A million things ran through my head at that moment, but primarily I was immediately thinking about my role as provider and primary income producer; would my family be OK financially if I didn't make it through this? What if I did make it through, but couldn't work for a while? What hit were we about to take from medical bills?

I didn't want to contemplate the possibility of not only dying...of leaving my kids without a father and my wife without a husband...but the possibility of dying and leaving my family in a pile of debt. That latter part weighed on me most heavily.

As it turned out, the answers to all of the swirling questions gave me relief, and it was because I invested in good insurance over the years. This relief allowed me to focus on getting well in the best possible way...with less worry.

Yes, this blurt is about insurance. It's not heart-warming or sentimental. It's my story of some good financial decisions (peace of mind) I had made that helped me in the long run, and a plea for young families to do the same.

Life Insurance (what if I don't make it?)

When I got married I converted a small whole life policy my parents had purchased for me into $250K worth of coverage, and after we had our first child I purchased another $750K.

At this point, my family should collect $1M in life insurance if I were to die. It's what we could afford.

It's not enough to make it so my family will never have to work again, but it is enough to significantly impact their ease of life, especially if me and my income were to vanish.

This is a no-brainer, especially for a young healthy family, but also for any family who has a clear bread-winner without a backup if that income were to disappear.

If you do not have life insurance go out and apply for a policy NOW. If you happen to get sick later (ex: a cancerous mole), the process to apply will get a whole lot harder and more expensive.

Disability Insurance (I'm alive but I can't work...for now)

Most companies that offer benefits to their full-time employees have some sort of low-cost pre-tax disability insurance option that you can buy into, and you should...whatever the max offered is. In my case more recently, I had been paying for disability insurance out-of-pocket because it wasn't offered by my employer.

During my treatment for Leukemia I haven't been able to work for a variety of reasons and the disability has allowed me to not have to worry as much about that. In fact, my policy allows for up to 60 months of benefits (if nec), for each disability instance!

Although the premiums haven't exactly been cheap over the years, the benefit payments are absolutely worth it, now that I have experienced them. Had I had to watch our bank account creep down to zero as my body recovered from chemo, I'm certain the added anxiety would have had a negative impact on my progress.

BTW this is NOT Social Security disability, which is much more difficult and complex to apply for, receive, and is extremely limited in terms of benefits provided.

Health Insurance (what will all the treatment cost my family?)

Several years ago the (very) small business that I worked for smartly decided to offer a gold-plated health insurance plan, which we opted into; no deductibles and high premium. While the monthly cost has certainly been high when compared to what we were used to, now that I've experienced Cancer and an extended hospital stay (27 days), it's easy to see the upside.

My extended stay cost $299K according to my insurance provider (doctor invoices not included), but I only saw up to my maximum individual out of pocket.

Your health insurance premium should be the second most important thing in your budget after your mortgage, and you get what you pay for.

The Relief

I didn't have all these answers while I was laying in my hospital bed, but I had hoped I had set me and my family up well enough. After a quick review, I realized I had, and the relief came.

My cancer is currently in remission, but I'm still under treatment, and can't work.

I'm happy to say that at least I can say that I've done everything I could, in advance, to make this easier on me and my family, regardless of the outcome.

Lastly, I'd like to send much love to all who have been sending me positive energy through this difficult time!

Above all is quality. At this point in our lives, the old cliche "they don't make'em like they used to," has more importance. We would rather have something that will last a lifetime, if we can. We're also becoming more functional. Jokes about cargo pants (or shorts) make absolutely no sense to us because, quite frankly, more pockets means that we can carry more stuff in an organized way. Cargo pants are a practical tool! (Yes, I know there are fashion-first dads, but let's tuck them into the margins for now.)

With quality and function being at the forefront, shopping for us should become easier, especially with the advent of the boutique online store. Anything and everything that you can think of is made by artisans, and sold online these days.

Think of the things we know we'll do for a long time...maybe the rest of our lives...and the ideas will come. Does your guy go to the gym? Does he read in bed? What does he like to do with the guys? What does he like to do with the kids? Did he have any fun outings or accomplishments this past year worth commemorating? Look around the house...what needs replacing?

NO USELESS TRINKETS!

Here are a few useful or fun things that might be worth considering, if the ideas aren't quite flowing (stocking stuffers, too):

"Tactical" flashlight (click) - It's amazing how fast LED technology is changing. If you have kids who drive, make sure they have something like this in their car. Models are currently being made up to 2000 lumens, but that's bound to stopped (to avoid people being blinded).

French Pressss (click) - If your guy likes coffee, promote him to the varsity team with a french press. Cold coffee is no longer a problem with the stainless double-walled versions. Careful though, once you go here, it'll be hard to find good coffee anywhere but home.

Finger Ratchet (click) - To be honest, I didn't even know this existed until this past year. Since I bought it I've used it constantly because it's so FAST. This is one of those random functional items that is a must have in the toolbox.

His Favorite Thing...In a Cap (click) - Lots of guys wear hats, and for those of us that do, we often have a favorite hat, and that favorite hat has some sort of sentimental attachment to it. Think of his favorite place, or team, or memory, and turn it into a hat...someone probably sells one and if they don't someone can make it!

