Dried-on Milk

The bat is back

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 20:48:00 +0000

I had three days off and naturally I plan everything known to man in those three days. I don't know why I do this, it just happens.

EZ had a 2 year check up with a shot for good measure. I took Sam to the vet (always an adventure), at least this time his didn't shit in his crate... hooray for small victories! We had a big birthday party. Drove through a ridiculous amount of construction only to never actually step foot in the zoo.

Went to a horribly set up festival (at least the area for small children was horribly set up). I went to the eye doctor. We went to the cemetery where I managed to step in an ant hill... full of biting little fuckers. It's really not ideal to curse up a storm at a cemetery, so I cursed a whole heck of a lot in my head and complained outwardly a lot about how much those things hurt.

To top things off, Friday night J called me about 5 minutes after I got into bed. He called me from the basement. This is pretty normal, I call him all the time when I know he's somewhere in the house but I'm too lazy to go look.

He asked me to guess what was in the basement. I said I didn't know. He asked me guess. Dude. No. I'm tired. Just TELL me.

It was a bat.

A.

Bat.

A live flying, rabie-carrying ANIMAL IN OUR BASEMENT!!! HOW DO THEY KEEP GETTING INTO OUR HOUSE?!

J didn't appreciate that I pulled out the camera. Here's the best picture I could get. I was afraid something was going to land on my head. I'm not going to show you the video because it's filled with curse words and it makes it look like he doesn't love me or something. By the time he found his fishing net, shut up, it worked before... we couldn't find it anymore. Sam was chirping at a spot on the ceiling but we couldn't find it.

One day I will find it... I'm not sure how but I'm certain it will be a bloggable kind of story.

Elmo Painting Party!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 18:42:00 +0000

Just totally ignore that my blog header if off center (I've tried all my html/CSS tricks and the little mofo refuses to line up). I'll figure it out at some point but until then... IGNORE!

We had a little shin-dig this weekend for Mr. EZE. And actually Ava too since it was with our close friends... everyone had to join in on the fun. The theme was Elmo but the surprise part of the party was PAINTING!! Yeah, like backyard, ghetto-style painting. Let me tell you, the kids had a blast!

I was feeling cheap and bought nearly everything from the dollar store. They even had Elmo balloons for... get this... a DOLLAR! I bought 22. For the side of the garage, I just went nutty and put up all kinds of Elmo related stuff. I even commissioned a special 5-year-old to draw a bunch of Elmo faces for decór. The giant Elmo poof ball is a tad on the scary side but hey... let's just go with it.

I made special shirts for the kids, since it's their day and all... they need to stand out. Cheap shirt from Michaels + puff paint = custom shirt! I know! It's so brilliant!

It also helps to have a super handy husband that makes cool shit on the fly. I showed him this from Pinterest and said "make this" and he did. I made the sign, one side says Ava Street and the other says EZ Street.

I bought three gallons of washable paint; red, blue and yellow so they could be mixed to make other colors. I also bought paint brushes and smocks for the kids. I did warn the parents that the kids should have a change of clothes and should come in something grungy. The paper was recyclable paint drop cloths from Home Depot, there were two in a package. I think it was like $4-$6. One of them we cut in half to put up on the fence.

Then it was time for clean up. My plan was to fill the pool with water balloons but 1. my kids kept breaking them and 2. there was NO way I was going to fill up that pool. OMG soooo many balloons. I gave up and made that the job of the parent at the party. I bought the water balloon things from Aldi. Coolest idea, ever. They can sit, drink and fill up water balloons. It worked out perfectly. I also had water guns.

I didn't get all crazy with the food like I normally do. It was more about the activities and hanging out. We bought everything from Costco except the cupcakes, which I made. They were topped with homemade cream cheese frosting and blueberries, mandarin oranges and strawberries. NO FAKE DYES! Can you see the Elmo face? There were so many food ideas for this party on Pinterest but I started to get lazy... it's the best I could do.

I have to say, this was probably one of the most funnest (is that even word?) parties. I was so much more relaxed because I didn't care if things got messy. It was supposed be messy. And the food... man, when you buy the stuff pre-made, that just makes your life a whole hell of a lot easier, don't it? No worries, friends, J and I can't stay out of the kitchen for too long. We'll be whipping up a mad food party soon enough.

And he's officially two.

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 21:38:00 +0000

My baby boy is two years old today. Last night, J and I continued the tradition and blew up 30 balloons. I did about 90% of them by mouth and J did the rest by a hand pump while I nearly passed out on the couch. That's a lot of wind!

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

Ethan Zane,

You are loved more than we can ever show you. Nothing makes me happier than to get a slobbery kid and your little arms wrapped around my neck so tightly. I feel it baby, I know you can't say it but I feel the love.

I love your toddler chinese and how you surprise us with a real word out of the blue. It's all in there somewhere. I love to watch you stomp around and fling your arms while you're dancing. I love to here you laugh and giggle, especially when you and your sister are in on the fun together. I love to watch you run and kick a ball with your tiny legs. Sometimes you fall but you quickly recover like you were meant to do that. Sokay, I do that a lot too.

Your deep concentration when you do puzzles. Your proud face when you color a picture. You could walk to the end of the Earth and continue walking. You just love walking so much. My little outdoorsy boy, who doesn't mind playing in the water when it's negative 30 below. Thank you for watering my gardent to the point of drowning. You're so proud of yourself.

You make my heart swell. My pride and joy. Here's to many more birthdays and many more ballooons. Happy sweet birthday, EZ/boo boos/Charlie Brown/monkey man. Mommy loves you to infinity and beyond.

About that time to be growin' up

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 20:58:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago... maybe a month ago... or something like that, Ava had an kindergarden round-up thing at her new school. As proud parents who have never done this before, we went together (the three of us) and looked around the classroom in wonder. Like it's any different than the preschool classroom. But it IS different. THIS is kindergarten!! Mah bay-bee is in really, real school!!!!

