ENFP and ISTJ Relationship: Compatibility

In this post I’m answering a question from an ENFP married to an ISTJ, about the marital and couple advice and how that kind of compatibility between an ISTJ and an ENFP can work.

This is not the first time that I have spoken to an ENFP who’s been with an ISTJ or ESTJ and there are some pros and cons to it.

So he writes:

I’m an ENFP and have a lot of challenges with my marriage as my wife is an ISTJ. Over the years, we’ve attracted each other so much because of how we’ve complemented each other.

Now that we’re stable, rich and successful, we both lack happiness, we both feel like compromising on everything and, as a result, neither of us are happy.

She has tried to change me and I’ve tried even more to adapt, though there is no light anymore at the end of the tunnel of this marriage,

Having gained so much together and having difficulty to understand each other even after 10 years of life together, it’s making me feel stuck and I don’t know how to make a change.

Thanks for reading this.

Thank you for your question and thank you for being so open and honest with me and Dreams Around The World community.

I’m sure you’re not the only one in this kind of a situation.

Ultimately, when we get into a relationship, whatever type the other person is, we’re making some kind of a choice about the type of life we want to have.

Say you had an ENFP and INFP together. They’re going to experience a lot more maybe creative energy, empathy, understanding for each other.

The odds of them being as rich and successful or maybe as organized might be a bit lower than some other couple combinations, though.

So we make these choices as to what’s important to us and it sounds like at the time you met having a stable complementary relationship – that obviously worked out well in terms of logistical stuff: in terms of your career and building wealth. Building a stable life together was important and that’s worked out.

And now you’re at the point to figure out what you want next because once you have that money stability, you’re looking for someone who really understands you, well, someone to maybe laugh with or to go deeper with.

And that’s totally normal.

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The Future of Your ENFP and ISTJ Relationship

Now, the challenge from what I understand from your question is:

How do you make that change?

What do you do next?

The first thing I would look at is: Do you want to end the marriage?

And I’m sure as an ENFP, you just had a bit of a shock there.

But do you want to end the marriage and move to something totally new?

Or do you want to look at some other option?

Maybe together you talk about some kind of a relationship setup.

There are many different ways relationships can work. There are many marriages throughout the world that work really well in terms of making things function.

This may be the traditional arranged marriage where it’s meant to function really well and provide some level of wealth, maybe bringing two families together to provide a great stable environment for success and for the children, while perhaps the love and passion and all that other sexy time stuff is found in other places.

It sounds from your message that your understanding is that both you and she are feeling this disconnect and this inability to understand each other.

My hunch is, whether or not you know it, she’s also feeling this. This is almost always the case with couples where you think you’re the only one, but no, you’re both feeling it.

So the odds are, she’s feeling it as well and that may be something you want to look into, in which case, I think the best way to go about that would be starting an open discussion about it.

One way might be looking at books or YouTube channels or resources that are about the kind of relationship you might want to create and introducing it that way.

I’d probably go that route rather than just bringing it up out of the blue with some proposal you come up with as charming as you probably are as an ENFP.

The other route, if you’ve decided that this marriage really isn’t right for you is to end it and to make that change.

And the first thing, I would say, which is really important is to make sure that that is a conversation together.

Often us ENFPs, because we have a good sense of intuition and we think since we understand other people, they understand us.

They often don’t.

We’re often not nearly as good at communicating as we think we are and we keep a lot of things inside and then snap at some point.

And it sounds like you’ve been adapting and changing to try to fit her and probably building up a lot of things.

So you will need to have one of those moments of courage and basically rip off the band-aid at some point, but I’d encourage you to have some discussions before and let some of that energy out so that it doesn’t turn really negative or isn’t some kind of a shock when that happens.

Whenever one person feels really blindsided and therefore betrayed, it can turn sour a lot quicker.

Whereas if you’re both kind of having the same understanding and you can decide on things together, that’s probably going to be a lot more collaborative and a lot healthier approach to making that change.

If things do need to end, they need to end and it’s not going to be easy.

It’s going to be a tough time, like any transition.

But sounds like for both of you, it is going to be the thing that is better for you that ultimately creates a better life and I know that that’s what you want and I’m sure that’s what she wants.

So what I’d really look at is how can you work together to move forward towards that. To make the change, but in a way that can be constructive and perhaps a chance for learning and to move forward in the best possible way.

Once again, thank you for being so honest and sharing that question with us.

Below in the comments. I’d ask for support:

If you’re an ENFP and you’ve been through a big transition like this, what advice can you share? What was it like for you?

And maybe what would you do differently or what did you learn?

I’d really appreciate you sharing those comments and your insights below.

Today I want to share with you some organizational and effectiveness advice, specific for ENFPs and INFPs.

A question I’m asked a lot is, what is the perfect routine for an INFP or an ENFP? That’s a tough question. Because as I’ve mentioned, in my other video, I don’t think there is a perfect routine.

So how do you stay organized and focused ENFP, Dan?

But something I do that served me really well is I think of my life as basically being in seasons, and sometimes I do this on a yearly basis, and sometimes I do it by month or by quarter.

Basically, I think about what I want to do, and what’s important to me right now, and then I create my plan around that and how I set up my days and how I do everything. So for instance, when COVID started, I took a look at what I was doing and actually the start of COVID. The plan was to be on a world trip, just me and Gabby so we left the Czech Republic in early January of 2020 and we were going to be travelling around the world, we were going to be in Argentina, in Japan, and all these places for a couple of years, and then COVID happened a few months later.

So I could have stayed in the mindset of wanting adventures and new places and all that, and guess what, I would have been really disappointed because not the year to be bouncing around the globe, right? Instead, I thought, okay, given the circumstances, how do I want to be spending my time and I thought, you know what, this is a great opportunity to build, to make things – I love that.

For me, the building was around my business, my team, hiring great people, building certain programs, and all these things I wanted to do. So I took this time, and I focused on that.

So I looked at what I wanted to accomplish and then thought, okay, let’s build my plan around that. So I look at the environment, what’s possible, then I look at what I want to accomplish, and then I work backwards and design some rules for myself or routine that will serve me based on that.

So rather than fighting against the grain or rather than just trying to follow the same productivity schedule all the time, I customize it based on the goals for that month or that quarter, or in this case, those couple of years.

In January, this year I readjusted what I was doing. Last year, I went through probably four or five different iterations of my schedule. I spent the summer in Hamburg, Germany, and everything was open, basically. So I had a very different schedule, I biked into an office, to a WeWork space every day and I was like a typical German office worker, and that was my schedule during the summer.

Work at WeWork all day, maybe meet a friend for a beer, go home. That works really well. Well, now we’re in Portugal, we’re on a big property, and everything is closed. So obviously going out to a co-working space or working from cafes makes no sense. Working from home makes a lot of sense and hunkering down, giving up alcohol and just really trying to be healthy and productive makes a lot of sense because there’s very little temptation when everything is closed, and you’re stuck at home anyhow.

