In the meantime, I’ll continue to publish at Hardball Times and Unfiltered. Also, if you do the Twittter thing, I sometimes offer witty/insightful/stupid comments during games. Feel free to follow along at twitter.com/ducksnorts if you’re so inclined.

See you at one of those places, or we’ll meet back here toward the end of July. Thanks, and peace.

Geoff

Advertisement: Ducksnorts 2007 Baseball Annual Geoff’s debut book makes an excellent companion for any fan of the Padres.

• 1981 — Fernandomania; Rick Monday’s homer off Steve Rogers in Montreal
• 1988 — Kirk Gibson and Dennis Eckersley (actually, I remember taking a girl named Cindy to dinner in Old Town instead of watching the game)
• 1996 — Steve Finley and Felix Rodriguez; Ken Caminiti’s “Snickers game” in Monterrey; sweep of the Dodgers in LA to win the NL West
• 1998 — Steve Finley and Felix Rodriguez [so much for memory; thanks to reader Jake for the catch]; Kevin Brown and Greg Vaughn in the regular season; Sterling Hitchcock and Jim Leyritz in the playoffs
• 2007 — Trevor Hoffman, Tony Gwynn Jr., and Matt Holiday; late-season heroics of Milton Bradley and Scott Hairston; drive to Cooperstown for Tony Gwynn Sr.’s induction into the Hall of Fame

I could continue, but the point is that these represent stops along the way to wherever I’m headed. I record them in my mind and on paper to the best of my ability so I can recall them again later and share memories with others. Like sending postcards to my future self and anyone else who might care to receive them.

This season is different. I’m enjoying the games — well, sort of — because that is what I do. But if you ask me 10 years from now what I remember about 2009, I will tell you this:

• My knee failed
• My dog died
• My team sucked

It all becomes one jumbled mess that roughly translates as, “Isn’t there anything better than this?” And of course, there is; it’s just difficult to appreciate or even recognize it at the time. The flip side is that without such experiences, maybe life is never good enough.

* * *

I returned to the day job and started physical therapy on Tuesday, the combination of which kicked my ass from here to Lake Elsinore. Stopped for Chinese on the way home from therapy. Ate dinner and tried to watch the game. Made it through the first three innings — right to when Kevin Correia served up a meatball to Franklin Gutierrez, who launched it into a ridiculous spot well beyond the fence in left-center.

Went to bed after that. Yeah, around 8 p.m. — what can I say, I’m a party animal. Woke up briefly to see the Mariners score three in the ninth, then fell asleep again.

* * *

The U-T’s Chris Jenkins loves Gwynn’s presence on the team. There’s a cute little chart showing how putrid (.248/.300/.298) Gwynn was before he came to the Padres and how great (.333/.432/.464) he has been in his first 21 games in San Diego.

It’s cool to see a hometown kid jump-start his career with the local nine. Reminds me of when Marcus Giles came here in 2007 and hit .322/.365/.471 in his first 21 games. That was awesome.

* * *

Chris Young has joined Jake Peavy on the disabled list. Inflamed right shoulder. I’d wondered during his last start whether something might not be right with Young.

On the one hand, I never like to see a guy get hurt. On the other, if this explains his ineffectiveness, then maybe time to recover is what he needs.

As I age and put more wear and tear on the body, I find myself becoming increasingly sympathetic to professional athletes. They endure tremendous physical (and mental) stress for the sake of earning an admittedly handsome paycheck. Even if I had the talent and desire, I’m not sure that’s a tradeoff I could bring myself to make.

When I hear people refer to a particular procedure as “routine,” I wonder if they maintain that opinion when confronted with surgery on their own body (or that of a loved one). Surgery is difficult. Rehab is difficult. Anyone who claims otherwise is full of crap.

Gee, Geoff, bitter much?

Okay, fine. Here’s my fortune cookie:

Remember to share good fortune as well as bad with your friends.

Good advice. The kung pao shrimp was delicious.

* * *

Luke Gregerson to the disabled list. Strained right shoulder. I suspected that the Padres might be working him too hard but never studied the issue. Maybe they were, maybe not. Pitchers get hurt.

* * *

The Padres signed Brian Lawrence to a minor-league contract. When I think of Lawrence, I remember being laughed at by strangers at an Arizona Fall League game when Mrs. Ducksnorts phoned with the news and I repeated incredulously to anyone within earshot that he had been traded to the Washington Nationals straight up for Vinny Castilla (or as we now like to say, “Nothing from nothing leaves nothing“).

I hope Lawrence pitches for the big club. Then we can take a break from the current crappy season and reminisce about past crappy seasons, like 2001, when Lawrence led the Padres with 12 wins. Find Brett Tomko, Brian Tollberg, and at least one Bobby Jones, and we could totally put the band back together.

* * *

I’m wearing shoes for the first time in a month. Relearning how to walk. One foot in front of the other. It’s harder than it looks.

* * *

The Padres lost again on Wednesday. The good Chad Gaudin showed up for three innings — threw hard, with movement; missed bats — before imploding in the fourth.

The bullpen kept the game close, but offensive help never arrived. The best opportunity came in the eighth, when Kouzmanoff grounded to third with the bases loaded to end the threat without a score.

In the fourth, Chase Headley crushed a Garrett Olson pitch into the upper deck of the Western Metal building. First home run of the year batting right handed. I’d forgotten he could do that.

Headley and Kouz have eerily similar numbers so far in 2009:

Their career lines aren’t very different either:

The Padres would do well to trade one of them, preferably the one that is two years older and arbitration eligible after the season. I love Kouz, but I’m convinced that the only way Headley realizes his potential is by returning to his natural position. Then he can focus more on hitting and less on trying not to hurt anyone in the outfield.

* * *

Listened to the Beavers and Tacoma Rainiers on radio. Lawrence pitched a gem — 6 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 HR, 1 BB, 3 S0 — in his Beavers debut. Tacoma announcer Mike Curto noted that Lawrence’s fastball ran mid-80s with movement. Curto also sang the praises of the rehabbing Everth Cabrera, calling him (I’m going from memory here) “far and away the best defensive shortstop we’ve seen in the PCL this year.”

* * *

The Padres finally won a game. Took 10 innings and the Mariners pitching to Adrian. Fittingly, the game wasn’t televised.

Josh Geer surrendered two solo homers in six innings. He’s allowed 16 in 64 2/3 innings this year. Daniel at Friar Forecast declares that Geer “is not good,” to which I add that the sun rises in the east and the pope is Catholic.

Adrian went 4-for-4 with a homer and a walk. Scored the winning run. Kudos to Seattle for pitching to him, even though it was a stupid thing to do.

* * *

The buzz surrounding Kyle Blanks’ recall from Portland isn’t as deafening as was Headley’s around the same time last year, but it has attracted attention. I love watching people see him play for the first time. It’s always a two-step process:

1. Holy crap, that dude is huge; no way he can play the outfield
2. Hey, he moves around pretty good; maybe he can

You can’t get to that second step without passing through the first. I don’t know why; it’s just one of those mysteries of life, like how some people think Dane Cook is funny.

* * *

Wade LeBlanc struggled with command in his 2009 debut. Left with the bases loaded and nobody out in the fourth. His replacement, Josh Banks, tossed three scoreless innings.

After Mike Adams preserved the Padres’ 5-3 lead through the seventh, Edward Mujica endured a rare bad outing. Got the first two outs in the eighth and then coughed up three runs. The A’s added another against Joe Thatcher in the ninth to make the score 7-5.

Second base umpire Brian Knight had a tough night. In the top of the sixth, with Orlando Cabrera at the plate, Matt Holliday was caught stealing to end the inning. Knight didn’t see it that way and Holliday, who has a knack for being ruled safe against the Padres when he isn’t, was awarded second base. Holliday was stranded when Cabrera flied to center on the 15th pitch of his 10-minute at-bat. Cabrera later drove home the game-winning run and credited the marathon battle against Banks with helping him to find his comfort zone at the plate. So, thanks for that, Brian Knight.

In the bottom of the sixth, Everth Cabrera and Gwynn reached base to start the frame. Then David Eckstein tapped a weak grounder toward second. Adam Kennedy made a diving back-handed stop and flipped wildly to Orlando Cabrera covering second. Gwynn jumped to avoid Kennedy, who was sprawled out across the basepath. Gwynn’s leap caused him to land a few feet beyond the bag. Cabrera retrieved the ball, then swiped at a retreating Gwynn. It looked like Cabrera caught only air, but Knight called Gwynn out.

Instead of bases loaded and nobody out with Adrian due up, the Padres had runners at the corners and one out. With a base open, the A’s did the sensible thing and intentionally walked Adrian. The next batter, Kouzmanoff, singled to left, driving home two and giving the Padres the lead. Those runs were nice, but one wonders how many more might have scored had Gwynn been ruled safe.

On the bright side, Everth Cabrera had some nice plate appearances and looked terrific at shortstop. Made two fine plays in the seventh, including one deep in the hole to rob Nomar Garciaparra for the final out. Cabrera had no business getting to that ball, let alone making a throw strong enough and accurate enough to nail Nomar.

Now that I’ve seen Cabrera a little, I get the comparisons to Rafael Furcal. I’m not sure it’s the best idea to place that burden of expectation on a kid who played in Low-A ball last year, but I get why people do it. Cabrera has skills.

* * *

With Cabrera back on the active roster and apparently taking over as starting shortstop, Bud Black has channeled his inner Tony LaRussa and started batting the pitcher eighth. John Beamer, my colleague at Hardball Times, seems to think there is merit in this strategy. Good enough for me — at least until some presents compelling evidence to the contrary.

* * *

I have other bones to pick from Friday night’s contest, the most obvious being why Eckstein didn’t bunt with Gwynn on first and nobody out in the eighth inning of a one-run game. Eckstein leads the team with seven sacrifice hits (three of which have come in the first inning, which — don’t get me started), so it’s not like he can’t do it. And with the Padres down, 6-5, late in the game and Adrian on deck, it seems an obvious call.

Instead he swings his way to an 0-2 count before rolling into a double play. Now Adrian bats with two outs and nobody on. Sure, the A’s would have walked Adrian with Gwynn on second and one out, but they do that anyway. At least in the other scenario, there’s a runner in scoring position for Kouzmanoff. As it stands, Kouz’s single moves Adrian to second, where he is left when Headley grounds out to end the inning.

Would Kouzmanoff have driven home the tying run had there been two on and two out? I don’t know, but it might have been nice to find out.

Eh, I’ve already whined too much about this. What does one game matter? That’s the difference between, what, picking fifth in next year’s draft and picking sixth?

I care a lot.

* * *

Matthew Whipps at BDD notes that teams aren’t pitching to Albert Pujols. First off, duh. Second, they aren’t pitching to Adrian either, at least not when he can hurt them:

Adrian is being walked in 37.2% of his plate appearances when runners are in scoring position. As a reference point, that number was 15.4% last year and 11.5% in 2007. So yeah, teams have changed their approach a little.

* * *

The Padres are becoming unwatchable again. Gwynn keeps getting on base, and it’s cool that Blanks notched his first big-league hit (a blooper to left-center on a 1-2 pitch down and away from Michael Wuertz) in the sixth inning of Saturday night’s contest, but yuck.

Everth Cabrera showed youthful exhuberance on a triple to right-center in the fifth and youthful inexperience on two sloppy errors. He also looked helpless against Wuertz’s slider, although to be fair, so did everyone else. Wuertz struck out four of the seven batters he faced.

New catcher Eliezer Alfonzo has been with the club for less than a week and already I’ve seen enough. He hacks at everything and has trouble catching baseballs, being charged with two passed balls on Saturday. He’s Wiki Gonzalez without the cool name. Well, I guess Eliezer is kind of a cool name. Still, I don’t want to see him or Gonzalez behind the dish.

The third inning was fun if you’re a fan of lousy execution. Having scored twice, the Padres loaded the bases with nobody out and failed to tack on any additional runs. Adrian fanned on three pitches and Headley rolled over on an 0-1 pitch for an easy 5-3 double play. He’s mastered that; time to try something else, preferably something that helps the Padres.

Blanks looked comfortable in left field. Made one nice catch running to his left and fielded a couple more balls without incident.

* * *

I almost didn’t include this because I’m not sure what to do with it, but maybe you have some ideas:

The Padres are better than MLB average when scoring four runs or fewer. They are terrible when scoring five or more. I was hoping to learn something about the pitching staff, but I’m not there yet. Right now I just have intriguing data, which is fine.

I should also note that the Padres started the season 7-0 in games in which they score five runs or more. Since April 19, they are 8-11 in such contests.

* * *

Been in a Mingus state of mind. Chaos has its place. Sometimes you notice things you might otherwise miss.

Accomplishments from the past week that I never thought I’d have cause to celebrate: Took a standing shower, bent my leg 75 degrees, put on my own shoes, sat in a restaurant without pain and enjoyed a good meal with friends.

I try not to take things for granted, but that doesn’t always keep me from doing it. The Padres are playing infuriatingly erratic baseball and they frustrate the heck out of me, but this was a good week.

When things aren’t going well, people joke that “at least you have your health.” Let me assure you that your health is not a bad thing to have. A baseball team that doesn’t suck is nice, too, but you can live comfortably without that. I’m just sayin’.

* * *

I took Sunday off, which seemed to help the Padres and me. Correia pitched well again. Henry Blanco and Kouz homered.

I will keep taking a day or two off each week. It is how I will survive the season with whatever passes for sanity intact. Going forward, though, I’ll watch Correia’s starts. I’ll skip Geer’s or Gaudin’s. I’m leaning toward Gaudin because of his tendency to miss the strike zone.

I don’t relish the thought of watching Geer, but at least with him, I might get to see Home Run Derby. There is entertainment value in that.

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Just give me a game to watch and the rest will take care of itself. There is no pressure with this team, no expectation of success. Every win is a surprise, a gift.

