Dreamer says...

मेरी लाल पतंग

2014-06-22T11:34:00.002+05:30

मेरी लाल पतंग
हवा में इतरा इतरा के उड़ती थी
कभी बल खाती
कभी लहराती
क्या क्या कमाल वो करती थी
तब उसके धागे पे
कोई मांझा नहीं लगा था
वो बस उड़ उड़ के रहती थी
ना कटती थी
ना काटती थी
फिर एक दिन
उड़ते उड़ते
किसी मांझे वाली पतंग ने
मेरी पतंग को काट दिया
उसकी उन्मुक्त उड़ान को
कुछ टुकड़ो में बस बाँट दिया
कई साल गुज़र गए
अब मैं कई पतंगें उड़ाता हूँ
इनके धागे में
अच्छे से अच्छा मांझा लगाता हूँ
पर वो उड़ान फिर मिली नहीं
वो मस्ती फिर आई नहीं
पतंगकी पूँछ फिर लहराई नहीं
वो ऊंचाई फिर दिखी नहीं
जो सोनू की बालकनी से दिखती थी
बस अब भी
चलते चलते कुछ शाखों में झाँक लेता हूँ
कि शायद
मेरी लाल पतंग
कही अटकी फिर मिल जाएगी

The unborn philosopher

2012-11-02T12:10:00.001+05:30

Disappointment is a bad feeling. Sometimes, it arises out of failure. But sometimes the causes may be different. Apathy may be one of them. I mean apathy directed at oneself. But apathy is a very strong word. I think indifference would fit in too. Indifference on the other hand is merely a subset of apathy in a toned down way. But that also seems enough, just enough for disappointment to creep in slowly. It kills, chokes, suffocates without the physical symptoms. One might just smile! We know where it comes from. It comes from the art of practicing.

The soul and body are a system. This system gets in a state of distorted realism. In fact, the system gets distorted due to the breakaway from the fantasy world. The dreams have to let go of the mind to show it what actualism is. Every one feels that sense of realism at some point in life. And it gets hard to accept. Because nothing is perfect. We can't plan things perfectly always. Or may be we can plan things perfectly. They might refuse to turn out in the exact perfect fashion. That is disappointment.

Probably, the imperfections of life are hard to accept. May be that is human nature. And mind you its complicated. Not the human nature, these imperfections! Human nature on the other hand is fairly straight and simple. It is driven by selfishness barring no exceptions. People behave in the way which suits them the most. Some people behave in the way which suits others the most. And some people are smart enough to take the middle path or some other path or some other than the other path. But they do what they think suits them the best. That makes them live their lives of romantic realism. That sounds very oxymoronic. But we choose to make that choice. And the day we fail to get a response which we have been used to, we simply get killed.

That is the day the sleeping philosopher inside us suddenly awakes and asks us to self introspect. And we do that because that is what suits us the best at that point in time. Selfish again! And selfish is not such a bad word. It is just doing good to one self. So what if it may bring more disappointment(s) to people around us. Realism is a bitter pill to swallow. Dreams are easy. Dreams are static. Dreams are snapshots that we choose to preserve and admire again and again. Realism is true. It can get ugly. It does get ugly. Its dynamic and that is what gives hope.The hope that things would change. Indifference would go, the dream would be reframed in the way we always wanted it to be. Amen.

When I was growing up!!

2012-10-26T15:59:00.001+05:30

When I was growing up to be something; I was actually growing up like a fool, though I always believed I was growing up as Mr. Cool. I didn't know the dream to own a body as well chiseled as Hrithik Roshan was a distant dream. Then, years later I saw 'Student of the Year'. Pheww! Mr. Johar had a similar deprived adolescence I am sure. Our actions in general are the reflections of our not doing some things in the past rather than the projections of our dreams. A failed father would slap his share of failures as an 'add on' on the son who is yet to even attain puberty. Stupid, hard and inexplicable, but so is our state.

What I really loved about being a 15-18 year old was the way I could day dream. Nowadays, sleep deprivation and dream deprivation are my staple diet. A good emotional SRK starrer would make me believe in love, and an Arnold movie (dubbed in hindi of course!) would make him my favourite actor (For the slam books we filled with so much enthusiasm). Knowing a hollywood actor and actually being a fan really felt nice. It gave a feeling of having more mature tastes than the remainder of the crowd. Some folks, I remember had taken a liking to listening to some spanish gay singer too! I can barely remember his name! That's how foolish all of us were!

Going for IIT tutions was another fad. Discussing the teacher post the sessions was another! Debating on whose tutor was the better one was the best! Apparently, the tutor who solved maximum number of Irodov, Krotov and all the stupid russian authors' questions was declared to be the ultimate winner. And their students were the bonds! Two hours of tuition followed by another two in debates and chasing yet to be fully grown girls was how our lives used to be. And the nights would be filled with dreams of multitude of variety. Sometimes of the same girls I mentioned, sometimes of 'the girl' we grew up thinking of, sometimes of the IIT hostels awaiting our arrival; it was a great mix.

Eating in a restaurant would be a luxury, road side egg rolls and samosa chats were the real appetite extinguishers. Exchanging smiles with girls we saw sitting in the first few rows, abusing boys who were friendly with those girls and declaring their deeds to be unbecoming of a man, used to be the recipe for time pass. Though we all knew, in the heart of our hearts, that we so secretly wanted to be those 'unbecoming of a man' boys.

How after watching those chocolate like romantic movies, we would try to grow the stubble, just like the hero of the movie. How we would steal one liners from SRK and use them pretending we never knew it has been used. And getting caught was a not so likely. Internet and google hadn't become that strong back then. And talking of internet, I can't forget to mention, the long hours spent in cyber cafes. It was the in thing. Being friends with the young, nothing to do owner was the in thing. And spending hours on Yahoo Messenger trying to find a girl friend was the thing. Don't we all remember those 20's chat rooms, those pings (hi, 21/m/USA, wanna chat?)! I am sure we do!

The newly acquired attitude of the youth, the new arrogance, the abuses, the look of disgust for the school teachers who could just teach for boards, and respect for the Irodov solving private tutors; all of it together summed up those years for most of us. The feeling of having grown up and the disappointment after this thought was refuted by our own parents; the illusion of falling in love; the dream of winning the world; combined together were a perfect canvas for the mind to wander along, as it wanted.

Years later, when I see those movies, still feel the love although now it's not an illusion, still wonder if I would ever get a well chiseled body (without hair), still think about the lovely girl I grew up thinking of but things have turned slightly different. Of all the things I wanted to do, I failed to do the most of them. Didn't go to IIT, except as a tourist destination or visiting a friend's dorm. I couldn't build a nice body. I can grow the stubble now but the job doesn't let me do it. This is life. Always a bunch of things you planned but couldn't execute. But always a few things you wanted to do and did. All which couldn't be is worth the few things which actualized. By the way, I did marry the girl I grew up thinking of! That's life too!

Life post MBA: No offense

2012-10-25T14:38:00.002+05:30

As the date to leave home, again, draws in; I feel jittery. I haven't enjoyed my meals for the last couple of days. Random thoughts keep me engulfed. I shall have to be away from my family again and this life is short. I don't know, how would I make it beautiful enough to compensate for that. There will be friends, and friends of friends and old friends and new friends. Actually, there will be a lot of new which I hate! And there will be a lot less of old which I love. INERTIA! Newton was brilliant!

