pattigrafx blog

From L.A. to TN...there ARE differences in the South...

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:40:00 +0000

...so, I just went to my first "Neighborhood Watch" meeting...

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Merry Christmas...badaboo...and DOWAP!

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 14:35:00 +0000

My favorite chuckle for the holiday season... if this doesn't get you into the holiday spirit, nothing will!
Now get out there and ... shop!

Copy this path, paste it in your browser, click and have a merry!!!
http://gpsinformation.info/main/merryxmas.swf

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Survival Guide for the Clueless

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Mon, 18 May 2009 13:22:00 +0000

I HAD to pass this on.
Guys...please commit to memory.
gals...stop laughing...you know it's true.

EIGHT WORDS WOMEN USE
Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, THIS MEANS HALF AN HOUR.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing: Warning! Warning! This is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes.
NOTE! Arguments that begin with NOTHING usually end in FINE.
Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT!
Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
That's Okay: THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS STATEMENTS A WOMAN CAN MAKE TO A MAN. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you, DO NOT QUESTION, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'...trust me.

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Taxpayers: Choking on Pork

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 02:52:00 +0000

Get out your calculators and burn the numbers 'cause the taxpayer is on the hook: With interest, the Stimulus Package that just went through exceeds 1.6 trillion dollars...and we get the bill! That's $80,000 per household in new taxes to pay for this monstrosity and now we're hit with a staggering budget (do I smell even more taxes?)

It appears our new US president has broken a campaign promise..."NO EARMARKS when I'm President".
...so what's with the over-8,000 earmarks in the stimulus package? Could Double-Speak be back in Washington?
UPDATE: The current administration's deficit spending is ballooning. NOW, a family of 3 owes the federal government $116,155.39 in taxes.

Smile!...you've been porked.

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US Congress: The Tea Party's Over

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 17:30:00 +0000

Looks like the concept of a "smarter administration" is evaporating faster than the last puffs from Louis Carroll's Caterpillar-hookah.
The U.S. economy is in a rabbit hole and, oddly, players in Washington bear a strange resemblance to the inhabitants in Wonderland.
Consider the construction of the Stimulous Package...more about "tea cakes and plum pies" (to the tune of a trillion dollars) than jobs and true recovery.

"...said the Mock Turtle with a sigh, 'I only took the regular course (in school).'
'What was that?' inquired Alice.
'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied;
'and then the different branches of Arithmetic—AMBITION, DISTRACTION, UGLIFICATION and DERISION.'

Yep! That explains it... our Congressional leaders attended school with the Turtle.

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2009: I Will

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 05:01:00 +0000

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Desiderata, Max Ehrmann, Copyright 1927.

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Celebrating History: Barack Obama

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:37:00 +0000

A sincere thank you to all my customers.
The response to my Barack Obama design is overwhelming.
I'm keeping it available for any and all who wish to celebrate the upcoming inauguration of President Obama.
Wishing our new president... wisdom in all things.

Obama09 by pattigrafx
Get tshirts on Zazzle
Browse more Events Holidays Greetings T-Shirts

more BARACK OBAMA PRODUCTS

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Holiday Baking: Pie Crust for Dummies

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:49:00 +0000

When it comes to baking, I like easy and yummy..and nothing in between.
I hated making pie crusts from scratch but I didn't like the premade-store-bought crusts.
In desparation I tried this recipe and I've never looked back...it's a winner.
This pie crust is wonderful..tasty, flaky AND it can be rolled and rerolled without getting tough!! Don't let the ingredients scare you. It works!

This recipe makes 4 single pie crusts or 2 double-crust pies AND you can freeze the dough up to 6 months! It keeps in the frig for a week so you can make it ahead of time too.

