Down with Goldy

Twins Talk

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:54:00 +0000

Since we unfortunately have a night off from college buckets, and at least one reader is clamoring for Twins roster speculation as seen by the bordering on obsessive comment left earlier today, I'll go ahead and take a look at what some of the rumors out there surrounding the Twins this offseason.

In no particular order, other than the order their names jumped into my head.

- Akinori Iwamura, written about here previously, is no longer an option, seeing as he was traded to Pittsburgh. It's a bit perplexing, because the Pirates aren't going anywhere any time soon, and they had to trade a young semi-promising middle relief prospect in order to pay him $4 million for one year. It's also disappointing because that's cheap as hell for his production and I'd be willing to bet the Twins could have gotten him for like, Armando Gabino (who was plucked away by the Orioles off waivers, by the way). Anyway, it's not happening, so it's time to move on.

- Lovely reader Kate, who was the first one to turn me on to Iwamura, has indeed moved on, and is "literally drooling" over the thought of Adrian Beltre on the Twins (her words, not mine), and we've made no secret of our Beltre love here at DWG before. There is a lot that points to this being a possibility, including this article where mlbtraderumors.com predicts Beltre will end up a Twin, and the fact that he is a Type B free agent means the Twins won't have to give up a draft pick to sign him. The sort of large negative here is that Beltre actually had the Twins on his "no trade clause" list. Beltre had his worst hitting season as a pro and nearly lost a gonad (that's not a joke), but he's still intriguing and would look awfully nice on the hot corner if he is affordable. I'd love to see a 2 year/$5 million per, but I have no idea what the market will be.

- Speaking of the market for 3b, you can go ahead and forget about Chone Figgins, he's going to be the hottest property out there, and there's no chance you're going to see the Twins in a bidding war for him.

- Hell, as long as we're listing people for you to forget about, let's add John Lackey to the list as well. Not only is he a type A - meaning if the Twins were to sign him they would have to give up their first round pick next year, something they would never do, but because he's the top pitcher on the market. That means teams like the Yankees and Red Sox will be after him, and that means that contract will end up being more than the Twins' payroll. So, sorry PA who continually talks up Lackey to the Twins, get your head out of the clouds (and your ass) - it ain't happening. No way, no how.

- One free agent pitcher who does have a shot at winding up here is Rich Harden, an immensely talent yet injury prone pitcher who has only pitched more than 25 games in a season twice in his six years, although one of those was last year. There's no doubt he would be a huge risk, but there's also no doubt he has the talent to be a front of the rotation starter if he stays healthy. I wouldn't invest a lot of money or a lot of years, but if they can get him to sign an incentive-laden deal he could end up being a huge steal.

- As far as other middle infielders go, two names I had heard as possibilities, Marco Scutaro and Placido Polanco, both suddenly got a lot less likely with the announcement that they are both type-A guys. I'm actually glad that's how it shook out for Scutaro, because although I like his multi-positionalness and knowledge of the strike zone, I can't shake the feeling that he's a utility guy who had a career year. I am bummed, however, about Polanco, who I was really hoping the Twins would end up signing to a two or three year deal. This really reduces the odds he ends up here, since I can't see the Twins getting rid of a first round pick to sign a 34-year old for two years. The rule is meant to help smaller market teams, and it works in a lot of cases, but this time the team getting screwed is the small market.

- One guy who was helped by the classification was Mark DeRosa, who, it was thought, would be a type A but ended up a type B, greatley expanding the pool of teams who will be looking at him. The Twins showed some interest in him last season, and I would guess they take another look at him this winter. His numbers absolutely plummeted last year after his trade to the National League, and he's 34 years old with just two seasons better than league average in his career, so I'm inclined to pass.

- Common commenter and former contributor Dawger mentioned that the Twins should look into signing Miguel Tejada. If you ever wonder why we question his baseball (and all sports, really) acumen, this should be all you need to know. Actually, that's a bit harsh. If he can play second base (I don't know the answer to this) and they can get him for a similar deal to the one Crede signed, I guess that would be ok.

- Turning our attention to pitching, the one interesting thing I read is that the Texas Rangers feel they have a surplus of pitching (seriously, the Rangers) and could be looking to move Brandon McCarthy - yes, the same McCarthy who was a failed prospect with the White Sox, but is now starting to look pretty good for Texas. I have no idea what the price would be, and I actually need to do a lot more research on this before I decide if I'm excited or not. For now, color me intrigued with a chance of arousal - just like your mom last time I was at your house.

- As far as free agent pitchers go, outside of Harden the only name I've heard connected to the Twins at all is Jarrod Washburn (and Lackey, if you count jackasses who work for KFAN and are less well informed than my dad when it comes to his computer), and the only other name that has perked my interest a tad was J.J. Putz. Washburn feels like the town strumpet at this point, and has either been with every team or been rumored to be with every team at this point. I'm having a lot of trouble getting even remotely excited about him (unlike Dawger at wrestling practice) and would need to hear a solid argument from someone else. Putz, on the other hand, was bought out by the Mets and so would have no compensation issues, and is just two years removed from being a lights-out closer (and was a good set up guy last year). Again, the market will dictate whether or not the Twins should go after him, but he's worth a look. I like to compare the Twins' bullpen to God - I have no faith.

- Lastly, tell me freaking Melvin Mora doesn't feel like exactly like the kind of guy the Twins would sign to play third. Yuck.

- That's really all I have for free agents, but if you want to take a look at the guys the Twins have exclusive rights to - Pavano, Cabrera, Redmond, Crede, and Mahay - and really the only interesting guy here is Pavano. I'd right stuff, but instead just go here to Nick's Twins blog where he writes a whole lot more than I care or have the abililty to about this Pavano dealie. Under no circumstances should Redmond be resigned, and Mahay is meh. Cabrera has no place here, yet the papers continue to say he could be signed if he would play second solely because he had a nice 15-game stretch and people desperately want to believe in "clutch" - he's as good as gone. Crede is the only other possibility I'd entertain resigning. After yet another year torpedoed by injuries, the market for him is likely to be even lower than last season. Would he sign here for one year, $1 million? $2 million? Seriously, if he would sign for that kind of money he's a no-brainer. Hell, even 2 years at $2 million per year is probably worth it.

- The last thing is trades, and if you are seriously contemplating trading Nathan, Morneau, or Mauer (I'm talking to you anonymous poster) you are dumber than Audrina (although not nearly as hot). None of them should be traded (and I assume the Mauer part is shtick) unless somebody comes up to Billy Smith and seriously blows his skirt up with an offer. Although imagine the offer they could get for Mauer. What if the Rangers offered Neftali Feliz, Justin Smoak, Elvis Andrus, Taylor Teagarden, and Brandon McCarthy? Seriously. You would have to take that. But that's the kind of thing I'm talking about. Other than that, you shouldn't trade any of those three, unless you can somehow get Joakim Soria in some way.

- The very last thing I'll say, is that the Brewers tried to get either Adam Lind or Travis Snider from the Blue Jays or Clay Buchholz from the Red Sox for J.J. Hardy before settling for Carlos Gomez. Wow. That is like trying to get with Lindsay Lohan circa 2004 and ending with this recent trainwrecky and not in a good way version. Also, as I close this post, that reminds me that I mentioned Audrina somewhere up above and as such, this must now happen:

That was her when we left the bar the other night. You all have a nice day.

NCAA Basketball Preview: The Big Ten

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:03:00 +0000

I didn't watch the game, since I couldn't attend and I wasn't going to pay three bucks for that streaming player on bigtennetwork.com (although I'm sure I will on Friday) so I don't have much to say about the shellacking of Moorhead by 2x. If you're looking for game impressions I'm sure From the Barn will have them up shortly (and no doubt there are plenty of threads at the Gopher Hole, although currently they seem to be arguing the pros and cons of Marijuana).

Instead it's time for the final DWG Basketball conference preview (insert sarcastic cheer), our beloved Big Ten. Funny thing is, I've probably spent less time researching this conference than any other, planning on using my remembering and my brain to do a good job. Although somehow that seems super unllkely. What I do know for sure is that this is the deepest and best the Big Ten has been in a while, and the losses of Royce and Mbakwe are not doing the Gophers' any favors. Tough and the top, and tough in the middle, every game is going to be tough, and this year has a good chance to be the first time the conference has been able to knock off the ACC in the Big 10/ACC challenge. Or at least I hope so. Combine that with Ohio State playing in the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament, the Gophers in the 76 classic, Purdue in the Paradise Jam, Illinois in the Vegas Invitational, Michigan in the Old Spice Classic, Wisconsin in the Maui, and Michigan State in the Legends Classic, and we should have a pretty good idea of where the Big 10 stands nationally before we get to December.

1. Michigan State. Pretty much a no-brainer, considering they were the national runner-up last season and are returning everybody of consequence other than Goran Suton, and they have plenty of options to replace his production including two top 100 recruits who are both centers - one of whom is who is even white, but not foreign. The paint is pretty much the only thing close to a weakness here, but with Raymar Morgan back at full strength and Draymond Green and Delvon Roe with a full year under their belts, I don't think it's going to be an issue. I especially expect Roe to explode this season and have a huge year. The backcourt is depressing to even think about, and it sucks for everyone else that Kalin Lucas is back. I still think Chris Allen is terrifying despite a rough year shooting the ball last season, and when he's hot the Spartans are pretty much unbeatable, which, actually, they are even if he's not.

2. Purdue. The "baby boilers" are now juniors, and are getting better. They will count on the same Big 3 (Moore, Hummel, and JaJuan Johnson) to pace them this year once again. Moore was their leading scorer, and Hummel seems to get the most press since everybody is so racist, but Johnson is the man to watch here. "The College KG" has improved each season, and now has a very nice touch on his mid-range jumper to go along with improved ball-handling and an excellent scoring ability in the paint, as well as being a solid rebounder and very good defender. In case you can't tell, I freaking love this guy. If Lewis Jackson can improve his point guard skills, this team will absolutely challenge the Spartans and be a final four contender. More certain than that, however, is Chris Kramer is back once again and he will annoy the crap out of you.

3. Ohio State. The Buckeyes lose just B.J. Mullens from last year (oh no!!), and get nobody new after no signings this offseason. Well, they kind of get somebody new, because David Lighty returns from an injury that kept him out almost all of last season. Ohio State made the tournament last year without him (and lost to Siena in one of the more entertaining games of the tourny), and is going to make some noise this year. Evan Turner is ridiculous as an all-around player (as shown by his triple-double last night), and this year will be playing a true point guard rather than the point swingman role he played last year, hopefully relegating super douche P.J. Hill to the bench. Lighty and even sophomore swingman William Buford have similar all-around games, and this team is going to look a lot like a Memphis team this season.

4. Michigan. The Wolverines also lose essentially nobody off a team that made the NCAA Tournament last year, and return maybe the best overall player in the conference in Manny Harris, who I really wish had gone pro. He and DeShawn Sims give Michigan a hell of a nice inside/outside combination, and Beilein finally has a few shooters around to help run his "chuck up every three you see" offense, including Zack Novak, who you probably remember destroying the Gophers in Ann Arbor last season. Stunningly, he won the Wolverines' dunk contest at their midnight madness thing, which is weird because I don't remember him being particularly athletic. The biggest key to their season might be at the point, where Beilein hands the keys over to freshman Darius Morris, a top 100 recruit who played well in the team's exhibition game.

5. Minnesota. I could see the Gophers any where from third to sixth, but with the unknown future of both Royce White and Trevor Mbakwe, I just can't see putting them above fifth right now. Al Nolen needs to become an offensive weapon (or at least a minor threat) for this team to go too far this year, unless Justin Cobbs can take his job. We rag on Nolen a lot, but you have to also remember that he is an absolute lock-down defender, and he really does take care of the ball very well. If he can learn to hit a jumper (see: Eric Harris), all the other pieces are there for a nice run. Or at least I like to believe so. It's weird being optimistic. I've never done this before. I feel like a homer. Am I being a homer?

6. Northwestern. An NCAA tournament berth for Northwestern? Yep, I'm calling it. Don't forget how close they were last year, blowing games against Illinois and Purdue, losing a ton of other winnable games, and beating Michigan State in Lansing. They lose just Craig Moore off last year's team, and how hard can it be to replace a guy who stands on the perimeter and just shoots threes? Coble is awkward, ugly, uncomfortable, and gangly, but it works and he is back again. If he ends up leading the Wildcats in scoring again he'll pull off the rare "lead your team in scoring all four years." Of course, Lavell Blanchard did the same thing at Michigan, so, well, there you go. I've been expecting big things out of Michael Thompson the last two years, maybe he finally puts it all together this year. And that combination Princeton offense/1-3-1 zone can catch anybody off guard at any time. They play Butler November 18th and Notre Dame November 27th, so we should know what to expect after that.

7. Illinois. I may be underrating Illinois, at least one preview I saw had them as high as fourth, but I just don't like this team. Mike Davis and Mike Tisdale ARE the front court - there's nothing behind them, and the guard situation is pretty unsettled. McCamey puts up ok numbers, but he's going to have to play the point with Chester Frazier gone to graduation, and Alex Legion was pretty underwhelming as a transfer from Kentucky. They have two very highly regarded guards coming in - D.J. Richardson (Rivals #38) and Brandon Paul (#42) but they are both scoring types, not point men. The Illini will have talent, there's no doubt, but I think the loss of Frazier and Trent Meachem puts them into a situation that could implode in a very bad way. That being said, if McCamey can run the point and Richardson is as good as some say he is, they very well could end up towards the top of the conference.

8. Wisconsin. Ha ha, you guys suck. I hate to ever count the Badgers out, since they have a knack for hanging around every time you dismiss them, but this year is going to be tough. Trevon Hughes and Jason Bohannon form a decent backcourt, but unless Hughes becomes Chris Paul and Jon Leuer becomes Keith Van Horn, I don't see the Badgers making the NCAA Tournament this year. That being said, that dingleberry Bo Ryan has his team once again loaded with the slow, big, white, unathletic, hustling nerds he likes, and he's made it work before, but this might be the toughest year yet.

9. Penn State. If the Nittany Lions had any plans on making it back to the NCAA Tournament, last season was the year, but I guess an NIT Championship will have to do. Talor Battle is back, and is absolutely one of the best guards in the league, but all his running mates are gone and I don't know who can step in. They had a couple of forwards, David Jackson and Andrew Jones, who really played well during the NIT last year. If one (or both) of those two plays like they did in March, or one of a handful of three-star freshmen can help Battle out, I suppose they could make some noise. I'm mostly looking forward to the game where Battle scores 40 and the Lions knock off a ranked team, because you know it will happen - I just hope it isn't Minnesota.

10. Indiana. It's still going to be a while for the Hoosiers to get back to the top of the conference, but this is a killer recruiting class and should get them moving in the right direction, as well as reducing the blowouts from last season. Five recruits ranked in Rivals top 112 are highlighted by SF Christian Watford (#41), who put up 19 and 11 in their exhibition opener. The Hoosiers are still going to be pretty weak in the front court, but the backcourt should be better, which means less of little nerd boy Matt Roth. Although midwestern folk love the scrappy, undersized, home town, walk-on types, so he'll probably sneak his way into the rotation one way or another.

11. Iowa. I am struggling for anything good to say about the Hawkeyes this year. Anthony Tucker, assuming his supsensions are behind him, and Matt Gatens are quality players, but everybody else is gone, and the rumor is at least some of it has to do with the extremely boring style of play coached by Lickliter. The Hawkeyes finished 341st in Division I in temp out of 344 teams, and if you watched any of their games you know how slow and boring they truly were. With that style and less talent, I'm sure they'll end up beating somebody at some point, but I know I won't be watching.

And there you have it. Season really gets going Friday. Can't wait.

Other Previews
Conference USA
Atlantic 10
Mountain West
Atlantic Coast
Big Twelve
Big East
SEC
Pac 10

Week in Review - 11/9/09

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:15:00 +0000

I'm not going to write about Cuddyer here. If you missed it, the Twins picked up his option and are going to pay him $10.5 million in 2011. They had to make the decision by today, and I understand why they picked it up rather than paying a $1 million buy-out, but are you really confident he will be worth $11 million in two years? Last year was a career year, and according to fangraphs that season was only worth $8.8 million on the open market, so we're expecting him to get better? The smart move would have been to buy him out, then try to resign him for like 3 years/$18 million or so. If some fool team wants to pay him $10 million a season, shake his hand, congratulate him on finding someone willing to overpay him, wish him luck, and move on.

Well, I guess I lied. I did end up writing about Cuddyer, even though I said I didn't, but at least he didn't get one of the coveted ten spots below. Mainly because although I don't think it was the right move, I don't think it was awful, either. Although I have a feeling our very own I Hate Cuddy Guy might show up here pretty soon with some less than flattering words. On to the stuff......

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Chris Paul. Is Paul the next Magic Johnson? Of course not, idiot. Magic was a once in history type player, but that doesn't mean Chris Paul isn't really damn good and the best point guard in the league right now. He's scoring (26.6 per game, 7th in the league), assisting (9.7 per game, 3rd), and shooting (62% from the floor and 68% from three, 7th and 2nd) and generally playing out of his mind right now. None of this should come as a huge surprise, since he was so good and showed so much potential in college, but these things don't always work out so it's good to take note of it when it does. Unfortunately for him and basketball fans, the rest of his team completely sucks.

2. Cincinnati Bengals. Before the year started, some genius wrote "This is the team that I think will surprise. Carson is back, and coming with him will be Ochocinco who is "revitalized" which really just means he's a bitchy little whiner who wouldn't try last year because they sucked and now everyone thinks they will be good again so he will be good again - and I agree. Plus the defense isn't half bad, actually, at least not as bad as you think. Playoffs, baby. Believe." Now, following a shellacking of the Ravens that doesn't look as dominant as it was because it was just 17-7, whoever that handsome fella who wrote that looks even smarter than usual, and that's tough to do.

3. Josh Freeman. I have a theory. My theory is that Steve McNair is alive and Josh Freeman is actually dead, but due to some kind of conspiracy and a Face/Off style surgery, McNair is living and playing as Freeman. Seriously, this kid throws like him, runs like him, carries himself like him, and, at least yesterday, was cool under pressure like him after leading the formerly hapless Buccaneers to a big 38-28 win over the Packers (which also essentially wrapped up the division for the Vikes). It was Freeman's first start, and he started kind of slow, and his numbers aren't particularly impressive (but better than that piece of crap Aaron Rodgers's), but he threw two touchdown passes in the fourth quarter, made smart plays down the stretch while Rodgers was melting down, and led the Bucs to their first victory of the season. I don't know if he'll ever put up huge numbers and be a a big-time fantasy QB or anything, but if I'm a Tampa fan, I'm suddenly feeling a lot better about the future.

4. Russell Westbrook. When the Sonics picked Westbrook fourth overall a couple of years ago I was like "lol wut?" Westbrook wasn't a true point guard, and wasn't a great outside shooter, so I wasn't sure exactly what role he would play in the NBA. Luckily for him, I'm an idiot, and after a great rookie year in which he finished fourth in ROY voting, he is following it up this year by becoming one of the best all-around guards in the league, averaging 18 points, 8 assists, and 5 rebounds per game. Oh, and also yesterday he had 17-5-10 as the Thunder destroyed the Magic 102-74 (Orlando was without Vince, Rashard Lewis, and Ryan Anderson, but still, that's a good win).

5. College Basketball. It's back, baby. The Gophers might be playing an exhibition tonight, but there are four real, actual games tonight with the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament kicking off the season. North Carolina, Ohio State, Syracuse, and Cal all have what should be pretty easy matchups, but there's some intrigue anyway. UNC plays FIU in Isiah Thomas's coaching debut (more on him below), and Syracuse plays Albany in their first game action since their loss to LeMoyne (more on that below also). That's all just a prelude to Friday and the real start of the season, with 252 teams in action that night. Awesome, as it is every year.

