Fiction: Because we can't escape this world and its stress-inducing rate of change, all hope for maintaining healthy margins is lost.

In this blog post, I'd like to suggest that there are, in fact, many helpful ideas and techniques for maintaining healthy margins. The most critical one, which I will focus on today, is the importance of reestablishing a Sabbath rest in our busy lives.

I believe many of us misunderstand the concept of Sabbath. In the Old Testament, the Sabbath was a specific day of the week that God instituted to train the people of Israel to withdraw and focus on Him, and to protect their bodies by not working seven days per week. Since the Israelites were often "stiff necked", God realized that He needed to set strict guidelines for what they could and could not do on the Sabbath.

Today, there's a tendency to translate the Old Testament view of the Sabbath into merely going to church on Sundays. Don't get me wrong, I'm a strong proponent of supporting the local church, but I don't believe that attending a service at one's local church alone is the Sabbath God fully intended for us, nor is it enough to keep our lives balanced. Sadly, church can become one more activity, especially when we have young kids.

In the last blog we talked about the exponentially increasing rate of change in our world. Our pace of life is pretty wild compared to New Testament days, but even 2000 years ago the pace of life required that Jesus demonstrate the need for pulling away:

"And He said to them [as for you]] come away by yourselves to a deserted place, and rest a while -- for many were (continually) coming and going, and they had not even leisure enough to eat" (Mark 6:31 Amplified).

I once had the privilege of spending some time with Eugene Peterson, a pastor and writer known for writing The Message. As a pastor, Monday was his Sabbath day. I asked him to describe how he used that day. He said that, for him, it was setting a day aside to not do any activity that he had to -- that is, activities that neededto be accomplished. He told me that he loved being out in his garden or mowing his lawn, so these were things he could do on the Sabbath because they weren't "must do"” activities.

Though mowing my lawn wouldn't be restful for me, I do require at least a half of a day each week (or even better, a full day) to withdraw from my major responsibilities and move into a restful state. During these times, I often spend a significant portion of time in worship, reading the Bible, and so on, but not to accomplish something, like preparing for a Bible study, since such an activity is not rest for me. Walking in the mountains, sitting by a stream, reading a good book, and taking naps -- these are restful for me.

I'll continue this topic in my next blog post, but let me ask you this: When was the last time you set aside a significant portion of a day to withdraw from your to do list and high pressured activities (even putting aside your trusty technological devices) and truly rested?

"There can be little doubt that the contemporary absence of margin is linked to the march of progress. In a general sense, those cultures with the most progress are the same as those with the least margins...Margin has been stolen away, and progress was the thief" (25).

He goes on to point out several truths about progress:

"Progress works by....always giving us more and more of everything faster and faster."

"The spontaneous flow of progress is toward increasing stress, change, complexity, speed, intensity, and overload."

"...progress is on a collision course with human limits. Once the threshold of these limits is exceeded, overload displaces margin" (26-27).

As we all work towards avoiding overload in our lives, we need to understand that our current world runs by different rules and is in a very different stage than any other stage in history. Rather than the rate of change following a linear growth path (as in previous periods of history), we're now living in a time where the rate of change is increasing exponentially.

Think for a moment about the rate of change in just these few areas: speed of communication; technological advances; availability of knowledge at our fingertips; mobility; media pervasiveness and power; destructive power of weaponry; prevalence of divorce; availability of illicit drugs; and possibly most important the disappearance of community,.

As we face life amidst this ever increasing rate of change, we are more susceptible than previous generations to overload in terms of activity, change, choice, commitment, debt, decisions, expectations, hurry, media, noise, people, traffic, and technology. Focusing on just one area of overload, ask yourself this question: Do I have difficulty keeping up with emails and Facebook? Many of us today all too easily answer this question in the affirmative.

There's no simple answer to the rate of change we now experience and the overload that it often creates. Most of us do not have the option of withdrawing from the world for long periods of time. However, this is the world in which we find ourselves. What coping mechanisms, healthy or unhealthy, do you use to avoid overload in your life?

As I reflect on this week, in addition to my normal business responsibilities I've been helping my father with his estate planning, spending time encouraging several different family members and close friends who are near or at overload, assisting our son Ryan in key issues related to his CrossFit gym, and providing pre-marital counseling to a young couple. My guess is that your life, though it may look differently, is just as complex.

Part of the problem is that I honestly and thoroughly enjoy every one of these interactions, but when the pace gets too fast, I have difficulty shutting down my mind and getting in touch with my soul and spirit. During weeks such as this past one, I find it more difficult to connect with God and His presence. I also begin to reach unhealthy stress levels, which causes me to fall into the trap of thinking that if I just push through for another week or two, life will finally slow down. As we know, however, this rarely seems to happen.

Many years ago, a friend of mine helped identify part of the problem. He pointed out that as we move through life, our responsibilities and expectations increase. For example, at 20 years old, I didn't have five children, eight grandchildren, dozens of close friends, and a business with over 150 employees. As a young married college student, I thought life was full. Was I ever wrong!

My friend then pointed out that as life progresses, our mental, physical, and emotional energy capacities simply begin to decrease. I certainly found this true as I entered my 50's and 60's.

The real problem manifests itself, however, when the curve representing an ever-increasing growth in responsibilities is intersected by a slowly decreasing capacity curve. At that point, overload is inevitable -- inescapable, even. We can't increase our capacities, so the only choice is to begin to reduce our responsibilities wherever possible.

Next week, I'll discuss why maintaining healthy margins is more difficult in the world today than at other points in history. Until then, ask yourself this question: Are my current responsibilities proportionate to my current energy capacities?

• Home. For me, home is where I want to invite everybody I know. For Kaylinn, home is where she wants to retreat.
• Free Time. For me, free time is when I do group activities. For Kaylinn, free time is when she reads without interruption for so long that she feels she might be in danger of going blind.
• Bored. For me, being bored is when I'm not frantically busy. For Kaylinn, being bored when she's stuck making small talk and can't escape politely.

Maintaining healthy margins for Kaylinn is much easier than it is for me. For a while in our marriage, I thought she was a little lazy, and she thought I was a little nuts. Though adequate margins are typically a bigger problem for extroverts, nobody in our world today is immune to this struggle.

In the excellent book, Margin, by Richard A. Swenson, M.D., margin is defined as the "space between our load and our limits...It is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations. Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating...It is the opposite of overload," which "occurs whenever the requirements upon us exceed that which we are able to bear" (69, 54).

Several key issues make it difficult for us to maintain healthy margins and avoid overload in our lives. One such issue is our personalities, especially those personalities that tend toward extroversion. For those of us who fall into this category, we tend to see margins as gaps to be filled, rather than time to be cherished or preserved. Another issue for us is our inability (or unwillingness) to recognize the limits naturally imposed on our bodies, our emotions, our time, and our finances, just to name a few. Assuming that there are no limits, we want to keep all possible options open.

Even if we recognize our limits, it's still easy to not be aware of them until it's too late and we find ourselves overloaded. Limits are not our enemy, overloading is. The biggest culprit, however, may be the rapid changes in our world today and the many options and expectations that these bring, most of which encourage overload. This will be the topic of my next blog post. Until then, take a moment to reflect on your limits and where you are most likely to find yourself overloaded.

Let me provide some background. Approximately 46,000 women from about 110 countries are competing. Jenny finished sixth in the world at the 2011 games and first in the Northern California region last year, despite a nagging injury. Since then, Jenny has trained hard in preparation for the 2013 competition, often doing two workouts per day. As you can imagine, she came into this year's competition with high expectations.

However, just before the first week of the competition started, she was riding her bicycle when another cyclist cut right in front of her, causing her to fly over her handlebars and break her foot. She now wears a cast and isn't supposed to put weight on that foot.. Yesterday, she cheered other athletes as they competed in our son Ryan's CrossFit gym. Today, however, she did the first workout with one foot and achieved a score of 150, which many women won't reach. She completed 90 burpees (starting in push-up position, your chest to the floor, and then getting up and jumping six inches) and 60 snatches (lifting a barbell over your head, the first 30 at 45 pounds and the next 30 at 75 pounds) in 17 minutes. And she did all of this on one foot. You can watch Jenny's workout at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpoPbvHKVDg

Before performing earlier today Jenny posted a blog, a portion of which I've copied below with her permission:

I don't want to ever live my life with regrets and that's what will happen if I don't try this. I can mope and weep and feel sorry for myself or I can tackle this workout with the mindset of how lucky am I to have one good leg and be able to be active. Now, I'm also a realist and I know that there is a chance that I won't be able to complete the open workouts with a broken foot. If that happens, what do I do? I'm not sure yet. I'm going to be crushed inside, no doubt! But, I am not going to be done. I'm Jenny LaBaw the person, not Jenny LaBaw the athlete. I am not defined by what I do, but by who I am. I am a girlfriend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and a granddaughter. I am a coach, a friend, and a momma to two beautiful labs. I have family and friends that I care about more than anything on this earth and know they love me, too...By...remembering what's really important in life, no matter what happens, I am going to be fine.

I was overwhelmed with emotion as I watched Jenny compete on one leg, but I'm even more impacted by her reminder that our relationships are more important than our performance, and that we are defined by who we are, not what we can do. What is more important in your life, relationships or performance? Jenny, thank you for this reminder.

I "follow" Donald Miller on Facebook, where he typically posts a quote each day. Here's one that recently struck me:

"Life is not about being important, getting lots of work done, or living longer."

I wish I had heard that simple statement years ago! It's only within the last five years that I've truly come to understand that God loves me just as I am, even if I never have a "productive" or "successful" day again in my life.

I believe the key to life is receiving the Father's perfect love and acceptance and then, as a conduit, letting that love and acceptance flow through us to others. It's simple. And yet it's also quite hard. Sometimes, I'm a clean conduit; other times, I'm a rusty pipe.

I'm writing to let you know that I've observed that same growth in you in recent years. I'm simply awed by the sweet aroma of Jesus that marks your life today. I'm not telling you this because I'm a "feeler" or because I love to encourage others. I'm telling you this because I really mean it. Ask your wife, your family members, and your close friends; I'm sure they agree with me.

My current struggle is allowing God's love to flow through me when I am required to switch back into a "business mode,:" especially in meetings where I'm expected to think critically and use my knowledge of business principles to produce specific, quantifiable results. In these situations, I've noticed that if I'm not careful, I can easily shift into being overly intense and critical, and I don't like it. My goal is to use all of my God-given gifts (including my intelligence and ability to see the big picture) and still allow the Father's love to flow through me.

If you get bored while recovering from your injury, I can send you the recording of my talk from a few weeks ago at the Heaven in Business conference at Bethel Church. My topic was "Leading with Love, Sharing the Father's Heart." It was almost an out-of-body experience to sense the Father's love as I spoke. Amazingly, the approximately 140 participants gave me a standing ovation at the end of my talk. That's never happened to me before! At a break at the conference, two different people came up to me within five minutes and asked if I would give them a "father's hug." Again, this was a new experience for me, but it hit me at a deep level, confirming what I truly want to be: a conduit of the Father's love -- nothing more and nothing less.

Be blessed today my friend,

Doug

Last week, I had the opportunity to speak at the Heaven in Business conference hosted by Global Transformation Institute at Bethel Church in Redding, CA. I spoke in the middle of the second day after the conference attendees had already been challenged by talented speakers in previous sessions.