SUPER-DUPER PIE CRUST
4 c. all-purpose flour
1 tsp. white sugar
2 tsp. salt
1 3/4 c. CRISCO (don't substitute)
1 tsp. white vinegar
1 egg
1/2 c. ice water
1) Place flour, sugar, salt in a bowl.
2) Add Crisco. "Cut" into dry ingredients with pastry blender or fork (don't use your fingers).
3) In a separate small bowl, whisk together vinegar, ice water and egg. Slowly add this mixture to the flour mixture, blending with a fork.
4) When blended, pat dough into a ball. Divide into 1/4ths and pat into 4 individual balls. Wrap each dough-ball in plastic wrap.
Refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Time to rock and roll, roll, roll...flour up and
Let the baking begin!

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Sarah Palin...meet Gloria Steinem

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:52:00 +0000

I just finished reading Gloria Steinem's op-ed piece from the L.A.Times.
I couldn't stop laughing.
If "frothing-at-the-mouth" is a prerequisite for critical thinking, Ms. Steinem is a very deep thinker.

Ms. Steinem writes, "...Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with (Hillary) Clinton."... as if this were an insult.
How ironic. Sarah Palin represents the epitome of the "feminist ideal"... capable woman, in the work force, working mother, succeeding in a "man's world" through use of her talent, grit and fortitude.
On the other hand, Ms. Clinton has risen to prominence by standing on the shoulders of a man (her husband) in order to reach her goals. Not quite the "feminist ideal". What was it Ms. Steinem once said?..."a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"...can't prove it by Hillary.

Ms. Steinem continues:
"...she (Palin) believes creationism should be taught in public schools..."
Is anyone tired of this old nugget?
The anti-intellectualism of this statement is staggering.
Reasonable people can throw out religion and politics in this discussion and ask the question, "What's the problem with offering our kids the learning experience of comparative analyses of 2 competing theories? If this were the Middle Ages, Steinem and her ilk would be charter members of the Flat Earth Society (the don't-confuse-me-with-another-theory group).

And I gagged on this one::
"American women... suffer more because of having 2 full-time jobs than from any other single injustice..."
Well, step up to the plate, Ms. Steinem, 'cause it's YOU and the "feminist movement" who insisted on and encouraged women to abandon the home, drop their kids in day-care with strangers and work outside the home. And women listened. They swamped the work force...AND LOWERED WAGES. duh!

It seems the Feminist Movement, today, is nothing more than cliche.
Today's heterosexual women are rejecting the radical elements of militant feminism. They are successfully blending the less radical with the traditional... it's called "being happy".
Ms. Steinem, meet Sarah Palin.

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Global Warming: Don't Exhale

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 18:19:00 +0000

I have a solution to Global Warming.
Just so you know, I'm doing my level best. I work on my computer by candlelight, fry my bacon using only the sun and buried my car in the backyard. Of course, my houseplants died and my garden is withering...guess they miss all my CO2 emissions...oh well, what's a plant in the greater scheme of things other than a source of oxygen?
And there's STILL global warming?

It's time to get tough and go after the REAL culprits.
There's just too many folks breathing way too much.
Those CO2 emissions have got be curbed!

So, I propose a GASP TAX.
A simple, punitive tax backed up with strong environmental regulations to let these folks know we mean business.

1) Ban all activities that promote "heavy breathing". These include "mating", jogging and Pilate workouts.
2) Next, create a bloated federal agency from which to buy Gasp Tax Credits. If you're really so selfish that you MUST sculpt your abs or run that extra mile, then you should pay.
3) Senior citizens, like me, are exempt from the Gasp Tax but subject to a hefty "methane-emission-tax" on occasion.

I, for one, will set aside a special time each day to hold my breath and meditate on the facts supporting global warming...should be about 2 seconds. It's the least I can do.

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Parenting girls: The Princess Cult

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 14:36:00 +0000

I don't know how it happened.
I don't know WHEN it happened.
Like the phantom gnome who steals socks from the dryer...why do they do that?..noone saw it coming.

Oh, yes! the signs were there...the sudden interest in anything pink (preferably, with sequins). Those clandestine visits to forbidden drawers and mommy's closet where shiny things lurk. Imaginary friends who're suspiciously mouselike. And, yes, insisting that plastic pumps are an important accessory to pajamas...the signs were all around...the Princess cult has found my granddaughters! It could happen to you...