WHO SUCKED

1. Iowa Football. Never has it been easier to pick someone for this spot, and never has it felt better. Not so much that I hate Iowa, I probably don't as much as most Gopher fans do, but I'm just glad the Hawkeyes aren't going to somehow back in to the BCS Championship game thanks to a Texas loss in the B12 championship game or something and get blown right off the field and once again set up a series of articles about how bad the Big 10 is at football. I mean, they are, but I get sick of reading about it. So thank you Iowa, and thank you Northwestern. There is now zero chance we have to watch another Big Ten team get killed in the championship, and instead we can watch them get killed in all the other bowls, and with Penn State losing to OSU, we can be assured whoever ends up in the Rose Bowl by default will lose by at least 30 to ~~Oregon~~. [Let's make this USC since I just found out Oregon lost to Stanford]

2. Syracuse Basketball. LeMoyne?? If you pay attention to sports, you are no doubt already completely aware of the fact that the Cuse lost to D-II LeMoyne thanks to a last second three pointer by some guy whose dream just came true Tuesday night. I'd love to join the pile one, but come on. For Syracuse it's a glorified scrimmage, for LeMoyne - just three miles down the road from the Carrier Dome - it's the Super Bowl/World Series/NCAA Championship all in one, not to mention a chance for these players to stick it to Boeheim and the Orange for not recruiting them. I mean, I'm pretty sure Syracuse will suck this year, but it has nothing to do with a loss to LeMoyne.

3. Corey Brewer. Ok, I'm sorry but this guy just can't shoot the ball. I got called out (and called "bro") for being worried about his 37% shooting in the preseason in the comments section of this post, but it looks like I was right - he's shooting 38% so far this year, including games of 6-21, 6-16, 4-10, and 4-9 this week. Now, sucks is kind of strong, because Brewer absolutely serves a valuable function on this team, and is a definite starter thanks to other things he can do like defense, rebounding, and just overall being around the ball, but he's not a prolific scorer, and shouldn't be a featured part of any offense. Of course, with Love out and Jefferson having a terrible season so far, maybe the Wolves don't have a choice, and that my friends, surely sucks.

4. New Jersey. Good god is this team awful. Actually losing to the Wolves should have been a pretty big tipoff, but now the Nets sit at 0-7 after a really stellar 0-4 week, their best player, Devin Harris, is injured, they're in the bottom two in the league in both scoring and shooting, Courtney Lee his shooting 31%, their suddenly promising young player, Chris Douglas-Roberts, now has the swine flu, and Trenton Hassell has become prominently involved. Things are not going well. I know the plan was basically to ignore this season and clear room to go after Lebron in the offseason, but I think they cleared the teamout a bit too well. Seriously, if Lebron signs here (or anybody else) he's pretty clearly effed in the head.

5. FIU/Isiah Thomas - Seemed like everything was going well for Isiah at FIU, right? First, he signed a pack of Juco guards, including three good scorers who immediately shore up an offense that is losing almost all of it's scoring. Then he uses his national stature to grab a couple of good recruits, including a shocker in getting Dominique Ferguson, Rivals #40 recruit who chose the Panthers despite offers from Arizona and Kentucky. All is well, right? Well, turns out you also have to coach, and instead of a triumphant debut, Isiah watched his team lose to Northwood in an exhibition, the same Northwood that is an NAIA school. Oops. And I realize nobody really cares, and neither do I, but this gives me a great excuse to post this video, which might be the greatest thing ever.

Is that not the greatest thing ever? No preview for the Gopher exhibition because yawn and also because real basketball starts tonight. Also file away in the "sucks" column the fact that I realized yesterday due to previous engagements and business travel/events, I won't be able to attend another Gopher game until December. Thanks a lot, life. You suck.

Dinocroc = Johnny Lawrence? (Live Movie Blog)

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:38:00 +0000

Next up on your live movie blog excitement is a little ditty called "Dinocroc" brought to you by the same jackasses you brought you "Supergator", or as I like to call it, Super Gay.....tor. It's funny because it's a gay joke. Oh relax. Anyway, our synopsis is "Several townspeople step forward to save their community form the jaws of a prehistoric reptile." Sounds a lot like Lake Placid, which was good. Somehow I doubt this will be. On to the fun.......

- We're in Australia, and right away there's some crocodile dundee dressed guy hunting crocs. I can only assume this is a bad sign. Although on the other hand, he just got eaten. Things are looking up.

- God, nothing makes my balls shrivel up and bile rise in my throat like seeing that "Roger Corman Productions" banner show up. I ran this down for you in the Supergator live blog, but as a refresher, "it was produced by Roger Corman, who is notorious for shoveling out horrible movies. He's produced 386 movies according to IMBD, and other than Piranha, not a single one is a good movie (unless I missed one). Most of these have names like "Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women", "800 Leagues Down the Amazon", and "Dino Croc" (although I might have to try to find this one), as well as the god awful Carnosaur series and like nine Bloodfist movies. I do like the cheesy movies, but this guy is pretty much always a failure." Alright! Who's fired up now?

- Now we're heading into a genetics laboratory, who I assume will be at fault for creating a giant croc that wreaks havoc on the community before it is saved by Costas Mandylor. Poor Science. These movies always do two things: mangle any scientific fact they try to bring into play and blame careless scientists for creating monsters. Oh yeah, well if you can't keep your facts straight, maybe you are the careless one! Maybe all these deaths are on you! I don't want....your life!

- Oh snap! One of the genetically engineered baby crocs killed the other! Now the main science lady is in their lair or whatever investigating what's going on. Do you think she shut the door? Or do you think she left it open, is about to get killed, and the dinocroc will escape? Before you guess, I want you to keep in mind that the "baby" dinocrocs are already about 10 feet long, and she went in their pen with a tazer and a pen. Now you guess.

- Here's the plan to get the croc back: feed it at the same place and same time every night until they can capture it. I don't get it. If you know where it is enough to feed it, then just capture it. It's only 10 feet long right now, but "grows at an incredible rate." And their "bait" is a dog. So they're going to chain the dog to a post in some random area of the swamp (NOTE: There's always a swamp) and just assume dinocroc will show? Except now the jackass let the dog run away, and dinocroc actually did show up. To eat the guy. So I guess this plan is going flawlessly.

- I think that's Jamie Walters playing the main dude in this. Nope, looked it up, it's some guy who isn't anybody, but looks just like Jamie Walters. So that's what we are going to call him. He's the male lead, and the female lead is some chick who is a Veterinarian. Right now they are looking for a lost dog with three legs - the very same dog who was almost bait for the Dinocroc! What an incredible twist!

- Some 100 year old dude is tracking the Dinocroc using sonar and what not, and he's got a bead on him. I also have no idea who this guy is or where he came from, I guess I missed that part

- Vet girl and Vinnie from Blossom are now playfully splashing each other with swamp/lake water - you know, because that's what people do - completely oblivious that the Dinocroc is stalking them. Luckily, crotchety old man in the boat knows it, and he essentially rams them to get them out of the water. No sign of the croc. So basically absolutely nothing happens in this scene.

- Turns out the old guy is affiliated with the genetics company that created these crocs in the first place. And now he's taken the two leads to their lab, getting them into the restricted access area, spilling their company secrets, and basically telling them about every skeleton in this company's closet. Why? Because they were in the water when the croc was around, of course. Seriously, I have no idea. This is like, a vet and a construction worker, there's no reason at all to even bring them into the fold, especially since they weren't even aware there was a large crocodilian on the loose in their area. I'm SHOCKED that this movie isn't making any logical sense.

- Ok, I guess they are the local animal control officer and reptile expert. Makes a little more sense, but just a little. They've also brought in the "Quint" guy now. You know, the badass, tough as nails, manly man who is an expert at killer crocs. Yeah, he's here now.

- Obligatory scene with drunk rednecks going hunting illegally on a game park reserve in the middle of the night ($20 says Super Sioux Fan has done this). The both got eaten in super undramatic and lame fashion, and all we ever see of the dinocroc so far is an obviously computer generated flash of it's tail. Building suspense like Jaws did, or too cheap a budget to show it's title monster? You decide, but let me tell you there was more suspense for the second half of the gopher/bulldog basketball game than I'm feeling right now. More sexual tension, too. These two leads are terrible.

- I just looked them up, and neither lead actor had done much before, and niether has done much since. Basically this was their one shot at glory, and they failed. Like Darius Washington.

- So I've been doing a lot of thinking about fantasy college basketball, and I think I might just go with Varnado as the #1 pick (although I'm trying to trade draft slots to get to 3rd or 4th). He's the player that would be the most fun, and if he continues to improve like he has been he'll be a super stud. But then again, you can't win your league in the first round, but you can lose it so I should just go Harangody since he is a sure thing and will be the offensive focal point for that team. I just hope somebody trades draft spots with me so I don't have to worry about it.

- Ok, there it is. It's big and, just like the Super Gator, is some kind of cross between a croc and a T-Rex, and loves to roar, even more than your average shark. Actually, I think this is basically the exact same movie as Super Gator. Except this time it's a croc, and last time was an alligator. Nice job, Corman, keep beating that horse.

- $11 million for Cuddy? LO-mother effing-L.

- The swamp from before is now a lake, and a lake where billions of people have shown up to ski and boogie board and whatever else you young people like to do. I understand that this suddenly makes a lot more deaths possible, and there are suddenly bikinis involved, but I'd at least like an explanation - even a half-assed one.

- Fake Quint just dove in the water to try to "flush it out", speaking about the Dinocroc that has been surface feeding on swimmers like a largemouth on a hula popper for the last ten minutes. I don't know that this plan makes much sense. Maybe he's planning to wrestle it to death under water.

- Well now the old guy just fell in the water. And not because the boat was rammed or anything that made sense, just because he was old apparently. I don't know, I guess his hip failed or something.

- Hm. Now the media swarms have decended on that genetics company in order to demand answers about the deaths, which is weird because we haven't seen anything about a leak to the media and the only people who have seen that this thing is some sort of mutant are either on the genetics company's side or dead. In other word's, other than their weird old dude getting eaten, there's no reason to connect this to the company. Especially since they are in Florida, and everything actually points to this just being a crocodile with a taste for human flesh. This movie is really giving Occam's Razor the finger.

- Let's see, the Sheriff wants to go after the croc with "all the firepower we have", while the "good guys" want to use carbon monoxide. I swear I'm not making that up. Boggles the mind.

- OMG, one of the guys who wrote this also wrote Suger Gator, so not only is this the identical movie, it was written by the same guy who somehow now got two paychecks. Also they just found Steve from Full House's kids bike all mangled. I remember seeing the croc going after that kid while he was looking for his dog, which somehow has gone on for like three days now, but honestly I can't remember if it killed him or not. I would assume no, since generally movies don't kill little kids - other than It and Pay it Forward - but that dad guy sure thinks so and he just jumped on his badass moped and drove off by himself, I assume to go after the Dinocroc by himself. Always a good idea.

- Nope, I'm wrong. He went to the bar instead and ordered "a bottle of anything." Just went up a few notches in my book.

- By the way, we started going through season one of True Blood again, just because we are getting antsy for season two and my crush for Anna Paquin continues to grow. You need to do a google search to get to the really good stuff, but for now this will have to do:

- In news almost as awesome as Anna Paquin's breasts, Lance Stephenson is officially eligible for Cincinnati. You can expect to see the Bearcats in the top 10 at some point this year, along with a ton of articles about what a "shocker" it is. Guess what? I'm telling you now, it's no shocker. That team will be a contender to win the Big East.

- So that guy who thinks his kid is dead even though he probably isn't is having a good cry in his bed, and this like super sad music is playing in the background. I bet anything the director and Mike Seaver thought that this would be a super powerful scene and we would all cry and it would be like The Notebook and shit. It's not. But on the bright side for that guy that chick felt bad and crawled into bed with him and just put his hand on her boob. I know that would cheer me up. Good job that chick. Meanwhile this is all interspersed with shots of the sheriff's guys getting taken down one-by-one by Dinocroc. It's very much like the Karate Kid, if Daniel-san was the croc and the Cobra Kai was the sheriff and his dorky minions.

- The sheriff, aka Sensei, lost five men last night, and now he wants to try their carbon monoxide plan to kill the croc. Also Vinny wants us to know he's "In" and he wants to killl "that fucker." Cue montage scene. Did I or did I not tell you this was like the Karate Kid. Except the good guys are now the good guys and I guess the croc is now the Cobra Kai. He did strike hard. He did strike first. And he had no mercy. He also made them "get him a body bag" several times. This analogy is awesome.

- I ran the numbers and using our scoring system Harangody outscored the next closest guy (Varnado) by six points per game last year. There i sno way I can pass that up, and I'm stupid for even trying to trade out of that spot. So nevermind. I get to have Harangody. Yeah.

- Pretty sure fake Quint is wearing a cowboy hat and a stocking cap. And also they are using live dogs as bait for the croc. That's awesome. People should do that in real life, and I'll tell you why: dogs suck. It's a fact. The only dog ever worth a damn was Snake's dog Tippy, who was great but then went completely psycho when Mrs. Snake popped out their first kid. So dogs are stupid. Sorry Bogart. I like Bender and all, but dogs suck.

- The sheriff is arresting that chick and that dude because they object to using the dogs as bait. Frickin' liberal hippies. And I think the sheriff just said "chum boat." I would rewind to check, but I don't really want to know if I'm wrong.

- Yep, it's a chum boat. They have a chum boat. Awesome. I've always kind of wanted to drive the boat around at my parents' cabin and chum. I don't know that it would accomplish anything, but if there's any monsters lurking, we'd find them. And it can't hurt the fishing, you know?

- Something just happened and the two main characters escaped from the truck where they were being held. Yep, they were being held in a truck. And now they have somehow acquired blow torch and are using it to melt the handcuffs off each other. Again, I swear I'm not making this up.

- We watched some movie called "It's Alive" the another night. Probably the worst movie ever. And I've watched A LOT of bad movies.

- Holy sweet christ does Taylor Swift look gorgeous with dark hair. Wow. Watch Saturday Night Live. She goes from cute to absolutely amazing. Trust. (note: we switched over to SNL. You probably figured that out. I'll get back to the movie, I promise.) Also, am I gay if I like that song of hers about how "you belong with me?" Big fan.

- Ok, back to the movie. I can't remember what is supposed to be happening, but I just saw some really shitty cgi of a large tail which no doubt means Dinocroc is on the movie. Make your time.

- Those two dorks are using their gay little blowtorch to free the dogs and melt their chains so they get free. Forget for a minute that I doubt a handheld blowtorch can reach the melting point of steal, you're being chased by a crocodile/T-Rex hybrid - give up the dogs and just run, morons.

- that dudes little five volt blowtorch is apparently enough to keep dinocroc at bay. Conslusion: Dinocroc is a pussy. Or, alternatively, a shitty little blowtorch = the crane kick, if we want to torture that analogy a bit more.

- Vokda + Diet Coke + lime juice = $

- What happened? there was a bunch of noise and people staring, and then we faded to black, and now apparently it's all over. Sheriff claims he killed the thinger, but we saw nothing of the climax. Normally I'd say we are waiting on a plot twist, but a movie this shitty could very well go ahead and not actually show anything of the climactic battle/fight/dumb crap.

- By the way, fake Quint didn't do shit and was kind of a pussy the whole movie. Although we have 15 minutes left right now. Still time for redemption. Also did you know Michael Cuddyer will make $11 million in 2011? That's hilarious.

- They're making a Dinocroc vs. Supergator movie called "Volcanic" which is already in post-production and stars David Carradine. Yes, the guy who killed himself accidentally because of the whole auto-erotic aphisxiation thing. Also in a related note I can't spell asphixiation.

- Oh, it's still alive. And Mrs. W wants you to know it "looks like a doll. Like somebody is standing there going rawr rawr rawr. This needs to end. Like ASAP." She is not amused. I think she wants to get back to the Taylor Swift thing because I think she has a little crush on her. So, Taylor, if you're out there: both me and the missus have a thing for you. Call me.

- This thing hates fire as if it was Frankenstein's monster - not Frankenstein, though. If you ever hear anybody called the monster "Frankenstein" you would be well served by knifing them in the kidney - and they would be better off as well.

- Do you want to know how this movie ended? No, you don't. I'm going to tell you anyway. The Dinocroc got run over by a train. A locomotive, if you will. But it wasn't quite dead, so Pacey stabbed it in the eyeball. That's going to make it tough to come back for Suepr Gator vs. Dino Croc, but I guess Super Gator got blown up by a volcano, so anything is possible. It's like heaven for retards.

- So I guess that kid did die. That's kind of weird.

- Jesus. Right at the very end, before roll credits, the dinocroc walks across the screen and roars. But they just showed it all dead and crap. How is that possible? I guess it's not that hard to come back for the sequel when you're a zombie Dinocroc. Whatever. I've seen worse. Also I'm not sure that "like heaven for retards" joke made sense above, but I'm going to leave it in because it makes me laugh. Like your face.

- I was going to be all done here, but I just uploaded that picture of the movie poster and I noticed it says "It feeds on fear." No it doesn't. It feeds on mostly humans, and a few dogs. Also, in order to feed on fear, you need to actually show up. This stupid thing was on screen like, one minute total of the whole movie. I wasn't afraid of it, I just wanted to see it. That movie poster makes me angry. I'm now going to do nothing.

BREAKING: Bye-Bye Gomez

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:07:00 +0000

Just heard on KFAN that the Twins traded Carlos Gomez to the Brewers for SS J.J. Hardy, who the Sidler actually advocated for last year.

I haven't found a link yet. I will post it when I find one.

Here it is. Still kind of sorting out my thoughts on this, will post more later.

NCAA Basketball Preview: The Pac 10

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:16:00 +0000

You know what I really dig about this conference, other than the beautiful weather and smoking hot chicks, is that every team is paired up with another from the same area, and they always play the same teams in the same week. You have UCLA/USC, Arizona/Arizona St, Washington/Wash St., Oregon/Oregon St., and Cal/Stanford, and they always travel together. So like UCLA would play Arizona on a Thursday and Arizona State on a Saturday, while USC would play Ariz State on the Thursday and Arizona on Saturday. I don't know why, but I find that very cool and interesting. Probably because I'm a nerd.

With all the Gopher news, the Gopher game, and the World Series going on this week, not to mention my award-winning interview with Larry and Magic, I haven't had a whole lot of research time, so this will be shorter than usual. And let's be honest, nobody reads my previews anyway. I could post bible verses for each team's synopsis and it would go unnoticed unless somebody was searching for "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live", but that person would have plenty of other problems anyway.

1. Washington. I've been waiting for this team to make a big leap for a few years now, and with the Pac down overall this might be the year they finally pull it off. The loss of Jon Brockman to graduation leaves them with a huge hole in the paint, but their guards should be top notch with Rivals #13 Abdul Gaddy joining sophomore Isaiah Thomas. I'm a huge Quincy Pondexter, mainly because he has a funny name, but with those two distributing the ball he should be poised for a breakout year.

2. California. Completely unheralded, but with a very solid backcourt with Jerome Randle the penetrator/scorer/distributor and Patrick Christopher the shooter - both were all Pac-10 last season. PF Jamal Boykin may be the key to them being an NCAA Tournament contender as opposed to just an NCAA Tournament team again. He was a big time recruit who had signed on with Duke before transferring to Berkeley. He hasn't exactly lived up to his potential, but he has improved every season thus far. Now in his senior year, it's his last chance to shine.

3. UCLA. In terms of scoring and minutes returning, there's not much, and some communist is their leading returner in both. In terms of talent, there's plenty here. Four top 100 recruits this year join four top 50s from last year. In other words, they are probably going to be very good, but also very inconsistent. They also needed a three pointer with 16 seconds left to beat an NAIA school earlier this week in an exhibition, so looks like they're starting slow, but should be pretty solid by midseason or so.

4. Oregon State. Not a misprint. The Beavers should be pretty decent this year, but I've never heard of a single player on that team, assuming Wes Washington and Corey Benjamin are gone. I know that was years ago but come on, Vasquez is still on Maryland and I'm pretty sure his freshman year begin with 19. They play the Princeton style offense. Yawn.

5. Arizona. It was looking even worse for the Wildcats this year, but Sean Miller made some very big freshman signings in the late signing period, and it will be up to those freshmen how good Arizona will be this year. They could be first, they could be 8th, but fifth sounds right. Nic Wise could easily end up leading the conference in both scoring and assists.

6. Oregon. The Ducks lost 23 games last year, in no small part because their point guard, Earl Boykins wannabe Tajuan Porter, shouldn't be a point guard, what with his more turnovers than assists - and just 1.8 assists per game and his aggressive shooting (7th in the conference in FG attempts despite under 40% shooting). The good news is they are supposed to have some JuCo point guard who can come in and run the show. Even so, Porter will need to avoid the 6-15 type nights that popped up regularly last year.