Ava was painfully shy and wanted nothing to do with any of the teachers or kids. Of course, on the tour around the room she found the bathroom. She had to pee right then and there. Inside the bathroom she was jibber-jabbering about everything being so cool! Like this toilet paper roll, this sink, this trash can... uh huh... hurry up dude, the tour doesn't include the bathroom. Outside the bathroom, fear struck her again.

I thought we would be with her the whole time. That's what I told her. Mommy is a horrible, horrible liar. Except mommy didn't know she was a horrible, horrible liar until the principal said the parents were going to the library for a parent speech yawn thing and the kids were to stay in the classroom. The look in Ava's eyes made it seem I was throwing her to the lions.

J and I were able to get away and it only took a crowbar. It wasn't dramatic at all. The parents went to the library and listened to a powerpoint slide show about all the stuff we need to know as adults and parents. How on earth did I get here? Inside I'm still 18, outside I'm a 34 year old mom of a soon to be kindergartner. Weird.

I look over and there's a mom with the coolest tattoo up running up her arm that I can't stop staring at. There's a mom next to me that doesn't say a word the whole time, she's been around this block before and isn't interested in being friendly. I don't see a single familiar face. I realize that I have to do this whole "friend" the parents thing all over again because none of the kids in her preschool are going to this school. Ava will have new best friends in the coming year and I'm sad to see the friends we've known for the past 2.5 year go on their own way.

Things are changing. Ava is growing up. She's becoming her own person. Sharing secrets with her friends and no longer her parents. I'm the mom. I'm not cool. I get the dramatic eye-rolls and whatevers. There are days were nothing drives me more crazy. Then there are days were my eye sparkle because I can barely keep my emotions inside... she's getting so big and so attitude-y.

But then there were mornings like this morning, were we waited for daddy to get out of the damn bathroom already... by snuggling in bed. My two kids and I watching Chuggington. No one was screaming, no one was pulling hair, everyone was comfy (except for the strong pee smell, SOMEONE needed a diaper change) and staring at the TV with tired morning eyes.

I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world but right there. The only thing that would have made it better is having daddy laying there with us and not having to go anywhere for at least an hour. That's what happy is.

eh-mo

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 15:39:00 +0000

This Saturday is the big PAR-TAY for my littlest chicken. EZE will be two on Thursday. oh em gee. That's bull-honkey if you ask me. I had him like two seconds ago. It's not possible that two years have gone by. On the other hand, he's my snuggle bug who says PEE for please and makes Ava laugh because bathroom humor is the funniest thing even though he's just being polite. He will forever be the best baby EV-AH!

I told you before the theme is a surprise... so, SURPRISE!

Elmo. Cliché? Nah.

EZ's two and a cute Elmo theme won't last long with my kids. Bring on the cute! I have a big surprise though, only the attendants of the party know about it because they kinda have to be informed before hand. So really, it's just a surprise for you guys. You'll find out all about it next week.

Until then, I have five days to whip everything up and I'm feeling good. I'm kinda surprised how easy this one has been. Everything is red and red is easy to find.

However, it absolutely CAN NOT rain on SaturdaY. It will ruin the whole idea. I have to say... it was all Ava's idea. My little party planner it the making, who is now a pre-school graduate. What the whaaaat? Stop it right now.

Green stuff and Care Bears... my life is super exciting

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Thu, 30 May 2013 15:41:00 +0000

I'm totally sick of saying I'M STILL HERE!! I SWEAR! I STILL LIKE TO WRITE, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!! So I'm not going to say it anymore because all of that is true, I've just been busy...? Is that a good enough excuse? I have lots to write about, just not much time. Candy Crush is ruining all my free time and so is level 45. Level 45 is a bitch whore.

Also a bitch whore is the price of a furnace and A/C. omg. We've put this purchase off for seven years now because... it's FREAKIN EXPENSIVE, YO!! Come Saturday, we'll have a nice new furnace and A/C, right when the heat wave breaks, of course.

What else. Um. A rabbit the size of a small car is hanging out in our backyard and ate every single one of my bean seedlings. I have been bugging J about putting something up to keep the rabbit out and last night I could wait no more and I became this crazy woman who is all MAH BEANS... F*CKING RABBIT... PUT THE FENCE UP NOW OR SO HELP ME GAWD!!!! J did what I so very nicely asked and we now have a ghetto fence made of chicken wire that does NOT keep 2 year olds out.

Next year, we'll do better. Like maybe, dig out all that grass. Grass is crazy hard to dig up. I work up a sweat. Ain't nobody got time for that! Oh and I read on the package for the watermelon, they should be planted 5 FEET apart. Whoops. Probably should read the packages more closely next year too.

My broccoli, tomatoes and carrots look FAB-U-LOUS! Said with jazz hands.

Enough about my green thumb.

We had a birthday party at the gymnastic center for Ava and her school friends. It was Care Bears themed at Ava's request. I literally had minutes to break it all down so the set up had to be easy as well. I couldn't go as over-board with this as I would have liked but I think J and I did a pretty good job. There wasn't a single bite or sip that contained artificial dyes and not a single kid noticed. WHOOT! Except for that one kid who was chanting that he wanted Doritos... pah-wha? Git the hell out of here.

Ava fell asleep in the 5 minute car ride home. Oh to be 5 again.

In about a week, we are throwing another party mostly for EZ's second birthday but also to celebrate Ava's birthday with our close friends. I have a fabulous theme, which I'm keeping a secret for now. It absolutely can not rain that day and if it does... well, we all know how crazy I can get because I do not have a backup plan.

Ava told us that we needed to buy coke for the party. (She means Coca-Cola but this is how the conversation went.) She said that all the adults love to have coke at parties and that we need to buy a lot of it so everyone can have some. :/

She's 5. Like for real... I have a five year old. The frack?!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Wed, 22 May 2013 16:23:00 +0000

Whew we have some storms a comin! I was horrified by the news that came out of Oklahoma, like everyone else who saw the damage and the awful news about everyone who died. Jeezum... there are no words.

