dreams of perfection

lost stars

2016-06-07T01:22:00.000+07:00

Hi, blog.

It's 2016! It's been more than a decade since I first wrote here!

...from PC, cool laptops, cheap laptops, broken laptops, to phone (now), it's been an unending journey.

Anyways,

I have an interesting thought that follows me these days. The daunting fact that sometimes, someone can be good for you, given only for the right period of time. Maybe, not forever. Whether after that they change, or before the period they were a completely different person, I learn today that change is the only thing constant.

What about it?

I look at myself in the past. My past reflections have revolved from one improvement to another. I learnt over the years that you--or I, to make it less of an accusation, learn to love another human because it appears that they have something I felt I've searched for and just found. The pattern keeps tangling, until (hopefully), at one given point in the future, I fall in love to the complete being that's best tailored for me, in the sort of humanly possible.

Now, I look at myself in the mirror. What have I done to myself? I am a changed girl everytime I post here. I am no longer the 2005 Tessa. Even no longer my 2015 self. I evolve. I adapt to the changes presented to my life. I still hope I could dictate the situation around me, not the other way around--but who am I to run against the universe? Even to run from my current shadow, I cannot do myself.

And then we come to the roughest part. I look to my right side and I no longer see a mirror of myself. I look to my right side and I see a friend, sometimes too entangled to see behind his emotions, sometimes too forceful to look outside his head. I want more love. There I said it. If only there were more love I would guess that the heart wouldn't become so cold it scolds everytime it doesn't get what it wants. Can you grasp how deep actually the cut is already...

And then what?

I don't know. You can pity me for taking so many years and pouring so many stories only to realize such a crystal clear truth that change is the only thing constant. I think I believe in romanticism too much...

young

2015-10-10T20:44:00.001+07:00

It's my 22nd birthday in 13 days.

I can't help but feel all grown up?

Like my youthful, playful days have passed me by, and here it comes, to what a senior once put it into terms (laughable, at that time), "hidup tak berkesudahan".

I always have this fear in the back of my mind of growing old, miserably old, buried in problems. Unending problems that you don't even realize when it begins. Extracted that from the lives of the elders around me, and I think the scare of this un-coming problems has already rooted into me.

Not sure if anyone else faces the same problem, but here I am admitting it, it's eating me. If I share this to elders most probably some will shrug it off and say, it's the quarter-life crisis. Or say, just live with it, take a deep breath, and get through it.

But I am not sure, it's a thought, it's a fear, and I haven't been able to synthesize the antidote to this fear, let alone fully internalizing it. The "let it flow" mindset.

All I know is that life passes me by, and before you know it, some problems pass.
I can let go of all the work and relationship problems and say "these too shall pass". But I can't let go of my own fear(?).

On top of that, I miss someone so far away now. Doing a long distance relationship with bare minimum contact is so not-Tessa-ish.

Nevertheless, it makes me wonder further though. What if this kind of thing will happen often in life, as we get older, it's the work requirement? Education requirement? etc. etc

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME if that's the case???

So much fear to pour on one post.
Maybe it's true. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. :(

take my hand and reload

2015-01-13T17:49:00.000+07:00

The title is, "Get Off Me."

"Reload!"

The song screams.

"Reload!"

The memory comes in.

"Reload!"

I picture you coming in.
Reloading in. Screaming in.
...panicking in.

...and "gravity pulled me down."
Still down at you. Still looking at you.
Now even my wall becomes your staring eyes, your familiar face

I want to run away...
I don't own the blank space in me anymore
Do not reload me

--

now, first post in 2015 has the sad tone to its face. Hello 2015! Thank God for 2014 that had passed. It has been one-TOO-fun year indeed to look back to!

Now in line are several big steps in my life: thesis, applying for a job, etc. wish me luck :')

fairy tales must have happy endings

2014-08-10T11:25:00.001+07:00

Once upon a time, there were a prince and a princess, from two different lands.
They grew up as the best of friends, and fell in love with each other deeply, for they were both of the same background and age; the same kin and friendship; merry and carefree.
On many days they held the sun as if it wouldn't shine anymore on dawn, they lived free, loving each other relentlessly.

Alas, they were pampered, as if the world were theirs. Even, as often times passed by, they went--just the two of them--against the demanding world. But for there were problems, there were solutions, for there were lies, there were hurt.
Madly in love as they seemed, these obstacles put strains on them, sending the couple mad, as they were madly in love, yet madly troubled by the world.

