doobleh-vay

I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky

2009-07-17T12:28:00.000-07:00

While on the The world's most authentic, museum-quality representation of Christopher Columbus' flagship, the Santa Maria this morning in downtown Columbus-Finn Sharp starts asking very loudly about vaginas.
Seriously.
I had told him that I had a doctors appointment later in the day
and I should have stopped at that.
If I give just a tiny detail he will find a way to puff it up
and walk around with information falling from his mouth all day long.
Some days suck and we just don't schedule things well.
I really did not want to take my sons to the gyno, but it happened.
Anyhoo they were angels in the room, sucking on lollipops and talking bout chinas.

I have a pee pee and you have a china.

Yep. That's right.

But we both have pee pees really. Yrs is just on the inside and mine is on the outside.

Yep. Yr doing better than some college boys already with the info Finn.

Afterwards we drove home and it started to rain.
Actually it started to look like rain for a bit.
It smelled like it too.
I wish life were more like this.
That there were signs all along the way to point to things prior to when they just happen.
This past week has been hard.
It has been like the sky just quickly opened up
without any of those sweet signs
and rain just soaked us.
Slick and wet.

Joe' best friend is sick.
Sick enough to be worried that he could lose him
and all we can do is just walk around feeling lost.
Songs make us sad.
Watching The Kite Runner wrecked us last night.
I fell into sobs looking at Blaise and his tiny hands at one point on Tuesday.

It's like I just wish there would have been some little tiny bit of preparation
for the way it feels to be scared someone might leave.
Like the way leaves twist and turn their structure inside out
and all over the landscape it looks odd.

It looks like rain.

But at the end of the day- it probably would have felt the same-armed with information or not.

Rainy and real and as shitty as you can feel on a particular day in July.

"I don't have to believe it, and I think it's beautiful."

2009-07-14T17:35:00.000-07:00

I am dreadfully tired of being outside.
It is hot and sticky and buggy and stop shuddering you outdoor folk- I like the outdoors.
I even paused to recognize Thoreau's birthday this week- I just grow weary of the boys demanding I spend all my time in the thick of summer.
I have tried to show them that turning the air on full blast and lounging in the house is fun.
They will have nothing to do with it.
They want to be mostly nude and outside.
I want to be in a cardi and drinking an iced coffee with my feet on wooden floors.

The truth is they play so freely and with such reckless abandon outside.
There is nothing more magical than to watch freedom like that.
In the house there are obstacles and rules and such, yet outside they seem to really hit a stride.
Outside they float and flicker.
Outside the happiness is really easier to see.
I am trying to love it more.
I did as a kid.
A country kid with whole summers spent in a creek.

I was thinking about the summer before middle school and we had a slumber party at my friend M's house. It was a normal garden variety nightmare for her parents involving rotary phones, pop music, and frozen training bras-
but in the early morning we decided to go for a hike.
M showed us a wooded area by her house where we had never ventured before
and it was like we went ape shit the moment we stepped into the tiny forest.

It was all magical and I had just read Bridge to Terabithia
and the world just stopped and these 6 girls played hard all day and made up a whole back story to the place and decided it was their place.

We were in love with the secret spot and play came naturally and imagination soared and nothing was the matter with any of us.
Nothing was wrong.
Nothing felt ridiculous to believe in there.
It was like we checked our insecurities and problems and suspicions of each other at the crisp leafy entrance to a forest that whispered.
To a forest that was dark like in the day.
To a forest that promised we could just be.

You know how things happen when yr young.
A few hours can be ten years and all of the sudden you believe something is real
and it is just so heartbreakingly beautiful that the world stops.

It was like that and we all believed that the summer
would save us from the impending hell of middle school.
But it didn't.
Time marched right on and tore us promptly apart from one another
like some sort of jacked up Stand By Me bullshit.

Some taking their rightful place at the head of the class, some discovering that you define the word slut for yrself in a small town, some smoking cigs in acid washed jean jackets down by the old catholic church, and some just really sad that childhood was pretty much gone.

