Downright Daring Life

Olympic questions

2008-08-21T23:19:47-07:00

I've been watching the Olympics, like so many other millions, and have a nagging question. So what?

Sure it shows a lot of effort, dedication and sacrifice for the athletes but, so what? Okay, so you can run, you can run really fast - what does that mean? What does it change or how does it improve the world? Then I think of the line from the movie Chariots of Fire, "God made me fast and when I run I sense His pleasure." So, I think that, okay, it is partially about honoring your design, but still I struggle with this.

Every day there is a daily tally of how many medals each country is earning. As if the country with the most medals wins. Wins what? "Our country is better then your country" sung to a nah, nah, nah, nah, nah tune? China has more golds but we all know it is a horrendous torturer of Christians and oppressor of daily life. So the golds prove just what?

The whole thing makes me uncomfortable. Where is the eternal value? Is it in an individual athlete that runs to please Christ and not for the accolades or purposes of his or her country? Is it in how it shows our petty differences and our glory of the flesh so that we can change our hearts? Does the 100 million dollars in endorsements that Phelps is estimated to earn in endorsements for swimming really fast prove anything that will stand the test of time? If I eat the Corn Flakes with his face on the box will it make me a better person?

I know this is cynical and politically incorrect but I can't seem to help it. The whole world comes together and I feel that we miss the point, miss the opportunity and miss the mark. Do we compete only to find that what we win is of no value to truly change our lives?

Maybe, for me, it just causes me to look into my own motivations and life and see if I am making a difference and if my goals are worthy and eternal ones. It sure has me thinking about it and asking "So What?" about my life.

Don't eat alone

2008-08-02T20:35:57-07:00

It's been a busy year. There have been lots of projects, lots of writing, lots of changes - lots of lots of things. I find myself in the second half of the year marveling at the twists and turns of events and how much I have and haven't accomplished with these days.

In all of this the one constant has been the Word and the sweetness of the presence of the Lord.

I am reading slowly, carefully through the Epistles trying not to view them through my education or experience and see with fresh eyes. Some days, I barely get through a verse or two. Often, I have to run to my computer to look up a word in the Greek because I get so caught up in needing to understand what God is trying to say. I find myself thinking, pondering, talking with the Lord about what I read.

It has been a somewhat solitary journey, though not intentionally so.

I meet with the Lord in the morning with my cup of tea. I come awake with Him and these words He has placed before me but I find something missing. I want to talk about what I read, ponder it with someone, ask how it changes us and renews our minds before the day takes over and I forget what He told me. Before the writing and projects and events of the day.

There is a feast of the Word in my life and I find I really don't like eating alone.

So, here's my plan. Friday mornings, Jaime and I will get back to reading a book together and interacting with it and each other. Every other Saturday I will meet with two other women in a discipleship triad. I will still seek the Lord in the morning and deliberately be part of His body during the week.

Turning the Page

2008-03-01T10:28:22-08:00

In just a bit, my youngest will show up with a U-Haul truck and some friends to load up all her earthly possessions and move to California. The three of them together don't have a lot, so I imagine they will still have room in the truck. Their dreams and hopes will fill the remaining space - and then some.

So, that means for me my nest will be emptied.

I had often heard women say that their grown children were in diapers just moments ago and that the time passes so very quickly. I get that now. My life has been filled with kids and diapers and school and driving and teenage drama. The days held laughter and some tears, new adventures and mudane tasks and always with seeing the world anew through their eyes. Twenty-four seven I have been raising kids for a very long time. Being a mom has been the joy of my life even in the bad times and now the day to day of it is ending.

Tomorrow I will awaken to a new chapter in my life. It started with my husband and me and we will be back to that again; in the middle was the time of these other people in the house. It is as if I had a dream that is now ending and I think, "well, that was weird." They were here and now they are gone. Loving them every day in my home has been a staple of my life and now I will love them over the phone and on occasional visits. Horrible music blasted from my daughter's room and now the silence will be deafening. No more lights left on; no more irritating one another; no more hugs in the hallway.

I didn't know this would hurt so much. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for her and her new life. I am excited for me and this new stage of my life as well, but right now, at this moment, this is tough. This is not about wanting her to stay but about the ending of an era for me. Before I start the next I need to feel the weight of the one that is passing. I need to review what God has done in and through me. It is like the last page of a chapter that has so impacted you that you cannot turn the page just yet. You think only, "Wow!" and you need a little time to just sit with it, settle in, breathe deeply, find peace in the Lord before you can turn the page and see what comes next. And I will.

Dreams and hopes will fill the next chapter - and then some.

Waiting for the death call

2008-02-24T13:43:47-08:00

Sometime today my son will call and say "goodbye" in case he does not come back. It will be the 7th time he has made this "death call" as he names it. Each time we talk a bit, we say that we love one another and I tell him that I am proud of him. He always says, "Mom, I will be coming home, I just don't know which home it will be." Tomorrow he leaves for another tour of duty.

After each of these calls I go to my room to be with the Lord. I say that I trust God with my son's, His son's life. I say that He is good no matter what happens in life and that He brings good from all situations. This is when I come away with Him to see if what I say with my mouth is what my heart truly believes. Can I truly release the outcome of my son's life to God? So far, after all these death calls, I have come from my room with peace.