Sometimes I believe this. Usually right before things get ugly.

* * *

Jake Peavy was effective but not dominant on Monday night. Gave up three runs, although all could have been avoided with better defense behind him.

In the fourth, Chase Headley misplayed a drive off the bat of Chris Snyder into a single and an error. Headley couldn’t decide whether to catch the ball or play it on a hop, so he did neither and let it skip past him instead, allowing Gerardo Parra to score Arizona’s first run. After Eric Byrnes then flied to right for what should have been the final out, Josh Whitesell singled home Snyder to make the score 2-0.

In the sixth, Kevin Kouzmanoff muffed a grounder to his right. Kouz mistimed his dive and the ball kicked off his glove for what was ruled a single that brought home Parra. It was a tough play, but one that should have ended the inning.

Kouz redeemed himself by driving in four of the Padres’ six runs and making Arizona pay for repeatedly putting Adrian Gonzalez on base. Kouz got some help. His second two-RBI hit, a double in the seventh, was a fly to left-center that Byrnes tracked down and then failed to catch when he forgot to extend his arm toward the ball.

Greg Burke worked a scoreless eighth. Two fly balls to center — one well struck — and a swinging strikeout of Snyder to end it.

Mike Adams, activated from the disabled list before the game, warmed up during the bottom of the eighth. He would have made his 2009 debut in the ninth had the Pads extended their 6-3 lead.

But they didn’t, so Heath Bell came on instead. Again. Bell had thrown a total of 52 pitches over the previous two days and his command was off — kept elevating the fastball — but he battled and pitched smart.

After putting two men on base and falling behind, 2-0, to Mark Reynolds, Bell evened the count with curve balls. He then got Reynolds to chase a high 95-mph fastball for the second out. Felipe Lopez followed with an easy grounder to second base that ended the contest.

* * *

I listened to the Beavers game on the radio. Kyle Blanks collected three singles — two didn’t leave the infield, the other was a broken-bat blooper. They look like line drives in the box score.

* * *

As expected, the Washington Nationals selected SDSU right-hander Stephen Strasburg with the first pick overall in the 2009 draft. I’ve written about Strasburg at Baseball Daily Digest and Baseball Prospectus, so now I’ll just say congratulations and best of luck. Between Strasburg and USD’s Brian Matusz, who went fourth overall to the Baltimore Orioles in 2008, we’ve gotten spoiled with some great pitching talent here in San Diego over the past few years.

The Padres took “my guy,” Georgia high-school outfielder Donavan Tate, with their first pick (third overall). He has committed to playing football at the University of North Carolina, which could make him a tough sign, but I love Tate’s upside and the fact that the Padres don’t appear to fear negotiating with him and agent Scott Boras.

Tate is mentioned as a potential five-tool player, although some people question his bat. In terms of comparable talents, I won’t mention specific names that I’ve heard because that is second-hand information and it creates unreasonable expectations. (If you’re curious, Myron offers a few comps at Another Padres Blog.) The range falls between guys that enjoyed modest success at the big-league level and perennial All-Stars.

As Craig at 619 Sports notes, there is real risk with this pick, and the Padres don’t have a great track record when it comes to developing high-school position players. That said, assuming they sign Tate, I’m glad they are at least willing to try. At best, the Padres add a difference maker. At worst, they fail with someone who has a ceiling higher than, say, back-end starter or one-dimensional corner guy. It’s good to see them ditch the comfy grey sweats for a pinstripe suit.

Beyond Tate, the Padres popped a couple more high-risk/high-reward types in the early rounds. They tabbed Texas high-school outfielder Everett Williams (see also Another Padres Blog for more on Williams) in the second and Florida high-school right-hander Keyvius Sampson in the fourth. These kids were mentioned as possible first- or sandwich-round talents. Presumably they slipped for a reason, but I haven’t spoken to anyone who expected either to be available when the Padres made their picks. Nice of the club not to pass up those talents.

Paul DePodesta claims there has been no change in draft philosophy (Myron has examined this issue as well at Friar Forecast). Having no knowledge of what happens behind closed doors, I can’t speak to intent or mindset. What I can do is observe the results and note that this looks nothing like what I’d expected from a Padres draft.

That’s a back-handed compliment if ever there was one, but if you look a little closer, you’ll notice an encouraging progression:

• 2004: Unmitigated disaster. Matt Bush may be the worst #1 pick in MLB history, and the only real hope is 42nd-rounder Kyle Blanks.
• 2005: Not bad. If first-round pick Cesar Carrillo had stayed healthy, this could have been a very nice draft. Current Padres taken include Headley (second round), Nick Hundley (second), Josh Geer (third), and Will Venable (seventh). Mike Baxter (fourth) could help down the road.
• 2006: Similar to ‘05. Matt Antonelli (first) hasn’t developed as quickly as hoped but has seen action with the big club. Same with second-round pick Wade LeBlanc. Behind them, Chad Huffman (second), Cedric Hunter (third), Craig Cooper (seventh), Mat Latos (11th), and Jeremy McBryde (26th) all show promise. Heck, Latos might be the best prospect in the system.
• 2007: More of the same. First-rounder Nick Schmidt is looking good after coming back from injuries that delayed the start of his pro career (although I still wish they’d taken Michael Main — his poor start in the Cal League this year notwithstanding — with that pick). Kellen Kulbacki (first), Drew Cumberland (first), Eric Sogard (second), Jeremy Hefner (fifth), and Wynn Pelzer (ninth) could make an impact. Lesser lights include Mitch Canham (first), Cory Luebke (first), and Corey Kluber (fourth). Blemishes include wasting early picks on one-tool outfielders Danny Payne and Brad Chalk, and failing to sign Tommy Toledo (third) and Christian Colon (10th).
• 2008: Looking good. I wasn’t thrilled with Allan Dykstra as the first pick (full disclosure: “my guy,” Anthony Hewitt, has been awful), but the Padres did well after that. Jaff Decker (first), Logan Forsythe (first), James Darnell (second), Sawyer Carroll (third), and Anthony Bass (fifth) look legit, and there are more intriguing names (Beamer Weems, eighth; Matt Clark, 12th; Chris Wilkes, 23rd) further down the list.

This year appears to be an extension of 2008’s more aggressive approach, and I applaud it. Many of us have been waiting for this for a long time.

Thank you.

* * *

Caught some of Tuesday night’s game. My leg and the Padres’ baserunning were bugging me, so I tuned out midway through the contest. Tony Gwynn Jr. killed a rally in the first by getting thrown out at third on a ball that didn’t quite get away from Dodgers catcher Russell Martin. The Padres still managed to score two runs thanks to a two-out single by Kouzmanoff, but they had a chance to knock Chad Billingsley out early and let him off the hook.

Hundley got thrown out by Martin on a similar play in the fourth. I appreciate the aggresiveness, but I’d appreciate good judgment even more.

Chris Young served up four homers, including two to Andre Ethier, who should never see a strike from Young. In 34 career plate appearances, Ethier is hitting .414/.500/1.103 againt Young, with six home runs. So yeah, don’t go there.

Young has allowed four home runs in a game twice this year, both within the span of a month. After serving up just one homer over his first seven starts, he’s coughed up 11 over his past seven starts, spanning a total of 36 1/3 innings. Small sample or not, that’s Ken Dixon ‘87 territory and a dangerous way to live.

* * *

I didn’t watch Wednesday night’s victory — needed a break from all the excitement of this Padres team — but a couple items in the box score caught my eye. First, Kevin Correia worked six strong innings (on short rest, thanks to Chad Gaudin’s unscheduled relief appearance in the 18-inning game). Last week I pointed out that Correia tends to wilt in the middle innings, but this is his second straight start where it didn’t happen, so maybe he made an adjustment. Then again, it could be a fluke. We don’t know yet.

Second, Adrian drew only one walk, ending his streak of two or more in a game at eight. As best as I can tell, this is the longest such streak since at least 1954, the first year for which these records are readily available. Adrian’s batting line during that stretch was surreal:

Here’s wishing Scott Hairston a speedy recovery.

* * *

I should say something about the Raul Ibanez incident. On the one hand, I can understand why Ibanez would feel upset at being accused of using steroids. On the other, nobody accused him of using steroids.

The blogger at the epicenter, Jerod Morris, speculated that PEDs might be one — among many — possible reason for Ibanez’s hot start. This is hardly the first time a writer has made such speculations about a player (Tom Tango points to Murray Chass’ treatment of Mike Piazza as one example).

Such is the legacy of the steroid era, when many players used PEDs and everyone else turned a blind eye. The subsequent images of Rafael Palmeiro wagging his finger, Mark McGwire refusing to speak, and Jason Giambi making vague apologies linger in our minds. The actions of certain individuals within a group damaged the credibility of all individuals within that group, including the innocent, which leads to my next point.

In his response to Morris’ article (or more accurately, the Philadelphia Inquirer’s misrepresentation of Morris’ article), Ibanez railed against bloggers:

There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother’s basement. It demeans everything you’ve done with one stroke of the pen.

First off, why does Ibanez — in the current climate of mistrust engendered by steroid use and the attempt to cover it up — seem to think that anyone is above suspicion? I recently wrote about Ibanez’s early-season success at Baseball Prospectus. I didn’t mention steroids because, frankly, that angle didn’t interest me, but I’m missing the part where asking the question (or acknowledging that some folks might wonder about such things) and attempting to examine it is wrong.

Second, Ibanez’s cliched characterization of bloggers is tired and ironic beyond description. He doesn’t want to be lumped in by association with his colleagues who may have cheated, and yet he has no problem calling out all bloggers because of his personal beef with one of them. You could change “some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother’s basement” to “some bulked-up slugger taking steroids” and reach a similar conclusion about a different set of people… I mean, if sweeping generalizations are your thing.

Tango’s article includes an embedded video that features Morris, Inquirer reporter John Gonzalez, and FOX Sports reporter Ken Rosenthal. It’s cringe inducing in spots but worth watching. For one thing, if you didn’t have names associated with the faces, you might be surprised at which panelist is the blogger and which are the professional reporters. Grace and poise aren’t bestowed only on those with a title.

Beyond the superficiality of appearances, there is the deeper issue of trust. A blogger (Morris) noticed the somewhat unlikely output of an aging player (Ibanez) and wondered about the cause. He then investigated and reported findings. A reporter (Gonzalez) subsequently picked up on one part of the story without looking at the whole picture. (As someone who has been misrepresented by a reporter in ways that boggle the imagination, I can say this doesn’t surprise me in the least.) Ibanez then caught wind of Gonzalez’s interpretation of Morris’ original piece and reacted to the former, taking a swipe at Morris and other “basement dwellers” in the process.

To the larger issue, in the video, Rosenthal expresses concern about upholding certain standards. His condescension notwithstanding, he raises some valid points, in light of which I ask the following question: Why is there no outrage at the Philadelphia Inquirer for running a story that misrepresented Morris’ findings and thereby failed to uphold such standards?

I don’t have an answer, but it’s worth considering.

* * *

The ankle that’s been bothering Jake Peavy finally landed him on the disabled list. He’s expected to be out at least a month, possibly longer.

Kevin Towers has mentioned three possible replacements for Peavy in the rotation: Walter Silva (no, thanks), Wade LeBlanc (eh, okay), and Mat Latos (yes, please). Bringing up Latos, who has fewer than 200 professional innings under his belt, comes with risk (Oliver Perez sends his regards). That said, the Padres should know better than anyone whether Latos can handle the jump. If they think he can, then why not?

On the bright side, maybe now Peavy won’t be going anywhere. Great; neither are the Padres.

* * *

Ugly game Friday night in Anaheim. The good news is that Chad Gaudin found the strike zone. The bad news is that… well, he found the strike zone.

Gaudin gave up some fluky bloop hits but he also surrendered two home runs. When the final line shows eight runs on 11 hits over 3+ innings, it’s hard to play the fluke card.

Nice to see the Padres battle back from an early 4-1 defecit to tie the game. Not so nice to see the Angels promptly score five in their half of the fourth to put it out of reach.

Things could have been worse. With runners at the corners, nobody out, and a 2-1 count on Torii Hunter, Bobby Abreu got caught trying to swipe second. Then, after Vlad Guerrero drove in Anaheim’s ninth run, Juan Rivera flied to Brian Giles in medium right. Hunter broke home from third but stopped. Giles’ throw sailed over Adrian at first, and Guerrero took off for second. Blanco gunned him down to end the inning on the good ol’ 9-2-4 double play.

Luis Rodriguez came off the disabled list and looked rusty. Worked some good counts but couldn’t catch up to anyone’s fastball and struck out three times. He also made an ill-advised throw home in the fourth that skipped past Blanco and Gaudin for an error.

Gwynn collected a single and two walks. He continues to impress (and surprise) with his approach at the plate. The same cannot be said of his baserunning and defense. Then again, for all my whining about the trade that brought Gwynn to San Diego, Jody Gerut is hitting .136/.240/.136 in a limited role with the Brewers, so what do I know?

Edwin Moreno, recently returned from Triple-A Portland, relieved Gaudin in the sense that gasoline relieves fire. He allowed one inherited run to score, along with two more of his own.

Cla Meredith got into the game. He seems to have become the mopup man, which isn’t a bad role for him given how poorly he fares in crucial situations. Hey, someone has to soak up those innings; it might as well be a guy who can get outs.

Headley grounded into two more double plays. He’s doing that with a greater frequency this year than Jim Rice did over the course of his career. Of course, Rice had a slightly higher ISO than Headley’s .117, which is more in Ralph Garr/Dan Gladden territory. Among left fielders, this year Headley is just behind Carl Crawford and ahead of Denard Span in the ISO department.

