This is an installment of guest post Thursday – where I showcase people who have caught my eye as offering resources that are helpful to you my audience.
Coming September 26th – 2011. My dear friend Tamarisk is offering a fun fresh take on relationships by creating a course in her own irreverent yet proper British style. Get in on this one, the woman knows what she’s talking about. I promise you won’t be bored and will get amazing changes from your time with her when you take advantage of her guidance. For you “get to the punch line” folks, here’s the direct link to her page and hilarious video.
Click here for the direct link to Tamarisk’s Relationship Finishing School.
For you others who prefer a bit more information, come settle in with a cup, pull up a chair and relax.
Here’s my interview with Tamarisk.
- What is Relationship Finishing School all about?
I noticed in my coaching that I kept on having the same conversations with my clients…we’d be talking about all those topics that I think women in particular struggle with – owning our self-worth, always putting others needs ahead of our own, finding it hard to say no and never wanting to upset anyone else even though we’re frustrated about something that’s happening in the relationship.
It got me thinking…this comes up all the freakin’ time. It can’t just be my clients who are trying to figure all those bits out, so I put myself to work designing out a system that teaches women all the pieces they need to be able to polish up their relationships to really make them sparkle.
I’ve been there myself – struggling to feel heard, being madly in love with my boyfriend but still finding him maddening when it feels like he doesn’t quite “get” me, not knowing how to handle conflict, wanting to support a friend who’s in crisis but not get run down in the process and so on.
It’s my mission for the graduates of Relationship Finishing School to have the tools they need to create resentment-free relationships.
They are ready to be shown a robust system that’ll teach them how to take their relationships from pretty average to totally awesome.
When I’ve taught this system to my private clients all kinds of crazy, good things have happened – new jobs, moving countries, finding the courage to leave a relationship that wasn’t serving them, getting promotions, finding amazing new friends…it’s been incredible to witness and I really want more, more, more women to experience those sorts of results.
The mindset that your relationships are good already is perfect! My invitation is to encourage you think about what tools you’d need to take kick them up to the level of greatness! Relationships are our primary source of personal development. In fact, in my mind, that’s the sole purpose of relationships…they exist to help us grow and develop who we are, so investing in yourself so that you’ve got what it takes to make the good times last even longer and the not-so-good times last for a much shorter time frame has got to be worth it, right?
Most of us have never been taught what to do and how to engage with someone who’s pushing your buttons though. We say over and over: “I’m not going to take this from you!” and then we don’t do anything differently, so nothing changes. The other person gets the message you will take it from them, you’ll just take it angrily.
If you’ve learned the skills it take to handle situations like that differently, then yes…all it takes is just you to change for all your relationships to improve.
- What would have to be going on for me (or my audience) for them to know that this was the perfect solution for them?
You’re happy, happy, happy with your honey but maybe you guys keep having the same argument about the same thing. Or maybe on some days you look at him like he’s an alien from another planet!
I know this situation comes up a lot – eventually us girls get to the age where our friends all start getting married. That means a lot of planning bridal showers, hen weekends and shopping trips for outfits. There can be a few tense moments there where you can feel very resentful when you get an email demanding money for this, your time for that, your presence expected here, there and everywhere.
The fabulous film Bridesmaids is the perfect case in point here! You don’t want to lose your cool and end up shouting or retreating off in a grump. The skills I’m teaching in Relationship Finishing School will give you every thing you need to handle situations like that with grace and elegance.
The first class begins September 26th! Find out more or enroll in her Relationship Finishing School click here.
P.S. Here’s that irreverent British style I was mentioning…
Relationship Finishing School from Tamarisk Saunders-Davies on Vimeo.
What can I tell you dearest, that you would need to know right now?
What can I tell you that is true about Sex and Self Respect?