One evening, the princess wished upon the stars, that through all the great demand of the lands she had, she could be with the prince still and all. And the prince, would love to be with her, still and all. That their love were to stand tall, and she could have the fairy tale ending, just like all other princesses before her wished upon the stars. Yet there she was, wishing upon the stars, beneath her, the crashing waves, as she was standing on the tip of the rock on the cliff top. All she had in her heart was the overflowing love, yet buried down in her mind was the frightening thought of the world behind her. The judging and harsh world that had so often made her questioned her own words and options, and most miserably, thoughts. Didn't they say your thoughts and fantasies are your biggest power?, she thought again.

What she didn't know was the true mind of the prince. It bothered her to the extreme, as she actually had pulled great effort to share to the very least bit of her thoughts, that he acclaimed to know her so well, yet to her, the prince's true thoughts lied in the depth of mystery. All she knew that he loved her, but that wasn't the only case, as the cruel world turned to demand so much more than love.

That night, after wishing upon the stars, she tumbled down in her sleep to a long and deep tunnel with memories playing around her. It made her refused the Gods to wake her up, as she found comfort within her exquisite dreams. The princess found happiness in her own memories, without the world demanding against her.

And she ain't no sleeping beauty. There she was, sleeping still.

sucker for romance

2014-07-28T00:45:00.000+07:00

I didn't notice that I had people reading this blog up until these past few days. Fortunately some people took the great length to read my writings, yeay? (insert "Phew" emoticon here).

Truth be told, this blog is so full of Is that I kinda start thinking of how much selfishness I've poured out this past few years. That, or the fact that it is so normal to have so many Is in your own journal slash written thoughts. Yeah. To point out my justification (for my own good), apparently some little piece of selfishness is needed here and there on your own space, especially when this world is already full of selfishness on its own. It becomes legit that your thoughts and fantasies are your biggest power.

Anyway,
this post is titled that just because I feel like it, as usual, ditto. I'm a sucker for romance, that I would admit. Even since the beginning of time, my thoughts everywhere are merely about these intense romances.

What's the matter now?
The matter is, ever since the beginning of time, I have been a (not so hopeless) romantic. I have often become so consumed in doing things sweetly that I'd rather not go the extra mile of effort than do it not overly sweet. And like all normal human beings are, we are so often selfish and self-centered, thus we often crave something more in the on-goings of life. And like all the on-goings are, so are my efforts in doing these extra miles. I become self-consumed in the hope of giving and--sometimes--receiving back. This is when and where it all often goes wrong. Pardon my lunatic use of "all" but "often", but I am not always expecting a feedback. But when I do, it drives the fantasy of this sucker for romance crazy for that moment of speaking (therefore, this is, again, exaggerating, really, I can and will always move on later).

So...
If you know you can learn from this sucker, guess you'd better do, quickly.
If you happen to know another sucker for romance like this human being whose writing you are reading, you'd better give them a favor by giving back that extra mile they took for you.
...and try, always try seeing things from the eye of this romantic lunatic, because the world then can appear much sweeter, really! Just imagine if everybody is honest with everybody, everybody helps everybody, and everybody being sweet with their loved ones :)

such a heavy thought to pour in the midst of the night.

dumber than dumb

2014-07-11T10:47:00.003+07:00

As if I weren't as dumb as donkeys, I stood tall admitting that I wouldn't have had fallen to the same hole
The same hole that cripples me

But here it comes, here it goes, the big hole
...and I'm falling to the same mistake, dangling in the air, to the same bottom all over again

Disattachment is best.

let's be brutally honest

2014-06-02T08:09:00.002+07:00

Hi blog, been missing you for long.

I'm currently updating from a very random place on a sunny, good morning :)
Listened to the song Reload from my headset, and can't help not to reflect on how my life has been going like a roller coaster these past few months!

To name a few, I just slept only for good 2,75 hours last night, to wake up so early this morning, do some papers, work on my project on 10 AM, and the list goes on... Lol

MEANWHILE,
Even being a roller coaster ride, life can't get any more fun! One random thought: just realized how much I've grown up from a kissing memory. Lol I know how vulgar it is to post it online. But you just know you just get older when your kisses now involve more booze and less consciousness.

Another random thought: I am now older because I (can) drink black coffee for breakfast. A few years back that would be a laughable fact.

And last but not least, me being brutally honest as usual, I am in love again :) Let's hope for the best. I am tired of heartbreaks, losing people from my life, and starting over again. Let this lasts. I know how cliche that may sound, but after all this time.......