Beer Growler (click) - For the beer-loving dad. There is an entire market for beer growlers right now, and we like Drinktanks because of their accessories. The 64oz option is the most practical, and the 128oz growler is, well, Yuuuuge.

Recognize His Moment (click) - What better way to celebrate his accomplishment or moment with a custom framed poster, using a photo he took, or that was taken of him. Lots of flexibility here!

Duffel Bag (click) - My mother gave me a large duffel bag 27 years ago and the zipper is just starting to go out on it. I use it for every trip. It's cavernous so I don't have to worry about packing strategy, and the bag itself shaves weight, which is good given the typical airline restrictions.

Merino Wool Sweater (click) - Yes, I'm suggesting a sweater. The merino wool products these days are super comfy, not itchy, and warm. It will be one of those things you see him wearing all winter, in any situation.

Cargo Pants! (click) - Carhartts last forever. There are even flannel-lined options for cold weather climates. We also like Blaklader...a LOT. Cargo pants may not be stylish, but they sure are functional!

As always, if he doesn't have something from Dudedads.com yet, now's the time...the one thing that goes to the top of the pile on laundry day.

Happy Holidays!

When our first kiddo was in the womb, we read a bunch of books about babies (including "Becoming Baby Wise," by Ezzo and Bucknam), which set us up to think about some things in advance of becoming new parents; how we wanted the birth to go, the circumcision decision, breastfeeding, formula...the first year. We also read "Parenting With Fire," by Schmuley Boteach, which gave us some food for thought beyond the first year, that we probably weren't ready for at the time, yet I remember as positive.

Since that point, I've only dug through a few more books, all related to the event where one of our children got diagnosed formally with ADHD. That was 5 years ago.

All of the books, articles, videos, conversations, etc. that I've consumed or engaged in over the years aren't things that I've taken and applied directly 1:1. Instead, the information has largely just become a part of my awareness, which helps shape my own thoughts and feelings, and allows me to react during "parenting moments."

But I'm not on top of it, and I should be! Without educating myself with information from the so-called experts, the only thing I have to pull from is my own experience. My parental examples are very few, narrow, and sort of a black box.

Have your parents ever sat down and explained why they did everything they did? Mine haven't. I'm not sure I even want to do that...it would take years. Even if they tried, we'd probably end up arguing, because my recollection of events during my childhood are often so different than my parents...I digress.

Point is, I'm going to encounter something new with our kids every day, so shouldn't I be studying for those pop quiz-moments? Shouldn't I be trying to form my opinions about what my kids will encounter and experience, and how I hope we both handle it all together?

It will take me a lifetime to earn my Master's in Dad, and I'll probably get a few F's, but given this is the most important thing I have signed up to do in life, shouldn't I be studying...all the time? YES. Get to work, dude!

Rainier is the Lower 48's second tallest mountain. It was an emotional moment (see video below). Literally, the first thing I did when I arrived was take a picture of my dudedad coin on the pin. I wanted my kids to see what I had done, be proud, and know I was thinking about them...the video came next.

The reason for my emotions was the overall effort it took to reach this peak; Early and arduous 5 a.m. workouts for several months; Several weekend trips away from the family to train at altitude; and finally, the actual climb, which required ~24hrs of hiking (~11hrs of that carrying a 55lb pack) with complete and acute awareness, especially in the dark, just in case you or one of your rope-mates happens to fall (maybe into a crevasse).  

It was hard. It was big. And it was scary.

To be honest, my kids don't really prefer hiking. At least, it's not something they choose to do. From their perspective, it's hard and boring...they don't have a sense yet of their surroundings, or what they're accomplishing, as much as I might try to help them recognize it. But, when we get there and we're doing it, you can tell they're enjoying our time together...that's the part they like; that they're with their dad.

Although they weren't there physically, I had my coin in my right front pocket the whole time. In fact, it's there pretty much all the time, everyday.  Each time my hand touches it, it makes me think of them. It's a reminder of the best part of me, and why I'm here.

Someday, when they are old enough, they will join me on these backcountry adventures...when it's safe. Until then, I'll bring them in my own way. They might look back on my summit of Rainier, as adults, and say "Wow, Dad, that was pretty cool that you did that," and I'll say, "you were with me the whole time...but guess what; none of my adventures compares - not even close - to the experience of being your dad. It's the best, hands down."

We wanted to give our kids a physical, auditory, and visual satisfaction with each reward, but we didn't have a vessel that we could think of that would show them their progress over time, using coins.  They're also still a little too young to have a sense of money (probably our fault), so we pondered alternatives.

We ended up choosing cork jars.  Both the corks, and the jars, were on-hand thanks to my crafty spouse.

The first step was to create a list of things they could do to earn corks.  For us it was:

1. Making your bed in the morning - 1 cork
2. Letting the dog out and feeding him in the morning - 1 cork
3. Study/Academic Lesson (they have an app) for 20min - 1 cork
4. Clear the table after dinner - 1 cork
5. Put away your laundry - 1 cork

Most of these are now regularly accomplished, and have become the norm, so we search for, and stay conscious of, additional opportunities to have them earn.