7. USC. The Trojans lost three players to the NBA draft and, amidst scandal, lost nearly every recruit they signed this offseason, but there is still some talent here. They get their top scorer back in guard Dwight Lewis, who outscored Taj Gibson, Demar Derozan, and Daniel Hackett last season, as well as Marcus Johnson, a transfer from UCONN. Power forwad Alex Stepheson was a top fifty player when he signed with North Carolina in 2006 and a minor contributor on the team before deciding to transfer back to L.A. to be closer to his family. On a team this thin, he'll have every opportunity to justify that rank.

8. Washington State. The cougars crazy run of boring everybody to tears and winning when the other team fell asleep should finally come to an end, with three starters and major contributors leaving as well as captain boring Tony Bennett leaving for Virginia. I did read somewhere that Klay Thompson is projected to be the best NBAer currently in the Pac 10, so if you have a chance to catch one of their games it sounds like that would be a good time.

9. Arizona State. I just read something that picked the Sun Devils as fourth in the Pac and I gotta tell ya I don't get it. Losing James Harden and Jeff Pendergaph is a huge blow, especially to a team with a so-so recruiting class coming in. Their only double-digit scorer coming back, Rihards Kuksiks, is a three point sniper who led the conference in made 3s while shooting 44%. The only problem is that 80% of his attempts last year were from behind the arc, and you know what helps get open three point looks? Playing with James Harden and Jeff Pendergraph. I don't know man, I just don't see it.

10. Stanford. I've always hated this program, I still hate this program, and I hope they stay in last place forever.

Other Previews
Conference USA
Atlantic 10
Mountain West
Atlantic Coast
Big Twelve
Big East
SEC

Well that was pretty worthless

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:37:00 +0000

The Gophers beat UMD 114-47 last night, and UMD was so bad that there really isn't much you can take from this game. The Bulldogs' offense was plagued with airballs (32% shooting) and turnovers (28 total) all night, so it's tempting to say the Gopher defense was great, but I just think UMD was so overmatched that it wasn't really fair, and it's tough to give the Gophers too much credit. I will say that they did look good, and that's about it.

Rodney Williams had a monster dunk at the end of the first half which was definitely the highlight of the game, and confirms the insane athleticism he has. More impressive to me though was the two three-ponters he knocked down. My worry was that he was just an athlete and would end up being a bit of a project, but if he has an oustide game he can be a big part of this team immediately.

My biggest concern was how little Justin Cobbs played - just 14 minutes. Now, Westbrook only played 16, but I assume that was because Tubby knows what he has with him. I'm still expecting Cobbs to start by the end of the year - he did look good when he was in, but I was surprised to see Joseph come in and play the point when Nolen was on the bench.

There is more you could point out, such as Colt and Sampson looking more polished or DJ's incredible all around game (16 pts, 10 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 blocks, 7 steals) but I can't put a whole lot of stock in that based on the opponent, and I don't think it will be much better on Monday against Moorhead. Hopefully the regular season gets here soon.

Gopher Basketball is finally here

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:52:00 +0000

Perfect timing. With baseball season ending, it is time to turn to college basketball and the Gophers start tonight in a preseason exhibition against the hated Bulldogs of UMD.

The team has certainly been in the news lately, and for all the wrong reasons, but now it's time to hit the court and I can't wait, although my excitement is a bit tempered because the two guys I really wanted to see play are both suspended/being held out of games. However you want to word it, it sucks. But there is still plenty to look at tonight

- Ralph Sampson. Tonight begins his march towards All-American status. Reports are that he is in incredible shape and has put on quite a few pounds of muscle, as well as that his mid-range jumper is coming along nicely. He had some nice post moves last year, although unpolished, and if he's spent the time working on his offensive game could be an incredible inside/outside weapon.

- Colt Iverson. What's his role? Offensive weapon? Defensive stopper? Big time rebounder? Warm body?

- Lawrence Westbrook. L-Dub was a big-time weapon at times last year, but had a tendency to disappear just as often when he was needed. It will be tough to tell from one game against a lesser opponent, but he needs to be focused all season, every game.

- Al Nolen. Excellent defender, good at taking care of the ball, not an offensive threat whatsoever and it sounds like he still might not have found a jumpshot. If he can't keep defenses honest from the perimeter, when does he become more of a liability than a weapon?

- Justin Cobbs. It sounds like Cobbs can shoot it, based on his runner-up finish in the three-point contest. What about the rest of his game? With Mbakwe and White out, he becomes the new guy I'm most interested in.

- Rodney Williams. But I didn't forget about Rodney. No question he's an incredible athlete, what about the rest of his game?

- Blake Hoffarber. Is his shot back?

- Devoe Joseph. Now that he doesn't have to worry about playing the point, how high can he go with his offensive game? We got a taste a couple of times last year, now back at his natural position what is the limit?

- Damian Johnson. Has the offensive game caught up with the rest of him, not that it would need to for him to be the team MVP.

- Paul Carter. He becomes even more important with those two clowns not playing, and the reports are he will be much improved this year.

- Team nerd. With both Travis Busch and Kevin Payton gone, who fills the role of the team nerd? You know, the guy who stands at the end of the line for intros and does the weird handshakes and jumping butt bumps or whatever you call that thing people do? Since I'm going to the bar before the game, I'm guessing I'm going to miss this part. Bummer. My money is on Cobbs, dark horse Joseph.

- The Team. How do they react to all that's gone on this week? Come out focused and destroy UMD, or wander around going through the motions?

So you see, despite it being a meaningless game, there is plenty here to look at. I don't have the time nor inclination to do a preview of the Bulldogs, but if that's your sort of thing the esteemed blog From the Barn has done the research.

God Damn It.

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:55:00 +0000

I hate the Yankees so much. I can't even believe I thought I hated the Red Sox as much as I hated them. Not even close.

Pretty much the only saving grace tonight is Mrs. W thinks Chase Utley is hot. That makes two of us, my dear, that makes two of us. I believe the quote was, "he looks like Jess from Gilmore Girls." Sadly, I know what that means.

This is the first time I've ever approved of one of her crush's more other than that one time she liked me.

Also I just want to say Cohutta is the fuckin' man. I love that bumpkin.

Fantasy College Basketball Update

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:31:00 +0000

Ok, I have some more details about this Fantasy College Basketball League I'm going to be in. We are going to be using the six main conferences (Big Ten, Pac 10, SEC, ACC, Big 12, and Big East - suck it, A-10), and a few other teams (Butler, BYU, Creighton, Dayton, Gonzaga, Memphis, Nevada, Siena, Tulsa, and Xavier).

Scoring is:

1 pt per point scored
2 pts per assist
1 pt per rebound
3 pts per steal
3 pts per block
-2 pts per turnover

And we start 2 centers, 4 forwards, and 4 guards, with a total roster size of 16, and weekly games (so if someobdy is playing 2 games in a week and someone else is only playing 1, you would play the 2 game guy). We don't start until December 14th, but the draft is going to be taking place soon and it's a slow draft, like a pick or two per day kind of thing.

We roll some internet dice thing for draft pick, with highest going first, and with about half of the league (12 members) having rolled I'm sitting at 90 right now - currently the #1 pick.

I think the real key here is the 3 points per steal and per block. It's easy to focus on the main three stats, and actually the only fantasy college preview I've found does just that, but that is a lot of points for playing defense.

For example, last year Damian Johnson would have averaged 28 points per game, despite just 10 points and 4 rebounds per game. A guy like Seton Hall's Jeremy Hazell, who was tenth nationally in scoring at 23 per game and is an early pick in this kind of thing, averaged only 31 points per game. I'm guessing I could snag DJ ten or more rounds later than Hazell, depending of course on how much everyone else is paying attention - and that will be the key.

Like, Harangody and Brackins are kind of the top two guys, and last year they averaged 41 and 35 per game, but thanks to Cole Aldrich's three blocks per game, he averagd 36 - more than Brackins and would be the #2 player and that's if he doesn't improve.

Basically, those are the top three and I don't know if there's anybody else you could argue should be included, and if I end up with the #1 Harangody is the smart pick, Brackins is the fun pick, and Aldrich is the intriguing pick - I'd probably end up going Aldrich or Harangody, and would be much happier with Cole.

Any thoughts? Sleepers? Defensive guys I'm missing?

UPDATE More Good news for the Gophers

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:56:00 +0000

With the first exhibition game for our beloved Golden Gopher basketball team coming on Thursday, we should be excited, discussing the exciting possibilities a new season always brings, and debating if Justin Cobbs will take Al Nolen's starting job before or during the Big Ten Conference season. Instead we're getting nothing but bad news.

On the heels of the ludicrous Mbakwe decision comes the news today that Royce White and Devron Bostick have been suspended by Tubby Smith indefinitely due to a violation of "unspecified team rules." According to the Pioneer Press article, Tubby stated the suspension could be two to six games, or "It could be 20. If they take care of the things they have to take care of, then it could be less."

Any guess at what the infractions could be would be nothing but idle speculation, but the quote from Tubby gives me a positive feeling like it's something simple like skipping classes or effort in practice - something that could be fixed in a relatively short time and with a little effort. Wishful thinking? Maybe, but with the news so far this week, maybe Gopher fans need a little wishful thinking, otherwise it's starting to feel more like a Bob Huggins team than a Tubby Smith team.

The most troublesome aspect is that Royce White is involved. I'm sure you remember his disciplinary problems in high school, but Tubby and the school game him the opportunity to play here anyway. I'd hate to think they made a mistake, and/or he's not taking advantage of his situation.

UPDATE: The Pioneer Press article has been updated to include the information that Royce White was cited for misdemeanor theft and fifth degree assault at the Macy's at the Mall of America, October 13th at 7:54 pm, and is scheduled to be arraigned November 17th.

Now, I have no clue if this has anything to do with the suspension, especially since Bostick isn't mentioned in the complaint, but it seems odd that Tubby would have waited three weeks after the incident to suspend Royce, and with the above quote I'm not sure this all fits together, unless he's referring to if the charges are dropped or reduced or something he'll let White back on the team. I have no clue. I won't rush to judgement until more facts are known, specifically what the hell actually happened and Bostick's involvement, but this certainly doesn't look good.

UPDATE 2: Ugh. More details from the Star Tribune. According to this, White stole about $100 worth of merchandise from Macy's, and when he was confronted by the security guard he pushed him to the ground. I'm trying to spin this, but really, really having trouble. Uh, I guess it's good that he won't get jail time, right?

I defended White on this blog, but now I have a feeling he might never play in a game for the Gophers, and if that's the case, I can't argue against it.

World Series Game 5 Live Blog

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:42:00 +0000

It could be the last game of the baseball season, so I might as well Live Blog this crap, right? Plus we'll see if my man-crush on Cliff Lee grows, or just disappears like a john, with nothing more than a crisp new fifty on the night stand and a slight burning sensation during urination. We're picking this game up in the top of the second after finally getting Wonderbaby^TM ready for bed. She's a bit wound up after her first day of pre-pre-school today, and I'm a bit concerned because the majority of her classmates look like Sloth from the Goonies. On to the show.....

- It's 3-1 Phillies thanks to Chase Utley continuing to be a P.I.M.P. And I turned it on just in time to hear McCarver say, "American League batters are used to Mariano Rivera breaking bats, but not many of them know about Cliff Lee........even though he was with the Indianas............Lee's a different pitcher with Philadelphia." Dude. Just stop. It makes me glad I've been watching most of this with no sound - which I'll be doing again shortly once Mrs. W gets back from putting the baby down.

- Speaking of Lee and pitching game five, I think he should have been moved up and pitched last night, but this yahoo article is quite harsh and mostly retarded (like Dawger). I hardly think that decision "blew the world series" or that Charlie Manuel is like Forrest Gump and "stupid is as stupid does." He also calls Cliff Lee "not an ace" because he didn't demand the ball for game 4. I'm seriously stumped. I didn't like it at the time, but I'm thinking that it was actually a good decision by Manuel. Think about it - Blanton pitched well enough for the Phillies to win, Lidge blew the game. If they can steal a win with Blanton going against Sabathia, suddenly the Phillies are in the driver's seat, and they damn near did it, again, if it wasn't for Lidge - not Blanton and not Manuel. I'm willing to bet Passan had this article typed up before even the first pitch of Sunday night's game, and when the Phils lost he just hit send on his little mac-book. It's not even surprising, that seems to be the standard for journalism these days. Except me. I'm really good.

- Boy has Texeira been brutal. Another weak grounder with a runner on base, and he's now at .062 for the series. And yet since the Yankees will win, nobody will say a word. This is so unfair to A-Rod.

- There is way too much being made of Damon stealing third after stealing second on the same play. Yes, it was totally heads up and a great, smart, alert play - no doubt. But also let's try to remember that A-Rod doubled two batters later - Damon is scoring from any base. I'm just thankful Jeter isn't the one who made that play, can you imagine? It would make the Madden/Favre love fest look like Twilight. Because it's a chastity parable. Shut up. No, you're gay.

- Utley walks and steals second - any chance we can get a losing player winning the World Series MVP? I don't think it's ever happened, right? I know some defensive guy from the Cowboys won the Super Bowl MVP even though the Cowboys lost back in the 70s, but I don't think it's happened in baseball. Of course, seeing as how Jeter is on the Yankees and everyone loves him more than life itself, he'll get it for hitting .360 with no runs batted in and just two extra-base hits. What a joke. God I hate you Derek Jeter. You know that scene is Se7en, where Kevin Spacey ties that guy to the bed and like cuts his hand off and somehow tortures him but keeps him alive for like a year? What? I'm just asking if you remember that scene, I ain't sayin' nothin'.

- The NL's Jason Kubel knocks in Utley. Burnett getting rocked. And trust me, A.J. Burnett doens't have the mental capacity to recover when he's getting smoked. Might as well pack up and head to New York, folks, this one's over.

- Ibanez knocks in another one, and that'll do it for fragile little A.J. We're going to David Robertson here folks, although if I'm Girardi I call this one over and go to Mitre or Gaudin.

- Wow, base hit for Cliff Lee. We're at 6-1 here, and Rollins can break this baby wide open. Well, wide opener.

- Strikes out like a jerk.

- Link to Blue Ribbon's preview of Gopher basketball. It points out something I had either forgotten or never knew: The Gophers had more turnovers than assists last year. Ouch. Damian Johnson, Al Nolen, and Kevin Payton were the only ones with more assists than TOs, and Westbrook (1/1.5), Iverson (1/2.2), and Busch (1/2.l) were absolute killers. Let's go ahead and put that as priority #1 for next season, shall we? Also note that with rounding, future Big Ten P.O.Y. Ralph Sampson was one of only four players with a 1-to-1 ratio or better (and, of course, the preview doesn't fail to compare him to his "Heroin Satan" father - god that must get old).

- FYI, Colbie Smulders recently had a baby, and she has lost the baby weight, but she hasn't lost it from everywhere, if you know what I'm saying. (NOTE: I'm talking about her boobs.) This is her, if you are unaware:

Now imagine that with some C+ cups.

- Derek Jeter got a hit. MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP!

- Don't worry, nothing came of it. And a great catch in left-center by Brett Gardner. He's 10 times the fielder Melky is, too bad he can't hit for shit. Sounds an awful lot like Carlos Gomez, no?

- Iowa is ranked #4 in the latest BCS. Serious question, how many other top 10 teams do you think Iowa would beat more often than not? Florida? Texas? Alabama? Boise? Georgia Tech? Cincy? TCU? I'm not sure there's a single team here they are bettre than..

- Ok, actually they got a run somewhere back there, and it's now 6-2. I would have known that, but I have become a bit distracted by facebook, and everybody trying to sound cool and ignore the fact that I was part of a group interview of Magic Johnson and Larry Bird today. You are all jerks.

- Oh, yeah. So I was part of a conference call of a bunch of writers who got to do a group interview of Magic and Larry today. Of course, it was only an hour and there were people from like, ESPN and The Sporting News and USA Today, etc., so I didn't get a chance to actually ask a question since I'm pretty sure I'd be the Pittsburgh Pirates of the invitees, but it was still cool.

- Cliffy keeps rolling along, now through seven with just the two runs allowed. It certainly wouldn't hurt for the Phillies to pick up a couple of more runs here.

- This probably deserves it's own post, but here is a report on Corey Joseph's reaction to his official visit on Saturday. Sounds good, folks, sounds really good. In particular pay attention to the first two comments below the article - very insightful.

- Utley just destroys a pitch down the line, but foul. Dude, that guy is so dialed in right now it's ridiculous.

- And the very next pitch he goes yard. Again. This guy is a second basemen, it just isn't right. That's five in this series, which I think is some kind of record. And we could have two more games. I'm actually kind of starting to believe the Phillies can come back and win this - delirious, I know.

- Ibanez goes yard. This Phil Coke guy sucks. Let me remind you all that Pedro's career postseason WHIP = 1.07. Bring it Yanks, because I feel a career defining Pedro performance on Wednesday. Yes, another one.

- Cliffy gives up three straight hits, including a double that probably should have been caught but Ibanez is 100 years old to A-Rod and it's 8-4, and we get Chan Ho Park for like the 10th time this series. Confidence = ug.

- Park gets three straight guys out, but another run comes in when Ben Francisco - in at CF for the Flyin' Hawaiian who may or may not have injured his hand after taking a Burnett fastball off it - totally lolligags the throw to home and A-Rod tags up from third. Really a very good, smart play. He did the bluff-type thing, saw Francisco kind of wasn't really trying, and then just kept going and beat the throw. Good play. 8-5 Phils, but the Yanks will get one more crack at it.

- T-Wolves down 25-23 in the first. I benched Kaman on my fantasy basketball team tonight and put in Ryan Anderson because I need more three-pointers. Kaman has 8 points and 6 boards already. Why the hell would I bench a center against the Wolves? Dumb. And speaking of fantasy, I now have the details on my fantasy college basketball league. I'll be posting those sometime this week.

- Oh yeah, my fantasy basketball (NBA) team includes LeBron, Dwight Howard, Andrew Bynum, Joe Johnson, and Derrick Rose. Yeah, I'm dominant. Also when I just looked up my roster right there I realized that Kaman is still starting until tomorrow, so disregard all that "I'm dumb" talk. Plus, you should have tried to make me feel better and you didn't. Why are your feelings the only ones that matter?

- 8-5 still, but Madson gives up a lead-off double to Posada. Seeing as how you not only can't trust Lidge, but he's probably not available anyway, I'd assume this is Madson's show. If he sucks and they end up bringing in Brett Myers at any point, we might as well just engrave the trophy for the Yanks right then and there.

- I just saw Danielle Harris's boobs. God bless you free Showtime preview.

- Base hit for Matsui. If I used swear words on this blog, this would be the part where I would type fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

- Jeter grounds into a double play. Ha ha, way to be a True Yankee, Jeter. Awesome.

- Damon base hit. A Tex home run here ties the game. Awesome. Nice bullpen Philadelphia.

- Nevermind, he strikes him out proving that there is at least one person on this planet with the last name Madson who you can trust, and we're going back to New York where the Yankees will almost certainly win it. But I really hope not.

Mbakwe Frame Job Nearly Complete

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:36:00 +0000

I wouldn't have expected Deebo to be able frame Mbakwe quite so well, but Joel "I'm a fantastically huge pussy" Maturi has decided that Mbakwe will be held out of the team's games until "the matter is "fully resolved."

He can still practice with the team, be part of the team, and attend classes, but won't be able to play in any games or travel to any away games. All of which means is that this isn't really a punishment, it's nothing more than Maturi covering his own ass, for what reason I can't understand.

First of all, it appears to me at least that Trevor is almost certainly going to be cleared of this. Not only does he have handfuls of witnesses who can place him away from the scene when this happened, but everybody knows all black people look alike so this is probably going to end up being a case of mistaken identity. To the best of my knowledge, the entire body of evidence against him is simply one woman's identification, made not long after she was assaulted so who knows her state of mind. Additionally, eye witness testimony, even identifications, are notoriously spotty. Given this, I'm surprised they are actually taking this to trial at all, and even more surprised Maturi would hold him out. When Michigan State is in town I think I'm going to punch Mrs. W in the face, then have her tell the cops Raymar Morgan did it.