When I saw Headley at Elsinore in ‘06, he had a refined approach at the plate. He had a plan. I pegged him as a Jeff Cirillo/Bill Mueller type who would hit for a high average, draw walks, and knock the occasional homer

Now he’s up there hacking. Headley has sacrificed the average and the plate discipline for… I don’t know what. At an age (25) when he should be establishing himself as a big leaguer, Headley looks lost. He’s hitting like David Dellucci and playing bad defense in left field. That’s not a winning combination.

Here’s hoping something clicks for Headley soon. Yesterday would be nice.

* * *

I missed Kouzmanoff’s meaningless two-run homer in the seventh. Switched to Thursday night’s Conan O’Brien (TiVo, I love you) after the sixth. Neko Case was the musical guest. She was brilliant. Ditto Norm MacDonald.

There was a fun bit where Conan and Slash went to people’s houses to test out guitars advertised on Craigslist. They didn’t buy any, but Conan picked up a jacket for himself and a girl’s bicycle for Slash, so it wasn’t a total loss.

* * *

Reader LynchMob informs us that friend of Ducksnorts Dirk Hayhurst is back in the big leagues. The Blue Jays recently recalled him and are using him out of the bullpen. Congrats to Dirk, and best of luck!

* * *

Wasn’t aware of Saturday’s earlier start, so by the time I tuned in, the Padres were already down, 4-1. Saw Geer serve up a couple of homers (he allowed a total of four in the game) and Headley get credit for a double on a ball he hit right at Abreu, who clanked it (the scorer came to his senses the next day and changed it to an error). At some point Joe Thatcher came in and gave up Hunter’s third homer of the night, which coincided with my loss of interest in the contest.

Hey, at least I got to see Kouzmanoff’s home run this time. Without that, the final score would have been 9-0 instead of 9-1.

Clutch.

* * *

Pitching is a problem, especially the rotation. The Padres haven’t been able to keep opponents in the yard in June. Both Young and Geer have allowed four home runs in a game this month. They are not the only culprits, though; gopheritis is running rampant throughout the staff:

With Peavy, the Padres had one of the worst starting rotations in baseball, positing a 5.09 ERA over the season’s first 62 games. Only the Nationals, Phillies, Indians, and Orioles have higher ERAs from their starters. None of those teams has the advantage of playing half its games in what is by far the most pitcher-friendly environment in MLB.

Without Peavy… Well, I’d rather not think about it.

* * *

In his second start of the week on Sunday afternoon, Young couldn’t find the plate. With two out in the second, he walked four straight batters (the first coming to Jeff Mathis — he of the .195/.276/.313 career line) and then gave up a two-RBI single that put the Angels up, 4-0. Mercifully, umpire Marty Foster banged Maicer Izturis at third on the play despite the fact that Izturis arrived ahead of Kouzmanoff’s tag.

Adrian beat out an infield single in the fourth. Hit a cue shot to third base, but the Angels had the shift on so Chone Figgins was playing near the second base bag.

Such fun.

The Padres lost, 6-0. For the three-game series in Anaheim, they were outscored, 26-6, and it wasn’t even that close. The starting pitchers had a miserable weekend:

Okay, maybe that is a little boring… not to mention embarrassing. On the bright side, five years after the Padres passed on him in the draft, we finally got to see Jered Weaver. He’s pretty good.

* * *

It’s tough to give up on a season in the middle of June, but Corey makes too much sense when he suggests that the Padres may have seen the last of .500 baseball in ‘09. There just isn’t enough firepower in the lineup to overcome a pitching staff that looked shaky even before Peavy’s injury.

Silver linings? Well, I still like the draft.

“It’s great to see you,” she says.

“You, too.”

We stare at each other for a few seconds, searching for words.

“Well, uh, I gotta go,” she says.

“Me, too.”

What had we talked about back then?

At least it was only a dream. So awkward when that happens and I’m awake.

* * *

Ten-game home winning streak snapped against the Phillies Monday night. Kevin Correia started, didn’t have much. Got whacked around in the third, was lucky to escape with just the two runs. Served up long home runs to Chase Utley and Ryan Howard in the fifth, back-to-back.

Utley turned on a fastball up and in, hammered it down the right-field line. How does he keep that ball fair?

Howard’s blast came on a fastball out over the plate. Crushed it 430 feet to dead center. Punch line: He hit it off the end of his bat. Struck out the other four times he came up, mostly chasing breaking balls down and in. Howard can be pitched to, it’s just — well, don’t miss.

The Padres flashed their power in the sixth. Adrian Gonzalez and Scott Hairston went back-to-back off Joe Blanton, both to left. As Daniel at Friar Forecast notes, a ridiculous percentage of Adrian’s fly balls are leaving the yard. (Speaking of Friar Forecast, founder Myron Logan has started something called Another Padre Blog that you should go read.)

Hairston’s shot hit the upper deck facade. He also just missed a game-tying homer off Brad Lidge in the ninth.

Stupid play of the night followed Hairston’s near miss. With Adrian on first, Giles steps to the plate. Lidge bounces a pitch and it kicks away from catcher Carlos Ruiz. Adrian starts chugging toward second, which makes me cringe because I can outrun him, and I’ve got a full leg brace and crutches.

Ruiz recovers the ball quickly and fires to Jimmy Rollins covering, but Adrian sneaks in under the tag. Then Rollins pushes him off the bag, and second base umpire Paul Emmel calls Adrian out. Assuming I’m reading it correctly, rule 7.04(d) indicates that Adrian should be safe.

Beyond Emmel’s curious interpretation, one other thing puzzles me: Why the heck is Adrian running? The Padres are down by two, so it’s not like getting into scoring position helps. I suppose it removes the possibility of a conventional double play, but I’m not comfortable with that risk/reward calculus. Unless the ball ends up in El Cajon, Adrian stays on first.

Water. Bridge. Lidge retires Brian Giles to end the game. I only wish that Bud Black had gotten into Emmel’s face a little more. When an umpire blows a call that badly, the least a manager can do is get himself tossed.

* * *

Speaking of Correia, is it any coincidence that his only two effective big-league seasons came in ‘06 and ‘07, when he worked primarily out of the bullpen? Check out some of Correia’s splits so far this year:

These are different ways of looking at the same thing. All demonstrate that the longer Correia stays in the game, the worse he performs and eventually he will implode.

Correia exhibited similar tendencies in 2008. For his career, he gets killed from the third plate appearance on (.323/.400/.519) and from pitch 76 on (.316/.388/.491). If this isn’t the profile of a pitcher that should be used a few innings at a time, I don’t know what is.

That’s not all I learned, though. I also learned that I just spent way too much time thinking about Kevin Correia. And so did you. Hey, we’re in this together.

* * *

Before Tuesday’s game, Black called Tony Gwynn Jr. the Padres’ best defensive center fielder since Mike Cameron. I hope Black is saying this to be nice and doesn’t actually believe it.

Jake Peavy got hit by a virus but tried to pitch anyway and gave up four runs in his only inning of work. Josh Geer replaced him and served up a bomb to Howard.

The Phillies led, 6-0, after three innings. Their fans were louder than those of the Padres, which filled me with so much pride that I switched off the game and worked on a crossword puzzle.

After spotting Philly a 10-1 lead, the Padres closed it to 10-5 and even loaded the bases in the ninth. Adrian smacked another homer (don’t call him underrated; yeah, the stratospheric walk rate means he’s no longer operating in stealth mode) and Luis Perdomo made a rare appearance.

Sorry I missed Perdomo. It’s like missing Halley’s Comet. I may never get another chance.

* * *

I’ve lived in San Diego for 20 years and it still surprises me that people here are cool with letting the other team’s fams take over our house. I grew up in Los Angeles, where that just didn’t happen. I’ve spoken with natives about this, and some don’t even recognize it as a problem because being outnumbered and outvoiced at the ballpark is all they’ve ever known. Sad, that.

* * *

Palm trees, dead grass, birds chirping, lamppost, rusted silver BMW. Clocks tick as Toby the pug snores curled up in his basket. A blue truck passes.

Scott Hairston to the disabled list. Left biceps. Hurt it swinging the bat during Tuesday’s loss. Will Venable up from Portland, starting in left against southpaw J.A. Happ on Wednesday.

Chris Young avoided the strike zone again. He’s gotten a little too good at that for my taste:

Those aren’t the sorts of trends you want to see from a pitcher.

At bat in the second, Young drove a ball deep to right-center with the bases loaded and two out that would have plated three and tied the score. Right fielder Greg Dobbs made a nice running catch to end the threat, and the crowd went nuts because Petco Park is everyone’s home away from home. I flipped the channel to… something without the sound of Phillies fans.

By the end of the night, the Padres had been swept at home for the first time in 2009. Nobody cared.

* * *

* * *

Thee is no middle ground with the ‘09 Padres. They are brilliant or wretched, never mediocre. I smell sponsorship: “That rally-killing double play was brought to you by Prozac.”

Remember when the Padres were dismantling teams at home? Now they’ve lost four straight.

Chad Gaudin’s command in Colorado? A mirage. He was back to his old tricks Friday night, missing the strike zone with aplomb. He’s got good stuff — low-90s fastball with movement and a biting slider that made Justin Upton look ridiculous in the fifth — but doesn’t seem to trust it.

If you missed Gaudin’s start, his first batter of the night tells the story. Gaudin jumped ahead of Felipe Lopez, 0-2, and then walked him. From there, it was just variations on that theme. I could tell you more, but then I’d have to kill… myself.

On the bright side, Joe Thatcher looked great. Struck out the first four batters he faced before giving up two weak ground ball singles. I don’t know how Thatcher throws strikes with a delivery that is funkier than George Clinton, but it seems to be working, so who am I to argue?

Perdomo got into the contest. The Padres are 2-11 in games in which he appears. I call him “Bandera Blanca,” which is Spanish for “White Flag.”

The Padres almost scored in the sixth. With runners at first and second and one out, Chase Headley lined a single between first and second. Upton got on the ball quickly and with all his momentum coming toward home, fired a strike to catcher Chris Snyder, who tagged out Eckstein.

I screamed when I saw Glenn Hoffman waving Eckstein home, but the play was closer than I’d expected and it took a perfect throw. Still, what does one run mean when you’re down, 6-0?

That’s why I’m not as upset about the play now as when it happened. Whining about the difference between an 8-0 loss and and 8-1 loss makes a guy seem petty, and we won’t have that.

The left-hander that worked the seventh for Arizona — Daniel Schlereth — dominated. Struck out the Padres in order. Got Hundley to chase a breaking ball in the dirt and abused Gwynn with fastballs. Fanned Josh Wilson in between, but I couldn’t tell you how because Wilson’s at-bets tend not to be memorable. It is for the best.

Must be tough to face Schlereth, who works in the mid-90s, immediately after six innings of Doug Davis. I’m not saying Davis is slow, but I took a nap during one of his pitches and felt quite refreshed by the time it reached Snyder’s mitt.

* * *

Couple interviews with former Padres. Gaslamp Ball chats with Jason Szuminski, while Jorge Says No! talks to Garry Templeton.

* * *

Fun win on Saturday night. Remember all that stuff I said about Correia earlier? Well, he made me look like an idiot, which is cool because it helps the team.

Correia gave up two semi-fluky runs (three ground ball singles, a walk, and a hit batsman) in the first and then shut down the Diamondbacks for the next five innings. I thought he was going to fall apart in the fifth, when Max Scherzer led off with a single and Felipe Lopez smoked the next pitch. Fortunately, Lopez’s drive found Adrian’s glove and turned into a double play. Correia then retired Ryan Roberts on a first-pitch groundout, getting through the inning on all of three pitches, which marked a nice change from the 35 he’d needed to survive the first.

Correia pitched so well that I almost removed the bit showing that he tends to fade in the middle innings. I decided to keep it for three reasons:

1. I’d already done the work.
2. Analysis is a process, and it’s important to consider all available evidence.
3. The point still holds, although Correia has given us a compelling reason to keep an eye on this going forward.

Another guy that made me look like an idiot on Saturday was Gwynn. I remain skeptical that he can play at this level, but the kid had a fantastic game, reaching base in all five of his trips to the plate out of the leadoff spot. That has happened 15 times in Padres history (the most recent coming on September 21, 2005, when Dave Roberts did it).

Gwynn had a little help. In the fateful sixth, when the Padres scored all six of their runs (and Will Venable collected his first two hits of the season), Gwynn took a slider from Schlereth for strike one. Gwynn then checked his swing on another slider. Third base umpire Paul Nauert ruled that he held up, although replays suggest otherwise. Now with a 1-1 count, Schlereth threw three straight balls to Gwynn. One wonders if the outcome might have been different had he been working with an 0-2 count.

Gwynn wasn’t the only one seeing the ball well. The entire offense came out to play. Although the Padres couldn’t score against Scherzer, they were patient enough to force him out of the game after 5 innings and 104 pitches. Then came the Arizona bullpen — that tasty, tasty bullpen — and the Padres got serious.

For as much as I enjoyed the six-run outburst (and oh, how I enjoyed it), I liked what followed even better. Luke Gregerson came on in the seventh and retired the side in order. Two strikeouts (Eric Byrnes and Chris Snyder swung at filthy sliders well off the plate) and a grounder to second.

Edward Mujica gave up his first run since April 30 on a two-out solo homer to Justin Upton, who crushed a 2-2 fastball to center and deposited it in the beach area. Hey, you’re up four in the eighth, might as well challenge hitters. Upton is a great talent, and guys with great talent sometimes deposit fastballs into the beach area. Get the next guy, which Mujica did.

The Padres drew eight walks on the night, tying their season high in regulation games this year (they drew 12 in that 16-inning affair against the Reds a few weeks ago). All eight came from the first four batters, including two to Adrian, who has drawn two or more in each of the past five games. During that stretch, of the 92 pitches he’s seen, only 33 (35.9%) have been strikes.

As a team, the Padres’ walk rate is up significantly this season, reversing a four-year downward trend:

We’ll have to keep watching this, but at least through the first two months, the organizational philosophy of a patiently aggressive approach at the plate appears to be in effect. The next step is to score more runs.

