Done as a Society

I've come back.

2007-12-10T20:50:00.000-06:00

For two words - Kitty Wigs.

Told you it didn't add up....

2007-03-25T13:20:00.000-05:00

This relatest to the previous post, so go down there and read that first...

Yeah, I was the jerk for suggesting that the dog beheading had something to do with an implicit suggestion of Crystal having sex with the dog... Funny, while I was wrong on the people who committed the crime, I was right about the suggestion.

Here are a couple of items that have since come out...

On Thursday, police recovered evidence that connects the man to the crime, Sgt. Jim Gray said. "He admitted to being there [when the dog was beheaded]," Gray said.

The suspect, 24, was jailed Thursday on suspicion of making terroristic threats. The Star Tribune isn't using his name because he hasn't yet been charged; that may happen as early as today and could include animal cruelty charges as well.

The suspect is a man whom Crystal had once befriended. "He really has no one," she said. "He has no friends. I felt sorry for him."

He wanted Crystal to be his girlfriend. But she didn't want that, she said.

And a couple of days later...

"He's dragging her down to get revenge. He was mad because she has a new boyfriend. Crystal is just severely depressed. She's on the edge ... and I don't know what will happen," Shirley Brown said.

So, see, I told you all.

But as the story goes on, you begin to realize just how this thing is even a bigger mess than first thought.

Keep in mind that Crystal is 17. Still in high school. SEVENTEEN. Now, let's read about this guy....

Gomez was previously convicted of second-degree assault and sentenced to prison for one year and nine months for a 2004 attack in St. Paul when he stomped and kicked a friend at a party.

Gomez also was convicted of domestic assault in 2001. He spent six days in jail, then was ordered to serve another 30 days for probation violations, including failure to complete an anger management program.

Now, can someone explain to me WTF this family was thinking in allowing this girl to hang out, and even date, this guy. Seriously. I mean, what's the deal here.

I still believe this is a sad and screwed up story. Keeping that in mind, as a buddy of mine once observed that gad things generally don't happen to random people. Most of the time, the person has put themself ito a situation that opens them up to having problems. This is that case.

Yeah, this is a screwed up story and one of the more weird ones we've had. Nevertheless, it took a screwed up situation in the first place for it to all come about.

So what makes us more Done as a Society? The fact that a guy beheaded what turned out to be an already dead dog (a one time weird occassion), or the fact that a family allowed their 17 problemed child hang out with this ex-con?

I had an intervention today...

2007-03-21T22:16:00.000-05:00

You've got to love Toothpaste for Dinner.

Something's not adding up....

2007-03-15T08:10:00.000-05:00

This is the lastest story to go around the Twin Cities...

Girl Given Dog's Severed Head In Package
(AP) St. Paul A 17-year-old girl who spent weeks looking for her missing dog was horrified when she unwrapped a box left on her doorstep and found her dog's severed head inside.

Homicide investigators were looking into the case because of the "implied" terroristic threat, St. Paul Police Sgt. Jim Gray said. The Humane Society of the United States said Wednesday that it was offering a reward of up to $2,500 for information leading to an arrest and conviction.

Okay, that "implied" terroistic threat is stupid. I mean, it's not like they were threatening to blow themselves up. I can see criminal damage to property, and obviously there are a lot of civil matters, but it they're trying to suggest this is "terrorist" like, then it shows just how far we've watered that down.

"This was extraordinarily heinous," said Dale Bartlett, the Humane Society's deputy manager for animal cruelty issues. "I deal with hundreds and hundreds of cruelty cases each year. When I read about this case, it took my breath away. It's horrible."

Sending the dog's head to the teen was malicious, Bartlett said. "That level of depravity is beyond belief," Bartlett said.

After Crystal Brown's 4-year-old Australian shepherd mix wandered away last month, she peppered the neighborhood with "missing" posters, and went door to door looking for him. She called the St. Paul animal shelter and rode the bus there several times. "I felt empty," Crystal said. "I couldn't talk to anyone. He was my dog. It was just me and him. ... I told him everything and he never shared any of my secrets."

Two weeks ago, a gift-wrapped box was left at the house Crystal shares with her grandmother. The box had batteries on top, and a note that said "Congratulations Crystal. This side up. Batteries included." Crystal opened the box and found her dog's head inside. The box also contained Valentine's Day candy. Crystal screamed when she saw her dog's face.

