)

Grief - "The Human Experience"

Wanda Bincer, M.D.
Madison, Wisconsin

Grief is a universal human experience and all of us are familiar with the feelings of pain and sadness following a loss. We read about tragedies every day in the newspapers, see them on TV, hear about misfortunes from friends or experience a loss of someone dear to us through illness or old age. Our culture tends to encourage us to ignore death and pain, and promotes the myth that we can all be young, beautiful and if we live right, happy forever.

Many have read or heard of the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and other experts on death and dying. Thus we are familiar with the stages of grief, shock, denial, rage, despair, and finally acceptance. We may find reassurance in the fact that the terrain has been studied, that there is a map on how to travel the areas that need to be passed on the road to our destination. For some the travel is made easier by a strong faith, by a sense of meaning and purpose, and by the firm belief that they will need with absent loved ones after death.

At different times many of us come into contact with grieving persons at a funeral, memorial service or when visiting the bereaved. We offer caring words, compassion, practical help and maybe even love, but then we are finished and go on with our lives. I was thrust into the world of senseless violence, grief and anguish with the sudden news of the murder of my oldest child and only daughter. It began with utter shock and disbelief and a slim hope that a mistake had been made. The shock and disbelief still catch me at times, even though four years have passed. And of course a terrible mistake was made; some cruel and misguided man ended the life of a young woman, who loved life, people and animals. She picked up stray puppies, loved children, had a radiant sunny smile and wanted to start a camp for mentally retarded and disabled children. A part of me was killed with her and I will never be the same again.

We all ask "why." We become acutely aware of our vulnerability. The world suddenly becomes an unfair and dangerous place. Our sense of trust, order, and the belief that should we live just and good life nothing bad will happen to us, are shattered. However, it is important to remember that we are all individuals, that our circumstances differ, as does the length and pattern of our grief. What we can offer those who are grieving is a caring acceptance of their special way of dealing with their anguish and a willingness to listen.

"Give Sorrow Words" is the message of the self-support group Parents of Murdered Children. Healing can be facilitated by telling one's story again and again and by allowing oneself to experience pain, rage and despair. Most of us do not realize our own strengths and ability to cope. The resiliency and power of the human spirit are awesome. When I come into contact with families whose child has been murdered and experience the compassion and caring within the group, my faith in the human spirit is restored. Survivors of the murder of a child, spouse, or friend have a great deal to offer one another and often can be of more help than the clergy or mental health professionals.

I would say that probably the most important element that can help us in our grieving is that we treat ourselves with great kindness and that we do not set up unfair expectations of ourselves. Length of time, intensity of sorrow, may be different for each of us. The different stages of grief follow no rigid order and we need to give ourselves permission to experience our anguish in our own time, without deadlines or hurtful judgements.

As we live through unimaginable heartbreak and sadness, it is a time for gentleness; it is a time to forgive ourselves, our anger and self-centeredness; it is a time to allow ourselves to weep, as long and as often as we wish.

It is important not to allow society in general, our friends, mental health professionals, or the clergy in particular, to pressure us into getting on with the business of living and thus shortening or suppressing our grieving. Well-meaning people who expect the bereaved to become quickly functional, smiling and cheerful again, may do incredible harm and will certainly increase the feelings of loneliness, hurt and alienation already present.

It is important to grieve, to experience the pain, to weep and to acknowledge the impact of our loss. To allow ourselves to grieve is healing in the long run. It enables us to put our lives together again as best we can under the circumstances.

A Message from John Walsh

2007-07-28T22:00:00.000-04:00

John Walsh is very well known as the host of "America's Most Wanted" -- a show dedicated to putting the worst of criminals behind bars, where they belong. Walsh himself lost a child to a to homicide in 1981 and has since made it his personal mission to help make sure that justice be served to child-murderers for their heinous actions.
Reference: Missing Child Resources (http://www.amw.com)
...

A Message from John Walsh

When my son Adam was murdered, I began my journey through an America that I wish I knew nothing about. An America where adults do appalling things to children.