I think if we had gone there everyday after school that things would have been different somehow for us. If we would have thrown our books across wooden tables and ran to a place where we could just be free then life would not have been so hard. I am not sure. I think it is just the way the world unfolds that middle school girls get surly and stomp and scream and invest more time in the mirror than in play. To turn against each other and let go. I guess there was nothing really that could of kept us in that forest. Perhaps we had not found it in time. But for some weeks in the mid 80's it was as right as rain. It was a place that I can only find in the play of my children now.
I can see it wash across their faces like a flush of red from the hot long day.

title post- Bridge to Terabithia 2007

yeah well I can't help it. I want to talk about blogher.

2009-07-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

So I was talking on the phone to one of my blogher roomies this past week and just shooting the shit and talking about blogher.
This will be Piper's first conference and my second so I have all the knowledge apparently.

(It reminded me of the conversation I so distinctly recall between me and my childhood friend Missy Mount the summer before I went into first grade. I was laying on the brown nubby carpet of my living room and twirling the long beige phone cord around my little legs and telling her about what to expect at Kindergarten as she was one year younger than me. I cannot believe that I remember it- but I do. I was reassuring her of the fun she would have and telling her about the teacher and it blows my mind that I can retrieve this memory just now)

Anyhoo- I was telling Piper how excited that I am to go back to this amazing event this year.
Last year I felt like I had an enormous time.
I met so many folks that I admired and got to meet up with my soul sister.
I found my sisterhood of Kirtsy and just knew I was on the right path.
I opened my mind and ears and tried to learn and listen and absorb
so much of the amazing buzz that filled the conference.

I told Piper to just be prepared to be surrounded by wonderful.
But- even me- the extrovert to the tenth power had trouble completely fitting in.
It's like I revert to type and really kinda just entertain.
And when yr the clown- sometimes you miss out on the conversations and interactions behind the wall of people having a blast laughing with (at) you.
You know?

This year I am certain at least once (or thirty two times) I will drink a lot and dance on some sort of shaky wooden thing. I will laugh so hard that it will mimic an ab workout and I will get into some sort of mischief. This is me.
But I really want to sit quietly and talk more
to these people inside of my computer.
To engage in real life.

I want to be more brave and stop assuming that just because my blog is not a powerhouse and read by thousands that I am not someone wicked cool to talk to.
I wanted to talk to more people last year- but I was hesitant.
I suck!
I want to have interactions and experiences that go beyond what we can do for each other.
Or who we are Or who we are friends with Or what we look like.
I want to tell people all the times that their posts broke my heart and how wonderful they are and how much it means to me that writing and thoughts like I stumble upon everyday exist.
They exist in this world like a fricking buffet in the blogosphere.
Like a junkie I come and get my fill and I am delirious with it.

I wanna have the time for everything and I am certain it will fly by.
And then there are the folks I know already and my God-
I can't wait to inappropriately grope them.

I am excited to work with Neil on a ROYO session.
He is brill and I feel like I kinda know him even though I don't.
I think he will like me, but I think I will scare him.

I am nervous about reading on the keynote even though last year it was one of my favorite parts of the conference and I wanted badly to be up there under the lights. I wanted to be the girl with the most cake. I wanted to be validated and shiny and pretty. Now I just want to be able to speak properly.
Yo.

But, I am still nervous.
I am also crap with faces.
I can pick out an obscure actors voice in a disney film.
I can recall voices for a lifetime-
but faces it takes me a moment.
I am nervous about that.

Are you going to blogher?
Can we hug?
Will you tell me everything is going to be alright and I won't fall down on the stage?

I want to french kiss the whole conference and tell it that it is beautiful.
That each one of us make up the whole and
that we all glisten and shine brighter through laptops across the world than stars.

I also wanna drink copious amounts of vodka and lick Tim Gunn.

it's blurry like the speed of life

2009-07-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

and they run off into the evening of the neighborhood for just one more
walk around the block in pajamas.
My strict early bedtime has been way easy breezy this past month.
My three shirtless boys walking and talking and I am in the house now with my feet up
enjoying the relax of two happy hour beers.