Secondly, he says he believes it is both in Mbakwe's and the University's best interests to hold him out. What? How does that make any sense? This isn't remotely in Mbakwe's best interests. He's here to play basketball. Now he can't play basketball. And how is this doing anything good for the school? How does holding him out do anything at all? Because if he plays, and is then found guilty and can't play anymore it will disrupt the team? That happens to every team every year because of injury. You know what they do? They take the guy's back up and make him the starter, which is now what Maturi is forcing Tubby to do prematurely. I also think we should probably hold out Damian Johnson and Ralph Sampson, too. Just in case they were going to get hurt this year. We don't want to disrupt the team.

Lastly, whatever happened to Innocent until proven guilty? I know this isn't a court of law, but does that mean we can/should suspend due process? Honestly, I'm completely baffled by this whole thing.

There are two questions I have, the answers to which might make this make sense:

1) Is there more information in the assault than I know about? Any physical evidence, a witness to the attack, or any reason to believe the plethora of witnesses who can alibi Mbwake are lying? Any real ironclad reason to think he's guilty?

2) Is there some penalty to the school/team if a player is found guilty of assault and you didn't "hold them out of games." Like, say Mbakwe plays in ten games, gets convicted, and kicked off the team - would the Gophers have to forfeit those games, lose scholarships, or be denied post season berths? Not to my knowledge, which is why, again, I question how this is "protecting the University."

Most of the people I see agreeing with the decision are saying things like "it sends the right message" or "it's the right call." My question is, why? What is the message? Wouldn't a better message be "we believe in our student/athletes", "we trust our players", or "we're behind you 100%"? Maybe I'm way off here, I don't know. Gopher Nation from The Daily Gopher disagrees with me, and plenty of other people do too. I just think this is incredibly unfair to Mbakwe, and incredibly disappointing by Maturi.

Week In Review - 11/2/09

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:04:00 +0000

Thank the lord basketball is back, am I right fellas? Honestly, I was getting a little tired of writing about football all the time, with all it's cover 2s and zone blitzes and drop kicks and statues of liberties. I don't even know what most of that means, but all I know is I'm damn glad to be watching a little roundball again.

And speaking of Roundball, it sounds a lot like we may be getting some bad news from the U and Joel Maturi about Trevor Mbakwe today. I don't want to get too much into it until the details all come out, but if what I think is about to happen does happen, this is just a horrible, horrible decision at best, and irresponsible and ruins someone's future at worst. I am sure I'll get more into that later today when the everything is official. [NOTE: It's official. Post coming shortly]

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Adam Weber. It's hard to evaluate the team's overall performance, since there are plenty of awesome things you can point to, but just as many sucky ones, but there's no doubt Weber impressed in Saturday night's big 42-34 win over the Spartans. In his first full game without the next Wes Welker, Weber went 19-31 for a career high 416 yards and five scores, including two sixty-ish yarders to Duane Bennett, one of which was of the "immaculate reception" variety. Weber seemed to choose Tow-Arnett as his new favorite receiver, and he caught 8 of the 19 completions the Gophers recorded for the game, but overall the ball was spread out, with six different Gophers making a catch. I don't know if this is a step back in the right direction, or a good game against a forgiving defense, but for one week at least, Weber was certainly awesome.

2. Carmelo Anthony. Tearing. It. Up. Like Zack Morris at a high school prom. He's completely out of control. In the Nuggets' three games this year (all wins) he's put down 30, 41, and 42 points. As impressive as that is, he has shot 50, 53, and 58% in those three games from the floor, with overall shooting percentages of 54% from the floor, 43% from three, and 88% from the free throw line. Oh, and he's also averaging 7.0 rebounds, 4.3 assists, and 1.3 steals, all of which would be career highs other than the rebounds (would be second best). Want more? He's also turning it over just two times per game, which, yes, would be a career best. His 2003 draftmates Lebron and Wade may have had more success, and Lebron has an MVP while Wade has a championship, but Anthony looks like a whole different player. I'm declaring this the Year of the Melo.

3. Boston Celtics. It seems the reports that the Celtics were too old or fading weren't exactly true. Ok, so those might have been just eminating from my head and not the national media, but the point is that the C's went 4-0 here on opening week, and in impressive fashion at that. The four wins were over title contender Cleveland, playoff teams Chicago and New Orleans, and a complete ass-stomping of doormat Charlotte. As per usual, they did it with good defense (opponents FG% ranged from 31 to 42%) and a balanced scoring attack, with three different leading scorers and eight different players hitting double-digits in the four games. KG looks like maybe he did hit a wall, and is maybe not quite the same player, but he's smart enough and still good enough (and tall enough) to play a good complimentary role. If nothing else, that win over Cleveland let's all y'all know - the Celtics are a title contender.

4. Jonny Flynn. Looking very, very promising so far, leading the Wolves in scoring in their first two games with 17 and 18, including a big run in the fourth quarter of their first game (and only win) against New Jersey. Now, he's not exactly the best distributor yet, with just three assists per game (which sadly leads the team), and turns it over a bit too much, which is typical for a rookie, but his overall play has been a delight. He leads the team in scoring (15.3), as well as free throws both made and attempted (14-16). He's proving difficult to guard, gets to the paint, and draws a lot of fouls. Once his shot further develops and he becomes a better passer, he's going to be a star. Sorry Rubio, point guard spots taken.

5. Percy Harvin. Did you know that Brad Childress regularly ends special teams practice by having Percy return kicks with no blockers against the regular kickoff team - and he scores nearly 80% of the time? Did you know Percy once raced Secretariat, and won by five and a half lengths? Did you know Percy can catch a bullet fired out of a .357 Magnum between his fingers - from three feet? Did you know Percy can get to a Donkey Kong kill screen every time? Did you know Percy once knocked up your girlfriend just by winking at her?

WHO SUCKED

1. Charlotte Bobcats. While reading up for the coming NBA season, I saw more than one preview that mentioned the Bobcats would be much improved this year. Then the season started, and they lost by thirty to the Celtics. Then they only beat the craptastic Knicks by two and needed two overtimes to do it - at home, so I decided to actually look at their team and figure out if they were good or bad, and trust me - they're bad. Not only did they shoot under 38% in both games, including a 31% failure against Boston, but there is nobody on this roster. Ray Felton is solid, but behind him the only intriguing prospect is D.J. Augustin, and he plays the same position. They are starting Gerald Wallace and Stephen Graham, and Vladimir Radmanovic is their seventh man. This isn't an improving young team, this is a crappy team who can't even say it has a bright future, whoever is in charge has destroyed this team.

2. Michigan. You probably pay more attention than I do, so you probably know that Michigan sucks in the conference season, but I didn't, so it's news to me. I remember them coming out in the non-conference season and going 3-0 with a nice win over Notre Dame, and then nothing, but according to the standings they have gone just 2-4 since then, including what could only be called an embarrassing loss to Illinois on Saturday by the count of 38-13 - ouch. Basically, other than Notre Dame their wins this year are over Indiana, Delaware State, Western Michigan, and Eastern Michigan. It seems the reports that Wolverine football is back might have been a bit premature - just like you last night, from what I hear.

3. Brad Lidge. Christ, I don't even know where to start with this fucking guy. First of all, if it's your job to cover third, cover third. Secondly, don't hit a guy who has like, one hit in the entire world series. Thirdly, don't get hit around by the next couple of guys as if you were Phil Humber when you're supposed to be an elite closer, to the point where the only reason you even got out of the inning is because Posada got tossed trying to go to second. Look, you were known as "shaky" this year already, but this is unforgiveable. I thought the whole Blanton starting thing was a huge mistake by Manuel, and they really needed to copy New York and go to a three man rotation, but they got a good effort out of Blanton and were right in the game at 4-4. Enter Lidge, who is a walking implosion. You just can't do that. We can go ahead and give the rings to the stupid Yankees now if you want. I give up.
Screw you Philllies.

4. Corey Maggette. Started the season with a 3-14 shooting performance, and then followed it up going 2-7, all of which adds up to a 5-21 start and a 24% shooting percentage - worst in the NBA amongst qualified players. And, just so you're aware, he also has twice as many turnovers as assists thus far. Way to go Corey! I always thought Magette would be better than he ended up being. But I'm kind of an idiot, so no big shocker.

5. NCAA Fascists. FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT! Who's with me? FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT!! FREE.....

Now who is ready for some NCAA Basketball (even if it's just exhibition games)? I can't wait.

World Series Game 3 Live Blog

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 04:27:00 +0000

Seeing as it is Halloween, the missus and I are watching Drag me to Hell, which so far is a pretty good movie despite the presence of Justin Long. It's helped by the fact that I am a little bit in love with Alison Lohman, who could be sisters with both Jenna Fischer and Anna Paquin. Can you image those three in the same family, because they could easily all be related. I think I'd go Fischer, Paquin, Lohman, but really, whichever order they want to come to me in is fine by me.

Anyway, I'm also watching the World Series on an internet feed, as I usually do, and the Gophers are being monitored thanks to the game tracker via ESPN.com. Currently the Gophers are recovering from an almost blown awesome start, but lead 21-10 with 2 minutes left in the first half, the Yanks and Phillies are tied 0-0 in the bottom of the first, and this chick in the movie should not have turned that old lady down for a loan, because I'm pretty sure she's fucked at this point. Any way, let's roll.

- Andy Pettitte is the all-time leader in postseason wins? W.T.F??!?! This would be like finding out Derek Jeter is third all-time in postseason home runs........WHAT!!??!

- Just got back from tending to my pumpkin seeds (slow roasted at 300 degrees for an hour, butter spray, seasoned salt, garlic powder) and the Phillies managed to get nothing out of Jimmy Rollins's leadoff single and steal of second. Can't waste opportunities, boys, you know the Yanks won't. Or maybe they will. I don't know.

- I guess we'll find out as my sort-of boyfriend Cole Hamels plunks a-rod with the first pitch of the second inning. Cole and I were going really good most of last year, it was pretty serious, I think he might have picked out a ring, but I kind of had to slow things down most of this year. Now he's been slowly winning me back over, and this is a pretty good chance for him to get back into my good graces.

- Pedro Feliz, who Tim McCarver keeps insisting is one of the best 3bmen in baseball, bobbles and easy double play ball and they only get A-rod at second. What do you want to bet that costs them?

- Nevermind, my boyfriend pitched out of it with no further issues. I guess that was a bad bet, like most of them that Snacks lays down these days.

- Wow, this chick in this movie is having a couple of really horrible days. Nice rack though.

- Home run Jayson Werth to lead off the second. He really had to go down and get it, too. A lot like Matsui's in Game 2, but insead of hitting a pop up that somehow managed to get over the fence by some weird miracle, he laced that sumbitch into like the 15th row in left field. A right-handed, National League Jason Kubel with speed and fielding. So really he has nothing in common with Kubel at all, except they are both underrated and I love them both (NOTE: I love Kubel more).

- With one out, Feliz doinks one off the wall for a double, and then walks Carlos freaking Ruiz. Falling apart, Pettitte? Need a little GHB or your precious "God?" Well you're on your own, chief.

- The Spartans took the opening kick of the second half back for a TD? Good lord.

- Uh, oh, bunt hit for Hamels because Pettitte can't field. I'm feeling blow out here folks, this might be a a very short live blog - no point continuing when the Phillies are up 15-0.

- Pettitte walks in a run, walking Rollins on five pitches. He looks awful, just awful. Which, of course, is good for me, and for America.

- The Phils pick up one more, and it's a 3-0 now going to the third. This game is huge for Philadelphia, because next up is Sabathia vs. Blanton, in a game the Yankees should win 20-1.

- Gophers answer, and it's 28-17. Honestly, you can't lose that game after the way it started for them, or you might as well quit football and move on to field hockey. In case you missed it, the Gophers scored on the first play from scrimmage on a long TD pass to Duane Bennett, then MSU fumbled the kickoff and Minnesota recovered, and converted that into another TD with a pass to future stud Brandon Green. In other words, a near perfect start.

- so I have no sound with this internet feed (well, I do but instead we are watching some crazy goat-sacrificing seance), but Predro Feliz just fielded a grounder and threw a guy out, and they've now shown the replay four times, paying most attention to how he used two hands to field it. Twenty bucks says McCarver is having a jizz party over this righ tnow, and that's why we are watching a routine play over and over and over.

- I'm having trouble getting the ESPN tracker to work, but it appears Sparty just returned a kickoff for a touchdown for the second time this game, and it's now 28-24 Gophers. I would wager my kickass Protege (with Spoiler) that the Spartans win this game.

- Oh, nevermind it was only an 84-yard touchdown run, not a kickoff return. No need to panic, pretty routine.

- A-Rod dingers after Texeira walks. It's the Yankees first hit, the first higt A-Rod has ever gotten against Hamels, and it makes the score 3-2. On a related note, or not, somehow Michigan State now leads the Gophers 31-28. You pretty much have to get rid of Brewster, right? Maybe they bring in a new coach and keep Brewster on as tight ends' coach.or something.

- What the hell? Wanda Sykes is getting her own talk show?

- Error or Rodriguez to lead off the fourth. I guess we should call him E-Rod. Can a get a rimshot here?

- We finished Drag me to Hell. I'm going to lightly recommend it. Up next is Orphan, which I'm assuming involves some creepy kid. I have a feeling I'm going to be very wary of Wonderbaby^TM tomorrow.

- And now the Gophers are up again, thanks mostly to a fifty-three yard completion from Weber to someone named Da'Jon McKnight, who I have definitely never head of. What a crazy game. It's almost enough to make me wish I was watching.

- Uh, this Orphan movie is pretty effed up right here. Pretty sure that opening scene is going to give me nightmares for years. NICE MOVIE PICK MRS. W!

- Yankees tie it up on a Nick Swisher double and a Pettitte single. Yes, a Pettitte single. Call me crazy here, but maybe you don't throw your lollipop curveball to a career .134 hitter. I'm thinking it makes more sense to save that pitch for guys who can actually hit so you can disrupt their timing. Not a guy who you could throw nothing but fastballs too and he'd make contact 10% of the time. You are on thin ice, Hamels.

- And it's now 5-3 thanks to a Jeter bloop and a Damon double. And now he walks Texeira to bring A-Rod back up. and he's being yanked for Happ. We are so broken up. And not like a Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson break-up, I mean real one.

- Sparty field goal, 35-34 Gophers. Wow.

- Just got a text from snacks, who is at the Gopher game, which is now 42-34 and clearly the craziest game ever. He told me to turn the game on, which I did, so I could see the weird Tow-Arnett deflection to Bennett thing, which might be the most unreal play I've seen in a long time. I kind of wish I was watching that game.

- This kid in this movie is creepy as all shit.

- Home run Swisher, 6-3 Gay-nkees. Interest level: waning.

- The NL version of Jason Kubel homers to lead off the sixth, and it's now 6-4. I am also now watching the last two minutes of the Gopher game, and I was all excited to watch Sparty march down in the last two minutes to end up tying it up, but instead some dumb bastard runs into the punter to give the Gophers a first down, and that should just about do it. Totally earned that victory, way to go, Brewster.

- So far the kid is just creepy, and hasn't killed anybody or poisoned anybody or lit anyone on fire yet or anything. She should probably get on that here pretty quickly, especially since her parents are horny pervs who get it on at the drop of a hat no matter who or what is around. Seriously, bending the wife over the kitchen table and going to town is good stuff, but when you have three kids and it's like 8pm, I'd probably advise against it. Pervs.

- J.D. Durbin. The Real Deal. And he still sucks. Couple hits, couple walks, and a run, and he was bailed out by what could only be described as the worst call in history - Posada was rung up on pitch that was well below the knees and about a foot outside. Almost wonder if the umps are supposed to make sure this thing gets back to New York. After those excerpts from the Donaghy book, who the hell knows what's going on in pro sports.

- Wait. This one is Chad Durbin, who has made a decent career out of being a middle reliever. The Real Deal hasn't pitched in the bigs since 2007, totaled just 72 innings pitched in his career, and is currently floundering about in the Dodgers' system. But perhaps most damning of all? Baseball Reference has a section for each player where it lists their nicknames. There is no mention of "The Real Deal" on his page. None whatsoever.

- She now pushed some mean girl down a slide and she hurt her ankle. This chick's evil level is closer to Nelson Muntz than Damien.

- Black taco.

- Well, now she killed some black nun lady by hitting her in the head wiht a hammer like, fifty times. That was pretty evil. But in her defense, she's Russian.

- Matsui takes Brett Myers yard to make it 8-4. Amazing somebody can hit the ball that far without opening their eyes. Also, Brett Myers? Seriously? God the Phillies' bullpen sucks. And now they're screwed. You can't go with Blanton tomorrow now, can you? Let's be honest, that guy is terrible, and if they go with Blanton it's going to be 3-1 Yankees. You need to go with pimp daddy Cliffy, it's the only way.

- Phillies' are down 8-4 in the 8th, and Marte is pitching. What they need to do is make the game close enough so Rivera has to come in. Obviously, ideally they would win, but barring that they need to at least make Mariano pitch.

- Good job Phillies. He strikes out two and gets Ibanez to line out. Worthless.

- I'd love to keep blogging this crap, but we're going to play strip Trivial Pursuit. I'm sure you understand. For now, Happy Halloween readers, from the W family:

NCAA Basketball Preview: The SEC

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:01:00 +0000

I have no idea what happened to the SEC. This used to be a really, really good conference, but seems to have slipped since the Florida back-to-back championship teams and is now pretty much the worst of the major conferences. Things are looking to turn, however, as there are a couple of big-time contenders here now and the conference as a whole looks like it is getting a whole lot better. I also hate that they split out their conference into East and West divisions. Unnecessary and annoying. In protest, I will be listing them as a whole, not breaking it down by division. Take that Robert E. Lee!

1. Kentucky. Well I for one can't wait to see this John Wall character. You can't read anything about Kentucky or even the NCAA basketball season as a whole without him being mentioned. The comparison I see a lot is "a better Derrick Rose" which like, whoa. He's on everybody's award winner predictions lists, anywhere from the SEC Player of the Year all the way up to National Player of the Year, and he hasn't played a minute yet. There's plenty of talent around him, that's for sure. Patrick Patterson is insanely good, and for some strange reason is still in college rather than the NBA, and that recruiting class Calipari paid to come to Lexington is out of this world. Other than Wall, who is #1 on the Rivals 150, they also got PF DeMarcus Cousins (#2), C Daniel Orton (#22), PG Eric Bledsoe (#23) who I desperately wanted to become a Gopher, and G Jon Hood (#55). Holy god. The talent is there, anything less than a final four appearance is going to be a disappointment (this assumes the eligibility issues with Wall are resolved and he ends up playing.)

2. Mississippi State. I love Jarvis Varnado. Love him. I had a chance to watch him in a game a couple of years ago as a sophomore, and fell in love with his defense - he averaged 4.7 blocks per game last year to lead the nation and, barring injury, will almost certainly become the all-time leader in blocked shots in NCAA history. But it gets better. After being a defensive force his first two seasons, before last year he worked on his offensive game, developed some low-post moves, and increased his scoring from 8ppg as a sophomore to 13 per game last year. Even more, I read this offseason he's worked tirelessly on adding a mid-range jumper. Based on his ability to improve year over year, I can't wait to see his new offensive game, and he could be gunning for All-American status. All this from a guy who already has a triple-double in his career and several other near misses. The Bulldogs are hurt a bit by recruit Renardo Sidney (Rivals #16) being ruled ineligible, but there is a lot here surrounding Varnado. The Final Four might be aiming a bit too high, but you can expect MSU to be a major contender.

3. Tennessee. Despite losing a bunch of players last year, the Vols were a bit of a disappointment last year, finishing up an uneven season with five losses by 3 points or less, including their loss to Oklahoma State in the NCAA Tournament. The good news is that everybody is back, and they add two key pieces in PF Kenny Hall (Rivals #74) who will help shore up the inside game, and juco PG Melvin Goins (#62 Juco), who can help at point guard - a weakness last year, especially in SEC play. Another issue that needs to be fixed is the three-point shot, once a huge weapon for Tennessee it proved to be an achilles' heel last year - the Vols shot just 31.5% behind the line, worst in the SEC and 286th in the country. The hope is that sophomores Cameron Tatum and Scotty Hopson, now with a year of college hoops under their belts, can improve, and that might end up being the difference between an average team and a great team.