As I began, I asked those in attendance, "Raise your hand if you like ice cream." Almost everybody raised their hands. I then asked them to call out their favorite flavors. A flurry of names of various flavors of ice cream quickly filled the room.

My point in doing this was to show that God has created each of us to be a unique flavor of His presence and His love in our world. Because of this, we shouldn't mimic or try to be like anyone else.

For many years, I've had a problem. After hearing great speakers, I'd often wish that I could speak more like them. After being around a good friend of mine who loves people incredibly well, I'd wish that I could love people like him. After spending time with a person with tremendous gifts of healing, prophecy, or discernment, I'd wish that I could walk confidently in those gifts, too. After speaking with someone who mentors many men, I'd wish that I had a long list of men who I myself was mentoring.

You get the point. In short, I'd built a caricature of "the perfect Christian"” and then measured myself against that caricature. For years, I tried to match up to this false picture, but I always came up short.

In desperately trying to be all of these "flavors"at once, I certainly didn't evidence love, joy, and peace in my life. These days, I've become much more at peace through receiving a clear understanding of the "flavor" God has created me to be: He has called me to be a father, and to love people as a father -- as a representation of God's incredible father's heart.

What, then, was my topic at the conference? "Leading with Love, Sharing the Father's Heart." This heart is a heart of love, not duty. My desire is to spend the remainder of my life being an earthly father/grandfather to my family and a spiritual father to many.

What unique "flavor" of God's presence are you? How has He called you to demonstrate His love in our hurting world? If you don't know, I'd encourage you to find out. You're unique -- one of a kind. Because of this, you can't be all things to all people. Can you imagine an ice cream with dozens of flavors mixed together? That'd be nobody's favorite.

No. The answer is prayer. Simply taking a few moments to pray with or for a person is a tremendous act of love, especially when prompted by the Holy Spirit.

Kaylinn and I recently attended a wedding where we met Maggie, a young woman in the wedding party. The next day, we went to a wedding brunch, where Maggie also happened to be. As the brunch progressed, I sensed God prompting me to pray for Maggie, even though I'd only met her the day before. I initially ignored this prompting, yet the feeling wouldn't go away, so I finally decided to take action.

After talking with Maggie for a bit, I asked if I could pray for her. She agreed and, as I began to pray, I sensed God's love for her and prayed for her as a father -- as I would for one of my own daughters. After the prayer, we talked for a few moments, and then parted. Later that day, I sent her an email, encouraging her to contact us if she ever had any additional needs for prayer.

Here's her response:

Thanks so much, Doug! You're a wise and discerning man and I so appreciated you praying for me, mostly because my own dad has never prayed for me (he's not a believer and left our family when I was very young). So you have no idea how much that impacted me today and it also made me realize (again) how I've missed having a father figure in my life who can speak encouraging words of truth -- God's truth!

Loved meeting you both, and I certainly hope our paths cross again soon!

Maggie*

It honestly doesn't get much better than this -- this adventure of serving others by putting love into action, especially through prayer as prompted by the Holy Spirit.

During this next week, I encourage you to pay attention to those little nudges that you receive, and then enjoy the exciting adventure with God that they provide.

*Name shared with permission

• While watching The Voice on TV recently, I noticed that one judge after another often says, "I love you" to a contestant -- typically when that contestant is being eliminated from the competition.
• When somebody asks if we'd like to go shopping, we gladly answer, "I'd love to."
• We "love" pizza, beautiful skies, and turkey at Thanksgiving.
• If we meet someone new whom we admire, it's often not too long before we say that we "love" that person.

In these examples one could easily get the impression that love is simply a positive feeling that we have toward something or someone. However, in reality, it's much more than that. Love is an action word so it doesn't stop at our thoughts or feelings.

Love Does, an excellent book by Bob Goff, encourages and models love as an action word. Donald Miller, in the introduction to the book, says it well:

This book will be troubling for some. We don't like to put hands and feet on love. When love is a theory, it's safe, it's free of risk. But love in the brain changes nothing . . . love is too beautiful a concept to keep locked up behind a forehead like a prisoner...We may want love and feel love and say love, but love does things.

My mantra that "Serving is a privilege, not a chore, when you love someone," was birthed from reading Love Does. Serving is putting love into action. The following quotes, in particular, have impacted me:

Love like there's no tomorrow; live like there's no yesterday. We're forgiven; now go love people like we believe it.

Spread love like it's grass seed in a big wind; we don’t need to pick where the lawn grows.

Love is never stationary.

With the viewpoint that love is an action word, "Every day turns into a hilarious, whimsical, meaningful chance to make faith simple and real." A couple of recent ways I have done this in my world are:

1. I offered to make coffee for the wonderful ladies who clean our home when they arrived one morning.
2. My son and I went over and used our ATV's to pack down the snow on a friend’s driveway at their cabin so that when they arrived they wouldn't be hip deep trying to get to their front door!
3. I emailed a friend just to let him know I care about him and that if I were stranded on an island and had to pick only two or three people to be "stuck" with, he would make the list!

But where do you start? Ask God what your next step is. It may be as easy as picking up the phone, sending an email, writing a letter, or "just showing up." "After that, things start happening. Things that perhaps have God's fingerprints on them." Pick one person today and put your love into action. Love does!

 "No, I'm exhausted and just need to come home."

"No, let's do it another time."

"Yes I suppose so," or

"Yes, I'd be glad to."

For most of my life, I've been as self-centered as the next person. Rarely is "No" my response, but my "Yes" was at best half-hearted and at worst, resentful. I thought that as Kaylinn's husband, I should help, but found myself feeling at times like helping was a chore. This response is rather like the boy who was punished by his teacher and told to sit in the corner. As he sat there, he thought to himself, "I may be sitting on the outside, but I am standing on the inside."

Over time I began to realize that performing "acts of service" was a tangible way for Kaylinn to receive my love - even more tangible for her than gifts, touch, or words of affirmation. With this realization, I began to say "Yes" more quickly, but it still sometimes felt like a chore rather than an act of genuine love.

Recently, I read a great book by Bob Goff called Love Does, which I highly recommend. Not long after reading the book, this mantra began to take root in my mind:

 "Serving is a privilege, not a chore, when you love someone."

Kaylinn is the most important person in my life and because of this all of my acts of service for her should be done as a privilege. Of course, certain times and situations may not allow for me to say an immediate "Yes," but "Yes, I will be glad to" should be my normal response. What a slow learner I am!

The challenging part is to see "serving as a privilege, not a chore," for those with whom we come in contact beyond our families and close friends. God desires that we love our neighbors as ourselves, so if we genuinely love those whom God brings across our path, serving them should be a true privilege, not a rote chore. Yes, we need to maintain healthy boundaries and no, we can't meet everybody's needs, but the Holy Spirit usually highlights those whose needs we can and should meet.

This simple mantra has changed my attitude in a variety of contexts - not just at home. My prayer is that you'll see your acts of service this week as a privilege, not a chore.

Writing these blog posts in recent weeks has increased my ability to trust God in a variety of situations. More than ever, I'm realizing:

• The power of relinquishment. We need to hold our struggles with an open hand, let go, and realize that there simply isn't much that we can control.
• The power of sharing. We need to share our struggles with others so that they can support us with encouragement and prayer.
• The power of trust. We need to fully trust God, since trust in God can't be a "sometimes" or a "partial" thing.
• The power of community. We need to walk with others who are struggling and yet still fighting to trust God.

While these realizations are growing, the biggest growth for me in these recent weeks has come from the Holy Spirit showing me in a variety of ways that God truly is good. This is where hope begins. Intellectually, I can believe this truth, yet I still might struggle with this truth in practical, daily ways. Hope requires trust, but trust requires an unshakable belief that God is good all the time, not just sometimes.

During this season, I have been encouraged through worship, especially by two songs. The following chorus from the song "Blessings"by Laura Story speaks to God's goodness:

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

And the song "Who Can Compare" by Mary Kat Ehrenzeller is a powerful declaration of trust:

You take my hand

You guide me on

You show me the way to life

You lift my head

You give me hope

You show me the way to life

As you face tough situations in your life, situations that might cause you to doubt God's goodness, I pray that this verse would be an anchor for you, as it has been for me for many years: "May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13).

A friend of mine, who has endured suffering far beyond what one could imagine, sent me the following email (which I've edited for the sake of anonymity). It's an amazing statement of trusting God even when things don't turn out the way we'd hoped. After experiencing several severe losses, my friend, too, was encouraged by Carol Kent's book When I Lay My Isaac Down: Unshakable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances. My friend writes:

"I have always thought that it is necessary to wrestle with the reality of Abraham's willingness in his obedience to God to sacrifice his son! And God asking him to in the first place! We tend to read those stories with some kind of spiritual bedtime story mentality! I have known that if I wrestle with the 'What is this, God?' question, I am relating with Him in an authentic way, and I come to a genuine surrender. In that place, I gain more of Him. With Paul, I am committed to being found in Him so much so that my DNA is more spiritual than biological. Little did I know or plan that my 'story'' would be found more in the fellowship of suffering than in the 'hope for a better life.' I am grateful in this moment for a Love that I might never have lived without the 'tsunamis' graced with His sovereignty.

 

P.S. I am not one who necessarily believes that one must suffer in order to know God intimately. Encounters with Him certainly change the atmosphere of our faith whether those encounters come in want or plenty. What I do know is He is God and I am not."

What an amazing response when life hasn't turned out as we've planned! My friend has suffered more than any one person should have to, and yet my friend continues to pursue God with an abandoned passion.

We'd all like to have DNA that's more spiritual than biological. Yet, are we willing to embrace suffering and the death of our planned story (if/when it comes) and still pursue God in such a way that our DNA is transformed in the process? It's easy to say 'yes' when our stories are working out; it's much harder when we face suffering. However, as I observe the life of my friend, I've seen that person handle suffering with an honest and vulnerable, yet deep and authentic hope--and it has profoundly impacted many, including me.

Recent events in my life have threatened some of my dreams and, as such, have caused me to come face to face with several important questions: Am I trusting God for positive outcomes in my stories and in my circumstances, or am I trusting God even when things aren't turning out the way I'd like? How can I move forward in the midst of and after experiencing painful loss?

Before these events, a friend recommended a book by Carol Kent called When I Lay My Isaac Down: Unshakable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances, which I recently started reading. A Christian writer and speaker, Kent one night received a phone call that her son -- a highly respected graduate of the US Naval Academy -- had been jailed for murder (he was later sentenced to life in prison). Clearly, this wasn't the story she had written for her son and his family.

About her situation, Kent writes this: "That day I took the first step in 'laying my Isaac down.'I admitted to God that I was helpless to do anything to make this situation better" (52). Continuing on, she then addresses the power of relinquishment: "Relinquishment is a poignant word. It means to 'let go of, to cease to hold in the hand.' It means giving up my rights to control the person, dream, expectation or preferred outcome of the object of my concern" (53).

Because of this book and because of these events in my life, "relinquishment" has recently become an important word for me. Relinquishing our stories to God and trusting Him for His story to unfold is certainly not easy, but it's definitely necessary in order for us to give God space to be with us and guide us through challenging times.

