Doxology Mine

What we've been up to.

2012-02-22T12:46:00.000-06:00

So thankful to have a "day off" from pressing calligraphy project deadlines. I'm loving the business--and the work--but I can't say it doesn't make me feel super stretched to the limit. When I actually sit down at my drafting table and work, I really love it. But usually I wake up and in the torrent of hormones that is the state of my pregnant body, I want to pull the covers back over my head and forget about responsibility. And just that feeling makes me feel like a failure.

When we moved to Memphis, one of the extremely sweet and providential things God did for us was place us at a church where vulnerability in relationships is championed. Our pastor has a long history in counseling, and he is sincerely interested in his staff and their spouses and how they're getting on with life. Since life and I haven't been the best of friends recently, so I went to talk with him last week. There were no "Five Steps to Happiness" given, or quick and simple answers to my hormonal vacuum, but to share my frustrations and fears with someone other than Tony (who feels what I feel and isn't completely objective (as he shouldn't be!)) was so relieving. And since that simple talk with Joe--and the big burger, large fry, and chocolate shake he made me go buy afterward to enjoy in silence--I have felt a big difference. I think the key is sharing our struggles. When I try to muscle through without God's help (because I should be able to do this by myself, dang it!) or the help of the people that care about me (because I should be able to do this by myself, dang it!), I fail. Every time.

All that to say: be honest with yourself, with God, and with others about your struggles, and I think you'll find, like I did, that you're not alone. What a beautiful truth.

On to kid pictures!

Our big, bottle-holding baby. We've never had a bottle-fed baby before, and I must say, it is nice to occasionally plop the kid down on some pillows with a bottle and do what you need to do.

Handsome, handsome little man:

We found out Baby Four is a boy! Name still TBD.

I caught this look of Judah's after nap one day, and it is just the perfect representation of what that time of day is like:

We played outside. One day. Several weeks ago.

This girl is an artist, hands down. It is innate in her little person, and I love it. Today we went to Target and Judah picked a foam sword. Elizabeth picked a pack of mini gel pens. So her.

An example of what she draws: a keep-out sign for her bedroom door. Hmmm....

She also likes to put Judah in drag. I laugh, Tony gets irritated.

We found out my sister's baby is a GIRL! Hooray for pink things and little girl clothes!

Last Saturday we braved Chuck E. Cheese for the first time ever. It was surprisingly not the Apocalypse! Also, while we were there, two ladies from my church (including my pastor's wife) were at our house cleaning. How blissfully wonderful. That might have contributed to my extremely relaxed approach to the Chuck E. Cheese madness.

And this is what we call all played out.

That's what we've been up to! Off to read up on how to make fondant for Judah's Buzz Lightyear birthday cake. He turns three on Friday! Maybe if I keep this up there might be a post about it. Here's hoping!

The BE MINE Project.

2012-02-11T21:59:00.000-06:00

Hello there! I have pictures today! And a new, streamlined blog-look. I needed to simplify.

My friend Charlotte, whom you may remember from a recent post, orchestrated a Valentine's Day crafty project she called "BE MINE." The idea was to get a name and address from Char, make a Valentine, and send it to them. There were no rules or restrictions or guidelines or suggestions as to what the Valentine could be, which kind of stressed me out at first, then forced me to get creative. I lay in bed the night before I made it with my mind whirling with ideas, most of which centered around breaking out the sewing machine I didn't know how to use. Thankfully, my mother-in-law was already planning to come over that next morning so I figured she could show me how to thread a dang bobbin. And she did! This is what evolved after that:

A little set of four notecards with the initials of my "Valentine" in gold, with some gold embellished corners and a gold swirl on the back of the envelope. Also a tiny pink zig-zag of thread to make it special. I left my sewing machine out for a good week thinking that now that I knew how to do some basic stuff, I would tackle all the sewing projects I had in my infinite list of Things I Want to Do Eventually.

The machine definitely sat there and collected dust for days and days.

Anyway, just wanted to share since I amazingly already uploaded the pics from my camera. Kid pics coming next, I promise.

P.S. How fun are wire words? Learned that neat trick from Emily.

Some updating.

2012-01-18T17:20:00.000-06:00

Hello there, sweet friends who actually still read this. We are--all six of us--still alive over here. Blogging has taken an extreme backseat to living, which seems completely to fill up my time on its own (imagine that!). Things are very slowly settling down though. Here are updates on us:

We moved into our very first home the day before Christmas Eve. It was a crazy, crazy time, as I'm sure you can imagine. The kids' first night here was Christmas Eve. It will most certainly be a holiday we will never forget! God is so good to me, even in the little things. He knows how I work. If I get too excited too early, it wears off and then I'm left with blah. I kept wondering why I wasn't jumping out of my seat every time I thought about moving into our house. I just was not that excited. Ready, but not excited. Overwhelmed, but not excited. Looking forward to what I hoped it would mean for our family, but not excited. You get the picture. But since we've moved in, I've seen the kindness of the Lord at work in this small thing in my heart. Because instead of being prematurely ecstatic, I have slowly and sweetly been realizing specific things I love about our house. I know that my coming about it this way will make my thankfulness grow permanent in my heart. I am so grateful to the Lord for working in me this way about something that is so near and dear to me as a wife and mother: my home.

