tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-108128832025-08-01T05:40:51.499-04:00yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.comBlogger740125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-83199166974254663712023-08-14T14:44:00.003-04:002023-08-14T14:44:54.213-04:00

 i just awoke from an unusual, but totally plausible, dream. i was driving down a major road- not like an interstate, but like a multilane (3 or 4 on each side) road in a metropolitan area. (it was not like a major city, but not a tiny town, either.)anyway, there had been a parade or something, but i missed it.i was out driving, and as i am waiting to turn left, a flatbed

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-25956226270750489882019-06-16T09:55:00.001-04:002019-06-16T09:55:48.738-04:00

so there i was, getting checked out at kroger (as opposed to being "checked out" at kroger, which i assure you i was not, because my hard rock cafe sweatpants and almost not clashing shirt do not exactly give off a "sex kitten" vibe- especially after an eight hour shift, plus an hour of unplanned overtime), putting pen to sesame street decorated paper (which reminds me, i need to get my hands

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-30537584988121917582017-07-16T18:57:00.002-04:002017-07-16T19:46:13.197-04:00

things i learned yesterday, at my hotel: 1. several rooms here are named for celebrities, including rita hayworth and gloria swanson. mine is currently unnamed. i like to think it's because they're waiting for me to become famous. 2. the sewage system is not as robust as on the mainland. after you realize this (the hard way), $1 is enough to coax the housekeeper into remedying the

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0Tutuila, American Samoa-14.3257552 -170.7325287-14.5719392 -171.05525219999998 -14.0795712 -170.4098052tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-57857605471542385582017-06-27T04:10:00.001-04:002017-06-27T04:16:22.982-04:00

oh, lordy- it's happened again. i just had a caller spell her child's name with a "hyphen at the top".*** the next celebrity recording a psa for nbc seriously needs to tackle this issue. i can see it now: (scene opens on george clooney, standing in the delivery room, dressed as a doctor. behind him, a nurse (renee zellweger, dressed as nurse betty) hands the new mother her freshly

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-19850735114296014352017-04-05T05:57:00.002-04:002017-04-05T05:57:26.050-04:00

ah, spring. here in south carolina, we're getting april showers (...and hail....and maybe a tornado or two later today), flowers are blooming, temperatures are on the rise (and fall, depending on which week/day/hour it is), and love is in the air. (smart alecks in the crowd would say, "no- that's pollen", but those of us who paid attention in biology class know that pollen is best described as "

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-57393661215512087042017-03-30T05:36:00.001-04:002017-03-30T05:36:47.820-04:00

no, no- not that list.several years ago, as i was nearing 30, i realized that i hadn't really done many memorable things, especially on my birthdays. thus, the "30 before 30" list was born. then, on the other side of 30, i decided to create the "40 before 40" list which, technically, is still under construction. (there are a couple of blanks on it still, including the one that opened up recently

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-59481590033987673022017-03-08T11:43:00.000-05:002017-03-08T11:43:12.441-05:00

my new chariot is at the dealership to take care of some basic maintenance issues the previous owner apparently wasn't too worried about- an oil change, tune up, and new timing belt.* though i told the dealership i had access to another car, as long as their shuttle could get me to it, they insisted on giving me a loaner or, in the event one was not available, a free rental car. next time, i

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-12167676110838748792016-07-06T00:40:00.000-04:002017-03-30T05:39:15.679-04:00

my dad and his wife are in town tonight. with them came two boxes of china.  "china? CHINA?!? of all the things from the house in kansas city.......what in the monkey am i going to do with china?!?!" i exclaimed. i'm terribly klutzy, never entertain, and have even less than zero desire to ever have a reason to own a china cabinet. i dine almost exclusively off my heavy duty (yet i still

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-42782385068047271302016-06-30T01:20:00.000-04:002016-06-30T01:20:21.236-04:00

i have been trying very hard to stay out of the political discussions, as both matters of politics and religion seem to divide more than they unite. however, it's getting harder and harder to avoid the bickering, put-downs, and general negativity. (i thought campaigns were supposed to be about you're for- not just that you're against the other guy. clearly, this is not the way the system

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-63118882052696089242016-06-26T02:14:00.003-04:002016-06-26T02:14:39.196-04:00

let me preface this post with two admissions: admission the first: i'm generally not a fan of plastic surgery, with three exceptions:      1. it's for reconstructive purposes.      2. it's to correct some sort of birth defect*.      3. it's for dolly parton**. admission the second: i am all for social programs like welfare, provided they're used

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-20739570171107515152016-06-19T04:41:00.000-04:002016-06-19T04:48:54.370-04:00

i'm still not sure what to make of my recent luck.i suppose the best way to put it is "well, it could have been worse."i'll spare you the mundane parts of yesterday, which pretty much covers up until i arrived at aiken state park around 1:30 in the afternoon.i'd chosen aiken partially because they were having a festival (the blackwater festival- presumably named because the edisto river, which is

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-45013053475177046092016-06-02T05:38:00.000-04:002016-06-02T05:38:01.154-04:00

i fielded a call this morning from a lady who needed to cancel an appointment, due to the death of her third close relative (by marriage) this year. though none of the three were expected, she said the dearly departed this time around was "the healthiest member of the family". he watched what he ate, avoiding "bad" foods, exercised, took vitamins- the whole shebang. "well, ma'am, i guess