I try to think of stories to tell you. Of how I felt undesirable as a young woman – unglamorous and uncoordinated and invisible to men. Of nights sitting outside clubs as two men cried over their infatuation with my friend. Of how I wondered what made other women glow and not me. Of how I eventually realised that it had nothing to do with me. Of how I wasn’t invisible to the man who loved me and saw the beauty in me.
But they are all stories. Stories of men and confusion and trying to carve my own way in the world. They are not the story of Sex and Self Respect. They are not the truth. And darling – if there is one thing I want to tell the story of – it’s the glowing, light-soaked truth. The one that makes me beam, the one that sets you alight like a star-hewn sky. That’s the kind of truth I want to tell.
So. Sex and Self Respect. What do I know for sure?
What I know for sure is this:
They have nothing to do with men.
They have everything to do with us.
We women? We have a world of magic and mystery and glow inside us. One that we can choose to switch on and switch off. One that we can dive into and let the wonders inside us flow out. It’s got everything to do with us.
So I left school. Fell in love. Stayed in love. Moved cities. Made art. Wondered and wandered. And then one day, just like that, my life changed. A shining, heaven-scented woman at my work invited me to her women’s circle.
What the heck is that? I asked her.
Just come, she said. You will see. We sit in circle and we talk and share. It is good.
I resisted, of course. I couldn’t understand how that could be a good thing. Besides, I much preferred to circle with boys and talk their simple, easy talk. But the light inside that woman kept me wondering. I wonder what secrets she knew. And I had a feeling that her women’s circle may just show me the way.
So one November night, I arrived at a plain suburban house, and walked into a plain, suburban room where women shone. They sat in circle, talking together. Each looking so familiar, so beautiful, so iridescently alight. They were women who walked through their lives conscious. With spirit. Making choices that made them whole. Where the topic of conversation was not How To Land A Man, but How To Love Beautiful, Beautiful You Even More Deeply. That was their Holy Grail, that was their destiny: themselves. The wise, precious, joyful Goddess that lived inside them.
My life changed then, of course. But of course. How could it not?
To meet women who became instant sisters. To find mentors and examples of what it is to live in this world as a Goddess. To learn at last how I could move through this world with joy and love, knowing just how valuable and precious I was. This was the time my beauty came through. This was the time my beauty emerged. A school friend exclaimed when she came to visit me:
Leonie, you look so beautiful! I mean… you always were beautiful at school and everything. But now? You are really, really beautiful.
And she was right.
Love came. Love went. Love stayed. And all through it, my beauty was the same.
The story of finding my beauty?
It had nothing to do with men.
It had everything to do with me.
Goddess Leonie is the creator of GoddessGuidebook.com, a popular creativity & spirituality blog.
“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.” – Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone.
Sometimes in the most vulnerable of moments we take it for granted that people know how we want to be supported. To take a stick and draw the line in the sand…lovely metaphor, yes? We forget to think about things like:
What do we want in that moment?
Is it a witness, an empathetic ear, advice, a strategic action plan, or just a connection with someone who has our back and will make time for us?
Tuesday was coffee involving a Bedazzler drop and a lawyer…..
(Got Rhinestones? Remember these?)
Was looking forward to some catch up with my friend of eleven years and making sure her sparkly rhinestone crafting needs were served. She’s been busy, and in no small amount of transition herself. She’s amazing… The woman has won awards and moved many a mountain while looking hot in high heels.
It was at the end of the day, and I’d been out of sorts due to some recent events with my Ginger Pirate man.
I didn’t set parameters for the conversation, and when I met my friend – who happens to be a brilliant Defense Litigator (a clue right there) we had a fantastic and powerful conversation,
complete with verdict and action plan…
It was much later while at home and on my second glass of pinot gris — that I connected the dots on why I was coughing up (figurative) sand like I’d been out riding a dune buggy all day. The wine was delightful, only a bit on the dry side…
Which brings me to today’s lesson on:
You might want to do this by phone, or in person. I chose email.
Behold — with my comments in italics:
Hi Counselor, (I used her first name actually)
I appreciate our talk the other day about my situation with me and the Pirate.