I am almost 21 weeks pregnant (I always want to round up the weeks when I'm pregnant, ha.) We have yet to find out whether this sweet one is our second baby girl or our third baby boy. We've had issues with switching insurance, otherwise we would probably know already! It's funny how stuff changes with consecutive pregnancies...I would have been losing my mind if I had gone this long without knowing with my first one! We had the date planned and I literally could not sleep the night before. With this one, our precious fourth, I am so much less anxious. I still want to know, absolutely, but I'm not flipping out. Don't even really know why! Perhaps I have a few other things to distract me during the day....

Elizabeth is almost 4 and a half, Judah is almost 3, and Rivers is almost 10 months. They are my discipline and my joy, my tears and my laughter. They are the the low and high of every day, the worst and the very, very best. Hard to explain, but maybe you've been there too?

I really did not intend to do a lengthy, pictureless post, but I was already at the computer and waiting for something to download and there you go. I had lost my good camera's battery charger, so there is a depressing lack of quality pictures from Christmas and the move-in. Found it when we moved though, so there should be some pictures on here the next go round.

I'll leave you with yet another link to Kingdom Poets. I couldn't help it--T.S. Eliot is the most recent post, and not only that, but the excerpt featured is one of my most favorite of his. Maybe THE most. Feed your soul, and I hope I'll see you back here soon enough.

"The dove descending...."

Guest post, sort of.

2011-11-18T13:49:00.001-06:00

{This is a post I hijacked (with permission) from my talented

graphic designer friend Charlotte from pickle.}

"I have been so excited to share this project. It has been a work in progress since the summer. Jaclyn Thomas (of Jaclyn Thomas Designs) asked me to design the invitation for her wedding this past Saturday.

Jaclyn has been a mutual best friend for the past couple of years. She and Lauren have been best friends since high school, so we have crossed paths many times. Jaclyn’s new hubby went to WKU so I got to know him through Ryan. All that to say, when Jaclyn came to our wedding in January, I asked her to do my makeup. So I was thrilled to be part of her day too.

We met up in the summer and she shared her wedding idea book. It was all gorgeous. I was thrilled to be a part of something so amazing. Jaclyn had some ideas for her invitation and I knew I couldn’t do it alone. So Rachel Fisher (of the Written Words and my sweet mentor through high school) created the handwritten part of the invite. It was our first collaboration project– something we had been talking about for a long time. I loveeeee the finished product!

After Jaclyn saw the amazing work of Rachel Fisher, she decided she needed some more! We did place cards for all of the guests at the reception. It was a big job, but so beautiful. Then Jaclyn decided to do an extra large seating chart (over 5 feet tall!). Chris built a wooden stand and she attached my chart.

Rachel also did a map for the guests. I had no idea that she could draw so well! Sorry, but these pictures do not show how amazing the maps are. The paper was thick and textured with rounded corners. It doesn’t much better than this:

The program had some of Rachel’s letter too. Jaclyn did such a great job of tying everything together.

And on top of all of the paper goods, the rest of the wedding was amazinggg!! The reception was in a airplane hangar and was beautiful. Plus I got to see sweet friends.

I love this picture!

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Journey!!!"

Soul food.

2011-09-22T15:29:00.000-05:00

Here I am, back again promoting Kingdom Poets. Found an especially good one today by John Newton.

Why should I fear the darkest hour

Why should I fear the darkest hour,

Or tremble at the tempter's power?

Jesus vouchsafes to be my tower.

Though hot the fight, why quit the field?

Why must I either fly or yield,

Since Jesus is my mighty shield?

When creature comforts fade and die,

Worldlings may weep, but why should I?

Jesus still lives, and still is nigh.

Though all the flocks and herds were dead,

My soul a famine need not dread,

Jesus is my living bread.

I know not what may soon betide,

Or how my wants shall be supplied;

But Jesus knows, and will provide.

Though sin would fill me with distress,

The throne of grace I dare address,

For Jesus is my righteousness.

Though faint my prayers and cold my love,

My steadfast hope shall not remove,

While Jesus intercedes above.

Against me earth and hell combine;

But on my side is power divine;

Jesus is all, and He is mine!

The third and fifth stanzas made my heart swell as the truth of them resounded in me. And "Jesus is all, and He is mine!" Yes!

[Incredible] Crispy Beef Fajita Wraps.

2011-09-14T09:25:00.001-05:00

First of all, this is going to be kind of a downer post, as there are zero pictures. I have reasons for this, though, which are the following: 1) I didn't expect the utter deliciousness that this dish ended up being, and 2) I was entirely too busy. I'm posting the recipe anyway, mostly to have for my own records since all my cookbooks are still in a box somewhere and I have resorted to carrying around recipes on a piece of notebook paper folded inside a book in my purse. Not kidding.

