Most likely to: show the world how Frankie grows up.

“Know Me” is the first single from Interstellar, Frankie Rose’s solo debut on Slumberland. It may be tempting say, “yes, Miss Rose, we know you. We know you from your stints with Vivian Girls and Dum Dum Girls, and from that record you made with the Outs in 2010.”

On Interstellar, it’s just Frankie Rose – the Outs are on the outs. Frankie Rose solo is an evolution. Interstellar’s crop of songs that show we never really knew her at all.

On Interstellar, Rose’s voice is front and center in the mix, taking melodic flights of fancy that explore a new era of sound. If Rose spent her past recasting ‘60s girl group for the 21st century (remember “Candy”?), her present release mines ‘80s post-punk.

“Know Me” hints at the Smiths revival zeitgeist that’s been brewing lately. The song isn’t wholesale musical theft like Fool’s Gold’s “The Dive” or the new record by the Drums. Instead, it gently pricks the listener’s Moz-loving synapses with rhythm and key changes, and sports a memorable chorus that worms its way into the listener’s unconscious.

A rough-edged canvas for Rose’s ethereal vocals, “Night Swim” drags dark minor chords through a taut backbeat. The song bears as much resemblance to The Cure’s Head on the Door as it does to Rose’s previous oeuvre.

On Interstellar’s simple, yet moving, “Pair of Wings” she sings, “Show me your scars, I’ll show you mine,” which is really just a tease. There’s no voyeuristic intimacy on the record. Instead of getting closer by parsing her words in search of confession, we listen as Rose takes flight on Interstellar, leaving the rest of us on the ground staring at our shoes.

What will Rose do next? I don’t pretend to know, but here’s to hoping she keeps surprising her fans with new directions.

Watch the video for Interstellar‘s “Gospel/Grace”:

But that was an afterparty. The Reel Social Club’s Seam to Scream party this weekend, a daytime affair, sounds like a more much classy shindig – although equally fun. Starting at 10:30 they’re serving up brunch and bottomless mimosas, musical stylings by the best ever college station, Radio 1190, a fashion show by Buffalo Exchange, and a photo booth.

Once you get a nice daytime buzz, they’re showing a private screening of Bill Cunningham New York, a documentary on the fashion photographer known for his decades-long body of work covering everything from candid street shots to charity soirees in the Times Style section. Originally an anthropologist, Cunninham has become an industry staple, winning the praise of icons like Anna Wintour with his obsessive chronicling of fashion trends. The doc features commentary from Wintour herself, Tom Wolfe, Brooke Astor, and David Rockefeller.

It all takes place this Saturday, Feb 25th at Denver Film Center on Colfax. It’s $25 bucks (remember: bottomless mimosas) or FREE for Reel Social Club members! Get tickets or RSVP on Facebook. It’s going to be a barrel of roller derby girls. Still no?

This Thursday through Saturday, those beloved Denverites known as Overcasters will be bringing the second annual Gathering of the Clouds music festival to the City Hall Amphitheater in celebration of the release of their second album. In their words, it’ll be “three days to change your life, move forward and never look back; a maelstrom of culture, talent, ambition, music, and art.” Many fantastic acts and lovely local merchants will be in attendance, and so should you! Festival passes are still available, but Donnybrook is giving a few away, so email GoDonnybrook@gmail.com ASAP to get your greasy mitts on one of three pairs of passes that we’re giving away!

Donnybrook got the chance to chat briefly with Overcasters’ Kurt Ottaway (Vox/Guitar) about the festival and their upcoming sophomore album, Curses/Prayers.

Donnybrook: How did the idea for the first Gathering of the Clouds festival arise?

Kurt Ottaway: You get one opportunity a year as a musician, if you’re productive, to make an impact and all of your best friends will hopefully come to your gig. So at a certain point you realize it isn’t just about you or your music—it is about everybody and celebrating that accomplishment. All of our friends do so many diverse things: they’re photographers, merchants; so much energy. If you can take that energy and put it into this festival, it is a tremendous thing.

DB: Did it grow in scope this year?