* * *

I should say a few words about the 2009 draft, which starts this Tuesday at 3 p.m. PT. First, I haven’t been following as closely this year as in seasons past. Second, from what I’ve heard about the players expected to be available and of interest to the Padres at #3, here is my wish list:

1. Donavan Tate
2. Aaron Crow
3. Not Mike Minor

Tate will be a difficult sign, but I like the tools. Crow strikes me as a reasonable compromise if the Padres decide not to pursue Tate; the guy is a potential impact arm, which is something the organization lacks beyond Mat Latos. Regarding Minor, I’m sick of these polished left-handers that work in the high-80s. Time to try something new.

As for draft coverage, hundreds of “experts” have cropped up in recent years. If you are interested in their opinions, I suggest trying Google. My further advice would be to learn a little about the sources before placing your trust in them. When in doubt, stick with the usual suspects: MLB.com, Baseball America, etc.

* * *

Sunday’s contest went 18 innings and ended in defeat, but the team battled, which is all I ever ask. That and wins, but sometimes you can’t have both.

Geer pitched well for four innings and then started falling behind hitters in the fifth. As he reminded us, guys who work with a mid-80s fastball can’t afford to do that. Arizona scored four that inning and two the next against Thatcher to take a 6-0 lead.

Positives from Geer’s outing? He picked two runners off first base. Dude has quick feet. He should talk to Chris Young (the Padres pitcher, not the guy Geer picked off in the third).

Dan Haren, meanwhile, was busy mowing through the lineup. I turned to watch John Mayer channel Jimi on the Tonight Show (thanks, TiVo), and missed Kouzmanoff’s home run.

At some point I figured it was safe to return, and I watched the Padres mount a rally against the Arizona bullpen in the eighth. After the first two batters made out, Gwynn lined a double to center. Edgar Gonzalez drew a walk, but on ball four, Gwynn was caught stealing third to end the inning.

Oh, and Adrian was on deck. Steve Lyons would be proud.

No matter, because the Padres scored five in the ninth to tie. Juan Gutierrez, who nearly blew the May 26 contest against the Padres, lit the fuse again. Adrian doubled to lead off the inning and Headley singled him home. Giles walked and Kouzmanoff then almost went yard again, taking Chris Young to the wall in center.

Exit Gutierrez, enter Chad Qualls. Hundley chopped a grounder to the left of third baseman Mark Reynolds, who made a diving stop but whose throw to first arrived too late. Headley scored, cutting the lead to 6-3.

After Chris Burke made the second out, Eckstein came off the bench. He swung at the first pitch he saw — a hanging sinker — and hooked it down the left-field line for a three-run homer to tie the game.

Well. There’s something you don’t see… ever.

In extra innings, Arizona had numerous opportunities to take the lead but couldn’t make it happen until the 18th, when the Padres ran out of pitchers and were forced to stick shortstop Josh Wilson on the mound.

Throwing mostly fastballs in the 86-89 mph range, Wilson came within a strike of escaping the inning unscathed. With two on and two out, he jumped ahead of Reynolds, 0-2. After working the count full, Reynolds lofted a ball to right field that kept carrying and bounced off the top of the auxiliary scoreboard for a three-run homer.

Former Padres farmhand Leo Rosales retired his old team in order in the bottom half, game over. Give props to the Diamondbacks bullpen. Here’s a log of their games against San Diego this year:

That’s a 6.97 ERA. Sounds bad, but it was much worse (9.82) before they tossed nine straight no-hit innings to conclude Sunday’s contest.

What a time for the Arizona bullpen to solve Padres hitters, eh? It’s funny; you see Eckstein hit a pinch-hit, three-run homer with two out in the ninth and figure you’re destined to see your team win. Turns out you’re just destined to see a great ballgame.

* * *

I don’t know where Laura went. I don’t know where the Padres are going. Some days I care; others, not so much. I would make all the endings happy if I could, but I am awake two-thirds of the time, in a world where my vote doesn’t count.

Oh well. Here we are.

Kevin Correia breezes through 4 2/3 innings, then runs into trouble. Ryan Roberts bloops a single in front of Chase Headley that a more accomplished left fielder might have caught. The inning continues, and Correia gives up back-to-back doubles that put the Diamondbacks on top, 2-0. Correia falls apart the following inning and the score is now 6-0.

Arizona starter Max Scherzer has the Padres chasing high fastballs all night. Then Chris Burke (!) homers to left to lead off the eighth. Tony Gwynn Jr. follows with a pinch single, ending Scherzer’s evening. Left-hander Doug Slaten comes on to face Brian Giles, who lines Slaten’s first pitch hard toward left field. Unfortunately for Giles and the Padres, third baseman Roberts leaps and intercepts the ball for the first out.

Esmerling Vasquez enters, and this happens:

• Eckstein singles to right
• Hairston walks
• Kouzmanoff hit by pitch, Gwynn scores

Then it’s Juan Gutierrez’s turn:

• Headley singles to right, Eckstein scores
• Hundley strikes out swinging
• wild pitch, Hairston scores
• Macias, batting for Edgar, walks
• Adrian, batting for Chris Burke, flies to deep right

Adrian is a late scratch from the starting lineup due to flulike symptoms, but almost comes through in a pinch. He just misses a grand slam. Gets under the pitch.

The offense gets back to work in the ninth. With Gutierrez still on the mound, the Padres load the bases with nobody out. Scott Hairston steps to the plate… and grounds into a 5-4-3 double play that plates Gwynn, making the score 6-5.

With Giles on third and two out, Kouzmanoff dumps a 1-2 pitch down the right-field line… foul by inches. Then he hammers a ball to right-center that Chris Young hauls in just shy of the wall. Game over, streak over, heckuva ride.

If Headley gets a better jump in the fifth… If Giles’ drive in the eighth is a little to the left… If Adrian doesn’t get under the pitch that same inning… If Hairston’s grounder in the ninth isn’t hit quite so hard or if Eckstein can take out the second baseman (oh, if that had been Giles running!)… If Kouz’s bloop stays fair or his subsequent drive carries a few feet further…

None of these things happen, so instead we look back fondly at a most improbable winning streak, thank the guys for their effort, and hope they’ll win the next one.

* * *

This is the second time in my life I’ve had to use crutches. When I was 15, I crashed into another kid while playing softball at school. He broke his nose, I broke my ankle. I was in a cast later that day and out hitting tennis balls the next because I’d planned to try out fot the team and wanted to maintain my stroke. I rested the crutch under my left armpit and hit forehands. When I told the doctor, he was horrified. In retrospect, it seems obvious that I shouldn’t have done that, but when you don’t spell things out for a kid short on common sense…

* * *

Back to winning on Wednesday, 8-5, to take the series in Phoenix. Jake Peavy looked strong early before hitting the wall. Guys started smacking him silly. Turns out he was pitching with a bad ankle. Well, he was pitching with his arm, but as anyone who has ever used a body knows, it’s all connected.

Up 5-4, the Padres erputed for three runs against a shaky Arizona bullpen in the eighth. They should have scored more. Leo Rosales and Vasquez couldn’t find the plate. Between them, they walked four batters in the inning. With the bases loaded, Drew Macias jumped ahead in the count, 3-0, before being called out on strikes. After Henry Blanco singled home a run to make the score 8-4, Gwynn hit a ground ball to third that forced the runner at home. Giles then took strike three on a full-count pitch to end the frame.

To Giles’ credit, he battled back from 0-2. He had quality plate appearances all night. Triple, walk, couple loud outs.

Adrian homered. Yawm.

Kouzmanoff looked good again. Flirted with a homer in the sixth (settled for a sac fly), hit some hard foul balls. I feel like he’s about to go off, but I often feel that way. Don’t listen to me when I talk about Kouz.

* * *

Watching a lot of TV, which I don’t normally do unless it involves baseball, spaceships, or both. During the day, options are sparse, so I end up flipping back and forth between SpongeBob Squarepants and Dog The Bounty Hunter. Also managed to catch a lot of the French Open, which is cool because tennis is the one sport I almost didn’t suck at back in the day. What those people can do on a court is unbelievable to me. So is the fact that someone beat Rafael Nadal on clay. Or the fact that the Padres are hovering around .500 this late in the season.

* * *

Glad to see ex-Padre Russell Branyan enjoying a breakout campaign (.323/.413/.614) in Seattle. Funny what can happen when a guy gets a chance. I’ve been advocating on Branyan’s behalf for a long time. It’s good that someone finally looked past the strikeouts and recognized him for the productive hitter that he is. Too bad it didn’t happen earlier in Branyan’s career, but better late than never.

* * *

Death by paper cuts against the Rockies on Friday night. Chris Young was in nibble mode from the get-go. To desecrate a lyric from the late John Lennon, if you go walking six in six innings at Coors Field, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone, anyhow. Lennon’s line is better because it rhymes. Also, it isn’t stupid.

Young gave up three runs, two of which were unearned thanks to Kouzmanoff’s first error of the season… Kouz had a terrible night. Came up four times and hit four weak grounders, three with runners on base.

Kouz wasn’t alone in failing to produce. When you get blanked in Denver, that is a team effort. Give credit to Jason Marquis, who hit his spots, but yuck.

On the flip side, the Rockies had four hits all night: a grounder up the middle, two bunts, and a grounder to shortstop. Yeah, they hit the tar out of the ball.

The walks, though, ruined Young’s night. Ruined mine, too.

* * *

Mrs. D. bought me the first two seasons of Psych on DVD, rescuing me from daytime television. I’ve also been listening to minor-league baseball on the Internet, which is a great way to pass the time. Caught the Great Lakes Loons versus the Kane County Cougars the other day. Couldn’t tell you what happened because I don’t care, but the sounds of a ballgame are always welcome. Tim Wallach’s kid played in the game. So did Josh Barfield’s little brother, for whatever that might be worth.

* * *

It’s funny that both the Padres (88-124) and Rockies (94-117) have stunk since that fateful 163rd game in 2007. Sure, the Rockies reached the World Series that year, but they were terrible enough in ‘08 and the first two months of ‘09 that it cost manager Clint Hurdle his job…

The Padres activated Cliff Floyd from the disabled list and optioned Macias to Portland. Macias and Headley are the only outfielders on the roster with options remaining. Macias is more useful to the big club right now because he’s a more disciplined hitter who can play all three spots. But Headley has the brighter future, so he stays despite the fact that he looks lost in left field and gets himself out chasing pitches a foot off the plate.

Speaking of looking lost, on Saturday night, Gwynn gave a clinic on how not to play center field. We’ll cut him slack for not tracking down Clint Barmes’ first-inning triple to right-center. If Gwynn lays out for that ball, maybe he catches it. I’ve got enough other gripes that I don’t want a missed highlight reel opportunity to be a sticking point.

What are those other gripes? Glad you asked:

• In the third, Barmes drives a ball to deep left-center. It’s uncatchable, but when Gwynn gets to the ball, he gives it a couple good kicks before picking it up and returning it to the infield. Garrett Atkins follows with a fly ball to medium center that plates Barmes. Padres starter Josh Geer retires the next batter to end the inning, but if Gwynn fields that ball cleanly, Barmes never scores.
• Troy Tulowitzki leads off the seventh with a routine fly ball to center. Gwynn starts back, throws his hands out to his sides in the universal sign for “I have no clue where the ball is,” spots it, races in, slides, short hops the ball, and kicks it toward left field. Shortstop Josh Wilson retrieves the ball, but not before Tulowitzki is standing on third base. On a ball that Gwynn misses and kicks, Tulowitzki is credited with a triple. Geer retires the next two batters, although one drives home Tulowitzki to make the score 6-5. Geer should be up, 7-3 (sloppy baserunning cost the Padres a run in the fourth), and out of the inning. Instead, he is lifted for Gregerson, who serves up a game-tying double to Barmes.
• Gwynn saves his best for last. With the Padres back on top, 7-6, courtesy of a Scott Hairston pinch-hit homer in the top of the ninth, Bell is called upon to seal the victory. After retiring the first batter, Bell allows a single to Barmes, who lines the ball just past Kouzmanoff’s outstretched glove. With Helton up, Barmes steals second. Helton then grounds to third. (Yes, it would have been a game-ending double play had Barmes still been at first.) Atkins follows with an 18-hopper up the middle that drives home Barmes and reties the game. Bell jumps ahead of the next batter, Brad Hawpe, 0-2. Hawpe then fights off a high fastball and pops up to shallow center. Perhaps fooled by the big swing, Gwynn gets a late break. He charges hard and dives for the ball, but misses, allowing it to trickle behind him. By the time Headley comes over from left to retrieve it, Atkins — who was running on contact with two outs — is rounding third. He scores comfortably ahead of Eckstein’s relay home, and the Rockies win. If Gwynn cannot catch that ball (and a big-league center fielder should), his one remaining responsibility is to make sure it doesn’t get past him. Then Bell can take his chances with Seth Smith and maybe push the contest into extra innings. Instead, everyone walks away frustrated by an avoidable loss.

Gwynn’s defense wasn’t the only problem. The Padres also had trouble running the bases. We’ll ignore Wilson getting thrown out at third by 20 feet on a Geer bunt attempt in the second (dude, it’s not a force play) and Headley nearly getting doubled off first on a hit-and-run foul popup to Helton (replays showed that Headley was out) because they had no bearing on the outcome. They made the Padres look stupid, but they didn’t cost anything beyond pride.

The killer came in the fourth, when Nick Hundley led off with a double to left-center and immediately was picked off second by Jason Hammel. Because, you know, Hundley is such a threat to swipe third. After Wilson struck out, Geer beat out an infield single. Gwynn then tripled over the head of a too-shallow Dexter Fowler in center to drive home Geer. If Hundley doesn’t brain-lock, he also scores on Gwynn’s hit. That extra run would have come in handy.