I never liked "*hore-licks". I can't figure how can one work for Mr. Ernst and stay Young? The only lever I see is the one with its fulcrum up our asses and it doesn't matter how much you may think your career (some perceive it as life) is Proctor-ed, life would still be a gamble. Will the lovely paints be colourful? Probably, we will make money in our accent to future but are we not skeptical if we would have any adventure. I have "no idea" of how money can flow through 'air' but for sure its a TATA to the lives we have lived so far.

To my last 2 days of liberty till I get it again, cheers!

Just a piece done months ago!!

2012-10-15T22:42:00.003+05:30

To any writer, it becomes essential to be flooded with emotions with a perspective. Sometimes one just has the emotions and not the perspective; on some other times, just the perspective and not the emotion. Right now I have one of the above mentioned things and not the other. Still I go on to write. I am a little perturbed and wanted a balm. Didn’t get it, so here am I. I have seen in movies people going to temples and bursting their emotions in front of the deities. Initially in my first instinct I used the word idols instead of deities. Then as I started to type the next line I just felt somehow the word idol was not bringing out the correct emotion that I was trying to bring on the surface. This word deity came to mind after a second or so. I remember memorizing this word in the explanations given for some word’s meaning in the word list of Baron’s GRE book. I did not know such a word existed. So I looked up and got the meaning. I scribbled the meaning in Hindi right under the word and that’s how I remembered it, quite pictographically from my memory slides. I am not really good at words but whatever limited I know, I use them well. I have seen that. I have seen people getting impressed and praising my writings. Now I trust those people for a number of reasons. I would discuss only the main ones. First and foremost, I know that most of those people are better equipped than me in words as far as inventory of words in concerned. My inventory turnover is quite remarkable and I love coming back to the ‘here and now’. Yes, me too! Secondly, I actually want to believe them. The reason why I want to believe them is the fact that they praise me. If they all criticized me, didn’t have great things to tell about my rather simple presentation of words which happens to be by compulsion than choice; probably I would have written them off saying they were not good enough to judge me. But if the judge passes a judgement which is to one’s liking, who cares to see if the judge was partial or competent enough or an expert of the area. Therefore, this proves that even my first reason for trusting the people who praise me is a corollary of the second one. Foundation is a derivative of the first floor! Funny but true in my case.

Children have this tendency to get carried away in their lives so much that they start believing they have grown up, at least enough to say things to their parents they wouldn’t say otherwise. I mean under normal circumstances. They do get the reminder of the fact every now and then and especially when they tend to begin to develop this feeling of being grown up that god is next to their parents. Way back I was reading some note written by some friend. I don’t quite remember the exact words but they were similar to this.

“When I reached home, I saw maa was a bit older than before and paa had more of grey in his head than black.”

This sentence touched me in a way I just could not forget. This time I had a similar experience and I was scared. I got to know my father; my young stud father was ageing, ever so slowly, just slowly enough to deceive me for this long but no more. I just accidentally happened to take a step back and see how much has he been carrying on his broad and ever reliable shoulders. I saw my maa with that thin line of wrinkle under her ears on the side of the cheek on the right. I didn’t quite see the left side. I dared not. I don’t want to see her with wrinkles. She still looks very beautiful and fulfilling to vision; I must say. But I was shaken in a way and I thank god for I was. I have my share of grey on the head but the shoulders have been pretty empty so far! Time to take charge and grow up the way I should.

There are two parts of the piece I wrote just now. Both of them are quite unrelated to each other. If you as a reader disagree, I have achieved what I wanted as far as expressing my thoughts is concerned. If you agree, I recommend, have a cause-effect analysis. See if it helps!

Why I hate B school interviews!

2012-10-12T20:31:00.003+05:30

Last evening somene told me, its summer time. It felt weird then I realized I was talking to a b school guy. Things got revisited in a flash!
Panel for job interviews are weird. They ask cliched questions and expect out of the blue answers. HR managers suck. Other line managers suck more.
Corporate jungle stinks. But this is where I live. B school interviews are far more terrible than engineering college interviews. This is why, I say so:
1. First of all, I don't understand why everybody gets a facial? I have always thought about it but never could fathom the reason. Girls doing it is alright. They anyway do it. Alright, they even change their hair do. But that's also not very rare for them. Okay, agreed they wear 'good' clothes to. But why on earth does the ugliest lad of the batch with maximum facial and other kind of hair goes for the facial. That is not going to add to your non existent sex appeal. Pretty guys are pukish to look at. I mean there is Ranbir Kapoor, I know but he is barely a guy. Girls rule!! End of the story.
2. Why do poeple cry? It's very amusing in a bad way to see people cry. Include the 'Machos' of the batch too. Damsels truly enjoy it. The crying part I mean. I have enjoyed it. The watching part, I mean. Have seen my seniors, my batchmates and almost myself do that. That is funny. That too when people know they are anyway going to land a job. I truly like the after GD conversations. They are humourous again in a dark way. Suddenly, everyone's bad. Cruel world!!
3. Why do people tell the saddest stories in response to 'tell me something about yourself'? I haven't heard but I am sure they do. Ha ha, each and every one of us have a sad story which either comes out post drinking or during interviews. Sad is bad but sells well apparently. At least, we think so.
4. I don't like people changing body languages. The minute before the damsel in distress was surrounded by three placecommers, five PPO holders and several onlookers from the junior batch, all trying to give her their bit of mind and the moment that offer comes, Ms. Vulnerable of all a sudden becomes Ms. I'm so confident. Another PPO holder and a distant onlooker gruntles in disgust from a distance and carries on with the smoke.
5. And I truly don't know why people don't give great interviews in the first place. VKG is god. Give great interviews, get selected. At least respect yourselves. Offers would follow!
I thank my Placecomm for all the assist in all the baskets I scored on field. Offense, none meant to anyone!

A Talk

2012-10-11T23:04:00.002+05:30

Two friends meet up after a long time. They were at the same school. Now they meet after three long months, many boring hours in office and endless minutes on Whatsapp.

