Drunk at Home Blogggg

Haiku Humpday, 3rd ed.

2011-12-28T12:59:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the third edition of our installment series, Haiku Humpday. This is the time when we raise the intellectual level of our blog by writing drink-y poetry. Enjoy.

In-laws' for Christmas.

They're non-drinkers... I've got the

Sparklin' Cider Blues.

- Miss Lizzie

New Years Eve Party

Go out and buy a new dress.

Too fat from Christmas. :(

- Heather

Holiday Cocktail Week - Day 3

2011-12-21T09:25:00.000-06:00

Good Morning, lovely fan base!

I hope you got a chance to try out some of our Unexpected Yuletide Treats yesterday. I sure added a few "to-drink" items to my holiday list! In the spirit of being absolutely exhausted with all these holiday goings-on, today's theme is Things To Do With Bailey's. (Bailey's reminds me of coffee...)

Minty Mistletoe

-2 oz. Baileys Original Irish Cream

-.25 oz. Rumple Minze

Directions

Add Baileys Original Irish Cream and Rumple Minze.

Shake with ice and strain into martini glass.

Cherry Café

-1.5 oz. Baileys Coffee Irish Cream

-1 oz. Captain Morgan Original Spiced

-1 dash(es) maraschino cherry juice

-1 tablespoon(s) cinnamon

-1 tablespoon(s) sugar

Directions

Rim martini glass with cinnamon and sugar.

Then drizzle cherry juice in the glass to layer.

Shake Baileys and Captain Morgan with ice, strain, enjoy.

Frozen Russian

-1 oz. Baileys Original Irish Cream

-.25 oz. Smirnoff No. 21 Vodka

-.25 oz. Godiva Chocolate Liqueur

-2 scoop(s) vanilla ice cream

Directions

Add Baileys Original Irish Cream, Smirnoff No.21 Vodka, and Godiva Original Liqueur.

Add vanilla ice cream, blend, and serve in hurricane glass.

Hot Coco Bay

-1 oz. Baileys Original Irish Cream

-1 oz. Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Coconut

-1 oz. hot chocolate

Directions

Add Baileys Original Irish Cream and Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Coconut Rum, and hot chocolate.

Shake and pour into glass.

Corrected Coffee

-2 oz. Baileys Coffee Irish Cream

-0.5 oz. Romana Sambuca

Directions

Build in a snifter and garnish with 3 coffee beans.

Haiku Humpday, 2nd ed.

2011-12-21T09:11:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the second edition of our installment series, Haiku Humpday. This is the time when we raise the intellectual level of our blog by writing drink-y poetry. Enjoy.

Christmas cocktail time!
Hear your family argue
Through a drunken haze.
- Miss Lizzie

Careful with presents!
Never, ever shake the box.
Booze could be inside.
- Heather

Holiday Cocktail Week - Day 2

2011-12-20T12:10:00.000-06:00

Good morning, lovelies.

I sure hope you enjoyed yesterday's Traditional Cocktails. Maybe you've even had a chance to try one...? If so, let us know what you thought in the comments! The theme for today's libations is Unexpected Yuletide Treats.

Angel’s Delight

-1 oz cream

-3/4 oz triple sec

-3/4 oz gin

-2-3 dashes grenadine

Directions:

Pour the ingredients into a shaker with ice cubes.

Shake well.

Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Dreaming of Zen

-1 oz Zen Green Tea Liqueur

-1/2 oz Midori Melon Liqueur

-3 oz mango juice

-white pepper

-2 oz cream

-mint leaves for garnish

-grated nutmeg for garnish

Directions:

Pour the ingredients into cocktail shaker filled with ice.

Shake well.

Strain into a Champagne flute.

Garnish with a mint leaves and a dash of nutmeg.

Grinch

-2 oz Midori

-1/2 oz lemon juice

-1 tsp simple syrup

-maraschino cherry for garnish

Directions:

Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice.

Shake well.

Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

The Holiday Hopper

-1 oz Midori melon liqueur

-1/2 oz green creme de menthe

-1/2 oz white creme de cacao

-2 oz half and half

-mint leaves for garnish

-raspberry for garnish

Directions:

Pour the ingredients into cocktail shaker filled with ice.