Positives from the game? A few. Adrian launched his 19th homer of the season — one of his opposite-field specials. Just missed #20 in the fourth, driving Seth Smith to the 390 sign in left.

Geer pitched a beautiful game. Don’t let the final line fool you. After the first inning, he stopped the Rockies cold. Geer deserved to win. Gwynn and Hundley owe him, big time.

This gets my vote for stupidest game of the year. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

* * *

I had it in my head to play with numbers, but ran out of time and energy. Here are some random questions and observations that you may wish to consider:

• Is Gregerson being overworked? He has pitched in 26 of the Padres’ first 50 games.
• Is Luis Perdomo wasting a roster spot? He hasn’t made an appearance since May 16, and he had to wait until the 14th inning to get into that game. Wait, here’s a card:
  

  Dear Luis,

  I hope you like San Diego. You look rested.

  Regards,
  Kevin Cameron

• To those who thought the ‘09 Padres would threaten the ‘62 Mets record of futility, San Diego needs to go 16-96 the rest of the way to make it happen. That’s hard to do. If the Pads go 50-62 (.446), they finish with 75 wins, which is more than many experts predicted. They need to go 39-73 (.348) to exceed 2008’s win total. Anything is possible, but biven what we’ve seen of these guys so far, I’m liking their chances.
• Why are the Padres home/road splits so much more severe this year than in recent seasons?
• Petco Park is helping Gregerson (17 IP, 0.00 ERA at home; 12.1 IP, 8.03 ERA on the road) and Young (32 IP, 2.25 ERA at home; 30.2 IP, 6.75 ERA on the road). It is killing Adrian (99 PA, .259/.364/.459 at home; 114 PA, .313/.421/.802 on the road). I’ve been saying this for a while, but if he plays half his games at any other venue in the big leagues, Adrian becomes an instant MVP candidate. He deserves consideration anyway, but I wouldn’t expect voters to understand that. His RBI total is too low, his overall numbers don’t match up well with guys who call Philly or Milwaukee home, and the mediadvertising industry has little use for San Diego other than as a place to get away from it all. Hey, that’s life.

* * *

More solid pitching in Sunday’s win, from an unexpected source. Something or someone (Greg Maddux?) possessed Chad Gaudin, who pumped strikes into the seventh inning. I didn’t know he could do that.

Gaudin worked 6 1/3 innings, striking out nine and walking none. He entered the contest averaging 7.02 walks per 9 innings. His previous low in walks this season had been three, so yeah, this caught me by surprise.

Gaudin pounded the bottom of the zone early. He struck out the side in the first and again in the second. Through four innings, his line looked like this: 4 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 8 SO. Then the Rockies caught up with him; from that point forward he did this: 2.1 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 1 SO. (The unearned run came on a fly ball to center that Hairston clanked; maybe he’d been watching Gwynn a little too closely on Saturday?)

Adrian hit another opposite-field homer. It’s what he does. He also got thrown out at the plate by a laughable margin trying to score on a Kouzmanoff two-out double to left-center that I thought was gone when it left the bat.

Gaudin got help from Wilson, who started a beautiful double play to end the sixth. He backhanded Helton’s grounder, spun clockwise on one knee, and fired to Eckstein, who somehow eluded the onrushing Fowler and threw to first.

Watching Wilson on that play reminded me of Khalil Greene, who has been placed on the disabled list by the Cardinals for social anxiety disorder. What a shame. I hope Khalil is okay.

Bell sealed the victory, giving the Padres a split on their road trip. They could’ve swept both series, but let’s not get greedy; after 11 straight losses on the road, 3-3 looks just fine. So does a .500 record headed into June.

* * *

It was good to see Bell rebound from his first blown save. It was good to see the Padres finish their road trip with a win. It was good to see them finish May with a win. It was good… it was good… It’s baseball; by definition, it is good. Right?

Advertisement: Ducksnorts 2007 Baseball Annual Geoff’s debut book makes an excellent companion for any fan of the Padres.

* * *

Chris Young came out strong Tuesday night, attacking hitters. Got cute later in the game — started nibbling, as he will do. Still, he gave up just one run over six innings — and that only because Emmanuel Burriss is fast and beat the return throw on what could have been a 5-4-3 double play to end the sixth.

Homers from Scott Hairston (fastball down the middle; some people never learn) and Nick Hundley (hanging change pounded to dead center). Hairston reached base all four times, smiling at some nasty pitches from Barry Zito as they floated past and hammering the ones that ventured too close to his bat.

The bullpen did its job, which hasn’t always been the case this year. Greg Burke worked the seventh, freezing Pablo Sandoval on a fastball that started in toward the left-handed batter before tailing back to kiss the black, a la Greg Maddux. It’s early, but I like what I’ve seen of Burke so far. He strikes me as a potential member of the 2010 squad, which is what the Padres are auditioning for now.

Edward Mujica delivered a scoreless eighth, and Heathmonster Bell was his usual stellar self in the ninth. At some point he will cough up a run or three, but he sure is fun to watch.

* * *

Listening to the Missions game on Wednesday. We’re supposed to be at this one. It’s 72 degrees and partly cloudy — crappy day for baseball, I lie to myself.

Right-hander Mat Latos has been recalled to San Antonio. Good for him, although I’m sorry I won’t get to see Latos pitch at Elsinore. He takes the place of Will Inman, who is headed to Triple-A Portland.

Me, I’m just lying here, listening to the game. Like when I was a kid drifting off to sleep with Vin Scully’s voice filling my head. Only I’m not a kid, and it’s not Vin Scully.

Luis Durango grounds out on a 3-1 pitch his first time up, then later pops out on a bunt attempt. Eric Sogard, recently off the disabled list (groin), singles and then walks.

Cedric Hunter starts in left. He and Durango alternate between left and center so both can get reps at the more demanding position. Neither is likely to provide enough offense to justify a corner spot at the big-league level.

The announcers go nuts over Hunter’s takeout slide on a potential double play in the sixth. Both he and batter Jesus Lopez are safe. Hunter then scores on a pinch single off the bat of Kellen Kulbacki.

Nathan Culp works six strong innings, needing just 59 pitches. Tim Stauffer starts the eighth. Sorry I don’t get to see him. I would give him a warm round of applause. The odds are against Stauffer, but I hope he makes it back to the Show. That kid’s career has been one long setback, and he deserves better.

Stauffer works a scoreless eighth and a perfect ninth to seal the 6-2 victory. The final out comes on a called third strike. Attendance at Wolff Stadium is listed as 4368, but we know it should be higher by two.

Maybe next year…

* * *

Finished reading Bill Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country. Not his finest work, but I’ll take Bryson’s worst over almost anyone else’s best.

Started on Pat Conroy’s My Losing Season. I read The Great Santini in high school and remembered liking it.

This one is about Conroy’s time playing for the 1967-68 1966-67 Citadel basketball team and the lessons learned from loss, which seems appropriate just now. I’m supposed to read these after my surgery, but a guy gets bored sitting around, not driving all over the southwest.

* * *

One thing about the Padres this year is that the absence of expectation has removed all anxiety about how they are doing. If they win, great; if not — that’s great, too.

What’s fun is watching these guys audition for jobs next year. Some will stick with the Padres, while others may get a shot elsewhere thanks to their exposure now.

A lot of these players aren’t considered prospects and are here only because the Padres failed to stock their roster with big-league talent. On the one hand, that’s a harsh indictment of the front office and the players. On the other, how else would someone like Greg Burke show the world that he’s qualified to pitch at this level?

Sometimes a bad situation can create an opening. And sometimes that opening can get filled in a way that nobody could have foreseen. Not always, but sometimes. I don’t think Walter Silva is a big-league pitcher, for example. But Burke might be, and who would have guessed it? Heck, the guy signed out of a tryout camp. Those kids aren’t supposed to make it — which is why it’s all the sweeter when they do.

* * *

Jonathan Sanchez and Chad Gaudin fling baseballs in the general direction of home plate on Wednesday night. Sometimes they hit their target, but often they miss… by a lot.

Gaudin survives six innings. Thankfully Giants hitters can’t figure out the strike zone either.

Burke comes through again in the seventh. Gets help from David Eckstein, who robs Sandoval of what appeared to be a game-tying RBI single up the middle.

Sandoval later makes a bad throw to first on a ball hit by Eckstein. Pulls Travis Ishikawa off the bag. Replay shows that Ishikawa got his foot back on the bag before Eckstein’s arrival. Bruce Bochy comes out to argue and gets tossed… even though he is right.

Kevin Kouzmanoff continues to swing that bat well. Scalds a ball to second base his first time up, then blasts a first-pitch homer to left to lead off the fourth. In his final at-bat, he pokes a hit-and-run single to right — nice job staying back and shooting the ball through the hole.

The Padres need to make a decision about third base. Kouz is solid all around but nothing special. Chase Headley might have more offensive upside and doesn’t belong in the outfield. Headley has as much business patrolling left field as Martha Stewart does of being the next Bond girl.

Headley loses himself out there twice in this one:

• In the second inning, Fred Lewis pops a ball back of shortstop. Chris Burke backpedals a long way to make a nice catch, but the left fielder has to take charge there.
• In the fifth, Headley misplays a drive off the bat of Aaron Rowand into a double. Mark Grant observes that it’s a playable ball. I agree… for a left fielder and not a displaced third baseman.

Bell is brilliant. Again. Blows fastballs past Rich Aurilia to end the game.

Before that, Bell makes as fine a defensive play as you’ll see from a pitcher. Burriss hits a chopper high off the plate. Bell charges off the mound, snags the ball with his bare hand, turns, and fires to first to get Burriss by half a step. As we’ve established, Burriss is a fast man. I’m still shocked that Bell made the play — and made it look easy.

* * *

Jake Peavy reportedly was traded to the Chicago White Sox for four prospects but invoked his no-trade clause to kill the deal. I’m glad because I enjoy watching Peavy pitch and none of the kids coming to San Diego thrilled me.

Peavy is the new Phil Nevin: productive, outspoken, and fond of rejecting trades. It’s too bad the Padres have decided they can’t afford to pay Peavy. On the bright side, because of his no-trade clause, the Padres haven’t been able to finalize deals that minimize their return on investment thanks to an absence of leverage resulting from the fact that everyone and their mother knows they need to unload him.

Meanwhile, the Padres — apparently determined to divest themselves of at least some talent — shipped Jody Gerut to Milwaukee for Tony Gwynn Jr. I’ve covered this trade at Unfiltered, although I had to wait several hours before I could write something that wasn’t littered with obscenities and that didn’t expose me for the raving lunatic I’d become in the wake of the news.

I love the name on his back, but Gwynn isn’t the player that Drew Macias is. Or Will Venable. And those guys didn’t cost the Padres one of last year’s most productive center fielders.

My fear is that Kevin Towers either has lost his touch or is acting on orders he’d rather not follow. It’s almost as though the ghost of Johnnie Cochrane is working through him: “If you cannot win, you must acquire a Gwynn.”

This is a deeply cynical view, and one that disturbs me to consider, but it’s tough to see another motivation for shedding Gerut’s relatively modest salary in the name of acquiring inferior talent at the same position… The surreal part is that I’ve spoken with Padres fans who are excited about the trade.

* * *

I couldn’t bring myself to watch Thursday night’s win over the Giants. Too preoccupied with thoughts of surgery and disgusted at the Gerut giveaway. I hate when I’m like that, but I need to see an honest effort. At least when the Padres dumped Khalil Greene, they saved a good chunk of money and didn’t receive a worse shortstop in return. Was Gerut’s value so low that the Padres couldn’t fetch something they need, like a palatable alternative to sticking Chris Burke in the lineup every night?

* * *

Surgery went well. The doctor performed a more aggressive procedure than originally expected, which means a longer recovery time but hopefully a more satisfying long-term result.

Came home and had the unique pleasure of watching Peavy pitch in a Padres uniform as I emerged from my anaesthetic stupor. He shut down the Cubs for six innings, striking out 10 in the process. I loved every minute of it.

A night after scoring the game winner in his Padres debut, Gwynn collected his first hit for the hometown team. Roped a double that kicked up chalk along the right-field line in the fifth.

Adrian Gonzalez knocked his MLB-leading 16th homer in the seventh. Opposite field, on a 1-2 pitch from southpaw Neal Cotts. Ball caught too much plate and Adrian pounded it.

Bullpen did great work again. Luke Gregerson made Alfonso Soriano look terrible in the seventh. Three-pitch strikeout. Sliders down and away. When Gregerson faltered the next inning, Mujica shut the door before getting help from Bell to record the game’s final out.

Some of these kids are starting to show that they can pitch at this level. Maybe not great, but at least well enough to belong, which is better than could be said on Opening Day. And now Mike Adams, the Padres’ most effective reliever in 2008, has started a rehab assignment.

Everything looks brighter when you’re riding a hot streak, but there are legitimate silver linings with this club. Not enough to overcome a Dodgers team that doesn’t understand how much worse it should be with Juan Pierre in left field instead of Manny Ramirez, but still… it’s refreshing to see pitchers out there who know what they’re doing, as opposed to say, Frankie de la Cruz and Arturo Lopez.

* * *

The Padres have outhomered their opponents this year, 47-42. They’re 23-22, but their Pythagorean is 19-26. Does this mean Bud Black is a brilliant manager for coaxing four more victories than we might reasonably expect from this bunch? Or do folks still want to see him fired?

* * *

Josh Geer gave up an early home run to Derrek Lee on Saturday, along with some loud outs and I thought the Padres were in for a long evening. But Geer settled into a rhythm and ended up surrendering just the one run while fanning a career-high seven over 6 2/3 innings.

Got Kosuke Fukudome to chase junk in the dirt in the third and again in the sixth. Fukudome entered the game with a .452 OBP.

And more of the resurgent bullpen. With Bell unavailable due to having worked four straight games, Burke, Gregerson, and Mujica finished what Geer started.

