I don’t miss the pressure. Self imposed of course. No-one was going to fire me If  I didn’t write about my day or post my latest photos.

I don’t miss worrying if anyone visited me. I don’t miss feeling guilty that I couldn’t visit you all.

Mostly what I miss  is the freedom of expression and the actual act of journaling. Despite how busy my day was I knew there was a place that I could write the latest Cason antics and catch some precious photos.

Life gets so busy and yes I love living it - who wouldn’t?- but writing about the day solidifies it. Puts it down. So that I might never forget.

My boy started the swimming 2 weeks ago. You didn’t know? It’s because I didn’t write about it. But he did. The refusal to dip his head gave way to pretend swimmming as he shook his head underwater No No No. The frantic “Oh My God I’m going to Drown” fear  floated away as he lay quiet. He was perfectly still and felt himself float. Then he’d move his feet a little bit and  voila!  As he trusted himself,  he started cannonballing me. Big HUGE smiles on his face every time he went in and found himself moving on along, toward me. Toward safety. I can’t believe it. What a milestone.

When I reduced my blogging, I thought that I’d clean the house more, and read more, write more.  None of that has happened. Though we have been dancing more and watching more TV. Living the good if not conventional life.

When I asked what he wanted for his third birthday He said he wanted cake. I cried. And then searched the computer for an egg and dairy free cake. Bingo! He looked at it hesitantly and said, “I can’t have that.” To which I replied, “Yes baby you can. Mommy made you a chocolate cake you can eat.”  Before the candles were even lit, his little fingers were tasting it already! That was a perfect day.

My father. He has come to Guam for our last year year and what a blessing. I can’t remember what it was like to be without him. Oh wait. Yes I can. It was hard.

Saying her prayers in her new bunkbed. Kinder starts this year. Her bottom tooth is loose. Still loves that blankey and snuggling in the AM. Dropping out the naps too most days but for now she’s sleeping next to me as I type. I’m relishing the moment.

She’s a prolific reader. Learning about the world so fast that I can’t stop her. She showers everyday too. By Herself! Even washes her hair!  Those bangs you see are now gone. Most days they are swept away in a headband. Where did my baby go?

See now I feel better. New photos. Thoughts down.

You see - I thought I was blogging for you.

Then I realized that I was really blogging for me.

I do that too when I’m waiting in my car.

I’ve been playing around with Picasa. 

He’s starting to get used to these little trips of ours.

And I thought I had a lot to attend to…

When was my first post? No clue. To find out means I’d have to stop typing and actually look but I don’t care to because it doesn’t matter. I no longer check my stats. Do you all come anymore?

What a year.

I’ve learned a lot. About me, photography and most of all friendships and priorities.

I still miss blogging but haven’t found a way to balance it all.

So currently it’s late here in Guam  and I’m watching that Adam Sandler movie about how he fast forwards through his life just to get to the next step and misses all the little important stuff along the way.

It’s the little things that really matter.

Here are some more photos. Hope you enjoy.

Rainy Days in Kyoto brought us chills we hadn’t had in a long time.

More rainy days here in Guam. But if you wait long enough, tucked under an friendly awning, it soon goes away.

Buddhist Temple Wishes- Kyoto,Japan

This passage was tacked up on my husband’s bulletin board at work.

1. The idea that it is a dire necessity for an adult human being to be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in his community.
2.The idea that one should be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile.

3. The idea that certain people are bad, wicked or villainous and that they should be severely blamed and  punished for their villainy.

4.The idea that it is awful and catastrophic when things are not the way one would very much like them to be.

5.The idea that human happiness is externally caused and that people have little or no ability to control their sorrows and disturbances.

6. The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome, one should be terribly concerned about it and should keep dwelling on the possibility of its occurring.

7. The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face certain life difficulties and self-responsibilities.

8.The idea that one should be dependent on others and need someone stronger than oneself on whom to rely.

9.The idea that one’s past history is an all-important determiner of one’s present behavior and that becuase something once strongly affected one’s life, it should indefinitely have a similar effect.

10.The idea that one should become quite upset over other people’s problems and disturbances.

11.The idea that there is invariably a right, precise and perfect solution to human problems and that it is catastrophic if this perfect solution is not found.

- Author unknown.

I sat and mulled over this and came right home to right it down.

Number One- “The idea that it is a dire necessity for an adult human being to be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in his community.” Two-”The idea that one should be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile.” and Nine “The idea that one’s past history is an all-important determiner of one’s present behavior and that because something once strongly affected one’s life, it should indefinitely have a similar effect.” ring especially true for me.

We could go on into a long discussion about why and how I should get over this but it would take too long to hash it out. These are those moments that long time friends tend to get out of you over time and right now I’m feeling like my long close friends are too far away.

I’m feeling like that coolness of  travel and experiencing different cultures can’t substitute for sitting with a cup of tea and a good friend. How many times do I need to start over and say goodbye to the people I adore? How many times do I need to say- I’ll see you on facebook?  and then we get to live our lives in sound bites. How many times do I need to look around and say- When are you leaving Guam? And where are you going? And I wonder if they want to hang out…I wonder if I or they have the time to start over?

The people closest to me- the family  I spent my holidays with have left. The person I called when I had a bad day has gone to a new duty station. Now I look around and attempt to connect. Those people have already formed “their” go to person. What a strange world I find myself plunked down into.

For the first time it bothers me.

It’s Easter here in Guam and an Easter egg hunt awaits me.