Shake well.

Strain into a cocktail glass.

Garnish with a mint leaves and a raspberry.

La Vie en Rouge

-1 1/2 oz. Grand Marnier

-1 1/2 oz. cranberry juice

-1/2 oz. fresh lemon juice

-1/2 oz. simple syrup

-Fresh rosemary needles

Directions:

In a tall mixing glass, muddle 10-12 rosemary needles lightly with simple syrup.

Add remaining ingredients then add ice and shake vigorously.

Strain over fresh ice into a rocks glass with ice.

Garnish with a rosemary sprig.

Don't forget to visit us at drunkathome.com over the holidays! You'll probably be half-drunk and fully-bored, so you might as well.

It's the Week Before Xmas!

2011-12-19T08:25:00.000-06:00

That's right!! Last chance for holiday shopping and party preparation. I'm so not ready.

So in celebration of my unpreparedness, we'll be doing 5 days of holiday cocktails!! Today's theme is Traditional Drinks.Here are a few fabulous recipes for classic cocktails you can serve up at your festivus get-together:

Candy Cane

-3/4 oz peppermint schnapps

-3/4 oz creme de cacao

-1/4 oz grenadine syrup

-half-and-half

-7-Up® soda

Directions

In highball glass filled with ice, combine peppermint schnapps, white creme de cacao & grenadine. Fill glass with half-and-half. Top with 7-up. Garnish with a small candycane or filbert nuts. Great for the Holidays!

Cranberry Bog

-4 ounces champagne

-1 ounce cranberry juice

-Whole cranberries, for garnish

-Mint leaves, for garnish

Directions

Combine champagne and cranberry juice in a champagne flute. Drop a few whole cranberries in the glass and garnish with mint leaves.

Hard Cider Punch

-1 cup hot water

-1/4 cup granulated sugar

-1/4 cup finely chopped fresh ginger

-7 whole cloves

-1 stick cinnamon

-1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

-1 quart hard cider

-1/2 cup applejack

-1/2 cup brandy

-8 slices Gala, Braeburn, or Red Delicious apple

Directions

Place the hot water in a small stainless steel saucepan and add the sugar, ginger, cloves, cinnamon and nutmeg to the pan. Bring to a boil, place a lid over the saucepan and reduce to a simmer. Continue to simmer until the flavors have married, about 20 minutes. Remove from the heat, strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a non-reactive bowl and allow to cool. Once cool, add the cider, applejack and brandy to the bowl. Stir to mix well and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, and up to 5 days. Serve in a small punch bowl with an ice mold, if desired, and garnish each glass with an apple slice.

White Chocolate Eggnog

-1 quart eggnog

-1/2 cup white rum (recommended: Myer's Platinum)

-1/2 cup white chocolate liqueur

-1 cup whipped topping

-Grated white chocolate, for garnish

-Pumpkin pie spice, for garnish

Directions

In a punch bowl, combine the egg nog, rum, and white chocolate liqueur. When you are ready to serve, whisk the egg nog to make it frothy and pour the mixture into cups. Place 1 heaping tablespoon of the whipped topping into each cup. Garnish each with the grated white chocolate and a sprinkling of pumpkin pie spice.

Hot Buttered Rum

-2/3 cup packed dark brown sugar

-1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

-1/4 cup honey

-1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

-1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

-1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

-Pinch salt

-3/4 cup spiced rum

-2 cups boiling water

-4 sticks cinnamon, for garnish

Directions

Using an electric mixer, beat the brown sugar, butter, honey, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and salt in a medium bowl until blended and smooth. Transfer the mixture to a 4-cup (or larger) measuring cup. Add the rum and then 2 cups of boiling water. Stir until the butter mixture dissolves. Divide the buttered rum among 4 mugs. Garnish with the cinnamon sticks and serve.

Haiku Humpday

2011-12-14T08:08:00.000-06:00

In a new installment series, we will raise the intellectual level of our drinky blog by writing poetry for you.

We're classy like that.

Oh, the gummi bears!
They are drowning, please help them!
Wait - it’s vodka. Yum.

- Miss Lizzie

Eggnog: What are you?

You are neither egg, nor nog.

