Don't Call Me Baby Momma!

A Fresh View On Valentines Day

2012-02-14T08:42:00.001-08:00

Ok, so today is Valentines day. Normally I would be feeling sorry for myself on this day because I am not in a relationship or because I am in a relationship where I feel unappreciated, disrespected or taken advantage of. No matter the situation, today would normally be the day that I sit back and dwell on how unhappy I am with my relationship status or lack thereof. Today would normally be the day that I sit at my desk and watch all the flower bouquets, chocolate and over sized stuffed animals parade through my office and put a smile on my face as I say through clenched teeth "Oh , how sweet someone cares about you" when really all I want to do is tear the head off of the annoyingly cute teddy bear and pour bleach into someones vase of beautiful red roses watch them slowly wither to their imminent death.

Normally....but not today. Today I am determined to create a "new normal" for myself. Today I am not going to feel sorry for myself because I am not in the relationship of my dreams but be thankful for the people in my life that truly do care about me. And even thought I am not expecteing any Valentine gifts this year (unless you include any hand-made cards from my three boys) I will still delight in seeing all the Valentine gift deliveries parade through my office. Knowing that somebody cares about somebody.

This day will no longer be a day that I anticipate with dread in my heart but embrace with a sincere heart. So with that being said I want to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day!!

My "AHA" Moment

2011-12-20T12:10:00.000-08:00

This journey began with me wanting to figure out what I was doing wrong or should do differently in order to have a successful, long lasting, fulfilling relationship and now has turned into me stumbling onto a path of self realization in a way. I am learning that picking the wrong guys or giving the wrong signals is only a very small part of the problem. I have to re-evaluate who I am as a person. Which I have been doing. It started with me deciding to become celibate, which I have not been for very long. But since I have taken my focus off of that part of my life and re-directed it into my kids, my job, my finances, my faith I am realizing that I have spent my whole life chasing after the thought of being with somebody or in a relationship. This is the way that I defined myself and my self worth. If I was not with someone or if I was not attractive to someone then in my mind I was not valid. I did not exist in a way. Now it sounds so silly and I can't help but wonder why I felt this way but I know that I did. I filled my mind with thoughts of "does he like me", "if not then why not", " does he like her, and what does she have that I don't" trivial thoughts, well at the time they were not trival to me at all. They were the questions that helped me to measure my self worth in a sense.

But now that I am trying to re-focus I am seeing things so differently. What use to matter to me then just does not hold any weight in my life whatsoever now. And it is a freeing feeling that I thank God for. I am now the person that decides wether or not I am "good enough" and not anyone else. If there is something that I don't like about myself then I fix it but not to please anyone else but me. If I come across someone that is not happy with the way that I wear my hair or with the fact that I don' t want to have sex with them, I no longer feel the pressure to change anything just for them in fear that they may disapprove and leave. I actually prefer that they do leave.

I have also decided to revisit my faith. I have gone back to church. Even though I have never been much for organized religon for some reason right now it feels right. Maybe it is because I am doing this because I want to and not because someone else thinks that I should. Or because I want to make an impression of some sort. My heart and my mind is in the right place and that is being focused on myself and my children. I am optimistic that the rest of my life will fall into place as long as I continue to place due importance on the things that matter the most. When this happens then the right person for me will come along.....I am sure of it.

Will and Jada Pinkett Divorce?

2011-12-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Another one bites the dust. At least that is what the rumors are saying. Apparently Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are having some serious relationship troubles and are heading towards divorce. Say it ain't so! I would really hate for them to brake up because I think they are a beautiful example of a strong relationship. A wonderful reminder that even though it may seem like finding "the one" is impossible (to say the least) it can actually be done.

Although, I must remind myself that these are "just rumors". Someone from their camp says that they have relationship issues just like the rest of us but are definitely not headed towards divorce. I sure hop this is true...but we have all heard this before and then three weeks later they will be scheduling a press conference to announce their amicable split and promising to remain friends. Will, I will be keeping my fingers crossed. Whatever it is I know y'all can work it out. No one ever said that marriage was easy.

I Want What T.I. and Tiny Have

2011-12-07T09:41:00.000-08:00

Oh the loyalty and dedication that rapper T.I and wife Tiny have for each other is so amazing. I must say that I am a tad bit jealous and wonder how I can have a relationship like this. T.I. seems to genuinely care for Tiny and truly concern himself for her every need.

If you do not know what I am talking about then you must not have checked out the new VHI realtiy show The Family Hustle. I love this new show because it showcases what I would call a "ride or die" or Bonnie and Clyde type relationship in the most positive light possible. It must be fantastic to be in a relationship where you know that the person that you are with will continue to be with you in good times and in bad, come hell or high water, in sickness and in health. Ok, ok enough of that, I'm sure that you get what I am trying to say. However, I guess it can be conveyed better When T.I. gave a response to the question why he thinks Tiny (Tameka Cottle-Harris) is beautiful.

The Family Hustle

I guess a woman that can stay by a man's side who has had multiple jail stints is do a certain amount of loyalty and dedication and Tiny is most definantly that woman. Maybe I can learn a thing or two from her because I must admitt that my first instinct in her situation would be to run like the wind. Oh well, I guess I still have some learning to do. One of the things that I have learned so far is that you never know where your lessons can come from. Taking a cue from T.I. and Tiny.

Damage Done

2011-12-07T03:56:00.001-08:00

So I get on the scale this morning and I was very happy to see that I and steadily heading toward my weight loss goal. However, I am not getting there fast enough or not as fast as I would like. I know better not to rush weight loss and slow is the way to go. I just am very anxious to get back to feeling like my old self again. I have already lost like 40 pounds but I gained about 80.......enough said.