ENFPs need to have a strong “WHY?”

So I found adjusting these works a lot better. It’s just logical and more effective. But it also was a lot more motivating. Because let’s face it as NFP types, we were the kid in school who was like, “Why?” We need a reason why we do certain things. So following some productivity advice that says “you should do this or that” when we don’t really understand why we should do it, and we don’t really have a purpose link to it – Not very good advice not going to happen.

So this approach allows me to attach a “Why?” – Why am I not drinking now? Well, I’m running the FreeFreelancer, a brand new program for the first time in four years and I want it to be the greatest thing ever. So if I’m drinking, there’s a risk that I’m not at my best.

That was my “why” in January for really focusing down and it was very clear and it allowed me to know designed the right rules and basically schedule a ritual for myself, but also to have the motivation to do it, and on that note of motivation, something that’s new and exciting tends to get done a lot more.

We need new and exciting things as ENFPs

So by changing up the focus, and then the routine or rules every month or every three months, and based on what you want to accomplish, you’ll have a lot more excitement with it as well. And when you’re excited about something and something’s new, what do we do, we actually do it for one to three months, which is normally a problem if you believe you’re supposed to have the same schedule your entire life.

But if you think hey, that’s stupid, and I want to do Dan’s way, then changing up your schedule every month or three months or six months, but I suggest 1-3 is probably a safer bet actually allows you to get a lot more done and be a lot more productive and happier, and live your life according to your type, which is a lot smarter way to do things.

Now I should mention if you find this kind of advice helpful, you might want to check out my ENFP Unleashed program. There’s a special two-part training there specifically on productivity and getting things done as an ENFP as well as 12 other pieces of training and the most awesome community of people on the internet. I kid you not, greatest people. It is an absolute pleasure each and every group coaching call we do which is about every week.

I want to share a piece of advice if you are a younger ENFP or INFP, and by that I mean in your 20s or late teens, maybe in your 30s or 40s, if you’re not doing this yet, because it is absolutely essential.

When I was younger, I worked as a mortgage broker. Long story behind why I did it, never wanted to work in finance, didn’t study finance or anything like that, but ended up there, and there were a lot of things with the job I liked. I like meeting the clients, I liked the learning and development, the people I worked with, but there were lots of things I didn’t like, for example – the paperwork, and also cold calling people and having difficult conversations when you made a mistake with their mortgage, I really hated those things.

That could have been okay, actually, I could have been a million-dollar mortgage broker, if I had been really honest with my boss and said, “Hey, I’m really good at these other things, but I never kind of do the paperwork, and I’ve been putting off calling this client for two weeks, and now they’re really mad. Sorry.” If I hadn’t had that conversation, my boss who was a very moderately, at least smart guy would have said, “Hey, you are actually really good with these and you’re terrible with these, why don’t I get someone else to help you with this, you give them 10% of the money from the mortgage, and you go do what you do best.” and I bet that would have gone really well.

What I did is I hid the truth I hid what I procrastinated, I hid what I was capable of I overpromised and under-delivered and caused all kinds of chaos for those around me.

And that is the absolute last thing I intended, and the absolute last thing that I wanted to do, and yet that is exactly what I did. By really not wanting to disappoint people by not wanting to let them down I let them down more than I ever could have by not telling the truth.

I completely dropped the ball so many times and ruined relationships that had become great friendships. The reason I like the job, my relationship with my boss – I ruined it by trying to be a people pleaser, and not being honest about what I could do.

Those days, I was staying at home procrastinating picking up the phone call, like having one awkward five-minute phone call waste the whole day on that. Those days could have been spent doing a million other things had I just been honest about who I was, and what I was capable of, and what I wasn’t capable of.

Advice for younger INFPs and ENFPs – Start being honest about who you are

And so if you are a younger INFP or ENFP, this is my advice to you start being honest about who you are, as soon as possible. One of my goals with this channel is to empower you to do that to let you know that you are awesome, and there is so much you can do.

The first step of that is learning about who you are and being honest about it and owning it. The thing is when you do that, you allow the people around you to work with who you really are. If you mislead people around you, even if it’s not intentional, even if you have you know, this curse that we have is we like to please people, and we’re optimists. And that’s a bad combination.

Because that means if there’s something someone asked you to do, and the nine other times someone asked you to do it, you didn’t do it, or you absolutely hated it and put it off for weeks and then did it late. You’re like, “Well, I don’t want to let them down and maybe this time will be different”, like 10 out of 10 is impossible, right? This time will be different. And of course, what do we know happens? Best case you get it done after a ton of agony.

Worst case you don’t and you end up disappointing, someone whose opinion about you you do care about right.

So what I implore you to do is start being honest say, “Hey, you know what, I actually can’t get this done for you.” Or “Hey, I’m really bad at that. Would you mind having someone else do that? But instead, maybe I could help out on this or that…” you start being honest.

You actually do a greater service to everyone around you.

I am now the boss on the team. I have a team of people working for me and I’ve seen the other side and I realized that young Dan was a pain in the ass for my boss.

I actually almost feel bad for him. I don’t but I almost do, and I look back and think it must have been so frustrating for him to be seen that in some areas.

In my own case, I would rather have someone on my team, promise me 70% and deliver 70%, then to promise me 130% and deliver me 80%. Because if someone does what they say they’ll do, you can work with that you can plan around that.

And more than that, you’re not wasting your energy, feeling frustrated or confused, or trying to figure things out, the first benefit from this you’re going to get is much better relationships with all the people around you.

Whether or not you realize it, they kind of know what’s up, and they’re confused and worried, and they might notice when you say you’ll do things and don’t do them. So being upfront about that is going to make your relationships a lot more solid, the next thing is going to do is it’s going to build your character.

Because you know, what destroys your feeling of self-worth and your self-esteem and your character is saying you’ll do one thing and not doing it and then feeling really bad about it and feeling like there’s something wrong with you and going through all these cycles and all this sort of stuff that really is not fun for anyone.

Seeing the disappointment on other people’s faces when you’ve let them down destroys someone’s self-confidence and self-esteem and ultimately leads to less and less character. But if you get in the habit of owning who you are, and being honest and saying “This is who I am, and I’m proud of it, here’s what I can do really well, here’s what I can do…”, you’re going to develop your character and you’re also going to learn about yourself a lot faster and develop a lot sooner.

You’ll probably shave five years off your development track just by doing this one thing and owning who you are and being honest because it will force you to behave in different ways. It will build your confidence and it will develop your character and better relationships.

Hey, today You’re going to learn why it is so common for ENFP to struggle to find the perfect job.

If you are an ENFP in a career change, and you may have changed careers a couple more times than friends or family think is normal, then this article is going to be really valuable for you.

