It’s another platform to spread your message, and to gain visibility. Then it’s on to crafting your signature speech, a speech that delights, arouses, intrigues, and informs your audience. It changes them. Your signature speech is unique and specific to you and your work. It’s more than just getting up doing your 60 second elevator pitch, and hoping to sell one product, to one new client. We need to think bigger people! This is the beginning of a relationship that you want to grow, develop, and maintain.

It’s similar to the “first date” and how you take the time and effort to prepare for that first meeting. It’s not about the date. It’s about what the date represents for you, such as love, marriage, children, grand children, family, and so many other things. There is so much potential in that first date. There’s so much potential in your 60 second elevator pitch. Understanding that this is the beginning and not the end, will change everything for you and how you think about your 60 seconds, your work, and your sales strategy.

Meet Mary the Millionaire. She is dressed beautifully in a lovely designer suit, matching designer shoes, and matching designer handbag. She has a huge smile on her face, and she is content knowing that “she has made it”. Lucky Mary, fate has bestowed wealth, prosperity and kindness on her.
Who do you associate with? Are you the Pauper or the Millionaire? That isn’t much of a choice at all. If you aren’t the Millionaire, then you must be the Pauper, right? Wrong, that’s the lie that we have all bought into.

Who says that the pauper isn’t happy, content, and secure? Isn’t it possible that the Millionaire is miserable, living in fear ,with scarcity issues? Money doesn’t equal happiness, and you aren’t a failure just because you don’t have. We have been programmed to believe that if you aren’t the Millionaire, then the only role for you is the pauper. We spend all of our time trying to be the millionaire, and we suffer, struggle, and beat ourselves up when we can’t live up to this expectation. We can’t live up to this expectation because we struggle and suffer.

So what’s the truth here? Who are the other characters on this stage that we are omitting? What role do you want to play? How about Sarah the Saver, Frannie the Frugal, Irene the Investor, and Candy the comfortable? Cute I know!

All of these roles are good roles, worthy roles, and contributing roles. It’s time, especially today, to look at wealth in a different way. What needs to be examined is how you feel about your own financial success and worth. It’s time to bridge the distance between these two characters. We live in a world strongly defined by definitions. If you don’t fit into the popular ones, envied ones, then you don’t fit in. How does that serve you, your community, and your world? It doesn’t!

Make your own destiny. Own it, love it, and be proud of it!

I long for the day when these very same people embrace the limelight and actually enjoy the opportunity to share their message.  I have chosen a profession that some people love and others hate.  Maybe hate is a strong word, but “presenting” certainly does create an emotional response.  It makes me laugh to think that I have to be dragged off the stage at times, while others have to be dragged.  Oh, the anxiety we create for ourselves!

This is what I know about my work, I create excitement and relief for some of my colleagues.  They are so delighted to improve their skills and become polished presenters.  They feel supported and championed, and look forward to stepping up and stepping out in their business and in the world.  As well, I create self-consciousness and fear in others.  When they see me coming they want to hide  behind the nearest door.  (Ok, I am being a little bit dramatic) It really depends on what side of the fence you are sitting on.  “To speak, or not to speak happily, joyfully, playfully in front of others, that is the question”?  There I go again, finding humor in this subject.

Here’s the bottom line, as a business owner you can’t avoid the “business stage”.  You have to sell yourself, and you have to sell your business.  Which means, that you need to create a platform for yourself so that you can stand out amidst a sea of competitors.  The best way to do that is by creating an image that is professional, polished, and attractive.  Of course, you also need a fabulous message to deliver. Along with some confidence, self-awareness, and a playful attitude, you are all set!

It really is about choice.  You can choose to let your fear and discomfort get the better of you.  Which means that every time you have the opportunity to speak, you probably just wing it hoping that the words that come out of your mouth will sound right.  However, without focus, without a clear intention, and without any passion, you may not achieve your desired results.

Ultimately, the choice is yours!

Make my kind of choice!  Stop worrying about what you sound like, and what you look like.  Go out there and embrace your audience/clients, and just be your fabulous self shouting your message from every business stage possible!