"She was just hysterical," said Crystal's grandmother, Shirley Brown. "She was screaming. She said, 'Grandma, it's my dog's head.' "I said, no it can't be."

Authorities say the case is an isolated incident and the suspect likely knew the family. A motive is unclear. "This was so cruel," Crystal said. "This is one sick, twisted person."

Okay, I may be going to hell for this, but something doesn't add up.

This is a SEVENTEEN year old girl. That means this was a high school girl and so the perpatrators are more than likely 16-18 year old guys. If she were 8, I'd suspect a neighbor, but this seems to be a teenage guy thing. The fact that they delivered the package to her steps also suggests that they knew her and actually lured the dog away for this (you don't behead dogs you don't know).

Okay, now let's look at the other circumstances. The dog's head included BATTERIES and VALENTINES CANDY. What's the connection, and think like a 16-18 year old boy who would cut the head off of a dog. The note also give some insight "This side up. Batteries included."

This is where I go to hell. Seems to me that there obviously some sexual connotation of things (as would be expected by 16-18 yr. old guys). This side up? Batteries? I think there's a hidden suggestion about things. It also makes me wonder what the "congratulations Crystal."

Here's my theory (for which everyone will now hate me). I'm guessing that there was some sort of rumor around the school that Crystal....um.... "knew" her dog. Obviously, it was probably completely baseless crap, but that doesn't stop teenage boys. Then as some cruel joke, these guys decide to go and do this.

...That's just my jerk-ass of a theory though...

UPDATE:
I found this version of the story while reading the news this morning. I think there are some things that may give credence to my theory, as sad as it may seem....

"I told him everything and he never shared any of my secrets," said Crystal, 17, who has had some troubled times in her young life. Chevy was her therapy dog, and she leaned on him for comfort and support.
....
"He was more patient than any person I ever met. That dog waited for years for me to get myself together," said Crystal, who began to cry.

"That dog didn't care what I did, what I didn't do ... what anyone did to me. He didn't care about any of that. He just wanted to love me the way I loved him."

I'm saying that if she talked like this during school - if she had an unusual attachment to this dog, then I can see why/how my theory started forming.

Note, I am NOT suggesting that she actually had, um, "relations" with the dog. Rather, I'm saying that I can see guys starting that rumor and then conjuring up this sick plan.

My only point in any of this is that sometimes the other side of the story helps understand what's really going on.

Prove it wasn't a unicorn, smarty.

2007-03-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

You know you're running low on excuses when this is the best you can come with.

Man Tells Cops Unicorn Caused Crash
(AP) BILLINGS, Mont. A man told police not to blame him for crashing his truck into a light post - it was that unicorn behind the wheel. Prosecutor Ingrid Rosenquist said Phillip C. Holliday Jr. initially denied driving the truck involved in the March 7 crash in Billings. He told officers at the scene that a unicorn was driving, she said.

Holliday, 42, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to felony charges of criminal endangerment and drunken driving.

A pickup truck drove through a red light and nearly struck another truck in the intersection, according to court documents. The driver then made an erratic U-turn through a gas station, crossed the street and crashed into a light pole. Nobody was injured.

Holliday has five drunken-driving convictions. District Judge Gregory Todd kept his bail at $100,000 despite his lawyer arguing that Holliday's last such conviction was 14 years ago.

You mean to tell me that a small mythical creature was driving erraticaly and smashing into light poles? That can't be good.

In a completely unrelated note, while I was searching for "Holiday" pictures, I did come across this little gem which doesn't fit the post, but does fit the blog.

Back in the day, I use to work at a local gas station in my little home town (which is now a Holiday station). The gas station had this stupid big fake walleye or bass or something outside of it. It was just some hokey concrete fish thing. Supposedly caught by Paul Bunyon, blah, blah, blah.

People would take pictures of it on their trips, which we all thought was just stupid. I mean, it's just a fake fish.

Well, in my search, I came across the photo:

I shudder in memory of working there.

I blame Hallmark and their stupid holiday.

2007-02-20T09:10:00.000-06:00

Hey guys, you better think twice about whether you want to string that relationship along. Women don't take kindly to not getting what they want on Valentine's day.

Dumaguete City, Philippines - A woman who got mad that her boyfriend of 12 years hadn’t gotten her a valentine’s day gift flew into a rage yesterday and chopped off her left nipple after cutting off her boyfriend’s penis first.

Reynato Reyes, 41, said that his girlfriend had wanted a wedding ring and had been asking for marriage due to stress and nagging from her mother who was dying from cancer.