I don't worry about my son when he is gone, but I continue to pray. I pray that whatever comes his way only causes him to move closer to God. I pray that others will see Christ in him and that he has opportunity to bring others to the Lord. I pray for his family and that they will find peace in between phone calls and emails and joy in hearing from him. I pray for a safe return if it is God's will and that He be glorified if that return is not to this home but to God's.

God is good. I trust Him with my son's life and that whatever the outcome of this journey that I will continue to believe that He is. Each of these death calls is a test of my faith and an opportunity for a greater commitment to my God. I would say that it is the same for all of us.

Every "death call" that life brings us is a test to see whether what we say with our mouths is what our hearts actually believe. Every heartache, trial, every pressure placed on us is an opportunity to come away with the Lord and look in our hearts. If what we find there needs to grow in faith then He is right there to help us. He is our ever present help in time of trouble, the comforter and protector of our hearts, the peace that passes all understanding, the rest that we at times so desperately need.

The phone will ring and my son and I will affirm our believe that God is good and present with us both. As he travels, God goes with him and is also here with me. Each day He will be the source of strength and peace and joy for both of us. He will connect our hearts across the thousands of miles and I will wait in peace knowing that not only is God good but He is completely and utterly trustworthly with all our lives both here on earth and in the life to come.

Prison Break

2008-02-04T18:27:57-08:00

I have been working on a project for a while - a book. It is almost finished - every day. Every day I find something else to do rather than finish it. I observe myself doing this but hadn't taken the time to stop and figure out why until now.

I seek to indentify the blocks inside me if it ever is to be finished. Sitting at my computer I write, "I want to finish this project by the end of this week so that it can be a big help to those who buy it." I reread the sentence looking for the word or phrase that just doesn't feel right. Yes, I do want to finish it, that's not it. Yes, the end of the week is good, that's not it either. Then "big help" stood out.

Lies and fears we believe about ourselves, our abilities and our capacity to impact our world keep us imprisoned. My prison was fear that what I was writing would not help, not make an impact, or be of any value. I was afraid that I would be shown to be without talent, unable to make a difference in people's lives and be embarassed in front of my peers. I was imprisoned by these fears but as long as I didn't finish the book, none of this could come true.

As I took my fears to the Lord, He reminded me of how He has used my writing in the past. He showed me that as I released my words, He used them as He wanted, in those He wanted, for the purposes He wanted. He reminded me that all my life He has placed people alongside me to encourage me to write, that have told me that my words had impacted them profoundly and that had flat out said that I write very well and should do more of it. This is how He has designed me, I don't need to be afraid, I just need to get my perspective about glorifying Him rather than fearing disapproval from others.

As I processed the fears about the book, or more correctly, the fears about myself, I was able to identify them and replace them with His truth. Now, I rewrote the statement into one that "felt" true and didn't have any words that caused me to stumble. Here it is rewritten:

"I will finish this book by the end of the week and put it on the web site. It does not need to be THE definitive work ad I will trust the Lord to do with it what He will. I will serve Him from who I am."

Now, finishing the book is no longer about my abilities, approval, or need for others to see it as good; it is about serving my God and releasing the outcome to Him. Oh yeah, and being this vulnerable in front of you brought up a few more fears but the truth is that we all have them and if I admit mine then maybe you will too and we can all break out of these self-imposed prisons.

Marvelous Rain

2008-01-27T23:26:27-08:00

It has been raining all day. It has been raining non-stop. I keep going to the window to marvel. I live in a desert and it is also a desert that has been in drought for the past seven years. I didn't realize that a desert could have a drought, thought desert meant it was always without much rain but things can always get worse, I guess.

It has rained a lot this season and the reservoirs are filling again. It is snowing in the mountains and that means run off in the spring to take us through the blazing summer. God provides.

That is what makes me marvel. I was lying in bed this morning listening to the rain and thinking of how God causes the rain to come down on the just and the unjust. He could make it rain just on those who love Him, just for those who seek His ways but He doesn't. He provides rain, sun, life, breath and His offer of grace-filled love to everyone whether they know it or not, whether they ask for it or not; whether they curse Him or offer thanks.

Every drop that falls from the sky He has overseen through its journey from there to here. As it hits the pool I watch the ring it makes expand and join with the expanding ring next to it, repeating over and over in an ever changing pattern. His plan for each drop of rain; His plan to bring blessing to us all, diving into the pool as I watch. And I marvel.

Maybe this is so extraordinary for me because I don't live in Seattle like my daughter who sees far too much rain. Maybe for her she marvels when the sun breaks through the grey and lights up her world. Maybe for you it is something else that causes you to recognize God's provision and love. I don't know but I am so thankful for the blessing that is raining down, both figuratively and wetly today.

A White Christmas

2007-12-28T20:09:19-08:00

Before going to Seattle to visit my son and daughter and their families, I requested snow. Kelly assured me that she'd get right on that. She did a great job because Christmas day it snowed big, thick flakes. Being an Arizona resident I was more thrilled than she and forced her out to play in the cold and wet white stuff.

