don't doodle me

Things About Finally Ending It

2009-08-29T07:56:00.003-05:00

For real this time.

Not kidding, no more.

I mean, more power to you if you stuck around for the year and a half of no posts, but really, at that point you need a new site to go to.

After over a year of inactivity, I thought it was finally time to do the humane thing and take don't doodle me out back behind the old shed to put it out of it's misery. I started this blog freshman year, and now i'm becoming a senior in a few days. I'm sure if I started a blog today, it would be far better, far funnier and far more readable-however I cannot. For I am a sadist, you see, and take pleasure from depriving you, the reader of content. You may have gleaned such a thing from the fact I haven't posted in a year and a half.

don't doodle me will of course stay up for 3 years, as all my projects do. (Actually, maybe indefinitely-this time it's not 3 years on my own dime.) Some of the material on this blog may be collected later with other Mascott related things, as it was the first Mascott project I ever did that didn't want to make me gag reading it a few months later. don't doodle me probably won't return, but hey, never say never, right?

It's been one great ride. See you elsewhere in the tubes.

*click*

An Open Letter To My Best Friend (Circa 1984-1985)

2008-05-23T19:53:00.001-05:00

This also appears on my own blog BetterOffRead (bookmark it or suffer the consequences)

The following really and truly happened. Seriously.

Dear Bestest Friend from 1984 or 1985 (or whatever year that was when we were best friends), Hey, I haven't seen you in years. It's been a long time, I don't even know what name you're going by today since you've Americanized yourself. Back then we were a couple of kids running loose around the block. There's something that I need to tell you. For that matter it's something I probably should've told you when it happened, but I was young, I didn't know any better. Heck, I probably still don't know any better, but I'm just going to go ahead and spit it out anyway. There was a day that I was at your house, I wandered around looking for you. You weren't in the living room or the kitchen. You weren't in your bedroom. I then walked down the hallway, mayhaps you were in your parents room? The door was open I figured I'd just look in and see if you were in there, what I saw was definitely unexpected to say the least. Apparently your mom was changing or had just come out of the shower. She had no top on. She was topless. She was wearing no shirt. She was letting it all hang loose. She was throwing caution to the wind. She was a girl gone wild. Look, what I'm trying to say is that I saw your mom's boobs. There I said it. Now, I'm telling you that I'm sorry. Whew. I feel so much better. A heavy weight lifted. By the way I saw your grandma, too. But I think you already knew that one, she always hung out in the backyard letting them babies air out or sunning them or whatever the hell she did when she was back there. *blech* Anyway, sorry about that, I'd apologize to your face, but you moved away long ago. I haven't seen hide nor hair of you in the past two decades, though, I did see your older sister in high school. I heard she really busted out, I almost regret not seeing her the time I walked into her room. So, yeah. I hope you accept my apology, I didn't mean to see your mom topless. She should've closed the door, though. Yup.

Sincerely, Red

The Internet's Guide to Real World Sizing

2008-04-17T17:44:00.002-05:00

This originally came from a discussion about the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and blossomed out from there. If you want to read about that (as this is also repeated on my own blog Better Off Read, just click here to find that post and the Guide to Real World Sizing as well), to be honest, I've never had a King Size Peanut Butter Cup, but everybody knows that the chocolate to peanut butter ratio is all thrown off due to it's enlarged size. Stick with the classics.

Teeny - The smallest size anything can possibly be without the assistance of a microscope.

Tiny - A step larger than teeny, but still pretty small. Generally reserved for describing appetites, bra sizes (or rather what's inside the bras), babies and male body parts according to ex-girlfriends.

Miniature - This one is usually used for small breeds of dogs or toddlers who look exactly like their parents. Also, used for describing peanut butter cups.

Petite - One step larger than miniature, this is usually what big chicks use to describe their average sized friends. It's also used for describing certain vegetables.

Small - Generally used by larger people, smal is a relative term, but in most scenarios it just means that you're smaller than the fat guy next to you. Usually reserved for fast food; as in an order of french fries; Diet Pepsi; pizza; bucket of chicken; etc.

Average - Usually reserved for dating advertisements to describe build, height, weight, looks, etc. If you need to resort to calling yourself average, you may as well come out and say you look like someone's hairy ass minus the assy smell, but with more pimples.

Big - This is a step above average. If you're big, it means you've got some weight to lose or you're a linebacker in the NFL, but since the chances of you being a pro ball player are slim to none, you just need to lose a few lb's. Generally used when discussing your girlfriends friend, the one that keeps bending over in front of you giving you the show you'd rather be getting from the Petite (see above) friend instead.

Large - Again, a relative term. Usually used to described appetites, someone named Marge, any food items from Carls' Jr., the pizza you generally order with everything on it or your old Algebra teacher back in high school. Also, used to describe, though, very vaguely, bra size and the size of a guys package until he becomes the ex-boyfriend at which point out of spite, he becomes tiny (see above). Also, used to describe the size of my arms.

King Size - Used to describe something you might find at Burger King or the size of a Snickers bar, but incorrectly used in the case of the Peanut Butter Cup. Also, used to describe the size of an actual King.

Massive -This is a tough one, but you'll know it when you see it. Massive refers to something that is larger than large, but not quite Ginormous (see below). You'd usually call someone or something massive if requires a forklift/or a barge to be maneuvered from one place to the next. In general, you wouldn't be able to wrap your arms around something that is massive. However, the folowing two cases can be exceptions. When used to refer to the size of my biceps, or a toddlers head when it's obviously too big for his or her body.

Ginormous - Bigger than big. In general this is held off from being used unless it's to describe something, um, really big? Like a whale swallowed by an elephant? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Gargantuan - Somewhere in between ginormous and planetoid (see below). I've got nothing, I'm running out of material fast. Quick someone help me out!

