dream of perfection

in love ;)

2012-01-09T01:47:00.000+07:00

Okay, maybe this is the day that I have to write a song about love
It's about time

L.O. L.O. L.O.V.E. Love

I said I'd never write a song about love
But when it feels this good a song fits like a glove
When you hold me and you tell me
That you missed me and call me milky
Fuck it I'mma write a song about love

You're my key - you unlock me
Keep me close, keep me safe, keep me happy
So sweet - oh love
It's destiny - so nothing stops me
I'll tell the world that you're mine and you got me
So sweet - oh love
I'm in love (x3)
L.O.V.E - love

See love doesn't choose a boy or a girl, nope
When I met you, you hugged my heart and filled my world
So you can stare - I don't care
You're the one ain't going nowhere
So fuck it I'mma be honest with you

You're my key - you unlock me
Keep me close, keep me safe, keep me happy

So sweet - oh love
It's destiny - so nothing stops me
I'll tell the world that you're mine and you got me
So sweet - oh love
I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love

My best friend that makes me laugh,
The puzzle pieces fits exact to my half
I've never felt this way - sometimes I'm stuck with what to say
You hold my hand when I'm driving
You dry my tears if I'm crying
And we just laugh if were fighting
I love you, you love me more, I love you more more, you love me more - I love you more
I love you more

It's destiny - so nothing stops me
I'll tell the world that your mine, and you got me
So sweet - oh love

I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love

No I ain't dreaming, but I've got the nicest gift ever since last year: a sweet and genuine boyfriend. This post is dedicated for you.
I'm in love, love, love, love with you A.

2012

2012-01-08T10:46:00.003+07:00

HAPPY (late) NEW YEAR 2012!

It's been 4 months since I last posted, and so much happiness has glowed in between :)

Djakarta Warehouse Project with Anastasia Michelle, early Dec '11 at Tennis Indoor Senayan

Canteen eX, Dec '11 :)

Reunion of old times, xoxo {}

Union, Dec '11 *same outfit with prev pic, same night -.-*

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!

Social House, 31Dec-01Jan! There went my lil sis unpictured.

So the much happy new life in 2012 consists of maintaining my weight balanced! LOL. I ate so much in weekends, thanks to my friends and family. Mom and sis continuous crave for sushi had kept me stuffed every Sunday after church these days, meanwhile grandfather is so apt to taking new culinary experiences on recent good food. Just tried Sopra and Paradise Dynasty on the other day... both have exquisite offers on its specialty menu! (later advice on both, Sopra: try the pizza and veal chop... Idk, the chop is deep fried to perfection. Paradise Dynasty: of course try the xiao long bao, and la mian! :3)

The university life is much less enjoyable than it had previously seemed, though life is fair and God is good. I love these days nevertheless!

Cheers to all my best friends, yet still this sweet gentleman is my abundant source of happiness at the moment... Yeaay ;)

Love you A! :)
*ok, I know the picture effect is beyond understandable cheesiness*

Previously, I had been smitten much to my personal tumblr to the point I've never written anything not so personal here at all. Catch some more later, gotta study hard for the current finals :* I really miss blog writing!

new life. completely

2011-10-17T20:06:00.000+07:00

hello! its been forever since my last update, EVERYTHING, like, literally EVERYTHING has completely changed so much in between, i can't help not to explain.

I'm now officially an undergrad student, got accepted in my first choice: Department of Economics, Faculty of Economics University of Indonesia. it feels so different to be an undergrad freshman, afterall, high school is the best thing you can have in life I guesssss!

haven't been partying or having fun much except being some kind of an active student in campus. well i had better to build a new network of friends, huh? considering SO MANY MANY MANY of my lovely besties are moving abroad last june-aug. only some of them left in indonesia, moreover in jakarta, so its quite getting on my nerve what a lonely birthday i'm gonna have this year, despite my new friends and acquaintances in the campus.

as for information, i'm now also officially taken and it's been going for almost 4 months in 3 days time. i know, it sounds really lame for not posting here for too long. i feel quite weird too.
i've mentioned him quite some time before in this blog, with the lovey lovey title too. haha :) so maybe the news won't be so new...

