We have our first look of the new “Punisher” movie with this trailer that hit the web today on YouTube.

We also have our patented “Trashed Trailer” look at the new film. Just follow along with the times below.

00:30 – Richard Cheese is…the Punisher.

01:09 – Since when did the Punisher join Cirque de Sole?

Is it true that there is a place on a man’s head that if you shoot it, it will blow you up? According to 01:33, yes, yes there is.

ComingSoon.net has a sneak peak at some set photos of the remake that’s sure to suck.

We took a look at and we have to say we’re not happy, which is probably an understatement for a site that’s called “DumbMovies.com.”

The photos focused solely on the new Jason and he looks bad and when we mean bad, we mean as not good.

He’s got the famed deformed face from the original movie, but it looks too forced and fake to be real or taken seriously. It doesn’t look scary at all, just like a mask ripped off form the original movie, which isn’t great for a movie on a budget of a gross national product of a third world country.

The Movie Blog reported his next film might be a sequel to one of his films that sort of doesn’t suck.

Fans, or what few of them he has left, have been bugging him about doing an “Unbreakable” sequel, the superhuman strength movie starring Bruce Willis.

Actually the question isn’t “if” he will make an “Unbreakable” sequel. It’s “should” he make an “Unbreakable” sequel when the question should be “Should he make another film?”

As for the other shocker, Latino Review has some new images of Megatron for “Transformers II: Rise of the Fallen.”

In the first movie, Megatron was just a big hunk of evil shrapnel that reshaped itself to look like a jet plane with bad acne.

But in this movie, he’s a frigging tank!

A tank with bad acne.

So with that in mind, here’s a look at the upcoming parody schlock-fest that is “An American Carol.”

We’re not against the film’s message. People have the right to believe whatever they want to believe just as we have the right to express our agreements disagreements with them. We consider any film with a message to be a miracle, even if that message is “Don’t drink gasoline straight out of the can” or “Chewing gum makes your testicles shrink.” It’s the fact that it looks like every other parody comedy to come out since “Airplane!” that makes it dumb.

The trailer has hit YouTube and here’s our “Trashed Trailer” take on it. Just read the comments along with the video and hilarity will ensue, which is more than I can say for “An American Carol.”

00:22 – Poor Gary Coleman. Is there anything he won’t do for a buck these days? Maybe I shouldn’t be asking that on the Internet.

00:55 – Bill O’Reilly makes a cameo in a Port-o-Potty creating a hilarious symbolic joke about his Fox News show.

01:09 – When you call yourself “The Master of Movie Satire” and then put it in giant letters with quotes around and your name in tiny, tiny letters under it, you’ve not just defined the word “douchebag.” You’ve tattooed it on your forehead.

Ratner is trying desperately to do a movie based on the video game “Guitar Hero”, according to the video game blog Kotaku.

Awhile back, he expressed an interest in doing a remake of the video game and now he’s given conformation to “Entertainment Weekly” that he’s actually tried to pitch it. There’s a fine line between tenacity and stupidity and Ratner just took a huge dump on it.

So did his treatment get the green light? Well, you should know since the humiliating laughter of studio executives could be heard clear across the span of the globe. It’s such a bad idea that even Uwe Boll won’t put his greasy mitts on it.

Ratner said the reason he hasn’t gotten permission to do it is because “it’s such a success, it’s like now there’s no reason to make a movie about it.” For once, the movie industry gets it. There is no reason to suck every buck out of something just because it’s success. That’s the video game industry’s job.

Here’s what is “Sure to Suck” this weekend at a theater near you.

It pains me to put this one on the list, but “Ghost Town” is sure to be an underground ectoplasmic river of suck.

It stars Ricky Gervais as a total a-hole who dies for a few minutes during a visit to the doctor and somehow picks up the ability to talk to the dead when he wakes up. So there is an upside to go to an HMO after all.

Gervais is such a comedy genius. Everything he writes and produces is pure gold. This is written by people who think they can write for Gervais’ style, in other words people like me.

Then our sure lock for the week, “My Best Friend’s Girl.” Why will this one suck? Well it stars Dane Cook and I think I’ll just stop right there.

But MTV’s Movie Blog has some news of other people who were considered for that famous movie role.

A former stunt coordinator for the second film revealed that the studio wanted Lance Henriksen to play the Terminator role, which would be shocking if I had a joke about Lance Henriksen.

The studio also wanted rocker Billy Idol to play the T-1000 instead of Robert Patrick. No disrespect to Patrick who kicked ass as the T-1000, but Idol would have been way cooler. He could have totally taken down the Terminator by smashing an empty whiskey bottle on his head and then trashing his hotel room and sticking him with the bill.

Moviesonline.ca reports that a “Duke Nukem” movie is officially in the works.

It’s being worked on by the same guy who directed the “Max Payne” movie, another video game remake. He’s become such an expert on directing video game movies that he also has plans to make “Pac-Man: The Movie,” “Tetris: The Movie” and “Pong: The Movie” starring Sam Elliott as the Left Paddle.

Of course, Duke Nukem is famous for making it big with one video and promising a sequel that has taken more than 10 years in development just to make two trailers. Let’s hope this film suffers the same fate.

The game borrows a lot of lines and style from kick-ass action movies, so remaking a game that’s remaking a bunch of other movies could causes audiences’ heads to explode. I’m just kidding. This film won’t have an audience.

Vin Diesel is in talks to return to the third installment, according to Variety.

The star and the studios are currently in talks to star in the movie. We can assume that they are discussing the terms of Diesel’s contract, his salary, the size of his trailer and the brand of chocolate covered goat milk that will be in his trailer. The script will work itself out.

Of course, Diesel didn’t appear in the second film because his price was so high that the studio wouldn’t have made enough money, enough meaning “just enough to buy a gold plated Mercedes that doesn’t have air conditioning powered by two third-world slave childs who live under the hood.”

He’s also returning to the fourth “Fast & Furious” film after bowing out of the last two films. Why the sudden change of mind? Maybe his money belt is starting to feel a little loose. I don’t mean he keeps his money in a special belt. I mean that he literally has a belt made out of money.