You could make these wraps at 9:30 in the morning or at 9:30 at night and not be sorry. It's that good.

(This is a spin off of this recipe, mentioned here the other day, as featured on this blog. How indirect and six-degrees-of-separation is that? It's a spin off because I used beef instead of chicken (we didn't have any poultry on hand) and it's much more Mexican-y. Yum yum delicioso.)

(Also, can I give a quick second to the greatness that is Pinterest? Please. It's like the Picasa collage things I've been into recently. The organization is just...making...me...so...happy! My meager beginnings can be found here.)

Here you go! Get thee to a kitchen.

Crispy Beef Fajita Wraps

INGREDIENTS:

THE MEAT SEASONING

- 1 to 1.5 lb. flank or strip steak, cut into 1-to-2-inch strips

- 1.5 tsp. garlic powder

- 4 T. minced onions (I used the dry kind)

- 1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

- 1 T. coarse salt

- 2 tsp. ground cumin

- 3 T. lime juice (two whole limes)

- a good, generous sprinkling of liquid smoke (~1-2 tsp.?)

- a good, generous sprinkling of Worcestershire sauce (~2 T.)

- drizzle of olive oil

THE RICE MIXTURE (straight from original recipe)

- 1 C rice (I used long grain, brown), already made.

- 1 can drained and rinsed black beans

- 1 to 2 green onions, green + white parts, chopped well.

- 1/2 red bell pepper, chopped up pretty well.

- 1/2 bunch cilantro (I use the top half of the bunch, stems and all, just chopped well.)

- juice of 1 lime

- 1/2 T. chili powder

- 1 tsp. cumin

- 1/2 tsp. garlic salt (which I didn't have, so I used half garlic powder, half regular salt. It worked.)

OTHER

- sour cream

- freshly grated cheese (I used colby jack)

- 8-10 medium tortillas

- 1 stick REAL butter (my addition)

DIRECTIONS:

Dump everything in the meat seasoning list on top of the already cut meat on a plate. Mix and rub into meat with your hands.

Melt half a stick of butter (1/4 C) in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Throw the meat in and let it sizzle on one side for a good bit, until the red is almost out of the top. Believe me, it tastes good if it gets a little blackened on the underside. The second batch I forgot about got a tad charred, but it was the best. And I don't generally like charred meat. I was also worried about the meat being tough because I didn't have time to marinate it, but it wasn't! It was just right.

Cut up the green onions, bell pepper, cilantro, and mix them and the black beans and the spices (chili powder, cumin, and garlic salt) all in with the rice.

When the meat is finished cooking (make sure the pieces aren't too big!), mix it into the rice too. Now you have one big goulash mixture of everything, which tastes unbelievable by itself.

Heat 1-2 T of butter in skillet over medium-high heat. Take the tortillas and one by one, add sour cream and shredded cheese down the middle, then spoon the rice + meat mixture down over that. Roll tightly and place seam-side-down in the skillet. Repeat for as many will fit comfortably in the pan. The goal here it to crisp them up (or I guess essentially fry the outsides in butter...there's a big clue to their yumminess). When the undersides are nice and crispy golden brown, flip them and do it to the other side. Remove and place on a plate. Slap some more butter in that pan and do another batch and another batch until you use up all your tortillas and rice + meat mixture.

The crispyness combined with the creaminess combined with the caliente-ness is just so delicious. We ate these tonight with a salad and some chips and homemade salsa, which I must have made literally hundreds of times. My recipe mostly follows this recipe, previously praised and featured here, and is something Tony and I crave weekly, if not daily.

Sorry for this extremely loquacious (I love that word!) recipe, but I like recipes that explain things thoroughly. I feel it's better to err on the wordy side, at least for recipes anyway.

Happy Wednesday, and happy eating.

New label: loveliness. Specifically created for this post.

2011-09-08T16:25:00.000-05:00

Today I was blog-hopping (glorious naptime) and found the following from this site featured at this site.

{Whimsy & Spice}

I had to employ some serious self control (think: calming the heart rate, rehearsing the budget) not to order this gorgeous, practical piece of culinary art right this instant. So I'm blogging about it instead, in the hopes that by the time my birthday comes around, because I've recorded it in my blog-memory, I'll have a gift idea for anyone who asks. Ahem.

Now to stop drooling.

Elizabeth's birthday.

2011-08-19T00:22:00.001-05:00

We started the morning with birthday decorations and a few small presents she could open without Daddy (who had had to leave for work already). She got scissors--yikes?--construction paper, stickers, and a small dry erase crayon kit. Then there was this...

Monkey Bread. Too good for its own (or anyone else's) good.

It's the Fisher Family Birthday Breakfast.

[Author's Note: I'm going to go ahead and apologize for the many, many collages that are inevitably coming your way in the future of this blog. They just make everything so...organized. Bliss.]

Then there was the renting of a never-before-seen morning movie (Rio), which they loved and have since watched at least four more times. We definitely get our money's worth out of rented movies.

Then it was on to birthday Slip 'n' Slide fun!