We all met daddy and had happy hour on the porch of a very old place.
Earlier in the day me and the boys sat in front
of our local hardware store for 1.5 hours talking to everyone.
We sat on one of those swing gliders and ate some candy.
Finn and Blaise and Joe all amazed me today.
In quiet moments randomly through the day they struck me with arrows of love and shook me right out of the bullshit that I tend to get stuck on.
It was a lovely day.

It was a day that reminded me of the very sweetness of life.
The moments that we stitch together on a very long string.
The string that we must, I imagine-
twiddle with our thumbs when we are very old.
Looking back
remembering
and glowing
glowing with a mix of peace and that feeling that you get right before you cry:
That small push up of muscles in yr throat that announces feeling.
I felt very deep about this day I had.
Just a normal Wednesday-
but not really.
Have you had these kind of days?

I guess this post is kinda like when Ferris Bueller occasionally speaks to the camera.

2009-07-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

All you can eat DVD buffet and dried cereal in bowls on the couch.
Do not judge me. I am superfuckingmom most days.
Mama bathes and throws on pajamas at three pm and we do not leave this hot house.
We do not do a thing except count down the hours
till Joe shouts through the metal mail slot.
It is always like this on Tuesdays.

I play magna doodle flipping drawfest 2009 with Blaise
until I cannot even draw one more requested kitty.
I slobber on my cheek as I flip in and out of consciousness.
I run my tongue across my slick freshly cleaned teeth.
Oh God why do I always book 8am dental appointments and think it a good idea?
I am tired.
I had slow moving dreams that I kept waking from as Blaise slapped me repeatedly in the face shouting no mummy no mummy DRAW!

I say yes all the time.
I worry a bit more than necessary.
I fear that I live in an alternative universe where John Hughes film quotes fall from my mouth like broken teeth
as the world punches me
and shouts at me
like an insolent child
Do more.
Grab the ring.
Write it all down and when did I start to beat myself up?
When did I gain this thirst for everything?
Like I have to cram it all in at once.
Like everyday is the day you have to make your own.
Oh- when I realized that it was.
I just need a good nights sleep.
Like fatigue can make you an unreliable narrator of yr own life you know.

out my kitchen window yesterday

2009-07-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

What can I expect when I give them paints outside?
They are my children.
They are free spirits.
Have you painted yr body lately?
It's kinda fun.

Little Doe is Love

2009-07-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

Add to list of things I just want.
I want one of these handmade rocking headpieces.
Anyone who knows me in a social way....They know this would be so my thing to pull from my handbag and wear.
I often have masks and hats and little gems ready to wear when it gets half past Vodka tonic.
I would so wear one at Blogher when reading my keynote! ROAR!
love. love. love.

photos via teen vogue

You’ve done a hundred things before half past nine

2009-07-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

like omg- thanks to my pal Jen for sending me this song.
Love it.
lyrics:
Oh Gillian, you’re up with the sun
You’ve done a hundred things before half past nine
By the time most folk are up and gone
You’ll be starting on one hundred and one

There’s not enough hours in a day
To do all the things she’s just got to do
When the daylight fades and the night invades
She’s only just begun

Weary as you lay at night waiting for the sun
Planning out tomorrow now before this day is done
‘Gillian you work too hard’
But don’t you try to slow her down – she’ll tell you
‘Idleness is good for none work's how I get my fun
Idleness is good for none work's how I get things done’

Gillian you’re the one you’re the one
Shining in my life, you’re my eternal sun
I’m trying to thank you now for what I’ve become
But I’ve only just begun

Your influence has been profound and I’m proud to be your son
Your blood is my blood we are forever bound
You’re the inspiration to the way I live my life
I’m singing,
Gillian if you weren’t my mother I would make you my wife
Gillian if you weren’t my mother I’d make you my wife
Gillian if you weren’t my mother I’d make you my wife
Gillian if you weren’t my mother I would make you my wife

to all the mamas doing ten thousands things and still kicking ass!

"It's like how hot dogs come in packs of 10, and buns come in packs of eight or 12 - you have to buy nine packs to make it come out even."