Amen.

locked out of heaven

2014-03-09T17:11:00.001+07:00

Never had much faith in love or miracles
Never wanna put my heart on the line
But swimming in your water is something spiritual
I'm born again every time you spend the night

'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long

Been busy having the time of my life. Living high on the line baby! Life is scrumptiously awesome! My friends are fuckin' awesome!!!

ignorance is bliss

2014-01-27T21:29:00.000+07:00

Hello there again, blog.
Currently listening to the song Royals, I like the lyric so much: ignorance is bliss, they say.

The big news: since Jan 24th I've been wearing braces! Say happy to good teeth. My target is for the upcoming graduation next year.
Currently involved as the Vice Project Officer (candidate) for the next 37th Jazz Goes To Campus. Hopefully everything will be going smooth for this year.

So looking at this blog, my surrounding, and everything, I couldn't help but contemplate. I still have a lot to strive, a lot of homework to do. Do I go in the right direction in life?
Only time and prayer can answer I guess...

Picture Perfect Memories

2013-12-16T08:19:00.004+07:00

I lament:

As the clock ticks
My playlist ringing on repeat
It's been a long time since you're home,
next to me.
Dusty frames rendering our smiles

Sadly the sun will eventually set,
We'll never be the same for good
The gap in my heart aches
As the memories wash in
If only the pictures could speak a thousand words

How could one miss only the memory?
When even the fairy tale in the picture is thousand miles away,
perhaps forever has ceased.

Could somebody slow down the clock?
Yesterday has never felt that far away.

mirrors

2013-10-30T03:08:00.000+07:00

It's 3 AM in the morning and I've turned twenty for a few days.
The post is titled "Mirrors" just because it's the song I listen to at the moment.

Why am I rambling? Because it would be funny to read this months later from now, right me :D

Just googled my own name and found the fact that this blog didn't appear at all on the results! I have mixed feelings. Sad. Not sad.
Sad for the fact that I haven't updated so much that this blog has become irrelevant and not sad for the fact that this blog contains half of my life that I don't want people to know too much about (hell, then why am I still writing now)

I guess I've grown up a bit too much this year, and considering my few previous blog posts, guess everybody would know why. I'm completely taken aback reading those stuffs though. THAT, apparently, the fluctuation of life, that gets me here.

It would be damn interesting once I have the time to read my blog all over from page 1. See what's different after 5 years.

AND YEAH, I'VE GONE TO NEW YORK and an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL BEFORE I WAS TWENTY!

Deadly Storm Light Thunder

2013-04-07T23:59:00.001+07:00

sings Adhitia Sofyan

Would you call if me if you can
I'm waiting underneath it all
All the mess and the chaos you've caused
Now you're nowhere to be found

So tell me I'm trying to define
The meaning of unconditional love
When it puts you faced down on the ground
You're out there sailing away

And maybe a deadly storm will come and catch you
Lightning thunder will strike you
It hits your head so hard you'll come to me

It's all right I totally understand
They're greener on the other side
And the sun will shine brighter everyday

I guess that's where all the light goes

And I'm ok, I hope the best for you
Remember to go out and have fun
You could spend the day out in the ocean
I heard the water is fine out there

I guess I'll learn to come by without you
And somewhere out there I'm sure God is watching you close

But then maybe His deadly storm will come and catch you
Lightning thunder will strike you
It hits your head so hard you'll come to me

---

Funny how this song somehow rings a bell.

ashes of dreams, promises, and hope

2013-03-14T09:04:00.000+07:00

“They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.” ― Oscar Wilde

life's been grim these days. workload is fine. health is not good (just gotten into flu all over again whereas i just got better from previous flu in less than 3/4 weeks ago). and my heart a disaster.

yesterday i took a yoga class at the gym. learnt how to inhale-exhale better. this morning i woke up with a heavy heart, just to realize more that the world has been spinning against my path. practiced my yoga lesson, felt better, but skipped this morning class anyway.

lucky, this is not the worst state that i could be.

