Don't Cut Him Girl: A Baby Mama's Survival Guide to Surviving Her Baby Daddy

Sad Realities

2012-03-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

Every mother at some point reaches a point where they have to think in the best interest of their child whether they want to or not. At the age of 14 I met the guy who is now my oldest daughter's father. I was 16&pregnant and at 17 I became a mother for the first time. It wasn't a cake walk because my daughter was born 4 months early and weighed only 2 pounds. Now she's 5 about to be 6 and I can honestly say without the help of family she wouldn't be the strong smart mouthed little girl she is today. My daughter has been here almost 6 years and her dad has never done a thing for her. I can probably count on my hands and toes the amount of times he's ever seen her. I've tried to get him involved but I've learned you can't make a man who doesn't want to be a dad be one. And that's not what I want to do. the problem with this situation is that my daughter knows she has a daddy. She sees her sister with her dad, she sees my sisters with their dad, and even me with my own father. So all she knows is that she doesn't have one. And the saddest thing a child can ever do is come to their mom and ask why isn't my daddy around? Does he even care about me? I used t be able to answer that question but recently I can't because I'm not sure of the answer myself. I used to be able to say that he's away but that's not the case anymore. He's not away anymore and its the same cycle again. So I'm faced with looking at the sadness in my daughter's eyes and wanting to slap the black off my baby's father. I'm doing like many single mom's are doing though. Dealing with it. This isn't usually what I post about but its something that's been on my chest for a while now. Feels good to let it go.

Throwback Tuesday

2012-03-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

His Kids...Your kids

2012-03-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

Situation: You try hard to get your child's father involved in their life. You two aren't together and he moved on and he went off and had another child with another woman. He takes care of that child and her other kids better than he takes care of the child you two have together and your child can see this as well. Your child starts asking you where is daddy and why did daddy leave them for a new family?

What you want to do: Go to his house and cuss him and his new girlfriend out. Tell him that he's nothing but a sorry son of a b*tch.

What you should do: Try calmly telling him that he's making his child feel unloved and that he should try and spend more time with him/her. Let the child write a letter or call him on his/her own to express their feelings.

Wild Out Music Wednesday

2012-02-29T10:56:00.000-08:00

Communication pt.1

2012-02-23T09:31:00.000-08:00

Scenario: You call for your child to talk to their dad. He doesn't answer. You leave a message and send him a text to please call you back because your child back because they want to talk to him. A couple of days go by and you call again and he still won't answer or return of your messages but you find out he's been on Facebook or online every other day from his mobile phone.

What you want to do: Get on his Facebook wall and write that he is a trifling son of a b*tch and you know that he sees you calling him so that y'all child can talk to him and that he isn't shit and you wish he would call you talking about his phone been broke or he been busy because he had enough time to get his ass online.

What you should do: Remain as calm as you can and tell your child that their dad is unavailable at the moment. (Even if that's not the case.) When you finally get in contact with their dad don't spazz out on them. just be like our child really wanted to talk to you and was disappointed that you didn't return their phone call. If he argues just say call me when you want to act like an adult or just hand your child the phone.

Bonquesha Files: Sugar

2012-02-21T10:56:00.000-08:00

Sugar in the gas tank. Everybody knows what this does. It messes the entire car up. I wouldn't advise anyone to do this especially single mothers. You wouldn't want to do this to your baby daddy's car because how is he going to pick your child up? And if he sees you do it or you brag about it to everybody you know you know who's going to have to come out of pocket? Yeah that's right..YOU!!! If he doesn't already come and visit your child fine get over it. You can't force any man to be a dad if he doesn't want to be. If he's financially supporting your child though and you mess up his car. Then there goes that income because now he's walking to work. Think about your actions. Don't let any man make you look like a fool.

Words Owl Fridays!!!

2012-02-17T06:45:00.001-08:00

Don't judge a book by its cover because the next chapter you read may be a reflection of yourself..

Prison Fathers

2012-02-08T08:27:00.001-08:00

I know as a mother the hardest thing you can deal with is having to tell your kids that their dad is in prison especially if they are too young to understand. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions. If you are dealing with a father who goes in and out prison and isn't looking to change then you may have to wait until your child is old enough to deal with the situation to explain it to them but if he was never around then its probably not going to bother them one way or another. If you have a child who has a father who was active in their life then and was caught up in a bad situation then you may need to sit down and have a heart to heart with the child. Don't let your feelings get the best of you and you start yelling "your daddy is so dumb." or "Your daddy is so stupid." That's not how you handle the situation. Try your best to explain it. If your up to it take your child to visit him in jail so that they can still have a relationship. Or just let them write or talk to him on the phone. Don't try to break the bond if it was already there because not only will your child resent you and their father but they will be confused as well. Talk. Listen. Learn. There are a lot of kids dealing with having a father in the prison system and a lot of them repeat that same mistake because the families don't cope too well with it. Please don't let your child become just another statistic because the odds will be against them.