Quoting Kent again: "It goes against the grain of human self-reliance, and it seems wasteful of our perceived ability to fix things. But when we release our grasp, our relinquishment puts a stop to our manipulation of other people and releases the Holy Spirit to do the supernatural through the power of prayer. It's an act of trusting God when we cannot envision a positive outcome. But in the end, it's the only thing that works. I know. I have walked this road" (53).

Take a moment and ask God the following question: Do I have stories (i.e., people, dreams, expectations, preferred outcomes, etc.) that I need to relinquish to You? If you answered "yes," I encourage you to take some time to grieve over the stories that currently don't seem to be going the way that you'd hoped. After doing this, however, one by one, relinquish them to God, receive His peace, and allow His story to unfold.

In the last week or so, God has been more than amazing in restoring our hope and trust, as my wife and I have reached out to Him, to family, and to friends, and as we have withdrawn to seek Him even when we didn't feel like it. As far as we can tell, the situation has not changed, but God has shown His love and care for us in many ways, some of which were set in motion prior to our losing hope.

However, the most powerful event was probably a text message that I received from God on my cell phone. Yes, you read that correctly: a text message from God! Let me explain. As I was alone with God praying, reading His Word, worshipping, and so on, I felt led to text one of our sons, as I felt an overwhelming sense of love for him and his faithfulness. I sent him the following text: "Have a great day. Thanks for being such a loving and kind son. I am blessed to be your Dad and receive your love and admiration. Doesn't get much better than this."

Within only a matter of minutes, I realized that God set this up as a word for me, too: "Doug, have a great day. Thanks for being such a loving and kind son. I am blessed to be your Dad and receive your love and admiration. Doesn't get much better than this. Love, God."

Wow! What a life-changing word!! It's so easy to get caught up in trying to be perfect or in working for God and completely lose sight of the fact that what He wants is simply our love and admiration. He is truly blessed to be our "Dad." When we struggle with doubt and fear, when we make mistakes, and when we face challenging circumstances, He is blessed when we choose to turn to Him.

Today, God wants to send you the same text message that I received. Put your name in place of mine, and prayerfully let it seep into your inner being:

"[Insert your name], have a great day. Thanks for being such a loving and kind son/daughter. I am blessed to be your Dad and receive your love and admiration. Doesn't get much better than this. Love, God."

However, what has scared me most is that losing hope in this situation has also challenged my hope and trust in God for all situations. To be honest, I'm simply not sure that I trust God right now as much as I did a few weeks ago.

My response to all of this has been to do the only things that I know to do: enlist family members and close friends to pray for us and this situation, spend more time alone with God than I normally do, and maintain healthy disciplines, such as exercise and rest.

We're very thankful for those praying for us, as it's hard right now for us to pray. Just as important, rather than masking my loss of hope with mere activity, I have withdrawn to reflect and pray for 24 hours during each of the last two weekends. This has certainly been helpful, but not a quick fix.

I wrote the following in my journal this morning: "Papa, I've been having a crisis of faith, hope, and love: faith in your miraculous power, hope that you will intervene in this situation, and love toward the person causing this situation. How do I return to that place of faith, hope, and love from which I've slipped?"

I'm still struggling, but, in his kindness, God met and encouraged me today. He reminded me of Exodus 14, when the Israelites were stuck at the Red Sea and God miraculously intervened. God then reminded me of times in which he has miraculously intervened in my own life in the past.

Do you struggle with faith, hope, or love when you face a discouraging situation? I wish I had an easy answer for you, yet in each of our struggles, we have to ask ourselves, "What is the alternative? Turning away?" The truth is that we have no other good answer except to turn toward God. As Peter said in John 6:68, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God."

"Amen, Doug. Well said. We are stewards of our body as well as of our soul and mind. If we get negligent or lazy in any of those three, we will pay a price."

I truly desire to see people in the marketplace walk in freedom in their walks with God and maximize the gifts God has given them, which include their souls, minds, and bodies. Life is very complex and, in most cases, runs at a faster pace than we'd like it to. Because of this, taking care of our bodies can often become neglected. However, the truth is, if we lose our health, every other aspect of life will also be impacted.

For example, most heart surgery - especially bypass surgery - is avoidable with proper exercise and diet. Think of a friend who has had bypass surgery. In almost all cases, he or she is then forced to radically change his or her exercise program and diet. Does it seem strange that this big change comes after the surgery, and not before?

In an excellent book, Younger Next Year, by Chris Crowley and Harry Lodge, MD, Dr. Lodge writes the following about his years of practicing medicine:

"My patients had good medical care but not, I'm beginning to think, great health care. For most, their declines, their illnesses, were thirty-year problems of lifestyle, not disease. I, like most doctors in America, had been doing the wrong job. Modern medicine does not concern itself with lifestyle problems . . . It is inexplicable that our society, plagued by soaring medical costs and epidemics of obesity, heart disease, and cancer, cares so little about these things. The simple fact is that we know perfectly well what to do. Some 70 percent of premature death and aging is lifestyle-related. Heart attacks, strokes, the common cancers, diabetes, most falls, fractures and serious injuries, and many more illnesses are primarily caused by the way we live. If we had the will to do it, we could eliminate more than half of all disease in men and women over fifty. Not delay it, eliminate it. That is a readily attainable goal, but we are not moving toward it" (28-29).

Did you catch that? He said, "Not delay it, eliminate it"! Yet, many of us struggle with motivation to exercise until something goes wrong and we have no choice but to change our ways. Dr. Lodge goes on to say: "Normal aging is intolerable and avoidable. You can skip most of it and grow old, not just gracefully but with real joy" (30).

He then distinguishes between the natural aging process and the premature decaying of our bodies that most people experience: "The keys to overriding the decay code are daily exercise, emotional commitment, reasonable nutrition, and a real engagement with living. But it starts with exercise" (34).

I have much more to say on this subject, but for now I recommend two books from which I'll be quoting in future posts: Younger Next Year (or Younger Next Year for Women) by Crowley and Lodge, and a very recent book, The First 20 Minutes, by Gretchen Reynolds. Are you thinking that you need a better exercise routine? Go ahead and pick one of these up and begin the journey to health!

The second conclusion seems almost ironic, but I'm convinced that exercise is actually a net gain of time. I really believe that the hours we spend exercising actually add more hours of effectiveness and efficiency each week than the time those hours of exercise require. My ability to think clearly, to problem solve and be creative at work, and to more effectively handle the stress that life throws at me is significantly improved when I am maintaining regular exercise. I've found this second conclusion to be more and more true as I get older.

Exercise comes in many forms. During my later college years, and for about 15 years after that, running was my exercise of choice. One of my fondest memories is running a half marathon with my wife and our daughter. The time training together was a special season for our family and provided good motivation to keep training. As I began experiencing a few knee problems from running, I later switched to bike riding for the next 10 years or so. Bike riding was followed by swimming, which then became my exercise of choice for many years after that.

When I finally burned out from swimming, I again adjusted my exercise routine. Since then, I've tried a variety of modalities: spinning classes, CrossFit, Pilates, weight training, step classes, hiking, and, more recently, working with a personal trainer. If you aren't suffering from an injury, CrossFit is an excellent choice, as it incorporates community accountability in measuring one's physical progress. The specific type of exercise you choose isn't as important, though, as finding an activity that you can enjoy for your specific season of life.

Do you have a regular exercise program? It's never too late to start, but if you haven't been exercising regularly, I encourage you to start slowly. There are only a few areas of life where you truly have some control, and how you handle your physical body is one of those areas. I challenge you to make a decision to commit to some form of exercise over the next 2 months. I predict that you will begin to notice a difference that will then encourage you to form a regular habit. You know it makes sense so why not make this decision to improve your overall life? Not only will you feel better, but you'll be more effective at work and have more energy at home.

About 15 years ago or more, my father found out that he had Type 2 Diabetes. To maximize his health, he went to a longevity clinic for several weeks to develop a diet and exercise routine to maintain his health. In talking with one of the doctors at the clinic, I was amazed at how he responded when I asked whether diet or exercise was more important. The doctor said that many scientific studies had proven that exercise was more important than diet. In fact, even when people have other unhealthy habits besides their diet, exercise proves to make a significant difference. He went on to describe a specific study of smokers who rigorously exercised compared with non-smokers who didn't exercise. This study revealed that the smokers were actually in better overall health. This seems hard to believe, but it speaks to the significance of exercise.

Since leaving the clinic, my father, now 93 years old, has exercised five or six days a week, including aerobic exercise and strength training. In spite of his diabetes, he is healthy, vibrant, mentally alert, and still drives a car, including driving from Northern California to well into Oregon to see my brother and his family. In addition, he is the primary caregiver for my mother, who is in the latter stages of Alzheimer's disease. Without exercise, his life, and the lives of those around him, would have had an entirely different outcome.

We live in a very unique time. Since humanity's beginning on earth up until the last 50 to 60 years, we didn't need a specific exercise program as an additional activity to our daily routines. For example, Jesus walked wherever he went, and often for long distances. Our bodies were created to be active all day long, not to sit behind a desk, drive a car, work on a computer, or sprawl out in front of a television for hours.

A good place to start is to estimate the number of hours you're moderately active each week. This includes the time you spend walking, gardening, and more, as well as intentionally exercising. I'll say more on this theme in my next blog.

This week, my response in a situation revealed to me how much of my life is still "about me." Recently, I spoke several times at a three-day conference. My presentations were well received and I made some new friends with whom I’ll likely stay in contact in the future. This week, however, I received a copy of evaluations from people who attended the conference. While many nice things were said, I quickly noticed that not much was mentioned about me or my presentations, while others and their presentations were specifically noted. At first, I was disappointed in the evaluations, and that quickly turned into being disappointed that I still struggle with how I perform and how I desire to be noticed for my performance. This situation reminded me of the following quote by Joseph M. Stowell in his book, Simply Jesus and You: Experience His Presence & His Purpose:

"A number of years ago, a friend of mine wrote a book he entitled, Turtle on a Fence Post, the story of his highly successful life. What a great title. Stop and think about it: How does a turtle ever make it to the top of a fence post? He certainly didn't climb there. If a turtle is on a fence post, you can rest assured that someone put him there. It took a power beyond his own to place him on that lofty perch. And when you answer the question of how you got to the top of your fence post, you'll be ready to turn from celebrating yourself and begin to celebrate Him" (50).

Stowell goes on to point out ways we can recognize when we’re caught in the tangled web of rejoicing in our own abilities and accomplishments:

·   "Do we tend toward a knee-jerk reaction to take credit for our accomplishments?" (52)

·   "Are we bothered or, worse yet, bitter about the times we have been slighted?" (52)

·   "Have we ever performed for the praise of others?" (52)

Looking back, when first reading the evaluations, I should have instinctively recognized and rejoiced in God's grace and the outstanding life-changing impact the conference had on its many participants. Though it didn't take me too long to get to that way of thinking, it wasn’t my initial reaction. Yet, forgiveness is amazing: once I recognized and confessed my wrong response, I could then rejoice in the conference evaluations, knowing that, like the turtle on the fence, anything of value that I added was more about Jesus than it was about me.

During this next week, I encourage you to be conscious of your thinking: in challenging situations, do you react because you operate from the belief that your life is "about you," or do you react because you operate from the belief that your life is "about Him"?