Sure are tasty though.

- Heather

Drunken Bears - Of the Gummy Variety.

2011-12-12T08:58:00.000-06:00

My partner in crime and I usually meet up once a week for drinking, gossip, and food (the good life, in other words).

Imagine my supreme delight when she showed up last week with engorged gummy bears swimming in a lake of vodka. Joy!

The recipe is fairly simple:

1. Put gummy bears in a container.
2. Pour vodka (we thought that Smirnoff's Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka tasted the best) all over the bears.
3. Let sit 24 hours.
4. Eat.

The texture is a bit shocking - slimy on the outside, still kind of gummy-bear-like on the inside. BUT, they are so tasty and 2 of them seem to be the equivalent of a shot. For the full effect, we have captured my reaction to eating vodka bears for the first time:

DRUNKEN GUMMY BEARS WILL FOREVER BE IN MY HEART.

Skittles - Good; Vodka - Great; Skittles + Vodka? YES PLEASE.

2011-12-08T11:23:00.000-06:00

OMGosh! A thing! A thing I have to tell you about!!

SKITTLES VODKA.

That's right,

Magic.

I think it's just that simple...Add skittles to vodka and viola! Drunken rainbow. Here's the recipe:

1. You need a minimum of 180 individual skittles of each color. Of course, you can always add more to make the vodka more flavorful, but 2 450g bags ought to do the trick.

2. While it might be tempting to use a crappy, cheap vodka to try this out on, the result is vodka that ends up tasting like cold medicine. A better vodka is going to taste better, no matter what you do to it. A 750ml bottle should get you where you're going. You'll need 5 bottles, one for each color.

3. Take the label off the bottles so you can observe the dissolving process. You can even slap your own labels on once you're done!

4. Sort your skittles into different bowls by color.

5. Pour about 1/8 of the bottle of vodka into a reserve container. You'll need to do this for each bottle.

6. Add your skittles to each bottle by color.

7. Once the skittles have been added, top off each bottle that that reserve you set aside earlier. There will be a bit left over so make yourself a drink.

8. Shake each of the bottles a bit to get the dissolving process going.

9. You would think it would take a while for the skittles to dissolve, but they're usually done in about 24-48 hours.

10. Now that the skittles are pretty much dissolved, you need to filter out the white left-over stuff (the filler in the candy, which is NOT tasty, for the record.). The best way is to put some paper towels into a strainer and pour the vodka in bit by bit, obviously with something under the filter to catch it. Like a nice big plastic bowl or something. This takes a minute and the stuff left over is pretty gross, but it's totally worth it.

11. Pour the filtered liquor back into the bottle and enjoy! Word on the street is that green tastes the best, being the most like the original skittle and red tastes the worst, a bit like cough-syrup.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TRY THIS!!!!

And if it does this to my hair, I'm gonna be psyched:

5 Drunks Who Will Ruin Your Night

2011-12-07T13:05:00.000-06:00

Everyone has been out drinking with one of these. You spend endless time fantasizing how much fun you are going to have tonight while tediously getting ready then one of your friends texts you, "Is it ok if _____ comes too?" Shit.

Thinking about leaving you there.

1. Pukes by 10:30

Really? I know we're all in a rush to have fun but certainly anyone could have predicted that a kamikaze row of shots as soon as we got in the door was not a good idea.

My favorite part is the non-tan hairline.

2. Punches bartender

Also known as the aggressive drunk. "Bros" are the most common offenders, frequently getting into arguments about whose fake tan looks less orange.

Now we don't want to be seen with you.

3. Cries because everything is the WORST

Life sucks. For pretty much everyone - hence, why we're all out trying to have a good time. You ruined it.

Not using good judgement.

4. Leaves with stranger

At least be considerate if you're going to be a whore. Tell your friends you're leaving before they panic you've been left or kidnapped. Also, we'll then be able to give a description to the police when you are murder-raped.

This is a "boys night" of a different color.

5. Brings significant other to girls/boys night out

If it's girls/boys night out, don't drag your lame boyfriend/bitchy girlfriend. You would think the term "Girls/Boys night out" would be enough to imply we don't like him/her.