***

some friends told me to put some distance with him. no, let me refer to him as you. some told me just to move along and be persistent. yea, i could do both without the attachment. the ball and chain attached to my legs is clinging heavily on me.

one thing i've learnt is not to give promises you can keep. be persistent with your action, sync your words into it. i've learnt that another broken heart could be caused by huge disappointments after millions of fake promises... that those "i wanna be with you, and only you." was just a sugarcoated-zero-action words.

when i woke up this morning i realized how many promises have blinded me. that "i'm only busy now, next period i'm yours" is only a periodical lie with you, that next period "i'll probably just end up with a few businesses." but now "we'll see later." "please be patient with my goals." hitting the ground back after you fed me with so many incoherent promises was another story, but one thing you should know for sure, your sadness is not the only one to tell.

i think you should learn your limit. can't have everything in life all at once, baby. you know, a relationship is like growing a plant, if you don't water, fertilize, and take care of it, it dies.

i don't want any more promises, and you have proven yourself there is no long term, persistent, focused action that i can expect of you.

let me live in a world of my peace. it's the last thing you can promise me.

long, long time ago

2012-11-08T11:11:00.001+07:00

OMG. Looking at this post bit.ly/SDlywV
Reminds me that it's been so loooooooong ago! :(
Before bad things happened and disappopopopopointing stuffs. hff

getting skinny

2012-11-08T11:01:00.002+07:00

So in the mood for losing my weight. Yeah! The power of getting skinny!!! Go be skinny bitches!!! LOL. Aiming for a body like Scarlett Johansson...
Uh oh YOMS! ",

Meanwhile, life's been pretty much a bumpy roller-coaster ride. No time for some indulging me-time. Sleep deprived. Uncooperative external support. Yeaaaaa, fuck.
Soon I'll be like some gothic nerd with social hatred, ha ha just kidding.

Watched the movie "Beautiful Mind" several days ago... John Nash's life really got me on my nerve in a way of saying "Tessa is so stupid in Economics". I'm like, nothing, compared to everyone out there with their high achievements so on and so forth. Truth is, I question myself so much nowadays, am I really ready to prepare for my already-near "future"? Sad and suck.

Ok my mood is really grim since I haven't had a proper rest for a while. Living so much dependent on coffee. Hff

Gotta go and give a fuck to my lectures. Hail bed! Skipping 2 classes today kthxbye. YEAY!

new days

2012-07-18T11:53:00.003+07:00

What busy days has taught me: trying to pull things through in the midst of fuckedupness. Lesson learnt...

Well I haven't updated since forever while life's pacing rapidly within and around me, clock is still ticking, and monkeys evolving. Right now I'm working on a project, in a competition by Nescafe with mates Satrio, Louis, and Vito. Also got my hands full with events: KOMPeK 15th and Jazz Goes to Campus 35th. I've never thought I can pull things through, but here I am living and making the most out of it with my friends, best friends, boyfriend, and esp. family :)

So to come to think of it, I'm in a holiday right now for God's sake and He knows how busy it's been. Haven't learnt how to drive, stupidly. Currently surprised with the new blogger interface (He knows how long Iven't posted anything). Trying to do some sweet wake up call to my sleepyhead boyfriend (which prolly be sleeping sound at this late moment)... and so on... so on...

So the report is.. this holiday I went for vacation to Lombok-Gili Trawangan-Bali with my family. Not that far away from home, but those are beautiful islands indeed.

West Lombok. Very-very beautiful view for free.

Gili Trawangan. Try snorkeling and diving in this island. Dip a little and the exotic fishes are in front of your eyes!

Local dinner: nasi campur! Try the grilled fish + beer, my parents seemed to like it.

Nice paddy fields in the back of Monkey Forest in Ubud. Just a peek from my hotel's windowsill.

Bebek Bengil (The Dirty Duck Diner). Crisp fried duck to get your tummy stuffed.

Naughty Nuri's. Tried the martini and it was the best value for money. Every sip is worth it.

Babi Guling Bu Oka. If you don't want to queue, try walking/driving a bit further from the one at Tegalalang, turn right and walk +- 50m. Et voila!

Reaaaaaaaally miss this trip!

Guy criteria

2012-02-04T23:53:00.001+07:00

I went to Bandung with my grandfather today, embracing the paddy fields of his in Ujungberung, where he's building the grave of my late grandma... The trip was fun, ended up having lunch at Toko YOU (it is most familiar to Bandung locals I guess, since it's been established since more than 60 years ago).

We had nice and lengthy chit chats on the way home as our stomaches were full and I've decided not to sleep again as I've slept all the way to Ujungberung.

There then, came the topic of guy criteria, and to my amusement he listed down the best guy criteria for me (based on his own experience being the solver to the troublemaker Tessa, ha ha). Here's like, the list.

1. continuous care (well yes to his definition to care means to pay a continuous attention..)
2. have a great taste (HAHA. Yeah. Right!)
3. a gentleman (well-mannered!)
4. well-informed (ok. smart/ "nyambung" guys turn me on.)