attended Nikicio Mixte S/S 12 fashion show yesterday :) i love the patterns. also loved the previous mixte collection actually, but (uhm) not the sizing. :(
hopefully the new collection (which will be fully in Goods Dept on November) will do the size for me.

in the prev week i just had a very busy college life indeed. lesson learnt is put yourself into the rightest organisation or committee so you can fully get yourself into it. i mean, now i've already had the experiences doing something i not at all loved.

everything is going normal except my currently sick body. well, birthday is coming in 6 days, i better ask for a medical check up as a reminder of "birthday present" to my parents. you know, i think i lack the good health most of people have. well... hopefully not though.

i can't say i love my new life, but i couldn't ask for less :)

good days

2011-06-04T14:15:00.002+07:00

i just realized (again) that it's already june! 2011 has gone half the year. big things are eventually happening.

i had my high school promenade night on friday previous week (may 27th), definitely one of the most memorable night in life, though it had gone thoroughly extremely different to what i was dreaming of for the first 2 years of my high school...

made the prom dress (designer: Renzi Lazuardi)

inspired by Elie Saab Haute Couture Fall 2011

also made a tattoo (thanks to Dickstattoo!)
and a wonderful up-do with braids (thanks to Bobby!)

funny how things have changed after a year.

even so, i managed to have a lot of fun! i was one of the committees too, took part in giving the theme and decoration idea: moulin rouge, and gone deep into my creative side by designing the invitations for both students and teachers.

had an after-party accident though, ran out-of-breath and coughed for something like half an hour? haha, and got some of my best friends panicked during the asthma-like attack. thank God i have caring best friends <3

finally i'm 90% finished with college entrance test, by doing the SNMPTN this week (tue-wed), hopefully i will get a seat in faculty of econs UI. gonna be really terrible if something else occurs instead...
i also had my TOEFL test last sunday, done pretty awful on that. i went all sleepy during the listening part, so, you know... hopefully i'll get a decent score.

on a good side, i'm accepted in Prasetiya Mulya Business School, with a grade A as an addition, but i haven't responded to them yet, hopefully if i'm gonna make it as a second option i will still have a chance till monday (or else i'm gonna have to register somewhere else). hhh

this university stuffs is pretty much confusing.

now i'm totally in a holy-day! got nothing to do since yesterday, been watching dvds to fill my spare time. my body is totally ill since wednesday, been catching cold, and severely frequently blowing the mucus outta my nose. there are some red patches around my nose now... hhhh.
there's also this tiny tinge with the shade of green on my right pointer nail, of which caused by an accident of me pinned my right pointer when i closed my car door friday last week. well, i guess some clumsiness haunts me forever and pops up here and there... at the most unexpected time (it happened on friday afternoon, just right before my promenade, with a french manicure done on it!)

i have some things to do on my to do list, which i'll go right away after i'm back on track in good health. some things like mandarin lang course, french or dutch lang course, some literature reading, driving course (this is getting important considering i can't even drive till now), learning how to cook homemade traditional indonesian meals, and of course getting some decent trips and vacations!

today is june 4th (yap i guess everyone can read that above), but the date 4 means something more to me every month since 2011 :) yeehaa. love life is great, expecting him to come any moment soon to pick me up for lunch, and i'm already very very starving. maybe i'll go all frenzy by the time i eat my meal. not good not good for a date... hahahaha

have a pleasant weekend! (wholeheartedly wishing to myself this time)

slow

2011-05-23T21:57:00.000+07:00

May has gone and passed really slow. I wanna click a fast forward button to June! But wait, eventually things will come right away and its right time...

I'm thinking to move to tumblr, somehow tumblr makes it easy to pour my mind out in no time, in short words, in rudimentary statements with artificial meaning, haha.

Somehow I'd like to make my writings simpler...
I've changed. :)

long long journey

2011-05-10T22:31:00.000+07:00

High school is over.
Next week the result of final examination will finally be announced.
Class Bali trip: done last week... total fun, though the crowd was too large for my liking.
Love life is nice. Can't ask for more :)
Next step: university! May 31st & June 1st!

