I have had enough of this damn recession (stomps foot).

Never afraid to swim against the tide and set a new trend, I intend to play my part in restoring consumer confidence and champion the cause through conspicuous consumption! Given the opportunity, I would flash my husband’s Black AmEx all over town, but as we are destined to remain sans bonus this year, I have purchased this eye catching new purse (so you can’t miss me) and my generosity shall know no bounds!

Why not join me in my efforts to be seen splashing the cash? Take your girl chums/mother/nanny/housekeeper/personal trainer/interior designer/dog walker and au pair to attend a special daytime preview screening of Oscar® winning The Blind Side at a preview screening before its nationwide cinema release on 26th March?

For your chance to attend a special daytime preview screening (at a number of locations), simply enter the below code at www.seefilmfirst.com to get your complimentary pair of tickets!

Code: 560634

“Teenager Michael Oher (Quinton Aaron) is surviving on his own, virtually homeless, when he is spotted on the street by Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock). Learning that the young man is one of her daughter’s classmates, Leigh Anne insists that Michael—wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter—come out of the cold. Without a moment’s hesitation, she invites him to stay at the Tuohy home for the night. What starts out as a gesture of kindness turns into something more as Michael becomes part of the Tuohy family despite the differences in their backgrounds.

Living in his new environment, the teen faces a completely different set of challenges to overcome. And as the family helps Michael fulfill his potential, both on and off the football field, Michael’s presence in the Tuohys’ lives leads them to some insightful self-discoveries of their own.”

Locations include:

Colchester
Brighton
Beckenham
Manchester Printworks
Derby
Exeter
Guildford
Lincoln
Richmond
Worcester
Maidstone
Kettering
Kingston upon Thames
Norwich
Streatham
Epsom
Muswell Hill
Swansea
Camden Town
Edinburgh Wester Hailes
Greenwich
London
Hatfield Galleria
Huddersfield
South Woodford
Southend on Sea
Surrey Quays
Bristol
Wimbledon
West Thurrock

And remember girls, if you provide the tickets, they pay for the damn popcorn!

I keep telling my poppets, over and over, and over again, but do they listen? I thought that this slide show would make my point perfectly. Dogs are not toys…

I have been tagged by a chum, my daughter’s super talented wardrobe mistress, Peak Princess, who’s challenged me to publish a photo from my album and tell the story behind it. I think that this is a a fabulous idea, providing an opportunity to share each others random pics and hear the stories behind them!

THE RULES:
1. Open the first photo folder you find
2. Scroll to the 10th photo
3. Post the photo and tell the story behind it
4. Tag 5 or more people

I was sur le train today when I received the Twitter notification that I had been tagged, and so, I immediately opened the photo folder of my Blackberry and found this photo! I took it just yesterday at The Parlour restaurant at Fortnum and Mason, straight after the launch of The Fantastic Mr Fox DVD in Soho. My children adore the book and now the film, and this is one of the few DVDs that they will be happy to watch over and over, TOGETHER!!! It appeals to both boys and girls (mops brow) – which is not as easy as it sounds. According to Freya, it has “scary and sweet bits.”

For daddy, this DVD has perfectly paced comedy and bone dry wit, for Grandma it has a super sixties sound track and for me it has the voice of George Clooney! Whats not to love?

I would like to tag my dear chums:

Frog in the Field
Rosie Scribble
Jo Beaufoix
Daddy Papersurfer
Chambers and Beau

Please assure me that I am not turning into my mother (sob). James claims that I get more like Brenda every day… IT’S NOT FUNNY (stomps foot)!

Forgive me, but my mother simply seems so incredibly gullible! Take this super speech by Martin Stephen Fry. I applaud his wit, intelligence and ability to articulate a particular point of view.

The Intelligence² Debate – Stephen Fry (Unedited)
Uploaded by Xrunner17. – Classic TV and last night’s shows, online.

I dare not share it with Brenda, nooo! She would simply snap;

“Well he would say that, wouldn’t he? He is a Protestant.”

I would love to discuss my horror, shame and disappointment regarding the behavior of the Roman Catholic Church with Brenda, but it would cause her far too much distress. She adores Fr O’Reilly and the sparkly new German pope. She still has a scrap of carpet from the alter that Pope John Paul said mass on in The Phoenix Park in Dublin, next to her brick from the Berlin Wall, and her blood soaked mitten from Padre Pio (don’t ask) in the china cabinet.