Too often, we become so consumed by the details of life that we fail to take time to step back, reflect, and ensure that we’re on the right path. In graduate school, I interviewed a series of successful senior executives, asking them each the following question: "If you had your life to live over again, what would you do differently?" Not one of them wished they had spent more hours at work. Instead, they regretted not making more time for family or for personal pursuits that would have filled them with life. In short, all of their accomplishments had either not been worth the effort, or the price had, in the end, been too high.

Joseph M. Stowell, in his book Simply Jesus and You: Experience His Presence & His Purpose, makes a powerful point that continues to grip me:

"As much as I would rather not think about it, the day is coming when I’ll be sitting in the corner of some nursing home waiting for them to ring the lunch bell. And if life up to that point has been all about me, that is going to be a sad and empty day—no matter what they’re serving for lunch. Why? Because all I will have will be me. Which at that point won’t be much" (34).

"But...If my life has been about knowing Jesus and experiencing a deepening relationship with Him, as I sit in that corner of the nursing home waiting for the lunch bell to ring, He’ll be there with me. And He’ll be more wonderful on that day than ever before. His presence will be my companion. He’ll talk with me, and I won’t have any trouble hearing Him when He tells me that I am His own. He’ll say, 'Well, Joe, you’re almost home.' And I’ll say, 'Lord, the sooner the better. I’ve heard your voice through all these years, and now I can’t wait to see Your face"(34).

The Courtyard at Little Chico Creek is an assisted living facility that The Hignell Companies built and continue to manage. Years ago, I sat with one of our residents, a 96-year-old woman from Norway who had traveled and lived around the world. I will never forget what she told me about her current stage of life: "The difficult thing about life is that all my dreams and goals are behind me. Looking towards the remainder of my life, I don’t have anything to look forward to." How sad! This will eventually be true for all of us unless the focus of our lives has been about knowing Jesus and experiencing a deepening relationship with Him.

In closing, I’ll pose a question: Are you making time to ensure that you’re on the right path, the path towards a life focused on Jesus?

After a very busy first three weeks of May, I’ve once again withdrawn to rest and radically disengage for a day or two. During this time, I’ve been deeply impacted by the book Simply Jesus and You: Experience His Presence & His Purpose by Joseph M. Stowell. I highly recommend this small, yet powerful book. The following quote captures the theme of Simply Jesus and You:

"A relationship with Jesus is not about us. It’s about Him. He didn’t die for us to advance His cause or hawk His wares. He died for you because He loves you, and seeks to welcome us into a growing and satisfying fellowship with Him” (8).

More and more, it’s becoming clearer to me that my daily struggle between performing and resting in His presence is actually, in fact, a struggle between being preoccupied with myself or with Jesus. I’m realizing that I’m at a point in my life in which I’m coming to grips with whether "He” or "me” is the core of my existence. Stowell goes on to say this:

"Stepping into a deepening experience with Jesus is something more than keeping short accounts with sin in our lives. It’s beyond that. It is about coming to grips with a huge barrier that stands between Jesus and you. It is the barrier of preoccupation with ourselves. In order to experience Him, we have to eliminate the competition—and the competition is us!” (27).

When I’m absorbed with myself, I might be great at performing, but this doesn’t satisfy my soul or solve the restless searching of my heart for more of His presence. Stowell sums it up well:

"I’m only in my early sixties, and I already find myself weary of the hollow memories of what few accomplishments I may have mustered in my life. My failures continue to embarrass me. The inadequacies I have carried with me since my youth still frustrate me. My insecurities still trouble my soul. And the praise of others has an increasingly hollow ring . . . I’m tired of worrying about what people think about me . . . Bottom line, I just flat out get tired of me. But I never get tired of Jesus” (33).

I’ll end this post with a prayer: Jesus, it’s easy for me to fudge, to think that I can be fully absorbed with myself and in focused pursuit of You at the same time. However, You are making it clear that this isn’t reality, that I can’t have it both ways. Jesus, help me live the rest of my life with it being "all about You.”

Today, my time alone began with me fretting over my upcoming schedule, which includes many days out of town and a three-day speaking opportunity. As I began to rest in the Lord and pour out my concern about my upcoming schedule, He truly led me into a place of peace. Often, when I rest in the Lord, I write in my journal in the first person, expressing my concerns and feelings as if I'm writing a personal letter to God, and then recording His "responses" as if He were writing directly back to me through personalized Scripture. This practice draws me deeper into His presence and has facilitated some of my most profound times of hearing from God. This morning, I wrote the following:

Doug, stop second-guessing yourself regarding your upcoming schedule. Go in confidence knowing that I'll be with you and will meet with you. I'll help you this coming week to be prepared ahead of time for your speaking opportunity following your time out of town. Just relax and trust me: you waste energy in worry and anxiety about your upcoming schedule. Just accept the schedule I have given you, relax and trust me, and enjoy every moment.

Doug, start praying/interceding every time you begin to even slightly worry or be anxious. This will counteract your tendency to worry about the future. Worrying and focusing on the future don't help you.

Next, I meditated on Hebrews 11, 12, and 13 and He spoke several promises to me from Scripture:

"Doug, take comfort and be encouraged and confidently and boldly say: I am your Helper. Do not be seized with alarm [fear, dread, or terrified]" (Hebrews 13:6a, Amplified).

"Doug, I am the God of peace. I will strengthen [complete, perfect] and make you what you ought to be and equip you with everything good that you may carry out My will, while I work in you and accomplish that which is pleasing in My sight, through Jesus." (Hebrews 13:20-21, Amplified).

If you desire to live more from God's presence rather than from your performance, I encourage you to regularly create room in your schedule to be alone with God. Also, consider adding journaling in the first person -- including personalizing Scripture -- as part of that time.

Next, I wrote what I sensed to be God's response: Doug, I have taken you to deeper levels in Me and you are anointed as a scribe, to share your story with others. I will not let you run and run and run. I will make you "lie down in green pastures," but I'd suggest that you take the lead to do so rather than Me having to do it! It will be less painful if you take the lead. I have given you a cabin to withdraw to and rest, so use it! Then you will be fully rested for the valley.

Now, my goal is to "radically disengage" one day per week. A Sabbath! What a novel thought! I'm also going to take a hard look at my calendar for the next several months and see if I can remove some of the good things I have planned. I encourage you to take a few minutes to reflect on your own schedule. Are you involved in too many "good" things? Have you created enough space for rest and reflection?

How did I get here? I asked myself that question this morning. As I spent an extended time of reflection on Psalm 23 and contrasted "he leads me beside still waters" to the rapid pace of the last few weeks, I recognized that it's primarily because I've tried to love others well—too well, perhaps, or too many people in too little time. I recorded some of these acts of love:helping my son start a business, walking beside my friend through unexpected open heart surgery, helping a widow with her finances, five lunch appointments with five different friends, helping my son find and buy a car, assisting a friend with his retirement program, ongoing mentoring of several friends over the phone, speaking to students in Berkeley and at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, making a new friend who had injured himself, and more.

Loving well isn't the problem. Mentoring and "fathering" others is the call on my life, but I clearly haven't maintained healthy boundaries during the last few weeks, as I've had way too many interactions and far too little rest. Unfortunately, my heart for others and my own physical and emotional capabilities don't always match up. Looking back, I wouldn't have wanted to miss a single one of those interactions. The cost, however, is failing to allow my Shepherd to "lead me beside still waters."

• When there's a clear sense that God is with us. In these times, we feel as if we can almost reach out and grasp His presence. It's also the same feeling as drawing in a deep breath and slowly releasing it, knowing that all will be well.

•  When we experience and manifest the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us that these are "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control" (NIV). It's supernatural when our responses to chaos are marked by these things, especially when our natural reaction would normally be the opposite.

•  When we live with a hope rooted in God. We simply can't live in continual hope on our own strength alone. Romans 15:13 says "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (NIV). We need to be filled by Him, because He is the source of all true hope.

•  When we trust in His ability, not our own. When we do this, we're able to rest in the midst of our performance, even during those times when we're giving our 110%.

• When we hear from God, act on what we are hearing, and His power is released. There's no greater reward than pursuing intimacy with God to the point where we can learn to distinguish His voice and act on it. In the moments when His power is released, we know we're not the source.

•  When we experience the Holy Spirit impacting others through our lives. I've come to realize that my words alone usually don't have a life-changing impact on those around me. However, a few words spoken to another with the Holy Spirit's anointing can have a life-changing impact, far beyond any expectation I might have.

Here's my challenge: Become a detective looking for God's presence around you. During this next week, I encourage you to watch for and write down those times when you sense or see God's presence around you. You will be surprised: His presence is all around us, but we're often not paying attention.

Even this morning, I was clouded with fear and doubt in preparation for two upcoming speaking engagements. What do I have to say that is of value? Do I really experience for myself what I am challenging others to experience: the supernatural love, joy, and peace that come from knowing that we are loved just as we are, with no need to perform for God's acceptance? Do I actually experience living in His presence, or am I still caught up in my performance? Do I really value intimacy with God over everything else?

I just wrote this in my journal: Lord, you have opened the doors to being a light, shining for you, and yet I still struggle with my identity as a son of the King, full of your glory and dearly loved...I want more of you. I want to live out of my true identity...I want to experience all you have for me.

God then firmly and gently reminded me that it was not about me, but about Him and His pursuit of me, that He desires for me to live in His presence even more than I can desire. As He often does, He spoke to me through a song while I was worshipping. Here's the chorus from "Come to Me," a song off Bethel Music's new album, The Loft Sessions:

Come to Me, I'm all you need.

Come to Me, I'm everything.

Come to Me, I'm all you need.

Come to Me, I'm everything.

I followed this by worshipping to a song about Psalm 23, which begins "The Lord is my shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack" and ends with "Surely [or only]goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence]shall be my dwelling place" (vv. 1, 6, Amplified Bible).

After worshipping three or four times with these songs, the cloud lifted. I was able to come more deeply into His presence and rest more fully in His love for me. Will I struggle again with the clouds of fear and doubt? Absolutely. I live in a body subject to wide emotional swings. However, as long as I remember to run to Him in those moments, the clouds will lift and I will find again myself in His presence, the most wonderful place on earth.

From birth to age 19, I found significance in the approval of others. An insecure young man, I tried to find my worth in what others thought about me. It was an intensely lonely time, and I constantly felt like I never matched up to others. I even got married at age 19, partially motivated by my fear of being alone.

From 19 to 31, I found significance in achieving the world's standards. I pursued higher education with a passion, obtaining a B.S. in Civil Engineering, and then attending Stanford University for three graduate degrees. After this, I started a successful business with my father. During this time, however, my marriage fell apart and I was left alone to raise three young girls. These events brought me running back to God.

From age 31 to my early 50s, I found significance in my pursuit of God through knowledge and Biblical principles. With Him coming to the rescue, my relationships with God and people took on new importance, yet performance was still at the core. Pursuing God and working for Him was hard work: becoming a good husband and father, memorizing Scripture, leading Bible studies, being on various church boards and committees, building biblical principles into our business -- these were all great things, but they still fed my performance mentality.

From my mid-50s to mid-60s, I found significance in my pursuit of a deeper, more intimate, relationship with God. During this season of my life, I started connecting with God in more emotional ways than intellectual ones, and my relationship with Him gradually became more of a friendship.

