This year I have the privilege of interviewing Emma Willer over at Where there’s a Willer…

Without further ado, here it is:

1. For purely selfish reasons, (I have a daughter named Emma), tell me about your name. Where did it come from, do you like it? Any good stories behind it?

I think there was a story that my mother named me after one of the babies that she took care of when she worked in a children’s hospital as a nurse in London, UK, in the 70’s. I didn’t like growing up with it in suburban Canada because I was the ONLY Emma. It was very British, and not normal. Couldn’t I be a Jennifer like everyone else?! Now, there is an Emma in every classroom, as I understand. So I hope your Emma does not resent her name. Of course, what did I do? I gave my boys British names that aren’t common in Canada. Hello, repeating history. Durrrrrr.

2. You have two sons, are you planning on having more? Is two enough? Any daughter desires?

As I like to say, I truly think that I would screw up a daughter more than a son. I would really like some baggage that I have to end with me, baggage that is a lot to do with being a girl/woman. I admit to being slightly disappointed to find out while pregnant that both of them were boys. I don’t know what I was thinking, though. I love boys. Boys are awesome. I just didn’t know what having a boy would be like. I think you sort of expect a girl when you are a girl and you know how to be a girl, you understand girl parts!

3. What’s the one question you hate being asked?

Besides the one that asks are we going to have any more kids?! I really do hate that question! I just got asked it on the weekend at my son’s birthday party. Did you notice I didn’t answer?!

4. What are you most proud of?

I think my education and my career. I know I should say my family but it still feels like a struggle - we are still immersed in the chaos of two under the age of four. So I don’t feel pride so much as madness, but I hope one day to be able to say my family. I am well educated with a good career. I can’t talk about it on my blog because I want to keep my job, but I love what I do, and I am so happy that I ended up doing what I am doing.

5.Can you tell me something about yourself that would surprise people who know you?

This is kind of tame, but people that know me would be surprised that I can’t even remember the last time I read a proper book. I was always a voracious reader. When I was little, I used to take like 30 books out of the library at a time, and finish 2 in the car on the way home. I don’t know why I lost my reading mojo. I have a bunch of books waiting for me. I still order books by my favourite authors (just ordered the new John Irving). Since having kids, I find it extremely difficult to read a novel. And I like falling asleep to Jon Stewart, rather than the pages of a book. I also find that my blog reading is satisfying that story-reading need, too. Even if it’s actual life rather than fiction. Peoples’ real lives are pretty damn interesting.

6. You have lived all over the world, where did you like living the most? Maybe a pro and con of each place you’ve lived?

I loved living in the UK. It was exciting, it was where I “grew up” (moved there after I finished my Masters’ and found my first real career job), it was where I left home and spread my wings and learned to fly. Wow, I’m about to break into song. But really, it was awesome. I am sure living in South Korea when I was 5 was cool too but it was my parents’ experience, not mine.

7. What is your secret indulgence/guilty pleasure? (Please don’t tell me that you do not have one, if you don’t, get one asap and then tell me all about it!)

I have too many guilty pleasures, I don’t think any of them are secret. A lot of them are food. Some of them are media (tv, internet, podcasts). If I’m doing something for myself (on the internet, going to work, spending time without my family), I’m usually feeling fairly guilty about it! Mom guilt. It’s awesome!

8. You’ve mentioned you’ve met quite a few celebs and attended movie premiers. How’d that come about? Any juicy tid bits, not for me of course, I’m above all that, but you know, others might wanna know.

There’s a guilty pleasure for you - Colin Firth. I fell in love with Mr Firth in 1995 or 1996, quite inappropriately considering the age difference, when A&E was showing Pride and Prejudice like every day. Ooof be still my heart. I promptly forgot about him and then in 2001 I saw Bridget Jones’ Diary on the big screen and fell madly, completely in love. Like seriously became obsessed. I can still recite that movie by heart, I think. I also found a big Firth fan community online. And then I ended up living in England, and through that online community discovered opportunities to meet other fans and attend events. So I got to stand in the crowd outside movie premieres, but I also got to GO to the premiere of Nanny McPhee, holding a ticket just like Stephen Fry and Emma Thompson did that night. That was pretty damn cool. Because I was downtown in London a lot for work and for pleasure, I did also just happen upon premieres - like one for one of the Harry Potter movies - oh, the one with the flying car. It’s like another life now. It was just a little thrill at the time. I suppose I could get my kicks at the Toronto International Film Festival but I think I’m over it now!

9. Why do you blog? (You do a good job answering this on your blog, I just think it needs to included as part of a comprehensive look at YOU.)

I have a compulsion to write. I also like to write a million times better than to speak in person. I never pick up the phone anymore. I’ll write an email. God I wish my grandparents would use their email account. I have no illusions that I am a good writer. I am NOT an author. I read many blogs written by true writers or authors, beautifully composed. I am not trying to be that, I will never be that. I did used to be a very good essay writer at school and in university - a few times in university, I actually got completely perfect marks on essays on fairly complicated topics (e.g. Marxist theory). I’m just compelled to write in my little space. I can’t even really explain it that well. I also enjoy doing written assignments at work, which luckily enough I get to do fairly often (e.g. briefing material for fairly important people in my sphere of work).