2009-06-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

I want to fall down and sleep like Rip Van Winkle.
I also never want to eat Trader Joe' sushi again.
the taste was so different
like an assault on my mouth

I am trying to find the right song to be Little Alouette's new website song.
Yeah- expanding beyond the etsy and LA blog soon! woot!

I know it should be a kiddo song-but I really want this.
or this.
I can't shake David Byrne.
I would kiss his forehead. I would wash his feet.

And then you should see the state of my home.
I walk around squinting.
Everything looks better squinting.

And thank you God I am headed to the salon tomorrow night.
I had to wear a hat all weekend.
I am unkempt.

This is not one of those guilty posts. This is not an excuse.

I am tired and working mad and the world spins and all of the sudden one night Finnian pulls right from his little body all the words that make me just fine.

He tells me in sing song how much he loves us and the excitement of his life is just what I need. It can boil my bathwater.
It can curl my hair.
I am wild and frantic but at the end of the day these small arms...
All of these arms wrap around me and remind me of what I am doing.
I am growing these arms strong and one day they will unfold and the hands will straighten and the long fingers will point in the direction of Now.
Go there.
It's all good.
I know I can.
You told me.
You showed me.

title post- True Stories 1986

2009-06-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

If You Wanna Make The World a Better Place

2009-06-25T17:13:00.001-07:00

Little Alouette at Comfest!

We are on Russell St. midway down the street!
Please come visit and see all the goodies!
I will be hanging out all weekend. Fri noon- Sunday night!
(being v. v. sad about Michael Jackson)

Wood for Wee Ones!

Gearing up for COMFEST

2009-06-25T10:17:00.001-07:00

Comfest 2008 Crowd, originally uploaded by tim.perdue.

I will have a booth again at the amazing comfest this year!
Please come down and see us and get some lovely toys!
Bring me a beer and sit in my tent for a spell.
Lord knows it's gonna be a hot weekend!
kisses

goody goody gum drops

2009-06-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

I sat on my stairs today eating fruit and sweating from my mother of the year award winning day. I walked these kids all over the town on adventures in 90 degree weather. We played hard. All this after I subjected myself to the city pool for them last night.
Hello swimming with little ones is not a relaxing time.
I guess I have many more years before I can be the moms I want to be- those happy women over by the picnic tables- lounging in teak chaise chairs- laughing- heads back smiling as their older children frolic. Their kids will not drown. They will sit there relaxing with novels and caftans and brown taut skin.

I rolled around the kiddy pool like a freak.

So I sat in my underwear today on the stairs and ate fruit and stared at the beautiful beautiful mobile from Fraizer and Wing.
I won it on Creature Comforts as Ez and Summer had teamed up for a fantastic giveaway.
Holy crap I won! I am pretty darn charmed.

I called Heather to thank her today and was completely smitten with her.
I told her how I had always wanted one of her mobiles- but it was on that list of things for me that never get bought because- well you know. I just don't splurge on me like I once did.

Anyhoo. If it is on yr list. Buy it today. It has made for lovely looking!

Spain Daily- "Music" some videos

2009-06-24T05:50:00.001-07:00

blackbird finn from Amy Turn Sharp on Vimeo.

Easter madness from Amy Turn Sharp on Vimeo.

grace in small things from Amy Turn Sharp on Vimeo.

some of our music videos this year...

Check out Spain Daily for loads more music!

i just love this

2009-06-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

love her

I've never been so grossly insulted in all my...

2009-06-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

thinking about our trip to the UK next month and how I love to visit family in Shropshire.
I was thinking about the first time I went there so long ago and how Joe's sister and her husband took us to the most gorgeous place ever...

It was picturesque and there were sheep everywhere and gliders
(you know those fancy pant areoplaney things like in Bond films)
and everyone was dressed like camping chic and I just loved it.

I recall how when we got back to the house I told my new brother in law-
the handsome and keenly witty Simon:

"Thanks so much for the day. Can we go back to the Long Minge again?"

The whole room laughed right out loud at me.
Joe whispered----"The Long Mynd!"
and I just nodded.