Last weekend, we hosted some folks, and Holly (10) helped me for 2hrs during setup.  She even said she just wanted to help, and didn't ask for a reward, but she deserved it.

Once they've accumulated 50 corks, they get something "big," and we'll come up with a list of options that they can choose from.  They don't have to share their payout with each other, but they have.

We've only been through a couple rounds with this, but so far, we're very happy with the change we've seen in their level of contribution around the house, and to what seems like an interest and pride in achieving some result as a part of an accomplishment.

We're not counting the amount of times we have to discipline, but it feels like that's also been reduced.  Needless to say, we're big fans of this idea!!!

I'm no expert on this subject, but I think my experience is relatable, and hopefully helpful to anyone that may be struggling, or who is a new parent. I'm also concerned that we don't have enough discipline of our children within our community these days, which I'll say some more about below.

Consistency is Everything

My generation has experienced a big change in terms of how we're supposed to discipline our children. When I was a kid, me staying in line was mostly based on fear. I was scared of being physically punished if I messed up.

No, my parents didn't beat me, but if I screwed up really bad, I'd get a "spanking." Although my father (a very calm guy, generally) never actually hit me with it, I remember how he would rip off his belt, fold it over and snap it, whenever he'd loose his cool. It scared the living shit out of me and my brother.  It's all he needed to do.

This is what our parents did, and their parents did before them, and on...for generations. There weren't too many kids I knew growing up that didn't get spanked, or didn't have some level of fear for what their parents would or could do to them if they got in big trouble.  

For the record, I'm completely fine with how I was disciplined as a child, and I love my parents.

I remember meeting a young dad about 20 years ago, in one of my first real jobs, who had 4 boys that were very close in age. I asked him how he kept order, and he said he had a 4-step method:

1. Inform - let them know that they were doing something wrong and that if the behavior continued there would be consequences

2. Raise the Voice - an increased level of volume would be yet another queue

3. The Count - you know this one:  "One...two...three...four...!"

4. Knock Their Ass Into Their Throat - his words, although I'm sure he was exaggerating. If he got to "five" it was time.

He also told me that he only had to get to five once, with one of the kids, and word spread; "don't let him get to five." He just followed the same steps EVERY time. This way, his kids knew where they stood.

Again, this was 20 years ago and things are very different now.

We know now, through research, that physical discipline can leave a mark, psychologically on our kids. But, for those of us who grew up in an environment where discipline was mostly physical, we've had to figure out what works without it.

As much as I've had the instinct to give my kid a sharp whack during a purposeful, in-your-face-disobedient moment over the years, I haven't. But I have found there is something to consistsency, and sticking to your guns.

I want to say it was right around 1 year with each of my girls when they started testing their boundaries. Holly (now 10), our first, gave us a real run for our money. By the time Hannah (now 7) came along, I had a simple method that still works today, in pretty much any situation.

I use the "4-Step Method." Not the actual method outlined above, but a specific path of escalation:

1. Inform them that you want them to stop what they're doing

2. Inform them more firmly if they don't stop they'll have consequences (I find this is a nice, less embarrassing way to tell them they're going to go in a "time out" if they don't stop, which may help in a social setting.)

3. The Count - for more serious offenses, I skip this step.

4. Disciplinary Action - for us, this is a Time Out where they have to spend time by themselves somewhere until they reset.  The "reset" moment I'm talking about is obvious, and doesn't take long. They will go from a complete temper tantrum to calm and docile in that brief alone-time.

They key here is repetition and consistency of the method, and NO EMPTY THREATS.  As soon as you offer what the consequences will be, if they continue, you better follow through! Therefore, don't threaten to cancel Christmas. It has to be real, and in my experience, it can be very simple. My kids hate time out. They will do anything to avoid it, but under no circumstances do I let them talk me out of it, once I've gotten to step 4.

I should also note that it wasn't easy to get them to buy into staying in time out. But if you're adamant that they stay there (when they're very young it's pretty easy to just keep them there, physically), they will eventually figure out that they can't get out of it, and the only way to escape is to go through the exercise. Upon exit, an apology is always mandatory.

The disciplinary action itself can even be accomplished in a calm way. Why scream and yell? It's just going to get you more upset and wound up. The outcome is the same, and eventually the kids will just get used to your yelling...it will become noise they don't hear. Truth be told, I do end up yelling now and again, but it's very rare. When it happens, I can tell it really scares the kids, and this in and of itself has become it's own consequence within the method: "do you want to see me yell?" I use this sparingly and only when I need to make a lasting impression.

These things have worked for my kids, however, I realize everyone is different. But, the things I would bank on, in terms of their universal utility are consistency, and then following through. Easier said than done.

Disciplined Children Become Respectful Humans

When we talk about discipline, inevitably we also end up talking about how we want our kids to be respectful.  

By this, we mean we want them to have respect for adults, their teachers, the police, etc.  They need to treat all people and things with respect, yes, but right now the most important part of respect, is to do what we tell them to do...to allow us, as their elders, to guide them.  