Have you been to drunkathome.com recently?? You should visit! Things happen there!!

4 Places to be, or Not to be, Drunk.

2011-12-06T10:57:00.000-06:00

You might be a drink-y person wondering, "Hey! How do I network with other people who share my interests? Like drinking?" In an effort to find you some drinking buddies, here are some common places you can find, and socialize with, other lushes:

1. Bars
Pretty much a given. Alcohol is known to live here.

2. Sporting events
The best place to find drunk men, who are also loud.

3. The sidewalk
Best place to find catatonic drunks. They make the best listeners.

4. Holiday shopping
This might shock you fellas, but there is an astounding number of women who won't go xmas shopping without getting completely shnockered beforehand. Why do you think Black Friday starts at midnight and ends with someone getting trampled to death?

Now that you know where to find some drink-y friends, it should also be noted that there are several places you should NOT be a drunk person trying to hang out with other drunk people:

1. Church
Chugging the communal wine is not a good way to make friends.

2. Daycare
It is generally frowned upon to slur obscenities to children.

3. In the car
Car accidents are not a good networking tool.

4. Court
It is hard to plead not guilty with liquor on your breath.

4 Things You Should Not Do Before 9AM

2011-12-05T09:22:00.000-06:00

I am not a morning person.

I drink a lot, so chances are, you are probably bothering me when it's 7:30 am and I'm still adjusting my hangover to deal with the florescent lights of the workplace.

Here are some things you should not be doing in the morning:

This is you.

1. Talking excessively.
I'm perfectly fine holding a light conversation in the morning as long as I've had a few sips of coffee. What I'm not trying to do is sit like a duck in a proverbial barrel while you talk AT me with an extended diatribe about your general likes and dislikes. Can this wait? I have all day to feel like a victim of ear rape; must it be first thing in the morning?

Too early for this.

2. Making plans.
I am not a human being before 9 am, so it's safe to assume that I'm going to agree to pretty much any plan you make to shut you up, whether I have any intention of following through with said plan or not. I will forget to bake cookies for your daughter's birthday and show up for your boyfriend's funeral. I'm tired.

Too early to deal with this. ^

3. Getting emotional.
I have zero sympathy, empathy, or ability to emotionally relate to you in the morning. I am a shell - a husk - of a person with all the compassion of a bag of pencils. Now is not a good time to tell me anything that doesn't relate to me going to the fuck back to bed.

Shhh...ut the fuck up.

4. Asking questions.
Unless it's "Can I get you another cup of coffee?" or, "Would you like the day off?" I do not have the mental capacity to think up a response relevant enough that it makes me look like I'm paying attention. That will have to wait until after lunch, until I can better pretend I just heard anything you just said.

In summary, if you are a morning person, I hate you. Please realize you are in the minority and are not interesting enough to stimulate my brain cells into a coherent state.

Will Drink to Belligerence for Money.

2011-12-02T13:19:00.000-06:00

First week of the month!

Rent is due, which more than likely means the vast majority of us will be drinking in an attempt to forget how actually, horribly broke we are. #occupybooze

Which is really a shame because it's xmas shopping season and with everyone being so broke and all, no one is going to be able to afford to get me that big sack of cash I want, which is the only thing I'm asking for this year.

Here are a few things I've done recently in a sad, sad attempt to either save or make more money:

It's a thought, meme wolf....it's a thought.

1. Started skipping two meals a day.
I figured this was a win-win: I save lunch money and myself from obesity. If I skip my $5.00 McDonald's trips for a year, I'll have racked up a whopping $260.00. That's not even a car payment, dammit.

^ Not worth turning on, or off.

2. Turned off my cable for a month.
I decided to be "reasonable and responsible" and declared that I did not need television to survive. Indeed, it is not a necessity. I saved $109.00 for 30 days, but probably spent $10,000.00 renting movies down the street.

Despite popular belief, this button does not exist.

3. Joined an internet scam.
I sure did! And guess what -- a certain and inevitable shock, it was a scam. I am out roughly $300.00 and made roughly $0.00. A little piece of advice in trying to determine if something is a scam...if you have even an inkling that it's a scam, it's definitely a scam. Like the housing market.