Mujica made things interesting in the ninth, serving up back-to-back singles to Milton Bradley and Lee to start the frame. Then Micah Hoffpauir smashed a grounder in the worst place possible — directly at Adrian, who stepped on the bag at first, checked Bradley at third, then threw to second, where Chris Burke tagged out Lee to complete the double play. Geovany Soto then looked at a full-count fastball for strike three to end the game.

* * *

Storms all over the southwest. Hail in Flagstaff.

* * *

Young pitched well on Sunday. Gave up two runs in seven innings, both on a homer off the bat of Reed Johnson that bounced off the top of the auxiliary scoreboard in left and into the seats. I’m not saying that Hairston would have caught the ball, but he at least would tried to make a play on it. Headley was in left and didn’t even get there. He probably should sit when Young, an extreme fly ball pitcher, is on the mound.

Johnson’s seventh-inning blast cut the Padres lead to 4-2, but Kouzmanoff responded in the bottom half with a three-run shot of his own to the same spot. Kouz doubled earlier, drove in four runs. Pads won, 7-2, sweeping the nine-game homestand. When they lost to the Dodgers on May 1, dropping to 11-12, I’d assumed the Padres had seen the last of .500 this year. I suspect I’m not alone in this.

* * *

Smitty had a seizure just after the game. First since Opening Day. He had three more later in the evening, and we knew it was time for him to leave. I can’t move in my current condition, so Mrs. Ducksnorts took him to the hospital and put him down.

We’ve been preparing for this for a long time, and it still hurts like hell.

* * *

Winners of nine straight, the Padres returned to the road, where they had lost 11 in a row thanks to a pitching staff that ranked 26th among 30 MLB teams in road ERA. Entering Monday’s contest, only the Indians (6.28), Orioles (6.41), and Nationals (6.43) sported higher road ERAs than the Padres (5.95). The Padres’ home ERA of 2.93 leads baseball, making it increasingly difficult to dismiss suggestions that this staff is a product of its environment.

On Monday, they fell behind early to the Diamondbacks in Phoenix. The Snakes led, 5-0, after three; by the seventh, they were up, 7-1.

Then the Padres scored five in the eighth, one in the ninth, and two in the 10th to pull out the improbable victory and extend their winning streak to 10. The bullpen rescued an ineffective Gaudin (dude seriously needs to throw the occasional strike), working 4 2/3 scoreless to hold Arizona down while the Padres offense went to work.

Mujica picked up the win, Bell the save. Right-handed hitters, in case you’re wondering, are 0-for-32 against Bell this year. If the powers-that-be decide that the Padres deserve more than token representation at the Midseason “Meaningful” Exhibition Game, Bell would be a worthy candidate.

* * *

This has been a perplexing season so far. That a team can go 9-3, 4-19, and 10-0 in consecutive stretches boggles the imagination. Then again, the same can be said of life itself. As long as the games keep being played, we should be in good shape. Or is that just the Vicodin talking?

Advertisement: Knuckle Curve Like Ducksnorts? Read more of Geoff’s thoughts on baseball at Knuckle Curve.

The Padres had Monday off. That is, they did not lose.

[Just a heads-up: There are some "naughty" words a bit further into the article; as a courtesy to those who might be offended, I'll let you know before we get there. I prefer to keep things clean around here, but in this case, there was no way around it.]

Caught precious little of Tuesday night’s game — and the wrong parts. The Padres were up, 2-0, by the time I started driving home from work. Missed Adrian Gonzalez’s first-inning homer.

Later watched a couple innings. Saw the Cubs score their first run, then got distracted by life. Flipped back to see the Pads down, 6-2.

Chase Headley grounded into another double play. He’s gotten good at that. More in his first 31 games this season than in 91 games all of 2008.

Watched highlights. Milton Bradley’s home run — needed safety goggles and headphones for that one. And the way he just drops the bat at the plate. Used to burn me, but then I saw him do it for us and I fell in love.

I miss Bradley. He easily makes my list of 20 favorite Padres (in alphabetical order):

• Andy Ashby — For the first four months of ‘98, the perpetual wad of chaw in his cheek, and the serious drawl
• Josh Barfield — For playing at Elsinore and the homer off Brian Fuentes in ‘06
• Milton Bradley — For the dramatic home runs and yelling “I am that good!” at fans in Philly
• Ken Caminiti — For the on-field heroics and the painful reminder that ballplayers are human
• Steve Finley — For the glove, the walkoff grand slam off Felix Rodriguez in ‘98, and that Tom Brady thing that makes even straight men swoon a little
• Adrian Gonzalez — Because nobody outside of San Diego appreciates how good he is
• Khalil Greene — For playing at Elsinore, the acrobatic fielding, and the way he carried himself on the playing field
• Tony Gwynn — For everything; he is one of two men alive that could make me drive cross country for a Hall of Fame induction
• Rickey Henderson — For the infectious smile and generally “Being Rickey”
• Trevor Hoffman — He’s the other guy who will get me out to Cooperstown; I’ve already started planning the trip — no freeways this time
• Wally Joyner — For the bat, the glove, and the class
• Mark Kotsay — For reminding me of Finley and helping purge the memory of Ruben Rivera
• Greg Maddux — For the precision and the ability to bust bats with an 84-mph fastball
• Akinori Otsuka — For Yossha!, the Corky’s commercials, and the most ineffectual yet hilarious swing I’ve ever seen from a batter that wasn’t a cartoon character
• Eric Owens — For the eyeblack and the straight steal of home off Cincinnati’s Brett Tomko
• Jake Peavy — Another guy who passed through Elsinore on his way to the big leagues; heck, he got a key to the city
• Oliver Perez — More Elsinore
• Mike Piazza — For the power, the handling of pitchers, the handling of the media
• Dave Roberts — For being a pest at the plate, playing hard, and being better than I thought he was
• Gene Tenace — For the ridiculous OBP and hitting two homers in the first big-league game I ever attended

* * *

[Okay, we're almost to the "naughty" words. If you think you might be offended, maybe try something a little safer.]

I still don’t understand the calls for Bud Black’s head. What did you expect from this team? Did you even glance at the roster?

Then again, change for the sake of change is always good. Look at the difference A.J. Hinch is making in Arizona.

* * *

Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I like to write a terzanelle:

Terzanelle Up Shit’s Creek

The offense sputters, pitching reeks
and we watch helpless as they flail
without a paddle up shit’s creek

Would it help if they’d set sail
with bigger guns and better tools?
Still, we watch helpless as they flail.

Why are we, as fans, such fools
to keep on cheering as they fall
with bigger guns and better tools?

In truth, we can’t resist the call.
Because the game is in our blood,
we keep on cheering as they fall.

The season may well be a dud,
but that’s no reason to lose hope.
Because the game is in our blood,

we somehow find a way to cope
when offense sputters, pitching reeks.
There is no reason to lose hope
without a paddle up shit’s creek.

* * *

Well. There’s something you don’t see every day. Let us hope not, anyway.

* * *

Vacation. Supposed to be cavorting around the southwest, hanging out at minor-league ballparks, seeing the sights. Vegas, Tucson, El Paso, San Antonio, Austin, Carlsbad Caverns, Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Grand Canyon.

Smitty’s condition changed our plans, so we’ll try again next spring. Meanwhile, I’ve got two weeks off from the day job, which I’m putting to good use.

I’m having arthroscopic surgery on the knee that has been giving me fits for the past several years. It’s an outpatient procedure, so I should be able to slap together an article for next week. Depending on how “effective” the meds are, it may be less coherent than usual. Or as some might say, “an improvement.”

* * *

The Padres’ free fall continues. They lost, 6-4, on Wednesday. Saw a few at-bats after work. Chris Young served up for homers. That is one way to shut down the running game.

More of the same on Thursday. This one ended up 11-3. Chad Gaudin and friends walked 10 Cubs batters.

On the bright side, the game wasn’t televised.

* * *

The Padres have issued 10 or more walks in a nine-inning contest 45 times in their history. They have won five of those, lost 40. The last time the Pads won such a game? June 29, 2000. Matt Clement — backed by homers from Phil Nevin, Wiki Gonzalez, and Ruben Rivera — beat Darren Dreifort at Dodger Stadium.

* * *

* * *

Roster shuffling. Edwin Moreno and Duaner Sanchez are gone, replaced by Greg Burke and Joe Thatcher. Having two players with the surname “Burke” on the roster seems cool until you discover that Burke is among the 250 most common surnames in the United States. Then you find yourself wishing for guys named Arizmendi, Bilderback, or Clingerman.

Not that they’d necessarily help, but at least we could talk about their names. That would kill a good five seconds of awkwardness.

* * *

Mrs. Ducksnorts calls from Vegas while I’m at the car dealer geting tires installed. She’s headed to the sports book, picking up odds sheets for me. In the background, her brother dares me to bet on the Padres.

“$20 to win the World Series?” she asks.

It’s my usual bet.

“Naw, I’ll just set the money on fire this year.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Sure.”

The car is ready. I pay up, then drive to Mission Bay, where I sit on a bench and stare at the water, wondering what the heck there is to say about the Padres at this point. They stink. How much more detail do you need?

* * *

The Padres win Friday night. Adrian homers in his fifth straight. Nice that the opposition is still pitching to him, although I can’t imagine why. The home run came on a full count. He struck out on the 2-2 pitch but it was ruled no swing. Yeah, he swung.

Kevin Correia gave up three earned runs, although there should be an asterisk by two of those. Brian Giles lost a ball in the lights with two out in the fifth. Hit him right in the glove, ruled a double.

Dogging Correia is fun sport, but he pitched well on Friday… Also, it’s weird to see the closer in the eighth. Cool, but weird.

* * *

These guys are still walking way too many batters. The Padres are 28th out of 30 MLB teams in BB/9. For an organization whose philosophy is “pitch to contact,” that isn’t good. Actually, it isn’t good regardless of philosophy.

The last time the Padres averaged 4 BB/9 or higher in a season was 2000. That was a dreadful staff, and yet, I find myself hoping someone can talk Carlos Almanzar and Matt Whiteside out of retirement. Here’s how the Padres have done since then (this is a modified and updated version of the table found on page 19 of the Ducksnorts 2009 Baseball Annual):

Lower numbers are good. You want to be in the negative differential.

Last year was the first time since the Padres moved downtown that their BB/9 crept above MLB average. This year, they’re back to ‘03 levels.

* * *

Pining for the future? Evan Brunnell sends this:

We’re running a MLB mock draft at MVN Outsider, and Daniel Gettinger (Friar Forecast) just picked Dustin Ackley on behalf of the San Diego Padres. Thought I’d send along the link if you wanted to share it with your readers.

Eh, Ackley underwhelms. I’m hoping for Lars Tate’s kid.

Meanwhile, among players actually in the system, Jaff Decker is raking. He hit a blast 450 feet last week that has people talking.

Small sample, but the early returns on Decker are outstanding. In 318 professional plate appearances, he’s hitting .336/.509/.545. He’s 19 years old. Yeah, he might be something.

* * *

Up too early. Getting coffee started. Listening to Coltrane after second straight Padres win. Nick Hundley ended it with a homer to left off Micah Owings with two out in the 16th. Guess Hundley got tired of squatting.

The bullpen did an admirable job, working 10 1/3 scoreless. I still hate the 12-man staff. Watching Kevin Correia and Luis Perdomo bat in extra innings is not my idea of fun. Correia was in there as a pinch-hitter, a sure sign of roster fail.

Thank goodness the game ended when it did. I don’t know how much longer Perdomo could have gone. The Padres were out of position players and pitchers when Hundley hit his blast.

Mark Grant noted that recently acquired shortstop Josh Wilson pitched in a game last week for Arizona. Okay, then what? Eckstein to short, Hariston to second, Perdomo to left?

Coltrane yields to Nick Drake. Coffee is ready.

Five hours and change earlier, Brian Giles led off the bottom of the first with his second homer of the year. He drew three walks in the game, my favorite coming in the second inning. Giles fell behind in the count, 0-2, before spitting on some tough pitches from Edinson Volquez and coaxing the walk.

Volquez loves his changeup. It’s a good pitch, but damn.

I wonder if Adrian is feeling pressure to produce. In the fifth, on a 3-0 count, he chased a 79-mph changeup down and away off the plate. Then he fouled a high fastball straight back before waving at an even higher fastball for the strikeout.

Strange line of the night goes to Jody Gerut: 0-for-7 with 2 RBI. He also robbed Laynce Nix of a two-run homer in the second and made a diving catch of a sinking liner later in the contest.

Reds pitchers struggled with the strike zone, issuing 12 walks. They didn’t get much help from plate umpire Jim Joyce, who refused to call pitches at the knees strikes. Joyce and veteran reliever David Weathers exchanged words as Weathers walked off the mound after issuing a free pass to pinch-hitter Drew Macias with the bases loaded to tie the game.

In Joyce’s defense — and it’s a poor defense — he squeezed pitchers on both sides. If Joyce rings up Ramon Hernandez in the second, then Gerut doesn’t have to make a game-saving catch on Nix’s drive.

Josh Geer looked sharp through four, then started leaving pitches up in the zone, which has disastrous consequences for someone who works with a mid-80s fastball. Geer reminds me so much of Justin Germano it’s not even funny. Like Germano, he must be perfect to have even a chance to succeed. As one scout puts it, “He’s a middle reliever.”

My only gripe is that the Padres should have won the game sooner. They left 17 men on base. Left ‘em loaded in the ninth, 10th, and 14th. Left runners on second and third in the 15th — Scott Hairston popped to short on the first pitch he saw from Owings to end the inning. Both runners had reached via walk. Gee, Scott; anxious much?

* * *

Sat in Section 228 for Sunday’s game. Good to see things from a different perspective.

Jake Peavy on the mound. Needed to save the bullpen, so he did. Went the distance. Gave up one run on four hits. I will miss him when he is gone.

