What came to mind?

If you answered with anything that resembled what someone else should do (change, be nicer, give me more of something) or if you found yourself blaming someone else for your lack of happiness or what you need from the material realm (unless you’re speaking of basic food and shelter) or thinking about happier times in the past, you need to read on and attend the Steps to Happiness: As easy as 1-2-3 teleconference workshop on June 25th.

Please interrupt this pattern of thought.  Yes, the thought you hear yourself saying: “If only I had (more money, more time, less stress, less debt, a bigger home, a better car, less pain, improved health), “If only I were (taller/shorter,  younger/older,  male/female, blonder/darker, skinner/ fitter), or “I’d be happier if only someone else would change (be more considerate, love me more, make more money, work harder).

This negative focus is blocking you from getting what you want, because you are focusing on what you don’t have. Focusing on what you don’t want means you create more of what you don’t want. So cancel the pity party. Catch yourself when you hear any variation of “I’d only be happier if…” 

Stay tuned for the next blog on 8 steps towards happiness and book NOW for your spot to stop this madness.

Click here to attend the Steps to Happiness: As easy as 1-2-3 teleconference Tuesday June 25^th, 2013 7-9 pm.

Around 90% of our happiness is dependent on us. Research shows that only 10% of happiness is dependent on life circumstances (your age, social status, location). Of this 90%, it is reported that 40% of our happiness relates to our intentions and actions (which we can control) and 50% is determined by our genetic set point. Hold on, we can’t control our genes?!! Here’s the key: With the science of epigenetics, we know that our genes are turned on and off (and thus altered or modified) through the results of thoughts, emotions, and actions. What we think, feel, and do controls the action or inaction of our genes. This of course spills over into what we watch on TV and the internet, listen to on the radio, how we fuel ourselves through food and water, and how much we move.

Dr. Ed Diener from the University of Illinois has studied happiness in 155 countries and noted that in the happiest countries there is an individual positivism – a prevailing attitude of being responsible for one’s own choice to enjoy life. More so when there is a connection to others through strong healthy social relationships or family, satisfaction in meaningful work and activities, and when there is authenticity in the self-expression of one’s values. In addition, it’s important to have life goals that are bigger than you, and curb anger, negativity and shorten commutes. Money? Once money has removed the burden of homelessness, then money has little to do with happiness.

According to the 2005-2011 polls, 1^st to 5^th place in self-reported happiness were Denmark, Finland, Norway, Netherlands and Canada. NZ was 8^th followed by Australia at 9^th, Ireland 10^th and USA at 11^th.

Want more happiness? It’s within your reach. Book into the evening teleconference on creating happiness!  Tuesday June 25^th, 2013 7-9pm EST.

Click here to register for Steps to Happiness: As easy as 1-2-3

More on happiness next week…

Why don’t we celebrate?

We don’t make time to, life is busy. So often when reaching a goal, we tick off the to-do box without really recognizing what it took to achieve that goal.

       Lululemon Athletica

We get too forward-focused and our days become like a tick in the box of accomplishments and to-do lists. We do not stop, pause, breathe and reflect.

What does all this mean? What am I learning as a human being? How am I unfolding? Is this the direction I want to go in?

We’re over-committed. I’ll say that again over-committed.

So slow down to see more. (link to Sept 2012 blog…Marya didn’t have access)

In celebration we create the feel-good chemicals that inspire an inside-out reward. Celebration can be a quiet pause, taking stock and patting yourself on the back. It can also be taking a walk, doing some deep breathing, an internal happy dance. Celebration can be sharing a moment with a friend.

So stop for a moment and say “No” to “more” until you have fully absorbed your accomplishment.

When we acknowledge ourselves we build our self-worth. With higher self-esteem we become even more creative, have more internal resources available at our disposal which in turn reduces stress and helps us manage change and challenges.

Celebrate through breathing 2 x 5 minutes per day.

Celebrate by telling 2 friends.

Celebrate by doing something good for yourself that you’d view as a reward.

Celebrate by speaking to yourself in a mirror for 5 minutes at the end of the day with the focus only on what went right.

Sleep well.

             Mike Baird

But in our wishy-washiness we dilute the messages being sent out to the universe (and other people). We end up with the reduced result or no result at all.

So, follow this winning formula for success in asking for (and getting) what you want:

1)    Get very clear in what you want

2)    Realize that if it is good enough for others it is good enough for you – so work on your own self talk. This is about believing in yourself. You are worthy, so be aware of how you are programming your mind. Are you planting flowers? Are you pulling the weeds and extra plants so only the flowers you really want are getting the sun, water and nutrients to grow strong.

3)    Let me help you through coaching to clarify, create action steps, form a plan, and hold you accountable to achieving what you want.

4)    Be with like-minded individuals who can support you in attaining your dreams.

5)    Remove yourself from the environment or minimize distractions so you keep your focus.

6)    Use goal setting, affirmations, and visualizations for support.

7)    Celebrate any successes to create more of the same.

Celebration can be difficult for some and we’ll look at this in next week’s blog.

Woodley Wonderworks

Unexpressed values or values which are not compatible with us show up as sensations or feelings in the body. That 6^th sense of dis-”ease”, feeling weighed down, heaviness, effort, or not being fulfilled. Whereas when our values are expressed we may be working hard but we feel authentic, fulfilled, purposeful in our work.

How can we change this…

One way is by changing your response to what you do. That way you can change your response to the situation and take responsibility for your life. Remember E+R=O?

I remember my massive dislike for paperwork and the processing of workman’s compensation forms for patients. I delayed that until the 11^th hour. In doing so, I’d inevitably still have to do it and spend time noodling over it.

Event (paperwork) + Response (frustration and delay) = Outcome (delay in getting forms processed, not knowing if patients would be covered, and delay in overall care delivery)

So, I changed my response.