It would take over a decade to learn all of the naughty words the British have accumulated.
Anyhoo. I thought of this today. I also thought of how Joe still thinks my uncle Randy is a funny name and women should never ever wear fanny packs.

title post- Jane Eyre 1944

"There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them."

2009-06-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

I found a bike with a free sign
it needs some work

Joe is ill on father's day
blah
I had wanted to slow dance with him today

I have to cut fingernails like every weekend
their nails grow so fast

I did let the boys eat lunch on the couch today
something I have never done

The longest day of the year is so romantic to me

How was your weekend?

title post- L.A. Story 1991

one more wee thing

2009-06-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

I had to pinch myself this week- but it's true:
I am reading at Blogher's Community Keynote- A true honor!

photo via the divine mary ruffle

It's FRIDAY I'n in LOVE/Inspire Me Series #21

2009-06-19T06:11:00.000-07:00

Follow the Bliss...

Piper is my girl.
She is one of the first people I allowed into my life online.
I was kinda freaked out that I adored someone that lived inside of my computer.
It was weird and immediately I understood how folks use online dating and fall directly in love online. We just got each other straight away and we would be in each others lives if not for geographical fate.
She is interesting and sparkly and funny and very inspiring to me as she makes me want to fall in love with nature more. She writes about life and I just love her journey.
We have double secret music twin brains and will have a blast next month together at blogher~ We are roomies! Yay!
Please read about her and visit her lovely space online!
If you know me well- you might want to leave her some tips for handling me at blogher!
(I am very messy and drink too much beers and perhaps may find a table and dance on it) lol!

I asked her to talk about inspiration:

The place where mountains meet water, that's the most magical spot for me. A glacial lake, a mountain stream, a lily pond in a valley. The colors of nature that collide together there, and the fabric of the air. To breathe the fabric amid the saturation of high altitude hues, to be alive in that space.. it would be impossible for my spirit to find higher illumination.

Anything reminiscent of the childhood I shared with my grandparents. A tiny country church with rows of hard wooden pews that hold worn hymnals in their backs, and tissue boxes on the ends. A lilac hedge. Purple iris and daisies. Pancakes on Saturday morning and fried chicken for Sunday supper. The hum of a sewing machine. The taps and pings of tools made of wood. A redheaded woodpecker diligently hammering its hollow oak home. Anything that evokes those sweet moments of my youth fill my heart with something so wholesome that the only thing I can do is 'create' something emotional.. that's likely to be a dancy ballerina jig, or a singy-song, or a handwritten letter to someone loved.. all the while pushing the tiny tears in the corners of my eyes with my knuckle, and whispering gratitude for my memories.

People who a fearless in their creativity and expression are my ultimate inspiration, I think. People who go for it, balls out, people who live their lives to the fullest are the epitome of who I aspire to be. I find the greatest outlet for witnessing this expression on Flickr. One of my favorite things online is my Favorites collection on Flickr.
I love to look at the recently uploaded feed on Flickr, and I can do that for hours before realizing it. I favorite photos of things that I find inspiring, or just awesome. Other people's creativity inspires me a great deal. A few examples of shots that delight my innards:
*******

*******

*******

********

********

Okay, my favorite things... seriously whittled down

the webcam at Spring Creek Ranch is my daily view of the Tetons http://www.alltravelcams.com/grand_teton_national_park/spring_creek_ranch.php (you can't see it at night, obviously)

Soap & Glory Cosmetics http://www.soapandglorycosmetics.com/

I love the Sundance Catalog, mostly for the jewelry
http://www.sundancecatalog.com/CATEGORY/Jewelry.html

I read my weekly horoscope here: http://www.0800-horoscope.com/

I'm a vivid dreamer, so this site has been very helpful and full of insights: http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

Thanks Pipes! I luv you!
Her blog is fab- go there and get lost- tell her I said hello. xoxoxo
happy friday

