For the past

I met John many years ago in Friday Harbor, Washington, where we were both attending a “Funshop” taught by Dr. Dave Dobson. We were there because we were both interested in what Dave called “the phenomenon of Hypnosis.” Dave taught a fairly unique approach to change he called “Other-Than-Conscious Communication” and John and I both were greatly influenced by him.

Soon after that John began doing seminars for Smoking Cessation and for Weight Loss and created his own, uniquely successful method for doing so. On a typical road trip he and a road manager would travel to a city, do a pair of seminars (one for each of the two subjects) in that city, drive the next day to another city and present another pari of seminars and then do that again on a third day. On the forth day they’d travel back to their respective homes.

Fast forward 15 years or so and John had grown a bit weary of the travel. So he thought to himself, “I need to find someone to conduct these seminars for me so I can take a break. Who is the best seminar leader/hypnotist in the known world?” At least I ASSUME that’s the question he’d asked himself because he called me and asked if I’d be interested in spelling him from time to time and doing some of these programs in his place.

I said I’d try it on for size and the rest is history. In the past 7 years or so I’ve hypnotized somewhere in the neighborhood of 50,000 people. It’s been great. I’ve enjoyed the challenge of keeping the presentations fresh, enjoyed trying to continually make them better, and enjoyed the privilege of helping so many people.

As an example, one fellow came up to me in Columbia, South Carolina recently and thanked me for “giving his life back to him.” He’d been to the weight loss seminar the previous year and had lost nearly a hundred pounds as a result. His blood sugar had normalized and he felt wonderful. He walked everyday, striving for those 10,000 steps.

So it is a little sad to now close this chapter in my life, but it is very exciting to opening the door back up to doing a full load to seminars of my own and creating more. I must say I was a little shocked to meet someone at a seminar not so long ago who said he’d thought I’d retired, because he didn’t see me doing many seminars anymore. It’s good to get back.

In the next weeks and months ahead I’ll be seeing more private clients, forging relationships with new coaching clients, conducting more seminars, creating more recordings for release to the public and writing more articles and another book or two.

It is a very exciting time and I hope you’ll join me along the way. Check out the featured seminars being offered shortly…some pretty great stuff.

What you may not know is that my neighborhood, Park Slope, Brooklyn, was one of the hardest hit. I was out doing some errands…picking up laundry, grocery shopping… progressing from one store to another further away when the storm approached. It was really eerie - like a movie scene when some evil force is coming. The sky was constantly electric - not just a bolt of lightning followed by thunder, but constant smaller bolts, one after another, high in the sky. I started jogging with my bags of laundry and groceries (even though it is seriously not cool to run to get out of rain. I didn’t care). As I got close to the corner where the grocery store is located, I noticed the sky had turned a weird green color. I’d read about how tornado clouds can look that way so I picked up my pace. Just across from the store the storm hit and I was drenched in seconds. I raced the final 20 feet into the store and turned to look back and it had turned black out there. The wind and rain were unlike any I’d ever seen. Within moments trees were down, blocking the streets, store signs and garbage cans were blown away. A store across the street from the grocery had it’s plate glass windows blown in.

A minute later it was virtually over. It was still raining a little, but almost nothing. It was amazing to me how quickly people started moving tree branches and even whole trees, if possible, out of the streets. I helped replace garbage cans and bags as I made my way home.

Thank heaven for cell phones. I called my wife, Jean, to let her know I was OK and make sure she was. She, as everyone did, had her own story to tell of what happened back at the apartment, but the big news was our beloved old Summac tree in the back yard was gone.

This is a picture of our backyard - or what’s left of it.

This is a white oak I had planted in Prospect Park back in 1986. Hopefully they can just trim it without having to remove it.

And this is, sadly, a common sight through out Brooklyn and Queens. In this case a rare American Elm in Prospect Park. Probably 80-100 years old.

Still, over all, amazing that two, count ‘em, two tornados can touch down in a major metropolitan city at rush hour and “only” one person was killed. Clearly that is a tragedy, but it could so easily been a whole lot worse.

So - OK. I’ve seen my tornado up close and personal. I don’t need to see anymore. Thank you very much.

You might have noticed I haven’t written in a while. Sorry about that. I will endeavor to write more consistently in the future.

Really.

Meanwhile, it might interest you to know that I’ve used my time wisely… I’ve just recently completed a “User’s guide” to Sleight of Mouth e-Book. It will be available shortly.

When I set out to create this work, I thought it would be easy. After all, I have that two-CD set plus workbook that I put together several years ago. I went ahead and had that transcribed and assumed it would be easy to make that into a book.

HA!

I - with a lot of help from my friend Aaron Spurling - basically rewrote the whole durn thing and had to redraw probably about 75% of the illustrations to make it work!

