Dooley's Doodles

My Other Platform

2017-07-06T18:37:00.000-10:00

I have been writing.
Not as much as I used to and not about the same kind of things. But it is nice to be writing again, doing it on a timeline, and getting paid!

I've been writing for Grays Harbor Talk and Thurston Talk. Check out my articles and tell me what you think.

And there's more on the way!

Cold

2017-03-04T20:23:00.001-10:00

I am trying really hard to not complain but I am really sick of being cold all the time.

That is all.

What a month

2017-02-27T09:57:00.003-10:00

Can you believe all that the last 5 weeks have held? Heath came home from his mission. We had a big gathering of family and friends come out to church and the house. The boys have been job hunting and helping around the house. Heath landed a full time job but it doesn't start until March 5th. We all took turns getting very very sick. We went to Disneyland! and now we are home and back to life again.

The Boys

It has been a blast having the boys home together. They are so cute together. Can I call them cute even though they are adults? (Kirkham says he is not an adult though he is 18. He says the government only classifies him as an adult for its own benefit: taxes) Its nice to see how grown up Heath is and how his good attitude is wearing off on everyone. He is a hard worker and has been very helpful. He fixed the broken clutch in the truck and has been tinkering with tons of other things. His sisters love having him around too and are constantly teasing him and trying to wrestle him. He plans to go back to school in August and until then will be working at Westport LLC, a yachtbuilding company here in Westport.

Disneyland was a blast

We were last there 10 years ago and the kids enjoyed reminiscing about what they could remember from before and enjoying the big rides they couldn't do before. Cora's favorite was the California Screaming Roller Coaster. I think my favorite was Space Mountain.

It was a memorable trip for two reasons. First, we were sick. Afton threw up for the first 3 hours of the car ride. We almost turned around in Portland but she refused. We had stopped at VooDoo donuts in Portland because Dave had promised Cora. Afton couldn't even go in the shop because she was so sick. She puked in the street. She fit right in with the midnight downtown crowd. We had a good laugh about that.

She wasn't the only one to get sick. I pretty much couldn't eat the whole time. I was still having stomach trouble from being sick the days before we left. I was able to go on the rides without any trouble though. Heath got sick the first night we were in the hotel. High fever and throwing up all night. He felt great the next day though!

The second reason the trip was memorable was because of the torrential rain. Record breaking rain. Disneyland flooded! But we had paid good money so we stayed. We were soaked to the bone even though we had ponchos. But we kept riding rides up until the last ones were closed. It was fun and we got on a lot of rides because most people left the park. For instance, we made it onto the Peter Pan ride! In all his years of going to Disney as a kid and with school groups Dave has never been able to get on that ride. We did. It was cool.

We really liked all the usual rides like Indiana Jones and Splash Mountain and Soaring over the World. That's to be expected. An unexpected ride that we loved was Woody's arcade in California Adventure park. It was one of our last rides sadly. I wish I had had an opportunity to do it a few times. In the end though we were tired. Very tired and satisfied with the rides we got. In fact we left after the electrical parade instead of staying until closing (the second day the rains had slowed and the park resumed all normal activities). The kids said they couldn't imagine spending a whole week at Disney, 2 days was enough. I agree.

The only thing that was disappointing is that it wasn't warmer. I was really hoping to have some hot sun. The cold days here in Westport are wearing on me. I'm glad that we have had a lot of clear sunny days but its so deceptive to go outside and be greeted by 35 degrees and wind. UGH.

Wanna Get Away

To combat the I'm-too-cold blues I think I will be planning a trip to Oklahoma/Arkansas this May. I graduate from University of Arkansas then. I'm thinking of flying into OKC to visit my sister and then dragging her along to my graduation. It's just a 3 hour drive. It will give us some time together, give me some southern warmth and sunshine, and the opportunity to go to my graduation. Woohoo.

Other Tidbits

I have begun writing for an online newsmagazine called GraysHarborTalk.com. It has been fun and a little stressful. It makes me so happy to see my stuff in print for reals, and not just this silly blog stuff :-)
Dave's dissertation was published and so he is officially, officially done. Finally.