And then there was this:

But I think he's okay....

(Oh hey, Buddy. How could I leave you out?)

After the outside fun, Tony brought home Chick-Fil-A and they had a picnic. (I took my food and the sweating baby inside.) Then there were a few bites of ice cream, a cartoon or two, and then it was naptime. Well, it was naptime for Judah, anyway, as Elizabeth used the "But it's my birthday and I can't sleep" line and got out of it. (Sigh.)

UPS delivered our gift to Elizabeth at around 1:30 p.m. We put the big box on the kitchen table and she endured hours of agony (I tried calling it "practicing patience," to no avail) until Tony and my parents got home and she could open it. Hello Loving Family Grand Dollhouse! I must confess, I was pretty excited to play with it too.

After she opened her "big present," we left to go eat dinner. My parents kept the boys and we took E to Osaka for some delicious hibachi (extra emphasis totally necessary). I was watered up for it all day, and kept thinking how awesome it was that she wanted to go there and not somewhere like Chuck E. Cheese, though I have an ominous feeling that that day's coming.

She fell asleep on the ride home from dinner, but woke up enough to get sung to [sorry; that sounds so grammatically awful] and open up a few more presents from BeBe and Bear. She got three new rooms (the laundry room, bathroom, and living room, which only has one chair [huh?]) to get her dollhouse started. She's been playing with it ever since!

I know everyone says this and that I've said it at least 3 times in my life previously and that I'm going to say it countless other times in the future, but I CANNOT believe she's as old as she is. I can't believe it was four years ago that we were doing the baby thing for the first time: going to the hospital, experiencing childbirth and bringing her into the world, nursing, changing diapers, taking her home ("We're allowed to just walk out of here with her?"), sitting around while she napped and feeling like surely there was more to do with a baby (oh, just wait, little Rachel), watching her smile, sit up, stand, cruise, walk. Hearing her laugh and begin to talk. Those were such sweet days. And now we've had four years of sweet days, and Lord willing, a multitude of sweet days to come. Praise God for such a daughter.

Happiest of birthdays to my best girl!

Things to note.

2011-08-10T18:07:00.002-05:00

{Collage made with my current favorite thing: the free Picasa program}

So this may be a regular thing.

2011-08-02T10:32:00.000-05:00

So ever since I found D.S. Martin's blog, via The Rabbit Room, I've felt like that little literature-class-sized hole in my life has been filled. If only I could take some fresh new notebooks and a package of Uniball Precise pens and sit at a desk, I'd be complete. (I'm really only partially joking. My husband is still confounded at the school lover in me.)

Anyway, Kingdom Poets featured Angelico Chavez a couple of days ago, and I wanted to share one of his little poems that moved me with its simplicity and profundity. I have visions of it calligraphied and framed and hanging somewhere in my once and future home.

Jesus at the Well

Give me to drink this desert wine,
This water welled by men;
Amen, I say, but drink of mine,
You shall not thirst again.

Give me to drink, for I am I,
Begging from earthly jars,
Who plunged the Dipper in the sky
And splashed the night with stars.

"..for I am I." Yes.

Read this.

2011-07-29T16:02:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I read this article. I knew immediately that if Rachel Jankovic had written anything else, I wanted to read it too. Turns out, she had written something else. She had written a book.

Bought it, got it, am currently devouring it during Rivers' nursing sessions. It is appropriately short, as the ones most likely to be reading it are other mothers "in the trenches," who have no time for novels (though I desperately wish I did). By the way, as soon as I read the subtitle I did not deliberate at all about purchasing this book. Yes. Multiple copies please. I will give some away and have backups for myself. Thank you.

So far, it has not disappointed. It has challenged and encouraged and un-isolated me. It has realigned my perspective, which is one reason I will probably be reading and rereading this book through the years. If you are a mother, especially a mother with young ones (A MOTHER IN THE TRENCHES! Ahem.), you should read this book.

That's all.

Well, that's all except one more thing...here's the the snake video again if you missed it!

Our snake encounter.

2011-07-27T12:57:00.000-05:00

So, if you've seen Tony and I any time within the last two weeks, you've probably seen this video. We've even shown it to strangers. And now it's on YouTube. We're just waiting on our millions to come in.

Just kidding. Sort of.

Here's the story: We are on our way down to East Memphis, driving about 65 mph on Sam Cooper. All of a sudden, Tony catches something out of the corner of his eye. He does a double take, and sure enough, it's a snake head coming up from our engine! I'm so glad he had to presence of mind to whip out his phone and record the whole crazy deal, or I couldn't share this with you today and your lives would remain unchanged.

Just kidding. Sort of.

Enjoy the madness!

Sweet faces.

2011-06-30T18:35:00.001-05:00

Stirring.

2011-06-23T22:50:00.000-05:00

I discovered a poem today, along with a new blog to follow. I also discovered the poetry-lover that has lain dormant in me for a while under the day-to-day piling on of wife/motherhood tasks and duties that are not usually conducive to literature reading (except nursing, which is one reason I love it so very, very much).