Good new is it’s done and it’s pretty good. There are whole new sections with new examples of how to use it (for good instead of evil) and an expanded section on beliefs that I think you’ll find interesting.

So that’s kinda-sorta where I’ve been. I’ll be writing more. I promise.

Here’s a picture of what the book cover looks like:

He points at his nose while speaking in a very nasal tonality and says, “This is your nose.”

Then he points at his throat, shifts his tonality downwards and says, “this is your throat.”

He continues by pointing to his chest, and lowering his tonality further says, “This is your chest.”

Finally he lowers his tonality still further and points to his stomach and says “this is your stomach.”

He goes on to suggest that more you learn to speak from your belly and not from your nose, the more money you’ll earn, the more people you’ll influence and the more successful you’ll be.

Now, I’m not saying you will fail miserably as a hypnotist if you have bad tonality, I’m simply saying that the better your tonality is, the better you will be as a communicator.

Milton Erickson had a great hypnotic tonality. The way Milton spoke, the actual sound of his voice, was a bit unusual. Probably as a result of his polio, his enunciation was a little less than crisp. His tonality had a bit of an airy quality and was just slightly raspy. When you combine that with the slower tempo (rate of speed) and the rhythm we talked about last week, it’s a pretty sure formula for trance.

Turns out, it wasn’t all just happenstance.

Interestingly, on one of the audio recordings of Milton delivering a lecture you can hear how he purposely employed that tonality. In the first part of the lecture he’s addressing a group of people from up on a stage and his manner of speech is unusual but not terribly trancy. At one point he notices that one of the people in the audience has dropped off a little bit into trance and he decides to utilize the opportunity. It’s wonderful to hear how he shifts gears and starts speaking in shorter, rhythmic phrases with a slower, slightly deeper tone and adds more of that raspy, airy quality into his voice. He was doing it on purpose!

A number of years ago I was taking a class in tantra and chi kung from Dr. Gunther Weil and Rylan Malone. At one point in the class Dr. Weil described how, in Chinese traditional healing, there were different sounds that were healing to different parts of the body. He called them the six Daoist healing sounds. Now, I don’t remember all six different sounds or what different parts they related to, but I was struck by one thing he said. He said the the healing sound for the kidney system was kind of an airy, raspy quality and it was naturally very trance inducing. He even mentioned Milton Erickson’s voice as an example!

Now, of course, everyone is different and we get used to different tonalitys as being comforting or authoritative, or truthful or whatever. Like Sam Waterston on those TD bank commercials or Walter Cronkite back in the day. But whatever your natural tonality may be, you can refine and improve your trance tonality. One way to practice is to imitate people’s trance tonalitys that appeal to you. Record yourself and listen back to your efforts. Another thing you can do is imagine that it’s late at night and you’re reading a bed time story to a child, naturally softening your voice, speaking in a reassuring manner with a relaxed, gentle pace based on the rate of the child’s breathing.

However you do it, make a point to being more and more tuned to your own tonality. The effort will pay off in spades.

I was reminded of one such parallel recently.

A month or so ago I broke my right arm. Or at least I thought I did. The late night emergency room folks in Topeka, Kansas were very nice and very professional but there was no radiologist or orthopedist around who could definitively read the x-ray. So, they put me in a cast, just to be safe.

Well, I don’t live in Topeka, Kansas. I was on the road doing these hypnosis road shows I do for weight loss or quitting smoking. We left the next morning for Witchita. Long story short, it was 10 days before I could get in to see an orthopedist back in Brooklyn and to finally get it properly diagnosed as not broken, “just” a bone bruise. How great that moment was when the cast was removed and I was set free!

It reminded me of a video I once watched of Erickson working with this woman. Midway through the trance, they were talking, and Erickson asked her if she had a toothache. She said no. Erickson said “Isn’t that nice?”

In the book, “Peace is Every Step,” Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh writes: “When I have a toothache, I discover that not having a toothache is a wonderful thing.”

Ever get a paper cut or something and realize just how often you use that finger?

So often, however, we take for granted the absence of pain and discomfort.  What if we stopped to appreciate how fortunate we are?

I mean jeepers, think about it. Imagine if the richest person on earth was dying of cancer or something. What might you hear them say? “I’d give ANYTHING to be pain free. Anything to spend another day with my love. Anything to watch another sunrise.”

Well we get to do those things for free. It doesn’t cost us a billion dollars. Life’s actually pretty darn wonderful most of the time. When you stop to think about it.

Here’s another quote from Thich Nhat Hanh:

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child — our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”

Sounds like Milton to me.

It is often more useful to focus on HOW you say what you say.