Good insight was given, and points were made. Thank you.
And – after our conversation, I ended up feeling disempowered.
I know your intent is to be helpful, and to see me have the greatest amount of happiness.
I’m grateful for that.
Also, I didn’t preface the conversation with – “Hey, I just need to vent, no feedback needed.”
So, that is on me. (oh boy it was)
I need to let you know that the style of your delivery left me feeling like I’d just got out of a deposition – verdict and all. Am sure I’m getting my law terminology confused, but you get the point.
Rather than asking you to make an exception or, to not be yourself…
It’s my responsibility to tell you that this type of communication between us doesn’t work for me.
I’m choosing to not have these types of conversations with you.
I want to experience your love for me in the 99 other ways that keep me adoring you.
That’s pretty fabulous.
I haven’t heard back yet, we’ll see if I do. If I don’t, I’m alright with that.
This is what I want you to remember my sweet:
Be careful who you speak with and, more importantly – keep in mind how you want to be spoken to and the style of support you need in that moment.
If you do become a bit lax, (it happens) come back here and use this template to get clear again. Quickly.
I’d like to hear your thoughts or experiences on this.
Have there been times where you got support and it was like being washed away like a flood? (or suddenly buried up to your eyeballs in a Sahara sandstorm)
Did you get a strategic plan for world domination when all you wished for was a bit of empathy? Tell me.]]>
Laree of Ambient Muse Productions is looking for a fresh start and a place to call home in Hollywood. She thought her only option was to take the first thing offered to her, and she was going to write a want ad coming from a mindset of panic and dried up options. See her point of view open wide when we reframe things a bit and rewrite her ad.
Linda: Ray Ray!!!!
Laree: Hello Beautiful!
Linda: How you doing?
Laree: I’m good. Writing an ad to find a sublet or small studio to move to in August
It feels kind of funky not sure what to write.
Linda: Funky is perfectly acceptable.
Laree: Yeah, funky is good in my book…
And so we begin….
Linda: Do you want to brainstorm about your ad?
Laree: Yes, any ideas you have would be awesome. I just don’t want to attract losers; Craig’s list is kind of scary that way, particularly in LA.
What Laree brings to the table.
Laree: I was thinking of mentioning that I work from home part time, and in the office two or three times a week and will exchange housecleaning and cooking…gardening
Linda: I see an older lady….but cool.
Laree: Yeah, that’s what I was thinking an older lady that needs some help would be ideal.
We imagine her person and draw out the details.
Linda: I see a cool older witch, medicine woman, shaman type. But still grounded on this earth. She might be gay.
Laree: Ha, ha…That’s great
Laree: I just want no drama mama’s
Linda: Exactly. She’s quirky but not dramatic.
Laree: OK, I’m going to slap a little ad together I’ll send it to you for feedback when I finish
First draft and checking in on what, if anything needs to be cleared out.
Linda: I look forward to it. I know that will feel better. Then we can move onto the next. How’s the Milkman? Is he stepping into himself or have you decided to stay with him for a while longer?
Laree: He’s not really changing-going to tell him today that I’m going on my own in August. I hate doing that to him but I really don’t see it working any other way.
Agreement that it will be a positive for both parties.
Linda: I think you will both flourish if you separate ways for a while.
Laree: I think you’re right
Linda: I see him as very capable and creative given the space to do so.
Laree: Yes, he needs to learn to stand on his own feet, I’ve provided way too much comfort for him and it’s disabling him.
Linda: And I’m excited for you when you release and move into a new situation.
Laree: Ok, here is first draft. It’s missing something.
“Responsible, mature 40 something quiet, writer type female looking for a small studio or private sublet/guest house to lease for a year or month to month. I work mainly from home but go to office two or three times a week. I’m also willing to exchange housecleaning, gardening, cooking, and errands with a negotiable rental rate.”
Good first draft.