From my mid-60s to the present, I have come to realize that my significance is found in God's pursuit of me. This has radically altered the way in which I see and approach my life, as my understanding has shifted from one of achieving my worth from my own performance to one of receiving my worth from God.

When I look back on my life, it's astounding to realize that God has been pursuing me from the very start. Unfortunately, it's taken me most of my life to realize this and even more of my life to learn to live from this place of truth. I'll be the first to say that living from His presence and who He says I am is a daily struggle. I'm still a charter member of "Performers Anonymous," frequently admitting, "Hi, my name is Doug, and I'm a recovering performer."

Where do you find your sense of worth and significance? By living each moment in His presence, or by striving to perform for others?

"I desire to become more of a worshipper, but have found myself simply trying to add it as a "discipline." Any insight on how to grow in the love of Christ in worship? I have found my time of worship to be settling and helpful but I want it to be more than something that I do because I am supposed to and I know it is good for me. I want to experience Him and grow in intimate relationship with Him."

There are many ways to worship God as shown in our love for others, our work, prayer, and study of His word, but my friend specifically means the act of using music to praise and worship Jesus.

Musical worship is unique in building an intimate relationship with God. Worship shifts our focus to Him, and increased intimacy is the by-product. If you are analytical by nature, worshipping through music bypasses your head and communicates directly to your heart, which is necessary for intimate relationships.

If we are not careful we can engage in worship focusing on what we are going to get out of it. This is a struggle for me. True worship is for God's glory. The fact that we are changed by it is the by-product of the character and nature of what it means to be in relationship with our gracious God.

Several specific disciplines have helped me grow in worship:

1. Setting time aside most mornings to worship with music. After 10 to 15 minutes my entire outlook begins to change, my typical morning "blue funk" lifts and peace begins to flow through me.

2. Worshipping in community with others, such as corporate worship at church. In addition, worship has become a key part of our small home group, and some of our executives meet every work day morning at 8:15 to worship together for 15 minutes.

3. Focusing on worship songs that are truly praise and worship. A significant portion of new songs are focused on our pursuit of God such as change me, bless me, etc. These songs are very uplifting but I look for songs where God is the focus of worship.

4. Using an iPod and creating play lists of songs that especially draw you into worship. I often find only one or two songs on an album that truly draw me.

5. Using worship songs as a background as you drive or work.

If worship with music is not a part of your private time with God, I would encourage you to try it for a week. It could be life changing.

At The Hignell Companies, our guiding principle is "Living in His Presence, Resting in His Provision, Demonstrating His Kingdom." From His Presence flow provision and rest, and a natural demonstration of His Kingdom. The order is important: it starts with Presence and ends with the Kingdom being revealed to others, which extends God's Presence and dominion through the business enterprise.

1. A tangible atmosphere of peace and rest;  

2. Supernatural confirmation when we are on the right track and fulfilling His call on our lives;

3. Supernatural direction, showing us what we are to do as the next step; and

4. Supernatural provision (resources) to fulfill that call.

How can we know when we are operating out of God's Presence rather than our natural strength and abilities? There are at least four ways we can tell: when we manifest the fruit of the spirit, such as peace and joy, in the midst of business pressure; when we hear from God and act on what we are hearing; when we see that the Holy Spirit impact others through our lives; and when we live with hope based on an expectation of divine favor and blessing. We cannot manifest any of these on our own. We see results that are beyond our natural abilities because we access Heaven's resources.

Modeling the Presence of the King in the marketplace involves making room for his priorities, being Spirit led, and seeing lives transformed, but it is also important to operate with excellence. Reflecting God's glory to the world includes using the best business techniques and practices possible to offer competence, convenience and cost-effectiveness to your customers.

"We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito."*

Thankfulness sharpens our ability to recognize God's presence. Increased thankfulness makes us more aware of His presence and goodness around us.

Psalm 100:4 provides Biblical support for thankfulness bringing us in to His presence:

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name." (NIV)

Or in Eugene Peterson's translation of this verse:

"Enter with the password: 'Thank You!' Make yourselves at home, talking praise. Thank Him. Worship Him." (The Message)

Thankfulness becomes a powerful cycle if practiced regularly. We are thankful and become more aware of His presence. The more our eyes are open to see God's presence, the more we are thankful. The result is deeper joy and peace in our lives. My favorite way to start the day is to spend time listening to worship music and then add to my "thousand gifts" thankfulness list. Worship focused on thanksgiving and praise brings me into His presence and I find that as I walk through the day, I am much more aware of His presence all around me as I look for things to be thankful for.

*A quote from "Free CS Lewis Quotes" an IPhone and IPad application. Posted approximately November 21^st.

Thanksgiving. Is it a time of giving thanks or just a time to have one or more days off from work and normal activity? While having time off work is a great gift, I must admit that often I have slid right through Thanksgiving without giving much thought to what I am thankful for. Not this year! I have been deeply impacted by the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. Her challenge is to daily watch for things to be thankful for and write them down until you have at least a thousand and then keep it up as a way of life. This has become a regular practice for the last couple of months. I am now up to 127. Here are a just a few:

• A loving relationship with 5 children, and 8 grandchildren
• The excitement of driving my Polaris Razor (ATV) in the snow yesterday
• Friends that God has gifted me with
• Kaylinn's broken toe healed supernaturally
• Refinancing home at lower interest rate
• Favor shown The Hignell Companies during economic downturn
• Worship music, what it does for my spirit and connection to God
• Blessing of working with an amazing Executive Assistant
• Privilege of mentoring men and couples
• God teaching me to not hurry as much
• Rain as I sit in my den with the windows open

"Joy is the realest reality, the fullness of life, and joy is always given, never grasped. God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy."*

For years my sister-in-law, Jeannie Hignell, has posted by email or Facebook one or more things she is thankful for each day of the month of November. Her thankfulness has impacted many, including me. I would encourage you to give yourself a gift for the month of December, writing down each day what you are thankful for, and see the joy this brings to you and others.

^*One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp, Zondervan, pg. 57

I am sure there are many reasons for this "hurry sickness" but near the top is an unrealistic expectation of what can be accomplished in a set length of time. I am not sure I can remember a day that I accomplished everything I set out to do, but I keep on trying!

Another difficulty is not keeping adequate breaks between time specific responsibilities. Try as I might to have adequate breaks between appointments, as other demands pop up I often fill them in without thinking about the consequences. In addition we all face the rapid pace of society, the expectations of others, and the sense that we need to do it all or we will miss out or disappoint someone for not responding more efficiently.

If you have read previous blogs you know that I have been slowing down my overall pace by taking more days away from work and other normal activities. This has been an eye opening experience. Even on "rest" days if I am not careful I fill them with too many good activities. The contrast between "rest days" and my normal pace has become very apparent. For the first time I realize I no longer enjoy the adrenalin rush and the stress of a fast pace from morning to night. There is also the reality that as I age my body will not continue at this pace.

A quote in "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp has been good food for thought.

"Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rush. Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away."*

Funny isn't it? As you or I read this quote I am sure we can identify with it, but tomorrow we will most likely go right on with too fast a pace. If we do, we will miss the gift of entering into what is in front of us, and the intimacy with God that we so long for.

*Mark Buchanan, The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Your Sabbath (Nashville: Nelson, 2007), 45.

But what happens when I am called to speak or serve in some capacity during a time of lower self-confidence, or physical weakness? If my confidence is in my own ability I am in deep trouble, but if my confidence is in Jesus He can use the situation even in the midst of my struggles.

We are called to live by faith, faith in Jesus, not in our own ability. The best definition of faith I have come across is from Colossians 1:4 in the Amplified Bible:

"For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus [the leaning of your entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom and goodness...]"

Leaning speaks to me of standing beside a wall, placing your hand on the wall, and then moving your feet as far out from the wall as you can. If the wall then moves you fall. Jesus, the Son, is the wall we are to lean on; He doesn't move. If the wall represents my own abilities it will move at times and then I am in trouble.

Bottom line: self confidence is important but if our life is built on our self confidence our foundation is being built on sand and not rock. Interestingly enough, "Son-confidence" actually builds self-confidence, but not the other way around.

"I have glorified You down here on the earth by completing the work that You gave me to do." (John 17:4)

John says about Jesus "He has declared Him [He has revealed Him and brought Him out where he can be seen; He has interpreted Him and He has made Him known]" (John 1:18b Amplified Bible).

In other words, by the way Jesus lived His life He revealed God's glory. Sounds nice, but what does that mean practically for you and me? A good friend, Paul Manwaring, has just released a very intriguing book titled, "What On Earth is Glory" ¹ in which he defines glory as "the eternal value that someone or something has because it reveals, points to, and reflects the attributes, nature, and power of God." This is the call on our lives, to live in such a way that we point to, reveal and reflect who God is. Essentially we become a mirror reflecting God so that people see the glory of God when they see us. But how do we do this? What is it we have received that reveals God's glory?

John 1:16 "For out of His fullness (Jesus)..we have all received…one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift." (Amplified Bible)

So John tells us that we have all received incredible grace, blessing, favor and gifts from God in this life. We experience His glory and then reveal it to others as we recognize the grace, spiritual blessings, favor and gifts we receive from Him, especially when we honor and trust Him in the midst of heavy suffering.

As we recognize and openly acknowledge that God is the source of these blessings He is honored, and as we reflect His glory to those around us they become more intrigued by our lives and our faith. This is a much greater apologetic for our faith than any words we can say.

¹What On Earth is Glory? page 28, Paul Manwaring, Destiny Image Publishers, 2011

"The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high." (Proverbs 29:25, Amplified Bible)

Stop and think for a moment. What would life be like if you were able to approach every relationship and situation not trying to prove anything, not overly concerned with the consequences, and without fear?

How often do we interact with people in such a way that we are attempting to prove something, or we are responding from our fears? In public speaking we fear what people will think of us, and consciously or unconsciously want to prove our worth as an individual and as a speaker.

Several practical things have helped me with my fears. Many years ago I memorized 5 or 6 Bible verses related to fear which I still often quote to myself when facing fears.

An additional help has been realizing most fears are not based on fact. A comforting acronym has been "FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real." The truth is that most fears never materialize, especially those related to fearing what people will think of us.

Another help has been to specifically identify my fears and the potential consequences. Public speaking became less fearful once I explored all the things that could go wrong, most of which were unimportant. Years ago I found comfort in the fact that probably the worst that could happen while speaking is that I would pass out and flop on the stage. That led me to reflect on why I was speaking, to bring attention to myself or bring glory to God? He can be honored and exalted regardless of how I look, and the truth is that I am dependent upon the Holy Spirit for any significant impact on the listener.

Fear is a natural human emotion and healthy fears are a powerful protective device. But unreasonable fears, especially the fear of man, can cripple us. My next blog will discuss the most powerful antidote we have to control the fear of man.

"But the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, 'Where are you?' He said, 'I heard the sound of You [walking] in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.'" (Genesis 3:8-10, Amplified Bible)

We have been hiding ever since, both from God and others. We are afraid that people will see us just as we are and not like what they see. So, often we pretend to be someone we are not, or at a minimum only let people see the part of us that we think will best be received by them. No wonder relationships are so hard; two people partially hiding themselves from each other.

As I have been reflecting on "why I am not Doug" I have come to the conclusion that the fear of what people think has been the largest deterrent to my fully living out the person God called me to be.