Planetoid - This one is obvious, something is planetoid when it can block out the sun. This is usually held off unless describing someone's ego. Usually mine. But planetoid can also be used to describe an actual planet, who knew?

If I missed anything feel free to let me know.

Things about Redoing

2008-04-02T21:42:00.003-05:00

Content on DDM not quite up to par?

Don't think it's good enough for a bookmark?

Well don't think you're the first one. My best friend doesn't have the real estate in his toolbar for "DDM" So now, every post will be edited by one of these people that don't think it's good enough. One of those who tell me that having strawberry shortcake as the main picture on the site isn't a good idea.

So, while the posts are processed through them, they will take longer. Sorry, but 'dems the brakes.

Things about the Layout

2008-03-24T20:11:00.001-05:00

As you can see, don't doodle me is going through a slight change. The header section is being revamped, so the current picture is temporary. I find myself slightly giddy to think that Mascott will be on the front page. Glee.

Things about Super Smash Bros and the Stories it Brings.

2008-03-15T20:00:00.003-05:00

Yeah yeah yeah, I already talked about Smash Bros, but after a week of playing it, i've decided to come up with a full and proper post about the experience of the launch.

Getting it out of the way, Smash Bros is, obviously, Nintendo's Baby. It not only has Mario, it has Link, Yoshi, Kirby, and those other characters I couldn't care less about. So, obviously, they wanted to make it better. Let's put it in terms I can understand.

Super Smash Bros, the original on the N64, was like strawberries. They're delicious, they're sweet, and they can be made into some dandy mascots. Now, Smash Bros. Melee, released a few years later, was when Nintendo took those strawberries, and dipped them in chocolate. Deliciously moistened by the chocolatey goodness, the strawberries were great.

Now, somewhere in between Melee and Brawl, Nintendo grew up a little. They went through puberty when they decided to call their console the "Wii" and so for their new Super Smash Bros, they thought, "why are we making chocolate covered strawberries" and they just dipped a high priced call-girl in chocolate instead. This of course, appealed to me, and some other high ranking members of society.

(See what I did there referencing what's going on in the news? That's what being dynamic is.)

Now, to the other bit. The night of the launch of Smash Bros, there was a huge wind or thunder or something kind of storm here in Jersey. This caused a tree, an oak tree, a 10000000000 YEAR OLD MASSIVE OAK TREE TO FALL DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE ROAD. This was some serious shit. I'm not lying when I say that if I had left 30 seconds earlier, I'd have been at the launch right away. But no. In front of my friend Mike's house that million year old tree fell. I went home, and waited. Eventually, I got to the Gamestop, and now I go into another story.

There is one post on don't doodle me that has gotten more hits then half of the other ones put together. One post that has gotten me more real world sympathy, hatred, love, pity, more pity and more and more pity. This post has been hailed by other bloggers as blogging refined with stand up comedy. (And yet still, for some reason, has zero comments.) The Homecoming post. "Things about Homecoming" is really the standard I try to appeal to when writing for DDM. Comedy with drama thrown in for effect, sprinkled with silence as a punchline. It's a bit unsettling, for me, to know that one of the most disappointing moments for me ever is the one moment everyone loves to death. It's not particularly surprising, as, reminiscing upon the events detailed in everyone's favorite part of the Homeoming post, I was thinking the whole time "cute girls don't ask me to dance, something's fishy." Then I thought of Karma. Maybe I was being rewarded for being a good person? (I watch My Name Is Earl a lot.) Of course not. But it did end up being the basis for everyone's favorite post. So here, I create a new one.

In reference to the previous post, this event happened at exactly or around 7:30. Earlier in the night, coming home after the first time of being cut off by a tree (It wasn't just once, it was 3. With my manly strength and superhuman ability to jump out of the way of a car coming in the opposite lane after staring like a deer in headlights, I was able to move two other large branches that had fallen in the way. Because I wasn't going to wait any longer.) I had called Lee to my my disgust with the tree audible to someone. He knew my plans for the night, and thought it was very ironic. I threw around the idea of Karma, asking him if I had done anything paricularly evil that week. He couldn't think of a thing, so I dismissed him with the promise of "updates throughout the evening". When I got there, as I said, it was 7:30, and I gave him a call. When he answers, I don't normally say "Hey, it's me, scott." I just launch into whatever i'm going to say and get a little rant over with. Posts here would be up every time I called him, they're so much like what's on this site. I start "So, I made it to the place, finally, and blah blah blah." I go on for about a minute before I ask Lee a question relating to something or other. An opinion. He doesn't answer.

After an excruciatingly long 10 seconds I hear "Scott...." these words sound almost pained.

"What? Something wrong?" I ask my friend, not exactly concerned, but more thinking, is waiting for Brawl going to suck thinking my friend just broke up with his going on long time girlfriend? (Look, I was very goal oriented that night. He could have been dead and i'd have waited for Brawl)

"Don't call me again." He replied. I could tell there was extreme anger held back behind the statement.

"Wait-What?" I ask, confused.

He hung up, and I wondered what had happened. I dismissed it though after buying twizzlers and a pepsi.

So, this Friday, I brought up the call again. I was over his house and we were watching Hitman. (It's worth every penny for 8 seconds in the beginning of the film-The baby-faced 47 jumps through a window, interrupting two stoner kids playing Hitman:Blood Money.)

"So, whatever happened with that phone call?" I ask, politely bringing up what could be a delicate subject.

"Huh?" Lee replied, a bit confused.

"You know, when I was at the Smash Bros Launch last week, and I called you at like 7 or 8, I told you that I was finally there and you told me to not call you."

"Ohhh....that...errr..." He hesitated to talk.

"What could it possibly be?"