A Father On The Rise

2012-02-07T13:25:00.001-08:00

Listen to internet radio with AuthoressTaquilaThompson on Blog Talk Radio

The Black Family

2012-02-05T04:43:00.000-08:00

What has happened to the black family? Hell what has happened to families in general? It used to be a time where you would see mothers and fathers raising their children together in one household but today all you see is chick's on Maury trying to find their baby daddy, dude's running away from their responsibilities, or people all up in family court arguing over custody and child support. There are more single parent households then ever before. You have teenagers having babies and they're still babies and dad's making crazy decisions and going in and out of prison. I'm not judging because I'm not with either one of my kids' fathers and I was teen mom twice. But that doesn't mean that we didn't try to make it work for our kids. One of them is a jailbird and the other our personalities just don't match. I didn't grow up with my father in the home either because he was sent to jail when I was 2 and didn't get out until I was fourteen. I had father figures but never had a father. When he got out I really didn't know him and I paid him zero attention. Like most teen girls being raised without a father I was out of control. My mom couldn't keep her eyes on me 24/7 and I knew that and took advantage of it every chance I could. Same with teenage boys they don't have that father figure to instill discipline in them or teach them how to be a man. That's why most sell drugs, steal, or end up in jail. Once you become a single parent you are a statistic and it makes your children statistics. Not the good kind either. And when your a single BLACK parent that percentage goes even higher. What can families do to change this? Give our kids a shot at something we never had. In all honestly I can just say be careful with who you have kids with because they may not who you want to spend the rest of your life with and your stuck struggling. Its not an easy world out here but every child still needs BOTH parents regardless of the situation at hand. Even if you can't stay together as a couple plan a family day where you all do something together and don't argue around your kids. Give them some family values so that they can take that with them when their older and will probably avoid your mistakes. EVERY CHILD DESERVES A SHOT AT A FAMILY!!! DON'T SELL THEM SHORT!!!

Phenomenal Black Mom

2012-02-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

A sweet kiss from my daughters' lips when they tell me goodbye

Finally being able to let go of their hands hands because their not so little anymore

To know that I raised them right

Taught them right from wrong

Helped them stay on the right track

Taught them how to avoid naysayers and haters

Because they will only try to destroy them

Phenomenal Black Mom that's me.

Spelling bees and cheer leading games

And tea-time with the bears

Paint on their hands and the writing on the walls

Look how far they have come

Beautiful young ladies and I raised them all on my own

Kissed every bruise

And taught them how to tie their shoes

Was always their when they needed me

Now its time they go

I set them free

To raise their own children and live their own lives

And become Phenomenal Black Moms and Leaders.

And make me..their mother proud

Written By: Taquila Thompson (inspired by Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Black Woman)

Truthful Thursday

2012-02-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

Don't let ANYONE tell you that you're nothing. You are worth something. Whether you make someone smile for a second or happy for a lifetime. You are a somebody. Chase your dreams. Forget the naysayers and become who you want to be because at the end of the day you live your life and not them. If you let them beat you down you'll never completely be who you want to be. And where would that leave you?

Song For The Child Support Getters!

2012-02-02T15:06:00.001-08:00

Fed Up!

2012-02-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

Situation: You try everything to get your child's father involved in their life. You send them copies of report cards, pictures of them on school field trips, let your child write them, and reach out in so many other ways and it still doesn't work.

What You Want To Do: Cut him and shake some sense into him. Drag him to see your child and make him explain why he's such a loser.

What You Should Do: Explain to your child that daddy isn't in a place to be around them yet. don't talk bad about their dad because in time they will begin to from their own opinion about him. Kids don't stay blinded forever. Just break it down to them in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings or make them hate the parent. It'll all work out.

1st Radio Show of Don't Cut him Girl with Angel Bearfield

2012-01-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

Listen to internet radio with AuthoressTaquilaThompson on Blog Talk Radio

Radio Show Premiere

2012-01-30T12:11:00.000-08:00

Don't Cut Him Girl premieres tomorrow on Blog Talk Radio!!! My first guest will be author Angel Bearfield where we will Discuss her book Child Support!! Be sure to tune in at Noon!!!

