What I did have here was time. And in that way I am grateful. I now find myself completely drained. My brain is spent from trying to remember misplaced knowledge.

It is long since forgotten or something I never learned in the first place. Either way I can’t remember.

My emotions have been all mixed around.

At times I’m strong and happy. Particularly when the coffee has been infused over an hour in a nice AM bolus. And the sun is shining and I’m walking around off to the hospital and feeling the breeze. Yap has the nicest warmest breezes I have ever felt.

Other time I’m lonely and I wonder how the kids are. Do they miss my cuddles as much as I miss theirs?

I miss their sweet faces and their puppy smells from running around all day. I miss checking in on them at night and feeling my heart skip. I love the heavy breathing and the long dark eyelashes resting on their face. I love the pouty puffy kid lips.  I miss even the backtalking. The cajoling. They can get so creative and persistent.

 I linger at handprints on a wall.

I miss it all.

My soul sister out here has been Holy Morris- Author of Adventure Divas: Searching the Globe for Women Who are Changing the World. I happened upon when I ran out of reading material and I grabbed it thankfully. She is an Adventure Diva all by herself as well.

Am I grateful to be to be here? Yes.

I wake in the morning always with the thought. How is the baby in the hospital. I checked that my cell phone didn’t die overnight. And then sigh. No news is good news. right? Then I make my coffee and sometimes sit and read the news and hope to hear from home. 

I’ve logged onto facebook more times than I can count but amazingly enough- despite it’s gazillion users, not much changes in 2 minute intervals.

Tired and drained and straining to save this baby has taken a toll. On everybody I’m sure including him. So one day I’m feeling alone and then I open an email from a close girl friend serving in the miltary  in Afghanistan. And I’m reading of her experiences and I’m reminded that the brave women away from their families and changing the world aren’t  just in that book I carry around. They are our friends.

And they are our children.

I read Jessica Watson’s Blog tody - You know her?? The sixteen year old girl who just sailed solo around the world. 

 I’m going to miss the kick I get from overcoming challenges by myself, flying along in the dark. A new sunset every night and the time I always take to watch it. I’m going to miss watching the waves and sea.

Wow! A sixteen year old. So brave. She pushed me to go outside and sit and watch the sun go down and listen to the water. The water really does really lap. It’s like a big St. Bernard all slobbery against the Inn’s walls and under my deck.

The Adventures Divas they are out there living and breathing and changing the world. They are changing our world, protecting our country, inspiring our youth.

We leave for the Philippines tonight and I’m nervous about the flight and excited to keep moving forward and helping this baby. He is still  sick. My emergency bag is packed with Epi and normal saline and needles and a laryngoscope and an ambu bag. 

I’m tired and want to take a long bath and to curl up with a book and read to my kids.

But I tell myself to shut up and that if a 16 year old girl can sail around the world all by herself and my girl friend can be so far away from her family and carry a rifle every day to work  in Afghanistan.  

Well then I can do it too…

Here’s to the Adventure Divas of the world.

You inspire me and keep me moving forward.

It’s not what I thought it would would be. It’s better. And yet so very different.

There’s not a lot of eye contact. It’s considered rude. But then one man told me, “Well if we catch your eye then we might have to talk. ”

The Yapese are quiet. So quiet that I have been looking for conversation. Not usually a problem for me.  

The children however catch your eye and hold the contact. Stare in fact and I laugh.

 These two girls kept yelling out to me- “What’s his name?! What’s his name?!” They meant me and I turned back to talk with them. They loved seeing their faces on the camera. 

And I loved capturing them.

Practicing pediatrics in Yap is a dream come true.

The concentration is fierce and I’m so proud.

His first bubble and I caught it! I didn’t mean to I was actually just playing with the manual setting and figuring out the metering. Then I looked down and yelped. Yeah!!!!!!!!

Imagine that.

The pose, the shirt, the bubble, the age.

It all means something and I’m glad I caught it.

This little sleepy face. He was cold and wet and under the scarf that just an hour before he said he didn’t need. Now he was grateful for the warmth and very tired. A minute after this photo- he was asleep and my husband’s back was aching.

It’s not all smiles at this age. But I adore it.

With the very act of praying we can

All at once

Lose ourselves

And find ourselves again.