The girls start fast pitch in the upcoming weeks. Afton starts today and Cora in a couple weeks. This is another new sport for them so I am excited to see them learn new skills. Volleyball was their first successful transition. Lets hope fastpitch is more of the same.

Passion and Purpose

2017-01-23T09:48:00.002-10:00

"When the Lord wishes to direct his people, his favorite mode of procedure seems to be not so much to thunder his commands from the mountains of clouds. Far more often some quiet, unknown man or woman is unconsciously attuned into a fit instrument for the work. An intense desire is in some simple, natural way created in the person to accomplish something. More and more grows the desire and the joy in the labors of pursuit; more and more dawns upon their vision the possibilities until through the fruits of the labors of these inspired persons a people are found to have attained, to a more or less perfect degree, that particular goal and purpose desired by the Lord.”

Evan Stephens, “M.I.A. in Music,” Improvement Era, vol. 28, no. 8 (June 1925), 730

I'm Thanful For

2017-01-19T06:20:00.001-10:00

Electricity
A handy husband
A job for my son that makes him really tired
A relatively chill puppy
A warmer weather system moving through
New tires on my car
A car
Time
A comfortable mattress
Patience
Slippers and Sweatshirts
That I don't have to go anywhere today and can stay in my pajamas
Chapstick
Ponytail holders
Drinkable water
Obedient children
Helpful family and friends
The sea breeze
A computer
Internet access
The nice lady at the post office

Catch Up

2017-01-18T11:57:00.005-10:00

The power went out last night so I never got around to posting.

Instead I spent the evening making arrangements to be cold and without water for possibly 3 days. We are on a well and so when the power goes out the well pump doesn't work and we don't get water. I was unprepared.

So last night I didn't get around to blogging. I also was unable to submit my article to GraysHarborTalk, which was due by midnight. I also didn't get to work on my new bookcase, nor prep for my presidency meeting.

In the middle of the night I got an emergency call from a family in our ward. The dad had to go to the ER and I needed to bring their teen daughter to the house with us.

This morning I spent more time in emergency mode, both on behalf of the ailing family and on behalf of my family without power or water. School was cancelled so I put my girls to work cleaning.

The power came on and I went to submit my article and it was GONE! When the power went out I guess I lost it. I couldn't retrieve it from anything. Had to rewrite.

It is now 2pm. Article is submitted. Quick blog post. Time to prep for the presidency meeting I have tonight.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

For All My Complaining

2017-01-16T21:11:00.004-10:00

For a girl with as many complaints as I do lately, I had a really good weekend. It started off a little rough and anxious on Friday and Saturday but it certainly didn't end that way.

It was my uncle Dudley's funeral this weekend which of course is sad. However, it was so fun to see all my aunts, uncles and cousins and to catch up with them all and to remember uncle Dudley and all the good he did.

Thanks to the foresight and generosity of my friends Pam and Bill I also got to bring home my new (to me) piano a week early! The also helped me get an armoire and mattress home which was such a blessing. I'm getting really excited to welcome our missionary home and we needed some bedroom storage and a mattress to be able to do that. I couldn't have done it without Pam and Bill and I am ever so grateful. It was also really nice to be able to spend time with them.

The piano is adjusting to its new environment and is having a few issues with tune and sticky keys. I'll get that fixed soon enough but in the meantime it has not kept any of us from enjoying it. It fills my heart with such happiness to play the piano again. I pulled out a few old favorites and the kids were singing along in no time. Cora decided that she was going to teach herself a new song and is already advancing quickly through it. Such joy it brings a pianist mother's heart!

I mentioned our missionary. Afton was so kind to create and order a Welcome Home banner for him. She ordered it from Staples and I picked it up today. One is laminated and the other is just tough paper that will hang inside the window. I'm so happy to have teens that help me out and create beautiful things for me and each other. Just four more sleeps until we welcome this man home. Can't wait!

Another great thing that happened this weekend is I got to spend the whole day with my honey today. Thanks to the MLK holiday he was able to stay home and spend time with the fam. We spent the morning doing some work around the house. Then he took me out surfing. It was a rough surf day but we were each able to get one great ride and a really good paddling workout. Then we spent the afternoon and evening at Home Depot and Safeway purchasing supplies for the bookcase we are building and the welcome home party we are hosting. When we got home we went straight to work sanding and cutting and constructing. I can't wait to see how it turns out and am anxious to get all my books out of boxes. HOORAY!