I have a very serious fear of tornados. I often dream of them and they scare me more than anything else on earth (drowning is a close second). So that would be my absolute worst nightmare.

We've recently had a heat wave where we found out our AC isn't working, again. shaking fists at the sky Instead of having it repaired for the umpteenth time, we're going to have it replaced. Of course, we'll be doing the furnace as well... because why not? Where's my sugar daddy?

Speaking of sugar daddy, Ava's birthday was yesterday. Mah baby girl is 15, I mean 5. I think her attitude grows with each year. I'm not even kidding. J and I always take the kid's actual birthday's off and do something special with just them.

Ava was up at 5 freakin 15 a to the m, yesterday. She was so excited the whole day, she didn't know what to do with all that energy. By the time she went to bed, she was sobbing that she neeeever gets to play with her Polly Pockets. Mommy and daddy are sooooo mean. uh huh.

We planned a lovely day at a place called Santa's Village. Apparently, Ava has the dumbest parents on the planet. It's only open on the weekends right now. We both looked at the website no less than 20 times each and still failed to notice that it wasn't open on Tuesday. Instead we went to Chuck E Cheese. omg.

However, it wasn't that bad. We didn't eat there, just played a lot of skeet ball and I'm shocked that we didn't walk out of there paying for all kinds of broken things. Ava has a wicked throwing arm that has no direction whatsoever. I never realized how hard those balls are until you cringe in fear as the ball's target isn't any where near the skeet ball holes.

She also got to pick out her birthday cake. We thought it'd be fun to get an ice cream cake this... holy freakin expensive batman!!! Why?! OMG. $25 for a cake?! Obviously we steered her to the tiniest cake ever. It was still super delicious! mmmm ice creammmmmmm

And yeah, that cake pop is all loaded up with artificial dyes. Sometimes you have a break a few rules on a special day. It was a very good day.

Our story.

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Fri, 17 May 2013 16:54:00 +0000

I got MARRIED!!! Ten years ago today. Thank ya, thank ya. It's been quite a ride. Technically, J and I have been together for 16 years. I had to pull the calculator out for that one. Jeez. How can I even be that old?!

Our married life started off rockier than most but it was all about love and loss. You see, we got married in a hospital room. Four months later we had big hoopla wedding where many people had no idea that we were already married and we were missing one very important person.

It all started when we got engaged on Christmas morning, December 2002. It was just J and I. He gave me an ornament that was engraved with "will you marry me?" Being the planner that I am... it didn't take long for me to start buying the wedding magazines and setting a date. The date was set for September 6, 2003 in my home town but our plans were thwarted by stupid, stupid cancer.

In March of 2003 we were set to drive to my home town with J's parents to work on wedding plans. We show up at J's parents house and his dad was in his sweats. ?! Dude... we are leaving in like 10 mins... might wanna change. Except not. He sat us down and the cancer is back for round two.

Heartbroken was the feeling of that morning but then replaced by anger and the need to fight. Boy did he fight. Until, things just snowballed and he couldn't fight anymore. The morning of May 15th, J called me to tell me they were moving his dad to the Palliative Care unit at the hospital. He was in too much pain to be moved home with Hospice. There was a long pause. Then I asked J if he wanted to get married while his dad was still here. He said he wanted nothing more. He talked to his parents to be sure that they were ok with it. J told me his dad just cried when he talked him about bumping up the wedding. He said it would make him so happy to be present at the wedding. We made it so.

The whirlwind began, we quickly ran out to get our marriage license, talked with the priest about how to make this happen because Catholic priests can not marry outside the walls of the church... and outside their boundaries, which was going to have to happen so that we could get married with Jim present. Our priest pulled out all stops and made it happen. So, so grateful.

We went to the mall to get wedding bands. I needed to find a dress and a coworker gave me a gift certificate to Express... that's where I got my very simple but pretty, white A-line dress. We bought a few flowers but kept it VERY minimal.

we were such babies

On May 17, 2003 at 10am J and I were officially married in J's dad's hospital room (he was too ill to go down to the chapel). My immediate family, J's immediate family, our best man and maid-of-honor were present.

One of the nurses moonlighted as a baker and made us a cake. All the nurses got together a cart of food to bring up for everyone. They also had a cake knife, balloons and garland for us. Oh, they even had a guest book for us and Jim's name is the first one in there. We were told we were the second wedding on that floor. The first one was a patient. The nurses were so amazing and just so happy for us.

A few weeks later, Jim's body could take no more and he passed on. Four months later we were once again surrounded by family and more friends for a huge celebration. Out of respect, I choose not post the family pictures of that day in the hospital room. I'm sure you understand. Jim was able to stand for pictures which I know meant the world for J but most importantly... our entire family was at our wedding.

wedding number two

our amazing friends who drove a long way for our 2nd wedding

It's J's dad that Ava is named after. Ava James. His name is actually Jim but we thought it was fitting to name our child, memorializing a great man.

So yeah. That's my story. It's been a rocky road but I wouldn't want to travel it with anyone other than Jason. Please don't think this a sad day for us. It's not at all. We are sad Jim is gone but it was an amazingly beautiful day. We didn't need all the glitz and glamor that comes with most weddings. We had our family and each other... that's all we needed. Ten years later, I wouldn't change a single thing (except one thing, of course...). With all my love, Happy Anniversary, J.

I grow LIVING THINGS!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 14 May 2013 19:41:00 +0000

Loooook!!! I GROW THINGS!!!! PRETTY, NO? Inside the cage there's tomatoes, garlic, broccoli and carrots (trying to grow those puppies from seed). I'm pretty good at growing tomatoes but I've never grown the other stuff, so we'll see how they fair.

This is our extended garden. I have too much stuff to fit in the cage so we improvised and dug up our lawn. :) J just mowed the grass down really low because that stupid tarp didn't do diddley squat as far as killing grass goes. Kinda ghetto, I know.