FIGHT.

geek mode

2011-04-17T16:00:00.001+07:00

Tomorrow is..... national final exams! PHEW!

I was bored of studying Indonesian, though...

featuring my all time high school D&G geeky-glasses and white nikicio for centro blouse plus an old math book of my grandfather's

Good luck on your national final exams, fellas!

make believe

2011-04-15T18:18:00.001+07:00

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

please have me loved.

high school

2011-04-14T21:32:00.000+07:00

today is the last day of me attending classes in high school, studying, and stuffs. which also means the last day of Teresa Puspita Saraswati going to school wearing uniform to play around with friends, enjoying the spare time, etc. etc. i literally have only another 4 days of national final exams ahead.

taking a deeper enclosure to things, i'm not so prepared to swallow the fact that i'm gonna leave high school so soooon! it's been 3 damn years of journey, full of laughters, knowledges, tears, once-in-a-lifetime-experiences, etc., and it's so hard for me to close the book and end the journey... well i had too much fun i guess, hadn't i? :))

celebrated this last day by throwing a FUNFOODRINK PARTY with my class, XII A 1, which turned out to be a huge success! i'm so glad that everyone had fun, even my friends from the other classes. everyone in the class participated really enthusiastically and that made this event even moreee fun :)
i brought some fruits: grapes, salaks, and oranges... my friend ajie even brought homemade chocolate truffles and rumball, there were wotie by cv, macaroni schotel by bella, doughnuts, pempek, etc... even ribka brought us a bottle of baileys which toppled up the party!
i played dj by playing the music on, while aa and ajie even brought oven to the class just to reheat things, hahaha... everything was worth the effort though, love my class so much <3

thanks to everyone who had thoroughly supported the whole event though, including those mouths who had helped us to finish all the fooood! hahaha

anyway, even though today was a blast of fun, the feeling of leaving high school creates a huge hole that sinks in my heart... i keep imagining things like going to school, and sitting on my seat in the class, with ajie, aha, pempi, caca, joco, cv, aa, bagong, thomas, abok, bella, jewe, cheryl, and ribka nearby... joking and fooling around...
skipping classes, playing truant, and even going karaoke instead of school... aww. my high school days is all about fun i guess.

i'm so gonna miss this adolescent days!

best friends forever, :) (aa, me, ajie, pempi)

focus

2011-04-07T19:29:00.001+07:00

i've made a priority list at least till i'm done with national final exams (UN), and i won't go out till then. focus! focus! focus for a better future and good marks upon graduating high school :)

party princess? LOL

2011-04-03T19:36:00.001+07:00

last saturday night was the first one i spent with my family (grandfather and aunty actually), after all saturdays spent till past midnight in march. ha, ha

it's spent shopping for an aunty's birthday present at plaza senayan. my option went for buying her a poutpurri (sandalwood for sure!) and in the end i got myself falling in love with this hollyberry scented poutpurri :)

found this happyfriends pencil case in metro which is plagued with a picture of that little happyfriends girl, and "party princess" writing when i was hunting for my sister's birthday present, and there went this
*me picking other pencil case, bluish* "this suits her well, kakung" (i call my grandfather kakung, means 'grandfather' in javanese)
*him picking the party princess pencil case* "and this suits you, should you be buying it? HA HA HA" *laughing gleefully*

oh well, don't you see yourself kakung, you were one fuif (means 'party' in dutch)-type in your days. guess that runs in the family. (look, my grandparents met in a birthday party, after they danced all night long together... so movie-like huh?)

talking about parties, i guess i should end this year sweet 17 celebration with my best friend's birthday, RIBKA. well... everybody gets older...

pempi and me

alden and me

me wearing: stripes maxi dress, black cardi, zara patent pumps

i'm so gonna miss these days... national exams in 15 days! then good bye high school! aaaaaa

reflection

2011-04-01T23:42:00.000+07:00

i'm in a perfectly gloomy mood right now... but not up for feeling blue. hehe. today's april fools, not a time to be feeling blue at all.