My advice. Don't sweat the fun things.
There are skills to be learned...like
Fashion coordination. Afterall, glass slippers DO go with everything. Sequins for the office...maybe not.
And management training...tea parties a specialty.
Use of tools (wands come to mind).
And the love of creative play.

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A Heads Up on Flaming Squirrels

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:02:00 +0000

In case you didn't know, a squirrel with its tail on fire is not a pretty sight.
In fact, a squirrel with a smoldering tail and running through your house is worse than not a pretty sight.
Far be it from me to complain but these furry chimney-squatters sure have a nerve! I light a fire in MY fireplace and HE's mad at me!!
Does anyone know if squirrels hold a grudge?

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Tennessee Tornado:To pee or not to pee. That is the question.

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 04:14:00 +0000

They say, in a house fire, the first thing you grab is the photo albums.
Well, I had a house fire and I grabbed the kids and the dog. It never entered my mind to grab the photo albums. Panic makes clear-thinking a premium.

So...2 days ago...warning sirens blare...gotta hurry, get to cover. And there we are...hunkered down in the pitch-black basement with flashlights and frightened puppies and our trusty transister radio, waiting for the twister.
They say, in a tornado, stay away from windows, cover yourself from flying debris, head for lower ground and stay there for hours until it passes. And I gathered the family albums instead of visiting the bathroom...big mistake.

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Spare Me the Hollywood Intullektualz

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 19:59:00 +0000

Is there anyone in the "Hollywood left" who ever passed the 3rd grade?
Does anyone who carries a SAG card know a smidge about US history?
I have my doubts.

Indignantly pecking her keyboard, Roseanne Barr, noted Hollywood type, has publicly chastised Oprah Winfrey for her support of Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton in the US presidential race.
But, most interestingly, Ms. Barr accuses Ms. Winfrey of being a "closet Republican"...egads! the supreme insult!
So, let's get the record straight...for the Hollywood types who have never read a history book. Here's a starter:

1) the slave-owners were DEMOCRATS
2) the slave states were DEMOCRATIC states.
3) The DEMOCRATS never gave up. Calhoun, noted DEMOCRATIC leader and orator, championed proportional representation in Congress. Why? To acquire more political power for DEMOCRATIC slave-owners.
4) The REPUBLICAN party was created to end slavery.

Regarding one state, Alabama in 1867, as an example:

"Another meeting to arouse interest in the formation of the Republican party in Alabama was the Freedmen's State Convention, held in Mobile on May 1, 1867, under the direction of General Swayne. Black citizens at the convention issued a series of resolutions and proclaimed themselves part of the Republican party because this was the only party to attempt to extend the Negroes' priveleges. They intended to participate in future politics in the state in a free manner, not as "political tools of their employers"
Source: The Scalawag in Alabama Politics, 1865-1881, Sarah Woolfolk Wiggins

Come on, Ms. Barr...if you're gonna insult someone don't give 'em a compliment.

As for the "woman thing"... the ENTIRE country has moved on...time to catch up, Hollywood.

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I Resolve Not to Resolve

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 23:51:00 +0000

I don't make New Year's resolutions.
At my age, I may not have the time to break them.
Each New Year I make a list of resolutions I have no intention of keeping. That way I'm ahead of the game from the start.

My New Year's Resolutions I Have No Intention of Keeping:

1. I will really, really worry about stuff I can't spell...like flem.
2. I will become a better cook. Is possum "the other white meat"?
3. I will lose 10 lbs. regardless of the fact that I hyper-ventilate when I lose ANYTHING...car keys, eye-glasses. Who knows how I'll react...can't wait to see.
4. I will learn to love and fondly embrace alien life-forms...like tofu.
5. I will learn a useful second language. My first choice is Latin.

Let the New Year begin!