KO: With the inclusion of national acts, it has, mentally! Whether it has grown in scope to the rest of the world has yet to been seen.

DB: What made you and the band decide to move it out of the warehouse and into a more traditional venue?

KO: Timing has a lot to do with it. While there will be more warehouse shows, between traveling to make a record this year and moving locations, everything needed to be done in a more legitimate fashion. I have to get permits if I am going to do it where I am at now to be considerate of my neighbors. However, there will probably be a first Friday show coming up at Cloud Land!

DB: What part of the festival are you personally most excited for?

KO: We have some national people traveling to be a part of this. It’s really nice to have people express interest and come to Denver to be a part of this. It kind of connects the dots. I am really excited to bring some new blood into the festival. I am also excited to see all my favorite acts over the three days. And more than anything, I am just looking forward to playing my guitars, when it comes down to it.

DB: Should fans be expecting anything different from your live show, based on the new record?

KO: We have been working really hard developing new projections and ways to project better. Also, there are songs on the record that we have never played live. We have a few little surprises…show up and see them at Gathering of the Clouds!

DB: What was it like recording with [producer] Rick Parker (Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Dandy Warhols)?

KO: That was a flat out west coast blast! That guy is one of our favorite human beings!

Once again, much to the consternation of column bestie Cristina, this week’s The Walking Dead ended with… more talking! Ugh. Getting a little tired of this – I think they should rename the show after the Chris Hardwick hosted gab-fest that comes on afterwards, The Talking Dead – way more apropro lately.

Glenn, Rick and Hershel are still stuck in town after running afoul with a couple dirty, shady rando’s who were trying to figure out where the farm is so they could come and crash the Pity-Party that is Hershel Farm. Rick took things to Clint Eastwood levels and blasted them both and was generally a total badass, which is completely out of character for him given that the bulk of his role seems to be “Look at the others in teary-eyed frustration” mixed in with “Look into the horizon in teary-eyed frustration” – oh don’t you worry, Rick-fans, there was plenty of that too.

Back at the farm, Hershel’s daughter Beth is still catatonic after the most obvious zombie attack ever – did anyone else see this coming a mile away? Shane blasts Hershel’s wife, and as soon as dumb-ass Beth started walking over to her mother, I just sat there counting the seconds in my head before you knew this idiot was going to get jumped – right now we’re not really sure what’s going on – she could be just passed out from the shock of seeing her mom like that, but part of me thinks there’s going to be some kind of “major” plot twist (damn I wish someone would invent the sarcastic quotation mark) and one of them is going to discover some kind of hidden bite mark on her, meaning that they’ve been sitting here feeding a budding Walker intravenously thinking she was still human.

Lori asked Daryl (Sigh… where’s a tree so I can go carve A hearts D on it?) to go after Rick and try to find them in town, but Daryl’s turned into Mister Sassy-Pants ever since he saw Walker-Sophia and realized he almost died for nothing when he repeatedly went out in the woods to search for her – so he told her to fuck off in a more basic-cable-friendly way and Lori decided to set off for herself to look for them. But since this is TWD and every female in this show is completely and utterly inept at even shooting straight much less driving, (A WOMAN driving??!!? You know that’s ending in misery!) she of course runs straight into a Walker, laws of motion-defying/inexplicably flipping her car over in the process.

I won’t spoil it for you by showing it (actually I searched all over for a pic to no avail but we’ll go with me not wanting to spoil it for you, okay?) but we got our one taste of quality makeup effects right in the beginning when we see Lori unconscious in the car – a Walker catches her scent and tries to squeeze its head through the broken glass – fantastically done – I wish I could say that about the rest of the episode, but that one Walker was just stellar – loved it.

Shane comes to Lori’s rescue and tells her Rick and the others are back at the farm and safe so he can get her in the car – for all of Lori’s stupidity and ineptness – I love that she’s at least brave. She may make some pretty foolhardy decisions, but that skinny little lady is a fearless tiger-mom and I like seeing that there are at least one or two women on the show with some guts, shitty driving and shooting skills aside.