Oh, what could it possibly be? I should have guessed what it could possibly have been. He then told me a story of ups and downs that occurred throughout the night. He went over his girlfriend's house, yes, but that doesn't mean he spent any quality time with her. First it was her siblings, then her best friend. And when things were starting to look up for my buddy Lee, I gave him a ring up. From his side, it must have seemed like sabotage. I can only imagine the unkind things his girlfriend said regarding me.

But, as readers of this blog know, and as I know all too well, I am the King of Bad Timing and the Duke of Rotten Luck. Also the Earl of Sandwich.

Things about Red's Post:True Story

2008-03-12T18:48:00.001-05:00

This is a post Redeema made a couple months ago for his site, Better off Read.
This is one of his many stories he has as a "journalist" and personally, one of my favorites. He is allowing me to put it here as content while I work to restore my computer to a nice, working order.
------
So, a few years ago I found myself in the Los Angeles Convention Center covering my first major press event for the site I write for: www.DreamStation.cc (end shameless plug) and I came across former, well I guess he would've been a "B-list celebrity", but not no more. Anyway, there I was minding my own business walking through the throngs of people, when a small moving crowd starts coming my way. Who is at the center of said crowd? Wait for it...

Actor/Comedian: Sinbad (not the pirate by the way, and definitely not Richard Grieco, former star of 21 Jumpstreet, who played Sinbad in a craptastic reinvention of the old movies with the stop motion photography) there were some hangers on and the like. It was the first celebrity that I spotted that day aside from don't call me "MacGyver", Richard Dean Anderson. (I'll have to dig up the picture I took of him for you one day), but that was part of the show, the guy was propped up on stage, Sinbad (who's not dead contrary to internet rumors) was walking the show floor. Anyway, as he walked by me, I said to myself, "Hey it's Sinbad!" You would've said the same thing, if you saw someone who had formerly starred with Lisa Bonet and your former TV crush Jasmine Guy (I know, I was young, I didn't know better). I immediately snapped a picture as he walked by me, only I was on the move, too and the photo came out all blurry. Needless to say I tried again, but no luck once again. I thought for a minute about going after him and waiting him to stop for a quick picture, but decided against it. Then I looked at the pictures to see how bad they came out, they had that motion blur thing that happens when things are moving. Anyway, I thought about keeping them for a minute and showing everyone that I had seen Sinbad and then I said, "Fuck it, it's just Sinbad."

Seriously. True Story.

Maybe another time I'll tell you about the time Steven Spielberg's bodyguard gave me the old Heisman/you shall not pass/stay the fuck back, no pictures of the "Great Spielberg" hand up in my grill. That's also a true story, maybe I'll tell you about it, maybe I won't depends on how I feel. That's enough name dropping for today, though.

Things about Super Smash Bros. -THE LAUNCH-

2008-03-09T00:30:00.000-05:00

So, if you hadn't noticed, Gamestop and EB Games had a tournament going for the relase of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I went to the launch at my local Gamestop #911. (Ironically, the same Gamestop that once employed the same Anthony from the original Don't Judge Me series.) I took notes the whole time for a couple of sites, I can't really mention them here other then Dreamstation.cc. One of them fronted the bill for my copy, those generous people, and I was able to take notes the whole night, as I said before. Please forgive me, as it is 12:33 and I have just spent the last 7 hours in a Gamestop that might as well have been 300 square feet while wrestling with a cold.

7:28-I arrive. The Gamestop is empty except for employees and a few people browsing games. I seem to be the only one there for Brawl, until two challengers arrive. They ask about signups, as I just did, and I can tell they will be fierce competition. (Note with great hindsight(NWGH):Not really. They didn't show up in time for the tournament.)

7:30-7:50-I abandon Gamestop for a Pepsi and Twizzlers at the 24 Hour Shop-Rite. I then walk to Burger King. The lights have been on and off, and never was this more evident than when half the lights went out on the way to Burger King and an air raid siren went off. (NWGH-I guess it was an air raid siren at one point. Now it was just annoying) Immediately after the first wail of the siren, the wind changed direction completely. My first thought? "Oh shit, the aliens are here." I booked it to Burger King where I got fries. I ate them on the now quiet walk back to Gamestop.

7:50-8:35-I played Guitar Hero 3 on the demo station with a guy who at one point got a 500 note streak on Even Flow on Medium. Then failed out of the demo on Hard.

8:38-Signups for the tournament start. I can't sign up without parental permission. I guess i'll sit it out. I also place a pre-order for the game-the one that comes out in 3 hours. (NWGH-Procrasination FTW)

8:50-I now realize, not signed up, I am going to be bored out my mind for the next 3 hours.

8:55-The Ulimatum of "Buy stuff now or never" is given by Brian.
8:58-I buy stuff. Sucker. (NWGH-Why did I buy Mercenaries again? I can't for the life of me remember.)

9:08-Brawl is booted up. Angels sing. A crowd gathers like the Playstation 6 has just been started.

9:09-To the left of the Wii, two young boys play GRAW2 on the PS3, and I am the only one who notices. I find this hysterical.

9:11-People enter their names. CODY, RICH, JOE, and AARON.

9:12-Oh, they're entering everyone's name. Screw that, i'm not writing that.

9:13-With the length of time this is taking, it's obvious to me that they should have started EARLIER.

9:13-Name Entry continues. I have just opened the unopened bag of twizzlers, I am weak. (NWGH-It's a big bag. I still have half left.)

9:22-Character Selection has begun, I think.

9:26-Tournament starts. Fox vs Fox.

9:28-Someone screwed up. because the players are all CPU. The lady says that if we complain we will get a sandwich. She either said Knuckle Sandwich or Pumperknickle.