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Christmas Tequila Cake

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 05:45:00 +0000

If you couldn't find your recipe for this all-time favorite holiday treat...here it is!

Christmas Tequila Cake

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is sstill OK. Try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.

Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.

Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.

Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Christmas! or whatever.

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Holiday Wishes to you...do wah again...

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:32:00 +0000

Click if you need some holiday cheer
Eye...yi...yi...yi...may all your Christmases be wonderful.

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What Women Want: Psychiatrically speaking

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 18:38:00 +0000

For your consideration:
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of man a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, menopausal or delivering a child, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

Speaking of psychiatry...looking for a great holiday gift or that peculiar something only bodacious folks wear? Take a gander at this humorous holiday collection for the whole family: Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

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Sioux or Sue?

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 17:14:00 +0000

Well, it's happened AGAIN. An American Indian tribe is peeved. A sports team used a tribal name for tons of years and folks in that tribe have recently worked themselves up to offended. Now the team must come up with a new name or face the wrath of the PC crowd (and lawsuits).

For what it's worth, I'm part Cherokee.
I know the history of the Cherokee nation in this country and, somehow, "American Indian" and "super-sensitive" strike me as a contradiction in terms. It's hard for me to imagine my ancestors enduring the tribal life style of endless migrations to hunting grounds, brutal weather conditions, frequent hunger, marauding predators, invading settlers, the March of Tears etc., etc....and prone to hurt feelings.

One thing crosses my mind, though...maybe Custer would have been victorious at the Little Big Horn had he used harsh words instead of guns...who knew?

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Parenting: Disciplining Southern style

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 12:30:00 +0000

True story.

My husband made an unplanned visit to the hospital as a patient. During a vigil at his bedside, he dropped into a deep drug-induced sleep. I decided to take a break.
I made my way to an outdoor area to soak in the sunlight and shake out the kinks in my sore tush...lots of sitting does that to me. A couple of women were already there, deep in conversation.

Woman 1: "My daughter is raising a bunch of brats...!"
Woman 2: "Amen, sister! Got the same problem..."
Woman 1:"...no manners, no nuthin', just lip!"
Woman 2: "I hear you..."
Woman 1: "I watch my grandkids 3 times a week. "While back, the oldest..he's 8...'bout gave me a heart-attack."
Woman 2: "Oh, no..."
Woman 1: "Yep, he was acting up all day. I finally had it. Next time he sassed me I gave him a good swat on the BEhind..."
Woman 2: "And?"
Woman 1: "...next thing I know he grabs the phone! 'What you doin'? I asked him.
'I'm callin' 911,' he says. 'I'm telling them you're child-abusin' and I want an ambulence.' "
Woman 2: (audible groan)"Oh, my gosh! What did you do?!!!"
Woman 1: "I tole him, 'Then you better talk fast, cause by the time they get here you're gonna NEED an ambulance.'
Haven't had no sass for 2 weeks."

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DoodleDuds Depot Online Store: Attitudenal

Parenting: Prepare for the unxpected.

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:00:00 +0000

My son planned a delightful lunch-get-away with his daughter.
The plan was to enjoy the pizza and entertainment and the kids and noise at a nearby popular eatery. Too cool!!...just Dad and she!
All went according to schedule, including the wide-eyed anticipation of a 2 1/2yr old embarking on a thrilling adventure...too cool...just Dad and me!

All was perfect...until...the stage show began...the loud speakers blared at a deafening volume as the floor rumbled beneath their chairs, the lights dimmed to a deepening darkness and a 6 ft dancing rat appeared on stage.

My son informs me that a 2 1/2yr old can shriek in terror louder than eardrum-rupturing loud speakers.
Further, and most likely, she's indelibly imprinted with an unnatural fear of rodents for the rest of her life.

Ahhhhhh parenting.

FOOTNOTE: I tackled this subject a while back with a tongue-in-cheek t-shirt design for kids Clowns Scare Me
Also available in Women/Girls sizes.