While Lori gives Shane the glare-eye for tricking her into coming home instead of trying to rescue Rick – the guys are still trying to get out of town. Those shady-asses that tried to ambush them in the bar had friends, and those friends have arrived to find out what happened to the missing members of their party. Rick tries to reason with them through the barricaded bar doors, but the strangers start blasting away, a shoot-out ensues, and now our guys have to try and contend with all the Walkers who heard the shots and are coming to feed.

I have two things to say about the shoot-out scene – one, it was nice to actually see some action. It was time to see these people fight for what’s theirs, and it was about time we see that our group isn’t the only one in the area. It just seems like common sense that in an apocalyptic world like the one our characters are living in, there has to be rival groups that are going to butt heads and blast each other away trying to defend whatever they’ve got left.

However, that being said – as much as I liked finally seeing more Walkers – I found it disappointing that they chose to film this scene at night, thereby saving a few bucks effects-wise by having the Walkers appear obscured in darkness and focus-trickery. We got a few close-up’s, especially when one of the stranger’s crew got shot by Hershel and was set upon, but hiding them all in shadows makes it easier to skimp on effects, and that didn’t escape me.

I don’t even really know what to say about the rest of it – you’d think that me talking about all this crazy-action means that last night’s episode was a good one – but everything I’ve just told you happened in the first 15-20 minutes (!!!) – what followed was another 30-40 minutes of what now seems to be the usual: over-talking about an issue, couple-drama, crises of self(s), Rick/Shane conflicts, Daryl rotating between sulking and glaring, Dale looking on in disapproval, Andrea wanting to run off guns blazing with Shane, and Carol’s teary-eyed lip quivering. I got so amped when this episode started where we left off with Shane blasting these dude’s and Lori escaping from hungry Walkers I thought “It’s about time!” Only to have my joy dashed upon the rocks of a sea of hemming and hawing. Frustration, you are an understatement.

Alistair’s on Twitter! Oh the humanity!

Oh Westminster, you are and always will be my favorite awards show ever. Not only will we never have to see a piece of shit like Chris “Beat her Down” Brown win an award and not be booed off the stage, but Westminster just may be the last place on earth besides Donnybrook that’s so snooty and elitist they’re beyond Martha Stewart’s influence.

First, I have to say – I was rooting for Malachy ever since I first saw him waddle his way into my heart on Monday when he won Best in Breed and Best in Group, Toy – I’m so very happy to say a huge CONGRATULATIONS to the cutest dog I’ve ever seen grace Westminster – the one and only Malachy the Pekingese.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Why is Malachy so awesome? Well for one, he’s got the same name as my future unborn son I may never have because children creep me out, and for two – remember the doggie-ottoman in Beauty and the Beast? That’s TOTALLY Malachy!!!

He took the grand prize of Best in Show at the 136^th Westminster Dog Show yesterday, beating out a ton of adorably fierce contenders: 

I’m dying right now from all the cute, and Fauntleroy’s taken over my swooning couch after seeing all the hot pieces of ass that strutted by the screen the last two nights – sorry, too much? Forgive me, I’ve been up all night at the Westminster After-Party – you think people went nuts at the Grammy’s? The Grammy’s got nothing on the rager’s these people throw.

Congratulations to all the contenders for making it to the biggest dog event of the year, and to all the proud dog-mom’s and dad’s, their trainers, and everyone who took home awards last night. But most especially, congrats, little Malachy – you are the cutest ball of hair I’ve ever laid eyes on (Shh… don’t tell Faunty!)

Listen, I don’t know why god is out to get me.

In all honesty there are a myriad of likely reasons: all that underage drinking I did in my youth, the swearing, the nude photos on my phone (I won’t say of who), my continued disavowal of his existence, blah blah blah. That guy is so sensitive.

So, what, he just sits up there listening to a harp rendition of “Stairway” played by some half-naked angel thinking: You spent (*cough cough*) thousand dollars, and months recording, mixing, and mastering. You lost half your band (followed by several weeks in a ball on the couch with whisky and Oreos). You spent hours upon hours rehearsing the new band members in time for the show. You postered the entire city. Looks like you’re ready for an awesome debut. Here’s a blizzard. Go fuck yourself.