Well, it is late. It has been a nice weekend and I am ready to face all that awaits me this week. It will be a busy one. I hope you have a great week too!

2017-01-15T08:00:00.000-10:00

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." ~ Psalms 84:11

One Day at a Time

2017-01-14T17:00:00.000-10:00

I was feeling anxious today. Decided to just focus on this:

Shot from our beach earlier this week. Breathe in, breathe out.

Much better.

So you know: I surfed three times this week. One of those times it was snowing.

One More Week!

2017-01-13T13:05:00.003-10:00

My boy returns in ONE WEEK! I can't believe it. It is surprising how quickly two years has gone but at the same time so much has happened it seems like longer.

We last saw him in person when we dropped him off at the MTC. He was young and a little unsure of himself. I'm sure he was scared to death but at the same time excited to get out on his own.

I'm hoping he comes back a confident, strong man, ready to take on the world. From the letters we've received I know he has changed. He has a stronger testimony of the Gospel and a stronger belief in himself. Can't wait to give this man a big hug!

But before I do I have a lot to get done this week. He will get home and that same weekend a big bunch of friends and family will descend upon little Westport to come to hear his homecoming report. I am using this as motivation to get a few things done around the house.

Here is this week's list:

Get a dresser for the boys bedroom
Get a mattress for Heath
Build platform for Heath's bed
Make a lemon meringue pie for Heath
Make donairs for Heath's first meal home on Saturday per Heath's request (figure out what donairs are)
Make a "Welcome Home Elder Dooley" sign
Prepare food for Sunday luncheon after church. On the menu: Kalua Pork, Chicken Katsu, Rice, Hawaiian Mac Salad, Fresh Fruit, Hawaiian Dream Cake
Build a Bookcase so we can finally unpack all our boxes and clear up some space for guests to mill around in
Tidy up the garage so the kids can play ping pong at the luncheon
All the regular housework: dishes, laundry, sweep, vacuum, tidy, bathrooms, bedrooms
Some extra housework: windows, dusting, wipe all handles and knobs, clean off front door from puppy paws,

In addition I have the following responsibilities this week

Pitch new stories for my freelance writing job with GraysHarborTalk.com
Write a story about cooking razor clams for GraysHarborTalk.com
Make home visits to 2 new families and 3 sick women in our branch (did I tell you I'm the Relief Society President?)
Prep for presidency meeting on Wednesday night: agenda, phone calls, visiting teaching numbers
Start my last semester of classes with University of Arkansas

I also have a long list of other things I really should do but they won't be getting done this week

Sell textbooks, sheet music, jewelry and other stuff on ebay
organize sewing and craft stuff in new office cupboards
build desks for office
properly file paperwork that has been stuffed into a box for the last year
get new auto insurance
file taxes
cancel my Hawaii business licence (I've done this twice now but keep getting notices. I must have done something wrong).
Straighten out the emergency sub certificate situation
hang pictures
paint some walls
make headboards for the girls beds
make a headboard for my bed
Get some artwork

And there are so many other things I could write down but for sanity's sake I'll stop right there.

Structure

2017-01-12T12:00:00.000-10:00

Since moving I have had a terrible time getting into a groove. I could blame it on my concussion. I could blame it on the cold weather. I could blame it on the fact that there are fewer daylight hours than I was used to in Hawaii. I could blame it on a myriad of other large and small things that are different about me, my family, and the world, but really I got to put blame where blame is due: Me. I am to blame.

I have not created and held myself to a structure because, hey, when you don't have to why?! I'll tell you why: because you flounder. There is a reason we have bones: structure. There is a reason walls have studs and floors have joists: structure. There is a reason for rocks and earth: structure. Its time for me to create some structure in my life again so I can stand tall, be a support to those around me, and do some (more) good in the world.

To start building my structure I am going to reach way, way back into my old Fly Lady days. Do you remember Fly Lady? Great system for creating structure in baby steps. When my kids were little and my house was chaos I found Fly Lady for the first time. It had a lasting influence and every once in a while I like to go back for a refresher.