And, thank you, New Jersey Star Gazette for mentioning Clowns Scare Me in the Life Style section of your newspaper.

Unicorn t shirt tres chic

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 17:48:00 +0000

Just added some new products to the DoodleDuds Depot online store.

The Unicorn has always been a fascination to me so I figured, what-the-hey, gonna add one to my shop. T shirts, hoodie, sweatshirt, tanks and more. All products can be personalized so

Check it out in the Women/Girls Section

Need a special gift for someone who loves Unicorns?
Check out the Fun Stuff Section for a unique wall clock and mousepad...too fantasyastic!

They're at War

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 01:31:00 +0000

Is it just me? Am I imagining a disconnect between the war in Iraq and the American psyche? Could the reason be we haven't sacrificed as a people for this war? Let me explain.
We Americans are steeped in the parochial concept that "anything worthwhile demands sacrifice".
The nation suffered at home during WWII. Rationing, shortages, joblessness. Communication was laborious and families countrywide altered their life styles to accommodate sons and fathers, mothers and daughters who were fighting in a foreign land for years.
My dad was mired in the horror of landing at Normandy and fighting in the Battle of the Bulge with the Army Corp of Engineers. I didn't see him in the flesh until I was 4 yrs. old. But that's what you did...a small sacrifice. My mom and I ate potato soup when money ran out at the end of the month. I recall her ritual of ceremoniously adding the last piece of rationed butter she had set aside for weeks for our month-end meals...a small sacrifice but that's what you did.
The war effort sent our mothers and sisters to factories and assembly-lines...and that's what you did...a small sacrifice.
But this war is different. It seems we, the people, are spectators.
They're at War and we're at the mall.

Want a Social Commentary tee to wear? They're at War

Woman vs. Wild

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 12:47:00 +0000

It's a fact. The idea of "survival in the wilds" turns my knees to jelly. I'm just not a "back-to-nature" kinda gal. If God wanted me in the forest, I'd been born in a nest. Frankly, my idea of "roughing it" is stiff towels at the Holiday Inn.

Still, I'm addicted to the tv series Man vs. Wild and Bear Grylls is my hero.
While I can hardly survive a sale at Macy's, I'm now confident (I took notes during the telecasts)) that I have sufficient knowledge to follow in Bear's footsteps.
I know I could survive such trifles as being stranded in the French Alps with only a butter knife or alone in the Florida Everglades for 5 days (not all those snakes are poisonous, after all).

I now know crocodiles like Italian food (and I'm half Italian). I know to wear sensible shoes next time I cross my local lava field (tennis shoes catch on fire), that termite dung is my friend and turtle tastes like chicken.

But, you'll never get me to eat a grub!...too sour.

C02 and You

noreply@blogger.com (pattigrafx) — Sat, 26 May 2007 20:51:00 +0000

O.K. Put on your thinking caps. I'm going to challenge your assumptions...based on science.

Consider this: Leading "global-warming " scientist and activist Claude Allegre has done a 360° turn-about. A renowned geochemist, PHD in physics (among other science stuff) and, egads!! architect of isotope geodynamics, Allegre has fessed up publicly. After billions of dollars for research by scientists "climate models failed dismally in establishing man-made cause of global warming". The evidence points to natural causes. (Now, who woulda thunk it?)

On the other hand, leading pseudo-scientist, Al Gore, says that man-made C02 emissions are causing global warming. Did Mr. Gore skip Science101? C02 doesn't cause heat, heat causes C02. Could it be that all the hot air from pontificating pols is really the cause of rising C02 levels?
And mucking things up further, how about that Clean Air Act? All-knowing politicians may not have considered that sulphate aerosols actually cool the lower atmosphere. By drastically reducing such emissions their cooling effect is negated...ahhh, where are those sulphates when you need them?

I'm not suggesting anything, merely pointing out that politicians are politicians and shouldn't try to be scientists...especially when they don't know their material.

Just give us the facts...we're not as dumb as politicians...or as dumb as politicians think we are.

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