Dude, this is really stupid

When you believe

2012-01-25T20:56:00.000+08:00

I truly believe that if I'm committed to fight for my well-being and happiness, I would reap the rewards I deserve. I hold a strong belief that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Life's full of challenges and there won't be any short-cuts of settling it. These challenges are not easily met but if we chose confidence over fear, hope over despair, believe me, they will be met.

CFA exam is one of the challenges that I voluntarily chose to meet. I've been hearing hearsay that it's one the most motherfucking exam one would've taken. Level 1 is just the beginning steps toward hell and based on the statistics, only 38% of global candidates passed the test in last December. I passed the exam not because of sheer luck, but I was there to prove that if I struggled, sacrificed and grind my hands and brains into raw meat, I could have be the one that succeed. For the record, my education background is biology based, I've never received any training in financial disciplines, including but not limited to accounting principles, financial quantitative formulae, economics and the concepts of time investing, etc. I do not regard the exam as the passage to hell, but rather, as a testament to my ability and my belief. I have developed strong interests in finance and despite my background and lack of the education thereof, I still can fight against the odds and proving that with hardship, I could differentiate from the rest of the cynic packs. And level 1 exam is just the beginning. I believe if anyone can do so, so am I.

The result was sent to my mailbox yesterday night. I wasn't aware of it as I went out alone and wanted have a chat with my buddy. I went to bukit expo alone, soaking in the rain, indulging myself in sweet and sour memories. Then, I went to find my friends to vent out my despair as I'd been struggling to find peace in my soul the whole day. Even until now, I'm still coping with my emotions, I only checked the result moment ago as I was thinking, what was the point of checking the result as she wasn't there with me to enjoy my sweet tears of success or consoling me when I suffered the pain of failure?

One day it'll be rainbow. It will.

I dedicate the result for my family and also to an important person, whom was briefly featured in my previous post. She used to taunt me that with the amount of time being spent going out with her, did I really have time to prepare for the examination? I grinned, I said I could, and I think she did have a doubt on it. In fact, she always asked me "Don't you think you were wasting time on me?". One thing I always wanted her to know that while we're meeting out there, I also spent my private time solely for the examination. I woke up very early in the morning to revise a few chapters. I revised again before having dinner even if I got very tired from works. I woke up very early again on the weekends just to make up the time for studying. But when I was feeling strained with these routine, her figure would come to my mind. I can divide my time for her even at the cost of reading lesser materials, but that didn't matter, I strongly believe I can strike a balance between my work, my study and as well as her. That was my pledge for 2012 and she was my witness. I can still do it for I have fiery passions for all my pledges and also for those who believe in me. But for now, I'm feeling devastated and it's hard for me to find strength for doing these.

She was one of my motivating factors that I need to try harder and harder so that when I succeed, I want her to be right by my side to witness my success, and so telling her that if I could do it, she CAN as well! I remember the end of last November, a period in which she went back to her hometown and I didn't see her for two weeks. It was an excruciating time as I tormented myself days and nights on the CFA syllabus and what was more, I missed her and I wanted to see her, even for brief moment, but in the end, reading and reading were the only thing I could do. Meantime, she mentioned before that she was facing tremendous stress but she won't tell me what was it about, I felt helpless for I wasn't there when she needed support, I kept on sharing quotes and songs that would inspire faith in herself, believing herself that she can make her dreams come true. One of it, "Rainbow Connection", hoping that she'd realize that not every wish would be answered, but if she truly believed it, she will eventually find her own "Rainbow Connection". This is the first theme song between me and her:

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing? And what do we think we might see? Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.

I sincerely hope she won't forget about this. As she considers the road that unfolds before her, it is ultimately her faith and determination that will lead her life's journey. That it is herself to shape an uncertain destiny, not anyone; this is her source of confidence, not anyone. Here's another one I told her two days ago:

I always wanted to write a poem about her. But my composition in poetry would be passed as a bucket of shit diarrhea. I've written a draft on the eve of Chinese New Year but left it beside first. And when she wanted to sever ties with me, I was crushed by it, with my emotions so disturbed and in peril, I dedicated a song to her as it was the best to describe herself. Today, with my bleak heart, I will reveal what was I've written to her:

Title: (Her name)

Oh lady, fate has brought us on a sweet summer day,

Ecstatic was I for I thought lady luck smiled upon me.

Yet, no hearts were pour out and true feelings kept at bay,

Unwavering effort you made to stay away as I can see,

Seeking distance to avoid the guilt and fear of seeing me while my dream fades.

Forget, I will not, your fair eyes and dearest smiles,

Yet, selfish as I yearn, casting us to stones,

To gaze your serene grace for eternity. My heart trembles round!

Your undivided kindness, your tears, your voice, swims before my sight,

In seas of flame my plunging soul is drowned.

Are you a dream or the truth? Or can you be both?

You visit me in nights as well as days,

Prying the fragile heart of a tortured soul.

Elusive you are, like a needle in the hay,

No shaman tells what our future holds,

I will see loss and pain if I do not continue the race,

Crippled, like a denatured glutamate decarboxylase.

Oh lady, what are you to dread?

The shining stars of happiness are hung for you to grab.

I climbed the highest mountain ready for your hands.

While hoping, trembling, in the sky I pray,

Rise! The faith within yourself! And your confidence rolls!

And now, uncertainty lingers in future and time,

What are the cosmic consequences should our hearts falter to kindle?

In searching with memories, to find our pleasure and pain,

What scenes appear when the song plays the melancholy line?

And the rebellious heart beating riot hymns.

Praying for the sight of you in the backdrop of beautiful hill.

For the time to come, may unity be seen.

My dearest lady, you are always my:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I'm still finding the hope and strength to pick myself up again, in time, and God speed her, she will too. I believe we can brave for the icy currents and endure what storms may come. We will tell everyone that we are tested, we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter.

Once You Meet Her

2012-01-24T12:35:00.000+08:00

Never thought you could know her,

Where she came from, where she's going.

And once you meet her,

You will find that something inside is changing.

She smiles like a rainbow.

When she comes up, all are lit up.

But when she whispers,

You will hear this: "Don't chase after rainbows".

High on a hill, there's a green meadow.

All around, it's breezing,

She's smiling,

She'll let them sing angel songs.

She's like a fairy

When she's trembling, when she's dancing.

Just see her crying,

How it's nice to hold her in your arms.

You want some meanings of the life,

And go to see her.

Don't ask her too much,

Oh yes, she'll be out of your sight.

High on a hill, there's a green meadow.

All around, it's soothing,

She's smiling, wryly.

She'll sing the sun into sleep.

Everyone is sad and blue when she is far away.

Don't you know it's time to pray she'll be coming soon?

And you think you hear her voice ringing from above.

And no one knows it

Where she came from, where she's going.

And once you meet her,

Maybe you'll stay forever young.

Dedicated to a fairy who sings angel songs and also showing me that love isn't about the person you are loving but about your ability and willingness to love them truly no matter what.

...and one day in her life, she wants to be happy again, I'll always be there.

Crazy little thing called...

2012-01-05T22:34:00.001+08:00

I forgot when did this happen, maybe years ago, I've had such a discussion with a friend of mine on "what love is" and we both have somewhat different opinions on love.

His opinion: Love is something that no one truly knows, we just have strong feelings for your partner, heterosexual or otherwise.

Mine: Love isn't something you say, its an action. When you put your partners needs above your own. That's the gist of it, but there was more.

and when years ago by again, I think my perception was somewhat reinforced again, perhaps morphed by recent extraordinary events that occurred onto me. I think true love is not being able to picture your life without a person. Not being able to imagine for an instant you won't grow old together. To be with someone and feel complete, just because you're with them. To see their faults, acknowledge them, cherish them. To see them at their best, when they're at their worst. To know that whatever happens, whatever tomorrow will bring, if they're there, you can face it with them and do so gladly.

But it's more than that. In the physical sense it's valuing someone else's pleasure and happiness more than your own, it's striving to give them as much pleasure as they give you and then just that bit more... because it's them. It's being completely and totally happy even if it's just walking down the street or seeing the sun set at the horizon, together.

Dante and Beatrice, by Henry Holiday.

Then again, we might not be together, for now. "Does it really matter?", wondering myself, well, yes, longing alone again for a better future. But this is a matter of time again. What matters is that I care for her. Just for this notion alone, it will be part of the reason why she occupies her unique place in my heart.

"All my little plans and schemes,

lost like some forgotten dreams.

Seems that all I really was doing

was waitin' for you.

Just like little girls and boys,

playing with their little toys.

Seems like all we really were doing

was waitin' for love.

Don't need to be alone,

No need to be alone.

It's real love, it's real,

Yes it's real love, it's real.

From this moment on I know,

exactly where my life will go.

Seems that all I really was doing

was waitin' for love.

Don't need to be afraid,

No need to be afraid.

It's real love, it's real,

Yes it's real love, it's real.

Thought I'd been in love before,

but in my heart I wanted more.

Seems like all I really was doing

was waitin' for you.

Don't to be alone,

No need to be alone.

It's real love, yeah it's real,

It's real love, it's real!"

Perhaps the saddest romantic scene in TV history

2011-12-18T10:00:00.001+08:00

I rewatch this episode of Futurama, especially this scene, again and again, again and again and again...

One of the saddest, most heart wrenching "NNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" scene ever shown on TV. Only those who have been in Fry's shoes will understand. (Fry finally figured out how to express his feelings for his loved one only to have it all erased and went unnoticed when they solved the time problem.)

I was told that one will never feel the pain if he or she has never even started.

Know what? It's WRONG.

The pain and suffering are most unbearable when you were denied the chances to show her how much care and love you have for her. All the feelings go unnoticed. I don't guess anything I could do will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you... but I'm still hoping there will be chances.

Fry, and, all the lovers who are meant for each other: Please don't give up. If time could dissolve the feelings, why not giving a chance to let time to grow the love? The hardest love of all is the one we will cherish the most.

Source of sorrow: Futurama, season 3 episode 14, Time Keeps On Slippin'

The KEY to HAPPINESS from a neuroscientist

2011-12-13T23:23:00.001+08:00

Cliffs:

-Results show that people who have everything they want and lose everything they don't want are NOT happier than anyone else

-Happiness is about the mental habits you practice from moment to moment.

Don't understand? Let me try to explain..

Some will already know that the brain works in a similar way to training your muscles. Just like how the more you train your biceps the stronger they become, the more you THINK about something the stronger that mental thought becomes, and it becomes easier to think about it.

Example.

Close your eyes and think about something you don't like about yourself.

Done? I bet you managed to bring the answer into your thoughts pretty quickly right? Thats because you've thought about this before. A LOT. You are GOOD at realising your flaws. People who are genuinely "happy" are GOOD at realising strengths.

Some people think about their flaws so much they start to see it in other people. You know the quote, "takes one to know one", the more you think about things that are wrong in your life, things that make you inadequate, the more you start to see it everywhere. It's because this part of the brain is the most active, and people like this are more often than not severely depressed.

But if I asked you to think about someone who inspires you and you look up to, and the quality that this person possesses that makes you think this way, it will probably take you a little longer. Happiness is about controlling, cultivating and enhancing those thoughts.

Watch this video if you found this at all interesting:

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It is important NOT to equate this with "The Secret" stuff. There's nothing remotely like "positive thinking gets you free things" in this entire YouTube. It is about how one can be happy.

"The secret" aka "law of positive attraction" is BS. Great example: Don't worry about your bills and make yourself sick. But don't just sit there visualizing how awesome it would be to have all your bills paid off, to me that's fucking stupid as it is self delusional.

She's talking about cultivating meditative states like the Brahmaviharas. Essentially loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. The idea is that they all work together and extend outwards uniformly and unconditionally (ie: we regard enemies the same as our friends or ourselves, etc). It's not 'positive thinking', because that implies a kind of compartmentalization or denial of the negative, and this is the total opposite. After all that would be the very antithesis of Equanimity. It's more about finding more natural joy where we can within life, making it more natural through practice, and producing more of it ourselves for the benefit of others, making these states more accessible and natural so we grow to embody these traits in our lives.

What the TED talk actually talked about was fairly uncontroversial, in my view.

Thinking in certain ways now will cultivate thinking patterns in the future. The brain works by building pathways when it first encounters an experience, and the next time it encounters a similar situation, it will tend to take the shortest route down those old pathways rather than create new ones.

If you are quick to anger today, you will be quicker to anger tomorrow.

If you are quick to forgive today, you will be quicker to forgive tomorrow.

If you are quick to recover your mood and stay happy, you will be quicker to recover your mood tomorrow.

"Contemplatives" are simply people who have tried to actually sit down and pay attention to the habits of their mind, so that they might clear away unhelpful habits, and cultivate helpful ones. There's no reason to flee if you hear their traditions brought up in order to figure out what might work in the modern world.