The girlfriend herself also wanted to have children before she got too old to “play with them”, he said and her mom had hinted on several occasions that Reynato was a loser and that her daughter would be better off without him.

Reynato said that if he had married his girlfriend like the mom wanted, she probably (the mom) would not have stopped nagging them anyway and he saw no need of marrying her as it kept their relationship much more alive that way.

Damn, I wish I would have thought of that line back in the days of Prof. Ex.

He said the girlfriend, Loreli Belmonte, 32, had warned him that if he did not get her what she wanted after staying with him that long, then she would cut off a part of her body that he loved the most.

Reynato says that he did not take her seriously since she herself loved her own breasts and had forced Reynato to pay for her to get a breast augmentation two years ago.

Reynado says he immediately forgot about the threat when he went to work that morning and that upon coming back home from work later that evening, he found a gift-wrapped box sitting on the floor of his living room.

Just then, Loreli walked in from the bedroom and straight out asked him for “the ring”. When Reynato failed to produce a ring, Loreli calmly walked toward the box, opened it and took out a brand new machete.

Reynato tried backing out the front door and was obstructed by a chair behind him. He fell backwards and hit his head on the arm chair knocking himself out. When he came to, he was lying on a hospital bed with unbelievable pain in his groin. He learned from the police as they questioned him that his girlfriend had indeed cut off her left nipple after cutting his penis off and had then proceeded to call the police and tell them exactly what she had done.

Doctors did manage to stitch Reynato’s penis back and he says he is ready to forgive and forget and would take her back as soon as she is released from jail.

Ahhh...they've made up. You've got to love disfunctional couples.

And before any of you make a joke, we fell short of 8 years, far less than the 12 this guy strung it out.

You ought to need a license.

2007-02-09T11:23:00.000-06:00

The current temperature in the Twin Cities metro is -1. This means it's about the 10th day in a row where temperatures have been significantly below zero for much of the day.

Nevertheless, parents seem to think it's cool to just leave your kids in the car:

Kids in Car while Mom Tans

Kid Left in Car while Dad hits the Casino

14-month and 3-year old left in Car

WTF is wrong with these parents? What the hell goes through their heads to cause them to think that this is a good idea?

You know, these kids are at a huge disadvantage starting out in life. They only go on to grow up and make stupid decision.

For example, they may go on to become the prosecutors for the third story...

Woman Who Left Sons In Cold Car Not Charged
(AP) Duluth, Minn. A Duluth woman who left her two young children in a parked car while temperatures were well below zero won't be charged with child endangerment, authorities said.

Police said the woman left a 14-month-old boy and a 3-year-old boy in the car for about a half-hour Saturday after the vehicle wouldn't start. The outside temperature was about 20 degrees below zero, and the youngest boy had early signs of frostbite on his finger tips when he was treated later at a hospital.

The children were taken from their mother, then returned Sunday, Deputy Police Chief John Beyer said.

"Was it potentially some poor parenting? Probably," he said. "But she was distracted and once she noticed something was wrong she brought them in and sought medical attention. If this had happened two weeks ago when it was 32 above it would have been a non-issue."

Oh, so she was distracted. That's cool. No big deal...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! She was "distracted"?!?!?!

Forgetting to turn off the coffee maker is something you do when you are distracted. Ignoring a detail in a conversation is something you do when you are distracted. Misplacing your pen is something you do when you are distracted. Missing your turn is something you do when you're distracted.

Leaving your two kids in the car when it's -20 degrees out is something you do when you're a shitty parent who has no business raising kids.

Fucking distracted.... Nice call St. Louis county.

And no, leaving 2 kids like that in the car isn't something you do when it's 32 degrees out. And no, you don't just get to ignore the fact that it's cold out. And no, bringing someone in for medical attention to fix your fuck up isn't enough to steralize your mistake.

Amazing what we let people get by with these days.

Don't call it a "hoax." Call it your own stupidity.

2007-02-01T07:57:00.000-06:00

Boston-ites prove, yet again (see: Red Sox), that they are the second most self-centered (thank you New York) group of douchebags out there.

Don't call it a "hoax" when its really just your own stupidity.

Boston Publicity Ploy Leads To 2 Arrests
Electronic Devices Planted Around City A Backfired Marketing Ploy By Cartoon Network

(CBS News) BOSTON Several illuminated electronic devices planted at bridges and other spots in Boston threw a scare into the city Wednesday in what turned out to be a publicity campaign for a late-night cable cartoon. Most of the devices depict a character giving the finger.