9:37-First REAL match-Samus vs Fox.

9:38-Samus Wins.

9:38-2nd Match, Pit vs Kirby.

9:39-Pit wins by one kill.

9:41-Mario vs Fox

9:42-Mario Wins. It's totally wesome.

9:43-A mario gets the first final smash of the night. It's awesome and results in a win.

9:44-Pokemon Trainer vs Meta Knight on Pictochat.

10:00-It's 10. Yay. I'm not going to continue writing down all the matchups.

10:03-Round 2 starts-

10:04-SHADOW MOSES!!!!

10:05-Oh shitz. Metal Gear RAY!
10:07-Round 3 Starts.

10:15-Semifinals Start.

10:18-Champion is crowned-Our champion is Joe. The little naked wrestling man goes to-JOE!

10:19-2nd Tournament starts for no prizes I don't join.

10:32-Guitar Hero 3, the full version, is hooked up on the 360.

10:42-Guh....starting to get sleepy and cranky.

10:52-GAHHHHHH

11:00-Tip from Afro Kid. 2/3rds Sprite and 1/3rd HiC makes orange soda.

11:03-I talk about my 1up prizes. No one really cares. (NWGH-They shouldn't. 11:03 me was an idiot.)

11:11-Conversed with "Dave" about the stupid items in Melee. He disagrees. He looks like Lux with a week of facial hair. (Note:Lux is a guy I know. These are just the notes people.)

11:25-Brian mentions a line. I am rightfully at the front.

11:27-The store employees are all playing with their phones. And they say teenagers text too much.

11:36-Rudimentary line has formed. I am still @ the front.

11:37-Rudimentary line has disbanded. I am 14 minutes from falling asleep. (NWGH-At 1:04, I still am.)

11:47-Real line has formed. I am almost not at the front, but the people there will me back to my rightful position, and for that I thank them.

11:50-Mike tries to tempt me by putting a copy of Brawl in front of me and pulling it away. I snatch it. They are impressed by my ninja skills. I have a feeling my legs would be broken if I had not given it back.

11:52-Mike takes my reserve slip. I tell him that if he is doing anything but processing my purchase I will destroy him.

11:54-I distribute the blog's adress to the employees at their request of the play by play of the night.

11:55-I recieve a Mario Kart Wii flyer. I won't be reserving it.

11:56-I think my cellphone is broken. I think it was 11:55 10 minutes ago.

11:57-Hey I missed 11:56.

11:59-Okay what is this. It was 11:57 20 seconds ago. (NWGH-Yeah, I think my clock might actually have been off there.)

12:00-The game is in front of me. I hold it high for all to see. Being only 5'5, no one can really see. Those who can cheer.

12:02-I'm outside. It's cold. Im going back inside.

And from there, I went back inside and then outside again to leave. Not *quite* as good as the Wii launch, but it's still 2 out of 2 midnight launches i've been to.

To the readers who just happened to be there, leave a comment on your thoughts on the evening.

Things about the Computer. Again.

2008-03-05T21:42:00.001-05:00

So on my new update schedule, if I haven't posted on Monday night, you can be sure that I either got bored or something is wrong with my computer. This time, it was the computer. Next week, it'll be the other one.

So yes, the exact same thing happened to my computer as what happened in July. This time, I had the common sense to look through it with a boot disc rather then doodly-doo format it like nothing bad would happen. I found it was a boot sector virus, and there was damn near nothing I could do about it. With this boot disc, though, I was able to copy all of the stuff I have concerning everyone's favorite cartoon superstar, Mascott!

....Your stunned silence is so reassuring.

Things about Miscellaneous

2008-03-01T19:12:00.003-05:00

Gee Red, thanks for the poop centric post. I think blogs need more poop humor these days, but thats just me and that'd be breaking the rules. One of the internet rules is 1 widely distributed poop joke per 6 months, (Sorta like Only 4 visits to 4chan every season or your hands will grow hair and your eyes will melt.) or Al Gore will personally come to your house to beat the crap out of you. It happened to me a long time ago...He had a knife that day, wasn't in a good mood. He'd just lost to George Bush.

So I finally broke down and gave up on trying to sell my Joysticks. This was about 2 weeks ago, when I was in the challenge for achievement points. I opened the USB Flightstick, and I immeiately realized, "This is not the Joystick I play X-Wing Alliance with." After further thought, "This is the Joystick I fly a plane with." I went out to grab MS Flight Sim, and damn it all, no one had it. I resigned to playing X-Wing Alliance in a darkened room for 7 hours.
Now, when I say this joystick is amazing, I mean it. If you look back at the original contest page, it's worth 150 dollars. That's not funny money, that's American Cash. It shifts smoothly across the playable surface, and the buttons....don't get me started. There's nearly 20 buttons on this monster, not even counting the PoV hat. It is, as I said, a beast to be reckoned with.

The truly amazing part?

I have only opened the FlightStick. Only the one box has been opened. The other 5? Closed and sealed in the wrap they came in. I can only imagine how smooth the ride of the throttle ($150) is, how easy and wonderful the pedals ($200) are to press down, and the feel of the yoke ($200) as it glides over the playable area, how easy to control multiple jet engines it is with the quadrant throttle ($130) is, and how convient it is to have everything laid out for me with the MFP. ($200) (Actually I already have one of those. It's called a Zboard. And it cost me 30 bucks.)

...

Carry the two....

....

I can't wait to sell those things.

Hot Chicks Don't Poop, Do They?