If someone had a compulsive need to get really angry at every little thing people do... wouldn't it be a good idea for them to go sit in peace for a little while and get their thinking straightened out as to why they keep doing this? It's only prudent. That's what a contemplative is doing.

What about the thing about "positive thinking"? I do think it's important but not that kind of "The Secret" hogwash. I have a different approach. To begin with, I may have no accomplishments to start with, but telling myself I'm a failure makes it harder for me to actually go out and achieve. I'm not talking about self-delusion like "I'm so fucking pro man." I'm thinking more along the lines of "I have potential, and if I work hard I can achieve what I want." Basically just ignore the "I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK" bit. Even if I didn't succeed in the first place, it tells me something honest about myself and requires me to realize that, "in the fist place", I sucked, I don't have yet the knowledge or the skill, a lot of times I don't even have the will. So I gotta suffer a little, even live unhappy a little, so I can learn something.

In addition, people can give up easily, including me sometimes, because of tired of the PAIN and SUFFERING... it sucks to hurt all the time and very hard to stop focusing on it because pain has a way of keeping my attention. So, in order to achieve, does that mean I should ignore and lock away the negatives in my life? No, I believe that we can slowly train ourselves to look for happiness from within instead of happiness from the material world or by people's expectation imposed onto us. Rather than repressing the negative we should learn to totally accept it and be at peace with it. It won't happen overnight that we can change the habits and our years of negative wiring. But it is possible, when we still have these little things called "hope" and "faith". These two hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be. They are your rallying point to build courage when courage seems to fail, to regain faith when there seems to be little cause for faith, to create hope when hope becomes forlorn.

Key notes:
- Assuming you suck makes it harder to try to not suck. (http://www.businessweek.com/lifestyle/content/healthday/637439.html)

- People who base their own self-worth on what others think and not on their value as human beings might pay a mental and physical price (http://www.apa.org/monitor/dec02/selfesteem.aspx).

Results: Overall, students were found to have a high level of self-esteem. When students were asked about what they base their self-worth on, more than 80 percent said academic competence, 77 percent said their family's support, 66 percent said doing better than others, and 65 percent--70 percent of which were women--said their appearance.

College students who based their self-worth on academic performance did not receive higher grades despite being highly motivated and studying more hours each week than students who did not rate academic performance as important to their self-esteem, Crocker found. Students who based their self-worth on academic outcomes also were more likely to report conflicts with professors and greater stress.

It is important to know how you see yourself, rather than how would others see yourself. You are the mold of your life, shape it the way that will bring you happiness.

I have too many brain cells to kill with mind blowing thoughts.

2011-12-12T11:31:00.001+08:00

Let's get nuanced up in this bitch. For example, I've always known that the human species has existed for around 180,000 years or something like that, or even if you cut it off when we could relate behaviorally, it's something like 45,000 years.

In any event, it blows my mind - even though I know I've always known this - that all of human history that we know of is basically recorded written wise within the past 6,000 years.

There were at least some 39,000 years of relatable human history we have no clue about other than fossil records and some tools, and a whole 135,000 years where we've even more in the dark about the day to day lives of our ancestors. It blows my mind that the vast, vast majority of our time on this Earth was never recorded and thus we simply don't know about it. I don't know why it does, but it just does. And that's a small time scale. Thinking about time on the scale of the universe is even more mind blowing.

Think about it. How in the world did this first person learned how to start a fire? What was the motivation to start a fire? That crap takes time even if you know how to do it?

And why in the world would they use fire to cook food? Why would they want to burn the food that was so hard to get? And how did all of them did it all over the world? Who was this smartest son of a gun?

But yeah, I love thinking about it. I know some people would go back in time and visit, like, Da Vinci or Jesus but I think I'd like a week observing our badass hunter/gatherer cousins in action.

As if my mind haven't got enough chill from it, let's do a mind travelling back to the beginning of Earth's formation:

Think of the time that spanned from the beginning of the universe, the first formation of molecules, the birth of stars and planets to the first life ever emerged in a habitable planet, it is so awe-inspiring to see that it took incomprehensibly long period of time leading to my birth! I was made of the star stuff that created the universe we've known yet I have no recollection of it. While I'm alive, I will be able to store memories and recall the past. I have a personality and a feeling of free will.

I will die at some point, and all of this will be gone. My body will stop functioning, and I as the world knows me will no longer exist. But the particles that make me what I am will continue on, and may even one day be part of a separate living thing. Parts of conscious organisms interconnected by time (eg. eat chicken, harvest protein and use in muscles) are used like passing a tool from an experienced mechanic to a novice, but between species.

Also, I believe there are billions of habitable planets in this universe, and of all these planets, this is where us, the human life started here on this planet. It is the only place known in the universe to have written history. This is the place in which I was born, not any where else, this is where my parents met and conceived me, and where my grandparents met each other and my great grandparents before them, and all the history interconnected among them, the internet, airplanes, ships, smart phones. The entire world converged onto a singularity. We've made such huge strides in the last millenia or so years its absurd. I think my idol, Carl Sagan says it a lot better than me:

"From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it's different. Look again at that dot. That's here, that's home, that's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."

How lonely was the beam of light? But it was there, I met my special ones.

And who knows that all of the chained events since the beginning of time would lead to the writing of this post. It's mind chilling to know that I've got the chance to live on this planet, a place at which I could achieve greatness, marvel at the beauty of the life, seeing how humanity progress and... to be together with the loved ones.

Again, in a pale blue dot suspended as a mote of dust in the vast space of the universe, have you ever wondered how you ended up meeting the people you've known? And of all the random events that had and will be unfolded, what are the odds that at some where and some time, past, present and future, you'd be reading this post, my thought?

Signing out. Before my sleep, I love to watch these videos again to give me peace and astonishment:

We are star stuff, the ash of stellar alchemy

Star Stuff

We Are Here: The Pale Blue Dot

Regrets Of The Dying

2011-12-07T21:26:00.001+08:00

I haven't read such a good piece for awhile. Got me into some thinking.

To quote:

"For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."

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My POV:

I think it's a lot easier to say things like this on your deathbed when you've got nothing left to fear. But life is complicated - the guy who ignores his powerful dream to quit his rat race job and open up a surf shop, or the guy who never tells his best friend that he's really in love with her so as not to break up her relationship aren't necessarily sowing the seeds of regret, they're making sacrifices for others.

I'm not saying it applies to everything but just as saying "I wish I'd lived up to my potential" is a nicer way of saying "I wish I'd worked harder," so too can "I wish I had let myself be happier" can be a nicer way of saying, "I wish I had been more selfish."

Also, my thought experiment:

Will the people on the death bed, if given another chance to continue living, would make actual changes in their lives? Or would they only work nominally toward happiness, eventually finding their way back to their same disappointing way of living?

Selfishly to say I would love to live on a tropical island and swim, fish, watch TV and party with hot bikini girls for the rest of my life, but that just isn't possible. I'm not terrible at writing, and I'd like to write a history book for kids but I know I can't because I look through the blog posts all over the internet and I realize just how awful I am compared to people who are anywhere near getting even considered for publication.

The moments before your death are like the moments after your birth, you naively assume you could easily do things like "be happy" but then you realize that its a lot harder when life hits you in the face.

Things get in the way of doing all of those things, though, especially each other.

What if "being happy" for you means working hard to help others or secure a financially stable future for yourself/your family?

What if "staying in touch with your friends" means sacrificing time with your immediate family?

What if "the life you want to live" means isolating yourself from others and remaining stationary?

I understand that things like this are meant to provoke people into trying to better their lives, but I always hated that they rarely acknowledge that such "wisdom" in life can only come from those who are facing the end of it: all of whom probably heard this same advice some time within their own life, and so on. Worrying about whether or not you're living the life you want all the time can actually get in the way of living the damn thing, and just cause more stress and anxiety that just changing your perception rather than specific aspects of your life as it is now.

Regrets I have a few. Really the only thing I would have changed is I would have become a History teacher as I always wanted to and I would have told the girl I had a crush the most that I really liked her... but I can't stay in one place, always got to move forward.

Lastly, for those who is in their deathbed, thinking of ending or having a miserable life, watch the youtube below, it's pretty famous so maybe anyone who's bothered to read this has seen it before. It is one of the most smile-worthy, uplifting affirmations of life there is from a person who himself was close to death (and, of course, who is now passed on). It's beautiful and moving and he's got such an amazing attitude that it might encourage you a little. In the end all we have is what we have done with the life we have been given. Don't beat yourself up if you didn't achieve all your goals.

A long post just to annoy everyone

2011-08-07T23:33:00.000+08:00

THE INTERNET HAS SHORTENED YOUR ATTENTION SPAN. FOR THAT REASON, YOU ARE PROBABLY GOING TO LOOK AT THIS WALL OF TEXT AND SAY TL;DR. IF YOU ARE ABLE TO READ THIS ENTIRE WALL OF WRITTEN TEXT FROM TOP TO BOTTOM WITOUT BEING DISTRACKED OR BORED, YOU PROBABLY SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME ON THE INTERNET. RESEARCHES SHOW THAT LESS THAN 4% OF XBOX 350 USERS ARE ABLE TO READ THIS ENTIRE WALL OF TEXT. ONLY 9% OF WII OWNERS SUCCEEDED IN THIS TEXT. PS3 OWNERS ACHIEVED A HIGHER SCORE OF 17%. AMONG PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO DEFINE THEMSELVES AS PC GAMERS, ALMOST 29% ARE ABLE TO READ THIS ENTIRE BLOCK OF WORDS. THE PERCENTAGE AMONG PEOPLE WHO DON’T PLAY VIDEO GAMES IS JUST ABOVE 34%. OF COURSE, THE STATISTICS YOU WERE JUST TOLD ARE FALSE AND MADE UP. IF YOU THOUGHT OTHERWISE, YOU MUST BE AN IDIOT OR A PC GAMING PRICK. DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS A PLACE CALLED THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS? THE PREVIOUS QUESTION IS RHETORICAL, AND YOU SHOULDN’T ANSWER IT. THIS WALL OF TEXT WAS ACTUALLY WRITTEN BY A NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING PERSON. IF YOU FIND ANY GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES IN IT, PLEASE IGNORE THEM. FOR REASONS BEYOND MY CONTROL, SPELLING MISTAKES MIGHT BE FOUND AS WELL. THE WORD “MIGHT” IS HORRIBLY SIMILAR TO THE WORD “MATE” BUT THEY’RE NOT IDENTICAL. SAYING MATE OVER AND OVER AGAIN IS AN AUSTRALIAN STEREOTYPE. MANY PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN CANADA, USA, GREAT BRITAIN OR ANY OTHER ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY CONFUSE AUSTRALIANS WITH AUSTRIANS. OVER 100,000 AUSTRALIANS ACTUALLY LIVE IN GREECE, NOT AUSTRALIA. MODERN GREECE IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM ANCIENT GREECE, AND THE TWO SHOULD NOT BE CONFUSED. THE CAUCASUS IS AN UNDERRATED GEOGRAPHICAL BETWEEN THE BLACK AND CASPIAN SEAS. THE CAUCASUS HOLDS MANY NATURAL RESOURCES, HAS THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN IN EUROPE IN IT AND CONTAINS ONE OF THE LAST UNSPOILED NATURAL ENVIRONMENTS IN THE WORLD. I’M NOT KIDDING. GOOGLE IT UP. THE CURRENT WORLD POPULATION IS 6,980,560,683 PEOPLE. THIS YEAR ALONE, 76,173,739 BABIES WERE BORN. THIS NUMBER IS MORE THAN TWICE THAN THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO DIED THIS YEAR. SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT IS AN IMPORTANT ISSUE. THIS DAY ONLY, 11,985,000 MWH WERE CREATED AND USED FROM NON-RENEWABLE SOURCES. FROM RENEWABLE SOURCES, ONLY 2,884,000 MWH OF ENERGY WERE CREATED AND USED. THIS IS A HORRIBLE WASTE OF POTENTIAL AND POLLUTION AS 115,240,000,000 MWH OF SOLAR ENERGY STROKE EARTH TODAY. THE LAST FEW STATISTICS WERE TAKEN FROM A SITE CALLED WORLDOMETERS. YOU ARE NOW MORE EDUCATED ABOUT SOME OF THE WORLD ISSUES. WHAT DO YOU DO IN ORDER TO FIX THESE ISSUES? THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY NOTHING SINCE YOU ARE SURFING ON THE INTERNET. DID YOU NOTICE HOW THIS ENTIRE BLOCK OF TEXT IS WRITTEN IN ALL-CAPS AND USING A VERY OLD FONT? THE REASON FOR THIS IS TO MAKE THE BLOCK OF TEXT EVEN LESS APPROACHABLE AND HARDER TO READ. IF YOU GOT HERE WITHOUT SKIPPING, YOU ARE PROBABLY VERY BORED. LET’S TEST HOW MUCH ATTENTION YOU WERE PAYING DURING THE 5 MINUTES IT TOOK YOU TO READ THIS TEXT. WITHOUT REREADING THE TEXT, TRY TO RECALL THE DIFFERENT SUBJECT DISCUSSED IN IT. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS TEXT ISN’T EVEN MEANT TO BE FUNNY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, IT’S JUST A MOTHERFUCKING LONG LIST OF WORDS. THANK FULLY, IT’S FINALLY COMING TO AN END. DON’T EXPECT ANYTHING SPECIAL NEAR THE ENDING. THE TEXT WILL NOW JUST CUT INTO BLANK, ENDING WITH A QUITE DISTURBING WORD SUCH AS MASTURBATION.