But there is something else on my mind. A few nights ago I over heard my neighbors fighting. Someone was getting accused of cheating and being told to sleep in the car. It got real nasty. Lots of yelling and screaming and door slamming. The entire time that I was listening all I could think to myself was how grateful I am to not have to have nights like that anymore. I began to feel sorry for their son (he plays with my son) having to listen to his parents argue like that. I remember arguing like that with my 5 year olds farther not even once stopping to consider what my boys might be thinking or going through. It seems to me that you can only see all the damage that a volatile relationship like that is doing once you are on the outside of it. I remember a few months after I left my volatile relationship my oldest son said to me "mom do you know what I just noticed....you don't cry anymore". It was only then that I realized what they must have went through. At that point I made a vow to never put my boys in a situation like that again.

Now the crazy thing about this night is that I fell asleep listening to my neighbors fight and then proceeded to dream that my ex had a new girlfriend and all I wanted to do was beat her up. Trust me when I say this, I am not a fighter! So I have no idea what that is about. I would love to hear your opinions.

Excited About Work.

2011-11-29T03:54:00.000-08:00

On my way to my second day at work and can u believe that I was actually excited to get up and get off from work. I think it is because it gives me some time to not be just mommy. I can be a woman. A professional woman at that. I also use this time in the morning while I am on the city bus headed to work to post more frequently.

I was very pleased to discover this morning that I am getting my figure back. I am wearing my favorite turtleneck sweater along with a black corsett belt. I feel sexy again. Now don't get me wrong, I still have some weight to lose. There is a pencil skirt in my closet that I am dying to get back into. When that day comes it will be a happy happy day in my land. I noticed yesterday at work as my female co-workers welcomed me back they quickly glanced at my midsection to gauge how well I bounced back after pregnancy. It is always a competition with us women but I must admitt that I want to win. I love the company that I work for. They are very mommy friendly. They have no problem with my adjusted work schedule after coming of Maternity leave and even allow me time to pump my breast milk in the executive lounge. This kind of employer makes you want to work hard for them which I do.

In addition to all of this there is some new eye candy at the office. I believe he works in our marketing department. I am not sure if he is married or not. I did not check his hand because I was too busy cheesin' in his face, lol. Don't worry, I am still fully devoted to my vow of celibacy. I just thought that he was worth the mention.

Well, I am going to stop by the supermarket on the way to work. I need to pick up my favorite armaretto coffee creamer.

A New and Different Path

2011-11-28T04:47:00.000-08:00

I am on my way to work, by first day back after maternity. I am nervous for some reason. I think most of it has to do with being away from my baby all day. Also, for me this day signifies an official start to my life as a single mother (which I am trying to embrace). I have played with the idea of being celibate and I have decided to do it. I have been in some not so good relationships and it is time for me to take a break and focus on myself and my kids. I will not get into another relationship unless it is one hundred percent worth it. This is a new and different path for me. I am nervous and excited to see what it has in store for me.

Am I a Jumpoff?

2011-10-18T06:51:00.000-07:00

After reading my favorite relationship blog undressingHER-Lust. Love. Life it left me asking myself if I am or have ever been a jumpoff. I was reading his blog post titled 5 Times Not To Take Her Home and in the post he mentioned a real woman not being like a jumpoff because she would never step foot in your house if she knew another woman lived there. So this got me thinking....... First, I guess I should explain exactly what a jumpoff is. This is a woman that a man has a sexual relationship with but has no intentions of having a commited relationship with. According to this definition I have definantly been a jumpoff many, many times over and I am not proud of it. What really bothers me is the fact that when these jumpoff relationships started I knew what I was getting into and accepted it. Then when I wanted something more and the dude didn't I got mad at him when I should be mad at myself. The crazy thing is I always enter these relationships thinking they will lead to more, it only leads to heartbreak on my part. So why do I always settle for sex without comittment....because I LOVE SEX. When I meet someone I really like I immediately want to be intimate with them. It is hard for me to hold off on sex untill I get commitment but in the long run I always wind up wanting that commitment so it is something I must learn to do.

How did I Get Here?

2011-10-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

So exactly how did I wind up the "baby momma" to three different men? Well I met my first "baby daddie" when I was sixteen and got pregnant. Some me think I was doomed from that point on because teenage relationships never last into adult hood. If someone can prove me wrong then all I have to say is "lucky you". But what really drove the last nail in my relationship coffin is the fact that my "baby daddie" was sentenced to a life in prison. Mistake number 1, I was to young for a sexual relationship. Number 2 I had no idea who I was getting involed with. Had I taken the time to get to know him I would have learned of his criminal record. I was young and dumb as they say. What is really sad is that I have made the mistake of not getting to know someone over and over again. So I may no longer be young but I am still relationship dumb.

Don't Call Me Baby Momma!

2011-10-17T03:26:00.000-07:00

After the birth of my now 1 month old son I began to wonder how I became the single mother of three boys from three different men and what kind of major relationship mistakes I have made to get to this place. I never thought I would be one of those women with multiple baby daddies but look at me now. And to top it all off I am secretly in love with my most recent baby daddy but I can't tell him because our relationship is purely physical and I know that I am no more to him than just a "baby momma". I hate when he calls me that but I know that I need to make some serious relationship changes or wind up in the dreaded "baby momma" zone forever. So join me as I look over my past failed relationships and do my best not to repeat my history. So that I may one day rise from "baby momma" to wifey.