I found said poem (and said blog) via this tweet from Andrew Peterson, the author of a series of books called the Wingfeather Saga, the third of which I just finished two nights ago (The Monster in the Hollows, see the link over to the right under "Currently Reading"):

@AndrewPeterson

Andrew Peterson

This poem by John Betjeman is brutally honest. Thank God I'm not alone in this feeling.http://bit.ly/k1t40W

Here's the post as featured at The Rabbit Room, which was originally written by D.S. Martin on his blog, Kingdom Poets.

And here's the poem, written by Sir John Betjeman {1906-1984}. Steady your soul.

The Conversion of St. Paul

   What is conversion? Not at all
   For me the experience of St Paul,
   No blinding light, a fitful glow
   Is all the light of faith I know
   Which sometimes goes completely out
   And leaves me plunging into doubt
   Until I will myself to go
   And worship in God's house below--
   My parish church--and even there
   Find distractions everywhere.

   What is Conversion? Turning round
   To gaze upon a love profound.
   For some of us see Jesus plain
   And never once look back again,
   And some of us have seen and known
   And turned and gone away alone,
   And most of us turn slow to see
   The figure hanging on a tree
   And stumble on and blindly grope
   Upheld by intermittent hope.
   God grant before we die we all
   May see the light as did St Paul.

I love this poem's vulnerability and transparency, and I love how concisely, simply, accessibly, and beautifully it conveys its sentiment, just like good poetry is supposed to do. Taking the time to read and meditate on things like this makes something in my soul come alive. My heart responds to the truth and beauty of it.

Has anything resonated with you lately? If so, I'd love to hear about it. I think this would count as an exercise in "stirring one another up to love and good works."

And I pray that as we do so, we would also stir others to "[turn] round [and] gaze upon a love profound."

Real Life: Family Beach Pictures.

2011-06-18T11:56:00.001-05:00

So we tried to get a family picture before we left the beach a couple weeks ago. None came out "just right," but I think I like these just as well. Judah is in various stages of escape, Tony is trying to contain him, I'm attempting to fix everyone, Elizabeth is struggling between her desire to pose and her desire to play in the sand, and Rivers is just being himself...a great baby. The result is a series of pictures that I think captures this stage in our life perfectly. Enjoy.

Rivers' birth story.

2011-05-24T15:28:00.008-05:00

This was me the day Rivers entered the world. It was also my due date, March 26, and the day of my last blog post ("The Labor Liturgy," how timely!). I was in labor here, but didn't know it yet for sure.

Backstory to the birth story: I decided at about 36 weeks just to consider laboring naturally. I called my sweet friend Lauren who's a midwife in Nashville (and who also makes an appearance from time to time on TLC's Baby's First Day...totally awesome) and asked her if she thought I was crazy to decide so late to do this. The conversation I had with her was the beginning of a spiritual journey for me that I'm convinced God instigated and saw through to completion the day I delivered Rivers. I knew I wanted to try to go "all natural," but I never could place why. None of the usual answers seemed to fit for me; I didn't feel like I had anything to prove, and I didn't so much even want to prove it to myself (though that was a part of it). So when Lauren started talking about fear, something clicked. That was it! I didn't want to be afraid anymore. If childbirth was something God created and made our bodies to do perfectly on their own, I didn't want to fear it, and I realized I had feared it for a long time. I could go into all the spiritual parallels God brought to my attention, but it's 11 p.m. and, you know, I've got a newborn. And two toddlers. I need sleep.

Anyway, once I figured out why I wanted to consider going naturally, it was like the Lord went into overtime encouraging me to do it. And that's what it was...encouragement. He was putting courage in my heart to face what I feared. It felt like every day in my Scripture reading I was finding verses about fear, and they were (and are) so beautiful and precious to me. I also read a book on the Bradley method (and then--much too late!--wanted to take Bradley classes. Maybe next time.) and watched the Ricki Lake documentary "The Business of Being Born", both per the advice of my friend Mary. Again, these things were an encouragement. Around this time I subconsciously moved from the vague mental state of wanting to deliver Rivers naturally but also kind of expecting to give in and get the epidural to deciding that that wasn't an option for me anymore. More importantly, I decided (with the courage He had put in my heart!) to trust God in the middle of my fear.

So, that was a long backstory. Moving on.

I spent the entire morning just incredibly frustrated. I was frustrated at being pregnant, I was frustrated at having to watch the clock and analyze contractions, and I was frustrated more than anything that I didn't know for sure if this was labor or not. I raged around the house for a while and finally sat down to eat for the first time that day at about 1:30 p.m. At this point the contractions were about 7-ish minutes apart, and I was just so annoyed. They eventually started coming between 3-4 minutes apart, but because they weren't exactly 3 minutes apart or exactly 4 minutes apart, I still couldn't decide if it was real labor or not! (I realize this is pitiful and ridiculous.) Anyway, at about 2 p.m., I started bleeding a bit and could tell the contractions were intensifying. I was so worried about getting to the hospital too soon, but I didn't remember where in the progression of labor bright red blood came in and Tony was extremely concerned that he was going to have to deliver his son in the car or something. So we decided to go ahead to the hospital, and--as you will see--I'm way glad we left when we did (around 2:30). Normally, it takes about 30 minutes to get to the hospital, but it was rainy that day and traffic was terrible. I remember second guessing our decision to leave when we did about 5 minutes into the drive, but then almost immediately after two things happened almost simultaneously: I got really at peace with our decision to leave and my contractions got a whole lot worse. I opened my eyes about twice that whole 45-minute car ride.