Linda: It needs a hook
Laree: hmmm, what kind of hook
Linda: Within your text…let me see
Laree: Ok, I guess it should sound like I’m willing to share rent with someone too.
Linda: I’m just going to type some words, K?
Typing whatever came into my mind.
Linda: writer telecommuter-trade-you’ll hardly know I’m there- tend your garden-Tuscany…Eat Pray, Love. – write. You’re a blend – a hybrid of both.
Laree: How about 40ish, Eat, Pray and Love type female…ha ha
Linda: mmhmm-tending your garden type. This is fun.
Laree: Who knew writing a want ad could be so creative
Linda: Yes, the hook gets ‘em to read you. That’s the goal. We are all ad blind.
Laree: Yeah, there is a lot of noise on Craigslist
Linda: What location are you looking for?
Laree: Anywhere in LA area, I won’t have to be too close to any particular thing as I will only need to commute once in a while to office.
How much fun can we have with this?
Linda: How about: “I’ve always wanted to create a Tuscan Garden in LA”…
Laree: Ha ha…Awesome!
Linda: I think LA needs more Tuscan Gardens, Don’t you?
I want a quiet, but creative person, who enjoys solitude, who won’t get on my nerves, and who would love my house like it was her own:
Someone I could trust and I could breathe easier with having her there.
She’d respect my property.
Would you like that?
Would you like to meet a person like that and create that collaborative situation?
…in which Laree can see it too.
Laree: Yes, sounds like exactly what I’m looking for.
Linda: So write something free form – I recommend a journal with pencil / pad
What other things would you do in your dream home? Be specific in the details, go wild!
Linda: You can always tighten it up; I want you to really love your next place. Love it so much that you won’t let anyone who wouldn’t respect it…you wouldn’t let them fuck with you around it. A place that feeds and nourishes your creative soul, where you can go put your hands in the earth; sip a glass of wine at sunset, a place where you’ll love to write.
Laree: Cool….what should I say about the cost? You make it seem not so bad to move into my own space, actually looking forward to it now.
Linda: Well, empathize with the property owner, pretend you are her/him- what would a collaborative situation be worth to you in a dollar value?
Linda: $300.00-that seems low…hmm
Laree: I would say (she lists an amount). With exchange but guess that would depend on the circumstances
Linda: Nice-I like how clearly that came out. Also, I want you to go into it knowing that you’ll enjoy working in it…and that you can be very clear about what you want to do (and NOT do) for the work trade. Rules of engagement….think about writing out what you love about gardening and then highlight that- do you like all of it? Pulling weeds?
Or do you tend to like the end result more? The finished product? Or do you like designing it?
Laree: Good point-here’s another draft. I really don’t want to be doing barn yard work or backrubs…
I’m looking for a small private studio or guest house to lease on a month to month or short term lease. A little about me-Responsible, mature something eat, pray, love type of gal, I’m a positive, friendly, creative writer type that values privacy. I work mainly from home but go to office two or three times a week. I am also open to trading housecleaning, gardening, cooking, and running errands to keep rent low.
But be very clear of what you won’t do so there’s no misunderstanding or expectations that are unreasonable. I like vacuuming, washing dishes…?
Laree: Changing bed pans…no.
Linda: Exactly! Let your mind run free and list all of those things.
Laree: Should I put that in the ad?
Linda: No. It can be implied, the main point is that I want you to have the situation clear in your mind, so you don’t regret it later.
Laree: Got you, exactly. Not into regretting anymore.
Linda: A little strategy ahead of time will keep you in abundance. You’ll walk into your interview empowered. I’ve seen how hard you work. Especially with that movie thing we did together. Wowsa.
Laree: WOW you have some really great thoughts here, I never would have considered. I was basing this all on luck of who might be out there, but now I see I have some choices and more control over it.
Here’s what I want for you, all of you.