X: Dude
Y: Dude
X: Been long man
Y: Really long
X: So long
Y: Huh
X: What?
Y: Hmmm...nothing
X: It's boring man
Y: No girls
X: Even to talk about!
Y: Even to think about!
X: We have grown old.
Y: Only in the head
X: And how do you explain the tummy?
Y: Beer, Beer and Beer. By the way, how do you explain the baldness?
X: Its sperms!
Y: What sperms? How?
X: Guys with more testosterone go bald early.
Y: Who says?
X: Wiki does!
Y: What does Wiki Say?
X: Guys with higher testosterone have higher sperm count.
Y: So...
X: So, they go bald....prematurely
Y: That ways, Anil Kapoor would be a eunchhhh/eunuch.
X: Whatever
Y: Where did you learn that?
X: Learn what?
Y: The word 'Whatever'!
X: Movies
Y: You watch movies? English! Do you know even five Holy Wood stars?
X: It's Hollywood
Y: Yeah
X:
Y: Let's plan something
X: Like what?
Y: Like a trip
X: To?
Y: Goa, Europe
X: How many would join?
Y: I am joining for sure
X: LL
Y:
X: I am confused
Y: About what?
X: Everything, the job, the girl
Y: You got a great job, cash in hand is great
X: No learning, no work and my ex just doesn't stop calling me
Y: The same girl who abused you for the last two years
X:
Y: I think you two would make a great couple
X: But our families..
Y: What families?
X: Her dad is a weirdo, show off social charmer
Y: So are you
X: Anyway, it's just not possible
Y: Then stop talking about her
X: But this girl, I am trying to see...
Y: Hmmm...
X: She is weird too
Y: So are you
X: What plans for the evening?
Y: Nothing
X: Bhak Sala
Y: What?
X: Let's rock
Y: Where?
X: Route 69, Kingdom of Dreams
Y: I don't earn that well, yet
X: Let's keep it simple, get the stuff here and rock
Y: Yes
X: A bottle?
Y: Should be enough
X: What if it comes short?
Y: Then we will close it
X: Let's have some reserve
Y: Let's do it corporate style
X: I will use my card
Y: For
X: To get the bottle
Y: They use cards there?
X: Yes, they do!
Y: Food?
X: Let's order
Y: Let me pick the food
X: Let's call others
Y: Wait, we are not high enough
X: Why we never had girls in our group
Y: Because you were in our group
X: Girls like me
Y: Yes, only your status updates
X: They say my voice is sexy
Y: Only on phone
X: They say I am GLHB in you know what?
Y: Yeah, and where are they from?
X: Listen, I am a legend back there!
Y: Vikram Rathore is a legend in Ranji Trophy too
X: But I think I should quit smoking
Y: Why? Cigarettes are cool
X: I can't even climb up the stairs now
Y: So basically you huff and puff too much when you
X: You got it
Y: What!
X: I have put in some ice
Y: Then get the ice out in a bowl
X: I don't know why but the ice hasn't set
Y: That's because your fridge settings are for winters
X: Damn!
Y:
X: My fridge has a strange smell
Y: Like what?
X: Like a freshly cleaned Urinal
Y: That's some smell, I bet
X: I miss **
Y: I don't. I am happy here!
X: But what times
Y: True, I just lied
X: It got over too fast
Y: I don't think it's over yet
X: I think the food has arrived
Y: Grab my wallet
X: Let me pour the drinks
Y: Where are the discount coupons?
X: In the drawer
Y: It's a mess in here
X:

Ten Minutes later:
X: Cheers
Y: Cheers
X: Smooth
Y: I told ya, Soda is better than Coke!

Two hours later:
X: Huh
Y: Fuck
X:
Y:

Bright red lights peeping through the balcony door. Peace, only literally! Night up, fun up!

The Road less traveled

2012-10-10T13:28:00.001+05:30

Sometimes, I feel guilty to be living where I do. The place is not pretty and dust free. Even I am not allergic to dust but it matters. Doesn't it? New things have crept in ever so seamlessly in our system that we are always looking outwards. Too much extraversion, if I may say so. Never thought this one dimension of leadership parameter would change people so much around me. So much so that introversion is considered to be sinful. As a blot rather! We have started to hate homes. Especially, if we have to enjoy. Home-made food is such a rarity that people get notified on FB for the same. Comes tagged with a :) ' Had ghar ka khana..thanks XYZ, ABC, DEF and... XYZ for the amazing nostalgic weekend'. Huh! What a stage to be in.

Feelings and expressions have too much visibility. Hey, what is on my mind? Let me think of something nice and tweet about it. Checklists are checked and okay-ed online. It just stills in a sense of sickness all over. I don't know the reason for it but I have to agree Mark Zuckerberg is more of a social scientist than a developer. Talking of everything which is without a consequence and keeping mum about all that is important is the in thing. These 'in things', I tell you can be real dangerous. They sort of kill people in the way they shouldn't let themselves die. All of us are getting away from the real we. We are wanna be Barneys, Joes, and other characters we see on TV. The fictitious has taken over the real.

I have I don't know so many pals here. I don't say hello to most of them. I don't even remember their faces. They are on my list. My networking has to be good. Thats what they told me. I believed them too. I have been longing for a place where people are identified with the colour and gates their houses have and not their numbers. The blue house with the grey gate right beside the biggest grocery shop in town belongs to Amit. Something like that. A place where no kid gets lost in the crowd. There is always someone to identify his mother and to bring him back to her.

The fight about progression to look ahead and outwards; to not let oneself be restricted. It’s a flat world after all. I don't know really! I fear I have come a little too far for my comfort. Hasn't everyone done so? "God I will miss u ..... Bangalore". Not many years ago, we missed people, we loved them, though we never told them, they knew and we knew that they would know. We had the eyes worth a thousand words. When we spoke, words meant the world. The art and facility of expression has diluted our most powerful weapon. Haven't we abused it enough?

I am no revolutionary. Neither am I a missionary. Nor am I different. I am one of us. But there are times when I think I came too far. The road meant to travel less has been overused and the one meant to be romped has been untraveled. All I seek right now is the road less traveled!

मुझे सन्नाटा दो

2012-10-09T23:05:00.003+05:30

कभी कभी ही तो मन करता है

कि कहीं तो अकेलापन हो

इतनी भीड़ में

थोडा सा तो खालीपन हो

जब कभी जी में आये

तो पेड़ो के नीचे नीचे

उनकी छाँव में

धूल को जूते से उड़ाता

थोडा तो टहल लूँ

और जो मन करे

तो हवा से तेज़

उड़ जाऊं बिना रुके

या

ऐसी किसी जगह पे चला जाऊं

जहाँ मेरी पहचान न हो

न कोई वजूद हो

कोई निशान न हो

कबीर के 'निराकार'

का स्वाद भी तभी समझ में आता है

जब मंदिर कि घंटियों से

दिमाग सुन्न हो जाता है

चारो तरफ ये शोर...

क्यूँ नहीं थोड़ा सन्नाटा है

ज़िन्दगी में कभी कभी ही तो

वक़्त ठहर के जाता है

ये रोज़मर्रा कि बात तो है नहीं

हाँ पर

पर कभी कभी तो मन करता है...

मुझे सन्नाटा दो

2012-10-09T23:05:00.001+05:30

कभी कभी ही तो मन करता है

कि कहीं तो अकेलापन हो

इतनी भीड़ में

थोडा सा तो खालीपन हो

जब कभी जी में आये

तो पेड़ो के नीचे नीचे

उनकी छाँव में

धूल को जूते से उड़ाता

थोडा तो टहल लूँ

और जो मन करे

तो हवा से तेज़

उड़ जाऊं बिना रुके

या

ऐसी किसी जगह पे चला जाऊं

जहाँ मेरी पहचान न हो

न कोई वजूद हो

कोई निशान न हो

कबीर के 'निराकार'

का स्वाद भी तभी समझ में आता है

जब मंदिर कि घंटियों से

दिमाग सुन्न हो जाता है

चारो तरफ ये शोर...

क्यूँ नहीं थोड़ा सन्नाटा है

ज़िन्दगी में कभी कभी ही तो

वक़्त ठहर के जाता है

ये रोज़मर्रा कि बात तो है नहीं

हाँ पर

पर कभी कभी तो मन करता है...