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Congratulations, if you skip the whole text altogether to see this paragraph, you're a certified ADD. You completely wasted my time of typing those big chunk of text. Fuck you, and here are two funny pictures for you jerks.

A quick review on Google+: it's fucking better than Facebook (Also, I'm giving out free Google+ invite)

2011-07-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

What the fuck is it?

I guess when you're reading this post, you already know what Google+ is. Google+ is a new social network from Google. It boasts lots of cool features. I like it upon my first usage and I don’t mind Google steals more personal info from me.

Circles

Google+ Circles helps me organize everyone according to your real-life social connections--say, 'family,' 'work friends,' 'music buddies,' and 'jerks/assholes who annoy me'. In Facebook, the friend category is so rigid (virtually non-existent) so strangers, lurkers or not-so-close friends alike are all group under the same roof with my close friends. In Google+, you can share relevant content with the right people, and follow content posted by people you find interesting. For example, I might post an announcement about my engagement and show it only to people in my friends and family circles, or maybe I see a post from the circle I created for my book club that there's a recent article on my favorite author.

I can also decide to customize my personal profile information for my circles. For example, my contact details, location, and relationship information would be visible to your friends circle, while my employment history and education would be visible to my alumni association circle.

If you don't add someone to a circle, they will never get to see any post you make unless if it's public. It doesn't matter if they've added you.

Sparks

Sparks brings you stories on the things you love from all across the Web, so it's easy to strike up meaningful conversations with your friends.

When you first arrive in Sparks, you'll see a collection of featured interests. If nothing strikes your fancy, search for a different interest.

Let's say you're learning to juggle. You can search for 'juggling,' then add it as an interest so you can always be kept up to date on the world of object manipulation. And if you get tired of people calling you a clown all the time, you can remove this interest.

Hangouts

Hangouts are the best way for you to say, “I’m online and want to hangout!” Hangouts lets you:

- Chill with friends that are scrolling through the web, just like you!

- Use live video chat that puts you in the same room together!

- Coordinate plans, whether it's working on a project or meeting up for coffee.

- Maybe you’re bored. Start a hangout, invite your circles, see who’s around!

- Start a private video session to show how well-endowed you are.

Okay, so, Facebook is good enough for me, why the fuck do I want to switch?

While functionally Google Plus and Facebook have similar abilities to handle the "Privacy" of the information you post on their services, Google has designed all of Plus around the idea that you will share most information with a target subset of your "friends". They have also provided a greater degree of flexibility on what details you show and to whom.

Facebook has a similar feature to 'Circles' called 'Lists'. However, unlike Facebook, Google+ is built around Circles and you categorise your friends in them when you first add them.

Apart from the privacy aspect, you have a new simple design with fewer colours and buttons. Some may find this a better look than that of Facebook. You also have the hangout feature that isn't available in Facebook. Facebook has recently added 1 on 1 video chat but G+ trumps this with group video chat.

You can get news from joining Facebook groups but Sparks offers greater flexibility in that you can choose any topic you want and you only get serious news articles. This feature is yet to be fully developed and is bare bones right now. Google is also offering a great feedback mechanism that allows you to highlight certain aspects you would like changed. This is completely different to how Facebook has been operating and might mean faster fixes and more frequent updates.

General Points

1. If someone adds you to a circle and you don't add them, you can still see their posts in a separate section called 'Incoming'. Their posts wont appear in your main stream.

2. If you can't see posts from someone, it's because they don't want to share with you. Not because Google+ is broken.

3. You can see who your friends are friends with. This feature is enabled by default. You can hide all your friends or choose to only show some circles. Plenty of flexibility.

4. There is an option to make public posts that any Google+ member can see. This makes the service behave like twitter as people who are following you (put you in a circle) can then easily see the post.

5. Google+ enables search engine indexing by default so you may want to turn that off. Also, be sure to go through all the settings to make sure they're set to what you want. The default settings beat those of Facebook by far but you should still double check.

6. You can tag people in posts by adding a + sign in front of their names in a post.

FAQ (Fucking Annoying Questions)

Q: How do I see if my friends have added me?

A: When a friend adds you, you receive a notification. You can also go to Circles > People who've added you, and see if they are there.

Q: How can I see which group someone has added me to?

A: You can't. That's part of the privacy settings on Google+. You can only see if someone has added you. Not to which group. You will see everything that the person wants to share with you so if everybody gets a party invite except you, start questioning your friendship with that person!

Q: What if I wanna share something with someone that hasn't added me?

A: If he's on Google+, he will receive the messages from people who have added him in the 'Incoming' section (left sidebar). The same goes for you. If you haven't added someone but someone has added you, you can see their messages in the 'Incoming' section. This allows people to contact you without you having to worry about adding them. If he's not on Google+, he will receive an email with whatever you're sharing.

Q: What are circle and how do they work??

A: Think of them as social labels. They allow you to easily identify social groups and you can then choose what you want to share with each group. This allows for great flexibility so you're not sharing everything with everyone. You can choose to share your party pictures with your 'Friends' or maybe your family reunion pictures with your 'Family'.

Q: How does re-sharing work?

A: If you like what someone as posted, you can re-share it. Think re-tweeting like in twitter. When you share something, you're only sharing the original post and not the comments. Don't worry though, you can disable sharing so no one can share your posts. It's also impossible to share a private post publicly.

Q: Are there communities or groups that I can join?

A: Nope. Currently there are no groups but Google has talked about how they want to incorporate public circles which should act the same.

Q: I can't see a way to private message someone. What do I do?

A: There is no official way to send someone a private message. You can use the 'Email Me' button on someone's profile if they have it enabled or you can just make a post and share it with that one person. You can also tag the person in the post by adding a + sign in front of their name. This means that only that one person can see it and reply.

Q: The email button sucks! I don't want people to see my email!

A: By enabling the 'Email Me' button, people will only get a subject box and a body box. They will never get to see your email so it's completely private (until you reply obviously).

Don't feel compelled to reciprocate!

This is not Facebook :). Just because someone adds you to a circle does NOT mean they expect you to add them to a circle. Example: I added Jimmy, an asshole, to a circle entitled "butthurt", but he doesn't know me from Adam, and I've never met him; I don't expect him to be as interested in what I have to say as vice versa!

This also means you (ideally) shouldn't feel uncomfortable when someone you don't know adds you to a circle. They're probably not asking (or even wanting) to be your friend; they just want to see what, if anything, you choose to post publicly.

Don't feel shy about adding people to a circle

and, contrary to my example above, don't ever feel compelled to tell someone what circle you've added them to. They can't find out this info themselves, and it's none of their business :p)

One of the cool things about Google+ is that you don't have to worry about adding too many people, or the "wrong" people. When you add them -- or anytime after -- you choose which circle(s) you put 'em in. Then you just post to -- and read -- what you want.

As a good rule of thumb, try to reserve one circle for the people you really care about personally, that you want to share personal stuff with.

"Friends" or "Best Friends" or whatever. Then, you can do two cool things:

- Add just that circle when you want to share something personal.

- Click on that circle name (on the left) when you want to read posts just from those friends, without the clutter from others (especially obnoxiously loquacious folks like me :p)

But then when you have more time and you want a broader cross-section, or the chance to get to know other people better, you can click on your "Interesting People" list, or even "Stream" (which shows posts from all your circles).

You always have the choice, and if you end up becoming good friends with one of those folks... just a couple of clicks and boom they're in your Friends circle :-).

More tips at here.

In short, I like it better than Facebook for its simplicity, bigger fonts, less complex, more privacy and ease of use.

Things I like:

-It's not Facebook

-Circles (great idea, but a lot of people will be confused by them at first and end up posting stuff not intended for public eyes)

-The Circle animations

-I can group people to my liking, friends under friends, jerks under jerks.

-No stupid games or event invite for now. Even if there's one in future, the circle thingy will decide which notification I would receive.

Things I don't like:

-If my friends share something I posted/shared, it shows up in my Stream again.

-G-Mail is not a tab in G+ like Photos, Profile, etc.

-If I have G+ open in one tab and Google in another, my notifications only get cleared in the tab in which I click on them.

-My chats received keep randomly going to my G-Mail tab so I will be waiting for a response and not realize it went to my G-Mail chat.

Things to note:

- No games. No angry bird. No Cityville.

- dislike Picasa. No photo tagging.

- can share contents to my target audience with ease.

- "other nickname" can't supercede real name.

- Hangout seems cool but no friends to talk to :(

Still a Beta version with lots of expectations. Feedback button is always up there to be clicked.

Fuck you, you said it was a quick review, so shut up already and where's my Google+ invite?

Alright Jose, chill out! Just post your email in the comment box. Please note that I also have work to do so please be patient and I'll attend to your requests soon. Jeez.

p/s: I also sent an invite to my dear Prime Minister YB Najib Razak. I guess he's "too cool" to accept my invitation and gave me a cold turkey instead.

This is how I trolled my PM without even going out for a rally.

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EDIT:

I'm going to further explain on the social circle stuff, which is why I think it's a great appeal and how it pawns Facebook on privacy setting:

Instead of saying, "I'm going to write a blog post now," or "I'm going to send an e-mail" or "I think I'll tweet something" you simply say what you have to say, then decide who you're going to say it to.

If you address it to "Public," it's a blog post.

If you address it to "Your Circles" it's a tweet.

If you address it to your "My Customers" Circle it's a business newsletter.

If you address it to a single person, it can be a letter to your mother.

I'd say this is pretty revolutionary.

On Google+, your relationships are solely based on the information you are willing to share with them, which is a lot like real life. We give people titles but that doesn't "really" mean anything and your true relationship is based on what you wish to confide with them; like some people say "My Mum is my best friend" that is partly to do with what information the person is willing to share with his/her Mum. My Mum is not my best friend so I will not put her in that circle.

Example of a fictional circles:

Family (Mum and sibling)
Close friends (best friends I've met throughout my life)
Work colleagues (people who pull your legs in work)
Distant (Aunts who pressure you to get married)
Multiplayer pals (those peeps who pawned me in Starcraft II)
Childhood (People who as adults I do not know but they found me on the internet so I humour them)

Example of my information:

Summer vacation to France photos (all circles, possibly entire web, just to brag)
Look. Just bought a designer bag, guess how much!!! (close friends)
Just setup a savings account, I'm not spending money on frivolous things (family)
Photo of beautiful typography on a store sign (design buddies)
Drinks this Friday? (Korean friends, possibly work colleagues depending on my mood)
My first 6 months living in Seoul (family, Distant)
Easter weekend at the park with the *family name* (Distant)
Anyone prepared anything for the meeting on Tuesday? (work colleagues)

Now some of my work buddies are good friends so they are in two circles, but some are merely people I worked with in a company. I really don't want to send info about a new book coming out or a Terence Conran interview to my family so I have a separate circle. At the moment, work buddies is essentially my twitter but if Google+ becomes popular I can switch permanently.

Take your old school teacher, he is not your friend, you may introduce him to someone as "my old school teacher, and friend Mr. _____" but in a medium where all you are doing is relaying information to each other I'd be surprised if you put him into a friend category; I would put him into "distant relatives friends of the family" then he gets the info about you graduating from university or getting a new job and doesn't get the info about you phoning your ex-girlfriend when you were drunk or going to see the chiropodist next Friday.

The example is extended when a "university" is created, think of it again as sharing information... as a virtual school noticeboard. People you only know through Uni would like this information but your friends wouldn't, and you don't have to share personal info with the weird girl you are doing a group project with.

I think people have been indoctrinated into believing "social network" is just a website where you show off how busy your life is or how many "friends" you have, which it was for Facebook when it was first setup for self-absorbed, arrogant students at the most prestigious universities in America. It's a playground mentality applied to an online tool.