If I can get my kid to respect me, then I can teach them the other important things about being a good human being. Respect is fundamental. Having respect for others allows acceptance of differences and diversity, empathy, and generosity...qualities our children will need, as the generation who will likely deal more with globalization and lingering bigotry.

My personal opinion on this is that there is a very short, small window for us to teach respect to our children. My 10 year old is already showing early signs of rebellion. Once she thinks she knows everything, and I'm a stupid old fart, it's over. She may even lose respect for me. But hopefully, at that point, the important things will be ingrained in her.

If not, eventually life will reach out and give her a whack. It's happened to me quite often!

Would love to hear your thoughts.

One of the questions this go around was along the lines of, who is the most influential person in your life, why? The answers ranged from acquaintances in the fire service, to family members, but most often it was “my dad”.

Listening to the candidates describe the impactful lessons and events in their life left an impression on me and had me wondering how my children would answer the same question. Many years from now who will my kids credit with shaping their lives? Where will I stack up? Hopefully somewhere close to “mom”.

There are lots of of different types of marriages, but I happen to be in one of those where I don't have much to say about anything.  It's gotten to the point where when my wife asks me what I think about something...for example, where I want to eat on date night...I say something snarky like "why are you even asking me my opinion?"

After 13 years I'm heavily conditioned, but not so much that I've given up on figuring out how to get what I want when I actually do have an opinion or need something, and at the same time avoid unnecessary conflict.  

One of those very skilled areas of communication is how to set expectations around The Schedule.

For me, this weekend will involve training in the mountains with dudes to prep for a mountaineering commitment in July.  I'll be home Sunday for Father's Day dinner with the fam, but on any other overnighter, or happy hour, or short ride, or hike, etc. this conversation would happen:

Wife:  "When will you be home, sweetheart?"

Me:  "I'm not sure, why?"

Wife:  "I want to know what time you'll be around so I can fill in the blank here..."

Now, this is a completely reasonable question.  However, it's an unintended trap.  It's a trap because if I happen to give a time frame here I've just locked myself in.  I'm now obligated to be back by that time.

In my case, historically, I very rarely make that time.  I'm great at beginning the adventure on time, but I can't seem to end it on time.  I don't know why, but that's how it always goes.  I underestimate something, and I'm all of a sudden very late.  Shit comes up, and then I'm super stressed to get home!

This is often interpreted as "you make every effort to be on time for the things you care about, but you're never on time when it's a commitment to me."  Note:  avoid this.

Again, I'm learning.  The more seasoned me will respond with "Just go ahead and don't count on me for dinner.  I'll figure it out for myself, and that way you don't have to worry about it."  Easy enough, right?  Thing is, I still fall into the damn trap!

Any other Father's Day would have likely involved a day with my family, and without a plan.  Spontaneous decisions all day like "let's go out to breakfast," or "let's go do a bike ride," or "it's noon and I think I'm going to drink a beer."  No obligations...

Instead, this year I'll be hiking mountains with dudes, donning my dudedad shirt, coin in my pack...family in my heart.

So, dear sweet wife of mine, thank you for asking me what I want for Father's Day.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, for allowing me to get away to do something I need, and love to do.  I love you for that.  And although I you didn't make me feel obligated, I will be home for dinner!

A few blocks from the school we drove by a woman pulled to the side of the road with an obvious flat tire. After we passed I commented to Gar, “there was a woman back there with a flat tire, should we turn around and give her a hand?"  With no hesitation he said “yes.”  I proceeded to explain if we did turn around, we most likely wouldn’t be able to get to the fun part of our plans. He wasn’t concerned and said we should go help, so that’s exactly what we did.

The detour ended up not being much of a delay and we were quickly back on our way. As I drove away I asked Gar what made him want to turn around, he said “that’s what Szabos do, they help people that need it."  That comment confirmed my belief that, as parents, we’re always teaching our children something, and it made me proud. Sometimes it’s an intended lesson, sometimes it’s not, but for sure they are always learning something.

I don’t think my dad put much thought into the influence his actions were having on me, but I can clearly remember more than one time he turned around, because that’s what Szabos do.

Here's the thing:  dads who are wearing our logo are more conscious of the fact that they are a father.  This heightened awareness is what makes them a more improved version of themselves.  Wherever they are and whatever they are doing, they have a reminder on them or with them (the coin), about what their primary purpose for living is.

I've only met one...a single individual...who seemed to already be this way before he had his first Dudedad shirt on.  I'm sure there are more like him, but personally, I believe they are rare.  When most people say "I'm just doing my best," about being a parent, it's more of an excuse, but this one guy was actually trying his best.  You could see it and hear it when you talked to him about being a dad.

The logo did this for me.  It makes me try my best.  Yes, there are plenty of times where I get my "me time," but this helps me stay happy and also provides an example to my kids of how great life can be if you do what makes you happy.  But when I'm with my kids, I'm actually doing my best to parent them, and it wasn't always this way.