That sneaky bastard.

Not that I actually think I’m so special god would cover an entire city, with its 2.5 million inhabitants, in 2 feet of snow just to fuck with me. But then again…(everyone knows singers are megalomaniacs)

Thursday night, two days before the CD release: We played a secret show at Lost Lake, needing a dress rehearsal before debuting a new line-up in a headlining show for potentially 300 people. I began to get anxious as we hauled amps, cables, and drum hardware though an onslaught of falling snow; like ants sliding across Scarface’s coffee table. Shaking snow off ourselves like St. Bernards in front of the bar, it began to dawn on us that we might be seriously screwed.

Friday morning, one day before the CD release: Set to appear on radio 1190 that
afternoon, we awoke to a scene straight out of a Tolstoy novel. That’s to say, it was snowy. Really fucking snowy.

With the brilliant 1190 staff willing to unlock the closed CU campus, we commenced an email debate over the likelihood of getting stranded on 36 and needing to slaughter a taun-taun for food and warmth. The verdict: Fuck it. Rock-stardom awaits. We’re going.

The next five hours were a freezing white blur that went something like this: Ice. Wind. Snow. Is that a Yeti out the window? Haul equipment. Ice ice ice. Surprise! Every door on campus is locked, feel free to pee in the alley. Run to The Hill for food. Get stuck in an embankment. Vow to kill stupid snow-ball-fighting college kids. Snow snow. Radio interview. Haul equipment, freeze nipples off. Jesus Christ HWY 36 is dark, where the hell is the pavement? Don’t die, don’t die. Jam out to Hall and Oats. Home. Phew.

Saturday, night of CD release: Two feet of snow and sub-zero temperatures would not stop Le D from bringing it. However, they did stop almost all facebook maybes, anyone without a car, everyone who realized Big was playing On Demand, nearly all of the local press, and most of my closest friends. Sure everyone has a reason: they couldn’t find a babysitter, they drank too much the night before, they accidentally sold their coat on Craig’s List last week. It’s cool. I went out of my way to make it to your dj night, fashion show, synchronized interpretive knitting performance, whatever. I mean for Christ sake, we hired an Asian-chick drummer—what more could you people want?

Sound like sour grapes? Perhaps, but everyone knows musicians are whiney and fragile and impossible to be around. I’ve never claimed to be emotionally stable, people.

Maybe indie-rock isn’t god’s preferred genre. Perhaps he’d rather some bluegrass?
Death metal? Watered down yacht rock? (seemed to work for Tennis). Maybe we need
more synth.

Send me a sign dude! And if you won’t, why stop at a blizzard? Next time we spend
months writing a record in the futile hopes of artistic recognition, feel free to send an earthquake. A flood. A hurricane. Why not? Lets get biblical up in this bitch. Hey, maybe that’s the title of our next record…

Epilogue:
Actually, I was grateful for the turnout we did have, and those who made it are in my debt forever. The room was in good spirits despite the weather. Hipsters in leather jackets and snow beanies bobbed their heads and even sang along. A few actually bought t-shirts (happy sigh). But it wasn’t exactly the launch into the Denver rock elite the little voice in my head said it would be. Yes, that’s the same voice that tells me I’m just one quick-pick away from lottery riches and that chocolate cake couldn’t possibly make me fat.

So… how are we feeling about this week’s premiere? Thoughts, anyone? Why don’t we sit for a minute on my swooning couch and talk about this. Because honestly, I’m a little conflicted. Wait – here’s Consuela with hot cocoa and freshly baked cookies – okay, let’s get settled in – let me have Consuela fluff your pillows – it’s the least I can do.

To recap, the gang wound up at Hershel Farm after one of Hershel’s guys accidentally shot Rick’s son, Carl, while out hunting. With half of them wanting to settle in and make a life for themselves with Hershel and his group and the other half – not jiving well with the new people’s peaceful, naïve look at the world they now live in – wishing to move on to better opportunities. Most of us (okay, me and Mark – shout out!) found the first half of Season 2 a bit dull, as it was just episode after episode of Shane arguing to go and Rick arguing to stay.