Peter Berdovsky, 27, of Arlington, and Sean Stevens, 28, of Charlestown, were each charged Wednesday night with one count of placing a hoax device and one count of disorderly conduct, state Attorney General Martha Coakley said. The two men worked together to place the devices, Coakley said in a news release announcing Stevens' arrest.

Highways, bridges and a section of the Charles River were shut down and bomb squads were sent in before authorities declared the devices were harmless.

Are you fist-fucking me? Get the F out. You guys saw something that amounted to a Lite-Brite and you all freaked out and called the bomb squad?

Turner Broadcasting, a division of Time Warner Inc. and parent of Cartoon Network, said the devices were part of a promotion for the TV show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," a surreal series about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball.

They make it seem so silly. They do that show no justice.

Authorities are investigating whether Turner and any other companies should be criminally charged, Coakley said.

Okay, now I HAVE see it all.

Berdovsky and Stevens were scheduled to be arraigned Thursday in Charlestown District Court, Coakley said.

"We're not going to let this go without looking at the further roots of how this happened to cause the panic in this city," Coakley said at a news conference.

I'll tell you how. Your city is filled with a bunch of self-centered IDIOTS!!! Seriously, what a bunch of trigger happy pussies.

Seriously. You want to know the casue? Bostonians.

Those conducting the campaign should have known the devices could cause panic because they were placed in sensitive areas, she said. Turner did not notify officials of the publicity campaign until around 5 p.m., nearly four hours after the first calls came in about the devices, she and others said.

You mean, other than than the fact that they are made up of little LCD lights?

Seriously, let's look at one of these things:

WTF did you think it was? And you guys thought I was kidding when I said it was nothing more than a Lite-Brite.

I mean, seriously, who thought these were bombs? When the hell have "The Teorrists" decided to draw cartoon pictures on shit they were going to blow up? Honestly...

The law under which the two men were charged allows the state to pursue restitution. Mayor Thomas Menino said the security scare may have cost the city more than $500,000.

At least 14 of the devices were found, and at least 24 more are still around the city, officials said.

"The packages in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger," Turner said in a statement.

Okay, let's look at the law involved then...

Mass 226, 102A1/2 - (a) Whoever ... uses or places or causes another to knowingly or unknowingly possess, transport, use or place any hoax device ... with the intent to cause anxiety, unrest, fear or personal discomfort to any person or group of persons shall be punished by imprisonment in a house of correction ....

(b) For the purposes of this section, the term “hoax device” shall mean any device that would cause a person reasonably to believe that such device is an infernal machine. For the purposes of this section, the term “infernal machine” shall mean any device for endangering life or doing unusual damage to property, or both, by fire or explosion, whether or not contrived to ignite or explode automatically....

Okay, first, they obviously didn't have the intent to "cause anxiety, unrest, fear or personal discomfort. This is clearly an advertisement deal.

Second, and look at this one closely Boston, a "hoax device" means one that would cause "a person REASONABLY to believe that such device is an infernal machine." You CANNOT possibly try to tell me that this was "reasonable" believed to be a bomb. I'm sorry, it just can't happen.

Maybe I'm being too hard on Boston. I mean, maybe the pictures don't do it justice. I wonder if other cities would react the same way....

It said the devices have been in place for two to three weeks in 10 cities: Boston; New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; Atlanta; Seattle; Portland, Ore.; Austin, Texas; San Francisco; and Philadelphia.

Nope. Guess Boston is the only one filled with dipshits.

"We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger," the company said. As soon as the company realized the problem, it said, law enforcement officials were told of their locations in all 10 cities.

That conversation went like this...

Police: Hello, XXXX city police. How can I help you?

Company: Yeah, just wanted to tell you that those Lite-Brite things aren't bombs.

Police: Umm....okay....does you Mom know your calling?

The marketing firm that put them up, Interference Inc., has been ordered to remove them immediately, said Phil Kent, Turner chairman.

"We apologize to the citizens of Boston that part of a marketing campaign was mistaken for a public danger," Kent said. "We appreciate the gravity of this situation and, like any responsible company would, are putting all necessary resources toward understanding the facts surrounding it as quickly as possible."
...
Interference Inc. had no immediate comment. A woman who answered the phone at the New York-based firm's offices Wednesday afternoon said the firm's CEO was out of town and would not be able to comment until Thursday.

