Having a physician whom you trust and with whom you can freely communicate is key in maintaining optimum health and a strong libido.  If you feel embarrassed, rushed, judged, or criticized during your visit, you probably should find a new doctor who has the needed time and compassion to best address your issues.  Over the years, I have had many questions asked of me, many of which came from patients who stated they felt too embarrassed to bring them up with other doctors.  Here are five ways to best communicate with your doctor during your visit.

• Use your office time wisely. Your time with your physician is for you – for your health to be assessed and the best treatment to be given.  Have the courage to express your needs.
• Bring a list of questions with you.  Time is of the essence for both you and your physician, so use it in the most productive way possible.
• View yourself and your physician as partners in your overall health and well-being.  It is best to see the relationship in this way – by partnering you are collaborating with one another, communicating honestly and striving to provide the best care for you.
• Be completely honest and vulnerable – share everything.  Keep in mind that to an OB/GYN, there really is no such thing as an embarrassing question about your sexual health – and that includes libido.
• Don’t expect your OB/GYN to read your mind.  Express what is happening right now.  Don’t wait for the next visit or delay asking about what you really want to know.  When you are taking better care of yourself, you, your partner, and everyone else in your life will benefit.

photo credit:  spec-tac-les

By improving your intimate relationship, you can decrease your risk for heart disease.  Recent studies have shown a connection between marriages marked by negativity, such as conflict and adverse exchanges, and an increase in the risk of heart disease (by 34 percent), even after factoring in other contributors to heart disease.

Suggestion #8:  Be aware of nonverbal cues.

Your body language and tone of voice can have a significant impact on whether or not your partner will listen to you.  If you sit with your arms crossed while you’re saying how sorry you are about hurting him, he will “listen” to your constricted, tight body language rather than to your actual apology.  This also works in reverse.  Women are very gifted at picking up subtle nonverbal cues, which can lead to far more damage than the actual words used.

When your partner feels valued for sharing his feelings and allowing you to express yours, he will be more willing to continue openly communicating.  Both of you can make positive statements about how much better it feels to be open and honest.  If he brings up a different subject, rather than bristling, say, “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this.  Let’s see if we can make it work for the two of us.”

Suggestion #6:  Avoid accusations and use “I” statements.

Blaming your partner only causes more separation and defensiveness.  Communicate using “I” messages rather than “you” messages.  For example, rather than saying “You never pay attention to me,” you could say, “I feel upset because I need/want more attention from you.”   This allows your partner to better understand how you feel and not become immediately defensive about an accusation.

Too much detail and too many extra words will cause him to lose track of the point.  Do not keep repeating the same point.   And do not dredge up past issues that have nothing to do with the current subject matter.   This will also cause him to stop listening and processing.  Make your point once, then stop talking and let him respond.

Men and women don’t think alike.  Communication between the sexes, therefore, does not come naturally, since men and women frequently have different styles of communicating.  To stay connected, to stay in love, and to create an ongoing desire to stay in a harmonious and intimate relationship, couples need to exercise patience and persistence.  They have to create circumstances – the environment and the language – that will facilitate open communication.  In short, couples have to work hard at communicating effectively.

Over the next few weeks, I will be posting a number of suggestions to help you and your partner learn how to better listen to each other, acknowledge what is said, and openly discuss the issues in your relationship.  I hope you will find these suggestions helpful.
- Dr. Hoppe

How to revive communication with your partner

Suggestion #4:  Focus on only one point at a time

As we know, women are much more adept at multitasking then are men.  It is imperative, therefore, to stick to the topic at hand and stay focused on one point at a time to keep your partner with you during your talk.  Reciting a laundry list of concerns will soon cause your partner to tune you out.  Make it clear from the beginning what your goal is. 

photo credit:

Men and women don’t think alike.  Communication between the sexes, therefore, does not come naturally, since men and women frequently have different styles of communicating.  To stay connected, to stay in love, and to create an ongoing desire to stay in a harmonious and intimate relationship, couples need to exercise patience and persistence.  They have to create circumstances – the environment and the language – that will facilitate open communication.  In short, couples have to work hard at communicating effectively.

Over the next few weeks, I will be posting a number of suggestions to help you and your partner learn how to better listen to each other, acknowledge what is said, and openly discuss the issues in your relationship.  I hope you will find these suggestions helpful.
- Dr. Hoppe

How to revive communication with your partner

Suggestion #3:  Be an active listener

While the physical act of hearing – sound waves passing into the auditory canal – may be occurring, the more refined process of listening is a matter of the heart.  Active listening means that one person speaks at a time, without interruption, criticism, or judgment.  The the listener acknowledges what the speaker has verbalized, paraphrasing what has been stated.  This allows both parties to check that  the meaning was communicated and to confirm understanding.

Men and women don’t think alike.  Communication between the sexes, therefore, does not come naturally, since men and women frequently have different styles of communicating.  To stay connected, to stay in love, and to create an ongoing desire to stay in a harmonious and intimate relationship, couples need to exercise patience and persistence.  They have to create circumstances – the environment and the language – that will facilitate open communication.  In short, couples have to work hard at communicating effectively.

Over the next few weeks, I will be posting a number of suggestions to help you and your partner learn how to better listen to each other, acknowledge what is said, and openly discuss the issues in your relationship.  I hope you will find these suggestions helpful.
- Dr. Hoppe

How to revive communication with your partner

Suggestion #2:  Keep growing your communication skills

Read books and articles about communication.  Enlist a good coach or counselor.  Listen to your partner in the same way that you would like him to listen to you.  One great tool to use is a communication stick.  Choose an object that you can pass back and forth.  The person who holds the object is the one who is allowed to speak.

Over the next few weeks, I will be posting a number of suggestions to help you and your partner learn how to better listen to each other, acknowledge what is said, and openly discuss the issues in your relationship.  I hope you will find these suggestions helpful.
- Dr. Hoppe

How to revive communication with your partner

Suggestion #1:  Arrange for time to talk

Choose  a time for discussion when you both can focus on the issues.  Don’t try to talk to your partner about serious issues when he’s trying to go to sleep or is absorbed in a football game!  Agree to certain ground rules:  Respect each other’s opinions, even if you don’t agree with them.  Listen with an open heart and do not be defensive.  Keep your goal in mind: to speak honestly, to listen open-mindedly, and to be heard.  Make sure that both you and your partner have sufficient time to express your feelings without distractions or time restraints.