Spam letter and my response

> From: nlinfo@gmail.com
> Subject: HELLO
> Date: Sat, 11 Jul 2009 20:20:14 +0200
>
>
>
>
> Hello,
>
> My name is Van Curtis I work as an international auditor for the delta
> lloyd Bank (ALM) Asset Liability Managerial department monitoring five
> branches including Singapore, Belgium and Netherlands.
>
>
> I have taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors which I
> may explain to you upon your response.
>
> A possible family member of yours (name withheld for security reason) died
> nine months ago leaving behind an investment total of EU5.95M (Five
> Million Nine hundred and Fifty Thousand Euros) with my bank.With interest
> at today's value, the said investment is now worth EU9M (Nine Million
> Euros)
>
> His lawyer has just notified my department of the sudden death of the said
> investor in a car crash and the lawyer has also asked us to check through
> our records to see who his client may have indicated as next of kin to the
> investment, since the fiance (martha frances) who was indicated in his
> WILL as beneficiary tomost of his properties also died in the same car
> crash.
>
>
> Findings and verification as auditor in the bank has led me to realize
> that the investor has also named his fiance as next of kin to the EU9M
> investment. We have as yet not informed anyone of this because of the
>
> implications, the investor's lawyer will obviously handover his properties
> including the investment to the government which will in turn be shared
> amongst undeserving government officials. However, because of the
> relevance of the sameness of your surname and you being a possible
> relative to the late investor,
>
> we are making you this proposal since my boss and I can provide you with
> much needed information to claim the investment.
>
> You are guaranteed that this will be executed under a legitimate
> arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, as the funds
> did not originate from terrorism or drugs,but through inheritance.
>
> Please kindly reply through my private email (van_curtis@aol.nl) to
> confirm your full name, telephone and fax number to enable us discuss and
> facilitate all due process regarding this transaction.
>
> Yours truly,
> Van Curtis.

-----

Hello Mr Van Curtis
I am very saddened to hear about the loss of one of my relatives. We are still recovering from the loss of my Grand Mother and the horrible badger incident. Vicious little buggers.

Your email was a little vague and I am still unsure who may have died. I tried using my Ouija board to contact one of them but I got no answer. The chair in the living room did slide about 3 feet but other than that nothing strange to report.

I'm suspecting that it was my Uncle John. He was blind in one eye and his chronic alcoholism and passion for car racing could have contributed to his death.

There is also my Cousin Elizabeth. She was never the same after her transgendered operation and we had to start calling her Eddie. Eddie liked the fast life and I wouldn't be surprised if this new found penis and testosterone caused his untimely demise. Why couldn't Eddie just use a strap on like they did in 'Strap on , strap off #3'. Things got weird with Eddie after the thing with the sheep.

I am very excited to hear back from you. When I receive this inheritance would it possible to receive it in $10 American bills each one stacked into blue Ziploc bags with my name written on each one? i'd prefer if my name was typed in Helvetica.Please do not use Comic Sans MS I really hate that font.
I would also like to receive the money in a blue sports bag very similar to the one used by John McEnroe back when he used to wear head bands and yell at the umpires. I remember that match against Bjorn Borg when he went crazy. He inspired me to become a serial killer.

I am anxiously waiting to hear back from you. I currently do not have a current phone # due the fact that my housekeeper hung herself with the cord. It's going to take 5 business days for the telephone company to come. Thankfully we finally got the smell out of the house.

Looking forward to hearing from you Van.

Your man

J the squirrel chaser.

PS - Do you like Van Morrison?

waking up

at night our daughter wakes up and comes into our room wanting to climb into bed with us. it's a tough routine to break but the bear costumes seem to be doing a good job.

mirror

sometimes when i look in the mirror and at all of the lines and wrinkles i wonder where did the time go. how did i get to be this grown man and how did i drive the past 2 miles without looking at the road.

truth 4

she was pale white. they said she looked like she had seen a ghost. it was really just a strange man in a bear costume in her living room. the ghost suit was out on loan.

cows

cows are herbivores but they aren't really vegans. they wear leather. well actually they wear themselves.

Drinking For Two

Spam letter and my response

waking up

mirror

truth 4

cows