Transition & Buddhe

2012-07-12T21:20:00.002+05:30

कल रात सोने के पहले

एक दोस्त की कहानी पढ़ ली

लोग बच्चे से बड़े हो ही जाते हैं

कभी न कभी अपने पैरों पे खड़े हो ही जाते हैं

तब कभी

हम जैसे बूढों को भी "lack of transition " बड़ा खटकता है

क्या हम उम्र के पहले बूढ़े हो गए

यही बार बार दिमाग में अटकता है

अब दिमाग की बात यूँ चली तो बचपन की याद लाजिमी है

हर लम्हा ही तेज़ी से निकल जाता था

न कोई ठहराव था

मैं तो पानी की तरह फिसल जाता था

एक घडी यहाँ और दूसरी वह

हवा सा बहता था

कभी नानी की गोद

और कभी माँ के आँचल में छिपता निकलता था

ना मुस्कुराने वाले लोग बड़े डरावने से लगते थे

अब खुद से ही डर लगता है

पर जब कभी किसी बच्चे को बड़ा होते देखता हूँ

तो वही "Transition " याद आता है

फिर से वो बेहतरीन पल पीता हूँ

किसी और की कहानी में अपना जीवन जीता हूँ

धीरे से छुप के मुस्कुरा लेता हूँ

और अगला बच्चा जल्द बड़ा होगा

इसके इंतज़ार में अपनी सफेदी को काले से छुपा लेता हूँ

Ye sali Zindagi

2012-06-14T00:28:00.002+05:30

हर शाम अब एक जैसी ही दिखती है

भूख नहीं बस प्यास लगती है

शहर के शोर में जैसे खोने का एहसास होता है

बेचते बिकते

इंसान को इंसान न होने का आभास होता है

कहने को सीखने का दंभ भर सा लेता हूँ

हर रात सोने के पहले

दिन भर कुछ कर सा लेता हूँ

कभी खाता और कभी बस पी लेता हूँ

कुछ ग़म कुछ खुशियाँ जी लेता हूँ

सपने जैसे कुछ कौड़ियों के तले सांस ले लेते हैं

जिन्हें गिन के हम कभी कभी जी लेते हैं

पर धड़कन कहती है

धीरे से फुसफुसाती है rather

अपने सपनो को मरने न देना

खुद सडना पर उन्हें

सड़ने न देना

इन्ही धडकनों के साथ

मैं भी फुसफुसाता हूँ

मूक दर्शक हूँ पर

कभी कभी बोल जाता हूँ

इसके पहले कि

कुचली अभिलाषाएं जाग जाएँ

मेरी अंतरात्मा को जन्झोर के जगाये

अब सो जाता हूँ

अब तो बस रातों को कपडे पहनता हूँ

कल सुबह फिर से निर्वस्त्र हो जाऊंगा

कि कल फिर से मण्डी ने बुलाया है

एक बकरे की दास्ताँ

2012-05-05T20:28:00.000+05:30

एक बकरे की कहानी सुनाता हूँ,

कैसे वो इस व्यूह में फंसा

वो बताता हूँ..

जीवन ने उसे कई मौके दिए

पर वो सारे

उस बेवक़ूफ़ बकरे ने

एक एक कर के खो दिए!

जो milestones कसाई ने सेट किये थे

उनके पीछे भागते भागते

उसने अपने सपने पसीने में धो दिए ..

अब जाके दुनिया खुश हुयी

पर बकरे का मन उदास है

पर उस के पास भी आजकल

एक नया टाइम पास है ....

-कभी खैर मनाती

पर आजकल खुश-

उसकी माँ में उल्लास है ..

यह छुप छुप के देखता, मोदित होता है

पर,

निराशा और सफलता के बीच

उसमे बची अभी भी कुछ प्यास है

इसीलिए आजकल बकरा टीवी पे

लिम्का का Ad देखता है

हौले से मुस्कुराता है

और अगली बार कटने से पहले

अपनी प्यास थोड़ी और बढाता है!

More of teams, and IPL and them!

2012-05-04T19:56:00.002+05:30

The present IPL table looks very confusing. Rajasthan Royals, who probably have one of the best teams on the basis of current form are not in the top 4. MI who look confused with their non cohesive unit of shiny stars are number three. Chennai despite being number five look a shadow of the team they used to be. May be these teams have thought a few things in not exactly the right way or so the trends of IPL 5 show!

I won't use my batsmen, come what may!

What baffles me the most in this IPL is the under utilization of batting fire power from the big teams. CSK should ask themselves a question, is Badrinath suited to bat ahead of Albie Morkel? Or why do they need to play Mr. Cricket in all the matches as if its an obligation. It's a T20 game. MI is no exception to this trend. Every batsman that plays for MI seems to be playing only for himself. If everyone will be a sheet anchor, who will attack? May be Harbhajan Singh! And if they have to play Robin Peterson, they have to use him as a bowler. I am sure he shall do better than the skipper himself. Even Raina is bowling better than Bhajji these days. Thankfully, KXIP got their screws tightened in time. Now they play Hussey at 4. And what a blessing in disguise has Gilly's injury been. Or has he been faking it. Anyway, this was his last season as a player ;) KKR, why do you send Kallis ahead of Pathan. Either ways, Pathan gets caught at the boundary. Try him in the powerplays for once! Give him the license to kill when escaping is easy not when you have the city barricaded. PWI just won't play Smith ahead of Ganguly and Clarke, who is undoubtedly their best batsman this season. Whoever is coaching PWI should ask Uthappa to stop acting like Ranbir Kapoor and play some shots in front of the wicket. If i had shoulders so strong and a chest so wide, I bet I would have hit bowlers back over their heads. I mean this whole thing is so contagious, even RCB sent Gayle to bat at number 4. What happened to Resource Based Strategy??? Conclusion, If you got assassins, let them kill. Thank god, we have DD who exhaust all their batsmen :D

Left Armers with no turn are the ones!

There used to be a time when left arm orthodox spinners in cricket were like non engineers in a B school. IPL has changed things. There is Appanna (Yes, that is a name!), A, B, C, Murali Karthik, D, E, F, Nadeem (he is a country cousin :D ), ...., X, Y, Z. I wish there were more letters in alphabet! And somehow, most of the batsmen have been trying to play them inside out all the time where there has been non existent turn (Ravindra Jadeja!), loop, bounce and an almost deep extra cover fielder who looks like an irritant step brother of the good old position of "Long-off". So the cover drives which were meant to go for fours are yielding singles, bowled(S), inside edges to midwicket which is again void of fielders due to some inexplicable reasons. Where have the slog sweeps gone? Steve Waugh and Hansie Cronje, I wish you played this battery of overrated slow bowlers who use the other hand to bowl!

What happened to Fast bowlers?