High values for me are in connection and helping people so I chose to focus on how by completing the forms right away, I could connect with my patient and help them sooner.

Another value for me is self autonomy and freedom. I did not like someone who was not trained in my profession telling me how to care for my patient.

So I changed my response by deciding to:

i)                  Only take on a couple of workman’s comp cases at any one time – minimizing that interaction for me and referring those patients to colleagues who loved that work.

ii)                 Focus on the rewards of seeing an individual’s life improve, and weighing that more heavily than my dislike of paperwork.

This allowed me to get the paperwork done in a more timely manner, and get back to giving my patient quality care, sooner.

So by changing my response, I changed the outcome and fulfilled my values.

When you look at your current situation, can you see how you can express your values? Look for ways to link them into what you do. Or you could start by taking responsibility in choosing a different situation.

Next week, we’ll look at asking for what you want.

Erin Kohlenberg Photos

Sometimes we find ourselves in the position of “waking up” and not liking where we are.

Other times we accept “what is” as defeat. But what if there was another way?

What if you checked in with what your values are? Not the noble values, not the values you’ve been taught are good or the values your culture – societal or corporate – has imposed. I’m not going to ask you to pick values from a list because deep down you know what they are.

Try this to uncover your values: Remember a time in your life when life was not going well. Write down what was happening, how you felt, in graphic detail. Paint a picture clearly and with lots of descriptors, so that you really remember the experience. Put that aside. Next, do the same thing when your life was going great. A moment that clicked for you. What was that? Paint a picture of what you experienced, how you felt. Put that beside the other page.

Look at both pages and from the negative experience you will be able to tease out the descriptors of your values that were not being met. From the positive experience you will be able to draw the descriptors of values that were being met.

Use this system in evaluating other experiences and this will give you a start in uncovering what your true values are.

Next week we’ll focus on what you need to do to express those values.

One of the challenges heard so often when I coach groups of professional and executive women, is the guilt felt by working moms. They worry about what they are missing with their children when at work, and feel guilty when home about what they are missing in work. It’s a no-win. You create guilt in either direction.

There is no “right” way and many options. What is important is that you take responsibility for what you want to create. If your priority is to be with your children, then find the creative solution to do this. Either way, there are secondary outcomes you will be responsible for. It may involve changes in hours, how you work, where you work, or remuneration, but all of that is a result of your choice to spend more time with your child.

If your passion is work, then how can you leverage yourself for someone to take care of your children, be it partner, nanny, other family members, day care? Yes, there are secondary outcomes to be responsible here, too.

I love what Janet Attwood says: When faced by a choice, always choose in favor of your passion. Our passions can change over time, so when I coach on this, I have clients revisit on a week, a month then every 6 months.

Personally, I believe it’s an advantage to be a woman. I really do. If we are self-actualized and have great partners, they play a significant role in supporting us to achieve success. If we have the capacity to off-load duties to others, the opportunities are there to hire people who love what they do. Gardeners, dog-walkers, nannies, cleaners, the list is endless – limited by the bank account. My suggestion is to off-load what you can afford to that you truly do not enjoy doing. It’s called leveraging. Men do it all the time.

An example: I do not iron. Well only if absolutely caught in a bind! So my husband takes his shirts to be ironed. He noticed a certain dry-cleaner had broken buttons and torn the cuffs off some shirts to which he was bringing to their attention. Your wife must be using too much starch and too hot an iron when pressing your shirts was the reply. When he communicated this to me, we had a chuckle. I asked him if he let the cleaner know it would be a friggin’ miracle if his wife cleaned and ironed his shirts. “No”, was his reply but we both smiled!

So do what you love, love what you do. Take responsibility.

Should gender even play a role? Or is success really the effect of one’s mindset and actions one takes?

I remember wanting to get my bronze medallion as a young teen. I wanted it – bad. Knowing what I had to do was get up, do my swim lessons, study the work, practice and take the test. No one could do that for me. Talent and skills, attitude and drive was required for my success which was achieved.

I get asked about success a lot. What makes you successful in a male dominated profession? In my profession of chiropractic, more women than ever are entering into it, but when I started there weren’t lots of women, it was still predominantly men. In the positions of power; research, associations and education; it was predominantly men.

Was this due to the presence of an “old boys club” or because women were not stepping up to the plate in those particular areas of involvement? I contend it was the latter. Should it not be that any position should go to the one best suited for the job irrespective of gender? But if women do not apply, the result will be the same.

I am seeing more women entering all of those arenas and I have not heard of any blowback due to being female.

That being said, what leads to success? My definition of success is achieving what you set out to do for the betterment of others. So success comes in many forms; relationships/family, vocation, financial, community, physical/health, spiritual etc.

Knowing and fulfilling your purpose through achievement is, to me, success.

Achieving success through clarity of thought, supporting images and action for that outcome. Putting thoughts into written goals and reviewing them. If your action steps can be inspired through strong feelings, that provides the motivation and drive.

Talent or skill comes into play. What do you need to know, to be who you want to be, and do what you want to do? Then begin by making that a focus and passionately work the goals. Being responsible for your outcome is key.

Stay tuned for part 2.

Life can be complicated. We can dwell on the “what if” and finding the reasons why things can go wrong. But what if you considered how things can go right? How would your life change, how would your energy change? How would your decisions change?

You are responsible for you.

You are responsible for how you perceive every event that happens.

When we are in a “negative” mindset, we attract more of what?

How has that been working out for you so far?

Are you willing to risk being different and thinking in a new way? Reframe what has not been working for you into something that CAN work for you?

If life has been amazing and a journey, then keep doing what you’ve been doing. If not, then would you entertain something different? Could you entertain something different? When?