I initially planted my zucchini and what I thought was yellow squash but since I lost my precious paper that told me what was what, I think I mixed the yellow squash and lettuce up. Because that poof of green in the middle down that has to be lettuce... right?

That dirt row will be beans... oh they WILL be beans, no matter if EZ tromped all over the freshly planted seeds. The round dirt piles will hopefully be watermelon. No doubt, all this is way too close together but that hasn't stopped me from trying!

I had one messily marigold left over from my flat of flowers. So I planted it next to the zucchini plant. It looks pretty sad all alone. He won't be lonely for long, I bought more today.

J has to drag that 4,000lb bag 'o dirt to the curb on garbage day. I didn't have anywhere else to put my grass scraps. You can see there's another dirt pile that is sitting on an empty bag of compost... that is also grass scraps that is about 2,000lbs and I don't really know what to do with it. Who knew grass was so damn heavy.

Eventually, we'll dig up all the dirt so it looks more like a real garden and less like a lazy man's kinda-sorta-looks-like-a-garden-but-clearly-they-don't-know-what-they-are-doing garden.

Finally, this here is Mr. Samualpoopikins. That's his official name. Often, he's referred to as shit head or old man. Not the most flattering picture but I did what I could with what I was given. I love him dearly. We need to stain our deck. Just add it to the list.

Ignore any little black splotches you might see on the white siding. That was when I sprayed my hair with black hair spray last Halloween. Who knew that shit would fly all over my white house!!! I cleaned it up the best I could... before J saw. There's still some there. :/

The best family pic, EVAH!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Mon, 13 May 2013 16:11:00 +0000

This is what makes my being a mother worthwhile... looking back on a picture taken at a company Christmas party where my daughter picked the green screen picture, my hair looks like I styled it with an electrical outlet, my husband looks drunk but didn't have a lick of liquor and my son is super pissed off about the whole thing. Happy belated Mother's Day, BITCHES!!!

Filters!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Fri, 10 May 2013 18:41:00 +0000

I've seen articles floating around the interwebs about how social media make us wanna be more like the Johnson's. People like to Instagram how fabulous their lives are and how perfect they are... pah-lease. We all know that's not true and I know I don't post the perfect things in my life.

We are not a picture perfect family. I have a friend who takes amazing pictures of my kids. I'm extremely lucky to know her because lawd... just look at my Instagram feed. You see the good AND the bad. My dirty kids, my messy house, tantrums, snot on my clothes, overflowing laundry, a frazzled mama... but I tell ya, those filters sure do make my life look fabulous! Okay. Maybe these pictures don't.

It's a SURPRISE!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Mon, 06 May 2013 16:56:00 +0000

This has been months worth of planning but we pulled it off. My bestie, Kelly, is knocked up with kid numero dos. SO she wasn't expecting this at all. Baby 2, 3, 4 or 19 doesn't usually get baby showers, just the first. Her friend, Katie, asked me to help plan a surprise baby shower. The kicker is that they live 6 hours away. However, the distance didn't deter us and we totally rocked the shit out of that baby shower.

I flew in Friday, Katie and I hustled our tail feathers off to pull off this party. Kelly and Katie live in the same neighborhood and we had to drive past Kelly's house to get to Katie's. We were sweating bullets and it seemed like everyone and their dog was in on it except Kelly. I swear on my life, I would have killed someone if we ran into her at the store!!

Kelly's husband, Dan, did everything in his power to steer Kelly this and that last weekend to make sure the surprise went off without a hitch. Katie sent me the bedding Kelly chose. I played dumb when Kelly showed me a couple weeks ago... I already knew... mwaaahahahahahaaaa. So that was the theme of the shower...

BEHOLD... a seriously cute surprise baby shower. I designed the invites based off the bedding and did all the decór and extra touches, while Katie came up with the menu and drinks. Thankya Pinterest!!! and washi tape. Amen.

invitation front

invitation back

NAILED IT!

You guys! I could have been kidnapped!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Wed, 01 May 2013 21:32:00 +0000

You know those moments in movies or TV shows where the girl gets thrown into the van that's parked near her car and kidnapped. Ya know, the one with the cute puppy in the back of the van. The puppy she pets as she chit chats with the scruffy owner of the van. The van that has it's sliding door open to the stupid woman's car? Stupid, stupid woman... don't try to get into your car! We all scream at the TV. We all know what's going to happen! Bitch, ya gonna die!!!

Ok well, it's kinda different in real life. ALL the same things happened to me except the kidnap part. It didn't even occur to me that hey that's weird, maybe I should go back inside the store. I didn't... I just kept on going to my car.

I know. WHAT was I thinking? I DON'T KNOW!!! OMG I realize now how easy it could have been for that man to just chuck me in the back of his van. Or sic his cute puppy that was kind of a big german shepard (super cute dog, btw). I don't know, you think about this stuff AFTER the fact. What is wrong with me?!

The guy was rambling how he was sorry he was blocking my driver side door. He said he was giving his dog some water... legitimately he was giving the dog water. That the poor thing had been cooped up in the van while he was picking up mulch... there really was mulch in his van. He said he felt so bad, that he wanted to stop to give his dog water. Then he told me he was going to get some Colonel Sanders. Which was right there as well. It struck me funny that he said Colonel Sanders instead of KFC.

The whole time, I had my phone in my hand. I was actually trying to call J at the same time I was walking out of the store. I think maybe the guy thought I was nervous and that it did look suspicious. But then it made him nervous and he was rambling, basically telling me, without telling me, he's not a rapist/killer. He was actually very kind. I know all the serial killer are, right?

I got in my car without incident and yeah, I totally petted the dog. The guy didn't make me nervous at all. It was just a nice stranger. Way too close to my car. Giving his dog water. Out of his van. I realize now how fucking stupid and bad that could have been. At the same time, isn't it nice to actually run into people who are normal people, that don't want to rob or steal from you? It gives some faith in humanity.