There were no reports from police Wednesday of residents in the other nine cities spotting similar devices.

Thank you. Take that Boston.

Homeland Security Department spokesman Russ Knocke praised Boston authorities for sharing their knowledge quickly with Washington officials and the public.

"Hoaxes are a tremendous burden on local law enforcement and counter-terrorism resources and there's absolutely no place for them in a post-9/11 world," Knocke said.

IT WASN'T A FLIPPIN' HOAX!!!! Look up the definition and then get back to me.

Seriously, how do you people manage to breathe?

Authorities said some of the objects looked like circuit boards or had wires hanging from them. The first device was found at a subway and bus station underneath Interstate 93, forcing the shutdown of the station and the highway.

Later, police said four calls, all around 1 p.m., reported devices at the Boston University Bridge, which spans the Charles River, and at a Boston street corner. A similar device was found Wednesday evening just north of Fenway Park, police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said. The scare caused some subway service to be suspended and closed a road.

Wanda Higgins, a 47-year-old Weymouth resident and a nurse at Massachusetts General Hospital, heard about the threat as she watched television news coverage while preparing to leave work at 4 p.m.

"I saw the bomb squad guys carrying a paper bag with their bare hands," Higgins said. "I knew it couldn't be too serious."

Messages seeking additional comment from the Atlanta-based Cartoon Network were left with several publicists.

"Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is a cartoon with a cultish following that airs as part of the Adult Swim late-night block of programs for adults on the Cartoon Network. A feature length film based on the show is slated for release March 23.

The cartoon also includes two trouble-making, 1980s-graphic-like characters called "mooninites," named Ignignokt and Err -- who were pictured on the suspicious devices. They are known for making the obscene hand gesture depicted on the devices.

Hey Boston...

Ninja robs store.

2007-01-30T08:27:00.000-06:00

I would have probably just handed over the money. I reward inginuity.

Man Tries To Rob Richfield Lunds Dressed As Ninja
(WCCO) Richfield, Minn. Richfield Police are looking for a man who attempted to rob a Lunds grocery store in Richfield Saturday evening dressed as a ninja.

According to authorities, the suspect entered the store at about 10:30 p.m. dressed in skin-tight black clothing and armed with a samurai-style sword. The suspect stood in line before he demanded the cashier turn over the money in the register, reportedly waving his sword in the air.

The cashier and other customers inside thought the suspect was pulling a prank. The cashier refused to give the suspect the money and he fled the scene.

Richfield Police were called. They searched the neighborhood for the suspect but he managed to slip away into the night in the manner of a ninja.

Police request anyone with any information about the case contact them at (612) 861-9800.

He waited in line? Must have been an awkward moment.

He's a thief. He's not rude.

We've come back to bring you a great story out of Wisconsin.

2007-01-29T08:29:00.000-06:00

Where else of course?

Does this really surprise anyone that this comes out of Wisconsin?

Wis. Lawyer Picks Up Drunk Client, Gets DUI
(AP) Madison, Wis. Police arrested a Madison lawyer for drunken driving after he went to the station to pick up a client who had been arrested for the same offense.

"I can't tell you how humbled I am, how embarrassed I am," said Madison lawyer Rick Petri, who once prosecuted drunken drivers for the Madison city attorney's office.

Petri's client, former Dane County Board member Patrick DePula, 34, was arrested early Thursday for drunken driving, Madison police spokesman Mike Hanson said. His blood alcohol concentration was 0.08 percent.

Petri, 64, said he had been out the same evening, had a couple of drinks and went home about 8 p.m. to watch the Badgers basketball game. He said he had a couple more drinks, then went to bed.

He said Madison police called around about 2 a.m. Thursday asking him to pick up DePula. Petri said the officer asked if he had been drinking, and said he could only come if he had no alcohol in his system. He said he was certain his blood-alcohol concentration was under 0.08 percent, the legal limit for drunken driving in Wisconsin.

"I did not think I was intoxicated, and I was wrong," Petri said.

But when Petri arrived, he was given a preliminary breath test that indicated a blood-alcohol concentration of 0.09 percent and was placed under arrest for drunken driving.

Petri said he should not have trusted his "glib certitude" that he was sober enough to drive, and he is thankful that he did not hurt anyone.

"If there's anybody who should have known better, it was me," he said. "All I can do is apologize to my client, my family and my community."

DePula and Petri were cited for first offenses. The offense is punishable by a fine of $150 to $300, plus a $355 surcharge and license suspension or revocation of six to nine months, along with an alcohol assessment.