Brenda is currently mourning the loss of Bradley Branning, of EastEnders fame. She has even paid the priest to say mass for the boy she considered “a son”.

Brenda hasn’t been able to leave the house for over a week, she is so distressed since his tragic demise on the show. Honestly (bless)!

I understand bereavement and loss – Alexander McQueen was such an inspiration, but Bradley Branning was simply a character in a soap! My mother is deluded (stomps foot).

As a working mother, I have been forced to endure the dangers of travelling through Lambeth on my daily commute for years. I live in reality; I do not have the luxury of fantasy friendships.

Poor sweet innocent Brenda.

I adore my mother. She thinks good of everyone. Everyone, that is, apart from me…

I have said this before and I shall say it again – I haven’t a political bone in my head, but if you have not signed this petition yet, you really should consider it. Just don’t tell Brenda…

I found this tucked into Brenda’s Good News Bible. She tells me that it is the advice on which “many a good marriage has been based”… OHMYGOD!

This sort of advice does not apply to everyone – clearly! Although Froginthefield assures me that her man finds a night in rollers assures the perfect combover (gasp).

There are some super advantages to being female – clearly (bats eyelashes)!

Take today for example; I discovered that Sara Berman had launched her super new collection on the net, and I simply could not concentrate on work at all (naturellement). I hate to think that someone could discover me shopping online at work, I would lose credibility in my department – I simply had to get home…

To that end, I tottered into my Big Boss’s office and indicated that I had some vague gynaecological symptoms – well, he simply couldn’t get me out of the office quickly enough! Hey presto! An afternoon at home shopping online! Just look at what I have bought (smirk)!

Spring is coming, let’s get the economy moving!

My poppet, Freya, simply adores penguins. This is a clip of a penguin who was being stalked by a couple of hungry killer whales (OHMYGOD!). Watch and see what happens. I can’t get near the computer today, my baby keeps pressing replay!

Jennifer Love Hewitt has completely overshared (clutches chest)!

You must join me in disgust and watch this clip of her on an American talk show ‘Lopez Tonight’, just whizz forward to about 2.40 and hear her discuss advice from her new dating book. One of her top tips: glue shiny things on your Lady Garden!

“After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady,” she said. “It shined like a disco ball so I have a whole chapter in there on how women should vagazzle their vajayjays.”

This girl is a trollop with all the morals of a table dancing alley cat, and that kind of thing is not for everyone (tut tut)…

My, oh my, but doesn’t Jordan look so different without the use of the air brush!

Public transport is not for everyone, no really…

In fact, I may jolly well tell Boris myself! And if David Cameron thinks he will coax me onto a bicycle any time soon, he should be aware that although I understand his own motives for cycling (I am as eco-trendy as the next girl), I laugh my socks off each time I see him pursued through Westminster by his security posse in their petrol guzzling four by four.

David is such a wobble bottom in his cycling tights (smirk). To be frank, he does not have the physique of Mr Obama. I should offer to lend him my Slendertone shorts!

I was, quite literally, traumatised by a recent train journey from London Bridge, never again. As I tottered onto the platform in my Gina Couture heels, I was surrounded by scores of people gobbling fast food sans cutlery and one young man who pushed a leaflet into my hand and asked if I wanted help to “cut down” on my “gas” (HOW VERY DARE HE!). An elderly gentleman scuttled past with a ferret on a lead and a young woman sat next to me, picking what appeared to be a complete broccoli floret out from beneath some loose bridge work! I was appalled.

Naturally I tried to amuse myself with my crackberry. One twitter chum chirped “but ferrets can make such affectionate pets” to which, I replied: “I can think of nothing worse than an affectionate rodent”. Another friend volunteered; “Ferrets are darlings but they can smell very strong” OHMYGOD! An affectionate, pungent weasel for companionship – and on public transport too! Give me strength!

The great unwashed masses with their jeans at half mast, clad in fake Ugg boots and fondling their aromatic rodents are not suitable travelling companions for this lady (sigh). Indeed no, I shall avoid public transport at all costs, and if I absoloutely must, I shall NEVER catch a train destined to travel through the London Borough of Lewisham… There is a lesson here for all of us!