I wouldn't know how to defend myself anyways. What am I going to do... throw my cell phone at him? Or my 400lb purse? Please. I would inadvertently hurt myself trying to defend myself. Oh, I could scream, no doubt I have a set of lungs on me. Next time, I'll be more careful... pinky swears!

Coconut Oil 101

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 16:47:00 +0000

For those of you who want to know more about coconut oil... the ins and outs... what brand to buy, the big, fat, what-the questions that I am too much of a newbie to answer...THIS is a must read.

I love this blog, Thank Your Body™ for all kinds of crunchy ideas and information.

Stinky feet

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 16:10:00 +0000

Grumpy Cat is my hero

I found a frickin ant on the ceiling last night. And then another on the counter. And another on the couch. RAID MOTHER F*CKERS!!!!! Actually, I'll probably hit up Pinterest to find the holy grail of get-rid-of-ants-fast solution. I just went to Pinterest to get a link and lost 45 minutes of my life but I pinned some great stuff! Like this... thems some great tips, yo! Black hole, I tell ya!

In other news, I love flats. I love that the weather is nice enough for me to wear flats. However, they make your feet stink. Ya know, your feet get sweating and then there's bacteria... and well, it stinks.

I have one pair of flats in particular that I love. They are especially smelly. It occurred to me that I could sprinkle some baby power in my shoes to help with the funk. But I didn't think about it until I was ~~rushing~~ walking out the door this morning for work, so I just grabbed the bottle and figured I could sprinkle it in at work.

On my way to daycare, I was stopped at a notoriously long light. I thought, well hell, I'll just sprinkle a bit in my shoe now. One foot on the break, the other I kicked off my shoe and leaned over to pat the bottle. Except it wasn't coming out so good, so I squeezed the bottle.

A HUGE plume of powder came out into my shoe. Like the size of the atomic bomb. Shiiiit, now what?

Oh, I have an idea! I'll dump the extra powder into my other shoe. Maybe that'll spread it out some. So I put my other foot on the break and take the shoe off my other foot. Lean over, dump the powder from my one shoe into the other...

These are dark gray shoes that are covered in baby powder and are now a nice light gray. I'm making a bigger mess than I mean to but I succeed in getting the powder in my shoe and they don't stink anymore.

I have a way with making things so much harder than they need to be. It's a skill that can't be taught. Go ahead, be jealous.

What's your most talented, can't-be-taught skill?

Killin grass.

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 16:33:00 +0000

Just killing a patch of grass to make room for MORE garden shiznet. The kids thought it was more of a new, fun area to play... an area that has always been there but when you put a blue dirty tarp down... well, that area just became the funnest area in the yard.

Never mind the little girl* who chose her own outfit. At least she's somewhat in the ballpark of cuteness.

*A little girl who now has TWO loose bottom teeth. wtf. She's not even 5 yet! Don't stop growing, just slow down a bit, jeez!

What did you do this weekend?

Since I was able to convert some of you from using fake dyes...

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:05:00 +0000

I realize my blogging has been pretty spotty lately. No worries. I'm not going anywhere and nothing is really going on either. I've just been doing other things. Like reading and watching my garden grow. NERD! But truly, I am. I'm itching to get outside to plant my creations.

We've also made a food change in our household. Yes, I'm big on no artificial dyes but this is something else. We are working hard to switch over to a real food diet. It's not really a diet though, it's just a lifestyle change. All it means is, more real food and way, WAY less, if any at all, processed foods. I'm not going to lie. It's not easy but at the same time, no where near as hard as I thought.

My taste buds are changing. I don't care for processed foods as much, anymore. I can tell the difference. Except for Coke... I mean, that's a toughie to give up and it's probably one of the worst processed things out there since it can literally strip rust from metal. It can. I used that trick all the time in high school to get my car running. For reals.

I'm making things from scratch. YEAH BITCHES! I work full-time and handle the kids BY MYSELF until 7:30 at night and STILL manage to make shit from scratch. It can be done, so I don't want to hear your whiney-ass excuses. You find a way to make it happen. I'm in the kitchen more and I'm loving it. Words I never thought I would say. I've made some killer meals and some epic fails. I'm learning. My taste buds are evolving.

Since this little food experiment started a few months ago, I've noticed that my stomach aches are gone. Which is HUGE because I'm the queen of IBS. I like to call it The Urgency, however, since we've made some small changes... all of a sudden, mah belly don't hurt no more! I still get headaches because I just can't kick the Coke but that's my next feat. Caffeine is a glorious bitch.

You've asked me what I feed the kids when it comes to snacks and things. I wrote a post about that here. I will say that we don't really buy that stuff anymore either. We buy a LOT of fruits and veggies. That is what the kids snack on if they are hungry. I also make a LOT of smoothies. Yay for the Magic Bullet! The blender, you pervs. Occasionally, we'll have pretzels and granola bars (ones from Trader Joe's because 1. no fake dyes and 2. GMO free). We also make popcorn on the stove for a snack, using coconut oil instead of vegetable oil.

So maybe I should start there... you may have seen a lot of things floating around about using coconut oil for EVERYTHING. And it's true. You can. It's fabulous oil. We use it while cooking, although it took me a while to get to that point because I didn't have the slightest idea how to use it. It freaked me out because it was new and I barely know how to cook as it is...soooo my fear was legitimate.

I pulled on my big girl panties and bought some. Coconut oil comes in a jar. I buy the Trader Joe's brand (if you click the image, it will take you to Amazon but it's double the price there than it is in the store, ack!) but there's a lot of brands out there. I've tried just two because I'm new at this and so far TJ's brand is my fav. This is the other one I tried. It was nice but didn't love it and it was WAY more than TJ's coconut oil.

I use it in place of vegetable oil. Anything that requires VO... I use coconut oil. You use it exactly the same. Coconut oil gets hard and warms up easily. I was afraid to use it at first because I couldn't figure out how to measure it and stuff... melt it, dumbass. Pop it in the microwave. Violá! Liquid! Although some crunchies don't use microwaves... we are not those kind of crunchies... yet.