There was "Dale Steyn", then there was sunlight and the rest followed! It gives me goose bumps, when I see a 6 feet plus Pollard in his run up, approaching the crease like the calmness of Holding and then bowling a delivery at a speed which Afridi can touch without even twisting his shoulder. Or for that matter, Amit Singh from RR, who runs like a 35 yards and bowls at a speed which is slower than the speed of his own run up. And what kind of bowlers are "Rajat Bhatia", "Siddharth Trivedi" and there are others. Last heard, Trivedi is a slow bowl master. These slower balls have spoiled the pacers. The purpose of a slow ball is to mark a change of pace. So, someone who bowls at 125 kph is already slow. Thanks to our curators, even these bowlers are making an earning. Everyone has the right to bread! And by the way, I like Dinda for at least trying to be a fast bowler, even if an ordinary one. There are so less of them these days, we need someone who at least lives with this belief that he can be the one!

My personal advice to MSD: Please come back to Ranchi. We miss you. And you will get a life. It's ok not to play an IPL. You can do that MS, if you can miss a test series, so can you miss an IPL. You do look tired and more than just 30!

Its match time, almost. Only 5 minutes of "Extra Innings" today. See, life finds a way!

Cricket, IPL and other things that irritate me

2012-05-03T21:19:00.002+05:30

I love to hit below the belt, sometimes even worse. My friends know it well. Well, I grew up with cricket (read Sachin Tendulkar M.P.), bollywood (read Srk) and Raj Comics (for the Harry f*****g Potter fans, Raj Comics gets published from Burari, New Delhi and is a mega source of entertainment for average indian kids growing up with things similar to the ones I grew up with). So, now its clear what I didn't grow up with. Just to make it a little more clear, I didn't grow up with Tom Cruise, Clint Eastwood, Mr. Archer, Mr. Potter, Mr. Foot-suck-ball. I am sorry! As I said, I love hitting there, where it hurts the most. Moving on, today, I simply feel like talking a bit of cricket as it has given a nation like us its rare moments of modern sporting glory.

What eventually attacted me towards cricket is the very way how the game is played in this part of the country. We don't play cricket as a team game. And to be honest I don't feel it is a team game in true senses. I mean, I have always loved brilliant individual performances. Who wouldn't like to see a fired up Wasim Akram cleaning up sides with a ball that swung like a BANANA ;) or for that matter a Kirti Azad single handedly winning a match with his bat, or a sedate Kumble taking all 10 wickets? See, even in a successful movie, there are important side actors who complete it. Similar in cricket. You need to have an individual who leads the show and there would be "Soorma Bhopalis" to make another "Sholay"..

In the backdrop of all this, I couldn't help writing about IPL 5 which happens to be my staple time pass like all those previous years. And despite around 30 matches getting to the last over, there have been things which make this IPL irritating though not boring.

I love to finger the native DADA fans. I am sorry guys but most of you have been pretty unsporting all through the IPL except a few. Agreed he is a legend, arguably the greatest (and definitely the most and first male [read mard])captain of India but like Dhooper puts in his signature, every dog has its day(s) and trust me folks his days are over. Dada himself knows this. If he didn't he would still be playing for team India. He should rather take a mentor role like Chacha Kumble or shrewd Fleming. But I don't mean to say by any means that Dada is one of the reasons why this IPL has been irritating. It's just his FANS.

Of the other things which are an equally big turn off, is the show which comes before and after the matches. Yes Extra Innings it seems has extra dots for extra pleasure. Pleasure for them, pain for me. After all, I can only speak for myself. Gaurav Kapur, dude I like you. I love the way you are fit despite the diabetes you have. But I hate the way, you host the show. And Sameer Kochar, you look good playing second fiddle to Emran Hashmi, where he gets all the kisses and you get the kicks! And the two girls (One of them I hear is sister of some MTV VJ), why don't you join some aerobic classes and help the cheerleaders. We need indian beauties there. At least, I won't have to bear dialogues like these every day:

1. It's all happening here in the Wankhede.

2. The atmosphere looks electric. (Really Bitch!)

3. I have with me the very pretty Preity Zinta.

4. This is your nth loss on a trot. So how is the mood in the camp? (Isn't it obvious, we are scewed)

5. Isn't it thrilling to see Luke Wright hitting those sixes of Tennis balls? (No it's not!)

6. How does it feel to be sharing the same dressing with Sachin/Ganguly/Viru/Dhoni/Some other son of a bitch, who cares?

So, please spare me Extra Innings' horror and give me Harsha Bhogle in that chair. Of course, you can use the clowns as you may wish at other places!

As I write this, I see Sachin once again proving that Dinda is an ordinary bowler. Reminds me of Pranay Jha's status update on Dinda. That brings a wry smile on my face. By the way, Pranay was my senior at XL from the BM batch.

Back to live action, as MI are on their way now, I better get to the TV. Yes, Nehra is bowling. Shall write more during "Extra Innings" ;)

I am bored

2012-04-12T22:46:00.001+05:30

जब ज़िन्दगी इतनी बड़ी है,

तो उसकी बूँदें दो ही क्यूँ हैं?

जब बोलने को इतना कुछ है,

फिर बातें दो ही क्यूँ हैं?

चलने को पूरा रास्ता पड़ा है,

पर कदम दो ही क्यूँ हैं?

देखने को पूरा संसार है,

मगर आँखें दो ही क्यूँ हैं?

क्योंकि

ALL GOOD THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGE

Udaan

2011-12-15T23:40:00.001+05:30

मन का भंवर

आँखों की आरजू

दिल की तमन्ना

उड़ चलें कहीं उस अब्र के पीछे

और देखें बारिश बनते हुए

और भीग के उसी बारिश में

गिर जायें हौले से ज़मीन पर

मिटटी की सौंधी खुशबू का कारण बन जाएँ

पीपल के पत्ते से लटकती वो बूँद बन के ही जी लें कम से कम

या फिर गर बुलंदियों में ही रहने का जी कर जाये

तो कोहरे की शकल में आ जायें कभी तुम्हे देखने

तुम्हारी बालकोनी के कोने से सर्द हवा बन के घुस जायें किसी तकिये में

और सूरज के निकलते ही बस फना हो जायें धीरे से

मन का भंवर

आँखों की आरज़ू

दिल की तमन्ना

फिर कभी मुस्कुराये तो ये हसरतें भी पूरी कर ले हम

और जब उम्र छा जाये काले बादलो की तरह

बस सुबह की नर्म घास पे

ओस बन के वही तोड़ दे दम

I want to walk

2011-11-19T03:02:00.001+05:30

Cycles in life have changed so much that I feel more nocturnal. I dared not see a movie at 3 in the night. But now I do and with ease! Those dark and deep circles have as it is spoiled my not so good face. Tough times. I get bored very often now. Nothing grabs my attention anymore. Seems I have secured a very very small attention span for myself. As I was talking to this guy the other day, he told me about reducing attention spans over the last decade or so. Technology has helped too. First though emails, then Orkut, Facebook, cell phones, android, and I don't know what else. I feel challenged on this front in this age. I am not smart with smart phones either. I am a big Steve Jobs fan but I still don't know how does an I- anything changes lives. End of the day, its just another gadget. Where is the calm? I feel bad when I don't get excited about festivals anymore. When I was a 6th grader and in hostel during Pujas, I remember sobbing in the quietness of my quilt. And I thought back then, that I shall always be home in Pujas when I grow up and get out of this hostel where I don't take my decisions. Well, I did grow up. I also got out of hostel except I entered a new ones every time I got out. And this time, after I leave hostel, I am going to prison. All of us are going to prison. Some realize, some don't! Poor humans, its not their fault as well! Its how we have conditioned ourselves over the years.