There were two major side plots that drove the action that anyone just tuning in should know about (although why’d you be tuning in now is beyond me – go back to the first season!) – Carol’s daughter Sophia went missing in the woods, and Rick, out of guilt, spent the bulk of his time searching for her, putting many of his people’s lives in danger in the process. Rick’s remorse over Sophia’s disappearance and his search for her at the risk of his own life was then challenged when his wife Lori discovered she’s pregnant. At the close of the first part of Season 2, everyone’s issues got put aside when they found out that Hershel’s group was keeping their zombie-fied family members (and any others that came their way, hint HINT) in the barn.

We ended the first half of Season 2 watching Shane and some of the others totally mow down the Barn-Walkers in a blaze of guns and glory – all while Hershel and his group cried and begged them to stop. Just as it looked like all the zombies were out of the barn, out walks who else, but Sophia. Rick does the honors and blasts the little girl in the head, making everyone at home (okay just me) feel a small sense of retribution for having to sit through an entirely wasted season watching them look for this kid we all knew was Walker-Bait anyway.

I loved that the producers/writers/whatever, decided to pick the action up in “Nebraska” right where we left off – it’s always a little jarring when you watch a premiere and months have gone by in the story and you feel like you’ve missed something. Our group now has to reconcile with themselves and Hershel’s group what they’ve just done – because while most of us look at the Barn-Walkers as mindless zombies, many in Hershel’s group looked at them still as loved ones. Loved ones that our gang has just slaughtered. The whole episode had a palpably dark vibe to it (if I took a shot for every slumped shoulder I saw I’d be in the hospital right now) – our gang respectfully dug graves for the Hershel’s loved ones and Sophia, and set about trying to dispose of the bodies of the other zombies they didn’t know.

Meanwhile, Hershel, wracked with guilt, disappears from the farm just when his family needs him the most. Rick thinks he probably went into town for a drink (I most certainly need one, thanks Rick), so he and Glenn grab a car and head out to search for him. They locate Hershel in the town bar, and he’s beside himself with grief – what I love about Scott Wilson’s portrayal of Hershel Greene is that he allows so much to be said through his eyes – the agony on his face is just heartbreaking as he admits to Rick and Glenn that what has him so upset is the knowledge that all of the hope he had to find a cure was completely for nothing. He feels so torn up about putting everyone’s life in danger, just like Rick with the whole Sophia thing, he’s also questioning his ability to lead. But just when Rick finally convinces him to come home, in walk’s two shady-ass-shadesters to fuck everything up.

I’m just… it’s like I’m unsettled. I don’t know how to feel about the premiere. I think I was a complete spaz in anticipation up until I watched it and I was totally ready to either slam it or rave about it (was hoping to rave about it) and now I’m just sitting here like… what the hell should I say?

Here’s the thing – it’s like… okay remember back in the day (or maybe it was even yesterday for some of us) when you had that girlfriend or boyfriend that was always SO good to you at first, then inevitably they’d fuck everything up and you’d dump them in exasperation? But then there they are, a couple weeks later, waltzing back into your life wearing something a little slutty and cooing in your ear – and like an idiot you fall right back in love – only to have to dump them again a week later because you caught them making out with Buffy St. Claire at Homecoming. It’s like that.

Sorry, don’t try to follow my logic, you’ll only get lost – what I mean is that I keep really wanting this show to get back to the grandeur of the first season, but I keep feeling like it’s missing the mark, no matter how hard they seem to be trying (or not trying, sometimes).

It’s hard for me to sit here and complain though, because I wonder sometimes if my perspective is different than others. As a former stage actor with a degree in literature (and yes, that’s actually true), it’s very, VERY hard to surprise me in a story. I’ve read way too many authors and playwrights from all over the globe, from all over history – for anything to really be “new” to me anymore. But to be honest, there’s so few new ideas floating around right now that I think it’s something that can’t be helped. Do I wish that weren’t true? Of course. But, I think what many readers and viewers don’t realize is that there’s only so many “fundamentally human” storylines that are relatable to everyone no matter their cultural upbringing – there will always be star-crossed lovers, there will always be protagonists with mommy-issues, there will always be epic battles won by dashing heroes and heroines, and there will always be calculating villains.