Linda: Yes, if you walk into it with knowing what you want and what will nourish you, you can summon it and attract it to you. Rather than walking into a situation and having it be a crap shoot… Then you’re ripe for being taken advantage of, or a chance at disappointment or unhappiness.
Remember your place in B-ham? You loved that address name even! Sunset strip?
Laree: Yes, Sunset Drive.
Linda: YES! That might be a good hook- Former Sunset Drive resident seeking her LA Tuscan Garden! So to recap…
Then see what spins out from there. We can always edit it for brevity if it’s over long.
You do have choice Ray Ray, you get to call the shots.
Laree: You made me happy…thank you
Linda: You’re welcome. You are a powerful woman, I just reminded you about it within this context.
Laree: I think if I put cooking that might tie me down…what do you think? I could do menu planning instead.
Linda: Ooh! Menu planning – yummy. Unless you could cook on one day for the following week and package it up so it could be cooked later. Does that even appeal to you? I wouldn’t want to cook every night; I’d want to be flexible.
Laree: I could put help with cooking
Linda: You sure…you sound iffy on it?
Laree: I really don’t want to get that personal with anyone though.
Linda: Yeah…there’s my treasure acting like she’s valuable!
She’s more ready than she knows. More of the picture of her ideal life emerges…
Laree: I want to put a lot of time into my business and creating productions, and finding a man! One that I don’t have to take care of
Linda: I’d cook only if it would nourish you creatively
Laree: Yeah, I love to cook but am thinking not to offer it as a trade.
Linda: If I was living with you we’d plan a menu for the week then prep it on a Sunday while drinking wine and giggling, but we’d do it TOGETHER
Laree: Now that sounds like fun! I’m OK with grocery shopping for them.
Linda: Mmhmm, you get to do only the fun energizing parts, so pick those that you could see yourself doing-if you can’t picture it with joy, forget about it.
Laree: Great filter to run it through
Go for exactly what you want.
Linda: Move towards what you have to offer. It’s so valuable. You don’t have to be everything to everybody to be more marketable, that’s where we burn out.
Laree: That’s for sure; it’s my big Aha this year.
Linda: What was your main takeaway for this conversation we’ve been having?
Laree: Hope and a renewal of energy. I was feeling really depleted the past couple of months.
Here is Laree’s final ad.
“Ready for a beautiful garden, clean house, or need some help making that mortgage?
I’m searching for a small private studio, basement conversion, or guest house, to rent on a month to month, short term lease, or possible house-sitting, beginning the first of August.
The amount I’m able to pay is a max of 600.00 a month and I am also very open to exchanging my services of housecleaning, running errands, and gardening (which I Love) for reduction in rent.
I know it’s kind of scary thinking about renting part of your home or property to a complete stranger, it would be for me too, so want you to know I have lots of references and will even pay for a complete background check so that you can be assured of my integrity.
A little about me-I’m a responsible, early 40′s- very positive, friendly, creative writer
that highly values mutual privacy, and a quiet, calm atmosphere. I’m an Eat, Pray , Love type of gal and am looking to share space or sublet with someone like minded, if space would be in the same living quarters , I would prefer to share with a female.
I work from home 3 days a week and from the office two days.
The work I do is import consultation and social media/admin support
for the entertainment industry.
If it seems I might be a good fit for you, I invite you to contact me
by July 15th .
If you were a property owner, would this pique your curiosity? Would you ask her for an interview? Let us know in the comments.]]>
As I read your blogs and tweets I’ve been hearing from you that standing up for you within dating is not the problem and that you have in fact found the Mr. or Ms. LovaLova of your life and are quite happy, thank you very much.
But to your amazement and frustration (isn’t that always the way?) you’re having difficulty standing up to or saying what you really want with a friendship that’s gone way past the expiration date.
I’ve been there, and I’ve been not there. And I much prefer – not there. Because when I released the thing and sent it on its way blessed con queso and carne, what came in its place – or even having that space empty – allowed me to see ME better. My God, I must say…that is an unbelievably riveting experience and I seek that intention every day.