Reason #1 Why ENFPs struggle with career – We think Life is a movie

Reason number one why ENFPs can struggle in our careers is that we think life is a movie. Turns out life and movies can sometimes be a little bit different.

So we see a movie or a TV show, and how someone like a lawyer or teacher or astronaut is portrayed, and we think that is what we want to do. The thing is – we don’t necessarily figure out the day-to-day of that job. A lawyer speaking in court giving the big speech saving someone’s life, that is what we imagine, but you have to study really hard for a long time and then do a lot of paperwork for another decade, and then maybe you get to stand up in court and give a big speech. Well, in that case, maybe it’s not exactly what we signed up for.

Reason #2 – ENFPs learn fast; the typical career ladder won’t work

For number two, we learn fast, and we’re not exactly designed for a typical career ladder. I’ve coached hundreds of ENFPs at this point in my life, and one thing that a lot of us have in common is we learn things quite quickly.

This is somewhat tied to our intelligence, but also just our extroverted intuition. We pick up information and learn things very quickly. Most career ladders are based on having a promotion about every two years, and most ENFPs are bored after about two months.

That’s usually around the stage where ENFPs have learned most of what can be learned, picked up 90% of the job at that stage, and had that excitement. You look ahead and you realize that you have to do the same thing for the next few years. Well, you like the growing and learning part. That was really exciting but doing the same thing over and over again – not so exciting after all.

So for this reason, a lot of typical corporate jobs are not very appealing after the first couple of months. So a lot of ENFPs have this excitement about the new job, they’re new, it’s enjoyable, and then get really bored and just drag their feet for the next year, year and a half until maybe they get a promotion.

So let’s say you’ve been at a job for a couple months, and you’re bored. Now you’ve learned what you need to do, you’re getting good praise from the boss, but you’re bored, you’re not fulfilled. Should you just stick with it like people are telling you to do? I don’t think so I think that to me, seems really wasteful, isn’t it?

If you’re capable of learning really quickly and doing something in two months, what on the other hand would take other people a year, then why would you just do nothing for the next 10 months?

What if you could be learning and growing for 12 months of the year? This is number three, you don’t challenge yourself enough.

Reason #3 – ENFPs need to challenge themselves more

See, there are environments where your job would require you to be learning and growing and challenged all the time, but when an ENFP settles for a job somewhere in the middle, something that friends and family maybe respect but isn’t really pushing them to their limit, that’s when you end up with is two months or 10 months off kind of cycle.

But if you find a company or boss who will really challenge you and push you and you’re in a dynamic, diverse work environment where you’re doing a ton of different things, and always learning, genuinely small businesses, entrepreneurial companies tend to be this way a lot more, in that kind of environment, you’re going to be able to grow consistently and not actually get bored, because you’ll keep being challenged and you’ll keep evolving.

Reason #4 – ENFPs SHOULDN’T follow someone else’s life path

You’re reading articles about the best jobs and career opportunities in 2021. and you’re talking to family members who are telling you what you should do, and that leads to some kind of compromise.

You’re trying to do a job that someone else thinks you should do, that you don’t really want to do because you’re not that good at it or that engaged or maybe you are good at it because you’re one of these ENFPs who’s good at everything, but just don’t enjoy it and lives in hell in your own head because everyone’s telling you that you’re good at it and that you should just keep it and you’ll have a great life and in your mind, and you’re like, “I want to jump off a bridge right now I could be doing so much more with my life.”

Reason #5 – You’re stuck in a compromise zone

You won’t admit what you really want, so you’re sort of stuck in this compromised zone where you won’t jump fully into some kind of creative career or entrepreneurial venture, etc. so you end up going down this compromised career path, following someone else’s dream.

Ultimately, it’s a little bit your fault too for not admitting what it is you really want and this often happens because we don’t know how to get what we want.

So if we don’t know how to get it, we just say, “Well, I guess I don’t want it.”, because that just seems like the way to do things and well, this is a topic that deserves its own video. The quick advice here around this is when you’re thinking about what you want in life, don’t think about how to get it, just think about what you want.

If there’s a career that you want, focus on that, figure out what it would look like, why you want it, and get really excited and really committed to it.

Then once you’ve committed to it, figure out how to get it. If you mix your HOW, your WHAT, and your WHY all together in your mind, you’re basically just going to compromise in life and not do anything worthy of mention whatsoever, because you’ll constantly be stopping short of a bigger dream because you get stuck in the HOW, and the HOW you will figure out you’re an ENFP you’ve got the HOW, don’t worry about that. But you’ve got to commit first and have some pressure and then you’ll figure out the HOW.

Reason #6 – Career lists for ENFPs are BS!

I have an entire video and an article on this topic. A lot of the career lists for ENFP are complete and utter garbage. They are archaic. They are based on lists generated decades ago and then copied from each other, like some crazy mess and not providing you nearly enough information you need to actually find that right job.

Sometimes people will see that list, see some movies, come up with their career plan, and 15 years and a lot of student debt later realize that the job wasn’t for them.

So check out that other video or article for some clarification on that and how you can make better decisions.

Reason #7 – The System kinda sucks for ENFPs

One thing you might notice about me is I rarely blame outside factors or make excuses or say that the world sucks, that life is so hard, etc. It’s not my attitude. But I’m including one here, which is that the system kind of sucks for ENFPs.

I’ll give you an example of that. As companies get bigger, it’s worthwhile to have people specialize. In fact, people who are more floater position to do a lot of different things and jump around and learn things really quickly, are very valuable as entrepreneurs like myself or working for small businesses, working with entrepreneurs and being able to jump around.

As companies grow, roles need to become more specialized, and this isn’t some evil conspiracy, this is just how it works. I’m even finding that in my own business as we get more and more people on my team and finding the need to specialize roles and really specify who does what, whereas earlier on, when we were just three people, it was a lot more jumping around and doing a lot of different things.

So as companies get larger and larger, the roles become more and more specific, and as the internet makes everyone shop in the same places, there are fewer and fewer small businesses and more and more large companies, and so we have the sort of Amazon effect where basically you get a very defined role, which can basically be done by a robot as soon as that robot is invented.

Very specialized careers tend not to be as interesting to ENFPs. So perhaps as a coach or psychologist, even though that’s very specialized, you basically are doing one thing that can be really interesting to ENFP is because each person is a different challenge. Each conversation is very different. But within the system within larger corporations having a very specialized role can actually be really limiting for us and it makes it more challenging as well.

ENFP and ISTJ Relationships: How To Make a Change

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How I Organize Myself as an ENFP To Stay FOCUSED & HAPPY

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Advice For Younger INFPs and ENFPs (From an Old ENFP)

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ENFP Career Advice: 7 Insights For The Perfect Job

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Famous ENFPs: Writers, Creators, Actors, Politicians and others

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ENFP Career Lists are BS! Here’s Why

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As an ENFP, you are among some very good company. In this post, you will find a list of famous ENFPs and successful people who are either confirmed or suspected ENFPs. Yes, ENFP celebrities will be listed as well.

