Doocci

Corporate Organization Sample Chart

Carl — Fri, 18 May 2012 17:03:32 +0000

I don’t understand why people want to become managers. See how clearly the chart illustrates. A manager is so lonely and has no friends. We, who sit at the bottom of the ladder, have many friends and get lots of the ‘WHITE’ stuff; whatever that is.

Is This Super Bad Luck? 666?

Carl — Mon, 14 May 2012 16:24:50 +0000

Not just 666 but 6666. Is this more than just bad luck? Like I am going to win a $20-million-dollar lottery or a life-time free meals at Panda Express?

Remembering Callie

Carl — Fri, 11 May 2012 19:15:43 +0000

As much as Callie did not get along with the cat, she certainly loved the cat food. Come to think of it. Callie loved any food. Later in life, she even loved vegetables. As long as something was edible, she was not picky at all.

Making Mommy Happy Once a Year

Carl — Thu, 10 May 2012 03:14:13 +0000

Mother’s Day is imminent. Every year on this day, it’s my indubitable duty to make her feel happy and special. So, this year, I decided to make her celebrity dreams come true.

Rumor has it that my mom went to an audition when she was 19 something and she actually got an offer. They sent her an offer letter but was intercepted by my ubiquitous grandmother. She hid the letter and my mom thought they had changed their mind and offered the role to someone else. Had my grandmother never performed the stupid act, I could have been Cher’s next door neighbor and going to Ellen Degeneres’ pool parties. Oh, such is life.

First, Mom is on TV. Some kind of hot noodle soup commercial. Always her favorite. The hotter the soup is, the better. She loves her tongue burnt.

Then, of course, the same commercial should appear in print. The only choice has to be Vogue. We all know that these high fashion models and their readers love hot soup.

Then finally, David Beckham saw the ad on Vogue and he just found my mother irresistible and had to tattoo my mother right underneath his right nipple.

My Favorite Moment on Delta

Carl — Wed, 09 May 2012 05:28:53 +0000

“Smoking is not allowed!!!” And she wagged the finger at you.

Yes. That’s the moment I am waiting for every time I am on a Delta flight. I am either very easily entertained, or I simply don’t have much of a life.

My Workout Routine That’s Worked Wonders for My Body

Carl — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:26:48 +0000

I know it’s not quite important to brag at the moment, but I am double jointed and I can arch my back until my head touches my heel.

Sick as a Dog? I Don’t ‘Tink’ so.

Carl — Wed, 02 May 2012 04:32:58 +0000

Why is it ‘sick as a dog?’ I am the one who gets the nasty cold or flu every winter even though I always get the damn flu shots. I am the one who becomes totally ~~impotent~~ ~~incompetent~~ incapable and lie in bed begging for my head chopped off so that I don’t need to feel the pain from my sinus. Callie, the dog, never got sick like that. There’s something wrong with the saying. Someone from long long time ago was deeply confused and started this ‘sick as a dog’ rumor.

I miss Callie.

Jack Russell Crowe

Carl — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:02:15 +0000

Q: Have you ever watched ‘Sum of Us?’

Me: Yeah, what’s-his-name is in that movie? Isn’t it Jack Russell?

Q: ?????

Me: Wait a minute! Jack Russell? Isn’t that a dog breed?

Q: It’s Russell Crowe. Jack Russell! Hahahaha…

Desperate Harry Potter

Carl — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 07:02:18 +0000

Of course, we don’t want to use the regular boring remote. There are just too many freaking unnecessary buttons on that thing. For those who can pair their iPhones or whatever phones with the TVs as remote controls, ditch your phones now. That is so yesterday. You need this wand to control your TV. You need to wave this thing like Harry Potter to change channels. 13 different ways you can wave and dance to make your TV smarter. How come Samsung never thought of this? Shame on you, Samsung. Shame on you.

via Amazon.com: Kymera Magic Wand Remote Control: Electronics.

A Rich Husband, Some Kids, and an Ostensible Promotion

Carl — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 19:40:08 +0000

I have known her for a long time. For legal reasons, I shall not reveal her name here. Let’s call her SQ 39. Before SQ 39 gave birth to her allegedly adorable teletubbies, she was cute and kind. Now, she turned from this ditzy princess into Mommy Dearest. I suffer so every day. Joan, please make her go away. She and you should watch Matinee together and then bad mouth your enemy, Bette Davis, over your favorite drink, Vodka on the Rocks.

Sincerely,

Severely Beaten by Wire Hangers