I need a new word for how I feel

2009-06-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

I did not like finding a Smirnoff bottle in a plastic bag stuffed in my bathroom vent.
It was dirty and dusty and annoyed me.
It is like she left it there for me.
an archive of a broken relationship
Like she went into the future and knew I would find it
only she thought it would make me miss her
make me sentimental for the good times

she was wrong though
how could she know
that I found it on a day
that was sad and particularly confusing and
and my response would be to take it to the back yard
and throw it against the concrete
and watch the slivers of glass sparkle in the sun
a reminder to stay away
to learn that glass cuts
smooth skin
I need a new word for how I feel
none of the other ones capture it
like watching that glass shine and shine

Spain Daily -street fashion

2009-06-17T04:28:00.000-07:00

Had to post these shots again for spaindaily as this is the theme is street fashion this week and this is the most fashionable street fashion I have seen all year! (my little boy Blaise)
Enjoy it over at spain daily

"I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand. "

2009-06-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

I can't really sleep in cars.
I have had the terrible affliction since young adulthood.
I have to stay awake and alert in a car that someone else
other than my father is driving.
I have to be the navigator and soul saver.
I have fear of motion.
Planes are fine.
I relinquish control because it way bigger than rolling wheels.

Once on the Mass turnpike I saved my whole gang of college friends from certain death. We were coming home from a concert in the days of opening my mouth freely for things and we were stupid to think a few hours makes a difference blah blah blah...
I would not sleep even though my body ached for it.

I would be in the front seat awake and alive and there to save.
Look out Meg!- I remember it so vividly.
If I wouldn't have been there-
we all would have died.
It has happened so many times since.
My husband hates to drive with me now.
He doesn't believe in my magical power.

My father though
I trust him
I can lie my head down and sleep while he drives
I am sure I still can
I think about asking him to drive me down to the river
or to the Badlands
or anywhere really
that is far enough to go away for awhile
just to sleep
alone in my own head and quiet
to a place where I am free

Once I liked to drive.
I took a cross country trip with some friends the summer that my friend died.
We fled away and rolled from Chapin, South Carolina to Los Angeles.
I drove the entire way across Texas.
Me.
It was kinda amazing.

I also have memories of driving in Nevada and the warm warm air against my young hand out the window and Metallica was playing and the desert was soothing and then how I slept so hard in the back of that shitty Toyota Corrola as my friend Bryan drove faster than he would ever drive now I bet and how I had been drooling against my backpack when I woke
face creased and sweaty

and I would just get out of the car and open my arms to the next great thing

title post- Cars 2006

but I was hell bent on agony back then, so I missed the boat.

2009-06-15T18:44:00.001-07:00

pirate smile

2009-06-12T17:10:00.001-07:00

I wonder what my grandmother feels like approaching her 90th birthday.
What does her body feel like and is she scared of being so very old?
Most all of her friends are dead.
She is keenly aware of this as she collects their obituaries
in shoe boxes categorized by year-all the way back to the 1960's.

I am scared of death like every single flipping day.
She just hums and bakes pies and loves Jesus and tells me things are just fine as she traces circles on my hand with her long nails.

In the car a few weeks ago the Athens, Ohio sunlight saturated her skin through the window. She looked so old that she almost looked like a baby.
Her skin is so relaxed and wrinkled that it is as soft as my toddlers.
I had to restrain myself from randomly stroking her.

Tonight on the telephone she told me how she went to The Randys concert last night.
She is 89 and out way more nights a week than me.
Damn.
She talked a whole bunch about the weather and berry picking
and what the women's club made for the July's nursing home craft drop off.
I said "yep"a bunch of times and stared out the kitchen window.

But when she's gone I will miss the nonsensical babble of Kroger's grocery store charging entirely too much for Crisco or the way she calls me Matilda even though she is fully aware that my name is Amy.

Imagine yr on a beach.
Like a good one in California
and the wind is warm with just the touch of cool that you like
and yr tan without it being bad for you
and "Tiny Dancer" is blaring out of waterproof speakers
and yr not worried about anything...
That's the kind of feeling I have with her in my life.

He's a hunk this one

2009-06-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

Joe is amazing.
He just finished a beautiful wooden sign for his client and friend DesignSmith.
I can't wait to see it with patina and hung up on the wall.
Joe is so dreamy.
I may implode.