I'm no where near this cute/creepy.

4. Stopped going to the tanning bed.
Sure, I'm saving $30 bucks a month ($360 a year) but I look like an albino.

This is my fighting stance.

5. Drink, Don't Drive.
It's no secret that beer is exponentially cheaper per gallon than gas. I'd estimate I've saved several hundred dollars by getting so blindingly schnockered I passed out on the couch rather than driving somewhere to spend money. So far, this is the only thing that has made a positive impact on my budget. There truly isn't a problem enough alcohol can't fix.

Doe, A Beer,

2011-12-01T12:02:00.000-06:00

Here's one of my favorite drinking songs, set to the tune of that "doe, a deer..." song from The Sound of Music:

Dough, I use
to buy my beer.

Ray, the guy who pours my beer!

Me, the guy,
who drinks my beer.

Fa-r,
A long way to the john!

So,
I'll have another beer!

La.......
I'll have another beer!

Tea,
No thanks, I'll have a beer!!

And that will bring us back to dough!

Knowledge is Power.

2011-11-30T08:43:00.000-06:00

Drunken Musings: 3rd Edition

Don't try to break up a bag of ice with a hammer while it is still in the freezer. You will break the freezer.

12 Days of Xmas

2011-11-28T09:24:00.000-06:00

It's open season for xmas gift shopping and in case any of you were wondering what I wanted, I put together a comprehensive list you may select from, set to the tune of, "The 12 Days of Christmas."

On the 12 Days of Christmas, Santa brought to meee:

12 Vacation Houses

11 Million Dollars

10 Designer Handbags

9 Booze Cases

8 Investment Bankers

7 Hot Cars

6 Tennis Bracelets

5 Big TV's!

4 Politicians

3 Giant Yachts

2 New Wardrobes

And a big, fat sack of money!!

Aaaand, We're Back.

2011-11-28T08:15:00.000-06:00

I hope you had a lovely 4-day break over Thanksgiving! I can say I certainly enjoyed the shit out of mine. We got in some drunken family time (I come by it honestly), got some xmas things accomplished, conquered a high school reunion, and still managed to find some time to laze about.

Turkey Week!

2011-11-21T08:13:00.000-06:00

Hope you all had a great weekend!

I spent a good majority of my time this weekend getting mega drunk. Let's just leave it at saying the last few days have been extraordinarily shitty and show no signs of stopping.

The thing keeping me going right now is the prospect of a three day work-week. Hooray!!

Pickup Lines That Men Think Work, But Don't.

2011-11-17T14:03:00.001-06:00

For the Ladies: We've all been there. He looks good, he bought you a drink, introduced himself and BOOM! Fell flat on his face with the worst pickup line in the world that immediately turned you off and made him look like a cheesy d-bag. Worse yet are the men you wouldn't have been even mildly interested in to begin with and to top it off, now they're throwing game they don't know how to play. It's awkward.

For the Guys: Im not a guy so I could be way off base here, but I would like to politely request that you STOP USING PICKUP LINES. They make you look corny and tips us gals off immediately that you don't have any thing to offer other than a regurgitated line your buddy told you would score you some tail. Go ahead and assume that "this works every time!" really means, "this works never."

I found a collection of what are supposed to be the "Best Pickup Lines" so I have offered what we women are thinking when you use them.

1. "I'm going to have sex with you tonight, so... you might as well be there"

Her internal reaction: FEAR

Great. Now we have to sit there and look at you while we just got a vivid mental image of you jerking it late at night to a memory of us.

Ultimate creeper line.

Additionally, we now have to wonder, since you have now revealed yourself to be such an extreme creeper, if we don't come home with you, are you going to follow us there and rape/ kill us? And what happens if we DO come home with you??

Either way, us gals are not fond of creepers or getting rape/ killed.

2. "Do you like Bacon? Wanna strip?"

Her internal reaction: CONFUSION

"Did he just call me fat by implying he knows I'm a regular bacon eater??"

"Did he call me a stripper?"

"Or is he actually making a serious invite to after-bar breakfast??"

Here's a hot tip guys: if you are trying to pickup a girl, don't even acknowledge the fact that she eats food. It makes us feel fat. Unless of course, beyond trying to sleep with us, you make an offer to take us to dinner tomorrow night.