This fear hit me for a few minutes this morning. I am speaking, with a few others, at an "invitation only" conference in September. About 30 individuals or couples are coming from as far away as South Africa, Australia, and England. As I read the short outstanding bios of those attending I began to feel like I had nothing to offer and fear began to set in. Then, I remembered that it was God who supernaturally arranged for me to speak to this group. Allowing "fear of man" to control me dishonored Him. I know myself and the enemy enough to know that this won't be the last moment of fear before speaking, but my desire is to "fear God" more than "fearing man." This is difficult. Am I the only one? I doubt it!

"As I have contemplated why and how I have not been "Roger" I've had several ideas. The short answer is sin, by which I mean anything which alienates or separates one from another and from God. And there are many.They come from my brokenness.

The most obvious answer to me is fear: "Will I be loved if I am myself?" If I am not myself then if I'm not loved it's the false Roger that is rejected, not the real me. I was raised in a shame-based family system with a father whose love was conditional upon memeeting his expectations. Also with fear I would list anxiety and insecurity. The shame I felt led me to arrogance, to trying to feel superior to or in control of others. It alienated and separated.

There are also false gods I pursued like money/security, fame/popularity/acceptance, power/control. All of these led me away from being my true self.

Living in denial and unwilling to face the reality of a situation has been a huge pattern in my life. Even an unbalanced focus on positive things like my gifts and talent has separated me from God and others. Retreating into my intellect, for example, to protect myself from being vulnerable, has caused me to be less myself.

The more I "live in Christ" the more Roger I become and that's because Christ replaces my false self, my ego, which I developed out of my brokenness to cope with the world into which I was born. Instead, following Jesus fuels that divine spark that dwells within me (1 Corinthians 3:16)?"

Thank you Roger for sharing some insight into your own life. Now, I would like to hear from you the answer to the question "Why has it been difficult for you to fully live as God intended?" You can respond on the web site, or email me at Doug@hignell.com.

1. Not understanding God's incredible unconditional love for me, just as I am.   
2. Lack of faith and complete trust in God which leads me to think it is up to me to meet my needs and the needs of those around me.
3. Fear, especially the fear of man. As soon as I make decisions based on fearing others and what they think more than fearing God and what he desires, I head off in the wrong direction.
4. The cares of daily life consuming my focus and time. "…but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful."   (Mark 4:19)
5. Not cultivating the ability to hear God's voice because of my natural default to effort and activity vs. rest, especially as a "type A", driven person. I hear
   more clearly when I take time to be still which helps me to not get off track.
6. Not understanding my purpose, calling, gifts, and temperament, which leads me to respond to needs rather than calling.

While I think the six reasons I outlined above capture some universal struggles we have as believers, Rich reminds me that there is another key reason we struggle and that is not understanding and fully believing in the goodness of God. This leads to not believing He has my best interest at heart and wants to shower me with His favor. If I truly believed in His goodness then many of the above reasons would be less significant. But that is a topic for another day.

For this blog I want to explore just the first question of what I might have done differently without all the excess baggage. Some of these insights on how I would adjust are probably a part of the natural maturing process, but I believe most are because I didn't understand and/or walk out who God created me to be. Sharing just a few:

• I would change the balance between effort/activity and rest. My default mechanism has been effort and activity, for a variety of reasons which I will explore in the next blog.
• I would spend more time with God worshipping, reading, praying, and just resting in Him. That is part of the motivation for my extended sabbatical.
• To find more time to be alone with God I would take on fewer responsibilities and be involved in fewer activities. For existing activities I would make a graceful exit earlier when I sense the grace for that responsibility has lifted.
• I would take more time to listen to God's voice before moving forward rather than letting people determine the use of my time.
• I would focus more on impacting the environment around me instead of just responding to what I believe people want as a people pleaser.
• I would take a deeper look at my own expectations and the expectations of others and not succumb to involvements and activities that fall into the "I ought to" category.
• I would focus more on learning who God created me to be with my own unique set of gifts, personality, and calling.

I would encourage you to make your own simple list. Looking back, what would you do differently if you had been completely comfortable in the identity God gave you? The purpose of such a list is not to feel guilty over the past but instead to provide good guidelines for making future decisions. I know that as I review my list it increases my yearning to consistently grow in my ability to be "Doug" and not anybody else.

Rabbi Zusya was a Chasidic master who lived in the 1700's. One day he said:

"When I get to the heavenly court, God will not ask me 'why weren't you Moses?' Rather he will ask me, "why were you not Zusya?"*

I'm nearly seven decades into this life, and yet finding out who God created Doug to be and how best to live that out continues to be a challenge. As the oldest child in my family I became a "people pleaser" at an early age. This motivated me to become what I thought others wanted me to be. In addition, I have an internal drive to be excellent at every activity I undertake and I have identified people who represent the excellence I am seeking. For example, I want to be able to speak like Bill Johnson, pastor people like Henri Nouwen, love people like my good friend Gaylord Enns, and be a businessman like Steven Jobs. With this standard of comparison I am defeated before I start because I am not Bill or Henri or Gaylord or Steven. I am Doug.

"Finding Doug" has not been an easy pursuit but there have been several very key points along the way. The most dramatic moment came when I was approximately 50 years old. Up until then I went by my middle name, Fred, the third Fred in a row in our family. Having a strong and successful father who I was named after made it difficult to find my own identity, especially since his natural tendency was to lead from his head more than his heart in contrast to my God given tendency to lead from my heart.

Through a divine encounter with God in a dream I woke up knowing that I was no longer to go by Fred. Within hours, after talking with my wife Kaylinn and at her suggestion, I changed to my first name Doug. The ensuing weeks were embarrassing. How do you explain a God encounter and something as radical as changing your name at 50? Learning to answer when someone called out "Doug" was also difficult. It was comforting that there were some Biblical precedents for a name change based on an encounter with God , like Abram, Jacob, Simon, and Saul, but it was still a rough journey and required tenacity and a lot of grace to press through.

While I am still on this journey of discovery and will be as long as I live, I know that when I stand before God someday I want to hear "well done my good and faithful servant. You were Doug; the Doug I created you to be." What steps could you take in your spiritual pilgrimage to live out the giftedness and calling that God has placed on your unique life?

*(Chasing Francis, pg. 67, Ian Morgan Cron, Nav Press 2006)

Thank you for walking with me on these extended blogs on rest. It helps me to write about the areas I am continuing to journey through and I hope it is helpful for you too. Since it is such a personal struggle I am sure I will come back to this topic from time to time.

"I had some interesting thoughts last night and this morning that helped reveal a tension: Saying no to things I really want and like to do vs. having margins and time to rest and relax. It seems like a tough balance. It goes to the question "how do you know when to say 'yes'?" I really don't know. I love coaching soccer. I enjoy teaching. I love being with my wife and kids. I love my Sunday night group. I really enjoy leading marriage group. I enjoy counseling. I like to write. I enjoy recreational activities like sports, watching sports, playing golf and fishing. I'd love your thoughts and input on how to get control of this tiger or activity, performance and franticity (my new word)."

I responded:

"Good morning my friend. These are good reflections and questions. The problem as we age is that we have to choose between all "A" activities or uses of time. Last time we talked I mentioned that you are like a guy at a buffet that likes every food offered. You love life and a wider range of activities than most. Just about every alternative is enjoyable to you and as a 10 talent idiot (your words) you are better than most at just about every activity you would try. BUT regularly eating every food at a buffet leads to obesity and poor health even though all the foods are nutritionally okay. My friend you are overweight, so to speak, and must cut back on activity calories or eventually the pace could lead to serious health issues."

1. When asked to take on a new activity, first look at your existing activities and see what you are willing to give up to make room for the new activity. The assumption is that your schedule is already full.

2. Ask for 24 hours to respond before accepting any new activity that will take ongoing time. During this time check in with God and your mate, or an accountability partner for their input.

"No" is the most difficult word in the English language. Learn to use it!

Story of the ten talent idiot

There was a hyper guy who enjoyed everything and could do several things relatively well. He did more and more stuff until he got mentally fatigued, yet continued to be hyper. Everyone seemed quite impressed, including himself. Although tired, because he could, he continued. Then, God placed a man with some years and wisdom on him to help open his eyes to the idea of freedom, margin and a relationally based existence. The young man tried it and enjoyed it greatly. A regular experience of it was quite elusive, but occasional tastes of it kept the young man very interested. Then, the young man, without knowing it, reverted back and filled his schedule with all kinds of stuff, including ministry, coaching, law, kids, court, etc. He liked it and didn't really want to stop any of it, but found the tastes of freedom, love and relationship more sweet than any of the activities. Then, a phone call was had where the wiser man gracefully and bluntly advised the younger man, leaving the younger man in total agreement, but somewhat at a loss of exactly how to proceed.

Then, the younger man was tempted to quickly call everyone he could and cancel everything, but realized that steady wisdom was better than compulsive reaction. So, the young man just sat and pondered for about 150 seconds before running to his next appointment. Then, as the younger man scurried to the 4^th floor to handle his tenth appointment of the day, he thought "God is good. He loves me. He is sovereign. I can trust Him to continue growing me and am thankful for His wise counsel that has been given to me through a great friend."

For centuries, humankind has wrestled with these competing notions of how much freedom we really have to determine our own ends. Do our decisions matter or are they somehow scripted for us? Or is it all just up to chance in the end? Can we influence and even change God's plan for our lives?

In reflecting I believe that God's sovereignty and my free will are both true and not necessarily in conflict. God does have a plan for our lives (Ephesians 2:10) but we are free to surrender to that plan or to resist and try to do our own thing. As I reflect on my life I can see where God gently, and sometimes not so gently, intervened and made good come out of even my independent decisions.

Even though I have free will I realize that it is in my best interest to follow His plan. In my best moments it is my desire to choose God's plan, something that is not easy.

As I reflect though, I wonder if we can we modify or change God's plan? I believe so! For example, we believe that our prayers may cause God to intervene in our lives or the lives of others. In other words, to change the plan! The same can be said for positive declarations. Even when we declare "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" (Matthew 6:10) we are asking God to enforce His will in a situation where he may be holding back, i.e. to modify His plan.

Except for one bedroom scene which was not necessary, I would recommend The Adjustment Bureau as a movie that will cause you to reflect on what you believe about "His plan, your plan, or our plan".

One of my favorite verses on hope is Romans 15:13:

"May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Hope is "the confident expectation that good is coming." Without hope even the smallest obstacle in our daily path can become overwhelming and steal our rest. With a firm measure of hope, certainty in the present and a firm expectation and optimism about the future, we can face the major obstacles in our path while remaining in a restful state.

This hope is rooted in a revelation of God's goodness and His promises which lead to confidence in spite of the battles we face. Proverbs 29:18a makes it clear that our hope is built by fully understanding that God is at work in our struggles:

"Where there is no vision (no redemptive revelation of God) the people perish." (Amplified Bible)

"If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves." (The Message)

Hope is anchored in the character of God. It is based on God's faithfulness which allows us to remain at rest in struggles and gives us hope to persevere, which leads to rock solid unshakeable hope. God's character and faithfulness are shown throughout scripture. For example:

God is good all the time and He is the one who goes before us (Psalms 46:1, Deuteronomy 31:8)

All things in our lives work together for good if we are following him (Romans 8:28), thus the best is yet to come

God's promises are true, and He promises to lead us into rest if we turn to him (Isaiah 30:15-20)

As I have faced increased pressures in recent months a new song about hope has been a great source of encouragement.