2008-02-29T23:18:00.003-05:00

I mean, seriously, they don't right? I couldn't imagine the hottest chick I know or have ever seen copping a squat on the porcelain throne to "drop a deuce". I think it's because it doesn't happen, hell, they barely eat when in your presence, why would they feel the need to "blow some mud"? I've got to assume it's against the laws of physics, or some sort of law of nature. I can only assume, right? Heaven know that when out in public the only thing they ever have to do is pee and whether that even happens is debatable. So, I think the formula goes something like this:

Poop= Hotness (Mass + Mass of Last Two Meals)

This is a basic theorem and I may have to rewrite the formula if it's disproven or for any other reason. Now the real question is how do you quantify hotness? Hotness is deriven from this equation:

Hotness = (Cup size + Jean size)/Shoe size - x [where x is different types of makeup needed to be seen out in public; ie mascara, pancake, coverup, etc.]

So, in closing now that you understand that it's impossible for hot chicks to poop, you'll have a better understanding of the laws of nature and all will be right with the world again.

Things about Things that Happen in Between Long Delays in Posts

2008-02-26T22:26:00.005-05:00

I just played my first online match in an RTS in 4 years, CnC3 against someone in a non ranked match. I don't know if the word applies anymore, being older than 8, but I "trounced" that mofo.

(I'm proud of myself, so non-RTS people might want to skip to the next paragraph.)

I held my head high, and stood as the righteous Global Defense Initiative, and my enemy stood against me as the dastardly Brotherhood of Nod.
I started building up my base, but only got about halfway before he had a sizable force at the EMP control center I had already captured at the middle of the map. Did he attack it? No. He sat there with about 40 different units until I came in with Preds and Rifes and took him down. Of course, he deployed whatever Nod has as Aerial units and I used that EMP control center to take out 12 Aircraft in one fell swoop. He had pretty much wiped out the Preds and don't get me started on the letters I have to write home for the Riflemen, but from there I kept my ground and deployed surveyors to two side mapped Tib fields. I was shocked to find out that he wasn't even deploying to secondary Tib fields! He just had the one. I then made a push on his base with a few APCs, A few Preds and was fairly successful in taking a couple structures down. He got me after about 3 or 4 minutes with Rocket Squads. I got one of his Con yards, and a Hand of Nod. This taught him something very important. He needed to build 6 Hands of Nod to really piss me off. While he built his little person factories, I got to work on a few power plants, an Airfield, and, of course, a Tech Center, so I could make my wonderful, wonderful Tier 3 tanks, the Mammoth Tank. Of course, he started to approach my base too early, because of his people-maker devices, he could assault me with no less then 25 Rocket Squads. I stopped production on my other Mammoths to face these squads. Wanna know how long they lasted? Maybe 20, 30 seconds against 6 APCs. This left him resourceless, or at least I assume so. He took over a Tib spike or two of mine, which left me no choice but to destroy them. He was sad, and stood no chance against my final push consisting of Zone Troopers, APCs, 3 Preds and a Single Mammoth Tank. And it was over. He had been quiet the whole match, but from through the microphone at the defeat screen, I heard a distant, faint but unmistakably angry cry of "GODDAMNIT."

Okay. We're done. Paragraph time. It is colored specifically in tribute to The Hero Of Dreamstation.cc

The 360 challenge ended well, at least I believe it did. After a sweet little Kansas City Shuffle
pulled off by our very own Redeema, he walked away with the 4000 points that did NOT go to our rival, GOinUPinFLAMES. If you look at the stats, here, you'll see that, over the course of a day, Redeema gained over 4000 points. That's just the kind of guy he is. He's also the guy who should give me all of the points. All of them. ALL OF THEM. (I know he reads this eventually. It's a notification. A subtle hint if you will.)
In other Redeema news, he's started a fancy schmancy new blog. You can see it on the links side of the site, somewhere on the right, but here's a link to "Better off Read."

I suppose that's all the comes to mind after my victory, but there shall be more my brethren of the Internet. More to come and more to come after that! Beyond it is just planning too far ahead, 2 posts is enough.

Things about FarCry...THE MOVIE.

2008-02-14T23:54:00.002-05:00

Watch the trailer, and weep.

Weep for the 3/4ths of the plot that was cut out.
Weep for Valerie Constantine, made into a whore.
Weep for the fact that the sounds in the movie are RIGHT FROM THE GAME.
Weep for the trees, which are from Canada.

But most of all, weep for Jack's Red Shirt, which he has ditched for a bulletproof vest. Pussy.

Things about Old Spice and their Wonderful Ad Campaign

2008-02-14T16:16:00.003-05:00

Old Spice is sponsoring 360Voice, the 360 Blogging site (Check out my 360's blog here. He posts more than I do, that attention whore .) with contests where prizes can be won. *Real Prizes.* In particular, Redeema, or Ben if you read this blog more often, started one for which the bill is being fronted by Old Spice. 10 people enter the contest. 14 days later, 9 people leave and another one leaves with 4000 Microsoft Points to be used on the Xbox 360 Marketplace. (That's 50 dollars for those of you that don't want to do that math.) As you know, I had an addiction to Wii Points back in the day, and now that has transferred to Microsoft points.

If you want to, see how the contest is going at this link.
I have a feeling this is going to become heated to the point where I steal things to get achievements.

Oh, and Old Spice's Ad Campaign?

Awesome.

Things about Stop Motion Animation

2008-02-05T23:32:00.000-05:00

I bought about 30 dollars worth of clay and tools on sunday at Michael's Craft store. It probably wasn't the best clay (for 4 dollars a pound? Nawwww...) because my keys are now white. Hey, it never dries out, and that's the important thing.

First thing I did was make a tiny little Mascott Action Figure.

Today, I made this.

...It's uploading to Youtube at the moment, I never realized how uncompressed uncompressed video really is. 20 seconds. 54 megs. You can do the math if you are so inclined.

....

So how 'bout them Giants?

...

FINALLY.