Essentially, if you are trying to make a girl feel good enough about herself to get naked with you, don't remind her of the list of fatty things she's eaten today.

3. "You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a foot-long."

Her internal reaction: EWW.

That makes me think of a penis sandwich.

Bread, lettuce, tomato and all with a flaccid, owner-less member just chillin' like it belongs there.

Honestly, how gross would it be if you went to Subway, ordered yourself a regular ass sandwich and bit into it, only to find a penis?

Put yourselves in our shoes guys. You probably don't want a surprise penis sandwich either.

4. "I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching you."

Her internal reaction: FLASHBACK TO HIGH SCHOOL PHYSICS

Really, one of the first things that comes to mind is - why would you want to kiss me without touching me?

Also, is that possible? I mean, I suppose he could kiss me without hands being all grope-y, but doesn't a kiss mandate physical contact?

Does he have hand herpes?

I'm pretty sure the formula is something like....

Probability X Impact = Expected Outcome Value

5. "If you’re Nala, I’m Simba. Why don’t we complete the circle of life?"

Her internal reaction: HELL NO.

Let's just say you found a girl at a bar who is actually looking for a one-night stand. Jackpot!

Then you buy her a drink and hit her with this gem of a pickup line.

Probably the last thing you would want to do when trying to pull a one-nighter is remind your prey that she could be one bad decision away from inflicting unintended pregnancy upon herself and being a single mother struggling to collect child support payments from a dead-beat guy she barely knows.

Yes, I wanted to have sex with you. Now I want to go home and put my chastity belt back on.

Remember guys -- nothing beats introducing yourself and asking the lady what her interests are!

And it never hurts to visit drunkathome.com either!

More Knowledge.

2011-11-15T11:37:00.000-06:00

Drunken Musings: 2nd Edition

When you accidentally drop glass on the floor and it breaks, don't worry too much if you don't get all the little tiny shards because your foot will find them for you later.

Loads of New Drink Recipes!

2011-11-15T11:23:00.000-06:00

I just added tons of new drink recipes to the blog for your drinky enjoyment!

There will certainly be more to come as we are always thinking of more we forgot and finding new and delicious concoctions.

And always remember:

It matters not if the glass is half-empty or half-full;
either way, there's more room for alcohol!!!

5 Fucking Annoying Facebookers

2011-11-14T11:54:00.001-06:00

I have to get something off my chest - I was drunkenly perusing Facebook this weekend and there are a few people that are cluttering up my news feed with such inane bullshit, it makes me wonder if they are even worthy of being called a person. Harsh, but geeeeeeeezus, these people.

1. Diary Posters

I am sooooooo tired of people posting status updates that read like a diary. You see, Facebook is not your personal diary due to the fact that everyone reads it. I shouldn't be able to gauge that you are a weak and insecure person by the nature of your updates. Additionally, keep your relationship fights OFF of Facebook. There is truly nothing in this world that's more obnoxious than a public fight that didn't even happen in public. This goes for overly emotional posters too. We all have feelings, it's just that yours are particularly annoying.

1:24pm "OMG! Met the coolest guy EVER last night!!"

1:26pm " He said he'd call me today. I really hope he asks me to dinner!! I might be in love!!!"

1:54pm "...still hasn't called...."

1:55pm " my life is a total mess and i hate everything. im not happy."

1:56pm " :((((( "

2. GIF Diarrhea

Ok, I realize that looking at stupid GIFs is part of What Girls Do On The Internet, and maybe once in a while is fine. If you want to continuously swap stupid GIFs back and forth with your friends, whatever.

BUT IF YOU CLUTTER MY WALL WITH ONE MORE STUPID GRAFFIC, IM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU. Perhaps if GIFs came in any flavor other than rainbow heart and glitter pony, I'd be more open minded about the whole scenario.

Only a GIF could accurately explain my disdain for GIFs.

3. Chronic Kid Updates

Now, this is a serious offense coming from someone who has a kid, but to the other moms out there - KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF. I have no problems seeing pictures of your darling child, nor learning about the various milestones they have achieved. Those are wonderful things to be celebrated, and sure, your kid is adorable. However, there are a select few parents out there who have literally lost all sense of existence outside of parenting. While that is very sad and all, the rest of us don't need to hear about it.