This isn't a soap box.  I don't think of myself as a better parent in terms of comparison.  In that sense, I'm certain SO many would be graded well above myself.  But I do know that I'm an improved version of myself with Dudedads.  It's a fantastic and completely unintended byproduct of having the logo on me or near me.

The smartest people I've ever met are the ones who know they don't know everything.  I definitely don't.  But these days, I'm asking a lot of questions, learning, and doing my best!  How about you?

When people asked me "what is it?" I even struggled to give them the right perspective...that of a dudedad, not as a business owner.  If I can't even give those who are curious the quick and easy response, how can the rest of the dudedads?

When Dudedads was created it was done so in a broad way, and that was on purpose.  Dudedads was born to put a badge on "proud dads who like to do dude things."  

The good part about not defining it too much was that dads who connected with it had room to make it their own thing as well.  Their dude thing was 100% their thing.  That was, and is, still very important to us.

I like to believe that when someone asks another dudedad "what is it?" today, they give their own answer that is more or less aligned with how we defined it, but with their own feelings included.

At this point, and after many conversations with close friends and fellow dudedads, I'm very certain that what we could do a better job of is brand messaging - beat the drums to reinforce the definition we did create, initially.

Further diluting our ability to bring more clarity to who dudedads are, has been the focus on the stuff we sell.  We still have to sell stuff, but it won't be so prominently presented.

Starting yesterday, we're making some changes.

1. Our website and social media pages will be reworked to better allow us to present who we are as dudedads, not what we sell (Dudedads, Ltd.).  We are taking steps to do this already (no more shopping on Facebook), and you'll see more changes in our website in the near future to foster this new dudedad community.  We've always wished that we had more dudedads engage with each other, and we're going to try harder to make that a reality.

2. We are going to round out and strengthen our message with a supporting tag line:  Work Hard.  Play Hard.  Dad Hard.  Bring on the dick jokes if you must, but you know what this means.  We'll also be adding some further supporting verbiage beyond this to help people get a clear picture for what we're about; proud dads who live and love passionately as parents and as individuals.  That said, we're not self-righteous, we're aware that we're learning as we go and doing our best, just like everyone else.  BUT we think we're onto something good...something that can do some good.

3. We are going to work to create more events to allow a place for dudedads to do what we tend to want to do with our kids when we're in charge:  Adventure.  Fun.  Experience.  Making memories, darnit.  And maybe some life lessons, too.  

We'll have to continue to grow locally in Colorado for now, given the budget constraints, but our goal is to have Dudedads host small events globally, one day...  Hey, we can dream.

Thank you to all who have supported our thing so far!  I am still very much looking forward to seeing what this becomes and I know a lot of that will have to do with you who are readying this.

But my first thought was, hell yes it is!

Here's the thing; when you're not with your kids and you happen to have the dudedad logo on, or in your pocket, etc. you're going to be more conscious of your most important job: dad.  It raises your awareness.

This isn't something we intended, but it is a factual-byproduct, and we can state that based on experience.  While the clothes don't make the man, as they say, wearing or carrying dudedad stuff raises your game.  You're always in dad-mode, on some level.

So, even when you're out doing dude things with your friends, you're still a dudedad.  It's a state of mind...and a lifestyle.  The stuff is just something of a reminder.

Our first daughter was born on April 9th in 2006.  For my wife's first Mother's Day, which came almost a month later, I got her some flowers and some chocolate.  Um, big mistake.  For those of you who are new dads out there, take note:  all that sacrifice you've witnessed (and in some cases continue to witness)...it should be recognized and celebrated!

But, do yourself a favor, and don't ask her what she wants.

Here are 10 ideas from us, most of them are still doable before this weekend:

Click on each item title if you see "Click" to get specific options:

1. Ships Bell (click) - Growing up in suburban NJ, my brother and I were often roaming the neighborhood.  But Mom's ships bell could tell us from a couple blocks away it was time to head home.

2. Spa Day - If cost isn't too much of an object, any higher-end hotel in your area that has a spa will likely have a menu full of treatments that you can choose from.  Make sure you leave time during the day for simple relaxation, book reading, lunch, a cocktail (or two).  Maybe you can even convince one of her BF's husbands to send his wife and make it a girl-day.

3. Massage - I would bet that the need for a massage in this case directly corresponds to the number of years of motherhood you have under your belt.  Just about anyone loves a good massage and there are many new franchises that offer initial sessions at steep discounts (less than $50/hr).  Can't find something?  I'm sure you can figure out how to do this, personally.  And you may enjoy it.

4. Homemade Slideshow - If it's the thought that counts, why not put in a little labor and make her a homemade slideshow?  Celebrate her life and transition to motherhood in there.  There are lots of apps that can help you do this without pain!

5. Luxury Bathrobe (click) - For the moms that like luxury, how about a nice soft cozy bathrobe.  There are a variety of quality and price options here.

6. Wine of the Month Club (click) - If your mom likes wine (or beer), this really is the gift that keeps on giving.

7. Soaps and Stuff (click) - Ever had a $10 shake or a $20 hamburger?  Well, you can spend just about the same on a bar of soap.  Guess what, it's worth it if your wife likes to smell good.  You and your nose can reap the benefits.  I know mine does!