Then he added : "money. Potential to get money."
"What do you mean by potential?"
"Well later in life a lot of money for a start is not that important. But to earn good money he should be well educated, manage himself to work..... and 'Is he a dreamer' (just dreaming and yet doing nothing).."

Well grandfather. That's one hell to find the right partner for a lifetime... no?

in love ;)

2012-01-09T01:47:00.000+07:00

Okay, maybe this is the day that I have to write a song about love
It's about time

L.O. L.O. L.O.V.E. Love

I said I'd never write a song about love
But when it feels this good a song fits like a glove
When you hold me and you tell me
That you missed me and call me milky
Fuck it I'mma write a song about love

You're my key - you unlock me
Keep me close, keep me safe, keep me happy
So sweet - oh love
It's destiny - so nothing stops me
I'll tell the world that you're mine and you got me
So sweet - oh love
I'm in love (x3)
L.O.V.E - love

See love doesn't choose a boy or a girl, nope
When I met you, you hugged my heart and filled my world
So you can stare - I don't care
You're the one ain't going nowhere
So fuck it I'mma be honest with you

You're my key - you unlock me
Keep me close, keep me safe, keep me happy

So sweet - oh love
It's destiny - so nothing stops me
I'll tell the world that you're mine and you got me
So sweet - oh love
I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love

My best friend that makes me laugh,
The puzzle pieces fits exact to my half
I've never felt this way - sometimes I'm stuck with what to say
You hold my hand when I'm driving
You dry my tears if I'm crying
And we just laugh if were fighting
I love you, you love me more, I love you more more, you love me more - I love you more
I love you more

It's destiny - so nothing stops me
I'll tell the world that your mine, and you got me
So sweet - oh love

I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love
I'm in love

No I ain't dreaming, but I've got the nicest gift ever since last year: a sweet and genuine boyfriend. This post is dedicated for you.
I'm in love, love, love, love with you A.

2012

2012-01-08T10:46:00.003+07:00

HAPPY (late) NEW YEAR 2012!

It's been 4 months since I last posted, and so much happiness has glowed in between :)

Djakarta Warehouse Project with Anastasia Michelle, early Dec '11 at Tennis Indoor Senayan

Canteen eX, Dec '11 :)

Reunion of old times, xoxo {}

Union, Dec '11 *same outfit with prev pic, same night -.-*

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!

Social House, 31Dec-01Jan! There went my lil sis unpictured.

So the much happy new life in 2012 consists of maintaining my weight balanced! LOL. I ate so much in weekends, thanks to my friends and family. Mom and sis continuous crave for sushi had kept me stuffed every Sunday after church these days, meanwhile grandfather is so apt to taking new culinary experiences on recent good food. Just tried Sopra and Paradise Dynasty on the other day... both have exquisite offers on its specialty menu! (later advice on both, Sopra: try the pizza and veal chop... Idk, the chop is deep fried to perfection. Paradise Dynasty: of course try the xiao long bao, and la mian! :3)

The university life is much less enjoyable than it had previously seemed, though life is fair and God is good. I love these days nevertheless!

Cheers to all my best friends, yet still this sweet gentleman is my abundant source of happiness at the moment... Yeaay ;)

Love you A! :)
*ok, I know the picture effect is beyond understandable cheesiness*

Previously, I had been smitten much to my personal tumblr to the point I've never written anything not so personal here at all. Catch some more later, gotta study hard for the current finals :* I really miss blog writing!

new life. completely

2011-10-17T20:06:00.000+07:00

hello! its been forever since my last update, EVERYTHING, like, literally EVERYTHING has completely changed so much in between, i can't help not to explain.

I'm now officially an undergrad student, got accepted in my first choice: Department of Economics, Faculty of Economics University of Indonesia. it feels so different to be an undergrad freshman, afterall, high school is the best thing you can have in life I guesssss!

haven't been partying or having fun much except being some kind of an active student in campus. well i had better to build a new network of friends, huh? considering SO MANY MANY MANY of my lovely besties are moving abroad last june-aug. only some of them left in indonesia, moreover in jakarta, so its quite getting on my nerve what a lonely birthday i'm gonna have this year, despite my new friends and acquaintances in the campus.

as for information, i'm now also officially taken and it's been going for almost 4 months in 3 days time. i know, it sounds really lame for not posting here for too long. i feel quite weird too.
i've mentioned him quite some time before in this blog, with the lovey lovey title too. haha :) so maybe the news won't be so new...