She proposes a morning routine. Her's is great but it is really focused on cleaning and I need something a little different. I'm battling some mild depression and so my morning routine will consist of a few things that have helped me in the past and have also been scientifically proven to help improve mood disorders.

Get out of bed
Drink water
Take vitamins
Put on workout clothes/shoes
Wake up the girls
30 minutes of exercise
20 minutes of scriptures, inspirational reading, prayer and meditation in front of my new Verilux Happy light.

By the time I have completed this list the girls will be ready for school and I can usher them happily out the door. We'll see how this works tomorrow and then continue adding more structure. Baby steps.

Wo is Me?

2017-01-11T16:10:00.002-10:00

As you know I was feeling pretty wo is me last night.

Funny how a chat with a friend, a call from mom, and a night of sleep can change all that. (Oh, and some surfing in the snow. That helps too.)

It was the phone conversation with mom that made the biggest difference. The conversation was not about me at all. I didn't even let on that I'd been blubbering. She had some bad news that really put my troubles into perspective. My uncle is dying. It has been a long time coming. He hasn't been well for a very long time. He's been in a care facility for four or five years. He's suffering and its his time. Part of the phone conversation my mind wandered to this past summer when Gramma Jewel died. She was in her 90's. At least 20 years older with a much better quality of life. It was a powerful comparison. I want that: quality of life into my 90's.

Today I got my blood tests, made my appointment with a physical therapist, and did a lot of research on the vitamins and such that the doctor is recommending. I also spent some time thinking about what I really want, why I really want it and how I'm gonna get it. What happens next is up to me.

Crybaby

2017-01-10T20:34:00.000-10:00

I don't cry. I pride myself in this fact. I hate it when people cry and I see it as weakness. It irritates me. Crying is for babies and for injuries. Like broken legs or gunshot wounds. Maybe when your grandma dies or your brother. Maybe.

Today at the doctor I cried like a blubbering idiot. I cried all the way home. I took a long shower and continued to cry. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. It was ridiculous.

I don't have cancer. No terminal diseases. No prescriptions to purchase or expensive tests to run. No I haven't hit menopause and I'm not pregnant.

I went to the doctor today for the first time in 6 months. The first time since moving. The first time since I got whacked in the face by my surfboard; when I got knocked out and suffered a concussion. I hadn't cried then though it hurt like a mother. But I cried today.

I told her the details, emotionless: I was shortboarding. I was working on some tricks, turning back on the wave. The waves were small. My daughter was surfing not too far from me. I remember my board turning to the right. I wake up underwater and don't know where I am. My eyes are closed but I'm seeing stars. My ears are ringing. I don't know which way is up. I find the air and hear Afton, "Are you OK Mom?" I'm not OK. My head hurts. My jaw hurts. I'm shaking. I know I'm not safe in the water. I find my board and paddle to shore where I wait for my daughter and friend.

I give her my excuses for never going to the doctor before: time and insurance issues.

I tell her my reasoning for coming in now, finally: continued headaches, continued slowed/lost cognitive function, nausea and dizziness when I exercise, weight gain, depression.

I started tearing up as I told her about how I get sick when my heart rate rises, like when I run my head starts hurting and I get a little dizzy and the nausea will last for hours. I lost it when she said something about "traumatic brain injury" and "learning to adjust".

Traumatic brain injury was a phrase I'd read many times in my late night concussion recovery googles. I thought I might have it. I fit the symptoms. But I'm a hypochondriac. I wasn't that bad off was I? Nah. I'm probably just imagining most of it anyways, right? Hearing it from her was definitive, like a slap on the back, or cold water to the face. It was real.

Learning to adjust. Ugh. followed by words like magnify, and compensate, and manage, and ageing. Ageing? What?!

We talked for a long time. She talked fast. I remember some of what she said. She wrote me a prescription for a book, referred me to physical therapy, gave me a bunch of vitamins for my brain. We talked too long and the lab next door closed before I could get my blood draw and urine sample in. Must check my levels. Not sure what levels that would be but she'll let me know next week if she thinks I should add anything to my brain regimen.