I know it is still early but I can see my circle groups are falling into categories that were previously divided between different online tools: Linkedin, twitter feed, personal blog, design work blog, email, and ironically facebook private messages... then if there is something I don't mind everyone knowing I'd post on Facebook feed.

Google+ (if it gains popularity) will be so good, it's your life and your interactions with people rather than a voyeur's wet dream/normal person's worst nightmare that Facebook is.

Not your typical fairy tale

2011-07-16T19:04:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess:

“Will you marry me?”

The Princess said No and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode Harley and fucked skinny big titted blonde broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank Whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard any bitching again.

He also never paid any child support or alimony and ate pussies and fucked luscious cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fucking cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank.

Also, he could leave the toilet seat up.

The End.

The moral of the story is being a single adult is cool. If some of your stupid relatives (especially your stupid aunts) asked "Hey Frankie, when you wanna get married?", just tell them in the face "STFU bitch, it's non of your fucking business." Isn't it right? Who the hell are they to pressurize me to get married? The only chance for me to get married is when I accidentally knocked up some barely legal chicks, and even so I might ask her to get an abortion in Thailand.

This is the age where I can experience as much of the world as I can and I'm still young to really know what I want in my life. Marriage doesn't succeed because of readiness or "Hey, you're old enough to settle down already". Screw that. You are never ready for a lifelong commitment, you just keep trying and hopefully have a community that supports you in it and you get better at it. It's just like a healthy family. You are born into this lifelong connection to your family and have no choice in the matter. You have no idea how to be a good son or brother or later on a good uncle, but you just learn and eventually suck at it less than you did. Health of the family isn't in their readiness but in their mutual commitment to making the whole family healthy.

Being Single is fun...for now

Mandatory "Being Single is Cool" pic

Timothy Lim Seng Yen? Hey, I worked for one of the Fortune 500 companies too.... sort of

2011-06-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

Whoa, another Malaysian landed a job in a Fortune 500 companies, earned double-degree from some prestigious university, and even got himself into an iPhone 4 design team! Great achievements indeed. But I just don't understand why Malaysian would treat this piece of news like a big deal and admire him like a God (find it in local forum and you'll see signs of worshiping)? It's not as if he has any plan to come back to "serve" for his country, kickstart his career out of nothing, establishing his own company and make it into Fortune 500. He's still a business analyst at Yahoo! (failing internet company), he's not going to work for shitty pay in Malaysia and he was only an intern in that iPhone 4 design team!

That shows how pitiful is Malaysian's mentality. Another typical Malaysian working for some random top company and our people flock to lick his balls like that white cream in Oreo cookies. Our people have just never thought that if they could work as hard as Timothy or any successful people, they could have carved their own successful paths rather than posting on fora yearning for people's achievements or lamenting how pariah their lives are. If being envious are Malaysian's would like to be, so be it.

I used to work for one of the Fortune 500 companies and I was also interviewed by local press. Nothing big deal, seriously. Because I had quit. I felt life was too short to work your ass nine to five and for all the credits would eventually go to your superior whom did really nothing but preparing bullet points for PowerPoint slides. Till now, I'm still not working. Yeah, and that's why I have the time to dig out that local press coverage of myself working for a Fortune 500 company and post it at here. So, kneel to me, Malaysian roaches!!

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SHAH ALAM, June 10 (REUTERS): Frankie Foo, a recent graduate of UTAR, has secured a position with the McDonald's Corporation, a high-ranking Fortune 500 company.

"I'm tremendously excited to have this opportunity to work with the world's number-one restaurant chain," said Foo, 23, squeezing mayonnaise onto a Big Mac at the RM 2 million company's Taman Sri Muda branch Monday. "I am determined to prove that their difficult decision to go with me over Mohammad Khairul was not a mistake."

According to Foo, it was McDonald's impressive Fortune 500 rank of 359–along with the fact that a branch office is located just down the street from his parents' house, where he resides--that convinced him to sign with the company.

"I had competing offers from both King’s Confectionary and Secret Recipe, but neither of those companies makes the list of top-grossing Malaysia businesses, much less the Fortune 500," Frankie said. "Secret Recipe actually offered me a compensation package that was slightly better than the one I stood to receive at McDonald's, with a base salary of RM 6.50 an hour and a 50-cent raise after the 6-month probation period, plus a RM 25 signing bonus. But in the final analysis, I felt it was in my long-term best interest to go with a global leader."

Guaranteed at least 32 hours a week in his new post, Foo said he is "extremely enthused by the numbers [he's] seen" in McDonald's financial summaries.

"For the third-quarter of year 2008, total revenues for the company rose 11 percent to $6.27 billion," Foo said. "Net income rose 6 percent to $1.07 billion. That's a healthy growth amidst the global recession!"

Even more encouraging, Foo said, is the company's varieties of food and aggressive marketing.

“I’m always an enthusiast to every single burger in McDonald’s. The rich choices in the menu confer the consumers borderless of delicacy. I mean, who could ever reject Spicy Chicken McDeluxe??? As a biologist also, I know that food is essential to support the life system. You can’t strap your stomach and still have to eat at the end of the day. So it’s better for a fresh grad like me to join a global company that is recession-resistant and gives me a sense of job security.”

Despite Foo’s lack of experience, McDonald's executives are confident that he can bring a new dimension to the company.

"We're very happy to have Frankie on board," said Noor Aisha, manager of the Taman Sri Muda location. "I saw a lot of part-time working experiences on his application, and that's always a good sign."

In his first days on the job, Foo has already shown great promise. He has absorbed vital information about how the Taman Sri Muda link in McDonald's chain of stores works, including where the brooms are kept and how to break down the cardboard boxes for recycling pick-up.

"Right now, I'm just trying to take in as much as I can, watching everything that goes on around me," said Foo, who, as a drive-thru cashier, will directly handle a portion of the company's projected year-2008 revenue of $14 billion. "But hopefully soon, I can get in there and begin to effect some real changes of my own. I wish the experience of working in McDonald’s will help me to know how a restaurant is actually being run. It will be very instrumental when I can own my own restaurant business."

Foo's plans include a full-scale restructuring of the walk-in freezer to get the chicken-patty bags off the floor and the installation of a customer complain box on every dining table to collect customer’s feedbacks. He is also very excited to show a new marketing tagline for McDonald’s (picture below).

"I can't tell you how energizing it is to be part of a dynamic company that controls a whopping 30 percent of the Malaysia fast-food market," Foo said. "There's just so much to look forward to."

McDonald's President & COO Ralph Alvarez agreed.

"We just won a competitive bid with the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority to open 11 new food-service plazas," said Alvarez, speaking from the company's Oak Brook, IL, headquarters. "Those outlets should translate to an additional $50 million in annual sales. In addition, we recently reached an exclusive agreement with Mattel to sell Barbie dolls and Spongebob figures."

Foo has already been tabbed to play a role in the multimillion-dollar Mattel deal, assigned the important task of folding the specially designed Barbie doll Happy Meal boxes.

"If handled correctly, this in-store promotion could be as successful as the one for Snoopy figures, which resulted in mile-long lines out the door," Foo said. "That would mean a strong final quarter heading into 2009 and plenty of extra weekend hours for me."

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Hmm, occasionally I still miss the smile on a child's face when he was unboxing the happy meal to see what shitty toy I'd packed for him. Maybe I should start writing a resume for McDonald's and re-applying for that same job. Job satisfaction is what it counts.

I just know that that doesn’t make any sense, but I’m just not sure why.

2011-05-26T21:23:00.002+08:00

You may often find yourself in this situation: “This is f***ing nonsense! Haven’t this guy got a brain to think?” Yes, he did, but not effectively. You may also being left frustrated to know in your heart that what you’ve just heard is nonsense but not being able to pinpoint why it is nonsense. What happened to the basic common sense? You know? That reflex in your brain that used to make you scream bullshit! To everyone’s dismay, nonsense comes about every day and unfortunately, committed by even supposedly high intelligent/wisdom people (For example, your local government or your boss). I also find myself from time to time. None of us is immune to nonsense.

Are men and women by nature hopelessly muddled creatures? By nature, yes. Muddled, yes. Hopelessly, no. Men and women may be rational animals, but they are not by nature reasoning animals. We often think with the tendencies of: disorderly, beginning at an inappropriate place or failing to proceed properly; disorganized, with different objects not properly distinguished from each other or properly categorized; inconsistent, often with direct self-contradiction; unclear, whether intentionally or unintentionally; irrelevant, that is, injecting information or arguments that are irrelevant to what is being asserted; or incomplete, omitting some important fact, point or perspective.

Here is the list of patterns that seem to characterize the ways that people tend to respond and think. Almost, if not all the myriad ways that our thinking can go illogical. Let’s not call them laws, and, since they’re not particularly original, I won’t attached my name to them. For example, people:

1. Tend to believe what they want to believe

2. Tend to project their own biases or experiences upon situations

3. Tend to generalize from a specific event.

4. Tend to get personally involved in the analysis of an issue and tend to let their feelings overcome a sense of objectivity

5. Are not good listeners. They hear selectively. They often hear only what they want to hear.

6. Are eager to rationalize

7. Are often unable to distinguish what is relevant from what is irrelevant.

8. Are easily diverted from the specific issue at hand.

9. Are usually unwilling to explore thoroughly the ramifications of a topic; tend to oversimplify.

10. Often judge from appearances. They observe something, misinterpret what they observe and make terrible errors in judgment.

11. Often simply don’t know what they are talking about, especially in matters of general discussion. They rarely think carefully before they speak, but they allow their feelings, prejudices, biases, likes, dislikes, hopes and frustrations to supersede careful thinking.

12. Rarely act according to a set of consistent standards. Rarely do they examine the evidence and then form a conclusion. Rather, they tend to do whatever they want to do and to believe whatever they want to believe and then find whatever evidence will support their actions or their beliefs. They often think selectively; in evaluating situation they are eager to find reasons to support what they want to support and they are just eager to ignore or disregard reasons that don’t support what they want

13. Often do not say what they mean and often do not mean what they say

On top of that, most people want to feel that issues are simple rather than complex, want to have their prejudices confirmed, want to feel that they ‘belong’ with the implication that others do not, and need to pinpoint an enemy to blame for their frustrations.

The above comments may seem jaundiced. They are not meant to be. They are not even meant to be critical or judgmental. They merely suggest that it is a natural human tendency to be subjective rather than objective and that the untrained mind will usually take the path of least resistance. The path of least resistance is rarely through reasoning.

Best disciplinary actions against Malaysian school bullies

2011-05-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

Done watching the video? There's nothing new in school bully issue really. But this video which was released a week ago has caused enough shitstorm because the schoolgirl bullies in the video were only given a suspension for.... 14 days. The public find it surprising that those bullies could get away with mild punishment. And here goes my ranting: SERIOUSLY??? WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??? Since when our public schools were turned into pussy landfill?? Where's the good old spanking and caning that has proven to be the most effective way to straighten kids up?

No wait, why are the teachers and parents nowadays afraid to whack their children around? Back in my schooling days, whenever I screwed up, my parents or my teachers weren't hesitate to take a feather brush and beat me in the ass. It was always a swift move. We never had a conversation about it. They never gave a lecture of "so, did you learn lesson?". The only lesson they gave was the bloody magenta injury marks on my butt cheeks or hand palms. Also, unlike those headline bullies, I've never once been grounded or suspended in my life. What's the point? giving them a 2-week holidays so that they can spend the time watching rubbish idol dramas, listening K-pop or playing video games? Great idea, why don't we send them to a psychiatrist while you're at it so they can pull some disorder out of their sweet virgin asses to hide the fact that we're a bad parent/teacher?

Like the days in yore, kids or teens today need to be beaten now and then. If we don't beat our kids when they fall out of line, the next thing we'll know your son will go off and pull some "Texas chili bowl" (It involves Tabasco sauce, a telephone, and the anus) off some boy just out of spite. You tell them to buy some eggs and if they refuse, you just punch them in the stomach; You tell them to come back home before 6 PM and if they don't, you just lock the gate and let them starve and sleep in the street the whole night. Don't listen to those assholes on TV with their bullshit hippy psycho babble that naughty kids need counseling sessions and we should give them a chance if they screwed up. Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle writing reports to make someone else rich.

The problem with kids is that they think their opinions matter. By not beating your kids, they will think they are so big and can do whatever such as dying their hair blonde and have a butterfly tattoo above their ass line. Now, I'm not asking you to be a complete rip-off of Asian Tiger Mom. In fact, she's way too pussy, yeah, she might be intimidating but she's not fearsome enough to command fear on her kids.