Kevin Kouzmanoff is finding his stroke. A day after drawing two walks, he knocked three hits, including a leadoff homer to right in the eighth. When Kouz starts driving the ball the other way, good things happen. Kinda like Phil Nevin.

In the fourth, Reds starter Bronson Arroyo walked the bases loaded for Adrian, who smoked a ball right at second baseman Brandon Phillips to end the threat. Curious strategy.

The Padres are batting .121/.162/.152 with the bases loaded this year. It’s only 37 plate appearances, but yuck.

* * *

Funny week. Get swept at Wrigley. Come home, sweep the Reds. On average, it was average… Like the guy whose left side is freezing and whose right side is at 100 degrees. On average, he’s at room temperature; it just doesn’t feel that way.

Why does Kevin Correia’s windup put him in such horrible fielding position? He lands on the first base side of the mound, with the front of his body perpendicular to home plate. I thought only guys who throw hard did that.

Scott Hairston gives the Padres a short-lived lead in the fifth with a line-drive three-run homer to left. Why does he ever see a fastball for a strike?

In the sixth, Henry Blanco nails Dexter Fowler trying to swipe second. It’s a strong, low throw, although I’m not sure Fowler was out.

Bullpen torches the place in the seventh. Edwin Moreno preps everything and Cla Meredith lights the fuse. Serves up a grand slam to Chris Iannetta.

Meredith entered the game with one out and the bases loaded, which as I noted in the Ducksnorts 2009 Baseball Annual is not when you want to use him. Here’s an updated look at his numbers in those situations through May 10, 2009:

As you can see, Meredith becomes a very different pitcher in pressure situations.

Here is the sequence to Iannetta, who stepped to the plate with a .182 batting average:

1. Fastball, 86 mph; inside, 1-0
2. Fastball, 85 mph; inner half, grounded foul third base side, 1-1
3. Fastball, 86 mph; outside, 2-1
4. Fastball, 86 mph; outer half, thigh high, grounded foul third base side, 2-2
5. Fastball, 86 mph; down the middle, thigh high, grand slam to left

The fifth pitch is similar to the second and the fourth pitches except that instead of running back in on Iannetta’s hands, it hangs out over the plate, where he can make solid contact.

* * *

Why do the worst drivers have the nicest cars?

* * *

Meredith’s meltdown was predictable. Manager Bud Black deployed him in a manner that minimized his chances for success.

Is this Black’s fault? Well, his starter, Correia, failed to survive the fourth inning, so Black had to run through a string of relievers before the game even reached the seventh. He couldn’t bring Heath Bell into the game that early. He could, but closers haven’t been used that way since the days of Goose Gossage and Bruce Sutter.

What other options did Black have? Luke Gregerson? Arturo Lopez? Luis Perdomo? Duaner Sanchez?

That is so funny it hurts.

Black has to work with what he’s been given, which points to the larger question: How can you enter a season with four legitimate big-league pitchers and hope to survive, let alone contend? MGL at Inside the Book wants to see Black fired (h/t Friar Forecast) but fails to answer this question: What manager could succeed with the current Padres pitching staff?

Go ahead, name one.

* * *

Turned 40 on Tuesday, and the Padres won. We brought tuna salad sandwiches, chips, and cookies to the game. Sat in our new season seats for the first time. Section 303. Best we’ve had at Petco. Thank you, fair weather fans.

This was the worst-attended regular-season game since the Padres moved downtown. Nice of them to clear out all the riff-raff for my special day.

Felt like ‘93. Or the WBC.

Josh Geer pitched the game of his life. Dude was brilliant except for a leadoff homer to Iannetta in the eighth. What is up with that guy? Brad Hawpe or Todd Helton, okay. Maybe Garrett Atkins. But Iannetta?

Hairston, starting in left field for an injured Chase Headley, almost broke the game open in the first. Screaming line drive toward left-center that 6′3″ shortstop Troy Tulowitzki jumped for and snared.

Hairston looked lost in his other at-bats. He gets into the habit of sitting on fastballs and then taking horrendous hacks at breaking balls down and away. He’s back in that mode now.

In the fifth, Giles was thrown out trying to take third on a hit-and-run grounder. The good ol’ 6-3-6 double play. Nice idea, but you can’t pause at second to think about it before committing. Go or don’t go. He ended up driving the game winner, a double to right-center in the 10th, so all is forgiven.

* * *

Are the Sliversun Pickups the new Smashing Pumpkins? Do I care?

* * *

Okay, so maybe the offense sucks a little. No runs in seven innings against Jon Garland on Wednesday?

The offense has gone AWOL. So have the fans. The Padres averaged fewer than 16,000 per night for their most recent four-game homestand, May 4-7 against division rivals.

On the one hand, as Craig Elsten notes, it’s cool to hang out at the ballpark and enjoy the games with actual fans (as opposed to being surrounded by people who show up and pretend to love the Padres only when they’re winning). On the other, it’s sad to see Petco at about 30% capacity.

* * *

Manny Ramirez has been suspended 50 games for violating MLB’s substance abuse policy. I enjoy schadenfreude as much as the next guy, but that sucks. Kind of like the fact that Ken Caminiti admitted to using steroids during his MVP season for the Padres in ‘96. It takes a little something out of me as a fan that is difficult to replace.

Am I happy that the Dodgers will do battle with Juan Pierre in left instead of Ramirez for a couple months? Well, duh. But it still sucks for baseball and its fans.

What gets me is that even now, with all the testing in place, nobody is above suspicion. What am I supposed to do? Assume that everyone is cheating? That is a deeply cynical view that has far-reaching implications in terms of how I view humanity. Stop caring? Well, nihilism isn’t my bag either.

I should just watch Little League games. Some of those kids are probably clean.

* * *

Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World” on the radio. One of my songs from the band days.

The Padres won in 10 innings on Thursday afternoon. Meredith improved to 4-0. He didn’t win a single game in 2008. The Padres haven’t won a 9-inning contest since April 28.

* * *

Watched Stephen Strasburg no-hit Air Force on Friday night in the final regular-season home game of his collegiate career. Two walks, 17 strikeouts, one hard-hit ball — liner off the bat of first baseman Addison Gentry in the fourth carried to the left-field warning track.

So much hype surrounding Strasburg, but that comes with talent. I’ll be addressing the hype thing in this week’s post at Baseball Prospectus. (By the way, my weekly BDD column is moving to Baseball Prospectus — adjust your reality accordingly.)

The short version is that it has become difficult to write about Strasburg. He might as well have a blue ox named Babe.

Meanwhile, the Padres are putting me in an awkward position. I keep defending their offense, and then they keep struggling to score runs.

First they had no pitching, now they have no hitting. What is the opposite of synergy? Government? Through May 10:

Actually, the Padres still don’t have much pitching. It’s just that they lowered the bar so far in April that anything looks good in comparison.

* * *

Is Hillcrest the new La Jolla?

* * *

The Padres lost again on Saturday. Bullpen coughed up another late lead. Sun rose and set. Gravity remains in effect.

Giles just missed a homer in the eighth. Turned on an inside fastball from Geoff Geary, hooked it foul down the right-field line. Headley drove home the go-ahead run later that inning with a double to right-center off Houston closer LaTroy Hawkins.

Luke Gregerson then gave a clinic on how not to protect a lead. Up 4-3, he walked the first two batters in the home half. (Technically, Gregerson departed on a 2-0 count to the second; Meredith came on to finish the job.) Both scored, with the latter being the game winner.

Small sample or not, this bullpen is brutal. It’s worse than last year’s, which didn’t seem possible. It might rank up there with ‘74, ‘97, and ‘03 in terms of futility. Aside from Heath Bell, who is superfluous on a team that doesn’t win games, there are no reliable relievers in sight.

* * *

Speaking of brutal, how about Sunday? Three runs in the first and then it got ugly. By the time we left for Indian buffet, the score was 8-2 with nobody out in the fourth.

Geer worked behind in the count all morning. When your fastball runs mid-80s, you can’t get away with that.

Help on the horizon? Maybe not so much. Cha Seung Baek felt pain in his elbow during what was supposed to be his final rehab appearance at Portland on Saturday.

* * *

Luis Rodriguez leads the Padres with 19 walks. That’s two more than Adrian Gonzalez — in 42 fewer plate appearances.

* * *

At least the Padres don’t have the worst pitching in baseball. That would be the Yankees, who dropped $243 million on C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. Ladies and gentlemen, your bottom five teams in ERA+ through May 10:

• Nationals: 83
• Padres: 82
• Phillies: 82
• Indians: 82
• Yankees: 81

So the Padres are lousy, yet affordable. Hey, did I just come up with a new marketing slogan?

Maybe the Padres will do okay this year. In your heart of hearts, you don’t believe it, but you’ll commit to it over olives on a fork and flutes of champagne. You’ll sneak it into conversation, right between “My kid is smart, he’s just not motivated” and “I watch Giada De Laurentis for the recipes.”

Mmm, tomatoes.

* * *

Made it home in time to see the Padres down, 6-5, in the fourth at Coors Field Monday night. Rocky Mountain Pinball. Check-Swing Pachinko. Bobbing for Homers. Duck-Duck-Boom. Anti-Baseball.

Ex-Padre Glendon Rusch (you remember him as the pitcher who couldn’t get anyone out and also as the guy standing at home plate with a bat on his shoulder to end last year’s 22-inning affair against the Rockies) is on the mound with runners at the corners and nobody out. He gets Adrian Gonzalez swinging and then induces Chase Headley to ground into a 5-4-3 double play.

I flip to Jeopardy and see someone win $32,001. The final answer is “George Lucas.” I watch Chuck. Jeffster’s version of “Mr. Roboto” is stunning (if slightly less funny than the original). Fireworks in a church? Inspired.

I flip back to the game. The Padres are losing, 11-7. Jody Gerut needs a triple to become the first player in Padres history to hit for the cycle. Gerut grounds to Todd Helton at first.

* * *

She was making some halibut dish with a grapefruit salsa. Mmm, grapefruit.

* * *

This is anecdotal evidence, but Adrian has had some ugly at-bats against lefties. Monday night it was Rusch. Tuesday it was Jorge de la Rosa — twice.

Adrian expands the strike zone, chases stuff he shouldn’t. It wasn’t always that way. In 2006, he hit .312/.345/.489 against southpaws. Last year he plummeted to .213/.287/.387.

Caught fragments of Tuesday’s win. Saw Headley start a 7-4-3 double play on a hit-and-run sinking liner (”What is, ‘Iceberg’?”). For all of his faults as a left fielder, Headley has a strong arm.

Chad Gaudin made his Padres debut and worked five scoreless innings at Coors. Walked too many — story of the entire staff so far in ‘09 — but kept his new team in the game.

Luis Rodriguez, still weak from food poisoning, delivered the game-winning hit. His sharp grounder past a drawn-in Helton plated Nick Hundley, who led off the ninth with a line drive down the right-field line that rattled around in the corner for a triple.

* * *

On April 7, 1992, the Weekly World news ran on its cover the headline, “Satan Escapes from Hell!” The accompanying “photograph” showed grey clouds billowing out of a Texas oil well in the shape of a menacing face with horns. I couldn’t resist; I had to buy a copy.

* * *

Adrian stole second base in Tuesday’s game. Standing up. Without a throw.

The moon landing was faked. John Frum will return to Tanna.

* * *

Friend of Ducksnorts Matt Vasgersian got himself into a little trouble for making a stupid on-air comment that some perceived as having racial overtones. He has apologized for the incident, which isn’t worthy even of being called an incident.

Three disclaimers:

1. Although I’ve never met Vasgersian in person, I’ve exchanged emails with him and talked to him on the phone. He also contributed the foreword to the Ducksnorts 2008 Baseball Annual, which isn’t a reason for me to kiss his ass, in case you’re wondering.
2. When I was young, we lived in Monterey Park, Calif. I went to school across the street from East Los Angeles Junior College. From kindergarten through third grade, I was the only white kid in my class. Everyone else was Mexican or Japanese. (In an amusing twist, I used to get teased for having “pushed-in eyes.”) In 1979, the school district started bussing white kids in from the San Fernando Valley. We moved to Culver City, on the west side.
3. I have been married to a second-generation Asian-American for 13+ years. We say some things to each other that would be considered offensive in many contexts. It is our way of acknowledging the differences between our two cultures in a way that doesn’t take the whole thing too seriously. We are respectful, but we have no use for sacred cows. (She grew up in Hawai’i, home of Rap Reiplinger and Frank DeLima.) Also, we know each other well and that our banter comes from a place of love. We don’t hide from our differences; we poke fun at them.

My assumption, based on what I know of Vasgersian, is that he was being a smart-ass and it didn’t work. Yeah, like your jokes never suck.

* * *

She also made a pear and carrot salad with a curry vinaigrette. Mmm, carrots. No, wait; I meant pears. Mmm, pears.

* * *

Wednesday’s contest? I dunno, didn’t see it. The Padres were down, 7-0, and made a game of it. They lost, 7-5. Henry Blanco hit his third home run. He’s got two at Petco this year and one at Coors. The obvious conclusion is that Petco Park is twice as conducive to homers.

You do know how to abuse statistics, right? You should. It’s a handy skill to have.

* * *

Hideki Irabu has signed with the Long Beach Armada of the Golden Baseball League. He inspired the first ever rant at Ducksnorts back in ‘97. Not my strongest work, but a guy has to start somewhere. I say we get as many people from San Diego as possible to his first start and all chant, “PRI-SON CAMP! PRI-SON CAMP!” Would that be in poor taste? I hope so.

* * *

The Padres lost again on Thursday, this time to the Dodgers. Adrian roped a double to left-center off lefty Will Ohman. It was a fat pitch — breaking ball that hung and caught too much plate.

I fear we are now seeing the real Padres bullpen. It takes time for scouting reports on minor leaguers to circulate, but you cannot stave off the inevitable forever.