Fun is something these days when the mind is stupid enough to blurt things that we usually find crude. There is no expression! What stays is fear of expression. We don't like people but we stay friends. We like someone but yet compare jobs, sometimes girl friends also. Pretty innovative parameters to gauge quality of life. Iteration of facts is equivalent to analysis. Sometimes its just the active to passive and passive to active journey. At times, its quality rephrasing. I don't say it doesn't need skill to do it. It does. Sad part is that at every given opportunity even I succumb to the same trap I keep abusing all the time. As the curtains are about to be drawn, we would face a few questions. Not from outside, but from us. And trust me, we won't have good enough answers. A mirror never lies.

I feel emotionally drained. They got the better of me. I don't remember crying now. I don't feel the charge of feelings anymore. I have learnt to be cool and calm under all circumstances. I miss the festivity in my life. I miss the disappointment of losing a five rupee note. I miss the smile when appreciated. I miss the little walks I took in my colony. And I miss the trigger for celebration. I need to have that anticipation which gives us the thrust. I need the panic before the examination. In short, I need to be normal again. I want to taste all feelings not once but forever. I want to walk by without caring. Amen!

Nameless

2011-11-01T04:43:00.000+05:30

I don't know

What is it that 'you' don't know?

I don't know if I would feel again.

And what makes you think so?

I don't know!

Huh!

See those stars up there?

Yeaa... I do; reminds me of my childhood. I looked up the sky every night. My grandmother would tell me stories. Now she is no more and I don't even miss her as much. Nowadays, I hardly look up. Haven't slept under the open sky for years. Seems like a life time...

I would connect the stars moving my fingers from one to another as if I could reach all of them. And I always thought I was bigger than the moon. I could cover it out of my sight at will.

I never flew kites. I don't know how to fly a kite till date. My mother said all the bad kids flied kites and the good ones stayed home. I stayed home.

Pour me another drink.

There is no Sprite left.

I got a water bottle. Put water in it. Vodka tastes great with water and tang.

Are you sure? I never tried.

Then try now saale! Trust me its as fab as any drink can be.

I hated milk as a kid. I still hate milk. But I loved Thums Up and Gold Spot.

Who likes milk? All kids hate it.

Next time onwards, we should stalk more Sprite. And ask those teetotalers to get their own Sprite. How much Tang will you put in it? It will become sweet. I like it hard.

Dude, have faith in Papa! I have done this not once!

I feel sleepy. This would be my last one.

And who will finish the bottle then, Papa?

Yaar, I talk a lot when I get this drunk.

Then talk na, aise bhi you 'seldom' speak.

I wish it ends fast now. I am already bored of all the crap around me. The same shithole routine and the same attitude. I just wanna settle down, get a decent enough job and chill in life. Watch IPL matches, eat chicken and sleep. Waise bhi, I stay up the whole night, don't do anything significant and attend every class like a true jerk!

Kal match hai na?

Kiska?

There is no breeze today. Even the leaves refuse to rattle their asses.

Yo man! Its hot today and humid. Did you see Pulp Fiction?

Can you get over it. You have been advocating it for the last one year now and there are no takers.

You know what, this is how much you should have. When you just feel you could have just one more, that's the time to stop.

Huhhh...as if we stop there. Drinking is never corporate. Its inherent nature is agricultural.

That varies from person to person.

I can say this on record but even the sluts are better than us. At least they know who is going to screw them!

May be you are right.

Well I don't care anymore. Last few days..they will pass by!

Who named all these trees?

Someone in the past did...who cares?

I think its stupid to name trees.

Its been long since I woke up in the morning fresh. Ever walked on grass barefooted? Feels awesome in the morning.

Yes. The touch of the morning dew...I did. But I was a kid back then. Then when I was in the hostel, I always wore shoes. Just couldn't feel anything. Now I stay barefooted but don't wake up when its morning. All I see is the afternoon sun trying to prick through my eyes.

I also miss the mornings always but the night is mine. It has to be. Probably, I was destined to belong to the night more than anything else. The darkness and the solitude... despair.

There are nights with full moon too.

Indeed, but they too like full moon night are rare. There is nothing that can beat the sunshine!

Sunshine? I see it in movies now.

This tang idea was crap.

Why?

I don't know.

You know what it's good not to know sometimes. Waise ek bataun?

Bol na!

Its my first time as well.

With what?

The TANG!

Steve/Jobs

2011-10-31T17:57:00.002+05:30

कभी कभी मैं सोचता हूँ की मैं क्यूँ नहीं Steve Jobs बन जाता हूँ

और क्या गलत सोचता हूँ मैं?

मेरे पास कॉलेज की एक डिग्री और MBA का भोकाल है

Sustainability और साथ में पश्मीना की शॉल है!

मन में ऊँचा उड़ने की उमंग है

असफलताओं का साथ है

और हर असफलता के पीछे बस मेरा ही हाथ है

जो कुछ भी Steve के पास था

उस से ज्यादा मेरे पास है

फिर भी मैं भेडचाल का मारा हूँ

वही करता हूँ जिस से होता मन उदास है!

बाहर के लोगों को लगता है कि

मुझमे बड़ा talent है

पर सच तो है ये

और उतना ही blatant है

कि जो करना अच्छा लगता है

वो मैं कर नहीं पता हूँ

Constipated सपने देखता हूँ

और आजकल हर रोज़ कायम चूर्ण खता हूँ

जब मधु की भाषा बोलता हूँ तो सपनो का कब्ज़ ख़त्म हो जाता है

और अगली सुबह से वही pressure वापस आ जाता है

एक शाम धुएं के बवंडर में मैंने बड़ी clarity से सोचा

अपने मन के हर एक कोने को खरोचा

तब जा के बात मेरी समझ में आई

Steve बनना चाहता हूँ

पर मैं तो Jobs का दीवाना हूँ

दिल के चार टुकड़े करके

ये बात समझ आती है

या तो हम Steve बनते हैं

या Jobs हमारी ज़िन्दगी खाती है

The holistic

2011-10-31T05:59:00.000+05:30

Imagine you are cooking chicken! Basic Indian styled chicken cooked in onion, garlic, ginger and other spices. And when you serve it, you top it up with freshly chopped coriander. The leg piece just covered with the thick brown gravy and the heat of the steam hitting your nostrils along with the aroma of coriander. That's when you sit, admire, put a bit of gravy in fresh hot steamed white rice, mix it with your fingers. But with caution; only using the tips of the fingers, not using all the fingers at the same time making sure they don't get burnt. Take a piece of chicken out, place it as to not touch the rice or the gravy you put on the rice, tear a section out of it and eat it with the rice you just worked upon. The tongue withdraws because its hot! But the desire to taste the combination overcomes the fear of burns. Then you chew it, feel the flavour of various spices, moistness of the the gravy inside the chicken piece and the perfect taste of plain steamed rice. Almost simultaneously, without even you knowing, you pick up the chopped onion and take a bite. The droplets of lemon sprinkled on it along with normal salt enriches the tasting experience. Slow it down to feel the entire string of events. Close your eyes to encompass the wholeness of the entire experience, right from the preparation to consumption. That is the sort of experience, I associate the word 'holistic' with!