My parents meant more serious business than her

So, I'm listing the disciplinary techniques that were passed on from my forefathers and have had been applied onto me for your convenience, especially to the failed parents of those school bitches in the video whom definitely are inept in child bearing (hint: you may want to even print this list and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here goes:

High Five: You have a pair of hands and please apply your parental wisdom to it. Just straighten and keep your four fingers firm together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Aim at your kid’s face and slap on it. Make sure that it is your finger joints that are landing on his face otherwise your palm may get a stinging effect. This is important because you don't want to risk letting your kid think you're a pussy.

High Five

The rising sun: Just ask the question "hey look, you dropped something on the floor?" and when they look down, bust their lip with your knee. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of.

Rotan, or so called “cane” in English: this is as effective as “High Five” and it was used in the olden days to discipline naughty brats. Furthermore, it is good for general beating, doesn’t hurt your hand and works good enough to send the message.

Cane, or so called "Rotan" in Malay.

The one-two shut-the-hell-up: This can be useful when your kid is making childish demands like asking for allowance raise or insulin shots. First smack your kid (the high five or rotan will work). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

Double the beating. Twice the faster lesson learnt.

The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe: If you do your job as a parent/teacher, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (i.e. any time your kid blurts out a sentence with "I might be pregnant…" or "I can _____ if I want to..." where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, clubbing, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up.

Hardcore punishment for hardcore crimes.

The skull thump: this is how my father taught me math whenever I couldn’t solve an algebraic equation or a trigonometry. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child top of the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she is too slow in learning. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which.

Trust me, this will come very handy when dealing with domestic problems.

The porcelain bowl intercept: if you’re too old to chase your kid around the house, grab some china bowls in the kitchen and throwing all of it at your kid. This can break his head just to let him know who the boss in the house is.

There you have it. These are the basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to at least finish the secondary education and go to college. Remember: never take shit from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. Like my parents used to say to me: “If you don't like it, you can move out.”

Car Mods Enthusiasts: You’re Still Driving a Shitty Proton Car, Not a Race Car

2011-04-30T22:46:00.001+08:00

When I’m driving on the road or just strolling down the neighborhood, there’s always a sight that can make my head feels like it is made entirely of smoke alarms---modified cars. Car modification is just like girls wearing makeup, because they feel they look shitty (some are in fact) in the eyes of beholders, they have this alarming sense of insecurity and feel like they require a heavy makeup/body-kit as thick as concrete just to cover up their blemish-riddance defective appearance/quality. As for cars, it always troubles me that why people are so obsessed with making their cars look faster than really are. The worst offenders are national car owners, particularly Proton owners. All the cars made by Proton itself are ugly and run no faster than a concrete mixing truck. So, some of the Proton owners would go all out and buy new rims, tint their windows, changing to a larger exhaust, adding spoilers, paint stripes on their cars…. For what? You should know Proton is a shitty car before you even bought it, so live with it. What's the point of dumping all this cash into modifications when it won't significantly change the performance of your vehicle?

Having any national car (Proton/Perodua) modified is like having Carrot Top in a botched plastic surgery: It looked like shit before, but now it looks like big splatter of massive diarrhea.

"Autobots, transform and roll out!"....NOT. More like a transformer got hit by a stroke then coma while transforming. This abomination is more than shits the eye.

It’s ironic that with all the money that these morons dump into modification, they could have saved up big bucks and bought a real Gran Turismo in a couple of years instead of pretending like they driving one now. These retards should realize that no matter how big your spoiler is, how cool your rims look, how much noise your muffler makes. YOU STILL DRIVE A LOUSY CAR; my angst is also extended to those numbskulls who installed hefty car AV system, I mean, what’s the point?? Don’t you have a house where you can place your home theater system and limit your bollock music just to yourself? Oh, I get it, you spent all the money that is supposed to pay your rent to modify your rubbish car. You got nowhere to live but to sleep in car’s cushion and crying in the night listening to some fucktard European disco music. STOP JAMMING WITH YOUR CAR’S STEREO BECAUSE NOBODY GIVES A SHITE. Do some good for the community, ass wipe, use your fucking AV, swing around the neighborhood and tell the whole world you’re collecting old newspaper and old mattresses for a living. Scum.

VRRRROOOMMMM.... honk honk honk! Make way please! Shitmobile is coming to town! I would rather slit my throat than embarrassing myself sitting in this giant pile of metal shit.

An efficient way to spread gospels around the town: fuck your car up with this stereo, start driving and spread the message of love.

There was a time I pulled up next to a butthole driving a modified Proton when the traffic light was red. While the light was still red, he started revving up his engine and roll back and forth, great, this was some punk that thinks the gas is cheaper than a bottle of mineral water and trying to warm the planet all by himself. I glanced at his car, glanced at him, rolled my eyes, cracked a grin and turned back to the road. This pissed off the driver and as soon as the light turned green, he went Speed Racer. Way to go jerkweed, what was he trying to prove?

A) That his car is so fast and powerful, that he can beat people who aren’t even racing him.

B) That his car is installed with a jet spoiler and enlarged exhaust, which enabled his car to break the barrier of sound when he stepped on the pedal once the light turns green?

C) Those body paint on his car make it looks sharper and hides the fact it is a revolting Proton Satria.

D) He’s an asshole.

Again, what's the point?

Why didn’t I rev up and race him? Because I’m driving a Proton also, it’s not a racing car and I know it. I could pretend it’s a Ferrari and abuse it with massive modification overhaul. I could put some diffusers at the front and back of my car and pretend they could significantly improve the aerodynamic properties of my car or whatever the hell they could accomplish. But I don’t, why? It’s like pretending my left hand can shape into a mold of tight female vagina, which gives me a good fuck and I can brag to whole world that I bang virgins for fun. Get some reality check, car mods, quit pretending and just drive your car like normal people to school or work. Watching people racing in Protons is like watching people racing in children bicycles (with training wheels). Maybe the competition is there, but it’s anti-climactic, like watching two old people having sex in the bed.

She never cheats and always there to satisfy my sexual urge whenever I feel convenient. Oh wait, I'm having the same mindfuck like those car mod-retards. LOLOLOL!!

So what’s the point of having a very fast car anyway? Where do you find ample of space to speed your car in Malaysia? It’s traffic jam all the time on all the roads in the major cities of Malaysia. Even if you’re driving in suburban, there are speed bumps literally all over everywhere and they are so high that it can tear your front diffuser down anyway. Also, if your car can go more than 150 Km/h, you have to break the law to do so. Way to go dipshit, you spent your life savings on something you can't use. Worthless.

Thanks for pissing me, fuck you very much.

2011-04-19T23:15:00.003+08:00

I'm mad. I feel like want to punch somebody in the nuts/ovaries. My day is always a fragile one, it is easily ruined by stupid trivial things. I have zero tolerance towards stupidity. Why God created stupid people at first place? Wait, there is a God? That's a dumb question. But why? Why the coffee machine has to break down? Why the coffee machine was spilling oil? Why the coffee machine is no longer leased and got to be returned?? Argh, fuck you. Speaking of ruined days, here are some of the things that ruin mine:

Justin Bieber
Rebecca Black (heard it in a KFC today, I slapped the manager's face with a tray)
Waking up to both douchebags above on radio
Going into work early.
Going into work late.
Going into work period.
Customer's complaint (bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch...)
Lunch hour is only one hour.
Women, old people and P license driving slow on the fast lane.
Traffic jam at Federal Highway.
Traffic jam at any highway, any intersections, any roundabouts and any emergency lanes (Ambulance stuck at there, good, at least the ill have to wait with me).
Stop signs, red lights, yellow lights, road bumps.
Hippies
People that are in good mood all the time
People updating idiotic status on Twitter or Facebook (who cares where you are dining or what shits you're chewing, oh yeah, go chew some shits.)
Colleagues passing around Pringles.
Better pay and bonus at other companies
Filing income tax

Now here are some things that can cheer me up:

Not going to work.
Not waking up.
Seeing someone run towards me in the elevator while I press the "CLOSE DOOR" button.
Pulling the door shut behind me when I see someone coming towards me with their hands full.
Not letting people merge into traffic.
Forcing people to take the wrong exit because I wouldn't let them change lanes.
Honking my horn at an intersection, then pretending like I don't know who honked just to confuse people.
Honk at the school buses that park in front of school compound.
Drive slowly at fast lane and don't bother to budge despite the butthole behind me is flashing the light
Spraying water towards dogs or cats.
Sit my ass in lazy chair and eat
Park into a parking spot where there isa person waiting for it before me and I'll give him a fuck yeah face.
Laughing at people who trip and fall
Beating up children. (Illustration provided as below)
Pissing people off with things that I mentioned above.

Can't wait to do this for fun

I think that's about it. Wait, there's more actually, I'm just too lazy to write anymore. As if anyone bothers. Hmm, if anyone is trespassing my domain at here, I'll annoy you with this:

Fuck, this ruins my mood again...

I Hate Justin Bieber

2011-04-08T21:20:00.000+08:00

Justin Bieber is the dumbest thing since High School Musical. I fucking hate him, with a fucking passion, I'm so much emo when I hear that name or his stupid songs on radio. I wish I had a loud speaker and say this to him in his pussy face--"YOU HAVE NO TALENT WHATSOEVER". He got his fame just because some producer saw him on Youtube and thought "Hey, a somewhat good looking teenager who can not really sing but I can make him famous and make millions because girls will lose their minds over his looks, not his talent!". Do you know that there are a ton of bands out there that have lots of talent but aren't getting the exposure this kid is getting? Some of them would kill to be that famous, and they have the talent to be that famous, but no, little Justin Bieber is all over the place soaking up the spotlight. It's a giant ass marketing ploy cater to patronize young dumb bitches. It's ridiculous.

Justin Bieber sings like there's a cold cucumber stuck up his ass and his balls stapled to his crotch, way to go to delay your puberty. I don't want to hear his music, I don't want to hear his bullshit. I don't even want to risk hearing it by accident on someone else's radio. Justin Bieber makes me SICK, what a sack of puke.

I can't understand why anyone likes him, or his "music". I try to find reasons of his songs' popularity. First, I went to YouTube, whoa, bad decision, not only I have to endure listening to shitty music that is hurting my ears, but there are NO praising comments at all, I'm glad that there are 1,224,848 YouTube users whom share my enthusiasm of hating JB. Then, I tried to look around the rest of the internet, to my dismay, the center of the discussion is around the hate against JB and since the fanbase of JB is made out of prepubescent tweens and teens, the best reason they can come out of is "Justin Bieber is AMAZING. He has real talent, and hes adorable." Yeah, dumb kids, go and learn how to spell and get your grammar right, ok?

Now, why i hate his music so much? I guess everyone has heard of "Baby" this shit already, this song sucks so much because of the tag-team-JB-and-Ludacris duo of shitty music (JB can't rap, so fans, you call that talented??), the forced and flat monotonous auto-tune (again), and its stupid fan base. Here's what JB fans have to say:

"This song is so sad. i remeber getting my heart brokein for the first time it sucked. and i always wanted to be more then just friends. in this song he is begging for his love to be with him not to leave him because he cant go on with out her its truly a beautiful song.!"

Here's the chorus of the song:

"And I'm like, Baby, baby, baby ohh, Like, Baby, baby, baby noo, Like, Baby, baby, baby ohh, Thought you'd always be mine (mine)"

And more poignant verse:

"I'm gone, Yeahh, yeah, yeah, Yeahh, yeahhh. Now I'm all gone, Yeahh, yeah, yeah, Yeahh, yeahhh"

Yeah, real "sad" and "heart broken", dipshit. Dumb kids must be blind when they failed to see in the MV that JB was flippin' his jacket, moonwalking, rubbing his crotch and squeezing his ass face to look emotional. Pussy.

The next stupid song is "Never say never", equally dumb as the movie "Karate Kid" as it was featured in. According to danchris2455, the song is:

"Encouraging profoundly!The beat is sick,the lyrics were intrepreted very well and her got to collaborate w/ the karate kid himself Jayden Smith.2 of the promising stars of tomorrow who will take us by a storm for sure.I had been patiently waiting for the Smith's offspring to be on d limelight.They were really impressive back in the days when their parnets introduce them tot he world.On Justin Bieber's pocodot' site,he dishes some of the fun stuffs they sgare w/ lovanle girlfriend Selena Gomez"

WTF is he supposed to mean? You're gargling the keyboard, learn to type and spell correctly, asshole. I also hate assholes who don't space the word after a punctuation; What is so encouraging about that song??? How does it motivate me by listening to a teenage pussy yammering "never say never"?? What's motivating? THIS. God, these dumb kids have made FM radio unlistenable. I'd rather have my ears sawed off than listen to JB's shit.