And that’s okay – I find myself unable to fault anyone for not coming up with an idea that deviates from those archetypes because frankly, it’s incredibly difficult to do so. So to me, the real mark of a good story then is whether or not the creators were able to take those classic story-arcs and turn them on their heads and do them in a way that actually surprises the reader/viewer (for an example of this, check out ABC’s Once Upon a Time – you may not be into the fairy-tale angle, you may not even like the show, that’s totally a matter of taste, but it’s a great example of writers taking stories that have been done to death and coming up with different takes and twists you wouldn’t expect). As much as I LOVE a totally new idea, the sad fact is that they’re few and far between, and it would take a genius to come up with something that’s never been done by anyone before – you have to admit, it’s a big feat. Not an impossible one – but still, hard to do.

So coming from that background, it’s difficult for me to fairly look at a show like The Walking Dead, or any show that gets rave critical reviews, and point fingers for predictability. Because I just don’t know if my personal bar is set too high – as much as I loved college and my time at the conservatory, studying and performing great works of creativity, it totally ruined the surprise of “the story”. So because of that, there was not ONE plot point or turn this week that I didn’t guess was going to happen way before it did. It was just too easy. Was it done well? Perhaps. There were a few moments where I did feel like the actors and the circumstances were well done (namely the bar scene with Glenn, Rick, and Hershel and the strangers they met there – no spoilers, I promise! – but those scenes, to me, were the only highlights of the episode, and that can solely be attributed to the actors, who I thought were all fantastic and played off each other really well). But even during that scene, while I was sitting there enjoying the genuine chemistry of the actors – I knew exactly what was going to happen before the two strangers even walked in, and I knew what was going to happen in that bar after they appeared, just like I knew Daryl was going to get pissed about wasting his time looking for Sophia, and that Lori was going to run off in search of Rick and find herself in the situation she did.

There could be so much “right” with this show – but it’s almost like the shitty treatment of the first half of Season 2 is tainting the beginning of the second half. I could be completely off and just being a story-snob (I’m an everything-snob so that totally fits) so I’d love to get some other reactions on this week’s episode – I just have no idea how to feel about it at this point.

Alistair’s on Twitter! The shenanigans!

On Wednesday, February 8, Project Runway All Star and Denver fashion designer Mondo Guerra teamed up with Goodwill Industries of Denver for an evening of fashion, food and fabulous finds at the second annual Good Exchange For Change Fashion Show & Clothing Swap. The event was held from 5:30 PM to 8:30 PM at the sprawling EXDO Event Center in Denver, CO. Guerra’s involvement both years stemmed from his enduring soft spot for Goodwill: “I’d go to Goodwill and tear old clothing up and really study them and make flat patterns from them; that’s really where I got my start,” he told the audience.

Photo credits: Jeff Ball

The fashion show featured original designs using repurposed Goodwill clothing by students from Goodwill’s youth programs at Denver School of the Arts and CEC Middle College in Denver. Guerra judged the fashion show along with fellow Colorado Project Runway alumni Fallene Wells and Julie Tierney, the latter sporting an enormous fuzzy white hat with earflaps that practically enveloped her entire head. “We’ve given them $100 to buy articles from Goodwill and their challenge was to repurpose that look into something new that was ready for runway,” Guerra said of the student competitors. The big winner just happened to be the event’s only male contestant: Uriel Moreno! His design featured an amazing pair of long, straight-legged black leather (pleather?) shorts paired with a green sweater with sleeves made from the same black leather, a plaid collar, and pops of color at the cropped, zippered cuffs. The 17-year-old modeled his creation with all the aplomb and conviction of a runway pro, posing and turning perfectly on cue. One couldn’t help but feel that we were witnessing a mini-Mondo in the making. Watch out for this young man! From our perspective, his future looks quite bright.