Back in 1981 when Adam was abducted, there weren't any resources for endangered children and their families. My wife Revé and I had no idea what to do. In an instant, our lives were turned completely upside down. We just began beating on doors asking for help. We called anyone and everyone. It felt as if we were in charge of the investigation. While we feared for our son's safety, we were also angry at the system that was supposed to protect our son and help us.

Adam's abduction was our private hell -- but it was not an isolated incident. Life is an obstacle course for children in America today. Sadly, stranger abduction cases are just the tip of the iceberg. Physical and psychological violence and abuse, abduction, molestation, and sexual exploitation are all overwhelming in magnitude yet largely unrecognized and underreported

From the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
With viewers' help America's Most Wanted has helped reunite abducted children with their parents and put lots of perverts behind bars. But we're only on TV for 1 hour a week. NCMEC is there 24/7. Since 1984, they've handled 1.8 million calls, trained more than 180,000 professionals, distributed more than 28 million copies of publications, worked 94,000 missing-child cases, and helped recover 78,000 missing children.

To Survivors of Homice (From POMC Brochure) 9:30 pm

2007-07-28T21:30:00.000-04:00

This is a further look into the support that POMC has to offer to survivors of homicide who've lost a child. Behind every name along the Indiana Tenderness Trail currently being constructed is a mother, father, grandparent, etc., who's suffered what no one should ever have to. I firmly believe that the lose of a child is one of the very worst things that we as humans can ever endure. Its an occurence that defies all that we hold as being natural and sacred.

PARENTS OF MURDERED CHILDREN, INC.

Parents of Murdered Children, Inc. (POMC), headquartered in Cincinnati, Ohio, is the only national self-help organization designed solely to offer emotional support and information about surviving the loss of a loved one to murder. It was founded by Charlotte and Bob Hullinger in 1978, three months after their daughter, Lisa, was murdered.

"It began out of our personal need, not out of any altruistic motives," Charlotte Hullinger says. "From it developed the realization that most people don't have any idea of what it's like to have a child murdered." Based on the idea that grief must be shared, Parents of Murdered Children was born.

From its quiet birth, POMC has expanded to include other family members and friends who are survivors. POMC now has Chapters and Contact Persons across the United States and provides assistance and support to over 100,000 survivors each year.

WHEN A LOVED ONE IS MURDERED

Facing the death of a loved one is never easy. When murder occurs, the anger, pain and grief are compounded by the crushing realization that another person intentionally took the life of someone precious.

Adding to the family's trauma are intrusions into their grief. Police, lawyers and other members of the criminal justice system need information, evidence and testimony. Television and newspaper reporters often focus upon the victim without consulting the family. When a suspect is apprehended, preliminary hearings, postponements, trials and sentencing all force grieving families to face what may seem to be a lack of justice. In situations where the murder is unsolved or justice is otherwise compromised, there is even greater pain and confusion.

WHY WE ARE HERE

1. To provide ongoing emotional support needed to help parents and other survivors deal with the pain of their loss and facilitate the reconstruction of their lives.

2. To provide contact with similarly bereaved persons and establish self-help groups that meet regularly.

3. To provide information about the grief process and the criminal justice system as they pertain to survivors of a homicide victim.

4. To communicate with professionals about the problems faced by those surviving a homicide victim.

5. To increase society's awareness of the problems faced by survivors.

LOCAL CHAPTERS AND CONTACT PERSONS

POMC local Chapters hold monthly meetings, provide a telephone network of support, supply information about the grief process, organize a speakers bureau and provide accompaniment for survivors who must attend court proceedings. Many Chapters publish their own newsletter.

In areas where there are not enough members to sustain a Chapter, Contact Persons provide much the same level of support.

WHAT HAPPENS AT A MEETING?