That’s what I do!

How are your relationships?  Are they loving,  joyful, and productive? Do you feel energized by these relationships, or do they leave you feeling cold and very much alone?  Why hang on, why continue in this dance, when all you want to do is waltz out of the room.  Better yet, why not turn around and have a conversation about how to make your relationship more successful.  What are you afraid of?  Why is it easier to just say nothing.  Actually, it’s much harder to just say nothing, even though you won’t admit it.

The problem is that we are amazing at “getting used to things”.  We just go along in our groove, coming up with a million excuses and justifications for the way things are.  We pretend that all is well, while we struggle with frustration and disappointment.  After a while we convince ourselves that things will never change, and going along with the way things are is the best we can do.  That is one sad place to be.  If I am speaking to you, don’t worry you are not alone.  You are not the only one to give up on your dreams.

In order to change, in order to see different results, you must start acting differently.  Yes, it all starts with you.  Let’s begin with a reality check.  Where in your life are you spinning your wheels?  How long have you been spinning them, and how much longer are you prepared to stay stuck?  What’s it going to take for you to break free from those chains that bind, and pursue your dreams.  If you want things to be different, you have to start acting differently.  You have to stop accepting the things you don’t really accept, stop saying yes to the things you really want to say no to, and stop tolerating all the things in your life that aren’t serving you.

It’s time to get real with yourself, your relationships, and with the truth!  If not now, when????????????

If you need a little bit of help in this department, join me in February for my Group Coaching Series where we will be talking about getting unstuck and moving forward with ease and joy!  It’s always easier to start the change process with the support and love of like-minded individuals.  You are not alone!!!!!!!

Are you going home for the holidays?  I am!  Speaking of home for the holidays, have you seen the movie with Robert Downey Jr. and Holly Hunter.  It is my favorite movie and a perfect example of the holidays gone wrong.  It has all the elements of one big disaster, sibling rivalry, parent/child dynamics, loony relatives, single daughter whom parent tries to fix up, etc etc.  Love the part where they dump the turkey on their sister’s head.  Now that makes for great drama.  I bet a lot of you have some of your own great stories-here’s mine-father driving into garage door.

Back to the movie!   At the heart of everything, there’s a lot of love between these characters.

The other reason I love this movie, is that it reminds me to have a sense of humor and not to take myself, or my circumstances, to seriously. Laugh away a lot of the craziness, it will make you feel better than rising to the occasion and getting angry. If we can go into the holidays remembering this love  with a couple of good tips, then I think the holidays can be a lot more manageable.

Set some boundaries:

How many of you say yes to everyone, every party, every gift exchange, and every invitation?  It’s time to get honest with yourself and everyone else.  In order to enjoy your holidays, and save yourself from exhaustion and more stress, don’t say yes when you really mean no!  One year I agreed to see all of my friends and scheduled these meetings in two hour time slots.  Besides the weight I gained from eating coffee cake all afternoon for several days, I really didn’t enjoy my time spent with people I really care about.  I also spent the whole time staring at my watch waiting to leave for my next house call.  Not a great way to spend quality time.

Manage your expectations:

Around the holidays there is the expectation that this year things will be different. For example, this year my mother-in-law won’t criticize the color of my hair, wrong, she probably will and if not, she’ll comment on the color of my new lipstick.  It’s just who she is.  The best thing you can do to maintain your sanity, is to not expect people to change but rather, change your reactions to them.  You’ll have a much better time.  Have a few conversations with yourself in advance about how best to deal with those relatives that tick you off.  In fact, plan an escape route.  So you noticed that I put on weight, well thanks  for sharing but I need to make a phone call.  Maybe not very subtle but it will work.  The bottom line, remove yourself from uncomfortable situations.  Come back when you have composed yourself and the topic is focused on someone else.  Also, don’t anticipate, don’t prepare yourself for a fight with that crazy cousin who drives you nuts.