3:57am "Smithy is up for the 5th time tonight!!"

5:05am "Smithy woke up with a big, full diaper!!"

7:02am "Smithy had some applesauce for breakfast!! Messy baby!!"

8:09am "Just put Smithy down for a morning nap."

10:30am " Sweet precious baby took such a long nap!"

10:35am " Smithy is wearing a hat!"

(I think we all get the point. It's annoying and unnecessary. Quit it.)

4. Country Grammar

Yes, this is the internet, but you still don't need to make your self look far more stupid than any human being possibly has the capacity to be without getting a complimentary handicap sticker for your car. Tell me if you can read this without wanting to either stop reading it, or hiring a hit-man to do us all a Darwinian gene pool favor:
"dis iz duh lif. chiln at home w my cmpter n gttn wrk dooooooooon."
Just type like a normal, fucking person. If I had to visually imagine what your brain would look like while typing that, it would be foaming at the mouth, illustrated by my awesome illustration skills, above.

5. Quote-of-the-Day-ers

Bottom line is, if you are blankly staring at your Facebook status box and you find yourself desperately trying to think of something to post, walk away. Nothing important is happening in your life at the moment, therefore, no status update is required. But just then.....a light bulb shines in your mind - other people have important and philosophical things to say!!! Why not just rip lyrics from an overplayed pop song?? Yeah...that'll accurately depict your life, emotions, and principles! Just consider this:: if musicians aren't posting their lyrics as status updates, maybe you shouldn't be posting their lyrics as status updates either.

"Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper."

LAME.

Don't forget to visit us at drunkathome.com!!!

I'm back!!! Brief Updates...

2011-11-14T08:48:00.002-06:00

Wow!
It's been a hot minute since I've posted to the blog.

I was super sick with the worst cold EVER last week and then the three day weekend happened so I feel like I've been sucked into a time vortex.

On a more entertaining note, I hope everyone had a rockin' three day weekend (if you got one and I hope you did)! I'm going to be spending some time adding more drink recipes to the Recipe section of our blog this week for your supreme enjoyment.

Ok, I think those are all the updates!!!

An Ode

2011-11-07T18:57:00.000-06:00

Your D@H founders were recently introduced to what is obviously the TRUE nectar of the gods (ambrosia, my ass). It touched me somewhere deep inside in a way that no other alcohol has, not even Franzia boxed Cabernet Sauvignon ($12.99/5 litres at Dirt Cheap Beer & Liquor - "Come to Dirt Cheap! Remember guys, the more she drinks, the better you look!"). It made such an impact on my psyche that I've written some haikus in its honor (with the help of my more articulate half, Will):

Fluffed marshmallow drink
Sounds pretty great on its own...
As a vodka - JOY!

Marshmallow vodka:
A new take on "toasted" S'mores!
*Avoid open flame.

The downside to s'mores:
Tasty snacks but hard to drink.
This? Best of both worlds.

That's right, drunken fans, I'm talking about Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka. Behold:

Sure, it would be delicious mixed with Chocovine or Bailey's or whatever, but even I - who sometimes finds tiramisu to taste too strongly of alcohol - drank this stuff straight. And loved every minute of it. I bet you can guess what I'LL be doing tonight.

Signing off,
The One Who Is Not Heather

:P*****

2011-11-07T07:51:00.000-06:00

Guys, I have like, the worst cold EVER.

I'm going with probable acute sinus infection. Even Miss Lizzie noticed I looked like utter hell this morning.

We'll just see if I get through this day......

At least it wasn't crazy dark when I woke up this morning.

Happy Daylights savings!

I hope you all enjoyed your extra hour of sleep! :)

Wiiiiiiiiiine Daaaaaaaay

2011-11-05T18:41:00.000-05:00

ok, so YES.

OFFICIALLY & CERTIFIED DRUNK.

Our day touring wineries was AWESOME!!!!

Join me NOW for live chat @ drunkathome.com forum!!!!

(if u only knew how long it took me to type that, you would be ashamed....)