What happens to boys nowadays? Aren't people self-conscious any more? What kind of message is he sending to people? "Hey, looking gay is the trend. LOLL~~~~"

Delete the word "manliness" from dictionary and kill me off already

From the way he sings and how late he is hitting puberty, he's likely no balls. It's beyond my fathom why girls would go crazy on a boy with hermaphrodite features? It's these pussies that keep flooding the media with shitty music and gay fashion that ruin everything. Girls used to like manly men like Gregory Peck, Paul Newman, Clint Eastwood, Brad Pitt, etc. Men like them are now extinct, girls like pussies who dress like gay, maybe one day in the future everyone would have gotten so sexually confused and ultimately lead to the extinction of human being. And speaking of sexually confusion, I always thought Ellen Page was hot until I saw these pictures...

Ellen Page is one of my many sexual fantasies...until a douche called Justin Bieber rose to his fame. If I had Ellen appeared in my wet dream, how do I know she is really Ellen in my wet dream? I didn't know it was Ellen who was giving me the fellatio, or a Justin Bieber who happens to look like Ellen giving me an oral? Whoa, I feel so fucked up, can somebody just kick me into limbo?

oh, did I forget to mention about his stupid hairstyle? The bob haircut looks stupid enough already on anyone's head, it looks even more retarded on JB. And you think JB's hair is trendy? Think again, pothead, The Beatles had done so in the 60's, JB is just recycling it and groomed like we're back into 60's. Oh, he's pretty dumb too I heard.

Whether or not this is scripted, this is the message music industry trying to tell you, being a dumb kid is cool.

As if mankind haven't suffered enough already, Malaysia is also importing Justin Bieber this coming April 21. Yeah, we're scared off artists wearing skimpy outfit, but dumb kid singing in live in this land is not our concern at all. Good job, stupid girls from Malaysia, giving away your monthly allowance to this douchebag, did you know how hard your parents earn that money??

Writing this post makes me sad enough already. I don't have any more time or patience to write this garbage anymore. Pissing off now.

PS: I so wish this to happen

Stupidometer for idiotic Justin Bieber fad: 10/10 (applicable to both music of Justin Bieber and his fans)

Tabasco: Hot Sauce that Kicks Ass

2011-04-02T00:19:00.001+08:00

I don't really like the pizza from Pizza Hut. However, they have one secret weapon in their outlets as saving grace--Tabasco sauce, it's a condiment acting like a magic wand that can transform a thick pastry pile of puke into mouth watering Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux. Tabasco sauce is a godsend from heaven, it turns shitty food into something palatable, then turns something palatable into bon vivant exotic meal.

Behold [Insert solemn hymn here]... The Heavenly Sauce

Main ingredients of Tabasco are tabasco peppers, vinegar and salt. The peppers are mashed, mixed with salt and fermented in aged old wooden barrels for up to three years. Then, it is blended with vinegar and continue mixing and stirring for another month. The result? A kickass sauce that can be put on virtually anything edible.

Here is what I suggest to putting Tabasco sauce on:

EVERYTHING

Tabasco goes with everything, and plenty of it. I bring my own Tabasco sauce whenever I can because the condiments served in almost all restaurants can suck Tabasco's ass. Ever dine in Chicken Rice Shop? The chili sauce tastes so watery and I hardly feel any spiciness in it. What about eating chicken rice at some random coffee shops? Even worse, in most cases, the chili sauce served isn't fresh, watery, not spicy, and worst scenario, recycled from the remaining leftover sauce used by previous customers. Really a sack of gross. Luckily, my Tabasco is always there for me, I LOVE YOU, TABASCO. MUACKSS~~

If you happen to be sharing a meal with a Tabasco hating pussy, do not be afraid to pour Tabasco on the meal. You have to be real stern with these type of people. You have to act real tough and manly around them so they feel intimidated, and it helps you feel better about yourself. If they start to bitch and moan about you being "too mean", tell them you're insecure about yourself, and that making fun of others makes you feel better. Then when they're feeling sympathy for you, strike again! Suckers.

A community message from me: Not only does Tabasco kick ass, but it can also serve as alternative to pepper spray. Women, listen, whenever there's potential snatch thief/sexual predator, do not be hesitate to hurl your Tabasco sauce to their faces. It has spiciness of over 2500 SCU that can cause burning sensation to their eyes. Once they're suffering under the mighty awesome spiciness of Tabasco, don't let the Tabasco sauce go waste by gouging out their eyes and swallow it into your stomach with the joy of triumph over evil. Show those petty criminals that women can be manly with just a bottle of Tabasco in hands.

Stupidometer for restaurants that don't serve Tabasco: 7/10 (It's just so much better than adding Ajinamoto, they just don't realize how awesome their food can taste with Tabasco despite it's cost)

Pringles: crazy stupid flavors

2011-03-31T23:42:00.003+08:00

What is best served together with cold beer, violent action movie and sitting my lazy ass in my cozy sofa? Yep, a nice bag of potato chips calorie bomb. Depending on my paycheck, I would get a Mister Potato during early of the month and a bag of Lay's. Never in my shopping checklist will include Pringles. Why? Simply for the fact that it just doesn't taste good as compared with the two I mentioned, no wait, it just tastes like shit with time goes by. It's not as crunchy, it tastes more like wheat starch than potato starch, it's so salty that my pee would come out denser than sea water after I had Pringles, it's just totally rubbish!

The only thing Pringles is good at is when I hold a can of Pringles and wave it to small kids at kindergarten, I'll tell them that I'll give each of them a piece of the chip and they will cheer and surround me merrily like the pigeons waiting for old hags to feed them rice, then I'll toss it every single Pringles to the ground and stomp on each of them. I'll savor the scene of tears dropping from the eyes of innocent kids. BWAHAHAHA!!

I just don't understand. With so much money being invested into advertisements and promotion, why didn't the marketing buffoon of P&G spend at least some dime to make it more edible? It really epitomizes the term "junk food", it's a pariah crisps for homeless bozos whom would dig from rubbish and subsist on it. Instead of improving its savoriness, P&G chooses to improving its "flavoring". That's right, more flavors meaning more artificial flavoring being developed and added into the already awful chip recipe.

Here are some crappy chips with quirky flavors to lure gullible teens wasting their money on crappy products and develop stomach cancer/high blood pressure in their later life:

I think this is the abomination that lead me into hating Pringles. Eating this is like eating spoonful of salt.

Really? WTF is this? Since when Grand Canyon is known for french fries??

Are those Chicken Wings? Are they flavored after chicken wings that were dropped on the floor? What???

No longer exists. Packaging looks like shit to me. Also, Doritos own corn chips, got it?

Best served during clubbing, drinking lots of booze and getting laid, waking up next morning finding a bull lying next to you

Blueberry + Hazelnut = butterfly in your colon

Won't try this. Sour cream piss me enough already, but Pringles have to go so far to break down consumers' kidneys

Pickles taste like shit. Pickle-flavored Pringles taste like the pickles you ate passing through your rectum and you pick it up and eat it again. Trust me, I tasted this before and I loathe it.

Non halal Pringles.

Bad attitude Pringles with bad taste

Fat-free Pringles with Olean! Think you can get away from escaping the diabolical lipids that makes your balance having a hard time to support you beneath? Well, think again, Olean is the stuff that allegedly makes your ass spew more greasy shits.

More rubbish... in jumbo size!

Argh! All this writing is making me hungry for more chips, going to get some Lay's as carbo-loading. Chips that kick serious ass.

Chips for winner. This is what Gods eat after they're done getting laid

Honorable mention:

I heard eating this is akin to having a FINE DINING experience. Only in U.K. I'll import it one day.

This is my post dedicated to everyone

2011-03-28T21:10:00.002+08:00

Thanks for stopping by, chumps.

To answer the first "related search", here's my reply:

Oh btw, butthole surfers is a rock band with a hit single "pepper". What? What were you trying to imagine?

Why butthole hurts? You have tried doing this. Didn't you?

Itchy butthole? Try de-itch it this way:

Stupidometer for thesaurus.com: 7/10 (Isn't asshole synonymous with butthole?)

Earth Hour: I turned on all the lights to celebrate

2011-03-27T15:22:00.003+08:00

I wonder how many tree huggers have really supported Earth Hour yesterday night? Yes, it seems like a wonderful idea to gather people from around the world making a good symbolic gesture to our mother nature by switching off the lights for an hour (8.30 - 9.30 pm). Wow, after two years since this activity was started, do people still believe this bullshit that they really can make a difference by that?

I seriously doubt what can this campaign really do? Changing the perception of earthlings that our mother Earth is so ill and as the children of Gaia, we can contribute our individual effort to change the fate of Earth? No, it's just a license for smugs who are the real culprit of energy wastage to feel good about themselves in that puny one hour. Anyone who brags about how they did Earth Hour and how awesome they are for doing it should post their typical monthly electricity usage. Although I suspect quite a few might slink away from that offer.

Then again, those proponents of Earth Hour would argue that this campaign creates awareness among the people and helps popularizing the concept of energy conservation so that people might push it for populist reason. They say, "think of it as petition for Earth". Shit, like I said above, most people I know who were supporting it did this to feel much better for themselves. After this is over, they will start forgetting all about this and continue the fucking habits of cranking up the wattage output. For examples, they're still leave their PCs on after work, charging their phones all the day long, fingering their iPhones for no reasons, pressing the pedal and rev their engines as loud as possible, etc.

I also wonder how wonder how much of electricity can be saved within an hour all lights in the house are off? Turning off your lights for one hour isn't going to make up for all the hours you leave them on, if you're really serious about saving the environment, you need to be frugal in all areas in life to minimize your impact, an hour is just enough to make some petty environmental point. Also, I've seen people posting pictures showing them having some fun time under the candle lights. Way to go to save the Earth, dipshits. Candles or kerosene products would leave even more carbon footprints than what you've done if you leave the lights on. I have also seen people driving around just to check out any anti-environmentalists who were being naughty for sabotaging the nature by lighting themselves like there's a wedding ball going on. Wow, by driving around that area you would have burnt a few litres of petrol (RM1.90/L if she was pumping RON95) and produce enough coals for you to have a decent sauna. On behalf of Earth, thanks for giving me Asthma, bitch. Since everyone is doing their part of killing the Earth, might as well for me to join forces too:

My house during Earth Hour. It's Christmas all year long.

So are you thinking I'm an asswipe who is currently killing the Earth by posting this nonsensical article? Tell you what, I can proclaim myself as a energy conservationist even more pious than you. To me, Earth hour should be every hour. I leave lights off when I'm not in the room; I do full loads of laundry, with cold water, and hang dry some of my clothes; I walk or cycle if I can and grab my stuff at local grocery stores; I don't leave my car's engine running while idle, this one drives me crazy, why the fuck people let their motor run while they pop in somewhere after 15 minutes; Also, I UNPLUG ALL MY ELECTRONICS WHEN THEY'RE NOT USED, how many of you all would do this, hmm? This year I'm going to do the same thing I did last year. My footprint is small already.

Know what? There are two ways that can make Earth Hour a successful campaign:

1. Committing mass suicide all around the globe at local time 8.30 - 9.30 PM! That will be the best use of one hour for Earth ever! I think that once we die out, in a couple hundred years, Earth is going to have a Human hour, you know, to remember us. One hour a year she is gonna laugh and laugh and shake our bones.

2. Have a great sex! It will be the best time for you and your spouse to rekindle the long lost romance or discover a new one!

"Hey honey, I'm trying to go green and we should really think about the environment."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. What do you plan we do?"

"Have sex."

"How does that save the environment?"

"Well it's Earth Day today and for one hour we're supposed to shut all our power and lights off. Since we're going to have nothing to do for an hour in the dark. I suggest we just have crazy sex."

"Oh really? One hour? That's a good time for us to have a talk about our future. We should have a long discussion about where we see ourselves in 5 years."

"Well.... 1 hour isn't going to make a difference... What is one person turning off their power going to do for the environment? Probably not much. Let's forget I even mentioned it."

"But what about us???"

"I dunno but I suddenly feel the urge to buy a Hummer though."

Okay, cynical remarks aside, it's not really bad campaign. I just feel that the whole idea just doesn't hit the mark. It talks about creating awareness but how much of awareness is being created? I think WWF should do more homework on changing the public's outlook by educating the people about the benefits of energy conversation and how easy it can be done. Useful concepts such as recycling, installation of energy-efficient appliances, save fuel and drive energy-efficient automobiles, etc. Non of these ideas were being mentioned, not even in the format of a small little piece of colorful brochures or on TV advertisement! The "message" is so meaningless that it amounts to nothing. I mean, if it was something practical like "Plant a tree hour" or "don't waste water week" or "No diriving evening" something that would actually start a long-term practice or change in people's lifestyle, then it would be something. Also, why WWF isn't bold enough to go further? One hour is too small a step and people would go amnesiac after this. If it were up to me, I'd do an Earth Week, NO ELECTRICITY FOR A WEEK, unless you need it for life support or to run electric fences to keep velociraptors away.