4. Vanderbilt. I've managed to pretty much completely avoid Vanderbilt for years, except for when Derrick Byars was there, that guy was a freakin' stud. I wonder what he's up to, hold on. Let's see, bounced around a few different NBA teams without ever sticking, and ended up playing the last couple of seasons in Germany and France before hooking on with the Bakersfield Jam in the D-League last year. He averaged 18 points per game for them and made the all-star team, was invited to Bulls training camp this year, made the team and is on the opening night roster. Sweet. Oh, and all the magazines and previews and everything say Vandy is going to be really good this year. I do know they have a beast down low whose name I can't remember.

5. Arkansas. I've been following Courtney Fortson closely since the Gophers were after him, and I still can't decide if I wish he was here or not - even with the current PG situation. On the one hand, his stats are amazing - 14.5 points/5.9 assists/5.5 rebounds - incredible for a 5-11 freshman, and he notched a triple-double in just his seventh ever game, and nearly had two more against Oklahoma and LSU, not exactly horrible teams. On the other hand, his turnovers are wildly high (4.4 per game) including a game where he turned the ball over 10 times in 29 minutes, he's not a very good shooter (31% from three, 60% from the line), and he once went 7-27 from the floor in a game. All in all, the dude is wildly talented, and assuming he reigns in his game and continues to improve with age, he's going to be a star - so yes, I do wish he was a Gopher. There is plenty of other talent back, including three other double digit scorers, and a very good recruiting class, so the Razorbacks should be in the NCAA hunt. Of course, after their huge nonconference wins over top ten teams Oklahoma and Texas last year we thought that too, before they inexplicably went 2-14 in the SEC. Well, not that inexplicable. They had more turnovers than assists last year. That's not good, FYI.

6. Ole Miss. This team is loaded on the perimeter. If you haven't had a chance to watch Chris Warren play, I highly recommend you look for them on tv. Warren is a driving force and is nearly unstoppable with the ball, but he got hurt last year and only played in 11 games, dooming the Rebels to a season that ended after the SEC tournament. That shouldn't happen this year, assuming nobody gets hurt. With all the injuries last year, Terrico White was thurst into a starring role and he thrived, winning SEC Freshman of the Year honors. Assuming they get decent play from the front court, these guys are going to put a ton of points on the board. It's if they can stop anybody that's in question - they were the worst defensive team in the SEC last season.

7. South Carolina. It turns out this conference is even deeper than I thought, because the Gamecocks feel like a team that should be much higher than 7th in their conference. Two of their three big guns are back, and guard Devan Downey has the look of a player who will contend for the SEC Player of the Year. He can score (37 against Baylor last year), but also turns the ball over way too much (8 TOs to 0 assists in that same game and just a 1.3 Ast/TO ratio). If he can control the ball it will go a long way towards getting South Carolina back in the NCAA tournament. Also I can never, ever, like this team since they stole Georgia Tech's "Lethal Weapon 3" nickname, when it was obvious to anyone that they were just a bunch of gunners and a total mirage - a belief completely vindicated when they went down as a #2 seed. Karma, baby. Karma.

8. Florida. I suppose losing your whole team after back-to-back national championships usually entails a rebuilding process, but it seems that it's not going all that well for the Gators. Not that it's Billy Donovan's fault, since he's been hit by players leaving the program early the past couple seasons (Speights, Calathes, Lucas). Even so, it doesn't feel quite right having Florida this low, and it wouldn't surprise me at all to see them in the NCAA tournament, especially if Kenny Boynton (Rivals #12) is as good as advertised. He will pretty much have to be, because although Florida has some nice talent in their frontcourt - including transfer Vernon Macklin from Georgetown - the backcourt really needs some help. Outside of Boynton, point man Erving Walker, who had a pretty good freshman year last season, is about all they have.

9. Alabama. I'm sort of thinking I have Alabama too low here, they could easily finish as high as fifth, but since I've already typed this out and the control key on my keyboard doesn't work, I don't feel like cutting and pasting. Although he's not the team's leading returning scorer, sophomore JaMychal Green might be the key for the Tide this season. He was a stud recruit last season (Rivals #21), and had a very good freshman campaign (10pts, 8 rebs, 2 blks per game), which included six double-doubles. If he continues to improve and can become the offensive focal point it will go a long way towards a good season for the Tide. Among a big and talented group of newcomers is Shawn Kemp, one of I assume several sons of THAT Shawn Kemp, one of my favorite NBA players of all-time. (NOTE: I am finding conflicting information, some sources say he is signed with Alabama, others say he has reopened his recruitment which seems weird since the season starts in like two weeks so I don't know what is going on except that there has been a hole in my soul since Kemp retired and it would be nice to have another Shawn Kemp to take his place).

10. LSU. The Tigers had an excellent season last year, making it to the second round of the NCAA tournament, but the team has been gutted by graduation, and now they will return just two guys who averaged more than 2 points or 8 minutes per game last year. Those two are pretty good - Bo Spencer is an excellent shooter and Tasmin Mitchell is absolutely one of the best inside/outside players in the country and will be in the NBA next season - but there isn't much else here. A small recruiting class leaves the Tigers thin and inexperienced, and although Mitchell will be fun to watch, I don't see a whole lot else fun happening in the bayou this season. They'll be back at the top soon enough - next year's recruiting class is a top 20 type of class already - but not this year.

11. Auburn. Remember last year, how Auburn won 10 conference games but still couldn't get an NCAA tournament bid because they went 10-4 through a non-conference schedule that would make Glen Mason blush? Yeah, most of the good players from that team are gone. Their leading scorer and assist man is back in DeWayne Reed, and he'll have a couple of guys to dish to on the wing who love to bomb the long ball in Tay Waller and Frankie Sullivan, but looking down low is going to be an issue. Coach Jeff Lebo brings in a gaggle of 3-star players, three of them with good size, and will need one of them to play well or have one of the nondescript veterans step up. They are still set up as a team that could get hot on the right night and knock off a much better team thanks to their shooters, but they aren't getting anywhere near the NCAA tournament.

12. Georgia. How bad is it for the Bulldogs right now? CollegeHoops.Net does a preview of their top 144 teams every year, and this year Georgia failed to make the list [Gophers = #18]. Teams on the list include Texas A&M-Corpus Christi, Jackson State, South Carolina State, and Iowa. They're worse than Iowa - ouch. Two minor reasons for optimism - new coach Mark Fox, who had a lot of success at Nevada, and sophomore forward Trey Thompkins, a top 30 recurit last year who had an excellent first year for the Dawgs. My new favorite player though might be their center Albert Jackson, who played more than 19 minutes per game last year despite his incredible 1-to-5.2 assist to turnover ratio, thanks to his season total of eleven. The next Yinka Dare, perhaps?

Other Previews
Conference USA
Atlantic 10
Mountain West
Atlantic Coast
Big Twelve
Big East

World Series Game 2 Live Blog

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:33:00 +0000

Picking this one up in the bottom of the second with the Phils leading 1-0 and Pedro looking very, very good - four batters, four outs, three by strikeout, and if the Phillies can manage to steal this one, I'd be the happiest little girl in Switzerland, with my pretty hair all in braids while I drink my hot chocolate and pet a Saint Bernard.

- Ibanez with a nice diving catch that maybe saved a run, or at least a hit. What's he doing out in left field? He should be DHing. Unless they put my boy Matty Stairs at DH? Please let this be true.

- And now we get Jerry Hairston, Jr. instead of Nick Swisher. Hmmm, le'ts see. Swisher OPS = .869, Jerry Hairston, Jr. = .710. For you uniformed cretins out there, that's the difference between Jason Kubel and Orlando Cabrera. I'm not sure I make that switch, assuming similar defense, under any circumstances. Of course, Hairston is a light-hitting player who can play multiple positions well. Gardy would start him at bat him second.

- Burnett with a lot of movement on his ball tonight, so much so that Jimmy Rollins just missed a breaking ball by about a foot - and I'm not exaggerating. Must be because he has his fancy personal catcher, a catcher by the way who OPSed .560 this year, which is somewhere between Mike Redmond and Alexi Casilla, and even worse than Nick Punto. He's been benched for Jorge Posada, who OPSed .885, which is slightly better than Justin Morneau. So the Yankees have torpedoed their offensive two ways, one because of a completely overreatction and one because of a big crybaby of a pitcher. Nice job. By the way, Posada and Molina both threw out 28% of attempted base stealers. Nice job A.J.

- Wow. Walking Utley to face Howard? Wow.

- Well, he whiffed him. Point Girardi. Still think the Molina and Hairston moves are balls stupid.

- Pedro walks Molina. Nice job you jackass dominican or puerto rican or cuban or whatever. This sets it up for Jeter to be "a yankee legend." Or strikeout like the probably gay douchebag he is, hahahahahahahahahaha. Suck it, jeter.

- I want you people to stop for a minute and realize just how good Pedro Martinez was in his prime. Because I'm trying to watch the game online I don't really have time to do a ton of digging, so we're just going to use ERA to analyze him. More specifically, ERA+ which basically compares your ERA with the league average ERA in that season and gives you a numerical number, with 100 = league average. Well Pedro has the #1 ERA+ of all-time (since 1900) in 2000 when his ERA was 1.74 (league average was4.92). He is also #8 on that list. And #16. And #25. And #31. You know how good Zack Greinke was compared to the rest of the league this year? He was #30. Nobody else has three top 16 seasons. Only Walter Johnson also has four top-25 seasons, and nobody else has five top 31 seasons. Needless to say, he is the all-time career leader in that stat amongst starting pitchers (Mariano is the all-time leader). Make no mistake, this guy was absolutely, unfathomably, incredibly, untouchably awesome.

- And while I was typing that Texeira homered to tie the game. That only cost the Yankees $500,000 ($20,000,000 / 40 homers). Good lord.

- Oh, I forgot to mention, I looked it up and indeed Matt Stairs is the Phillies' DH. Not only that, but he has the Phils' one RBI tonight. That guy is so freaking awesome. I love that big crazy goofball.

- Do you watch The Office. Man, that was the best show for every year up until this year. Suddenly it seems they have no idea what they are doing with the characters or where they are going with any of the storylines. It still has it's moments, and it still has some really, really good episdoes (the wedding episode was awesome), but I'm just not sure what's going on here. Actually, The Office is really similar to Tubby's 2010 recruiting class so far. Kind of unimpressive, a let down from previous years, but still time to turn it around/show how I'm wrong and I completely trust the people in charge. Holy crap that's brilliant. I feel like Samuel Taylor Coleridge over here.

- We're watching Vampire Diaries right now. Well, the wife is. I'm watching the Phillies continue to look like fools against Burnett. Anyway, it's pretty much just like Dawson's Creek with Vampires and is nowhere near as good as True Blood, but it has the third hottest black chick I've ever seen, a grown-up and hot Maureen from Freaks and Geeks, and this hot chick named Nina Dobrev who was also in the criminally underrated movie "Never Cry Werewolf" starring Hercules. That was a lot of words so just shush and look at her:

- Well, Matsui just hit a weak pop fly to right field, but because this new Yankee Stadium is an absolute joke (think Sandlot in Dusty Diamond All-Star Softball), it somehow managed to clear the fence. Seriously, Pedro pitches a hell of a game, but now he's trailing because of that garbage? Shouldn't there be some kind of rules in place to prevent people from building these monuments to subpar power hitters? G. A. Y.

- Ibanez has almost an identical stance to Jim Eisenrich. And just got called out on a pitch that was both low and outside. I was waiting for the pro-Yankee umpiring to show up. Freakin' conspiracy man. Like the moon landing.

- Jesus this guy just called Stairs out on the same pitch. That pitch is nowhere near a strike. Might as well turn this game off right now, it's clear that MLB doesn't want the Yanks down 2-0.

- So I stumbled across a reference to a movie called "Tyrannosaurus Rex" coming out in 2013. Immediately you could have called me Hugh G. Rection. I was very excited, is what I'm trying to say, aroused even, if you will. Then I read the synopsis. It's about a boxer who gets caught up in an underground fighting ring. Shouldn't people be arrested for that shit? And not only for misleading me so horribly, but you know this movie is going to star Cam Gigandet.

- Back to back Yankee singles (including one by Hairston, dammit). That will do it for Pedro. Hell of a game. And they are going to Chan Ho Park. I'm going to assume they're writing this one off and are happy to go back to Philly with a split.

- Park had a 4.43 ERA and a 1.40 WHIP. There have to be better options. Also, who knew that asians could grow full beards? Other than Genghis Khan and that cult leader from Japan guy who tried to use Sarin Gas in the subway. Wait. So Park is a supervillian? Makes sense, since he just gave up a hit and another run. Totally worth it since "Mr Intangibles and Mr. Yankee and total clutch performer who can do anything" just failed to get down a sac bunt and struck out. Suck it, Jeter.

- Double play after Howard catches the ball in the air or doesn't or something. Honestly I couldn't even tell on several replays if he caught that or not. Then again, I'm a little drunk.

- I know I'm talking about TV alot today, but shut up it's my blog. Get your own if you don't like. Anyway my point here is that I stopped watching Heroes. The first season is still one of the best seasons of all-time of any show, for serious, but it has totally lost it's way. Not only has the writing petered off and become it's own little SyFy original movie script, but they can't kill anybody off. They have killed like, ten people on that show, only to have each and every one of them (somtimes multiple times each) come back to life, not really be dead, or basically find some back way to get them back on the show. That's all fine and dandy for a kids show, where you can't expect children to deal with death and all that jazz, but this is ridiculous for an adult show, and specifically a science fiction show. Even Vampire Diaries just killed off a major character with a stake through her hot boob. I just can't do it. I'm out.

- Phils down two and will now have to face Chamberlain and Rivera. Not lookin' good here.

- Whoops, nevermind, we're going with Mariano for two here. I don't know if I agree or disagree in this situaton, but mostly because the Twins have never had a manager who can think outside of the "closer for the ninth" box, despite the fact that Captian Dumbshit

- A huge walk to Rollins in an 11-pitch at bat and a single by Victorino passed "gold-glover" Texeira and we're in business.

- Shit. Utley grounds into a double play, mostly the umpire called anything within a foot of the plate a strike so he had to hack around. Seriously, this is some of the worst balls and strikin' I've seen in a while. Also, thanks for cutting to a replay of Jeter pumping his fist as you go to commercial, Fox. Lord knows we don't see/hear/read enough about him already.

- Mrs. W just asked me who was winning the game and when I said the Yankees she made a very nice noise of disgust. So at least I got that going for me.

- Ibanez doubles in the bottom of the ninth with two outs. It's now up to Matty Stairs. I think I'm in heaven.

- Nevermind, he strikes out. That wasn't very exciting. Oh well, a split is what you had to hope for. The Phillies are in pretty good shape, and Yankee fans are all douchebags, and don't let Ashley Tisdale tell you differently.

World Series Game 1 Live Blog

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 03:32:00 +0000

Picking this bad boy up in the fourth, 1-0 Phillies thanks to the awesome Chase Utley. Sabathia looked shaky early, but seems to have settled down, and Cliff Lee has been great.

- Cliff Lee is like the next Sandy Koufax, dude. I wasn't sure why they were going with Lee over Hamels, but he just struck out the side and looked awesome doing it. Good call charlie Manuel.

- Wow, I'm so used to Gardy here that I'm actually stunned that Robinson Cano isn't bunting here with a runner on first and nobody out. Of course, Cano isn't exactly Punto, and he hit around .300 with 20+ homers, so I guess this isn't quite the same situation.

- Wow, what a great freaking play by Rollins. I have no idea if he meant to catch it or drop it, but he turned two either way and it was, simply put, brilliant.

- UTLEYYYYyyyyyyyyy x2

- By the way, I checked out some of the Wolves' game tonight, and first of all, that team is god awful (currently losing 74-61), and secondly, holy crap is Damien Wilkins a terrible defender. He's ok on offense, in a boring sort of way (10 pts/9 rebs) but just a terrible, terrible, horrible, ugly defender. In the fifteen minutes or so I watched, he gave up a bunch of layups, both by getting beat off the dribble and by losing guys away from the ball on cuts or screens. It was, without question, the worst thing I've ever watched - other than Jumper.

- McCarver keeps talking about how Jayson Werth is the best player nobody is talking about, and it turns out in a rare turn of events he's right. .268/.373/..506 with 36 homers this year? That's nearly identical to the year Jason Bay had, and Bay is talked about as a top five MVP kind of guy, while Werth is rarely mentioned in any conversation of the game's best. You know why? People love RBIs, and Bay had 119 while Werth had 99. Werth is kind of like the Jason Kubel of the National League, and he's rapidly moving up my list of favorite players.

- Now that I think about it, I think the debate was actually Hamels or Pedro for game 2, not Hamels vs. Lee for game 1. In any case, Cliff Lee is god damned awesome.

- Jeter knocks a hit with one out in the bottom of the sixth. Man, he is such a true Yankee hero. He's like the Brett Favre of baseball (which kind of makes him the Pete Rose of baseball, which actually makes a lot of sense).

- Lee gets Damon to pop up, and not only does he catch it himself (going against a very silly unwritten rule of baseball) but kind of pulls a hybrid Rickey Henderson 1-handed catch/Hap Felsch basket catch). Very pimp. Lee is rapidly moving up the chart of my favorite players, also partially because of that wicked ass curveball that I somehow didn't realize he had.

- It's now clear that I'm rooting heavily for the Phillies, which makes sense since I kind of adopted them as my NL team after I went to a game at Citizen's Bank Park for a work thing. I wasn't expected Yankee hatred to bubble to the surface, but here it is. It wasn't until I started picturing the articles and reactions if they won that my blood started to boil. Please don't let the Yankees win, it's going to be disgusting.

- CC walks Francisco to lead off the inning, but gets a double play and another easy out. He's at 113 pitches, so is probably done for the night. That was a big chance to get a couple more, hopefully it doesn't kill them, because that Philly bullpen is questionable at best. Luckily kick ass Cliff Lee is only at about 86, two more innings and then hand it over to Lidge (and close your eyes and pray).

- One other thing I forget to mention from the Wolves game (currently losing 87-79), is that Terrence Williams, formerly of Louisville and now on the Nets, is going to be an absolute stud. The announcer called him a point guard trapped in a linebacker's body, and that's a pretty apt description. He currently has 15 points and 10 boards, and was unstoppable when I was watching (Brook Lopez has 27 and 14, but he's a weirdo and the Wolves don't have anything resembling a center, so I'm not impressed).

- Holy crap Natalie Portman is on Top Chef (which we are watching, I'm watching the game on an internet feed) and oh my goodness is she hot. This isn't quite like seeing her live, but she's not in a movie role and she is just amazing looking. I always had her near the top of my list, but I have kind of forgotten about her lately. No more. She is rapidly moving up my list of hottest chicks. Look:

- Posada check swings a little nubber down the line which Lee picks up, and instead of just tagging Posada out, he tags him by slapping him on the ass with his glove. Man crush picking up major steam. Right now if I have to choose Portman or Lee, I'm going Portman, but it's closer than you'd like to think or I'd like to admit.

- Yankees close Sabathia's day out: 7ip, 4 hits, 3 walks, 2 runs, and 6 Ks. Pretty good day of work outside of the two Utley ding-dongs. Of course, he's also lucky none of those walks came around to score. The Yanks are going Hughes here, and I'm guessing Rivera in the 9th, so the Phils better hope they don't somehow lose this lead.

- NOTE: Natalie Portman's favorite color is purple. This will come in handy when I commence with the stalking. And she just made a "prick in your mouth" joke. Be still my heart.

- Sorry. During all that Rollins walked and stole second, followed by another walk to Victorino, and we're going to Damaso Marte. Nice job Hughes, I'm glad you're not a Twin. That would be pretty sweet if Utley knocks out a third one here. I'm also legitimately surprised Girardi isn't giving the ball to Mariano here - I thought that was always the M.O.

- Utley whiffs on three called strikes that all might have been outside, but the important thing here is that somehow the Wolves won 95-93. I have no idea what happened, but now I'm going to have to watch the damn news. You win this round, Don Shelby.