10. What is the secret to life? (Sorry I like to ask everyone this question.)

I’ve never been asked that. I sometimes still fall into a panicked line of thought that ponders huge great questions of human existence and why the hell we’re all here and what the hell is really going on. I’m not a religious person at all. I really don’t know what the secret to life is. I am not sure I’ll ever know. I am just carving out a little tiny corner of existence, sometimes doing good, mostly being mediocre, not trying to leave too big or too small a footprint. I guess. That’s a damn tough question!

Oy! Sorry for the hated question and the tough one Emma, but thanks for playing. And a big thanks you to Neil for rolling this out again. Muh Wha. This was a lot of fun.

And the truth is that I just want to crawl under my kitchen table right now. I fear for the decisions my son is making, but underneath that is my mother. At the bottom of every drama is my mother. It is always my mother. I’m just gonna be honest here: my mother is bat shit crazy. I don’t care who knows it anymore. I’ve told her before, drama follows, and then she forgets it, ignores it, or what ever it is that bat shit crazy people do with information that they don’t want. I’m pretty used to it.

But there’s another part of it. I’m mad at you. Yes, everyone one of you who has a mother. A mother that you didn’t have to spend your entire life taking care of. That your earliest memories aren’t of holding her while she cried. A mother that doesn’t suck the very emotional substance from your body and then demand every last bit of your soul, only to tell you that it is not enough. A mother that doesn’t cause drama and then look at you AGAIN and ask ‘how did this happen?’ A mother that you can to turn to. No, not every second, but that you know, when the shit is hitting the fan, will stand by you, instead of you having to take care of the situation and HER. Yeah, a mother like that.

And I think everyone of you that have that suck.

Evidently lil bastard has a friend.

Or I have smart ass in laws.

Which ever.

This one even comes with a tiny little bottle for me to take care of him.

But don’t worry, I know just what to do with him.

The weather is really lovely and we have lots of football.

You should be here too. We could have sushi.

But I leave you with the little bastard that wakes me up every morning by scampering through the attic and chucking things at my window.

Hopefully this is the photo we will use at his/her eulogy.

After I fire bomb him/her.

As if that wasn’t enough, the toliet in the cherub’s bathroom died last night, so I got to help install one of those too. All before 11 am. Don’t hate me because I’m glamorous.

So now I’m currently attempting to keep the house straight until kick off. Complete with forcing the cherubs and assorted neighbor kids to drink out the hose because they are simply too annoying to enter the house.

Not to mention this head cold. that. just. will. not. go. away.

All this is so say, LSU sure in the hell better pull this one out or it’s gonna be ugly. Beat Bama, or else, because I’m looking for somewhere to put all this displace rage frustration.

Day 7 in the bag.

Simply because I love it

and Becky

and you.

Here’s the thing. I thought I needed this pack for quick trips to carry my lap top, camera equipment and a few essentials. I even made sure I bought one that would hold equipment I see in my future, such as that new Nikon 50mm f/1.4, that Ken Rockwell convinced me I needed in order to be truly happy. (He is right, I’m sure of it.) I’m all set to travel now, in one lovely backpack, instead of the three separate bags it usually takes me to achieve this.

But none of this is why I’m loving this bag so. I have yet to even load it. It is sitting in a living room chair, bringing joy to my life. How is it bringing joy to my life you might ask? Well that would be a good question. One I’m not sure I can even put into words. But I’m gonna try. For you.

You see I do this thing, where I regularly have a fake name made up. One that at any moment I can run away and assume. Sometimes I run away to the beach and surf and sometimes I run away to the mountains to ski. Other times I back pack Europe. I almost always, (almost) take Jeff with me, so I’m not sure why I even need this name. But I love this name. When I stop loving it, I make up a new one. And then I love the name again.

That’s what the Crumpler is doing in the chair for me right now. Just knowing that at any moment, I can grab my back pack, equipment and name and head the door for a whole new life, well that’s one of the things that keeps me so happy right where I am. So I guess just having the bag/name/plan means that I will never actually need them. Because as perfect as the bag/name/plan are, it’s pretty damn good here too.

I guess I just need options.

I’m swimming in a pool of parenting indecision. I have no idea what the right thing to do here. Jacob is making adult decisions with out the benefit of adult brains, knowledge or experience. We’ve all be there. We all did it to some degree or another. That’s how we pass from childhood into adulthood. We all survived right? Please tell me we all survived.

There are a world of decisions that must be made because Jacob has decided that this is the way his life should go. I can lead, follow or get out of the way. There are consequences to each of those decisions and I just don’t know the best path to choose. Do I throw my values to wind and jump in and help, or just let the kid sink or swim? I realize of course, that there is no right answer here. I will make a decision and we will all get through this. There will be consequences no matter what, but we will get through them. This too shall pass, and then some other shit will start up and I won’t even remember why I stressed over this so.

But stress is where I sit. And where I will sit until I make the decision and we all live with it. Until the next drama. Until I finally make that parenting crystal ball.