"The good news," she said, was that I don't need to bother spending money on an MRI. At this point they can't do anything about any damage that was done. Their not gonna do surgery on me when I'm doing as well as I am.

Well that's good.

I'll Write Again on Two Conditions

2017-01-10T18:14:00.000-10:00

Two conditions

You don't mention this or anything I say
I'm beginning from now. No, or very little, backfill

One

I've been wanting to blog again for a long time. Aching to really. But I keep hearing this nagging voice with a wagging finger in the back of my head that says "you've been away too long", "do you really want to say that?", "what will people think of you if . . .?", "once it's out there you can never take it back!".

I thought I could just write on paper and that would do the trick. I could clear my head by trapping these ideas in a spiral college ruled. It didn't work the same. I got it out but it turned out to be a jumbled mess of ink. The thoughts incoherent in my head remained frustrated and confused. Paper didn't force me to really think about what I was thinking and how I was saying it. The possibility of a reader did. I needed an audience.

An audience is scary. An audience thinks about what you say and thinks it is really you. They trust that it is. But, what if I want to change my mind later? What if I realize that what I said wasn't really what I meant? What if I was just full of crap and too stupid to realize it? And then the audience wants to talk to me about it?!

Ugh, the voice again. Do me a favor and don't talk to me about my blog, at least for now. Let me regain some confidence or whatever it is that's holding me back.

Two

I have been extremely inconsistent in my writing over the last five years. It seemed just as my life was getting super exciting and my readership was higher than ever, I dropped off the face of the earth. I did. Literally. I landed on an island in the middle of the Pacific. You wanted to hear all about that supposed dream life and I disappointed you. I withheld from you the opportunity to live vicariously through me. Yeah sure, I occasionally threw out a few teasers: pictures of surfing, the beach, adventurous tales--but it wasn't the same. And it will never be the same again.

I can't go back. Sure it might be fun if I tried sifting through old pictures and dredging up old memories but it wouldn't last and it wouldn't be real. Or at least it wouldn't be the same. And I would probably lose interest again. You would too. Because the real purpose of the blog isn't to showcase the perfect life and the awesome adventures and to brag about myself. No, the real purpose, as stated above, is to sort some things out. To get some things out of my head and onto a digital post it note so I can look at it, move it around, think about it, and see if I can finally figure out this thing, this stuff, this life.

OK, fine, I might sometimes rehash. I reserve that right.

For now, however, I will begin with today and see where it takes me.

If I'm Wearing My Glasses Leave Me Alone

2016-11-17T07:33:00.000-10:00

It's a bright, cold, rainy day. Yes, bright, surprisingly. The high white clouds are trying to trick me into thinking it's nice outside. Indeed I keep turning to look out the window to see if the sun is peeking through. It's not. Just thin clouds dripping their contents as they slowly slink over the coast inland. I'm not amused.

Had a hard time getting out of bed. I think I'm coming down with a cold. I wish I was coming down with a cold: a good excuse to stay in bed all day. I'll be staying in the house anyways. I have plenty to do that I don't want to do: homework, housework, showering, brushing my hair.

I'm debating if I'm going into another depression or if I'm just tired or if I'm just lazy or if my head still isn't totally healed from that concussion in July. Maybe a combination. The bottom line is I don't want to do anything.

My list of to do's today started like this: 1-Get out of bed, 2-Drink Water, 3-Eat something healthy, 4-Put on contacts, 5-Brush hair, 6-Take Vitamins, 7-Plan dinner, 8-blog, ... I skipped from 3 and went straight to 8. I couldn't handle the others. I might go back but I also have homework to do so I might just take a nap.

I haven't been surfing in 3 weeks because the surf has been too big. I've tried running a few times but it still hurts my head (post-concussion). Walking is cold. Yesterday I bought a rowing machine from a surplus sale. I'll see what excuses I can come up with for not using that. In a similar vein I have gained 10+ pounds since the move. Hence I am wearing sweats a lot.

Other problems I should face but won't: refinance the rental, set up income sensitive repayment for student loans, wake up my son who needs to find a job, get better insurance agent, track down life insurance policy, adopt a puppy.

