Doocci

Why You Should Shop Online for Christmas

Carl — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 06:06:40 +0000

Me: You must put, “While She Was out,” in your Netflix queue or even better, watch it instantly online tonight. It’s one hell of a KISS ASS & feel good movie.

…

Me: Oops! KICK ASS movie. That’s what I meant. Poor Kim. She didn’t really have any ass to kiss in the movie, and nor did she feel good inside like Madonna said in Like a Virgin.

How to Pick a Watermelon

Carl — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 09:25:39 +0000

Not every watermelon is created equally. You never go wrong with this guy’s.

Thanks, Laura.

People Are Dying!!!

Carl — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 04:22:37 +0000

Two days in a row, Seattle hit 95 degrees. All morgues and funeral homes are now packed full in Seattle & the great Seattle area. So if you happened to drive through Seattle and smelled something funny, it wasn’t salmon or king crab you were smelling. Thank you.

Helga Did Not Win the Spelling Bee Contest

Carl — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 18:22:43 +0000

What happens when you send out a message that tells all your friends about your imminent dreadful root canal procedure? After you hit the “send” button and realize that the message reads like this:

“Dear Friends,

Blah blah blah… More blah blah blah…

I am having a root anal next week!!!”

My Very Special “Last Christmas”

Carl — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 09:08:50 +0000

And this year, I don’t want any DVDs, CDs, or any Ds.

I Love Nasty Girl

Carl — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:45:14 +0000

and her friends, too, of course.

This Is Why Ice Cream Is Bad for You

Carl — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 03:32:45 +0000

Worse than just gaining weight…

Penis Butter

Carl — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 00:18:33 +0000

Why is it called peanut butter? On a gray rainy day, I was extremely bored so I began to ponder this complicated question. Why not peanuts butter? Just as I was so close to give it all up, the answer came to me. I remembered how a couple of friends of mine pronounced FACTS. They pronounced it as FAX. So they would pronounce PEANUTS as PENIS. I think that’s the reason why it’s not called peanuts butter. Who would want to ask a store clerk, “Excuse me. Could you tell me which aisle your penis butter is in?” Or even worse, “What would you like for lunch today? Honey.” “Penis butter sandwiches!”

Did I say I was bored?

As it turns out, I am not the first bored person trying to resolve this fatal question. Penis butter has been clearly defined on Urban Dictionary. The French came up with it.

Seattle Washington Things to Do

Carl — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:13:17 +0000

Up until 4th of July, our summer here in Seattle have been so enjoyable. The highs were never above 65 and the evenings were in the perfect low 50s or even 40s. I was totally shocked when I saw the weather forecast for the next few days. Sunshine & 80s??? This is totally unacceptable. People will die for heaven’s sake. Don’t they know we are very sensitive to sunlight here in Seattle? Besides, tourists come to Seattle to enjoy the rain and the dark clouds. How are we going to sell them umbrellas? This is going to destroy the Seattle tourism totally. Now I am really depressed.

For all you visitors, I apologize for the weather being so not Seattle like. I’ll try my best to suggest a few things to do in such horrible weather.

What the hell is going on? Rain! Come back!!!

Nice & cool inside. You don't need the nasty lotion with SPF 50.

We have Starbucks on every street corner. You can sip the double espresso all day long. Oh, by the way, this is the first Starbucks store.

I am so sorry you can't use the real Seattle umbrellas during your visit. But at least, you can get to see one being swept away by the wind.

Yet Another Parade in Seattle. It’s Pride 2010.

Carl — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 05:05:50 +0000

“And of course, it was cloudy again.”

“You meant, it wasn’t raining?”

“Shocking, isn’t it?”

Look at me! I am so sexy on the toilet!!!

What an adorable Corgi!

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