It was soooo good to be with my kids and grandkids. I have missed them a lot but really didn't realize how much until we were together. Giggling and hugging, laughing and talking, eating and eating we reconnected in ways that you can not do over the phone. I long to live near them so that the times in between visits is greatly lessened.

I long to be with my Father as well. We talk through prayer and His word but I want to see Him and touch Him too. Walking in the snow, He touched me. I thought about how God will bless us with the smallest of things. I smiled to myself and walked with my Lord. He had heard my request for snow and gave me this gift to remind me of His constant presence and concern for my life. He is here. He sends me snow that I can catch on my tongue; He gives me family to love and that love me; He gives me extended family in those that love Him as I do.

Coming back to Arizona, I feel blessed on so many levels, but the most prevalent, the most real is that God is with us. We celebrate this on Christmas day, but He shows Himself in the details of our lives everyday. Watch for Him in yours.

Sad at Christmas

2007-12-17T18:31:59-08:00

I went to buy Christmas cards today, you know the boxed kind, and out of all the cards I found, there was only one that had the theme of Christ coming. I have to say that I was shocked. We have moved so far from the original meaning of Christmas that the birth of our Savior is no longer the main reason for the season. Even Santa is irrelevant to so many this year. What is relevant , what is the main reason? - stuff, and lots of it.

Are you as saddened as I? I can't wait for the season to be over. It seems so blasphemous and embarassing to me. But then, I realize that it is causing me to my knees. I come to Christ and all I can say is that I am so sorry. "Please, Lord, save us. Come. Come to your people and bring us again to the quiet awe of God breaking into time. Let us be humbled at the thought that we are totally lost without your intervention. Cause us to be astonished at the God who would humble Himself to be born in the lowest of circumstances."

He walked among us, like us. He knows the heart break of seeing us crave what will not last when He is in our midst. Unlike us, He always sought His Father and His will and was not inticed by the stuff of the world. He understands that we are human, frail, easily distracted from Him. He knows us and that is why He came. Saddened by our lostness, He came that morn to show us the way home.

Christmas opened a door home. It opened a path to the heart of God. It was meant to make the things of this world less enticing for He is the ultimate treasure, the reason for every season.

I feel better now. I think I'll tell everyone I know, even a few I don't about the awesome gift of Christmas.

Those that go before us

2007-12-12T10:06:03-08:00

“The life of man is a continual death, unless it be that Christ lives in him.”—Ignatius

Ignatius was a disciple of the apostle John and had publicly reproved Emperor Trajan Antioch for worshiping idols. However, Trajan swore to take public revenge on Ignatius in return for his embarrassing rebuke.
Ignatius was arrested and brought to Rome. As he was led away to the pit of lions, he told another believer, “My dear Jesus, my Savior, is so deeply written in my heart, that I feel confident, that if my heart were to be cut open and chopped into pieces, the name Jesus would be found on every piece.”
When the multitude of people was assembled to witness his death, Ignatius boldly addressed the cheering crowd. “I am the grain of God. I am ground by the teeth of the beast, that I may be found a pure bread of Christ, who is to me the Bread of Life.”
As soon as he had spoken these words, two hungry lions devoured him. He lived up to his surname, Theophorus, “the bearer of God.” To the very end, he bore the name of God and his Savior on his lips. He had often said, “The crucified Christ is my only and entire love.” And to the end he found solace in this simple truth: “As the world hates the Christians, so God loves them.”

This is a copy of the daily devotional I receive from Voice of the Martyrs. I am submitting it here for the Lord to do with it what He will.

An intersection

2007-12-02T08:59:38-08:00

I've been around a group of young people lately that seem totally lost. They don't know they are lost and they don't seem to care. Their lives are filled with drama and crisis, arguments and fake friendships, drinking, drugs and sex. To reach these kids would mean that I would have to be in their world continually, looking for ways to show them God's love, listening without judgment, and willing to invest my life in them but they will not allow me to get that close.

One of these young people lost his job. He is a hard worker, has his own apartment, supports his younger brother, and still parties with the best of them. He is not evil, just misguided and trying to survive his past. He told me, in an unprotected moment, that he is jealous of his sister because she seems to have her life together with God and he would like that. And the moment was gone.

I knew he had a new job but wasn't going to make his rent. He worried about taking care of his brother. He pawned his guitar to buy food but just told me that one does what one has to. He seems different than the others. He remains optimistic that he can work hard and that things will turn out okay even as he is days away from not paying rent.

My husband and I set aside money to help wherever God may lead. It seemed that this was the place. We asked him if we could pay his rent this month and he cried. We told him that the money was set aside for God to use and, so, God must care for him, want a relationship with him and has a plan for his life.

Will this bring him to the Lord? We don't know but I do know that we had the opportunity to show God's love and these kids desperately need to know they are loved. They need hope and light and a vision of how life could be different. They need Jesus.

When I am near them, my heart hurts, my spirit is saddened. But God finds ways to reach into their world to touch their lives and was able to use us this time. We pray that what He allowed us to do with this young man will move him closer to being able to find his true life in Christ.