Part of the exploration let me to Astrology, and once I found a mentor who likened astrology interpretation to cake, a whole new phase opened and I was hooked.
I don’t consult my chart before walking out the door each day, not like that… I use it as a tool for awareness and increasing connection with intuition. There’s a part of astrology called North Node. It’s a fixed point in the heavens, and relates to your life’s mission.
“The North Node simply shows the general area that you have to develop. The opposite point, the South Node, shows the place where you feel comfortable. Too comfortable. If you stay there, you get into a rut.” – Bob Mark
For my node – Leo – keeping things flowing in and out of my life, and letting them go at the proper time… this is one of the things I’m here to do.
That’s why I wanted to tell you about my Glamazon.
My personal red headed snap to the senses like that bracing feeling you get after the water balloon connects with your kisser on a sweltering summer afternoon.
Going back to that moment of seeing her, I can barely type. At party. With friends.
Buxom, six feet in heels, legs for days, the word petite never entering her atmosphere. Each inhale and exhale – amazing. Standing there sparkly like a fiery red ruby with an amber core. Owning every inch and molecule of space she existed in. I coveted that confidence.
I, in my long and expert dieting history had ate and not ate myself up to a size where it felt personally wrong – for me. In my heart of hearts I’d loathed my size and myself for some time wishing only to take up less space – which if I did would render me visible.
You’d think that being a big woman would have the opposite effect, but I got really good at blending into the background. Had no idea what to do with me so – why not hide?
Enter the challenge. Bars? Prepare to be raised.
This red headed contradiction sliced my world apart with the efficiency of a knife through hot butter. Gravity was forced left abruptly twenty degrees and I might have experienced vertigo with slight nausea and sweating palms.
To say she had impact doesn’t begin to illustrate the point.
We had many firsts together; she was headmistress of the Glamazon School of Mighty Mojo Reframe Your Life Outlook. Before Glamazon (B.G.) I hated shopping. I was a huge clodhopping elephant doomed to orthopedic shoes like my dear dead Aunt Irene. A.G. – looked like this:
She saw me. Met me with empathy, grace, and a little bit of impatience. She’d been through the exact same excruciatingly frustrating moments of florescent flooded changing rooms with five things to select in a town of 20K (I know where you got that because it’s sitting in my closet) and where finding individual style when most places sell you frocks that can double duty as wilderness sleep tents….not possible
Through encouragement, smart assed comments glazed in love, and much laughter, I was encouraged to keep seeking and I found – my own style, I became visible, I was heard, and connected with people.
I was seen and it was me who was doing most of the looking.
OK My Dears. This post started out one way, and has morphed into another thing entirely. I promise I’ll tie it in, I’m just finding that unpacking this catharsis with witnesses – very beneficial and I promise to get back to the lesson of the – Let Go.
In the meantime – I invite you to comment.
Ever had a pivotal friendship linked to an earth moving transition?
What was that like for you? What events were associated with it, and how did it impact or change you?
More Glamazon to come…
P.S. Glamazon? If you’re reading this, it’s like the line from a Barenaked Ladies song….
“You think I only think about you when we’re both in the same room” – (That would be – incorrect)
Thank you for tuning in, pushing play and watching this video today.
I have a story for you – and the story, the idea; the concept is about the proper care and feeding or proper care and experience-ing of YOU.
Have you ever thought about that? Or, do you think about that after the fact?
Say something happens. Something like… you’re dating somebody.
You’re going around having a good time with each other, everything’s wonderful and you’re going with the flow. Being in the moment, having a great time.
Then something happens that you didn’t expect and it leaves you feeling frustrated….or, betrayed?
And it’s something you didn’t want to happen.
I’ve never heard so many people be so clear in the moment that “Oh my gosh, I’m dating this guy and things have been wonderful. Then all of a sudden he’s chatting up my best friend!”
Now you’d think that with common sense people might know that. They would just “get it”.