In addition to judging the fashion show, Guerra auctioned off an original outfit from his collection. However, most attendees seemed more interested in groping the chevron-patterened black and white dress with matching yellow belt and half-gloves, which was inexplicably left on display unguarded in a public area, than actually placing bids. Wells and Tierney also auctioned off high-fashion looks repurposed from Goodwill clothing. Proceeds went to benefit Goodwill’s youth services programs in 28 metro area and Northern Colorado high schools. The unexpected comedic highlight of the night: perhaps due to the fact that it was a silent auction AND drinks were being served, the evening’s hosts had a really hard time reading the name of the winning bidder for Mondo’s design. We’re just going to assume they figured it out in the end…

To participate in the clothing swap, guests were asked to bring ten items to swap with other attendees. This was the most time-consuming part of the entire evening, what with all the lugging of clothes, organizing of clothes, hanging of clothes neatly on racks, browsing said racks of clothes politely, then ripping the neatly-organized racks of clothes apart like packs of ravenous, fashion-starved wolves, with absolutely no regard for human life OR common courtesy, the exact SECOND the actual “swap” part commenced. Within minutes, the once-packed racks were filled only with empty hangers swaying in the breeze, already eagerly awaiting next year’s festivities.

Yes it’s true – I took one for the team last night, recorded The Walking Dead (a show I’m going NUTS to see) just so I could watch the Grammy’s. Why? Because of Whitney fucking Houston. Yes Whitney, not only did your tragic death ruin the Grammy’s, you ruined my Walking Dead premiere. But I can’t hate you for it – we’re square-sies.

That wasn’t a word. I don’t care. So – as everyone in the world knows by now, we lost a musical icon this weekend. Whitney Houston’s pop and R&B may not have been my musical genre of choice (I think my musical tastes died in 1992, since to this day TOOL, Nine Inch Nails, and Jane’s Addiction are my top 3 bands of all-time – don’t judge) but there’s no denying the talent of Houston – she was amazing, vivacious, talented – her voice could make me break out in chills.

I was totally primed to see how many obscure stars they were going to get to talk about Whitney on the red carpet last night – and they didn’t disappoint. (Foo Fighter’s? Why?) But in the end – the bottom line is this – when the only highlights of your award show are the initial red carpet arrivals and the moments during the telecast when stars honored the dead… Grammy’s… what the fuck?

First of all, the show itself – with the exception of a killer performance by Bruno Mars at the opening and Nicki Minaj going nuts later, talk about a snoozefest! Chris Brown won a fucking Grammy last night, and not one person booed him. Why? And what was up with presenters randomly breaking into song before they announced nominees? You don’t see Oscar presenters performing one-act plays before breaking the fourth wall and telling the audience who’s nominated. It was just really weird, and seemed like an excuse to make this stupid night last FOREVER. (Okay it was 3 ½ hours, but still – that’s like eternity in barbiturates-time.)

Really the theme of last night should’ve been “How much stupid ass shit can I put on my dress to get people to notice me? Oh and, RIP Whitney!” and the answer – A whole lot of stupid shit. Because it was one parade of “What the hell was that?” after another.

Everyone’s talking about how “elegant” Katy Perry looked last night – and I couldn’t disagree more. Her dress looked like the Mother of the Bride had arrived, and she’s 87. And it’s the FUCKING GRAMMY’s – bitch can’t touch those roots up? Ugh.

Kelly Osbourne had the best comment of the night about Nicki Minaj’s cape/Pope thing and I’ll paraphrase here since I drop more f-bomb’s than I should and Kelly was on live TV and can’t. (According to my commenter’s on HuffPost it’s because I think it makes me look cool, and that’s SO true – cursing is SO FUCKING COOL!) Anyway – say what you want – when Versace designs you a cape – you shut the fuck up and put on the cape. Truer words have never been spoken. I’ll refrain from making any comments about her weird, histrionic, “I can piss the church off more than you can, Lady Gaga” performance, and just leave you with the pics of her arrival.