8. Free Night - This one is particularly for the mom who never asks for anything...the ever-giving mom.  Don't just tell her she gets a night whenever she wants if you know she won't take it.  Plan it for her.  Book her a room in a hotel.  Anything to get her away, and ideally with friends.

9. Homemade Card - This costs nothing.  Just make the time to sit down and write out your thoughts about her in her role as a mother.

10. Locket - Something she can have to hold pictures of the kids, or anything she wants, for that matter.  Make it high quality...something that will become an heirloom.  Etsy is the place.

Although we're not a fan of "keeping score" if you treat her right on Mother's Day, she may end up getting you something from www.dudedads.com for Father's Day!

For me, the heaviest point comes in his last 2 minutes.  To paraphrase: ...once the child sees how important their sports are to us, the reason for them doing it changes...they're no longer doing it for themselves.  They're doing it for us...so we love them, and give them the approval they seek.

With this, we pop the blog-bubble.  Hope you enjoy.

I remember watching the car back out of the driveway and wishing that my Dad would stay home.  This way we could play like the other six nights of the week.  5-year old me never quite understood how playing tennis was more fun than playing whatever game I had just made up on the spot as my Dad was packing his gym bag.

Fast-forward to (gulp) 40-year old me ... I get it. 

Now that I'm a Dad myself, I've realized that it wasn't about tennis.  It was about my dad finding some time for himself. 

Much has been written about work-life balance.  I think its all bullshit.  You simply can't find a balance point between parts of your life that usually will add up to over 100%.  What I do think is possible is to find your rhythm.  There are days where your wife needs you and everything else needs to revolve around that.  There are days where your kid needs 100% of your attention because of something that happened at school.  There are days where you need to tackle a challenge from work.  As we get older, we acquire different hats to wear.  Boyfriend. Husband. Dad. Friend.  The rhythm between the various hats you wear will change over time.  The key in my mind is to figure out how to roll with the rhythm. 

As a Dad, at some point, you need to make time for yourself.  That is what my Dad playing tennis was about.  It was his 'me' time.  The friends that he played with all had the same need for some 'me' time and all happened to enjoy playing tennis.  So they shared their 'me' time (and probably a few beers afterwards).

After my daughter was born I made her and my wife the priority. Everything else took a back seat.  It was four months later during a leadership development program at work that I realized how stressed I was.  New-Dad me was missing something pre-Dad me took for granted.  It was simple ... when pre-Dad me was stressed, he went for a run.  So I laced up the running shoes and hit the pavement.  Six months later new-Dad me ran two marathons in less than a month.

Running is my 'me' time and it helps me maintain a rhythm.  It means getting up early on weekends and being out the door while the kids are asleep.  Sometimes when my one of my kids gets up earlier than expected, it means pushing a jog-stroller.  Sometimes it means hitting a treadmill.  One of my friends is both a Dad and a runner.  We share our 'me' time as we log miles up and down the lakefront training for whatever race one of us has on the calendar. 

There is a part of me that feels a little guilty when I walk out the door for a run early on a Saturday morning.  I'm sure my Dad felt a twinge of guilt as well as he pulled out of the driveway on Tuesday nights.  However, I love that I’m teaching my kids the benefits of exercise.  I also know that I'm a better husband, dad, friend, and person because of I get some 'me' time and that helps me maintain a rhythm between the different roles in my life.

So what do you do to maintain your rhythm?

 Brett is a married father of two and makes his home in Chicago.  He has completed six marathons and two 50km ultramarathons.  Running continues to be his way of maintaining a rhythm.

Transitioning from babydom to the realm of little kids in this regard, though, was a 180 degree rotation.  Trying to get a toddler to sleep who would rather not can challenge the sanity of the strongest mind.  But once they get to the age where they sort of understand the routine and embrace it, it becomes something wonderful.

Our routine is:

1) Brush teeth.

2) Read a book (sometimes Holly-8 will do the reading) - some of our favorites are Big Sister Little Sister, Oh the Places You'll Go, and Room on the Broom, but right now we're getting old school with the Boxcar Children series.

3) Each girl gets tucked in with an individual song - sometimes I'll lie on the bed with them while I do this (at their request), but this is now very rare with Holly...Hannah (6yrs) is still adamant.

4) Shouted professions of night time love (see video below).

5) The occasional kid-out-of-bed problem solving event.

Second, they look forward to what I'm giving them.  Most of the time everything I'm trying to get them to do around the house is something they don't want;  brush your hair, flush the toilet, eat your dinner, do your homework.  But bed time is different.  They want me to read them a book.  They want me to sing them a song.  They want me to tuck them in.  I am wanted and I am loved the most out of all other portions of the regular day in these moments and it happens everyday like clockwork!  ...lucky me.

This is also a time where I get to spend focused one on one time with each of my kids.  Right before or after song and tuck-in time, they will often want to chat a little.  I get to hear about stuff, get asked questions, and often walk away with something so hilarious that I have to repeat it to my wife.  Since they're in a very reflective and contemplative mode as the head hits the pillow, somehow they're so much more thoughtful and it just spills forth.