"My hope is in your God, I am steadfast, I will not be moved. I am anchored, never shaken; all my hope is in you" (Hope's Anthem, William Matthews, from Album "Be Lifted High" from Bethel Live, 2011. Available from iTunes and on YouTube)

The battle is for our hope. Our ability to rest while engaged in significant work and activity is directly related to the amount of hope we are carrying at any moment in time.

Hebrews 4:10 in the Amplified Bible says "ceasing from the weariness and pain of human labors" The verse does not say ceasing from human labors. In the midst of our labors, while engaged in activity, we are to rest in what God has done for us. We are to cease striving to achieve by our own efforts and learn to be dependent upon the Holy Spirit's help in our daily lives. This is learning to "live in His presence and rest in His provision" on a moment by moment basis. During this lifetime on earth, we will never fully arrive in this perpetual state of rest, but we can increasingly find the peace that comes from fully resting in God, even in times of significant stress.

Successfully "resting while engaging" in our work and activity also requires that we have periods of time "resting from" our work and activity. Otherwise we end up laboring from a position of fatigue. We live in frail bodies and they need rejuvenation. Without periods of non-activity we also lose perspective and begin to believe that everything around us is dependent upon our skills, abilities and effort. We begin to trust more in ourselves than in God and the burden becomes overwhelming.

I recently received this excellent email from Dawn, a good friend and employee, which captures the significance of resting from our normal work and activity:

"YES TO REST!! Time to give our minds and body a respite, a retreat from all the illusions of every day. There are many ways to nourish the soul, but we must stop, just simply stop, life as we are living it. If only for an hour or a day a week, and take some time to gift the soul. Or, more accurately, to allow our soul to gift us. Sometimes we think we can't afford the time or the money to do so. Truth be told, we cannot afford not to."

^"So then, there is still awaiting a full and complete Sabbath-rest reserved for the [true] people of God; For he who has once entered [God's] rest also has ceased from [the weariness and pain] of human labors, just as God rested from those labors peculiarly His own. Let us therefore be zealous and exert ourselves and strive diligently to enter that rest [of God, to know and experience it for ourselves]…"

What an amazing contrast. We are told to "…cease from the weariness and pain of human labors…" Okay that sounds good, let's kick back, put our feet up and rest! Except who is going to do the dishes and change the diapers? We are then told to "…be zealous and exert ourselves and strive diligently to enter that rest…" All of a sudden the concept of entering God's rest sounds like a difficult challenge and significant work. Not very good news for the one who is already weary!

God understands that entering His rest is not easy. Hebrews 4:15 says that Jesus was tempted in every way that we are. This would include the struggle of resting in the midst of heavy demands on His time and energy.

Repeating myself, there are no easy answers to my friend's dilemma. What we can ascertain from Hebrews 4 is that: (1) God understands the difficulty of entering His rest; (2) He holds out the hope that we can cease from the weariness and pain of human labors; (3) He makes it clear that this is not easy because entering His rest requires great effort.

So, learning to rest actually can be hard "work" for us, but I can promise you the reward is worth the effort. More on this in my next blog.

Thanksgiving week this year was a week of especially tough decisions for me. My most difficult time decisions often relate to family because they are a high priority. Despite my priority on family time, I spent Thanksgiving at home alone with a cold while my family was at my sister's home. Normally I would have pushed through and gone anyway but I realized that besides being contagious it would leave me more fatigued and slow down the process of getting well.

I also faced an equally difficult decision. I was scheduled to leave the day after Thanksgiving to fly to Utah and attend a University of Utah football game with my son Ryan. I didn't want to disappoint Ryan and miss this opportunity to make a wonderful memory together, so I decided to go despite how I was feeling.

A friend challenged my initial decision to push through and still go to the game. This is a friend who I have counseled many times to slow his pace. As we talked he asked "If the situation was reversed what would you advise me to do?" That was easy to see so I replied "I would suggest that you not go and be sure you get well." He then asked why that advice didn't apply to me as well. With a good laugh he then threw in a kicker: "I often listen to your advice and make positive changes in my life related to my pace but it helps if I see that you are making good decisions as well." He had me there! It is certainly easier to counsel others than follow my own advice.

Slowing down our pace of life requires difficult decisions. We have too many excellent opportunities. One key is to seek out friends who will speak into our lives, give us perspective, and help us make the tough decisions, but I certainly missed the time with my son.

• Teaches us to love
• Exposes our sins
• Teaches us to forgive and ask forgiveness (humility)
• Teaches us to respect and honor another
• Enlarges our servant's heart

Whew! This is challenging stuff. You mean Kaylinn is not my wife for the key purpose of meeting my needs? That God's design for our marriage is to make both of us more holy and not just to make us happy? At first glance, God's priority and focus in our marriage for holiness seemed a bit daunting. What I am discovering along the way, however, is that when I partner with God for holiness, happiness is often the result. It isn't that God doesn't care about my happiness; He just knows best that holiness will lead there. I wish I had understood and internalized this truth 35 years ago, but it is not too late to continue to grow and make changes. Since officiating at the wedding my love and care for Kaylinn has increased. I find myself being much more proactive in meeting her needs, even something as simple as washing the dishes without being asked. After all, they are my dirty dishes too!

I am learning after years of marriage "that a good marriage is not something you find, it's something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront, and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential. This is undeniably hard work! But eventually it pays off. Eventually, it creates a relationship of beauty, trust, and mutual support."⁴ I am looking forward to Keri and Steve walking out the gift of their new marriage and encouraging them with what I am learning. With every year that goes by I am finding that the rewards of marriage are beyond my expectations.

Two recent events have helped to further accelerate these positive changes. The first was my officiating this summer at the wedding for our daughter Keri to a wonderful man, Steve, which I will elaborate on in next week's blog.

The second key event has been learning the difference between a "value judgment" and an "observation." This point was brought home while watching with my wife the personal testimony of Paul Young, author of The Shack on a DVD. Paul spoke about the difference between "value" and "observation." Because of childhood hurts when somebody would make a personal "observation" his natural tendency was to interpret it as a "value judgment" and become defensive and pull back, rather than seeing it as a neutral "observation."

As I watched I felt a tremendous rush of emotion and began to cry. I realized that I have the same tendency. For example Kaylinn might say something as simple as "Doug, you don't fully close the drawers in our house after you open them." I would hear "Doug, you can't get anything right even something as simple as closing drawers." Or if I came home after grocery shopping and she said "I don't see the milk that I asked you to pick up," I would hear "once again I have let my wife down; she is upset with me and thinks I am inept." My reactions would cause me to get defensive and pull back, or even worse lash back at her.

These days, before I rush to become defensive and pull back we openly discuss whether her comment is a "value judgment" or an "observation." In fact Kaylinn helps by signaling when her comments are simply an "observation." I now realize that almost all her comments are observations and very seldom does she make a "value judgment" about me. If she does we can then discuss it. This new insight has changed my daily life as I now watch for "value judgments" vs. "observations" and live life less defensively.

My broad desires, "living in His presence, resting in His provision, and demonstrating His Kingdom," provide the framework for more specific heart desires. I believe that understanding the desires of my heart is a key part of knowing who I am and what I was created by God to do in this life. If I can clearly identify my desires and then begin to see where my desires and God's desires for me are one and the same, then I am encouraged that He is working in me to achieve them.

• To dedicate my strength, wealth, family, our business and all that I am to transform my immediate sphere of influence and alter the course of world history in such a way that the kingdom of this world increasingly reflects the Kingdom of our God ("on earth as it is in heaven" – Mt. 6:10). This desire can only be accomplished by God.
• To spend large blocks of time alone with God so that I am living moment by moment out of my relationship with Him and not falling prey to the lie that my performance is what matters the most.
• To be naturally supernatural and an atmosphere changer by bringing the spiritual realm into my daily activities.
• To read, study, pray, write and speak with a focus on motivating others to desire to see "His kingdom come and His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" (Mt. 6:10).
• To see all our children and grandchildren walking in a deep relationship with God. Kaylinn and I declare often: "But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15b).
• To "Create Caring Communities that Transform Lives." God has created me with the desire for healthy relationships inside community.
  

"Good Morning Doug: I just wanted to say Happy Boss's Day (tomorrow.) I really love that you and Kaylinn's pursuit of God is evident in all you do. You affect so many lives by showing that all the things we read about in the Bible and hear about at church really work in life. Thank you for being a good example of a Godly leader."

Since writing the blog last week on "Heart's Desires" I have been reflecting on how best to articulate my heart's desires which I am realizing it is not easy. This timely email helped me immensely as it succinctly captures many of my desires.

"I really love that you and Kaylinn's pursuit of God is evident in all you do." Learning to live moment by moment in God's presence is my greatest desire; to be a "one thing" person whose primary focus in life is to live in God's presence on a moment by moment basis, especially as a worshipper.

"You affect so many lives by showing that all the things we read about in the Bible and hear about at church really work in life." This is the essence of God's call on my life: to demonstrate, in my sphere of influence, that God's presence and His Kingdom principles really work and make a difference in all walks of life including business.

"Thank you for being a good example of a Godly leader." This captures my desire to be a father and mentor to many, and being a good example is a key part of this.

The email captures the guiding principle of my life: "Living in His presence, resting in His provision, demonstrating His Kingdom." My ability to demonstrate His Kingdom flows from living in His presence and resting in His provision, both of which are difficult for me at times. This is why I need ongoing encouragement that my heart's desires are also God's desires for me.

The last few weeks I have needed more encouragement than normal that I am on the right track. The email I received yesterday, clearly prompted by God at just the right time, was a great source of encouragement that I am pursuing His desires for my life. More next week!

Ephesians 2:10 (NCV) "God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing."

Could it be that those things that God planned in advance for us "to live our lives doing" are wrapped up in our heart's desires? As we pursue our heart's desires we may wrestle with thinking that we are being selfish or are outside of God's will, but I would submit that if our heart's desires are ones that bring glory to God, then these desires are planted by God Himself.

At times I struggle to believe that my heart's desires will be fulfilled, especially when the spiritual battle raging around me makes their fulfillment look doubtful or even impossible. At those times my only option is to rest knowing these desires are from God. God promises to give us our heart's desires if we delight ourselves in Him and keep Him as our central focus.

Psalms 37:4 (AMP) "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart."

If this is true then it should be easier to walk in strong faith believing that our desires will come to pass even when the battle rages around us. Galatians 6:9 (NASB) promises that eventually these desires will be fulfilled if we don't lose heart:

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

My prayer as I pursue my heart's desires is found in Psalms 20:4 (NKJV)

"May He grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose."

So how does this tendency in our culture affect our worship of God? A primary focus of mine in recent years has been soaking in God's presence as I listen to worship music. It helps me connect with God through my heart rather than just my mind and experience more of God's presence in my life.

This has been a profound and transforming discipline for me, but I find myself being convicted that the primary focus of my worship has been more about experiencing God's presence and desiring to see Him bring change in my life than just pure worship for who He is. If I am not careful this becomes more about me than about God and can tend toward being narcissistic. God created us to worship Him. It is our highest calling and He is worthy of our worship. A primary focus of our worship should be about Him; who He is and His majesty, and worshipping Him without expecting anything in return.