A random thought would be why I discussed this particular string of events? One of the reasons would be that I am a chicken lover and I love to cook! I wish I could make changes to my life accordingly. Not that I have had a life full of disappointments but I would have loved to make it better. Not in all aspects of it but definitely some parts. And these some parts always get you in the loop where you thought if I could travel back in time and change just that bit of my life. Things would be better than how they are right now.

A lot has been happening around me more than inside me of late! I just sat down and counted. If I sign off from XL on 28th February, this would be the 121st day before I leave. And that forced me to think of certain things which didn't go the way I thought they would. When I came here, I didn't like it as much as I thought I would. But as usual, I stayed low and saw. And did I see carefully! I found my people and my life here. I was off sailing after a couple of months. Till date I have not done anything of note here. I kill time, I talk to my partner for very very long periods of time and I engage in meaningful discussions with my people here. I play it the cool way. I didn't study the way students of a B school are expected to; neither did I formed relations of intellect and convenience here with my peers or professors.

I don't know how it happened but I sort of detested the B school life from day 1. Thankfully, I got people who helped me sail through without failing any courses. But right now, these are not the things which are on my mind. The so called rigours of a B school and the pressure cooker situations. I didn't find any. I survived without a trace of light in my room for one entire semester. I made do without a laptop for a month too! And I managed all the personal freedom in my personal life which pushed me to be a regular absentee from the classes even where there were marks for attending. I still can't figure why should I be awarded for sitting through a class without gaining anything from it. Mostly I have learnt nothing as far as the course is concerned. My chicken is a little differently cooked here. Not all of it was on purpose but then I am in love with the word called "Serendipity".

So I shall come out from here with a better ability to lie and thats smartness or Jugaad as put up by some smart recruiters! They love people who are beautiful or are Jugaadu! I am left with better questions to answer though at this point in time. Questions like "Will I feel sad when I leave this place"? The same sort of feelings when I passed out of engineering. Questions like "What have I done in the past one year and a few months"? And many more of varied nature. And as I said one can never take care of everything that happens to oneself.
One of the major satisfactions of my stay has been the tolerance levels of people here. They are either very patient or fakers. And both the categories exist. The balance is right there; hung up on a thin fulcrum. What people typically don't get here is that the person is much more than that one page of crap with formatted tables and inflated manifestations of one's efforts. But this is how it runs here and probably everywhere.

Leaves me with a dilemma though! I have been in love with this word 'dilemma' after my sustainability course. God, do we need a green world with hungry people or do we need a black sky with people eating nutritional pills to live? Was I cut out to be here or was it destiny? I did well in those two hours and those 20 minutes of talking to end up here. If not well, I did better than others who still are outside lining up to be here. Envisaging the thrills and challenges of the 'rigours of a b school of repute'! Probably they think, less u sleep better are you in terms of managing business. Losers! I slept for more than 8-9 hours everyday on an average. Fuck it, there is no pain. There is no challenge. It's easy in here. If I could do it the way I did, anyone would and survive. In fact, there is no issue of survival either. And to add to the lists of things for which I don't have any dilemma, it's not different from days of engineering either! And by the time you would come out, you will land up with a job better than your previous one! At least in my case it's guaranteed.

May be the chicken is not as tasty as I thought it would be, but it still tastes better than the regular "Aloo ka Sabji"! And if you want to experience the full flavour, burn your fingers first (Because its hot on fingers to work) and then your tongue as well!!

Seems like a lifetime...

2011-07-12T02:22:00.000+05:30

Ideally, this blog should have come up a month ago. Nevertheless, better late than never! These adages have a thing or two about them. They are cliched, over used and at times abused; but still on occasions more than often they are able to generate the impact which the author wants them to. Moving on, almost a month ago, I sort of finished half a cycle of a relatively fulfilling part of my otherwise unfulfilled life. Unfulfilled in the sense that it carried a number of dreams unrealized, shattered and fulfilled in the sense that one of the most critical but happy phases of the same life finished and began. Apparently, the happiest I have ever felt was in the duration of the past one month. My B school life has rolled along with more hiccups than I expected. The good part of it was that I was able to furnish moments of fulfillment in this period.

From the initial disappointment to the many moments of life I got here made it a good experience. Although I still maintain that the majority of the things I learnt was during my hostel days but no doubts about the finishing touches I got in the last one year. B school life always presents you with a distorted mirror which might lead you to cross the thin line between hope and delusion and often in either directions. And trust me how you make the right image of yours is where the true learning sits quietly, waiting to be discovered and unzipped by you. At one hand it offers you the euphoria just when you enter it but the moment you are there, you are brought down from the skies to the hard (sometimes a little too hard) grounds. Well, before I get into the worst part of it, let me just get out into something which is good about it.

If one ever plays a sport, handling of pressure is one aspect everyone would agree is the most important. This life teaches you exactly the same. I tried to get away from pressure in the not the most approved ways but I did manage to do so eventually. It left me drained often but I managed to smile or sleep over it with good success. That is may be one of the biggest learnings for me. As far as experience is concerned, one can't fake to be enriched in this department as most of the experiences come at the back of well structured lies and similar stuff. I have also apparently used them to good effect. Honing those skills get you what you actually seek from B schools- a good job. I already talked about the projection of image as one of the major drawbacks of this life style but I would not again delve into it for talked about it an year ago when my euphoria turned into disappointment. I have come a long way since then.

As one of my friends very aptly once put while he was having one of those moments of clarity that management studies is the another name for how you manage your contingencies. And I had never heard of a better definition of an MBA ever before. I am still stuck with it in awe and admiration. You remove this part of the MBA education and the B schools are dead. Most of the people find great friends here. Misery loves the company of misery. Well apart from that, you otherwise also find fantastic friends. I might be wrong or lucky or both!

Anyway, my learning curve seems to be following a circular trajectory. After a year, I feel like starting again because I feel I am the same place for so long. I hear a "Harry Potter" movie is going to release this weekend in India. Another fantasy which leads you to a dream world but the nostalgia of the fantasy at the end of three hours is not exactly the feeling I prefer. Dreams are good as long as the reality is sweeter than them. And yes, there are people who have learnt stuff here, or so will they claim! After all, 10 lacs is too big a sum to be spent without actually learning something. So, I finish in words of one of the most wonderfully sarcastic people I have encountered......"JUST PRETEND" and you shall be happy :) !!