NO. F-ING. WAY.

2006-10-26T20:17:00.000-05:00

Get. The. Fuck. Out.

So, just days after posting about a dude having sex with a dead deer, I figured I had seen it all.

Oh, no, there's more....

A 44-year-old Saginaw man remains jailed today on charges of bestiality after he was seen engaged in sexual acts with a dead dog, Michigan State Police troopers said.

Ronald Kuch was arrested after police searched the area of Midland and Carter roads Friday for a man who ran away from a Bay County Animal Control officer. The entire incident was within view of a nearby day care center.

At his arraignment on Monday, Kuch demanded a preliminary examination in Bay County District Court. District Judge Craig Alston ordered him to remain jailed in lieu of $500,000 bond pending a hearing on the evidence Nov. 6.

Kuch is charged with crimes against nature and assaulting a law enforcement officer.

Troopers said a woman from the day care center called for animal control because there was a dead dog near the property that had been hit by a car several days earlier.

Before officers could arrive, the man showed up and began engaging in sexual acts with the dog, police said. The animal control officer also reported seeing Kuch involved in the sex act and as he approached him, Kuch shoved him away and ran off.

State troopers searched the area and found the man hiding in the attic of a nearby house.

Officers determined that the house belonged to the man's girlfriend and later learned that the dog, a black Labrador retriever, also belonged to the girlfriend. The dog had been dead for four or five days.

Wow. Not only do you have sex with a dog, but it's your girlfriend's dead dog. Boy, that has to be a interesting conversation.

The official charge of crimes against nature carries a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison. If the person is a repeat offender, the maximum is life in prison.

You'll all be glad to know that in my searching for links for this story, I learned that in a prosecution for this crime . . .

it shall not be necessary to prove emission, and any sexual penetration, however slight, shall be deemed sufficient to complete the crime specified in the next preceding section.

Just thought you should know.

Man-Deer Relations

2006-10-20T08:24:00.000-05:00

Now, it's pretty clear that we haven't been posting on here very often. Turns out that life out of law school doesn't provide as much free time as we had while in law school. Well, that and spending time with future-Mrs. Prof. S. has something to do with it.

But there are some stories that are so heinous, so out there, so creepy, so DAAS-worthy that they must be told and all work must cease until they are brought to you.

This is that story.

SUPERIOR - A Superior man is in jail for allegedly having sexual relations with a deer carcass he found along the road.

On Oct. 11, Bryan James Hathaway, 20, pleaded innocent to assaulting the carcass, which a criminal complaint says he found it in a ditch along Stinson Avenue while riding his bike.

Hathaway currently faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal, which carries a maximum penalty of nine months in jail and $10,000 fine. However, because of his previous conviction, he could be sent to prison up to an additional 24 months.

According to the criminal complaint filed in Douglas County Circuit Court, Superior Police Officer Adam Poskozim and two Department of Corrections agents met with Hathaway at his transitional housing residence in Superior Oct. 11.

The Superior man¹s clothes were covered with blood and what appeared to be deer hair and Hathaway originally told officers he had helped his father clean a deer.

Later, he admitted to having sex with the dead deer near Murphy Oil refinery. Hathaway said he was aroused by the sight of the deer in the ditch. He admitted moving its carcass into the woods, where the assault occurred.

Hathaway remains in the Douglas County Jail in lieu of $200 bail. If released, he is to have no contact with animals. His next court appearance is Nov. 16.

He was recently released from prison after serving an 18-month prison sentence for killing a horse. During an investigation of that incident, Hathaway said he wanted to have sex with the animal.

In April 2005, Hathaway was sentenced for mistreating an animal after shooting Bambrick, a 26-year-old gelding owned by Brenda Egan. Det. Sgt. Ed Anderson of the Douglas County Sheriff¹s Department has been in law enforcement for 28 years and investigated the incident.

"I¹ve never run across a personality like this,: he said. "I've never seen this type of behavior before."

Being that he's a law enforcement officer in Wisconsin, I'm calling B.S.

Court records show Hathaway has faced other charges involving weapons violations and lewd behavior prior to the horse killing in December 2004 and the most recent charge.

In February 2004, he pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of endangering safety by use of a dangerous weapon, stemming from an incident in October 2003.

According to testimony given during a preliminary examination to determine if felony charges were warranted, a Superior teenager testified Hathaway threatened to kill him and three friends, and pulled out a big gun and loaded it.