Things that are Expensive

2008-02-04T23:17:00.000-05:00

So, wow man, suits are really really expensive. I don't know if it was the place I went, or the fact that the one I picked out was secretly made of pure platinum-like metals, but jeez, I think alltogether we (And my 'we' I am referring to the royal 'we.' Queen Elizabeth is my benefactor.) spent far too much money. I think, counting the tie, the shirt, the belt, the jacket, the pants, and soon to be the shoes and haircut, it was the extra trillion dollars in the United States budget. I believe now, that it is a priority to get a date to this event.

It's called cotillion, I think in reference to what the Royal Families in the far off world of England do. For their daughters. When they turn 15. (Sweet 15! Like plenty of upstanding royal family members have demonstrated over the years, it's a time to get smashed out of your fucking mind.) Even though I explained it last post, I need to do so again, if only for my own benefit. It's kinda like a prom. But cheesier, like a 30th high school reunion with people you saw 4 hours ago. So really, I believe it loses all point and purpse, other then one simple fact, which I will explain.
(These rules can be superceded if you go to one of these dances with someone in that grade level)
The seniors can go to homecoming and the Senior Prom.
Juniors can go to Homecoming and the Junior Dinner Dance.
Sophmores can go to Homecoming and "Cotillion."
Freshmen (Oh those lonely souls.) can only go to Homecoming. An event that has absolutely nothing to do with them AT ALL.

Why have Cotillion?

Because someone was sitting at a table when planning stuff for our school and said "Alright, we got prom for the seniors, a dinner dance for juniors....what's a way to make both the Juniors and Seniors better than the Sophmores." And someone next to them at the table said "Lets make them feel like little girls! We'll call it Cotillion becauses that's what British girls and fags do!"
The rest of the table sniggers, notorizes the idea, and gets back to building the school and yelling catcalls to passing women.

Our school was built through a long and arduous process.

Things that Happen In Conjunction to the 222nd Post

2008-02-02T01:26:00.000-05:00

So, once again I find myself having to prepare for a formal dance having to do with the school.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love to dress up by which I of course mean I love to go into expensive mens stores and play "fat guy in a little coat" while i'm not actually all that fat. But now I find myself having to dress up in front of people, which I truly dislike. Then there's the idea that going stag to a formal just makes you seem like a douche who wants to suck the fun from everyone else with a grinding partner. I like to refer back to a quote from a Kevin Smith movie to explain how I feel about get togethers.

-On the subject of a wake-
Randal-We gotta go, it's gonna be the social event of the century.
Dante-But you hate people!
Randal-And yet I love gatherings, isn't it ironic.

How true Randal. How true.

Back to the subject of my attire, I would like to recreate a particular outfit from this particular film (The theme being "Viva Las Vegas", I thought, what could be more appropriate?)

I am going all out on my Danny Ocean monkey suit. I figure, if I gotta dress up? Might as well get Halloween outta the way too.

Many of you may remember my last formal outing. The infamous homecoming post, which many regard as the most hysterical knee-slapper of all of the posts i've made on the blog ever. I am convinced that these people hate me. You may also remember how it turned out for me, being silently shooed away by a girl who'd asked me to dance, and though I understandably took offense to it for a moment, I immediately recognized it as "my best story ever" and told everyone I knew how pathetic I was.
Well now i'm seeing that girl quite a bit more lately, not because of any connection I have directly to her (Psht, it's not like I believe she enjoys the presence of my company or anything.) but because she is now dating Dan's real brother, I.E. my best friend Lee.
I've talked about Lee many times before on the blog, and Dan was mentioned in the afforlinked post. The fact that it worked out this way (So she really WAS looking for Dan's brother!) is an absolute riot in the development of my story. One might think I could be somewhat jealous, but no. Not at all or whatsoever. One might think I could be disappointed. Nada, nothing. It's all for the reader that I collect this story and laugh my ass off at the very thought of it.
People have said I watch "Friends" too much for a guy. I think i've been living "Friends" too much for anyone that isn't Matt LeBlanc.

But, as a note, next time I find myself in a situation where I could get a girlfriend by pretending to be the brother, I'll totally lie.

Things about the Day Previous to the Current, Depending on When You Read.

2008-01-19T23:16:00.000-05:00

As I start to write this, it becomes 1-19-08. As it ceases to be 1-18-08, I assume anyone that wants to see Cloverfield already has run, screaming and drooling to the theatre screaming the chant of "ABRAMS ABRAMS ABRAMS." I found myself, just a few hours ago, in a theatre where I fully expected to be greeted with a sad and damning message of "SOLD OUT." To my surprise, I was not only greeted by a theatre of 30 people, but also by a few girls I've known since about 5th grade or so. The post could be just as much about the movie Cloverfield as it could be about these two girls watching it. Both are thoroughly enjoyable while playing back the experiences in my head.

I wish I could, but I won't go into them, because i've been told by the girl from the homecoming post that being talked about on the blog without being notified, it is creepy. (Things have happened in that story too, but I don't want to mess with the circumstances.) A trend started a while ago, something I came up with when I started reviewing movies online. (But as much as I'd like to, I can't link to the site. I keep a pseudonym, I keep ticket stubs to movies that I really like, and put them in the pouch that came with the iPod as a case. Juno was added a week ago. Cloverfield went in tonight.

Cloverfield really is a different movie. Through the movie, I kept trying to classify it. I came up with "Traditional Movie shown in a Nontraditional Enough way that makes it a Nontraditional Movie" I really can't say anything about it that won't give away parts of the movie, other than the first...25 or so minutes of this 84 minute movie are very boring. It's like watching a bunch of Youtube bloggers whine. Cloverfield will become a franchise, I can garantee that. It will happen. You'll see, and I'll be happily squealing in the backs of your minds when Cloverfield 2 comes out.