Then… there’s these chicks. Jesus fucking Christ – it was like, Attack of the Nominally Talented Pop Stars or something – Robyn tried to rock the newest craze, the “mullet hem” which I can’t stand. And what the hell is on her feet? Bonnie McRee… I have no words. Skylar Grey actually looked kind of neat from the neck up, but I would’ve liked a different style of red shoe – something a little more fierce and a little less clunky. And then there was Fergie. Fucking Fergie. I… I don’t even know… what the? Who the? I feel like I’m stuck in The Hand Thing I’m so confused. I actually loved the cut of the dress – the neckline and sleeves were amazing – but what the hell is going on underneath this neon orange doily? Bitch couldn’t find some matching non-granny-pantied drawers?

Okay – so, I’m over the stuff I didn’t like – let’s move on – the winners of the “How much silly shit can I put on this dress” awards go to… more pop-tarts! Sasha Gradiva is getting slammed for her Robocop inspired dress and I think it’s unjustified. I thought it was AMAZING! Then again, I think Terminator is the greatest love story of all time, so my point of reference may be slightly different than yours. Corinne Bailey Rae looked incredible in a Christian Siriano dress – and the shoes!! Ugh. I die. And Jessie J.’s mirror-ball dress was great! She’s also getting slammed, but whatever, I thought it was fantastic, and the opinions of Donnybrook matter so much more than anyone else’s.

My top prize of the night goes to the incredible, the daring, the “Let me show you little bitches how this is done” look of Cyndi Lauper. I think I got a lady boner when she showed up in the hottest outfit I’ve ever seen her in – the peek-a-boo lingerie, the coat-dress draped loosely around her like it’s thisclose to slipping off her shoulders – perfection. Not to mention the hair, makeup, shoes, even the chain details on the sleeve – and she brilliantly chose to go without any jewelry or accessories as anything on top of what she had on would’ve been too much. She was so right on point I just couldn’t stand it.

Alright my lovelies – I’ve been up all night after doing way too much Dexedrine trying to keep myself awake for this stupid show. To bed!

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I’m about to admit something that is probably completely un-American: I’ve never made meatloaf until now. Worse still, I think I’ve only eaten meatloaf a handful of times and none of them occurred before I was the age of 25. Meatloaf gets a bad rap, what with its un-sexy name and general loafy quality. But who knows, fancy or gourmet meatloaf might be the next haute cuisine trend. And when that happens, you can say you were one of the early adopters…

This recipe came out of creative necessity, probably as meatloaf itself likely originated. I had a pound of ground bison and no interest in making chili or burgers. It turns out that in the recesses of our minds, all of us probably know how to make meatloaf. Because when I stood before my refrigerator and thought, “What goes in meatloaf?” my hands confidently grabbed the onion, egg, breadcrumbs, worcestershire and tomato paste. I believe a 1950s housewife secretly lives in all of us—or at least me—because there is no other logical explanation for my meatloaf prowess. Obviously.

As a bonus, by trading beef for leaner bison, the fat and calorie counts go down and the health quotient goes up. Eliminating some of the fat allowed me to add bacon, which makes everything taste even better, duh. An easy way to pack in a lot of protein? Sign me up.

Bison Meatloaf
–4 strips bacon, chopped
–small onion, minced
–4 cloves garlic, minced
–2 springs rosemary, chopped fine
–TBSP tomato paste
–15 oz can diced tomatoes
–1 cup breadcrumbs
–TBSP worcestershire sauce
–Pinch salt
–Pinch pepper
–1 egg
–1 lb ground bison

Cook the bacon bits in a large skillet until they are crisp. Drain on paper towels, leaving the fat in pan. Cook onion and garlic in the bacon fat. Roughly chop or crumble the cooked bacon into various sized pieces so some are chunky and others are fine.

Transfer the onion mix to a large mixing bowl (using a slotted spoon to leave any excess fat in the pan). Add all ingredients to the bowl. Stir to combine but don’t over mix.

Spray a glass baking dish with cooking spray and spread the mixture into the dish. Cook at 350 for 45-55 minutes or until cooked through. I hope yours turns out as delicious and juicy as mine did!

Time: 60 minutes
Serves: 6
Calories: 361 per serving