Twitter / DrTwittenheimer

DrTwittenheimer: Just because he claims to be one in his autobiography does not mean that your dog is a genius.

Thu, 23 May 2013 12:38:55 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: Just because he claims to be one in his autobiography does *not* mean that your dog is a genius.

DrTwittenheimer: "Get lost." - Someone (perhaps a powerful wizard) to every pen I have ever owned

Fri, 17 May 2013 16:21:57 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: "Get lost." - Someone (perhaps a powerful wizard) to every pen I have ever owned

DrTwittenheimer: The entire "scratch and sniff" fad began with a humble inventor and his itchy butthole.

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:22:25 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: The entire "scratch and sniff" fad began with a humble inventor and his itchy butthole.

DrTwittenheimer: To be honest, I don't think I could pull off a wig. And what would I do with it even if the guy didn't manage to stop me?

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:15:53 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: To be honest, I don't think I could pull off a wig. And what would I do with it even if the guy didn't manage to stop me?

DrTwittenheimer: It was much harder for students to cheat before smart phones. The wire on the floor and the sound of a rotary dial were dead giveaways.

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:37:52 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: It was much harder for students to cheat before smart phones. The wire on the floor and the sound of a rotary dial were dead giveaways.

DrTwittenheimer: Anyone can make up inane claptrap that idiots will find inspirational. Even you can do it, as long as you believe in yourself.

Thu, 16 May 2013 22:21:34 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: Anyone can make up inane claptrap that idiots will find inspirational. Even you can do it, as long as you believe in yourself.

DrTwittenheimer: "Take a deep breath. Stand tall. And walk forward with your head held high." - World's worst fire safety guide

Thu, 16 May 2013 22:17:24 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: "Take a deep breath. Stand tall. And walk forward with your head held high." - World's worst fire safety guide

DrTwittenheimer: You don't always need to have a plan in life. Often it's enough just to have some sort of predetermined strategy.

Thu, 16 May 2013 22:12:39 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: You don't always need to have a plan in life. Often it's enough just to have some sort of predetermined strategy.

DrTwittenheimer: .@neiltyson Whatever.

Thu, 16 May 2013 20:07:10 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: .@neiltyson Whatever.

DrTwittenheimer: Innocent until proven guilty by a five-minute news segment with ominous background music.

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:50:16 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: Innocent until proven guilty by a five-minute news segment with ominous background music.

DrTwittenheimer: Don't take this the wrong way. Take it the way it was intended: as an insult.

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:46:45 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: Don't take this the wrong way. Take it the way it was intended: as an insult.

DrTwittenheimer: When I smell fresh-brewed coffee first thing in the morning, that's my cue to sleep for another half hour and then have some coffee.

Wed, 15 May 2013 10:47:50 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: When I smell fresh-brewed coffee first thing in the morning, that's my cue to sleep for another half hour and then have some coffee.

DrTwittenheimer: Call me old fashioned, but only by telegraph.

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:03:11 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: Call me old fashioned, but only by telegraph.

DrTwittenheimer: I don't understand why sexist men always say that women are not good at driving when there are so many other things they're not good at.

Tue, 14 May 2013 20:17:22 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: I don't understand why sexist men always say that women are not good at driving when there are so many other things they're not good at.

DrTwittenheimer: @gkygirlengineer Blasphemy.

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:33:24 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: @gkygirlengineer Blasphemy.

DrTwittenheimer: @thomaselseink Whaaaaaaaa?

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:33:05 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: @thomaselseink Whaaaaaaaa?

DrTwittenheimer: I have dropped well below 6000 followers as some leave and new ones are not being recruited. Worst. Cult. Ever.

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:11:35 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: I have dropped well below 6000 followers as some leave and new ones are not being recruited. Worst. Cult. Ever.

DrTwittenheimer: It's weird when I meet followers (dare I say fans?) in real life, because I just assumed that most of you never leave the house.

Tue, 14 May 2013 03:55:05 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: It's weird when I meet followers (dare I say fans?) in real life, because I just assumed that most of you never leave the house.

DrTwittenheimer: @FiRawle Inspiration for jokes can be found in many places!

Tue, 14 May 2013 03:50:40 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: @FiRawle Inspiration for jokes can be found in many places!

DrTwittenheimer: Very few people are mugged while jogging on a treadmill, which is weird because it's quite hard for them to run away.

Mon, 13 May 2013 20:51:43 +0000

DrTwittenheimer: Very few people are mugged while jogging on a treadmill, which is weird because it's quite hard for them to run away.