Too bad Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" wasn't shown in Malaysia due to his snide remark over our ex-PM Mahathir Mohamad. It's a great documentary that tell us we have fucked our mother Earth too much and we're paying for the consequences. It's a shame that political sentiments triumph over the need of teaching our people on the importance of preserving the environment. Our policymakers are also too dumb to initiate incentives such as providing funds for electric/hybrid automobile development, propagation of biodiesel usage, etc. Even ironic, they're having a party just to present that stupid project called Economic Transformation Programme, can't they just do it on TV or newspaper in lieu of collective shit pile of carbon footprints in a stadium?? That's a very deafening way to shout "FUCK YOU" in the face of mother nature.

The point of this discussion is not to make a farce out of Earth Hour as it is a step in the right direction, but that's just it. It is a step, and merely that. Turning one's lights off for an hour will do absolutely nothing for the environment if you don't take it further. Earth Hour is not an event to change the environment, it's an event planned to change our outlook. To make us start thinking of all the environmental choices we make each day, good or bad, that can be a simple as turning out the lights. If we start thinking about these decisions more and more and consciously try to make the more environmentally friendly ones, that is what will change our world. This Earth Hour, don't just turn off your lights, turn on your environmental consciousness.

Camwhore or: How I Learned to be retarded and start making stupid faces

2011-03-26T21:45:00.006+08:00

If I was being asked how will I stereotype the Asian, well, there are two things: they eat rice and practice excessive camwhoring. A glance over my female friends on Facebook will find 80% of them are liable to regular camwhoring activities and all of them have had camwhored at least once in their life. The term camwhore is used to describe people who can’t seem to stop taking pictures of embedded image themselves. They camwhore anytime and anywhere, primarily, but not limited to, their rooms, toilet (where they can camwhore in front of the big mirror), dressing room (again, big mirror), in a taxi, in boyfriend/husband car and before they dine.

I'm proud of my yellow skin heritage. Search "camwhore" on Google Image and 90% of yields (153,000 pictures out of 170,000) are Asian descendant (Are you appearing in one of 170,000 search results?). We rule the front cover!

Generally, camwhores always have a facebook account with at least 30 pictures of themselves and usually have more then one photo album. Occasionally, they blog, but do not expect any epic literature or mind opening reading material as their posts are mainly pictures of them indulging in their sweet narcissism.

I have no idea where did this rage of camwhoring originated, I suspect it began since the advent of picture-taking mobile phone when recording digital media with these devices are becoming increasingly easy. It become so popular among the youth, especially teenage girls, that it has evolved into some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder. There is no known cure for such disorder, but expect they would go hysterical or even committing suicide if their mobile phones go kaput or internet connection is removed. Why do camwhores engage in such shameless self promotion? That's easy, it's simply the most cost-effective way to grab attention, mainly the attention of the opposite gender. This is affirmed by a camwhore herself, http://starblog.stomp.com.sg/post.php?blogid=1298.

Because this is a very significant cultural movement in our age, albeit a very silly one, and that is my work to record this down. I'm really stupefied on how the younger generation can be so shameless and conceited enough. But, it takes guts to be shameless camwhore, being a cranky bitch and undressing yourself in front of a cam for middle-aged men isn't as easy as it seems. So the following reading will entail the general tricks a camwhore employ and their purposes, enjoy:

1. Blurry/Soften

What they want you think:

Artistic, mystical, dreamy.

What it really means:

Fat, covered in acne/pimples/moles/freckles, make-up doesn't look too thick

The usual photoshop trick being applied is "Gaussian Blur". A cool filter that can help soften or blurring the picture in order to wipe out any blemishes stained on your ugly face, when mastered well, it will turn any cranky bitches into Princess Diana

2. Portraits taken in a mirror

What they want you think:

Trendy, it looks cool cuz everybody's doing so

What it really means:

Too god-damn stupid to figure out how to use the timer mode.

3. Extreme angle shot

What they want you think:

Trendy, eccentric, bird view of beauty

What it really means:

Fat face, chubby face or a double chin. Overall, ugly. Perhaps the only picture/angle in existence that hides that.

Asian girls are typically feeling insecure on their puny slitting eyes. Shooting at extreme angle is an essential skill to master in camwhoring 101. Combined with the effect of eyeshadow and fake eyelashes, you'll look like having a pair of eyes as big as a South American Redbelly toads or a case of malfunctioning eye sockets.

4. The V sign

What they want you think:

Groovy, peace, young

What it really means:

Ethnically Asian, Monkey see monkey do, trigger fingers

Ultimate symbol of Asian culture. This V sign initially symbolize "peace" and widely used by the hippies back in the 1970's. Then, I don't know for what reasons, the Japanese adopted this and popularize it in photographs. It has since copied in all over Asia and spread "peace" to wherever they go at speed like . I can bet with you $50 that you can look through all your friend's photo album and not find them "v" sign in it. I get so annoyed that most of my friends will do this "V" sign instinctively whenever a camera is pointing at them. THERE'S NOTHING SO "KAWAII-DESU" ABOUT IT. It is so obnoxious that they look like a caravan of asses, compelling me to admit them into a institute for mentally disabled.

5. Eyes

What they want you think:

Deep, enigmatic, electrifying

What it really means:

WARNING: You might be dealing with a possible Ninja here

6. Pouty face

What they want you think:

Cute & chubby, young, innocent, thick lips, your love and care

What it really means:

Emo, fat, horse face like Sarah Jessica Parker, "how old are you already??", fragile, critical case of tonsilitis/tonsil cancer

Noted some camwhores don't smile? That's because guys dig girls who constantly putting up emo faces. These girls may also have online monikers like "2_HOT_4_U". It's very important to mope and look depressed because people don't like talking to other people in a good mood. Depressed losers are cool and totally original, don't hold back!

Another noteworthy feature is that these girls use bad grammar or punctuation. Why type "you're" when you can type "ur"? Being coherent is overrated on the net.

7. Cleavage shot

What they want you think:

Well-endowed, sexy?, your attention span on her for at least 5 seconds (Hellooo.... can you stop looking the boobs and read my post? Thanks!!)

What it really means:

SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS WHY YOU HAVE TO TORTURE ME LIKE THIS???

9. Dark photo

What they want you think:

Dark, deep, distant, mysterious, enigmatic

What it really means:

Fat.

10. Bucky tooth

What they want you think:

Cute, adorable, sexy?

What it really means:

Too poor to get a a braces or orthodontic correction.

How much wood
would a woodchuck chuck,
if a woodchuck
could chuck wood?

As much wood
As a woodchuck would,
if a woodchuck
could chuck wood.

11. Long nasty hair

What they want you think:

Gothic, Vocal/drummer in a band, down with the scene

What it really means:

Too much of a bum to afford shampoo or a haircut

I have no idea what's up with gothic guys. They're enjoy being emotional, lonely and listen to Kurt Kobain. They wish apocalypse really happen in 2012 and drown in their sweet tears of seeing the world falling altogether. And, they write bad poem like this:

fire... burning... agony...

sultry shivers of a dark essence

why am i tortured with this nihilistic existence?

bitter... darkness... despair.

Notice the constant lower case? i added that touch to be unique. unique people type in lower case.

12. Cheesy glasses

What they want you think:

Smart, it's cool to be smart, it's cool to look like 70's

What it really means:

Too much of a bum to get metallic glasses; had a bad case of contact lens related infection; has settled for the glasses people donate to the old folks

I call that a pair of "EMO" glasses. No pseudo-intellectual camwhore is complete without a pair of ultra-hip "EMO" glasses. This is a kind of item you need to wear to impress people that you're a person who reads Leo Tolstoy. You won't be mistaken for anything short of an astro-physicist, or a theoretical physicist of some sort.

If you want to go the extra mile and really seal the deal, wear plugs in your ear lobes so you have giant nasty sagging flaps of skin hanging off of your head. It'll look great when you pull your head out of your ass and go to a job interview some day. Then again, you're EMO; you don't need a job. You're totally unique, and all unique people wear box-framed nerd glasses. Even though real nerds wear glasses like these, they're not cool because they wear their glasses out of necessity.

13. Dude Wearing Makeup

What they want you think:

Vocal/drummer in a band, down with the scene, participant of Astro Star Quest

What it really means:

WARNING: he may love the cock.

14. Dude with up-close shot

What they want you think:

Confident, trendy, have skin complexion that is comparable with any spokeswomen of SKII

What it really means:

WARNING: he may love the cock; Narcissism overloads.

If the guy above has a narcissism with scale measuring in Gray (Gy), Japan would have been sunken under red hot pile of radioactive Plutonium and we have to start wearing leaded suit. Noted the poor lighting being employed, this is a very useful trick when you're worried that you're not cut out to be a camwhore because you look like a stretched out sack of shit? No problem, just turn up the brightness and contrast to hide your skin blemishes! Zits, black heads, and scars instantly vanish when you convince yourself that you're not a pimply-faced salad dodger by manipulating your image.

Don't worry about integrity, this is the internet, anything goes.

15. Someone with booze

What they want you think:

Fun to hang out, socialite, likes to party

What it really means:

Alcoholic, beer is the best solution to all life's problems; when drunk, will have sex with anything with a heartbeat.

Boy, camwhoring isn't as easy as what I thought. Writing this post certainly burnt up plenty of my time just to telling the public the rules to become an obnoxious camwhore. If you can remember all the rules, practice it through action and in your sleep, in no time you'd be a sensei like her. Yes, gaining fame or $$$ by putting all your pictures online and share it with public through blogging, Facebook or even on your own domain, some 40-year-old middle aged man will save a photo of you, ogling on your cleavage and masturbate every night. Some pervert may also photoshop your picture, put it up on Limewire or P2P crap and now if you google your own name, you can download a zip file of you yourself, for free. You'd live in perpetuity and the file still can be downloaded even long after you're dead. Remember:

YOU + CAMERA - DIGNITY = ETERNAL FAME

It may seem like a lot of work at first, but keep it up and your face will soon be all over the internet.

Stupidometer of nauseous camwhore gestures: 8/10 (Truly Asian!)

Rebecca Black's Friday: Stupidest Song Ever Recorded?

2011-03-23T00:22:00.004+08:00

Before I start my trashing on this song, please watch the MV below, in case you haven't heard of it, and sing along with the lyric. By this, you'll roughly know what is the ensuing content of this post:

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday

Okay, done singing? Has it ever occurred to you that you have to stop and laugh for a moment on how silly was the song you sung along? Are you thinking does the kid old enough to have a driving license? Are any of them is even above age 15? Where did they learn their dance moves? Above all, it pops a dull conundrum that we may have been through in our lives: what seat can we take? Anyway, have you click "dislike" in youtube?

This song is an instant YouTube hit when it was uploaded on March 11, 2011 and the view count jumped from 3000 to 33 million+ views as of now. I firmly believe that the soar in the viewing counts isn't because people are looking for a song that is soothe in the ears, but mainly because they're there to click on "dislike" button and voicing out how awful they felt over this song. Major causes of hating this song are:

1. The lyric is plain stupid, repetitive and un-poetic. You may think it's a joke video at first, but then I realized it was serious when it is currently positioned at 19 on iTune sales chart. Most of the buzz surrounds the content of the song, it talks about the important issues in life. Like, busy mornings, which seat should I sit in, and what are we going to do this weekend? Sorry, I was just being sarcastic. It's a silly song that blandly detailing a 13-year-old high school student's monotonous daily routine and her desire of "wanna have fun". Let's do some dissection on this song and extract out the stupidity:

The song begins with Rebecca (acronym - RB) waking up at 7am, trying to be fresh, going to eat cereal like any typical day, she must be feel very bored with it as indicated by "Seein’ everything, the time is goin’". After finishing her breakfast, she marches down the street to wait for the bus. From here, we can interpret the lyric in two ways: she's either on hallucination or it does happen in reality. As the next scene jumps to a group of teens arriving in a Benz, so, we can presume RB is having a fantasy scenario at the bus stop or... there's really a bunch of rich spoil kids coming to fetch her. Then, the notorious chorus kicks in:

Kickin' in the front seat,

Sittin' in the back seat,

Gotta make my mind up -

Which seat can I take?

Refer to the MV, there's actually only one seat reserved for her. So what's the bother of choosing which seat to take? If interpreting metaphorically (take the school bus and go to school/go party with my friends), from the way of the dork waving at 0:37, obviously RB has already made up her mind by going to par-tay.