But for all the Coverfield franchise in the world, I would give it all up for this movie. Even though it doesn't fit, it's worth it.

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Things that Make Me Hope Pictures Really Are Worth 1000 words.

2007-12-27T19:44:00.000-05:00

Errr...my sister plays FIFA. See all those manly games? Yeah. Those are mine.

Things that Take About a Year

2007-12-24T13:38:00.001-05:00

Did you know? I didn't. It's like forgetting your own birthday...or, it sorta is.

Can We Stop With The Tip Jars Already?

2007-12-22T19:12:00.000-05:00

I was discussing this the other day with my better half while she was ordering a Starbucks Coffee in the drive thru. They actually had a little tip jar for those running the window. Now, I don't know if it's just a California thing or maybe just a Bay Area thing, but Starbucks out here pays about $11-12 per hour STARTING. They make enough money to not be demanding tips from the same customers who are forced to pay for their overpriced coffee, and for the record, I don't drink coffee before you start telling me not to order my daily cup of joe from them. I saw this at Jamba Juice last night while trying to get over this miserable cold I've been trying to fight off for the last few days (Coldbuster for the win) they had a box labeled, "Tips for your friendly Juicers" or something to that effect. I don't know how much Jamba Juicers get paid, but I'm pretty sure it's not minimum wage. My point is where will it end? Why do you need to be tipped for doing your job? Your hourly rate isn't good enough anymore? I work in a hospital, I can't put up a tip jar on my desk for the doctor's to shove in a buck every now and then when I order an x-ray for them, can I? Yeah, no. How about the nurses? Should they put up a tip jar at every bedside with a note attached saying, "Don't forget to tip your nurse!". What about the person who is ringing up your groceries? Do they deserve a tip jar? This is insane, I know that they somehow feel like they're more than entitled to a tip every now and then, but I don't at all feel like you deserve one. For what? Doing the job you signed on to do doesn't entitle you to anymore of a tip than the cashier at McDonald's, does it? Oh, hell no.

So, in the spirit of getting rid of tip jars at any non-essential locations, and really if you need a tip jar, you're a non-essential location, I've decided to make a brief list of those occupations that can and maybe should deserve to be tipped (or at least it's acceptable to tip them). If I left anything out, drop a comment and if I feel it's deserving, I'll throw it on the list, if you don't like my list "them's the breaks".

Definitely tip-worthy jobs:

*Waiters/Waitresses (They get paid crap and tips are figured into their pay.)

*Valet parkers (They took good care of your car and didn't steal the fiver in the ashtray or your Elton John CD.)

*Doormen/Bellhops (They helped carry your bags to your room and saved you the four trips back to your car.)

*Pizza delivery (Any food delivery for that matter. If you don't tip, expect a pepperoni and pube pizza the next time.)

*The Shoeshine guy (I know there's not many of these left, but if you don't tip these guys you're a real piece of work.)

*Strippers (This is a no-brainer, really.)

*Bartender (This is up their with waiters, plus it requires some skill to mix a drink.)

Questionable tip-worthy jobs:

*The restroom attendant in a fancy restaraunt. (You want a tip for giving me a towel? Whatever.)

*The bagger who carries/carts your groceries to your car. (Many places don't allow them to accept tips. Plus, it's their damn job.)

*Hair stylists (Screw that, if they butcher your hair, they're not going to discount their rate are they?)

*The nail salon person (If you get a pedicure, you better tip. If it's just a manicure, meh, it'll go either way.)

*Taxi drivers (Only tip-worthy if they can get you to your destination in a timely manner. If they try to milk you, screw'em.)

*The water delivery guy. (Those things aren't light, you know.)

*The Dry Cleaner (They've got your expensive clothes and if they return them in one piece, you may want to consider it.)

Definitely NOT tip-worthy jobs:

*The barista/juicer at the coffee shop/juice bar. (It's part of your job, don't ask me for more mone and definitely don't expect it.)

*The 7/11 employee. (You may, however, continue to take a penny and/or leave a penny.)

*The ice cream truck driver. (They're only going to put it towards kiddie porn anyway.)

*Fast food worker. (Seriously, though, you might deserve it more than the barista/juicer, but come on.)

Got anything you want to add to the list? Drop it in the comments, if I like it enough, I'll throw it on the list.

Things that Make Coming Back Hard

2007-12-22T00:14:00.000-05:00

Hey! Yeah! It's me, Scott! Nice to see you again, it's been so long since I saw you last time! Did you lose some weight? You look great, and that new haircut is working out really well for you, seriously.
I might as tell you now, before you find out in a way that might hurt you terribly with blood and what not, I usually have a hard time coming back to online projects after being away for a long time. (Just a side note, my Firefox spellchecker marked both "online" and "Firefox" as being spelled wrong, but now I want to know what the hell a "firebox" is.) It happened with my "one MS Paint comic every two weeks" on Don't Judge Me, it happened after making 3 comics for Don't Quote Me (which is actually still written in my sketchbook. On a daily if not a few a day basis) and dropping it like a sack of bricks. Don't even get me started on the Mascott Game. Oh yeah, I didn't. I came to the conclusion shortly before stopping Don't Judge Me that I create projects just for the pleasure of blowing them off. That's how pathetic I really am, believe me. Just the real sheer joy of laziness created by myself.
So I guess here's a recap, I guess the big highlight of the past month or so was me participating in Desert Bus for Hope with the Loading Ready Run guys. Well....errr...I was in the chat for just too long. Maybe 15-20 hours over the 4 and a half days. I donated 5 dollars to get a rendition of Still Alive, and goddamnit, it was worth it. But really, sitting in the chat with Graham, Matt, Paul, Kitty Arm, James, the upside down girls, and all the other people I can't remember, like I know them well enough to...I dunno, deliver them pizza or sell them soda at a convience store. Send money to Child's Play! They are ever so close to 1 Million!