Because YOU know that (what you want) inside YOUR head. Your internal conversation is certain about it. But – have you had that conversation with the other person? Out Loud? Have you had a little bit of a talk?
It doesn’t have to be this long down out thing. It can be a sentence or two.
“Hey. Don’t text my best friend, don’t chat her up. We talk to each other. “
You’d think that would be obvious right? People are funny.
It might not be their intent to diss you.
Just to be on the side of being true to yourself, what if you had a conversation before that and laid down you rules of engagement? Rather than being hurt, bummed out, pouting and talking to me or to your best friend after the fact…
So – I’ll tell you a story about when Chris – my husband and I met. When I saw Chris I was totally dazzled by him. Long red hair, freckles, great smile, smoked a pipe… I loved the smell of pipe smoke. He was this dashing, fun pirate guy.
I had been out of a relationship and on the dating scene for a while. I had about three gentlemen friends that I was enjoying the company of. They were casual relationships, fuck buddies, if you will. While that was fun, I was very ready to have a different type of engagement. A different type of experience. And I was so nervous as I formed this question in my head to talk to Chris about. I was going to ask, say “hey” Not even ask but state my rules of what I wanted.
I was so nervous of losing him.
But inside I knew that honoring my self and honoring what I really wanted was more important than settling for just part of it. Plus, I didn’t want to have that conversation after the fact… “Well, I thought we were together. I thought we were this and…” It was a risk. So I had the talk with Chris.
It was a short sentence; basically I just said what I told you guys.
“My dance card’s really full. Full of playtime and although that’s wonderful, I’m looking for something serious… I’m looking for a boyfriend. I want a man, I choose you. I want you. If you want to be with me, great – we can continue. But if you just want to be another fuck buddy, my dance card is full. So give it some thought and let me know Sleep on it, whatever”
Walking away from that conversation, I was impatient and I thought “Did I do the right thing?” But I knew I did even though it was scary. So the next time Chris and I talked, he said “Yes. I want to be with you, let’s do this.” So we’ve been together ever since.
I’m glad I asked the question and didn’t leave anything to chance.
So my invitation to you is to think about what you want before you get frustrated, hurt or angry. To not complain if you’ve been dissed or hurt if you haven’t been clear with the other person. Every situation in life, if you were a video game, an island, or whatever entity….there are rules, statements of engagement about how things work, how you want to be treated.
So I invite you to think about the one thing… (It doesn’t have to be a long list)
What’s the one most important thing going into something about how you want to be treated and have the cajones or the courage to say what you really want. You can do it. Write it down. Think about it and let me know.
Some of you are private and I respect that. Perfectly acceptable to keep this to yourself.
What is something that would be a deal-breaker? Or just a statement of fact about how you want to be treated. Do you say that? Or, do you think about that or do you wait until after the fact and get frustrated? Angry… When you haven’t laid down your rules of courting.
My vision for this is, a place of community that is anti-bicker and anti-bitch. We want to lay down our pettiness and complaining. That’s not what we’re about here.
So, I invite you to comment. Thank you again for listening, I look forward to hearing your stories.
P.S. You noticed the title, yes? We like watching Zombieland around here. Great flick.]]>
So glad you’re here today.
I see you out there — being fierce, powerful, and shiny.
Welcome. You have my attention. Thank you for giving me yours.~~~
Yeesh. I understand that one, intimately. And if you’re still there, that’s OK too.
Consider this next little bit an invitation for another conversation…
I want you to know: -
That you have permission to stop, cease, and desist the trying.
To get people to love you – you are lovable and worthy of love.
Comment Invitation – Please share why you might feel compelled to try so hard, at whatever it is…
Being anonymous is fine, just let me know in the comment and I won’t publish it.]]>
It’s Sunday afternoon as I write this to you…
I woke up today quietly coming into awareness after a good night’s sleep. I’d thought about how I wanted to open up this space to you
The word that came today was,
So that’s where we’ll start. Softly.