In reviewing my Itunes music library this week I find that I have more worship songs asking God to come and change me, help me, hold onto me, or declarations of what I would like Him to do in my life and less about just worshipping Him. There is great value in all these types of worship songs, but it is an issue of balance and priority, not either/or.

Unselfish worship will lead us into His presence but that should not be our primary motivation.

The greatest honor given to mankind is our ministry to the Lord Himself in thanksgiving, praise and worship. We are called to be worshippers with no expectations of receiving anything. The good news is that God is such a good and generous God that when we worship Him for who He is we will receive beyond our greatest expectations, including more of His presence in our lives. As Psalms 100:4 says, praise is a pathway into His presence.

In contrast, learning to confront with honor has been much more difficult. I don't like confrontation for many reasons, especially because it seems like disapproval. My people pleasing tendency also gets in the way.

• "There will be no culture of honor without the active use of effective confrontation. The skill of combining these two relational elements – honor and confrontation—is the key to sustaining an environment of grace." (pg. 163)
• "Confrontation and empowerment go hand in hand in a culture of honor and mercy, compassion and courage are the qualities necessary for maintaining a healthy flow of these two elements in your environment. Successful confrontation builds relationships and strengthens covenant bonds." ( pg 183)

"Brothers and sisters, if someone in your group does something wrong, you who are spiritual should go to that person and gently help make him right again. But be careful, because you might be tempted to sin, too." (New Century Version)

The Leadership Development Program through Bethel Church, Redding has been very helpful in my understanding some of the keys to healthy confrontation:

• Start from the basic belief that the person is good and they desire to do well
• Appeal to the relationship not the behavior
• Call out the greatness in people if possible while protecting relationships of those around them
• Confrontation may look like punishment but the difference is your heart condition which is hopeful that they will change

Making the switch to healthy confrontation while honoring the person is one of the biggest challenges I face personally and in business. I am still learning how to confront in love.

Philippians 2:3 says "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Considering others better than yourself is, first and foremost, an attitude, not an action. Right actions will follow from right attitudes, but not the other way around. The attitude of honor is recognizing God's gifts in another, even if they are well hidden. It is gazing upon their God-given glory and only glancing at their weaknesses and shortcomings, while providing a safe place for their giftedness and glory to expand and be expressed.

I have been severely tested in my ability to truly honor others this year. For example, our company recently faced a case of embezzlement and a lawsuit. It would be normal to hold a grudge against those who I believe have wronged us, but it would come at a high cost as it would negatively impact my relationship with God and with others. My challenge has been to come in the opposite spirit and pray on a regular basis for the individuals involved, to only speak well about them to others, and to encourage others to do the same. This leaves room for God to intervene in their lives and allows me to walk in peace through the storms. Allowing God to do His work while I sleep well at night is a much better way to live!

In my previous blog, "What Makes a Team Successful" I mentioned several attributes of a successful team including honoring one another. Learning to honor one another is a key both in business and in our personal lives though honoring is a lost art in our society and is misunderstood at best.

Dishonor is the rule of the day. For example, we no longer honor those in authority. When a new President is elected those opposed spend the next 4 years trying to prove he is inept. Another example is how we dishonor seniors and elderly. We are a youth oriented society elevating the young and assuming that the elderly don't have much to offer.

Part of the problem is a lack of understanding of true honor. When asked, many would respond that honor is (1) holding yourself to a personal code and following it. (2) Doing the right thing. (3) Being polite or nice – not jabbing others. (4) Requiring honor from another, i.e. honor me, submit to me. These definitions miss the mark.

A dictionary definition of true honor is: to glory in and to promote another; to elevate another's status; to give prestige to somebody; great respect and admiration for someone else. In the book of Philippians Paul provides an excellent definition of honor:

"Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand." (Philippians 2:3-4, Message translation)

Love: We genuinely love and care for one another. We have each other's best interest at heart. We serve each other willingly.

Honor: We view each other as created by God in His image with certain gifts and abilities. We choose to focus on our positive characteristics while coming along and supporting or propping up the weaker areas in each other. Honor is "considering others as more important than yourself" (Phil. 2).

Competence: Over time we have built a team where every member has the skills and abilities to fulfill their role with excellence. This excellence is achieved when other team members come alongside with the love and honor described above.

Trust: Flowing from love, honor and competence is a deep level of trust. I trust Phil as President completely. He can and does speak for me in his role as President. I know he has our best interest at heart.

Shared global vision: All the previous attributes can be in place but without a shared vision a team ends up pulling in opposite directions with each team member working to fulfill their specific vision.

Shared agreement on the implementation of that vision: There must be agreement on how best to implement the shared vision. The contrasting organization has a shared vision but the team members have very different ideas on how that vision should be implemented.

I remember clearly the day that Phil came to me and said that he would walk alongside me as President for the remainder of his working life with the goal of seeing my vision and desires implemented in The Hignell Companies. He was expressing love, honor, trust, and a shared vision. Adding to this his excellent competence what more could a team leader ask for?

It is especially perplexing that freedom is so elusive since Jesus calls us to walk in freedom. The Apostle Paul says it very eloquently:

Galatians 5:1 "Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." (The Message translation)

The freedom Paul is talking about is freedom from burden and oppression, not freedom to sin and do what we want. As Brad and I talked we realized though that it is not others who usually put us under burden. We are the culprits who slip into a harness of slavery placing ourselves under stress, being our own worst task masters.

There are many reasons that this happens in my life but one of the reasons became clearer this week as I was reading a novel, "Home To Holly Springs" by Jan Karon. It is a follow up to the popular Mitford series she wrote about Father Timothy Kavanagh, an Episcopal priest. Father Timothy has returned to his home town after many years and is warmly received and invited to spend a few nights with new friends. He is thinking to himself and says:

"How could he ever repay these good men who'd been sent by the Almighty as surely as manna had been sent for the tribes? Grace can't be repaid, his wife was known to remind him."

So the question I am asking myself is: how much of my activity, striving and self-imposed burden is because I am trying to repay the wonderful grace that God has extended to me? Or am I walking in freedom with my activities flowing out of my relationship with Him, listening for His direction? As a 35 year follower of Christ I have learned a lot more about discipline and obedience than walking in freedom. The truth is that I can't repay Christ for His act of grace on the Cross, so why do I keep trying in one form or another?

"God loves you just the way you are, but he refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be like Jesus…The love of people often increases with performance and decreases with mistakes. Not so with God's love, He loves you right where you are." (Just Like Jesus Devotional, Day 1, Max Lucado, 2002).

Max goes on to share that when his daughter was a toddler he took her to the park and bought her an ice cream treat only to find that she had been playing in the sandbox and had a mouth full of sand. He goes on to say:

"Did I love her with the dirt in her mouth? Absolutely. Was she any less my daughter with the dirt in her mouth? Of course not. Was I going to allow her to keep the dirt in her mouth? No way. I loved her right where she was, but I refused to leave her there. I carried her over to the water fountain and washed out her mouth. Why? Because I love her."

Does God love me unconditionally when I give into striving and the resultant worry, anxiety and fear? Absolutely! But He does not stop there. He has a better offer. He wants me to be like Jesus and walk in peace and rest, not striving, but hearing His gentle voice and responding. He promises to wash the dirt from my mouth if I will cooperate with Him and allow him to.

"[Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight." (Philippians 2:13, AMP)

Though I believe strongly in spiritual disciplines I have recently become more aware that it is the Holy Spirit, not my striving, that is bringing about the changes. Speaking about the fruit of the Spirit, Phillip Yancy says:

"These qualities, I came to realize, cannot be constructed. They must be grown, under the direction of an inner power, the Spirit. I have since made it a regular practice to pray through the list in Galatians….Do I show love, experience joy, feel peace, exhibit patience? I am humbly aware that any progress in those qualities comes as a result of the Spirit’s work. I agree with J. Heinrich Arnold that Christian discipleship 'is not a question of our doing; it is a matter of making room for God so that he can live in us.'"  [Phillip Yancy, Back Page column, Christianity Today, October 25, 1999 (104)]

I am challenged by the Amplified Bible translation of Galatians 5:22:

"But the fruit of the Holy Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." Gal. 5:22-23

Do I want to exhibit increased Godly character in my life? I am realizing that intimacy, learning to "live in His Presence", is much more profitable than striving to change myself. This continues to be a difficult lesson for me. Striving comes more naturally!

 "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life...."

Here are a few excerpts from an email written earlier this year to my son Ryan, who is attending college in Utah. "In reflection of my own life, I realize that as a type "A" go for broke kind of guy I have given myself to pursuing many things, most of them good things such as my college degrees, starting and operating a successful business, being a good husband and father. BUT it is only in the last few years that I have focused on the ONE THING that is most important and that is "living in His Presence" ... i.e. developing intimacy with God the Father.... Spiritual disciplines are good....but they are not an end in themselves which often happens in spiritual circles. Their purpose is to point us to God, to draw us into fellowship and intimacy with Him."

"Son, you are gifted in many ways and it is good to pursue the development and use of these gifts. After all God gave them to you and expects you to be a good steward of them, but in the midst of developing your gifts and impacting others, the One Thing must be pursuing intimacy with God. In so doing your gifts and impact will increase beyond your wildest imagination. I have been thrilled this last year as I have watched your desire for intimacy with God growing....You have been gifted in such a way that your life will make a difference in our world and it is a privilege to be your dad. Love, Dad"

My heart for Ryan is my heart for all my friends and family. That we would learn to be “one thing” people and out of that make our highest impact on the world around us.

I was challenged by how true that can be in my life as well. Let's see, first I must make sure that I spend adequate time with God, then I need to be sure my wife knows she is important to me. Oh, yes, I also have 5 kids and 8 grandkids who need some of my time to know they are loved. And what about the approximately 180 employees or the couples in our spiritual community or the men in a morning bible study?

As I reflect I need to stop and ask myself:  is each of these an opportunity to enjoy the relationship or, am I approaching each activity as an obligation to fulfill?

I believe the core question that underlies this struggle is: Am I living in obedience to God out of duty and discipline or out of my love for Him? If my obedience to God flows out of duty and discipline then I will probably approach all my other activities in the same way. Another question I need to ask myself is: am I living life out of performance where my worth equals a function of my performance, or out of an incredible desire for intimacy with my Heavenly Father knowing I have worth because He says I have worth and I am created in His image?

Unfortunately down through the centuries we have made our message much more complicated. In the process unity has broken down and the world we want to reach has become confused. Do we believe in the rapture? When is the timing? What is our millennium view? What about speaking in tongues? Are the gifts for today? It is important to have a solid foundation in what we believe. For example I believe that the Book of Acts should be lived out today with the gifts of God in full operation, but in learning to live in relationship with my fellow believers and the non-believing world I also believe I need to major on simplifying the message. That message is simple: loving God and loving people.

To most of the world believers in Jesus are known more for what they are against than what they are for. In the process of wanting to see righteousness and justice prevail in our society we have often lost the focus on letting our light shine through loving those around us.

I believe the key question we need to continually ask ourselves is: "Father, how can I receive your love and then give it away to the next person I meet, regardless of their belief system, insecurities, sin and dysfunction or how they treat me?"