Then it's friday & partying, bla bla bla, second verse commences with:

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun

We're not sure whether it is fast forward 45 minutes after 7am or 12 hours later, nevertheless, why RB would want the time fly since she's having some fun (Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly), then, who are the rest of the dudes & dudettes in the car?? (My friend is by my right, she acknowledges only one friend)

Par-tay-ing with friends and strangers

Her only friend in the car, Benni Cinkle

Why wishing the time flies when the time is fun?

Going through half of the song, we can still hear that she hasn't made up her mind of choosing which seat (recall: Kickin’ in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat, Gotta make my mind up, Which seat can I take?). Near the end of the song, we hear some nonsensical rap that goes:

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

Apparently, we have a case of a pedophile stalking a 13-year-old girl and a case of dangerous driving that may cause casualties (I’m drivin’, cruisin’ Yeah, yeah, Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes). On the other hand, RB was seen, from pedophile's POV, she may suffer some sort of hyperactivity as she's seen chilling in front seat and the back seat in which case may be charged of not buckling up the seatbelt, a traffic offense in Malaysia.

Why a bus ‘makes tick-tock’ is therefore beyond analysis, why the rapper wants to scream is ambiguous (perhaps at the quality of his lyrics), and why the time is being conflated with the date is incomprehensible. The song returns to Rebecca herself and ends with repetitions that it’s Friday, there’s partying, there’s fun, and there’s many ‘yeahs’ and ‘woo-s’.

The thing about that song is that it's actually performed and written by 12-year-olds, of course it's insanely stupid. With "Friday", it's written and produced by professionals. That's what's so sad about the whole thing. Thanks RB for reminding me that every Friday, I always stuck in the horrible traffic jam . LOOK WHAT FUN I'VE BEEN MISSING ON.

In short, this stupid song boils down to this:

2. Autotune all the way. In short, autotune is a software that allow singers to sing without the need to be accurate. It's a Photoshop for singing. You don't need skill or talents to sing. The computer will take care everything. To my dismay, the whole track is being done by using autotune. RB could have just hum into a mic and everything's being taken care by the sound engineer. BUT, what is so wrong is that Friday sounded like "Fry-ee-day" or worse, "Fry-Egg". Clearly, the autotune requires some sort of an update. Still, she's lucky to have a shortcut to kick start her singing career. Very unfair to many of those talented (and untalented) still struggling to earn a piece of music market share.

By criticizing this piece of rubbish, I'm like being my own parent without knowing it. Maybe I'm getting too old. But to me, this is a song where "baby baby" or "sorry sorry" can be swap by "fry-day fry-day". There's no creativity worth mentioning. This is a song popular for all wrong reasons. This is the quality of the contemporary songs for younger listeners who growing up with Justin Bieber. Alas.

Stupidometer: 8/10 (should get a full, but, due to its ability to generate comedic value and thus having a successful viral campaign, it does not deserve a 10. It even inspires me to have a new business plan: Create a studio --> Get a bunch of teenage girls, make songs and music videos, upload said music videos to YouTube no matter how bad they are --> People make fun of terrible video sending it "viral" --> Join in on mocking --> ??? --> Profit.)

An Idiot's Guide of Jump Starting a Car

2011-03-20T14:50:00.001+08:00

You’re walking out of your apartment and notice a good looking girl with the hood of her car open, looking at the engine with desperation. You go over and ask what’s wrong. You go inside her car and try to ignite but to no avail, the engine is hardly cranking, electronics are not working, yeap, the car battery is dead for good. She’s late for work and wondering whether if you can give her jump. You look down at the ground, kick some sand, and offer to call MAA instead.

You have no clue how to jump start a car. Wimp.

Would you disappoint this hot damsel for not knowing how to jump starting her car?

Luckily, I haven't been in such situation before, but I have my fair share of experience of looking like an idiot for not knowing how to jump starting a car, worse, it happened last week at a parking site, I was standing in the rain, have no spare jumping cables and Malaysians are well known for not offering help to stranger, I was looking hopelessly and waiting for help from my friends. This experience sucks. I believe there are other people who have no idea of jump starting a car. So I'll dedicate this post as my 1st ever idiot's guide to jump starting a car.

RIP (22/12/2009 - 19/3/2011): GP N60L

First of all, always carry a jumper cable and keep it in your trunk. You'll never know when it will come in handy.

Don't be this guy

2. Call any of your friends who has a car with functioning battery. You need a living (good) battery to pass the juice to your dead battery. You can also try your luck by asking any car owners that park around you. With typical Malaysian's attitude, they may give u a cold shoulder.

3. Once your friend's car's arrived, have his car park near to your car, ideally, his car hood facing yours.

4. With both cars turned off, open both car hoods and look for the battery. A typical car battery will show the poles of the battery i.e. positive (+) sign or negative (-) sign. If it isn't indicated by signs (don't buy this brand of battery anymore), look for colours. By norms, red indicates (+) and black (-). I don't know what to say if you're a color blind.

5. FOLLOW THIS SEQUENCE PROPERLY. Connect one end of the red (+) cable from the red pole of the good battery to the red pole of the dead battery.

6. Connect one end of the black (-) jumper cable to the negative terminal of the good battery. Now, you might be tempted to connect the black cable to the another end of the black pole (-) of the battery (like what you did for red ones). Please don't. You have to connect the cable to any metal surface of the car (as long it doesn't touch the black pole of battery). This metal surface functions as a "ground" to complete the circuit. Unless you wanna see sparks that may burn your eyes or a possible explosion, please connect to the black post of the dead battery as a last resort. Once you complete the circuit, you may or may not see a small spark.

7. Start your friend's car (good battery) for about 5 minutes. Then, start your car's engine. If it can be ignited, congratulations!

8. Take out the jumper cables in REVERSE ORDER i.e. from the black "ground" end to the cable end at red pole of your friend's car.

9. Keep the jumped car running for around 15 minutes to give the battery sufficient time to recharge itself.

That's it. Fucking simple. The only trick is to remember the sequence of connecting cables. Doing it wrong may give you a jump instead of the car as the mild electrocution may exist. Just remember the mnemonic, red=blood=life=positive/black=death=negative.

After your engine is started, you may try to off the engine again and restart to see whether the battery can still be used. If not, repeat the whole process; If you're not in the mood to do the checking, don't ever switch off the engine after your successful jump starting, bring your car to the nearest workshop to check the battery or drive straight back to your home if your battery was dead at night.

Alternatively,

I used to help a friend jump starting his car years ago by using labouring method >.<. This could be performed when you really don't have jumper cable and the car is using manual transmission. Why call it labouring method? Here's why:

1. Find a stretch of clear downhill road or open space.

2. Fully depress the clutch and put the car in first gear.

3. Turn the ignition to on.

4. Take your foot off the brake and start rolling down the hill, leaving the clutch fully depressed.

5. Coast down the hill until you reach 10 km/hr.

6. Release the clutch quickly. You should feel the engine turn and start. If it doesn’t start the first time, depress the clutch and release it again.

7. If you don’t have a hill, get some of your buddies to give you a push and follow the steps above.

Like I said, you need your bros or sis to provide pushing forces. Also, you need a big open space or a downhill to do so. It also kinda tricky to get the engine started. So, like I said, always get a jumper cable ready.

Tips:

1. If possible, do reverse parking especially at places like parking lot of a shopping mall. I just scare that if your car is parked facing the wall, there may be a tough time to connect the cables from living battery of a random car to yours.

2. Don't buy cheap jumper cable i.e. those that cost only RM20+ from supermarket like Carrefour. My friend's dead battery was unable to get any battery juice by using cheap cable as the copper wire is too thin to pump sufficient juice to his car. The thicker the cable, the better. Look for those that cost around RM40, an automobile hardware seller may recommend a good ones. No need to buy those that cost RM100+ as these are for jump starting lorries or buses.

3. Avoid jump starting a corroded car battery as it may cause explosion also. If situation doesn't permit, clean the corrosion first before you connect the cable.

Twats of the week (13-19 Mac 2011)

2011-03-20T00:14:00.007+08:00

A week after the onerous earthquake & nuclear meltdown crisis at Japan, I'm still seeing people who used this event as a source of humour and they think the audience may find it funny. No, the public found you guys retarded and watching you guys trying to joke are like watching Arnold Schwarzenegger trying his best to act funny in Kindergarten Cop. So flat the jokes are like my mom's ironing board.

Hence, for committing the crime of boring people till our facial muscles sagging as long as Sarah Jessica Parker's, these unfunny chaps have made my inaugural list of the twats for the week (13-19 Mac 2011):

1. Again, some stupid chinese youth with false sense of patriotism, evidence of mental retardation:

However, not all chinese youth got their brains dumbed down by industrial polluted stinky tofu, I still managed to find some from China with conscience:

2. Salt hoarders. Idiots who made up of the demographic are mainly Chinese (PRC & HK) and some Americans. These retards believe that increase intake of iodized salt could serve as antidote to exposure of radiation. Another reason for the panic is the rumor that nuclear radiation has leaked into the sea compromising the safety of salt taken from the water in the future. Little they do know is that the negative consequences of high intake of salt -- high blood pressure and cardiovascular diseases such as Left Ventricular Hypertrophy, increasing the workload of kidneys and developing kidney stones, things that make you pee blood in toilet. Panic can really cause people go bonker and believing every SMS/tweet/facebook wall post they read without checking the veracity of rumours spread.

3. 50 cent. Never expect to hear anything intelligent from a lame rapper. But his tweet trumped his previous retard exploits:

4. Mohd Zohri Sukimi (aka Zoy) with his antic featuring an Ultraman running away from Tsunami. Any humour? Nope, I see a dead career of a cartoonist. What baffled me even more was how did the group editor of Berita Harian, Datuk Mior Kamarul Shahid himself did not see that this will create a very bad PR image to his press? So, from Berita Harian, we have two journalist retards bringing the news to Malaysia. We're pretty dumb as a nation already, stop feeding us with stupid columns and news.

5. I don't know who Gilbert Gottfried is. He got himself losing a job for his untimely jokes on the event.

Honorable Mention:

Me, for frying my motherboard's network adapter when I was downloading files during heavy storm, and I also got my car battery wasted for leaving the spotlights switched on for 4 hours. NEVER EVER LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER WHEN THE HEAVEN IS CLAPPING AND FLASHING AND CHECK FOR SPOTLIGHTS WHENEVER THE CAR IS PARKED.

Average stupidometer for saps mentioned above: 10/10 (equivalent to IQ of I Am Sam)

When confronting stupidity of twats above...

The quake that shook Japan and the world

2011-03-12T19:02:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, an earthquake of magnitude 8.9 tremor off the coast of Japan. It was not a typical earthquake that a Japanese would feel "another day, another earthquake". It was the most serious earthquake occurred in Japan since 1923 and it shook the hearts of all minds all around the world. I stood horrified in front of the TV by the scale of the damage & loss of the event. To compound my grievances, there was another earthquake erstwhile in Yunnan province of China, which have taken multiple lives and hundreds of thousands are forced evacuate. The people in Japan are in my thoughts today and as well as those who may be affected by the ensuing tidal waves. It was a very bad day and the tragedy is far from over as there is fear of nuclear meltdown amidst the rescue mission and evacuation.

This tragedy puts all the little grievances we complain about in our daily lives in perspective. Mother nature has shown us, from time to time, how small we are and how quickly it can all be taken away.

The Lord giveth and taketh away

I was thinking, two earthquakes occurred in a day at different places. But it seems obvious that Japan's unfortunate event caught way more attention from the world than the one which also affected the lives of thousands of Chinese? Is it simply because the scale of the event in China isn't up to the par like in Japan? Dude, both are natural disasters that may took lives! Yeah, there was Tsunami swarming the coast of Honshu, potential nuclear meltdown, something like you are rewatching 2012, but the victims in China also need to be treated with the same PR attention too. Why there was such a PR bias? I hope I'll write about this topic in near distant future.

Also, I was also shocked by many insensitive individuals who showed no empathy and how ugly & juvenile their corrupted minds can be. Look at what I saw when I was finding for latest updates of the quake:

I got this stingy sensation in both my eyes and my brain when I read those callous and cold-hearted comments on the news channel of PPTV. You don't need to guess where are those legion of foolish Nationalists are from. I am awed by these, so called 中国愤青's (angry Chinese teen), of how the pride of ethnic nationalism and ugly sentiment of historical burden that is carried for more than 6 decades can overcome the humane side of compassion toward people's suffering. I bet they are the same fellows who play Playstation 3, still dreaming on driving his first Honda/Toyota, oogling and wanking over Japanese AV idol, and having Sora Aoi appearing in their wet dreams. There is no way to dissuade these people to forgo their 6-decade of hate and animosity. Therefore, to these 中国愤青, please put your angst aside, stop flaming hatred and --

Stupidometer of 中国愤青: 10/10