- God, watching this show she has such a wonderful personality, too, and she's smart and a Harvard grad. Two real issues here: 1) she's a flaming liberal and 2) she's a vegetarian. I don't think it would work for us to get married, but Natalie, if you want to have a little fling shoot me an email, girl.

- Robertson comes in and walks Werth after Howard flew out. Bases loaded, two outs for Ibanez. Still surprised we aren't getting Rivera.

- Ibanez comes through and knocks in two, looks like Rivera would have been a better move than leaving in Dave frreaking Robertson. I think Girardi should be fired.

- Cliffy back out for the 8th, just under 100 pitches. If he can handle this one quick we might be looking at a complete game shut out.

- Two pitches, and a ground ball up the middle he fields behind his back. I don't think I even need to say it.

- Lee whiffs Swisher for the second out. I wonder if he's still making the team laugh and doing fancy handshakes while they continue walking out there and looking like clowns against Superman Lee.

- Third out is an easy fly out. Lee at something like 107 pitches. Hopefully they give him the chance to finish it.

- Phillies pick up two more on a bunch of hits, and it would have been three put apparently the "Flyin' Hawaiian" is slow as shit. 6-0 going into the bottom of the ninth.

- Two bloop hits and a Jimmy Rollins error and the shutout is gone, but Lee finishes it out and the Phils lead 1-0, and this was just a stud performance by Cliff Lee. I think he's rocketing up my list of favorite baseball players.

DWG's NBA Preview (ok not really, just some stuff)

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:00:00 +0000

I was going to write an NBA preview, but I got bored after one division and plus I think this blog has been a bit "preview-y" lately. Instead I'll just say that the Wolves suck but Jonny Flynn wins the Rookie-of-the-Year, Lebron just misses averaging a triple-double (something like 30-9-9) but the Cavs don't make the finals, and the remaining Nets fans (assuming there are some) revolt after they don't get Lebron despite having completely gutted their team to make a run at him. Oh, and Magic over Spurs in the finals.

- Since I just got back from a nice dinner with the in-laws at the 5-8 Club (Garlic cheeseburger, jojo potatoes, cole slaw, + a couple Mich Golden Draft Lights), and I have a few Miller High Lifes in the fridge, I think I will continue typing things for a little while.

- It's finally happened. The usually positive and upbeat Daily Gopher has cracked, with JG writing this 1,000 word rant going after Tim Brewster. Needless to say, it's my favorite post ever. How he was able to write that many words on Brewster and not use the word "suck" even once is a mystery to me. If I wrote that long a piece about him, I'm pretty sure it would just be "Tim Brewster really sucks" except instead of one really there would be 997 of them.

- Since I'm linking things, go ahead and try to read this Rick Reilly article without chocking on it's combination of sickly sweet cheesiness and irrational shitheadness. I've written in here before, but Reilly has morphed from a pretty good, funny, and entertaininig journalist to some kind of unholy chimera-like combination of Sid Hartman, Patrick Reusse, a broken robot that only speaks in metaphor, and your upbeat super-religious aunt who has to spin everything in a positive light. This one here might be the worst (it's the entry from 10/23, in case it's been pushed down), where he gives a whole ton of credit for the Yankees' great season to Nick Swisher - not for his play, but for his clubhouse fun demeanor, his hair styles, and his handshakes. He actually states that the Yankees wouldn't go this far in the playoffs without Swisher. Actually, I would have said Derek Jeter's resurgence, A-Rod not slumping in the playoffs, Jorge Posada's succesful return from injury, the best bullpen in the majors, and the additions of Mark Texeira, C.C. Sabathia, and A.J. Burnett have a lot more to do with it, especially considering his stats are nearly identical to what Bobby Abreau put up last year in the same position.

Look, I like Swisher, really I do, and he's a good player and by all accounts is a swell guy, but this is just another example of a journalists going out of their way to write a "human interest" piece where one doesn't belong, simply because the unwashed and uninformed masses eat this garbage up because it's too hard to understand statistics. This kind of crap actually makes me angry, second only to when sharks roar in movies. Of course, when the article started out comparing Nick Swisher being on the Yankees to Wanda Sykes being elected to the supreme court, I should have known this wasn't going to be an enjoyable (or in any way informative) read. And what's with the shot at Kate Hudson? Totally worthless.

- I made a couple of NBA bets tonight, seeing as how I'm totally into THE LEAGUE right now: Rockets +8.5, Mavericks -8.5, Cavs -5, Cavs/Celtics OVER 183, Nowitski OVER 33.5 pts + rebs, and Clippers +12. Right now the Cavs are up 28-21 at the end of the first quarter - sounds good so far.

- Speaking of the Clips, that really sucks that Blake Grifin broke his kneecap or whatever. I was looking forward to seeing what he could do - I really think he can be an all-star from day one. And on that note, don't you find it interesting that Bill Simmons constantly writes about the Clippers Curse, but also ripped any journalist who talked about the Red Sox Curse? Interesting. I'm still planning on getting his NBA book.

- Shawn Marion is on the Mavericks? I had no idea. That guy has been passed around like Lindsay Lohan since he inexplicably forced his way off a contending team with the perfect system for him and a point guard who loved nothing more than sharing the ball. Seriously, Marion was in a perfect situation in Phoenix. He had a steady diet of Prime Rib, and switched it for Dinty Moore. Hi was vacationing in Vegas and swapped it for Detroit. He had a PS3 and turned it in for a Turbo Graphix. He was humping Audrina and downgraded to Spencer's sister. And keep in mind this was all voluntary. Basically Audrina was laying on the bed in lingerie and waiting and he jumped in the car and drove across town for Spencer's ugly sister in her sweatpants eating ice cream out of the bucket and her four cats.

Good call Shawn.

- We're heading to the fourth, the Celtics leading the Cavs 72-65. Want to be Lebron goes crazy in this quarter and the Cavs end up covering the five? I would be willing to wager that Lebron (right now with 23 points, 1 rebound, and 7 assists) ends up scoring 20 this quarter.

- No comments about Sano and the Twins? Really? And speaking of no comments, where the hell has the Sidler been. I'm a bit concerned at this point.

- If any of you go see this Robin Williams/John Travolta horrible thing of a movie that I just saw a trailer for, we can no longer be friends. Not even a little bit. They should just take every theater that is showing that, and after the coming attractions, burn the place down. It's for the best.

- Right now we are watching the Scream Awards, which are basically the Oscars for Sci Fi and Horror films. The best actress in a Sci Fi award was just given to Megan Fox. Come on. Yes, she's hot. I have no argument with that, but this is supposed to be taken seriously, right? Then this should be for acting ability, not just hotness. I don't think Megan Fox would be a standout actress at a high school production of Fiddler, but now that you mention it this picture:

I'm pretty sure just having this picture on here is going to triple the traffic I get from google image searches.

- Well, Lebron did manage to score 15 in the fourth, but he (and the rest of the Cavs) decided not to guard Paul Pierce and the Celtics ended up winning 95-89 (which covered the over, but not the spread). It seems I may have underrated the Celtics, since they beat the Cavs with a uninspiring performance from KG, in a game that may have highlighted how bad his knees are right now (he missed a big time hammer dunk). Obviously Boston was just fine, thanks to a big time performance off the bench by Rasheed. I'm telling you man, that Rasheed signing might have been the most important move anybody made this offesason. Those two can tandem at the PF so well, Boston might not have much of a fall-off, even if KG's legs are all broken and such.

- I was going to stay up and watch the whole second game (Lakers/Clippers), but it's now 20 minutes past the starting tip time and they still haven't gotten going. I'm a very busy man, and can't just be held up by this, so I'm gonna sign off.

Weekend Review - 10/26/2009

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:26:00 +0000

I'm going to avoid talkinmg about the Vikes I think, just because you could come up with five things that were awesome and five things that sucked just from that game without even trying. AP is ridiculously good and Childress is still an idiot. Seriously, you're going to pass twice from the 1-yard line and then kick an 18 yard field goal when you have the best back in football? Arg. But, it's an AFC/NFC game, and I didn't really expect the Vikes to win in the first place, so I'm not too worried about it. There are plenty of other things to talk about.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. The Twins. Season's over, but the Twins manage to get in here thanks to their actually spending some money and dipping into the foreign player market. In case you missed it, and most people did thanks to the miracle comeback and subsequent sweep, Bill Smith went out and signed Miguel Angel Sano, who, according to that article from ESPN, is considered by many to be the top teenage prospect in Latin America (he claims he's 16, but it's Latin America so he could be anywhere from 14 to 30). He's a shortstop who is already 6-3, 200 lbs, so odds are he will end up being moved to third or the outfield, but apparently his bat is good enough for that not to matter. The Twins coughed up $3.15 million for a bonus to sign Sano, which is the second most ever given to a Dominican player and a veritable fortune for the Twins. For more on Sano, as well as the Twins other aggressive moves this offseason you may have missed, check out this post by the Jesus of Twins bloggers, Aaron Gleeman.

2. A-Rod. I wrote this here before, but I'll say it again - I'm incredibly happy A-Rod is having the postseason he is, because now idiots may finally start appreciating maybe the best right handed hitter in history. I won't get into a whole big argument here, maybe I'll save that for another post sometime, but he's definitely in the conversation, yet all the morons in the media and idiot fans can ever talk about is his "postseason choking" - now they won't have that to fall back on. After going 2-2 last night (with 3 walks), A-Rod has a hit in every single game this postseason, with an RBI in every game except one and a total line of .438/.538/.969. Just an incredible run, and if that's not enough to shut up the morons, I don't know what to tell you.

3. TCU. Both BYU and Boise State had claims to being the best non-BCS conference team in the country at different points this season, but after Saturday's 38-7 shellacking that the Horned Frogs put on BYU, they're looking like the best bet to break up the BCS party. Not only did they smoke the Cougars, but they did it in Provo, and did it by shutting down a very good QB in BYU's Max Hall, who threw for just 162 yards on 18-28 passing. I haven't had a chance to actually watch TCU this year, so I don't know if they can hang with Florida or Alabama, but this win is a pretty compelling argument, as is their early season win over Clemson. At 7-0 and with easy games left outside of a November 14th match up against Utah, they should be looking at a BCS bowl.

4. The Colts and the Saints. Both remained undefeated, and both showed why they are the favorites to make it to the Super Bowl, although they did it in very different ways. The Colts just came out and stomped the piss out of the far inferior Ram, jumping out to a quick 14-3 lead on the way to a 42-6 win in which Peyton Manning barely had to break a sweat, while Marc Bulger continued to spiral down the drain. The Saints had a rougher go, falling behind 24-3 to the Dolphins and looking lost, before a Miami fumble with time winding down in the first half changed their fortunes. The Saints scored with five seconds remaining in the half, and used that as a springboard to a huge second half where they outscored Miami 26-10 and ended up winning 46-34, thanks to Drew Brees bouncing back from a horible start and leading them on three consecutive scoring drives of over 60 yards in the second. If it does end up being these two in the Super Bowl, and it looks like there's a good chance it will, we might be looking at the highest scoring Super Bowl ever. I'm thinking like, 55-52. Sweet.

5. Ryan Anderson. White boy can ball folks. I loved Anderson at Cal, but wasn't really sure how his game would translate to the NBA, but after catching part of the Magic's preseason game on Friday night, I'm sold. It was a rare chance for me to get to the bar, and they happened to have the game on for a little while before they felt the need to change every single TV in the place to the shitty Gopher hockey game, and he's not only good, but he's aggressive. In like six minutes of play he took 4 or 5 shots, inside and outside, and hit a couple of deep threes and got a put back or two. Checking the preseason stats, he's averaged 14 points and 4 rebounds while shooting 49% overall and 56% from three. He was decent with the Nets last year, but no where near this good. Everybody thought Vince Carter was the jewel of that trade, but the "throw-in" of Anderson might end up being the most significant part of that deal (which I already mentioned somewhere on this blog after the trade was made).

WHO SUCKED

1. Gopher football. I know I am hard on Gopher football when I accidentally pay attention to it, but jeezum was that awful. Following up a 20-0 loss to Penn State with a 38-7 shellacking by Ohio State in a game that wasn't even that close is a good way to lose your fan base, and plant your coach firmly on the hot seat. And yes, I understand those are two of the top teams in the conference, but let's not get carried away here. Ohio State lost to Purdue and Penn State struggled with Illinois - we aren't talking Florida here. Sadly, they will beat South Dakota State and either Michigan State or Illinois, win six games, and go to a crappy bowl and some fans will point to this as a successful season. At this point, the only way you could consider this successful is if they run the table, including a win over Iowa, or they win three games with MarQueis Gray at quarterback. And after his performance Saturday (5-6 passing and the only TD, 81 rushing yards) it's stime to hand over the keys and see what he can do in a full game. As Buck Bravo wrote over at the Daily Gopher, "Adam Weber's accuracy, decision-making, footwork, ability to recognize defensive schemes, and confidence have regressed." Couldn't have said it better myself. Go with Gray - at the very least he's exciting to watch.

2. Illinois. Speaking of Illinois, do you realize how god awful this team is? I didn't. And I have no idea what happened. In 2007, they were the hot young team, who went 9-4, including a huge win over Ohio State, and ended up going to the Rose Bowl (where they were stomped by USC). Sophomore QB Juice Williams looked like he had taken the next step in his development, and was going to lead Illinois football back to national prominence. 2008 started ok, but was a bit disappointing. With three weeks to play, Illinois was 5-4 with two very winnable games left against Northwestern and Western Michigan, needing just one win to get to a bowl, a disappointing bowl, but a bowl nonetheless. Instead the Illini dropped all three, with Williams throwing more picks than TDs, getting sacked 9 times, and not scoring a single TD, and they finished the season 5-7, and are still trying to recover. They lost 24-14 against Purdue on Saturday, which now drops their record to 1-6 on the season, with their lone win over Illinois State. Williams has thrown more picks than TDs, has yet to break 60 yards rushing in a game, and is dead last in the Big Ten in QB rating and passing yards. This certainly isn't where I thought the Illini would end up two years ago.

3. LaDainian Tomlinson. Last week I used this exact same space to talk about how LT looked better than he had in a couple of years, and maybe he wasn't fully washed up just yet. Then comes today's game against the Chiefs, and although 23 carries for 71 yards isn't awful, it's the lack of a TD tacked on there that is the horrible part. Tomlinson, once a goal line runner the rival of Emmitt Smith and Shaun Alexander in their primes, was given the ball eight times inside the five, six of which were from the 2-yard line or closer, and failed to get in the end zone (he did, at least, score on a play that came back due to a penalty). Today was the kind of game that an in his prime Tomlinson scores 3 or 4 TDs, a good back gets at least two, and an average back scores once - minimum. I read a game report that the blocking down on the goal line for San Diego was absolutely awful, but in any case this is pretty disappointing, and a big blow to those that were hoping LT was still an above average runner.

4. Chicago Bears. Nice game. Geez you guys suck. Take your pick, offense or defense, and there's plenty to discuss. Defensively, they pretty much let the Bengals do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. Carson Palmer could have thrown a touchdown left-handed, but instead decided not to show the Bears up and stayed with the right hand, going 20-24 for 233 yards and five TDs, including two to Ochocinco. If that's not enough, suddenly completely rejuvenated back Cedric Benson shredded his old team (who betrayed him like Lando Calrissian) for 189 yards and a touch on 37 carries. The Bengals just did anything they wanted, and never even had to punt. And just in case you thought maybe the Bears could get into a shootout or something and win, they instead decide to turn the ball over four times (3 on Cutler INTs) on their way to scoring just ten points, aka five touchdowns less than the Bengals. I think it's safe to say the Vikes don't have to worry about the Bears anymore.

5. Cleveland Indians. Manny freaking Acta? Seriously? According to the article, the Indians like how Acta developed young players for the Nationals, and are disregarding his record - one of the worst in baseball history and bad enough that a web site exists called "Has Manny Acta been fired yet". My question is, exactly who has he developed, outside of Ryan Zimmerman? Elijah Dukes has been a perpetual disappointment, and Lastings Milledge failed so brilliantly after coming over from the Mets that he was banished to the minors before getting traded to the Pirates. Wily Mo Pena has gotten worse since joining the Nats. He didn't screw up Jordan Zimmerman at least, but he hasn't exactly lit the world on fire either. Well, who am I to complain when they're in the Twins' division. About the only downside here is that Gardy might not be the worst manager in the AL Central anymore.

Manny Acta?

NCAA Basketball Preview: The Big East

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:37:00 +0000

There are sixteen freaking teams in this conference. Sixteen!! No wonder they got eight or nine teams or whatever in the tournament last year. That's like the Big Ten getting five or six - no big whoop. Even so, there are a whole lot of quality teams here - the dominance of last year won't be repeated, but there are plenty of good teams in the Big East again and a final four contender or two.

1. West Virginia. There's no doubt Bob Huggins is leaving his stamp on this team, and not just with stellar recruiting and good overall coaching, but with lax disciplinary actions as well. The team's two point guards, Joe Mazzulla and Darryl Bryant, were both arrested this summer (Mazzulla on domestic battery charges - his second arrest following up last year's for assaulting a police officer, Bryant for two separate hit and run incidents, including "bumping" a pedestrian), but surprise, surprise, they are both back on Huggy Bear's squad. I'm kidding here, of course, I don't give a crap what any player does off the court and I hvae no problem with schools bending whatever rules possible to win - and win the Mountaineers should do. Da'Sean Butler is a monster, and Devin Ebanks is going to be an absolute superstar. Since it's Huggy, they'll probably flame out in the second round of the tournament, but they should be gold in the regular season.

2. Villanova. Scottie Reynolds coming back instead of staying in the NBA draft is a bit of a double-edged sword, for both the Wildcats and for me. For Nova, it gives them back their leading scorer, but also a bit of a wildcard who can go off in a bad way, chucking shots at every opportunity and sometimes shooting them right out of a game, and makes a crowded, yet talented, backcourt even more crowded. For me, I'm sort of happy I get another season to root against him, but on the other hand it would have been kind of fun to watch him not get drafted and end up languishing in Norwegian Basketball League or something. Oh well. Villanova is going to be very good again this year, and once again will be very perimeter-based with all those guards back. Plus they add two McDonald's All-Americans, both guards, in Maalik Wayns (#26 Rivals) and Dominic Cheek (#30). Their big concern is up front. Losing Dante Cunningham, Dwayne Anderson, and Shane Clark takes away nearly 50% of their rebounds from last year. Luckily, they have two other stud recruits, #10 Mouphtaou Yarou and #62 Isaiah Armwood coming in and both bring size and rebounding.

3. UCONN. Lots of talent leaves, but since Calhoun got this program all straightened out again after that brief dip into crappiness in 2007, you can bet their is plenty coming back and coming in as well. Kemba Walker and Jerome Dyson might be the best backcourt in the conference. Walker is quick as lightning and played very well down the stretch last year after Dyson got hurt. Speaking of Dyson, I love his game. Assuming he's all the way back from injury, I can see him making a run at First Team All Big East. Stanley Robinson is back as well, and he's an incredible athlete who also came into his own the second half of last year. If someone can step in and fill the up the paint with Thabeet and Adrien gone, either one of the seldom used veterans or freshman Alex Oriakhi, the #21 prospect according to Rivals, the Huskies could have an oustide shot at another Final Four appearance.

4. Cincinnati. I love the Bearcats this year. Love 'em. Deonta Vaughn is a stone-cold killer at guard, and he's back with more help. Yancy Gates is a big man who made the all Big East freshman team last year and is just going to get better, and there's plenty of other help here with four starters coming back, and after the fall semester will be joined in the paint by former Oklahoma State center Ibrahima Thomas, giving them another low post scorer and solid defender. Another big help will come from freshman Cashmere Wright, a top 100 prospect last year before hurting his knee and missing the entire season. Cincinnati is loaded with combo guard types, but Wright gives them a true point guard, which should help Vaughn score even more. The real wild card here is SF Lance Stephenson, a top 10 recruit, a McDonald's All-American, and the all-time leading scorer in New York High School basketball history. He's still a question mark on academics, and has been a bit of a handful in high school, getting in trouble for getting in a fight with a teammate as well as for "groping" a girl against her will in the hallway (you know she wanted it). His issues are such that high profile schools such as UNC and Kansas pulling out of his recruitment. If he gets eligible and can mesh with his new teammates, the sky is the limit for the Bearcats. If he doesn't, or if he's a discipline problem, they could end up anywhere from a good team to a disaster. At 200-1 to win the whole thing, this is a great option to put $5 down on.