The black of the mind

2011-02-18T04:21:00.000+05:30

Its been a long long time now. I sit quietly, ever so silently, pondering, brooding, basically trying to think about what should I think. Loops are formed and bent and I end up where I began. Well, even if the loops are left as they are, like the perfect shapes of the smart arts of Microsoft, still one would end up where one began from. The bending effect just gives me an illusion of traversing the false journey of newness. There is nothing new about how we live, especially how I live. I always live to be happy. The parameters I set for myself are very self righteous but so unfulfilling. That very simply captures the beauty and burden of the imperfect thing, we all know by the name of life! So, now my engine has heated up, the choke button has been pressed hard, my fingers moving swiftly on the keyboard-an indicator of the fact that he process of churning out the thoughts has begun. That makes me happy. I wait for a second, grab the mirror, have a look at my unshaven and rowdy face and churn out a 'cute' smile. Looking at oneself from time to time is a fantastic exercise. Not only does it tell the beholder-it's time to shave, but also it indicates how much dump has been filled in the depths of the darkness engulfed within. The tired eyes give way to slumber but the energetic fingers resist. The jeans I am wearing makes me uncomfortable at this wee hour of the day/night (don't know what to call this time of the day?) but the laziness just stops me from changing it. That is the essence of human beings. We are all so predictive in an unpredictive way that even though we know what's about to happen, we are not quite sure of how this end will be reached. I feel the burns beneath the eyelids, they flutter at a greater speed now, probably an indication of where I am going. The fingers also begin to tire. The human body has its limitations but the dirty mind keeps flowing. It flows like a serene river, glistening in the darkness of the night. A very similar scary feeling when you cross a bridge riding a train in the night and manage to see the vast and the fright of the waves in fear. That's how the mind flows. It scares us. Tame the mind, else it tames the body. Like now, my body wants to rest, but the mind just is overriding it. I accept defeat and offer myself as a POW. At least, a jailed body would get some sleep!

Zara Nazar Utha ke Dekho Part-2 (There never was a part1 or was it there?)

2010-12-13T20:24:00.000+05:30

Right now, moments ago, my phone rang up. I thought it was she but it turned out to be Reliance. I just so spontaneously felt it was she calling that I was sort of taken aback or surprised to a certain extent. I think I was more disappointed than surprised. In fact I was not surprised at all that it was not she. But I ever so desperately wait for she to call. The sequence is short. Desperation to disappointment-doesn't take long to complete the cycle. It happens real fast and I pray it stays like this. Slower it is, more painful it becomes. I just happen to remember a couple of beauiful lines which mark the irony of the situation here.

वो काटे सर मेरा

बेदर्दी से

और हम कहें -जनाब,

आहिस्ता आहिस्ता!

I love these lines. They are probably the most beautiful two little lines ever written on this planet. Everytime I read these lines I just get engrossed in the beauty and the depth at which the poet has tried to talk. And they say love is an illusion. Indeed it is an illusion. It does things to you. Things you never think would ever happen to you. You quit things, try altruism, try sadism even masochism and what not. There are no defined boundaries and limits. There are no holds, there are no bars. You get insulted and yet your ego stays intact. Probably, the glassy ego becomes rubbery enough! I don't know what happens but something happens which does not happen in general.

दिल के लुटने का सबब

पूछो ना सबके सामने

नाम आएगा तुम्हारा

ये कहानी फिर सही

Sabab means cause. In a typical lawyers lingo, if a crime is committed, there has to be a motive and there has to be a cause to drive that motive. Those who love are not scared of a heart break. She won't really understand. May be she would, eventually! Till then, I am happily willing to take it on my heart. There is no pain, if at all there is some, I choose to feel it in the most romantic way possible. I may smoke it away, I may sleep it over or I may just fly away so high that I don't see no pain from that height. Or I may just choose to sip it slowly, feeling every bit of it with every breath I let out or in. The corners of my eyes fighting for some more room to hold the tiny (in my case unprecious) droplets. I see you. But she chooses to ignore me, just subtly enough to not make it odd for me. Ah! she cares! Doesn't she? I know she does care! Or may be its all an illusion, as they have been saying it over and over again.

My eyelids flutter, not on orders from my pituitary gland though! They are not vey loyal to me, my eyelids. They are more loyal to she. They flutter, she gets to know, if at all she sees! Does she see? I just managed to recall another set of beautiful lines. These lines just keep the hopelessly optimistic lovers going full throttle. She thinks I am sure hopeless enough and methinks I sure am optimistic enough! We meet again, by the side if not by the way...

यूँ तो हमे देख के

वो कर लेते हैं खिड़की दरवाज़े बंद

पर हमें यकीन है

उन्होंने दरारों से ज़रूर झाँका होगा

The build up to the world cup Part 2

2010-12-13T00:57:00.002+05:30

68 more days now! It seems I have never waited for any World Cup more than this one. The reasons I have faith in not only the team but also the captain as mentioned in the first part of the story in my previous blog. Coming to the here and now, India playing a mostly second string side white washed the Kiwis in a five match ODI series. Nothing great about the victory as the same Kiwi side was blanked by Bangladesh a couple of months ago in Bangladesh. What needs to seen from this victory is that now at least India has a second string side which can pull off victories and be consistent. The new players on the Indian team are no longer worried or bothered by the so called pressures of the international cricket and are willing to express themselves under crunch situations without the fear of failure. The innings Yusuf Pathan played shows that. I am not going to the extent of saying that Yusuf as the player we want him to be has arrived. For it was a flat sub continent wicket, the opposition bowlers were not really fast to exploit his weakness against the short ball and similar arguements against him. Well, I agree to the point that he has to play similar knocks against better attacks in other parts of the world as well to truly prove the player in him but I am not talking about skills here. And playing spin bowling is a skill as well. What I mean to say is that how many people can hit Daniel Vettori out of the park at will. Not many included the best and the most destructive of batsmen across the world can do that. I have two points to make here for the selection of Yusuf Pathan in the Indian team for the world cup.

Since the world cup will be played on the flat low bounce pitches of the sub continent, Yusuf's ability as a bowler and as a batsman coming at number seven increases manifold in comparison to any other player who is going to play at that position for India. Add his more than good fielding and a strong arm which can rocket throws from the deep tilts the balance in his favour. His fastish off breaks can be very useful in the power plays as a surprise weapon which was very wisely used by Shane Warne during the IPL and he did the job against most of the teams. What happens predominantly in Yusuf Pathan's case that we expect him to score big and fast on the every opportunity thrown at him. People tend to forget that the IPL which made him the next big thing on the Indian scene was the one where he was sent to bat higher in the batting order. That helps as the batsman gets more time to settle down into his own groove. In most of the opportunities he got to bat for India were when hardly 7 to 10 overs were remaining in the innings. It becomes a different game then but such things are never accounted for. Even when Sachin batted at number 6 for India he did not score a single ODI century. It was only when he went out to open he did score his first ODI century. So, yes the more opportunity one gets to spend time at the crease the chances to score more and big increase as well.

Now the second point, why does Yusuf or any other sub continental batsman has to prove his mettle on the fast bouncy tracks of Australia or South Africa to be hailed as a good batsmen. I have never heard similar cries for australian batsmen or english batsmen who fail miserably against spin on the sub continental pitches. And I am advocating Yusuf's case with the perspective that this world cup will be played on the so called flat tracks and batsmen friendly pitches of the sub continent.

Just before I sign off, one more point worth mentioning is when they do make bowler friendly tracks (Spinner's paradise named minefield by the foreign experts of cricket), not many test matches last even three days. And it draws a lot of criticism from the experts. However, they tend to ignore the results when green pastures await the teams from sub continent. Double standards should never have a place in sports.

Here is a player who is a definite match winner. The external environment is in favour of him. If somebody has some common sense left, one should know this famous adage-"Horses for courses". My money is on Yusuf Pathan!