so picked out tonight to express my gratitude to all of my greatest best friends who share their most precious time for, well, uhm, me.
to me best friends are the most precious and pleasant gift God's ever think of given to me... well, look at them, blossoming my life from their own shoes... without even making me falling in love LOL

today's april first, but this post ain't trying to fool anyone mentioned within.
i know it's a bit late for gratitude of last year happiness, but it's better late than never right? so here i am, i wanna thank 2 of the most always-there best friend of 2010: JEFFERSON ANDREW HUBAJA and AJIE NAYAKA NIKICIO. they sort of lifted me from any morrow sorrow i had last year...
if you ever browse thru my pics, you'll find lots of their faces with me... well guess that's why.

i also wanna thank mr. all ears, shut mouth: ALDEN MARTIN PASARIBU, who'd been there ever since my grotesque days, listening to this crying baby, lol ahaha. extra hugs for you.

2010 also brought me a newly found-most understanding-unjudgmental-girly girly-best friend-miss RIBKA AMANDA! i love her hihihihi. it's been months of our togetherness now, hahahaha, and we're definitely going strong!

there were lots of ups and downs in 2010, and without these people behind me, i was like... nothing? heh. thank you STACEY HUTAPEA, CLARISZA RUNTUNG, CHERYL CHANDRA, NIKE TRICLAREZA, STELLA THERESA, HANNY KURNIAWAN, ADRIANUS AKBAR, THOMAS JATIMAN, STEPHANIE EPIPHANIA, etc etc. (not in alphabetical order whatsoever)

thank you guys for being you. genuinely. without you guys i might be a scalar (got this scientific pick up line from a friend, lol).

say no to hectic life

2011-03-15T19:39:00.000+07:00

i've been drowning in exhaustion a lot these days, flying off from headache to another headache after staying till the darkest hours in the morning... of course, the causes hadn't always been studying.
it seems that life's putting so much happiness and new stuffs within :)

i had been going to kemang for 2 weeks in a row every saturday night, it feels weird to have such an uncommon place to chill out and spend my weekend, so unlikely with the usual going outs to malls and parties and stuffs.

i miss those partying days! :) now that most of my friends have turned 17, its only ribka's birthday next week that i could look forward to for another party. well, yeah. people get older. (and the troubles that follow get so much more complicated :( )

i just read my sister blog again (after a long time) and amazed by the amount she has grown up. she's an amazing blogger! check her blog out at http://shintawijnayu.blogspot.com
i think i'm gonna help her make a better layout for her blog once i have lots of spare time ;)

partied down the night last saturday at cheryl's, my best friend :). i'm so gonna miss high school, can't believe it's only a month from now before i'm finished with all these high school stuffs.
it hasn't struck me though. damn it, i think it's only yesterday that i got into SMAK 1 and got thru the orientation days, taking the staircases to 8th floor, etc, :(

ribka and me, cheryl's party at segarra

me wearing: zara s/s 11 tanktop, trf night sequined skirt, xsml loose nude cardigan, zara a/w 10 patent leather pumps

i wish days like that happen everyday instead of this school final examinations i'm having tomorrow ;( wish me all the best of luck health and spirit please!

plagued heart

2011-03-06T09:53:00.000+07:00

The ones we love tend to stay in our hearts and minds long after the relationship ends. While some move on quickly, others dwell and heal at a slower pace. Whatever the case, the thoughts, emotions and memories we experience during this time are heartwrenchingly powerful and real.

- read it somewhere. explains a lot.

intervention

2011-02-09T19:32:00.004+07:00

My surrounding is full of conflicts these days; the clock never stops spinning, so do troubles swinging around human. Felt terrible to see my country in such a disgraceful state that you wanna think twice before leaving comments upon its people... moreover its government.
I'm not saying I know much about justice or those hardcore stuffs about law, but in fact this country needs to be shaken with lots of groundbreaking breakthrough in some political areas. Its frustrating to see how some bad guys could have the power to rule over amazingly massive people and remain untouchable by the law.

For some major point I'm talking here, let's see the phenomenal case of this country's renowned author/activist/young bright mind: Alanda Kariza whose mother respectively got accused in one of the most SUPERSTITIOUSLY suspicious massive-corruption case in the country: the Century gate. She got punished by 10 years of imprisonment & charged with IDR 10 billion, when in fact the owner of the bank itself got punished only by 8 years!
Simply wonderful it is, the action of those politic&overly-powered and money-equipped gangsters in this country!