5. Georgetown. Greg Monroe was insanely impressive last season, and despite averaging a fairly pedestrian 12.7 points and 6.5 rebounds last season he loooked ready to break out at any time. Trust me, if you watched him play at all he looks amazing. Already as a freshman he could handle the ball on the perimeter, and not just passing, I watched him put it on the floor and drive right passed several slower, less agile centers. He also already possessed a handful of moves on the block and a decent mid-range game, and is a capable defender. Last season you could see he was willing to play a more complimentary role, even though he probably shouldn't have. If he comes into this season with a more assertive attitude, there's no way the Hoyas end up without a bid and an inexplicably horrible record like they did last season. I'm telling you, if you have a chance to watch Monroe next season, take the time to check him out. He'll probably be a Wolf soon.

6. Louisville. Losing Terrence Williams and Earl Clark is not going to be easy. Those two did essentially everything for the Cardinals, outside of three point shooting. They were the top 2 scorers, rebounders, and assist men for Louisville last year, and so it's understandable to expect the team to take a step back. How far will mainly depend on Samardo Samuels, who couldn't even stop Travis Busch. Last year Samuels was the third option and played well, but this season he will need to become the man. Another important player, and massive head-scratcher, is point guard Edgar Sosa. As a freshman, he played brilliantly at times, put up very good numbers for a first year player, and looked like he was going to be the next "big-time PG from New York." Instead, he's taken a step backward after a step backward, and now goes into his senior year with just one more chance to try to recapture whatever it is he lost from his debut season. If he can't, freshman Peyton Siva is now on board, and was ranked #39 on the Rivals 150. He could easily end up taking Sosa's job - if Rick Pitino manages to stop banging broads long enough to pay attention.

7. Syracuse. Every where I turn it seems like there's a new article about how Iowa State transfer Wesley Johnson is like, the greatest transfer of all-time and he's going to carry the Orange and I don't get. Don't get me wrong, he's a good player and all (averaged 12 points and 4 rebounds his last year at ISU), but he's no savior. He wasn't highly recruited out of high school, and although he burst on the scene his freshman year he regressed quite a bit in year two. If Syracuse wasn't losing Paul Harris (one of my favorites the last few years), criminal Eric Devendorf, and Jonny Flynn, he might be the missing piece that vaults them to the top - but those guys are all gone. There is still some quality talent here, and I love watching Arinze Onuaku, who really doesn't mess around and try to get all fancy. He just gets the ball, knocks defenders over, and then dunks on their stupid heads. The Cuse should be good again, assuming they find some guard play somewhere, but let's calm down a wee tad on Wesley.

8. Notre Dame. Harangody is back - yes again - which makes the Irish dangerous in any given game, but the majority of his supporting cast is gone, and I'm not sure if that's good or bad after last year's total flame out. None of the incoming recruits are particularly impressive, with apologies to Minnesota's own Mike Broghammer, so it's going to fall on returning veterans to get the Irish back to the NCAA Tournament. They do have their starting point guard back in little Tory Jackson. He's very hard to keep out of the paint, but is not a good outside shooter and, although he's improved his free-throw shooting, can be a liability at the end of games. Two transfers were supposed to shore up the team this season, Ben Hansbrough from Mississippi State and Scott Martin from Purdue. Hansbrough will be key if they want to get to the NCAAs, but Martin got hurt and is going to miss the whole season.

9. Seton Hall. This is a really interesting team, and on paper they have a chance to be much better than 9th. It starts with their returning star, shooting guard Jeremy Hazell. He's a scoring machine who can get hot at a moment's notice, and averaged 22.7 points per game last season, second in the Big East, despite shooting just 42%. Less might be more here, and he should have more help this season, beyond even the two other returning double digit scorers returning to the Pirates in the form of a couple of interesting transfers, one inside and one outside. The perimeter guy is Keon Lawrence, who comes to the Hall via Missouri. Lawrence is an excellent scorer (he put up 9.7 and 11.0 ppg in his two years at Mizzou) who will help take some pressure off of Hazell, and is talented enough to shoulder the scoring load some nights (he put up 25 against Kansas one year). Power Forward Herb Pope, the other transfer - this time from New Mexico State, might be even more important since the Pirates a bit thin on the inside. Pope was a high school superstar - ranked #31 by Rivals and offered by Texas, Pitt, and Memphis - and averaged 11 points and 7 rebounds per game in his one season in the desert. If everything and everyone pulls together and meshes well, an NCAA Tournament bid isn't out of the question.

10. Pitt. Thank god Pitt is finally going to take a step back this year, I've been getting more tired of that program than I can possibly express in words. They lose pretty much everybody, which is good news for me because rotund irritant Levance Fields is finally gone, but is bad for Pitt. Their leading returning scorer, and only 20+ minute guy who is coming back, Jermaine Dixon, is more of a defensive specialist than any kind of offensive threat. Of course, Jamie Dixon couldn't just relax for a little bit, and he is bringing in a very good recruiting class - including Rivals #14 prospect Dante Taylor, who has a good chance to win Big East ROY - so this break from having Pitt up in your face every time you turn on ESPN will be short-lived. Enjoy it folks, I know I will.

11. Rutgers. I always find myself rooting for Rutgers and I think there are two reasons. The first, is that I liked watching Quincy "rolling a" Douby and that other guy whose name I can't remember right now when they were there and the Scarlet Knights were actually good. The second is that they have a great home court advantage when they are good, and they call the place the RAC which is pronounced like "rack", of which I am a big fan. So maybe I'm overrating them a tad but I think Rutgers could sneak up on a few people this season, especially at home. The program's first McDonald's All-American, Mike Rosario, paid immediate dividends, leading the team in scoring, but something more needs to happen if this is Rutgers return to prominence. They add a pretty decent batch of newcomers, which includes top 100 recruit SF Dane Miller, top 40 JuCo James Beatty - who will probably start at PG from day one, and a small forward transfer from Florida in Jonathan Mitchell, a top 100 recruit in 2006 and a bit player on Florida's second National Championship team. In a down Big East, maybe this is their year.

12. Marquette. Jerel McNeal, Dominic James, and Wes Matthews were without question on of the best three-man backcourts I have ever seen, and maybe the best since Lethal Weapon 3 (the aesome Georgia Tech one, not the craptacualrly overrated South Carolina nickname stealing one). But yeah, those guys are gone. Swingman Lazar Haywood is back at least, and despite being in the guards shadow a bit he's developed into an outstanding player - did you know that other than Luke Harangody, Haywood was the only Big East player to rank in the top 10 in both scoring and rebounding last season? I bet you had no idea he was that good, did you? There's some nice players coming in this year's recruiting class, with, no surprise, an emphasis on the perimeter, including Rivals #47 Jeronne Maymon, who the Gophers were looking at for a time, but unless Hayward has a super human year, I don't think we'll see the Golden Eagles back in the NCAA tournament.

13. St. Johns. The Redmen or Red Storm or Reds or whatever they are have an interesting group of talent this year - they should be deep, but I just don't know if they'll be good. They lose nobody off of their 6-12 Big East team from last year, and have plenty of balance with five players who scored between 9 and 15 points per game - although Anthony Mason only played 3 games last year. Mason is still hurt, and will be out 4-6 weeks, so it will be interesting to see what happens when he tries to return as lead dog and reintegrate with his teammates who will have played over a season's worth of games without him.

14. South Florida. Did you know that South Florida had one of the best all-around players in the Big East? Me neither, but they do and he's only a junior. Dominique Jones, a 6-4 guard out of Florida, was a bit underrated coming out of high school (3 stars, unranked, mid-major type offers), but he's certainly blossomed with the Bulls. He finished 9th in the conference in scoring (18.1 ppg), was 27th in rebounding (5.6 rpg), and was 12th in assists at 3.9 per game, and also led the Bulls in steals and was second in blocks while scoring in double figures in 55 of his 62 career games. Yeah, he's good. There's not a ton of help around him, but the best recruiting class the Bulls have had in a long time is coming in this year, and two transfers - PG Anthony Crater from Ohio State and C Jarrid Famous from a JuCo - bring hope, if nothing else. Crater is especially important because Jones won't have to worry about playing the point, and that should lead to a huge year.

15. Providence. I liked the Friars last year quite a bit, but they could never quite rise above "pesky" and fell just short of gaining an NCAA bid. Now five of the top seven guys are gone, and although Sharaud Curry and Marshon Brooks are good players, replacing two thirds of the team's scoring from last season is no easy feat, and a big burden will fall on a huge group of newcomers. The closest thing to a standout in the group is PG Johnnie Lacy (#143 according to Rivals), whose name you might remember because the Gophers had given him a scholarship offer. Unless a couple of juco guys work out really well, it will probably be a long year for the Friars, but with a good class this year and an even better one already in the works for next year, things should turn around, unlike

16. DePaul. The worst arena in the country hosts what might be, once again, the worst major conference team in the country. Seems fitting. The Blue Demons didn't win a single conference game (until a shocker of a win in the Big East tournament), and now see their best player leave for the NBA draft (note: he didn't get drafted). There's some talent here, Mac Koshwal is a great all around player and Will "Wheel" Walker is a good scorer, but that's about it. Krys Faber, who chose DePaul over Minnesota, is still here as well, and is probably going to be questioning his decision when he's watching the Gophers in the tournament from his dorm room, because I don't think DePaul even has as much as a CBI bid in them.

Other Previews
Conference USA
Atlantic 10
Mountain West
Atlantic Coast
Big Twelve

Who are these guys?

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:41:00 +0000

If you're like me, you don't much care about the NBA until the playoffs even though you love the game of basketball. You also find yourself irrationally getting a little excited before the start of every NBA season, only to have that excitement and "caring" wear off as soon as you watch your first game. Since I haven't watched a preseason game or anything, I still have that tiny bit of excitement on me, much like the blood and mucus all over a new born baby, but I have one question, "Who the hell is on the Wolves?"

Seriously, with David "the" Kahn taking over and making trade after trade after signing, and with Ricky Rubio chilling over in Spain for a few more years, I really don't know who ended up on the team. So let's see.

POINT GUARDS

- Jonny Flynn. You probably know who this is. The rookie from Syracuse who has scared Rubio so much that he won't even cross the Atlantic, and will likely start from Day 1, I think. He's had a huge preseason, leading the team in assists and coming up second in scoring at 13.8 points per game. Since I assume NBA Preseason success correlates perfectly with NBA Regular Season success, much like MLB or the NFL, I'm going to call him as rookie of the year, and probably a first ballot hall-of-famer.

- Ramon Sessions. I remember watching him at Nevada, and then I remember being surprised he was in the NBA, and then I remember being really surprised that the Wolves signed him for $4 million a year for four years, and then I remember being shockingly stunningly surprised by this article and the following comments that the $16 million contract was a steal for the Wolves. Looking up the stats on my internet device, it appears he averaged 12 points and 6 assists per game last year, which sounds pretty good to me. So, I guess like, good job Kahny?

- Antonio Daniels. Huh. My brain tells me that this guy was a pretty decent player for the Spurs a few years back, and it seems odd that they would bring him in given the two point guards I already wrote about. Let me confirm, hold on. Yep, turns out he was a pretty decent player for ten years on a couple of pretty good teams - too bad he's coming into year 13 right now. He put up career worst stats last season, but with two young and promising point guards on the team, a veteran who has been on more than a couple of playoffs team is probably a good idea for a mentor. I approve of this.

- Jason Hart. This guy is still kicking around? I remember him as somewhat of a disappointment coming out of Syracuse, but he's carved out a nice nichey career for himself as a third point guard on bad teams. Now that I write it down, it feels like a match made in heaven.

- Mustafa Shakur. I'm laughing right now, I'm seriously laughing. There's not a chance in hell this guy makes the team, but god bless you for trying. He wasn't even that good at Arizona, and he spent the last few years playing in a Polish league with guys like the pride of UW-Green Bay Jeff Nordgaard and MSU benchwarmer Drew Naymick. I wish I had known he was on the team, I totally would have gone to a preseason game.

SHOOTING GUARDS

- Sasha Pavlovic. Clearly this is a pretty big weakness for the team, given that I'm listing this grease ball as the starter. Actually guess what? I have no idea who this is. I thought it was the guy from the Lakers, but it turns out this guy has played for the Cavaliers for the last five years. Seriously, I have no idea who this is, but he has a career scoring average of less than six per game. Awesome.

- Wayne Ellington. He hasn't been great in the preseason, but he has shot 46% from three, which is awesome and exactly what they drafted him to do - hit the three pointer. Of course, it's hard to fathom how a team would use a three point bomber when they're terrible, but with Al Jefferson requiring a double-team and a good drive-and-kick style guard like Flynn, Ellington will have opportunities to fill it up. I anticipate some big games out of Ellington, surrounded by a lot of nothing games, but that's fine, as long as somebody can shoot the ball.

- Damien Wilkins. Meh. I mean, he's totally meh. He's not awful, but he's not going to make your pants tight or anything.

- Devin Green. I have no idea who this is. Instead, you should know that Rusty Gatenby is a really funny name.

SMALL FORWARDS

- Corey Brewer. Coming off a major injury, it's pretty much go time for the guy I said would be "The best player in this draft not named Durant." So yeah, let's do it Corey. He filled it up in the preseaons, leading the Wolves with 14.3 points per game, although he's shot just 37%, which is completely terrifying. Hopefully he can still play defense, or he's gunning for some kind of Least Valuable Player award. Also, he's almost certainly going to be starting at shooting guard, thanks to shitbox collection of shooting guards on this team and because they're far more talented at SF.

- Ryan Gomes. The likely starter, this guy has turned into a pretty good player since coming out of Providence and being drafted late in the second round. Gomes has developed a really good mid-range jumper, and if he wasn't just a little bit too slow to be a true 3 and a little bit undersized to be a true 4, he might be an all-star. I'm totally serious, and perhaps slightly delusional.

POWER FORWARDS

- Kevin Love. He has been screwed, as in he now has several screws in his left hand and is going to miss six-to-eight weeks of action, which sucks. Love won't ever be like, a perennial all-star type, but he's a damn fine player and had a very good rookie season in which he almost averaged a double-double. He was getting better and better too, and in the last 8 games of last season he recorded six double-doubles. I really like this kid, and this injury sucks.

- Oleksiy Pecherov. I don't really know who this is, but I know two things: 1) he's seven feet tall, but just 234 lbs., is listed as a PF instead of a center, and is a commie Euro so he is clearly softer than The Todd's belly after a visit to Pancheros, and 2) Pecker off. ahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah.

- Brian Cardinal. God it makes me very upset that this guy is on a Minnesota team, but not as upset as realizing he's made several tens of millions of dollars in his career by having zero talent but being slightly tall and possessing an embarrassing willingness to fall on the ground. Seriously, you remember this doofus nerd from Purdue, right? Did you know he won Purdue's "Mr Hustle" and "Courage" award all four years he was there? Barf.

CENTERS

- Al Jefferson. Definitely the star of the team, definitely more a PF than a center but forced to play center, and definitely is dealing with both the flu and an achilles tendon problem, which always sounds like the most painful thing in the world to me. You know, if you slice someones achilles and they try to golf, when his weight displacement goes back he won't be able to come through because his weight will all be on his right foot and he'll push everything to the right. Probably end up quitting the game.

- Ryan Hollins. UCLA guy, typical college center type, good scorer around the basket and automatically a good rebounder by virtue of being seven feet tall, but really nothing special. Sadly, he's the best of a mishmash of crappy back up centers.

- Mark Blount. This guy was on the team before, and he sucked and was overpaid then. Now he's older and is making $8 million dollars a year to score four points a game. The only way having him on the team even makes a lick of sense at this point is if they got him as part of a trade and he's coming off the books after this year so they can make a run at LeBron. *giggle*

- Jared Reiner. The internet tells me that this goofball played for Iowa, and I know it wouldn't lie to me, but I sure as hell don't remember him. That could be because Iowa has consistantly had a string of high energy, no talent, tall, skinny, worthless centers who all somehow manage to grab a cup of coffee in the NBA. Remember Brad Lohaus? Don't tell me cloning a human isn't possible, because Iowa has been doing it since he graduated.

So that's the roster as it stands right now. I know there were a lot of moves and some guys who were here are gone, but I have no idea where. I know they had Quentin Richardson (pure shooter), Etan Thomas (defensive force at the Cuse), and the communist from Wake Forest all at some point, but it seems they're gone now. Looking like a long year folks, but, with a little luck and a few more injuries, that #1 pick will be in reach.

Down with Goldy?

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:07:00 +0000

If you're reading this for Gopher news or listen to the radio, you are probably already aware of the controversey surrounding Goldy Gopher's actions on Saturday against Penn State. See below:

Now, the U has already rolled over and issued an apology, which is unfortunate for several reasons, which I will enumerate for you now:

This is the only remotely funny, entertaining, or worthwhile thing Goldy has ever done. They actually had former Goldys call in to KFAN today to discuss this "controversey", and one of them actually used the phrase, "When I was on the team....". I have no idea if he meant the football team or the cheerleading team, but either way it's ridiculous. As a mascot, you are to do two things - make kids laugh and act like an idiot. I don't think there's a team for this, unless you count the damn Shrine Circus.
Sure, the guy was praying. But he wasn't praying in a church, temple, synogogue, mosque, or even in his own house, he was praying in a football stadium. If a mascot runs into a church and starts taunting jesus and raises the roof after kicking over an advent wreath, then we can talk. Hey, if you want we can even say that Goldy was also praying, and evening the score at 1-1 with the Big Wizard in the Sky who cares about football games.
I'm guessing this was kind of an accident. If you notice, Goldy's back is turned when he crosses himself the first time. As JG (who I think is the Paging Jim Shikenjanski guy, but I'm not sure because I wasn't paying attention to any name change) laid out in the comments section over at The Daily Gopher, I'm pretty sure he started out just kneeling to mock the PSU guy, then realized he was praying and was kind of stuck. Plus, he's a mascot. He's a damn mascot, who the hell cares what he does?
Nobody really cared. I was planning on posting a bunch of links to articles with people being outraged, but I can't find anybody who was. Reactions are pretty much either "Meh, no big whoop", or "It was a mistake but no big deal", or "I hate Minnesota and I'm glad they lost and/or look bad" (this one was mostly from Iowa fans). Serious question, if nobody cares, why do you need to issue an apology? I'm seriously embarrassed that the U felt the need to apologize for this.

I don't know why I care though. Any step we can take to get closer to a Goldy-less world is a step I want to be a part of. On second thought, I'm OUTRAGED!

As long as I'm here I might as write a couple more things to give you something to do instead of work for a few more minutes

- Big East preview coming on Friday. Sneak peek - I LOVE Cincinnati this year.

- I keep trying to figure out why I can't get into the MLB playoffs this year, and I think it's because I don't care, either way. Every year there's always somebody to root for (Rockies, Rays) or root against (Red Sox), but I just don't have that this year, which is slightly alarming because the Yankees are still involved. I don't know exactly when I lost my hate for them, but I have a feeling it's right about the time Red Sox fans got so obnoxious that I started hating that team instead. I'm actually pretty glad that the Yankees are doing well and A-Rod is coming up huge, because maybe idiots will finally start appreciated that we're watching maybe the best right-handed hitter in history right here. Or maybe I've just gone soft.

- Huh. I would have thought I'd more to say, yet here we are and I got nothing.

Weekend Review - 10/19/2009

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:21:00 +0000

I kind of sort of wanted to write about how gopher football sucked this weekend, and a 20-0 whopping by Penn State in which they gained all of 138 yards certainly seems like it might warrant it. I'm not, though, because I didn't watch the game and although I usually shoot my mouth off without having all the facts, since this is ostensibly a gopher blog, even though it's basketball focused, I'll hold off. I was going to watch the game, but when I got home from the softball state tournament on Saturday it wasn't on because the Oklahoma/Texas game ran late. Then when it finally switched over I was busy with Wonderbaby^TM and then it was halftime and then I fell asleep. Go gophers.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Rodney Williams and Blake Hoffarber. In case you're completely unaware, the Gophers season officially kicked-off Friday night with Midnight Madness, which in this case is called Tubby's Tip-Off and took place at 7:30. These two get the nod for their big wins in the dunk and 3-point shootout - go ahead and guess who won which contest. Perhaps more impressive than the Hoff's win was who the runner-up was - Justin Cobbs. As good a defender as Al Nolen is, it's no secret to anybody with two eyes that his offense was lacking in a big, big way last season. If it turns out Cobbs can score, even if he can just knock down an open three, that adds another dimension to the offense. As for Rodney in the dunk contest, do yourself a favor and watch this:

[Video removed because it kept freaking out my browser. You can find it at From the Barn or Gophersports.com or pretty much anywhere. Just make an effort, fatty.]