Hathaway had been calling the boys names prior to that and had injured the teen by throwing a metal object at him, the teen said.

In May 2004, City Attorney Frog Press [Wait, what? His name is "Frog Press"? That can't be real can it? - Eds.] filed a motion to admit information from Hathaway¹s juvenile record that included damage to property, disorderly conduct and lewd and lascivious behavior, while prosecuting Hathaway for disorderly conduct and malicious mischief.

Three days later, Hathaway pleaded no contest to the malicious mischief charge.

Creepiest dude in Wisconsin since Dahmer himself.

Dean Keyes: American Law Hottie

2006-10-11T12:59:00.000-05:00

Vergasy just pointed out that Dean Keyes has been nominated as one of America's Law School Dean Hotties.

Make sure you all vote for her. Vote Here.

Dean Keyes: Truly an American Law School Dean hottie.

P.S. If a faculty or staff member of the Univ. of Minn. law school is reading this page, please keep in mind this is all in fun. It's not a well-kept secret who we are and we don't want problems. Take it all as a compliment. A nice, politically-correct while not appearing all that politcally-correct, compliment.

Besides, it's not like we were the ones to nominate her (or were we No. 11?).

What? Really?

2006-09-27T22:17:00.000-05:00

So I stop by the U of MN Law School web page today and I see this...

Bush Administration + Expertise in Corporate Legal Ethics = Paradox.

On a related note - congratulations to the law school for landing quite a few solid professors and for bringing in a class that few of the DAAS'ers could get into (even though we all did quite well).

Just when you thought we couldn't kick Billy Mitchell's ass any more than we already were....

Penis Envy

2006-09-25T11:25:00.000-05:00

Thieves in New Zealand stole what?

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - Masked thieves armed with a chisel stole the penis of a wooden Maori figurine, or tiki, at the entrance of a public library in northern New Zealand, police said.

Security cameras captured pictures of three masked men using the chisel to remove the tiki's penis early on Sunday morning. The figurine is one of two indigenous Maori designs that stand on "pou" or posts astride the entrance to the library in Whangarei.

Carver Kerry Strongman said the theft had damaged the "mana" or pride of the city. Strongman said he would begin work immediately on a carving that would restore the tiki to its original state.

Police said they were at a loss to explain the theft, particularly as a nearby statue of Tangaroa, the Maori god of the sea, was better endowed.

My guess is that this was the only way the thieves could get wood.

Croc Hunter - Dead

2006-09-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

Well, we all knew it would happen at some point. Irwin finally put his thumb up the butts of too many animals. One finally got him.

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Steve Irwin, the quirky Australian naturalist who won worldwide acclaim as TV's khaki-clad "Crocodile Hunter," was killed by a stingray barb through the heart while filming a new documentary on Monday.

Irwin, 44, tangled with some of the world's most dangerous animals but he died in an extremely rare attack by a normally placid sea creature while he was diving on a reef off Port Douglas in northern Queensland.

"He came over the top of a stingray and the stingray's barb went up and went into his chest and put a hole into his heart," Irwin's shocked manager John Stainton told reporters in Cairns, south of Port Douglas.

A helicopter rushed paramedics to nearby Low Isles where Irwin was taken for treatment, but he was dead before they arrived, emergency officials said. "It became clear fairly soon that he had non-survivable injuries," Dr. Ed O'Loughlin, who treated Irwin, told Nine Network television. "He had a penetrating injury to the left front of his chest. He had lost his pulse and wasn't breathing," he said.

Irwin's death was likely only the third recorded fatal stingray attack in Australia, experts said. They said stingray venom was agonizingly painful but not lethal, although the barb was capable of causing horrific injuries like a knife or bayonet.

"It's not the going in, it's the coming out," Australian Venom Research Unit deputy director Dr Bryan Fry told Reuters. "They have these deep serrations which tear and render the flesh as it comes out," he said.

Killed by a stingray? You mean one of those wussy animals that you can pet at zoos and acquariums? An f-ing stingray?

What's next? Is Ralph Machio going to take Chuck Norris out in a karate match? Is Arnold Schwarzenegger going to have an aneurysm while curling twenty-five pound weights? Is Aqua Man going to drown in the bath tub?

So there you have it.

Steve Irwin 1,065,923
Animals 1

Didn't do much better than Toonces

2006-09-03T14:17:00.000-05:00

Dogs don't drive cars. Don't bother trying to teach them. Bad things will happen.