Apart from all this political conflicts there are also some social instability due to religion&beliefs differences.
There's no more spirit of unity and harmony in people and I see this huge tendency from people of all backgrounds to shape their minds to a more individualistic society...
What a world! I don't dream a day of living in Jakarta but facing people with as much individual minds as if I'm living in more hectic city as London.

Hopefully this cracks up a bit real soon! Like really, I'm not being idealistic, but seriously this whole situation needs to adapt to the new world. We need to change!

desirably free

2011-01-29T17:25:00.003+07:00

got nothing to do nothing to lose :*
i'ven't had proper sleep for days now. my muscles all stiffen. i wanna party! i wanna get out from my routine! yet all i can manage is just... this.
wish i could wear the whole attire not in daytime right now..

trf night blazer, bloop/endorse animal print skirt

there goes my fave mango tank top but can't find it on store anywhere now. need to buy some basic stuffs considering my nomaden condition right now .. commuting from pulo mas to senayan -.- (with addition of some of my tops are gone missing). well.

life's been hectic, if not crazy. i need to seize my time between studying for school, the UN exam, school final exam (this year they held final exam on all subjects! ITS CRAZY!), studying social science materials due to university entrance test considering economics is the major i'm after.. and apart of that, managing school prom and yearbook design as one of the committees.

wish me luck.

realization

2011-01-16T22:31:00.001+07:00

Kadang memang kita paling susah menyadari bahwa yg kita butuhkan sebenernya udah didepan mata dan udah ada bersama kita...nggak harus ditunggu, atau dicari lagi.

:'(

wishlist for january!

2011-01-05T13:30:00.000+07:00

this time, one of these things better be in my wardrobe fo sho!

Nikicio Femme Resort 2011 : Pleather Longer Back Shift Dress
been wanting this dress since the fashion show!

Ash (Booties) : Madonna Wedge Sneakers
anyway, those boots from Ash do wonders. I wanna own a pair. HHHHH. gotta check their collection some time here. mamaaaaaaaaa ...

Cheap Monday Collection Autumn/Winter 2011 : Narrow Ripped and Sewn Skinny Jeans
total love. I need black skinny jeans like pronto.

anybody?

4 years of blogging

2011-01-03T19:12:00.000+07:00

hip hip hooray! my blog is now already 4 years old, and counting, definitely!
i posted the same birthday post a year ago, and the memory of typing that post is still fresh in my mind like it was just yesterday!

i re read some of my blog posts on january last year, especially the one i made on january 1st, whoa. things have changed so much in a year, and right now i call those lovey dovey things i wrote of myself a year ago as my past already. last year's currents have become this year's past, yeah. pretty much changes have happened lately.

looking back at my 2010's resolution, i'm quite proud :) because i certainly have successfully developed something overtime. on my post a year ago i wrote about the "secret resolution" part which was inspired by a friend of mine, Maura, which is "to get used to living single (as in not in a rltnship) if i have to". i'm successfully doing right now... i pass with flying colors, if this were an exam, if you ask me. hahaha and that result didn't come overnight, it was something after months of gruesome "moving on, letting go, fight, and pray" after my break up last year. haha.

by the way, i'm currently at the peak of my life right now. so far 2011 hasn't really disappointed me in a way a disappointment could come at its worst! feel glad, cos therefore i don't have so much bleak perspective towards the upcoming days of the year :), instead i'm quite positive that the year is gonna be mine to rock on!
i have the loveliest best friends in the whole world and am enjoying my freedom days. certainly there are always rough patches on the path, but i'm not in the mood to sink into bottom. the peak always feels greatest if you reach it after the rock bottom :)

i have many goals for this year, especially for the graduation and entering university part! geez, time really flies right? i've made up my mind and now i'm oh-so after a seat in the Faculty of Economics in University of Indonesia! pray for me, eh? hopefully next year i'm gonna be wearing the yellow jacket! Amen.

right now i also participate in both yearbook and senior prom committees. hopefully things would be neat, punctual, and running smoothly till my senior year ends!

OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, THIS YEAR I'M LEAVING HIGH SCHOOL!
(i used to be not so excited about the prospect... but after passing half of my senior year, it seems like quite an experience!)

nikicio: femme Resort 2011 "THE WHITE OLEANDER"

2010-12-29T00:56:00.003+07:00

Attended nikicio:femme Resort 2011 fashion show thanks to my dear friend Ajie Nikicio (:

The collection was totally fab! It simply has some 'meaningful' Prêt-à-Porter pieces that give some edge to fashion nowadays.

Credit goes to here for the pics of the show below.

The proud hostess of the show: Nina Nikicio (pictured left) and me! (yuhu, got a chance to take a pic and little chat with her thanks to Ajie). Her designs do wonders!

I wore her nikicio for centro tees that night (the white top I was wearing)

My favorite piece (pictured left). Havent bought it yet, I hav so many things on my wishlist. That leather-y dress comes only with one size (all size actually) so hopefully it will fit my curvy figure.

I liked the idea of the glass painting done at the back (look at two fash show pics above), wanna get an artistically handmade painted glass for my own house one day. *putting into wish list* *omg I hav so many things on my wishlist*

If you're interested in their collection you may as well check nikicio online store.

DECEMBER SUPERB WISHLIST

2010-12-22T09:24:00.001+07:00

The Official Dr. Martens USA Store -

DM Pascal Black Smooth $120

I WANT THAT BEYOND BADLY.

bike and heels

2010-12-16T14:44:00.001+07:00

so it's holiday time already now and I'm currently browsing around in the internet.
i found this gorgeous yet bizarre picture of Olivia Palermo from The Sartorialist, Oct 14th 2010

what is so bizarre about it?
1st she's going to ride a bike 2nd its the killer lovely heels!
what is so lovely about it?
1st i love the killer heels!!! argh 2nd its the birkin, just the perfekt combination 3rd its the leather shorts, what's hotter than riding a bike on such leather shorts 4th its her graceful yet candid pose

yeah yeah, i cant even ride a bike, moreover on such heels. a picture that worthy of myself would appear in another light years to come

a quickie post

2010-12-05T21:20:00.000+07:00

i think i need to change my layout, eh? it's too soft for fun days like now, hahaha
i'm in the middle of what's-supposed-to-be-finished exam week, but because i have to retake some tests, it hasn't ended yet. and i'm just way too lazy to study.
back off

november: happy and content!

2010-12-02T16:45:00.002+07:00

my cutest birthday gift so far: babo bird!

halloween party at penabur international class, oct 29th
dressed up as a flower-goddess wannabe ha-ha! quite a look-alike eh?

halloween party at tribeca oct 30-31th

dine in: hachi hachi at central park nov 5

jakarta culinary festival at grand indonesia, nov 6

europe on screen! at goethe hauss nov 9

supper at 7-11 menteng after europe on screen!

tante indira and om stef wedding, at kristus salvator church nov 13

watching: megamind 3d at ex nov 13

watched harry potter last week before exam. it's the best installment of harry potter i think so far, because maybe somehow by dividing the movie into 2 parts it loads more details from the book compared to previous potter movies. so i was quite satisfied the moment i left the studio.
watched it with ribka ajie and gilbert.

last...

hectic yet happy school days with friends!

a little not too much

2010-11-15T20:16:00.000+07:00

I just finished reading my sister's blog while studying for chemistry test tmr.

I'm deeply touched, and not in that kind of touched-way... but there's a huge pity, love, and everything, and I wanna shower her with much love right now :( she's grown up so much to the date.

This is an open letter, dear sis. Let's go through the hard days baby, I'm with you. Always, watching your back. Tell me if I can do any favor just to redeem and lighten your burden... especially if I was the cause.

I won't type much, there're just too many emotions bursting out in my head right now. I'm deeply sorry for such a mishandled and tiring life you're experiencing.
But you know, you could just ease your pain a little by showing and channeling your pain and more hard expressions to the world, instead of JUST sarcasm or silence... and struggling is not that bad. People do struggle. People strive for what they desire and I expect so from you.

I love you sister, without you I'm (almost) nothing. :) let's do this and STRUGGLE together.