Thinking About Technology

2016-09-03T05:56:00.001-10:00

Lots of Links

2016-07-23T07:17:00.000-10:00

Dual Fuel Generator
a better Dual Fuel Generator

a picture is worth a thousand thoughts
Bloom's Taxonomy
Bloom's Verbs
Teaching with Revised Bloom's

I got Bill's Lunchmoney Lewis

Frog Eye Salad Recipe

BYU idaho
oath and covenant apply to me

South Beach Arts Association

Peer Coaching

Mail pricing

silver trade marks

Neuroleadership institute
Influencing Others

SendOwl

Five Magic Questions

Kahoot

On A Dime

2016-07-19T21:45:00.001-10:00

Just when you think you've settled in and have got it figured out, things change.

Two weeks ago we accepted a new job. In less than two weeks we will be leaving our island home and making for the cold ocean shores of Westport, Washington.

WESTPORT?!

Yeah, it's out there. But, it has surf. That's what's important.

Just a month or two ago we gave up on buying a house here in Hawaii, however, last week we made an offer on a new house there in Washington and it looks like, after 5 long years of renting, we will be homeowners again in about a month!

A BEACHHOUSE!

Well, kinda a beach house. We are the second house back from the beach with deeded access to the beach down a little path. Do you see the little bit of surf out there? Do you? Do you?!!

And here is a close up of the beach that will make you drool . . .

Beach for as far as the eye can see.

The last two weeks have not been as glamorous as this lovely stretch of beach. Instead it has looked a lot like this

It has not been a pretty sight. Everything in the house is a constant mess. I sort through and organize and pack it all piece by piece. Then everything that gets pulled out gets sold. Lots of stuff is getting sold. I feel like I am selling practically everything. I learned when I moved out here that stuff wasn't that important and I'm not sure I want all this stuff that has been damaged by the sun and heat and humidity of Hawaii. I'm even considering selling my beloved Bosch. This stuff is getting serious!

If you're local I'm also still trying to find a home for my Suzuki Esteem Wagon, Dave's Ford F350 Crew Cab, a piano, a bird, and a lot of odds and ends. Follow my Facebook for all the details!

Negative and Positive Feedback

2016-06-17T08:55:00.001-10:00

Good advice from Performance Coach Carol Wilson for managers, parents, teachers, . . . everyone:

"Negative feedback is best given in private to the person concerned.
"There are times and places for giving positive feedback. These are the parameters:
As often as you can
Only when it is deserved
Immediately
In public if the recipient is not shy and if it will not belittle the contribution of other members of the team
Direct to the recipient
To the recipient’s boss
"Surveys show that people value satisfaction in their work even more than money. One of the best ways of raising employees’ satisfaction is to tell them specifically the difference they have made and where they are good at their jobs, every day and as often as is appropriate."

Selling the House . . . Again

2016-06-14T23:24:00.000-10:00

Once again we are going to try to sell our house. The market is up and we will be able to pay off our mortgage now (hooray) but it has been rented for the past 5 years so the sale will be taxed (boo). The taxes are such that we will break even on the sale if we get our asking price. Instead of paying Uncle Sam I'm running calculations on sale prices and doing research on deferring those taxes with a 1031 Exchange. I need a place to dump all my research and this seemed like the perfect place to do it. Maybe some of this will be helpful for you too? Do you have any advice for me?

I've Been Doing A Lot of This Lately

2016-05-20T09:24:00.000-10:00

Hi Ara,

I am pretty booked up right now and I'm not taking on any new projects for a while. But I do have two recommendations for people who you can call who I think could fit your daughter's dress in. Both of them are excellent seamstresses. My first choice would be Nan Xxxxxx. Her phone number is xxx-xxxx or xxx'xxxx. Call her right away because she does get booked up too. She has done a lot of wedding dresses and formals. My second choice would be Aurie Xxxxxxx. She too does great work and I can highly recommend her. Her number is xxx-xxxx.

I hope one of them works out for you. Congratulations on the wedding! What an exciting time for your family! Thank you for thinking to ask me, I appreciate your consideration.

Dani

I have been learning how to say "No" nicely. At least I think I'm doing it nicely. What do you think?