We got to the hospital about a quarter after three. I had a contraction walking to the door and had to stop and hang on Tony for a minute. We walked in the main entrance and met an empty desk with a small paper sign that said to go to the ER desk for assistance. Going to the ER in labor on a Saturday...bad news.

I thought we were going to bypass the whole signing-in process because I had asked my doctor weeks earlier if I needed to pre-register in order to avoid what was about to happen. Turns out, there must have been some miscommunication somewhere because I was not in the system. So we stood. In a packed ER waiting room. With some very worried people who thought they were about to witness a birth. And they really almost did.

I had maybe 5 intense contractions during our time answering questions at the desk. Each time I leaned against the wall like I was doing a calf stretch and breathed. I can't remember if I was moaning yet at this point. In between contractions I paced a little and tried to help answer the questions, hoping against hope to hurry this crap up! The lady behind the desk was amazingly emotionless. She told us that she tried to call the transport team for a wheelchair to take me up to the labor and delivery floor, but no one was answering (again, it was a Saturday and apparently there's never any need for transporting people on Saturdays).

After 15-20 minutes (or 8 hours), we got signed in and some angel of mercy came with a wheelchair. Sitting down was not comfortable, so the couple of contractions I had on the way there I think I got a little loud. I remember closing my eyes and moaning and then feeling the man pushing me start to jog and yell at the crazy people ambling along in front of us. I also remember telling him thank you because the breeze from the speeding wheelchair felt so good.

We got to the room and I got in a gown and crouched on the the bed, trying to find a pain-relieving position. Tony asked the nurses if I was going to have to have an IV (I didn't want one), and the nurses said that I would have to if I was past 6 centimeters. I remember thinking, "Great." I got into bed after the contraction was over and got checked. I was just hoping to be at around 8, but--praise the Lord--I was completely dilated and had a bulging bag of waters. I was so incredibly relieved to hear that I had already passed the transition phase. And also, because I was so close to delivering, they said they didn't have time for an IV.

Sidenote: Because I decided so late to attempt natural labor, I felt completely unprepared on the prayer side of things. I didn't know what specifics to pray for, so I prayed that God would cover those things. I had to walk in the trust that He would take care of all the little things I didn't know to pray for. And he so did! Like the IV matter, and even standing up in the hospital waiting room going through transition. That pain, as intense as it was, probably would have seemed even more so if I did not have those distractions. (And the fact that the really intense labor lasted only about two hours. Everything was so fast.) God proved Himself faithful a thousand times that day, and it was so sweet to look back on the events and realize that.

Back to the delivery room. I was 10 centimeters dilated, but my water hadn't broken yet. The nurses had called my doctor and they told me it would be twenty minutes before she got there. I remember looking at Tony after a few minutes and, in all seriousness, asking him how long I could just lie there at 10 centimeters. I was also ruining the neckline of his shirt grasping it during each contraction.

Finally my doctor came in, threw her scrubs on--loudly joking about what size they were (she's like that, and we love her)--and coming over to break my water. I was worried because it was medical intervention and I was trying to avoid all of that, but it wasn't done in order to speed up labor or do anything unnatural. So she did it and the next contraction I pushed. Hello hellfire. That was pretty awful. After that first contraction, my doctor told me the baby's head was turned and was pushing against my bone. So the next contraction, I pushed and she turned his head. She told me if his head hadn't been turned, he would have been out already. That gave me the motivation to push good and hard on the third contraction--screaming, I assure you--because I wanted this over. I had to hold at the last second because the cord was around his neck, but the doctor untangled him and I pushed one last time and he was out and on my chest. The weight of a newborn on top of you has got to be one of the most wonderful and gratifying things in the world. He was beautiful (of course), and had a headful of hair. I held him skin-to-skin for a while and even nursed him before they took him to be weighed and measured. He didn't even have his bath until all of our families got there and were in the room with us. It was a wonderful night.

I will definitely, as far as it depends on me, labor and deliver naturally again. The experience was wonderful, just as wonderful as the other two, but in a different way. I could feel everything--everything--and this made the ordeal of birthing a baby seem so much more intimate. That sounds odd, I know, and I know I wouldn't know the difference if I had kept on having epidurals...but I'm glad I know the difference now. As the third baby, Rivers needed his birth story to be special. And I think it is, because it is the testimony of my journey with God through fear. And the memory of it all will always be one more monument to His great faithfulness, provision, sovereignty, care, and love.

6 days old.

First time we packed all of them in like sardines across the middle seat.