Dear Sperm Donar,

2012-01-27T12:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Sperm Donar,
Just thought you would like to know how your child is doing. He's growing up to be quite a good young man. He's making straight A's in school and is the star basketball player at his school. He's on the debate team and is receiving a full scholarship to USC. I remember he used to ask about you all the time. Where's my daddy? why doesn't daddy come around? Does daddy even love me? But after a while he got over the disappointment of you not being there. He strived to become a better man than you and he has accomplished that. He wishes you the best in life and said that he hope that you could live what he missed out on because he's going places. As many of times as I wanted to curse you out for not being there or never paying your child support I never let it affect our son. Ever. So thanks for not being there because I'm sure you would've screwed him up. You gave me the greatest gift in the world even though you didn't stick around to see him grow.

Sincerely,

The one who did better

When He's Trying

2012-01-26T11:19:00.000-08:00

He's there when your child goes to the doctor. He spends time with your child as often as he can. He calls and checks up on your child regularly but....he doesn't have a job. You get mad because he's not supporting your child enough financially. My advice would be to let it go. If he's doing everything else for your child then he's not so bad. It's a tough economy. I'm sure once he gets on his feet he will contribute. don't start the if you don't have 200 dollars you can't see your child stuff because your child only remembers time spent not money. If he gives some here and there then that's a start but don't start pushing him away. It's a few good fathers out there and if yours is trying to be one don't scare him away. kids need both parents whether your together or not together. Don't put a wedge in their relationship because you want more money in your pocket because then you have to answer to your child why daddy stopped coming around. And do you really want to do that?

Birthday Parties

2012-01-25T09:55:00.000-08:00

Situation: Its your child's birthday and you're having a birthday party for him/her. Your baby daddy shows up late, with no gift, and a girl you never seen before.

What You Want To Do: Slap him and yell "I know you didn't come to our child's party all late with no gift and with some bitch!"

What You Should Do: Wait until after the party to talk to him so that you don't cause a scene at your child's party. Then calmly as you can tell him how you feel.

Tasty Thursdays!

2012-01-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

Sunrise Mini Pizzas
8-10 eggs
3 tbsp. milk
salt and pepper to taste
1 tbsp. butter
10 frozen whit dinner rolls, thawed
10 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

In a bowl, beat the eggs. add milk, salt and pepper. Melt butter in skillet; add the egg mixture. Cook and stir over medium heat until the eggs are set. Remove from the heat and set aside.

Roll each dinner roll into a 5-in. circle. Place on greased baking sheets. Spoon egg mixture evenly over crusts. Sprinkle with bacon and cheese. Bake ay 350 for 15 minutes or until the cheese is melted.

Yield: 10 pizzas

The Bonquesha Files

2012-01-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

What happens when ghettoness gets the best of us. Yes it Happens.

If Not You

2012-01-17T09:42:00.000-08:00

I hear moms complaining about taking care of their kids alone. Mom killing their children because they don't want to take care of their children or their baby's daddy left them. The truth is when you laid down and decided to make that child and give that child life. YOU took responsibility for that child. YOU are suppose to protect that child not hurt that child. It shouldn't matter that deadbeat Henry isn't around to take his responsibilities seriously. That child still has you. Their mother. The person who's suppose to nurture him/her. So if you don't want the responsibility give the child up for adoption to someone who actually gives a damn about your child. No need to harm them or resent them because you're alone. Single moms have been doing what they had to do to take care of their children for years. there is no reason that you can't do it to. Woman up and stop blaming the man or everyone else around you for your problems. A child is a precious gift and is the one person who will always be there. Protect that innocent life. Do what you you have to do because if you don't take care of them then who will? Who's going to protect them? No one. So step up and handle yours or give someone who actually wants to be a parent a chance.

Words of Wisdom Friday!

2012-01-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

Stop crying about how small your child support check is because there are plenty of single moms out here that don't even know what a child support check looks like. So be grateful for what you do get and do your best to support your child the best way you know how.

Theme Song Search

2012-01-12T08:51:00.001-08:00

Searching for someone to create a theme song for the Don't Cut Him Girl radio show and Web Series. Must be original and you have to own all rights. Email dontcuthimgirl@gmail.com for submissions. Deadline is Feb 1st.

Pregnancy

2012-01-11T11:26:00.000-08:00

Situation: You just found out your pregnant and are so excited. You call and tell him that you are expecting and he comes back with. What you want me to do about it? It isn't mine!

What you want to do: Grab him through the phone and choke him out!!!

What you should do: Explain to him that it is his child. (If it is because you can never be too sure these days) and that when the baby comes he can get a paternity test to prove it. Don't stress yourself out over it chasing him and becoming sick because he won't man up. Do you.