Try and go with the flow:

I know plans change, snowstorms hit, flights get delayed,  the turkey just doesn’t want to cook.  If you can make some plans and then let them go if necessary, life will be a lot easier.  There are some things you can control and many that you can’t.  If you accept that from the beginning then travel, and reservations,   all these things won’t make you crazy and the holidays will be what you want them to be, joyful and magic.

Put some time away just for yourself:

Holidays are definitely about family and friends, but they are also about giving back to yourself.  If I know you, and I think I do, you spend the year giving to everyone, your work, your home, your family, your friends, your church, and your community.  Take some time for yourself, make yourself a priority and you will see how easy it is to breeze through the holidays.  Who knows you might even have some fun! If you are like me and my husband, we go back to Montreal where we both grew up and have a ton of friends and family.  We found that we were so busy seeing everyone that we never spent any time with each other.

We finally got smart and every year booked ourselves a room downtown and spent one lovely evening alone, just enjoying each others company.  Find time for your spouse, find time for yourself, at the end of the holidays make sure that you don’t feel cheated out of some quality time.

At the end of the day, your holidays may not seem like a Norman Rockwell scene but if you put some of my tips to good use, I bet you just might enjoy yourself.

What are you thankful for this year?   For me it’s a loving husband, a beautiful baby, and a strong network of family, friends and colleagues, that have shown me incredible support.   This is my opportunity to let everyone know just how much I appreciate them, and how much joy they bring to my life.  I hope you feel like I do, that blessings are all around you and that life although challenging at times, is magical and beautiful.  Make sure to give thanks out loud, so that all the important people in your lives, know just how important they are!

For this, for all of you, for all that I have, for all that I am, I am giving thanks!

Gratitude!

Albert Schweitzer:

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.  Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Who are the people in your lives that have supported you and given you strength in your darkest hours?

Albert Schweitzer:

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.

Showing appreciation, and sharing words of thanks, is just a small way of letting people know how much their kindness means to you.  Never let a good deed go unnoticed, never let a word of love be forgotten!

Brother David Steindl-Rast :

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more.

Wanting more, needing more, never being satisfied, these words seem to describe the human condition.  We look around us and we compare and we judge, and we are left feeling that our lives do not measure up.  If we can just stop, and take stock of all that we have and all that we are, and realize that we have exactly what we need, then life would be so much happier and joyful.

Denis Waitley:

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

I am still working on this one.  Just imagine what life would be like if we could embrace every minute in this way.  I will keep working on this one, moving closer and closer to acceptance, and further and further away from fear and resistance.  It’s a process that I welcome into my life, what about you?

Marc Estrin:

Kindness trumps greed: it asks for sharing. Kindness trumps fear: it calls forth gratefulness and love. Kindness trumps even stupidity, for with sharing and love, one learns.

Be kind to one another, show love and compassion to the people around you.  Be kind to yourself, show love and forgiveness.  Be kind to strangers, you never know how this act can affect a life .  Be kind when you feel angry and want to lash out.  Kindness will heal, and create magic where there was none.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  Thank you for
all the kindness that you have shown me!

How are you doing in the balance department? Do you feel a little bit wobbly, trying bravely to keep both feet on the ground? Does it sometimes feel like your whole world is getting ready to topple over, and you have no balance at all. If you answered yes to this question, you should know that you are in good company. Many of us spend a lot of time just trying to hold on to some stability.

What do you do when your world topples over? You pick up the pieces that are most important on that day, in that moment, and you keep moving along. That is the definition of balance my friends.

First you start by understanding and accepting that it isn’t about being the “perfect” mom, or the “perfect” wife, or the “perfect” anything. You had better throw perfect out the window. Life is messy, noisy, and chaotic. The demands on each of us can be huge, and when you are juggling ten different things at the same time, something is going to give.

Let’s just hope that something isn’t you! So, what keeps you going? What feeds your soul? What inspires you, and motivates you to keep on smiling, laughing, and joyfully carrying on? This “something” is the key to staying afloat, avoiding burnout, and just being happy.