This has been a very difficult thing for me to do. I enjoy helping people out. I enjoy using my talents. I like sewing and creating new things and making beautiful things and solving problems.

I don't like being stressed out and having too many things to do. I don't like having to tell my kids that I'm too busy to help them with something. I don't like not having the time to do a job perfectly (or as close to perfect as I am capable).

This has been a year full of things to be done: from housework, to homework; from teaching at the University to teaching in Seminary; from costumes to student development. Not to mention being a supportive wife and mother and friend. There has been a lot on my plate and it has been a learning experience. I have learned how to better manage my time, how to better prioritize my task list, how to let things go, and how to say "no".

How do you say no nicely?

The Best Gets Better

2016-05-02T14:13:00.000-10:00

I'm a little obsessed with Kelly Slater. I've only seen him in person once and that was at a restaurant in Haleiwa just shortly after we moved here. I didn't have the guts to take a picture or say hi.

Kelly is an incredible surfer and I am especially amazed at his dedication to his sport. The fact that he was a 9x champion when this video was shot and he said that he thought he could still get better shows dedication and drive. He has gone on to win more World Surf League championships and continues to rock contests everywhere he goes. He is two years older than me and 10-15 years older than most of his competitors. WOW!

Every once in a while when I am feeling down and old I like to watch this video and remind myself that if Kelly Slater thinks he has room for improvement then I do too. Does this video inspire you? Do you have a favorite video or idol you look up to for motivaton?

How To Help Your Doctoral Student Complete Their Dissertation

2016-04-23T14:01:00.001-10:00

How to Help Your Doctoral Student Complete Their Dissertation

pc:work desk via http://photopin.com. (license) CC by-nc-sa 2.0.

Ah, the dissertation! The seemingly never-ending last step to degree completion that puts the terminal into terminal degree. Four years ago when my husband decided to pursue his doctorate I gave him a strict deadline: 2.5 years of classes and 1 year of dissertation work. For some this can go on for years. For us one year has been more than enough. The writing, the late nights, the literature, the research, the writing, the late nights, the statistics, the weekends, the holidays, the writing, the late nights, the procrastination, the mental blocks, the writing, the late nights, the distractions, the edits; all of it has been at times more than we thought we could bear.

But this week, today actually, the final edit gets turned in and we--I mean he--are/is done! I am breathing a big sigh of relief and feel like after all this hard work I have learned something that I too must share: How to help your doctoral student complete their dissertation. I have adapted my thoughts from this article for academic advisors.

First, Make Them Write

For a while there in November, December, January (heck until 2 weeks ago!) I was thinking it wasn’t going to happen. He was gone all the time and the list of dissertation to-do’s was getting longer instead of shorter. The research kept getting rearranged and new statistical methods being applied. He was talking to a lot of people but he wasn’t writing.

Kerry Ann Rockquemore advises “For a wide range of reasons, the hardest thing for doctoral students to do is the one thing that will actually lead to a completed dissertation: sit their butt down and write!”

My strategy for making him write has evolved over the course of the dissertation. At first it was important for me to give him time to write. He needed the hours to get in the right frame of mind, to get stuff down, and to stay in that flow as long as possible. I was very careful to not give “curfews” on him or schedule events that would press him for time. If he was writing I wanted to make sure he could continue writing. This worked great for the first couple chapters; that is, until the fun of writing a dissertation wore off.

The next strategy I used was asking for a report on his progress: a simple “how’s it going and where you at?” Followed up every week or so with an offer to do proof-reading. It was a gentle friendly offer of help that also supplied proof of progress for me and a feeling of responsibility to produce for him. This really kept the ball rolling, until it didn’t.

A couple weeks ago he hit a wall. A really big wall. The whole thing was written in penultimate draft form but needed to be gone through with a fine tooth comb; all the chapters finally put together in one and made to be a concise and cohesive whole. That is when I pulled out all the stops and sat by his side. Yes, really. It is hard and overwhelming to look at what you’ve been doing for the past year and perfect it right down to the last subheading, space, and percent; so I sat by his side and looked through his reference books and google searched every last detail. At first it made him uncomfortable and a little self conscious but within the hour that had melted away. The other day I overheard him bragging to a co-worker about how much I had helped him straighten out his statistics.