I shall return after the holidays. Until then, I'm Mascott, and this is an order to not doodle me.

Things about Homecoming

2007-11-22T01:23:00.001-05:00

I'm sure that it's about 50/50 when it comes to people who have fond memories of high school. Tonight was the homecoming dance at our school, the day before Turkey is distributed throughout homes in the US for a holiday no one really cares about for other then to embrace the american view of obesity-If you can view around the person, they aren't obeese.

So as I said, today was the day of the Homecoming dance, where my friend Tim, became prince after being voted in as the joke candiate for our graduating class. Everyone was pretty happy with him getting voted in, even being a joke. He was happy about it too, taking his duties as prince in stride. (Which consisted of dancing the rest of the night with the NOT joke princess. Tim is one lucky SOB.)

And while Tim was taking one for the team in the best possible way, I was making good memories of my own. Grinding with a girl whose name contains some awesome alliteration, getting a new nickname, annoying the hell out of a writer friend of mine and his girlfriend. Ah, good times. But the real best part of the entire thing came in the form of a misunderstanding. I've mentioned my friend Lee on the blog before, but never his brother, Dan. He's sorta hot shit with the girls right now, and standing near him beckons those followers toward you. Here's how the highlight of the night went down.

I was standing next to Dan, him slowdancing with his girlfriend and me staying in my dancing "home" (If you've seen Hitch, you'll know what i'm talking about. If you haven't, don't bother. Your Home the smallest dance one can do without looking like youre giving too much effort or looking like an asshole. There, congrats, I just saved you an hour and a half. Use it well.) and he point to his girlfriend and says to me "Hey, know what? This is my favorite girl in the world right here." a pleased smile crosses his girl's face, and she hugs him tighter. He grins, most likely with the prospects he can think of. I quickly reply "Yeah? Well any girl that will dance with me is my favorite girl in the world." Both Dan and his girl chuckle and giggle respectively, and mere seconds later, a girl from around his asks me, "You wanna dance?" I'm suprised at the invitation. Usually, shit doesn't go down that way. Usually it invovles me pulling out a list of redeeming qualities I have, and by the time I've read them and convinced them the song is over with promises of 'next slow dance.' So what else am I to say but "Sure," and as I put my arms around her waist I add, "By the way, you're my favorite person in the world." Dan and his girlfriend find this hilarious in allusion to my statement moments previously, but as the girl I was now dancing with did not hear it, she laughed as if she knew what was going on. It was quite honestly, the most akward thing I could ever have imagined. She had her head cocked to the side, talking to someone away from us, and did this through the entire two minutes left in the song. I was somewhere between dumbstruck that she'd do that after asking me, and trying really really really hard not to laugh at the situation. At the end of the song, before she takes her arms off of me, she asks "You're Dan's brother, right?" and, before thinking I say "Oh, no." and quickly add "Oh, no, I mean, I'm dan's friend and dan's brother's friend." and the punchline?

Her staring blankly at me for a moment before saying "Oh."

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Things about Mario Galaxy the Movies and Azurea

2007-11-07T20:43:00.000-05:00

Dija know? Mario Galaxy is out in 5 days! Woooooo.

So, on Sunday, I went to see a movie i'd been raving about for weeks at this movie theater for rich people we have a few towns over. It's called the Ritz, if it proves my point any more. Now they were the only theater playing The Darjeeling Limited, but no, I didn't want to see that on this day. I went to see "Across the Universe," a movie i'm having real trouble summing up. It follows a characters who at one point all live in the same apartment and sing Beatles songs spontaneously. (I think they sang Grateful Dead a lot too, but they just didn't show that in the movie.) No, but really, it follows Jude, a Liverpudlian, as he comes to America and basically discovers himself. The movie follows through with a lot of Beatles songs, (A lot. 30 or more music numbers.)

It really is a fantastic movie. What? You hate the Beatles with every fiber of your being? NO. IT IS A GOOD MOVIE. It's not a movie about the Beatles, it's a movie with Beatles songs. Really, see it.

So Azurea sent me an email explaining why she hadn't been around in a few months. I had never held it against her, so I let her know she could still blog if she wanted to even though her name wasn't on the front page. So you might be able to expect something from her. I hope she does post, as she's going to be traveling around quite a bit being as she's in the Olympics and what not *cough cough* So welcome back Azurea, maybe.

Things about the Prizes

2007-11-02T18:19:00.001-05:00

So the prizes from the 1up contest have arrived. And it was oh-so-sweet to see them. They sat, mildly sad looking, in my garage, as my sister brought them in after what may have been hours sitting outside in what could have become rain. There were boxes, four to be exact, with 1up stickers pasted pleasingly and securely on the side. It took me a few minutes, but I got all four (Two of which were pretty big for me to carry) inside to the room that includes a fireplace. I called my friend Lee, who said he would be over for the unboxing, to find out that he couldn't be there at the moment, so I should just start, and start I did.

Almost immediately did I notice some writing on the sides of some of the boxes. It was a cute and cuddly sort of handwriting, and in pink to boot. It took me a moment, but after I realized it, I took comfort in the thought that these had not only reached me, but reached me from the person i'd been corresponding with this whole time to get me these prizes, Amy M from Ziff Davis. I set aside those part of the boxes as "safe zones" and carefully unboxed the prizes. The pictures are on my cellphone, but I can't post those because I can't get them off the thing.

So here I now sit, with a pile of flight sim appliances behind me, and a list of Xbox games on my desktop that add up to far more then I will ever get on any site for the pile of flight sim appliances. It's good enough, for me, to know I won.