One of the most important pieces of hypnotic communication is RHYTHM. Have you ever noticed that repetitious rhythms are hypnotic… like “trance” music, or African drumming, or the sound of ocean waves? So if you can find a good, slower than normal, vocal rhythm while delivering your trance induction, it’ll do 90% of what you want to accomplish.

A GREAT WAY to do this is to speak only when your client is exhaling. Watch them and speak only on their exhale.

If you speak only on your client’s exhalation, not only do you pace them exquisitely and maintain a deep sense of rapport, you also create a natural rhythm to your delivery. This rhythm is a great, perhaps the best, other-than-conscious trance inducer. Moreover it provides you, the speaker, with wonderful opportunities for using your verbal skills, punctuational ambiguities, phonological ambiguities, embedded commands, creative use of conjunctions, etc., etc., etc.

This following is not meant to be a great or exhaustive example of the art of language patterns, but simply to demonstrate the rhythmic aspects of the delivery. Imagine that this is being said to a person in a trance who is breathing in nice slow breaths. Imagine speaking the words on each line as they exhale. Imagine being silent for a few beats between each line while they inhale.

And as you drift even deeper
and deeper into that nice,
comfortable
trance… state…  of
awareness becomes focused
on that growing sensation in
one . . . of your hands or
two . . .
three . . . drifting
four . . . you know that
five . . . this is that same feeling
you know,
you know so well    you feel
so comfortable feeling this feeling
of comfort
of ease    because
you know it’s    you’re feeling
in trance, aren’t you?
already enjoying the process
of learning even while
you may not even know
what it is that
you are learning , yet
you are and    that
is nice to know, isn’t it
all right to let go and let
you’re unconscious
mind take care of that
for you    now
even as your conscious mind
continues drifting unconsciously
That’s all right…. (etc.)

Then, at some point, the Christian Church decided to change the date to make it more Christian somehow, so it was decreed that the new year was now January first.

But news traveled slowly back then so there were some areas that didn’t adapt as quickly as others. Apparently, France was chief among them (note the Fleur de Lis in the symbol above) so these April revelers became known as April Fools.

So, Happy New Year to all.

Seriously.

Here are some commentary adverbs: fortunately, happily, necessarily, remarkably.

Fortunately, even learning one pattern makes you a better communicator.

Happily, Doug O’Brien’s blog is the place to learn this stuff.

Remarkably, some people reading this sentence won’t have read the previous one.

Here are some commentary adjectives: lucky, fortunate, great, super, painful.

It’s great that when you learn and practice new things, you grow as a human being.

How fortunate we are are to be able to read Doug O’Brien’s blog.

EDITOR’S NOTE: A couple of months ago some one showed me that these language patterns posts were finding their way - without permission or acknowledgement - onto an NLP web site that shall not be named. Since then I’ve added some playful mentions of Doug O’Brien’s Blog in the examples to make them harder to steal. I hope you’ll pardon my doing so.

Just before Spring came the monsoons. It rained like crazy in New York the weekend of March 13th. All across the region there were trees down, basements flooding, power outages… it was extreme.

But inside the TRS suites in Manhattan things were warm and sunny. I was joined by Andrew Austin, author of “The Rainbow Machine - tales from a neurolinguist’s journal,” and Nick Kemp, creator of “Provocative Change Works,” to present Mindscapes - Three Perspectives on Change. This was an exciting experiment to create a dialog between three similar but different approaches to therapeutic change.

Friday night was a three way discussion about how to run a thriving private practice as a professional people helper. We were attempting to reveal some of our secrets to doing just that, and it was quite stimulating to find that, again, there were some things we all did and agreed upon, and some other things we did quite differently. In some ways the real “take away” for many people was that there is not just “one right way” to do things, but that every person can find a way that works for them as an individual. The other major learning  was that taking time to work ON your business and not just IN your business is an essential constant.

Saturday began with another three way discussion with the focus shifted to actually doing work with people. We wanted the seminar to cover some theory and technique, but also to allow a “peak behind the door” of the therapy space and witness what those techniques look like in practice. So we took requests about what issues people wanted to learn about and what some folks in the room actually wanted to work on.

As luck would have it, I drew the short straw and went first. (I love to go first) I elected to demonstrate a Neo-Ericksonian approach to pain management. Fortunately it went well and my brave volunteer responded nicely.

Later, Andy Austin revealed to us what he calls “Metaphors of Movement” and brilliantly taught what is all about while demonstrating how to use it with a participant in the audience. Fantastic stuff.

Nick Kemp deftly showed how his Provocative Change works while - at one point - working with one volunteer at the front of the room and simultaneously working with another participant in the audience. I can honestly say I’ve rarely laughed harder than when Nick was doing therapy. Isn’t therapy supposed to require cathartic weeping?

It was a remarkable weekend and I’m so pleased, honored and excited to be working with these brilliant innovators. I look forward to next year when we do it again in England.