That’s what makes it inevitable.

* * *

The Padres had a team OPS+ of 103 in April. That placed them ninth among the 30 MLB teams. They scored four runs or more in 15 of 22 games, going 11-4 in those contests. It’s a miniscule sample, but see how this compares to recent years:

Kinda weird that the Padres have lost exactly 25 games that meet this criterion for three straight seasons. Insignificant, but weird. More relevant for our purposes, they scored a lot of runs in April.

How about the flip side? How often do the Padres allow four runs or more in a game, and what happens in those cases?

In April, the pitchers didn’t do their job well. A big part of the problem was walks. The staff issued 4.07 BB/9 in the season’s first month, as compared to 3.46 in 2008. That’s an extra walk every other game. As Duaner Sanchez reminded us this past week, an extra walk can mean the difference between winning and losing.

* * *

Listening to Bjork’s Post. How can her music sound mechanical and organic at the same time?

* * *

The Padres had a team ERA+ of 80 in April. Nobody in MLB was worse, although the Phillies matched that mark.

Here’s a fun trick you can play on your friends after they’ve had a few too many mimosas at brunch:

1. If a team wins the World Series, it must be good.
2. The Phillies won the World Series.
3. The Phillies sported an 80 ERA+ in April.
4. The Padres sported an 80 ERA+ in April.
5. The Padres must be good.
6. The Padres will win the World Series.

Be careful when delivering this. If you are off by even a little, your head will explode.

* * *

Nice to see farmhands James Darnell and Anthony Bass off to strong starts. I identified them as two of my sleepers in the Ducksnorts 2009 Baseball Annual. Thanks, guys, for making me look smart.

* * *

Friday night, another loss at Dodger Stadium. It gets worse, but we don’t know that yet.

Jake Peavy spins eight scoreless innings. Offense goes AWOL. The hitters can’t be expected to carry this team all year.

Top of the sixth, nobody on, two out. Adrian grounds sharply toward shortstop. Rafael Furcal backhands the ball and rushes his throw, skipping it past James Loney for a two-base error. Adrian is two steps from the bag when the ball arrives. Furcal needs to get his eyes checked — how did he not see the piano?

Top of the seventh, Kouzmanoff leads off with a double to left-center. Blanco strikes out and Chris Burke lines to center. Juan Pierre races in, then nearly lets the ball sail over his head before making a “spectacular” catch. Peavy strikes out to end the inning.

Mark Grant wonders aloud whether Blanco should have sacrificed Kouz to third, noting that the latter would have scored on Burke’s fly ball. I wonder aloud whether, if Kouz is on third with one out and Peavy is on deck, Burke even sees a strike? We will never know.

I missed most of Sanchez’s walkfest in the ninth. Saw the game winner to Russell Martin. That was one heckuva plate appearance by Martin. He fought off some nasty sliders down and away before spitting on a 3-2 fastball just above the letters.

The game almost ended twice earlier with Martin at the plate. First, Blanco smothered a slider in the dirt to keep Orlando Hudson at third. Then, Martin lunged at and rolled another slider up the third-base line. Kouz charged hard and went to barehand it before pulling back at the last moment, letting it dribble foul. Sanchez was already walking off the mound.

* * *

Didn’t see Saturday night’s loss. Visiting with friends from out of town.

If the Padres can’t win with Peavy and Young on the mound, then what chance do they have with Gaudin, Geer, and Correia?

* * *

Brunch at the Catamaran. Early birthday present. Excellent food, too many mimosas.

Walk along the bay, sit in the shade at Fanuel Street Park. Kids, bicycles, dogs, birds, fish jumping up out of the water, sailboats. Dude in a Chargers shirt deep in conversation with the yellow parrot perched on his shoulder. Roller skates, random bits of conversation. Man jogging turns to his companion:

There was a spot on the optical scanner. I told 100 patients they were going to die. Some of them were quite upset.

Grass, ducks, boats — I already mentioned the boats. There were many boats. Cloudless sky. Ripples on the bay.

* * *

The Padres are getting trounced again and I’m not watching. Should have crowned a champion after 12 games. If they break the ‘62 Mets record for futility despite the hot start — well, that would require extraordinary effort.

Extraordinary is good. Beats ordinary, right?

Sipping decaf. Dogs snore, jets from Miramar soar overhead.

I turn on the TV to check the score. Dodgers are up, 3-1, with two out in the sixth. Chad Billingsley faces Nick Hundley with the bases loaded. Cutter on the outside corner at the knees, called strike one. Curve ball down, swinging strike two. Curve ball down, swinging strike three. Inning over.

Three pitches tell me everything I need to know. That’s not a lot of baseball, but on this day, it is too much. I turn off the TV. I’ve got articles to write, laundry to fold, bills to pay.

What did hope feel like? Did you salivate when you saw some lady hit the jackpot at the next poker machine?

Gaudin works five scoreless in his Padres debut at Coors, then gets pummeled at Dodger Stadium. Does he not understand park factors? Or worse, do they not understand him?

* * *

My recommendation: Next time someone asks you what happened to the Padres after their 9-3 start, look ‘em square in the eye and say, “Cantaloupe and watermelon salad.” Then pop another olive in your mouth and walk away.

Advertisement: Ducksnorts 2007 Baseball Annual Geoff’s debut book makes an excellent companion for any fan of the Padres.

* * *

Jody Gerut rocks the ‘69 uni

Stupid game Tuesday night at PhoneCo. Top of the fourth, Kevin Kouzmanoff bangs a double off the Levi’s sign in right, misses a homer by maybe two feet. Adrian Gonzalez at second, Chase Headley at first.

Kouzmanoff’s drive caroms past right fielder Randy Winn, but center fielder Aaron Rowand pounces on it and fires a strike to first baseman Travis Ishikawa, who spins and throws home to a waiting Bengie Molina. Both Padres runners arrive about the same time. One of these guys — you know which one — is molasses tortoise sundial slow.

Molina swipes at a sliding Gonzalez, who catches the plate with his left foot and who is ruled safe. Molina then tags Headley trying to leap over the sprawled Giants catcher. Molina is furious. He wants the crazy Carlton Fisk double play.

Such baserunning. Where’s Ruben Rivera when you need him?

The bottom of the fourth is worse. Molina punches a leadoff single up the middle off Jake Peavy. Rowand follows with a check swing roller to second that advances the runner. Peavy drops Pablo Sandoval with a fastball high and tight. Sandoval responds by slashing a grounder down the third-base line. Kouzmanoff dives to his right and stops the ball but struggles to transfer it to his throwing hand, and Sandoval beats the throw with ease. Even with a clean transition, Sandoval is safe. He is built like a soup can, but he scoots.

Then it’s Peavy versus Ishikawa. What I see:

1. Slider, outside corner at the knees; called strike, 0-1
2. Slider, same spot; Ishikawa bounces it foul to the right side, 0-2
3. Slider, outside; ball, 1-2
4. Slider, just outside; ball, 2-2
5. Slider, out over the plate; another grounder foul to the right side, still 2-2
6. Slider, just outside; ball, 3-2
7. Slider, down and away; Ishikawa walks (Pitch f/x calls this a curveball)

Why is Peavy nibbling with a guy like Ishikawa? And what’s up with seven straight sliders? When Edgar Renteria steps to the plate, do you suppose he might be looking for that pitch? When he gets it down the middle, belt high, do you suppose he might deposit it a dozen rows back in the left-field bleachers?

Peavy says the pitch was a cutter designed to induce a grounder. It looks like a slider to me, and Pitch f/x identifies it the same way. Whatever the case, like the seven that preceded it, the pitch runs 81-88 mph and breaks laterally away from a right-handed hitter. It also carries well when struck with wood.

* * *

Wednesday’s game isn’t televised, which is good. Nobody should have to watch their team get shut down by Barry Zito.

* * *

One of my writing heroes, W.S. Merwin, received the Pulitzer Prize for poetry. I haven’t read the award-winning collection, but his Second Four Books of Poems is seldom far from my reach. Merwin’s language is clean, simple, and powerful.

I almost met him in the mid-’90s, when Mrs. Ducksnorts and I visited a friend who lived on his property in Maui. Alas, while we were eating lunch at my friend’s house, Merwin went out for a walk on the grounds. By the time he returned, we had left.

Life is like that.

* * *

Friday we watch Stephen Strasburg pitch against TCU. Sellout crowd. Largest ever at Tony Gwynn Stadium.

Strasburg gives up three runs on four hits over seven innings. Fourteen strikeouts.

First hit is a grounder to deep shortstop in the third. Then two bloop singles in the seventh, ahead of a home run to left by TCU catcher Bryan Holaday, the only hard-hit ball of the night. Comes on a 3-1 fastball out over the plate.

Two of the strikeouts merit further discussion. In the first inning, Matt Carpenter tries to check his swing on a 3-2 slider. The pitch bounces in the dirt and skips onto the screen behind home plate, out of play. Then in the sixth, again on a breaking ball, the pitch clanks off catcher Erik Castro and rolls out toward the mound, where Strasburg picks it up and fires to first to complete the putout.

Strasburg has the stuff and command to succeed in the big leagues. He could hold his own right now as a reliever, using two pitches, an inning or two at a time.

Two open questions: How will he handle adversity when he faces hitters who don’t wilt at his pitches? Also, does he love his slider too much? I don’t know the answer to either of these, but he is fun to watch.

* * *

After stopping for sushi and ramen, we come home to watch the final few innings of the Padres game. Great job by the bullpen: Edward Mujica, Luke Gregerson, Heath Bell, and Edwin Moreno are fantastic.

Bell works a scoreless ninth to hold a 3-3 tie. One good thing about Trevor Hoffman being gone is that Bud Black can bring his closer into a non-save situation at home without everyone getting their panties in a bunch.

It must have been satisfying for Moreno to pick up his first big-league victory after blowing the save walkoff style in Philly last week. I still don’t believe in him, but I hope he makes me look like a jackass for saying that. We need Moreno to be better than I think he is.

Good to see Brian Giles get the game-winning hit. People were starting to panic with less than 10% of the season complete, and we can’t have that.

* * *

* * *

Pancakes for breakfast. Write a little, then drive to San Juan Capistrano to meet the ‘rents for lunch. Fish and chips, cole slaw, decaf black, cherry pie, good conversation. Tempted to take the long way home, but we have a game tonight.

The Padres are celebrating their inaugural 1969 season. Replica jersey giveaway. Players rock old school unis for the game. They should wear these more often (or look to the guys at Sacrifice Bunt for other ideas).

Five members of the original team — Steve Arlin, Chris Cannizzaro, Roger Craig, Fred Kendall, and Ed Spiezio — come out to throw the first pitch. Padres then add a touch of authenticity to the proceedings by playing like the ‘69 squad and losing to the Pirates, 10-1.

Shawn Hill looked terrible. Not surprising given that his reconstructed elbow is hurting again (Chad Gaudin is expected to take his spot in the rotation). Josh Geer looked worse, but lasted twice as long.

Frankie De La Cruz? Five walks in two innings. I don’t care how hard you throw; if it’s nowhere near the plate, you’re not a pitcher. Ask Wil Ledezma. Ability to throw strikes isn’t a luxury, it’s part of the job description.

Highlights? Scott Hairston tripled to lead off the sixth and scored the Padres only run. In the third, David Eckstein did something I’d never seen. Backed up first base on a ground ball to pitcher Geer off the bat of Eric Hinske. Eckstein ended up in foul territory down the right-field line.

It’s fashionable in certain circles to poke fun at Eckstein’s “grittiness.” That’s fine, as long as people recognize that the guy plays good baseball.

* * *

Smitty and Toby at Mission Bay

Wake up early, take the dogs to Mission Bay. Sniff grass, dig sand. Smitty loves it. So does Toby.

My head hurts from lack of sleep and caffeine. I fix a big batch of oatmeal and sift through the week’s notes in the hope that something will make sense.

* * *

Up to Elsinore for another Storm game. No such thing as too much baseball.

Stadium is packed. Nearly cloudless sky, but not too hot. Soothing breeze rolls in off the lake.

Cory Luebke delivers

We’re in Section 101, Row E, with the pitchers and scouts. Cory Luebke starts for the Storm and gets pounded. Preston Mattingly and Scott Van Slyke play for the 66ers. I don’t know if these kids are any good, but their dads were.

Get my first look at Logan Forsythe. He does nothing to impress at the plate, but makes a few nice plays on short hops at the hot corner.

Yefri Carvajal cripples a hanging curve in the sixth. Lines the 1-2 offering from Kendy Batista over the left-field wall to tie the game, 4-4. Carvajal looked terrible against the breaking ball earlier in the game. He is strong, but his swing gets long.

Felix Carrasco works deep into the count several times. Walk, two singles — one a screaming liner off the right-field fence.

Missed Sunday’s 8-3 loss to the Pirates. In looking at the box score, the problem seems obvious: The Padres allowed too many runs and scored too few. Fix that, win the game. There’s your plan; go implement it.

* * *

I am relieved that the Padres have lost five out of six. I’ve said that this team will win 72-75 games. When they shot out to a 9-3 start, people began asking questions. My catch phrase became, “I have no idea,” which is a terrible catch phrase.

We grow uncomfortable when our team does well. Shoes get upset, applecarts drop.

I also get a kick out of hearing people fall off the bandwagon. Twelve games is enough to make you believe, six enough to make you doubt? This is a calculus I do not understand.

The ones I feel for are the pundits that thought the Padres would threaten the ‘62 Mets in terms of futility. The season is young, but right now San Diego would need to go 31-113 the rest of the way. That doesn’t seem likely. Then again, neither did 99 losses last year.

The future doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone’s predictions. The world does what it does, whether we like it or not.

Advertisement: Knuckle Curve Like Ducksnorts? Read more of Geoff’s thoughts on baseball at Knuckle Curve.