When I use CO to sauté veggies, I just scoop some out with a spoon and plop it in the pan like lard. So when we make popcorn, I use kernels out of a bag (remember, as close to real food as possible, bagged popcorn is loaded with junk). We make the popcorn on the stove and use coconut oil to pop it because CO is a great high heat oil. Then, we'll flavor it with butter. Real butter. REAL. We don't use margine anymore. Margine is processed and super full of crap. And we'll add all different kinds of seasonings that sound good, or none at all.

The big question is how do the kids like it. Well. They seem to be cool with the changes so far. I've made small changes as we go so I don't shock their systems. I'm trying to serve a veggie with every meal and Ava is more resistant to the idea than EZ. I sautéed some butternut squash the other night and Ava acted like I served her a steaming pile of shit. So. To get her to at least try it, she had to eat four pieces. Four because that's how old she was. She was not allowed to have anything else for the night until she ate just four small pieces. It took her two hours but she did it.

Am I mean? Well, four pieces aren't going to kill her. If she really doesn't like it she doesn't have to eat them... but again... no more food for the rest of the night and it's not like that's all she got for dinner. You want those jelly beans so bad... guess what? Eat your damn veggies. Dats the rule. According to Ava, I'm the meanest mommy EVAH! But guess who won the showdown? I'm the queen of strong-willed. You better believe it.

Don't feel overwhelmed... because that's easy to feel, just remember... baby steps. Replace one thing at a time. Get good at that, then move on to another thing to replace. Also, don't be scared of the grocery bill. Organic looks more expensive but it'll replace those doctor's bills and medicine prescriptions in no time. My grocery bill is exactly the same as it was before... less processed foods and more real foods (veggies, fruits, farm fresh eggs and meat). Your body adapts to the good food, the real food that it's designed to eat. Just try it. There's nothing to be afraid of. I promise. Real food doesn't bite.

Stepping off my soap box now. Have a loverly day. Peace homies.

Hello, Sunshine!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 18:27:00 +0000

I got pulled over last night, coming home from picking EZ up. Whoops! For improper lane usage. I went into the yellow stripped lines WAAAAAY before the left turn lane. I only realized how stupid it was when I passed the cop in the line of cars. DAMMIT!!!

I was actually following someone but the cop pulled me over instead of the guy who DID IT FIRST!

EZ was all loud in the backseat. Yelling at me to GO!!! LET'S GO!!! He says that every time we come to a stop. I winced when he yelled it while she was standing at the window (I swear to God I just wrote winder... holy hillbilly!). I saw a flicker of a smile from her though... good job buddy, maybe you just got me out of a ticket!

Thankfully, she was super nice and let me off with a warning. Sadly, that's not the first time I've been pulled over for doing that. I better knock that shit off because my luck with getting just a warning will run out, no doubt.

I continue on my way and pick up Ava from school, like nothing ever happened. It was like a short pit stop or maybe a blessing in disguise. To, ya know, slow down. Don't be in such a hurry to get somewhere. Enjoy the journey. Open your eyes. Observe.

EZ continues to amaze me with his climbing skills. Before long, he'll be summiting Mount Everest. As for Ava, she's very good at destroying pants. She likes to slide on her knees at school. So. Her knees and shins are constantly multiple colors other than her natural skin color. And. At least once a week I'm throwing out a holy pair of leggings.

As much as EZ's climb skeels and Ava's holy pants drive me nuts... it's just part of life. New pants can be bought and EZ's body works the way it should. So yeah, I'm a very frazzled mama who is prouder than peaches to have a two beautiful kids and an amazing husband, who cleans up after dinner... and mows the lawn, washes the cars, turns his head when he sees that I have a new pair of shoes on or the Target bags in the car... love them to pieces.

Sore throats and new purses.

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 18:49:00 +0000

hot cocoa and doctor's gloves fix everything crappy

Ava has strep. Again. I took the day off on Tuesday to take her to the doc. They didn't even have to do the test for me to know exactly what was going on. Her tonsils are a breading ground for infection. They are the size of baseballs. There's no need yet but there's a good chance she'll have to have those puppies removed in the future.

Ava doesn't do well with pain. She scratched herself drawing with chalk on the sidewalk and required two bandaids. No blood, no real scratch but ya know bandaids heal everything. Kids are weird.

So the thought of having to do anything doctory... that require a teeny bit of pain... well, let's just say it's like holding onto a wild boar. They had to swab her throat for the culture step test and I was just short of prying her mouth open with a crow bar. That nurse was FAST, the second she saw the slightest hint of Ava parting her lips... girlfriend darted that swab in and DONE! YESSAH!!

Ava was not to pleased. She would have kicked her in the taco if she could have. I restrained her. I'm a good mama like that.

Strep it is and yet another round of antibiotics. Whoopie! The good news is that Tuesday was a super crappy day and required for us to lay on the couch all day long. We had hot cocoa and watched Care Bears for hours. OMG. I just... no more. Thanks. I'm all Care Bear'd out.

When we had to go get EZ from daycare, we stopped to get a milkshake. I mean, yeah, strep sucks and you can't eat anything. Milkshakes taste so good on a sore throat. That's pretty much all my kid ate all day long. Poor thing.

perfect for spring, no?

Oh yeah. Mommy bought a new purse. If Ava gets a milkshake, I get a new purse. Sounds fair to me!

Pretty green things

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:59:00 +0000

Hello there Monday peeps! I've been nominated for the Liebster award by TWO (count 'em TWO!) different bloggers but it'll take me some time to get that post assembled because it requires thought and who thinks on a Monday... gaw!

I wanted to show you my purdy little (some not so little) seedlings. They just done grew into real plants, that actually look like plants, that didn't die.

Initially, I had all these seedlings sitting on my countertops. But we kinda needed those countertops to eat meals and stuff like that. So I hunted online about grow lights. OMG they are WAY expensive. We are ghetto and just bought two cheap fluorescent lights at Home Depot, four cinderblocks and J already had a plank of wood to set on top of the cinder blocks as a ledge. AAAWWWW yeaaaah!