This post should become a source of inspiration for you. It is a chance to see what’s possible to achieve as an ENFP and what great things have been accomplished by those who share a similar makeup to you.

Personally, I have found great value studying famous people from my own type through autobiographies. Most of us spend the early years of our lives feeling lost and trying to figure out our purpose or how we want to end up. I’ve found studying those of my type who have found their purpose, and have then achieved success, gives me a shortcut to understanding my own potential and the directions my life could go.

Famous ENFPs: Writers, Creators, and thought leaders

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

The keys to success as an ENFP revolve around developing your thinking function. This is your ability to be objective, rational, and disciplined. Your Te function will also help you stay focused and organized, and keep you moving in a focused direction. As you develop your Te, you will learn to develop longer time frames for your goals, and therefore be more likely to overcome obstacles and follow through.

Here are some famous ENFPs that you may have heard of:

Aldous Huxley

Author of ‘Brave New World’

Oscar Wilde

Playwright

Umberto Eco

Semiotician and author of ‘The Name of the Rose’

Hunter S. Thompson

Journalist, author of ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’

Salman Rushdie

Author of ‘The Satanic Verses’, condemned to death by Ayatollah Khomeini

Julian Assange

Founder of WikiLeaks

Us ENFPs, we use intuition and our imagination to solve problems, and our creativity and enthusiasm keeps us going forward and we are always motivated by the desire to better the world around us, so you shouldn’t be surprised at all to see some of these people on the list.

Here are few more ENFP celebrities that belong to the categories mentioned above: Ralph Nader, leader of the U.S Green Party and author, Anne Frank, author of “Diary of a Young Girl” and a holocaust victim, Arianna Huffington, editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post, Kurt Vonnegut, known for his anti-war novel “Slaughterhouse-Five”, Naomi Klein, Author of ‘The Shock Doctrine’, Michio Kaku, a famous ENFP Physicist, a man who said, “A physicist is an attempt by an atom to understand itself.”, an ENFP with an IQ of 154, so that’s that… Others worth mentioning are Brian Cox, Joseph Campbell, Alan Watts, Jacques Derrida, and let’s not forget Walt Disney.

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.

Walt Disney was an ENFP and he could predict the future of the company by looking at the big picture. You may have also noticed that many famous people who are ENFPs are actors, comedians and writers, which shows how big of an impact can an ENFP make in the world simply by utilizing communication skills. Think about that. Do you have it in you? Maybe It is your superpower that can help you make a difference in the world, or build a successful career!

While we’re on the topic of superpowers and careers, I have some amazing resources for you, check them out:

ENFP Type: Life & Career Advice
ENFPs & Idealists – My Awesome Career Advice
ENFP (Campaigner) Traits / Superpowers
A Perfect Routine for ENFP and INFP types

ENFP Actors, Performers and other ENFP celebrities

There is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.

ENFPs are also well-known for their passion, creativity and originality. Some of the most famous actors out there are ENFPs!

Sharon Stone

American actress, producer, former fashion model

Keanu Reeves

U.S actor

Russell Brand

English actor

Daniel Radcliffe

English actor

Kat Dennings

U.S actress

Martin Freeman

English actor

In all they do, ENFPs bring liveliness and a sense of play to life. This makes them fun co-workers, friends, and partners. Other important names on this list are Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Elle Fanning, Jerry Seinfield, Ellen Degeneres, Keira Knightley, Katie Couric, Orson Welles, Oliver Stone, and, believe it or not – George Carlin. You may think that George wasn’t a Feeler, and was probably one of those immoral, unhealthy ENTPs. Nope, George Carlin was an ENFP.

Did we forget someone? Let us know in the comments bellow.

ENFP personality type and Politics

An ENFP’s enthusiasm, charisma, and inspiring vision for the future act as a natural magnet and attracts people to their cause. An ENFP on a mission will soon find themselves surrounded by dozens, if not hundreds or thousands of people willing to put it all on the line to help the ENFP achieve their vision.

Something must be done to save humanity! A better world is possible!

ENFPs delight in movement and are often the catalyst for change on a societal level. While they are often bored with the details and may struggle to “follow through” on plans, ENFPs have an incredible ability to initiate change and get the ball rolling.

Che Guevara

Argentine Marxist revolutionary, physician, author, guerrilla leader, diplomat, and military theorist

Hugo Chavez

 Venezuelan politician who was president of Venezuela from 1999 until his death in 2013

Ralph Nader

American political activist, author, lecturer, lawyer, and former perennial candidate for President of the USA

In the political arena, ENFPs aren’t interested in run of the mill politics. ENFPs only get involved when they’re trying to right an injustice or make a massive change in the way things are done.

Well-known ENFP Musicians

Ozzy Osbourne

English Singer, Songwriter and television personality

Justin Timberlake

American singer, songwriter, actor and record producer

Gwen Stefani

American Singer and Songwriter, Co-Founder of the band No Doubt

Other Famous ENFPs known for their successful careers in music industry are: John Lennon, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Cher, Janis Joplin, Franz Joseph Haydn, Joan Jett, Jewel, Melissa Etheridge…

Who is your favourite ENFP singer? Let me know in the comments bellow.

Dear ENFP, remember this:

One challenge for the ENFPs is that they can be “good” at many things because they are naturally intelligent, they’re quick learners, and are very adaptable. This leads many ENFPs down a path of mediocrity. ENFPs must not settle for good and instead should seek opportunities to use their true strengths and become great. 

Another common scenario for ENFPs is the search for their purpose or the sweet spot where they really do excel. This is a good path for the ENFPs but can appear to be unfocused to the outside world.

Overall, ENFPs are fun, optimistic, and caring individuals who want the best for themselves and the people around them. When they discover themselves and focus on their true purpose, an ENFP is capable of tremendous levels of success and of making a positive impact on the world.

Here on my site you can find a lot of resources on how to stay focused as an ENFP, how to build discipline, ENFP career advice and more. Check out the Blog section. I will list some of the valuable resources bellow:

ENFP (Campaigner) Personality type: Dark Side and stress (dreamsaroundtheworld.com)
3 Disappointing Careers For ENFPs (dreamsaroundtheworld.com)
ENFP and IQ: Are ENFPs Smart? (dreamsaroundtheworld.com)
ENFP Leaders: Step Up or Shut Up (dreamsaroundtheworld.com)

I hate to break this to you, but if you’ve been looking for ENFP career advice, I got to tell you, the list out there, listing all the careers for ENFPs, as a whole, they are complete and utter BS, and in this video, I’m going to tell you why and what you should do instead to figure out what the heck career you should take on as an ENFP.