In the coming days, weeks, months, I’ll be writing about the vision of interaction I’d like to see in here. I’ll be defining some vocabulary words – my take on those words you’ve heard a lot.
Think of this place as an unmapped island – just discovered. Shoes off, feeling the sand between the toes, looking up and down the beach.
There will be time to address the particulars like: What language do we speak here, what currency is accepted?
I’ll be exploring this island, mapping out places and treasures as they’re discovered, and charting the landscape. I’m so glad you’re here.
Comment Invitation – Share your wealth with us today. Thoughts, questions, requests? Love to the lurkers and the outspoken. Your words bring value to the conversation.
Here’s what the big “I “word means to me. First, the formal officialish definition.
Intuition – the ability to understand or know something immediately and without conscious reasoning. Intuition is an instinctive knowing, an impression. 1
How it looks to me personally -
Something comes into awareness and I simply know. A fog clears, and the thing or person comes into sharp 3D focus from sepia tones or black and white. I take a moment to say, “Well Hello Pretty Thing!” (sometimes even out loud – it’s gotten me a few curious stares and I pay them no mind)
Then, I might save it for later or translate that knowing into something useful right then. Sometimes I’ll see a specific color, have a body temperature change, a tingle in the top of my head, (or my ass! Crazy, I know) there might be an unexplained ache or twinge in my body. Sometimes while in a dream or day dream, a movie scene plays out in my head. You can imagine before I knew that there were different ways that intuition could come knocking, well…let’s just say I went to the doctor a lot. Now that I know what’s going on, I don’t have as many insurance co-pays!
What I know is that Intuition is usually soft, sounds like a wise version of me, and it drops in as one complete piece or sensation – this is a no hypothesis zone. When I don’t listen it remains – insistent and persistent. It nudges me repeatedly. The thought keeps coming back. When I ignore it, then come back – I giggle at my silliness. Because I had it all the time, that part of my soul that existed before I was born.
Okay my dears – Now that we’ve gotten to know me from head to backside, I’d like to hear from you.
Are you intuitive? How does it come through for you? Is there this thing you do?
If you have a question or experience to share, comment below.]]>
How have you been?
I’ve been thinking of you with a delighted smile as I imagine you going here and there… Touching and affecting people with words and acts of kindness, moving about in contemplation and creation. I was prompted today to give you the following tidbit.
You have no idea what you’re doing, how huge and helpful you’re being – as you wake up each day. Even just sitting there – you have worth.
You’re shiny, wicked smart – and a delight to my heart, to all of our hearts.
Why don’t you know this? Ah, that’s simple. It’s not that you’re clueless – quite the contrary, you know so much of what’s going on in the world. You simply forget your rarity because what you do, what you are – it’s the air you breathe, and the water you swim in. No big deal right?
Wrong. People see you. They take you in with big round wide eyes of awe, hope, and admiration.
YOU – being inspiring, exquisite, blazing the trail, giving others permission to step out on their own paths. It’s not the same party without you. You’re the perfect compliment as you show up in your quirky-uniquely-you style of constant glory.
You’re the reason someone comes to work, logs in on Facebook, or goes to Twitter to read what you’re on about today. I can almost see you right now, like you’re here in front of me as I write this.
I bet you’re wearing that oh so stylish hat or tie dyed socks inside of your boots on purpose – just to keep us on our toes. Can’t get enough of you!
Come out to play with us, to BE with us. We don’t care if you have dirty dishes left in the sink. We want YOU. The dishes will wait!
(Psst. This my dears, is a metaphor that came to me clear – like a photograph)
Seeing you is like finding a very wonderful & special stone. Irresistible, charming, and it calls to be carried in a pocket. From time to time I stroke it with my thumb, feeling the smooth surface and the comforting weight of it just being there.
Treasure. Gemstone. Focal Point. The Constant.
OK so we’re clear on this yes?
If not – please refer back to this often.