attended Nikicio Mixte S/S 12 fashion show yesterday :) i love the patterns. also loved the previous mixte collection actually, but (uhm) not the sizing. :(
hopefully the new collection (which will be fully in Goods Dept on November) will do the size for me.

in the prev week i just had a very busy college life indeed. lesson learnt is put yourself into the rightest organisation or committee so you can fully get yourself into it. i mean, now i've already had the experiences doing something i not at all loved.

everything is going normal except my currently sick body. well, birthday is coming in 6 days, i better ask for a medical check up as a reminder of "birthday present" to my parents. you know, i think i lack the good health most of people have. well... hopefully not though.

i can't say i love my new life, but i couldn't ask for less :)

good days

2011-06-04T14:15:00.002+07:00

i just realized (again) that it's already june! 2011 has gone half the year. big things are eventually happening.

i had my high school promenade night on friday previous week (may 27th), definitely one of the most memorable night in life, though it had gone thoroughly extremely different to what i was dreaming of for the first 2 years of my high school...

made the prom dress (designer: Renzi Lazuardi)

inspired by Elie Saab Haute Couture Fall 2011

also made a tattoo (thanks to Dickstattoo!)
and a wonderful up-do with braids (thanks to Bobby!)

funny how things have changed after a year.

even so, i managed to have a lot of fun! i was one of the committees too, took part in giving the theme and decoration idea: moulin rouge, and gone deep into my creative side by designing the invitations for both students and teachers.

had an after-party accident though, ran out-of-breath and coughed for something like half an hour? haha, and got some of my best friends panicked during the asthma-like attack. thank God i have caring best friends <3

finally i'm 90% finished with college entrance test, by doing the SNMPTN this week (tue-wed), hopefully i will get a seat in faculty of econs UI. gonna be really terrible if something else occurs instead...
i also had my TOEFL test last sunday, done pretty awful on that. i went all sleepy during the listening part, so, you know... hopefully i'll get a decent score.

on a good side, i'm accepted in Prasetiya Mulya Business School, with a grade A as an addition, but i haven't responded to them yet, hopefully if i'm gonna make it as a second option i will still have a chance till monday (or else i'm gonna have to register somewhere else). hhh

this university stuffs is pretty much confusing.

now i'm totally in a holy-day! got nothing to do since yesterday, been watching dvds to fill my spare time. my body is totally ill since wednesday, been catching cold, and severely frequently blowing the mucus outta my nose. there are some red patches around my nose now... hhhh.
there's also this tiny tinge with the shade of green on my right pointer nail, of which caused by an accident of me pinned my right pointer when i closed my car door friday last week. well, i guess some clumsiness haunts me forever and pops up here and there... at the most unexpected time (it happened on friday afternoon, just right before my promenade, with a french manicure done on it!)

i have some things to do on my to do list, which i'll go right away after i'm back on track in good health. some things like mandarin lang course, french or dutch lang course, some literature reading, driving course (this is getting important considering i can't even drive till now), learning how to cook homemade traditional indonesian meals, and of course getting some decent trips and vacations!

today is june 4th (yap i guess everyone can read that above), but the date 4 means something more to me every month since 2011 :) yeehaa. love life is great, expecting him to come any moment soon to pick me up for lunch, and i'm already very very starving. maybe i'll go all frenzy by the time i eat my meal. not good not good for a date... hahahaha

have a pleasant weekend! (wholeheartedly wishing to myself this time)

slow

2011-05-23T21:57:00.000+07:00

May has gone and passed really slow. I wanna click a fast forward button to June! But wait, eventually things will come right away and its right time...

I'm thinking to move to tumblr, somehow tumblr makes it easy to pour my mind out in no time, in short words, in rudimentary statements with artificial meaning, haha.

Somehow I'd like to make my writings simpler...
I've changed. :)

long long journey

2011-05-10T22:31:00.000+07:00

High school is over.
Next week the result of final examination will finally be announced.
Class Bali trip: done last week... total fun, though the crowd was too large for my liking.
Love life is nice. Can't ask for more :)
Next step: university! May 31st & June 1st!

FIGHT.

geek mode

2011-04-17T16:00:00.001+07:00

Tomorrow is..... national final exams! PHEW!

I was bored of studying Indonesian, though...

featuring my all time high school D&G geeky-glasses and white nikicio for centro blouse plus an old math book of my grandfather's

Good luck on your national final exams, fellas!

make believe

2011-04-15T18:18:00.001+07:00

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

please have me loved.