So at this point, in your search for ENFP career advice, you may have even seen my older video on three disappointing careers for ENFPs where, if memory serves me, I talked about digital marketing, architecture, and teaching.

ENFP Personality Tip: Ignore Career Lists

If you’re interested in one of these three, don’t freak out just yet, but in general, these can actually be very disappointing careers for ENFP. I’ve been on this path for a while warning ENFPs about these careers, and other careers, that can end up being really disappointing.

Now, when you go there, and you search for careers for ENFPs, you’re going to find these long lists., and the thing that no one really tells you is these lists are archaic, and everyone’s just copying everyone else. Someone in the 1960s came up with a list and then every other blog ever just copies these ENFP career lists and passes them around and whatever else. So whether or not they hired a writer to write a cute little blurb at the beginning, there’s actually no thought going into these lists, and really thinking about what actually matters for ENFP when it comes to your career.

So you might see something on the list, like being a teacher, and on the surface, being a teacher can be a great job for ENFPs. We like teaching, that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. ENFPs can be great teachers and mentors, and in theory, high school or elementary school teachers can do really well in it.

Here’s the problem. In a lot of countries, the teaching system is a bureaucratic nightmare, and the actual thing ENFPs do well, teaching, is like holding up behind a gate and an electric fence and a moat with alligators and stuff, and the teachers I’ve talked to often feel like they’re in a battle just to do their job having to deal with all kinds of bureaucracy, funding issues, paperwork, all kinds of other things.

This applies to a ton of other jobs. If there’s a huge level of bureaucracy, you’re often not spending a lot of your time doing the thing that you love doing, which is sometimes what those career lists are based on.

So I found in many cases that your job title and essentially, the purpose of what you’re doing, like teaching isn’t actually as important as the culture, the people you’re working with, and most importantly, in my opinion, the day to day of the job. How do you actually spend your time?

I’m not trying to pick on the teaching role, and I actually have an interview with an ENFP teacher who has some complaints but generally likes the profession, but if you were to talk to a teacher and ask them, “How do you spend the 8-10?” – what you would find is some teachers at some schools would spend 95% of their time teaching and inspiring, and having a great time doing it. That teaching job is amazing as an ENFP, but you might find others caught up in bureaucratic nightmares, spend 20% of their time doing administrative work, 30% of the time dealing with some kind of budget stuff, dealing with conflicts with parents, all this and maybe only 40% of their time is actually spent teaching, and that’s not very fun.

I forgot about marking papers, we’ve include marking papers in there somewhere as well, and going through paperwork, usually not our most fun thing to do either.

Digital Marketing is another example that I discuss in that video, and in digital marketing, there is a wealth of options. First of all, it’s not even really a job. It’s dozens of jobs, but you might have this vision because as ENFPs we like to watch movies and TV shows and imagine ourselves in those roles.

I thought I wanted to be a lawyer for a period of time because I watched “The practice” and coming up with really crazy ways to get clients off. Seemed like something I could do. Turns out lawyers mostly just fill out forms and review documents, and that doesn’t seem like something I could do.

You might think of marketing and think that you’d be able to come up with really creative campaigns and understand people and get into psychology, and this would be really interesting.

A few digital marketing careers are that way, but a lot of them are spreadsheets and repetition. So some digital marketing jobs involve creativity and making something amazing. But a lot of them involve spreadsheets and data and letting the algorithms do stuff, and basically not ENFP friendly kind of work.

Now, at this stage, I have to say, don’t get down, don’t get worried, I’m going to provide some resources here and some advice to help you along the way. So this is not going to end with a “Well, we’re all screwed, pack it in.” There’s a lot you can do differently, not relying on these archaic ENFP lists.

One of the last issues with these lists and looking at careers in a very broad sense is within a career, you move up a ladder, usually, if you’re working for a company, and along that ladder, seems to me like people didn’t really think through how it goes. So the lawyer example, at the top, when you become a partner, in a lot of law firms, your work is around getting clients, it’s around recruiting and mentoring younger lawyers, it might be around handling really big cases… It’s probably somewhat ENFP-friendly work, ENFP – ENTP friendly work (A lot on theory, mentoring, relationship, sales, etc.). The Problem is, to become a partner, you are driving on the paperwork, highway of hell, and basically, if you do not have an insane level of grit to just power through, you’re not going to get to that partner stage.

Now some people are good at both of those roles, and all the roles in between, but some people aren’t.

Tips for Selecting the Right Career Path as an ENFP

A lot of careers are weird like that, and that leads me to my major piece of advice here. The number one tip that I always share with clients about this is – whatever career you’re considering, speak to at least five people who work in that career. When you hear that, it seems obvious, but how many people will actually do that? Pretty much nobody. When you’re speaking to those five people, ideally, you want to spread them out on the ladder a little bit.

If you’re thinking of becoming an architect, speak to that person who is 50 or 60, and has reached the top of the architecture ladder, and find out how they spend their time and what the job is like and think about it. Aks yourself, “Do I want this? Is this what I want to be doing in 20 years, 30 years?”, which is a tough question for an ENFP, and then talk to people through the ladder as well, and when you’re speaking to them, don’t ask vague questions, get very specific.

“How do you spend your time? What are the three most important things about your job? What do you do on a typical Wednesday from eight to five? What are you actually doing?”, and then ask yourself, “Is that how I want to spend my time for the next X number of years”, and if it is, then move on to investigating that career more.

Figure out how you would do it, the opportunities, and everything else, but if the way they’re spending their time is not appealing to you, even if having that great job title of architect sounds really cool, then it’s probably not a good career choice for you.

That is my number one piece of advice. If you do that you will learn more about a career than anything you’re going to read online.

With Extroverted Intuition as our primary function it is very easy for ENFPs to get distracted early in the day and…well…you know. Here’s everything you need for the perfect ENFP morning routine.

What is the best ENFP morning routine?

I’m going to share my six must for an amazing morning routine as an ENFP. Now, you might be looking for the perfect ENFP morning routine, and I have some bad news for you. It doesn’t really exist.

I’ve been coaching ENFP for years now, I am one myself, and the one thing I found about routines is that the perfect routine for an ENFP is often the new routine that we are most excited about. Therefore we have this energy to actually follow through and stick to it, and also, because it’s new, it’s probably more designed about what we’re actually trying to achieve In the moment.

I’ve been working for myself for almost a decade now and during that time, I’ve had phases where I’ve been writing a book, and that’s about it. I’ve had phases where I’m having 15 coaching calls a week, I had phases where I’m doing some combination of all of the above, or times like today where it’s just an offline day, haven’t turned my phone on, and I’m just working on filming videos. So the same routine probably doesn’t work throughout the lifetime.

But what I have found is there are certain elements that for me as an ENFP are essential to a successful morning routine, and I will take these elements and remix them a little bit depending on what my goals are for that period in my life.