Perhaps you can think of a few strategies that may work better for you? Ultimately if you want to help your partner finish their dissertation, first, make them write.

Then Eliminate Distractions

As I already mentioned writing takes time. To allow your partner to get the most out of their time help them to eliminate distractions. You can do this by not putting extra demands on their time nor allowing others to put extra demands on them. You can also do this by taking things off your partner’s plate, figuratively and literally.

For us we had a lot of distractions come up in the last month. The car broke down. There were extra demands at work. There were some family scheduling issues that needed ironing out. I made phone calls for him and took over a church service project for him. I enlisted the help of friends to get kids to their scheduled activities. I insisted on taking him to work and picking him up so he didn’t have to worry about fixing his car. I packed him lunches and brought him dinner and snacks so he didn’t have to leave for food.

Distractions can also come in the way of a need for exercise or time away from the project. We planned together for family time that was active play. He decided to turn off his messaging and email alerts while he was “dissertating” and he avoided working on the dissertation in places and at times of day where distraction was inevitable, like at home and in the early afternoon.

Eliminating or lessening distractions is essential in helping your significant other finish their dissertation. What distractions can you help your partner overcome?

And Then Get to Work With Them

giphy.com

You can’t formulate their hypothesis, do their research or create their tables and figures but there’s plenty you can do. Familiarize yourself with their field of study so you can be a worthwhile and easily accessible sounding board. Learn to speed read. Freshen up on your APA (or whatever format style they use) and stats. Be available as a resource for them. They aren’t sure if Figure 1 is supposed to be italicized? Find out for them (it is). They need to know the proper abbreviation for mean? Find out for them (M). They need to know when to use % vs percent? Find out for them (2% vs two percent)! They don’t have time to look up that little piddly junk. They’ve got bigger things to think about, yet those little things still must be taken care of. You can do that for them.

Working alongside my husband this past week has actually turned out to be a really fun project. I brought snacks, we’d turn on music, we worked both together and separately proof-reading and finalizing his work. We debated the relevance of some of the findings and played with ideas for future research together. He felt supported and good about his work and I felt like he was grateful I was helping him stay on track.

Helping your partner with the piddly details of their dissertation helps keep them on track and feel supported in their work. What kind of dissertation help would your significant other appreciate from you?

We will be celebrating tonight though we know his work is not actually done yet. Next up is defending the dissertation and that is still a couple weeks out. I’m sure we will have some more late nights in preparation. I will continue being a support to him encouraging him, clearing distractions and working alongside him where I can. I hope these tips will help you and your doctoral student and if you have other ideas you’d like to share I’d love to hear them!

Favorite Quotes: Learning

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"Learning must be a way of being – an ongoing set of attitudes and actions by individuals and groups that they employ to try to keep abreast of the surprising, novel, messy, obtrusive, recurring events…”

Peter Vaill in Learning as a Way of Being

Look Closely

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“Look closely at the present you are constructing: it should look like the future you are dreaming.”
-Alice Walker

I've been grading final papers for my student development class today. This assignment is completed over the course of the semester and is a personal assessment in seven parts.

Part one students lay out their personal motivations and goals in life.
Two is a reflection on their past and current behaviors, habits and strategies.
Three they analyze the effectiveness of their behaviors, habits and strategies in relation to their goals.
Four they collect honest and forthright feedback from 5 or 6 trusted individuals on their strengths and weaknesses. Three of these are from equals and 2 are from superiors.
Five they evaluate the outside reflections for similarities.
Six is where they compare the feedback they received from others with their personal reflections in section 3. They look for similarities and surprising differences.
Seven is their conclusion which includes a wrap up of their findings and areas for future action/study/thought.

Each semester I am surprised at just how whole heartedly the students attack this project and how happy they are with the end results. It warms my heart to read about the big goals they have, their strong desire to serve and to love others. They usually share a similar goal along the lines of "be happy" or "get better" at the beginning of the semester. By the end my hope is that that have defined that to something that is measurable and precise and something they are willing to continually strive towards.

I've had a great group this semester and I'm really gonna miss them. I wonder what next semester will bring me?