Most meetings begin with introductions and each survivor telling of their loss. Often there is a topic to guide discussions, such as the grief process, the criminal justice system or favorite memories. Usually meetings revolve around group members' own knowledge and experiences, but occasionally outside speakers are invited to present information and to learn from survivors.

One member said: "In the meetings, people are so supportive, you don't have to be afraid to say what you feel. No one is there to judge your feelings or to persuade you to think differently."

A reporter described a meeting in Wisconsin: "These mothers and fathers talked about their feelings of anger, hopelessness, bitterness and their seemingly endless grief. No one told them 'Forget about it' or 'You should be over that by now.'"

As members help one another by sharing experiences, feelings and insights and by allowing others to do the same, their grief is somehow lessened.

THOUGHTS ON COPING

As parents and other family members who have survived the violent death of a son, daughter or other loved one, we wish to share some thoughts on coping and to offer additional materials you may find helpful.

First, don't be surprised at the strong emotions that come -- shock, disbelief, anger toward the murderer, frustration with justice being delayed or denied, a seeming loss of faith in God and people.

Second, expect to be numb, confused, depressed or unable to stop crying. Sometimes survivors have difficulty releasing their emotions. You may feel as if you are losing your sanity, but you're probably not. These are normal reactions.

Third, it is natural to experience a primal kind of fear. Childhood fears of the "boogeyman" coming in the middle of the night and murdering you become real.

Fourth, be gentle with yourself. Grief takes much longer to resolve than most people realize. It affects the body as well as the emotions.

Fifth, as much as you want to, don't build a wall around yourself. You are not alone, and being involved with others will help your recovery, especially if you can channel your strong emotions into constructive action.

HOW MAY WE HELP?

Every survivor has days that are more difficult than others. If you need to talk to someone, please call. The National POMC staff is available to listen and assist you with specific problems. National POMC is open Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., EST. Your call is important to us. After hours an answering service will relay your message and we will return your call as soon as possible.

National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, Inc.
100 East Eighth Street, B-41 · Cincinnati, Ohio 45202
Phone: (513)721-5683 · Fax: (513)345-4489
E-mail: NatlPOMC@aol.com

Donating Tenderness

Event Index

Conclusion (9:00 am -- 24th HOUR!)

Closing Poem (8:30 am)

POMC Inc. National Song: "We Are Survivors" (8:00 am)

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural (7:30 am)

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural

David Carr Jr., Saxophonist (7:00 am)

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative (6:30 am)

Children's Memorial Flag

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative

Further the Cause

Stay Connected

Justice For Murdered Children (JFMC.org) 6:00 am

POMC Inc. Unsolved Cases (5:30 am)

FacesOfTheMissing.org (5:00 am)

A Message from the webmaster...Welcome to Faces of the Missing

Office for Victims of Crime (O.V.C) 4:30 am

Garden of Angels (4:00 am)

Amber Hagerman... In memory of all abducted children (3:30 am)

IN MEMORY OF ALL ABDUCTED CHILDREN

Code Amber Amber Alert Statistics

POMC Inc. Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories (3:00 am)

National Center for Children Exposed to Violence (2:30 am)

Bereaved Parents of the USA Organization (2:00 am)

The Compassionate Friends (1:30 am)

Grief Support After the Death of a Child

Author, Kathleen O'Hara (1:00 am)

"GRIEF", written by Debbie Wiley (12:30 am)

ARTICLE: "A Grief Like No Other" (12 Midnight)

Impact Statement, Written by Debbie Wiley (11:30 pm)

My impact statement as I wrote it:

________________________________

________________________________

Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters (M.O.M.S.) 11:00 pm

MEMORY BOARD FORTHE MURDERED CHILDRENOF M.O.M.S.

Grief - "The Human Experience" (10:30 pm)

Grief - "The Human Experience"

A Message from John Walsh

To Survivors of Homice (From POMC Brochure) 9:30 pm

A Message from the webmaster...

Welcome to Faces of the Missing

MEMORY BOARD FOR
THE MURDERED CHILDREN
OF M.O.M.S.