So I have three don’ts and three do’s and we’re going to start with the first don’t, which is don’t Eat That Frog.

The best ENFP morning routine Do’s and Don’ts

There’s an old book by Brian Tracy called Eat That Frog and it’s basically about doing that difficult thing that you’re putting off first thing in the day so that you don’t dread it for the rest of your day. That makes sense in theory, get up handle that, then you’ll feel good for the rest of the day. The thing is – how much excitement and energy do you wake up with when the first thing you have to do is something that you’re really dreading doing? Not a lot, usually.

So that leads us to our first do which is to focus on one thing! This can be a win for the day, which is important and is something you actually enjoy doing. For me, this tends to be creative elements, maybe it’s to write for two hours, or film a few videos or record some podcasts, or plan out training I’m doing later in the week. But something that I actually enjoy doing.

The thing with this is, you might have heard, maybe It’s just a rumor, that occasionally ENFPs get distracted. Never happened to me ever, not once but I’ve heard it happens occasionally to other people. *wink wink*

So when you start your day off with something that’s important, and you get it done then you can look back at your day and you’ll still feel good because you’ve got something important done. If you do something important every single day, even if it’s only an hour of your day, I can guarantee you’re going to have a lot more success over that month, than if you spread things out in a totally different fashion.

The other bonus of doing this is you feel good about yourself. I used to think that if I do something really important and it’s done, I’ll lose that momentum for the rest of the day, and I’ll instantly reward myself because I’ve got something done, and I can go be lazy afterward, but actually what happens with me is I feel really good that I’ve got that thing done, and then I do more. So I’m actually more productive.

Speaking of momentum, be careful about starting your day with anything passive that you can get caught up in and want to stick around with, like for example a two-hour interview on a podcast or a video series somewhere or a Netflix show or anything like that. Things can get very easy for us to hijack our brains. You might say to yourself, “I’ll spend 15 minutes, and I’m back to work…”, and then an hour and a half goes by and you’re thinking about the subjects they were talking about on the podcast, and you haven’t really got into that main thing you wanted to do that most important thing for your day.

My rule when I really want to ensure my days go well is nothing, no input until I get through that one most important thing just to be on the safe side of it.

Our second DO here for an amazing ENFP morning routine is to GET MOVING. Do something that is going to get your body going, could be going for a walk, going for a run, doing something at home as well, some kind of home exercise. I personally like leaving the house, I think there’s something about this stimulus of walking around seeing other people seeing other things, having that variety to start off the day, I think that can be very positive. I think one of my favorite parts about running is doing it in new areas that I haven’t been to, and seeing things in that way. But whatever you do, do something where you are getting moving in the day.

Productivity tip for ENFPs – Don’t open social media in the morning!

So get up, get going, it’s a great way to build momentum for the day and it’s again, one of those wins. So not only does getting moving, change the way you think and function, it also builds your confidence in yourself and that positive momentum in the day. Speaking of feeling good about yourself, our last DON’TS is don’t open social media, no matter what. In fact, I would strongly discourage you from opening any inbox in the morning that includes WhatsApp, text messages, and email, but especially the old social media.

As ENFPs, our primary function is Extraverted Intuition. This is where we think about all the possibilities. When someone asks us a question, we don’t usually turn to them and say, here’s the exact answer. We think about all the options and the possibilities and what could even be done that’s never been done before, and what happens when you open an inbox of questions? For example, you open your WhatsApp first thing in the morning, and you have messages from a friend asking you if you would like to do something on Friday. Or you have a message from your partner asking if you should take a trip together. What would you like to do? Where should we go? You start to think of these things and what you’ve just done, you’ve loaded these questions into your extroverted intuition, and whether you want to or not, your brain is now using a huge amount of its processing power to answer these questions in the background or the foreground.

So an hour later, maybe you just find yourself a bit more drained than you normally would be because you’ve been thinking about this.

Questions are very dangerous for us ENFPs, and pretty much any inbox that exists is a question factory, you open your inbox, and there are questions, there, and things to think about.

Some days are not going to be bad. Some days are no problem. But other days will be and unfortunately, there’s no way to predict when that will happen. In many cases, myself included, when I do look at feeds on social media, I don’t have a good feeling from it, it doesn’t leave me anything positive because It’s mostly politics and stuff, so don’t do that. That’s a pretty simple rule. How you start your day is probably going to carry over in terms of your moods and energy and that as well.

Usually for most people, morning is the time of the day where you have the most energy and focus. So don’t waste it on any kind of inbox.

How to stay productive during the day as an ENFP? Don’t forget your WHY

Speaking of your energy, and this is our last DO here, take a moment to remind yourself of your why and what your intentions for the day were.

By intentions, it can be something like, “I intend to be a more positive loving human being today”. That’s great. It can also just be reviewing your to-do list which you should always write the night before, I might make a whole nother video on this and why this is important with how our brains function. But your to-do list should be done the night before, never in the morning.

When you first wake up in the morning you have a bit of a blank slate so it’s really a great time to load up your intention what you want to get done, maybe how you want to feel what you want to accomplish, and get that in before some other crap gets into your mind.

So always review what you want to get done in the day first, before getting into any kind of inbox any kind of other input from other people that has a huge chance of hijacking your day.

As I said at the start I do not think there is one perfect ENFP morning routine. I think we have to adjust it based on our phases in life and who we are and just to have some novelty but these elements I have found can consistently lead to a great morning routine for myself, and I would encourage you to pick at least a few of them if not all of them to add to your morning routine.

3 tips for when you’re feeling overwhelmed as an ENFP. Yes, you can. ENFP overwhelm is very real and it can be devastating for our productivity, confidence, and sense of self-worth.

ENFPs primary function, extroverted intuition, makes it really easy to get overwhelmed but the advice in this video has helped me a lot.

I’ll write down the methods mentioned in the video as well.

ENFP feeling overwhelmed – 3 tips that will help you take back control of your mind

1. Write it down on a piece of paper

The first thing is to get things out of your head and write it down on paper and to make clear, simple shortlist. When It comes to planning, I’m using the tiniest notebook I can buy and each day I write down two to five things that I want to get down that day and that’s what I focus on. Now, at the end of the day, if I happen to finish early, which has not happened yet because as I said, things can sometimes take longer than we think they need to, then I can think of all the little things and write those down too if there are other little items, but keeping things really simple and planning out your week.

So, I look at it this way – here are the things I’m going to get done this week. Anything not on this list, I am not going to get done this week, and I’m not going to think about or worry about. You might want to keep a master list somewhere.

Also what you can do is – at the start of each week, look at your master list, go through all the things you want to get done, and then pick the ones from there that you want to move to your weekly list and then from your weekly list, assign each thing to a day. There you have it.