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-25405222112019262932016-05-31T05:35:00.002-04:002016-05-31T05:35:41.802-04:00

i try to be extra careful getting my callers' names recorded correctly, because people botch mine all the time. there was a caller this morning that went so far above and beyond that it was all i could do to refrain from asking her to give the phone to someone else. "what's your name?" "duff" "how do you spell that?" "d-u-f-f" "what was that?" "dolphin, unicorn, flamingo, flamingo"

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-35458474117948720682016-05-15T03:13:00.001-04:002016-05-15T03:13:26.734-04:00

one of my favorite things about obstacle course/mud runs, besides having an excuse to climb around on stuff and get dirty, is that several of the obstacles are the same from race to race, allowing you to gauge your improvement as time goes by. i am thrilled to report that i've noticed during my last two races (the marine mud challenge at ft. gordon yesterday and the mud run two weeks ago a

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-51244567573605743922016-05-02T15:20:00.002-04:002016-05-02T15:20:38.918-04:00

two of my jobs pay me to use my voice. voices are powerful things. they convey messages, and not only are the words said important but, often, the way they're said- syntax, basic tones, inflection- are even moreso. that said, i feel i must issue an apology to anyone i may have given the wrong impression lately. that husky softness i may have been sporting over the lines last night (and will

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-10103780554822505972016-02-27T11:23:00.002-05:002016-02-27T12:13:25.053-05:00

i was only half listening, but i think i just heard the host of the show i'm babysitting say he wanted folks to be sad and not make any jokes at his funeral. now, i'm not planning on shuffling off this mortal coil until i've outlived my relatives (currently, the age to beat is 103), but let me go ahead and make it internet official: when i croak, it is not to be a dour affair. sure, i want

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-9732884845708757892016-01-27T21:40:00.001-05:002016-01-27T21:40:32.486-05:00

maybe it's due to the recent full moon, but some of my calls this past week have been downright strange. i am really looking forward to having the next couple of nights off from job #1 so i will no longer have to discuss anyone's bowels (was this "national colonoscopy week" and i missed it?)*, try to get across to a person who has me on speakerphone that if they took me off speakerphone while

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-71824306915442736702016-01-18T03:12:00.001-05:002016-01-27T21:38:04.043-05:00

in each of the three states i've lived the longest*, mlk day has been handled differently. in maryland, where my classmates were 90+% black, we prepped for the schools' mlk day festivities for weeks. because of this, i can recite swaths of the "i have a dream" speech and sing along to several civil rights protest songs. ("we shall overcome" has already been stuck in my head for an hour, and shows

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-20012074540647478872015-11-11T03:11:00.000-05:002016-01-27T21:34:17.068-05:00

when i left work this morning, i was able to retrieve one of my wayward wipers. unfortunately, it was in such a sad state that no amount of duct tape, band aids, or even those little shocky-paddle things were going to be able to fix the poor thing. still, no one likes a litterbug, and i figured maybe my dad could use it to beat the person who installed the thing (and its twin). speaking of my dad

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-9856940412456729762015-11-10T01:56:00.001-05:002015-11-10T01:56:39.641-05:00

i can honestly say this has never happened before. here in columbia, we seem to be in the middle of monsoon season, which is one of the main reasons for the great chariot swap with my dad this weekend. (my "new" wheels, which definitely will not attract anyone not already collecting medicare, but at least there's no longer a massive gash above the back window providing great, uh, ventilation.)

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-49473898442845725552015-09-23T01:18:00.003-04:002015-09-23T01:18:57.590-04:00

proof you can take the kitten out of the wild, but not the wild out of the kitten: while tossing the ingredients into the crockpot for the jalapeño popper taquitos i'm making, i pulled a few fatty parts off the chicken breasts and set them aside temporarily so i could salvage the meaty morsels and add them to the pot. faster than you can say, "holy salmonella, batman!", a certain little furball

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-63200898069230983832015-07-30T11:42:00.001-04:002015-07-30T11:42:55.845-04:00

as i get ready to take zamboni to the sears auto center for a new belt (he occasionally sounds like a screaming banshee when i start him and/or his air conditioner), i am reminded that i totally forgot to tell you what happened when i went to get his battery checked out/replaced. i won't go into every little detail, but while i was chatting with the very personable auto zone employee,

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-67931396737074622552015-07-18T13:29:00.002-04:002015-07-30T11:43:56.279-04:00

this is my first time traveling solo somewhere where i don't know the main language. (most people are bilingual, but i'd say spanish is definitely numero uno.) to say my knowledge of spanish is minimal is probably not lying, exaggerating, or otherwise telling an untruth. still, i thought i'd try to use what little i knew. i've not been able to work my vast knowledge of colors and numbers (

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0Vieques, Puerto Rico18.1262854 -65.44009849999997617.8848284 -65.762821999999971 18.3677424 -65.117374999999981tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-73335967180667820162015-03-10T12:21:00.001-04:002015-03-10T12:21:58.963-04:00

great news: i have located the source of the awful stench in the fridge at work. even better: it did not require me to open the mysterious styrofoam box that's been in there for at least the last month and may or may not contain an internal organ of some sort. the not-so-good part: you know how some things cannot be unseen? well, 15 minutes after my unpleasant little discovery, i am

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10812883.post-33965670650303312922015-02-10T17:55:00.002-05:002015-02-10T17:55:48.509-05:00

dear "personal trainer" i've run into three times in the past week, when i first saw your business cards spread around our "state of the art fitness center" (weight machine, treadmill, elliptical, stationary bike and a bizarre device that appears to be some strange hybrid between one of those round discs used for sledding and something i'm pretty sure my doctor had me lay upon during my last

duffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916314242588218139noreply@blogger.com0