A woman in Hohhot, the capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday. No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.

The woman, identified only be her surname, Li, said her dog "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive," according to Xinhua.

"She thought she would let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake," the report said. "They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car."

Xinhua did not say what kind of dog or vehicles were involved but Li paid for repairs.

Jesus Christ people. What goes through your head when you figure you'd let the dog drive?

Coulter get Owned.

2006-09-01T22:26:00.000-05:00

What happens when you replace Alan Colmes with someone with a backbone who's not afraid of horse-faced blowhards with a man's adam's apple?

Coulter gets owned.

The guy said it best. It looks like someone has found Coulter's cryptonite: Reason.

SiaT - Snake in a Theater

2006-09-01T08:07:00.000-05:00

While none of us got a chance to write about it, the DAAS crew (less Vergasy) got together and went to see SoaP last week. Let's just say that it was everything as promised.

Well, in a follow up (and something you KNEW would happen), we've got a Snake in a Theater.

Two live diamondback rattlesnakes were released in an Arizona movie theater during a showing of the new film "Snakes on a Plane," according to Local 6 News.

Authorities said pranksters released the young venomous rattlesnakes in a dark theater at the AMC Desert Ridge near Tatum and Loop 101 in Phoenix. The two snakes caused a panic in the dark theater, according to the report.

"That to me is very scary," herpetological association representative Tom Whiting said. "I would hate to be watching a movie about snakes and have a rattlesnake bite me."

Wranglers were called to collect the snakes, the report said. No one was injured in the incident and, so far, the culprits have not been caught.

Officials believe the snakes were smuggled into the theater in backpacks. "This thing is under someone's chair and they go to sit and they just push your foot in the air and startle it -- obviously all they got to do is startle this thing," Phoenix Herpetological Society spokesman Daniel Marchand said. "It's dark. They can't see you, you know that well. If it's scared, boom it strikes."

The snakes were released into the desert.

There are so many crappy lines from that movie that would work perfect here.

Get these muthafuckin' snakes out of my muthafuckin' theater!!!

I'll stick with the footie ones, thank you.

2006-09-01T08:04:00.000-05:00

What do crazy Christians wear to bed? That's easy. These.

Wow. If I were Jesus, I'd start throwing lightning bolts on all of those who make me look so damn dorky.

Hey Ya

2006-09-01T08:02:00.000-05:00

I thought the original was good, but this may even be better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.....

2006-08-31T21:23:00.000-05:00

We're coming. Just hold on. We're all working on transitioning from being students to being professionals. That and reception site searching cuts into valuable DAAS time.

Is YOUR school this nutritious?

2006-08-30T21:29:00.000-05:00

Buckeye Heroes, the newest university-licensed food, will be available in grocery stores before No. 1 Ohio State opens its season Saturday against Northern Illinois at Ohio Stadium.

The box of honey-nut-flavored toasted oats features three mascots -- former Buckeyes linebackers and current NFL rookies A.J. Hawk, Bobby Carpenter, and Anthony Schlegel.

"We couldn't make them 'block Os,' so we made them Os," said Rick Van Brimmer, director of trademark and licensing services at Ohio State.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2566052

It's Official!!!!

2006-08-20T19:20:00.000-05:00

It's official. We can now officially call her "Future Mrs. Prof. S."

We were engaged on Wednesday, August 16, 2006 on top of Lutsen Mountain, just outside of Grand Marais, Minnesota.

A special thanks to Betsy from East Bay Suites, who helped me set up a couple of special touches.

Oh, here's the answer to the question all of you girls are asking.

Was he attacked by monkeys?

2006-08-15T09:09:00.000-05:00

It what can only be described as one of the more interesting crimes I've seen, since when do people attack other people with poop?

BERLIN (Reuters) - Thieves in Germany stole 7,500 euros ($9,554) from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Monday.

After withdrawing 8,000 euros from a bank for a holiday the man was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police in the central town of Giessen said.

"Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto the street from above," police said in a statement.

The two women then began briskly wiping the filth from the man's clothing with paper towels they had with them. They were soon joined by a third man, who also came bearing paper towels.

Only when the man went to take his foul-smelling trousers to cleaners did he notice that 7,500 euros had been taken from his back pocket by one of the would-be helpers, police said.

Has this guy not heard of a credit card? Maybe you'd like to to look into that whole traveler's checks idea (if they even still make them).

I think I might be willing to throw some poop for 7,500 Euros.