But Dan, what if it’s Tuesday, and I’m working on my list, but I’m thinking about all the other things I’d like to be doing and maybe that there are other things I should be doing instead of the things that I am doing that I wrote down on my list?

2. Create at least two roles of yourself in your head

Well, funny you should ask. That’s where tip number two comes in, create multiple personality disorder for yourself, this is something I absolutely love to do. So you create two roles for yourself in your own head. (I’m completely serious about this.) This is how I’ve done it for myself, I’ve made CEO Dan, and employee Dan. And I don’t even think about this anymore, because it’s just sort of built-in and habitual. But I used to very consciously think about this.

So you have your CEO self, that is the self that makes big decisions thinks about strategy thinks about what needs to get done. Then you have your employee self, that’s the version of yourself that just executes whatever you’ve been told to do, and I know not all employees do that, but this employee – You are like a brain dead minion, your job is to just do what you’re told to do and that’s it. What you want to do is, let’s say on Sunday, you plan out your next week, then on Monday, you sit down to work, and you might think to yourself, Well, I don’t know if this is really the right work I should be doing – WELL GUESS WHAT – you’re a minion, you don’t get to decide what you should be doing. You’re the employee, and you just literally stick to that work and go through it.

If things come up in your head, and you think, well, maybe we should be doing this or that or whatever else. Cool. Write that down on a scrap paper, have a separate notebook, write all this out on it, not your main planning book, because then you’ll confuse that and you’ll have way too many things written down in it.

Get that out of your head, write it down, but commit to yourself. During the week, you are going to be the employee and you will just do the things you decided on doing one at a time.

Now each night, you should plan the day ahead. I would not suggest going into CEO mode each night and reevaluating everything, do that maybe once a week or once a month, but try to stick to strategies, because one of the things that will happen for us ENFP is if you have the freedom to change your strategy all the time when things get hard, maybe, just maybe you’re going to change the strategy instead of going through the difficult work. Maybe you come up with a really good strategy, but it involves some uncomfortable situations. Well, when you get to those situations, maybe you’ll say, hey, let’s try a different strategy to avoid those. So that’s another benefit of the CEO employee split in yourself and how you approach things.

3. Self-talk

Now the third part that comes in and is essential for this all to work together is self-talk. That’s just what it sounds like – talking to yourself. So if you get to a point where you’re feeling overwhelmed, what you want to do is look at your list of the few things you have for that day and just say to yourself one step at a time, this is what I’m working on today, there’s only one of me, there’s only so much I can do. I’ve decided these are the most important things to do, actually, the CEO version of me has decided that and I’m just going to do them and at the end of the day, relax, have a nice dinner, maybe have a glass of wine, and then tomorrow, I will fight the good fight again.

When you’re feeling that overwhelm. Just bring yourself back to the list and say this is what I’m working on, I’m going to work on it one thing at a time, I’m going to chip away at the block or put one foot in front of the other, whatever metaphor works best for you and just do that during the time and if you find yourself getting pulled out of that employee mind, just talk to yourself about that. Would you go to your boss in the middle of the day and say, “Hey Boss, I don’t like doing this. Why don’t we change the corporate strategy? This seems dumb to me, or I don’t really want to do it, it’s not fun.” No, you wouldn’t do that you would do the work anyhow, and that’s what you have to train yourself to do.

Use self-talk to bring yourself out of overwhelm and reassure yourself that you just stick on the task and do one thing after another. I promise you this, that if you do that, you will find that you feel calmer and more productive. At the end of the week, and especially at the end of a month, when you look back, you’re going to have so much more done than you would have otherwise.

Now, if you combine this approach with the double your brainpower approach, you’re probably going to be quadruplee as productive and effective as you would have been the other way. By the way, I don’t know if quadruplee is a word, but that’s okay. It can be now.

In this post I’m answering a question about how you can get out of a rut as an ENFP.

If you prefer reading, here is a video transcription bellow, made with Otter.ai

How to get out of a rut as an ENFP

You find yourself working in your inferior functions, or just struggling and not being your true ENFP self, how can you get out of that rut?

I am answering this question from Michael, who is an ex Pat from North America living in Lisbon, pretty close to me here.

By the way, if you go to dreamsaroundtheworld.com/askdan section, you can now submit your question via voice note, which is what Michael did.

So Michael said he does work either with clients or as a job in sales and marketing primarily for startups. Sometimes he’s been working, I guess directly for them, sometimes is more of a contractor or service provider, and that he has been struggling and hasn’t had a consistent flow of clients for the past 14 or 15 months, and how can he do that? He hates applying for jobs. He hates that whole process.

I don’t blame you. I hate applying for jobs. It’s probably one of the reasons I’ve been an entrepreneur for over a decade. Even when times are really bad, I was like, “Yeah, I can afford food, I bring my own coffee and a reusable cup to Starbucks, but still easier than putting together a proper resume. I’ll tell you that much.” So I totally get that and that’s why I would approach this whole thing differently.

ENFP Career Advice

Don’t try to get better at applying for jobs, use your ENFP abilities to go after jobs. What do you do best? Use your ENFP abilities and take a totally different approach to either getting clients or getting a job. Maybe you love connecting with people? Start networking like crazy. Get involved with people, with groups, do what you do best, maybe you’re really good at creating things? I love creating videos and teaching. If I was looking for a job I would put together some kind of a video or presentation or training that would show people that I know what I’m doing and I would send it out to different companies that I’d like to work with.

That’s tapping into a natural ability you have. Forget the resume, if you put together a great presentation and a company gets that, they’re not thinking, “Wait, wait, wait, we have to check his resume.” They’re thinking this guy knows his stuff, he’s smart, he’s well-spoken, he can communicate… If you can’t do any of those things, get good at them or whatever, do it in your own superpower. You can bypass all that.

There are professors at Business Schools, who never went to business schools, and maybe in some cases never even went to school. So all these qualifications that are put out – they are a way to filter people out and generally to keep things structured and organized.

If you try to play that game, good for you. But it’s going to be a battle. If you hate doing resumes, don’t play the resume game, play your own game go around it, you’re going to end up having much better results.

When you go away from the herd and do your own thing and your own approach. Think about it, If you’re hiring at a company (I’ve been hiring a lot over the last year), and you put up a job post somewhere, you get 100-200 applications, it is a pain in the butt to look at that. No one wants to do that. If someone came to me, and they just blew me away with a presentation or something they did, I’ll use my own case, they took one of my videos and remix it and made it 20 times better, or they showed me what a great writer they were with something they’d done or whatever it happens to be, maybe they figured out a problem I hadn’t and solved it in advance, I would be like done, let’s have an interview! Let’s get to this!

No real human likes reading through resumes, It’s not enjoyable. So when you bypass that whole system, then not only do you make it easier for yourself, but you also make it easier for the person who will decide if they actually hire and work with you, which is always good.