I think it's time for a van.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

The progression of a kiss.

2011-05-04T21:18:00.004-05:00

The upside of rainy days.

2011-05-02T00:51:00.003-05:00

Mondo puddles!

After the many days cooped up inside, weathering the storms that have ravaged the South this week, tonight we decided to make the most out of the perpetual sogginess. We went over to a nearby park that has wide open fields, hoping for some serious mud and puddle action. We were not disappointed. As per usual, my expectations were reversed...instead of freaking about a drop of water on her shirt (her norm), Elizabeth was beside herself with the prospect of getting dirty ("Getting dirty is fun!"). Judah's excitement, on the other hand, waned at the thought of actually stepping in a puddle. He did catch on eventually, though I'm sad to say my visions of mud-covered children were were never realized. They were both content to make pretty polite splashes, which was kind of sad. I'm hoping to make this a Memphis storm tradition, so maybe the more we do it the more they'll warm up to it.

Elizabeth's Before/Clean Picture:

The After-She-Fell-Down-in-a-Puddle Pictures:

That was the anticlimactic extent of the damage.

And here's Judah right when we first got out there, saying "Ewww!"

Warming up to it....

Or maybe not. Here he's saying "Noooooo" because I asked him to jump.

Now he's saying "Hold you!" [which means "Hold me!"]

I really, really like this kid.

And this one.

I told you she was excited.

We took a walk around a pond and found some dirt piles, which I have to assume were left there just for toddlers (and daddies) to play on.

Hooray! A successful scaling of the dirt mountain!

Big muscles. Love how Judah is looking at his sister for a how-to.

Dancing...or something.

I discovered a little too late that the flash might not have been a terrible thing to use at that time of night.

Fun evening capitalizing on saturated Memphis!

Still breathing.

2011-04-28T15:43:00.001-05:00

In case you had your doubts. And I've been working on Rivers' birth story, so stay tuned. It's in draft mode and I just can't seem to say all I want to say and not make it a book. But I'm working on it, I promise. Then maybe with that off my shoulders we can get back to [fairly] frequent posting.

The Labor Liturgy.

2011-03-26T11:12:00.006-05:00

Subtitle: "On fear, part II."
Sub-subtitle: "Today is my due date."

These are more excerpts from the piece of paper tucked inside my hospital bag:

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!"

Psalm 34:8

"You are my hiding place...you surround me
with shouts of deliverance."

Psalm 32:8

"You strengthen me more and more;
you enfold and comfort me."

Psalm 71:21

"There is no fear in love...."

I John 4:18a

"[She] is not afraid of bad news;
[her] heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
[Her] heart is steady; [she] will not be afraid."

Psalm 112:7-8a

"And he [Jesus] shall be their peace."

Micah 5:5a

"The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials."

II Peter 2:9a

"And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace
by those who make peace."

James 3:18

"Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost
those who draw near to God through him,
since he always lives to make intercession for them."

Hebrews 7:25

"Oh tarry and await the Lord's pleasure;
be strong, and he shall comfort your heart;
wait patiently for the Lord."

Psalm 27:18

"You are good and you bring forth good!"

from Psalm 119

These are all verses that the Lord himself has brought to me in His perfect timing over the past couple of weeks. I never searched the concordance for passages on fear--in fact, it never even occured to me--and yet He has been so faithful and kind to speak to my need from His Word until the fear was gone. I suppose it couldn't stay around anyway, because it is the antithesis of perfect love. Every moment I choose to let Love reign, the fear must flee.(What promise!) The struggle for me lies in the frequency of the confrontation between love and fear. It is a momentary battle to choose to trust; it is a struggle that seems to begin all over again a thousand times a day. But I rest in this promise: Love will win every time!

The last days.

2011-03-21T22:53:00.004-05:00

These past few days have been so sweet for our family. Because we've elected not to induce, we're living each day--and night!--with the hopeful anticipation of Rivers' arrival. This also means that we're living each day as though it could be our last as a family of four. We've gotten out more (I was craving breakfast for dinner last Thursday so we loaded up the kids and went to Cracker Barrel...don't worry, it was DELICIOUS), stayed up later (tonight we let them watch the whole of Lady and the Tramp in bed. It's 10:30 and Elizabeth just went to sleep), and just all-around enjoyed our children, most of the time at the expense of routine and schedule. It's been a much needed lesson for me, who is always harping on bedtimes and bathtimes and what's too big of a mess to make, etc. It's been a precious time, slow and unhurried and fully enjoyed, with Tony and Elizabeth and Judah and I'm so happy that God has given us these sort of days before Rivers' birth.

This morning Elizabeth went with me to the doctor. Afterward, we ended up taking a lady home from Bartlett to Raleigh and then going to Target for necessities like pull-ups and Dora bandaids. (We straight go through some bandaids around here. They're like candy!) Judah got to stay home with Omi and play his heart out outside all morning. We got him golf clubs for his birthday, and it's Tony's never-ending delight to find out that all Judah wants to do when he's awake is to be outdoors hitting a ball over and over and over again. This morning's swing practice produced this when we came inside and settled down for a little bit:

This is exactly one of the reasons I love that the weather is so beautiful! Good sleeping and good appetites.