"LOVE YA--AH!"  I SO much enjoy the outward professions of affection we give each other to end the event.  Out of all other rituals our family enjoys...hoola hoop hugs, high-fives for love, fist bump on a job well done - the exchange I have with my daughters at the end of the bed time routine is my all-time favorite.

Lastly, I know this is fleeting.  I know that soon Holly will not want me near her.  The book reading will stop.  The songs will be retired.  Dad will officially be "gross" and not someone they want to marry...sigh.  They will put themselves to bed because they will be young adults.

Even though sometimes I do have to skip book because they're not listening, or skip the song because they're goofing around, I always, always, always end bed time in the same way.  Love, love, love.  "Love you more then you love me-ee!"  Funny how easily any frustration or stress I have can dissolve after hearing those words.

Yes, we're a bit biased when it comes to this topic, but the content to help find a dad-gift is lacking so we're going to help.  Not all gifts can be meaningful, in fact most aren't.  But, it should be pretty easy to make a functional gift have meaning with a nice note tying your item back to why you picked it for them.

Here are twelve reasonably affordable things that we, at Dudedads, have received and love, or would very much appreciate.  Click on each item title to get details:

1. Bacon Press (click) - Yes, I didn't even realize there was such a thing either until a buddy of mine showed it to me.  And yes, your dudedad needs one.

2. The Piggy Back Rider (click) - GENIUS!  I can't tell you how many times I've battled to convince my 4yr old to go for a hike with me only to have her say "daddy uppies, I'm tired" about 100 yards in.  Another 100 yards into the piggy-back my shoulders are killing me and her legs are asleep.

3. Leatherman Multitool (click) - I bought these for all of my groomsmen at my wedding and they still all have them and carry them.  A good multitool is a must for any dudedad.

4. Best Snow Shovel Ever (click) - I picked up one of these a few years ago and have been in love ever since.  This thing can either plow or sling it, in very large amounts...huge time-saver!

5. Saddle Baby (click) - GENIUS AGAIN!  At some point the kids outgrow the Bjorn but you'll still need the hands free for holding the dog leash or beer during the shoulder ride.

6. Beer of the Month Club (click) - One of my all-time favorite gifts.  I got to the point where I was gitty for the next delivery.  Substitute wine or craft booze if beer isn't his thing.

7. Pizza Stone (click) - Who doesn't love pizza and making pizza at home with the kids is a great family bonding activity...they can't mess it up.  Make sure you get one that fits in your oven and pick up a paddle too.

8. Head Lamp (click) - I use mine a LOT.  Early morning hikes, camping, or when I need some extra lumens while working in the garage.  Make sure you've got lots of lumens!  Lumens are good.

9. Outdoor Portable Fireplace (click) - Men love fire.  The next-best thing to a stone-hearth...or some may argue it's superior because you can move it.

10. Air Compressor (click) - Inflating my bicycle or vehicle tires, blowing out the irrigation system, blowing debris off the driveway, sealing the swingset...the uses seem endless.  I love my compressor.  Don't go too big or he won't be able to move it around.

11. Bose Headphones (click) - Maybe not so affordable but a must for the frequent traveler.  Pretty please?

12. Gift Certificate from Cloud9Living (click) - Fighter Pilot for A Day?  AYFKM?

Finally, make sure you pick him up something from www.dudedads.com!

I remember how in the Fall my dad would rake leaves into a jumping-pile that my brother and I thought was about 10 feet high.  I remember how he would work with me on my slow-to-mature athletic skills in the backyard.  And weekend days at the pool you could usually coax him into a cannon ball off the high dive.  A couple times he even drove a dump truck home from work.  For what I don't know, but I didn't care...I was spellbound.  The man was larger than life.

But the most fun memories were on vacation.  Shocker.

Dad-on-vacation is TIRELESS.  Dad-on-vacation wants to ROMP and laugh and have fun just like you wish you could with him all the time.  Dad-on-vacation is extra cool and is game for whatever you suggest.  Yep, he's a pure dudedad.

What does that?  I'm sure it has a little to do with being able to check out to the extent we can and spend time with those we love most.  From experience I can also say that there is an inspiration to show my kids about the fun that can be had wherever we are, especially on vacation.

Trips to the Jersey Shore were my favorite and earliest vacation memories.  I remember learning to swim in the big waves and marveling at how my dad seemed fearless of the surf and whatever lurked below.  I, on the other hand, was always waiting for Jaws.  Digging giant holes was a must.    Sand crabs provided endless entertainment, and there were an endless supply of balls to kick, throw, or knock around.  (Dudes love their balls, I must say.)

This Thanksgiving we'll be fortunate enough to spend a week in the Caribbean as a family and I CAN'T WAIT!  The biggest reason is to foster and feed off of the fun my kids will be having.  We'll be at amazing beaches and I am so looking forward to swimming in the ocean and playing in the sand with my own two girls...and lucky me, my dad will be there, too.