Think about what you are really good at. You told me you advise companies on marketing, so think about that. How would you market yourself if you were your own client? Would you go send out resumes? Of course not. You’d find a much more creative approach. Do that for yourself and you will find yourself with new clients or a job if that’s what you want in absolutely no time.

I do have a program for freelancers and coaches and consultants, It is called the FreeFreelancer. It is a training and group coaching program where we focus on mindset and getting clients making proposals, marketing, all the practical stuff, as well as sort some things I talked about in this video, like the strategic ways of doing things, building your business around your personality, so you’re not always feeling drained and struggling etc. So if you’re interested in learning more about that, you can join the waiting list here.

A relationship with an ENFP is…awesome? Frustrating as hell? Loads of fun? Yes, this is a multiple choice test. Us ENFPs are a complicated bunch which is probably not news to you if you’re already dating an ENFP.

So the point of this post is to share it with someone in your life, presumably that you’re dating or maybe thinking about dating, it could be a little hint for them, and to help them better understand you and perhaps be a better partner.

If you prefer reading, here is a video transcription bellow, made with Otter.ai

Tip #1 – ENFPs are dreamers. Don’t tell them to quit dreaming and get realistic.

Tip number one is that ENFPs love to dream, this probably doesn’t surprise you if you’re currently dating or in a long term relationship with an ENFP. We are Dreamers, and I imagine that if you’re dating an ENFP, at the phase where they are dreaming a lot, but not doing as much quite yet that it can be quite frustrating, where you’re like, “Okay, enough talk with all these dreams, either quit your job, or either start your business or go travel, do whatever, stop talking about it.” and I totally get that It could be quite frustrating.

You may also find it frustrating that they dream a lot but don’t necessarily put things into action, the way you might be someone who’s more of a planner, you would take action, you would have all the steps that they don’t do that, and you find it very frustrating, I can totally imagine that and that is of course, very understandable.

But one thing you need to understand is that for ENFP, our dreams and the possibilities we imagine, are actually our fuel. So I’m a DOER, I’ve published 11 books, I have a successful coaching practice, YouTube channel, podcast, I’ve lived in, I guess, seven, eight countries, a lot of countries at this point, all things that started as dreams and then I made happen, but there were definitely times in my life where I was just dreaming and those dreams serve as our fuel to get us fired up, and to be the source of motivation to then learn the practical skills.

So I’m not here advocating that ENFP should live in dream world at all, that is not how we should be and if you do have a partner who’s really struggling with that – send them this channel, I hope I can help them a bit. But that’s not how they should be long term.

If an ENFP is 45 and still just dreaming and not doing that’s not healthy, but know that our dreaming is the source of our fuel that makes us do as well. So don’t ever say this to an ENFP something like, “Hey, quit dreaming, get realistic, get your head out of the clouds, do something small, just figure out a little plan and do that first.” Don’t do that. It’s like chopping us off at the knees, we lose our energy and our motivation and the odds are, then nothing will really happen.

It might be totally different than how you operate, it might be very frustrating but just know that we do need those big dreams to power us forward. But know that as we develop typically in kind of our late 20s and 30s, we should develop a lot more practical skills to actually implement and do and take action, and not just be dreaming, it can even happen earlier than that.

So especially if you’re in your mid-early 20s, and you’re dating an ENFP, and you’re like “What is going on?” It does get better, don’t worry.

Tip #2 – ENFPs are likely to change their mind. A lot.

The next tip is to understand that our mind changes a lot and we don’t do so with mal intent. So if we say something, and a few days later, we change our mind, it’s not because we’re trying to manipulate you or deceive you. When you ask us why did we change our mind, and we don’t know, we’re not trying to be difficult, we just don’t necessarily know. I think this is especially hard for ENFP guys because, in most cultures, the feminine is about change and evolution and emotion.

It’s very acceptable for a woman one day to feel this way and the next to feel that way, where men are supposed to be more like concrete. Here’s my path. Here’s my direction, I am the non-changing, I am grounded and structured. So there’s probably a bit of that in our heads. We are feeling these changes and we’re not necessarily remembering why did we change our minds? Or why did that happen? Then we’re feeling judged by someone saying, “Why are you changing your mind like you’re like a girl or whatever it is.”

So that probably plays more of a role for us where not only do we not necessarily always understand why we’re changing our mind, but then we’re feeling judged by it and feeling like it’s not okay for us to be doing that as well. Now, this very naturally leads us to tip number three…

Tip #3 – ENFPs are great at discussing feelings and emotions, AS LONG AS THEY’RE SOMEONE ELSES

We are incredible at discussing feelings and emotions just as long as there’s someone else’s, not our own. That’s not our favourite thing. This could be confusing sometimes because you might think, “Hey, this person seems really insightful and evolved and they have all this knowledge of psychology, or feelings or emotions or these sorts of things. But then they’re kind of closed off about their own stuff…” and that can be true for us.

You should know that, again, this is not us trying to be difficult, or trying to play games, it’s just something that is not always the easiest for us, relative to our general interest in people and emotion. If an ENFP is always talking about feelings and emotions, and then they don’t want to talk about their feelings and emotions just know that It’s a normal thing, and you can help your partner work on it and get more comfortable with that.

So I promised I would add one more detail to tip number one about how we are dreamers and it is this – That in our dreams, we are always the star, we are the superhero. If you tear that down or don’t support it, you might as well end the relationship immediately. This is I think, true beyond just ENFP. For many types, we want to see ourselves as the hero on our own journey. If you tear down your partner’s dream on that and say, “Get realistic, what have you done in your life so far? What are your chances of ever doing that?” – I get it, maybe you’re in a stressful time, maybe your partner has been a bit of a bum and really needs to up their game, all that can be true. But what is also true is if you tear down that vision they have for themselves, then you basically killed your relationship, you might keep dating for years, you might stay married, but it’s dead, I really do believe that.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t help your partner, adjust their views and perhaps work with a coach, I have a program called ENFP Unleashed where I work with the ENFPs in the right environment. We can help your ENFP gain a more realistic set of goals and gradually make progress and create the life that they can actually achieve. But as their partner, if you tear them down and basically remind them of how little they’ve done or where they’re at, it just kills the relationship. I think in a relationship, you should always see your partner’s most potential and you should empower them to go after whatever those dreams are, and you should see them as their best so they can see themselves as their best. When you cut them off at the knees and tear that down, you’ve killed that and I think have killed the relationship. So in that terribly uplifting note, we’ll end here.

If you’re interested in that program I mentioned you can go to dreamsaroundtheworld.com/enfpunleashed and read more about it could be an amazing gift. That should be TIP #4 !

Tip number four (Bonus tip) If you’re dating an ENFP buy them ENFP Unleashed for their birthday, and you will have the best relationship ever. Really. I think it’s probably your wisest move.