It also helps to do a “Reality” check once in a while. Use the wheel of life exercise on this site and find out where there are gaps in your life. Are there areas that you have been avoiding, or just haven’t gotten to, like taking care of your health? I do this every few months and it really helps to give me a bigger perspective of my life at that time.

What keeps me going? It’s a love of books, learning, and personal growth. It’s flowers, and long walks on Fall Days. It’s reading some yummy cooking magazines, and then creating a fabulous meal. It’s good friends and good conversations. It’s an adorable daughter making me laugh all the time. It’s making sure that I find time to do all the things I love, once in a while, so that I remember who I am. I hope you will do the same.

And on those days when everything is toppling over, I just try to avoid cutting myself on any of the broken pieces. I sweep them up, dump them in the garbage, assess the damage, make sure we are all safe, well-fed, warm, and loved.

Tomorrow is another day, and I get to do it all over again!

Once  you have experienced the transformational  powers of coaching,  you will see your life and the world through a different lens.  All the hard edges will soften, all the colors will be more vibrant, the sounds clearer and more seductive, and the smells sweeter, and more intoxicating.  Wow, I think I am waxing poetic.   It also means that you will be perceived in a very different light, a stronger and brighter light.

Coaching changes  lives!

What a gift to yourself and to the world, daring to see yourself in a new light, and allowing your light to touch those around you.  Once you are changed, you are changed forever.  You will enter a room and your presence will create a glow that is warm and inviting.  Your deeper knowing will affect everyone around you.

How will you use this gift, and who will you touch?  My guess is that you will touch everyone you meet.

Yes, coaching changes the light in the room, the light in your life, and the light in the world!

Thank you for those beautiful words Don!

Well,  your Gremlin may sound a little bit different, but the results are the same.  With your Gremlin’s help, your spirit, your beauty, and your power remain  silent, and you keep playing the same role you have been playing your entire life.  Aren’t you just a wee bit tired of this role.  Isn’t it time you silenced those Gremlins once and for all!

Wondering how to silence those Gremlins!  Start by reading “Tame your Gremlins” by Rick Carson.  Hiring a life coach to help you in this area is another good idea. (Little plug for me)

Sometimes, when I am presenting, I feel like I am surrounded by a sea of fearful and annoyed faces.  Fearful, because I might call them out and ask then to step up and step out.  Annoyed, because I might call them out and ask them to step up and step out.  They are right of course, I do want more from them.

I want as much as they have to give, which in most cases is a lot.  I will lovingly and metaphorically poke them, prod them, and help them to see the light.  There I go, preaching again.

But really, isn’t it time to say no to mediocrity, and hello to big, bad you?

I will keep doing what I do, to get more and more people to Shine!  Yes, some will remain annoyed with me, but others, they will be delighted.  Those are the people I am looking for!!!!!!!

I was waiting for their reactions, and I wasn’t disappointed.  You could see the participants taking it in and not really sure how to respond.  At first, it seems like an opportunity for your ego to go wild and for you to tell everyone in sight just how wonderful and fabulous you are .  Alright, this is just my take on it.  I can see myself preaching about the wonders of being Ellen Lerner.  Once a drama queen always a drama queen.

For most people, fear shows up and they get very quiet.   We tend to avoid stepping up and sharing our greatness, to avoid what we assume people will be thinking of us.  Too much Ellen  is a bad thing, right?  No, it’s a great thing!  By not taking this strong position, we do ourselves a disservice, we run from the light, and from our beautiful reflections so that we won’t annoy anyone, piss them off, or inccur their wrath.

Instead, we play it small, quietly doing our thing but never really owning that remarkable side of who we are.  Here’s what I say, stand on the hilltops and spread the good word about you and your business to everyone that will listen!

Here’s my moment of glory:

“The people who work with me will laugh, they will cry, they will be moved to feel the gamut of emotions.  They will be treated with kindness, encouragement, love and respect.  They will be held up with the highest esteem and given wings to fly.  I will be their biggest and most fierce champion.  I will show them how to shine!  And they will have the ride of their lives”.

I could probably come up with a few other things, but I don’t want to brag!

Now go out there and do the same thing, it’s very therapeutic!