Turns out those reports that he was an incredible athlete: ACCURATE. Additionally, I've read some reports from people who were there (over at the Gopher Hole) and it sounds like Ralph Sampson has bulked up quite a bit this year. Combine that with the fact that Ralph can run a mile in under six minutes, which I learned straight from Tubby's mouth on the radio, and I don't really see any way he doesn't run away with Big Ten Player of the Year.

If you want some really detailed info on 3-point totals by round, and a thorough report on the scrimmage, click your mouse device on this hyperlink.

2. Hakeem Nicks. He just keeps being awesome, so I just have to keep highlighting him. In a suddenly crowded group of NY Giant receivers, Nicks keeps putting up good numbers and might have the highest upside of all of them - and that's no slight on the good Steve Smith. On Sunday he lit up the Saints for 114 and a touch, making this the third straight week he's found the endzone, and, since Eli had a horrid game in the loss, he accounted for 64% of the team's receiving yards. Smith and Mario Manningham both have more yards receiving this year than Nicks, partially due to Hakeem missing two and a half weeks due to injury, but it's becoming more and more obvious just how talented this kid is. Steve Smith might end up with better numbers this year, but Manningham is currently being pushed aside, and neither will end up any near as good as Nicks when all their careers are wrapped up.

3. Sidney Rice. This guy is an asshole. I'm sorry, and normally I don't like to use such coarse language in front of a lady (note: that's you, nancy-boy), but I am required to hate this guy for screwing two of my fantasy teams (yes, I have more than one, kill me). I drafted him in two leagues, and in one of them when I picked him some jackass piped up with "potential will kill you." Then after two weeks of nothing and looking like less than an afterthought, I had to drop him to make room for other players who were actually playing well. Well, since then he's been picked up by other retards in my leagues and scored two TDs in the last four weeks, never dipped below 56 yards receiving, and blew up this weekend with a 6 catch, 176 yard game in the Vikes win. Yeah, well he's too slow to outrun DBs and got caught from behind on what would have been a 70-yard touchdown, so eat it, guys who picked him up.

4. LaDainian Tomlinson. Numbers-wise, at first glance LT's performance last night doesn't look that impressive - 19 carries for 70 yards and 3 catches for 30, but two things are worth noting. First, Denver's defense has been very, very good this year, particularly against the run. Tomlinson's 70 rushing yards and the second most a back has managed to put up against the Broncos, just barely behind the 76 yards they allowed to Cedric Benson in week one. Second, and more importantly, this is more about watching the game than the numbers. Most of last year and this year, Tomlinson has looked slow, tentative, and was unable to either make people miss or break tackles - very similar to Shaun Alexander down towards the end there, and there was quite a bit of talk about how LT might be done. Watching last night, it appears he might be heading back - not to the lofty heights he had reached previously, but I think he's far from done. He was quicker than I had seen him in the last couple of years, making several defenders miss, and was making cuts quickly and decisively, much closer to the good LT than the recent LT. He's not going to be MVP any time soon, but last night was very encouraging.

5. The Beer Stars. That's out softball team, and we are awesome. Took part in the State Tournament this weekend, and ended up walking out with a nice plaque for finishing in fourth place (out of 63 teams). Keep in mind, this isn't some kind of pansy-ass single elimination garbage like those sissies in the NCAA Tournament, this is double. That means in order to finish in fourth, we had to win seven games, finishing up with an impressive 7-2 record that included a win over the (now former) #1 team in the state. Once we got to the final four, I think we were in a different stratosphere. The team that bounced us walked up and were drinking nothing but water and gatorade, and had warm-up donuts for their bats as well as those heavy warm up bats for the on-deck circle. Not quite the same attitude we have, as demonstrated by the name "Beer Stars." It was an excellent two days. I think Snacks is the only other Beer Star who reads this blog, but if any of the others are out there - congrats fellas. We kicked some serious ass.

WHO SUCKED

1. Sam Bradford. Let me give you people a bit of advice: If you ever win a Heisman Trophy and are a guaranteed lock for a 1st round pick in the NFL Draft, just go. Don't be noble. Don't be loyal. Don't be idealistic. Just go. I'm guessing Bradford's wishing he had done that after getting hurt for the second time this season on Saturday, and this one looks like there's a pretty good chance we're talking season's over here. After getting his shoulder ripped in half against BYU in the season opener, he made his big triumphant return on Saturday against Texas in the big ole Red River Rivalry game, managed to sling six passes (completing just two) and then had his shoulder ripped off again. What will this mean for his career? I don't know. It's probably not a career ender or anything, but will a team draft a guy who hurt the same shoulder twice in a season with a first round pick? Seems doubtful. We're talking a loss of multiple millions here. All so he could get up and go to class. Sucker.

2. Terrelle Pryor. Enough with this guy already. He's a good runner. That's it. He's not Michael Vick. He's not Pat White. He's not Vince Young (in college). He's not even Beau Morgan. He's more like Reggie Bush than anything else - elusive, fast runner who can help his team with his legs, but he is not a quality QB and he showed it again this weekend against Purdue. Ohio State went in to West Lafayette and got rolled, 26-18 by a Boiler team that had only one other win on the season (against Toledo). Pryor managed an incredible four turnovers all on his own, not to mention taking a sack on a third-and-five in Purdue territory late in the game with the Buckeyes down eight, and also managed to rush for just 34 yards on 21 attempts. He's awful. But you know what's funny? I just checked, and he actually has a better QB rating than Adam Weber. Good work Adam. You're worse than the college equivalent of Tavaris Jackson.

3. Tennessee Titans. Am I completely crazy, or weren't the Titans supposed to be a Super Bowl type contender this year. Let me check something. Yep, that's what I thought - they won their division last year. Seeing as how they have pretty much the same team as last year, I'm guessing that their current 0-6 record is probably a bit of a shock to pretty much everybody. Not a shock to me though, since I picked them tho finish third in their division. What is a shock to me is the stats the Titans put up in Sunday's devastatingly embarrassing 59-0 loss to the Patriots. It's hard to say what was worse, the offense or the defense. The offense was so bad, that Vince Young was the leading passer for the Titans with a day of 0-2 for 0 yards. That's because Kerry Collins somehow managed to 2-12 for -7, I have no idea how, which nets out to a QB rating of 4.9, which I assume is some kind of record and they exact opposite of the day the Titans' D let Tom Brady have: 29-34 for 380 yards and 6 TDs, which is a QB rating of 152.8. He should probalby be in the Awesome portion of this post, but 1) I hate him, and 2) they pulled him for someone named Brian Hoyer who then went 9-11 for 52 yards in his pro debut. In conclusion, Tennessee sucks worse than this TV movie with Tori Spelling Mrs. W is currently watching.

4. Hideki Kuroda. On Sunday for game 3 of the NLCS, Dodgers' manager Joe Torre had a choice: go with Kuroda or Chad Billingsley. They had pretty similar numbers on the season (Kuroda 3.76 ERA, 1.14 WHIP, Billingsley 4.03 and 1.32), and I'm sure there are a bunch of other factors that I don't feel like spending the time to research, but it seems he chose incorrectly and Kuroda got shelled, giving up six runs without bothering to get out of the second inning. Of course, Billingsley didn't do much better in relief and the offense only managed three hits against Cliff Lee, so none of this really mattered, but there's still a valuable lesson here: you can't trust commies. Luckily, thanks to the second amendment, every man has the right to bear arms to protect himself from these commies, and the right to Liberty. Liberty, if you've forgotten, is the soul's right to breath, and without liberty, man is a syncope.

5. John David Booty. Sad news folks. It's over. John David Booty was released from the practice squad by the Vikings on Thursday in order to make room for some irrelevant o-lineman. Seems a little unfair to get rid of a guy who has never thrown a regular season pass, but nobody said Chilly always makes the right decision. So you people are going to have to give up on your dreams of having discovered a fifth round gem, and I'm going to have to give up on my dreams of using this picture for anything worthwhile:

So it goes.

I don't want.....your squid (Live Movie Blog)

downwithgoldy@yahoo.com (WWWWWW) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 04:51:00 +0000

It's been a while my friends, but I'm back with another live movie blog, and don't even try to pretend like you didn't miss it, because I know you damn well did. After an excellent day of softballing, in which we played in the State Tournament and beat the #1 team in the state 10-9 in Game 1 and then kicked the crap out of a bunch of kids from the same high school I went too 20-3, I deserve a few drinks to relax. Relax and watch an awesome movie. This time we are going to take on another squid movie, which, after Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep seems like a pretty stupid idea. I am encouraged by this one, however, because it stars the one, the only, the magnificently cannon-armed, nimble-footed, Ivy League Smart Jonathan Moxon aka Dawson Leary aka James Vanderbeek. Yes, I'm being serious. For real, look it up. He plays Dan Leland in Eye of the Beast (which is what I'm about to start watching). That career is in rough shape, bro. But Dawson was quite the movie buff, so he wouldn't star in a bad movie that totally lets me down, right?

- Interestingly (well, more like predictably), this one starts just like Kraken did, with a couple trying to enjoy naughty time in a boat in the middle of the ocean. She hears a noise, he says you're imagining things and tries for second base, she denies him and says she heard a noise again, he looks around and says there's nothing there, then they see an otter and assume that's what made the noise, and then they both get eaten by a squid. Only difference this time? The horny jock dude threw an empty beer bottle into the ocean first. So Litter causes death. Al Gore would be proud.

- Oh, and also what tells me this movie is totally classy is that before the squid ate them, they were making out and it's tentacle came onto the boat and felt the chick's leg and she thought it was the guy trying to get to third base. Classy.

- Oh right, I haven't given the summary yet. Here it is, "A scientist tries to stop a giant squid from killing residents of a small town." Oof. They didn't even make an effort.

- That chick who got eaten apparently has no parents, and her brother is in charge of the family now. I know this because he called the cops when she didn't come home last night and says things like, "She's my sister, man." and "Without mom and dad, I'm in charge of her now."

- MOX!!!! The Mox is here. Sling that pill Mox, sling that pill!

- He's got to be "the scientist" from the summary, right? Also we just learned from a stereotypical creepy old man with an eye patch that this island (they're on a island, of course) is famous for the legend of the sea monster that patrols the waters around it. And yes, Dawson is the scientist. This movie is moving quickly. Hopefully we get to the killins.

- And he's got a beard.

- Ah, we get a little backstory. Dawson is there to figure out why there are no fish around the island and the fisherman can't make a living. The fisherman are all bitter at the Indians, believing it is their fault since they can "catch whatever they want with no permits, some tribal right's crap." Sounds like we'll get some good ole fashioned racism. And for some reason that isn't explained, the fisherman are also mad at a scientist showing up - a scientist whose job it is to research the issues they are having and help them get back their livelihood. Once again, logic and reason lose to a hastily written script - I assume scribed on either a napkin or some sort of cracker.

- Did you know Captain Morgan is only 70 proof? Real alcohol is 80 proof. That really rocks my world.

- Some poor dumb bastard just got eaten. But he got eaten when he was standing on shore, and so the squid glided up to five feet from shore or so. Meaning either the squid has no body, this part of the ocean drops off to about 10 feet right off of shore, or once again logic and reason lose. Let's just choose B, which has at least a possibility of being true.

- Looks like there's a full moon, and the Mox Boat is still out on the water. I suppose it's too much to ask that Mox could turn into a werewolf. God that would be sweet.

- Ok, so they just found the destroyed boat from the opening scene, as well as the dead dude who it seems didn't get eaten. Based on everything else so far, including the fisherpeople's complete disregard for science or facts, I'm going to predict that Mox tries to tell everybody it's a squid but the town's people and fishermen won't believe him. Sort of like trying to talk to Dawger about Cal Ripken, actually.

- Oh for christ's sake he's alive. He's been out there at least a full day and night, and it's fall wherever they are (gotta either be the pacific northwest or the northeast) and it's cold because everyone is wearing stocking caps and big ole jackets, yet no ill effects suffered by being in the water 24 hours. Nevermind, he only snapped awake long enough to cryptically say, "A monster...." and then died again.

- So the sheriff, there's a female sheriff helping Mox if I forgot to mention that, is half-Injun, with a full Injun mother. A minority sheriff on an island spilling over with racial tension and poorness? It's like we're sitting on top of a powder keg here people, one little spark could cause an explosion the likes of which hasn't been seen since Nagasaki. Powder. Effing. Keg.

- Dawson - a marine biologist, mind you - is now researching the giant squid. Using google. I am 100% serious. I'm just surprised they don't spring wikipedia on us too. Actually, everything I've written on here before about giant squids is probably more scientificaly accurate, so maybe DWG will pop up on the Mox's computer. His honey Darcy has been on here a couple of times.

- Indian sheriff lady to Mox, "I'm heading over to the east shore to investigate a missing tourist, if you're up for it." Mox, "I'm up for anything." You sly dog.

- Boring chit chat, minor flirting, bunch of drinks, sheriff let's her hair down and looks kind of hot suddenly, major flirting, Dawson accidentally starts a race riot between the indians and whiteys. Yawn. This might be the most boring one yet.

- Some 700-year old man fishing finds a severed leg, which I guess is supposed to have come from the squid's first girl victim, confirming for the guy who had to raise her after his "Parents are gone, man! They're gone and she's all I have!" that she is, in fact, dead. Nice job raising her, paco. Maybe you shouldn't let her go out on strange boats with Rapey McGroperson. It's a fact that squid hate pre-marital sex.

- Speaking of pre-marital sex, how hot was Courtney Thorne-Smith in Summer School? Dear Lord. Actually, that's a pretty good movie all the way around. Plus Mark Harmon gallivants around the whole time with his chest hair hanging out. You should probably rent it. In case that's not enough from you, the chick who played Alotta Fagina and this chick are also in it:

- Wait wait wait just wait a minute. I have just learned, and there's a good chance they said this earlier when I wasn't paying attention, that they are actually on a freshwater lake. So essentially, not only is this the first-ever freshwater squid in history, but it also happens to be a giant. Dawson, of course, theorizes it could be an architeuthis, which is straight up incorrect because that is a genus of saltwater squid, and if they suddenly found a freshwater giant squid it would be a whole new genus and probably family and even order as well. Hooray for science.

- Mox just claimed that there are freshwater squid documented in Florida. Hold on.

- Hmm. I found a site that has a whole breakdown of the history, physiology, and habits of a freshwater squid found in Florida called "The Mayfly Squid." But I also found one that dismisses all freshwater squid talk as urban legends, dilluision, and wishful thinking, so I'm not sure what to think. Unfortunately that already took like 10 minutes, during which I'm sure I missed several important plot points, so I won't be able to research further, lest I fall too far behind.

- BACKSTORY - Injun sheriff lady saw her dad get killed by a giant squid all those years ago in this same lake, so now she holds a grudge and that's why everyone thinks she's crazy and that there's no squid here at all. I think they did this with Jerry O'Connell's brother in that other squid movie I already blogged.

- Holy crap was that awesome. Some douchebag and his ugly wife were having a heart to heart about if they could stay on the island anymore what with the fishing sucking and no money and all that and in the middle of their sappy little hug and shit the squid attacked out of nowhere. So awesome. Of course, they got away after the dude sliced part of a tentacle off. He then brought it to the bar, apparently the only one on the island, and showed everybody there saying, "The Fells Island Monster is real!" Then everybody ran to get their boats to go after it. Kind of like in Jaws when all the boats are around looking for the shark, but with more inbreds.

- Then Dawson goes and finds indian lady (she wasn't at the bar, she was getting drunk at home) and drops this line, "We're gonna need two boats." I can't decide if that's an homage or a rip-off, but either way it's his best line since "I don't want..yo' life."

- By the way, it was total bullshit that the Twins didn't bring back Mo Sanford (whose page we sponsor at Baseball Reference) for any of the Metrodome festivities. Total bullcrap.

- There's been a god awful amount of lead up to this stupid squid. It better be worth it.

- I'm too tired to explain what stupid thing just happened, but let's just say it's impossible to see a giant squid in a tiny lake in the Pacific Northwest with a satellite.

- So here's the big plan. Mox and Injun Jane have their precious two boats, one captained by the redneck fisher dorks and the other captained by the Injuns, in a perfect display of the racial harmony and coming together that plagues low-rent, poorly written movies and they plan to net the squid between the two boats and "keep it at the surface so it's bouyancy sensors are disoriented and it will be helpless." What? I have no idea what that means, but it sounds a lot like the "if we turn on this strobe light it will make that shark jump in the air and we can ram it" plan from Jaws IV. I'm just praying for this to end at this point. Preferably with no boat ramming of any kind.

- American Psycho is on IFC right now. I actually own it on DVD, but I'm still quite tempted to flip over instead of finishing this. Just 25 minutes left according to Tivo.

- PRIVATE MESSAGE TO The Todd: You mentioned on here once that there were some "adult" pictures of that chick from the Big Bang Theory. I have been unable to locate. Plz hlp.

- The Squid is approaching. Fisherman guy: "That's no boat. That's a space station."

- Squid rammed Dawson's boat, somehow making the boat stop moving and creating more smoke than that time I tried to warm up a Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburger while still in it's foil wrapper. Man, was that a mistake. Almost as bad as the time I tried to heat water in the microwave to make cup o' noodles for lunch, but I tried to warm it up in a cup that was partially metal. Yeah, I'm not really all that great with microwaves.

- Pretty sure A-Rod has shirked that "not clutch" label, yes?

- I feel like this Live Movie Blog is devolving a bit, you? The squid is attacking and there's a lot of yelling but I'm not really paying attention because I'm writing about my troubles with microwaves. Speaking of waves, did you know if you turn your tv to a channel you don't get and you see that white static, a small part of those waves coming through are left-over from the Big Bang? I'm totally not making that up. Some dudes won the Nobel Prize for that.

- The boat full of indians is the one what that got attacked. There are no more indians now. Squid boy did quite a number there, quite a number. I think the plan of trapping the squid in a net between two boats is probably out the window at this point. You know, cuz they only have one boat.

- Wow, this baseball game just won't end. Angels and Yanks heading to the 12th.

- I'm not sure what the plan is now, but it appears to be: fishermen hack at tentacles and then get eaten, indian lady gets her shirt wet, and Mox does something in the control room while never putting himself in danger. Shit dude, that would be my plan. Why would I give two shits about some rednecks and some red faces? Let the squid be, my brother, let the squid be.

- By the way, all we ever see of the squid are tentacles, which are clearly made out of plaster. This is a real let down. They didn't even bother showing the squid at any point.

- Oh. There it is. Traditionally a giant squid is described as having eyes the size of dinner plates. This one's are the size of a car. But the good news is, it can be killed by some indian lady throwing a harpoon into it's eye. Feels like a Nintnedo game, no? Oh, the end boss is indestructible - unless of course you hit it in the freaking eye ball with a harpoon. The same harpoon you had to get from the elvish king in the forest of enchanted unicorns by beating the cyclops, but only after you make sure and get the golden sword from the Dark Wizard of the forbidden cave.

- OMG. That's so dumb. After the squid is dead, they go ahead and manufacture even more drama by having the indian lady have her leg get caught in the anchor rope of all things. Dawson jumps in and saves her and then they make out in the water. Her leg got caught in the anchor rope and pulled her over board. Honestly I have no words at this point, so thank god that's the end. Despite actually probably the best acting of any of these movies I've blogged on here, the plot and effects and writing were unforgiveable. Not worth it. Don't be brave and try to rent this. I promise it's not worth it. I've been putting off blogging "Giant Octopus vs. Mega Shark" because I know it's going to be a classic and I'm building up the anticipation, but I may need to turn to it next. Check back next time.