My hope is that my kids take away an amazing memory, while I get to relax, recharge, and and get my dudedad on.  And just maybe...maybe bring a little bit of that dad-on-vacation energy back home to pull me off the couch on Sunday.

To all who are not going somewhere exotic over the holiday, so what.  Harness your dad-on-vacation...your dudedad, whenever you can!  Your fans won't stand for anything less.

Along with fatherhood and silver streaks has come a more honed ability to be introspective and self-aware.  I remember a much more raw me just 10 years ago who was much more self-centered and focused on the moment at hand.  FUN was the point of life and, I must say, very easily achieved especially when you just don't give a shit.  FUN at work.  After work, FUN.  Weekend, FUN.  Life balance is easy!

Then we had our first daughter.  While I began to get my act together well in advance of purposefully trying to create a human, you just can't know what it's going to be like to be a parent until you are one.  

All of a sudden I had quite a bit more at the forefront of my worry; providing for my family over the long-term, college, a home in a good school district, continuous home improvement, making sure my wife had time for herself, making time for us all together, making time for my wife and I has a couple, making time for myself, work, etc., etc., etc.

Life balance was now complicated, and in a big way.

I found myself in a position where I had to almost keep score in my head as to where I was spending my time to ensure I wasn't inadvertently upsetting any of the weights on the scale. My hobbies tend to take days or many hours at a time, which often puts me and my family way out of whack.  

Years of failure in this constant ebb and flow have shown me some things that can help avoid the inevitable catastrophe to follow an extended period of lopsidedness:

1. Engage in communication with your family, employer, and any other critical relationship.  When you think you're falling out of balance, it's probably because you are.  Ask your spouse and children how they feel and tell them how you feel.  These conversations alone can ease the situation and help everyone who is impacted by a sway in the balance (including you) understand what you're doing, why, and how things will change.
2. If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy.  It's an adage for a reason.  Most dudedads I know would never purposefully make their spouse resentful of the time you're spending on your hobby, work, with friends, etc., however, it happens.  The key to avoiding this is ensuring that they are thinking about and acting on what they need, even if that's simply more time with or from you.  If everyone is thinking now and again about what they need and getting it, then everyone in theory, should feel OK.
3. Routine. The more routine you have in life the more easy it is to modify and tweak as you seek balance.  If every day is different then your just juggling the chaos.  In my experience, if you can't somehow maintain some resemblance of a routine you will find yourself way off kilter.
4. Do it together!  I'm not talking about Bring Your Kid to Work Day, although I'm sure that's valuable.  I'm talking about working toward activities and hobbies that you can all do together, with the kids, or as a couple.  If you and your spouse don't share any passions, try some give and take, or agree to find something new that you can both enjoy and then pull the kids into it.  My wife recently bent significantly on her willingness to go skiing with me and the kids, however, I'm still working to get all 4 of us on the couch Sundays to watch football (someday?).
5. Find your inner gyroscope.  I mentioned keeping score in my head earlier...and this is essentially what I'm talking about.  It's trying to be self-aware and reflective of what's been going on within your inner circle.  Have I been spending an unusual amount of hours at the office?  Has my family recovered from the 3 weeks that I was on business travel 2 months ago?  Has my wife been able to get any time to herself?  When is the last time we bonded as a family for a day or more?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not pretending that I've got this figured out.  For this dudedad, life balance is actually not something that I feel could ever be achieved at this point, which is one of life's great garlands;  for those of us trying hard to get ahead and make more for our families we end up having to put more time into things that will often take us away from the best and most fleeting moments with our children.

There will always be a give and take, and ensuring we're avoiding extremes is something that I know I need to be aware of at the very least.  At best, well, maybe we can all be happy and have some FUN!!!

Mountain biking, I've recently decided, gets me as close as I can get to the feeling of skiing powder, without skiing powder...it's like floating, like flying.  Riding a bike is something I remember vividly as a kid.  I remember the feelings I had when my father got me going on two wheels up at Oak Street School and I did a bunch of laps on my yellow Ross Snapper.  The bike is a universal love and I am always asking the kids if they want to go for a ride.  If only they were as excited about face shots!  ...my patience will pay off. 

On this day I brought my new GoPro along to see if I could possibly show Holly and Hannah (my kiddos) what it is like to mountain bike in the mountains.  The ride (and capturing the footage) were both a bit of an exploratory process filled with excitement (I can't believe where I am, what I'm doing, and who I'm with on a FRIDAY!), frustration (damn, this is a big hill), admiration (damn, that guy is fast), and accomplishment (I just did that).  Upon showing the kids the final video they said "Dad, that looks awesome, but I could never do that!"  To which I replied, someday guys...very soon.

http://youtu.be/m7RikvPXCHA - please accept my apologies for the shaky camera-work.  Still working out the kinks with the GoPro!

1. Ultra runners are some of the toughest people I have ever seen
2. You can't think of a mountain race as a run in the woods...study the terrain and the route
3. If you are running a race, take the time to go to the pre-race events that are organized for you
4. Your limits are only bound by how much you push to exceed them...but they're always there!

Brilliant glow in the dark ring toss!

Camping is fun, especially when you can have a fire!