Movie night:

Sadly, this post was not a baby post, but I'm trying to get into a blogging routine so I don't completely fall off the face of the earth when the baby comes...which, please Lord!, will be soon.

Until then, may His peace be with you and me!

Belly shot and shoe-shops.

2011-03-19T15:44:00.005-05:00

Here's me from this morning at 39 weeks. If I make it to tomorrow, it will have been the longest I've ever been pregnant! I'm so thankful to trust in a God with perfect timing.

The video is from this morning too. I got the kids some of those 2 for $5 flip flops at Old Navy the other day, and I don't think I could have done a better or a worse thing. Sometimes that's how it goes with kids. (Can I get an amen?) The shoes made them immensely happy, but Judah has since proceeded to throw raging fits when we take them off...you know, like for BATH AND BEDTIME. Anyway, it's worth it just to hear him go around calling them his "shoe-shops." I love when he does something so particularly Judah like this.

Here's hoping the next post is a baby post!

On fear.

2011-03-13T22:31:00.003-05:00

"Behold, God is my help; it is the Lord who sustains my life."

from Psalm 119 [emphasis mine]

"...God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."

II Timothy 1:7 [emphasis mine]

"...do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." {a word specifically to women!}

I Peter 3:6b

"All the paths of the Lord are love and faithfulness to those who keep his covenant and his testimonies."

from Psalm 25

"My heart quakes within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling have come over me, and horror overwhelms me. And I said, 'Oh, that I had wings like a dove...I would hasten to escape from the stormy wind and tempest.' But I will call upon God, and the Lord will deliver me. Cast your burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous stumble."

Psalm 55: 4-6, 8, 16, 22

The timeliness of God's word sometimes catches me off guard. Fear is something I've been dealing with and struggling through these past few weeks, but God is--as ever--showing Himself faithful. And not only faithful, but completely and intimately aware of my thoughts and my heart. He must be, to give me such timely encouragement. Another thing I'm having to live is the belief that fear is the opposite of faith. Fear prompts the counter action to faith...and vice versa. So to counteract fear, I must declare that it has no place in my life (for perfect Love has cast it out!). That declaration of faith becomes an act of faith. There's something to be said for the power of spoken words. And I am learning to choose to say, "I am not afraid."

Oh yeah, and a belly pic.

2011-03-11T20:06:00.002-06:00

This is almost 38 weeks. I had to include both pictures purely for Judah's faces. In the first one he's completely content with his thumb and the ever-present Puppy. By the last one (I think there were multiple tries and multiple blurry shots in between) he's ready for me to be finished! Move on, Mom.

100th post!

2011-03-11T19:46:00.002-06:00

Hey! We're getting somewhere. The 100th post is a milestone, right? All you frequent bloggers quit shaking your heads at me.

Not much has been happening here, other than some serious nesting. Exhibits A, B, C, and so on:

Baby clothes all washed and waiting for a sweet little body to cover.

Blankets and Moby wrap washed and diapers ready for action.

Cradle's ready in our room at Tony's parents' house (where we're currently living).
Some wonderfully generous friends from our church are letting us borrow this beautiful thing so Rivers has somewhere to sleep.

Bags are packed for the most part, except for the things I still use everyday.

The present you see at the top right of that last picture is for Judah and Elizabeth when they come to meet the baby for the first time in the hospital. I got them each a simple little "Big Sister Elizabeth" and "Big Brother Judah" shirts off etsy and a sweet lady gave us a bag full of toys for them at my shower...which I came home and hid until I wrapped them up with their shirts. Hopefully that will be a fun and special thing for them...apart from meeting their new brother!

Elizabeth is estatic about Rivers, always hugging my tummy, saying "I loooove you, baby Rivers" and wanting to feeling him kick (and then being thrilled when he does). We talk about how much she's going to help me as the big sister, and I really think she will. I'm so excited to see her with him.

Judah is a wild card. He knows where the baby is when we ask him (he points to my belly), and occasionally will randomly say "Rivers," but that's about it. He is 100% into two-year-old mode, so that's a little scary. Prayers would be appreciated!

As far as Tony and I go, I'm just basically trying to make it through each day with my heavy eyelids open and trying to be as un-zombie-like as possible. I do not remember being this exhausted and sleepy right before the other two! Tony says it's never really real to him until the baby actually gets here. Which I sort of get...except that I have a huge reminder that I'm lugging around in front of me all the time. I think we're all just ready to get this show on the road! Really trying to be patient though, resting and enjoying our last days with just two kids.

I feel like, at least for me, it's that way in every area and at every time of my life. I so want to live in the present moment, not wishing away today in anticipation of tomorrow, or dwelling on the good things (or the regrets!) of the past. God is granting me the grace to do that, but I have to remember to ask for it almost momentarily. We're living the practical application of "my grace is sufficient for you" these days.

Stay tuned!