This is our gorgeous basement. I moved the little peat cups (I don't know what those are really called) into red solo cups. The roots were growing out of the bottom so I figured if I just planted the whole thing in the cup... it should be good. It was a good guess because LOOK!!!! I'm really just figuring this out as I go. I really don't know what I'm doing. I swear!

Ghetto set up... totally works! If it isn't ghetto, you aren't doing it right. ;)

I turn the lights on when we get up in the morning (around 7am) and

turn them off when we go to bed (around 11pm).

my snapdragons that I totally thought I killed from the get-go because

I didn't initially plant them right...

HA GOOGLE! You were wroooong because LOOKY!!!

There's a "leggy" seedling there that I'm trying to revive.

I'm not sure what it is because I forgot to write on that cup. The only cup I forgot to write on.

No clue what it is. I only know about "leggy" seedlings because of Google.

Fine. You're good for something, I guess.

Dude. My garden is going to be SO kick ass this year!!!

I don't drop my mic for a long while in this one...

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 20:43:00 +0000

I had this whole blog post made up in my head about me telling, but mostly showing, you my glorious seedlings. And then I left my damn iPad at home... on the ironing board... the hell... in the basement, where the seedlings are. As you might already noticed, I write by the seat of my pants. I write in the spur of the moment.

My moment has been squashed. Damn forgetful post baby mind! COBWEBS!!

It's sad but my iPad is my third arm. I took it home with me on lunch, snapped some pics, forgot it and GAW!! I'm lost... said as I type on my computer. Makes total sense.

Instead, I'll show you the totes adorbs princess and superhero peg dolls that I made for the kids. I'm craft-eh. I suppose it makes sense to follow up the post from the other day. See, again, wing-it as I go!

Initially, I saw this pic on Instagram (it's like my second home, follow me? you have to request, there are some serious weirdos out there) and then I flooded the photog with questions about how she made them. SQWEEE!!! I MUST DO AND HAVE!!!!!

This is why I have a huge problem with Pinterest. The overload of SQWEEE!!! I MUST DO AND HAVE!!!! Speaking of, I went to Pinterest too, because I knew someone had to have tutorial and someone did. SQWEEE!!! I MUST DO AND HAVE!!!!

Here's the tutorial for the princesses. This is the tutorial for the superheroes.

I found everything at Hobby Lobby. I had to buy all the paints because I had nuthin for this project. I just bought the cheapest paint they had, $0.77 but then the little bitches were on sale for 30% off that... WHOOT! The pegs came eight to a bag and I think it was $4 or $5, be sure to download a 40% off coupon.

I also bought a can of clear coat that will probably last me to the end of time and some teeeeeeny tiny paint brushes. You think small... think even smaller. It's a must for any detail work. The superheroes were little buggers with that, don't look too closely.

I had the modge podge already. I put a layer of that on before I sprinkled the glitter on, let dry, then clear coat and it sticks like crazy glue. Oh yeah, I bought a package of super fine glitter, five bucks I think. So the whole thing maybe set me back like $25 or something but all of it is reusable, except for the wooden pegs, of course.

Before you start getting all nutty with the painting... be sure to draw out what you want on your doll. I did mention they are freakin small. I mean, from experience *cough cough*, you need to have an idea of where the paint should go.

Also, another tip from an expert who learned the hard way... if you don't want the eyes to look like you used your thumb, flip the brush over and use the end of it to dot in the paint and then dot the eyes on. Same goes for the mouth or any super small bits. My kid insisted on mouths. The tutorials show them without. Without is WAY easier.

What you need (all found at Hobby Lobby, prices are in the ballpark, not exact):

Variety of paints – $0.77 each
I think I initially bought about 10 or so different colors. I went a little crazy but I used all the colors!
Pack of small brushes – $5
8 pack of pegs – $5
Clear coat – $5
6 pack various colors of small glitter – $5
You can also just buy whatever color you want and they are cheaper.
Modge podge – No clue how much this is because I bought mine forever ago for EZ's helmet and I'm not even half way through with it.
Wooden boxes – $4 each

Here's the beautiful final product!!! TADA!!!

Click the picture for the tutorial.

Click the picture for the tutorial. These little suckers were harder than the princesses. Batman kinda sucks.

I can't forget my beautiful, little helper. Just counted 12 paints... mah bad.

Feel free to buy more pegs to let the little ones go to town. If you have enough balls, that is....

Damn that was a long, ramble-y post. This is what happens when you give me open airwaves... I just talk and talk. But now I'm plum tuckered out. Peace out homies!

Stay-at-home mom for a day

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 16:00:00 +0000

I had three days off this weekend. Good Friday isn't a day that I normally have off but since the kiddos didn't have school and daycare... well, I've got a day off. The thing is, J worked from home that day. We have an office area but it's all open spaced and doesn't have a door... to shut out annoying children. So it was my job to keep the kids away from the office area the best I could.

My house is small. My kids are freakin loud. This was impossible.

Still, I put my mommy big girl panties on and played stay-at-home mom for the day. Dudes. That shit is hard. Kids are needy and soooo LOUD and messy.

We started the day out by painting the wooden boxes for their peg dolls. Which, I now realize, you know nothing about unless you follow me on my personal Facebook page or on Instagram (@driedonmilk). I'll have to whip up a post about that. Totes adorbs. I'm sorry, I hate that verbage too.

So yeah, painting. Surprisingly, it went better than you might think. Ava is a big girl now and she didn't get paint everywhere. EZ painted himself into a Smurf. Cool. Whatever. Let's take a bath. At 10am? Sure, why not. Gotta kill some time, this is going to be a long-ass day.

Baths are BRILLIANT time killers and if you have a glass door to keep all the water from spilling out, even better. I took EZ out first and let him run the house naked until I got Ava out and dressed. He didn't pee anywhere and was lovin his birthday suit. Whatever makes you happy, kid. There's something about watching a little nakey butt running all over the house. The FREEDOM!

We ate lunch and then ventured outside... Ok does anyone else get tired from being outside? Or is it the kids wearing me out... maybe the combo? The fresh air is awesome but I ended up taking a two hour nap that day. sheesh. YAY for a kid who will take long naps and a kid who will happily sit and watch Care Bears for ~~two hours~~ 20 minutes. The TV is sometimes a babysitter. Shut up.

No worries, I'm on the couch and am such a light sleeper, I hear everything... you hear that, Ava?! eeeeeeEVERYTHING!! I also see things you don't think I see too... like you sneaking that candy... yeah, totally saw that but I turned my head and pretended not to because sometimes you just need to be a kid and eat candy behind your parents backs.

This week I'm also going to show you my super awesome ~~weed~~ veggie garden that's growing in my basement. You guys are going to die! I can't believe how well everything is taking off. I'm just itching for late May to start planting everything outside!!!

Burn, baby, burn.

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 16:30:00 +0000

Parenting 101: Never let your toddler touch a burning candle.

Epic Parenting Fail: Do not get to toddler quick enough, as he grabs a glass candle, from the top.

Everything is slowmo. I was putting dinner in the oven at the exact time. I can't get to him fast enough, I feel like all I can do is watch and scream NOOOooooooooo!

I can't figure out if he's crying because he's hurt or because I scared the bejesus out of him. As we cuddle, he keeps looking at his hand. It becomes clear why he is crying, as I watch a tiny blister form on his chubby finger. Oh, baby.

He's so confused. Why does it keep hurting so bad. He looks at me crying. I comfort the best I can. He sucks his thumb. Pulls his thumb out. Looks at his hand in confusion. Cries. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I can only hope it will teach him to never climb on the counters and touch that candle again.

Sometimes we fail as parents. We live and learn, together.

Spreading crunchy goodness

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:20:00 +0000

Hi Hi! I'm trying to decide what I should ramble on about today.

Last night's bedtime went a tad better. Each night gets a little better, even if only a tiny bit. Ava and I both read to EZ and chatted with him in his room. Ava laid out blankets on his bed to make it all comfy and inviting.

He would lay down if we were in the room but when we left he stood at his jail and cried and cried. We refused to come back. I comforted him for a few minutes initially but he has to learn, it's time for bed. He tried laying down on the cold hardwood but quickly realized that's just silly and moved to the comfy bed. Where he stayed... all night.

Yessah!!! We are making progress!

The wackadoo weather is taking a toll on Miss Ava. She's coming down with something kind of kid illness, that will surely spread like rapid fire to the rest of us. I tested a homeopathic remedy on my guinea pig of a friend, Heather and it worked, so I tried it on Ava. I have yet to try it myself. I haven't been sick lately soooo, yeah.

Mince a clove of garlic, put it on a spoon and drench it in honey. You are supposed to try to chew on the garlic as much as you can before you swallow. I knew Ava wouldn't be able to do that so I told her to just swallow. The first go ended up in the sink. The second go, she got about half down and with some coaxing and bribing she, eventually, was able to get the rest of down. I gave her more honey as a chaser, some milk and a sucker, cause DAMN GIRL, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! Rock on!

I hope I'm not prepping her for college and beer bongs. Listen up, Ava, just say no. mmkay?

Ava told me it was super spicy. Yeah garlic can be that way. Last night, up until bed she was coughing a lot. No coughing in the night and not a peep this morning. She told me that she felt like a million bucks... so it does work. Hmmm. Very interesting. So there's something to be said about my crunchy ways. :)

Garlic pena's are good for somethin'.

Houdini has been stiffled... for now.

noreply@blogger.com (Stacia Ellermeier) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 16:28:00 +0000

So.

It hasn't been quite a whole week of EZ being in a big boy bed... by his choice, NOT mine. However, he doesn't seem to care too much about that bed. He just wants to party all night long.

No.

The baby jail works for now and he hasn't figured out how to Houdini himself out of his room, yet. He just stands at the gate and cries. And cries. And cries. The second he sees me, he's all cool, I'm glad your back. Let's party.

No.

I figured out that if I'm in his room or near his gate, he's good. The second I leave, he's not. It's not like we hang out in his room all night, before this mess. We've ALWAYS put him to bed awake and he's been fine. I guess the whole new bed thing, he's not fine with but ya know, that's his fault.

So.

We find EZ sleeping in various places all over his room. He took a nap on the cold, hardwood floor, Sunday afternoon. He refused to move away from the door and we were never able to close his door because his tiny body was blocking it. Why didn't one of us move him to his bed? Um, you don't have kids do you? Never. NEVER touch a sleeping child. At least, my children. Their eyes flip open like light switches the second you touch them, even if they are dead asleep.

So.

EZ slept on the cold hardwood floor. He's got to give it up at some point, right?

I love that, as a man, EZ decided to screw up his bedtime routine right at the beginning of March Madness. Why does this matter? Because it means that I'm a single parent during the basketball festivities. No really... J was gone Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday I took the kids to a birthday party by myself and yesterday was a bit better because we were all home but I assure you, where ever J was, the TV had a basketball game on. It's the one sport that J is a fanatic about, so I'll give it to him. However, MM needs to end like... now. Also, my bracket has been busted. Meh.

I also gave J shit for drinking the very last Coke in the house before he left on Friday. I couldn't leave the house because I had the kids (one that was doing everything to not sleep) and it's Friday... I need my Coke!!! OMG! I am totally hating on you right now. After a wicked guilt trip (which I'm insanely good at), J brought home this for me. OMG I totally love you forever and ever.

Just so you know, that's Mexican Coke. Hands down, the best of the best. Real sugar. How it should be made!

One last thing for this impossibly, horrifically, thrown together post... is it possible to jack up your jaw while sneezing? Because, I think, I totally dislocated my jaw.